Thought Catalog


10 Sex Positions That Will Make An Ass Man Cum In Seconds

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

God & Man
God & Man

1. Spooning. Get into prime cuddling position — with your clothing off. That way, he can slide into you while holding your waist, reaching around to caress your breasts, and squeezing your ass.

2. Reverse cowgirl. Instead of straddling him and riding him the way you usually do, turn around and face the wall. Even better, face a mirror. That way, you can still get a glimpse at the action while he gets the perfect view of your ass.

3. Doggy style. Get on all fours. And, since you’re giving him a great view of your body, grab his hand and place it on your clit so he can rub while he thrusts. That way, you’ll both orgasm ASAP.

4. Altered doggy. If doggy style is too cliche for you, then tweak the position a bit to make it feel fresher. Instead of keeping your chest and stomach off of the bed, rest them on the bed while keeping your butt in the air. If you need a pillow to create a better angle, then slide one under your belly.

5. Over the bed. Ask him to stand behind you (and pull your hair) while you bend over the bed, so your chest is resting on the sheets. You could also try this by bending over the edge of the couch or the kitchen counter.

6. With a chair. If you own a chair that rests high off of the ground (the barstool type), then you can sit on the edge of it while your boyfriend stands behind you and enters you. Just be careful not to tip over.

7. Against the wall. Place your hands against the wall and bend your back while he penetrates you from behind. Of course, if you don’t want to do it against your bedroom wall, you can do this in the shower. Or, if you’re turned on by public sex, you can try this against a tree in a nearby park.

8. Lap dance position. This is pretty much the same as reverse cowgirl. Except, instead of getting on top of him while he’s in bed, you’ll be doing it while he’s sitting on the couch or a chair. That means you’ll have your feet against the ground instead of having your legs against the bed.

9. To the side. Instead of positioning your legs on either side of him during missionary, place both legs on the same side and twist your body a bit, so that you’re resting on your side and your ass is in his eyeline. He’ll love it.

10. Sit on his face. This way, he’ll get up close and personal with your ass. And you’ll get oral. It’s a win-win. TC mark 

14 Men And Women Talk About The Best Sex They Ever Had (And What Made It *That* Amazing)

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 07:01 PM PST

Thought Catalog Tumblr
Thought Catalog Tumblr

1. Our hate fueled it

We didn’t like each other very much. We’d known each other for a while and got along, but had this competitive work thing going and the competitive nature of our interactions took off and we developed this hate thing. On a business trip we went out for drinks and I decided WTF she’s hot let’s see.

Three days of “crazy I’m going to break” you sex. She won. We dated for a few months, the sex stayed amazing, but we were not right as a couple. After we broke up I moved to a new company and every so often she’d need help a ceiling fan or something and invite me over….the damn fan never got fixed.

— PolybiusChampion

2. Totally in the moment

We were in her room and we had Arctic Monkeys playing on full blast. We were grinding and making out in our underwear, until I decided I had enough so I bent her over and fucked her like crazy on her desk.

— chrisaras

3. We didn’t get along, but we did get it on

There was a group of friends I saw every now and then, so did this girl. We were both peripheral members of the core group. Anyway we didn’t get on, like at all. We would argue and make jibes at each other in front of the others. Anyway were at a gathering and 3 of the girls go out to get some weed and more alcohol, the guys go with them as they didn’t want them going by themselves. I would have gone myself but I was having a smoke in the back garden.

So they leave and it’s just this girl, myself and a guy who passed out on the toilet early doors.

We’re forced to deal with this situation, we tried talking and it escalated into a semi-flirty argument which I ended with…’you couldn’t handle me’. So she straddled me right there on the sofa and we had an incredibly intense anger fuck and finished, got ourselves looking presentable again before the others arrive. We never had sex again but it did wonders for our relationship, no more arguments.

— Zulu-Cthulhu

4. We had 7 minutes

The lack of time. We were on vacation with her parents and wanted to do it so badly. They were down at the pool and told us specifically they would be up in 7 minutes. This gave us our only time guarantee and so we rushed upstairs for five minutes of sex. No bed, no floor, just pushed her up against the wall and came in like three minutes. We both loved it. So much passion.

— RIPelliott

5. We fucked in every room

My girlfriend and I had our apartment in college all to ourselves (we had 3 other roommates). We were the last to leave for Christmas break, so we did it in basically every room. Our bedroom, the kitchen, the living room. And since we were alone, she could be as loud as she wanted.

— The3Broomsticks

6. I didn’t fuck her, she fucked me

She was absolutely beautiful, she was comfortable as hell with herself, and most importantly she was like an Olympic gold medalist in kegal exercises. She could make her pussy squeeze and contort in ways I never thought possible. I lasted all of 30 seconds. The second time all of a minute, the third time maybe a minute and thirty seconds. We were just fuck buddies for a couple months, but never once did I ever fuck her. She fucked the shit out of me every single time.

My saving grace was that I’ve got oral down to an absolute art. She kept coming back for the oral, and was so kind she let me flop around on top of her for 45 seconds afterwards everytime. That pussy was literally designed and chiseled by gods. It was not of this world.

— NEVERGETMARRIED

7. We fucked until we had no more condoms

When I my Ex broke up with me years ago. She was the first true love of mine and I was utterly floored, but in hindsight I could understand her. I wasn’t ready yet and couldn’t handle it. After that I went to a club and met this tall redhead who was incredibly beautiful and we had sex… boy had we sex… we literally fucked until we had no more condoms. We spent about 10-12 hours in my bed sleeping, having sex, being gentle with each other, talking…

…then she left and didn’t show up to a date we made. Never heard of her again. Can’t be mad at her.

— ch4ppi

8. The sex that finally made a baby

We tried having a baby for 8 years. One night, my husband was uncharacteristically romantic. The love was so tender and beautiful. First and only time I’ve ever cried afterwards because it was so perfect. I knew it my heart “this was it” I found out soon after that night that I was 2 weeks pregnant. Our special baby will be 3 in April.

— sauerpatchkid

9. The afterglow lasts for days

He’s got girth, and i’d been crushing on him for about a year. he was also cute, and lasted just perfect. oh and he gave a killer oral

The feeling was right, the penis was right, the oral was right, the touch and the penetration… etc

The last time we did it was a few days ago and i’m still glowing from it

— zotopia

10. I got to hold him afterwards

It was the first time my ex was able to sleep at my house, since nobody was home. It felt great not having to rush, and knowing that afterwards I would get to hold him till we fell asleep. He spent a long time working to get me off multiple times

— astrovizi

11. The dark side of rough sex

one of my favorite moves is the half half whole. teasing her with only part of my length and building up the tension, making her want it, need it. but this girl couldn’t stand it and grabbed onto my ass and pulled me forcefully inside her.

the moan of pleasure she let escape was so incredibly hot i just had to go to town on her. then she told me to choke her. i had never done that before so i gripped her neck lightly. she told me not do do it like a pussy. after that i wrung her out like a wet towel and from then on i was turned to the dark side of rough sex.

— Yazy117

12. Great hiking trip ;)

The perfect combination of being with a beautiful girl, out in nature, the thrill of being caught, and the spontaneousness off it all. Best hiking trip ever.

— Baboopolis

13. Best rebound ever

I had just gone through an awful breakup, I was devastated, but within a month of the breakup I somehow got invited over for a booty-call by this gorgeous woman I just met.

It made me feel needed, it made me feel wanted, it made me feel like a man again. It also felt like the universe was telling me I could do better than the girl who ripped my heart out.

— theartofeverything

14. Sexy games

The game “Sex Stack”. Basically Jenga with numbers that match up to cards with different sex acts on them. Lots of new things to try out, and it’s really hot with the stop-and-go of it. You both end up getting so turned on after a little while that neither of you can take it, and just fuck the shit out of each other and cum immediately. I played it a couple of times with my last girlfriend and every time was amazing.

— boobityskoobity TC mark

30 Things About Vaginas Every Girl Should Know

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. The average menstrual cycle lasts 28 days.

2. Don't worry about eating a lot during your period or PMS. It's part of the cycle. Women actually eat the least when they're ovulating. Nature has a way of balancing things out like that.

3. The ovulatory period is approximately 14 days after the first day of your last period and can last up to 7 days. Ovulation is when your egg is made available for fertilization.

4. If you want to get pregnant, having sex during your ovulatory period is your best bet. If you don't want to get pregnant, avoid having sex during ovulation like the plague!

5. Women are the horniest and most sexually active during the ovulation period of their menstrual cycle. It's like nature is purposely fucking us over (at least those who don't want a baby anytime soon).

6. There are so many free apps available that help you keep track of your menstrual cycle. Download them! I use Clue.

7. Vaginal yeast infections can be caused by an overwhelmingly amount of things: rough sex, diabetes, hormonal birth control, shaving, you name it.

8. Moisture allows yeast to grow in the vagina. Let your vagina dry after you've taken a shower. Wear dresses or skirts during summer. Steer clear from the beach for a while, or bring a change of dry clothes.

9. Peeing after sex is also a good habit to have. It helps prevent yeast infections.

10. Cotton undies are better for your vagina than any other type of fabric. And sensitive fragrance-free soaps like Dove are best.

11. If you want to get rid of hairs down there, you have a couple options. Shaving, waxing, or laser removal. It's best to see a professional if you have a sensitive vagina. If not done properly, you could cause a yeast infection.

12. Your first time will probably hurt. And might just be a bloody mess. Literally. The hymen is a thin membrane in the opening of the vagina that can actually break before you lose your virginity. It could break through fingering, masturbation, or even the use of tampons.

13. Girls can cum. Get to know your body. In other words, masturbate.

14. Get tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Today.

15. If you just started seeing someone, it's okay to ask them if they've been checked for STDs or not.

16. STDs can be transmitted through oral sex. Use a condom! Or don't give any blowjobs until you know for certain the person you're with is clean.

17. The pill doesn't protect you from STDs! Condoms are the only birth control that protect you from STDs.

18. The birth control pill can come with side effects including: weight gain, mood swings, and depression. However, this doesn't happen to everyone!

19. On a more positive note, the pill can also clear up your skin and make your periods lighter.

20. Some girls need to try up to three different brands of pills until they find the one that suits them best. Just because one set of pills made you feel shitty, doesn't mean others will too.

21. Never stop taking the pills mid-month (I made this mistake). If you're unhappy with the current pills you're taking, push through and complete the full monthly cycle. If you don't wait the full month, you're in for a hormonal roller coaster. Best of luck to you, your significant other, and your friends.

22. There are plenty of other birth control options besides the more commonly known male condoms and the pill.

23. If you're not interested in the pill, you could receive a shot every three months at your gynecologist instead. Progestin, the hormone used in the shot, stops your ovaries from developing any eggs during ovulation.

24. You could also decide to use an IntraUterine Device (or IUD) for birth control, which is a T-shaped object inserted into the uterus and has the highest overall effectiveness of any other birth control. Except abstinence, that is.

25. There are two types of IUDs: hormonal and copper. The hormonal lasts either three or five years (depending on the one you get) and the copper one lasts up to ten years.

26. The hormonal IUDs (in some women) make your periods altogether disappear or at least much shorter than usual.

27. The copper IUD is known for intense periods that last longer and cause more pain.

28. If you're not liking how the IUD is making you feel, IUDs can be taken out whenever you'd like.

29. There is no correct amount of sexual partners. As long as you're safe and nobody’s getting hurt, who gives a fuck?

30. There's really no right or wrong when it comes to sex. Explore and have fun, but always remember to be safe! TC mark

50 Questions I Wish I Could Ask The Girl He Cheated On Me With

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. Do you have any self-respect?

2. Or any respect whatsoever for other women?

3. Seriously, do you feel an iota of allegiance to the female sex?

4. Or are you some kind of unemotional robot?

5. Have you ever been in a serious relationship?

6. Or are you just "not the monogamy" type?

7. Do you have any female friends?

8. Or are you one of those girls who proudly identifies as a "guy's girl"?

9. Worse yet, a "cool girl"?

10. Do you realize that if he even wants to be with you, he’ll cheat on you too one day?

11. Or are you so delusional that you think you could be the one to change him?

12. Do you spread your legs for anyone because you’re just so fucking sexually liberated?

13. Or are you only into the already committed type?

14. Do you get off on seducing other people's boyfriends?

15. Are you stupid enough to buy whatever ridiculous shit he said to you that night?

16. Do you have it in you to realize that he fucked you for the fun of it—that you were nothing more than a change in pace?

17. Are you big enough to admit that you're just another hole to him?

18. Or do you actually think he gives a shit about you?

19. Did you pause for even a second to imagine the pain you might be causing as you lay naked next to him?

20. Or are you completely numb to the world outside your own little personal bubble?

21. Did you hesitate at all, or was it easy for you to give in?

22. Would you do it again?

23. How many times have you pulled this shit before on some other unsuspecting couple?

24. How many married guys have you slept with without any regrets?

25. How did you get to be this way?

26. Did something bad happen to you as a kid?

27. Is there a void inside you that needs to be filled?

28. Did someone fuck you over?

29. Is this about revenge?

30. Or were you just born a fucking idiot narcissist?

31. Was it worth it?

32. Did it feel even better, knowing he was someone else’s?

33. Did you put on a show?

34. Grab your own tits?

35. Scream dirty things?

36. Spank him?

37. Nibble on his neck and bite his flesh like the phony, vampiric temptresses in all those horrible pornos you’ve probably studied for sex tips?

38. Swallow his cum and act like it was delicious?

39. Engulf his dick and suck on it with the kind of enthusiasm for oral sex only a prostitute on the verge of pocketing $500 bucks for the blowie could really have?

40. Did you tell him he was the best you'd ever been with?

41. Did you spoon him afterwards like he was yours?

42. Did you linger in bed, whispering sweet nothings or revealing humdrum details about your day as if you were his actual girlfriend?

43. Do you have any idea what intimacy means?

44. Do you have any respect for the work it takes to maintain a serious relationship?

45. Does the word “family” resonate in that tiny little bird brain of yours?

46. How about slut? Tramp? Home-wrecker? Cunt?  Or whore?

47. Did you kiss him good-bye?

48. If you could, would you do it all over again?

49. How the hell do you sleep at night?

50. Has anyone ever told you that karma’s a bitch, bitch? TC mark

25 Men And Women Confess To The Darkest, Most Absurd Secrets They’ve Never Told Anyone Before

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

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via Lookcatalog

1. Identity Swapping Twins

“My grandfather had an identical twin brother. shall refer to grandfather as A and twin as B. Brother A got drafted into WWII, brother B didn’t so he pretended to be A to take A’s better job. Brother A returns from war and brother B’s still pretending to be him, even got promoted a few times. Brother A says, thats cool I’ll be brother C from now on (changed his name). This has gone on for over 50 years, never legally changed it or anything, just gave his identity to his bro and created a new one.”

I_Like_Me

2. Wasted…Too Wasted

“I once paid for a blowjob from a woman that was probably older than my grandmother. I was so wasted but I remembered everything. I quit drinking for a while after that.”

urfriendosvendo

3. RIP Dennis

“Friend’s toilet doesn’t flush, I poop in trash can. Huge poop. Biggest poop I’ve ever taken. Friend’s family find massive poop in trash can and think that one of them threw out some dog poop, but due to the sheer size they figure that something is wrong with one of their dogs. A few weeks after taking their dogs to the vet, they find out their Yorkie has stomach cancer. Dog dies shortly after, incredibly large poop was seen as a result of the dogs cancer when in reality I pooped in their trash can. They still tell stories of the Yorkie’s poop that was about 3/4 it’s size.

RIP Dennis. You will be missed.”

JujuVree

4. No One Knows The Truth

“I was getting into a car once and somehow managed to slam my eye into the corner of the door.. got a giant black eye from it. Told everyone I got into a fight. No one but me knows the truth.”

CookinGeek

5. Doing The Right Thing For Selfish Reasons

“When I was 15, I had my first girlfriend. She was the little sister of one of my very protective best friends, so right off the bat things were a bit sticky. She was a little off and after quite some time of prying she told me in confidence that when she was younger, her uncle abused her. She didn’t want to tell anyone because she figured it would destroy the family. Jump forward six months, and we break up over unrelated matters. The brother(my best friend) called me to a park to talk about it. I was pretty nervous that our friendship would end and the conversation when I got there was leaning towards that. Petty, but we were 15.

In a kind of last ditch effort, I told him about her uncle and what she told me. The conversation was then completely off me and the break up and onto her uncle. We sat there for a long time and I held him as he cried. The fallout from it was massive; the uncle was outed, his wife divorced him, he lost his job, etc. There was major rifts and divides across the entire family that lasted for a very long time. Their family has basically never been the same because of it.

I know what I did was right, because people like her uncle can’t be trusted and the truth should always come out. But in complete honesty, at the time I told my best friend about the uncle I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I was simply trying to distract my friend and take the guilt off me. I’ve never told anyone that and it kind of feels good to let it out. I wasn’t any social justice warrior or even a hero for outing a bad guy, I was just a kid who was nervous.”

Yoinkie2013

6. I Was A Teenage Prostitute

“I made a lot of money working as a prostitute from the age of 19-22.

I stopped because the lifestyle I was living was killing me, I was doing a lot of heroin, I was surrounding myself with really dangerous people who did some really shitty things to me, and I really wanted to kill myself.

I somehow found myself lucky enough to get out and into a new city, and I got help in getting clean. I now work a regular job at a nice coffee shop, I have friends I very much love and are a positive influence on my life.

I’ve told my closest friends, but it obviously isn’t something you go around advertising.”

SchrubSchrubSchrub

7. I Don’t Remember It But I’m Pretty Sure He Does

“NSFW response just FYI since I see this thread isn’t tagged. Using a throwaway because i want to get it off my chest, but, you know.

When I was 11 my older brother raped me a number of times(for the record i am male). It was kinda weird in that I literally had no idea what I was doing and don’t even have traumatic memories. It’s just kinda something that I know happened. I didn’t even connect the dots until I was 14, and I didn’t feel that bad about it then.

Honestly, the event probably impacts me more than I give it credit for and I think if I really wanted to just correlate things i would relate a decline in self-valuation to this event. I’m pretty sure my older brother remembers it, he is only 14 months older than me, but I give him the benefit of the doubt. I am pretty sure he didn’t really know what he was doing (I was homeschooled from 6th grade onward so sex ed didn’t exist), and am absolutely certain he regrets it.”

Yggdrasilux

8. Saving Money

“To save up money to move out, I sell nudes.

Some guys want really specific things (leather suits, feet in a certain angle) so it’s easier to ask what they want than trying to find it online. Usually $5-$15 for a few pics and depending on what they want me to do.”

meowitsmichelle

9. A Guilty Pleasure

“I think ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ is one of the greatest songs in history, and when alone in my car, and no other cars are nearby, I try to hit all the notes.”

Mike77321

10. Testicular Torsion Is A Real Thing

“I only have one testicle. The other one was removed when I was in middle school due to Testicular Torsion (where the testicles twist upon themselves) cutting off the blood supply to that area.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t get to the ER until several hours later, after 1) going to the normal doctor to see what was wrong, and having to wait a long time in line, 2) the doctor saying I needed to get to the ER ASAP, but when I did the doctors there had apparently mixed up my case with someone else’s (not as urgent) case, so I was waiting in the ER for longer than I should have. And then 3) when I finally got to see a doctor, they had to call a second doctor before I could undergo surgery due to my insurance needing a second opinion. With all of those delays they were only able to save one testicle, while the other one had to be removed.

With that being said, if you have a son who is at the late elementary/early middle school age and they suddenly feel an intense pain in their private area for no apparent reason, please get them to the Emergency Room ASAP.”

Alistair112

11. Laughing Along

“I enjoy getting fucked in the ass with a strapon. I’m a pretty normal guy otherwise, but it’s a bit funny to hear people occasionally crack jokes about the subject and I have to laugh along.”

ThrowThrowThrowPeg

12. The Samaritan’s Dilemma

“I once talked a dude I had never met out of suicide via a phone call.

Two years later the same dude develops a habit of harassing girls to the point they themselves start feeling suicidal. First time I hear of this I tell him to stop, second time I cut all communication with him.

Third time I outright told him I wished I never saved him, and then snuck to his house and left a bottle of bleach at his doorstep.

The dude is still alive. And I still say that saving him was a mistake.”

Adonison

13. Couldn’t Hold It

“Pissed on the floor at work because I couldn’t make it to the restroom. I was closing and wanted to get out of there ASAP… misjudged how long I could hold it. Didn’t want to piss pants. Was mopping at the time. Convenient.

I am also female, so it was definitely a commitment (i.e. exposing buttocks).”

poopybutt125

14. Dumb Kids Who nearly Died

“When we were seniors, Cody & I were just getting drunk and being dumb kids. He drove us to a friends apartment where I don’t even remember leaving, and went back to my house. I remember trying to convince him to stay the night, but he drove home. This was at 1am. I woke up to him screaming at me at 4am about how he crashed his truck. I live at home.

My Dad walked out because he was getting ready for work, and took Cody home. Cody had wrapped his truck around a pole, and managed to not only walk away but he fucking ran to my house. I saw the truck, I would have been killed had I been in it. Cody’s Dad took the damage for the truck, and my Dad never said anything about it. Cody stopped drinking after that. He’s still my best friend, but being dumb kids almost killed us.”

Garchomp99

15. Visited An Escort At Nineteen

“I got an escort once when I was 19.

She was a psych student at the same university and graduated from high school a couple years before me. We had a strangely normal conversation lol, like you would with a barista.

Anyway she wrapped my tool, started jerking me off and I said something like, ‘Oh man I wanna be inside you let’s get this ball rolling!’

And she was like, ‘Sorry honey, I’m not full service.’

So I was like, ‘What’s that mean?’

She explained that it means I’m basically just gonna get a handjob.

She was tugging for like 15 minutes and getting a little annoyed like, ‘Are you close to finishing?’

I had to be like, ‘No offense, but I’m not a virgin or anything like that. I’m at a point in my life where it’s hard to get off to a hand job through a condom.’ She was like, ‘Well you’re gonna have to’ and went back at it. I finally busted like 20 minutes later, my dick was completely red and swollen from the whole thing lol

As I was getting dressed I was like, ‘Hey I’m not mad or anything. I totally understand it’s part of the hustle, but I’m not thrilled at forking out 120 bucks for a handjob. Could you school me on how to get more bang for my buck if I get an escort in the future?’

She happily explained to me all the lingo, what to ask for upfront what not to say on the phone etc etc.

I thanked her and as I left she was like, ‘What’s your deal dude? You’re not like a typical client, you look good in your little baseball cap and your stylish jeans. You aren’t a virgin, I don’t often get young guys like you.’ I told her I was just out of a bad breakup and had some xmas money from my grandma to burn.

She ended up just complimenting me and encouraging me to just get out and try to date instead of spending grandma’s money on pussy.

The confidence boost was better than the blowjob. Total sweetie, I saw her on campus once but out of politeness/discretion didn’t acknowledge her.

Was a very surreal experience.”

WhiskeyOnASunday93

16. Hooks Up With Boss On A Business Trip

“This is a long story. I went on a business trip with a group from work. The day we left I found out that my husband was sleeping with my brother’s wife. Of course the alcohol flowed and the owner of the company began hitting on me. My roommate went to the room early and I stayed out with a bunch of coworkers and the owner at a bar. He began texting me saying that he would walk to his room, I would walk to mine and then he would come over to mine later so no one would know. He gets there and things get heated, we are going full force when my coworker roommate starts screaming at me to shut the fuck up. She gets upset and runs out, gets in her car and goes all the way back home. It was dark and she didn’t see who the man was. We get back to work and she tells everyone that I was fucking a random and she felt unsafe. So my boss(not the owner) decides that he’s going to suspend me for putting myself and my roommate in danger. I’m not telling anyone that it was actually the owner so I was suspended without pay for a week. The owner paid me my weeks wages plus some secretly. He’s 20 years older than me and married:( I left that job because of it.”

dryspellmel

17. Burying Doctor Manhattan

“My best friend, let's call him Doctor Manhattan, hung himself two years ago. He was an ex-African refugee from the war in Rwanda, with a very promising career in physics. He actually had an offer to work at the LHC, and he looked very much forward to it – that is, until he committed suicide, of course.

It took all of us by surprise. He has always been a very dark individual, and not only by the color of his skin : he definitely had the most fucked up sense of humor I've ever seen. We're talking about disguising himself as a plantation slave for Halloween, or pretending to be named «Kunta Kinte» when a stranger asked his name.

Anyway.

Since he died in the middle of Winter, and that I live in a country where it is impossible to bury the dead in the frozen ground, we had to wait until Summer to actually bury him.

That very day, unfortunately, I had to work extra for some bullshit reason. Immediately after my shift, I ran to the cemetery as fast as I could. It was not really far from there, but still ; I did not want to miss that.

Halfway there, I suddenly heard bells ringing, and singing. I knew too well what that meant.

I missed it. It was too late.

As I came upon the cemetery upon the hill, nobody was left there.

Well, almost nobody.

Manhattan only had two white friends in the city ; me, and Green Lantern. And Green Lantern was next to the coffin, crying.

I went up to him, and asked him what was wrong.

GreenLantern : «Manhattan’s dead, you fucking retard».

Me : «Yeah, but he's been that way for months. What's wrong?»

He looked at me, with tears in his eyes. After a long moment of silence, he finally uttered the right words.

GreenLantern : «I can't get over it, man

Me : «Well, so can't I, and I missed the fucking ceremony.»

GreenLantern : «Fuck, man

The heaviest silence fell upon the cemetary, with our dead superhero buddy next to us. Almost as if he wasn’t the most silent one out there. When I had an idea.

Me : «Let's fucking bury him.»*

Green Lantern stopped crying.

«What the fuck are you talking about?» he said in amidst of a chuckle.

Me : «Let's bury Manhattan. He would have loved it. Come on man.»

GreenLantern : «Oh, that's so fucked up.»

Me : «Yeah, but he was.»

GreenLantern : «You're right.»

So that's how me and my buddy ended up shoveling dirt with our barehands upon the coffin of our dead friend, grieving in about 15 minutes.”

BassyBoss

18. Craigslist and His Best Friend’s Dad

“I posted an ad on craigslist looking to give some oral services to ‘Dl/Married Men’ after talking to one of the guys who answered my ad, he seemed sane so I gave him the address to my apartment. Turns out when I opened the door, it was my best friend’s dad. We both acknowledged this event. I still went to town on him. My best friend is the oldest of 3 boys and the family is “Happily Married” fuck. I am scum.”

mysalsaisfire

19. “Female Badass”

“I have the image that I’m a ‘female badass’ when I show everyone how proud I am that I’m single and that I don’t ever want to get married and have kids. Deep down, I would love to have a wedding and start a family. I just know that no one will be able to deal with me. I was in a physically and verbally abusive relationship, and I wake up screaming from my nightmares in the middle of the night. I don’t trust anyone, and I know that others would rather find someone else. But I’m going to keep letting others think that I’m happy being single.”

casuallyreddit

20. This Guy Will Steal Your Girl

“My brother was trying to get with this girl. But for some reason her and I hit it off one night when he wasn’t around. We just got along really well, it was very natural. I never intended on stealing her from him because I was seeing another girl. Eventually my brother started dating her but she abruptly broke up with him about two months later because I knew she couldn’t stand being around me all the time when I was the one she liked.”

Bigbodypresence

21. Lied About The Abortion

“A three month fling and I had a pregnancy scare after he ended things with me, citing that he ‘wasn’t ready for a relationship’. He had spent a week trying to convince me to have an abortion, even before I found out there was no baby to abort. A few weeks later, I found out he was in a relationship with someone else, whose Facebook profile picture looked like it was taken on his couch and posted at a time when he and I were still together. Being the unstable and jilted person I was years ago, I convinced him I had lied about not being pregnant and actually had an abortion. He and the girl broke up a few days later.”

TheWinterLily

22. Burying the Hatchet

“So I was 17, horny as can be. I like butt stuff…like a lot. I wasn’t 18 so I couldn’t buy a dildo (when I turned 18 I used my bday money to buy one…another slightly sad thought). I was jonesing for something in my butt. I had tried a sharpie, a few fingers, there were sadly no cucumbers or anything similar nearby either. Then, a thought comes to me as I scan my room. My eyes meet my Great-grandfathers hand carved axe. The handle is shaped rather penis like, the end is like a dick-head, and almost a foot long! It has a carving on it of my Great grandfathers initials. I’m thinking…owch. It’s remarkably smooth, I wouldn’t get a splinter even if I tried, but the intials look rough on the ass. I shuffle for the free condoms I got handed to me at a recent festival I went to. This should make it a little smoother, right? I lube it up with Vaseline after covering it with a condom, and take it to pound town on myself. It was pretty nice, 10/10. Now I have it sitting in my room, 4 years later. It’s mine now since my grandfather passed and every time I see it I think of the night my 100 year old family heirloom pounded my ass as I busted the greatest nut my pure gay teen heart had known thus far.”

Tikutiku

23. Trophy Wife

“I went to a rock concert with my uncle and his son. My uncle convinced me that the only way I would get in is if I pretended to be his wife, I had to wear a wedding ring.

My uncle was in his mid 40’s and I was 16. I didn’t understand why I had to be his wife but I went along with it cause I really wanted to see this band.

My uncle didn’t really pull any moves but he saw a couple of his old college friends and actually introduced me as his wife. He was still married to his actual wife. The weirdest part was my cousin, his son, was two months older than me.

Now that I’m older I kinda realized that my uncle played me because he wanted to have some young, hot trophy wife to show off to his friends. Kinda embarrassed I never realized that until two years later. Borderline incest, however he isn’t my blood-relative. His actual wife is my blood-relative.”

SinfullySinless

24. Holding It

“Ok. I can’t believe I’m actually about to type this because it’s so insanely embarrassing. In high school I did competitive speech competitions. When I was a junior, I finally made it to state for monologue. I only found out that I had made it to state the Monday before the competition because I was first alternate which meant if one of the competitions couldn’t make the competition then I would get to go to state. Since I found out so late notice, it was only my theater teacher and I at the competition and she had to go judge other rounds. The competition was at University of Oklahoma. So I was this little high school girl all alone on this gigantic college campus. I was terrified.

The way the competition went was that you had to perform three rounds over the course of two days and they would take your scores from all three rounds. It was the last round of the first day and I had to pee so bad. We were sitting there waiting for the third judge to come in so we could start. The judge was about thirty minutes late. I was sitting there having to pee and terrified that if I got up to go, the judge would come in and they would start without me. Right as I was about to muster the courage to get up and go use the restroom, the third judge walks in and they start the round. I performed second but there were still four performing after me (each performance was about 6 minutes long). Finally the last person gets up to perform and I’m freaking out in my head cause I can’t wait to get up and pee. The guy that was performing was insanely hilarious. I don’t remember what he said, but at one point he made me laugh so hard that I literally pees my pants. Not just a little pee, I let it all out. I remember looking around the room to see if anyone noticed. They didn’t. Somehow when the round was over, I managed to get up and throw my jacket around my waist and rush out before anyone noticed what I did.

I was so embarrassed. I always wondered if anyone ever noticed when they went to clean the room. The next year when we went to state, my teacher said there was a new rule that before any of the competitors left the room, the judges had to check it was clean because someone the year before peed all over the floor. When my teacher told us that, my whole class cracked up laughing at how ridiculous you would have to be to pee all over the floor. They had no clue it was me.”

JTPusherlovegirl94

25. The Fake Boyfriend Becomes Real

“I pretended to have a long distance boyfriend for 3 years when I was 13, until 16. Everyone else had boyfriends, and I got asked out only by weirdoes. I picked a good name and a good school for him, created lots of memories. I lived in a high school dorm during two years of this fake relationship, and every night I pretended to talk with him on the phone. I was pretty good at lying too. I even cheated on this fake boyfriend with a really great guy, and told the real one I felt guilty and broke up with him. I was fucked up, and I hated myself, but continued it anyway.”

atmalik TC mark

The Magic Of The Women’s March, And What We All Need To Take From It

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 03:37 PM PST

Lorie Shaull
Lorie Shaull

I'm not here to bash others with opposing opinions, put down politicians and their families, or try and instill my own beliefs and values into others' heads.

I'm simply here to say that last Saturday was magical.

Regardless of the slight lingering of a hangover and the McDonald's bag I found next to my bed early that morning (oops), I knew that the day was going to be something special.

Never have I ever been on the Redline when it's been so packed… it's actually my nightmare to stand shoulder to shoulder with strangers in an enclosed area, but for once, I didn't seem to mind. There was such a positive energy in the train car, an energy that was supplemented by men, women, and children of all ages, some who wore pink hats, while others held beautiful and colorful signs (I, on the other hand dressed in all black… a classic me move).

Conversations between strangers flowed throughout the ride to the Jackson stop, with all but one or two individuals staying behind to continue on with their ride on the L.

As I walked through the streets of downtown Chicago without a coat on in 60-degree weather, surrounded by thousands of people, I not only felt the warmth of sunshine on the 21st of January, I felt the warmth of our nation. Something that to be completely honest, I hadn't felt in quite some time.

My friend and I pushed our way through the crowd of over a quarter of a million people, totally shocked, weirdly excited, and utterly inspired by the amount of human beings that came together for one reason. I think I repeated the phrase "This is incredible," out loud roughly one billion times.

But it just really was.

Fathers carrying young daughters on their shoulders, mothers wearing matching t-shirts with their teenage sons, Black students, White businessmen, Mexican children, Asian grandparents, democrats, republicans, gay, straight, and queer individuals.  Words can't describe the diversity of the group that banded together over the simple fact that the power and rights of one gender should not be any less or greater than those of the opposite.

The fact that a group of men is making decisions over what women can and can't do with their bodies right now, when I can't even count on the majority of my guy friends to be capable of buying me a box tampons, is mind-boggling. And the fact that millions of individuals’ health is in jeopardy, is terrifying.

I, like many of you reading this, have been very fortunate to have always had healthcare, whether through my parents while I was a child, or now as an adult through my job. I've always been able to schedule a woman's annual appointment without any hesitation, and I've never had to think twice about gaining access to medications, including birth control.

But that's not to say, I don't know people who have. I have friends that rely on organizations such as Planned Parenthood for pap smears, mammograms, and birth control…no not for abortions. They aren’t lazy, and yes they do have jobs. Some don’t offer adequate health insurance, and some just offer too expensive of plans. So they turn to PP for quality and affordable care, for services that many of us take for granted, because we’ve never experienced that sort of limitation.

I have Republican friends that have had abortions, and Democratic friends that are pro-life. At the end of the day, this isn’t a political or religious issue, it’s a simple human rights issue. A simple human rights issue that will not only affect our entire country but countless others.

The magic of The Women’s March leaves me feeling hopeful.

Hopeful that one day, maybe just maybe, we’ll see the same unity overall as a nation. I’ll forever remember that Saturday, and I can’t wait to one day tell my daughter or son all about it with as much enthusiasm as when I tell them they can grow up to one day be the president. TC mark

‘Shameless’ I’m BEGGING You To Bring Back Mickey In Season 8

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 03:36 PM PST

YouTube
YouTube

Shameless is undeniably one of the best shows I have ever seen, it’s one that more than anything you wish you could be part of in a weird, fucked up kind of way. It’s a complete emotional rollercoaster, it makes you cringe, laugh, cry, feel empty and hopeful all at the same time.

Now the point of this isn’t to talk about how great the show is because that could last hours. The point of this is to talk about bringing Mickey (Noel Fisher) back to the show.

In Season 7 we got a brief shot of Mickey again and I don’t think I’m alone when I say that was the highlight of the season, and the last couple seasons since he left, to be totally honest.

The overall character development in Shameless is one of the most well-written masterpieces I’ve ever seen unfold in front of my eyes, and with that being said the relationship Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey had developed the best. I don’t think I’ve ever been as big of a fan of any TV couple than I am with them.

When I heard the rumor that Mickey was going to return to the show in Season 7 I was ecstatic, like over the moon thrilled with joy. I’ve never even been that excited about one of my own relationships. Ian and Mickey’s story is extremely heart-wrenching and emotional, and easily one of the best written same-sex relationships on TV. They went through hell and back to get to the point they were at before Mickey got sentenced to jail for 15 years at the end of Season 5.

Their relationship was highly dysfunctional as neither of them knew exactly what was in the best interest of each other, or even themselves. From the beginning Mickey had a hard time accepting he was gay and an even harder time coming out until Ian pressured him. Right after he came out was when Ian was hit with depression from his emerging bi-polar disorder. It took them four seasons to get to this point, years of us slowly falling in love with their characters and individuals, but especially as a couple.

Their relationship was rarely ever happy and it almost never made you feel good. They were predominately struggling with different parts of their own life or fighting with each other. It showed the struggle of young relationships with lots of confusion, insecurities and struggle. Ian and Mickey’s relationship was the only relationship on the show that felt like it could make it, it gave all of the viewers hope and it made us feel even more connected to them for finally reaching this point in their character development.

We got to watch Mickey grow so much throughout the seasons from a scared, selfish troubled boy to being the one to push Ian to get help with his bi-polar disorder and be the one who wanted to take care of him, love him and support him, even when he didn’t want to help himself.

When Season 5 ended and Ian was the one to break up with Mickey it was heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. It felt like I was the one who was getting dumped. At this point there was nothing else you wanted to see than the characters finally be able to be happy, but all this building just got ripped out from underneath us. We barely had time to mourn the end of their wonderful relationship before psycho bitch Sammi (Emily Bergl) started chasing down Mickey with a gun for attempting to kill her.

The only appearance of Mickey in Season 6 behind bars when Ian visited him was all the closure we got between the characters before we had to go through the rest of Season 6 and majority of Season 7 without Mickey.

Ian has since been dating other men, but honestly, I’m not a fan. No one can ever, or will ever, replace the love I have for Ian and Mickey. The Gallavich relationship is all I will ever want back. Ian and Trevor’s relationship feels forced and unexciting, he needs Mickey.

When Mickey came back at the end of Season 7 I could have cried, I actually might have now that I’m thinking about it. How emotional I got over his return was not healthy, I will admit that. Mickey is easily one of the best characters on the show, watching his growth and personal acceptance and development with himself has been truly incredible.

When Ian went to meet Mickey for the first time since he escaped prison it made everything feel like it was right again. When Ian went all the way to the Mexico border with Mickey I wanted more than anything for him to go, but I understand why he didn’t because he’s finally in a good place in his life, but I strongly believe the best place in his life would be with Mickey now that they are older.

I am well aware that Mickey wasn’t even supposed to be a big part of the show but his character developed so well that he kept resigning. I am also aware that it was his decision to not resign on Season 6 because of his film career, but I am ~*begging*~ for you to bring him back in Season 8. I love them together more than I love Lip (Jeremy Allen White) and that’s saying a lot. I also definitely care way more about their relationship that I care about my own love life (I’m fine, I swear).

Basically, Shameless, I need their relationship to fit into the cliché “If you love something set it free, if it comes back it’s yours.” I need them to discover they need each other forever and ever, and I need Mickey to come back, for my sanity (which yes, I understand makes me sound insane because it’s JUST a TV show).

You can’t ask for a better character relationship on film or in real life.

Please, Noel Fisher (Mickey), come back for Season 8. And please Shameless, find a way to bring Mickey and Ian back together. My life doesn’t feel complete with them apart. Until then, I’ll be watching YouTube clips of all their scenes together that some glorious humans put together (because everyone is OBSESSED with them). TC mark

In A World Where Everyone Leaves, I Will Be The One Who Stays

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

I'm Priscilla
I’m Priscilla

I will be the one who stays. This, I promise you.

I won't turn my back. I won't spin around and run like hell in the other direction. When our memories become clouded by arguments and our angry voices fill the air, I won't imagine a life without you. I won't pull away and retreat to an opposite corner. I won't wish for anyone else.

I won't leave.

Because I know that we are both imperfect. And I knew this wouldn't be easy. I knew, going in, that we were young and restless. That we had dreams too big and beautiful. That we loved with too much of our hearts, but that's okay. I wanted this. I wanted us. I wanted smiles stretched across our faces. I wanted laughter that hung in the air like a morning fog. I wanted the way our hands fit in each other's palms, callous to callous, crease to crease, warmth to warmth in a way that just felt right.

I wanted you.

And I'm not just going to forget that when things don't fall perfectly into place around us. I'm not just going to chalk it up to change, to growth, to time, to two people drifting apart.

I'm sick of the way the world loves now—like it's temporary, like it means nothing. We enter into relationships with endings on the horizon. We make promises to one another that we don't intend to keep. We hop from connection to connection, from person to person like we're playing a game.

We're supposedly 'searching for the one' but all we're teaching ourselves is to find a way out when things aren't perfect. We're supposedly pursuing real love, but all we're learning is how to leave.

But I don't want that with you.

With you, I want the good days and the sh*tty days. I want the arguments and the raised voices. I want the stubbornness and all the ways we don't see eye-to-eye, and probably never will. I want the contradictions, the inconsistencies, the hypocrisies.

I want to know you at you worst, at your lowest, at your most unforgivable. And I want to learn to love you anyways.

And I want you to know me. I want you to know how I bite my nails, how I lie, how I don't always do the right thing, how I swear, how I'm shallow and imperfect and downright b*tchy sometimes. I want you to know my sass, my selfishness, the way I fight fiercely when I think I'm right, even if I know I'm not.

I want you to know me, flaws and all, and still find a way to love me and my mess.

Because that's real love—loving someone for who they are, loving someone even as you fight and argue, loving someone when life is difficult, loving someone because you made a commitment to love them in good or bad, loving someone and not leaving when things get hard.

And so I promise that I'll stay. I promise that I'll be here. I promise that no matter what obstacles we face, I'll fight with you and for you.

I promise that in a world where people leave, where marriages fail, where relationships break, where love fades—I'm not going anywhere. I told you I loved you, and I meant it. I’ll always mean it. TC mark

10 Things You Should Never Say To A Loved One With Anxiety

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

freestocks.org
freestocks.org

1. Quit being so dramatic.

Many people think that individuals who suffer from anxiety are being too dramatic and are doing it for attention. I’m sorry to say that we actually aren’t doing it for attention. We can’t help the symptoms that show up out of the blue and we can’t control when or where the symptoms will strike.

2. Why don’t you just pop a valium?

Although many people choose to go on medication for symptoms that make everyday life hard, some medication (like valium) can put us to sleep and slow down our reflexes. We don’t want to just pop pills every time we feel uncomfortable. There are always downsides to ‘easy fixes’.

3. Just think good thoughts!

That’s the thing about anxiety. When someone is plagued down by it, it is nearly impossible to control your own thoughts when it hits you hard. Especially during panic attacks, it’s incredibly hard to ‘think good thoughts’ when you 100% believe you are dying or in danger.

4. Can’t you just get it under control?

That’s like asking someone with cancer to just ‘get rid of it’, or asking an individual who is deaf to get their ears checked.

5. Calm down.

Telling someone who is clearly suffering from an attack or a huge bout of anxiety to ‘calm down’, is completely counteractive and useless. It may even make this person more anxious by you instructing them and demanding them to stay calm when they can’t control their own body.

6. You should learn how to breathe properly.

While breathing techniques and meditation can help people who suffer from this mental illness, it isn’t going to make it go away entirely. Although it can provide some relief, it isn’t a ‘cure’.

7. Don’t be stupid.

If a loved one asks for reassurance and help with a fear that they have, don’t act like their question isn’t important. Please do not undermine the level of severity that anxiety can have on people and don’t treat them like they are children.

8. LOL, why are you freaking out?

Please do not ever laugh at someone when they are in distress. By you making light of the situation, you are not giving this person validity, reassurance, or comfort.

9. Just quit stressing.

Anxiety is often defined as just having stress or worrying too much. This is not the case at all. Individuals with anxiety have a chemical imbalance that changes the levels in their brains. So no, we can’t just ‘quit stressing’. It is part of who we are.

10. You need to chill out.

Ordering someone to relax or chill out while they are under incredible amounts of panic, is ignorant of you to believe that those words could actually help them. By putting pressure on someone to act like they are feeling ok, will ultimately prolong their distress and discomfort. They need someone to trust, and those words are not going to provide them with any relief. TC mark

Here’s What Kind Of Significant Other You Need (In 5 Words), Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 27 Jan 2017 01:00 PM PST

unsplash.com
unsplash.com

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

Someone who always surprises you.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

A partner who appreciates you.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

Somebody who helps you relax.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Someone who’s patient and understanding.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

Someone who calls your bullshit.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Somebody selfless and even-tempered.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

Someone you can’t charm instantly.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

Somebody who’s sure of themselves.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

Someone both responsible and lighthearted.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

Somebody who understands your complexity.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

Someone who’s not easily deterred.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

Somebody steady and easily focused. TC mark