Thought Catalog


18 Scientific Reasons Why Having More Sex Will Improve Your Entire Life

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 08:09 AM PDT

Shutterstock / spaxlax
Shutterstock / spaxlax

1. It’s a proven medical fact that having tons of sex will make you look younger.

Our finest scientists have proved that shagging and shtupping and screwing can prevent the aging process. Sex boots collagen production and releases the human growth hormone. A decade-long study of 3,500 adults in Scotland showed that people who had sex four times a week appeared seven to twelve years younger than their real age. So if you want to look young, get out there and start fuckin’!

2. It’s a better painkiller than prescription painkillers.

A German study from 2013 found that a majority of migraine sufferers reported partial or total relief after having an orgasm. A study at Rutgers University showed that women’s pain tolerance threshold increased 74.6% directly after cumming. “Through sexual arousal and orgasm the hormone oxytocin is secreted in your body, which in turn causes the release of endorphins,” says Dr. Desmond Ebanks. “Because of these natural opiates, sex acts as a powerful analgesic.” According to sex researcher Stefanie Iris Weiss, “I often tell friends suffering from cramps to go for a sex session rather than an Advil.

3. Your self-esteem will skyrocket.

According to sex researcher Limor Blockman, orgasms release endorphins that improve one’s self-perception: "Self-esteem can be easily boosted by the ability to surrender to pleasure and…brag about it…the fact that we allow ourselves to be exposed and enjoy it is a definite, well-proven self-esteem enhancer."

4. It’s the best-known stress reliever throughout recorded human history–and probably into prehistoric times, too.

In stress tests ranging from doing mental arithmetic out loud to public speaking, celibates showed the highest stress levels. Vigorous and frequent sex will flood your brain with endorphins, AKA “the human body’s natural heroin.”

5. You will sleep better, even if he snores.

A vigorous round of barnyard-animal-level rutting releases super-strong hormones such as vasopressin, oxytocin, and serotonin—which to the human body is like doing a shot of whiskey followed by a beer and then a Xanax. Poof! You’re out cold.

6. Your rotten mood will improve, thank God.

All the sex hormones that soak your brain after an orgasm will induce a sense of euphoria and well-being akin to eating an entire box of chocolate while stroking a litter of newborn puppies.

7. Your skin will glow as if you were an angel, a space alien, or an angelic space alien.

Your body produces more collagen as a result of sex, which makes your skin appear as fresh as the morning dew. Women who have more sex also release more estrogen. The result? Happy skin on a happy woman!

8. Your hair will become like the shiniest silk woven by tiny invisible fairies on a divine loom.

The estrogen and testosterone that the body releases during sex help you maintain a shiny mane that would be the envy of any racehorse. Regular sex also allows the body to more efficiently metabolize nutrients, leading to shinier and silkier hair. Go ahead—have a lot of sex and then touch your hair if you don’t believe me.

9. It will alleviate your wretched and unjust menstrual suffering.

Uterine contraction during orgasm increases blood flow to the area and relieves cramping. Don’t let Aunt Flo deter you—whip out that Magic Wand and get to work!

10. You will be immune to disease, even if you’re not immune to criticism.

Having lots of sex increases levels of the antibody IgA into the bloodstream, bolstering the immune system. Regular sex has also been known protect you against the common cold. So go ahead and take ten minutes to rub one out—it’s better than blowing your nose for a week.

11. It burns calories like a blowtorch.

About 25 minutes of sex is all you need to wipe away the 195 calories from that chocolate donut you ate right before he rang your doorbell. If you have sex all night, you might even be able to eat an entire pizza with no ill effects to your waistline.

12. You will become a lean, pristine, fighting machine.

I swapped out the word “mean” for “pristine,” because sex will actually cure you of meanness. But all the testosterone released during sexual activity will help create lean muscle mass and tone your physique to the point where it will repel bullets.

13. It will turn your frown upside-down.

Numerous studies have proved that semen contains compounds that have antidepressant qualities. One study showed that women who have unprotected sex had lower levels of depression than women who used condoms or didn’t have sex at all.

14. Duh! It will make you smarter.

A study on sexually active rats—ew!—showed that they grew extra brain neurons as a result of their bawdy activity. A researcher at the University of Amsterdam used MRIs to conclude that there is “a very widespread increase in the functional brain activity at orgasm.” So don’t be dumb—have more sex!

15. It even cures the hiccups!

A 2000 report in Canadian Family Physician detailed the case of a healthy man who was cured of his chronic hiccups at the moment he ejaculated during intercourse. Hiccups are cured when the vagus nerve is stimulated, which happens during sex.

16. Having oodles of orgasms can protect you against certain forms of cancer.

A French study revealed that women who frequently had intercourse were only one-third as likely to develop breast cancer compared to women who didn’t fuck as much. A 2004 National Cancer Institute study of 50,000 men revealed that guys who blew at least 21 loads per month were 30% less likely to get prostate cancer than those poor saps who had seven or fewer orgasms monthly. A 2003 study found than men who had five orgasms a week while in their 20s were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

17. It will keep your heart healthy—which will enable you to have more sex.

A European study found that the more often a man had sex, the lower his blood pressure was. A study in Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health concluded that having sex at least twice a week cut one’s heart-attack risk in half.

18. You will live longer—which will enable you to have even more sex.

A 1997 British Medical Journal study found that men who ejaculated frequently—and what man doesn’t like to do that?—had a 50% lower mortality rate than men who didn’t. So, gents, for the sake of your family, loved ones, and sundry other dependents—bust a nut and live longer! TC mark

Sources:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.

10 Women On What They Learned After Dating A Major A$$hole

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 11:31 AM PDT

Flickr Courtney Carmody
Flickr Courtney Carmody

1.

"Trying to change an asshole is like trying to eat your own head—it can't be done. It took me three long, horrible years to realize this. The asshole first has to realize he's an asshole, which almost never happens. Then he has to work on fixing it, which assholes are, by default, almost never wired to do. But you can't fix him, girls. It's his problem. Asshole, heal thyself!"

—Jamie, 24

beetlejuice

2.

"Pretty simple, really. I was attracted to assholes because I didn't think I was worthy of anyone better. But the moment I could look in a mirror and like what I saw—not only physically, more that I liked the person who was looking back at me—I ghosted that asshole so quickly his balls probably retracted back up into his lungs."

—Jennifer, 25

beetlejuice

3.

"My therapist cut to the chase and made me realize that we all seek out people who remind us of our parents, and we almost always do it unconsciously. My father was a mean alcoholic who could send me into tears with one glance. When I first hooked up with my asshole boyfriend, I thought I could change him. I didn't realize I was the one who needed changing—I had to quit re-creating my relationship with my dad and trying to fix it. It won't ever be fixed. But now I'm better just realizing it."

—Sarah, 32

beetlejuice

4.

"There are two types of people in this world—those who appreciate kindness and reciprocate it, and those who see it as weakness and exploit it. My fucked-up shithead loser no-dick blazing flaming screaming asshole ex-boyfriend was the latter sort—if you were kind to him, he smelled blood and went for the jugular. The more I gave, the more he took. But if you want to see them really act like an asshole, stop giving. That's when the mask comes off and the true, uncut, sociopathic asshole emerges like a beast with ten heads, all of them ugly and with bad breath. So what I learned is to pay close attention to how a guy responds to your first act of kindness. If he asks for more, he's an asshole. If he responds with more kindness, he's a keeper."

—Maureen, 23

beetlejuice

5.

"I know that most women aren't going to want to hear this, but most guys who treat women badly do so because they were somehow hurt or neglected by their mothers. A little boy is completely dependent on his mom for the first few years of his life, and if she was mean, cruel, abusive—or especially if she wasn't even there—that is a wound to his heart that might never heal. To try and regain some sense of himself, he'll spend the rest of his life stabbing women in the heart. I only learned this after dumping my asshole boyfriend and he became a sobbing, pleading mess. All along I thought it was my problem—nope."

—Amy, 21

beetlejuice

6.

"Part of the reason I'm attracted to "bad boys" is, holy FUCK are most guys whimpering little oversensitive diaper-boys these days. NOT sexy. Absolute vagina-dryer. I want a guy who'll just push me over the kitchen counter and fuck me from behind until I pass out. That being said—ha!—I never learned to distinguish between a strong man and a cruel one. A strong man has no need to be cruel, since meanness is a cover for vulnerability and weakness. So the one good thing I learned from a Titanic-level shipwreck of a relationship with that asshole is how to distinguish strength from meanness. So I'm looking for a man who's strong and kind, not mean and weak. Buh-bye, assholes!"

—Angie, 24

beetlejuice

7.

"I dated an uninterrupted string of hot, strong, aloof, dismissive, and sometimes verbally abusive Grade-A USDA Prime Cut Assholes. I thought I loved each one of them and I begged each one of them to stay when they inevitably dumped me. Then when I finally met a nice guy—not a boring or weak or unattractive guy, mind you, just one who wasn't a six-foot phallus with ears—I realized what was going on. True love is complicated and frightening and deep and scarring, and it takes every fiber of your strength not to run away from it. I realized I dated assholes because I never truly loved them—it was just infatuation and attraction. I knew they'd dump me sooner or later, but in a weird way that was safe. I chose men who were unlovable because you can never get truly hurt by someone you don't truly love."

—Julie, 27

beetlejuice

8.

"Here's the thing about assholes—it's not you, it's them. Sure, they'll convince you that you're too fat or too lazy or too dumb for them, but they don't believe that or they wouldn't be with you in the first place. They only come off hard because they're so vulnerable. I found a way to wriggle out of my last relationship with an asshole that played right into his script. I told him that it wasn't him, it was me—that I AM fat and lazy and dumb, and I don't think I'll ever change, and that he deserves far better than me. So I played the "it's not you, it's me" game even though the opposite was true. He was speechless—especially after I blocked his cell phone and got a restraining order against him."

—Chante, 24

beetlejuice

9.

"I learned how to tell when someone's lying to you. They don't make eye contact, they speak quicker than normal, they pause a lot, and here's the huge huge HUGE red flag—if you ask them a probing question, they'll repeat all or part of the question before answering. It gives them time to make up a lie."

—Kelly, 26

beetlejuice

10.

"There's really no difference between an asshole and a bully. They're cowards who are operating from weakness. The minute you act like an asshole back to them, they're crying harder than they ever made you cry. Try it—it works!"

—LaRhonda, 23 TC mark

Social Media Is Turning Us Into Emotional Terrorists

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 02:51 PM PDT

Twentry20 / jacquiecooks
Twentry20 / jacquiecooks

There is no shortage of social media critics. From the crowd that yells, “It’s ruining our personal relationships!” to “It’s killing our communities,” and the like. But as social media has critics, it also has as many supporters who emphasize its advantages in our ability to connect and communicate instantaneously, and on a global scale.

Technology, contrary to some belief, is not value-neutral. All creations exist within the context of the culture that fostered their development, and thus cannot escape whatever values are present in that culture. So even in technology, as we can see from those who vehemently critique it or unabashedly support it – and the rest of us who exist somewhere in the middle – we are always negotiating the values of the technologies that we use.

A sense of, “Will they think I don’t care about this story if I’m not sharing my thoughts on it?”

Being in digital media, I, like many (if not most) of my colleagues, have a love-hate relationship with social media. It is a great way to be constantly knowledgeable of the occurrences and conversations in many communities. And more importantly, it breaks some of the barriers to entry and participation in prior traditional mass media.

There is of course the downside. It fosters this need for awareness of everything; a need to always be in the know. It can distract one from participating in one’s physical spaces and reality, in lieu of whatever is going on that is more interesting over there. Like with most things in life, I personally (and professionally) try to find the virtuous middle – that space between the extremes. Because I do value social media and its consequences. But I also value many other things that occur outside its space.

Nonetheless, I have been caught up in what I would call the need to immediately react to a news story or a Twitter trend or a viral opinion. Sometimes without first receiving full information on whatever subject matter has become the talk of the Internet towns I may visit from time to time. Usually what occurs is the “bigger” the news event, the more the (Internet) towns talk. And of course the stronger the emotion, the stronger the expression of one’s thoughts – now made public.

I think I have had prudence more often than I haven’t. But I have also in many an instance, engaged without a second thought, often in matters that are close to my heart. This includes (negative) stereotypes of Africans, racism, police brutality, etc. And because of this, a few times, I have had to eat humble pie, and deservedly so.

I prize myself on being a thoughtful person so when I have engaged in such emotionally charged reactions, and done so immediately, in hindsight, it often feels out of character. But not only that, I have felt almost a silent pressure – perhaps inflicted on nobody other than myself, or the perceptions of the imagined audience I am communicating with – to react immediately to a story. A sense of, “Will they think I don’t care about this story if I’m not sharing my thoughts on it?” And if I am to be entirely honest, I have felt it perhaps because I have looked at others with the same kind of absurd judgment.

This is emotional terrorism.

beetlejuice

Our emotional terrorism leads us to feel like we must have an opinion to showcase that we are aware, that we are thinking about whatever subject matter it is we should be thinking about; that we care. But even in the time of digital communications and social media playing a role in how the public communicates and interacts, the choice to stay silent, or to wait, should not be interpreted as ignorance or apathy.

I fear, however, that this need to emotionally react and to do so with conviction and in a “timely” manner, is so restrictive that it comes at a cost to our desire to understand a situation before we comment on it. It also, I think, comes at a cost to our own well-being in our interactions in digital media – which is a consideration far too many of us overlook.

“Everybody has a chapter in their life they don’t read out loud.”

Take for instance, the Ashley Madison situation. I made no comment on it to date because I simply have no interest in such a site – not even to critique it – and yes, that comes from a moral conviction. But I also did not think of it as righteous in terms of the series of events that may have affected personal lives – people who many of us may not know.

I suppose I could have shared the above remarks in my social media spaces. But what would have been the point? I didn’t particularly care for that specific news event, regardless of its popularity. And to me, its social consequences, did not warrant the attention it received. I didn’t want to know any more about it than the little I did.

Whatever angle I would have taken, it would have likely been a moral high ground that nobody asked for. Moreover, it makes me increasingly uneasy how private individuals have their dirty laundry shared in public spaces. If for no other reason than one of my favourite sayings, “Everybody has a chapter in their life they don’t read out loud.”

beetlejuice

Emotional terrorism in the age of social media has the capacity to get worse. As people spend more of their time online, as the digital identity becomes more important, more a part and parcel of any individual’s existence – the emotions we display, the emotions we expect from others, are also sure to increase. And that includes our emotional reactions to whatever we see in social media spaces.

I am not quite sure there is a “cure” for it, or at least one that doesn’t take away individuals’ access to freely express themselves as they choose – within the boundaries of particular spaces. And I am by no means even suggesting that we should police ourselves for the sake of perception. For those who exist in marginalized identities especially, the digital space facilitates their freedom to speak. And if one feels silenced as a matter of their humanity and existence, it is always better to speak.

Perhaps courage and prudence together can not only make us better communicators online, and defeat emotional terrorism slowly but surely.

But I am advocating for greater thought to be put into how we communicate what we communicate; how we react emotionally, and our expectations of others in our social media spaces.

I keep going back to prudence because I have found it to be the best companion of courage – which we need to share our thoughts about who we are and what we think, to friends and strangers alike, during this age of social media.

Perhaps courage and prudence together can not only make us better communicators online, and defeat emotional terrorism slowly but surely. But perhaps these two virtues together can also make us entirely better people in our interactions with all facets of culture – with all things and people. Indeed we ought to always seek to become a better people. TC mark

19 Inspiring Quotes From Men Who Proudly Identify As Feminists

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 09:41 AM PDT

via twenty20/charityhestead
via twenty20/charityhestead

1.

"You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation."
—Brigham Young

2.

"He – and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
—George Carlin

3.

"Equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who’s confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now."
—Joss Whedon

4.

“I do call myself a feminist. Absolutely! It’s worth paying attention to the roles that are sort of dictated to us, and that we don’t have to fit into those roles. We can be anybody we want to be.”
—Joseph Gordon-Levitt

5.

"Who are your favorite heroines in real life? The women of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran who risk their lives and their beauty to defy the foulness of theocracy. Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Azar Nafisi as their ideal feminine model."
—Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir

6.

“When women are empowered, they immeasurably improve the lives of everyone around them—their families, their communities, and their countries. This is not just about women; we men need to recognize the part we play too. Real men treat women with dignity and give them the respect they deserve.”
—Prince Harry

7.

"There is no female mind. The brain is not an organ of sex. As well speak of a female liver."
—Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Women and Economics

8.

“Young wives are the leading asset of corporate power. They want the suburbs, a house, a settled life, and respectability. They want society to see that they have exchanged themselves for something of value.”
—Ralph Nader

9.

"…[G]reat progress was evident in the last Congress of the American ‘Labour Union’ in that among other things, it treated working women with complete equality. While in this respect the English, and still more the gallant French, are burdened with a spirit of narrow-mindedness. Anybody who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without the feminine ferment. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex (the ugly ones included)."
―Karl Marx, Selected Letters: The Personal Correspondence 1844-1877

10.

“We let Willow cut her hair. When you have a little girl, it’s like, how can I teach her that she's in control of her body? If I teach her that I’m in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she’s going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world. She can’t cut my hair, but that’s her hair. She has got to have command of her body. So when she goes out into the world, she’s going out with a command that is hers. She is used to making those decisions herself. We try to keep giving them those decisions until they can hold the full weight of their lives.”
—Will Smith

11.

“I am a sworn atheist and therefore from my point of view the Talmud or the Koran don’t constitute works of political philosophy but rather writings that stand in utter contradiction to concepts like logic, freedom, feminism, secularism, brotherhood – which are my ideals.”
—Michel Onfray

12.

"Maybe it will inspire women to pick up guitars and start bands. Because it's the only future in rock'n'roll. I've had this negative attitude for years. Rock'n'roll has been exhausted. But that was always male rock'n'roll. There's a lot of girl groups, just now, within the last few years. The Breeders and the Riot Grrrls all have a hand in it. People are finally accepting women in those kinds of roles."
—Kurt Cobain

13.

“Feminism is an attack on social practices and habits of thought that keep women and men boxed into gender roles that are harmful.”
—Robert Webb

14.

“Many men will object to the very idea that male privilege exists, but their objection also insists on a kind of invisibility that patriarchy depends on. Few men realize how much their lives would change if women weren't treated as subordinate. Instead, men take credit for their hard work and achievements without taking into account how much harder it would have been if they had to compete with women on a level playing field or do without the supportive (and unpaid) domestic labor that so many wives and mothers perform. Because patriarchy defines women as subordinate and "other," men can take women's exclusion from serious competition for granted. As a result, many men have been rudely awakened by women's entry into hitherto male-only workplaces. When men complain about the advantage some women gain from affirmative action, they ignore centuries of pro-male affirmative action that, in spite of the women's movement, continues as the largely unexceptional default condition under patriarchy.”
—Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot

15.

“Women are not the weak, frail little flowers that they are advertised. There has never been anything invented yet, including war, that a man would enter into, that a woman wouldn’t, too.”
—Will Rogers

16.

“My advice to the women’s clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias.”
—James McNeill Whistler

17.

"I’m not ashamed to dress “like a woman” because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman."
―Iggy Pop

18.

“All men should be feminists. If men care about women’s rights, the world will be a better place. We are better off when women are empowered, it leads to a better society.”
—John Legend

19.

"It's crazy. Since there have been men and women, there have been funny women…f–king idiot-ass men keep saying that women aren’t funny. It makes me crazy. I find it disgusting and offensive every time.”
—Andy Samberg TC mark

14 Extremely Personal Things Your ‘Emotionally Strong’ Friend Needs You To Know

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 09:07 AM PDT

mooglefett
mooglefett

1. We are strong because we have been through a lot. Sometimes we don’t tell you what we have been through, but trust us – you don’t get tough skin from staying out of the rain.

2. It can get really frustrating when your friends look at you like you have two heads when you actually get upset about something. Bad stuff happens to us, too, and we would like you to be there for us just as much as we are there for you.

3. We aren’t afraid of change. You’d be surprised at how flexible we can be, whether it’s a last minute change of plans or a drastic life change. We thrive on being able to be challenged. Don’t question us when we decide to quit our jobs for an exciting new path – because if we’ve set our mind to it, we’re going to do it

4. People just expect us to know how to react in various different situations, but sometimes we don’t quite know what to do. It can be intimidating to have these expectations – whether they are set in reality or in our own minds. Sometimes we just don’t know, and we are okay with that because we have the strength to understand that it will all work out in the end. You should have that confidence in us, too.

5. We are so afraid that if we do show emotion, people will judge us for being weak, because it is out of our character to be anything but indestructible. We won’t let our vulnerabilities show themselves unless it is really something that breaks us apart.

6. On that note – we have the ability to break down harder than most of your friends. We hold in all of our feelings and your feelings for so long that sometimes it can all come crashing down harder than you’d expect.

7. Truth be told: we care so much. We might not always care what strangers or the world thinks about us, but we do care about what the people who mean most to us think. We care about you, your thoughts, your happiness, and how our lives can intertwine together peacefully.

8. We want to hear about your life, your drama, your fight with your roommates, about that guy that you just went on a date with…but we also want to share those aspects of our life with you, too. Friendship is a two way street, and we expect you to hear us out on our latest issues despite how well we can handle them on our own. We want to give you the scoop!

9. While we strive to comfort those around us, as we are natural nurturers – we want to celebrate with you, too. If you only keep us around to divulge your problems, we will break away.

10. Sometimes we are not able to be there for you. Whether it is physically or emotionally, whether it is out of pure forgetfulness or maybe even moral reasoning – sometimes it is just not possible for us to be there for you. There are times where lessons need to be learned and it will make you a more independent, strong person. We know this because we have been through it in some way, shape or form. Just because we are not able to help, doesn’t mean that we don’t want to, necessarily. So, please don’t get mad if we can’t always be there.

11. We’re always focused on how we can develop ourselves to be better people. Our expectations on what would make our lives better are only set by us – not you, not society, not anyone or anything. We are strong because we discipline ourselves to hold tight to our values and beliefs we have set for ourselves.

12. Don’t take offense if we don’t take your advice. Some of us are wildly independent, whether it is by nature or from experience. It doesn’t mean we don’t care about your thoughts or having you there for us in a difficult situation; it just means that what you suggested might not be a viable option for us. Thank you, nonetheless.

13. Our reactions aren’t cold – they’re realistic. In most situations, we see things in a very logical way. If we come off as blunt or cold, it’s just because we know what the answer is, point blank.

14. Sometimes a strong person needs a hug, too. It may not seem like it, but it’s pretty safe to say that most people like hugs…and we’re included in that. TC mark

14 Beautiful Passages From Marina Keegan’s “The Opposite Of Loneliness” That Will Inspire You To Live A Happy, Positive, More Fulfilling Life

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 08:00 AM PDT

livjess
livjess

At 22-years-old Marina Keegan was considered a literary prodigy and her essay "The Opposite Of Loneliness" went viral just a few days after she died in a car crash following her graduation from Yale University.

The writer, journalist, and playwright was known for her unique and beautiful way of looking at the world. Her collection of work was published posthumously as a book with inspiring features and essays. Take a look at some of her best quotes.


1.

"It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four A.M. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went , we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats."


2.

"I blame the Internet. Its inconsiderate inclusion of everything.Success is transparent and accessible, hanging down where it can tease but not touch us. We talk into these scratchy microphones and take extra photographs but I still feel like there are just SO MANY PEOPLE. Every day, 1,035.6 books are published; sixty-six million people update their status each morning. At night, aimlessly scrolling, I remind myself of elementary school murals. One person can make a difference! But the people asking me what I want to be when I grow up don’t want me to make a poster anymore. They want me to fill out forms and hand them rectangular cards that say HELLO THIS IS WHAT I DO."


3.

"What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious. We're graduating from college. We're so young. We can't, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it's all we have."


4.

"I worry sometimes that humans are afraid of helping humans. There's less risk associated with animals, less fear of failure, fear of getting too involved. In war movies, a thousand soldiers can die gruesomely, but when the horse is shot, the audience is heartbroken. It's the My Dog Skip effect. The Homeward Bound syndrome."


5.

"We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lie alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement."


6.

"I read somewhere that radio waves just keep traveling outward, flying into the universe with eternal vibrations. Sometime before I die I think I’ll find a microphone and climb to the top of a radio tower. I’ll take a deep breath and close my eye because it will start to rain right when I reach the top. Hello, I’ll say to outer space, this is my card."


7.

"Do you wanna leave soon?
No, I want enough time to be in love with everything…"


8.

"We're our own hardest critics and it's easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I've looked back on my high school self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us."


9.

"My instinct, of course, is to imagine us as one of many planets racing its evolution against its sun–merely one in the galactic Darwinian pursuit. But maybe we’re not. Maybe all this talk of the inevitability of aliens is garbage and we’re miraculously, beautifully alone in our biological success. What if we’re winning? What if we’re actually the most evolved intelligence in all this big bang chaos? What if other planets have bacteria and single-celled genotypes but nothing more?

The precedent is all the more pressing. Humans alone could be winning the race against our giant gas time bomb and running with the universal Olympic torch. What an honor. What a responsibility. What a gift we have been given to be born in an atmosphere with oxygen and carbon dioxide and millions of years and phenotypes cheering us on with recycles of energy.

The thing is, I think we can make it. I think we can shove ourselves into spaceships before things get too cold.

I only hope we don’t fuck things up before that. Because millions of years is a long time and I don’t want to let the universe down."


10.

"But as I watched him smile back at me and zip his coat, I saw everything in the world build up and then everything in the world fall down again."


11.

“So what I’m trying to say is you should text me back.
Because there’s a precedent. Because there’s an urgency.
Because there’s a bedtime.
Because when the world ends I might not have my phone charged and
If you don’t respond soon,
I won’t know if you’d wanna leave your shadow next to mine.”


12.

"And I cry because everything is so beautiful and so short."


13.

“I miss dreaming forwards," Anna said.
"What?"
"I dream backwards now. You won't believe how backwards you'll dream someday.”


14.

“I will live for love and the rest will take care of itself.” TC mark

14 Things Only Introverts Who Seriously Love Being Outdoors Understand

Posted: 25 Aug 2015 09:32 PM PDT

Eilenna74
Eilenna74

1. Your favorite activities are all outdoors, but usually involve socializing…which is not one of your favorite activities.

2. …So solo excursions are your JAM. Bike riding? Yes please. Relaxing at the beach? ALWAYS. Wildlife photography? HELL. YEAH.

3. Taking your dog for a walk is actually the best thing ever, because you get to be alone and with nature, while also having your favorite furry friend there with you to keep you company.

4.You got overly excited when your new apartment had a private balcony. You could have plants! And start gardening! And read outside for an entire day!

5.You’re the go-to person for any information on local parks, because you know every single inch of them all.

6.You’ve had days when your entire agenda was: Go to park. Read.

7.Earbuds are one of your necessary accessories. They’re your little signal to others that you’re enjoying your alone time very much, and would love to keep it that way.

8.You’re constantly struggling between your need for time away from people to reenergize and your hatred of being cooped up in your apartment.

9.Your dream day is to go hiking on a picturesque trail with just your thoughts as company. (Which is basically a serial killer’s dream as well, soooooo….)

10.…You always go on the hike anyway, because if you’re going to die, it’s not a bad view. The benefits almost always outweigh the risks.

11.…Which means you’re also always calling to your roommate, “I’m heading out for a walk, if you haven’t heard from me in an hour, you should probably call the cops!” You make sure it’s lighthearted, but also with an underlying seriousness, because really though.

12.You’re ideal vacation is to travel out to some remote area all on your own and just explore nature the entire time.

13.Whenever your friends invite you out for some activity, you always kind of want to say, “Yeah, I’d love to go! Can I hang out with you guys for like ten minutes and then break off and do my own thing until you’re ready to go?”

14.The perfect in-between activity for you is to go star gazing with your friends. You get to spend some quality time with the people that mean the most to you, while also soaking in all the wonderfulness that is Nature. TC mark

Let’s Stop Romanticizing Jerks

Posted: 25 Aug 2015 10:59 AM PDT

Transformer18
Transformer18

We live in a society that continuously romanticizes the idea of a brooding asshole who secretly possesses an inner kindness or a hidden heart of gold. Like under that gross attitude and propensity to belittle everyone, there's actually, like, this really cool guy who just, you know, has feelings and stuff.

Swoon.

It's an idea that insists that these people are merely waiting for the right person to bring out the best in them, Disney movie style. That they just need you to show the world, and themselves, how truly kind and compassionate they are -despite all evidence to the contrary. It's a dangerous trope that leads people (specifically women) into believing that someone who is completely shitty to them is in fact redeemable and worthwhile if they are merely willing to dig deep enough and wait long enough. After all, if a boy likes you, he's mean to you, right?

It's a recurrent theme in books and movies; think Edward Cullen or Christian Gray (ha, just kidding, everyone knows they are the same character); Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights certainly comes to mind, as well (that man was a hot-mess from start to finish). I think many of us have dated that person – the quiet, contemplative, often moody jerkoff who is hard to predict- and convinced ourselves that underneath all those layers of angst and melancholy is a glittering gem of a human being. They are not overtly unkind, per se, but they aren't precisely caring, either. They operate on the fringes of what we really want, dwelling in the world of possibility based solely on their inability to act one way or the other. Basically it's Schroeder's Cat, but with a douchebag of a human being.

They're like this weird blank canvas that we project all our teenage fantasies on or something, forgetting in the process that fully developed adults should have the ability to manage their own shit and shouldn't need another person to come along and sort it all out for them. Forgetting that adults should have the capacity and desire to be generally decent to people without needing someone else to prompt them. Nobody is perfect, but well adjusted, worthwhile individuals are at least able to entertain the idea of 'hey, maybe I have some faults and I should probably work on them because it's not someone else's job to fix me.' Or, you know, something similar with less words.

This pervasive idea tells us to ignore the reasons behind why these people are typically loners who mistreat those around them. When someone has no friends at the age of twenty-five we're probably past the point where we can write it off as schoolyard bullying. They are just misunderstood, right? They just need someone to take the time to get to know them, right?!. Someone willing to pull back the layers of their Shrek-like onion and reveal their… inner onion? An onion is an onion my friend.

We convince ourselves, with the help of popular culture, that they are truly worth our time. That the face they present to the world is not who they really are, that we see something that no one else can. That we are special, and that by putting up with their bullshit we are being selfless, that we are committing some socially required sacrifice on the bloody alter of 'this will turn them into a better person!!!!' While simultaneously believing we should be eternally lauded for our wonderful and self-sacrificing nature; sure he forgets my birthday, never calls me back and belittles me in front of my friends, but he's actually a really great person…somewhere in there. So we cling to this unsupported belief that one day they will wake up and appreciate how much of their crap we constantly had to put up with. Aren't we just so giving and altruistic? APPRECIATE MEEEEE.

It took me a long time to understand that an absence of blatant nastiness is not proof of hidden kindness. We so often forget that inaction and indifference can be much worse than anger or sadness or frustration. Just because someone has not been overtly cruel to us not mean they possess the ability to be kind. In simpler terms; if someone talks like an asshole, acts like an asshole, and basically claims to be an asshole… they are probably an asshole. Thus, they are not worth your time. TC mark

19 Gender Norms We Need To Keep Challenging If We Want Full Equality For Women

Posted: 26 Aug 2015 08:57 AM PDT

celinasolcruz
celinasolcruz

1. That being a "pussy" is to demonstrate weakness while acting like a “dick" equates to being an asshole.

2. That we should "sack up" or "grow some balls" instead of "grow a vagina" to toughen up.

3. That newlyweds should either hyphenate their last names, go with the man's, or each keep their own when a woman’s surname is just as good an option.

4. That a woman wearing a sexy dress necessarily wants sex, or a man’s attention.

5. That a woman who favors revealing clothing is a "slut," while a woman who dresses conservatively is more likely prudish.

6. That a powerful female public figure's sartorial choices warrant headlines.

7. That young girls outfits are either "appropriate" or not while young boys skirt such dissection.

8. That a man caught crying or expressing emotions is anything other than a man.

9. That a stoic woman is anything other than a woman.

10. That mothers are suddenly okay being referred to as "mommy" by friends, acquaintances, and strangers rather than being addressed by their actual names.

11. That successful women who are mothers necessarily struggle to balance life at home and on the job, and/or constantly wrestle with their career decisions.

12. That a "working mom" is someone who pursues a career outside the house when in fact all moms work hard.

13. That women who excel in science and math are somehow oddities.

14. That women shouldn't play football or any other sport they feel like playing.

15. That women's sports are somehow lesser or less interesting to watch than the men's version of the very same game.

16. That women are any less likely to cheat than men.

17. That the average woman is any less sexual than the average man.

18. That the sight of a topless woman is someone more disturbing or off-putting than the sight of a topless man.

19. That feminism is anything other than a movement about equality, and that “women’s issues” don’t impact men. TC mark

15 Reasons INFJs Find It So Hard To Move On From Heartbreak

Posted: 25 Aug 2015 10:54 AM PDT

BETA_FIXER
BETA_FIXER

1. INFJs prioritize order and harmony over most everything.

Most relationships don't end amicably right away. Someone is generally hurt. For the INFJ who prioritizes the moral order of the universe over most everything and needs for life to be copacetic, the imbalance that this creates will haunt them endlessly. INFJs desire peace and stability in their lives and in the lives of those around them, and when that sense of harmony is disrupted and broken, the INFJ often becomes self-blaming, placing the load on their shoulders as they seek ways to restore order and balance.

2. INFJs tend to be overly apologetic and self-blaming.

An INFJ's favorite word might just be "sorry." They're sorry for pain they've caused. They're sorry for pain they didn't cause. They're sorry for pain you caused them. They're just really sorry. So when a relationship goes south, they often get hung up on the all the things they feel an overwhelming agony to be sorry for, all the things they feel they did wrong. It can be hard to move on when there are so many things they feel they need to apologize for.

3. INFJs cope by retreating into solitude.

INFJs are naturally people who need to spend a lot of time alone to recharge. It's good to take time to be alone, in the wake of heartbreak or otherwise. But there is such thing as too much alone time, and if there's any type equipped to write a novel about that, it's the INFJ, who slips into a ruminating and obsessive mindset far more easily than they'd like to admit. The thing about retreating into solitude for an INFJ who's dealing with heartbreak is that it'll move them past a place of healthy self-love and self-reflection and into a world where loss and emptiness rule, and that's a dark place for the typically idealistic INFJ.

4. INFJs have an innate and undeniable darkness.

INFJs are natural idealists, but there's a bottomless darkness to them that's always circling them like a shark. In the wake of heartbreak and feeling beaten down and broken, something about letting the INFJ's darkness take over just feels so damn gratifying and peaceful, a gentle succumbing. Finally, finally, this is my true self, the INFJ might think, and where this gets dangerous is that they might start to really believe it, that all there is to life is desperation and need and disappointment and deadness. What's worse, they might start to romanticize it, connecting deeply and painfully with the kind of tormented music, art and books that only bury them further into the hole they're in.

5. INFJs are conflicted by love and revenge.

INFJs are naturally fierce protectors, but the flip side of this is that, when hurt, they can be made into destroyers. While growth and maturity for the INFJ often yield a more gentle belief in karma or poetic justice, an INFJ experiencing heartbreak is likely also experiencing a war inside their mind. The overly empathetic INFJ will want to love everyone and everything, to know and believe that there is love everywhere, that we are love, and most importantly that the people who hurt us are the ones we need to love the most. On the flip side, the INFJ will wonder if love and kindness are recipes for being a doormat, if maybe there's something after all to bashing those who have broken our hearts. Which is worse? For the INFJ – overthinkers by nature – maybe they'll never know.

6. INFJs let in such a select few.

INFJs are incredibly private, harboring secrets in a way that others don't tend to do. With trust no easy feat for them, if an INFJ has opened up to another person and revealed who they truly are, it's been a challenging process for them, one laced with self-doubt and caution always at the back of their mind. When someone who the INFJ has exposed the most intimate parts of themselves to leaves or hurts them, the INFJ often snaps backwards, retreating, feeling that they've given something away that they shouldn't have. This lingering sense of having made a mistake in letting someone in can slow progress in moving on.

7. INFJs tend to be building the future in their heads.

It's the INFJ's judging preference, in combination with being an intuitive, that leads them to process information in such a way that they're often planning the future. In this way, when a relationship ends, it can be devastating to the INFJ because they had started building in their heads the life they thought they could anticipate. While that's not to say that the INFJ is planning the wedding on the first date – they're too practical or realistic to be thinking in this kind of way – they somehow do just know, in their gut, and often in a jarringly short period of time, when there is a true future with someone. INFJs may try not to have expectations for life ahead, but they often can't help but have at least some sense of a plan, and in the wake of heartbreak, the shattering of the future they believed would be real can yield a lot of pain for the INFJ.

8. INFJs jump into relationships hard, fast and intensely.

People often joke about how INFJs can see straight into your soul, and in some sense, this feels quite true. INFJs tend to get a premonition about something in about the same manner as being struck by lightning. Though it's a rare occurrence, this "sixth sense" often leads the INFJ to fall for people extremely quickly. An INFJ may simply see someone from across a room and know immediately that they know something about the other person – that there's an intense connection – before even meeting them. In this way, though guarded, the INFJ tends to jump in quickly, opening themselves up to be hurt regardless of whether things go south in six years or six days.

9. INFJs are picky about their partners.

INFJs are incredibly selective about who they'll date. Something about hurting another person is unbearably painful for the INFJ – so much so that the INFJ would often rather see themselves get hurt before hurting another, burying their own pain for the sake of keeping others happy – so INFJs tend to be very cautious about who they get into relationships with. To minimize the possibility of hurting another, they'll only allow themselves to date when they 100% know they're interested in someone and they 100% see a realistic future with that person. That said, having been so selective about a partner can really backfire on them when a relationship goes south. This kind of intense investment from so early on can leave the INFJ devastated if their partner wasn't 100% sure about them right from the get-go (and so often this is of course the case). To boot, the INFJ knows it might be a long time again before they feel a similarly strong bond with another, making it even harder to move on and recover from heartbreak.

10. INFJs simply aren't out meeting tons of people.

One might say that INFJs don't get out much. They value time spent alone or doing quieter activities with a valued few. A packed bar on a Friday night might not be the most appealing place for an INFJ; they're more likely to be home building a pillow fort and reading. So when the INFJ has stumbled across someone who they really connect with, when they've finally found someone who balances them out and also understands them at their core, this person inherently means a lot to them, and losing them can be devastating. Meeting someone new seems to always be the final push over the hump of heartbreak, and the fact that the INFJ typically just isn't out meeting tons of people may keep them from moving on as quickly as others.

11. INFJs are perfectionists who struggle with failure.

INFJs tend to bring perfectionist tendencies into all that they do, and relationships aren't spared from that. Because the INFJ gleans so much of their self-worth from how well they can keep everything together, when a relationship falls apart, often so does the sense of worth of the INFJ. Part of what holds an INFJ from moving on after heartbreak is the nagging sense of failure that they just can't seem to kick.

12. INFJs won't find much value in a rebound.

INFJs place a lot of value and meaning in a shared connection, which to them is built heavily on something real and vulnerable and open more so than on sex or lust or physical desire. Sex for the INFJ is typically an extension of expressing how they feel about their partner and thus is entirely empty if there isn't a deep emotional and intellectual component to the relationship. While sex is an unquestionably important part of a relationship to the INFJ, it's not the thing that's most deeply and painfully lost when a relationship ends. What they most miss is that rare and intense sense of connection. That said, the age-old "go hook up with somebody else" rebound move won't do much for the heartbroken INFJ who craves a bond and sense of mutual understanding with another.

13. INFJs love the feeling of balance and completion that a partner provides them.

INFJs are notoriously often in their own worlds, living very much in their heads. They tend to be outwardly serious and composed, keeping a playfulness locked away inside of them that's often only accessed by a rare few across their entire lifetime. Ideal partners for the INFJ tend to be a mirror: lively and fun on the exterior and harboring a darker, more serious room inside of them that only a handful of people are let into. In believing it's safe to let someone into that guarded place inside of them, the INFJ feels and falls in love with the feeling of balance and completion that their partner provides them. Thus, when a relationship ends, the INFJ can be left feeling as if a part of them has been stripped away, the rug ripped out from under them. To go from that sense of being made whole and grounded by another to suddenly being without them leaves the INFJ feeling split in two and, now knowing what life was like with the one they loved, far more aware of their shortcomings.

14. INFJs are naturally romantic and imaginative people.

The mix of intuition and feeling in their type makes the INFJ a natural romantic, extremely passionate about everything they do, and particularly so about the people they love. Paired with their creative nature, the INFJ tends to live in a hidden world of possibilities, often erring into fantastical thinking. An INFJ in love is an INFJ floating through a daydream – and conversely, an INFJ experiencing heartbreak is an INFJ struggling to believe in hope and living alongside a dark sense of loneliness. To feel stripped of their naturally romantic and imaginative nature leaves the INFJ lost and confused.

15. INFJs like to be needed.

While many other types desire to be wanted, INFJs like to be needed. Combine this with the fact that INFJs, at less than 1% of the population, are the rarest of the personality types and often feel misunderstood and it makes sense as to why INFJs are devastated and don't bounce back as quickly or easily as others after getting their heart broken. After having found someone who they felt understood them and who had needed them, it's unspeakably painful to lose both.TC mark