Thought Catalog

Why They Do It: 17 Men Talk About The Real Reasons They Stay In Touch With Their Exes

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 11:14 AM PDT

via twenty20/claontheroad
via twenty20/claontheroad

1. “Usually I don’t keep up with them afterward but there was one and it 100% had to do with how attracted I was to her.”

-Marlen, 27


2. “I stayed in touch with one ex of mine for years for the simple reason that I believe in keeping my options open so even though I was dating other people afterward I kept in touch with her because you never know. I do generally keep in touch unless it’s some crazy ass breakup and I have hooked up with some exes more than a few times when I was single again.”

—Darren, 25


3. “I’ve kept in touch with two of them and my current gf who’s awesome has met one of them and knows we used to date. But it’s not like what people might think. I used to just always end up dating my friends and so I was always friends with girls first. When we broke up we were able to go back to being friends.”

—Jeffrey, 25


4. “We have most of the same friends and so it’s almost impossible not to see my ex if I want to keep any of my friends since they aren’t the type to choose sides. Actually, looking back, I blame getting back together with her which I stupidly did, on just being around her more than I should have, getting drinks, and then remembering the good times.”

—Jacob, 23


5. “This was in college but there was one girl that I’d dated that I kept up with and basically never stopped seeing even though I was in relationships with other girls. We just had serious chemistry although I think for her it was kind of a dominance thing. Like, she liked knowing that we were getting together even though I was seeing other people. It was a little sick.”

—Chris, 24


6. “I used to stay in contact with some girls, especially a particular one but one day I woke up and just felt like I was completely living in the past and that on some level I was carrying a torch for them. I unfriended them and I don’t think they even noticed but it was a big thing for me.”

—Greg, 26


7. “I really do keep in contact with some exes just so that I’ll have someone to hook up with when I’m single. This isn’t some big secret. Girls do the same thing.”

—Karl, 22


8. “I never really have but my last gf did. To me, keeping an ex as a friend can be a dead giveaway that they aren’t over them. She and I didn’t date long, thankfully.”

—Robert, 22


9. “My high school girlfriend is the only one of my exes that I’ve kept up with and we’re really close friends. It’s not romantic at all but she’s somebody I can call when I’ve got something on my mind and she’s good for giving me a woman’s point of view when I need it.”

—Eric, 23


10. “It always sort of cracks me up when I hear any of my bros talking about staying friends with somebody they broke up with. I feel like that’s the lamest way to break up with someone and then the friendship basically consists of never talking to them again except for trying to hook up with them when they’re drunk. A lot of girls never seem to catch on to this.”

—Neil, 21


11. “I love all my exes. I try to keep in touch with them and chat with them at least once a year. We only talk through Skype or FaceTime though because I'm pretty sure it would be inevitable if we saw each other in-person — we'd hook up,  which would be bad because we're all still in happy relationships… But what I wouldn't give to have an orgy with all the woman I've ever dated.”

—Peter, 24


12. “I believe in cutting your exes out of your life like, Kill Bill style. No matter if you ended things on good or bad terms, amicable, platonic relationships are just not a thing when it comes to your exes. Imo, at least.”

—Tim, 22


13. “I still talk to one of my exes. She understands me in a way that no on else does, and sometimes I just need to hear her voice, hear her opinion, shoot the shit together. I don't know how she feels though about my sporadic calls from time to time to just ‘chat.'”

—Patrick, 24


14. “I keep in touch with my college gf. I have a terrible habit of texting him to check in whenever my current gf and I get into an awful fight. I guess that’s why I keep in touch with the dude—to reassure myself that there’s always another option. It’s unreasonable and egotistical of me to assume that he’d still be interested, but whatever. We can’t always be rational.”

—Alex, 27


15. “I’ve never really had a bad ending where I would stop talking to someone entirely. And I generally would think that just because of the type of person I am, if I cut off all contact either it’s because you’re the world’s biggest asshole or I’m probably still hurting. I like to think I haven’t ever dated the world’s biggest asshole and as for the hurting, I may distance myself for a while, but I also like to wish people the best. And it’s cool to catch up with people you used to know at some point and see how far they’ve come. You have to accept that some people were there to teach you something and that’s it. I still see one or two once in a while because we run into each other at places I go to, or visit, from time to time. I don’t go out of my way though. And I think they’d say the say the same. But I try not to have any bitterness. Things pass after a while. Of course there is that 1 or 2 you’ll always wonder, ‘What if?’ But that’s life. Que sera, sera .”

—Jamie, 28


16. “I’m probably the only person I know of that keeps in contact with their exes just to know they’re okay.”

—Mohammed, 30


17. “I keep in touch with one ex, mostly because we were so close in college and were friends even before we started dating. I miss her sometimes, but don’t really have any doubts about my decision not to be with her, so it’s easier to stay in touch because of that.”

—Jim, 25


18. “I used to do this but it never really ended up in a good place. In my older wiser years I've learned to let it go. Yeah, I know I’m 23 but still, I learned my lesson.” 

—Ben, 23 TC mark

10 Sexiest Moments From MTV’s VMAs You’ll Want To See Again

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 06:57 AM PDT

2000 MTV Video Music Awards
2000 MTV Video Music Awards

Miley Cyrus is hosting the MTV Video Music Awards this weekend, and if you’ve watched the VMA’s before and you know anything about Miley, you know there will likely be some fun and crazy moments. Performers for this year’s award show include The Weeknd, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, and Pharrell, amongst others, with Nicki Minaj opening up the show. Check it out on Sunday, August 30th at 9 p.m. EST to see how Miley follows up the award show after her, let’s just say, interesting 2013 performance of “We Can’t Stop” and “Blurred Lines.” In the meantime here are some of the sexiest moments that have taken place on the VMA stage.

1. Britney bares it all (2000)

Before everyone thought Miley Cyrus was outrageous for baring it all, there was Britney. In her first performance at the VMA’s Britney gave an iconic performance of the Rolling Stone’s “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and her hit “Oops! I Did It Again,” proving to everyone she’s not that innocent.

2. Rose McGowan wears an iconic “dress” (1998)

Rose McGowan was a teen dream in the late ’90s and she shocked the crowd when she showed up to the 1998 VMA’s with Marilyn Manson as her date in a dress made up of mesh and chains. The best part of this video is the reporter commentary.

3. Salt N’ Pepa give one of the best hip-hop medleys (1994)

Salt N’ Pepa brought their hits to the stage in an amazing medley that hasn’t been topped since.

4. Beyonce and Jay-Z show they’re crazy in love (2003).

Before Beyonce and Jay-Z were known as the power couple they are today, they were just a couple of artists singing on stage about being in crazy in love. Little did we know Beyonce would become BEYONCE and end up ruling the world.

5. t.A.t.U. have an orgy with hundreds of school girls (2003)

Two girls pretending they’re in love, hundreds of dancers in school girl uniforms ripping off their clothes to dance in their underwear and make out – pretty much every bro’s fantasy come alive on stage.

6. Madonna sings “Like A Virgin” (1984)

Madonna set the precedent for amazing, outrageous VMA performances with her first appearance at the awards show.

7. Britney brings the jungle to the stage (2000)

A year after Britney performed an electric version of “Oops! I Did It Again” she brought more heat to the stage with her performance of “I’m A Slave 4 U.”

8. Miley Cyrus shows off her twerking skills (2013)

That wild tongue. The hair. Giant teddy bears. The twerking. Robin Thicke. There’s so much going on in this.

9. Madonna, Britney, and Christina share a kiss (2003)

Madonna relives her “Like A Virgin” performance from the ’80s with Britney and Christina as her brides.

10. Justin Timberlake brought sexy back (2006)

JT showed off some impressive moves when he performed his summer hit of 2006 “Sexy Back” before releasing his album “Future Sex/Love Sounds” just a few days later. TC mark

21 Popular Artists And What Their Fans Are Like

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 06:00 AM PDT

Flickr /  Jason Persse
Flickr / Jason Persse

1. Kanye West

They talk way too much. No matter what you bring up, they have an opinion on it. These are the type of people who, when losing an argument, say, "Okay, but what's your point?" Really into social justice issues as a result.

Drake — Energy
Drake — Energy

2. Drake

They're really active on Twitter and Netflix. These are the people who want to be in a relationship when they're single and want to be single when they're in a relationship. They use chapstick regularly and drink carbonated water almost exclusively.

Frank Ocean — Novacane
Frank Ocean — Novacane

3. Frank Ocean

Drink Fiji Water exclusively. Health goths. They cover their face when they take selfies, probably with a peace sign. They eat well for their Instagram aesthetic which means they usually have great skin. Easily frustrated; stubborn.

Justin Bieber — All That Matters
Justin Bieber — All That Matters

4. Justin Bieber

These folks thought Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell was a badass. Bieber fans are more likely to have belly button piercings and attend private universities. Usually very good hosts.

Lil Wayne — Hollyweezy
Lil Wayne — Hollyweezy

5. Lil Wayne

Can't identify a grapefruit in a police lineup. Slow to anger because they're used to people shitting on Lil Wayne. Poptarts account for about 20% of their monthly budget. Most likely still lives at home with mom.

Future — Blow A Bag
Future — Blow A Bag

6. Future

They wanna be cool so bad. They break shit when they have sex for no particular reason other than to say that they broke the lamp "this one time" during sex. Most are bartenders in their mid-20s.

A$AP Rocky — Jukebox Joints
A$AP Rocky — Jukebox Joints

7. A$AP Rocky

These fans fall into one of two camps: white girls who want to fuck him and black folk who believe in the Illuminati. Both camps do cocaine regularly and really like The Great Gatsby for some reason.

One Direction - Drag Me Down
One Direction — Drag Me Down

8. One Direction

There's always one in the squad, low key. 1D fans are dotted throughout every party waiting patiently for the opportunity to force-casually mention that their fave is "pretty cute" or to openly gush and drive away all by-standers.

Zayn Malik — Clevver News
Zayn Malik — Clevver News

9. Zayn Malik

An entirely different breed from basic One Direction fans. Zayn fans are quick to refer to significant others as "daddy" or similar. Usually very well educated with a penchant for the written word.

Mac Miller - 100 Grandkids
Mac Miller – 100 Grandkids

10. Mac Miller

White kids who started smoking weed in 7th grade and ever since cultivated almost an exclusively black friend group somehow. The men are really into snapbacks and sport an earring as well.

Lana Del Rey - High By The Beach
Lana Del Rey – High By The Beach

11. Lana del Rey

Always blog photos of pink guns and blood and refer to themselves as "cum sluts" whether male or female. They have an impressive arsenal of lipsticks and caption their selfies with emojis, usually one of the star ones.

J. Cole - Apparently
J. Cole – Apparently

12. J Cole

Easily the worst people this side of the galaxy. These people always assume that just because you don't worship J. Cole, then you just don't "get it" and need to raise your "awareness" or some shit. You'll find J. Cole fans at parties standing on the edge, stubbornly not bobbing their heads to hood classics like YG. They eagerly await the slightest opportunity to lament about the "state" of modern hip hop. These are almost exclusively black people who try to like Janelle Monae. Keywords include: "conscious"; "certain type of intellect"; "wake up"; "open your eyes."

The Weeknd - Tell Your Friends
The Weeknd – Tell Your Friends

13. The Weeknd

Inexplicably date ugly men, much to the confusion of their friends. Only ever a passive user of recreational drugs with very average, missionary position sex lives.

Ginuwine - So Anxious
Ginuwine – So Anxious

14. Ginuwine

Always want to have someone's baby. Nasty in the bedroom but elegant in public. Well-spoken. Catchphrases include: "no chill" and "I mean, I guess."


15. Azealia Banks

Drink henny out of the bottle with no chaser. Very blunt at parties and neurotic at work. Loyal. Prefers caramel frappuccinos.

 Bon Iver - I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time
Bon Iver – I Can’t Make You Love Me / Nick of Time

16. Bon Iver

Went extinct in 2013. Their memory lives on and they will be missed.

Tyler, The Creator - Fucking Young
Tyler, The Creator – Fucking Young

17. Tyler the Creator

Suburban white kids who hate their parents and black kids who are really into street brands. As the Tyler phenomenon has dissipated some, most of the remaining find themselves struggling through art school or have dropped out of college entirely to pursue something "less corporate."

Mac DeMarco - Full Performance (Live on KEXP)
Mac DeMarco – Full Performance (Live on KEXP)

18. Mac Demarco

Likely lost their virginity at a basement party or garage show. Almost identical to Kurt Cobain fans but a little more upbeat and optimistic. Lives in San Francisco or is "moving there soon."

Chance The Rapper - Juice
Chance The Rapper – Juice

19. Chance the Rapper

Play lacrosse for a private university and/or exclusively smoke sativa. Generally nice people even if they're a little spacy.

Big Sean - One Man Can Change The World ft. Kanye West, John Legend
Big Sean – One Man Can Change The World ft. Kanye West, John Legend

20. Big Sean

Refer to Big Sean as "slept on" but won't ever go so far as to say he's the greatest. Great at parties. Avoid confrontation but hold grudges. Can be found in interracial relationships.

Childish Gambino - 3005
Childish Gambino – 3005

21. Childish Gambino

Really fuck with granola and unironic pastels. Can often be found in beachside cafes fake reading philosophy books. Want to be emo but can't seem to commit to actually being sad all of the time. TC mark

Here’s Which Bratty Behavior Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type Needs To Check Themselves For

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 09:08 AM PDT


ENFP: Disappearing on people.

ENFPs have a lot of feelings but a short attention span – which means their feelings for other people tend to change quickly. Unhealthy ENFPs have the tendency to keep their options open at the expense of other people – they may string friends or love interests along while they consider their many options for romance or the future in general. And as soon as something new catches their eye, they are at risk of disappearing without warning and leaving a string of confused loved ones in their wake.

ENTP: Taking advantage of people.

ENTPs have a knack for quickly picking up on just what makes people tick. And in the unhealthy or underdeveloped ENTP, that knack can take a quick turn for the manipulative. This type knows exactly how to push peoples buttons to get what they want out of them – and they often aren't concerned with how the situation plays out for the person they're taking advantage of. This type needs to learn to reign in their manipulative tendencies before their bad behavior blows up in their face.

INTJ: Assuming they have nothing to learn from others.

INTJs are incredibly knowledgeable – and they know it. Unhealthy versions of this type are prone to narcissistic tendencies, and may altogether refuse to listen to what anyone around them has to say – assuming themselves to be the only competent individual around. This type needs to remember that there are different forms of intelligence and they don't possess them all. Chances are, they have a great deal to learn from those around them – even those they initially deem incompetent.

ISFJ: Unwarranted passive-aggressiveness.

ISFJs like to make others happy – and for that reason, they often feel uncomfortable expressing their own needs. Unhealthy ISFJs may harbor grudges against friends or acquaintances for years – feeling bitter about their needs going unmet, despite the fact that they never explicitly voiced them. This type needs to remember that their loved ones are not mind readers and that their passive-aggressiveness isn't warranted until they've actually raised their concerns.

ESFJ: Gossiping.

ESFJs are interested in what people are doing. And unhealthy ESFJs are interested in judging what people are doing. No matter how juicy a particular piece of gossip may be, ESFJs have to learn when it's simply time to bite their tongues. Many unhealthy ESFJs develop reputations for being warm in person but judgmental behind their friends' backs – and that's a reputation nobody wants.

ENFJ: Interfering with people's personal lives.

ENFJs want nothing more than to help their friends make the choices that are best for them. And unhealthy ENFJs often do so by manipulating their friends to make the choice they believe to be right – regardless of what their friend wants. ENFJs need to remember that as emotionally intelligent as they may be, they need to let others make their own decisions. Getting caught meddling puts them at risk of losing the trust of their loved ones and making the entire situation worse than ever.

ESTJ: Lecturing others.

If ESTJs are anything, it's self-assured. This type is confident in their worldview and tends to genuinely believe that they know what's best for those around them – but that isn't always the case. Unhealthy ESTJs lack the ability to recognize that their worldview doesn't always translate for others – and that they have to be tolerant of other people's choices, regardless of how illogical they may seem to them.

INFP: Holding others to unrealistic expectations.

INFPs almost always see the best in people. And unhealthy INFPs invent the best in people. This wildly imaginative type is occasionally guilty of embellishing someone in their imagination to the point where they become upset with the real-life version of said person for not living up to their imaginary ideal. This type needs to keep in mind that their fantasies don't always match up to reality – and that sometimes they're expectations for others can be a wee bit unrealistic.

INTP: Neglecting loved ones.

INTPs live predominantly inside their own minds. This type requires less social stimulation than almost any other type, and an unhealthy INTP may cope by shutting out other people altogether. INTPs need to ensure that during times of trouble, they aren't failing to appreciate the people who stick by them. Their loved ones may feel neglected by their reclusiveness, interpreting it as a lack of investment in the relationship.

ENTJ: Coercing others into submission.

ENTJs are powerhouses. They are masters of pinpointing the most efficient way of getting things done – and occasionally, those ways of getting things done require the participation of other people. While a healthy ENTJ maintains and respects others' boundaries, an unhealthy one may cash in on their manipulative tendencies and coerce others into acting in a way that serves them. This type tends to believe that the ends justify the means – which is effective in the best of times but morally questionable in the worst of times.

ESTP: Playing people to get what they want.

ESTPs are smooth talkers and charmers. They can talk their way in or out of anything and an unhealthy ESTP may take advantage of this ability. This type needs to remember that they're accountable for everything they say while their charm is turned on – and that if they make a promise in order to get something they want, they're still accountable for delivering on it.

ESFP: Chasing the spotlight at all costs.

ESFPs love to be the center of attention. This type thrives on entertaining others – and there's nothing wrong with that! But an unhealthy ESFP is at risk of neglecting loyal friends and loved ones every time an opportunity for attention arises. They may flake on plans, drop commitments and even fail to be there for friends in times of need if they perceive a greater opportunity for validation. This type needs to remember that attention is fleeting but long-lasting relationships are not.

ISFP: Avoiding necessary confrontation.

Healthy ISFPs know that as much as they dislike confrontation, it's occasionally necessary to iron out conflicts that arise within a relationship. Unhealthy ISFPs, on the other hand, would rather throw out the entire relationship than let someone know that something they did offended them. ISFPs need to keep in mind that sometimes ironing out conflicts is a necessary evil – and that avoiding confrontation often only aggravates a situation.

ISTP: Unwarranted grouchiness.

ISTPs need a lot of time to process things internally. And if that time gets interrupted, unhealthy ISTPs have the tendency to respond grouchily towards whoever interrupted their train of thought – even if they did so entirely innocently. This type needs to remember that it wouldn't kill them to fake social pleasantries from time to time, even if they're not really in the mood.

ISTJ: Assuming moral superiority.

ISTJs are incredibly principled individuals – they take their duties and commitments incredibly seriously and appreciate when others do as well. In unhealthy ISTJs, however, this sense of duty can manifest as a moral superiority complex – the ISTJ may decide that others are morally corrupt and fail to understand that their own system of morality differs from those of others. This type needs to keep in mind that their own version of right and wrong is the only one they have control over!

INFJ: Pretentiousness.

INFJs are a generally misunderstood personality type – they make up less than 1% of the population and aren't easy to get to know well. And unhealthy INFJs are thoroughly pleased with being misunderstood. They may use their uncommon nature as a means of belittling others for lacking their depth or analytical abilities, or as an excuse for looking down on the more common types. INFJs need to remember that rare is not synonymous with superior, and that every type is fundamentally misunderstood in some way. TC mark

8 Things That Are Holding You Back From Really Letting Him In

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 10:23 AM PDT

Twenty20 / stefiakti
Twenty20 / stefiakti

1. Your fear of being hurt

You're no stranger to heartbreak, and you've been hurt before. You fear the chance of being hurt again, and even worse, you fear the pain that comes after it. You won't let him in because you doubt his intentions, but people generally don’t intend to hurt one another, it just unfortunately happens.

2. You don't want him to see your flaws

This isn't all about him, it's also about you. There are certain parts about yourself you don't want him to see. They aren't just physical flaws; your fear delves deeper than the surface. You’re scared he’ll discover the little things you wish you could change about yourself. Whether it’s your obsessive need to always have a plan, or how you become reserved in a room full of people, you don’t want him to ever see this side of you, so you push him away and fail to let him in because of it.

3. You don't want to scare him away

Sharing how you really feel is always a scary endeavor. Communication is key, yes, but honesty about feelings often makes people run in the opposite direction. Letting him in means you truly care about him, and you’re not sure that’s something you want. This isn’t a matter of hiding your feelings, it’s the fact that you’re scared of how he’ll react to them. You don’t want him to think you’re coming on too strong so you keep him at a distance to prevent him from running scared, but you’re the one running in the process.

4. You think you’ll mess things up

You can’t control whether or not he hurts you, but you can control whether or not you hurt him. Self sabotage is a side effect of being scared to let him in. You often mess things up on purpose, and if not on purpose, you wonder if you’re doing it subconsciously. Don’t start texting the toxic ex just because you know your falling hard for someone new. Worrying about how he will mess things up is stressful enough, you shouldn’t have to worry that you will make a mess of it too.

5. Last time you let someone in, the outcome was not what you expected

You hate people who tell you to get back on the horse, or the bike, or whatever other metaphorical object they choose, and this is no different. The truth is, if you let someone in the last time, and got the wind knocked out of you, it doesn’t mean that will happen every time. You’re scared, yes, but each time you fall and get back up, the last fall doesn’t seem so bad.

6. A part of you is scared of change

You think to yourself, don't fix what isn't broken. You seem to be surviving life pretty well right now, so why change what currently is working? But change doesn’t have to be so scary. Don’t be scared to change how life is perfectly satisfying on your own, because it could be that much more satisfying if you learn to let him in.

7. You know how hard it is to heal

The only thing worse than the initial heartbreak is trying to heal after it. You know how difficult it is to truly move on, and you question whether anyone ever sincerely does. When you’ve healed just enough to find someone new, you can still see the scars from your past relationship, and it reminds you to keep him at a distance. How can you worry so much about healing if you won’t let him close enough to hurt you anyway?

8. You don't want your happiness to depend on someone else

You like being independent, and when you realize your happiness comes and goes according to his actions you start to back away. You think he’s the one controlling your emotions, but really he’s just adding to them. You’ve felt happiness with and without him, so you know you can survive either way. Letting him in doesn’t put him in control of your life, it gives you someone to share it with. TC mark

7 Real Weight Loss Fads For Women That Can Make You Sick And Might Kill You

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 06:34 AM PDT

via twenty20/anniejanssen
via twenty20/anniejanssen

1. The Sunlight Diet

In 2012, after watching a documentary on ‘breatharianism’ which is the belief that one can subsist on only spiritual energy with no need for food, a Swiss in her 50s took a week to try the diet and ended up dying of starvation. Breatharianism is a supposedly Indian spiritual practice with zero scientific backing but as a fad diet and spiritual movement it’s never seemed to quite go away. Supposedly, one can take nourishment from sunlight instead of eating or drinking, like a plant. The foremost leader of the breatharianism movement is a man named Prahlad Jani who claims he hasn’t eaten anything nor had anything to drink for 70 years. One Scottish woman and three others from London all died in 1999 when this fad was at its peak.

2. The Fen-phen Craze (Pills)

Moving on from the spiritual to the chemical, Fen-phen was a weightloss drug pushed through FDA approval under questionable circumstances in the 90s that, while effective in helping people lose weight, caused severe heart and lung problems nationwide. First advertised by the women’s magazine Allure in 1995, women were soon begging for prescriptions of the stuff because it was shown to help them lose 10-15 pounds quickly. One Boston woman who was trying to lose weight for her wedding died after using the drug for only twenty four day. Nine other women also died from the drug and many others suffered organ damage from it. That’s when the lawsuits started. Since the diet drug was released, the makers of Fen-phen have had to set aside $21 billion in anticipation of payouts they’ll likely have to make.

3. Hydroxycut (more Pills)

Hydroxycut used to sell about a million units a year but in 2004 the FDA forced the entire supplements market to stop using Ephedra because it had killed about 155 people via heart attack. Hydroxycut contained two primary ingredients prior to the ban, tons of caffeine and, yep, Ephedra. The Ephedra craze wasn’t just limited to Hydroxycut though. Another product called Metabolife, which was marketed as a weight loss drug just like Hydroxycut, caused the same exact heart irregularities that Hydroxycut did. Metabolife eventually had to pay out over a billion dollars in damages to its customers.

Stay away from pills. Hydroxycut, Fen-phen, and Metabolife all had amphetamines as their active ingredient. I’m talking speed here. That’s why people who took it all had hella energy and it’s also why a lot of them had hella heart attacks. 

4. Rookie Veganism

Veganism isn’t for everybody. It takes a very real understanding of the foods you’re eating so that you can be sure to get enough protein and other nutrients that you’re body simply must have to survive. Some people, however, have jumped on the vegan bandwagon with little understanding of nutrition and in some cases this has nearly killed them. Actress Angelina Jolie famously declared that the vegan diet almost killed her because she wasn’t getting the proper nutrients. This, of course, angered the vegan community but whether or not Jolie was ‘doing it right,’ the fact is that veganism in the hands of the ignorant has claimed lives.

Those lives are mostly baby’s lives because some vegan parents have forced their newborns to be vegans as well. As you may know, a baby needs fats and proteins and lots of them. Here’s a link to just a few of the very sad stories of babies who’ve died because they were forced to endure a vegan diet.

If you’ve tried being vegan and failed don’t feel bad. Even Gandhi couldn’t endure the diet. If you’re just starting then be sure to understand where you’re getting your nutrients.

5. Literally Any Diet With The Word ‘Detox’ In It

While you’re not going to die from a detox diet you may wish you had. Big on things like juices (basically a sugar diet) or lemonade with cayenne pepper or a plethora of other minimalist diets that bring little in the way of nutrition, detox diets are completely misnamed. They don’t detox you at all and study after study of these kinds of diets reveal that you don’t have toxin devils riddling your body anyway and the liver and kidneys are completely sufficient to remove the bad things that are there. That’s their entire function.

The true power of detox diets is psychological and that’s delivered via marketing. Who wouldn’t want to spend just a little bit extra to remove all those “toxins” from their body while also supposedly losing weight. No one, that’s who. The problem is that they’re snake oil even though people keep buying into them year after year.

Want to “detox”? Try cutting refined grains and sugars out of your diet instead.

6. Colon Cleansing

The notion that the colon needs to be cleansed because that’s where we keep our poopies is a distinctly Western idea. There are two types of cleansing. One basically induces diarrhea and the other involves spraying water up your butt. The later is extremely dangerous and can upset the entire balance of your gut bacteria which you need to digest the food you’re eating and which plays a big part in keeping you disease free. Disrupt that at your own risk.

Inducing diarrhea is also a terrible idea because it can dehydrate you and mess up your electrolyte levels. Weren’t you doing this to feel better instead of worse?

Any weight you might lose through either of these methods would be water or in the form of poop. It’s not permanent and is, in fact, entirely irrelevant to the very notion of weight loss. It makes about as much sense as cutting off your arm and then being happy about the lost pounds.

7. Cannibalism

A diet for the desperate and guaranteed to cost at least some women their lives. Just say no to eating your neighbor, BFF, or sister (third cousins are optional) because the jail time just isn’t worth it. Yes, this is a joke but it’s also sage advice. Thanks for reading and I hope this was useful. TC mark

I’ve Finally Stopped Drunk Texting You

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 10:41 AM PDT


I’ve stopped biting my nails.

No, I really have this time!

I had a manicure and they actually had to ask me, “Trim or just file?” It was a weird milestone. A super strange medallion for unconsciously accomplishing something that some people, that MOST people will never see as a hurdle.

But I did it.

I stopped biting my nails.

The six year old me would be so ecstatic. No longer will my mother secretly paint my nails with a top coat flavored to repel my bored habit. I won’t need to rush to a drinking fountain to wash away the disgusting taste. My nails don’t end up in my mouth anymore. The urge is gone, replaced by urge to get weekly manicures and click my new found friends on countertops.

I love my new nails.

But I didn’t stop ripping at my cuticles.

I didn’t stop pulling at the sides of my fingers at the scabs, the hangnails, the ingrowns, the things that didn’t belong. I didn’t stop seeing just how far the skin would pull back when it came loose. Even when it bled, even when it oozed that clear stuff; the stuff that says, “Something isn’t right! Stop!” I kept going. Even when the ever aged calluses were aching and begging me to stop testing just how tough they were, I kept digging. Not totally sure of what for.

I’ve stopped biting my nails but I didn’t stop ripping at my fingers.

I’ve stopped eating meat.

Seriously. Like…100%.

The little girl who could spell ‘venison’ before ‘apple’, who was Annie Oakley for 4 Halloweens in a row, who went on her first hunting trip before she had her first period, has stopped eating meat. The weirdest cringe/giggle consumes me when I think about telling my family. But then I bite down into some cauliflower and forget all about it because I’m so at peace with my decision.

Yes it’s true. I stopped eating animals.

I got invited to a wedding and the invitation came in it’s Pinterest-worthy twine wrap. But upon checking the boxes (Yes to attending, no to a plus one) I saw there were only chicken or steak for a meal option. I quickly got to make a stereotypical phone call and be the annoying person with the “at will” dietary restrictions.

And I didn’t feel bad.

But I also don’t feel bad about not caring about every single animal right. Don’t want to spay your dog? Fine. Want to go to bull fight? I wouldn’t ride shotgun but knock yourself out. Shopped and didn’t adopt? Live your life.

I’ve stopped going to the butcher, and I love animals.

But I still took a carriage the other day.

I’ve stopped drunk texting you.

Yep. These days when I have one too many I usually just want pizza, pillows, and Portlandia. The thought of paying attention to someone other than myself is just not in cards. So I push the airplane symbol on my phone and pretend like no one else exists for about 45 minutes. It’s just me, myself, and my buzz. You do not coexist on my earth, in my reality I am not obsessed with your voice. My phone is on airplane mode and you cannot touch me.

Because even though I don’t reach out anymore, I didn’t stop loving you.

Try as I might to erase every bit of you from my life, you still linger. I make a point to shove you out, to pretend you aren’t reality, but then I open my eyes and you are still here. You suctioned on like one of those barnacles at the pier and I’m just seriously wondering when I won’t have to stare at your caracas every fucking day.

Because I can’t anymore.
Because it is heartbreaking.

I may not want to talk to you, I may not want you to exist, but you do.

And try as I might to shove it down, you are everywhere.

So yes. I’ve stopped drunk texting you.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped wanting to. TC mark

6 Signs You’re Running Away From Your Problems Instead Of Dealing With Them

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 07:41 AM PDT

Twenty20 / BETA_FIXER
Twenty20 / BETA_FIXER

1. You're always trying to change the subject.

Whether the topic of conversation is about the significant other everyone knows is completely wrong for you, or about the excessive number of drinks you order that make you call your ex every Saturday night. When anyone tries to talk about a touchy subject, you're the first one to change it. Even when the conversation doesn't revolve around you and your problems, if it has anything to do with something you know that's wrong in your life, you are not going to take any chances about talking it through.

2. You often turn to substances to make you feel better.

There's nothing like a good drink or joint to lighten up your spirits and live a little, but if you're trying to escape reality with gin and tonics, it's only going to work for that night. The same goes for any substance that you're trying to hide your worries with. It's fun to enjoy yourself, but usually if you start the night worrying about your problems, substances just draw them out even more. This is when you sit on the bathroom floor crying drunken tears like a blubbering mess to your girlfriend who knows you're about to puke any second. Don't worry, she has a hair band ready.

3. You like to 'get away' as often as possible.

Whether you're road tripping to different beaches every weekend, or venturing off to places of solitude, you don't like the feeling of standing still. Staying in your usual habitat every weekend is like telling a 3 year-old to stay in time out. You love to use your spontaneity as an excuse, but just because you travel somewhere every weekend, doesn't mean your problems won't be waiting for you when you return.

4. You concentrate a lot on others rather than yourself.

You love talking other people through their problems, and are full of wisdom when they need help solving them, but when it comes to you and your struggles, your tank is empty…or so you think. It's not that you don't have the energy to spend time worrying about yourself, it's the fact that you don't want to.

5. You make new friends often, but don't keep them close to you.

It's lovely to be a fleeting social butterfly, but when your constantly forming new relationships that have no meaning, you might want to take a step back. Make friends because you genuinely enjoy the person you're spending time with, don't make friends to fill your time and have something to do on the weekend. A friend should be someone you trust and basically can't live without, not someone to keep you occupied. Real friends will make sure you're not running away from your problems, while temporary friends will be the one lacing up your sneakers and filling up your water bottle.

6. You say you'll ‘do it tomorrow…’ every other day.

You have enough motivation to say you're going to do things, but not enough to actually do them. Take action. Stop saying “tomorrow,” and do it today. Your problems aren't going to fix themselves, and "tomorrow" won't fix them either. TC mark

25 Couples On The Weird Things They Do Together When No One’s Looking

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 07:15 AM PDT

Flickr symmetry_mind
Flickr symmetry_mind
Found on AskReddit.

1. "We’re both British, but for years we’ve talked with American accents when we’re alone. It’s very bizarre and I don’t really know how it started, but it’s now pretty much the only way we talk to each other. Weird habit."


2. "We put on oversized sweatpants, pull them up to our shoulders, and proceed to chase each other around the house."


3. "My boyfriend pretends to be paralyzed and makes me dress him. Apparently it’s training for when, not if, he becomes a quadriplegic."


4. "She likes to hold my wang while I pee. It fascinates her."


5. "If her tits are out, sometimes I’ll walk over and put my eye on her nipple and pretend it’s a monocle and talk like the Monopoly man."


6. "We ad-lib interactions between two stereotypical Midwestern middle-aged single women, one of which whom is always named ‘Barb.’ The second lady is named ‘Peg’ or ‘Pat.’ We have quite a few good stories and our fake Midwestern accents are getting really awesome!"


7. "Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I take her foot and put it up to my head and pretend I’m talking on the (foot) phone. I’ll have these long, drawn-out conversations, and sometimes I’ll get a call on the other line (foot). Never fails."


8. "We have lick fights. NO, NOT THE BUTTHOLE. It starts with some cuddling, then I lick his cheek. He licks my forehead. It eventually becomes full-on wrestling with us trying desperately to get the other covered in slobber (no spitting allowed, that’s just rude). I’ve gotten bruises from lick-fights, and we keep a tally. I’m winning."


9. "My GF always talks about how she wishes she had a gay guy friend (not sure why) but whenever we go shopping for clothes, makeup, any other girly stuff for her, I suddenly turn into Sebastian, the super flamboyant gay friend she always wanted and gives her advice on what clothes and makeup to buy in my Big Gay Al-type voice. I’ll chop my own penis off before I admit this to my friends."


10. "I accuse my wife of eating an entire gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream after I get home. The catch is, she never buys mint chocolate chip ice cream. I come home from work, check the freezer and ask why the mint chocolate chip ice cream is gone. Then I proceed to scold her for finishing ALL OF IT before I even had a chance to get a bite. I don’t remember how it started, but it always makes her laugh."


11. "Hamstering. My girlfriend pretends to be a hamster where the bed is her cage and my dick is her water spout. She’ll do normal hamster stuff like create little nests in the pillows and snuggle or scurry around and burrow in corners. But when it’s time for water she swiggity swooties her booty to my spout and sucks it dry."


12. "My fiance will press his face to me and snuffle me over like a dog from top to bottom when he decides I smell good. It’s really weird but I giggle the whole time."


13. "We meow at each other a lot. If I meow and he doesn’t do it back, I get louder and louder til he does."


14. "We have screamy kisses. We kiss while screaming into each other’s mouths. Then we laugh."


15. "Me and my wife have this thing we do whenever we are the only two people left on the elevator. As soon as the doors close and without cue, we bust into some ridiculous dance moves while keeping our faces completely emotionless. Whenever the doors open we instantly resume normalcy."


16. "Me and my girlfriend like to play leg guitar. One of us will hold the other’s leg like a guitar (with the thigh as the base), with the other hand on the foot. You then pretend to strum their leg like a guitar, while tickling their foot, so that they screech like an electric guitar."


17. "We each sleep better if I’m rubbing at his taint. It’s just this soft little furry patch that I love so much. He’s out in minutes if I do that."


18. "We crack each other’s toes. The second toe joints are referred to as twisty tops."


19. "We go to bed head to toe. So that I can rub her feet while she rubs my dick. Best fucking way to fall asleep ever."


20. "Feed her cold cuts while she showers."


21. "He often does the Gangnam Style dance nude because it disturbs me how much the dick flops all over the place. So in return I make my pussy lips “talk” to him."


22. "My wife and I will pretend we’re members of the British House of Lords and only refer to each other as the Right Honorable Gentlemen. Our cat stands in as Speaker and all comments must be made through him. For example: Her: ‘Mr. Speaker please remind the Right Honorable Gentlemen that we leave the sheaths for the ceramic knives in the drawer even when using them.’"


23. "I tell her a story about our two cats every night with me doing voices for each cat. They have an entire separate life they live through my stories. She cannot fall asleep now without hearing a cat story now."


24. "She grabs me by the balls and forces me to say nice things about her. I like it, but it’s understood that we never talk about the fact that I like it."


25. "We purposely cook things like beans and eggs to see who will have the worst farts. It’s an ongoing competition." TC mark

8 Reasons U.S. Maternity And Paternity Leave Policies Harm Families And Need To Change

Posted: 28 Aug 2015 07:05 AM PDT

Twenty20 / tiff_oftheiron
Twenty20 / tiff_oftheiron

When Netflix recently announced they're boosting employee benefits by offering a year of unlimited maternity and paternity leave, it made big news. That's because what they're doing is progressive, at least in America, and long overdue. The U.S. is one of only four countries in the world with no national policy requiring paid leave for new parents. (The others are Lesotho, Swaziland, and Papua New Guinea.) Netflix's policy falls in line with what other countries mandate, from Sweden's 480 days of paid leave per child, to Russia's 140 days, to Mexico and Indonesia, which both offer about four months of fully paid time off.

Right now, many American parents receive zero days of paid leave, so they resign themselves to the Family Medical Leave Act, which guarantees them their job for 12 weeks. But even this doesn't cover everyone, due to restrictions. Yet there are plenty of studies that show that paid leave is healthy for moms, dads, and babies, as well as companies.

I wanted to know: What does this look like in real families? So I talked with several moms and dads who didn't receive paid leave when they gave birth to or adopted their child, to get their perspective. They gave me 8 reasons the U.S. needs to get on board with the rest of the world:

1.Women go straight from the office to the nursery.

Many pregnant women work right up until they go into labor so that they can have as much time as possible at home with their baby. But how does this impact labor outcomes? One medical professional says she's observed that moms who work full time right up until labor, especially if they have to drive a lot, work at a desk, or are on their feet for hours seem to have more pain, exhaustion, and fetal malposition.

2. Expectant parents make decisions based on finances instead of health.

Without paid leave, many parents report that they decided the length of their leave based purely on the size of their savings account. They pooled accrued vacation and sick time, and tacked on any additional time they felt they could afford. This harms families, as it jeopardizes their financial security and deprives them of the opportunity to take into consideration vastly important things, like the research-based benefits of taking time off to develop an early bond with their child.

3. Incidentally, adding a child to the family is no vacation.

Although a lot of things about new parenting feel foreign, it's nothing like lying in a chaise at a five-star resort or backpacking through Europe. For example, one woman I interviewed had a baby after four years of miscarriages and unexplained fertility, and the emotional impact was significant. Yet she returned to work seven weeks postpartum after a C-section birth so that she wouldn't lose pay.  She slept an average of three hours a night for the first two months after she went back to work, and at the end of her son's first year, she had unexplained fevers and other vague illnesses for several months.  However, she couldn't take the sick time to figure it out because that was used for maternity leave. Unfortunately, her story is not uncommon.

4. A few weeks of parenthood is enough time to get used to, approximately, nothing.

No matter how a child arrives at their new home, everyone needs a sec to recover, okay? Childbirth presents significant physical, emotional and hormonal changes for mothers; Cesareans are major abdominal surgery; and adoption offers its own unique set of challenges. Add to this breastfeeding or bottle feeding, doctor visits, sleep deprivation, and an entire new vocabulary, and it takes a while to adjust, to say the least.

5. And then, there can be complications…

Many women have nursing difficulties and 12 weeks just isn’t enough time to get it figured out and get into a pumping rhythm if they have to go back to work. In addition, some women experience unexpected postpartum depression or breast infections or other health issues, and sometimes the circumstances of the birth require the family to stay in the hospital longer than expected, perhaps even in the NICU. Welcoming a child into the family is rarely a seamless, predictable experience.

6. Fathers get a pitiful amount of time with their new child.

I didn't talk with one father who'd had more than two weeks off with his baby. Mostly, it was a few days, or a week. One dad used his two weeks of annual vacation for the birth of his daughter, only to spend half of it in the hospital. When he returned to work he was exhausted and heartbroken since he'd hardly had a chance to bond with his newborn, and then he wasn't able to take a single day off for the rest of the year, because he'd used up all of his vacation. Fathers desire the opportunity to bond with their child—just like moms do.

7. Happy employees make successful companies.

People consistently reported that they felt resentful when they weren't offered paid leave, and when they had to stress out about not having enough time to adjust to new parenthood. It's difficult to perform well at work while sleep deprived, worried about finances, or despairing about dropping a three-week-old off at daycare, and this isn't effective for parents, babies, or employers. Flexible policies like Netflix's offer parents as much or as little time off as they need, which is ideal, because some parents are ready to return to work sooner than others.

8. Rationalizing is just… rationalizing.

Because modern parents are faced with such a quandary and want to do the right thing, they find themselves trying to justify their decisions. Especially moms repeat mantras like, Well, even though I'm leaving my newborn, going back to work is ultimately good for my baby, because I'm helping to financially support my family. But this doesn't resonate deep down. How they really feel can be summed up in the words of one mom. "It seems to be a cultural norm that a mother should outrageously sacrifice her time, body, and sanity in order to act as both mother and professional."

*All names have been omitted to protect privacy. TC mark