Thought Catalog


Live Blog: I Was Told A Spirit Tried To Communicate With Me At The Lemp Mansion — So I’m Going Back

Posted: 11 Oct 2015 06:49 PM PDT

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Hello, friends and readers. If you’ll recall, back in March I stayed overnight alone in the infamously haunted Lemp Mansion. I didn’t feel that I encountered much (though the stay was amazing). Well, I recently reached out to The Closet Clairvoyant to see if she could get a ready on my stay. What she said was so incredible I decided I had to go back. This blog will be updated throughout the evening and, if you’d like, you can view live broadcasting via Periscope — just search for the user @megslice and follow along!

Latest Update

October 12, 1:33am

Before she signed off for the night, Amy and I did a long session with Charles down in his the room where he killed himself. I mentioned earlier that I asked Amy if I was visited last night — that was the only thing I asked/told her. She responded yes, that it had been Charles.

Here is why this is important.

Before telling her anything else, I asked her to tune in with Charles to see if she could sense anything from him. If you recall, last time we “met” he was standing at the foot of my bed screaming at me to get out, so I didn’t think we were on very good terms.

You’ll imagine my surprise when she smiled and said she thought he was “sweet on me”, which confused him because he was so mad about the last time. Amy said he now had a fondness for me, partially because I’m his “type” but also because I could see him and he knew I was coming today.

She went on to say he was there, in the room with me. At some point we heard three fairly loud knocks on the dresser to my left. That wall goes to the outside, it’s not connected to a room.

Amy also said she had a vision of him watching me sleep, then taking off his pants and getting into bed with me. She said it was funny but not sexual, more like he just wanted to be close. He was also confused because the bed is now missing from his room in the mansion (it’s an open room rather than a suite now) and that the last time he saw me I was in his bed so it just made sense.

I asked if there was anything else; she just said yes, he was very sweet on me, and he showed up for almost like a “cuddle visit”.

I told this to no one but my husband and my boss, Chrissy. This is what happened last night:

I woke up to someone stroking my face very gently, very deliberately. First my left cheek, then my right, then down my nose. I didn’t open my eyes because I was 100% sure it was my husband, and maybe we were about to do some sexytimes. When it stopped, I assumed he went back to sleep. So I said, “You’re a nice boy,” rolled over, and went back to sleep. When I woke up this morning I kissed my husband and said it was nice of him to do such a sweet gesture. He said what? I said the face-petting. He said nope, he was out cold — he’d come back from a gathering with friends and was a little tipsy.

There is no way or reason for Amy to assume that A) out of all the spirits here, the one who visited me was Charles; B) that the visit was of an intimate nature; C) to use the words “sweet on you”, “cuddle visit”, “in bed with you”.

When we attempted to connect with Charles, I asked him “Did you visit me last night because they moved your bed?” to which both Amy and I heard an audible “mhmm”.

Before she went, I asked her to ask Charles if there was anything I could do to make him feel better since he was in such a state of confusion. She closed her eyes, smiled, and said “He’d like you to give him permission to spend the night with you — but he promises to be a perfect gentleman.”

I (of course) obliged. When I did, she smiled again and said “Yeah, he really likes you, but it’s more sweet than anything. You have nothing to worry about.”

Shortly after she signed off, I said aloud, “So it’s gonna be you and me tonight, Charles?”

I shit you not, the overhead light flickered — both audibly and visually.

I’m going to give my electronics some rest and do some personal work. I’ll probably Periscope one more time and then hit the hay. Charles, you better keep your hands to yourself, I’m a married woman.

October 11, 8:28pm

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I am currently writing this from the Lemp Mansion. Investigations will start soon but I needed to give you some background on my experience.

When staying at the Lemp Mansion back in March, I didn’t think I got any paranormal activity. No unusual sounds, sights, or EVPs (that I knew of at the time with my limited technology). The only strange things that happened were overnight.

  • 1. I’m a very light sleeper; I woke up several times because I thought I felt a gentle touch on my calf and shoulder. Wrote this off to nerves.
  • 2. I woke up once because I thought I heard the piano in the room play a single note. I waited, didn’t hear anything else, and rolled back over. It plinked one more time — of this I’m sure.
  • 3. I had a recurring dream in which Charles Lemp (whose room I was staying in, where he killed himself) was standing at the foot of my bed, yelling at me to get out. Wrote this off to nerves as well.

I sent the Closet Clairvoyant (from here on out known as Amy) a link to my live blog and asked if she could read it for me and let me know if she got anything from it. Here’s what she had to say, specifically regarding my experiences overnight:

Your visit, there was a woman that was trying to connect with you. She was younger. Not a wife of any of these men. Maybe a sister? Was there a sister? She is the one who played the piano. She used to sit and play…she shows me an image of her slumped over the piano…her arm on the top of it…her forehead resting on top of her arm…as she played the piano with one hand….sad tune…just plucking at the key. In depression. She gently touched you…and also she is telling me she liked you in general…your hair and the way you dressed? She found a resonation with you in spirit. There is something about her death too. Feels too like she killed herself. It is hard for me to differentiate if she killed herself, or was just dead inside. She was truly, depressed and suppressed and treated badly by male figures in her family. I feel the one who was dark and evil…he had an unhealthy obsession with her. Was very possessive and controlling of her. She was scared of him.

This sounds uncannily like Elsa Lemp, the Lemp daughter who killed herself at age 37 after reconciling with her husband. It gave me chills to read this — it did feel like someone was trying to get my attention.

Regarding the Charles dream, and after I sent a photo of him:

The picture of the man you say is Charles, gives me goosebumps that is him. For sure. That was slowly driven mad by this entity. That is mind blowing to me the mental ailments that you say he had at the end. The answer to your question is it was not a stress dream you had. He was yelling at you. I am seeing it. He is confused. By anyone who stays in his room. He wants you out. Them out. He doesn’t understand why you are there…and this is why he was yelling at you. To “Get out young lady!” …that is what I hear him saying. Pointing his finger at you as he does it. I also see him in pajamas as he does it! Ha. Do you remember what he was wearing when he came to you in the dream? I see lighter, striped fancy pajamas. Don’t know why. He is just very confused. It also is sad. He doesn’t understand what is going on and who is in his house.

Here’s the crazy thing. I never told anyone about the fact that he was wearing pajamas. BUT HE WAS. Fancy white striped ones. This blows my mind. That, plus the information about Elsa trying to connect with me sealed the deal. See, even though she didn’t kill herself on the property, Elsa’s room is supposed to be the most haunted one in the house. So here I am, and throughout the night Amy is going to be FaceTiming and/or texting me to provide me with information about the spirits. She says that with me being here she can connect far easier (even though she doesn’t seem to have much trouble already!)

This morning, Amy sent this after I asked if someone visited me last night (we’ll address that later):

They all visited me last night. It was insane. So, yes, you did get visited. I want to tell you, and this is not to scare you in any way…but this whole thing is pretty gnarly and they like messing with people. I will explain that more later and the amazing things they showed last night as well. If you want to wait until tonight…so that can be part of the process? I have also received a lot about the Cherokee aspect of all of this. I have been nervous because in picking cards since yesterday, I am getting the answers of “not the right time…no…wait…” and when I ask if I have permission from the spirits and my guides to take part in this, I get the same cards. Over and over. Then I do some inner clearing work and praying…and then I pick cards and it says “yes, you are ready, helpful people, success”…and I pick those over and over again. It is two duel messages and I sense that there is a lot I need to do myself to prepare for this. With that said, you as well…and that is not to scare you. Just go in grounded and call in your guides and angels to surround you. They will make themselves known for you and you are going to get a lot of evidence.

Wow. I’m so ready. And to be honest, I was fine downstairs when I arrived. I was fine downstairs when I was eating dinner. As soon as I climb the stairs to the main part of the house, my heart pounds. I get dizzy. My throat goes dry. But the important thing to know is this: I’m not scared. It’s not nerves. It’s something I can’t control. Amy says they know I’m here and this is the effect they’re having on me.

I’m ready. Throughout the night, I will be updating (newer posts at the top) this blog and doing some live broadcasting via Periscope (username @megslice). Stay tuned!


October 11, 9:05pm

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Well, my fairly new fully-charged with fresh batteries audio recorder isn’t working. So that’s swell. Amy said to expect some technological issues tonight. As long as the Macbook works I’m in business.

We’re prepping to FaceTime now, so tune into Periscope for the live footage! (I’ll upload the footage in the appropriate spots as the night progresses.)


October 11, 9:24pm

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While trying to get a hold of Amy via FaceTime, I tried an EVP session. I may have already gotten an answer. These are best listened to with headphones as the answers can be very quiet.


October 11, 10:26pm

Amy and I have been plagued by technology issues for the past hour or so. She says it is, indeed, the spirits playing with us. Trying to drain us, frustrate us, keep us apart. We’re going to Facebook chat until we figure out video issues.

Periscope is hoppin’! Make sure you follow @megslice for video.

In the meantime, listen to the 1920s playlist I’ve got going for atmosphere and wait for the magic to happen.


October 11, 11:00pm

After giving up on video chat for a while, Amy and I have been messaging via Facebook. Here is what she had to say on the reason for the litany of suicides and darkness of the Lemp family:

There is most definitely a curse on the Lemp family directly tied to the home there. There was desecration when the [Cherokee] tunnels underneath were used for the business and brewery. Even more so with the Mansion built. The whole area. Numerous times this happened. With that, at first, I felt it was some form of entity…remember me saying that at the beginning…that the curse placed an entity of sorts that slowly drove each one of them mad and tied to the home.

In the way it was shown to me, this curse itself is the driving force. If you can imagine so much focus, so much pure driven energy, toward one goal. That goal alone was the curse of this family. I also got it was for several generations. Like an actual number was chosen…and it was to be on them, the living Lemps…until the last one died out. Male that is. It all has to do with the male lineage. With that, part of this curse is none of them, and I do mean none of them may cross over. They are all there. Even ones who did not die at the mansion. They all come back to it once they have passed and this is where they stay and remain.

I also received instruction not to try and change that. Not to try and help. This is way bigger than me or anyone to even try to change or free them. There needs to be a Shaman …someone who can come there and in a way, negotiate with the ancestors that placed this curse. That is what I see in my mind’s eye. An actual negotiation taking place from someone from this descent that can connect in respect with those ancestors and try to get them to budge. Have mercy. I am not qualified to do this, nor is it any of my business to even try. At least that is what I have been told. To stay out of it.

Also, this only concerns the actual family. Bloodline. Not wives. Not husbands. The curse does not touch people who come and stay there. It does not touch anyone but that family.

It needs to be explained. Not only for the Natives who feel they were desecrated and disrespected…but also for the family, who has had so much tragedy and darkness. It is a very sad reality. It also helps us to understand more about the power of the ancestors…curses on lands and people involving that. I believe with my heart that these things can be lifted. It just takes the right spiritual guide/leader that knows what they are doing and that has the ear and respect of those ancestors.

So that covers why and how these spirits may be trapped here. We’ll go on to the family next.

Anomalies so far include my Periscope video cutting out and losing seconds of footage and the possible whisper of my name (which may not have happened but sure as shit sounded like it).


October 11, 11:52pm

Amy and I just did a long Skype call. I took her around the room and we talked about some minor things. Then, we went to the worst part of the house — for me, anyway — which is just a small part outside of my room, down the hall of the attic.

It’s just a little room, a sink, a bathroom, a small table, and sort of cubbyholes covered with curtains. I don’t like the cubbyholes. They scare me.

Every time I go in that room — EVERY TIME — I get nauseous and lightheaded. When I took Amy in there with me, she felt the same thing. We began talking about the room and she said she definitely felt a dark entity there. I went on to explain that Zeke, the Monkey-Faced Boy, was supposedly kept in the attic, and IMMEDIATELY her video froze. I could still hear her but not see her. She couldn’t hear or see me.

When I went back to my room, this fixed things.

We went back to do a Periscope session there and I experienced the same feelings. Add to that a sudden crippling back pain that still hasn’t gone away.

Amy explained she sees a woman, not related to the Lemps, who was forced to play a sadistic game of hide-and-seek with a man in the house. He would give her a time limit and tell her to run and hide. When he found her, she’d be beaten mercilessly — no sexual abuse, just violence.

I’m taking a small break and then we’re at it again.

October 12, 12:50am

Amy said we were going to reach out to Billy (William Lemp Jr.) first because he had the most to say and he was “pushing others out of the way”. She proceeded to tell me that though he supposedly killed himself in the dining room, she sees that he was actually murdered in order to be removed from the business. She believes he was “too narcissistic to leave this world that way”.

However she thinks that made him angry. He began chattering with her that he was “misunderstood”, that he did the things he did and had the reputation he had because he had to protect the family and the business. But it just made him enemies, including in the members of his own family.

When we asked him to show that he was here, not once — but TWICE — Amy’s fully-charged phone died and she was disconnected from Skype, leaving me alone in the room where Billy died. My back began hurting again and it still hurts.

I have gone back to my room to wait until Amy can contact me again. I think I need to lie down for a while. TC mark

Read This When The World Ends

Posted: 11 Oct 2015 10:00 AM PDT

The people we love are constantly being taken away from us.

It's odd how we worry about the end of times. The religious dwell on the rapture. The paranoid fear a political or economic collapse. The scientific community worry about a climate apocalypse.

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These fears might be justified.

But isn't it weirder that we factually live in a world where millions of small "micro" apocalypses transpire everyday? What T.S Eliot said:

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Perhaps we are so obsessed with end of the world scenarios because it would be easier to just deal with one grand ending instead of all these subtle and fragmented cataclysms.

Wouldn’t it be nice? The news announces the planet will be wiped out in the next 24 hours. The pathos overwhelms you. Your senses sharpen and everything meaningfully immediately comes into focus. How good would it feel to be able to say that one good dramatic goodbye to everyone at once? To know this is the last the day for us all, and act accordingly.

This though isn’t our reality.

We have millions of hollow whimpers at the hospital every day. We have the internal whimpering of the person who just signed their divorce papers; your miscarriage, the suicide, the assassination by drone, this heroin overdose.

What stares us in the face is often the most difficult to perceive. Perceive it now. We are vanishing.

beetlejuice

tumblr_msvtmftn9h1rte5gyo1_r1_500Between the ages of 6 and 11, our faces grow out of our skulls. By age 9, our hearts have grown six times their birth weight. In puberty, we bloom. We reach the apex of the birthing process we started in the womb and take the shape of our adult selves.

In our late thirties, there is a transition. Around the age of 38, our bone mass will decrease for the first time about 1%. The next year they will decrease around 2% in mass, and the next 3%. And so on. The bones inside your body literally begin a disappearance act.

A summary of a scientific study: "Given a list of 24 words, an average 20-year-old remembers 14 of the words, a 40-year-old remembers 11, a 60-year-old remembers 9, and a 70-year-old remembers 7."

We begin to fade, until we thoroughly disembodied. What is written in the Hebrew Bible:

For you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

The Hebrew word for dust is עָפָר — translated literally it means: "dry, loose earth."

For you are the dry, loose earth;
and into the dry lose earth you shall return.

So it goes.

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theleftoers

I live most of my life as if death wasn't in the background. Privileged and joyous days, glowing with artistic expression and the textured intimacy of the senses.

There is no "but" here either, no apology or sense of pending dread. This is a joy that is unadulterated. Now is now and right now our eyes are pacific and vibrant. Our skeletons jilted with strength: our veins pumping the thicket and wettest blood; the sky a supernatural dome of warmth kindly cocooning us.

You move as if light in a time-lapse, smiling up from your beautiful spine and it's like Homer said so many thousands of years ago: "The Gods they envy us because we're mortal. They envy how everything is more beautiful for us because we're doomed."

beetlejuice

readthison

I can hallucinate a future. I can see myself at my father's funeral. I can see myself kissing my mother on her forehead at her wake, lifeless in the coffin.

The echo of the eulogies are on the tip of my tongue.

"My mother she loved my sister and I, and the people of this world to a fault."

"Dad, you were my only true friend in this world."

Goodnight dad. Goodnight mom.
beetlejuice

theleftovers

I can hallucinate a birth, anticipate the unfolding of my future.

Trembling with tenderness, here you are, child, made from the dust of the universe and bathed in blood. Encrypted in this blood is the stellar motion the secret, here in this blood is my parents, and the parents of my parents, and the whole of all creation. You, the miracle of this ancient line of life.

Here is our love. Here is our greatest attempt at doing what is right.

That screaming. "Stop yelling at us. We know we are not perfect but we are trying our best." An evilly adolescent eye roll: a weak cry with the violent shut of a door. Later that childish reticence as she hugs me, holds me. ‘Hold me longer,’ I want to say, ‘because soon you, like me, will be an orphan.’

Let go.

Goodnight mother, goodnight dad.
beetlejuice

“And those who expected lightning and thunder are disappointed. And those who expected signs and archangels' trumps do not believe it is happening now. No one believes it is happening now.” —  Czesław Miłosz

beetlejuice

There is no place for a mediation on death to go, no satisfactory way to tie together the narrative without invoking cliché or cheap sentimentality. All that remains is to plainly and clearly state again what has already been said once more. This world of yours is ending. You have a few magical moments to say hello but this life is mostly about saying goodbye. TC mark

19 Times The Sanderson Sisters Perfectly Sum Up Your Life As A Single Twenty-Something

Posted: 08 Oct 2015 06:33 PM PDT

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

1. When you successfully slide into your crush’s DMs.

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Hocus Pocus

2. When you go to your favorite coffee shop and the hot barista is working.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

3. When you wake up the day after a horrible date and feel single AF.

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Hocus Pocus

4. When you’re about to unmatch with someone on Tinder but then they say something witty.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

5. When you reluctantly agree to go on a date with your mom’s coworker’s son/daughter.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

6. When someone at the bar tries negging you and you're just not having any of it.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

7. When your friends are unsure about a Tinder match, but he’s so hot you don’t care.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

8. When you try and reopen a conversation with someone you ghosted on.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

9. When you’re pumping yourself up for a night out.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

10. When your friends accidentally cock block you at the bar.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

11. When you take the bus home from a night out but you’re all a little too drunk to handle it.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

12. When you run into your ex and their new girlfriend.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

13. When you get intensely excited about someone you just started seeing, and your friends try in vain to ground you a little.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

14. When you try and let a Tinder match down nicely.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

15. When you and your best friends wake up after a night out and don’t reallyyy remember how you got home.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

16. When yet another high school/college friend gets engaged.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

17. When someone massively attractive walks into the bar and you and your friends all want a chance with them.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

18. When your drunken hookup decides to sleep in but you’ve got places to be.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

19. When you meet someone and they’re nice? And funny? And like the same things you do??? WITCHCRAFT.

Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus

13 Women Who Have Never Had An Orgasm Talk About Faking It

Posted: 09 Oct 2015 08:04 AM PDT

Twenty20 / monicalion
Twenty20 / monicalion

1. “I especially fake it during oral. I’ve never had an orgasm from actual sex, so if he thinks he’s getting me off with just his tongue…(LOL).” —Stacey, 20

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2. “My secret is to not get too vocal. I feel like that’s a dead give away for a faker. I stick to subtle moans and heavy breathing. I’ll tilt my head back slightly and breathe like I just went for a run, but a run that turned me on.” —Annabelle, 22

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3. “My fuck buddies are clueless, they think they are ‘fucking my brains out,’ but my brains are still very much intact. When I’m arching my back and running my fingers up and down my own body, it’s because I’m trying to get somewhere you’re not taking me.” —Jordan, 21

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4. “I think there’s something medically wrong with me, but actually. I’ve never faked it though, I just breathe heavily to make him think I could be getting one.” —Marianna, 21

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5. “I hate it when they ask. ‘Did you get off?’ If you have to ask, shouldn’t that hint at something? I’ve never had one, so I don’t know what to expect, but from what I’ve heard I’ll know when I get one, and I’m sure he’ll know too.” —Grace, 22

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6. “Honestly, I mimic porn (in terms of moaning and groaning). I mean he most likely watches it daily, so he’s gotta be familiar with those sounds. I’ll just stick to what he knows, or what he thinks he knows.” —Remi, 20

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7. “Isn’t that sad, though?  I’ve slept with a fair amount of people, and still nothing! All the guys I’ve had sex with always seem pretty pleased with themselves afterwards, so I must be fooling them pretty well, but I don’t intentionally try to ‘trick’ them. Some of the stuff they do feels great, and my body will let them know accordingly. I just haven’t had the complete fireworks, it’s more like a sparkler if that makes sense.” —Trish, 23

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8. “He’s never asked me if I’m faking it, so I assume he just thinks I’m getting off. My friends tell me it’s poor communication, and that I have to tell him. Honestly, I want to tell him, but he will definitely take it personally. Just what I need, a butt-hurt boyfriend who feels so rejected he can’t even touch me. Until then, a little ‘Yeah baby, that’s it’ here and there paired with some open mouthed facial expressions, will have to do” —Deanna, 22

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9. “I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. It’s like I have no idea what’s going to be under the tree, but I am BEGGING Santa for it to be something good. Apparently I’ve been on the naughty list because Santa has yet to give me anything.” —Gillian, 21

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10. “I’m an extremely sexual person, and obviously I’m excited when we have sex because I’m horny all day, everyday, but I haven’t gotten the complete ending. It doesn’t really mean I’m faking it. When I’m moaning I am doing it because I’m getting what I want, if it doesn’t feel good I don’t pretend like it does. It just hasn’t felt SO good, not yet.” —Chloe, 21

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11. “Part of me (by part of me I mean my angry, eternally single, feminist alter-ego) wants to use it against him when we argue (especially when it’s that time of month and my hormones are raging). Like when he tells me I was flirting with his best friend at his own party I just want to scream at him, “Shut up! You’ve never even made me cum!” But then I realize that would be really mean, and would probably make him never want to fuck me again. So, yes, I fake it, and would never admit it to him, but only to keep him happy, and to keep him trying.” —Vanessa, 20

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12. “I like to use words of encouragement, “YES, that’s it,” in hopes that he’ll start doing something that will actually get me there. What he does feels good, but it’s like 75 instead of the full 100.” —Natalie, 20

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13. “I’ve never had a long-term boyfriend, so I don’t think a guy has been comfortable enough for him to ask if I faked it. So far, it has gone undetected, but it better happen soon because eventually I’m just going to flat out tell someone, “You didn’t make me cum, and you can’t stop until you do.'” —Illana, 21 TC mark

10 Couples That Were Friends First Describe How They Knew There Was Something More There

Posted: 08 Oct 2015 02:53 PM PDT

via twenty20/sab_lee
via twenty20/sab_lee

1. “We had actually ‘dated’ in elementary school then the summer came and I think we just both sort of forgot. Then my family moved across town and we went to different middle schools. Just in time for my freshman year of high school we moved back. He and I became friends again because we were both in band. Our Junior year we decided to go to prom together ‘as a joke’ because everyone always teased us that we were a couple even though we really were just inseparable BFFs up to that point. After prom he was dropping me off and he just randomly kissed me. When the kiss was over he said ‘I’m sorry, did that feel wrong’ and suddenly I was like ‘holy shit, that felt amazing’ and kissed him back. We went to college together after high school and got married a month after graduation. It was an amazingly simple courtship. He’s still my BFF and I feel blessed far more than I probably deserve.”

—Annie, 26

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2. “I worked with my current boyfriend for three years and we became closer and closer friends over those years. He was definitely the office prankster and is just one of those people that makes you feel good to be around. Everyone felt that way. I definitely enjoyed being around him but didn’t feel anything romantic. After the first year of knowing each other his girlfriend broke up with him for another guy. We started hanging out more but still in a friends way. We went to movies and stuff together but they weren’t dates. We were like this for over a year and honestly it was a great year. I would go on dates a lot and think ‘this would be more fun with Rick’ but I still didn’t think of him romantically until I got a job with a different company. Suddenly we didn’t see each other as much anymore and it was really killing me. I spent probably a month trying to sort through my feelings but ultimately just decided that this had to be some kind of love I’d never felt before and didn’t recognize.

So, I called him and we had some chit chat and then I just asked him, ‘Rick, do you want to go on a date with me?’ He sort of chuckled for a second and then said ‘duh, of course.’ It was hilarious and things just fell together after that.”

—Melissa, 29

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3. “I first knew there was something more with my current wife when my mother died and she was the only one of my friends to consistently seem to care how I was. I had to go home and help take care of all the arrangements and she would call every night just to tell me she was thinking about me and praying for my family. It meant a lot to me and it was also something that other girls I’d dated would have sort of felt inconvenienced by or only done half-heartedly (which says a lot about them, I think). I started thinking about how people always say couples should also be friends but more importantly I missed her while I was gone.

When I got back I asked her out and she said yes. Five years later we’re married and going strong. I still don’t know how I got so lucky.”

—Darren, 30

beetlejuice

4. “I literally got drunk and made out with him. We’d been good friends for about six months and I’d always thought he was cute, yeah, but hadn’t thought any further than that. So we went to his place and made out most of the night and it just grew from there. This sounds really forward I feel especially since I’m actually very shy. So, yeah, thank you alcohol for introducing me to the man I love.”

—Ellen, 26

beetlejuice

5. “My current husband and I were friends for three years before we finally got together and he was the first one to catch feelings and tell me he had them. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time but still said no because we were really close and I think in the back of my mind I knew I needed him in my life as a friend. I later dated a guy for about eight months and when we broke up my then friend again told me he still felt the same and I again said no because the timing was just awful and I wasn’t ready. We got a bit more distant after that and he started to slowly disappear out of my life. I lamented this on the phone with my mother one night and she said ‘it sounds like you’re in love with him.’

I was. I called him and told him he was the most important person in my life. Love doesn’t always look or feel like you think it’s supposed to.”

—Sophia, 28

beetlejuice

6. “I was stupid for five years before realizing that my high school best friend who told me she loved me a week before graduation was the perfect person for me. I had in my mind that I was supposed to go off to college and made some goddess intellectual aka the perfect woman. Of course when I actually went it was nothing like that and college was just more regular people. She and I stayed friends irregularly throughout college. We both dated, of course.

After school I moved back home to take a job. She’d gone to school locally. We started hanging out, neither of us were 100% the same people but we still clicked. One night we were drinking and at a bar really late and she brought up her high school confession to me and sort of tried to laugh it off and it struck me like a thunderbolt how much I’d wished I’d seen that confession for what it had been. And I told her ‘I didn’t think it was funny and I don’t think it’s funny now. I wish I’d just stayed here with you instead of leaving’ and she just got up, came around the table and kissed me.

I find this all really hard to put into words because I went through a lot of bad relationships and unhappy times being selfish and shallow without evening knowing it. I just can’t believe I was given a second chance at a time I was mature enough to recognize it for what it was. We’ve been married for two years.”

—Jacob, 25

beetlejuice

7. “My story is backwards but you may still want to use it. My wife and I got married when we were both eighteen and the first two years were terrible. Finally got into couples counseling and after a lot of work basically realized that we were trying so hard to fulfill these societal roles of ‘husband and wife’ that we weren’t being people anymore. That realization completely changed our relationship. A year later I can honestly say that she and I are best friends and we have more fun with one another than we do anyone else. It absolutely was not this way ever before.”

—Richard, 28

beetlejuice

8. “My wife and I never dated. We were friends for ten years and then one night when we were both single we ended up hooking up. The next morning when we woke up we were both so amazed at how right it felt that we got married and by got married I mean we went and got married two weeks later and we waited two weeks only because we wanted to get less insane prices on our honeymoon.”

—Patrick, 29

beetlejuice

9. “I think my story is kind of hilarious. After college, my best friend, who was and is a guy, lol, and I decided to move in together as roommates. There’d never been anything between us and we were both dating other people but nothing super serious. Anyway, we lived together for about six months, both of us working a lot of hours and saving a bunch of money (which is why we’d roomated in the first place) and we both ended up single at the same time. Then one night we’re hanging out watching TV and he turns to me and asked we I thought we’d never dated in a casual way. I honestly couldn’t come up with a good reason and the question kept coming to mind over the next couple of weeks.

So, I asked him out because I was attracted to him and I thought he was a wonderful person. Turns out that we’d both just learned to think of one another as friends and all it took was sort of rethinking one another’s image and suddenly things clicked. It really makes me wonder what I was taught as a kid that kept me from seeing this in the first place.”

—Caroline, 24

beetlejuice

10. “Were friends in college but she and I hooked up one night. We both sort of awkwardly laughed it off because we were friends and I felt like anything more would ruin our friendship. Also, wanted to seem cool like it was no big deal. Things go back to how they were. A month later she starts seeing a dude. Things seem like they might be getting serious. I freak out and realize I completely have feelings for her. Knock on her dorm door at like 2am on a Saturday night. Thankfully she’s alone. Tell her I’m crazy about her and that I think about being with her all the time which was the truth. She feels conflicted but ultimately decides that she shouldn’t be seeing anyone if she feels conflicted.

Another month or so passes. Super torturous for me. I think about her every day but give her space. She calls me out of the blue one day, tells me she’d like to ‘try us out’ and see. I tell her that sounds fair trying to keep my cool but inside my heart is leaping out of my chest. Two years later we’re still dating. About to start ring shopping. Life is good.”

—Greg, 23 TC mark

5 Things Every Healthy Relationship Has In Common

Posted: 09 Oct 2015 05:00 AM PDT

Unsplash / Morgan Sessions
Unsplash / Morgan Sessions

You think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but how do you know if they’re actually the one? You could hire someone to chart your astrological signs … or you could take compatibility tests.

An article in Business Insider asked Peter Pearson, a couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute, what the most important elements to a successful marriage were. His first response was chemistry.

“Chemistry is not everything, he said, “But if the chemistry is not there, that’s a tough thing to overcome. If the chemistry is more there for one person that the other, that’s tough to overcome.” It isn’t just sexual chemistry; it’s what Pearson calls social chemistry (the way you feel when you’re with the other person).

Relationship expert and author of Date Out of Your League, April Masini, says in an article on Match.com, “Chemistry is like a strong drug that attracts people to each other, even when they don’t seem like a good match.”

So, how do you find out if there’s something beyond chemistry in your relationship? More importantly, how do you discover if you’re truly compatible? Pearson suggests using a little bit of transactional analysis.

Transactional analysis (TA) is a model of people and relationships that was developed during the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne. TA is based on two ideas: 1) that we have three parts or ego states to our personality, and 2) that these talk to each other in transactions (hence the name).

These ego states are:

  • The parent: What you’ve been taught.
  • The child: What you’ve felt.
  • The adult: What you’ve learned.

If two people are really compatible they will connect on each level. Pearson showed Business Insider how to use those ego states when trying to figure out compatibility.

The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?

The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner is hot? Do you like to travel together?

The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?

The more questions you ask of yourself and your significant other, and the more specific you can be, the more you’ll be able to decipher your true compatibility.

While being able to match your partner in every area is the best scenario, sometimes people get involved in relationships with people who will balance them out. One person might be the more adventurous one and the other more steady-minded and careful. “This works until someone gets tired,” Pearson said.

And according to an article in The Daily Mail, there are five ways in which compatible couples connect and show how the questions of the ego state work:

1. Commitment: Both parties are committed to each other and their relationship. This falls into the parent ego state, where both parties sharing the same level of value regarding their bond.

2. Consideration: Compatible couples never forget the importance of their relationship, and make sure to be considerate and present for their partner. In the adult ego state, this includes considering another person’s happiness before one’s own, and learning lessons from previous relationships.

3. Keeping things fresh and youthful: While a couple may age, they make sure their relationship stays youthful. As part of the child ego state, be spontaneous and open to learning new things.

4. Having sense of humor. A sense of humor can bind a couple together, help release frustration and tension, and simply be fun. Also falling int the child ego state, have fun together.

5. Being intimate with each other every day. You don’t have to have sex every day, but showing intimacy with touch or a gesture, or really listening when your partner is expressing their feelings, shows true compatibility. This is part of both the adult ego state and/or child ego state, as intimacy is something you feel but could have learned from previous relationships.

Couples who connect with each other on a variety of levels, and share many of the same personality traits and values, have a greater likelihood of going the distance in their relationship. TC mark

YOURTANGO

Learning To Accept Myself On National Coming Out Day

Posted: 11 Oct 2015 03:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, marina_ribeiro_freire
Twenty20, marina_ribeiro_freire

I was the victim of a gay bashing at thirteen. I remember it well, not because I was bruised and battered, not because I had to crawl several blocks in the snow for help. I can recall every detail of that night right down to what I was wearing, the glint in the eyes of the three perpetrators. I can tell you how it felt to make that crawl: the pain, the fear, the nausea which threatened to surge past my lips the more I noticed the fresh roses of blood I’d left in the snow. I remember it well because the shame was the most prominent of all my emotions.

I cannot tell, I rationalized. I cannot tell, because they all hate me, because they know me better than I perhaps know myself.

Eventually, I’d find myself in a courtroom. I’d summoned the courage to file a police report. I’d see some form of justice prevail. I never saw them again after that, the three of them.

I remember the older sister of the least repentant of the lot—he’d sworn to high heaven that he’d been playing basketball on the blacktop that day, which resulted in my undergoing even heavier cross examination—telling me that I was a horrible person because I was ruining her brother’s life.

"Your brother," I told her, "has done a good job of ruining mine."

______

But I went on, somehow. Somehow.

I’ve written extensively on my experiences with domestic violence, dabbled a bit into my time on the street as a homeless LGBT youth. I have been disappointed and I have been avenged. I have seen myself colored by drugs and drinking. I have spilled my bursting heart to people I thought would be around forever and I’m sure I’ve hurt them just the same.

Somehow.

Somehow, I find myself at age twelve again. I remember Felicia. Felicia, who was sweet and kind and had a smile capable of stopping you in your tracks because when she smiled, her eyes shone and when you looked into them, you knew you were gazing into the soul of a child entirely without guile.

The others only saw her as fat and slow and Special-Ed. She was teased mercilessly for her weight. She found her slurred speech mimicked by cold and unfeeling parrots. The girls who saw their adolescence begin the process of filling them out, of etching breasts and curves on what was once flat, bony and characterless, affectionately nicknamed her Pork Roast.

If this bothered Felicia, she never let us know.

One day, a fellow student (this boy would become one of the three perpetrators I’d see in court one day, the boy whose life I’d end up "ruining") got into the business of teasing me. The teachers looked the other way. This was typical.

"No one likes you, not even Felicia," I remember him telling me.

"Stop it. You’re a liar."

"You think that fat bitch can stand you? At least I’m honest about it! The retarded girl doesn’t like you. No one likes you."

A couple of hours later, we were all on the blacktop. Felicia was a liar like the rest of them, I figured. I would not allow her to get the best of me. I was already trying to survive: Why did she and everyone else have to make it so hard for me? What had I done?

I told Felicia I hated her, told her to fuck off. I yelled at her, burst into tears in front of her. I didn’t know I was being manipulated, that I was being isolated.

I still remember the way she looked at me that day, that look of stunned horror. I knew then that I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

But before I could say or do anything, a group of boys began shoving her around the blacktop from either side. She looked like a ball in a Ping-Pong ball machine. She gasped horribly. "My asthma! My asthma!" Then she was on the ground, staring up at the sky.

I could hear the laughter of the other boys behind me. "Look at this guy, what a fucking idiot!"

Oh God, oh God. I knew I was wrong. I ran to her, my heart pounding.

"Felicia! Felicia! Are you okay? Give me your hand."

She recoiled as if she’d been bitten by a poisonous snake. I have never forgotten the hurt look in her eyes, nor have I forgotten her anger.

"Get away from me! Get the fuck away from me, you FAGGOT! Get away from me! Get away from me! I hope you never have any friends!"

Perhaps her words were prophetic. Everything is what it is until it isn’t. You carry a goodbye into the next day, then another, and another.

______

Don’t believe that we are equal, because we are not. The war is not over. Far from it. The battles continue. In fits, in starts. But they continue nonetheless.

I look at how the authorities failed me when I reported my rapist and abuser and I see how fortunate I’ve been because I’ve managed to come to a place where I can speak of it, though he will never see the inside of a prison. That hurts less and less as time goes by, but it will never stop hurting. I was never treated with dignity and respect.

How it hurts to be invalidated.

Winning the right to marry was nice. But we still have gay men and women who are discriminated against during the adoption process. Some people believe they shouldn’t be allowed to adopt at all. We have a medical community ill equipped and ill trained to manage the experiences and challenges LGBT youth face. (I am still on the hunt for a good LGBT-friendly doctor myself.) The same goes for our justice system, which still has not adequately addressed how the very real problem of LGBT youth abandonment by families and communities and victimization in schools can see many walk a path from school to prison. We currently have scores of gay and transgender youth growing up in detention centers. Suicide rates are high. Domestic violence in our community is scoffed at, if it is actually acknowledged in the first place.

I am fortunate to know people who bring clarity to my life, particularly people who know what it’s like to be scorned for something as arbitrary as who they happen to be sleeping with. When you’re victimized for being gay, you spend a great deal of time reevaluating your stance in life from hiding spots. Even then, you don’t learn as much as you could because you’re so boxed in.

I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning.

Somehow, I am.

______

An excerpt from the final entry in the journal I kept in the year following homelessness:

I’ve often wondered if killing myself could be the one thing I have absolute control over. I’ve learned that yes, I have that control. But I also have the power to view myself differently. That wisdom has made all the difference.

My mother says keeping a journal is a waste of time. Why write your secrets down? You’re only going to make people angry once they read it.

If I were to die today, tomorrow even, let it be known that I’ve tried the absolute best I can. I look at who I am and I’m proud, despite not being on the track I expected. I’ve deviated a bit. What an adventure. What a world. Look at all the people in it. See how they sway in the breeze. See how time etches experience onto their faces.

Be someone. Be anyone. Be good. Be clean. Be intelligent. Be resourceful. Be inquisitive. Be kind. Be generous. Be audacious. Be courageous. Be forgiving. Be loving. Be hilarious. Be outrageous. Be a musical note careening off the strings of the world’s violin. Be the composer. Be the piano player. Be a dancer, be a singer. Be a writer.

Be a voice.

Be someone. Be anyone.

Be yourself.

Always remember to be yourself. TC mark 

8 Things Extremely Lazy People Will Never Understand

Posted: 09 Oct 2015 07:32 AM PDT

Twenty20 / BrigitteStanford
Twenty20 / BrigitteStanford

1. Having plans every single day.

Do people not need to relax in the comfort of their homes? Well, I'm sorry for being a party pooper, but sometimes I find more joy in lying on my bed with my trusty laptop (his name's Mike, thanks) and feasting on some delicious chocolate – every couch potato's wet dream. Going out and interacting with people (my fellow introverts will empathize) gets so tedious and exhausting, which makes me appreciate my lounging-at-home days so much more.

Doing nothing all day is the dream.

2. Bathing everyday, or twice a day.

Don't get me wrong, after a long day when I'm all gross and icky, I love nothing more than to hop into the shower. However, on days when literally all I'm doing is lying at home like the sloth that I am, I see absolutely no point in showering (more like I can't get myself off the bed) and don't even get me started on washing hair. The horror. This may sound painfully disgusting to some people, but my logic is that I'm totally clean staying at home, so why should I take a shower?

3. Making your bed.

Visitors only enter my house once in a blue moon, much less my room, so why do my folks insist on making my bed every morning when I'm just going to be messing it all up in another 18 hours? I can understand the logic behind cleaning my room (that doesn't mean I do it…), but making my bed? Nah.

4. Waking up early.

Early risers, what are you on? If I had my way, I'd be waking up after 12 everyday. Sleeping at 3 AM and waking up at noon is totally my kinda life (with lots of cash, of course). You know when you watch TV or movies and the character wakes up at the crack of dawn looking all content and well-rested – what world is that? I used to have a hard time believing that it was humanly possible for people to automatically wake up at a certain time, but holy shit these aliens exist.

People like me tend to resemble an aggravated Ron Swanson when awoken from our beauty sleep. And let's not talk about how many times we have to hit the snooze button on the alarm before we actually wake up…

5. Exercising!

This is one thing I occasionally enjoy…… shocker. Even then, the inertia involved in getting myself in exercise clothes and out of the house is waaaay too high. The amount of effort required in exercising is tremendous, and yet you see people exercising every single day. HOW? After a long and exhausting day of classes, I only want to plop on my bed and just not move. Fat Amy just gets us – horizontal running is the way to go.

6. Getting up when you're all comfy.

We've all had those moments where we needed to pee or turn on the lights, but were way too comfortable on the couch or bed to do so. 'Nuff said.

7. Putting in effort in getting ready EVERY SINGLE DAY.

On a good day I manage some lipstick and brush my hair or put it in a decent hairdo, so how people go through the entire foundation, contouring and eyeshadow shebang is beyond me. Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those girls that like dressing up and looking good, but I can't bring myself to go through that entire routine every day. We're forced to wake up early enough for school, college, or work, so why cause yourself more unnecessary loss of sleep? Also, people that somehow manage to look perfect while lounging at home – what? I have difficulty pulling on a bra when I'm at home.

8. Doing things on time.

Procrastination is what we're best at. Have an assignment due on Monday? Sunday night's a great time to start (panicking). Yeah, we somehow get it done. It's a talent, really. Life's too short to prepare for everything in advance! Gotta meet your friends for lunch at 12? At 11:55, that’s when you send a "hold up guys I just woke up!" text. That literally happened to me on my own birthday lunch – the pain of waking up is real. As they say: The queen is never late; everyone else is simply early. I mean we're obviously the freaking queens. TC mark

23 Things Men Do That Are Incredibly Slutty

Posted: 11 Oct 2015 03:42 PM PDT

via Franckreporter
via Franckreporter

1. Message dozens of girls on dating sites with the exact same opening message in an attempt to start conversation. Do your hands not feel dirty hitting copy + paste a hundred times on the same corny pickup line?

2. Invite random girls in the bar to your bro's party in the private room so they can drink on your open bar and are basically obligated to talk to you.

3. Wear those low-cut v-neck shirts (or, worse, the scoop neck ones that show way too much collarbone). We get it, you have a chest.

4. Send unsolicited dick pics. And they never look that good anyway, because men do not understand the concept of angles, let alone know their own.

5. Demand to get a girl's number in the bar/club and actually text her right there to make sure it isn't fake. If that isn't the thirstiest possible act I don't know what is.

6. Distribute the same dick pics to different girls.

7. Immediately go from "complimentary" to "ridiculously insulting and slut-shaming" the second a girl doesn't respond to your advances.

8. Wear those grey sweatpants. You know the ones, sluts.

9. Put their hair in man buns. Show me a guy in a man bun who isn't a total sloot and I will show you a samurai.

10. Grow out their beard with the specific intention of ~appearing hot and masculine~. No one wants to make out with a brillo pad filled with crumbs.

11. Get weirdly into beard care as a "sexy" subculture.

12. Peacock about their knowledge of craft beers, special whiskeys, and bitter-ass cocktails. No one is impressed by your ability to drink things that aren't sweet.

13. Call their ex girlfriends 'crazy' in an effort to impress the new girlfriend. If all of your exes are crazy, that might be a cue for you to look in the mirror.

14. Try to get a girl home on the first date, and then get incredibly passive aggressive/dismissive towards her when she decides to go home instead.

15. Wear the "going out to pick up chicks" ensemble of jeans, a striped button-down shirt, and a blazer.

16. Travel in packs with the bros to more efficiently corner women in the bar/club for the purpose of securing sex.

17. Facebook message random girls with "hey ☺" and "hi" at random intervals, just in case one of them actually answers.

18. Walk around with little dogs in an effort to pick up chicks. Whose dog is that?? WHOSE DOG IS THAT?!?

19. Take the squinty-eye, furrowed-brow, "sexy" selfie that Trey Songz and Justin Bieber specialize in.

20. Talk about "cuffing season" in a serious manner.

21. DM random hot women.

22. Comment unbelievably desperate/creepy/vaguely threatening things on hot female celebrities' Instagrams.

23. Take Shirtless workout selfies taken in a bathroom mirror with either an iPad (the tragic cookie sheet of photography), or an old smartphone. Note that the bathroom has not been cleaned, the counter is full of odds and ends, the mirror is spotted with hard water, and the toilet/toilet paper are in full view of the photo. This is the desperation and gritty sluttiness of the male thirst selfie. TC mark

Read This If You Don’t Know Why Men Run Away From You

Posted: 08 Oct 2015 09:30 AM PDT

Unsplash / Julia Caesar
Unsplash / Julia Caesar

In an ideal relationship, we'd only allow our partners to see the best version of us at all time. But in REAL relationships, we often allow them to see, both, the best and worst we have to offer.

This is understandable. Living with someone, sharing money and toilet seats, seeing them day in and day out — it gets a bit stressful. It's simply too hard to put forth our 100 percent best, 100 percent of the time.

Still, letting your guard down in front of men you date is one thing, but adopting an unconscious self-sabotaging role is quite another.

What many women don't realize is it's very easy to accidentally sabotage your relationship — you don't need to hack into your partner's email or boil his pet rabbit to raise a red flag. Rather, simply acting like one of the following will more than do the trick:

1. The Ball Buster

The typical “Ball Buster” seeks control of the relationship by putting her man in his place … repeatedly. She views herself as a “problem-solver.” Though she has noble intentions (sometimes), constantly telling her man his way is the wrong way isn't so much noble as it is infuriatingly annoying.

By trying to control him, she undermines his thoughts, wishes, and, perhaps most importantly … his sense of competence. All of this robs him of something each man holds near and dear: his masculinity.

2. The Mother

“The Mother” does exactly what it sounds like — she mothers her partner. She dotes on him, she fusses and worries, she believes he can do no wrong, perhaps she even picks out a sailor suit and knee socks for him to wear on the first day at his new job.

She also preoccupies herself with the emotional barometer of the relationship. This might sound healthy, but it's actually not. The “Mother” puts all the relationship (all the joys, all the sorrows, all the ups and downs) — on her back. She puts pressure on herself and herself alone; it’s her duty to make the relationship work.

She's constantly wondering how he's feeling, where she stands, and whether he is okay and what she can do to fix it.

The problem with this role is two-fold. First, a girlfriend or wife who acts like a man's mother will lead him to rebel. After all, that's what children do. Second, it’s unfair for a woman to baby a grown man! She might not mind it initially, but it'll only lead to resentment down the line.

3. The Love Vixen

“The Love Vixen” is a charmer, forever able to draw men into her waiting arms. She does this by defining herself with her sexuality. In other words, she controls her mate with sex. The reason this sabotages a relationship is because she’s essentially manipulating and blackmailing her partner — if he wants sex, he must do what “The Love Vixen” wants.

And, it’s safe to say: Any relationship based on blackmail probably won't remain successful for long.

4. The Damsel In Distress

The concept of “The Damsel in Distress” is simple: Boy meets girl, boy rescues girl, boy, and girl lives happily ever after.

It may sound romantic, easy and productive, but it only works for a little while. In the long run, a damsel can't always be in distress (unless she stars in several Lifetime Movies) and the man can't always act as the hero. It's too exhausting — and unrealistic — on both fronts. In the end the man ends up resenting her for her incompetence.

5. The Tease

Most of us, at one time or another, have known a tease, the type of person who teases only to pull away before she seals the deal. Though this isn't necessarily sabotaging in moderation, overindulgence leads to feelings of frustration. Like actual teasing, it’s fun at first, but then it gets old real fast.

Too much teasing builds a wall between two partners, a foundation they can't surmount because of a disconnect. He feels unsatisfied, inadequate, and she feels lonely — both partners feel as if they can't express themselves openly and honestly.

6. The Accountant

“The Accountant” focuses on the equality of a relationship — the complete and TOTAL equality. A woman in this role may keep track of who pays for what and when (some may even track it to the dollar amount or take into consideration each other's respective salaries). The problem here is that relationships aren't business; they're pleasure. If they're not seen as enjoyable, intimacy will fall by the wayside and love just becomes collateral damage.

7. The Princess

When a woman plays the role of “The Princess,” she cares less about love than she does about being adored and put on a pedestal. To put it simply, “The Princess” wants to marry a man who views her as a trophy wife. Women who adopt this role aren't only robbing their significant other of happiness (as their relationship is empty and for show), but also robbing themselves, taking away a chance at real love and connection.

In the end, every woman has played one of these roles (and men play their own roles, as well). On occasion, falling into these roles probably won't affect your relationship much at all. However, playing them repeatedly destroys relationships until there's nothing left to ruin. TC mark

YOURTANGO