Thought Catalog

11 Men Talk About How Their Breakup Affected Them (When They Were The One Leaving)

Posted: 16 Oct 2015 06:43 AM PDT

Twenty20 / ann_khandazhapova
Twenty20 / ann_khandazhapova

1. “She cheated on me, but she wanted to stay together, figures. She was definitely the best looking girl I've ever been with (figures again), but I couldn't stay. I have far too much self-respect for that. It did hurt a lot though. Like I'd rather be kicked really hard in the balls than be cheated on. And I don't think I have terrible trust issues now, but every time I date a girl it's in the back of my mind.” —Anthony, 27


2. “To be honest, I didn't feel that bad. I mean when I think about it now, sure she was probably really sad, but I was way too excited to be single. I was more thinking about who I'd hook up with next than her hurt feelings.” —Ricky, 25


3. “I was with her for all 4 years of college, and it was a tough 4 years, trust me, so when we were both out of school we basically thought that would be it. Like if we lasted through that we could last through anything. And I think we both felt as though we had to be together just because we fought so hard for our relationship before. But then there was nothing to fight for, we were with each other with no challenges whatsoever, and I think we both didn't know how to be together without there being a constant struggle, so I ended it. She never would've done it herself, but I did us both a favor. It affected me because I constantly question what would've happened if we ended it sooner. I turned down plenty of nice girls when I was with her, because I thought I'd be with her for a long time. So yeah basically just a lot of questioning.” —Eddie, 23


4. “Of course I felt terrible about it, but I knew what I was doing was for her own good. If I would've dragged it on, she would've just continued to fall for me even harder. She was pissed when I did it, but I know down the line she'll realize what I did was right.” —Dan, 27


5. “I only broke up with her because we fought non-stop and I couldn't take it anymore. We don't talk at all, she told me not to reach out, which is understandable, but I can't lie, I'd love to sleep with her again. I wish she'd be okay with just hooking up, but you know girls, all those feelings and emotions.” —Jon, 23


6. “A part of me wonders if I'm still in love with her. I know I was the one who broke up with her, but I really haven't met anyone that made me feel as happy as she did. I can't be that idiot who comes running back though.” —Mike, 24


7. “I ended it because I felt like we were better as friends. Of course once I ended it we were far from friends, and that's the part that upset me. I told her I still wanted to talk to her everyday, and still wanted to spend time with her, but she didn't want that, and in that way it felt like she was the one breaking up with me. She was refuting me from something I wanted, which was her friendship, but I was doing the same thing to her in ending the relationship. It sucked. Breakups suck. I definitely think about her more only because she won't let me talk to her, which also sucks. The whole thing…sucks.” —Elliot, 25


8. “I had a lot of rebound sex after breaking up with her. It was great. All that sexual energy that was constricted when I was with her was released when it was over, and it felt amazing. The freedom I guess is what felt amazing. I wasn't really thinking about her, I was thinking about me and what I wanted.” —Chris, 24


9. “We had a good relationship, but I always felt like something just wasn't there. In the beginning I had to convince her to even give me a chance, and then when we actually started dating she really started to like me, and it became clear that she was way more into me than I was her. I think that freaked me out a bit. After I broke up with her I felt relieved because I didn't have to wonder whether or not she was right for me. When it was done I knew she wasn't.” —Sean, 25


10. “I literally hate myself everyday for it. She was perfect, and I was dumb. I wanted to have sex with other girls, and that was why I dumped her. So I did, and then after I had sex with a bunch of random girls I was like, 'Okay, now what?' I wanted her back because with her it was more than sex, but by the time I would've went crawling back to her, she was already dating someone else. They're engaged now, and I'm that dumbass who let her go. I'm not invited to the wedding either, shocking, I know.” —Louis, 29


11. “I think breakups are a finite thing. You can't wonder what would've happened if you stayed, you just have to move on. You make a decision about this person, and that's it, it's done. Life goes on.” —Mark, 28 TC mark

How Each Zodiac Sign Deals With Sadness

Posted: 16 Oct 2015 04:00 AM PDT

Twenty20 / rolandoserrano29
Twenty20 / rolandoserrano29

If you’re into astrology and zodiac signs, you know the general traits and mannerisms for each sign, especially your own. You know what makes you tick, your negative and positive tendencies, and even what kind of sex positions you enjoy.

But do you know the expressions of sadness for each sign?

Obviously, each sign deals with their lowest points differently, so see how your sign reacts to feelings of sadness:

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Impulsive, blind with rage, and fail to get worked up about their normal habits. They become oppositional, but with less enthusiasm.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Become isolated, may binge-eat or become lethargic. They have a sense of “me against the world,” lack patience, and are easy to enrage.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Overthink, become silent, and seem to be “elsewhere.” They’re fairly intolerable to sadness and dissociate from their feelings.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Emotional, needy, and cry after insignificant events. They’re prone to stomach aches and have feelings of separation from everyone around them.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Display their stress, but become wound up like they’re on the brink of a nervous breakdown. They’re short-tempered and needy, and are prone to turning themselves into a martyr.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Have heightened compulsions, become unresponsive in conversations, and become blunt and oppositional.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Have feelings of instability and moodiness, with a reduced urge to socialize. Often feel hopeless, but try to stay happy and composed.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Become hostile, isolated, and have violent mood swings. They exhibit intense melancholy with paranoia, and their own thoughts become scary to them.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Feel lethargic and sometimes use substances to escape. They become more serious and tense, less tolerant, and are plagued with feelings of worry when thinking about the future.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Become unmotivated, hopeless, and start to overthink. They seem hyper vigilant, forcing themselves to “go through the motions,” but nothing really impresses them.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Become uneasy and silent. They isolate themselves and detach, even though they attempt to appear happy.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Have obsessive thinking, and remember every bad event that’s happened to them. They become anxious, isolated, and tend to “feel everything.” TC mark


9 Women On The Engagement Story They Tell Friends Versus What Actually Happened

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 05:18 PM PDT

Flickr Tela Chhe
Flickr Tela Chhe


"My friends and parents all think he took me to the street corner where we met and got down on one knee and begged me to marry him. In reality, I told him that I was pregnant and that the kid would have my last name. I wasn't pregnant, but it did the trick anyway. He gave me a ring, and a week later I pretended I had a miscarriage. He still doesn’t suspect anything."

—Jen, 27



"The fake story: Everyone thinks we met backstage at a Broadway play (he's an actor, I'm a costume designer). They think we fell hopelessly in love and that he proposed to me in full costume while doing Shakespeare in the Park. The real story: He's gay, he's my best friend, and I married him so I could get free health insurance."

—Bree, 29



"Everyone thinks he proposed to me. The truth is that I asked him to marry me and he said yes."

—Katie, 32



"I moved across the country to live with him after a long-distance relationship that had already lasted a year. I didn't want to waste any more time. Then, after another year of living together when he STILL hadn't proposed, I threw an absolute screaming fit at Whole Foods. Just collapsed in the aisle crying and made a scene—told him I'd given up everything to be with him, including my family and my business. I said that if he didn't propose to me right then and there, I was going back home. So he proposed right then and there. But I tell friends he took me to a restaurant in Malibu and while we were walking on the beach after dinner, he pulled out a ring under moonlight and asked me to be his forever. Sounds better, right?"

—Kyra, 29



"I have a really big job at a huge law firm, and the pressure to perform is so strong, I'm constantly worried that I'm going to get fired. I came home one Sunday afternoon really drunk after having lunch and cocktails with my girlfriends. He proposed to me when I got home and said he was doing it to make me 'feel better.' I ran into the bathroom and cried all the makeup off my face. Bad timing, fella! So the next Friday night he took me out to the most expensive restaurant in Manhattan and got down on his knees in front of the whole place. Everyone applauded wildly! So my family and friends know that part, but not the dumb 'feel better' part that started it all."

—Jamie, 29



"It was a Sunday and he was planted in front of the TV watching football like he does every Sunday. I sat down with him on the couch to make small talk, and at the end of a boring, inane, five-minute conversation, he pulled a ring out his sweatpants and said, 'I know you hate cheesy stuff, so here.' Oooh, how romantic! So rather than telling everyone the truth, I actually tell them that he paid for one of those skywriting planes and made his marriage proposal to me that way. I wish he did. Actually, I wish I married a guy who was that romantic."

—Sasha, 34



"Everyone thinks I got a knock on the door one day, opened it, and found him holding a bouquet of flowers standing in front of a string quartet he'd hired to play my favorite Mozart piece for me. In reality, I'd grown tired of him hemming and hawing and saying he 'needed time' and had 'commitment issues' and 'wanted to do it right.' What really happened was that I said, 'If I don't have a ring on my finger in a week, I'm leaving you.' A week later, I had a ring on my finger. Sometimes you have to push people to get what you want."

—Britni, 30



"We'd been seeing each other for about nine months, the last three of which we'd been living together in a tiny matchbox studio. So I got a female friend of mine to create a fake Facebook account where she was this hot Australian surfer dude who needed to marry an American woman to get citizenship. The 'surfer dude' sent me messages where he was coming on hard. He also promised me $50,000 just for marrying him. So I showed my boyfriend these messages and I emphasized how much I really needed the money. A month later, we were married. No one knows about the fake surfer dude or the threat of marrying him. They just think our love naturally 'evolved' to the point where my boyfriend proposed."

—Sarah, 33



"I'd been in an out of psychiatric clinics since my teens and have been diagnosed as bipolar. I also have no living family and very few friends. I told him that I needed him and was having fantasies of killing myself if he didn't marry me and make me feel secure. And he fell for it. We told his parents that he did that thing at a baseball game where a marriage proposal comes in on the giant Jumbotron screen. They don't follow sports, so they had no idea. I'm not proud of what I did, but now I feel secure. Not totally, though—I think sooner or later he's going to resent me for playing the suicide card."

—Lynn, 28 TC mark

14 ESFPs Explain The One Thing They Wish Others Understood About Their Personality

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 12:30 PM PDT


1. “Just because we are the “Party Type” doesn’t mean we don’t value quiet time and having deep conversations! ESFP doesn’t equal shallow!”


“We enjoy deep conversations. However the things you tell us we may feel the need to fix ourselves and to carry around as if it’s our own problem, which becomes quite overwhelming very fast. I love deep talks about your problems though! The more real and vulnerable you are with me the cooler I feel!”


3. “Just because I like the spotlight and being the center of attention doesn’t mean my confidence is quite as high as it seems.”


4. “I wish others could see how our intense focus on people allows us to use that information and experience strategically. It’s a type of intelligence that is unique to us!”


5. “We're not stupid. At all. I'm currently in medical school and most of the people here are S's. Taking things in in a literal, concrete way does not equal incompetence. Personally, I don't want someone philosophizing about my heart when it stops beating on the operating table. I want someone with a quick reaction time there to save my life.”


6. “ESFPs are definitely energetic and love to let lose and party, but while they’re typically described as the life of the party, I think they’re really just very social people. Rather than being the center of attention at big parties, I’m usually all over the place having one-on-one or group conversations with as many people as possible because I love talking to people, catching up with friends, and getting to know new people. We do enjoy the spotlight, but it’s not all about that or about partying- it’s the genuine love of communicating and connecting with as many people as possible (and that doesn’t mean having lots of acquaintances versus a few close friends- ESFPs take their friendships very seriously, and because of their social nature, they have many close friends who are more than just acquaintances).”


7. “Though we thrive off social interaction, we aren’t the type that has to be around people 24/7. I really enjoy spending time alone and I’m also completely comfortable doing things like eating out or walking somewhere by myself.”


8. “We're not all slutty/promiscuous. I'm a serious relationship girl and I always have been. Just because we love people doesn't mean we all sleep around.”


9. “I feel like ESFP’s have been painted as unintelligent party animals. It’s true that I don’t love theological ideas or debating about current politics but ESFP’s are smarter than they let off. We have a unique social and emotional intelligence that is different from other types. I’m very aware of my surroundings and am often the first one to pick up on someone’s emotions (maybe even before they have processed those feelings themselves!) and I can react quickly to diffuse many uncomfortable situations because of this. I would rather be socially smart than book smart any day.”


10. “We’re really not that shallow!”


11. “ESFPs are some of the most creative people you'll ever meet but we're never really given credit for that. There's a stereotype that all artistic and creative people are these tortured introverts but that's not always true. I paint for a living and I'm a HUGE extrovert!”


12. “ESFPs are often cast as attention hungry and self centered people. Although we love to party and don’t mind the attention, ESFPs truly want to make OTHERS happy and will often put other people’s needs and wants above their own in order to do so.”


13. “We may not show it but our feelings get hurt really easily. Even though we seem really confident, we take personal jokes to heart and don't always brush things off very easily. Please play nice with us!”


14. “We are NOT selfish people! Yes we like the spotlight and that might make us seem full of ourselves but really we just like to make people laugh and make them happy. So many of us grow up to be social workers and counsellors and teachers, etc. At the end of the day we really just love people and want to help them!” TC mark

America, This Is What The World Thinks Of You

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 11:39 AM PDT

People have a lot of opinions about America.


Some think of America as ‘Paradise.’

<a href="">Youtube</a>

But of course, there are those that think of America as the ‘Land Of The Obese.’


While others say Americans are optimistic!


And all Americans are patriots!


If you’re curious about what even more people said about America, watch the entire video here!

Did any of these catch you by surprise? TC mark

This Is An Open Letter To Lamar Odom, My Former Classmate

Posted: 16 Oct 2015 11:18 AM PDT

Hey Lamar, remember me? It's Ibrahim from when you were at the University of Rhode Island. They say you were only there for one year, but fools like me know the real deal, that you spent time on campus being a regular guy just before you skyrocketed to basketball fame.

Your story starts in Southeast Queens — so did mine. My father was born and raised out that way, though my dad was not hobbled by going to war like yours was. Who knows what kind of toll that left on his soul? My mom was in Brooklyn and yours passed when you were 13. I am truly sorry that happened to you.

Oddly enough, we both landed in Troy NY. Then, as fate would have it, you bounced from Las Vegas, then to Rhode Island. We welcomed you at the University of Rhode Island with open arms. They said you were one of the best young talents in the country. Talked you up like you were a savior. National media coverage swooped down on little Rhody, said Coach Jim Harrick was building an unlikely contender. They made it to the Elite Eight the year you were sitting out led by Cuttino Mobley and Tyson Wheeler, but we all knew that with you just waiting in the wings some greater glory might just be in store. A year later, you drilled a three pointer with time expiring, after dribbling full court, to win the Atlantic-10. For years, I watched your career and pumped my chest.

"I hung out with Lamar in college," I would tell people. "He was a really good person, very down to Earth."

Right now, you are in a coma. They said that you took cocaine and drank a lot and took some herbal Viagra. They said they found you in a brothel face down and then turned you over and you vomited. Then they rushed you to a hospital via car because your six-foot-10-inch frame could not fit in the helicopter. You are in critical condition. ESPN is saying that those who have loved you flank you. I too find myself as someone who was touched by you, but I am not with you. A long time ago I realized that our paths were not likely to cross again. But they did back in the day. If you wake up out of that coma and start reviewing all the amazing things that so many people have been saying and posting about you maybe at some point you will end up reading this. I truly hope so.

Considering the situation you are in, I am at a loss. Many people have been close to the brink dabbling with extreme lifestyles of all kinds. It's a dark world that you have found yourself in. I wonder what part of you was saying, "No, don't go, and turn the car around."

But maybe no part of you said that. You were all-in and that breaks my heart.

This evening, after my prayers I made a special prayer for you. And I am not sure if you believe in God or not, but the fact that prayer is sending nothing but positive energy in your direction, I hope everyone who has said their prayers are with you actually pray for you.

Back, in the mid-90s, when we met, you rarely talked about yourself. It was summer and we were athletes eking out a living on a New England college campus. I schooled you on The Autobiography of Malcolm X and Coltrane. We talked about Queens and Troy where we both had lived. I had no idea you were such a big shot! I hope you read the Malcolm X book, if not I suggest it again should you recover.

There were two things you did that maybe you need to be reminded of. One was that you played on my intramural team. In just one half of one game you dazzled us, distributing the ball, dribbling low, and every now and again showing flashes of greatness, of the kind of skill that would one day win two NBA championships. It is amazing to see how the players from those teams, the Lakers organization, have your back right now. I hope they always did. You deserve for people to really have your back.

The second thing was that you took a stand. In a moment of racial discord, you used your platform as an elite athlete to support a campus protest and elevate our concerns.

Here's the story. ESPN was in town to film "Midnight Madness," which is the official start of the college basketball season. The stands were filled with students and as the team ran through drills we were ecstatic with excitement. There was a mood of optimism for the upcoming season. Then, a vile incident occurred that almost shattered all that. A white student began shouting racial insults while urinating on a black DJ. The crowd almost erupted. A woman named Michelle Small, a leader of the black students on campus, prevented anything crazy from happening. She stopped the students from going insane while the event was being broadcast live on television.

A few days later, when we'd identified the offending student, I had a closed door meeting with the President of the University, I was the vice-president of the student senate at the time, and we demanded the student be ousted. Then, we called a press conference and reached out to some of the higher profile athletes on campus. Other high profile athletes on campus were hesitant, but you Lamar, the most high profile of all, were willing. You came to the press conference, and we had cameras and reporters and the like. We called for the student to be ousted and for that to happen immediately. In the end we got our demands and that could not have happened without you.

Right now you are in a dark hole, but know that my prayers and the sincere prayers of many people who you have touched are right there with you.

This morning after my morning prayers, I imagined my prayers reaching you there, piercing the cocoon that your soul has encased around itself while your body attempts to heal, and bringing in some light.

Know that any light you get in your darkest moment is a reflection of the light you have already shared.

Many, many blessings to you my brother. TC mark

Read This If You’re Wondering Whether You Can Find True Friendship Online

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 10:30 AM PDT

Twenty20, Tintim
Twenty20, Tintim

The Internet is such an intrinsically ingrained facet of our culture that many of us cannot fathom the possibility of a life without it, even if we do very well remember a time before the selfie stick, before Facebook posts, before a man could be judged (and possibly lose his job) over his Twitter feed. We have heard many of the downsides: We are more selfish now, more self-absorbed. We don't live in the moment, let alone enjoy it. Every single one of our movements is recorded, photographed, chronicled in sound bites. We feed off self-validation; we are a generation required to perform.

In a culture where a camera and a Wi-Fi connection, we are told, are as essential to functioning day to day as our vital organs, it seems personal connections are now regarded as perfunctory. Having relationships and even meeting people online still has a stigma attached to it. None of us would actually meet any of these people, correct? You can just as easily swipe left, as Tinder has so crucially taught us.

How then can you explain caring so deeply for someone you've never even met?

The tools we have at our disposal are just as capable of strengthening our capacities for social interaction as they are at isolating us. They just toss the role of immediacy into the equation. Perhaps emails, instant messages, Skype conversations, liking each other's photographs and videos on Instagram or reading Twitter feeds might lack the intimacy of a letter from a pen pal, but that doesn't mean they don't hold the same power to captivate us. Simply being afforded the opportunity to communicate more easily doesn't remove the thrill of exchanging ideas, of sharing similar interests and passions, of laughing, of reminiscing, of finding synchronicity and solidarity in life while living in an era so commonly derided for being cold, so often painted as being detached from the simplicities and sensibilities of the sound of a human voice in close proximity.

I like to think I am a better person because of Caitlin and I like to think she feels the same way about me, though we have yet to make the transition from the digital world into the real. She is in Canada, the Waterloo-Kitchener area to be exact, whereas I am in New York.

We both lived and breathed cinema. It seemed fate that we would meet each other on a message board where we could discuss Roman Polanski, Ruth Gordon in Harold and Maude, Kubrick's eccentricities and assorted horror films as long as we wished. Almost as soon as we clicked (with each other, not on links), we found ourselves sharing our hopes and dreams for the future, our doubts and fears, with increasing regularity.

We walked down memory lane. She told me about her older sister, who had lost her life to cancer at a young age. I learned about her younger sister, with whom she has a wonderful relationship, as different as they may be. Caitlin eschewed the conventional, though her background seemed the picture of convention. She has been fortunate, gifted with a free spirit, never without the love and support of a close-knit and devout family. I, in turn, told her about my upbringing: the fiercely compassionate and loving mother, the goddess of a grandmother, the shaky adolescence, the fractured ties with my extended family, growing up gay and having a penchant for self-medicating.

I think we found each other in our uncertainty: the shitty jobs, the mutual dissatisfaction with the college experience. We laughed and traded work stories. I looked forward to her responses, always, and felt a thrill course through me the first time we ever spoke on the phone. When I had my heart broken, I'd tell her. When I sensed her growing ever glummer in the months before she left her soul-sucking office job, when I knew she'd have something to tell me about a shitty boyfriend, she'd drop a message into my inbox almost as soon as I would think of contacting her. I don't think I would have eventually hopped onto Facebook with as much vigor as I have if it wasn't for her: It was simply another, more immediate way for us to connect.

I have noticed something about us: We have never—not once—had a conversation, nor we held a kangaroo court, to allow ourselves to construct, designate, let alone fortify a distinction between real or virtual friendship. We have not felt the need to define ourselves.

Caitlin eventually met her fiancé, Stephen. I know him, though I haven't met him in the flesh either. He happens to also post on a message board we frequent. I've had plenty of conversations with him on cinema and on literature. Nice guy, great guy. Caitlin has spent a lot of time here in the United States and he's spent a lot of time in Canada doing their best to make it work. I see them defying the odds and know that truth is stranger than fiction. Look at the three of us, still in our little triangle, still involved in each other's lives, still bitching over Meryl Streep's third Oscar win. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, that's not entirely true.

I hope to meet them both before their wedding day. I hope that Caitlin and I can see each other and spend time together. There was a time when she, on her way back from another trip to Tennessee, had an hour's layover at JFK. We both vetoed the idea: We both owed it to the other not to rush. Finances and the many upheavals of life have gotten in the way. That will thankfully not be the case forever.

Social media has been revolutionary in its impact and ability to bring people who share common passions and values together. The appeal, for many, is indeed that it removes the risk of being rejected outright. This is also easily misconstrued: Critics will tell you that we've stopped taking risks. That our generation is much more apprehensive about just going out, breathing in the beauty of the earth, and mingling. They are correct to a degree: We are not truly living and observing when buried in our phones and devices all the time. But we aren't living if we don't adapt to changes within the social sphere and make them work for us either.

We forget that the Internet age is still in its infancy. We forget that in a hundred years, people will look back on us and wonder how we managed with Mark Zuckerberg while at the same time finding the concept of dial-up absolutely beyond all avenues of human comprehension. We forget that we are living in an exciting time precisely because so much of what we can learn is available at our fingertips. It is easy to take anything for granted when it is so easily accessible. It is easy to become numb to its power and its complexity. Most of all, we forget that our relationship with the Internet is not dissimilar to our relationships with each other: They both require a lot of work. TC mark

The Definition Of Heaven For Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 10:23 AM PDT


ESFP: A world in which they're super-celebrities who can instantly date or befriend whomever they wish.

ISFJ: A world in which the health, safety and happiness of everyone they love is guaranteed.

ESFJ: A world without conflict, in which everyone appreciates each other's strengths and works together in harmony.

ISFP: A world in which they can earn a stable income from their creative endeavour of choice and have unlimited freedom to pursue it.

INFP: A world that is devoid of injustice or suffering for those who don't deserve it.

ENFP: A world in which all adventures are open to them and everyone they love is eager to come along.

ENFJ: A world in which everyone listens to their counsel and is infinitely happier as a result.

INFJ: A world that is devoid of corruption – in which other people finally understand and accept them.

INTJ: A world that automatically adapts to every new realization they have about how things ought to work, without them having to implement a thing.

ENTJ: A world in which they are the all-powerful rulers of everything.

INTP: A world in which nobody is ignorant about any major issue and everybody thinks carefully before they speak.

ENTP: A world in which they have a thousand minions at their disposal to carry out any plan or invention they dream up – but of course, they get the credit for it all.

ISTJ: A world in which all the rules are followed by everyone and they are left alone to pursue their own interests.

ESTJ: A world in which they're powerful, have achieved a high social status and own a variety of expensive toys.

ISTP: A world in which they're left the hell alone to tinker with things and work on new projects.

ESTP: A world in which they're exempt from all laws and formal procedures and can directly take action on everything they want. TC mark

Heidi Priebe explains how to manage the ups, downs and inside-outs of everyday life as an ENFP in her new book available here.


14 Children Of Divorce On How It’s Affected Their Views On Love & Relationships

Posted: 15 Oct 2015 08:12 AM PDT

Flickr Abhimanyu
Flickr Abhimanyu


"I come from a broken home. My mom died of cancer when I was four. Ever since, I've been broken. I've had years of therapy but there's still something glaringly not normal about the way I relate to other people. Those normal connections that infants make, I didn't make, so I've gone my whole life desperately trying to get the succoring I didn't get as a tiny child. I've done the best I can to make the most of my life, but I'm emotionally deformed. While most of my peers have grown up and created adult lives for themselves, I'm still a four-year-old."




"I want a big family when I get married.

I want to have the income where they never go hungry.

I want to live long enough to see them have grandkids.

I want to correct the mistakes my father made and I want to be there, unlike my mother.

I will hold my child close, and tell her I love him or her. Every day.

I will make them happy and never throw them out.

If they come to me with a problem, I will help them.

I want a happy family."




"My parents divorced when I was 11….I went through all of the stages: anger, confusion and even one day falling asleep in my mom’s car on the way to pick up things at the old house, waking up and convincing myself that the divorce was a bad dream. It wasn’t. My parents weren’t getting back together….As the years pass, I’ve realized that going through my parents’ divorce has colored the way I approached my own marriage. It’s been hard to break out of the fear that this could all end horribly. I’ve been married for almost three years and constantly have to train myself to love my wife without fear….Just a couple of months ago, my wife and I were at a gas station and I saw parents doing a custody drop-off for their young son. The father hugged his young son, handed the mother the boy’s bags and got into his car. As the mother drove off, the father sat in the car for a while, staring at his steering wheel. I got back in my car, hugged my wife and said, ‘Please, let’s never do that.’"




"I cried for what felt like a week. As a teenager, I decided that adults couldn’t be trusted to tell the whole story about anything, ever. I started wondering how much of the information I was getting at school, church, and elsewhere was also a pack of lies….If I had kids, I’m afraid that I might not improve all that much on my parents’ performance, and that scares me to the point of not wanting to experiment with other people’s lives. It just wouldn’t be moral."




"There was a lot of arguing, and I remember my dad punching a hole through the kitchen cupboard. Another memory is of my parents sitting down with me and my brother (who was two years older than me) and telling us that they wouldn’t be living together anymore because they couldn’t get along. And that our dad would be living in an apartment. I remember begging him to stay. Saying that me and my brother would go in our rooms and shut the door when they fought.…Now, I am married myself, for 10 years. And we have three children. Marriage has had its ups and downs but coming from a divorced family really puts the pressure on you to not repeat the past….But usually there's those scars divorce leaves that no one can see."




"Well, my mom’s alcoholic; she drowns herself with vodka and buys me whatever I want to make up for it. My dad and brother are in jail for like a long time and my older sister is a teen mom and married to a overage guy and she’s having her second child…so my life is screwed up mostly and have no one to go to."




"Many families have cracks. Some have small dents, chips, or polished scrapes. But broken families do exist. The pieces have been blown off and are so far from each other and so damaged that it would take a hell of a lot more than glue to fix. At one point, my family was nearly broken beyond repair. We were all cracked and chipped in our own ways. The difference between a piece of glass and a family—love can heal a family. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun, but we are now so far from broken at this point in our lives because of the love and time spent on one another. I simply wanted to say that…it is not impossible to heal a broken family."



Flickr Zhao!
Flickr Zhao!


"I started reading a book a week ago that analyzed the dating decisions of people. It basically stated that when we are born, we are ‘perfect’ in terms of being a blank slate for negative or positive experiences that shape us….Our primary caretakers/parents/guardians hurt us in some way (intentional or unintentional) that begin to shape us and is reflected in our relationships. If you have a broken, strained relationship with a parent, your subconscious will choose the wrong person in order to recreate and repair that relationship that you had with your parent. I never thought about it that way but recently realized that the common trait between my father and my exes is that they were never satisfied and I stayed in relationships longer than I should have. Why? Because I was subconsciously trying to prove myself worthy of the affection they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) give me anyway….It sucks that I realized it so late, but I guess late is better than never. I guess."




"I suffered depression and started hurting myself. There was so much pressure from our family and friends to make the marriage work, and being an only child only made it worse….My parents’ divorce helped me realize that love cannot be forced, and that you can never settle if what you want is happiness. Love is not easy, but it should always be unconditional and truthful, respectful and gentle. Divorce was not the end of the world. In fact, it became a blessing in many ways."




"Getting through my constant battle as a child…constant arguing between my parents, constant arguing WITH my parents and battling my own internal demons that arose from this environment, paved my way to the next phase of life. Those teenage years that every daunting parent wishes to bestow upon the past, hit me head-on. I was into drugs and alcohol at a young age that quickly ended as I began motherhood. At the age of 17, I had my beautiful bouncy baby boy….But now, I can look back on my life and see the hardships of financial ruin, desperation, abuse, emotional breakdowns and an absolute living nightmare….I sit here today, spilling some personal moments to let you know that there is hope. I have had great success, sometimes moments after picking myself off the ground. Yes, today, I am happily married to the most wonderful man on earth."




"My parents, uncles, and grandparents started sexually abusing me when I was two years old. This was necessary to break me. I was indoctrinated in to a way of life. I was brainwashed. But there was a problem. As I got older, they realized I was a talker. They had not successfully broken me. I was telling people….Although my abuse and trafficking stopped at adulthood, the effects did not. I was severely traumatized, and it manifested as intense anxiety. I was constantly suffering from panic attacks….My self-esteem was so low that intimate relationships and friendships were difficult. I was the subject of bullying on a regular basis. I could not trust anyone. I usually dated men with substance-abuse problems. I was married twice for very short periods of time."




"I overcame the initial grief and adjusted to my new lifestyle of ‘mommy and me, and daddy on the weekends.’ I took part in a few recovery phases like latching onto my mom and embedding myself in music, dance, and books—anything that provided me a recess from reality. Eventually I hit the ground running, socially. Nothing makes for a better clichĂ© after-school special than a know-it-all only child from a broken home speeding around town with her posse, filled with enough animosity to, well, make stupid decisions. Like, say, a tattoo or drunk driving. And there were plenty of dark moments locked in my room, sad as hell, for no reason in particular….What I didn't see coming was the relationships aspect. Far past the time of my divorced parents' woes, years of casual dating and hook-ups, I found myself at the end of three relationships. I'm not talking about a few months of courting, but years invested in serious commitments with guys that were now reduced to creased photos and lingering cologne faster than awkward one-liners were spat out the night we met. The scary part is, in hindsight, I knew they wouldn't last. I didn't want them to last. (Perhaps I knew that from the start.) So what was I doing? Avoiding relationships, that's what."




"I have been going through emotional problems lately. I have been crying a lot and thinking about my mom and dad’s divorce and how I want them together. I don’t understand why now, after all these years, it is bothering me. It has never bothered me till this past school year and nothing has happened in school either. I keep thinking about how I will never know how it was to live with both my parents. On Christmas, I kept thinking about how I really only had one true Christmas with both of them together and I don’t even remember it. People always say the younger the child is when parents get a divorce, the easier it is on a child, but for some reason, that’s not true for me because I missed out on it all!…I can’t keep it to myself and can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t know why it is bothering me twelve years after they got a divorce and how I can get it to go away."




"I don't really have much of a recollection of my childhood except for heartache and sadness….I grew up self-conscious, insecure, oversensitive, and extremely emotional. I didn't really feel love at home but I craved it any way I could get it. It's only natural. I wasn't what you would call promiscuous, but I found myself in some horrible situations where I had been taken advantage of, sexually as well as mentally….My husband Jason went through similar tribulations growing up since his parents divorced when he was in the second grade. Because of that he has always been just as determined as I am to have a sunshine, rainbows, and unicorn marriage that won't end with the dreaded ‘D’….Throughout the entire course of our relationship we have been beaten and battered emotionally in more ways that I could have ever imagined. We have had job losses, lost loved ones, suffered a miscarriage, faced health issues, devastating medical diagnoses, financial struggles–we even lost our first home that we lived in for seven years….The truth is that we are all broken. We all have some kind of issue to work through. But if your perspective is open, hopeful, and positive, and your life partner is on the same page, then you have a great shot at success no matter what your family background."

Shepry TC mark

15 Signs He’s The Marrying Kind

Posted: 11 Oct 2015 01:00 PM PDT

Silvia Sala
Silvia Sala

1. He's excited about the future. With you. He doesn't just dream about it and talk about it. He's making concrete plans to make it happen and you're part of those plans. It doesn't freak him out to talk about things he wants to have down the road because he's ready for it.

2. He talks in "We's" and considers you in his future endeavors. "We love that show!" he'll say to friends when the topic arises and "We're trying to figure out our weekend," when someone asks him for plans. You're part of the equation now and he factors you into his decisions.

3. He’s genuinely excited to introduce you to his family. It's not something he feels awkward about or that will accelerate your relationship in a way he's not ready for. He's ready to take that next step and is proud to show you off.

4. His friends all know about you. You realize this when you meet them because they know enough details about you to prove he's been talking about you often. He's ok being asked a ton of questions and even getting teased for all of the times he's been "missing" from hanging with the boys because he's been spending that time with you.

5. He's got an extra skip in his step all because of you. You've seen him transition since you initially started dating and the changes are all for the better. He's eager to share his world with you and to get to know yours. He opens up willingly and has a positive outlook on what lies ahead. You've given him confidence and something to look forward to in the future.

6. He's saving up. He doesn't spend his money on frivolous, in-the-moment expenses. He realizes that settling down and thinking about marriage requires a certain amount of financial planning. He's been like this for a while, but now he's extra motivated to keep it going.

7. He's taking that next step professionally. Whether that means putting in more time at work to get a promotion, going back to school, or figuring out a more stable career, he's willing to do what it takes to have a more secure future. In the past, he may have stalled in getting started on these plans, but he sees the value in a steady career path now that you’re part of his life.

8. He's in a position to settle down – financially, geographically, professionally, and is ready for that next phase. Timing is everything and his time is right now with you. He's in the city he wants to be in, doing the thing he wants to, and he’s dating the woman of his dreams (you!). The stars are aligned for the two of you.

9. When you think about the future with him, you become giddy. That’s because he's someone you can actually see yourself building a life with. He's dependable, lovable, adorable, and he feels the same way about you. Even if you’re not quite used to relying on someone, with him everything is different.

10. You've had your first big fight and have come out of it better communicators, with a better understanding of each other. Fighting, disagreeing, and problem solving are all part of a healthy long-term relationship, so you feel stronger as a team having tested those waters.

11. You know each other's histories. The skeletons are out of the closet, you've learned them, accepted them, and understand them. Any issues he's had prior to your relationship won’t interfere with what you establish moving forward.

12. Your long-term goals align—kids, religion, moving, etc. You've had multiple discussions about whether you want kids, when you’d like these hypothetical tiny human to appear, and what religion you’ll practice as a family (if any). You’ve also talked about where you both want to live in the long haul. These are essential topics that have to be hashed out way before any marriage takes place, and he's indicated very clearly that you're on the same page.

13. He likes being in a relationship. He's never been interested in dating multiple women at once because it stresses him out. He's not a serial cheater, the member of an underground S & M club (unless you are too) and he’s content being with the same person through all the ups and downs life inevitably involves. He's gotten his heart broken once or twice—enough to know the value of a great relationship.

14. His party days are behind him, but he's still fun. He's got that special something that will keep you laughing for decades ahead. He gets you and knows when to push, when to leave you alone, and when to partner with you. You've got that connection and best friendship foundation that all great love stories are based on.

15. He makes you a better person. He’s allowed you to blossom on your own, as an independent woman within the relationship, because he loves and respects you that much. He is a thoughtful, caring partner—a man worth sharing your life with. For years to come, he’ll continue to prove that he was always the marrying kind. TC mark

Stacey was dumped right before her wedding. Find out why it was the best thing that ever happened to her here.