Thought Catalog

Guys, Here’s What It’s Actually Like To Be A Woman

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 08:00 PM PDT

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. — Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird

Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

You have no fucking idea what you're doing.

Not when it comes to sex and dating and women, anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it though, because it's not your fault. Your culture has failed you and the women you're trying to meet.

We have been working with young single men in our capacities as educators, public figures, and authors for more than thirty years. In that time, the most common question we've gotten from guys centers around how to increase their confidence with women.

But there's a much deeper problem: At least 70 percent of their questions reveal a total failure to understand the woman's point of view.

Why does this matter? As a man, it is impossible to be better at mating until you understand the subjective experience of a woman, because it is fundamentally different than yours in many ways. If you can account for those differences, you will be well on your way to increased success because most men spend zero time thinking about this.

The differences start from the very beginning, at our deepest primal levels.

When a man interacts with a woman, his greatest fear is sexual rejection and humiliation. This causes him to spend as much time and energy (if not more) on defensive strategies to protect against rejection as he does on mating strategies to attract women.

Women are totally different. In these interactions, they are not much afraid of rejection. Rather, when a woman interacts with a man, she is afraid of being physically harmed or sexually assaulted.

Right now you're probably thinking the same thing we did when we first learned about this when we were young men: I've never hurt a woman in my life and never would.

And we bet you're right. You are probably perfectly safe.

“Where it gets problematic is when you don't get the picture and she has to tell you, because women don't like having to reject men explicitly. There is a deep evolutionary logic to this preference, and it has a lot to do with minimizing the very real risks they face from publicly humiliating their suitors.”

But SHE doesn't know that: when she meets you, you could be Jack Ryan, Jack Sparrow, or Jack the Ripper. Any one of those is equally likely. Even more terrifying is the fact that, over the course of her life, the biggest threat to her is men she knows. This is not some idle, irrelevant statistic. The overwhelming majority of women that suffer physical or sexual assault suffer it at the hands of a man they know intimately.

And their fears don't stop at physical harm; they are just as vulnerable to social and emotional harm as well. Socially, you can spread lies about her or damage her reputation (with men and women), sometimes just by being associated with her. You can pretend you love her, get her pregnant, and then abandon her. This is only the beginning of the harms she potentially faces at your hands.

We cannot emphasize this enough: Mating success requires cross-sex insight. You need to understand how women evaluate your qualities and how they perceive the status, danger, opportunities, and threats that you could present. The better you learn to see these things from women's points of view, the less unattractive you will be to them and the less confused, resentful, and frustrated you will be by how they respond to you.

We're not suggesting you have to become a gender psychologist or feminize your whole worldview. You are a man, and women like men; turning into a woman would make you less attractive to (most) women.

We're telling you to simply understand women. And this is for the simple reason that understanding the female perspective helps you do much better with women, whatever your goal—whether it's a one-night stand, a friend with benefits, a girlfriend, or a wife. It will help you avoid and resolve arguments, saving you hours of grief. It will help you have better dates, cooler conversations, and hotter sex. It will help you to stop acting like a self-sabotaging dick. And it will also help your relationships with your mom, sisters, daughters, female friends, and coworkers.

To be clear: the insights in this chapter are not a collection of opinions and moralizing lessons. They are based on the best, current scientific knowledge that we have about women's psychology and sex differences. We'll also focus on women's vulnerabilities, concerns, and anxieties that you might not have considered before, because these are the aspects of the female experience that have long stood between men and a greater understanding of—and success with—women.

She Is Tired of Being Objectified, So Subjectify Her Instead

Go to a sports bar in any major city or college town on game day, and invariably you will run into a crew of gorgeous young women in skin-tight, cutoff referee outfits or school jerseys walking around, selling shot specials or beer buckets. This is how everything, not just liquor, is sold to men—hand tools, shampoo, Doritos, porn, cars. All of them shamelessly use beautiful, scantily clad women with big boobs, tight asses, and long legs as the vehicles to deliver their message. And it works.

The problem from a mating perspective (besides the obvious ethical ones) is that normal women feel this objectification acutely. On the one hand, the media have established an unrealistic expectation of beauty for them to live up to, and this makes them insecure. On the other hand, this expectation has created in women the belief that most guys care only about a woman's boob-to-ass-to-leg ratio, which is a recipe for resentment and distrust.

Here's the thing though: when women say, "Don't objectify me," they don't mean "You're never allowed to look at my boobs or notice my butt." Actually, they kind of like their boobs and butts and hope you do too, if you're a good guy and you also appreciate their other features, like their eyes or their opinions.

To attract women, you must be able to take their point of view and think of them not as marketing vehicles to objectify, but as living, thinking, feeling individual humans. You have to subjectify them: accept, understand, and acknowledge their individual, subjective consciousness.

Ironically, a great way to understand a woman's point of view is to think of her as a marketing consumer: a savvy customer evaluating your products (traits) and ads (proofs) to see if they'll add value to her life. If you want to guarantee mating failure, all you have to do is think of her as nothing more than an inanimate object—as an "8" or a "9," as a simplistic robot with a set of "triggers" and "hot buttons" to manipulate. At that point you've reduced your customer to nothing more than a cash dispenser, or, since we're talking about objectifying a woman, a sex dispenser.

Objectifying women isn't just a moral failure. At the purely practical level of attracting women, it's stupid. It might temporarily reduce your anxiety about approaching them (about making your pitch), because if you think of them as targets, you can try to trick yourself into thinking that they won't be judging you when you walk up to them. But they are judging you—and that's OK, as long as you understand how and why.

She Is Physically Vulnerable, and She Knows It

Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

Picture this example:

You are a young, relatively inexperienced gay man. You're single, it's Friday night after a long week, and you've decided to go out and have some fun. You and some friends decide to check out a new gay bar that you've heard has a lot of hot guys.

When you walk in, you encounter an overwhelming sea of men. These guys are all as tall as NBA players, as muscular as NFL linebackers, and as sexually aggressive as a felon on his first night out of jail.

They are all bigger, stronger, faster, and hornier than you. Their heads all swivel toward you, and their eyes look you up and down like sexual Terminators.

You haven't even met them, but you can see the gears turning behind their eyes. Any one of them could grab you, carry you out of the bar, and put who knows what god knows where, and there is little you could do to stop them. You're just a piece of meat to them.

But there's strength in numbers, so you and your friends gather whatever sober courage you can muster and head to the bar. Soon enough, you've had a couple drinks, and some of these huge guys approach you and begin talking to you.

Some of them are really lame and unattractive and make crude, ham-fisted passes at you. Some are awkward and annoying. Some are even kind of angry and mean. All of these guys are very unappealing. You don't want to talk to them.

But lo and behold, some of them are actually pretty intriguing. Yes, they are still big and intimidating, but they want to buy you drinks and pay you compliments. Some of them are really interesting and fun; they do amazing things with their lives and seem to really be into you. They're cocky and funny. They have that sublime masculine energy that is very appealing.

How would you feel in this situation? Nervous, worried, scared, guarded, self-conscious, and vulnerable? But also flattered, desirable, and excited (remember, you're gay in this exercise).

Some of the same male traits that frighten you the most also seem to be the most attractive to you. The guys who pose the greatest physical threat are also the same guys you can envision making you feel the safest. The guy who seems like the most egotistical player in the bar is also the one making you laugh so hard that your ribs hurt. It's all a giant, swirling, pulsating contradiction.

This is the world of sex and dating for women.

And this is what it is like for women every day, in every social situation, with straight guys just like you.

Women are surrounded by bigger, stronger, faster men who probably want to have sex with them and could take it by force. This is their experience not just at bars and clubs, but at school and work, on the street, and the subway. Men stare at them, leer at them, make crude passes at them, and interact with them all day every day, with sex clearly the subtext of every interaction—even the briefest, most innocuous non-mating exchanges.

Her: "I would also like fries with that."

Him: "Yeah, you would!"

While this is just a thought experiment, the facts that underpin it are very real. For Americans over age twenty, the average man is five inches taller than the average woman (5'9″ vs. 5'4″). He's thirty pounds heavier (196 pounds vs. 166 pounds), and he carries less body fat (18 percent vs. 24 percent), so he's got about twice the upper-body strength (what he'd use to pick her up) and twice the grip strength (what he'd use to hold her down). An average woman is as physically vulnerable to an average guy as a big guy (6'0″, 190 pounds) would be to the average NFL lineman (6'5″, 310 pounds)—which is to say, very vulnerable.

“Think about how weird that whole situation is: to be sexually attracted to beings that could so easily do irreparable physical harm to you.”

Most dating advice to guys fails at this first hurdle. It's built around the assumption that men and women think alike about sex, romance, and dating without even acknowledging the basic physical differences between male and female bodies and the resulting male vs. female vulnerabilities. This is totally wrong. If you can understand women's sexual and physical vulnerability, dating should make a lot more sense.

For instance, if a woman seems like she's sending "mixed messages," or acting "hot and cold," or there's a mysterious push-me/pull-you erotic dance going on, it's not that she's being weird or manipulative (at least, typically). It's that she's trying to express interest from a defensive posture, and she's got a hair-trigger threat-detection system that makes her withdraw into her shell when you start pushing too hard. Maybe you really are the good guy who won't take advantage of her, but she has no way of knowing that when she first meets you. She has to evaluate you herself.

Think about how weird that whole situation is: to be sexually attracted to beings that could so easily do irreparable physical harm to you. Think about the anxiety that internal contradiction could create on a daily basis. For women who are on the more anxious and delicate side, think about the raw physical courage it must take just to go out and meet men. If she pushes when you pull, your question shouldn't be, "Why won't she have sex with me?" It should be, "Why would she ever put herself in a situation of sexual vulnerability with any guy?"

The best (and funniest) explanation of this dynamic we've ever heard comes from the famous comedian Louis C.K.:

The courage it takes for a woman to say yes [to a date with a man] is beyond anything I can imagine. A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane, and ill advised. How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number-one threat! To women! Globally and historically, we're the number-one cause of injury and mayhem to women. We're the worst thing that ever happens to them!

And yet, here we are. Women have evolved this ambivalent arousal/fear, love/hate response to male size, strength, and power. If you want to be successful in modern mating, the more you understand this, the better you can deliver what women love while eliminating what they fear.

She's Been Dealing With Creepy Douchebags for a Long Time

A woman can tell how well your life is going from how you look, in about two seconds. Your face and body are leaking all kinds of cues about your sexual experience, self-confidence, and personality—and she can see it all in one glance. Before you approach her, she's already decided whether she wants you to talk to her, and she's already judged your mate value and your status before you toss the first lame, derpy pickup line at her. She can smell your over-practiced pick-up artists tricks from a mile away. It's like her superpower.

By the time you've met her, a normal American woman has spent years honing that superpower. She had to develop it after putting up with so much shit from lame guys hitting on her, catcalling, sexually harassing, and potentially even stalking her. Since puberty, when she started developing hips and breasts and pretty facial features, she's had to deal with creepers and sketchballs to some degree or another, and she's probably pretty sick of it.

It's hard for guys to appreciate what it would be like to grow up being stared at and sexually harassed every day of your life from age twelve onward. So instead, what you need to realize is that all this sexual attention a woman gets sows in her a fear of raw physical violence—reactive assault—that could be sparked if she ignores your come-ons, rejects you in a way you find demeaning, or dates you for six months before finding out you're a paranoid, jealous control freak.

That's the female reality of living in sexual fear. She's afraid of creeps, weirdos, crazies, losers, and stalkers. And believe us when we say that, from her perspective, they make up a high proportion of men—especially the ones likely to hit on her in inappropriate ways, places, and times. Psychological and environmental factors explain much of this perspective.

The psychological research, for instance, shows that, from a woman's point of view, most guys she meets will be less kind, less agreeable, less empathic, less conscientious, less reliable, less clean—less everything really—than she and her friends are. Even if she accepts those sex differences, she still has to wrangle with the fact that many mental illnesses and personality disorders are more common among men (the more dangerous ones no less). These male-dominated disorders include alcoholism, drug addiction, autism, schizophrenia, narcissism, white-collar sociopathy, and criminal psychopathy. All of which make each random encounter with a man less likely to end in love and more likely to end with a fight-or-flight response.

Most guys reading this right now are probably sitting there thinking, "WTF, I've never done any of that creepy shit. Don't lump me in with those assholes." And we agree. Most of you guys are solid dudes. You're just suffering for the actions of the highly nonrandom sample of guys who hit on every woman in sight. That's why it's so important to understand the world from a woman's perspective.

Think about women's experiences with guys like a city cop's experience with people in general. Cops spend 90 percent of their time dealing with the scummiest 5 percent of humanity. The ones who've been around a while often develop a cynical, negative, and fatalist view of humans, based on the totality of their bitter experiences. It's not that humans are all bad. It's that cops see only the worst.

Likewise, women spend a big proportion of their time in the mating market avoiding the small percentage of guys who are the most intrusive, obnoxious, or insane. Psychopaths are sexually predatory, uninhibited, and confident, so although they're only 4 percent of the American male population, they might account for 40 percent of the men who have hit on any given woman. Guys with Asperger's are another factor; although they're often introverted (and so less likely to approach a woman), if they do approach, they're bad at reading nonverbal cues of disinterest or rejection, so they're more likely to persist beyond a woman's comfort zone. There are almost too many other types of men who do things women find repulsive to name them all.

Simply put, her experience is that the worst guys come straight at her while the best guys are nowhere to be seen.

She's Probably Just Not That Into You, and You Need to Be O.K. With That

Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

The average guy finds the average woman at least somewhat sexually attractive. Think about it. The next time you're walking down the street or hanging out in a mall or student union, ask yourself seriously, What percent of these women would I be willing to have sex with right now, if it was safe, easy, consensual, and no strings attached?

If you're like most young guys, the answer would be well over 70 percent—even including the moms and older women. For some of you freaks, especially including them.

By contrast, the average woman finds the average man sexually invisible, neutral, disgusting, or repulsive. Only a tiny percentage of guys inspire immediate lust in women. And most of those guys have already moved to New York or LA to become actors or models. If you are over eighteen and haven't done that, you're not one of those guys.

This is a huge sex difference in initial choosiness, documented in both scientific research and online dating data, that plays out in every domain of sex and dating. (Of course, if a relationship develops between a man and woman, he gets a lot choosier about whether to date her exclusively, move in with her, or marry her—but that's a discussion for another time. All you need to know at this point is that women are choosier about who they have sex with; men are choosier about who they commit to.) Guys have sexual fantasies about almost all the women they know, whereas women have fantasies about virtually no men. She doesn't have as many sexual fantasies per month as you do, she doesn't masturbate nearly as much, and sex is usually more in the background of her consciousness than the foreground.

“Women are trying to do the best they can to reject you without humiliating you.”

Another reason she's not attracted to most men is that she thinks their outfits are stupid and their clothes don't fit. Because they are and they don't. She's right. She also knows what your body would look like naked, and she probably thinks you're either a lazy loser (out of shape) or a narcissistic gym rat (in too-good shape). None of this should be particularly surprising or contentious. She likes what she likes, and, statistically, the chances are you're not it.

Where it gets problematic is when you don't get the picture and she has to tell you, because women don't like having to reject men explicitly. There is a deep evolutionary logic to this preference, and it has a lot to do with minimizing the very real risks they face from publicly humiliating their suitors. It was almost always better for an ancestral woman to keep a guy within her social orbit as a possible nonsexual friend rather than alienate or upset him. Women aren't being ambiguous and mysterious and elusive because they're "playing games" or "fucking with your head." They're just instinctively trying to reduce the risk of provoking harassment or stalking or violent retaliation.

Here's how women tell you they aren't into you: their first line of defense is simply to play it cool, professional, and neutral. They keep their physical and emotional distance, minimize contact and chatter, and eliminate any signs of affection or interest that could be misconstrued as sexual.

If that doesn't work, they might escalate the subtle rejection vibes by acting in a way that naive young men interpret as "cold" or "stuck up" or "bitchy." This vibe is not cruel—it signals that you failed to appreciate their earlier cues of disinterest, and they've reluctantly had to make their disinterest even more obvious to get it through your thick head that they do not wish to fuck you. If women wanted to be cruel when they rejected you, they would ask their brothers to cut your belly open with sharp flints and pull your guts out for the wild hyenas to eat—or whatever the equally painful equivalent on Facebook would be.

Women are trying to do the best they can to reject you without humiliating you. The more experienced and confident they are, the better they are at rejecting you obviously enough that you go away but not so obviously that you're ashamed in front of your friends and other women. But it's not their responsibility to reject you in the way that would be least costly to you; it's your responsibility to take the hint as best you can and go away.

She Already Knows She's Pretty, and She's Still Self-Conscious

If you meet a woman who strikes you as beautiful, you're probably not the first guy to notice. In attractiveness research, men show very high agreement in their ratings of women's faces and bodies. This means that as long as she has been objectively beautiful she has been admired, hit on, masturbated to, and harassed by guys from ages sixteen to sixty, including many of her classmates, teachers, peers, coaches, coworkers, and bosses—not to mention total strangers, pickup artists, and alleged "talent scouts for modeling agencies." Many of the guys who hit on her were nasty sociopaths, because the nice guys found her too intimidating. And enough women have found her threatening that she's had trouble keeping more than a few close friends. Her beauty has already been both a blessing and a curse for years before you ever laid eyes on her.

This is one reason why it's pointless, and often counterproductive, to go up and compliment beautiful women on their beauty. Tell her something she doesn't already know and hasn't already heard from a thousand guys. Better yet, don't tell her anything. Ask her about her interests, ambitions, friends, background—anything that requires some social intelligence to appreciate behind her "hot girl" persona. Just talk to her like you already understand that (a) she's beautiful, and you both know it, (b) she's felt ambivalent about her beauty for years, and (c) she'd like to be appreciated for things she's achieved in her life through her own efforts, not through winning the genetic lottery of physical attractiveness.

Yet here is the great irony about female beauty: she's still very self-conscious about her face and her body and her clothes and her accessories. Frankly, she doesn't really understand why you're attracted to her. This holds true even for a very good-looking woman, because she compares herself to the world's most beautiful models and actresses, air-brushed to perfection, staring her down from the cover of every women's magazine and billboard. She doesn't typically consider what men actually find attractive or she misunderstands it completely.

Most women think that men are most attracted to the rail-thin models or skinny actresses that grace the covers of the magazines they buy. They're wrong. Studies show that most men are attracted to women with curves and meat on their bones; the high-fertility hourglass shapes (like Kim Kardashian, Sofia Vergara, or Halle Berry), not low-fertility apple shapes or no-fertility chopstick shapes. Also, guys prefer women who are physically healthy and capable, with strong muscles, bones, connective tissues, and immune systems, because this predicts being a sexually energetic girlfriend; a capable, protective mother; and a long-lived partner. (Think Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Biel, Rhona Mitra, or Jennifer Garner…) Men want just the right amount of fat, in the right places, on a strong, healthy frame.

Unfortunately, most women think the male conception of beauty is binary: "fat" (bad) or "thin" (good). So they diet using bad health advice and spotty willpower to strive for the supermodel plank shape, and they lose both their cues of fertility (boobs and butt) and their cues of capability (muscle), undermining their attractiveness.

Remember, she didn't evolve to be attracted to women or their feminine traits, so she's sort of mystified that you could find her sexually desirable in the first place. It just doesn't make sense to her. There's a part of her that was incredulous during puberty when boys were starting to notice her, and that part is still there. She's got a bit of impostor syndrome about her own erotic power.

This self-consciousness extends to nearly every aspect of her appearance, including many areas of her body and most of what she wears. Women put a lot of thought into their appearance. Everything they wear and display is probably a conscious choice. Every choice is a statement—but not every statement succeeds. Yet often, women can't tell if they've struck the right balance between formal and casual, tight and loose, sexy and slutty, classical and avant-garde, earnest and ironic. Are they projecting "sexy vamp" or "meth-head jail bait"? Are they projecting "sophisticated Brooklyn hipster" or "Jersey Real Housewife"?

The problem is that they almost never get accurate feedback about what image they're projecting. Her friends are too polite to tell her the truth one way or the other, and guys are too horny to tell the difference. Most guys are oblivious to clothes altogether, let alone the specific, conscious choices that women make. When it comes to what we wear, most of us just throw on whatever's clean.

The fact that most guys can't tell the difference between haute couture and Juicy Couture (or the respective differences in effort and taste) only amplifies her self-consciousness. And if you want to turn her self-consciousness up to 11, be the guy who can't seem to pick up on her signs of interest in you either. That one is a killer for any young woman who has put herself out there. If a woman's really interested in you, she will go out of her way to be around you and to be visible and available for you to approach. If you're oblivious enough not to get those signals, she may even have the gumption to wave at you or ask her friend to say hi. Sadly, if you're younger than twenty and/or have had sex with fewer than four women, you'll probably overlook or misinterpret all of those female choice cues. Pay more attention next time.

She Is Worried About Her Social Status, and You're a Big Part of That

Just like males compete against other males for resources that matter to males, females compete against other females for resources that matter to them. Typically, female-female competition in other animals is more about food, territory, or other resources required to reproduce.

But if you're in a competitive mating market with a limited number of attractive, desirable males that all the women want, then women are going to compete against each other to get and keep those males. And they are going to use any tactics that work—seduction, manipulation, gossip, physical violence, verbal violence—anything that works to get those guys and make them stick around.

Science has started to delve into female-female competition in a serious way only in the last five years or so, and we still don't understand its intricacies very well. For example, it might seem weird to men that female-female competition would ever involve something as arbitrary as the specific brands of high-heeled shoes or handbags that women wear and carry.

“A woman's entire social life could be ruined by one mean sexual rumor that has been perpetuated through social media by people who barely know her.”

But think about guys bragging about which micro-brewed beer they like, which concealed-carry pistol they favor, or which car they drive. The red soles of Christian Louboutin heels and the stitching on Celine handbags don't make that much difference to their function—but the same is true for the nuances of the Congress Street IPA, the Springfield XDs, and the Maserati Quattroporte. Both sexes are suckers for status-seeking through consumerism.

Guys know that some of our male-male competition tactics are stupid and ridiculous. Same with women. If you're smart enough to be reading this, then the women who are smart enough to be good mates for you already understand most of the absurdities of female-female competition. They're just as disgusted by stupid women as you are by stupid men. But just as you seek social approval from guys you don't really respect, women seek social approval from women they don't really respect—and they're often appalled that they instinctively care so much about it.

This is where the similarities end, however. Women face much different social vulnerabilities. On average, they're less anxious than men about being bad at athletics, fighting, or making money. But they worry a lot more about their sexual reputations among their acquaintances, coworkers, family, and neighbors. Specifically, they fret about the existential reputational threat posed by slut-shaming in modern society.

Women are vicious to each other about slut-shaming. A woman's entire social life could be ruined by one mean sexual rumor that has been perpetuated through social media by people who barely know her. By the time a woman is out of college, she's had years of hearing women rag on other women (in their class, in their dorm, in their sorority, at their work) for being sluts and whores. Imagine the anxiety that comes with an ill-timed one-night stand or an indiscreet friend with benefits. It can be paralyzing for some women.

As a guy or even just a functional member of society, it's important to realize that female slut-shaming isn't the product of some deep self-loathing or in-group hatred. Rather, it is as prevalent as it is because a promiscuous rival is a woman's biggest threat to keeping a good boyfriend. "Sluts" aren't derogated because women are uncomfortable with their sexuality; it's because they're experts at mate poaching, which is a very real threat to most women. So when women are thinking about short-term mating with you, they're also thinking, "Who at school or work might find out about this?" and "How will I feel about this when I'm Skyping with my mom later this week?"

Female promiscuity also has a "tragedy of the commons" effect in the mating market. If one woman offers blowjobs on the second date, it's harder for other women to keep them in reserve until the fourth date as their special treat. This creates a downward spiral of young women feeling like they have to offer more and more sex to more and more guys just to stay in the mating game. Thus, slut-shaming is a way of enforcing a more restrained sexual norm on other women so that not all women have to become more promiscuous than any of them would like.

The slut-shaming then seeps down into a woman's emotional matrix, where it can fester and undermine her self-respect. That's why women typically do not feel great about themselves the morning after a one-night stand unless they have a lot of self-confidence and sexual experience. There's a reason they call the journey home the morning after a hookup the "walk of shame."

Given the risk of slut-shaming, a typical female strategy is to pursue short-term mating quietly, with a lot of plausible deniability, adaptive self-deception, and circumstantial rationalization. Any credible excuse for casual sex can reduce the slut-shaming risk—"It was my birthday," "I was drunk," "It was spring break," "It was Jamaica, after all," "I've always admired his writing."

These special-circumstance explanations help women create plausible deniability to other women that any given short-term sex was not representative of their usual longer-term mating strategy. Even the euphemisms that women use for sex ("hanging out," "hooking up," "partying," "dating," "going out together") help obscure the key issue of whether intercourse actually happened.

Understanding all this is especially important if you meet a woman who's with her friends. She knows they are watching and judging. If you talk to her for a few minutes and she's charmed, maybe she'll want to leave immediately to go have sex with you. Weirder things have happened. But she probably won't do that, because she knows she will be accountable to her friends the next time they meet. They will ask about what happened. She'll have to come up with a story about why fucking a guy within an hour of meeting him should not undermine her sexual reputation.

So guys in that situation should not try to steal a woman away from her friends as soon as possible. Instead, just get her number so you can text her about getting together later, in private. That way, she can make her own judgment about whether to tell her friends anything about the night, and she's much better protected against the long-term effects of slut-shaming.

Her reputational concerns don't just end with whether or not she had sex with you. If she starts dating you, that too will affect her status within her peer group, either positively or negatively. She can already anticipate how that will play out. Partly it depends on your qualities as a guy. Are you such an awesome guy that she'll get an immediate status boost from you having chosen her? Or are you such an embarrassing mess that she'll suffer a status loss—at least until she fixes you up and makes you presentable? Her friends will also judge her based on how you treat her. Are you sexually exploiting and emotionally neglecting her like that creep last year? That lowers her status. Or are you taking care of her like a potential Mr. Right would? That raises her status.

You can do everyone a huge favor before you even get to this stage by making an effort in that initial moment of contact to charm her friends—even the grumpy ones—so that they think you're a cool, funny guy and give you the benefit of the doubt from the jump.

This is as much for you and her as it is for her friends, who face a harder job in evaluating you than she does. You were an unknown quantity after all, an uncertain bet. They need time to appreciate your strengths and accept your weaknesses. But while their jury is still out, your new girlfriend will suffer a temporary loss of status. Making a good impression right away speeds up their deliberation.

She's Terrified of Pregnancy, Abandonment and STDs

Pregnancy has been the most fundamental sex difference in mammals for more than seventy million years. Women get pregnant, men don't. Most of the sex differences in human mating strategies emerge, directly or indirectly, from that basic fact.

It's a complicated issue for young women. In the long term, pregnancy with a great husband is one of most women's greatest aspirations—it can be a true blessing. But in the short term, unwanted pregnancy is one of their biggest fears. Getting knocked up can be a career-wrecking, family-shaming, mate-value-decreasing disaster, even if the baby daddy has great genes and promises to be there when the shitty diapers hit the fan.

We know from anthropological studies of hunter-gatherer societies that if a guy abandons a woman or he has a hunting accident and gets killed, the likelihood of her baby surviving drops alarmingly. It's a potentially huge cost, and it's why women have evolved a pretty good radar for detecting unreliable flakes.

Being stuck with a little kid also seriously lowers a woman's attractiveness to future men. Whatever her mate value was before the baby, it's going to drop afterward. Very few guys want to become a step-dad, and women understand this. Their instinctive worry about unwanted pregnancy is often stronger than their conscious trust in birth control. Female mammals have been getting pregnant since before the dinosaurs went extinct. Reliable rubber condoms weren't invented until 1855. The Pill arrived only in 1960—that's just two generations of reliable female birth control. That's not enough time for evolution to have re-calibrated women's mate preferences to this new reality that they could, in theory, have lots of casual short-term sex without getting pregnant.

Let's say a woman gets through high school, college, and young adulthood unscathed on the pregnancy front. She still has to worry about the armada of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) sailing toward her aboard your dirty penis. Or at least that's what's going through her mind, unconsciously.

For STDs like gonorrhea, genital herpes, or HPV, it's much easier for the viruses or bacteria to go from your penis to her vagina than vice versa. Even if you always use condoms, there's still a risk of breakage, slippage, or incomplete coverage (if you have warts or sores near the base of your dick). When a guy gets an STD, it's usually a temporary inconvenience. When a woman gets one, it can often lead to infertility, or it can infect the baby during birth. The STD stakes are simply higher for women. This is one reason why women evolved a stronger propensity for sexual disgust toward anything that tends to promote the spread of STDs: promiscuity, group sex, anal sex, whatever. If a sexual activity has a high STD risk but doesn't bring her much pleasure, build an emotional connection with the guy, or help her pass along good genes to future babies, why would she do it?

You could be the nicest guy in the world with everything going for you, but if you roll up to a woman trying to run game looking or smelling like you just climbed out from the bottom of a third-world public toilet, these are some of the fears that may be driving her to keep her distance. In fact, she cares more about how you smell than you can imagine. It's a mammalian thing—pheromones are real. And so is poor hygiene. Some women will decide they're interested in hooking up with a guy just from his online dating profile, and the live, in-person date is basically to see if he smells as good chemically as he looked digitally.

She Is Just as Frustrated by Dating as You Are

Even apart from women's physical vulnerabilities, sexual-reputation anxieties, and practical physical needs, women's minds evolved to be different from men's minds. They evolved to want different things at different times.

As a man, it's easy to envy women's sexual power if you're ignorant of their romantic desires. You might think, like the seduction peddlers in the PUA community often do, that if you were an attractive woman, you could sleep with any guy you wanted, get laid every weekend, and it would be awesome. And you could. But you wouldn't enjoy it. Because that's not what women evolved to want—that behavior did not serve their evolutionary interests.

In fact, this might be hard for you to believe, but it's true: it is much harder for a highly attractive woman to get what she wants, sexually and romantically, than it is for a highly attractive man.

Yes, every beautiful, bright woman knows she could seduce almost any man for a quick fuck. But that is rarely what she wants. She usually wants a boyfriend, at least. And her experience, if she is single, is that she has failed, over and over and over, to get the guys she really respects and admires, the great catches, the Mr. Rights, to stay with her as long as she wants.

“If you don't realize that even the very first hour of talking with her constitutes a type of relationship that needs some level of mutual respect and nurturance, she will especially not have sex with you.”

This is due in no small part to her struggle to understand her own taste in men. There are some guys she thinks she should logically be attracted to but isn't, while there are other guys she knows she should stay away from but she can't.This internal conflict is more pronounced in younger women than older, more experienced women; but it never fully goes away, and it only makes dating that much more frustrating.

She's also frustrated by the dating scene because time is running out. Most young women want it all—education, career, money, status, love, marriage, kids, meaning, and purpose. But they can't see how all that could plausibly happen by age 40 when fertility plummets. Do the age-math. If the average American woman is about to graduate college (typically around age 24), she might think about being a doctor—but that's another four years for an M.D. (until age 28), and 6 years of exhausting residency (age 34) before she can even start building her independent practice, which can take years. By the time most bright women are in their late 20s, they've realized that the clock is ticking for both their career plans and their family plans and that the two are not going to fit together very well. She's going to be looking for a guy who can help her manage these heartbreaking trade-offs.

That's why, if your early-stage relationship is going well—even just the first hour of chatting—she might want to have sex with you very soon. And if it's not going well, she probably won't have sex with you ever—even if you're an otherwise attractive guy. If you don't realize that even the very first hour of talking with her constitutes a type of relationship that needs some level of mutual respect and nurturance, she will especially not have sex with you.

If she does decide to have sex with you though, what she is most concerned about is not whether you will break the bed, but whether you'll break her heart. Women naturally fall for guys they've had several orgasms with. The oxytocin magic works reliably. This makes them emotionally vulnerable. The better the sex and the more they like you, the faster it happens.

So will you fuck her for one night and never call her again? That hurts for a week (or longer, if she really liked you). Will you hook up for three months until she falls in love with you, then evaporate for no obvious reason? That will hurt her for a year (or longer).

All of this makes the dating scene incredibly frustrating for women. Understand that and you'll understand why women aren't bending over backward to satisfy your unquenchable sexual thirst.

She Has Sexual Fantasies Just like You Do, Except She Gets a Bunch of Shit for Hers

Men have phone sex; women talk dirty. Men are "bad boys"; women are "dirty girls." Most women have that naughty, "dirty" side that drives many of their sexual fantasies. Most of those fantasies aren't literally bad and dirty, however. Women don't fantasize about being sexually assaulted by bridge trolls on top of floating garbage skiffs. But they do fantasize about being sexually dominated and controlled by handsome, caring, and capable men who operate secretly on the fringes of acceptable society. The Fifty Shades series has sold more than 100 million copies for a reason.

What is a modern woman to make of this part of her sexual-emotional circuitry? She'll probably bury it deep in her private bedroom habits and worry that if she ever disclosed it to a guy, he'd be such a reductive idiot that he would think she wants to be dominated and controlled all the time, in every aspect of her life. Or worse, he might take it as license to unleash the really fucked up shit he's wanted to try.

It doesn't seem fair (aren't all fantasies created equal?), but the reality is that women are more prone to sexual disgust than guys are, and the average guy wants the average woman to do stuff that she'd find at least moderately gross—anal, bondage, threesomes, and more.

She's unsure how to think about this. If she holds her ground and only does what she's comfortable with, will a good boyfriend abandon her for some kinky skank? She's also vaguely aware that her dad would want to kill you for whatever you want to do to her body, and his judgment hovers over her bedroom like the Eye of Sauron. Even if she's sexually open to some of the weird shit that you want, she's not confident that she can do it right. The sexual skills they require are baffling and intimidating to her, and cultivating them would increase her risk of being slut-shamed from certain corners of her life.

And just to add insult to injury, she knows she probably won't reach orgasm the first few times she sleeps with you. When you have sex with a new woman and you're under about age 60, you can be pretty confident that you'll enjoy the experience and be able to come. For guys, sex is reliably pleasant. But for women with a new guy, she won't feel safe and relaxed enough, or she won't be attracted enough to him yet, or he won't know her body well enough. Especially in one-night stands, most women don't climax with most men. They might still have a wonderful time—women can enjoy non-orgasmic sex a lot more than you realize, especially if you're really into them. But she usually won't reach that world-melting, mind-blowing orgasm that she might be craving.

Also, she resents your putting pressure on her to orgasm. She knows you want her to come, and she knows that to you it's some weird test of your sexual skills and gentlemanly altruism. But, honestly, if she just wanted to come, she'd have stayed home with a bottle of white wine, Fifty Shades of Grey, and her vibrator. If she's with you, it's because she wants more than just an orgasm. She wants a sexual connection. She wants to feel sexually desired. And she wants you to have a great time so you'll call her again. And often, the best way for you to give her all that is to just enjoy the hell out of her, without worrying too much about whether she comes. By all means, be great at foreplay—but do it because you love it, not like you're warming up a car engine on a cold morning.

Practice Perspective-Taking

You should now have a much better grasp on the issues women deal with on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, week-to-week basis. Uncertainty about and threats to their physical, emotional, and social safety surround them. You get that at a general level. But what about at the specific, individual female level? How do you grow your insights into her point of view? How do you subjectify her? You do it by practicing perspective-taking.

Next time you're in class or sitting in a Starbucks, pick out a woman in the crowd (a pretty classmate, a customer, the barista), and for a few minutes imagine yourself in her skin in the most non–Silence of the Lambs way possible. Then ask yourself questions like these:

  • What is something unique to her life and central to her identity that is impossible for me to know just by looking at her?
  • Who are the potential threats around her in this place right now?
  • What does she think about all the guys in here?
  • What is the likelihood she thinks I'm among the most attractive guys here?
  • What parts of her body is she most embarrassed about and most proud of?
  • Why did she choose to wear those specific clothes and accessories today?
  • Who are her friends, and which ones would be most judgmental if she had casual sex? How does that impact her behavior and choices?
  • If she got pregnant tomorrow, what would she do?
  • What kind of men does she date, and do they sexually satisfy her? Are any of them here right now?

You won't necessarily guess the right answers, and you should never go up and ask her if your guesses are correct—unless you want to know what a restraining order looks like. This is just a thought experiment for you to practice, to put your attention on a woman's mind before you ever approach her so that you might understand her a bit better.

Women are pulling their weight in trying to understand you. They subscribe to women's magazines that devote thousands of words a month to trying to get inside your head. (Sadly, those magazines suck.) They chat with their female friends about what men might be thinking or feeling and what a man meant by this particular sentence or that particular action. They even become psych majors. If you can meet them halfway, you're going to do great. TC mark

This post originally appeared on The Observer and is excerpted from Mate: Become the Man Women Want.

14 Reasons Why College Sweethearts Have The Strongest Relationships

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 07:00 PM PDT


1. You were, likely, each other's first real, wild loves. The novelty's yet to fade.

2. You navigated the impossible landscape of college hook-up politics together, and somehow, your relationship survived. Kudos!

3. …Seriously, you've endured some of the most anxiety-ridden, confusing, fraught moments known to pre-couplehood. At this point, you two are tougher than teflon.

4. You were together for at least a handful of those crucial moments of college-bound sexual experimentation. And that's pretty cool.

5. You've seen each other's drunkest, messiest, most irresponsible selves. Nothing says "lasting love" like that time you helped scoop their vomit out of a sink at 5 a.m.

6. …And then, you were there to guide one another through your freshman years of life. You bore witness to each other's transformations from fuckids to (mostly) sober, functioning humans. Again, pretty freakin' cool.

7. You know each other's simplest selves. You started dating when "dinner" meant a loosely fried egg or lukewarm Cup Noodles.

8. You have tons of mutual friends. College couples tend to have loads of ’em, and you've maintained those close friendships together.

9. You still have major crushes one another. Often, you see each other through your 18-to-22 year old eyes. You remember what it was like to love them when you were barely adults, and your sexual chemistry remembers, too.

10. Your love endured when neither of you had any money. You stuck out those first stages of post-grad poverty together; your relationship wasn't built on fame or riches. That shit is real.

11. You know, first-hand, what gets each other's intellects going, and why. It's special to get to know someone in an intense academic environment. You're in touch with one another's nerds.

12. You've survived a ton of logistical relationship nightmares. You've probably had to do long-distance (or something equally taxing) at one point, whether it was because one of you graduated a year earlier than the other or your first jobs were in different cities, or both. But you made it through, and your relationship is rock-solid as a result.

13. You got to know one another back when you had all the damn time in the world—when your biggest responsibility was dragging yourself out of bed anytime before noon, and you could stay up till 6 a.m. several nights in a row, just picking each other's brains.

14. You grew up together. You aided one another's journeys into adulthood. You helped each other mature into your fullest selves. TC mark

33 Simple Ways To Fall Back In Love With Your Life

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 06:00 PM PDT


1. Travel often. Designate one weekend a month to get yourself out of the city, out of the country or at the least, out the front door of your apartment. Let the ever-changing scenery of your life keep you inspired, invigorated and consistently reminded that there's so much more to the world than your everyday routine.

2. Make room for surprises. Instead of trying to control every last aspect of your life, give your life the chance to surprise you from time to time. Say yes to the date you would usually reject or the party you're not sure if you should go to. Sometimes the things we're most unsure of end up being the things we're most grateful to have done – but you'll never know unless you give it a shot.

3. Learn to receive love. Accept help from friends when they offer it. Accept compliments when they're directed at you. Let yourself be loved in the tiny ways you don't always allow yourself to be, and watch how much easier it becomes to accept your own love, too.

4. Practice gratitude. Every time a negative thought crosses your mind, deliberately counter-act it with a positive one. Life isn't all sunshine and roses, but it is a lot more positive than we tend to give it credit for. Capitalize on that on the days when your mood needs a boost.

5. Speak to one new person every day. The world is full of incredible people – in bookstores, coffee shops, on buses and on sidewalks. Take an extra two minutes out of each day to learn your barista's name or tell the bus driver that you appreciate them. You'll be surprised at how many incredible people are already in your vicinity.

6. Dedicate time to self-improvement. Set aside an hour or two a week to chart out personal goals, projects and affirmations. Become your own life coach and make self-improvement the priority that it deserves to be.

7. Practice forgiveness. Let past grudges fall by the wayside and allow peoples presents to overcome their pasts. You don't have to welcome them back into your life, but you do deserve to welcome peace back into yours. And forgiveness is an integral part of doing just that.

8. Leave the past behind. Give yourself active permission to let go of the mistakes you've made, the paths you shouldn't have walked down and all the ways in which your past has let you down. To move forward you have to face forward – so give yourself permission to do so.

9. Get moving. Pick a sport, a class or an exercise regime that works for your body and then practice it as often as possible. Life just looks better through the lens of endorphins – and exercising regularly is a proven method of enhancing your mood and wellbeing.

10. Train yourself to see the best in people. Loving and appreciating others is a habit, just like anything else. Instead of immediately writing people off for their shortcomings, try pinpointing their best qualities and focusing only on those. It lightens your mood and frees up that part of your brain that is usually reserved for bitterness and judgment.

11. Search for opportunities everywhere. Keep your eyes peeled for the classes you've always wanted to take, the career move you've always wanted to make and the little risks you could be taking every day to get you closer to where you want to be. The world is ripe with new opportunities and chances. It's up to you whether or not you're going to take them.

12. Surround yourself with positive people. As Jim Rohn once said, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." So take a look at who those people are – do they inspire you to be a bigger, brighter, more positive version of yourself? If not, it may be time to re-evaluate your friend group.

13. Make positive plans for the future. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong in the next couple of years, try taking a long look at what could go right. Plan your life as though all of your wildest dreams could and might come true – you'll be surprised at the effect this mindset has.

14. Dress for success. Our outer appearance dictates almost nothing about what kind of people we are – but it can influence the way we feel. When we present ourselves in a way that makes us feel confident, that confidence shines through in everything we do.

15. Listen to the right kind of music. Music has a massive effect on our mood. And we can use that to our advantage. By coordinating the music you're listening to the mood you'd like to be in, you can train your brain to engage in positive (or mellow) vibes as needed.

16. Make friends with your body. Instead of hating and punishing your body, try loving it. Try listening to it. Try feeding it, exercising it, resting it and nurturing it in a way that makes you feel at home inside of it. And then love and appreciate it for all the incredible things it is capable of.

17. Seek out mentors. We all need people to look up to. By choosing to surround yourself with those who are doing well in the fields that interest you, you are setting yourself up for success. Allow yourself to be encouraged, inspired and mentored by people much bigger than yourself.

18. Be receptive to change. Instead of agonizing over the way things used to be, start picking out what's positive about the way things are. Change is never easy, but more often than not, it is our own mental resistance to it that makes it so damn hard.

19. Let laughter be a priority. We're fine prioritizing work, school, the gym and other constructive activities – but we're not as comfortable prioritizing the activities that bring us true joy. Like sharing a glass of wine and a night of ridiculous jokes with the people we love most. Consider carving out time for laughter because it turns out it really is the best medicine.

20. Start looking at health holistically. Health isn't just about eating your veggies and going for regular runs (though it's also about that) – true health means that you're taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and psychologically. Failing to make time for self-care means failing to make time for your overall sense of wellbeing.

21. Commit to an ongoing education. Learning shouldn't stop when we graduate high school or college. By actively seeking out methods of growing your knowledge base, you're actively seeking out ways of improving your life. And education doesn't need to be formal – chances are, everyone you know has something to teach you. It's just a matter of allowing them to do so.

22. Master the art of active listening. You have more to learn from others than you think you do.

23. Let yourself dream without restraint. Your life may never fully match up with your wildest fantasies – but allowing yourself to engage in them nonetheless can help you realize what you really want in life, and what you ought to be working toward.

24. Choose optimism over cynicism. As much as self-proclaimed "realists" loathe to admit it, optimists have more fun. And by making slightly more positive choices in their everyday lives, they attract more positive results.

25. Prioritize people. As much as we'd all like to believe otherwise, we need other people in our lives. When we neglect our social lives, we neglect some of the best opportunities we have available for ongoing learning and growth. By making other people a priority, we make the continuous expansion of our worldview a priority, too.

26. Stop shying away from hard work. In the world of quick fixes and overnight fame, hard work is an underrated skill. The more we persevere at the things that matter to us, the more our confidence grows alongside our skill set. And that in itself is reason enough to start taking our work ethic more seriously.

27. Minimize your need for instant gratification. In a world that maximizes instant gratification, learn to occasionally forgo your impulses in favour of focusing on what you want in the long-run. The more you realize how dependent you are on digital forms of validation and gratification, the more capable you become of unplugging and focusing on what matters.

28. Spend more time in nature. There’s no two ways about it – our minds need to interact with nature in order to function optimally. Taking a half hour walk outdoors may just be the antidote you need for reducing anxiety levels, increasing your quality of sleep and boosting your mood. At worst, it’s a nice way to spend your lunch break.

29. Minimize your belongings. Minimalism is trendy – and with good reason. The less we own, the less we realize we need in order to get by. It's an empowering concept – and one that eases the pressure on our wallets while it's at it.

30. Give your time away. By devoting our time and energy to a cause much bigger than ourselves, we ironically realize what a huge impact we can have on the world when we aren’t just focused on our own self-interest. Sometimes the first step to improving yourself is forgetting all about yourself.

31. Allow yourself a creative outlet. Even if you’re completely lacking in artistic talent, having a creative outlet of any sort can be highly therapeutic. You don’t need to be Picasso or Hemingway right away – you can indulge in self-expression for your own sake and let the talent build with time.

32. Share some positive energy. The best way to intensify a good mood is to share it. Go out of your way to compliment a friend, buy a coffee for the person behind you in line or tell someone exactly why you love them. It’s almost impossible to make someone else’s day and not have your own made as a result.

33. Be a little more open every day. Life drags. It stagnates. It slumps. But more often than not, the reason it does all of that is because we have closed ourselves off to it. When we commit to saying ‘Yes’ a little more often with every passing day, we commit to opening our lives back up to possibility. And we may just end up falling in love with wherever those possibilities take us. TC mark

14 Tiny Little Things Couples Can Do To Make Each Other Happier On A Daily Basis

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 05:00 PM PDT

Pedro Ribeiro Simões
Pedro Ribeiro Simões

1. Pledge to make your boyfriend or girlfriend laugh at least once a day. You don't have to be naturally funny to Google a joke that's in line with your significant other's sense of humor. Alternatively, cite a hilarious Tweet sent by one of their favorite comedians, whom you should definitely follow with the intent of borrowing useful material. You might also relay an embarrassing anecdote from your childhood, or confess an inappropriate thought you’ve been having about your elderly neighbor. If all else fails, tickle the hell out of them. Everyone loves to laugh, and it's especially satisfying to laugh along with the person you love.

2. Instead of saying "I love you," tell your partner exactly why you love them. Your proclamation doesn't have to be rooted in some major observation. Simply list one of the many little reasons why you adore your significant other—even if it's because they accidentally farted just when you needed to smile. The difference between knowing that you’re appreciated and knowing why is akin to the distinction between watching your favorite band play a concert on TV and seeing them perform live.

3. Seduce your significant other at a time when you don't normally have sex. When you jump your partner's bones at a surprising time, the sex is automatically more exhilarating. Off-hour copulation is perhaps the easiest way to break the sensual routine so many couples inevitably fall into. And, like pizza, sex is pretty much always well received.

4. Say thank you when they least expect it, for a reason they least anticipate. The power of “thank you” is great, especially when you ambush someone with your gratitude. Say thank you when your partner completes an irksome household chore or fetches the iPad to spare you from getting up from the couch. But also say it for absolutely no reason other than to convey just how happy you are to be with them.

5. Find a new reason to compliment your partner. It’s lovely to say something nice about the way your significant other is dressed or to comment on their standout personality traits. But that’s obvious territory than can be covered by their parents, friends, and colleagues. Differentiate your role in your partner’s life with a compliment only you can give them. Get specific, or be broad. No matter what, be thoughtful. Tell them you love the way they look while they sleep, or that you're addicted to the melody of their snoring. Tell them that they're awesome at oral sex. Or that you know in your heart how great a parent they’ll be to your hypothetical children.

6. Tag your boyfriend or girlfriend in an Instagram post that's meaningful within the context of your coupledom. You shouldn’t even have to elaborate. Just tag and let them smile with recognition as they review the post you’ve singled out just for them—as funny or entertaining or absolutely insane. This will remind them how wonderful it is to share so many inside jokes and reinforce the strength of your bond.

7. Buy them a set of their favorite toiletries. That way, the next time they run out of lotion, shampoo, hair gel, or soap, they won’t even have to think twice about running to the store to replace those items, or having to lean on samples skimmed from hotel rooms in the interim. Beyond saving your partner the cost of purchasing another round of grooming necessities, supplying someone with backups of their must-have beauty products is an incredibly thoughtful act.

8. While you're at it, buy them a few pairs of their favorite socks and underwear. That way, when their existing supply starts to look a little tattered, they can just dip into their cache of freshies without worrying about placing an order or stopping by the store on their way home from work.

9. Stockpile their favorite wine and beer, too. Once you hit adulthood, you shouldn't have to go on a liquor run or head to a bar every time you feel like drinking. It's so much more convenient to grab a bottle from the cupboard. Invest in a supply of your partner's favorite booze and witness how grateful they are whenever the urge to get tipsy strikes. Buying alcohol in bulk is cost effective anyway.

10. Check something off your partner's To Do list before they get to it. You probably know of at least a few errands lingering on your boyfriend or girlfriend’s never-ending list of Tasks To Accomplish To Function As An Adult. Spare the person you love the tedium of picking up the dry cleaning or grocery shopping by doing it first. Arguably, granting someone the power to cross something off their To Do list is the best gift you can give.

11. Insist on leaving your phones at home the next time you take a walk or go out to eat. You'll be shocked by how much more attention you end up paying to each other without fighting the itch to look at a screen. Even couples that are madly in love tend to forget just how much they enjoy each other’s distraction-free company

12. Executive produce an evening out without asking your partner for input. Sometimes, the biggest barrier to a romantic night out is the logistical aspect. So take the lead and book a reservation at that restaurant your boyfriend or girlfriend has been dying to try, or go ahead and purchase tickets to the concert or play they mentioned seeing offhandedly. Then surprise them with a calendar listing for the time and date along with a note about how you'd like to celebrate no particular occasion.

13. Stay up to date on whatever interests your significant other. Subscribe to newsletters centered on your partner’s hobbies and bookmark the websites they visit regularly. The value in staying up-to-date on the stuff they care about is that you’ll be able to speak intelligently about the topics they care about most. They’ll be especially impressed when you reach the point of sending them links to videos and stories you know they’ll enjoy before they encounter the content themselves.

14. Start a joint “squirrel fund” to save money so you can splurge together later. Agree to throw a dollar into a designated jar each day, or add a few bucks to your stash of cash whenever either of you feels like it. But don’t count your savings until six months pass, at which point you should tap your fund to buy something you wouldn’t ordinarily spend money on, like a fancy dinner or couple’s massages. By the time you count your hoarded dough after months of squirreling it away in small increments, it’ll seem like free money. TC mark

Have You Seen Me? 14 Unsolved Missing-Children Cases

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 04:00 PM PDT

Etan Patz (YouTube)
Etan Patz. (YouTube)


It was a fateful May morning in 1979 when six-year-old Etan Patz's parents finally felt safe letting him walk to the bus stop alone in Manhattan. They'd given him a dollar for lunch, and he said he wanted to buy a soda with it. Wearing an Eastern Airlines cap and clutching his dollar, he skipped off toward the bus stop, never to be seen again.

Etan's face was one of the very first—if not the first—to be used on milk cartons in the early 1980s in a nationwide campaign to help locate missing children.

In 2012, 53-year-old Pedro Hernandez told police that he had lured little Etan into his bodega with the promise of a free soda, whereupon he dragged him down to the basement, choked him to death, wrapped the boy's cadaver in a body bag, stuffed it in a banana box, and dumped him in the trash. Hernandez later recanted his confession, and a trial this past May ended in a hung jury.

"Etan is larger than his very little important life," Assistant District Attorney Joan Illuzzi-Orbon had said during the trial. "He represents a moment in this city where there was a loss of innocence." (source)



The five missing members of the Sodder family. (YouTube)
The five missing members of the Sodder family. (YouTube)

On Christmas Eve in 1945, a blaze erupted at the West Virginia home of the Sodder family. Five of the ten Sodder children were trapped upstairs and presumed dead when the house collapsed to the ground 45 minutes after the fire started.

Family patriarch George Sodder had tried to grab a ladder to rescue his burning children, but the ladder was mysteriously gone. He tried calling the police, but the phone wires had been cut. He attempted to start his truck, but the engine wouldn't crank.

Even more mysteriously, the bones of the five missing children were allegedly never found.

Speculation emerged that the Sodders were victimized by Mafia arsonists, one of whom had warned George Sodder that he'd burn his house down and kidnap his children in retaliation for unflattering comments he'd made toward Italian dictator Benito Mussolini. Witnesses in the tiny Appalachian town of Fayetteville, WV reported seeing four of the five missing children at a restaurant, surrounded by "Italian-looking" adults who forbade the children from speaking. (source)



Jane, Arnna, and Grant Beaumont (YouTube)
Jane, Arnna, and Grant Beaumont. (YouTube)

On Australia Day in 1966, Jane (9), Arnna (7), and Grant (4) Beaumont went playing on a beach near their house. Witnesses reported seeing them speaking to a tall blonde man at the beach. At around 3PM, a postman says he saw the children walking back toward their home alone. And that's the last anyone ever saw of them. Their disappearance "has become symbolic of the day Australia lost its innocence." (source)



Adam Walsh (YouTube)
Adam Walsh. (YouTube)

Little Adam Walsh was only six on the July day in 1981 when his mother took him shopping at a Florida Sears store. She claims she left him at an Atari 2600 kiosk as she went browsing for lamps a few aisles away. When she returned, he was gone. His head was found in a river canal about two weeks later.

Serial killer Ottis Toole confessed to the crime but was never tried and convicted of it. Toole and his sometime serial-killing pal Henry Lee Lucas had been known for stretching the truth, so there's scant evidence he actually killed Adam Walsh. However, enraged by the killing, Adam's father John Walsh became a lifelong crusader against violent criminals and is best known as the host of TV show America's Most Wanted. (source)



Paul Joseph Fronczak made headlines when he was kidnapped out of a Chicago hospital in 1964 when he was only a day old. Two years later, "Paul" was found in a stroller and was reunited with his parents. I put "Paul" in quotes, though, because a DNA test more than 40 years later revealed that the baby who'd been returned to the Fronczaks was not even remotely related to them. (source)



Thirteen-year-old Nicholas Barkley was last spotted playing basketball in San Antonio, TX on June 13, 1994, but he never made it home that night. Three years later, a young man from Spain who claimed he was Nicholas contacted police and told him that he'd escaped from a kiddie sex-slave ring. He was flown from Spain and reunited with the Barclay family in Texas. Problem was, "Nicholas" was actually a French conman named Pierre Bourdin, who had an odd habit of impersonating missing children because he said he needed to find a family that would love him. Bourdin was sentenced to prison but later returned to Europe and continued impersonating missing children. A 2012 documentary about Bourdin was called The Imposter. (source)



Photo of bound young male purported to be Johnny Gosch that was allegedly sent to his mother by his kidnappers. (YouTube)
Photo of bound young male purported to be Johnny Gosch that was allegedly sent to his mother by his kidnappers. (YouTube)

A freckly 12-year-old Iowa paper boy, Johnny Gosch went missing in September 1982. His parents became alerted to his disappearance after receiving an angry string of calls from customers demanding to know why they hadn't received that day's newspaper. Johnny's little red wagon that he'd used to deliver papers was discovered only two blocks from his home.

Gosch's mother claims she received a letter in the mail containing several photos of a bound-and-gagged young male that was reputed to be Johnny.

A 24-year-old convicted sex offender named Paul Bonnacio confessed to helping kidnap Johnny and selling him into a child-prostitution ring. He correctly identified several distinguishing birthmarks and scars on Johnny's body. However, Johnny was never found and along with Etan Patz, he became one of the country's first "milk-carton kids." (source)



Trenton Duckett (YouTube)
Trenton Duckett. (YouTube)

Two-year-old Trenton Duckett disappeared from his Florida home in 2006, vanishing "without a trace and without signs of a struggle." Duckett's parents had been embroiled in an acrimonious divorce and custody dispute at the time of Duckett's disappearance. Evidence emerged that Trenton's mother Melinda had hacked into her husband's email and attempted to frame him for the kidnapping. She was also a student of criminal psychology and was being investigated for bank embezzlement. But before she could be charged with abducting her own son, she blew her head off with a shotgun. (source)



Kyron Horman (YouTube)
Kyron Horman. (YouTube)

One day in June 2010 after delivering a science-fair presentation about frogs, seven-year-old Kyron Horman of Oregon went missing on his way to his next class. He was never found. His stepmother Terri was never charged with his kidnapping, but she made inconsistent statements to the police about her whereabouts on the day of his disappearance. Six months earlier, Kyron's father had filed a restraining order against her after learning that she'd offered a hit man money to murder him. So instead of murdering Kyron's father, it's speculated that she may have played a role in Kyron's disappearance. (source)



Described as "tiny…blue-eyed and red-headed," four-year-old Marjorie West of Pennsylvania was seen picking flowers in a field one day in 1938. Near midnight the same day, a girl fitting her description was spotted riding in a dark sedan with an unidentified man in West Virginia. Neither Marjorie nor the man in the sedan were ever found. It remains Pennsylvania's oldest unsolved missing-persons case. (source)



Katherine & Sheila Lyon (YouTube)
Katherine & Sheila Lyon. (YouTube)

The Lyon sisters—Katherine (10) and Sheila (12)—were spotted by acquaintances eating at a mall in DC suburb on March 25, 1975. One boy told police that he saw them talking into a tape recorder held by an unidentified man. The girls were never seen again.

"That's when parents started walking their kids to school," remarked a local TV reporter. "It was an extraordinary coming-out time. Everyone became much more suspicious," he says. "It was an end of innocence." (source)



Timmothy James Pitzen (YouTube)
Timmothy James Pitzen. (YouTube)

One day in May 2011, six-year-old Timmothy James Pitzen—yes, his parents spelled it with an extra "m"—was taken out of school by his mom, who proceeded to whisk him around to local water parks and zoos in Wisconsin. The day they went missing, his mother allegedly called family members, who claim they heard Timmothy in the background complaining that he was hungry. Three days after the pair vanished, Timmothy's mom was found dead in a motel room. She had killed herself and left a note that said, "Timmothy was safe & would never be found." (source)



Sabrina Aisenberg (YouTube)
Sabrina Aisenberg. (YouTube)

Near Thanksgiving in 1997, five-month-old Sabrina Aisenberg went missing from her crib. There was no sign of a break-in. According to a local journalist:

This frightened a lot of people, terrified a lot of young parents. It was chilling for people who lived in that community. It was a quiet, safe, out-of-the-way place. And then a baby disappears.

Sabrina's parents were never tried nor convicted in their infant daughter's disappearance, but they remain the prime suspects. Suspicion was deepened when they made a video pleading for Sabrina's return that featured them smiling incongruously. (source)



Six-year-old Dorothy Ann Distlehurst of Nashville, TN went skipping toward school one September morning in 1934 "wearing a blue and white plaid dress and [holding] a pink lunchbox." But she never returned for her expected 1PM lunch break. Her parents received a postcard from Georgia about a week later promising to burn Dorothy's eyes out with acid if ransom money wasn't delivered.

Dorothy's decaying body was found two months later by a pair of men who were digging flower beds. She had been gagged. Her skull had apparently received multiple blows from a hammer. She was naked and in a "crouching" position. Acid had been poured on her face. Her murderers were never found. (source) TC mark

4 Forgotten Cases Of Satanic Rape And Murder That Turned Out To Be ‘Satanic Panic’

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 03:00 PM PDT

1. The McMartin Preschool Panic

The accused
Ray Buckey and the rest of the McMartin Preschool accused

In 1983, Manhattan Beach, California resident Judy Johnson asserted to authorities that her son had been anally raped by McMartin Preschool teacher Ray Buckey based on her son having painful bowel movements. Additionally, Johnson made a number of other allegations including that her son saw Buckey “fly”, that bestiality was taking place at the preschool, that children had power drills run through their arms.

Police investigated then sent a letter to the 200 parents of the students at the preschool indicating what the allegations were and telling them their children may have been molested or abused. Many of the children were then interviewed about possible abuse they may have suffered. The interviews were highly criticized by outside groups as being highly suggestive. Medical examinations included close up photographs of children’s assholes in an attempt to locate minute scarring that might have resulted from forced sodomy. None was found.

Other allegations that surfaced during these interviews included that the other children had been ritually abused, that they had seen witches flying, that they were taken to underground tunnels, child orgies at car washes, children being flushed down toilets, and that they had flown in hot air balloons. During the course of the investigation, Chuck Norris was identified by one of the children as being an abuser.

It was later found that the original complainant’s son never identified Buckey as ever having abused him but during the subsequent trial all the workers at the daycare were charged with “115 counts of child abuse, later expanded to 321 counts of child abuse involving 48 children.”

It wasn’t until 1990 that all charges of abuse were dropped against all parties for what the district attorney referred to as “incredibly weak” evidence.

Even more bizarre is that it became clear soon after the original allegations were made that Judy Johnson was mentally unstable and a potent alcoholic. She died of alcohol poisoning at her house in 1986, four years before the final charges against the preschool workers were finally dismissed. She was 42 years old.

The case was a firestorm at the time and set off insane allegations of Satanic ritual abuse all over the country with claims such as “I was raped by a lion” coming out of kids mouths and being taken seriously.

The following is just one example of the many nonsensical claims by Johnson that were taken seriously by the state of California and soon echoed by other children and their parents.

Screenshot via
Screenshot via

In 2005, several of the children who gave testimony against the preschool apologized for their statements. Of course they were just preschoolers and it wasn’t their fault.

2. Cameron Todd Willingham And The Pentagram Arson

via Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice
via Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice

In 1991, there was a fire at Willingham’s home in Corsicana, Texas that quickly grew into a full blaze, completely engulfing the house. Willingham, a husband and father of three girls managed to escape the house but his daughters all died. Almost immediately, Willingham became a suspect and was arrested and charged with arson and the murder of the three girls.

Police quickly asserted the theory that the fire had been started intentionally and that burn patterns showed “pooling” which indicated that a liquid accelerant had been used.

via Murderpedia
via Murderpedia
via Murderpedia

During Willingham’s trial, his criminal record was discussed and a psychiatrist James Grigson testified that Willingham’s love of the bands Iron Maiden and Led Zeppelin indicated that he was a sociopath. Additionally, the Willingham’s left arm tattoo of a snake crawling through a skull was also used as evidence that he was an “extremely severe sociopath.” Grigson was later disbarred from the American Psychiatric Association for ethics violations including lying and making prognoses without ever examining subjects at all.

Willingham was no saint and the prosecution used his past against him, claiming that he serially abused his three daughters physically and that he had burned them to death in the house to conceal this abuse. Willingham’s wife asserted that this was 100% false and that while Willingham had previously hit her, he had never hurt they’re children. Indeed she claimed that he spoiled his daughters.

Willingham declined an offer by the prosecution to plea guilty in exchange for a sentence of life in prison stating that he’d rather die than go to prison for something he didn’t do.

The prosecutor, John Jackson, made a number of unsubstantiated claims during the trial and to the press including that Willingham poured lighter fluid in the shape of a pentagram in his daughters’ room as an “act of Satanic worship.” He also referred to Willingham as “a demon.” This tied together neatly with now disgraced psychiatrist James Grigson’s assertions that Willingham was a dangerous sociopath because he liked Iron Maiden and Led Zeppelin and had music posters of the two bands.

Willingham appealed continually from 1991 until his execution in 2004. Since that time, investigative reports have indicated that the investigation into the fire was based on old science and poor investigative techniques on the part of authorities and that if the state of Texas had taken modern science into account then Willingham would have been acquitted.

In May of this year, prosecutor John Jackson was charged with obstruction of justice and withholding evidence in Willingham’s case. The charge claims "Before, during, and after the 1992 trial, [Jackson] knew of the existence of evidence that tended to negate the guilt of Willingham and failed to disclose that evidence to defense counsel." 

The case is ongoing.

3. The Keller Daycare Witch Hunt

Dan and Fran Keller in 2014
Dan and Fran Keller in 2014

Dan and Fran Keller ran a Daycare center in Oak Hill, Texas. In 1991, a three-year-old child in therapy due to his parents divorcing accused the Kellers of sexually abusing her. Other parents got wind of the accusation and their children began making accusations of their own which included forcing children to drink Kool-Aid with blood in it, have sex on camera with adults, killing animals and babies in a ritualistic way while wearing white robes and candle-lit rooms.

They also claimed to have been sexually abused by Mexican soldiers.

Over the course of a trial that lasted only six days, the Kellers were found guilty of child abuse and sentenced to forty-eight years in prison each, largely based on the testimony of medical expert for the prosecution, Dr. Michael Mouw.

In 2013, Mouw retracted his testimony stating that at the time he gave it he was simply wrong and ignorant. Additionally, it also became clear that testimony from one of the supposed victims had retracted their claim of abuse and police had simply ignored this. The suppressed memory psychiatric theories practiced at the time and used to produce allegations of abuse in the first place, including those of clinical psychologist Randy Noblitt, have also since been roundly discredited in psychiatric circles.

The Kellers were finally released. Both are now in their mid-60s and have each served twenty-one years in prison.

4. The Wee Care Nursery School Case


Wee Care was a school located in Maplewood, New Jersey in the 80s. It all started in 1985 when a child whose temperature was being taken up the rectum told the nurse “that’s what my teacher does to me at nap time at school.” The teacher in question was a woman named Margaret Kelly Michaels. In a climate of satanic panic and belief that ritualized child abuse was running rampant across American, an investigation was begun and fifty three children were interviewed regarding the alleged abuse.

Additional allegations that resulted from these interviews included that she “forced them to lick peanut butter off of her genitals, that she penetrated their rectums and vaginas with knives, forks and other objects, that she forced them to eat cakes made from human excrement and that she made them play duck, duck, goose while naked.

Some of her fellow teachers also testified against Michaels, apparently in an attempt to distance themselves from the monstrous allegations although none had direct knowledge of any abuse.

The interviews resulted in 235 counts of child abuse for Michaels. The trial lasted three years and resulted in her being sentenced to 47 years in prison. Michaels appealed and, after serving only five years, all the interviews conducted with the alleged victims were deemed invalid because they included coercive and suggestive techniques designed to get certain answers from the children. TC mark

30 Men And Women Talk About The Best, Worst, And Most Hilarious Pick Up Attempts They’ve Ever Seen

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 01:00 PM PDT

via twenty20/kyle_tudor
via twenty20/kyle_tudor


My friend frequently says this to girls:
“You wanna have the best sex of your life?”
“Then I’m the guy for you.”


“You a fine piece of ass for a white boy.” -elderly black lady, Atlanta


Me: “I get so touchy-feely when I get drunk.”
Her: “Want to grab a drink?"


She said, “Normally I’m a total lesbian, but you’re really cute.” Then it turned out that she is one of the few people I’ve met who I just don’t like as a person. Bummer.


Me: “I like your shirt.”
Cashier: “I like your face.”


This happened in the early 2000’s…..

He said, “excuse me, may I bother you for a pen?”
My friend dug in her purse and found him a pen.
He said, “Again, I am so sorry. do you also have a piece of scrap paper?”
My friend dug again through her purse and found him a piece of paper.
A few moments go by and here comes the guy again and says, “last time I’ll bother you, I promise. May I have your number now that I have a pen and paper?”

She was not amused.


Was walking through Wal-Mart with my wife, two cashiers were standing off to the side of us, as we walk by, the male cashier says, “Dibs on the Blonde!” Confused, I turn and look, he’s glaring right at me. My wife is brunette. I was the blonde.


My wife, some co-workers, and I were in Philly for a convention. Friday evening we went to South Street and just walked around a bit, and found a bar that wasn’t super crowded. Everyone sat at a table by the street but we weren’t getting any service. I walked over to the bar and ordered a round of drinks for our table.

While I’m waiting on my drinks, I notice a guy has sorta sidled up next to me. He leans over and says “Hey, I was sent here by my friend to invite you to our party across the street.” I said “Across the street?” He replies “Yeah, come here I’ll show you.”

We walked out of the bar (a very short walk) and he pointed across the street at a big second-floor balcony. There was about 40 dudes up there smiling at waving at us. I laughed and said “Oh, I’m not gay! Hell, that’s my wife over there.” He shrugged, and as he walked off he said “Have fun at the lesbian bar.” That’s when I noticed we were indeed in a lesbian bar.


I’m super tall at 6’9″ for reference. Most girls have no game when it comes to pickup lines. I was at a concert a few months ago and this short girl came up with some serious A+ shit.

She tugged at my shirt from behind and motions for me to bend over a bit for her. So I do and she says, ‘you know it’s been a while since I climbed a tree.’ My first thought was what the shit is she talking about when suddenly as I’m still leaned over she jumps on my back and shimmies her way up till she’s sitting on my shoulders. Then says she’s not getting down but if I want to walk her over to the bar she’ll buy us both a drink.

Well fucking played short girl.


Not sure if this is the best, but I was for sure taken aback by it.

This girl I had just met (friend of a friend) turns to me and goes…
“Are you gay?”
“No” (I’m a straight male)
“Oh I was just wondering because (Friend’s names) told me all the gay guys here were more attractive than the straight guys.”

This turned out to be my first one night stand.


I had a bully in college, if you can believe it. He was this jerk in my class that used to make fun of me for being anorexic (I really was). He would make comments every class and I felt too old to be going to the professor about it so I’d sit as far away as possible. One day while walking to my car, he came up behind me, made some comment about how I was going to blow away it was so windy and threw a half eaten big mac at my head. It got all over my hair. One of the guys in my class, who was obviously aware this has been happening, came up and punched him right in the mouth, knocked him flat on his back. The guy who punched him (not my bully) came over to me afterwards, as I was just in awe, and said “I’ve been trying to ask you out for awhile now but never built up the courage and that guy just really pisses me off and I hope I didn’t just ruin my chances, because I’m really not a jerk. That guy is. I’m totally hitting on you by hitting on him.”

He was super cool. We went on a few dates but ended up being friends.


At a party, took my hand and led me into a back bedroom, closed/locked the door and started stripping off her clothes.

Non-subtle clues always work the best.


Was at a highlighter party freshman year of college (you set up a black light, everyone wears white and brings highlighters to draw on each other) and as soon as I walked in with my friend, one of her friends walked right up to me and wrote “SEX MACHINE” in big block letters on my chest.


Met a German girl in Amsterdam, apparently she was a BJJ purple belt (I’m a blue belt). Out of nowhere she said that “I always love when a hot guy chokes me out, want to try?"


Drunk girl: “Are you from Tennessee?”
Friend of drunk girl: “gah* you ask if they are from Memphis.”


When I was in college I was sitting in the lounge of my dorm doing some studying when this girl, who was a year older than me was passing by the hallway with a pizza. We had talked a few times before and I had the sense that she had a thing for me and I found her incredibly attractive. She says to me, “Hey, I just got this pizza and I can’t finish all of it, do you want to come to my room and watch House?” I of course didn’t hesitate, who could resist a beautiful girl and pizza.

Once she had me in her room she made a move before we even ate a slice. It was super attractive to me that she was so straight forward, it was my first semester at college and I was not used to women being like that. All in all it was the best way to be picked up and some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Also, we did end up eating pizza and watching House afterwards.


Back in HS a girl passed me a note, typical HS I know. Got to class and opened it; “Did you know that I want your body. If you didn’t, you know now.” I’m married to her. Long story, but this short one is true and fun too. I still have the note.


A little over a year ago, a girl who I had recently met came up to my apartment (she lived in the same building) to drink beer and play video games with myself and my roommate. Immediately after heading back downstairs, she texted me “Why haven’t we hooked up yet?”

I appreciated the directness because I’d had no idea she liked me. We’ve been dating ever since.


Had a girl at the office do something, really don’t even remember what. I shook my head and said “Aw man, you suck”.
She responded, “Yeah I do, the big question is do I swallow.”

She did.


My current gf asked me out by walking up to me after work (a complete stranger until this moment) putting her hand on my arm, looking at me with smoldering eyes, and just kissed me. Apparently she had been checking me out for a long time, too nervous to say anything, and finally built up the courage to do it.


A girl once came up to me at a bar and asked, “Hey what’s the square root of 69?”
So I told her it’s about 8.3.
She made a weird face, said “oh” and walked away.
An hour later we see her again at the bar next door. She walks up to me again.
“Hey what’s the square root of 100?”
I said, “Ten.”
She said, “Are you sure? Because I could have sworn the answer was you.”
I was a little bit drunk and said, “Nope, it’s definitely 10. “U” isn’t even a number. I guess hypothetically since it’s a variable it CAN be correct but then you’re not really solving the equation are you. What is it with you and math anyway?”
She said “wow” and walked away again. My friends laughed at me and told me she was hitting on me.
I was like, “oh.”

So I found her in the bar and I went up to her and asked, “Hey what’s the square root of having sex tonight?”
She looked confused as fuck. So I asked her again and laughed.
She goes, “Dude what the fuck”
And I say “I don’t know you’re the one who’s wet for math” and for some reason I winked.
She told me to get the fuck away.
Went back to my friends who were cracking up even harder.
Turns out the girl left earlier, the chick I said that to was some random girl that looked similar
Random girl walks up to me, calls me weird. Buddy of mine apologizes. They hook up and shit.
I walk home alone.

Found the original girl on Tinder completely on accident days later. We matched. Holy shit.
I message her. “Hey what’s the square root of 69? :)”
She messaged me back. “It’s about 8.3.”
We never talked again.


I was working a concession stand at my local fair, and a gentleman came up and purchased food. 5 minutes later, I noticed he was standing at the counter again. I approached him and said, “Is everything ok? Did I forget something?” and he said “Yeah, you forgot to give me your number." Texted a few times, then he just quit responding. I’m pretty sure he did it on a dare.


Girl asked me to show her my new iPhone. She asked me how to enter new contacts and put in her number.


I brought up birthday plans with my female co-worker and she said “I can’t wait to get you drunk and take advantage of you”

Just stood there smiling like a dumbass.


I was traveling abroad with a theatre group and at a pub in Edinburgh I got this one:
Him: “Have you come in Scotland before?”
Me: (with confused look) “Do you mean ‘Have I come TO Scotland before?'”
Him: “No.”


It didn’t happen to me but a great one I’ve seen goes as follows;
Guy: “Excuse me, you see that guy over there in the red shirt?”
Red shirt guy waves
Girl: “Erm yeah..”
Guy: “Well he was wondering if I could buy you a drink?"


I was probably 16 she was probably 20 so I don’t think she was coming on to me but. I walk into a pizza place and this gorgeous woman walks up to me and says something in Italian while looking right at me. I asked her what she said and she replied “you have beautiful eyes.”

I literally melted, literally I was a puddle on the floor.


“Your ass should be bronzed and put in The Smithsonian."


Girl walks into the party, scans the room, points to me and says to her friend “that one.” Then she walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to be hers tonight. I’m normally a pretty confident guy but that left me speechless.


A guy took a bee out of my hair one time, made a lame joke about how sweet I was, something something honey. I thought it was cute. TC mark

This Is Your Perfect Date Night, As Told By Your Zodiac Signs

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 12:00 PM PDT

Twenty20 / johnnycancun
Twenty20 / johnnycancun

The zodiac has always been scarily accurate for me and my lovers, and basing activities around the zodiac can be pretty fun and interesting. Whether you want to choose a date night around your own sign’s qualities or the sign of your date, you’ll be able to craft the perfect evening.

It might make one or both of you come out of your shells and show your true natures. So, go ahead and choose your sign or your partner’s zodiac sign. Compare, contrast, or blend the two for an interesting, star-infused date.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Take an indoor rock climbing class.

Aries are naturally athletic, assertive, and active, which means you’d probably want to do something energetic. If you live near a coastal city, why not take a kayak out onto the water? If you’re in the city, try indoor rock-climbing or a bike ride. A little playful competition and some hard-earned sweat will be a total aphrodisiac.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Take a cooking class and learn how to make each other’s favorite foods.

Taurus are possibly one of the most dependable, sturdy and helpful signs on the zodiac. Beyond that, though, they’ve got a sensual quality that’s often overshadowed. With all this in mind, a cooking class might be the perfect date. Taurus can ground themselves in a simple, earthly task while indulging in the scents and flavors of food. Mmm.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Kick some ass at a local trivia night.

Adaptable by nature, Gemini’s dualism makes them very apt to mingle and morph. Plus, they love expression and communication, so they’re often the life of a party. In that case, why not head to a trivia night? You can meet groups of other smart people and let Gemini shine.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Take a nature walk and become immersed in the world around you.

Contemplative and totally mysterious, they can also be (annoyingly) sensitive and somewhat moody, always sort of moving about the world in a dreamy way. Your date should involve nature, whether that means heading to a park, driving along the ocean, or hiking in the woods. Cancer will be free to connect with the earth, and you’ll be sure to have lots of conversation.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Go on a competitive double-date with your best friend and her boyfriend.

Leos are true leaders. They love power, they work hard for recognition, and they can be super friendly. Why not put Leo into a situation where their natural strengths can shine? How about a double date competition of some sort? This could be in the form of a sport (like couple’s tennis) or even karaoke.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Watch a documentary and start a conversation about it.

Naturally quite reserved, they hold to their values, and want to work hard and do a good job. They’re also analytical and intelligent, which makes them the perfect companion for an evening of TED Talks or an academic discussion or presentation. Maybe they’d like to see a documentary or go to a live debate? Whatever the date may be, they’ll come to life when presented with an intelligently provocative situation.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Attend a house party, especially one with weird people in attendance.

Libras are pretty refined, like diplomacy and balance, but can also be pretty artistic. Why not take them to a house party with some weird, interesting and powerful people? Libra will usually find their way to the center of a conversation, and they can literally make any situation fun and worthwhile.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Get holed up in a sexy, dimly bar.

Let the Scorpio’s inherent intensity and sexuality transform the night into something intoxicating and pleasurable. Scorpio will probe and challenge you, and you might even feel zapped of energy after the date. This is how the Scorpio hooks you, whether you like it or not.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Date in the dark, and heighten your sense of touch.

Sagittarians don’t like predictability; in fact, don’t even bother going for a simple dinner date here. They’re restless and spontaneous. But don’t worry, they’re also generally super-friendly. What about an evening of blind dining? The unpredictable element is sure to please, and there will be plenty of room for cozy conversation.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Play 20 Questions and learn more about one another.

Capricorns know exactly what they need and want, and they’ll get it. They probably won’t reveal everything up front, so a date that introduces a good way of getting to know one another is key. In order to get to the bottom of this tricky sign, play a card game that requires answers or personal information. It’ll help both of you reveal exactly what you need to reveal about one another.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Go see a live concert of your favorite bands.

Aquarius are eccentric and sort of wild, love to talk, and they’ve got progressive ideas. I hope you like to dance and party, because that’s what will make this sign come to life. Go see some live music, go to an outdoor concert, or watch a risqué burlesque show. This sign wants to have a weird, wild, and fun time.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

See a Broadway show, and sing all the songs afterward.

This date will be dreamy, sensitive and sort of romantic. They’re good to their core, so approach carefully. A good way to get close to a Pisces is by going to a dramatic theater show. You can sit closely and observe something together, while letting the Pisces get involved with the artistic element of the evening. Be ready for some deep talk afterward. TC mark


14 Realizations You Have When You Move To A Large City After Growing Up In A Small Town

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 11:00 AM PDT


1. You must. eat. EVERYTHING. The closest your town got to “ethnic food” was the Taco Bell across the street from your high school, and now there’s a family run restaurant every block or so AND they’re serving dishes you didn’t even know existed! Come to mama, moussaka.

2. Seriously, the food choices are almost overwhelming. You just want to run back home and tell your family, “There’s a whole world out there! And it all starts with rice paper rolls!”

3. The view of the city at night is great… but you’ll constantly miss the sight of a sky chock-full of stars.

4. …You’ll also miss the idea of complete darkness. You used to be able to turn off your bedroom lights and have the only light be the moon outside your window. Now? There are LIGHTS GALORE. Basically: City darkness = small town dusk.

5. Your idea of “walking distance” is veryyy different from a local city dwellers definition. Back home, everything was spread out enough that it only really made sense to drive. In the city, if it’s only a few bus stops away, you might as well walk and save yourself the fare.

6. …Which works out in your favor, because with the amount of exciting food you’re consuming, walking everywhere is really the only way to survive.

7. You never really considered yourself a light sleeper… until you moved to the city. Why are there still so many people out at 3am?? What can they possibly be doing?

8. …Speaking of which, THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO AFTER THE SUN GOES DOWN. You’re so used to everything closing by 9pm and just driving around with your friends, but now you can go out. And like, meet people. That you haven’t known your entire life.

9. Driving is stressfulllllllllll. What used to be a relaxing way to pass the time, is now filled with honking, traffic, jaywalkers, and don’t even get you started on parking.


11. Back home, the idea of paying for parking was ludicrous. Uhhh I’m just leaving my car by a curb, why is it going to cost me $8 for 2 hours???????????

12. Moving in isn’t the big to-do it is back home, where everyone made sure to welcome the new family with plates on plates on plates of cookies. Here, neighbors are mostly concerned with how loud your music is going to be.

13. Everyone walks so fast! You obviously have places to go and people to see, but you did NOT realize that getting there would require you to move at a semi-jog just to keep up with the flow of traffic.

14. FREEDOMMMMMMM. You can literally do anything without having to worry that Jill down the street saw you and is going to tell your mom at book club. TC mark

This Is How You Attract People Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 22 Oct 2015 10:00 AM PDT



(March 21st to April 19th)

We are drawn to Aries people because they always seem so confident in what they are doing. While they may have inner doubt, they present an aspirational I-know-what-I’m-doing vibe to those around them. Unlike most other signs, they embrace change, adventure, and the unknown. They make amazing partners whether romantic, platonic, or professional because they will take you out of your rut and into something much more exciting.


(April 20th to May 21st)

We are drawn to Taurus people because they don’t take shit from anyone. While some of us may prefer to avoid conflict or assume people mistreating us is ‘not a big deal’ a Taurus will make a scene and demand the respect they (and their friends) deserve. They are extremely warm-hearted to those who have earned a place in their heart and inspire all of use to fiercely protect our loved ones.


(May 22nd to June 21st)

We are drawn to Geminis because they are not afraid of their idiosyncrasies. They contradict themselves all the time, and they are stronger for it. They aren’t afraid to admit when they are wrong because they are changing their mind all the time. This results in open-minded individuals who can talk about any subject on the planet, because they’ve been interested in it at one time or another. They make the very best dinner party guests.


(June 22nd to July 22nd)

We are drawn to Cancers because they are supremely loving and sensitive individuals. No one will love you with the intensity that a Cancer will love you. They are romantics who produce amazing literature and art — or even just a beautifully designed home. They are picky about experiences and aesthetics, so when you are with one each event will be carefully curated, even a night home watching Netflix on the couch.


(July 23rd to August 22nd)

We are drawn to Leos because they are creative performers. They are always hysterical, always the favorite friend of the group, always the person who entertains you and creates the best memories. They are the opposite of dull and punctuate your relationship with belly laughs.


(August 23rd to September 22nd)

We are drawn to Virgos because they make us better people. They show us that ‘adulting’ isn’t actually that hard. Life is better without the drama of procrastination or keeping your bank account unbalanced. They are the friends and romantic partners our parents wish we would have, the ones that leave our lives in better shape than they found it in.


(September 23rd to October 22nd)

We are drawn to Libras because they are the ultimate listening ear. They are our dream shoulder to cry on because they can objectively evaluate any situation and give amazing advice. They are the person who helps you write the email to smooth out a friendship or a wrinkle in a work relationship. They are the perfect partner for making a plan to make any situation better.


(October 23rd to November 22nd)

We are drawn to Scorpios because they are intense in the most intoxicating way. They turn monotasking into an art form. If you can capture one, you will know what it’s like to be the focus of someone’s complete attention — and be able to watch them as they just kill their personal and professional ambitions with this same drive.


(November 23rd to December 21st)

We are drawn to Sagittarius because they let us embrace our inner basic bitch with no judgement. Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on, that’s when you the prettiest… We can all let go and indulge in our base desires with our Sag friends. They will go to opening day of 50 Shades of Grey with you and share a large popcorn with extra butter. They are a vacation in human form.


(December 22nd to January 20th)

We are drawn to Capricorns because no one can gossip like a Capricorn can gossip. If you are in the mood to shit talk someone, you will never find a better outlet or a sharper-tongued conversation partner. They are judgmental and unforgiving, and sometimes this is exactly what you need.


(January 21st to February 18th)

We are drawn to Aquarians because they have magnetic personalities. They are fundamentally open people who are up for new experiences and ways of thinking. They are original and interesting and will consistently introduce you to new things you end up adopting as part of your own interests.


(February 19th to March 20th)

We are drawn to Pisces people because they are the quiet sidekick we all are desperate for. They make us feel like stars and secure in their dependable, loyal love. They are sensitive, loving people who care deeply about their relationships without ever being showy or dramatic about it. We should all be so lucky to count them as our loved one. TC mark