Thought Catalog

Read This If There’s Something You Can’t Forgive Yourself For

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 06:10 PM PDT


We all like to separate ourselves neatly into virtues and vices.

We like think of our depravities as independent agents – acting out of character and rallying against our better judgment. When we fail, we point fingers at our vices. When we hurt someone, we claim we're going to change.

We enjoy creating internal these internal dichotomies because they give us someone to blame when we mess up. Our truest selves are our good selves, our moral selves, the third-party versions of ourselves who recognize that what we did was wrong. We criticize the lesser parts of ourselves for indulging our vices and letting our virtues lay dormant. We tell ourselves we should have known better.

None of us want to admit that there are times in our lives where our virtues and our vices are entirely indistinguishable from one another – but the uncomfortable truth is, there are. The same hunger, curiosity and enthusiasm that spurs all of our greatest accomplishments also propels us toward our greatest mistakes. The same love and compassion that makes us the brightest, most giving versions of ourselves also makes us into the most wretched and unforgivable versions. We cannot ever cut the evil cleanly from ourselves. It's woven through everything we do.

And perhaps it is these morally ambiguous situations that we find it the most difficult to forgive ourselves for. When we can't separate our good parts from our evil parts, we become paralyzed with indecision. We think that we're helping the people around us by holding our volatile inner selves hostage but the truth is, it's a self-interested move. We don't want to come to terms with what we've done and so stay angry at ourselves as a means of disconnecting from it. I didn't do that, we tell ourselves, some horrible, warped version of me did. We feel angry at that part of ourselves, in an oddly disconnected fashion. We let ourselves believe that we can so neatly detach from who we've been. Except we can't. And here's the uncomfortable truth:

You did something shitty. Something wrong. Something that every pure, well-meaning part of you wishes you could take back and make right.

Except you can’t. Sometimes in life, there are no second chances.

And that’s okay. It’s okay because it has to be.

The truth of the matter is, whether you're a good person or a bad person is simply a story that you tell yourself.

You are no longer the person who did the horrible things that you did in your past – the mere fact that you are holding yourself accountable is a clear indication of that. But what you are now is afraid – that the person who emerged in you before can and is going to reemerge again. That they will compel you again. Take you over again. Wreak chaos on your life and your choices like they did once before.

And that is the story that you have to stop telling yourself – because that story is a self-fulfilling prophecy. That story is the muck on your shoes that you will drag through the homes of everyone you love until the day that you decide to get clean. By refusing to forgive yourself, you are telling yourself a story about shame and obliteration – so many times that it becomes the only one you know how to act out. It becomes the story that you bring into the future, rather than the one you lay peacefully to rest where it belongs.

The real reason you have to choose forgiveness is because it's only the selfless thing left to do. Because by hiding from all of your darkness, you're denying the world of your light. Of your virtue. Of the parts of yourself that are capable of coming back to life to restore the joy and the hope that is needed in the wake of your greatest mistakes.

When you let yourself accept all of those evil, unfathomable parts of yourself you simultaneously offer yourself the chance to evolve beyond them. To grow past them. To accept that you may never be the endlessly virtuous person you once considered yourself to be, but with the death of that idealistic self comes the birth of a realer, more capable one.

One who knows the their capacity for both light and darkness.

And who nonetheless chooses the light. TC mark

12 Men Describe What They Love Most About Going Down On Their Girlfriends

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 01:29 PM PDT

Twenty20, jullymalynovska
Twenty20, jullymalynovska

1. "I need my girlfriend's pussy like I need a bacon egg and cheese sammy when I'm hungover. A lot of women are nervous about what they taste like, but for the most part they shouldn't be. Truth is, if he doesn't think your cunt's delicious, he's not that into you."

— Steve, 25


2. "I love the way my girlfriend squirms when I perform oral sex on her. She's not very vocal in bed, but she clenches the sheets, arches her back, and wriggles her lower half right before she orgasms that way. She speaks with her body, and it’s so satisfying to see her instincts in play—those automatic movements triggered by physical pleasure are the most rewarding feedback a man could ask for."

— Elliot, 32


3. "After oral, my girlfriend is always so damn nice to me—and I don't mean just because she reciprocates the sexual favor. She'll get up out of bed and ask me, smiling, if I want anything else to eat, and she's suddenly willing to compromise and watch whatever I want on Netflix. It's awesome. I think that's what I look forward to the most. Her clit's like some kind of be-nice switch."

— Benny, 30


4."Going down on a woman is always a learning experience. You can't rely on the same tricks to get the job done every time. You have to read her body's every twitch and assess the situation in real time. I like the challenge. I'm like a walking Wikipedia entry for my girlfriend’s vagina, constantly updating the how-to-get-her-off section and editing out any bad information."

— Raphael, 33


5. "What do I love most about licking the pink taco? Easy. The blowjob I get in return."

— Corey, 24


6."When we first started dating, my girlfriend of two years warned me that she wasn't really into oral. I set out to change her mind, and I was successful. I'm the first and only man who's ever made her orgasm with my tongue. I singlehandedly turned her into a cunnilingus fanatic. So whenever I'm down there, I feel pretty damn good about myself."

— Lincoln, 27


7. "I would eat my girlfriend out every day of the week for the rest of my life just to hear her scream. We actually received a noise complaint from a neighbor down the hall last week. She was mortified. I was beaming with pride."

— Frederick, 36


8. "The best part about going down on my new girlfriend is that she's slightly ticklish. So in between moaning, once in a while she laughs out loud. It's hilarious. I've never felt more intimate with a woman in bed. She's what they call a keeper."

— Omar, 28


9. "The woman I'm dating smells a little different almost every time I plant my face between her legs, but it's always some kind of dessert-like aroma. Whenever we have plans to meet up, I find myself daydreaming about her pussy’s sweet smells. A hint of strawberry shortcake… vanilla ice cream…Chocolate mousse…"

— Seth, 33


10. "I can honestly say that pleasuring my fiancée orally is more satisfying than getting her to climax from intercourse. Why? It takes more work, so it feels like more of an accomplishment."

— Davidson, 31


11. "My girlfriend finally stopped getting bikini waxes after I asked her for the one-thousandth time not to anymore. She's a red head, and I wanted her to grow out her fire crotch because I think it's hot. I love burying my face in her bush and getting down to the business of making her orgasm her face off."

— Fernando, 26


12. "I'm a visual guy, so I appreciate any chance I get to stare at the intricacies of my girlfriend's vagina. I love inspecting every fold of flesh and slurping it all up. I got a semi just now from talking about it."

— Bill, 29 TC mark

Testicle Talk: 17 Women Reveal Their Innermost Feelings About Men’s Balls

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 04:59 PM PDT

Flickr James Lee
Flickr James Lee


"There's good and bad ones, I think. Really tiny ones are weird-looking. I enjoy a hefty avocado-sized sack visually, I suppose. As long as they aren’t fully covered in hair, I don’t think I mind.”

—Claire, 21


"Gross! Stinky, hairy ones are gross and smell like piss. I don’t like oily ones. The bigger they are the grosser, because the more they look like elephants, you know, with the crinkly, rough feeling? It’s more disgusting, so it turns me off the most to see big, gross balls. Big balls are gross regardless of penis size.”

—Shannon, 33


"When I'm not having sex, I never think of balls. When I'm having sex, I try not to think about balls. Now that you’ve asked, this marks the first time I’ve ever thought about balls while not having sex. I hate you.”

—Tish, 27


"Ewww! No! NO! NOOOO! No balls! Once you’ve seen balls, you can’t unsee them! Even worse, once you’ve smelled them, you can never unsmell them! I hate balls so much, I can’t even watch sports!”

—Angie, 29


"They serve no pleasurable function for me—that is, during sex. But we have a fireplace in our bedroom, and sometimes when he falls asleep before I do after sex—which is, as all ladies know, EVERY time—I’ll linger down near his crotch area and watch his balls move. Did you know that balls move? Yes, they move in reaction to changes in temperature to keep sperm at just the right temp level. So his balls will verrrrrrrrry slowly move up and down and around like the giant lumps in a lava lamp.”

—Nastassia, 31


"On a purely academic level, testicles are more important than the penis when it comes to reproduction. The penis is just the, um, ‘delivery boy’ as it were. But sperm are created in the testicles, so the bigger a man’s testicles, the more fit he is to breed. But that’s on an academic level. On an aesthetic level, balls are ugly as shit and should be hidden from plain view at all times.”

—Morgan, 24


"My boyfriend tries to stick them in both my holes down there and I hate it! He read about it somewhere online—it’s called ‘dog in a bathtub,’ and the guy tries to get both of his balls inside a girl’s vagina or her ass. I’ve never wanted to neuter a dog so much in my life.”

—Brittney, 20


"They sure ain’t pretty, but if you don't think balls are attractive, Google Image search the term ‘eunuch’ and see what guys look like without them.”

—Rhonda, 26


"When they’re too dangly and too wrinkly and too hairy, it really looks like a seasonally depressed woolly mammoth with cancer. Or like the world’s most reclusive rabbi. I like them clean-shaven and tiny—seriously, I’d be fine if they were the size, shape, and texture of cherry pits. Small balls rule.”

—Iris, 23


"So you’re asking about the so-called ‘potatoes’ and not the ‘meat’? Interesting question, because I’ve never really heard girls talk about balls all that much. Balls are sort of like armpits—you know they’re there, you know they’re not pleasant, but you accept them and try your best to ignore them.”

—Melinda, 25


"I don’t care either way so long as you shave them and wash them. No girl enjoys flossing her teeth on some guy’s hairy stinky nutsack, believe that.”

—Sharon, 21


"The only time I ever notice them is during doggy-style and they’re smacking me in the ass like the world’s gentlest spanking. I honestly think that’s why God created balls, and the whole sperm-production thing was an afterthought.”

—Ashley, 32


"They give my boyfriend pleasure, so I’ll act dumb, play along, and pretend I enjoy fondling them and licking them and tugging on them and doing whatever it takes to get him past the finish line. Otherwise, I’m indifferent. Balls leave me cold. They give me no pleasure at all.”

—Robin, 28


"Testicles are staggeringly unattractive. They are, by far, the most aesthetically unappealing part of the human body, male or female. I think our creator was in a bad mood the day he created balls.”

—Vikki, 25


"Shaved or hairy is better than stubbly. When you’re giving a BJ to a guy who shaved his balls a week ago, it’s like being smacked in the face with a cactus.”

—Jill, 23


"It's part of a man’s package, so I guess I notice balls the most when I’m checking out a guy’s bulge. I think that 99 out of 100 women would agree that balls look best when there’s clothing on top of them.”

—Cynthia, 30


"All genitals are ugly. Seriously, testicles just look like labia that have been sewn shut and are swelling from the pain. So male genitals and female genitals both look like crime scenes to me. Sex feels great, though—so long as the lights are out.”

—Tania, 22 TC mark

The Truth About Confidence Most People Will Never Understand

Posted: 07 Oct 2015 12:32 PM PDT

Twenty20 / ellostephh
Twenty20 / ellostephh

Confidence isn’t a secret, no matter how many secrets to confidence self-help entities you follow or read. Confidence however, is often misunderstood because we have a narrow understanding of what it is and how to obtain it.

What is your definition of a confident person? Someone who ‘can work a room?’ A good public speaker? Or perhaps you don’t have a definition but when you see a confident person, you just know. And of the numerous ways people claim to go about acquiring confidence, at the top is the idea of faking it till you make it.

I’m not convinced of two things: Firstly, that confidence looks a specific way and only does specific things. And secondly, that faking it till you make it actually works in the long-term. The former I disagree with because there are a plethora of diverse confident human beings available to us as examples. And the latter, from observation, has rarely seemed to be self-evident. That is to say, anyone paying attention can still see if you’re faking it. (The saving grace to this notion however, is many people don’t pay attention.)

Confidence is experience, and you get a whole lot of it from failure.

So what is confidence and how does one obtain it if these popular culture notions are likely flawed? Here’s my wager: Confidence is experience, and you get a whole lot of it from failure. A personal example may illustrate this point clearly.

I’m a runner. And I’m either running as part of my workout regimen or I’m training for a race. When asked if I enjoy running, I often reply, “I enjoy the feeling from accomplishing a run.” Because here’s the other other truth: I’m not a natural-born distance runner, if there is such a thing.

Every physician, physical therapist, coach, gym instructor, etc. who has ever seen my femurs, has informed me that my body was made for sprinting – and indeed for a time it was. But sprinting, though I continue to do it as part of my workouts, isn’t something you compete in after a certain period of your life unless you’re a professional. Distance running however, is something you can continue to do for many years.

But distance running takes practice, patience, discipline, and surprisingly, failure. Yes, failure is part of the process. The failure might come when your pace is slower than you want, or it might come when you cut your distance shorter one day because you feel like you can’t make it. Or best or worst of all, it might come when you’re at mile 10 in a half marathon and your legs feel like jelly and you’ve forgotten about your PR and you’re just trying to complete the race – some of which you are reduced to barely jogging.

I have experienced all these things and more in something I don’t consider myself naturally good at. And you know what was on the other side of these failures? Confidence.

When you’ve failed at something, the next time you try it, you get better at it. And you keep getting better if you keep trying.

The confidence that comes from overcoming these fears and failures is a triumph that already being the best at something cannot offer you.

But shouldn’t you do things you’re good at? Well, of course. But the confidence you have in the things you excel at, is already much higher than the things you consider weaknesses. Both things however, still require experience. The difference is your limits are greater in your weaknesses than in your strengths. But surprisingly or perhaps not so surprisingly, you’ll gain more confidence from excelling at your weaknesses than your strengths, because you already expect to excel at the latter.

I’m a big proponent of working on your strengths and talents in order to enhance what you’re already good at. There is a natural confidence that comes from this practice. But I’m also a big proponent of making your weaknesses a part of your life that you regularly confront. Because those experiences of showing your weakness, failing, getting up and getting on, make you grow. The confidence that comes from overcoming these fears and failures is a triumph that already being the best at something cannot offer you.

So the next time you don’t want to do something because you’re scared or because you’re not naturally good at it. Remember: practice, patience, discipline, and failure. And if you still suck at it, that’s okay too. You don’t need to be good at everything. But perhaps one way to get the best out of life and funny enough, to get more confidence in it, is to try as many things as you can.

So what is the truth about confidence? It’s a simple truth: Confidence is the effort of experience. TC mark

9 Weird Situations Kids Who Grew Up In A *Non Religious* Household Experience

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 03:45 PM PDT


1. The undeniable awkwardness of praying with your friend’s family at dinner.

So, you finally went over to Jessica’s house for dinner. Your mouth is practically salivating just thinking about her mom’s famous Chicken Cordon Bleu. Mmmmmmm. But right as you get ready to dig your fork in and GO TO TOWN, everyone starts holding hands. What. What..What is this? You immediately join, a little unsure if you’re supposed to close your eyes or look up at the sky. And then, as if God himself is laughing at your cluelessness, someone graciously asks, “As our guest, would you like to do the honors?” So, you do your damned best and fumble through your idea of prayer. “Yes, yes…I would like to thank God and The Academy for this really dope looking meal! Seriously, smells heavenly. Oh, wait. Can I say *heavenly*???”

2. Bible references went straight over your head.

Nope, you don’t know that psalm. You don’t even really know what a psalm is, really.

3. Not knowing how to easily explain your beliefs.

There is something I envy about people who are heavily involved with the institution of religion because they just KNOW. They KNOW what they believe with such a certainty, it can be a little…overwhelming. (And also sometimes, means to invalidate what other people think. And if that’s you — Hey, stop that.) But when you are raised in a questioning, or just completely non-religious household, you come to a lot of conclusions on your own. And that means a lot of, “Uh, idk right now. I’m still figuring it out. I’m only 10.”

4. When people asked what church you went to.

You just…don’t?

*cue confused look*

5. Super religious kids weren’t allowed to hang out with you.

It didn’t matter your strength of character or kindness, you were just seen as “Godless.” And as soon as those extreme parents found out you weren’t raised to be God-fearing, that automatically translated into them being afraid of you…and the TERRIBLE INFLUENCE you might have on their kids.

6. Talking about death was…bleak.

Your conversations about what happens when you die sort of went as follows: “Um, none of us really know. But when you die, you die. That’s kind of it.”

7. You were always Team “Happy Holidays.”

The outrage some people feel at using “Happy Holidays” vs. the more traditional “Merry Christmas” always kind of shocked you. Why..? Why would anyone be mad at that? Someone might not be celebrating the holiday you celebrate, soooo why make a universal claim that they are? IDK, MAYBE THAT’S JUST ME. #TeamHappyHolidays

8. Going to church/other religious services with your friend.

Nothing will make you feel more like a fish out of water than accompanying your friend to a religious service. And while they can be really interesting experiences and I’m all for people trying new things, cultures, mindsets, etc. — it’s still weird. It’s still awkward. You’ll still feel like the kid who showed up to the wrong math class and nothing makes sense.

9. You had no idea what to say to those “Door-To-Door-Jesus” dudes.

“Do you have a minute to learn about our Lord and Savior?”

I mean, no, not really. Boy Meets World is on in the other room and you’re a complete stranger at my house. And all of this is weird. Please don’t do this. TC mark

How To Keep Yourself From Being The Greatest Obstacle Against What You Want

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 12:33 PM PDT


We live in a world of routine. We live in a world where every aspect of your life is planned out for you until you hit 22 years old. Then all of a sudden society says, “You can do whatever you want, unless it doesn’t hit within of the normal spectrum of adult activities.”

So you get a desk job with insurance. You go to that trendy rooftop bar with overpriced drinks. You wear boat shoes and purchase your bed frame from Ikea. You drink Starbucks over Dunkin because even though it’s not as tasty or cheap, it’s damn trendier. You celebrate birthdays the same way with the same people. You begin looking at your life from a distance and wonder if you even like these things or if you are just going along with what you think will allow you to fit into the concept of what a young, urban professional is supposed to be. You’re afraid to step outside of this and do the things you want because people might not follow you. Because you care too much to shake things up. Because you care too much about what is or who is proliferating that fear that lives with inside of you.

This is a world where people go about their everyday lives wondering what they should do, what they should feel, how they should react, etc. You care so much about what other people want from you that you are doing everything you think that they want you to do. You are supposed to get a nine-to-five. You are supposed to get a beautiful apartment. You are supposed to get married to the first person you are in a serious relationship with. You are supposed to do a lot of things. And God forbid, if you go against that grain, you will forever live a life of failure. You are holding back because that false belief has been ingrained in you ever since you were on a feeding schedule as an infant.

You are holding back because you are scared. You are holding back because there is a fear within you that is stopping you from doing everything that you want to do in your life. Have you ever thought that maybe you only have one life to live? Have you ever thought that maybe you should start living that life how you want to live it? Have you ever heard stories from older people saying that they wish they would’ve followed their dreams? Have you ever prayed to yourself that you wouldn’t end up that way, so that  you didn’t have to wish and wonder what life would’ve been like if you had just went against the grain and done what would have really made you happy in life?

The fear of rejection and dependence on friends, family, and societal norms is what keeps you from doing these things. There is a quote from a Fleet Foxes song that gives me the courage to get out of this mindset and just go on with what I want in life:

“What good is it to sing helplessness blues, why should I wait for anyone else?”

Why should you wait for approval from anyone else? You are literally the only person stopping yourself from doing what you want. So what is stopping you? What is actually stopping you from just dropping everything that you don’t want to do and following the fear instead? You are not helpless. You don’t need anyone else to follow that fear, no matter how big or small.

I learned the concept of ‘following the fear’ from one of my improv teachers at The Second City Training Center in Chicago. He instilled this in us as a teacher of the craft, but also demonstrated it in his own life. Sometimes you need these people to remind you that life is too short to just continue on with the status quo. It is too short to not follow the dreams that you have with the utmost confidence that you will be okay, if not better. Sure, it is hard. Life is hard. There are things called responsibilities, but why can't you balance your dreams and responsibilities to make the most out of what you have in life? People who follow their dreams don’t sleep. They don’t sleep because they are doing, they are working, and they are living to balance their love for life, their dreams, and their responsibilities.

The hardest part about embracing the concept of following the fear is understanding that it will all be okay no matter what happens. Life is not over until everything is okay. You will be okay because you are talented and competent. Even if that dream doesn’t work out doesn’t mean that you can never follow your fears again. And that fear can be as small as asking someone for their phone number, or volunteering for the first time, to something much larger – like quitting your job, breaking up a long-term relationship, or dropping everything you’re doing and moving to Los Angeles. These things can instill fear in anyone that holds these things to importance. It is just up to you to go after the fear that is instilled in you to overcome it.

There are things in my life that I wish that I would go for just immediately, but I am more calculated than that. I’d like to think that I am cautiously following the fear by doing the things I want to do and taking on extra step towards my goal each week. I know myself too much to know that I need more time, more experience, more connections to achieve the dreams that I have in mind just yet. I know that if I keep that dream in mind for everything that I do, that I can somehow, someday accomplish it. And do I sleep? Absolutely not. I don't sleep because if I am not working, I am practicing. I am performing. I am writing. I am doing all of the things that bring enrichment to my life. I follow my fears everyday by understanding that no matter what I do next, there are more doors to be open everywhere I go and with every person I meet.

The concept of following the fear is to understand and accept what life gives to you. It is the understanding and acceptance that you have control over a lot of the aspects in your life and happiness. It is a total change of mindset that you should do something that scares you. It is the hope that this fear will bring something or someone into your life that nurtures it far beyond what you could imagine.

Let your life happen. Let all just unfold in front of you – good and bad. Accept these things, follow your fears, and live your life to your expectations. There is no one out there to tell you that you can't anymore, except for yourself. TC mark

11 Goosebumps Books That Will Scare The Crap Out Of Homebodies And Introverts

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 10:34 AM PDT

A while back I made some Goosebumps covers that would scare the crap out of adults, which included titles such as Return Of The Check Engine Light, The Monday Morning Alarm Clock Of Doom, The Cop Who Drove Behind You For Miles, and The Curse Of The Undone Laundry. Today, I'd like to present some more covers, though these are geared specifically towards driving fear into the souls of homebodies and introverts. I feel like there are so many possibilities and routes to take here, so I covered some worries that I think most of us can relate to, but I encourage you to share the things you dread on a Goosebumps level in the comments.

Brace yourself before scrolling further, folks, it's about to get scary as heck.

Source: Imgur

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Source: PajamasOverPeople

Spooky. TC mark

This post originally appeared at PajamasOverPeople.

17 Men Talk About The Last Time They Cried

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 11:35 AM PDT

1. “I recently heard that an ex of mine that I’ve really had a hard time getting over is dating someone seriously. It’s been nearly a year since we split (her choice) but I just haven’t been able to move on. I’d thought that maybe when she got serious with someone else then I’d be able to say ‘yeah, it’s definitely over’ but it actually just crushed me instead.”

—Bryan, 27


2. “My mother called me a month ago to tell me that my dog had died. It was the family dog but really it was my dog that I’d had since I was nine. I went away to college and she died almost immediately and while I knew she was old and not doing so great I’d held out hope that I could at least be there when she died. This is still heartbreaking because I wonder if she’d thought I simply left her. The thought of that is really upsetting.”

—Darren, 19


3. “I started college this year. I cried in my dorm alone as soon as my parents left. I wasn’t sad but the whole thing feels overwhelming and the campus is huge and I was freaked out. I’m better now and have made a couple of friends but sitting in a cinder block room by myself when they left felt like I was going to prison or something.”

—Jacob, 18


4. “My mother died of Leukemia last year. I cry once a week still. I actually moved back in with my dad a month after because he wasn’t doing well with it (not that I was). It’s made things easier and we’re slowly getting better but we constantly catch each other tearing up. He may sell the house because he says there’s too many good memories of her there. I hope he doesn’t though.”

—Marcus, 25


5. “When my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It’s both of our faults and we have a lot of money problems just because neither of us make very much. I think she just wants a more comfortable life and she says she still loves me. She promised she’d give us six months and I’m trying hard to make things better but she’s still always panicking about the future and worries we won’t be able to afford kids. I don’t know if this is something I can fix without going back to school and there’s no money for that. I’m hopeful but I feel pretty powerless.”

—Ryan, 29


6. “I rewatched ‘Land Before Time’ after coming home from the bars last week. Wept like a baby when Littlefoot’s mom died.”

—Chris, 30


7. “Watching this video about a family having to put their dog to sleep. Cried like a baby.”

—Michael, 20


8. “The last time I cried hard was a year ago when I realized that my depression had progressed beyond my ability to control it and I would have to go on meds. I’m not trying to shame people who take antidepressants at all but it was a hard line to me that represented that I was actually no longer able to help myself. The good news is that six months later after taking them and doing really helpful talk therapy twice a month I was able to go off the pills. Still doing therapy though and feeling a lot better about my life.”

—Harold, 26


9. “The last time I cried was ten years ago at my grandfather’s funeral. I don’t really cry.”

—James, 22


10. “When I came home from Iraq in 2008 and about once a week for a year afterward and every time I got drunk for a year after that.”

—Eric, 32


11. “During this scene in Interstellar which I finally saw last week.”

—Nathan, 20


12. “My little brother graduated college last Spring and I shed a few tears at commencement. He’d struggled with addiction for nearly two years during which he’d had to drop out of school and everything had gone to shit. But he got his life squared away with help from our family and got back on the right track. I couldn’t have been more proud of him as he walked across that stage.”

—Oliver, 28


13. “Love of my life met another guy and told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore and that I needed to spend more time on me and find out what I really wanted out of life. It was you! I wanted you! I don’t know if she didn’t understand that or if she just couldn’t handle it.”

—Brad, 27


14. “When my dad got his one year sober pin from AA. I grew up with him basically being a monster. It’s so sad that this great guy I’m getting to know now wasn’t around when I was a kid.”

—Jason, 29


15. “The last time I saw my grandmother. She has Alzheimer’s and can’t remember me anymore most of the time and when she can she only remembers me as a baby.”

—Peter, 23


16. “Yesterday when I returned to my home in Columbia, South Carolina to discover the flooding had completely destroyed everything I owned.”

—Richard, 30


17. “For as long as I’ve known my wife she’s always wanted to go to Paris but we could never afford it. What she didn’t know is that I’d been saving up for a trip there on the side for two years. Last Spring we went and she started crying once we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I just totally broke down because she was so happy. Life can be difficult but moments like this where you’ve got joy makes it worth all the hard work.”

—Jim, 33 TC mark

21 Male And Female Escorts Describe Their First Day On The Job

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 02:45 PM PDT

via twenty20/santiago__cervantes
via twenty20/santiago__cervantes

1. It Completely Turned My Life Around

I was from a small town and really sheltered, but had lost both of my parents and my foster family kicked me out at 17. I stole some of her shit, pawned it and made my way to a greyhound bus that took me to a big-ish city. I found a job on Craigslist looking for women with an interest in massage, cash paid daily, no experience required. Awesome. This was in 2008. I had like 12 dollars left to my name.

I worked there a few months without ever touching any dude’s genitals. I think they kept coming back because I’m pretty and do actually give a decent massage. Anyway, a few months in I figured out that a handjob basically doubled my income. So I popped some of those off.

Working at that studio was NUTS! I was hungry for money, so I’d work open to close 6 days a week. I became really popular and the boss said he’d never seen someone earn money like I did. I got to keep my tips and split the hourly rate 60/40 with the boss. I was clearing like 3k a week. I saw C list celebrities, super rich old dudes, athletes, everyone. One of my regulars was a cop. He came to see me and was like “don’t come in tomorrow and tell no one I told you”.

Anyway, they got busted.

A girlfriend of mine and I worked together for a while, splitting hotel rooms and stuff.

Now I’m back in school. I work part-time at a real job that I like. I’m in school full time. I own my own home and my car is paid off. I live beneath my means and still have stacks of cash from the Jack shack days. I also have an unpaid internship that’s going to be great for me when I’m done with school. Now, I have seven clients. They’re all married dudes. Some I see weekly, some monthly. It’s sort of like I just have seven part-time, low maintenance boyfriends really. Oh, except they leave cash on the table.

This experience hasn’t been traumatic for me at all. It’s helped with my negotiating skills, it’s made me more comfortable around people, it’s made me sharper and more aware. I know it’s dumb, but I love it.

2. I Made $5,000 Masturbating Five Times

I met him at his 5 star hotel and he had bought me about $400 worth of sex toys. All he wanted to do was watch me cum with the vibrator he had bought me. After I came, I gave him oral until he came and he then gave me $1000 AUD. He let me keep all the toys too. On the train ride home I couldn’t stop smiling because I was so happy. I saw him maybe 5 times and we still didn’t have sex. So basically I gained $5000 for masturbating five times.

3. She Had To Do Things Wives Wouldn’t Do

I’ve worked as a male counterpart with a female escort before when clients requested a couple. the whole thing depends on the clients personality though, my escort partner had rough time of it as many of the clients wanted what their wives wouldn’t put out, so she often went home and sat on an ice pack, though other girls I knew in trade got paid up to £3000 for an all expenses weekend abroad with true gents. Hit and miss, use a website like adult work dot com and read the client feedback and reviews

4. Stayed A Virgin The Whole Time

I was pick of the pack since I’m a virgin and some guys are really into that. There are four girls at my club that remain virgins to cater to these guys because it’s a pretty common fetish. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that I was chosen by that client specifically for my lack of experience (minus training), so there wasn’t much point in hiding it.

All the girls were super supportive before I left, giving me lots of tips. I met up with a not totally unappealing, wealthy business type. Pretty typical client. I went to an event as his girlfriend, got a few drinks, ate a nice meal, made conversation. We actually had a lot of fun coming up with my back story on the way there. How we met, my name, etc.

We went back to a hotel room and he wanted a dance. Granted. Then some dry humping and oral sex. Granted. He really, really got off on the fact it was my first time, and that he was my first client. Spent most of the night there – he didn’t push the no penetrative sex rule. He ended up giving me $3000.

I was really wound up all the way home, and honestly, I’d never seen that much cash in my whole life. I’d heard other girls say they’ve done this, and I guess I couldn’t help myself either because the second I got home I masturbated with the wad of cash in one hand because I was so turned on from the nights activities + money. I knew it wouldn’t always be like that, but oh my god. It’s been two years since then, and he’s still a regular of mine. I haven’t told him yet, but I’m pretty sure he’d love it.

5. Here’s What “Full Massage” Means

Well my first day was an interview. I was a nude ‘masseuse’ so the interview basically consisted of giving the owner a rubdown. He came out with a towel around his hips and I wasn’t really sure what to do. I was like 95% sure that I was supposed to give him a handjob, but pulling someone’s towel off and grabbing their cock is something which really requires 100% certainty. So, I did a basic massage for about twenty minutes before he says “this is a full massage.” So he got his happy ending and I passed the interview. He showed me some massage ‘moves’ but honestly, I was better at it than he was and never really used them.

Then I got a tour of the facility- two massage rooms, hot tub, showers, case of sex toys for sale, laundry room, and also the BDSM room for people who liked spanking. It was pretty tacky, a lot of red lightbulbs and signs that say “thanks for cumming.” The owner was incredibly sexist and racist, so much so that it seemed more like an act than something that was actually part of his personality. He had a little white dog named after a nearby suburb, because it “started off white and then got all black and dirty.” That sort of stuff. On the other hand, he was a dead ringer for David Duchovny. He and a Scully lookalike used to do parties.

After the tour I spent most of the time hanging out in the break room waiting for clients to show up. The dude called all his regulars and told him he had a new girl, so I got a fair amount of business the first couple days. In between clients I read “The Terror” which is a fantastic book, incidentally. The other girls didn’t really get why I would want to read a fictionalized account of a historical mission to locate the northwest passage. Mostly they were on the phone having arguments with their boyfriends. I think a lot of them were having sex with the owner. He asked me, but he wasn’t paying, so I gave it a miss.

The second client I had offered me extra for a blowjob but I was pretty set on sticking to handjobs. That’s what the job advertised for and that’s what I felt comfortable doing. I think a lot of the other girls did extra things for extra money, but everything was discussed in euphemisms so there was really no clear way to work out what was expected of me or what I would be receiving in return. No one could speak clearly because there was always the possibility that the other person was a cop.

I only lasted a few weeks on the job. A regular came in and I guess he was used to the other girls doing extra stuff. He asked if he could massage me, which was a fairly common request, but once I was relaxed he started to fuck me. I panicked, he panicked, it was bad. He seemed genuinely confused which made it really hard to come to terms with. You can’t really say “I was accidentally raped” without starting a fun and exciting round of the blame game. Anyway, that was my last day.

6. I Couldn’t Stop Shaking

I work in a brothel. And my first night was terrifying. So much so, that I didn’t make a single cent. But I went back the next night and persevered and was assigned a friend and from there it was awesome! My first client was a house reg, and I couldn’t stop shaking. But he was really sweet. My mentor and i have become best friends and i have turned it into an amazing business for myself!

7. I Expected To Feel Degraded But I Felt Worshipped

I put my ad up on a website. He replied. We set up a meeting, he paid for the room and got there first. I was so nervous. I imagined being arrested for prostitution, my picture in the paper. What would my family say? I imagined being choked to death, unable to scream. So many horrible thoughts. I regretted this. I shouldn’t be doing this. This is horrible, karma is going to get me.

When he opened the door, he had this welcoming, warm smile. We began making out. And really all that happened after that was 45 minutes of being eaten out and less than one minute of sex at the end that I wished would have lasted longer. He offered extra money at the end.

I absolutely was expecting to feel degraded and used at the end of this. Instead, I felt like I had just been worshiped. We kept in touch for three years afterward. On the drive home, I said to myself, “and to think I’ve been doing this for free all this time."

8. Not A Modeling Job After All

I didn’t know I was escorting.

I was just out of undergrad and working part-time. I was broke and desperate for money and trying to find a second part-time job at least. I started browsing ads for “adult gigs” on craigslist as well as creative gigs, etc, when I came across one advertised as a modeling job.

I’d done some amateur modeling, some “shot girl” type work, band promotions, etc. so this was my usual sort of gig except that there was more nudity I figured. I called and went in to interview.

The woman who ran the agency asked me a few questions, one of which was if I knew what the job really was. I said I thought it was just modeling and posing, and she said it was “more like a stripper job without a club setting”. I told her I couldn’t dance, but I was okay with that and willing to learn.

My first night a few days later was not particular scintillating because I still didn’t really understand what was going on. In retrospect, I feel bad for my first couple clients because they didn’t get what they paid for at all compared to later on when I knew what was expected of me.

Once I figured out what was actually going on, I did have fun with the job and mostly had a positive experience. Ultimately, things went sour a few months later just because the money wasn’t reliable enough. I’d make a ton of cash one week, but then make almost nothing for the next three weeks and still wind up broke. Plus I was still working a normal job during the day (2 PM-6 PM 5x/week) and then going to the agency and being there from 9 PM to 3 AM two or three times a week. It was pretty exhausting both physically and emotionally.

Personally for me it was mostly a lot of handjobs in cars. I wasn’t interested in providing oral because I wasn’t going to do it unprotected and I hate the taste of latex too damn much. A couple guys wanted to go down on me, but I always refused just for personal reasons.

A lot of the other girls regularly handed out BJs, let dudes eat them out, and did full service, but I mostly tiptoed around that stuff. I did full service just a few times, for guys I really liked and/or who were willing to really pay out for some time and effort. I also took on a few clients who were into being dominated and did full service there if you count pegging, which a lot of the other girls wouldn’t do, so that sort of became my niche.

But it took a good month of me talking to other girls and even watching them work (with clients who would hire 2 or 3 of us at once) to really understand that no matter what the agency owner claimed the rules were, we were expected to fuck for money.

9. I Hadn’t Eaten In Nearly A Week

I was living across the country from anyone I knew. I needed to make some cash, so I turned to the oldest profession. My first day involved getting driven out into the suburbs of a affluent desert town. A guy who owned a limo company paid me $200 to spank me while nude and walk me on a dog leash around a hotel room.

I hadn’t eaten in almost a week prior, so I went to the grocery store with a friend, got the fixings for stew and a six pack of Guinness. I still to this day don’t feel guilty about it nor do I feel ashamed of anything I did afterwards. I had a full stomach and cash until I found another job.

10. “Hot Damn, I’m Worth Something”

I met the guy in the Internet, went to his house and sucked his dick, he sucked my dick, then we sat around smoking cigarettes and talking for a while, then cuddled and went to bed. He gave me $300. I felt so so so powerful and fucking beautiful. That intoxicating sense of “hot damn, I’m worth something” became addicting. I eventually was running with four regular clients, all except one were just lonely old guys who wanted to get their rocks off and have some company. They treated me well and paid me better; between them I was making about $2500 a month on top of my legit day job. Not a bad deal for a college student.

11. “There’s No Way It’s This Easy”

First time went fine. I was an independent so I did everything myself except drive. Went, hung out for a few hours, etc. When I left all I could think was “there’s no way it’s this easy”. But it was. Most of the time it was fun. Being independent, I only saw people I wanted to see which helped a lot I guess.

12. Not How You’d Think At All

This was a part of my life at one point and I’m not ashamed. I do want to tell my story. It’s definitely not how you would think it would be.

I worked at an agency in the city. Pretty well known and had about 9 or 10 other girls. All very nice and very attractive. I believe just one of them was on drugs but hey, all her. My first day was very busy. I had outcalls all afternoon so I was driving from one part of town to another. A woman ran the company and she was pretty professional about it. I believe she ran the business for about 8 years. Had her own lawyer and everything. Pretty sweet. I was a new girl so every guy I saw was trying to break me in. I’ll be honest, the first day I took so many showers I thought my skin would start peeling. I felt so gross but I made about $700 doing only a couple of calls in a few hours. After I was broken in and got used to everything going on, I was making a comfortable $5000 a week. The money was too easy even with the risk. We always used protection and we were able to decline anyone we didn’t want to see.

I got out of it because it became overwhelming and I got into a relationship with someone I love. Some days I want to go back to making easy money but I sit down and think to myself it isn’t worth the emotional damage that comes with it that you have to cover up and wash off. I am clean. I got tested once I left and am grateful I didn’t catch anything.

Forgot to mention!! The guys range from asshole to really smelly to the business man you never thought you’d see there to someone thinking they know you.

13. I Looked Like A Panda

It’s been a long time since I did ‘massage work’, and I only did it for a few months. I was young, the place was brand new and it was the opening day. I turned up early and only one guy came that day, it was also his first time, which made it a lot easier, we were both pretty nervous but that seemed to comfort him.

We chatted as I showered him, he had kids, I’m pretty sure he had a wife too but maybe divorced, ex-army. He was really nice. We went into one of the rooms and started the massage. It was height of summer and it turned out the windows were broken in the room I was in and because we’d only just opened – no fans. It was alright at first, bit of warmth, but then once we started getting into other stuff we were both getting so hot and sticky.

We finished off and we were both dripping with sweat, it was pretty grim. Luckily we both found it kinda funny and ignored it. He went for another shower and I looked in the mirror, all of my eye make-up had completely run down my face. He basically fucked a panda.


I worked as an escort one day, and only one day. The short story is that there’s a reason these people have to pay for sex, and most of the time it’s not because they’re too lazy.

The long story is that I was on grindr “joking” about how I’d hook up with guys only if they could pay for my tuition. After a ton of guys actually started giving me offers for regular things, this one fairly normal looking guy gave me an offer I actually took. He told me he lived 20 minutes away, but somehow it turned out to be almost an hour. It was awhile ago, so I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but I was already a little sketched out because he lived in a fairly remote part of Vermont just across the border from my state. The “neighborhood” didn’t have a paved road, and I was terrified I was going to drive off the road or get stuck because it was winter.

So, already going in I was feeling really uneasy, not even taking into account what I was about to do. The agreement was that I would get $100 guaranteed just for showing up, without having to do anything sexual. So the one settling thing was that I wasn’t committed to doing anything.

I get there, and he’s fairly normal, but definitely a bit weird. I can’t really describe it, but he was almost slightly delusional about things. Despite being quite successful and looking pretty young for his age, he isolated himself and therefore lacked some important grasps on reality.

He had us sit down and watch a movie about a gay Mormon boy, which was terrible, and then he just vented for a little while. He dropped casually that his mom just died, which is sad, but he mentioned that he was about to come into a multimillion dollar inheritance. If this became a regular thing, I could easily have my tuition paid for.

That segued us into his loft bedroom. He smoked, and I told him that’s a no go for kissing, but he went and mouthwashed for multiple minutes. While in the bathroom, he had me pull up porn on his iPad to get us in the mood. He had like 38 tabs of porn open already, and that was like a reality check that this guy is really really not like my generation, which really turned me off. So at this point, I was already scared to go through, but the thought of no student debt was too good.

He comes back in the room smelling like mint and tobacco, but he has a candle in his hand. I lost my virginity to candle light and the whole shebang, so I was thinking this was going to be somewhat comforting. But no, he dropped that he has a slight pain fetish and wanted me to drip the wax on him while he jerked off.

He disrobed, and there was the biggest, thickest, mass of hair I’d ever seen on a man’s pelvis, which concealed a pretty average dick. It was instantly a huge huge turn off that this guy was not hygienic. It was at this point I decided that no amount of money was going to make me hate myself for doing this repeatedly. But I made mistake number one and hadn’t collected the money upfront, so I was stuck here.

For an extra $125 on top of the $100, I reluctantly dripped wax, even though he kept telling me I was doing it wrong and that it was too hot. I reluctantly kissed a horse, or at least that’s what it felt like. I reluctantly got enough pubes stuck in my mouth to make a merkin. And he dropped the ball that he has problems finishing, so I reluctantly jerked him off for like 20 minutes while he tried to find some porn he could finish to.

To be honest, the entire thing creeped me the fuck out, the second I pulled out of his driveway with the $225 in hand, I texted him via grindr that this wasn’t going to happen again. He went from being super sensitive not to scare me away (very unsuccessfully) to bring furious and calling me a slut and leading him on.

I drove home with my dignity in pieces and only $225 to show for it. I have fully respect for people who are able to work in this industry because it is not easy. I consider myself a very tolerant and accepting person, but I could never work with people like this guy ever again. From then on I vowed to only have consensual sex.


I’m still not really sure what to call myself even to this day, over a year later since I first accepted money for sex. I don’t work for an agency and I don’t ‘work’ everyday. Every so often I will meet up with one of the men I have an ‘arrangement with.’

In total I have only ever met 3 guys for straight up sex (sometimes just oral.) When I say that I mean there was no arrangement or relationship type deal. The first time was with a guy that contacted me through a dating site, it took me a while to actually meet up with him, but eventually I did and I don’t remember feeling upset. I was glad to have the extra money as I wasn’t working at the time. The first guy and second were great, the third was awful and I had to shower for a long time after. That is what I would call prostitution. Eventually at a bar while drunk I found a man in a business suit, he wanted to take me home and somehow we agreed on a price. I saw him for 7 months.

I would call that escorting or having an SD. As sometimes we would just go for dinner or I would come hang out at his house for a few hours. I never stayed the night and very very rarely did we do anything sexual. He would still give me upwards of $300 each time I saw him. I was always on edge and worrying about running into someone I knew while out with him (he was much older, it would look fishy), so it got to the point of going very far out of town or just staying in.

16. Thrilling But Scary

I’ve done it only once. After that, I got sick again and it forced me to stop. (kinda a standard in my life).

Anyway, I placed an add on an escort site, with fees for a variety of things I would do. I had a ton of people lined up, though many bailing. Many others were serious (site required a membership for the clients, so more serious people than you’d have on a free site).

Anyway, my first (and sadly last) day on the job was easy. The guy paid me upfront, as I required. He paid for the things he planned to do + tip. And he didn’t get around to doing most of them. It turned into a very short encounter of like 10-15 minutes and he was all done.

Being respectful, I offered him the money back for the extras we didn’t do, but he was okay with it.

Was easy money. Thrilling to do, but kinda scary.

I am considering trying again in the near future.


I was 19 it was 1999. I was a model that would come to you as an escort for one hour at $500. The first call they sent me one was a very nice fellow not that old clean fit. I talked to for about 10 or 15 minutes, realize what was expected of me, and went running back to the car. I couldn’t do it and went directly home and quit. Three weeks went by and I realized doing what was expected of me on those dates would at least put food on my table. The next date went well enough, and I did about another 50 or 60 before I had to quit. Shit became too emotionally draining.

18. My First MILF

I’m a guy… I am 6.4, blonde, blue eyes and (back in the days of 2002) athletic but not overly muscled. I worked in a popular bar, I read a lot of books and talked to a lot of older people about everything. And, I have an identical twin brother. I treated everybody equally and (at least in my own mind) I was not arrogant.

I had a lot of sex.. to the point that I had to tell the 1 to go, because the other (girl) would arrive in about an hour. At one point I had so much sex that I was happy that I had “a night off”.

Anyway…at one moment there was this older women, probably about 45. We talked a bit (treat everybody the same), had a few laughs and eventually she offered me 600 euro’s for the night. I was about 20 y/o, so I had a lot of wishes and not enough money to cover haha so I happily accepted. I was kinda nervous but also very turned on by the idea, and it was my first “milf”. I just did what I do to every other girl, treat her with respect… slowly try dirty little things to see what she likes, talk to her about stuff, laugh, and just fuck in all different ways. (nobody gets their parents to sit down and explain everything, so I bought a 15 dollar “sex-Bible”).

I told her I liked it, and also made clear that I appreciated the money. And, if she had any friends to do the same, I would like to “help” them as well. And they came… some married with guys who wouldn’t touch them anymore, some younger, some older…

But after about 1 year I stopped because I wanted a serious relationship. And that is the goal from there on.

19. My First Evening Was Amazing

I’ve worked as a male escort for a year. My first ‘evening’ was pretty amazing. She was 40 year old black woman married with an older white man. She picked me up at a random location, we smiled to each other in the car and started to talk. I’m doing my job so I need to make sure she feels good about the situation and herself. Give subtle compliments, etc.
Normally we would eat in a fancy restaurant but instead she drove to a hotel, payed a room for 2-3 hours, telling me we could do better things then eating while staring at eachother. (TBH I made her horny in the car).

I didn’t expect it but her body was fucking awesome. No fat, everything was tight except her boobs. They ‘started’ to hang a little, nothing bad, nothing granny. Her ass was firm and almost the perfect roundness.

Now, I know exactly what to do to make a woman horny but I didn’t expect that level. I wanted to go calm, tickle her ears and gentle caress her while going down in a subtle way.

NOPE, not what she wanted. She actually ripped my T-shirt and if I didn’t lose my boxers fast she prolly also would rip that.

The sex was awesome. She actually made ME cum (and I’m trained for delaying orgasms). At the end of the act she was shaking and shivering and we were both sweating.

I was so proud of myself, for weeks.

I saw her 12 times in that year (every month) and I became excited the closer we came to that day.

The other woman were totally different, I was glad she was my first day because I don’t think I would have continued if any other was my first.

There are mental downsides to that work though. I was 23 at that time and hung out with girls of age 18-23. Girls of that age, after you spend time with mature women, aren’t so interesting anymore. They aren’t experienced so they have almost nothing to say. So boring, and sometimes not so sexy.

20. The Worst Part Was Hiding It

My first day was actually my 3rd time going into the agency my friend worked at. She was supposed to see the client that came in but she didn’t line up with his physical preference so she came down and offered him to me. She lent me an outfit and I went upstairs, the agency was in a character two level house. I took the money and brought it down, they helped me count it and gave me some last minute advice, all of the girls were in the kitchen at this point.

I literally nervous sweated and shook my whole way through the call, it was my first time and his so we were both a mess. I’m sure he looked back after some more experience and laughed at how awkward it was. I didn’t know if I would come back but I did, my first three calls were the same and eventually I kind of got more comfortable getting naked with strangers within minutes of meeting.

I have been working now for about 5 years, saving a lot of money and traveling a couple times a year. I recently downsized my living costs so I could save even more and currently moderate on an escort review board which is pretty cool. I help organize information about bad clients and rally the ladies to work together more cohesively, I still work on top of this as well. Now I work in my home City and also tour pretty often, this business has it’s ups and downs but with reference checking and being independent I feel like it’s a lot safer.

Agencies definitely didn’t care who they set me up with, they were in it to make a buck and because of that my safety was often a second consideration. I went Indy after a couple years and loved taking the reins of my business. I learned a lot about marketing, website building, photography and editing, interpersonal skills, intuitively reading people and of course sex ;) It’s changed me a lot, some for the better some change for the worse. It’s difficult believing in true love when I see so many married men, I do hear a lot of what bothers men in their marriages though.

The worst part of my job is hiding it, people are so against sex work and often that alienation makes me feel quite alone. It took me a lot longer to make friends in my new City because I work alone and people would judge me if I opened up. They also changed the laws recently in Canada and made it less safe for sex workers and clients alike, it’s a hard thing to realize that no one cares about your well being because of a false image presented about your entire work. I don’t use drugs, drink socially and save money, I also already went to University but love this job more than what I trained for.


I had a preliminary face to face interview with a reasonably attractive well made up looking girl a couple of years older than me (about 25, nicely done fake nails, hair extensions, makeup, good figure) who explained how it would work and the expectations in a matter of fact way.

After agreeing when I’d be available, I got a call from the agency operator to book my first client, an incall to their serviced apartment.

It was a normal, nondescript flat, in a residential block, in a non-student area on the edge of the city centre. A white man in his late 30s who called himself Martin (coincidently the name of my first boyfriend, which I felt was a kind of a sign) met me at the door and I let him in. He knew I’d not done this before, as the operator would have told him it was my first time, and I think perhaps they have a list of people who are keen to go with inexperienced girls. He paid and I counted the money. He put me at my ease by making some small talk to get us both feeling comfortable and asking bland questions to get us chatting before kissing and embracing me. The nervousness that wasn’t quite fear and the strangeness of what was happening was arousing for me and I had sex with him that wasn’t unsatisfying or uncomfortable. He joked a little with me before he left to show that the air was clear and the ice was broken, and was generally just a normal pleasant person. I didn’t see him again but I only worked for about 3-4 months.

I actually can’t really remember it clearly now, unlike some of the other men I was with, but it was just a normal but thrilling hour and I felt totally comfortable with doing it again. Only a dozen or so more times in that flat though because the risk of multiple girls using it was too high (that classed it a brothel) so one girl started using it full time and I only did outcalls after that.

I was an undergrad university student in a large UK city and following a breakup with my high school boyfriend I struggled to come to terms with, felt now was the time to find out if I could go through with escorting.

I’d always been attracted to the idea of being paid for sex but coming from a totally normal, sheltered middle class upbringing in the suburbs never really considered it more than an intriguing what if fantasy.

I’d only had 2 boyfriends and a couple of more casual sexual encounters, and had never used sex toys, but had been adventurous and happy to try anal, fuck outside etc. TC mark

The 19 Worst Types Of Kissers

Posted: 06 Oct 2015 08:52 AM PDT / Jonah_M / Jonah_M


Guys, nothing dries us ladies up quicker than bad breath. We were willing to take it all the way into the bedroom with you until you opened your mouth and it smelled like someone took a shit in it. Remember—toothbrushes are your friend! As are Plackers! And mouthwash! And breath mints right before kissing! Why on Earth didn't your mother tell you this?


This is the guy who seems like he's trying to eat your face rather than kiss you. He's way too rough, his mouth is way too open, and he'll sometimes bite your lip or tongue hard enough to draw blood. If he draws blood, kick him in the balls and then tell him to apologize—in that order.


He shoves his mossy tongue into your mouth and then swirls it around rapidly like a helicopter propeller. It's almost like he treats your mouth and throat like they're a clogged drain and his tongue is a plumbing snake. If he tries this move or any variation of it, disengage, laugh in his face, and say, "What the hell was that?" Trust me—he will be shamed into going softer.


I don't know if there are medical explanations for this, but every so often you run across a guy whose tongue feels like a body that's just been rolled out of a morgue freezer. Beware the cold tongue—it is not your friend. Tell him to drink a warm beverage or something.


Maybe they hate the French or something, but there are guys out there who don't realize that you're supposed to open your mouth and use your God-given tongue at some point in the kissing process. No tongue is almost as bad as too much tongue.


If I wanted to kiss a pair of dry, cracked, scaly, reptile lips, I'd buy an iguana. Use some Vaseline or at least some Chapstick, dude.


Once your mouth is open, he's jabbing inside it with his tongue it at a feverish pace of 200 thrusts per minute. This is when you exit his embrace and call his mother to tell her that her son is a terrible kisser.


Why do guys make sounds when they're kissing? More specifically, why do they make piglike grunts like they're sitting on the toilet trying to squeeze out a dry turd? Fellas, at the very most, all we should hear from you is a soft "mmmmm" while you're kissing us—anything beyond that is gross.


Your entire face is his bird feeder, and his lips are his beak. He pecks at your lips and your cheeks and your nose, expecting you to find it pleasurable rather than ridiculous. We did NOT fight the Civil Rights movement so that women's faces would be used like bird feeders!


Great—you're dating a very affectionate Rottweiler! If a man ever tries licking your face—whether seriously or in jest—roll up a sheet of newspaper and bop him on the nose with it.


I once had a guy stick his tongue up one of my nostrils and just let it sit there for about 10 seconds. There was no second date.


We don't want your mouth to be as dry as beef jerky, but then again, no girl likes to feel like she's that little sink at the side of your dentist's chair that you're always rinsing and spitting into. Keep your saliva at a manageable level, boys. Drooling is only cute when bulldogs and babies do it.


There are few things creepier than kissing a guy for a long time, only to open your eyes and realize he's been staring at you the whole time. Peeping Toms are bad enough, but they're worse when they have their tongue in your mouth. Close your eyes—you're scaring us!


Protip: When we're locking tongues, it's really hard to understand what you're saying. There's a simple remedy for this: SHUT THE HELL UP WHEN YOU'RE KISSING US.


Not sure why any man on this planet thinks it's erotic to smash his teeth up against yours like he's trying to break them, but these men exist! I know—from horrible personal experience. Keep your teeth to yourself—clacking them against mine just makes me want to hurt you.


This is the dude who runs his tongue all over your teeth, gums, under your tongue, and on the roof of your mouth like he's searching for food particles. Tell him you are perfectly capable of flossing; if he doesn't get the hint, spit in his mouth.


Beards are fine up to a point—and that point is where it's so bushy and thick and wiry that you can't even get to his soft lips. Trim that shit, man.


I will never know why God created men who think it's a turn-on for them to suck your tongue into their mouths almost as if, you know, they're sucking on a dick. That's what dicks are for—if you want to suck one, go do it. But I have a tongue, not a dick. Don't suck it.


He clamps his lips onto yours, makes sure there's an airtight seal, and then starts inhaling your entire face as if he's an industrial-strength vacuum cleaner trying to swallow your lungs. If he sucks your lungs, he will suck as a boyfriend. Begone with him! TC mark