Thought Catalog


In Honor Of The Season 4 Premiere Of ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Here’s 17 One Star Yelp Reviews Of SUR

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 09:00 PM PST

Vanderpump Rules
Vanderpump Rules

“Hipgal” did not think SUR was ‘hip

YELP
YELP

“The uniforms are hilarious”

YELP
YELP

“SURely a joke of a restaurant”

YELP
YELP

“I only came here because I had a GROUPON

YELP
YELP

“Did I just go to Denny’s?

YELP
YELP

FRUIT COCKTAIL IN THE SANGRIA

YELP
YELP

“My entire lunch should have been comped”

YELP
YELP

“A ghetto style nightclub”

YELP
YELP

“No one apologized for the roaches”

YELP
YELP

“A guy named Jax(sp?)”

YELP
YELP

“The worst bartender in West Hollywood”

YELP
YELP

“Phones are constantly flashing from taking photos”

YELP
YELP

“Decor is like the Rainforest Cafe”

YELP
YELP

“No scene”

YELP
YELP

Ken doesn’t care about people’s food allergies

Screen Shot 2015-10-24 at 7.39.17 PM

“The manager got in my face yelling at me”

YELP
YELP

Jax strikes again

Screen Shot 2015-10-24 at 7.45.35 PM

“I’m sorry you caught the stomach flu”

YELP
YELP

What A Woman Really Wants From You

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 08:00 PM PST

daniela_coppolino
daniela_coppolino

Forget about a grand gesture. Don’t get caught up in the idea of how to get the girl. She doesn’t need you to get her. There doesn’t need to be a dramatic fight for her, a ridiculous proclamation of your undying loyalty to this relationship.

She’s not daydreaming about someone who’s going to walk straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, fully infatuated with her and ready to build her a house with his bare hands.

What she’s looking for is much simpler than that, in a way.

What she wants is for the two of you to love each other, every day – in quiet, simple, unexceptional ways. Ways that will never be written down in a story because they’re so very ordinary and seemingly insignificant.

She wants to swing her legs over yours when you’re sitting on the couch, with no worry about the fact that she hasn’t shaved them in a few days – she’s just that comfortable around you. She wants to tell you things about her childhood, things she’s never told anyone else. She wants you to know about every weird fear or strange impulse she’s ever had, and she wants you to tell her yours. She wants to have ridiculous inside jokes with you, things that make you two laugh together no matter how stupid and completely unfunny they are.

What she wants is a partner. Someone to take care of her, yes. But by take care of her she means that she wants you to stand by her, support her, challenge her, encourage her, need her just as much as she needs you. She wants to be your equal. Because she is.

She wants to know that, although you’re not the solution to all of her problems, that you’re at least a brief oasis after a long day at work – one who will be her sounding board and best friend, who will just listen to her and tell her she’s not alone in the fact that she frequently feels inadequate in adulthood.

Plenty of men are kind, respectful, loving, and progressive. That’s what she wants from you – she wants you to be one of those men. Because there are too many others out there who are the opposite of that. They are violent, aggressive, entitled. They want to hurt her because she embarrassed them, or rejected them. Or they want to hurt her simply because they can.

And then there are others who, while not physically violent or harmful, are still dismissive, patronizing, controlling. They will never physically abuse her or hurt her, but they will put her in an outdated box, where they expect her to behave in a certain kind of way or take up a certain kind of role that does not match up with who she is.

She wants you to be the kind, respectful, loving, and progressive one. She wants you to remind her that violent or controlling men are the exception, not the rule.

She wants to go on a date with you without feeling that suffocating cloud of expectation hanging over her head. She wants to go to dinner and talk for hours and feel a deep connection and then kiss you good night and go home, without feeling bad about it. She wants to spend time with you without feeling like an exchange is occurring – like she needs to sleep with you at the end of the night if she wants you to spend a Sunday afternoon hanging out with her on the couch. When she decides to be intimate with you, whether that’s after one date or seventeen dates or marriage, she wants it to be because you are both ready and both wanting it, rather than there being a sense of obligation.

She just wants you to treat her like a person. A person who is cared for, respected, heard, safe. Flowers are nice. Jewelry is nice. Vacations are nice. But what she really cares about is that you see her and treat her like your equal, your sounding board, your best friend, your rock, the person you build a life with, with equal contributions from both of you. She wants you to know that she is just as capable of taking care of you as you are of taking care of her – because that’s what partners do for each other. Just love her, and let her love you back. TC mark

10 Reasons The Girlfriends You Meet In Your 30s Will Be Your Lasting Besties

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 07:00 PM PST

Silvia Sala
Silvia Sala

1. You have much less in common with the friends you partied with in your 20s until 4 AM when you had to be back at work by 9 AM the next morning. Your patience is gone for the friends who make you feel bad—for not returning their phone calls or texts quickly enough, for not staying out past midnight on their birthday, or for spending too much time with your significant other.

2. You don't have time for bullshit, and the friends you make in your 30s don’t, either. Your free time is extremely limited these days so you choose to spend it with good people who actually lift you up. You've stopped making mental space for the friends who once drove you crazy. Those brain cells are now focused on your career, your family, and settling down.

3. The girlfriends you meet post 30 aren’t needy because they’ve lived without you for a long time. They can stand on their own two feet so they won’t lean on you constantly for advice or time or faux emergencies. This new brand of adult friendship will seem really refreshing.

4. By the time you meet, it’s probably because you’re at the same place in your lives. You'll subconsciously gravitate towards friends whose habits, interests, and schedules mirror yours. It'll be far easier to maintain these friendships in the long-term, whether you move, change careers, or go back to school one day.

5. The friends you meet through your kids will be your instant new besties. There's no way around it—it's purely about survival. You need friends with kids the same age as yours as much as you need oxygen, carbs, and yoga pants. You'll come to rely on this group for almost everything and speak to them more often than your actual spouse.

6. In your 30s, you are much closer to being the person you'll be for the rest of your life. People’s circumstances seem to change a lot more frequently before turning 30 in almost every way—geographically, financially, career wise, romantically. It’s almost impossible to predict whether a friend you felt connected to at age 18 will still be your BFF at age 30. When you meet new friends in your 30s, however, most of that change is already slowing down, allowing you to stand still and enjoy the new people around you.

7. Your hobbies, and the friends you meet as a result of them, are sustainable at this stage. You’re no longer the fickle exerciser who does Pilates one week and then extolls the virtues of Soul Cycle the next. You know what you like, and you make new friends as you pursue your true interests. You'll find a friend or two you like to do yoga with at sunset, or a few women who also like to get their nails done every Saturday at 2:05, just after the midday rush, and you will spill all of your secrets to them. Instead of going out and drinking every night with a big group, you’ll join a book club or a women’s group and bond with the ladies who also enjoy these activities.

8. Friendships forged post 30 are a chance for a clean slate. There is no past bitterness, resentment, or hostility between you, threatening to rear their ugly heads at any moment. You’ve matured enough to understand how to be a better friend and what type of a person you can clique with instantly. Armed with this insight, you will establish stronger, longer-lasting friendships.

9. Once you know what you need in an amazing friendship, you’ll fall hard and fast (just like with dating). New adult friendships are exhilarating. It’s thrilling to get to know someone brand spanking new. They don't know about all the crazy things you've done in your youth and there's no need to share those things—unless you want to, of course. You’ll bond instantly and fall in friend-love faster than you ever thought possible.

10. The concept of a frenemy has long faded away by your 30s. The people you're drawn to in your 30s are the ones who don't value drama. They're ready to hang out when you are. You're not negotiating for weeks just to get a dinner on the calendar. They care about you and your family and quickly accept you for who you are, not who you're going to be or who you used to be. That type of acceptance in a relationship is much more easily found in your 30s and pretty much guarantees lifelong friendship. TC mark

7 Couples Share Their Story Of Finding True Love On A Hook-Up App

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 06:00 PM PST

via twenty20/kristenvdaly
via twenty20/kristenvdaly

1. “My girlfriend laughs at me cause of this story. When I first got on Tinder I was coming off a very dry, Sahara-like spell of no dates and no sex. So, I signed up for Tinder expecting to break that cold streak…repeatedly. Instead, she was the first person I met and we fell in love and I never used the app again.”

—Marcus, 24

beetlejuice

2. “I’d been on about a half dozen Tinder dates since I downloaded the app and hadn’t really felt a connection with any of them. The last one I went on we agreed to meet in a cafe and then I got stood up. While I was finishing my coffee a delicious looking guy asked if he could sit with me since all the other seats were taken. We ended up talking for over an hour and he gave me his number because he said he didn’t want to seem like a creeper. I called him that weekend and we went out. We’ve been dating eight months and are talking about moving in together.

Thanks, Tinder, without you I never would have been at the right place at the right time.”

—Jamie, 22

beetlejuice

3. “When I first got on Tinder I kind of went with the flow of what I was told I should expect. Ended up hooking up with three guys within the first four months being on the site which was kind of exhilarating but the sex was way worse than it had been with any of my previous boyfriends and, of course, I got no callbacks because Tinder.

Anyway, talking with my girlfriends I started to realize this was a pretty common experience so I decided to quit hooking up on Tinder since the sex sucked. I wasn’t even necessarily looking for an LTR but as soon as I quit hooking up I met Kevin who was cool with going out for drinks and not getting laid after. We went on four or five dates before it dawned on me just how much I liked this guy. We’ve been dating two years now and it’s been the best of my life.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that you get out of Tinder whatever you ask of it.”

—Kelly, 26

beetlejuice

4. “Tinder gets a bad rap, I think, because it’s the first dating site that allows people to ‘shop’ for potential dates. I don’t think it’s bad but it is new and different but the notion that everyone’s just getting laid all the time on it is silly. Some are, sure, I did a few times but that stuff gets old for everybody once the novelty of it wears off.

I met my current boyfriend on the site and he feels pretty much the same way. During our third date he asked me if I wanted to try being exclusive and inside I was literally thinking ‘Oh, thank God I can finally stop going on dates!’ and I know he felt the same.”

—Sabrina, 23

beetlejuice

5. “Pretty much every Tinder date I went on until I met my fiance was at a coffee shop or a bar, some low effort deal. My first date with Brad was for a real dinner at real restaurant he’d read about and wanted to go to with someone. He held doors, smelled nice, and had ironed his shirt. That effort made me want to get to know him immediately.

Tinder can be a wasteland but it also lets you separate the people who just want effortless sex from the guys who want to get to know a woman too. As for my fiance, he’s the most romantic guy I know.”

—Ricki, 22

beetlejuice

6. “I think of Tinder as a kind of empathy test in a way. It definitely tests your tolerance for two things, easy sex and continual loneliness. I started on Tinder in 2013 and as a young dude at 23 was pretty eager to get laid as often and as well as possible. That was just the reality of it for me but as time went on I started to realize that a lot of the women I was sleeping with were definitely unhappy and then the sex started to seem unhappy and then I realized I was being an asshole by sleeping with unhappy women and that I was lonely too.

I’m not saying casual sex makes people unhappy but I also couldn’t ignore what I was coming across and couldn’t really deny that I actually was really lonely. So, I switched up my game on Tinder and went out on a series of really pretty good dates. Finally met my current girlfriend on about the fifth good match and we’re very happy together and I feel I learned a lot about myself and other people that I might not have learned otherwise.”

—Nick, 25

beetlejuice

7. “Over the course of a year, we matched three different times, texting a bit the first time, totally saying nothing the second time, and the third, I finally said, ‘How the hell do we keep matching again?’ He’d delete his profile off and on, so every time it was fully reactivated, it erased previous matches and we’d end up seeing each other’s profiles all over again. He still claims I stopped texting him the first time; I claim the reverse. But we jokingly agreed Tinder was just going to keep sending us reminders of each other so best to finally meet up. And we’ve been inseparable since.”

—Anna, 24 TC mark

Being Nigerian (In Diaspora) During The Time Of Boko Haram

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 05:15 PM PST

Thought Catalog / Daniella Urdinlaiz
Thought Catalog / Daniella Urdinlaiz

Last Friday I woke up to news that the jihadist group al-Murabitoun had attacked a hotel in Mali and held over a hundred hostages. Reports stated that 27 people had died by the end of the day. Every day we are haunted by the news of terror in at least one part of the world.

It is easy to feel solidarity with some, while others seem so distant. Perhaps as one writer put it, that is human. Perhaps. Resources are limited, knowledge is limited, and so are attention spans. Indeed if we were to stop and think about the crimes of humanity committed against humanity, from the terrorist attack, to the child who dies of starvation, we would not have time for much else. In truth, maybe we shouldn’t. But idealism, and all of that.

Empathy for humankind, I hope, is something that though it may not be experienced at equivalent intensities at all times, ought to be reserved for all people in all spaces. In fact, the more vulnerable the people, the greater our empathy ought to be. Again, I hope.

Empathy for humankind, I hope, is something that though it may not be experienced at equivalent intensities at all times, ought to be reserved for all people in all spaces.

Earlier last week on my mind was a country approximately 1660 kilometres from Mali – Nigeria. Nigeria is the land of my birth, and although every thinking person has a complicated relationship with the socially constructed space they were born into, it is more so when you are from a recently colonized space, a space you left when you were young; a space to you, that like every other space, can feel both like home but also foreign – a familiar yet strange space.

As I negotiate my Nigerian-ness and what it means in adulthood, as an observer of culture and identity, as a person who has always lived so far away, but who would also not claim any other socially constructed space as my primary identity, I begin to wonder what being a Nigerian means too, during the time of Boko Haram. I have heard people from Nigeria say, “Boko Haram is not Nigeria” or “Boko Haram is anti-Nigeria” or “They are not one of us.” And yet here they are, on our soil, taking our children, raping our women, killing our people.

It is a distancing phenomenon that is not unique to Nigeria. No group of people anywhere in the world like to look at themselves in all their horror, and take responsibility for their most cruel sons. Especially in a Nigeria with a history that bears an “us” versus “them” politics and society: north versus south, or Christian versus Muslim, or ethnic divisions – take your pick of the latter.

No group of people anywhere in the world like to look at themselves in all their horror, and take responsibility for their most cruel sons.

Indeed, an interesting moment of intercultural difference dawned on me last week during an interaction. In the United States when someone asks, “What are you?” It is likely because you are racially or nationally ambiguous. In Nigeria when people ask that question, they want to know your ethnic tribe. With this knowledge, preconceived notions and stereotypes can be formed about who you are.

Our ethnic histories matter in Nigeria as in much of Africa in a way that non-Africans may not always appreciate. In one sense it is because African history is still largely passed orally. Thus from a young age, the history and tales and narratives of your people are passed down from your elders to form who you are.

But I think too, even among young people who are less ethnically divisive and divided as older generations, there is an attachment to our ethnic tribes that is interestingly postcolonial, but also because of our precolonial histories: our ethnic groups were in existence before our nations were colonized, and they continue to exist after our nations were independent. As such, there is a romanticism of who we are when we talk about what we are – our ethnicity. We like to think the colonizers didn’t take that away from us.

In this ethnic romanticization as well as regional and religious division, some Nigerians continue to distance themselves and the country from Boko Haram. I get it. The West already has its incomplete constructions and imaginations about us – we don’t want to fall into their stereotypes. After all, Nigerians, like any big and significant population of people in the world, already have many negative global stereotypes. From “419 e-mail scammers” to “being arrogant without cause.” And now, the potential for a stereotype of terrorists. “Must we suffer this stereotype too?” That was a question a Nigerian college student recently expressed to me in distress.

beetlejuice

Terrorism is a global phenomenon but the way it is manifested is regional, local, and culturally specific. Boko Haram has been deadly mostly in the Muslim north. For some in the Christian south, this desire to be free from Boko Haram’s tarnishment of the country’s image, has led to more othering of the north. It has brought back the feelings of some who always thought that the country should not be one, but two: a mostly Muslim north, and a mostly Christian south, which are also divided along ethnic lines.

I guess the problem with thinking about what it means to be Nigerian in the time of Boko Haram is that Nigerians still haven’t entirely figured out what it means to be Nigerian, period. We certainly haven’t figured how to be Nigerian in all its diversity and live in peace.

I guess the problem with thinking about what it means to be Nigerian in the time of Boko Haram is that Nigerians still haven’t entirely figured out what it means to be Nigerian, period.

Most times I think what it means to be Nigerian is to occupy a space where you feel little, if any, patriotism towards the country, especially towards its political institutions and government. And yet you feel a deep pride in being a part of Africa’s self-proclaimed greatest truly African country. (The truly African part is often meant as a snide remark against South Africa because the two nations are seen as continental competitors, economically, and in terms of social and cultural influence.)

Interestingly, I think we – Nigerians – share that psyche with Americans: a certain self-importance about the nation one was brought into, even where the facts of that nation do not match up to the pride for that nation. But maybe that’s everywhere in the world. It’s just more noticeable when there are a whole lot of you anywhere in the world.

As a Nigerian in Diaspora, dealing with the facts of the country and what it is and isn’t, is always complicated. But now more so during the time of Boko Haram when from a distance, you almost can’t believe this is happening. The tendency, I have seen of those in Diaspora, like many Nigerians in the country, is to distance. “Boko Haram is not Nigeria.” “Boko Haram is anti-Nigeria.” “They are not us.” Except they are. It is a terrifying thought but they are. These evil madmen are us.

We say suicide is un-Nigerian and terrorism is un-Nigerian but here we are. They came from our societies and because of our very Nigerian political way of not dealing with things until they are really bad, we are now going up against the deadliest terrorist group there is in the world right now, in the matter of sheer number of deaths. And sometimes it feels like we’re winning and sometimes it feels like we’re losing.

It felt like we were losing last week when at least 31 people died in Kano.

beetlejuice

Being a Nigerian in Diaspora means feeling a frustration that you’re told not to worry about – because you don’t live there now. It means being simplified into a person who ought to know about Boko Haram, even when you’re not sure you know more than anyone else. It means being a person who is now pitied by those who at least know what is going on in your country, but also those with no sense of understanding of the complexity of Nigeria. It means wanting people to care, but not wanting you or your people to be pitied with that condescending imagination that people in this part of the world often have of Africans.

Most days I just feel uncomfortable talking about Boko Haram with non-Africans. It’s probably a prejudice. But to explain that one part of a country can be fine, carrying on as it were, while the other part is in a period of hellish violence on a relatively mass scale, and this dissonance is accepted, is something maybe only other Africans, or at least people who are from developing countries, just get. It’s not something you can understand by a history lesson or a cultural documentary or a volunteer visit or turning on the news. It’s something that you either just get or you don’t.

In the end, I am left with several feelings. Frustration at the Nigerian government. Helplessness for those experiencing the acts of terrorism as victims. Anger at other Nigerians who ignore the problem entirely or use it to promote ethnic and religious divisions. And from an ocean away, weariness at the ignorance that now exists at multiple levels about the country. And every now and then, the feeling of futility creeps in and stays a while.

Still, it has never been my prerogative to discuss despair without providing hope because I do not believe in giving up the latter. So even from that ocean away, I am reminded that Nigeria has defeated monsters before: colonization, civil war, dictatorship governments, etc. I feel encouraged by the activists everywhere in the world who demand their voices be heard from the political institutions and media that influence how this story unravels. And I feel overwhelmed with inspiration at the strength of especially the Nigerian girls and women of the north, who continue to seek education and empowerment, even under the threat of cowardly men with guns and bombs.

Nigerians are a resilient people, and though it can be our greatest weakness, it can also be our greatest strength. With the strength that Nigerians are known for and pride ourselves on having, it is imperative that wherever we are, we find ways to be in solidarity with our country, and to humbly ask for people to be in solidarity with us. Whether it is providing women and children of the north with monetary support (from grassroots organizations), or demonstrating in front of our embassies, or relentlessly questioning our political institutions. Or maybe its simply making the effort to share your perspective with the world that hopefully educates people even just a little bit about a complicated, strange land where you feel foreign. But a land that however complicated, will also always be home. TC mark

12 Women Share What They’d Never Tell The Person They Just Started Dating

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / jesych
Twenty20 / jesych

1. “I’m not going to tell him why my ex broke up with me (because I was paranoid he was cheating on me). That will just make him think I’ll do the same thing in this relationship, but my current boyfriend gives me no reason to be paranoid.” —Viv, 25

beetlejuice

2. “I would never tell him that I’m a complete neat freak. Like if he folds my towel the wrong way I silently freak out on the inside. The tag can’t be showing, and the corners have to align perfectly. That makes me sound totally crazy, which is exactly why I wouldn’t tell him this.” —Stacey, 24

beetlejuice

3. “I probably won’t mention that I tell my mother everything. That might scare him a bit.” —Courtney, 25

beetlejuice

4. “I’m not going to tell him that I hate to cook. I’m just going to let him wine and dine me, and then he’ll figure it out eventually, hopefully when he already likes me way too much.” —Elaina, 24

beetlejuice

5. “I usually don’t admit my obsession with trashy reality television until we’re about 4 months into the relationship. I’m a very intellectual person, but some people just have their guilty pleasures, and The Real World and Real Housewives might be two of mine.” —Claire, 24

beetlejuice

6. “I’d never tell him that some days when I’m out of laundry, I wear the underwear I wore the day before, but inside-out.” —Hannah, 24

beetlejuice

7. “I don’t discuss the amount of people I’ve slept with. My number’s just a tad higher than the average, and I don’t need him judging me before he’s really gotten to know me.” —Kaycee, 26

beetlejuice

8. “I would never ever say the amount of children I want. Partly because it’s way too early for children talk, and partly because I want seven.” —Alex, 24

beetlejuice

9. “I’m always hesitant to tell them I don’t really listen to a lot of music, and I always get super anxious when they ask. I feel like guys judge you on the type of music you listen to, and honestly I just listen to the top 40 on my way to work every morning.” —Melissa, 25

beetlejuice

10. “I hate having to tell them that my dad is a cop. They always get scared about that. My dad is not going to arrest you for dating me.” —Caroline, 23

beetlejuice

11. “I usually don’t tell them how much I smoke. I mean I won’t lie, I tell them I do smoke, but just not how often.” —Sara, 24

beetlejuice

12. “I usually don’t reveal my love for video games until we’re like 3 months in, especially if he’s super active and outdoorsy. Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that I find Mario Kart highly entertaining.” —Valerie, 25 TC mark

This Is My ‘Fuck You’ To White Male Privilege

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 04:00 PM PST

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"Hi, I'm Tatiana."

"Tatiana…let me guess, you're from Puerdo Riko."

(Tatiana is a Russian name.)

"…No."

"Hmmm…Espanya, then?"

"Ha. Nope."

"Oh, I got it! Must be Mehiko. You're from Mehiko City!"

(Neither Spain nor Mexico City is located in Russia).

"Still no. But enough about me…where are you from?"

"North Carolina."

"Ohhh I think I've heard of it…that's in Puerto Rico, right?"

(North Carolina is not located in Puerto Rico.)

She turns her back to the white phallus who's pressed her with questions that are not his to ask. Tatiana is a popular name for Russian girls. She is not a Russian girl. Her parents—who were born in Latin America—chose Tatiana because they thought it was a pretty name (they still do). Because Tatiana is not Emily or Kate, and because this particular Tatiana’s skin is a light shade of brown, Tatiana is often tied to her ambiguously brown ethnicity. That Tatiana has anything to do with the color of her skin, however, is a lazy fallacy.

The white phallus is fascinated by Tatiana. He approaches her with the kind of arrogant ease that most white phalluses do.

"Why do you hate me?"

(She does not hate him; she does not know him.)

"Please get away from me."

She puts her hand in his face. He pulls her fingers back. She loses her cool; she folds. She starts to scream. Her screams indict his racist questioning. He smiles. He has won. He has raised her temperatures, and now she looks uncivilized. Which is perfect for him, because he was taught by generations of white phalluses that came before him that his mission was to civilize the uncivilized.

"You're so crazy."

"Yeah, I know. I'm fucking nuts."

"I still don't know what I did wrong."

"If that's true, it's because you don't want to know."

As it happens, the white phallus does not belong here. He does not go to this school. He has never before been to this bar. But his twin brother does and has. His twin brother plays football. So, without asking any questions—without pausing to know who might've aggressed on whom—boys that recognize Tatiana arrive to aid the white phallus. To take him away—understanding hands on his back—with imperious eyes that say, "Don't worry, buddy. She's fucking nuts."

Never Having To Think About It was their privilege. Never having to think about the nature of their assumptions. Assumptions that reduce a person to an Unidentified Other.

You are nameless moment, white phallus. You are formless. You are nothing. You inhabit my memory in a dark corner overcrowded by a thousand white phalluses who stepped on my identity before you. Who sauntered towards me, erect and unfeeling, with 21 questions that were not theirs to ask. But, since they, like you, were white phalluses, they bore the reflexive conceit that everything is theirs. That all questions belong to them. Never Having To Think About It was their privilege. Never having to think about the nature of their assumptions. Assumptions that reduce a person to an Unidentified Other. Puerdo Riko, Espanya, Mehiko City…who the fuck cares?

I do. So listen good, you insignificant little shit:

My name is Russian, and I'm from New York Motherfucking City. TC mark

11 Reasons You Should Have Sex TONIGHT

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 03:00 PM PST

tx mx2
tx mx2

1. There’s nothing like feeling desirable. More sex makes you feel hot, sexy and in demand. When you’ve been focusing so hard on work projects all damn day sex is there to help you relax, to feel wanted.

2. Sex is fun! It’s so exciting to explore someone’s body, to figure out what turns them on or not, and there’s a huge thrill in doing something to your partner that he likes, that drives him wild. There’s power in knowing you can pull that bad boy out — you know he’s waiting on you to do it! — and send him up a tree.

3. A nice, strong orgasm can help you sleep better. Dr. Sheenie Ambardar, a psychiatrist based in West Hollywood, says that “After orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released, which is responsible for the feelings of relaxation and sleepiness.” The male brain produces nearly four times more prolactin after orgasms from intercourse than after masturbation. The more prolactin the sleepier he gets. Now you know the science behind why you have such nice sleep after you sex. So get coming!

4. In order to reach orgasm you have to let yourself go. Research shows that you can’t orgasm until you release “all anxiety and fear.” That explains why you often feel the most relaxed just before the deluge. Imagine what you would be capable of if you could channel all of that relaxation into your everyday life.

5. Sex makes you feel more connected to your partner, assuming you’re in a relationship. That much you knew. But a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience shows that the Oxytocin released during male orgasms — the “love hormone” — actually encourages monogamy. When administered as a nasal spray just before encountering hot women the study showed that men who had been sprayed with Oxytocin kept their distance whereas men who were not were ready to get it in. Oxytocin comes from sex as well as other situations that produce feelings of closeness, things like handholding or touch.

6. The rumors are true: sex really does put that extra pep in your step! After sex you often feel more confident, walk with greater stride and are better inside your body. One study conducted at the University of the West of Scotland found that sexologists could infer a woman’s sexual history by the way she walked!

7. It’s something to look forward to, especially if you’ve had a really long, stressful day, and assuming your partner is good at sex. You can send your boyfriend sexy messages throughout the day about who is going to do what to who and where. IS IT 5 O’CLOCK YET LOL.

8. In men, sex is linked to lower risk for prostate cancer. One study showed that men who have had sex with 20 women or more were less likely to get prostate cancer. So, coming is good for u!

9. The more sex you have the hotter you look! It can make you look younger, it prevents dry skin, and it even clears out acne. Wow!

10. You’ve probably been in one of those relationships where you start off having sex all the time and then…lol…it trails off and you get really horny and shave your pubes and get all ready and then your partner rolls over saying “they’re too tired” for sex and you’re frustrated. You feel rejected, maybe even unloved, when your boyfriend or girlfriend now makes excuses for not having sex with you when they used to want it all the time.

11. You should definitely have sex once a week if you actually want to be happy in life. New research published in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science shows that once a week is the magic sex sweet spot (not that you shouldn’t strive for more if it’s what you need!). According to the study couples who have sex more than once are week are just as people who have more sex. But it all depends on what works for you. Maybe you’re one of those couples who needs it everyday, in which case, get it. TC mark

22 People Share The One Thing They Wish The ISFJs In Their Lives Understood

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 02:00 PM PST

b.nastiy
b.nastiy

1. “Thanks for being the most loyal people I know.” –ENFJ

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2. “Bottling things up and refusing to let the people in your life know that you're upset with them hurts infinitely more in the long run (for both you and the other person) than just sucking it up and talking it out does.” –ENFP

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3. “Your wisdom is underrated.” –INTP

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4. “Not everything is a challenge to your sense of duty. And it’s often more hurtful to sacrifice the needs of the many for the needs of the few (or the one). The martyr syndrome doesn't always pan out.” -INFJ

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5. “You are some of the most genuine and kind people in life. NEVER let anyone tell you that it’s a weakness.” –ENFJ

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6. “Thanks for protecting me. Sometimes you drive me nuts with trying to protect me by getting my head out of the clouds, but I know your heart is in the right place. I love you.” –INFP

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7. “Stop being so passive-aggressive. If you don’t like me, then tell me.” –ESFP

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8. “You’re actually super goofy and creative, it makes you easy to talk to even though we don’t typically approach things from the same angle.” –ESTP

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9. “Just because you are so damn sensitive doesn’t mean that everyone must comply with that.” –ISTP

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10. “Your introversion is beautiful. You don’t need to be the life of the party to win hearts. Let people get to know you and they will undoubtedly fall head over heels.” –ENFP

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11. “Try being your own person and creating your own life instead of absorbing your current significant other's… be your own independent person!” –ENFP

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12. “I appreciate the self-sacrificing, but if you tell me what you need, it can be a two way street. You don’t always have to give of yourself.” –ENFP

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13. “I truly admire your ability to provide things for everyone without asking for anything in return.” –INFP

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14. “You guys hold the world together, and I think you don't realize quite how much we all depend on you. You're fiercely loyal, humble and hardworking. Don't let people take advantage of you. You will be able to give more over the course of your life if you can give freely from your heart, not from shame, guilt or obligation. Draw those boundaries now so that you can give from strength. You are worth loving deeply, I hope you know that.” –INFJ

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15. “Being passive aggressive doesn’t make anyone want to be around you. If you’re unhappy, please just say so in a way that can bring about growth and change in both of us. Avoiding someone and then pretending to their face that everything fine does no one any good.” –ISTJ

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16. “Change is a process that’s usually uncomfortable, and it’s okay to be uncomfy for some time because I’m sure with the right mindset, you might just be having the best time of your life.” –INFP

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17. “It’s ok to open up to me, it’s ok to share your thoughts and feelings with me. I’m sorry if I get so caught up in imagining the future, that I forget the here-and-now and the details, and that sometimes I scare you.” –ENFP

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18. “Please open up to me and let me get to know you. Please initiate friendship with me. I love other ISFJ’s, particularly ones who are as inquisitive and passionate as I am.” –ISFJ

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19. “Do not feel guilty if you are not loving or giving enough. Your value does not come from how much you give to others.” –ENTP

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20. “I’m sorry for not reminding you how treasured you are more often.” –INFJ

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21. “It’s ok to voice your needs – in fact it’s better that way so I know how to accommodate you.” –INTP

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22. “You are like warm cups of tea to my soul. Seriously, thank you so much for taking care of people in real, tangible ways.” –ENFP TC mark

Why I Hate The New York Times Wedding Announcements But I Can’t Stop Reading Them

Posted: 23 Nov 2015 01:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / yusuke_iwasawa
Twenty20 / yusuke_iwasawa

Every Sunday I wake up and make my morning coffee, carefully adding the right amount of coconut vanilla creamer and sugar. Then I sit down at my computer and I read The New York Times wedding announcements. I don't want to read the wedding section, but I do. Every week.

I'm drawn to the Times's wedding pages like a Kardashian to a camera. I cannot stay away. I mean, first I read about ISIS and Greece's debt crisis and how Bernie Sanders is going to get me better health insurance and any other kind of insurance I want, too, and then I start reading the wedding section and every single week I get mad.

Christian Rudder, one of the math-major, Harvard-educated co-founders of OkCupid, states in the opening pages of his recent book Dataclysm that 30,000 couples a day will have their first date through OkCupid and that 200 of them will get married. I went to S.M.U., so I can do math, too. That's under one percent.

I’ve never met anyone whose story could be featured in a "Vows" article. It’s like a magic fairyland!

But that tiny percent is featured in the Times's wedding announcements as if it were a common, to-be-expected event that one would marry after meeting on fucking OkCupid.

Here's who I met on OkCupid: a guy who wanted a threesome with his wife. And a guy who was really, really mad at me because I mentioned that I didn't like dogs. Or cats.

When reading The New York Times wedding section, I can even get grumpy when reading something like "friends fixed up the couple in 2009." In my entire dating life, I have been fixed up exactly once. Admittedly, my mother once commented after a martini or two that my tombstone would one day read, "She was an acquired taste," but still. That's not a lot of fix-ups. And to make it worse, the man my "friends" fixed me up with told me quite sadly that his sister lived an hour south of us but that he couldn't visit her "because of gas money."

In one recent Times wedding section article, the couple trembled when they first met. They trembled! In what parallel universe do people tremble upon first seeing each other? In The New York Times wedding announcements parallel universe, that's where. There's never an announcement that reads: "Ryan and Brooke finally got sick of hook-ups and they figured they'd better kick out some kids before they got too old to get up with them in the middle of the night without badly affecting their quality of life. Plus, Ryan's worried about his accelerating male pattern baldness and Brooke never wants to see the inside of another yoga studio again."

And don’t even get me started on the longer "Vows" articles that reveal "how couples got from dating to ‘I do.'” I’ve never met anyone whose story could be featured in a "Vows" article. It’s like a magic fairyland! A couple breaks up for years… and then one decides they belong together. Forever. Most people I know break up for good. I once emailed a past boyfriend with a rather pressing question about a car repair he’d done and I didn’t even get a reply back, much less a fervent expression of love lost, and found again.

A recent Times wedding section article declared that people are no longer drinking too much at the event weddings they attend. Instead, they are behaving well because, get this: they could hinder their employment opportunities if they were portrayed on social media in an unfavorable manner, like, say, drinking at a weekend wedding.

My left eye actually started to twitch when I read those words, though it could have been from the second cup of coffee, or the third. I'm not suggesting that the Times can be solipsistic (yes, I am), but I’m not sure my relatives in Lake Okoboji, Iowa have gotten the memo that drinking is now out at weddings, and seared tuna and polite conversation are in.

Perhaps some day I will gain the willpower to open the Sunday Times without being magnetically drawn to the wedding section. Instead, I can study the "Ask Well" section and figure out how many steps I need a day for good health. And maybe the wedding section editors can take it easy on the rest of us. If the male half of the couple thinks he can no longer live a day without his soon-to-be wife, the Times writer could indicate that the besotted man could take Tuesdays off, and his heart would still continue to beat.

Sometimes I'm tempted to cancel my Times subscription, but you just can't pick up the nuances of the presidential campaign from Yahoo news. And where else would I read about women using high heels for self-defense? Or the grandly isolated Dalton Road in Alaska? At least until the primary season is over, I'll stick with the Times, wedding announcements and all. TC mark

Want more hilarious dating disaster stories? Check out EATEN ALIVE by L.V. Krause here.

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