Thought Catalog


Always Uncertain: 12 Counterintuitive Traits Of Genuinely Smart People

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 08:00 PM PST

williekessel
williekessel

You're probably smarter than you think you are, if you seldom assume you're smart at all. Back in 2012, Jonah Lehrer wrote for The New Yorker that the traits that encompass what we consider to be "smartness" more often than not indicate a lack of intelligence.

Essentially, genuinely intelligent people (or, for the sake of example, the people who were able to get the questions correct in the article above) were not those who were most quick-witted, confident or certain. Smartness, it seems, is more about the ability to rationally think through a problem rather than assume you can arrive at the answer immediately (the latter is to just take a "mental shortcut.")

So the less intelligent you assume yourself to be, the smarter you probably are. Here are a few other counterintuitive traits brainy people tend to have:

1. They're never completely certain of what they think, or whether or not their ideas are valid.

Uncertainty breeds possibility. It is because of uncertainty that smart people seek further proof, better answers, more ideas, and ultimately evolve themselves in the process. (They are also conscious of not knowing what they don't know.)

2. They don't correct people, they just offer different perspectives.

Intelligent people do not assume that their answer is necessarily the "right" one, rather, they offer their ideas as an interesting option to consider.

3. They add to the conversation, not end it.

What they say is not the "end all be all." They are not threatened by the idea that someone else could have something of interest to offer… they want to hear, and maybe learn.

4. They usually take a moment before responding to a question.

They aren't quick to respond to anything because they are thinking about their answer, rather than just allowing their first thought to guide them through a reasonable response.

5. They do not engage with people who are trying to win, not communicate.

They don't argue with people who are being irrational because they're aware that the point of irrationality is usually when someone cares more about being "right" than actually getting something from an interaction.

6. They don't let their impulses override their instincts.

They may be guided by passion, but they aren't driven by it. They are able to disregard the desire for immediate gratification for the sake of a greater goal. They can differentiate between short-term wants and long-term desires and needs.

7. They don't add to a conversation unless they have something meaningful to say.

They usually don't speak for the sake of it (especially publicly, i.e. on Facebook). They are masters of listening, and believe that when it comes to dialogue, well-informed and thought-through ideas are the only things that break through the noise when unchecked "opinions" become arguments.

8. They don't let other people's ideas create their way of life.

They do not believe blindly. They reject dogma that doesn't make rational sense, or at least resonate within them. They do not assume that the majority knows best.

9. They are masters of problem-solving, sometimes to a fault.

They're often the ones people go to most with their problems, and they can sometimes get so carried away by their love of "making things better" (finding new ideas, coming up with better solutions) that they lose their ability to simply enjoy the moment.

10. They are always open to being wrong.

Their internal monologue always ends with: "or, maybe not." While this is very grounding and humbling in some ways, it can be difficult

11. They are rarely aggressive. They do not "fight" with others.

This is because they know that as soon as you start losing your cool, you've lost the argument (or the point you were trying to make). Simply, the other party involved will raise their defenses and minds are closed off rather than opened.

12. They pursue their interests without judgment.

They like Justin Bieber and aren't afraid of that fact. They do not think they have to maintain a self-concept of "wise and sophisticated" to be smart. They realize that the smartest thing of all is to know how to figure out what you love, and let yourself love it. TC mark

My Grandfather Worked At An Insane Asylum And I Found His Personal Logs Dating Back To 1902 (Part Four)

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 07:31 PM PST

Boston Public Library
Boston Public Library

Read Part One Here.

Read Part Two Here.

Read Part Three Here.

I’m sorry if there are typos in this. I’m a little drunk. It’s funny, you know, I said I tossed most of the old man’s stuff, and that’s true. But I found his secret stash of vintage scotch in an old milk crate covered with newspapers and I brought that along. Figures he’d hide something like that from me, the only real treasure in his whole dump of a place.

I guess he tried to hide the journals, too.

Anyway. I only made it a few more entries before I started hitting the bottle. Just like Gramps after Clara asked him to bring her a child… the first time. Must run in the family.

I know what you must be thinking. I’m making all this up. Or, at worst, it’s real and Gramps was just crazy. That he belonged in that asylum with the rest of them. But there’s just this… feeling I have as I read. It feels so authentic. So raw. Those pages of ‘God help me’ that Gramps scrawled over and over again… you can practically taste the desperation.

And there’s something else, too. But before I tell you that, take a look at what Gramps wrote after he claimed that Clara came back.


August 20, 1903

It was a dream. Surely, it was but a dream. Clara’s suicide has weighed heavily on me and resulted in a fever dream of sorts.

I have been telling myself this for nearly a week. I will continue to tell myself this.

It was but a dream.

August 23, 1903

God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you allowing this demon to torment me so?

Last night, Clara tapped on the pane of my bedroom window with her long, slender fingers. Her face still glows with that healthy aura she had in her final days in the asylum but she is as pale as the moon in the sky.

I told her to go away. I climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Mary in her delicate state, and hissed at the window for Clara to leave us be.

Outside, hovering eye-to-eye with me as I begged her from the second floor of my modest home, Clara smiled.

She told me, again, I would bring her a child.

I opened my mouth to tell her to go back to hell where she came from and instead asked her when.

She pointed one long, slender finger at my sleeping wife. When she is ready, she whispered.

I pleaded with her. I said I would do anything she asked. I would find a child in town, a vagrant, someone who wouldn’t be missed. I asked her through my tears to reconsider.

Clara shook her head.

Anything, I begged. I will do anything.

She shook her head, back and forth, a simple patient gesture: no.

Behind me, I thought I heard Mary stirring. I turned, saw her motionless, and looked back to the window. Clara had lifted it, somehow, and seized me by the face, pressing her full lips to mine, diving her tongue deep inside my mouth.

It was as though my body was on fire. Without thinking I lifted my hands to rake them through her long dark hair but she pulled away at the last second, just before my fingertips could touch it. It looked like black silk shimmering in the moonlight.

When she is ready, Clara repeated, and then she was gone.

I woke with a start back in bed. I was… in a manly way. Mary was sleeping soundly beside me.

At first, I believed it had all been a dream. I wanted so badly to believe it was another dream.

Then I saw the curtains waving in the breeze.

I have begun to dread the birth of my child.

August 27, 1903

Dr. Bowen is anxious, jittery. He appears to have not slept in several days. I believed it was due to the disappearance of a female patient from the second floor east wing but I heard him mumbling to himself as I mopped outside his office. Mumbling about how it was impossible, utterly impossible.

I cannot pretend I do not know what he means.

September 19, 1903

I have not seen Clara in quite some time. Perhaps it was a dream after all. Perhaps I was sleepwalking, opened the window in my slumber. Perhaps Dr. Bowen has been mumbling about something else entirely.

The patient from the second floor east wing, Anne-Marie, has still not been found.

Mary is well and hopes to give birth before winter. I cannot shake the blanket of uneasiness that falls over me when I consider this but I try to remember: perhaps it was a dream after all.

November 11, 1903

Anne-Marie has been found. I wish I could say she was found unharmed.

A patient from the east wing broke down crying before an electroshock therapy session. He begged the doctors to hold off, to not put the device on his head, if they would stop he would tell them where Anne-Marie was.

Dr. Bowen was angry but, with four other nurses in the room, had no choice but to call in the local sheriff. The patient led them to the forest at the edge of the grounds where they found a fairly freshly-dug grave. And again to another part of the forest, to another grave. And again to five more graves.

The patient sobbed as he told them he had never wanted to hurt Anne-Marie. It was just that she was the easiest, the closest, the one he had access to. But the witch wouldn’t stop. She gave him the keys, she told him what to do. She said she needed something.

I was mopping the lobby when I heard all this as they took him away in a straightjacket. He was raving, eyes wild, insisting that he had the proof, just check his cell, it was hidden inside his pillow. What the witch wanted. Check his pillow, the proof was there.

While Dr. Bowen was dealing with the police, I snuck away to the second floor east wing. I went to the patient’s cell, which had been cleared out after the ruckus that occurred when he was taken away. I ran my hand along the pillow and found a slit in the pillowcase.

Inside, shoved amongst the cheap filling, were seven human teeth.

I do not know what to make of this.

November 15, 1903

I have been thinking — why the forest? Why would the patient bury Anne-Marie in the same place that Clara led all those other patients to hang themselves? What use would Clara possibly have use for human teeth?

I wish I could ask the apprehended patient but he has already been… dealt with. And now he is beyond reach.

November 19, 1903

Dr. Bowen has closed his office door and rarely comes out. When I do catch glimpses of him, his face is pale and drawn. Dark circles hang beneath his eyes. The nurses gossip, say that he is worried the hospital will face fines after Anne-Marie’s murder.

I think he can hear the tapping on his window at night as well.

December 2, 1903

Mary has given birth to a girl! A beautiful baby girl. She is so lovely, so small. I would do anything to keep her safe. Her birth has ignited a fire inside me that cannot be put out. Of this, I am sure.

I will keep Ruth safe. With my life. One look into those eyes as blue as a summer sky and I know I am powerless to do anything but that: keep this beautiful creature safe.

December 11, 1903

Children are going missing in town. Mostly children who worked in factories, snatched on their way to or from their daily shifts. At first I was frightened but I paid close attention to my comings and goings. Asked Mary to do the same. I found no gaps in my memory, no unusual black spots. Mary showed no signs of suspicion.

Ruth is thriving. Mary, she remains weak from the birth, but I have no doubt she will recover.

December 30, 1903

1904 is upon us. Last year at this time Dr. Bowen gave a rousing speech about the asylum’s impending success, how it would stand as a monument to modern medicine and reform. This year he wished us a happy new year in barely-heard mutters and retreated to his office. He looks worse than ever. I could’ve sworn on his way out of the dining hall he looked at me. And he looked… guilty.

January 2, 1904

Ruth has been missing for two days. Mary is inconsolable.

I told the police, upon her disappearance, to speak with Dr. Bowen. I was convinced — convinced — that it was he who had taken her. Whether it was under Clara’s spell or of his own accord, I was absolutely sure it was Dr. Bowen.

And then they told me. He had been found hanging in his office before the skeleton crew shut up the asylum for the new year. He left no note.

Now I am not sure what to think. And, what’s more, I am frightened of what I might think.

Ruth, my little Ruth, she’s gone and I couldn’t protect her and what’s more, I am suddenly worried, so worried that I know who took her after all.


Gramps. Gramps, is this what I think it means? God, I never had an aunt so I can’t help but think…

I’ve already finished one of the old man’s bottles of scotch. Isn’t that funny? Thought he could hide them from me, the bastard.

And I guess that’s why I can tell you now. What I wanted to tell you before but couldn’t. One of the reasons I can’t dismiss Gramps’s journal as pure bullshit. Part of it is the feeling, but another part? Another big part that I can’t deny, as much as I’d like to?

Every night for the past few nights, there’s been a noise at my window. Specifically, tapping.

I’m too scared to look. TC mark

Part 5 Coming Soon.

9 Men And Women Reveal The Most Embarrassing Places They’ve Been Caught Masturbating

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / marioes
Twenty20 / marioes

1. “It was in my grandmother’s bathroom. My girlfriend at the time was uncontrollably sexting me, and she sent me a video of herself that I knew was meant to be watched in private. I took my phone into the bathroom, and had no idea the lock didn’t work. I had the volume down pretty low because I was paranoid my family would hear, but it wasn’t the volume I had to worry about. My grandma walked in on me when I was way into the video if you know what I mean, I think I nearly gave her a heart attack. Needless to say it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. My poor little grandma. She didn’t say anything to my parents, thank god.” —Peter, 25

beetlejuice

2. “I was staying at my friend’s parent’s house from high school, when we were back from college break, and she had one of those retractable shower heads, like the ones that come off of the wall. My parents don’t have one, and they definitely don’t have them in the freshman dorms at school. I heard they felt amazing when you (ya know put them down there), so I really wanted to try. It was a glass shower door, so you could see everything from the outside pretty well. I hiked my leg up on the side and started using the shower head, and my friend walked in without even a warning. She of course saw my leg hiked up and the shower head not in it’s usual position. She started laughing hysterically and said, ‘Everybody has needs.’ We were both cracking up even though I was partly mortified.” —Kelly, 23

beetlejuice

3. “I’ve never been caught masturbating anywhere embarrassing, but I walked in on my friend jerking off to a cooking show. I’m talking legit Food Network, it was really weird. I didn’t even bother asking.” —Danny, 24

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4. “In high school I was masturbating in one of the bathroom stalls, I heard someone come in and they of course used the stall next to me. It was sort of a boner kill so I stopped and left the stall to wash my hands, when the guy came out of the stall it was the school security guard. I was half embarrassed and half terrified.” —Andy, 23

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5. “My freshman roommate was a lacrosse player, and during the season she was always busy. If she wasn’t at a game or practice, she was in the library doing work. I basically always had the room to myself. One day my vibrator needed batteries and I of course didn’t have any. I was too lazy to ask around or go anywhere to get them, and I was REALLY in the mood. I knew my roommate had one, but we weren’t really friends so I knew it would’ve been weird if I used it (it would’ve been weird even if we were friends), but then I thought about it, and figured she’d never know if I was careful. I was about 5 minutes in, and who walks through the door, my roommate! She immediately knew what I was doing, and got really embarrassed and left the room before she ever really entered. I freaked out and put the vibrator back in her dresser drawer, she came back in about a half hour later, and apologized for walking in on me. I couldn’t believe she was apologizing. I told her no worries, and to this day she still has no idea that it was her vibrator I was using.” —Lauren, 23

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6. “I was a camp counselor in my summers during college, and I once saw a boy masturbating on a school bus. We were taking a field trip to another camp for a swim meet, and three boys in front of him were throwing Cheetos at each other, making a mess. I went over to yell at them to stop, and right behind them this boy was just going at it! It was so awkward and weird, and I didn’t even know what to do. I just screamed his name and told him that was not okay to do at camp! So gross.” —Jamie, 24

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7. “I was in a Starbucks bathroom and figured it was pretty perfect because it’s only for one person and you need a key to get in. Apparently I was taking too long, and one of the employees used their keys to get in. They already had the key in the door when knocking and didn’t even bother to listen that I was in there. They thought it had locked accidentally, WTF. Luckily it was a guy, if it was a girl I probably would’ve been even more humiliated.” —Justin, 24

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8. “My gym is open 24 hours, and one night I had to work until 11 pm. By the time I got home it was midnight, and I went to the gym which was basically empty except for one of the trainers who was a guy. After my workout I was in the locker room shower, and figured eh why not. I think I was getting pretty into it and couldn’t really control my moaning, I figured no one was in there anyway. When I finished, I stepped out of the shower stall to find one of the maintenance ladies cleaning the mirror. I turned bright red, and she smiled at me. It was actually kind of creepy now that I think about it.” —Miranda, 26

beetlejuice

9. “I had just been on a date with a girl, and when I drove her home we had a pretty steamy makeout session in my car. She was really hot, and I was extremely turned on. After she walked through the door of her house I started jerking off. She left her scarf in the front seat, and while I was enjoying myself she knocked on the window. That was our last date. I’m an idiot.” —Mario, 25 TC mark

24 People Reveal The Secret To Excellent Anal Sex

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 06:00 PM PST

iurikothe
lurikothe

1. “It’s not a hole. It’s a human being. The better you connect the better it will be.” — Rob, 36, New York

beetlejuice

2. “You really, really, REALLY have to use lube. The butt cavity does not moisten itself! That said, I do love the feeling when my guy fingers my hole without any lube or just a little bit of spit. So good.” — Jason, 24, Austin

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3. “I don’t have any secrets per se but I know one thing: guys, your dick is not a sword. You can’t just ram that sucker in!” — Kyle, 29, San Francisco

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4. “Anal sex is all about RELAXATION. If you’re too tense it’s as painful for the top as it is for you. The best way to relax is to breathe, especially when he’s entering you.” — Alex, 35, New York

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5. “I feel like a bad gay because I never really enjoyed bottoming until I figured out which positions work best for me. Not all positions are for everyone — everybody’s different.” — Chris, 40, Chicago

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6. “The best way to start anal is when you’re on your stomach and he’s kind of on top of you, like laying on top of you and sliding it in. Probably the most relaxed position to be in. It helps if he kisses your neck, ears, caresses your head. It helps it feel good as soon as the initial “ouch” is over.” — Stefanie, 22, Ann Arbor

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7. “Guys with big dicks are really scary to have anal with, even vaginal. But you just have to tell him to go slow if he wants the goodies.” — Courtney, 30, London

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8. “Anal sex isn’t something you can just jump into in the same way you can just jack off or do oral. You have to have foreplay, work up to it.” — Sam, 41, Dallas

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9. “You know what? Some people don’t even like anal sex and they just pretend to because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do. Don’t pretend it feels good if it doesn’t. Either stop or communicate with your partner. You can still have sex even if no anal is involved at all.” — Dax, 20, New York

beetlejuice

10. “It’s actually not supposed to hurt. Well, maybe at the beginning because suddenly there’s a dick inside of you. But really it’s supposed to feel good. If it doesn’t then something’s wrong.” — Jake, 29, New York

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11. “You have to tell your partner how you like it. Communicate if you want good butt sex.” – Melissa, 38, Philadelphia

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12. “So many guys know what they know about sex from porn but my ass is just not stretched out that way. You have to pace yourself. You can’t really do wham-bam-thank-you-maam when you go anal.” — Brian, 30, New York

Nagarjun Kandukuru
Nagarjun Kandukuru

beetlejuice

13. “I’ve always felt that anal was best when you get the angle right!” — Daniel, 30, New York

beetlejuice

14. “It’s always a good idea to explore the area on your own. Like get a dildo you know you can take (but with a thick base so you don’t lose it in your ass!) and practice.” — Alexandra, 27, Minneapolis

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15. “Focus on what feels good. Butt bumping is not as automatic as vaginal so you have to focus on what feels good to you. Don’t focus on what’s weird, otherwise you’ll get tense.” — Katie, 33, Boston

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16. “I can’t believe I have to say this but CLEAN YOUR ASSES. You’d be surprised how many gay boys I’ve met who raise their asses in the air like, ‘Rim me, rim me,’ and then you get ready to go all in and they are just nasty. How can you call yourself a bottom and yet your booty is always funky? Just no.” — Jessie, 35, Los Angeles

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17. “Definitely use protection with someone whose sexual history you don’t know and for any hook ups. But if you’re in a committed relationship with someone you trust, bare feels so good.” — Ben, 23, Chicago

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18. “Here’s the secret to anal sex: you have to WANT it. You have to really, really want to get fucked in your ass.” — Chris, 33, New York

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iurikothe
iurikothe

19. “Anal sex feels good, don’t get me wrong, but so much about it is in your brain. If you’re gay it’s this thing of being “fucked,” feeling another dude’s warm dick inside of you, knowing his dick is inside of your ass going in and out, watching him thrust, seeing how hot he looks when he sweats, thinking to yourself, ‘Yeah, fuck me!'” — Jason, 38, New York

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20. “Save your bed sheets. Do it on a dark towel — a butt sex towel!” — Etienne, 34, Las Vegas

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21. “If you worry too much about it hurting then it’s going to hurt.” — Dustin, 19, Saint Louis

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22. “Focus on each other.” — Ashley, 33, New York

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23. “If a guy doesn’t rim me then anal’s a no go.” — Parker, 30, New York

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24. “Santorum is real.” Grey, 29, New York. TC mark

How To Be Grateful Even When You Have 1,000 Reasons To Hate Everything

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 05:15 PM PST

Twenty20 / kim.schaffer
Twenty20 / kim.schaffer

If you didn’t learn in childhood that life is never perfect, you will most likely learn it in adulthood. You will also learn that life needn’t be perfect for it to be good and wonderful and spectacular. And in those times, gratitude flows like the sweet summer rain – easily, and with a freshness that seems to fall to the earth from heaven itself.

Ideally, gratitude, like happiness, should thrive irrespective of circumstance. But I think most of us would be lying to ourselves if we didn’t admit that at least in the moment, we are neither happy nor grateful for a broken heart, or a sick child, or the loss of a loved one, or the many disappointments, failures, and rejections one will endure in a single lifetime. It is hard to be grateful and happy for pain in the moment; it is hard because you know that life always has a lot of it – pain, that is – in full supply. It never runs out.

And this pain – enduring this pain – can make you bitter. It can make you angry and lonely and even hateful towards humanity entirely, and then also towards your specific human existence. Some of us let the pain pass – it eventually goes away. Some of us live in denial of it – until it catches up with us later. Some of us – the best of us – learn to accept it and face it and learn from it and live with it. And yet still, some retain it, hold onto it, and are defined by it. The latter, one might say, would be the “worst” of us.

I have learned, however, that though one’s pain is never an excuse to treat others inhumanly, pain can make monsters out of decent people. It’s why I believe rather than forcing others into positive states of mind prematurely, let them be in their pain. Let them be allowed to experience and express the entirety of the failure of people, and of the world, to be perfect. You don’t end people’s pain by rushing them through it. Instead, you reflect an inability to be with others in their dark night, in their fight against monsters, in their confrontations of the imperfections of their humanity, in their reality and the reality that pain is part and parcel of the human experience. You can’t opt out of it.

I have learned, however, that though one’s pain is never an excuse to treat others inhumanly, pain can make monsters out of decent people.

But you can opt out of gratitude and happiness. You can opt out of these things for a time – as many of us do when we’re in pain. Or you can opt out of them for a lifetime, deciding that neither of those things are worth working for and hoping for in this fallen world. The numbness and mundanity of life seem preferable to the extremes of highs and lows, especially those lows. And even when you feel the judgment of the world for not wanting or not knowing how to be happy or grateful, you do what makes sense to you.

People, you think, are tiresome with their boring clich├ęs about pain and suffering, and its supposed result ultimately being for good. People, who always seem to be quite good at preaching, and not as good at practicing, dare to give you advice. People, who haven’t lived through your existence, how dare they, offer you words on how to go about it? You would be right about some of it – people are full of shit. A lot of us; all of us.

But you would be wrong about something too – thinking that people don’t experience your pain. You would be wrong in thinking that you’ve been the only one to live with a broken heart, or a sick child, or mourn the loss of a loved one. You would be wrong to think that nobody else has experienced your disappointments and failures and rejections. Many of us have lived each other’s pains, and long before we were here, countless people had lived these pains before us. For better or for worse, our pains are not unique. In the grand scheme of history and humanity, one could possibly claim that all pain is quite ordinary.

In the grand scheme of history and humanity, one could possibly claim that all pain is quite ordinary.

In this ordinary existence, in this understanding of the ubiquity of pain, you realize that those who are grateful are not so because their pains have been less than others. You realize that gratitude isn’t the outcome of hindsight and fate. Nor is it the prerogative of those who persevere over their monsters or even in dark times, those who see the bright side or count their blessings. Certainly, admittedly, these things help.

But when you know that pain is an ordinary experience, you become authentically grateful not to be alone in the world in your pains. You become grateful that even without knowing you and your pains specifically, people can understand you because they are you. It is a good thing not to be alone, and it is a great thing – even greater than being loved – to know that you are understood.

On any given day, the world is filled with misery. From the great human failings of war, to the everyday shortcoming of being around people, without seeing them. There are 1000 reasons not to be grateful, many of which honest people would even understand. But when you think of the ordinariness of it all – life, that is – you can also realize that there is an iridescent beauty that lives alongside the ordinary. And knowing this in the temporariness of any circumstance and all circumstance; knowing this in the temporary circumstance that is life, can allow you to consider gratitude, and then to choose it. And if you do, you would have found a way to be in this world, with a little bit of what seems like heaven on earth.

And maybe it is heaven and maybe it isn’t. But what you would have done is transformed the ordinary into something exceptional. And all of this from the objectivity of looking at the commonness of pain, having the courage to realize it in others, and concluding that if nothing else, life is better with gratitude than without it. So even when the pain deprives or devastates or consumes, you are quite certain that even in this moment, you are not the only one in the world who knows this pain, who has ever known this pain. This knowledge makes you kind; it makes you wise, it makes you love, and it always makes you grateful. TC mark

11 Documented Cases Of People Actually Dying Of A Broken Heart

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 05:00 PM PST

1. Johnny Cash

JohnnyCashJuneCarterCash1969
via Wiki Commons

When June Cash died of heart surgery complications in 2003, her entire family was devastated but likely no one was more pained than her husband, world famous musician and pioneer of outlaw country, Johnny Cash, a man who had literally begged June to marry him decades previous.

Four months later, Johnny himself was in the hospital for treatment of his diabetes and it was there that he died. While his condition was definitely poor, it’s scientifically proven that the stress of extreme grief can take a bad condition and turn it into a deadly one.

2. The Husband Of Mary Tamm

via Wiki Commons
via Wiki Commons

Mary Tamm, while not super popular in the U.S., was beloved in Britain for her role in the generations spanning Doctor Who television show.

In 2012 she died of cancer. Just hours after delivering the eulogy at his wife’s funeral, her husband, Marcus Ringrose, himself died while sitting at his computer writing thank you notes to those who had sent their condolences.

3. A Heartbroken Father

Thomas-Lamb
Family photo of Thomas Lamb via the Mirror

In the Summer of 2015, Thomas Lamb, 46 and a father, was brutally murdered with a pitchfork after being beaten right outside his own home in Edinburgh, Scotland. The attack was reportedly over a game of pool.

This all happened while Lamb’s 67-year-old father, John Lamb, was inside Lamb’s house taking a nap, having no idea what was going on outside. Just eleven weeks after his son was murdered outside the house they shared and still overcome by grief, John Lamb passed away himself.

4. The Parents Of NFL Star Doug Flutie

Just last week, the parents of former NFL quarterback Doug Flutie passed away within in minutes of one another. Flutie’s father was in the hospital after suffering a heart attack and eventually succumbed to the damage his heart had taken. Under an hour later, his mother, no doubt devastated from the loss, also suffered a heart attack and died.

5. This Irish Football Former Referee

Hours after his wife of 59 years, Bridie Stafford, died of a heart attack, Mattie Stafford followed her with a lethal heart attack of his own. The couple were 80 and 81, respectively. Upon learning of the couple’s death, one football official said, "It's incredible really. It's like something you would see in a movie.”

6. The Inseparable Couple

Bakersfield, California couple Don and Maxine Simpson died four hours apart in August of last year. Don had been spending Maxine’s final time with her holding hands. Four hours after Maxine finally did pass away and her body was removed from the room, Don also died. They had one son and five grandkids. One of the grandchildren said “all Don wanted was to be with his beautiful wife. He adored my grandmother, loved her to the end of the earth.”

7. “Close your eyes, I'm coming with you”

The Pittmans, George and Pat, had been married for fifty five years after first meeting on a blind date and then marrying on Valentine’s Day of 1959. After Pat became ill and was admitted to the hospital, George refused to leave her side and, in her final moments, he whispered the words “close your eyes, I’m coming with you.” Twenty one hours later, Pat himself passed away.

8. High School Sweethearts

Married sixty three years, Elizabeth and John Fascia had what was described as a “near fairy tale” marriage. However, after John died of cancer, his widow, Elizabeth, stopped eating, stopped leaving the house, and was deeply depressed. In an attempt to help her, Elizabeth’s family took her on a cruise to Bermuda where she and her husband John had honeymooned after they first married. All seemed to be going well until a few hours into the cruise when Elizabeth suddenly suffered an aneurysm and died the next day.

While the family concedes that the physical trauma is what ended her life, they were uniform in insisting that it was actually a broken heart that killed her.

9. Died On Their Wedding Anniversary

The oldest couple on this list, Clifford and Marjorie Hartland were 101 and 97 respectively. Clifford had been presumed dead during World War II but Marjorie had refused to believe it. Her faith was later rewarded when he returned from the field, one of only four men from his 700-man regiment to return.

The day that Clifford died, Marjorie spoke to her daughter, telling her “I can’t live without him.”

She died just hours later on the day of their 76th wedding anniversary.

That night, Mum rang me … She was upset and I told her to think about all the happy times they’d shared in their marriage while she drifted off to sleep … She died at 1am, and I like to think that’s exactly what she was doing … It’s a perfect love story. I’m devastated they’re gone but so happy for them — they’ve never really had to live without one another.

10.  “She Gave Up In A Way”

George and Hazel Richards from Plymouth, England were set to celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary but the couple, both 84, passed away within a week of one another after George fell ill. Hazel, who had been in a nursing home for dementia and Alzheimer’s died after hearing the news that her husband had died, finding she no longer had a reason to keep living.

We had a number of urgent, last calls during Hazel’s time at her care home whereby staff told us to say our goodbyes because it was unlikely she would survive much longer. But she kept on going, no matter how poor her condition became. Something kept her going all that time and I think that something was George. 

I think once she heard George had died, I think she gave up in a way.

11. He Couldn’t Live Without Her

In May 2015, Nev Wild died just six weeks after his wife passed away from from cancer in March. The saying they were very sad, the family also lovingly joked that their mother only got six weeks of peace before Nev insisted on following her.

“I’m sure Mum was cursing him in Heaven when he arrive so soon after her,” said 42-year-old Cathy, of Mickleover.

“He’d only left her in peace for six weeks and then he left us and went to be with her.” TC mark

30 Quotes About How Your Real Soulmate Is Often Your Best Friend

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 04:00 PM PST

Twenty20.com ToddMakesFotos
Twenty20.com ToddMakesFotos

1.

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
—Candace Bushnell

beetlejuice

2.

"True love is finding your soulmate in your best friend."
—Faye Hall

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3.

"Just you and me against the world. Always and forever."
—Jessica Sorensen

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4.

"Some souls just understand each other upon meeting."
—N. R. Hart

beetlejuice

5.

"We were two throats and one eye and we had no price."
—Toni Morrison

beetlejuice

6.

"Sometimes you get lucky and find a soul that grooves with yours."
—Unknown

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7.

"It was as if we’d known each other for a thousand years."
—CJ English

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8.

"By fate or forgery, our dances are entwined for eternity."
—Natalia Marx

beetlejuice

9.

"In a soulmate we find not company, but a completed solitude."
—Robert Brault

beetlejuice

10.

"Have you ever felt really close to someone—So close that you can't understand why you and the other person have two separate bodies, two separate skins?"
—Nancy Garden

beetlejuice

11.

"…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…"
—Plato

beetlejuice

12.

"A bond between souls is ancient—older than the planet."
—Dianna Hardy

beetlejuice

13.

"What's the difference?" I asked him. "Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?"

"One is a choice, and one is not."
—Tarryn Fisher

beetlejuice

14.

"Giving someone a piece of your soul is better than giving a piece of your heart. Because souls are eternal."
—Helen Boswell

beetlejuice

15.

"'Soulmate' is an overused term, but a true soul connection is very rare, and very real."
—Hilary Duff

beetlejuice

16.

"You have the rest of your lives to catch up together. After all, soulmates always end up together….Ex-girlfriends are easily forgotten. Best friends stay with you for ever."
—Cecelia Ahern

beetlejuice

17.

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined to strengthen each other, to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories"
—George Eliot

beetlejuice

18.

"Inhale when I inhale. Exhale when I exhale. Breathe with me, for two beating hearts breathing one breath together become one."
—Christina Westover

beetlejuice

19.

"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”
—Maya Angelou

beetlejuice

20.

"Soulmates aren’t the ones who make you happiest, no. They’re instead the ones who make you feel the most. Burning edges and scars and stars. Old pangs, captivation and beauty. Strain and shadows and worry and yearning. Sweetness and madness and dreamlike surrender. They hurl you into the abyss. They taste like hope."
—Victoria Erickson

beetlejuice

21.

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise.”
—Richard Bach

beetlejuice

22.

"I hope you outlive me so I never have to know what life is like without you."
—CJ English

beetlejuice

23.

"A soulmate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various times and places over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique complement, but because by being with that individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves.”
—Edgar Cayce

beetlejuice

24.

"A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace.”
—Thomas Moore

beetlejuice

25.

"I love you not because you’re beautiful, but it’s through you that I discover more of myself!"
—Ramana Pemmaraju

beetlejuice

26.

"But I do believe in souls being in sync, souls that mirror each other."
—Richelle Mead

beetlejuice

27.

"SoulMates resonate on many levels. Something deep in me recognizes something deep in you that is sacred."
—Annette Vaillancourt

beetlejuice

28.

"Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don't fool."
—Robert Brault

beetlejuice

29.

"True friends are not mirrors where we can always see ourselves reflected in a positive light."
—Shannon L. Alder

beetlejuice

30.

"A soulmate will never leave you."
—yeye Hall

18 People Share The One Thing That They Wish The ESTPs In Their Lives Knew

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 03:00 PM PST

 canonographer1
canonographer1

1. “You don’t have to do everything! You’re not letting people down if you take a day to rest, or if you respectfully decline a potential commitment. You’re awesome, but no one ever said that you had to do everything. Be wise.” –INFP

beetlejuice

2. “Please try empathizing before you get frustrated at me for why I care what others think so much.” –ENFJ

beetlejuice

3. “You are a ball of fire and people are drawn to you. Keep doing you.” –INTJ

beetlejuice

4. “Your ability to go from insane fun to super rigid in 2.5 seconds flat is a bit terrifying. Try to gauge where other people are before you flip the switch.” –ENFJ

beetlejuice

5. “Stop taking my spot as the center of attention.” –ESFP

beetlejuice

6. “You love risk taking, that’s ok. Thrills can be amazing just don’t drag your friends down a dangerous path unless you’re prepared and capable of getting them out.” – ENFP

beetlejuice

7. “Stop trying to impress everyone by buying a bunch of fancy things you cant afford… no one cares that much!” –ENFP

beetlejuice

8. “Sometimes you're a little too irritable when I vent my feelings.” –ESFJ

beetlejuice

9. “You’re the most stubborn of all of us. Your spirit animal is a bull. If there’s a decision to make, you’ve probably come up with the best option, I admit it wholeheartedly, but don’t shove it down our goddamn throats like that. Please, please, please, learn to understand and appreciate the value of other people’s points of view. Keep going strong, but don’t trample the people you love in the process. Because we love you too, it’s just hard sometimes when you don’t leave us any breathing room.” –ISTP

beetlejuice

10. “Keep being cool, tone your rants down. Don’t judge a person by their cover. Keep on breaking the rules and make sure to speak your true mind.” –ENTP

beetlejuice

11. “Sometimes the risks you take are dumb.” -ISFJ

beetlejuice

12. “You are more intelligent, wise, and capable than most people give you credit for being.” –INTJ

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13. “I wish you could hear how judgmental you sound when you make jokes at my expense about how I should change.” –ISTJ

beetlejuice

14. “Please stop throwing people away. Please don’t be manipulative and self-serving. Learn how not to be so angry.” –ISFJ

beetlejuice

15. “We don't need hard advice every time – we take it more personally than you think.” –ISFJ

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16. “I admire your entrepreneurial spirit!” –ENFJ

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17. “You’re not right all the freaking time. And no, we’re not having sex.” –ENFP

beetlejuice

18. “You guys just keep doing your thing. It’s a lot of fun to watch for the rest of us.” –INFJ TC mark

15 Quotes To Help Heal Your Heartbreak

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 02:00 PM PST

ivan_law
ivan_law

Heartbreaks are inevitable. They can happen at sixteen or they can happen at sixty. They are all equally as excruciating and can make you feel as if the world is coming to an end. The physical and mental pain associated with heartbreak is too overwhelming to ignore, and occasionally, it may feel as if your heart is literally ripping into pieces. To those who think you'll never get over someone, believe me, you eventually will. Time replaces many memories, even those you swore you'd never forget. I've had my fair share of breakups and what helps me handle the pain of rejection is reading quotes that relate to what I'm experiencing. I've listed 15 of my favorites below. I hope you find solace in them.

1. "God says: The reason some people have turned against you and walked away from you without reason has nothing to do with you. It is because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next. They will only hinder you in your next level because they have already served their purpose in your life. Let them go and keep moving. Greater is coming."

–Anonymous

2. "When we suffer a loss, a break up, a painful change in our lives, we need to remember to take all the time we need to heal emotionally. Moving forward and getting back on track with our lives doesn't take a day. It takes a lot of small steps to allow us to break free from our broken self and move on."

Wiz Khalifa

3. "Take deep breaths occasionally to remind yourself that it is your lungs that are keeping you alive and not the person you've managed to snag yourself on. Untie yourself from the last words spoken from their holy lips and realize that some doors are only meant to be exits."

–Unknown

4. "You don't want to feel that when a marriage ends, your life is over. You can survive anything. Compared to what other people are surviving out there in the world, this is not so bad, in the grand scheme of things… But shit happens. You joke and say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'"

Jennifer Aniston

5. "Hold your head high and your middle finger higher. Let him know what he's missing."

Megan Fox

6. "If someone breaks your heart, punch them in the face. Seriously, punch them in the face and go get some ice cream."

Frank Ocean

7. "Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe."

Anonymous

8. "Your mother did not raise you with a wolf in your chest so you could howl over losing a man."

Anonymous

9. "I'm not sure what the future holds but I do know that I'm going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said, 'Nic, it is what it is. It's not what it should have been and not what it could have been. It is what it is.'"

Nicole Kidman

10. "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again."

Unknown

11. "Until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them."

Iyanla Vanzant

12. "If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello."

Paulo Coelho

13. "Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn't live without? Well look at you, living and shit."

Unknown

14. "God often removes a person from your life for your protection. Think about that before you go running back to them."

Rick Warren

15. "At some point, you have to love yourself enough to let the last chance be the last chance. You can't keep holding on to what used to be and praying a person's potential somehow develops into what you thought it would. You can love a person with everything in you, but if the timing isn't right, it just won't work. You can't force it and you shouldn't have to. The love is still there… It's just gotta be from a distance now."

Rob Hill Sr

This Is What Life Is Like When You’re Recovering

Posted: 27 Nov 2015 01:00 PM PST

PRONathan Congleton
PRONathan Congleton

Last night I revisited feelings of distress. Feelings I'd long avoided out of fear, shame, inadequacy. It's funny that a movie, something made-up and fictional, could catalyze this and end up making me feel so uncomfortable. But Whiplash didn't feel all that unreal to me. Instead, it felt deeply familiar.

I had to pause the movie a couple times to take it in, breathe deeply, and not let the panic take set in as I processed. Unlike the main character, nobody had really pushed me to the brink. Not like that, anyway. I mostly did it to myself.

I know what wanting—no, needing—to be perfect feels like. In fact, I know it too well. I know the desperation of trying to succeed, even at the cost of running yourself to the ground. I used to have tunnel vision. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll develop it again.

I resented the people that wanted "my well-being." I didn't see it that way. It felt like they were telling me to settle, that I wasn't good enough. Fueled with anger, I only tried harder.

I didn't realize how unhappy I was—until I did. The realization hit me like a terrible blowback, but only once everything around me had already crumbled.

The hardest part wasn't giving in, it was the shame I felt after proving everyone right. The first feeling was disgust, feeling so weak and hopeless, and sickened with myself.

Happiness didn't start for a while. Sometimes I think I'm still chasing it. It felt like a long endless tunnel. The sun couldn't touch my skin. I had to get up in the morning and set small goals, get through the day. I wasn't even telling myself not to cry. That wasn't a goal; it was survival.

I remember the light at the end of the tunnel being a mere hypothesis. I remember how faint it felt: the exit very far ahead. I wasn't sure there would be light out there, because I'd pushed myself so very deeply into darkness… I just had to hope, keep going, not look back, and most importantly attempt not to judge myself so harshly.

Writing now, I realize I haven't fully healed yet. I did find hope. I'm a different person, but I also leaned back.

Today, I still struggle; I'm still scared. My legs still buckle under me, my feet still fight me over the steps I take.

I've spent a lot of time waiting for things to settle, to pick up, to be better on their own. Today, I'm not saying patience isn't the key, but you have to help yourself.

"No fate, but what you make." It almost feels ironic to think of this quote, right now, right here, when I'm in this state.

I'm sharing this because I think there is a life after you think you've failed yourself. And then you have another setback, and you look up, assess, keep going, and learn something new about yourself; the obstacles you can face and overcome, the limits that may be for your well-being. It's a long road ahead and the learning never stops.

Life is, after all, a great big giant lesson that leaves you altered. Somehow, as hard as it appears, it's also kind of fantastic we can keep developing endlessly, test ourselves, expand.

But expansion is, irrevocably, tied to entropy. TC mark