Thought Catalog


Here Is How The World Is Reacting To Kobe Bryant’s Retirement Announcement

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 11:21 PM PST

The Players' Tribune
The Players’ Tribune

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This Is How You Find Someone Who Feels Lucky To Be With You, And Vice Versa

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 08:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / omavarainen
Twenty20 / omavarainen

I firmly believe that there is someone (likely more than one) for everyone.

However, the idea that you need to "be yourself" and they will magically pop out of the woodwork when you aren't actively TRYING (in all senses of the word) is a really slippery slope. Yes, you need to be yourself when you are looking for someone but consider that the best possible version of yourself is really what you need.

Would you go on a first date without showering or getting dressed?

Would you skip grooming entirely and scream at the waiter?

I sure hope not (if this is the case, we have more things to talk about).

While you want to portray an accurate picture of who you are, dating is still MARKETING. In order to get the best possible person in your life, you will need to up your game to attract them.

One day I hit upon a powerful realization that changed my whole attitude about dating. I did a common exercise where I wrote down all of the things I wanted in "The One."

After looking over my list, I realized that in essence I was looking for someone who I woke up every morning excited to be with. When I had the epiphany that for this relationship to be as magical as I hoped, they had to be thrilled to be with me in return; it hit me like a ton of bricks.

In my current state, I wasn't a good vibrational match for what I wanted to attract.

Would a guy who was in great emotional and physical shape want someone prone to depression and a good 40 pounds overweight?

Probably not. And if he did start dating me, the loving, kind, sweet guy I pictured would eventually feel disappointed. Being the nice guy I imagined him to be, he would never start making proclamations about me seeing a therapist or losing weight, but he might feel disappointed enough to not feel like he got an amazing deal when he was dating me. Clearly, disappointment and resentment is the archenemy of a solid, lasting partnership.

  • Do you want someone to reluctantly give up their search for the right person and settle for you?
  • Do you want someone to think, "well this is the best I can do?" and embark upon their boring new life with you?
  • Do you want them to eye the door every time someone else comes along?

Me either. I shudder at the thought! I'd be willing to bet that you want someone who can't believe they are so lucky to be with you and vice versa! In order to get that, you are most likely going to have to up your game.

Dating is a marketplace like any other.

Say you are shopping for a house. You have a set budget. You go out and look at two homes that are side-by-side, same neighborhood, square footage etc. For the same price, you can choose either: house A, a fixer-upper that has been ransacked and needs new everything or house B that has been meticulously maintained with tender, loving care.

Which do you pick?

All other things being equal, I'd be willing to bet that you would choose house B unless you are a masochist who loves spending time and money on home improvement.

Dating is like that. Consider that the people out there who you are interested in dating, your target market, can choose you or they can choose your competition. Can you really blame them?

Everyone is out to get a good deal.

This leads me to the point. In a world of nearly infinite choices, what would you rather do? Would you rather fix yourself up emotionally and physically and start developing the attitude that you are worth having someone great just like you, or would you rather represent the fixer upper to potential mates? If you aren't attracting the right people, it's time to look within.

Obviously there are things you can't change, but a lot that you can. You can work on your emotional environment. You can reduce stress. You can get in better shape mentally AND physically. You can work to improve your life so that potential mates would jump at the chance to be a part of it.

In essence, the best way to attract the right person is to be the right person.

The choice is yours. TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

6 Reasons Why Men Who Don’t Watch Porn Are Better Lovers

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 07:15 PM PST

Twenty20, tori_aper
Twenty20, tori_aper

In my boyhood teenage days of yore, using pornography required patience, even imagination.

One of my early adventures with porn occurred on weekday afternoons when I got home from middle school. Before anyone else arrived, I would sneak into my parents' bedroom closet with a small foot stool. I have no idea how I first found it, but resting atop the center ceiling panel, just inches from my horny little brain, was my step-father's erotic treasure trove of betamax video tapes with titles like "The Oriental Babysitter" and "Taxi Girls." I'd pop one into the black betamax box, hit play, and kick back on the lounger as sounds and images of ecstasy flooded my lusty synapses while I enjoyed myself a dozen or so times (oh, to be a teenager again).

A few years later, during high school, my tastes grew more sophisticated when mom started getting Victoria Secret catalogs in the mail. Although I kinda already knew what the big secret was, these glossy mags made my imagination work harder at unlocking it each time, and I delighted in that. But a new catalog once every few weeks was far too infrequent for my insatiable teenage libido, and I could barely wait for the spring issues when lithe Victorias would return to wearing sexy sundresses and seductive short skirts.

Those days of porn patience and teasing my imagination are gone.

At this very moment, I—and most every other man in Western Civilization—have in my hands a little device loaded with the entire known universe of pornographic material ready to stir my lust and blow my loins wide open. I never have to wait till Spring again.

Enough is Enough and Covenant Eyes, two internet safety organizations, offer these sobering statistics (note: CovEyes is Catholic-based; I am not):

• Every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.

• American children begin viewing pornography at an average age of 11.

• The pornography industry is a $97 billion industry worldwide.

• Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than are women.

• More than 1 in 5 searches are for pornography on mobile devices.

Porn is ubiquitous. You might be surprised who uses online porn.

I have amazing male friends, attractive and dynamic, who've spent countless hours over many years caught in the sticky pornographic web. You would never imagine these men using online porn. But they have. And do. I have also used it.

As a single man for the last 4 years, great sexual encounters with women have been a rare luxury. My iPhone, on the other hand, is all too willing to dance for me, undress for me, tease me, lick me, suck me, screw me and all around indulge me, whatever I want, any time I want.

I do not generally have an addictive personality, yet I have at times gone weeks using internet pornography every night to quickly arouse and then satiate myself. There were times I seemed to need it just to fall asleep.

I would watch up to an hour or more in bed before exhausting myself enough to fall asleep, which ironically carved into an already sleep-deprived entrepreneurial lifestyle. At one point using porn actually gave me repetitive stress injury, messing up my otherwise formidable basketball game. I experienced other disconcerting side-effects of porn, too, some of which I'll detail below.

There's nothing wrong with masturbation. I also don't believe in sexual shame. But modern pornography can be a serious detriment to everyone, not just to men, but to the women we love, too.

Here's 6 reasons why I believe men must give up consistent use of pornography for personal stimulation:

1) Porn ruins our erections with actual women.

After I had been using porn moderately for about a year, I began to notice that I couldn't sustain erections with women as long as I once could. I was horny as ever, but without the constantly changing visual erotic stimulation that watching video after video offered, one woman's body couldn't hold my erotic focus as effectively as it used to. To my frustrated surprise, real sex had become somewhat under-stimulating. Tragic. Since I gave up porn, even morning wood has made its return like an exotic tree rescued from the brink of extinction.

2) Porn tunes our bodies to premature ejaculation.

I never had a problem with quick climax before I consistently used porn. I could always match, if not outlast, my female sexual partners, with or without a condom, with solid erections.

With porn, I could watch a short video and within minutes have myself rocketing towards climax. But I'd stop myself before I went too far, because I always wanted to see what different erotic adventure awaited me in the next video, just a click away. I would do this for an hour, rapidly rising in mindless bliss with every new short video, stopping myself at the edge each time. Eventually, I'd realize how much time had gone by, so I'd choose the best video I'd seen and let it throw me over the edge.

I was tuning my body to quickly rise and climax. I can immediately stop moving my own hand when I masturbate. A real woman's aroused body doesn't stop moving so fast. It's like trying to slam on the brakes of a speed boat in deep water. I just couldn't often handle her enthusiasm, and I started getting really concerned.

Thankfully, quitting porn has allowed my body's nervous system to retune itself to a less hurried sexual pace and rhythm.

3) It's a cop out from interacting powerfully with actual women.

Most men in our western culture generally do not know how to interact powerfully with women in the everyday world, certainly not as mature healthy masculine men. We routinely fail to proactively step up to women we're attracted to in effective and honorable, respectful ways. So many of us routinely let our silent crushes slip away forever into the dark painful cave of our regrets. Masturbation can take the edge off all the resulting frustration, so much so that we don't then have to do anything useful about it, like learn how to be more powerful (and still respectful) in our interactions with actual women.

4) It's such a waste of time.

Watching porn alone and a lot is a stupid use of our precious time on Planet Earth.

5) It creates unrealistic expectations of women.

Porn just makes us think women should be easier to get into bed. It makes us think we might get laid more if we were more bold or clever, or simply more aggressive. Which is actually probably true. In fact, there is surely room for western men to be bolder with women, but not at the cost of genuine care for women.

Women in porn videos are always willing to let a man (or men) aggressively open them up and do whatever they want. They'll take the money shot right in the face, on their knees beneath a cock and a camera, as if to fully underscore their willingness to be conquered and owned by a man, and for all the world to see.

In my experience, actual women don't react to calculating male aggression by opening their legs. Even if they do – and sometimes they probably do – that doesn't create an authentic intimate relationship. It just creates two bodies slapping into each other.

Women are lusty, sexual creatures, for sure. Just like men. But when men are ready to relate to women in deeper ways, ways that include sexuality and also transcend it, porn is an awful study. The wondrous feminine mystique of a woman, the mystique us men so desperately crave to experience, is only made available to the men who learn how to cherish a woman in her fullness. That doesn't happen anywhere in porn.

6) When we watch porn, we support human trafficking, slavery, rape, and blackmail of women all over the world.

Despite my tame taste in porn and the fact that I never paid for online porn, I still unwittingly saw videos on the average free porn site that disturbed me.

I am horrified that I almost surely watched men manipulate, even outright blackmail, women into otherwise unwanted sex in fake taxi cabs, fake doctors offices, fake casting sets, and more. The camera never showed the man's face; always the woman's.

Since I started researching this, I've discovered countless examples of criminal cases worldwide where people, mostly men, have been arrested and prosecuted for creating pornography with women they trafficked from other countries; women who were enslaved in buildings they could't leave; women kept in place by physical violence; women threatened with exposure to their families; and more. I know now that I must have watched videos where women did sex acts they were forced to do. And my tastes in porn were tame.

I'm not implying a direct link between porn and criminality. I am simply saying I couldn't easily avoid watching videos of questionable, disturbing origin.

I'm still tempted to watch porn sometimes. Even as I write this, my iPhone sits quietly beside me, able in a matter of seconds to unleash a marauding army of sexy oriental babysitters straight into my lizard brain. But clearly nothing good ever comes from that, so to speak.

Men, we've got to stop using porn. I know it's a quick fix. I know some couples even use it to spice up an otherwise fading sex life.

Find other ways. Get creative. Porn is easy, low-hanging fruit. It's beneath our brilliance. It's not just hurting us; it's also hurting our women. TC mark

7 Things You Need To Know About The Girl Who’s Always Single Before You Fall In Love With Her

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / danpage
Twenty20 / danpage

She has a support system that continues to thrive with or without you.

She’s not usually in a relationship, and her life has been fulfilling without one, which is partly because she has a fantastic support system. Her friends and family give her the true love she hasn’t yet found in a partner, and you have to understand that you’re an addition to that support system, not the foundation. It doesn’t lessen your importance, it just distinguishes how your importance fits into her life.

She is one complete person.

You are not her other half, and she is not yours. She sees you as your own complete person just the way she sees herself as one. This is not an insult; it is a compliment, and she admires your security, so respect hers in return.

You will not be the only person she loves.

She has plenty of love in her life between friends and family, and even though it is not romantic, you will find it competes with yours. Do not compete for her affection because it is not a competition. She has various forms of love and they cannot be measured. Her love for you is incomparable to the love she has for anyone else; that doesn’t mean it is better or worse, but it is wholly unique from any other love she has.

She has a passion that she is extremely dedicated to.

Whether it is her career, a hobby, or simply something that keeps her sanity intact, there is something in her life that she is purely passionate about, and she had that passion before she met you. You will most likely want to be apart of it, and she might want to make you apart of it too, but if you’re expecting her to tone it down simply because you’re in her life, you’ll be left disappointed. She’s not trying to say she doesn’t have time for you, she’s trying to find the balance, and you have to give her time to find that equilibrium.

She values your trust, and knows how to be faithful.

Just because she’s been single forever, doesn’t mean she’s incapable of being loyal. She is a trustworthy person, especially to those who are close to her, and that includes you.

She will enjoy her alone time, but she doesn’t want you to make her feel lonely.

She is used to being on her own, so alone time is what she knows best, but she also wants to know you care about her. Her not going out with you on a Friday night isn’t her way of blowing you off, it’s her way of recuperating. Don’t take it personally if she wants to be left alone, and don’t think it means she wants you to be distant. Being alone and feeling alone, in her mind, are two different things. She doesn’t want to feel alone when she’s with you.

She needs you to take things slow.

For her to truly know how she feels about you, she cannot be rushed. She hasn’t had a lot of relationships in the past, so she isn’t a professional at recognizing her feelings. She knows lust, but love she is a stranger to, so give her time. TC mark

10 Men On How Their Idea Of The Perfect Woman Has Changed From 25 To 35

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 06:30 PM PST

(Wikimedia Commons)
(Wikimedia Commons)

1. COME OVER, HAVE SEX, AND LEAVE

"The perfect woman likes to come over, have sex, and leave. I have no patience anymore for any of the baggage that comes with love and relationships. That's kid stuff. Just come over, bang, and leave. Perfection."

—Alex

beetlejuice

2. ONE WHO STAYS IN WITH ME ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND ORDERS A PIZZA

"When I was 25, the perfect girl would want to go out partying on a Friday night. Now the perfect girl would want to stay in with me on a Friday night. The perfect girl at twenty-five would walk through three feet of snow just to go out partying or see some stupid band. The perfect girl at 35 would stay inside, open a box of wine, and order a pizza."

—Jorge

beetlejuice

3. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

"The older I get, the more willing I am to have sex with older women. I know that sounds sad, and it is. So the older I get, basically the 'perfect girl' is any woman who's willing to have sex with me. Weep for me, will you?"

Mykel

beetlejuice

4. THE FUNNIER THEY ARE, THE BETTER THEY ARE IN BED

"In my 20s, the perfect girl to me was the prettiest girl. I think all guys think that way at 25. But now the perfect girl is the funniest girl. Why? Because the funnier they are, the better they are in bed. This is a rule of nature and I'm sure one day they'll figure out how to prove it scientifically. Don't go for the pretty girl, go for the one who'll make you laugh. Your dick will thank me for it."

—Justin

beetlejuice

5. B-U-S-H

"There's only one minor detail that's changed in my vision of an ideal woman over the past ten years: Whereas I preferred my women shaved clean back then, now she has a big thick Jimi Hendrix style bush. A bush big enough to plant tomatoes in. A bush so three-dimensional, I can pick her up by it and walk her around the room like she's a human tote bag. You know how a lot of girls think beards are hot? Well, I feel the same way about bushes. So, yeah—nothing has changed except now I'm all about the bush. That's B-U-S-H in case you need me to spell it."

—Freddie

beetlejuice

6. ONE WHO'S GOOD AT PILLOW TALK WHILE I'M FALLING ASLEEP BECAUSE I JUST SHOT MY LOAD

"At 25 it was more important to me that a girl was good in bed. Now it's more important that she knows how to hold a conversation when you're done having sex. I mean, I'm going to fall asleep shortly after I cum anyway, so I might as well fall into slumber while having a nice chat."

—Curtis

beetlejuice

7. SOUTHERN GIRLS—BECAUSE THEY SMELL LIKE TOBACCO

"The main thing that changed in my life over the past ten years is that I moved down South and developed a strong taste for Southern girls. They're sweeter, more feminine, usually more voluptuous, they looooooove to fuck, and they have that Southern drawl it puts me over the finish line every time. And they all smell like tobacco. Every last one of them. I'm not even kidding. But it's cool, because I love the smell of tobacco."

—Jimbo

beetlejuice

8. THEY'RE ALL WOMEN; I WANT THEM ALL

"The perfect lady at 35 is one who accepts my erectile dysfunction without mocking it like most younger girls would. On the rare occasions that I'm barely able to get it up, the perfect woman would also accept my severe premature ejaculation problem without making fun of it, whereas any 25-year-old girl would have smeared my reputation across town. Just kidding! I don't know. I don't see a difference. They're all women. I want them all, just like I did when I was 25. Except for my mom, because that would be weird."

—Joel

beetlejuice

9. ONE WHO LOOKS TOWARD THE FUTURE RATHER THAN LIVES IN THE MOMENT

"I've been with the same girl for seven years and married to her for five. When I met her I was basically just looking for a banging girl who was smart enough and really fun to hang out with. But now it seems that the more I focus on my career, the needier she gets emotionally. It's like she can't stand me paying attention to anything but her. Mind you, she's no different than when we met—but I am. I love her I guess, but the main reason I'm still married is that I don't feel like forking over 50% of my assets to her, because she's not the one who earned them. I feel stuck. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have looked for a serious girl who looked toward the future rather than a fun girl who lived in the moment."

—Marcus

beetlejuice

10. IT'S STILL THE SAME GIRL

"The perfect girl? It's the same woman it was when I was 25, only she's ten years older now and we're still married.

—Nate TC mark

13 Newlyweds On Exactly How They Plan To Beat The Odds And Stay Faithful Forever

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20, victoria.des
Twenty20, victoria.des

1. "On a whim the other night, my wife started reading this sexy book out loud to me and I was rapt. That led to some really fun experimenting. Totally new sexual territory for us. I just keep reminding myself that there's so much more for us to do together. If you’re open-minded and committed to keeping the passion alive, there’s really nothing to worry about."

— Phillip, 28

beetlejuice

2. "I started giving my husband sexual coupons (e.g. "One start to finish blowie, redeemable with 48 hours notice) for special occasions a year or so into our relationship. He's always loved them, and I think they give us both a healthy sense of security. He likes having a stash of sexual favors he can cash in, and I’m convinced the coupons keep his dirty thoughts centered on me. When it comes to marital loyalty, coupons might just be the best kept secret."

— Elizabeth, 27

beetlejuice

3. “People always assume it's the man who's more likely to cheat, but I'm way more sexual than my husband is. Luckily, I'm also an accomplished masturbator. As long as I’ve got a team of vibrators at my bedside, I won’t be tempted to dabble outside our marriage.”

— Valerie, 24

beetlejuice

4. "I struggled with porn addiction a few years back, when my wife was still my girlfriend. When I came clean, it was a big blow to her self-esteem. But once she accepted that I had a problem, she came through with a genius plan. Instead of the typical date night, we stay home and make our own sexy videos. It keeps us connected—not just sexually but emotionally—and I am one hundred percent certain we're gonna make it long-term without any affairs getting in the way thanks to DIY porn."

— Juan, 33

beetlejuice

5. "There was a moment when I came really close to making out with my colleague a few weeks after my husband and I tied the knot, but I pulled back just in time. I’m not naive enough to think that we won’t be tempted sometimes, but I feel like I'm programmed not to go there because I really do love my husband that much. And I know in my heart that he feels just as strongly."

— Alexis, 34

beetlejuice

6. "My wife's horny af. I wouldn't have married her otherwise because I'm a guy who needs to get laid at least once a day. But so does she! We're a perfect match. Seriously, we're the happiest couple I know.

— Tommy, 27

beetlejuice

7. "Right after the wedding, my husband and I experienced the early onset of the Seven Year Itch syndrome. Neither of us was all that interested in intimacy—at least not with each other. But I'm a type-A lady and I refused to give up on us. I did a lot of research and we tried a bunch of things until we found something that works for us: A sex schedule. It might sound completely unsexy to schedule sex, but it's not. My husband LOVES the guarantee of sex, and we both have fun sending each other dirty calendar invites. It's such a simple measure, really, so I'm confident we'll always be able to rekindle the flame whenever we need to."

— Meredith, 28

beetlejuice

8. "My wife and I married later than most of our friends, and all of them were always telling us that marriage would kill our sex life. So when we got engaged, we decided to be proactive about developing a really honest sexual dialogue. We started checking in with each other at least once a week just to make sure we're both okay in all areas, including sex. You can't assume someone's happy. You have to ask them, and also be receptive to feedback if you want things to last."

— Ezra, 36

beetlejuice

9. "My husband threw his back out jet skiing on our honeymoon and he was bedridden for days. One morning he begged me for a 'handy' since he wasn't really able to have sex. I refused because I thought a handjob would be bad for his back if he was wriggling his pelvis and hips. He got so mad, and started screaming about how he’d have to order a massage and a happy ending if I didn’t help him. I said, 'Fine! But if you start taking liberties, I will too.' Then we both cracked up because we knew we were both full of shit. There's balance between us—even when we fight, you know? And we have this shared sense of humor we can count on to bring us back to solid ground."

— Erin, 31

beetlejuice

10. "Marriage is hard work and part of that work is keeping your partner sexually satisfied. I'm fortunate to be married to a woman who really understands that give-and-take. Sometimes we're both really into making love, but sometimes one of us is clearly doing the other a favor in getting naked and that's okay. We live by a kind of unspoken pact that keeps us both content."

— Kenneth, 32

beetlejuice

11. "We've only been married for six months, and let me tell you: After the wedding, there's a definite drop off in the excitement level. The chaos ends and it's easy to freak out. What I've realized is that it's important to shape your own attitude every single day. You can stress out thinking, 'oh my God, I'm stuck with one woman for the rest of my life,' or you can take comfort in a thought like, 'I am one lucky man to get to come home to an amazing woman every single night.' Positive thinking, man. That’s how I do it."

— Bob, 30

beetlejuice

12. "I'm not shy. I'll tap into my inner animal and get freaky in the sack and my husband knows he can't get that from other women, necessarily. He dated a bunch of women who were sexual duds before we got together. If you want to make sure your partner doesn't cheat, just be the best sex they can have."

— Lily, 25

beetlejuice

13. "I'll tell you what my buddy told me about staying faithful for a lifetime: One day at a time. It's the only way forward."

— Calvin, 27 TC mark

8 Things You Need To Know If You’re The Person Who Always Wants To Fix Everyone’s Problems

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 05:30 PM PST

NAO
NAO

1. Every time you find yourself thinking: "this person's life would be so much better if only they could do [this]," apply that to your own life. The best way to help others is by embodying what you think would make their lives better… not to mention the fact that usually, what we project as advice to others is what we're trying to tell ourselves.

2. You cannot fix people who do not want to be fixed. You cannot fix people who want to be fixed, either. You cannot pressure, coerce, convince or inspire anybody to change if they do not want to be changed on their own. You cannot do the actual work of changing someone even if they want you to. All you can do is love, support and encourage, and spend your time becoming the person you want to be.

3. If you're not careful, wanting to fix everyone can come along with constantly seeking out how they could be better. And when you're seeking how someone could be better, you're not loving or appreciating them for who they really are. After all, anybody who needs help really just needs to be loved anyway.

4. You can fall in love with someone's potential, but you can't be surprised if it never becomes reality. You have to be willing to love someone as they are, not as they could maybe, someday, one day be. People are not projects, and committing to the idea of someone is not far off from committing to your own personal delusions.

5. Many people – old souls especially – feel called to help or heal others in some way. This is not the same thing as "fixing." Helping and healing is assisting on someone's personal journey toward fixing themselves. The difference is who is bearing the responsibility: you or them.

6. You do not need other people to be happy for you to be happy. This is the reason many people begin wanting to fix others in the first place – they've tied their own happiness to someone else's.

7. It's not your job to decide who needs to be fixed and not. From your perspective, "good" and "bad" may seem like objective truths, but that is a sore illusion that we're all under now and again. You cannot determine whether or not someone needs to be fixed.

8. You cannot fix people, you can only love them. You are not a better person for being able to determine how worthy someone is of love, or how desperately they need to change. Your character is determined by how much kindness you extend to them regardless. TC mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.

the-truth-about-everything

21 Signs You’ve Reached The ‘Old Person’ Milestone Of Your Twenties

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 05:00 PM PST

New Girl
New Girl

1. Even if you feel nostalgic about your college years, you’re well past the point of ever wanting to go back. When college kids you know talk about their most recent weekend shenanigans, you usually cringe and say something like, “That sounds awful.”

2. And you don’t even realize you’ve been referring to these college students as “kids” until one of your younger friends or siblings points it out to you.

3. You’ll only take a shot if someone begs you. But if it’s any sort of bright, neon color? Forget about it.

4. Half the time, you pass the shot off to your younger friend or sibling when no one is looking.

5. If you don’t have social plans secured by 8 o’clock, there’s no chance in hell you’re making it out.

6. Wine has become a night capper, as opposed to a party starter. One or two glasses and you’re ready to hit the hay.

7. You’ve started focusing on comfort above all else when picking out shoes.

8. You’re arriving home from the bars now at the same time, or sometimes before, you used to head out to them in your early twenties.

9. Your eyes have been conditioned to know that any picture posted on social media in which a female’s left hand is resting on the chest of her significant other is the universal sign for HI WE’RE ENGAGED.

10. You’ve realized you’re now the same age (or older) than many of the adult characters from your favorite childhood movies. How are you now the same age (26) as Meredith from The Parent Trap?!?

11. You complain about the way teenagers these days handle social media and technology.

12. …And frequently inform them about what it was like when you were a kid – in the days before smartphones and Instagram and hashtags.

13. Your favorite kinds of pants are the ones that have elastic waistbands.

14. Your idea of sleeping in is: any time after 8 in the morning.

15. The actors who are playing new parents in commercials are, like, your age.

16. Your back suddenly hurts ALL THE TIME.

17. Any drunken late night out almost always occurs because you attended a wedding.

18. And your hangovers last for (what seems like) fourteen days.

19. You have become the person trying to hide their yawns in the bar at 11 o’clock at night.

20. Your body is no longer capable of eating everything in sight while still staying at a healthy weight.

21. Your favorite shot to take is Pepto-Bismol. TC mark

22 People On What They Learned About Love And Relationships The Hard Way

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 04:30 PM PST

Twenty20.com oleg333
Twenty20.com oleg333
Found on AskReddit.

1.

"What you put into the relationship will not always be returned equally."

beetlejuice

2.

"You can be great people separately but combined you can be horrible together (i.e., the ‘milk and orange juice’ postulate)."

beetlejuice

3.

"Staying way, way too long. I learned it’s better to be alone than in a crappy relationship."

beetlejuice

4.

"They’ll still say they love you even if they don’t."

beetlejuice

5.

"The other person is a human being with their own thoughts, opinions, and feelings. They may not feel or think the way that you think they do. You may be happy and think things are going perfect, but they may see things differently. Because of this, communication is the most important part of a relationship. Otherwise, someone is gonna get hurt."

beetlejuice

6.

"Don’t get fucking lazy. Its way too easy when someone loves you for who you are to slump into a comfortable stagnation. Make that person fall in love with you again every day."

beetlejuice

7.

"People change every day. You may not always be in a relationship with the person you started with."

beetlejuice

8.

"I learned a lot of things, most of all…it can be extremely lonely when you are with someone that doesn’t really love you."

beetlejuice

9.

"You can’t force it. And the more you try to force it, the harder it breaks apart."

beetlejuice

10.

"For me it is that being in love with an immature person can cause as much pain as being in love with a bad person."

beetlejuice

11.

"Sometimes people fall out of love, and relationships aren’t always happiness and bliss."

beetlejuice

12.

"Being used is not the same as being loved."

beetlejuice

13.

"Don’t lie to your SO. Somehow and some way they will figure out the truth…then you are screwed."

beetlejuice

14.

"When your SO breaks it off with you, let them do it. Don’t hang on thinking you can fix it no matter how much you still care for that person."

beetlejuice

15.

"1. That people need to be confident and happy with themselves before they pursue other people.
2. If someone is expressing their concerns to you, don’t dismiss them or think they’re over exaggerating—try to see things from their perspective.
3. Never lash out and hit those ‘pressure points’ no matter how mad you get; the damage is irreparable.
4. Don’t lie—not even once. Once again, irreparable.
5. Sacrifice your own convenience at expense for your partners (within reason: i.e.; picking up chores, going out of your way to grab something, doing something nice to make them happy) if you’re aware they’re going through a tough time; always do for others what you would do for them, and if you wish someone would do something for you, then do it for them.
tl;dr: don’t be a dick"

beetlejuice

16.

"Don’t sweat the small stuff. Like dishes in the sink, the way they make the bed, the noisy way they blow their nose etc. Basically, don’t be a nag, because it will grind the person down and that’s not cool."

beetlejuice

17.

"No matter how much you think you can trust someone, that trust can be broken."

beetlejuice

18.

"Possessiveness and jealousy do not equal love."

beetlejuice

19.

"If they can’t choose between you and someone else, don’t wait for their decision. If they love you and want to be with you, they’ll be with you without having to choose."

beetlejuice

20.

"Don’t be a pussy. If the feelings are lost, move on."

beetlejuice

21.

"That time you spend with someone? You will never get that back."

beetlejuice

22.

"’Nothing is wrong’ doesn't mean ‘nothing is wrong.’" TC mark

18 Ways To Be Successful That Aren’t Just Being Good At Your Job

Posted: 29 Nov 2015 04:00 PM PST

rafi.dizon
rafi.dizon

1. Do good work. Not what you think other people think is good work, but work in which you put forth so much complete, genuine effort that you are at peace with yourself at the end of the day.

2. Be the kind of person who actively, consciously seeks out the loving, kind parts of even the most undeserving, unkind people.

3. Always be open to the idea that you could be wrong, or your perspective could be misinformed, especially if you want to demand the same from others.

4. Learn to enjoy your life while not having to forego your responsibilities. Learn to find that enjoyment in them, not in spite of them.

5. Become the kind of person you think the world needs more of. Do what you often feel compelled to advise other people to do. Make the change you think needs to happen on the planet within your personal life.

6. Learn to live within your means, and happily so. Pay all of your bills, and save what you can. Relish in the kind of independence that brings.

7. Be the kind of person that other people feel better just for having been around. Learn how to comfort without placating, and love without losing yourself.

8. Be an incredible friend, one who is able to sustain a friendship despite major life changes, moves, or time. One who reaches out, makes phone calls, sends thank you cards.

9. Be able to enjoy your everyday life while not foregoing your responsibilities. Or, find enjoyment in your responsibilities, not despite them.

10. Enjoy the holidays the way you did as a kid. Create your own traditions. Treat the people you love well.

11. Value your own opinions just a little bit more than you do other people's. Don't live your life trying to make sure everyone loves you but you.

12. Speak out when you see injustice, but do so by offering a better solution, not another personal attack just coming from a different angle.

13. Be the kind of person that your child self would be proud of.

14. Practicing loving people unconditionally – no matter what.

15. First make that someone yourself.

16. Validate the emotions of the people who are closest to you. Doing so is an art form, and the essence of real intimacy (platonic or not).

17. Make time to do things you love, even if that something will never lead to a job, and even if you will never be the best at it.

18. Whatever you want to spend the most time consumed by – the family you already have, the family you want to build, the joy you find in your morning coffee or working on your novel-to-be for an hour each night – be someone who sticks to their priorities. Define your life with something you're proud of, not just whatever you're afraid not to have. TC mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.

the-truth-about-everything