Thought Catalog

Love Is Not A Losing Game

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 08:01 PM PST

Christopher Campbell
Christopher Campbell

Tell me again how we were made from the same stars; how your atoms will forever be tangled within my hair, my palms. Tell me about the constellations that bred you, the air that came together to breathe life into your glass bones, and how I am made from the same midnight sky, from the same white-hot light. For the love of anything we have ever been, tell me again how energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed, as to ease my mind, ease my heart, into believing that we exist within some foreign breeze, that our elements are slow dancing right now in Tokyo or Spain, that we made it to all of the places we said we would. Tell me again, how our depths made love, somewhere in a technicolour sunset, long before our bodies ever did.

I will believe you. For I know that our limbs are made up of cells that regenerate every six weeks, I know that our foundations are new and yet we live in an old world, a world that has been gifted our love and our past selves a hundred times over during the span of our lives. I know that what we shared was absorbed into the Earth, that the way you kissed me is now the way the wind kisses the trees, that your anger and your wounds have been lapped up by the waters of the ocean, that the tears we shared when we said goodbye make up the drops of rain that fall on my soft skin with every summer storm.

You – I have not lost you, and you have not lost me. I am presented with you every single day of my life, I feel you with every worldly step I take, and that is what makes this beautiful. That is what helps me to accept. If energy cannot be demolished, then our love is out there, changing the lives of someone else, changing the heart of a non believer, rejoicing within the first embrace of a couple that never thought they would find each other. In that, we live on, we thrive. In that – we have survived. TC mark

Read more of Bianca Sparacino’s writing in her new book Seeds Planted in Concrete here.


16 Harrowing Accounts From Men Who Were Raped By Women

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 08:00 PM PST bionjp bionjp
Found on AskReddit.


"We watch a movie at her place and begin to plan the rest of the night, when she called me up to her room. She had a knife to her stomach and told me that I didn’t have sex with her, she would disembowel herself. Fear is one hell of a motivator, so I did what she asked and she figured it out. She could hurt herself and I’d do what I could to stop her. Hiding knives didn’t work because she somehow got a fucking gun, then moved to threatening to crash the car if she couldn’t go down on me. I did not tell anyone for a long time, because I didn’t make the connection of rape. Two and two just never came together for me. Once I did, it kind of changed the entire aspect of it from ‘She’s nuts’ to ‘Holy shit, I got raped.’ That does something to you."



"I go to slap her hand away, the other hand grabs it and pops it in. I try to pull out, but she has suctioned herself down on top and she’s got her legs wrapped behind my knees. She starts to gyrate and I realize that I now need to change my strategy. I rolled us both over, feigning like I wanted to be on top. Then, at the opportune moment, I pulled out, shifted right (off of her), and plunked myself face down, peener safely trapped underneath my belly. She was quite angry about this sneaky move, and she started hitting me and kicking me. I tried to block these attacks with my hand, which she then grabbed and tried to use to ‘finish herself off.’ So I tucked that underneath me too. She told me off for a while, then went into the bathroom to puke again."



"I woke up in the night tied to her bed. I remember my dick being hard even though I didn’t like constriction around my arms or legs. It’s always been a boner-killer for me. My dick was rock-hard. I don’t really remember what she said, but she cut her name into the bottom of my dick, tried to do her signature I think. She didn’t cut very deep, but it fucking hurt. Her mom wasn’t there, I screamed, she kept going. She then sucked on my bleeding dick and fucked me. It was rock-hard the whole time. I assume she had gotten some Viagra or something for that, and her mom had a prescription for muscle relaxers, so I also assume she used those. I beat the ever-loving fuck out of her when she untied me. No hits to face or neck, but if she were carrying a baby it would have miscarried. I cried and beat her but got weak and tired out. The way she looked at me through her sobs… I think she liked that too….Hard to type this."



"So this happened to me 2 years ago. I was drunk on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. I lost my friends and started wondering down a side street. I was forced into the back of a black car. There was a dramatically overweight black woman in the back seat. She said, ‘Let me see it.’ Grabbed my crotch. I was really drunk so the details are a little fuzzy, the next thing I remember is being dropped of in the middle of nowhere with my dick out. I don’t know what happened, but I wasn’t hard when I realized what was going on. It took me 7 hours to stumble/beg/walk back to my friends’ place. They took my wallet and phone. Spent 1,500 bucks. 150 at McDonald’s and 130 at RedBox. How the fuck does someone even do that…I tried to tell the police the next day, the officer said, ‘I am sure you wanted it.’ Laughed, and hung up the phone…Even though this was 2 years ago, it still is upsetting to think about…."



"She was a lot bigger than me. I can’t exactly lift her up off me. She knew that. And she literally pinned me down and forced me into her. I kept telling her to get off but, she wouldn’t so I just gave in and let it happen. I’m honestly conflicted by the whole thing. On one hand, I had sex with her a lot so what’s the big deal that it happened again? On the other hand, it pissed me off. Being pinned down like that was so fucked-up.



"I was drunk and went home to bed and passed out….I woke up at one point with her on top of me. I woke up later and was more able to react and shouted at her….I started freaking out . Tried getting out of my room but in my drunken confusion I couldn’t find the door. She left.…The girl never came back to hang out with us again. I was never the same since. Just a general distrust of women."



"She looks me in the eyes and tells me to fuck her. I’ve run out of excuses and stumble on my words…I attempt to explain, to reason why I don’t want to but she has none of it. She hits me….Before I can completely gather my thoughts, she hits me again. I’m stunned, confused, and hurt that someone I trusted and like would do this to me. Why? I’m still hard from before, so she grabs me and puts me into her. I don’t really remember a lot of what happened next—how long it lasted or if I said much. However I do recall two things: that she mostly just laid there and made me do all of the work and that I didn’t come even close to orgasming. I didn’t enjoy myself. It wasn’t fun."



"So I was 11, around my friend’s house for a birthday party. My friend was 14, and we all lived on the same street so there was a fair few of us there, including this 15-year-old girl….She starts talking to me for the first time since I got there and asking me all kinds of questions. It was the first female attention I’d ever had and it was quite bizarre for me, but I talked to her like normal. Then she asked if we wanted to ‘mess around’ upstairs. I said no—I mean I wasn’t interested in that sort of stuff yet. She kept pushing and pushing, and then, getting nowhere, pulled a knife out of the kitchen drawer and said she’d hurt me if I didn’t go upstairs. So I went upstairs, thinking if I don’t I might get stabbed or cut up, and she made me do all kinds of stuff to both her and myself. It was a horrible experience. Fucked up my early teenage years, never been able to have nice fulfilling sex, always felt girls only wanted sex and nothing else but I didn’t even want to have sex after that."



"I woke up and she was giving me a blowjob. It was surreal. I didn’t want to get with this woman, I hardly knew her and she never gave the slightest bit of interest when we crossed paths, and nor did I to her. This progressed into her climbing on top of me and having sex with me without a condom quietly until I came. I didn’t make a sound because it would’ve been so embarrassing getting caught by my sleeping friend. She got up and left and we never spoke about it."



"This tiny girl I had zero interest in had been sort of stalking me all night, and I clearly gave her every signal up to including, outright saying please stop following me. At some point, a group of friends (maybe a half-dozen people at a party with 100+ guys and girls) realized this, and thinking it was hilarious, started secretly spiking my drinks and getting me to take shots. With that sort of influence, I got super drunk….My first memory that morning? I woke up butt naked, with her sitting on my lap trying to get me awake for ‘more.’ Of course I got the fuck out of there, but to this day that’s a funny story that everyone who knows about it tells."



"Me and some friends decided to make a spur-of-the-moment trip to Miami, FL. We went out to a few clubs and the last thing I remember was talking with this girl. I was not drunk by any means, had about 3 drinks in the past 2 hours. I woke up in her place and had no idea what happened. Turns out she drugged me and raped me, my friends saw what was happening but didn’t stop it, they thought it was OK for her to take advantage of me. I told my friends that she raped me and they just brushed it off. They said I was being unreasonable—I got laid, I should be happy."



"I have been raped several times by my aunt. It started after she left her husband and moved in with my parents. It is known in my family that I am a very heavy sleeper….I went to sleep and woke up to her on top of me having sex with me. I completely freaked out and she told me to shut up or my parents would find out. I told her I didn’t want to do it and she said “if that’s true you wouldn’t have a boner, you liked it.” It happened about 3-4 more times. I was scared to tell my parents….About nine months after it started she got pregnant. Not sure if I fathered my own cousin, but it is entirely possible.



"I had been seeing this girl for about a week. I had a party at my house and got very drunk and high. At some point were in my room and she asks if I want to. I was a virgin and said I don’t want to because I’m so fucked-up. She didn’t care and pushed me onto my bed and fucked me bareback. I was too drunk to do anything and I can’t even remember it except going in. All of my friends laughed it off and made a joke about me getting raped. I laughed along because I didn’t know how else to handle it, but I’ve been unable to open up to any girl since."



"I was roofied by a woman at the bar, blacked out after 1 drink, and just to note, I’m a heavy drinker and 215 pounds of justice, so no, 1 rum and coke couldn’t have possibly done it. I woke up in her bed the next morning. Nobody believes me. My ex-gf knows the woman as an aquaintance (small town) and makes fun of me for chasing a 40yo, a 5 at best. I have no idea what happened between 9pm and 8am."



"I have never shared this with anyone. I feel like this needs to be said. I don’t know if it’d truly rape or not. But for prom my senior year I had to take a very unattractive girl to prom so my friend could go with her very attractive friend. Anyways she makes unwanted advances all night like talking dirty and grabbing my junk. I was just uncomfortable and wanted to bug the fuck out. On my way taking her home she starts to unbutton my pants and grabs my dick and I take her hand off of me. We get to her house I tell her to get the hell out. She refused to leave until I had sex with her. She said if I didn’t she would call the police on me and say I raped and beat her. I tried to argue and get her out of my car and I didn’t want to fight her because my parents raised me to never harm women so I didn’t know what to do. So I just had to let it happen. When she got out of my car I just sped home. I remember crying on the way home. When I got home I took a shower, got in bed, and wished it never happened."



"I was in high school, junior year. My girlfriend and I went to this party and there was a lot of drinking. Eventually some of the girls take the very drunk 17-year-old me into a side room away from the rest of the party. I was really drunk and light-headed at that point and wanted to lie down, and there was a bed and so I did. Next thing I know they are taking off my pants and taking turns giving me oral and I was trying to protest saying I had a girlfriend, but I was so drunk… and I couldn’t control my erection, but didn’t know why at the time. (I later found out one of my drinks had been spiked with Viagra.) I think there were three girls in the room with me? Maybe four? I know at least two of them had sex with me….At some point I woke up and there was another girl (I don’t think she was one of the girls from before) riding me, bareback. I was a bit more sobered up and terrified that I might get her pregnant so I pushed her off me. She got all pissed off about that but I told her to stay the fuck away from me and kicked her out of the room and locked the door….The next day I had a bunch of really upset messages from my girlfriend, someone had seen me go into the room with the girls and figured what was going on and told her. She’d had another friend of hers drive her home. She broke up with me, of course, because according to her I must have wanted it because I’m a big strong guy and could have easily fought them off if I wanted to." TC mark

25 Secretly Sexy Little Poems That Will Make You Horny In Five Seconds Flat

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 07:00 PM PST

Shutterstock, Subbotina Anna
Shutterstock, Subbotina Anna


His dick and
Unleash your


Arousing, though more
Routine than
Exotic is the
Naughty act of


Off, baby!
Desire anal?


Pussies are
Addictive and


Me, so
Pretend I’m not
Letting you
Eat me out.


Mount me, then.


Dirty sex is


Fucking is an
Art form, a
Talent, really.


Cock hungry,
Are you?
Not to worry.
Another round of
Dick sucking is
Always welcome.


Bumping uglies
Over and
Give it to me
Every day,
Repeatedly, baby.


Penis is my
Oh boy! Yes!
Pussy’s happy.


Hump me
A woman’s
Vagina is
Enigmatic but
Never disappointing.


Others is
Excites me.


Sex is
My main
Interest so
Let me
Enter you already.


Loudly through
Oral, or
Under me,
Doggy style.


Finger yourself and
Lick, then
Order me to do the same.
Whoopee is
Exquisite when you’re


Porn is
Euphoria, really.


My penis says:


Seduce me
Undress me and
Discover my body.
Yack later, ok?


People in
You beast.


Up is
Coming is
Amazing, and
Kissing is never
Ever enough.


Snuggle me
Until I’m


Men who
Often are


Undulating while
Guys are getting


Tantalize me, you
X-ray vision tells me
Everything about your
Sexy body. TC mark

This Is How We Almost Loved Each Other

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 06:00 PM PST

Nathan Congleton
Nathan Congleton

This is how we almost loved each other.

Drunk in beds that couldn’t fit us both. Your legs dangled over the edge and I kept apologizing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Are you uncomfortable?” You pulled me inside your arms and I’d never felt so small. You were at least three times my size, and I knew the damage you could do. The damage we could do. So you whispered your words instead. You are all I want.

This is how we almost loved each other.

We lullabied each other into half promises as soon as the moon would appear. You tasted like ripe plums that summer. I pulled you into my mouth whenever I had the chance. I thought I could hold you there long enough. Everything smelled like lilacs. You said it was just my imagination, that there weren’t any flowers nearby. But you pinned your soul on my wrist like a corsage. I still have some of the petals.

This is how we almost loved each other.

With our mouths constantly open, but our hearts on opposite sides of the coast. Sometimes, I can still hear your voice. But your heartbeat is a language I could never fully speak.

This is how we almost loved each other.

We fought with silent communication. The forlorn typing bubble, or the blueness of when you finally said what you meant. And I sobbed into my pillow. So much blue, I couldn’t tell where the sky ended and we began.

This is how we almost loved each other.

When you drove an hour and a half to sit by my side. I never asked. But, I guess, neither did you.

This is how we almost loved each other.

The night we climbed a thousand stars so we could look each other face-to-face. You said, “I’m afraid you are better than me.” I kissed your thin lips and said, “Darling, everyone is better than us. We’re utter fools.”

This is how we almost loved each other.

Always in pieces. Never totally complete. Like when you get somewhere two minutes after they close the shop. Or refusing to give away that one shirt that almost fits. The relationship that wasn’t ever quite all the way. But oh, how perfectly we almost fit. TC mark

If You Had Allowed It, She Could Have Been Your Whole World

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 05:00 PM PST

Milada Vigerova
Milada Vigerova

You loved her and now you know what you’ve lost. Now your
hands feel emptier than before you met her–your heart feels
heavier. But you were young and you were careless. How were
you to know the value of what you were given?

Yet you did know. At least a part of you did. In some strange,
mysterious way, you knew there was something special about
that girl. In her eyes, you caught a glimpse of your own destiny.
You knew it was meant to travel with hers.

If only you could go back to that day; to the one where she stood
before you, gentle and hopeful–waiting for you to make up
your mind. When you thought to yourself that nothing had ever
looked more beautiful.

That was the moment you should have told her what your heart
was telling you. If you had allowed it, she could have been your
whole world. All you had to do was open the door. All you had to
say was, come in.

Like this poem? Read more in Lang Leav's book Memories, available here.

31 Of The Best Quotes You Need To Hear When Life Seems Totally Out Of Control

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 04:00 PM PST

via twenty20/cocovizn
via twenty20/cocovizn


“To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.”

— Oscar Wilde, De Profundis


“I don’t know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public; they forget that invisibility is a superpower.”

— Banksy


“You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole—like the world, or the person you loved.”

— Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story


“It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.”

— Tom Brokaw


"She might be a little introverted, livelier of movement than of conversation, neither bashful nor forward, with a soul that seemed submerged, but in a radiant moistness. Opalescent on the surface but translucent in her depths…"

― Vladimir Nabokov, The Enchanter


“Sometimes you just got to mute people for a week and enjoy your life.”

— MR


“Everything you do and whoever you are now is all because of you.”

— Unknown


“In general, people are not drawn to perfection…”

— Robert Glover


“While there’s life, there’s hope.”

— Cicero


“May all that has been reduced to noise in you become music again.”

— Unknown


“Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.”

— Charles M. Schulz


“What you value defines you; what you desire controls you.”

— Unknown


“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.”

— Unknown


“Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.”

— Richard M Nixon (who destroyed himself)


“The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything.”

— Denis Waitley


"It is better for you to be free of fear lying upon a pallet, than to have a golden couch and a rich table and be full of trouble."

― Epicurus


"Your big opportunity may be right where you are now."

— Napolean Hill


“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.”

— Khalil Gibran


"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons."

— Jim Rohn


“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

— Lao Tzu


"If you are still looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror."

— Roman Price


“The only person you should make happy in this life, is yourself. Part of that could be by making others happy.”

— Lorenzvc


“When you judge others, you do not define them; you define yourself."

— Earl Nightingale


“The secret to happiness is freedom. And the secret to freedom is courage."

— Thucydides


"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."

― Henry Miller


“I think that life would suddenly seem wonderful to us if we were threatened to die…Just think of how many projects, travels, love affairs, studies, it – our life – hides from us, made invisible by our laziness which, certain of a future, delays them incessantly.”

— Marcel Proust


"I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."

― Takeshi Shudo


“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald


“The best way of avenging yourself is not to become like the wrongdoer.”

— Marcus Aurelius in Meditations


"Dream big dreams. Small dreams have no magic."

— Dottie Boreyko TC mark

19 Honest Reasons That Explain Why You Struggle With Commitment

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 03:00 PM PST


1. You're quick to put your guard up, but hesitant to let it down.

2. You struggle to relate to people who get too deep into troublesome relationships, because you honestly would never let a bad relationship get that far. You are not someone who gets too close to anyone who exhibits red flags early on.

3. More than expecting someone to pay for dinner on the first date, you expect up-front respect. You expect someone to not play mind games with you via text, or try to undermine you. You aren't the type to fall for a know-it-all, or someone that shakes your confidence.

4. You are a forward thinker. You know what it's like to be disappointed by someone, and you don't want to spend endless amounts of time trying to work on them, or make them change.

5. You can separate your heart from your mind, and you pride yourself on being able to distinguish between the two voices, and listen to your head. Your practicality always kicks in. You're not the type to get swept up in love.

6. You are secure, and while that security is unwavering, you still don't want to risk a relationship that makes you insecure. For you, love should be something that enhances your sense of security, not something that tears it down.

7. You have been hurt by someone who fulfilled all of your highest expectations, and still managed to break your heart. And all it did was raise your expectations even higher.

8. You aren't malleable. You aren't interested in having someone come into your life and change you.

9. You don't want to date for the sake of having a relationship. You don't want to make an attempt at couplehood because all your friends are doing it. People assume peer pressure ended with weed in high school, but the pressure to hitch yourself to someone else in your 20s is just as strong.

10. You don't want to be in a relationship just because it's an epidemic.
You can't deal with people who are overbearing, and you don't want to feel like you're the spotlight of someone else's day 24/7. It's nice to be appreciated, but you don't need someone else's validation, and in fact, having someone constantly validate you just makes you feel like you're under scrutiny.

11. You know that once you commit to someone, there's a good chance that you will end up being the one who gives more. You'll be the one that encourages them to pursue the best, the one who loves unselfishly, and you're scared that it will end up putting you in the passenger's seat of your own life.

12. You truly dislike not knowing what's going on in someone else's head, and you know that guessing won't do you any good.

13. You don't like to feel tied down, but not because you think you'll meet someone better. You don't care about meeting someone better, you just don't want to love someone enough to choose them over yourself. To fall in love is to compromise choosing yourself first. And if you want to pick up and go tomorrow, or take a new job that's halfway around the world, you don't want anything in your life tol make you even hesitate before saying "yes."

14. You've seen friends transition slowly from "independent, uninterested in the dating scene" to "casually dating" to "relationship blob that can't go anywhere without their SO," and you don't want that to be you.

15. You saw your parents struggle through relationship challenges, and it showed you how bad it can be to constantly be with partners that fight with you, or treat you poorly. Once you've seen that example growing up, it's hard to clear your head of those risks.

16. You have always been hard on yourself in terms of your choices. So even when you do like someone, you second-guess yourself, and have trouble sorting out whether you care about them, or actually just feel lukewarm.

17. You don't like planning around someone else. You enjoy making your own schedule, spending time by yourself, and don't need constant company.

18. When you meet someone, before you fantasize about what your life could be like with them, before you get excited about new relationships things, and introducing them to your friends, you think about how much the breakup will hurt. The thought everyone else pushes from their mind, is the one that comes to yours first.

19. When a potential partner says they miss you, or mentions that you're being "distant," it makes you want to back away. TC mark

Let’s Not Make Small Talk

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 02:00 PM PST


Let's not make small talk.

Not me and not you.

Others can serenade us with the changing of weather– what is blowing in and what's moving out, but I am craving the whole of your mind. I want to know what you think when you're alone; when it is three am and the chaos of the day has tapered down, when the silence of the night overcomes you, when you're left in a wasteland of your unrelenting thoughts – I want to know where your mind goes when it wanders.

Tell me your deepest desires. Tell me your unseemly hopes. Let's not get carried away with the trivialities, you and I. There's only so many years we have left before the sun explodes into the sky and the earth is reduced to a pulp and you and I are nothing more than small, forgotten blips on the Universe's radar, so let's make the time we have count.

I want to know every inch of you. Tell me the things that you're too afraid to hope for, tell me the times when you got it all wrong. Talk to me about the first day that the world opened up for you and the first time it ever boxed you in. Let me know what makes you feel wide awake when you are running on three hours of sleep and what makes you feel hopelessly small. I want to know who you are when your psyche is not paying attention: I want to read the subtleties that trace their way through your words.

So bear with me here, for a moment. Stop wondering what I'm getting at. Tell me the first time you ever felt crazy – when your own perceptions drove you half mad. I want to know what about your own mind you question, which avenues you're scared to go down. Tell me who you're afraid you could become if you were given the chance to run rampant, tell me who you've turned yourself into instead.

I'm not afraid of the darknesses you harbour, you see, I'm holding them too. It's just that we don't usually cover this in small talk – by the way, who have you been at the worst of times? What is your greatest regret?

I know there's poison that runs through your bloodstream, there's chaos that lives in your soul. I know that there's more to your story – an infinite melody of sorrows that carved out their homes inside your bones and a whirlwind of passion in your smile. I want to know what brought you up to your worst moment. What helped you back to the light. I want to discover the parts of you that you've been fighting to keep hidden, fearing that there is no home for the madness of your mind.

See, I could ask you the everyday questions.

How's it going?

How's the family?

What've you been up to this week?

But to do so would be a disservice – not just to you or me, but to humanity as a whole.

You see, we just don't get too many people with minds such as the one you possess – with thoughts that whirr and hopes that soar and theories that swell and nearly burst out of their bearings while they fight to tumble out of your mind.

We do not get too many people who can enchant and enthrall and enthuse us with their ramblings alone – with minds that can transport and words that can stir.

So it would simply be a waste, you see, to ask you how you're doing. Or where you're going. Or what you think of the latest big-screen feature.

In the drought of interpersonal pleasantries,

Baby, your thoughts are a wildfire.

And I'm ready to burn this place down. TC mark

19 Reasons Why You Should Have Another Drink This Holiday Season (And Another)

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 01:00 PM PST

1. Because your Aunt has asked you why you are single twelve times and you'd like to forget about all of those reasons. Tonight your significant other is gin. Lots of gin.

2. Because you blatantly left your holiday shopping to the very last minute, and you really, really need some help enduring the seventeen different covers of "Silent Night" they're playing in the mall.

3. Because alcohol, like the kind found in beer, contains fibre, and fibre will help you digest the six pounds of Toblerone you managed to eat over the span of two hours. Think of it like working out, but with your liver.

4. Because no memorable New Years Eve ever started with a water.

5. Because you just watched Love Actually and you are convinced that you absolutely must text that crush of yours.

6. Because you maybe had too much liquid courage and sent that aforementioned crush of yours the VEVO link to "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Now you must forget.

7. Because that one overachiever relative of yours keeps talking about their perfect life and their RRSP, and you'd really benefit from drowning your inferiority complex in tequila for the night.

8. Because it’s midnight on New Years Eve and the only kiss you can count on is the one you're getting from Dom Perignon.

9. Because someone, somewhere is alone for the holidays and you should really be a good person and pour a drink dedicated to them to signify your solidarity.

10. Because no one in your family really expects you the be the sober one, anyway.

11.Because for Christmas your parents got you a book entitled, "Overcoming Social Anxiety for the Socially Inept Millennial."

12. Because your ugly Christmas sweater caught on fire when you tried to engage its light-show.

13. Because the only stocking you got was an actual stalking from a creep on Instagram who goes by the name of "Footfetishboy."

14. Because your Grandmother's seasonal fruit cake can only be endured if you wash it down with copious amounts of wine.

15. Because your Facebook feed is overflowing with pictures of holiday engagement announcements, and there you are – taking a photo under the mistletoe with your Aunts German Shepherd.

16. Because you've already made it through most of your work holiday party and you still have your phone, your wallet, and your dignity. What is the worst that could happen?

17. Because you can't really get drunk off of Eggnog. Right?

18. Because you have to endure your local holiday parade and nothing keeps you warmer when you're freezing your ass off quite like a flask filled with bourbon does.

19. Because Santa doesn't exist anymore, but whiskey does. TC mark

If Syria Lived Next Door

Posted: 10 Dec 2015 12:56 PM PST