Thought Catalog


You Are A Daughter Of The Sun

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 07:24 PM PST

iStock_000036350470_Full
Vizerskaya

Girl,
you were born with a fire inside you,
and this world is determined to stamp it out.

You will see it when you stand up for yourself
and you are told how arrogant you are amongst your sex
because 'it isn't ladylike to raise your voice.'

(Speak louder when they say things like that to you.
Let them see how quick a single flame can take hold of an entire forest)

You will hear it when you wear something that hugs your body
and feel the uncomfortable sensation of being stripped naked
by the eyes of men who call you names you are still too young to understand.

(One day these same men will have daughters
with fire spines like yours who will
make them understand)

You will know it when a man tries to use his strength
to have his way with you the first time,
and no isn’t good enough, so you need to use your fists/teeth/legs to get him off.

(What did he think would happen if he manhandled flames?
His burnt fingers are his own fault, not yours.
)

You will feel it when you see
your mothers eyes filled with terror
because you are two hours later than you said you will be home.

(She understand so well how dangerous it is
to carry a soul made from a firestorm in this broken world.
)

You must understand: they fear you.
There is nothing scarier in their minds
than a girl who knows the power of her flames.

Your passion is terrifying,
your beauty isn’t pretty
it is unashamed,
determinedly uncaged
and so honest and wild
that they can only think of ways
to either own that fire
or try their damnedest to stamp it out.

But you must never ever let them take
those flames from within your soul,
Instead, you must burn brighter than ever
because you are a daughter of the Sun,
And you belong only to yourself, not to this world. TC mark

7 Actual Reasons Why Your 20s Are The Most Emotional Time Of Life (It’s Not Just You!)

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 07:23 PM PST

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

1. The part of the brain that processes fear develops ahead of the center for "reasoning and executive control," which leaves us hyper-fearful and with no way to regulate it.

The brain circuit that processes fear, the amygdala, develops ahead of the prefrontal cortex, which is what controls your ability to reason with yourself. What this essentially means is that for a period of time, your brain is literally wired to have an enhanced perception of fear, and an underdeveloped ability to calm or reason with yourself about it.

2. We no longer strictly follow the milestones what sociologists refer to as the official "transition to adulthood."

We once measured an adolescent's transition into adult life by five things: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child. Yet, according to stats from the Census Bureau by the year 2000, fewer than half of adult women and a third of men had all of these accomplished. Basically, to be crass, we have an outdated, ineffective yet subconsciously ingrained understanding of what "adulthood" means, so we perpetually feel like grown up kids.

3. Science says that people are most content once they have a few major life accomplishments under their belts.

This is because what we perceive to be "accomplishments" are essentially just external validations of our identities, and our identities shape the way we perceive and interact with the world. It is for this precise reason that people begin to "settle" more in their 30s – they no longer have a panicked need to chase "success," or in other words, affirmation.

4. We begin to live beyond the period of life that we had pre-anticipated.

To put it as simply as possible, you begin to enter a part of your life that you hadn't really been planning for, or hadn't fully been able to imagine. Worse: if you had imagined it, it likely turned out far different than how you thought. Both of these presumptions lead to a lingering anxiety of wondering whether or not your life is "okay."

5. Every option is open to us – which is precisely what causes people such intense inner turmoil.

When every option is available (or so we think) nothing seems certain, and uncertainty is the underlying cause of most distress. Having many options about the bigger things in life – where to live, what to pursue, who to be, who to marry – actually makes us generally less content with whatever we choose. We are always under the assumption that better is something we find "out there," rather than something we cultivate and create.

6. We have yet to find a philosophy, dogma or religious group that resonates with us completely.

The American Psychological Association found that people who join religious groups are essentially much less stressed suffer from far less existential angst, and feel more socially supported. Yet, this does not necessarily hold true unless the individual truly believes in what they subscribe to. It's the journey of figuring out what that last part is that's hard.

7. Our identities are changing rapidly.

As beings of reason (ha) it is our personal identities that form the core of whether or not we are content with our lives. Essentially, we love what we see ourselves to be, and in your 20s, your identity is shifting constantly: with each new job, each new city, each new partner, you have to adjust your self-concept. Though, in all fairness, it's just as difficult to solidify that identity and then want to change it 20 years down the line. TC mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.

the-truth-about-everything

10 Ways Aziz Ansari’s New Show ‘Master of None’ Nails Dating In 2015

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 06:35 PM PST

Master of None
Master of None

1. Feeling disconnected – even from the person you’re sleeping with. 

The opening of the show could not be more real. Aziz’s character, Dev, goes to the pharmacy in the middle of the night to buy Plan B with Rachel (the woman with whom he had a one night stand) after their condom breaks. The awkward, stiff, and cold energy between these two people – who, moments ago, were having sex with each other – perfectly sums up the way dating can feel in the age of Tinder.

Master of None
Master of None

2. Trying not to compare your life situation those of your peers. 

When Dev attends the birthday party of his friend’s one-year-old son, he can’t help but wonder if his life is all it’s cracked up to be. Throughout the show, he spends much of his time trying to figure out if he’s as happy as his friends who are young parents, if he’s as happy as his friends who are getting married, etc. The show hits the nail on the head when it comes to the fact that we’re all constantly wondering where our level of happiness lines up next to that of our friends.

3. Being overwhelmed with the amount of choices out there.

In both Master of None and his book Modern Romance, Aziz touches on the fact that having so many dating options in today’s world can often make things harder and more complicated than they were in the past. Even when it comes to simply inviting a date to a concert in the episode “Hot Ticket,” Dev panics over who he should ask, what he should do after someone backs out, the pros and cons of texting multiple women in his phone at the same time, etc.

4. The agonizing experience of texting with a potential date.

The entire episode of “Hot Ticket” moves forward with a countdown (“72 Hours To Concert.” “3 Hours To Concert.”) while Dev gets progressively desperate as he waits for responses from the (multiple) women he has invited out. Each time he excitedly reaches for his phone after a ding, each anxious conversation he has with friends while they tell him what to write – you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t experienced this in their dating life.

5. Ghosting. 

Most of us have been on both ends of this experience. Denise complains about her attempts to ghost a former flame, Michelle (a.k.a. Princess Love, a.k.a. Lil’ Funyuns) after she can’t take the hint that Denise is not interested. But then Denise ends up meeting up with her anyway because, “I’m more of a Cheetos girl, but whatever.” It’s definitely something we see on a regular basis in our own dating lives and/or those of our friends.

7. Learning that the ‘honeymoon phase’ only lasts for a certain amount of time. 

The opening montage in “Mornings” of Dev and Rachel being all doe-eyed and wrapped up in one other is something we’ve all seen in real life and on screen. But what Master of None gets right is what happens after that – when Rachel and Dev move in together and slowly start irritating each other, arguing, and discovering a side of their relationship that is not cute and weightless.

8. The unintentionally racist remarks people often make to mixed-race couples. 

In the finale episode, Dev and Rachel attend a wedding and run into the groom’s father, who says, “I love seeing ethnically-mixed couples. You two are beautiful together. Have you ever dated an ethnic man before this, Rachel?” Clearly, this man doesn’t mean any harm. But it’s a subtle reminder that a conversation where someone thinks they’re being harmless can still be awkward and uncomfortable – and unnecessary.

9. Feeling totally lost and overwhelmed about your love life whenever you go to a wedding. 

While the bride and groom recite their vows in front of their guests, various couples are shown glancing nervously at each other. Dev eventually envisions his vows with Rachel, and how he’s not sure if they are right together, but he does love her, but how are you supposed to know if you’ve found the one, and when are you supposed to get married? The questions he asks in his daydream are ones that we’ve all thought about while we watched someone else tie the knot.

10. The actual definition of a good relationship. 

After Rachel and Dev break up, he consults his actor friend Benjamin, who says, “Long-term relationships are tough. You can’t just expect a big roaring fire right away. You can’t put the big logs in first. You have to start with the small stuff first, the kindlings. That’s a good relationship.” Who would have thought the Can of Vegetables from Wet Hot American Summer could hold so much wisdom. TC mark

All The Ways You Are Better Than My First Love

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 04:46 PM PST

devonpendleton
devonpendleton

When I met my first boyfriend, I was a hopeless romantic, I believed I could change the world, and I was perfectly unscarred. He was my first love, and he broke me every way he could.

Fast forward ten years, and then I met you. The first time we met, I knew there was something about you. When you met me, I was afraid of the world, I was bruised, and I was cynical about romance. A part of me had stopped feeling.

Once a heart breaks, it's hard to put the pieces back together. The attempt is made but seldom succeeds.  Once you have fallen, you don't want to fall again. I had to protect myself.

I hoped for a beautiful story, but I expected nothing.

When I wanted to give up, he said I was weak and if I couldn't do it now, I would never be able to. But you said I was going through a phase and, like most phases, this would pass. You said everything would be okay in the end, and that you would always stand by me.

When I was scared, he said I needed to be strong, that I needed to suck it up because fear would always hold me back. But you said you would hold my hand until I was ready to stand on my own.

When I talked about my family, he said how strange they were to treat me the way they did, and that it explained why I was the way I was. But you never said anything bad about my blood, because you knew it would only hurt me more. All you said you was that I did not need to be defined by my family.

When I got ready to go out, he said Can you go put some more makeup on and dress up a bit more? But you look at me every day like I am the most beautiful thing in the world.

When I cried, he told me to stop, and that I should not feel bad for myself. But you didn’t say anything. You just let me cry while you held me, because honestly, that was all I really needed.

When I had a bit too much to drink, he said I had a drinking problem and I needed to keep it together. But you just made sure I made it home safe, and that I had all the water I needed.

When I wanted some french fries, he asked me if I was sure I wanted to do that to my body. But to you, it didn't matter what time of the day or night it was, you shared them with me.

When I was all done up, he said I made him look good and that he liked being seen with me. But you, although  you appreciated the effort, you liked me just the same – done up or not.

When I introduced my friends, he said he didn't understand what was so great about them. But you made the effort to get to know them, because you knew how important they are to my life.

When I waited for him, he would sometimes forget and I would be left waiting, silently crying in the dark. But you don't make me wait, ever.

You make me want to believe that people have a heart, and that the magic I grew up believing in does exist. This feels real and you feel right.

My life is better with you in it, and I hope you stay. TC mark

You Should Date An Illiterate Boy

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 04:44 PM PST

Twenty20 / BrigitteStanford
Twenty20 / BrigitteStanford

This is a response to “You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.”

Date a boy who doesn't read. Find him throwing pebbles shirtless on a riverbank, winking in your direction. His flawless body doesn't leave room, or want, for mental capacity. Allow him to flatter you in his approach. Smile bashfully. After a day of boasting skin-deep perfection, walk home with him. Along the way, allow him to use any cheap rendition of a romantic movie line to ease you into a comfortable mood. Upon arriving at the apartment he shares with his mother, give yourself to him completely before knowing his last name.

Move in with him and begin a miserable relationship with his supercilious mother. Allow him to become accustomed to the unhealthy, overindulged serving of fulfilled expectations at his beck and call. Get through each day with mutual appreciation of sci-fi flicks and take-out. Push aside your books and aspirations for his sake. After all, you love him. Well, you love his charm if nothing else and who would give up the chance to bear his beautiful children? Allow him to become set in his ways as you know that he knows all about the long line of girls who really believe he is Prince Charming.

Allow some time to pass and the relationship to settle into a stagnate monotony. Allow the pangs of boredom to stir up a desire for something new. Plan a wedding. As you walk down the aisle, it is apparent to everybody in the room, especially him, that your smile is a plaster. At the reception, make a toast that is as insincere as the smile on his face, going on about your hopes for the future. His toast reads more like a list of expectations at your expense. Let him drink his beer as you look down on the wedding ring you begged him to buy you. Resent it.

Sleep through the years. Become dependent on your children in ways that they could never depend on you. Live vicariously through them. When your daughter receives her University degree, meets a deserving man, and goes on to conquer the world, be happy for her. Be sad too. Be sad that you gave up the opportunity to live life as a challenge. Go home to the man who has changed incalculably in his appearance since that summer you first met, but who hasn't changed at all otherwise. Allow him to die comfortably in your arms, while you die as lonely a widow as you were a wife.

Do those things, dammit, because nothing sucks worse than a man who reads. Do it I say, because a man who forces you to think and feel and search will make life with any other man seem like a prison. Do it, because a man who reads possesses the ability to take your heart captive and any man who holds your heart has the ability to crush it. A man who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that enables him to understand you when you can't understand yourself. A vocabulary, dammit, that makes your life meaningless without him.

Do it, because a man who reads understands composition. He knows the true prose of your speech and pries it out of you. He settles for nothing less than perfection and rewards you with affection of the heart, soul, body, and mind. A man who reads understands that in all great pieces of literature, there is a steady expression of emotion that makes the heart yearn for more. A man who reads makes you realize the fault in any unlearned boy. He forces you to become your best and if you aren't willing to achieve greatness he unwittingly makes you realize that you deserve nothing more than the illiterate boy. He understands that composition must uphold the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a boy who doesn't read, because the man who reads knows too well the importance of plot. He frames life's plot-lines and erases any meaningless line without delay. The man who reads will wait patiently for the pinnacle and throw aside any false maiden. He will only fight a dragon when he meets the damsel worth risking his neck for and views all others as chaff for the wind.

Don't date a man who reads because men who read are the storytellers. They lead their lives valiantly and without hesitation. The man who reads has written his story in ink and has left no room for revision. He demands his story to be filled with meaning and legacy. He expects an epic journey from life.

You, the man who reads, force me to become the best I can be. But I am weak and I will fail you, because I am afraid of bravery. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied, while I accept a melancholy life, which promises security without fulfillment. And I hate you. I really, really, really hate you. TC mark

Instagram Husbands Are What All Basic Bitches Want For Christmas

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 02:35 PM PST

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Youtube

Have you ever seen a perfectly positioned and filtered shot of a girl in the cutest OOTD and wondered exactly how she got that shot? Well, no. It wasn’t with a $700 camera, a tripod, and all of the experience she gained from taking some photography classes for “fun” in college.

It was because she is in possession of the very covetable, Instagram husband. He’s a walking, sometimes talking, selfie stick there purely to make her #flawless against that brick wall.

Youtube
Youtube

He’s there, snapping away from behind a silver 6S Plus just praying he gets the perfect, “candid but impeccably angled and begging for an inspirational caption” shot so they can get out of this fucking alley and go home.

Youtube
Youtube

He’s there, cracking dad jokes to attempt to get an “au natural” giggle out of her for her Makeup Brand Sponsored lipstick post.

Youtube
Youtube

He’s there, potentially annoyed but sitting politely and silently as she creates QUITE the scene taking pictures of her food instead of fucking eating her food.

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Youtube

He’s there, taking a centered shot of an air plant in her manicured, cupped palms and doesn’t even question it even though without Instagram, no one would give a shit about air plants.

Youtube
Youtube

He’s there, taking pictures of his shoes in the middle of traffic even though we know he doesn’t give a shit and even though everyone else is pretty sure standing under a stoplight like that is illegal.

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Youtube

He’s there, scaling walls and risking life and limb for the craziest and most impressive picture. Because god FORBID that damn photo get less than 400 likes.

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Youtube

He’s there, letting her selfie, letting her Google Mumford and Sons lyrics for the perfect caption, reminding her where they put the music note emoji after the update, and letting her obsess between Valencia and Crema. And he takes it all in stride like the goddamn champ his is.

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Youtube

So here’s to you, Instagram Husband. We recognize that your life is not nearly as perfectly filtered as your Insta-Wife’s page would have us believe. But we thank you for making our procrastination in the pharmacy line all the more aesthetically pleasing.

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Youtube

And also…could you come take a photo of me? Because I just got a great new hat and I really want a good pic of it… TC mark

10 Signs The Amount Of Effort You’re Putting Into Your Relationship Isn’t Worth It

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 02:32 PM PST

Twenty20 / parukovsasha
Twenty20 / parukovsasha

Sometimes the most intelligent of us fall victim to the idea that we can "try" ourselves into better relationships with people who frankly, will never give us the kind of love that we really want.

While it's true to an extent that we should all be making an effort in our relationship, there is a point where trying harder is actually detrimental.

So what's the difference between doing the right kind of relationship work and trying too hard?

The way it feels.

Here are 10 signs that you're forcing it:

1. You rationalize their bad behavior.

While coming to your partner's defense can be a good instinct, unfortunately you find yourself making excuses for their downright bad behavior— and it's a pattern.

If you find yourself saying things like:

"that's not what they meant"

"they really mean well"

"they're just damaged/conflicted/busy/commitment-phobic/add your own excuse"

If this is you, it's more likely that you're dealing with someone who isn't treating your relationship with respect.

2. You analyze every move they make.

"Yesterday they called at 2pm, and that seems to be a pattern, but today they didn't— so does that mean __(insert assumption here)_____? What does it all mean? Are they dating someone else?

WHHYYYYYYYY????"

Chill out. Letting your thoughts run wild to the negative side just causes premature balding and too much cortisol. If the other person truly has lost interest in you, you'll know that in time— but letting your insecurities spew all over a budding romance will hasten their departure.

3. You try to buy their affection (consciously or not).

This includes giving them regular gift showers and loaning them money. When you're trying to win someone's affections, you'll get much further with legitimately earning their respect than giving them your resources. Sometimes we don't set out to do this, but with the right sob story or under the pressure of wanting them to like us, we do it anyway.

4. You complain about the amount of time, attention and resources that they allot to you.

It's one thing if you're dealing with someone who is genuinely busy, it's a whole other if you're trying to have a relationship with someone who has demonstrated that they don't value the opportunity to spend time with you. Whining about spending time together will just make them want to avoid you. It's the classic "hungry dog doesn't get fed" problem.

5. You overanalyze your own normal behavior and dwell on the outcome.

While a certain amount of uncertainty in a relationship (particularly a new one) is normal, there is a point where worrying how you come off flips you into super insecurity mode. By all means, learn better relationship skills and use them often, but try not to dwell on mundane details. Wanting to be liked too much can make you, well… unlikeable.

6. You feel powerless and needy.

Trying too hard and not valuing yourself go hand in hand. There is a painful, needy, dependent feeling that comes from begging for someone's attention— and that unhinged feeling is a sign that the power balance between the two of you is dangerously off balance.

7. You're ready to drop anything to spend time with them.

In a healthy, balanced relationship, both people have outside interests and this is GOOD. Also, the other person doesn't act like a limited-time engagement. Don't be afraid they'll disappear if you don't "act now." If that is truly the case, wouldn't you rather not be a part of that anyway? So think twice the next time you want to automatically turn "me time" into "we time."

8. You're fully in ‘I'd to anything for love’ mode.

You don't feel like you're at the top of their list yet, but you're willing to do whatever it takes. You're sure that if you just worked harder, it would all be perfect between you two.

You're cool with their foibles, addictions, bizarre behavior, the way they treat you, the fact that they only call at 2am. You're ready to make this work, baby. Because "they're worth it"… or something.

9. When they pull away from you (real or imagined), it throws you into a spiral.

This sort of off-balance behavior, analysis and pining turns any uncertainty from them into a mourning-worthy event.

10. You think more about securing ‘a commitment’ from them than you do about how the relationship is going awesome.

"Locking it down" should not take priority over genuinely enjoying someone's company. True commitment from someone else doesn't happen because you're trying to make it happen. It happens because both people are having such an awesome time together that doing anything else seems absurd. Wanting to eventually have your life look a certain way (like marriage if you want that) is completely reasonable— but trying to convince anyone to give it to you is off base.

So what should you do instead?

Remember that making an effort in a relationship should be reserved for when it's worth it.

But what does "worth it" look like?

Think of your time and attention as a gift. If someone doesn't appreciate that gift, then you can choose to move on and give it to someone else, but you can't wrench love out of them by giving them more. Acting desperate and like you have to go to herculean measures to get their attention will only diminish their respect for you over time. A relationship with someone else has to be both people trying, not you trying to muscle something into place while your partner behaves ambivalently.

If you're doing these things, consider why. Find that needy beast within and see what it really wants. What might sound like "I want someone to love" can actually mean that you need to do some work on yourself first. Sometimes this work looks like valuing yourself above your relationship. Other times it means looking for the right person to bestow your gifts upon.

If the beast inside your head tells you that your efforts aren't good enough or you worry that they won't like you if you stop going to extreme measures, repeat after me:

Let it flow.

Instead of trying to force things, be present in the current moment. When you start to obsess (I do it too!), bring yourself back to the now. In the now, everything is always okay. Try your best to expect good things from other people— but be prepared to move on if they just don't do actions that show they appreciate your gift. TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One

14 Women Share The Quality They Find Least Attractive In A Man

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 01:01 PM PST

Twenty20 / lukeowen12
Twenty20 / lukeowen12

1. “Indifference. If he doesn’t care enough to form his own opinion than I don’t care enough to give him the time of day.” —Lisa, 25

beetlejuice

2. “The least attractive quality I find in a man has nothing to do with his physical appearance. Insecurity is uglier than any physical flaw. If he’s insecure about himself it skews his way of seeing life in general, and that’s a complicated mess.” —Haley, 24

beetlejuice

3. “Laziness is so unattractive. I don’t want you sitting on your ass all day because that will make me want to sit on my ass all day. Get up, get out, and do things!” —Izzy, 25

beetlejuice

4. “I hate it when they insult you to make you like them, like how guys make fun of girls in a playful way. I don’t know how to sum that up in one quality, but if you’re making fun of me it’s not going to make me like you. It’s going to make me feel insulted, and most likely dislike you.” —Marissa, 24

beetlejuice

5. “Jealousy is definitely not hot. It’s cool if he’s annoyed by you flirting with the bartender, but if he yells at you for merely looking at another man, red flags are flying.” —Natalie, 23

beetlejuice

6. “I hate men with ponytails. If your hair is longer than mine it almost makes me feel inferior. Chop that thing off.” —Delilah, 26

beetlejuice

7. “If he’s overly conceited. Like cocky to the nth extent. I can’t handle a guy who loves himself more than he loves me.” —Chelsea, 25

beetlejuice

8. “A mustache. And just a mustache, with no other facial hair. This isn’t the 80s or whenever those ugly things were in. I can’t speak for all women, but I most certainly do not want to kiss you when you’ve got that hairy thing under your nose.” —Samantha, 26

beetlejuice

9. “I hate it when they are extremely muscular up top, and then have nothing down below. Like when they’ve got cannons for arms and string beans for legs. You clearly work out, but not in a balanced manner. If you take the time to work your arms, why not take the time to do the other half of your body?” —Vanessa, 24

beetlejuice

10. “I’m not into guys who flaunt the amount of money they have. I don’t need to know how much your sweater cost, or your watch, or your car, or anything else you’re trying to impress me with. You know what will impress me? Your humility.” —Sabrina, 26

beetlejuice

11. “I don’t like shy guys. I want you to be outgoing and adventurous, so that it makes up for my lack of both.” —Alyssa, 23

beetlejuice

12. “When they’re not a people person. I like a guy who can fend for himself in a public setting. When there’s a room full of people I don’t want to have to babysit.” —Elizabeth, 25

beetlejuice

13. “I can’t stand bushy eyebrows. Girls have to pluck theirs, so if a guy’s are out of control he should have to do the same. Plus bushy eyebrows remind me of my grandfather.” —Nichole, 24

beetlejuice

14. “Bad breath. I know that’s easily fixed and not permanent, but damn if you have bad breath it is not one bit attractive.” —Maya, 25 TC mark

This Is Why You Don’t Need To Love Yourself First To Find True Love

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 01:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / katiekhromova
Twenty20 / katiekhromova

You’ve heard it plenty of times before and you will hear it plenty of times more, especially when you rant about why you can’t find a decent partner or why you are so unlucky when it comes to love. Friends, family and love articles will tell you that you "have to love yourself first", or "maybe the problem is that you don't love yourself enough". While this may somewhat be true, I have a slightly different opinion when it comes to love.

I am not saying you don’t need to love yourself, you absolutely do and should, I am just saying it shouldn’t correlate with your love life. I know people who had difficulty loving themselves but found someone who truly loved them; and it helped them love themselves a little more. Isn't that the essence of love? That the person who loves you helps you love all the things you hate about yourself, or at least give you a shoulder to lean on as you learn how to love yourself. And I’ve also seen the opposite, some people who truly loved themselves couldn’t find someone who truly loved them.

I just feel lately that people are so hard on themselves, and blame themselves when things don’t work out with their partners. They feel that it’s because of one thing they lack, or because they are not attractive enough or not smart enough.

Loving ourselves just gives us more power in moving on instead of dwelling so much on our insecurities and the whole situation, but it doesn’t make anyone love us more or less for that matter. We should love ourselves and work on ourselves so we can be content with who we are and live a life we are proud of, not for anyone else to like us or accept us.

Loving yourself is a bumpy ride that takes so many wrong turns before making the right one, and it helps when you have someone on that ride with you, either to make it a little less lonely, or give you direction every now and then when you lose your way. If you find someone who doesn’t make you enjoy the ride, drop them off at the nearest stop.

If you find someone who wants to ride with you and listen to your crappy songs and deal with your reckless driving and your horrible sense of direction; never let them go. Let them ride with you until you both ride in the limo.

Let them ride with you and be part of your trip, stop a few times to let all sink in, share with them the best and worst parts of the ride and of yourself too. Let them try to see how you react to those bumps on the road, or how you sometimes lose sight of the road, or how you sometimes just want to stop driving altogether and watch the sunrise, or maybe just sit by the curb asking questions and telling stories.

Let them truly be part of your ride, not just a passenger. Let them help you drive sometimes when you are tired, let them change the songs you are used to listening to every now and then, let them show you new shortcuts and new roads to take.

This is how you love yourself: by letting people see who you really are and by doing so fearlessly, by looking them straight in the eye and telling them that you don’t always love yourself but you are trying.

God puts certain people in our path so they can teach us something, even the wrong ones, they teach us that we are stronger than we thought we were and they make us appreciate our beauty that they failed to notice. The right ones make us love ourselves by being there, accepting us and letting us know that they will be here for us on bad days too.

You love yourself by opening yourself up and exposing who you really are to the people you care about, and sometimes it takes not loving yourself to eventually love yourself. By all means, find someone who loves you even when you don’t love yourself, because even if you love yourself, there will be days when you don’t and you will need a little reminder. TC mark

(Originally published at Mogul)

What The Different Leftovers In My Fridge Would Be Like As Boyfriends

Posted: 12 Dec 2015 12:30 PM PST

Shutterstock/Vinogradov Illya
Shutterstock/Vinogradov Illya

Birthday Cake.

BC is the younger guy you date because you're scared of getting older and feel like going out with guys who still wear cuff bracelets and have hair that defies gravity will make you look 21 again. At first it's all fun and games. He's impressed by your apartment and ability to shop at places other than H&M and your friend's closet, not to mention his libido is higher than you were that one year at Coachella. But after having to constantly Urban Dictionary things on the sly to understand what he's saying and insist that buying toilet paper is actually necessary, you realize you need to date a grown up.

Jack-In-The-Box Mozzarella Sticks.

Does it still count as a relationship if you were always drunk and never saw him outside of the hours of 2 and 4 AM?

Half-Eaten Burrito

Ah old faithful. This is the guy you sort of dated in college and now still see from time to time, or maybe he's the bartender you brought home and the sex was so good you still hit him up every now and again. He's a little more than a booty call because you know his middle name and all, but he'd never be your boyfriend because he still quotes Fight Club like it's his religion. You know there's no longevity with the situation (he's definitely not someone you'd want to introduce to your mom) but you love the way he makes you feel so you're keeping him around for now. Best part? He's even better right away in the morning.

Shrimp Fried Rice.

Definitely a summer hookup. He's the type of guy you make out with under the dock and convinces you to stay up until 10-o-clock. You know you're never going to have to see him again so you enjoy him while he's there and Instagram the fuck out of his beautiful, ocean soaked hair and whatever sunset he's nonchalantly posing in front of so you have something to brag about to your friends when you go home after the break.

Greek Salad.

The couple that works out together ends up fighting like crazy together. You aren't going to end up going viral for your CrossFit engagement photos. Stop kidding yourself.

Olive Garden Breadsticks.

For whatever reason he never left your hometown but whenever you go back for family reunions you hit him up for drinks and reminiscing. He's the type of guy you WISH would move to where you are now, but you know it's never going to happen. He's much more content staying with what he knows so you've just accepted that the once a year beer is all the two of you will ever be.

Roasted Red Pepper Soup.

Oh so it's officially cuffing season. Got it.

Fancy Restaurant Food.

This is the kind of guy your parents want you to be with. They always try to rub him in your face when they're in town and while yeah, you don't hate him and aren't going to kick him out of bed, the two of you just don't seem to mesh 100%. You're more $1 beers, jukeboxes, and Sunday games; he's more calamari, smooth jazz, and $85 bottles of wine. You don't really compliment each other because he believes in cufflinks and you believe everything is better when it comes from a vintage store. Even though you wish it worked because you'd love to go buy some $400 Dior sunnies on someone else's dime, it doesn't.

Pizza.

He. Just. Gets. You. He doesn't judge you, doesn't try to make you someone you aren't. He's just there for you. He's adaptable and kind, spontaneous and fun. He's the perfect man, to be totally honest. And every time you talk about him in that gooey, lovey way you piss all of your friends off because they wish they had him.

Two-Day-Old Guac.

Don't risk it, girl. Just don't risk it. TC mark