Thought Catalog


16 Uncomfortable Feelings That Actually Indicate You’re On The Right Path

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 08:00 PM PST

NickBulanovv
NickBulanovv


1. Feeling as though you are reliving your childhood struggles.
You find that you're seeing issues you struggled with as a kid reappear in your adult life, and while on the surface this may seem like a matter of not having overcome them, it really means you are becoming conscious of why you think and feel, so you can change it.

2. Feeling "lost," or directionless. Feeling lost is actually a sign you're becoming more present in your life – you're living less within the narratives and ideas that you premeditated, and more in the moment at hand. Until you're used to this, it will feel as though you're off track (you aren't).

3. "Left brain" fogginess.
When you're utilizing the right hemisphere more often (you're becoming more intuitive, you're dealing with emotions, you're creating) sometimes it can seem as though "left brain" functions leave you feeling fuzzy. Things like focusing, organizing, remembering small details suddenly become difficult.

4. Having random influxes of irrational anger or sadness that intensify until you can't ignore them anymore. When emotions erupt it's usually because they're "coming up" to be recognized, and our job is to learn to stop grappling with them or resisting them, and to simply become fully conscious of them (after that, we control them, not the opposite way around).

5. Experiencing unpredictable and scattered sleeping patterns.
You'll need to sleep a lot more or a lot less, you'll wake up in the middle of the night because you can't stop thinking about something, you find yourself full of energy or completely exhausted, and with little in-between.

6. A life-changing event is taking place, or just has.
You suddenly having to move, getting divorced, losing a job, having a car break down, etc.

7. Having an intense need to be alone. You're suddenly disenchanted with the idea of spending every weekend out socializing, and other people's problems are draining you more than they are intriguing you. This means you're re-calibrating.

8. Intense, vivid dreaming that you almost always remember in detail. If dreams are how your subconscious mind communicates with you (or projects an image of your experience) then yours is definitely trying to say something. You're having dreams at an intensity that you've never experienced before.

9. Downsizing your friend group; feeling more and more uncomfortable around negative people. The thing about negative people is that they rarely realize they are negative, and because you feel uncomfortable saying anything (and you're even more uncomfortable keeping that in your life) you're ghosting a bit on old friends.

10. Feeling like the dreams you had for your life are collapsing. What you do not realize at this moment is that it is making way for a reality better than you could have thought of, one that's more aligned with who you are, not who you thought you would be.

11. Feeling as though your worst enemy are your thoughts. You're beginning to realize that your thoughts do create your experience, and it's often not until we're pushed to our wit's end that we even try to take control of them – and that's when we realize that we were in control all along.

12. Feeling unsure of who you really are. Your past illusions about who you 'should' be are dissolving. You feel unsure because it is uncertain! You're in the process of evolving, and we don't become uncertain when we change for the worse (we become angry and closed off). In other words: if what you're experiencing is insecurity or uncertainty, it's usually going to lead to something better.

13. Recognizing how far you still have to go. When you realize this, it's because you can also see where you're headed, it means you finally know where and who you want to be.

14. "Knowing" things you don't want to know. Such as what someone is really feeling, or that a relationship isn't going to last, or that you won't be at your job much longer. A lot of "irrational" anxiety comes from subconsciously sensing something, yet not taking it seriously because it isn't logical.

15. Having a radically intense desire to speak up for yourself. Becoming angry with how much you've let yourself be walked on, or how much you've let other people's voices get into your head is a sign that you're finally ready to stop listening, and love yourself by respecting yourself first.

16. Realizing you are the only person responsible for your life, and your happiness. This kind of emotional autonomy is terrifying, because it means that if you mess up, it's all on you. At the same time, realizing it is the only way to be truly free. The risk is worth the reward on this one, always. TC mark

16 People Describe The Best Sex They Ever Had

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 07:00 PM PST

Shutterstock / Kuznechhik
Shutterstock / Kuznechhik
Found on AskReddit.

1. I WAS ASLEEP AND WOKE UP TO HER PLAYING WITH MY DICK

"With an ex (my GF at the time). I was asleep and woke up to her playing with my dick. She hopped on top, I was half-awake so when I came it was super-intense. Almost like when sensations happen in dreams and it feels like you’re on drugs. We had opposite schedules so she would frequently wake me up like that, but that one half-asleep time was the best."

2. Love-sex is the best sex, I guess.

"It was AMAZING. It felt so right so natural. Her smell, her taste, our kissing, her lips. Everything! It was intense. We attacked each other like in a cheesy love story. Her body was unbelievable. I had a few really good fuckings before. Some really dirty ones. Like Category A men's porno sex dream. Even if this was not the case with her, it felt so much better than everything before. The feels, chemistry, trust. Love-sex is the best sex, I guess. As we lay side by side , breathing heavily, we were grinning like idiots and she gave me a high five.
After that I got my tattoo, still grinning and hardly noticed the pain…"

3. Literally. The. Best. Blowjob. I’ve. Ever. Had. In. My. Life. Ever. Like. WTF. I’m. Going. To. Die.

"Been married for coming up on 10 years and was with my wife (then gf) for several years before we got married, so we’ve been together a while. Anyway, a few weeks ago we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and the whole Netflix and chill kicked in…she proceeded to give me. Literally. The. Best. Blowjob. I’ve. Ever. Had. In. My. Life. Ever. Like. WTF. I’m. Going. To. Die. After I orgasmed, I quite literally thought I was going to pass out. Never before in my life have I orgasmed from a blowjob, and from what I understand men generally don’t (pure blowjobs, no hands involved). Anyway, she’s given me a couple more like that, including last night… but man, that first ground-breaker almost made me cry."

4. SHE AGREED TO BE MY SEXUAL PLAYTHING

"A woman I dated for a little while on POF after my divorce. It was just awesome because she pretty much agreed to be my 'sexual plaything' as she called it. It’d been a while since she’d been with a man, and me with a woman other than my ex, we just unleashed on each other. For 6 straight hours we went at it, can’t tell you how many times she came. At one point, while she was sucking me off, she was straddling my leg and humping it until she came, leaving a snail trail of gruel on my leg. She’d let me penetrate all her holes, nothing was hands off with her. It was just the most fulfilling, raunchiest, kinkiest sex I’ve ever had and I still have her gruel-soaked thongs in my sock drawer."

5. HER DAD CAME IN AND FOUND US BOTH NAKED

"Worked with a girl when I was 17 at the local movie theater. From my first day she was all over me. I was probably 6’2″ at the time and she was just as tall as I was, with a hell of a lot more experience. Went back to her place and banged several times. The best when I shot my load all down the front of her and she scooped it all into her mouth. Then her dad came in and found us both naked and her covered in jizz. I had the deer in the headlights look and he came over and extended his hand to shake mine and introduce himself. Then, while holding my hand, he yanked me up and threw me down the stairs to the front door. I ran out to my car butt-naked and took off. It was absolutely worth it."

6. NEVER CAME THAT HARD BEFORE

"She was giving me head, gave me a naughty look with a grin and proceeded to toss my salad. I’m a guy; I didn’t mind at all and never came that hard before."

7. I always wanted to sleep with an older woman and man, oh man, did my dreams come true

"The fact that she is a 50-year-old woman and I’m only 24. I always wanted to sleep with an older woman and man, oh man, did my dreams come true. I may not have slept with a lot of woman prior to her but every time its the best sex ever."

8. BREAKUP SEX

"Breakup sex. Two weeks after we separated, ended up back between the sheets. I don’t know what made it so good—perhaps because we still had very strong feelings for one another and it was the longest we went without sex."

9. MIND-BLOWING

"Pure coincidence and bad timing meant my boyfriend and I hadn’t had sex in two weeks. Considering we normally go 4 times a week this was awful. So that Friday we had a date and I was texting him long paragraphs of what I wanted to do to him all day while we were at work. I convinced him to pick me up from the gym, so I come out all sweaty. I start nibbling at his neck, then I got naked and he reaches over with one hand. Once we get into his garage we fucked right there in the car. Then again when we got into the house. And again later that night and the next morning. Just the anticipation and build up. Mind-blowing."

10. she dropped to her knees and proceeded to give me the best blow job I have ever received in my life

"Once, when I was in my early 20’s I was working as an assistant grocery store manager. There was a florist who worked for the store. She was probably in her mid 40’s and, for her age, she looked damn good. Anyways, we would flirt all the time, but I always figured it was harmless. One day she asked if I would help her get something off of the top shelf of her cooler. As soon as we walked in there she shut the door, pushed me up against the wall and, without saying a word, she dropped to her knees and proceeded to give me the best blow job I have, to this day, ever received in my life. It was amazing. We continued to fool around off and on after that but it never came anywhere close to that first time. That was almost 15 years ago and I still remember every detail. Amazing."

11. NEITHER OF US WANTED TO STOP

"It was with my wife, in our own bed, lying side by side, in the morning. Then all of a sudden both of our kids, 6 and 3, burst into the room and jumped on the bed. The thing was, neither of us wanted to stop and so we just kept a very slow motion going. Iiiiiiiin. Oooooooout. It was exquisitely tantalizing, and the raw desire was intoxicating….[The kids] were still on the bed goofing around. We were subtle enough that they didn’t know anything. As far as they knew, we were just cuddling….Eventually we had to stop (no climax), but it still ranks really, really high on my favorite list."

12. SHE WOULD SUCK EVERY DROP OUT OF ME

"I have said this story a million times and will continue to say it. I worked with a 47 to 50-year-old woman. I was 25 and she just whipped my cock out and went off on me. Incredible blowjob. I fucked the shit out of her. It continued for almost a year. I would spend hours a day fucking her in my office. I NEVER had sex like that before. Everything I wanted, she would do. She would suck every drop out of me. She would have constant multiple orgasms as well. We were working an event and she gave me a blowjob behind the AV gear. It was the hottest shit ever."

13. she wanted to sit on my lap and go at it about 10 minutes into the movie

"I actually went to see 'The Sum of All Fears' in the theaters with my girlfriend. We were one of like 3 or 4 couple in the place so she said for us to go to the back. I’m thinking to myself that I’ll get some little kissing and grabbing during the movie and take it back home afterwards to finish off the night. Nope, she decided she wanted to sit on my lap and go at it about 10 minutes into the movie. Her trying to keep quiet during the act was so fucking hot. Well it came time for me to finish and she just grabbed onto my legs and kept me from pulling out. That one is definitely still stored away in the spank bank."

14. The time her grandfather caught us

"My ex-girlfriend and I skipped a class during our second year of college, she had her house to herself so we picked Mary Jane up and went to her place. We smoked and started banging on her Ikea bed, which was secured to one of the walls of her room and had a wooden frame. Halfway through the wooden supports underneath the mattress started giving out, we found the loud cracking noises pretty hot and kept going until most of the supports had broken. The thought that the bed was breaking to our intensity kept us going until only the outer frame was left standing. We were so loud by this point that we did not hear her grandfather walk into her house until he started knocking on the door of her room asking loudly if she was okay. I quickly snapped out of it in fear that we would get caught, put my pants on, and realized that her window was my only option. I crawled out of her second floor window, directly above a staircase, and proceeded to jump out. She opened a French movie we had been watching some days before on her laptop, volume full blast, and sneaked thought the front door as her grandfather announced that he was going to the bathroom to retrieve tools to get the door opened. She met me by her car bringing my clothes with her. We drove to a pier laughing about the incident and suddenly started going at it again in the back of her car, in plain daylight. We were both lost for words after finishing; I still remember hearing her fast breathing as she would break into a small chuckle here and there. This eventually got us to try new and more exciting things after that, but nothing was ever like that time. Sigh."

15. SHE RODE ME LIKE SEABISCUIT

"I was 21 and high. Best sex I’ve ever had. She rode me like Seabiscuit."

16. WE BOTH CAME TOGETHER IN PERFECT SYNC

"Intimate missionary sex, we both came together in perfect sync. The feeling of her vagina convulsing around my dick made the orgasm super-intense."

IRL Deathbed

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 06:30 PM PST

Screen Shot 2015-12-07 at 9.39.29 PM

The problem with being from a Nordic family is that
no one ever expresses any emotions.

So when something happens
and all the men in your family sob for the first time
it feels like every molecule in your body is breaking.
Or bursting.
Or trying to escape the confines of your skin.

The problem is they will try to be strong for you.
When you just want them to be okay
with feeling weak.

One of the last things my grandfather said to my grandmother,
his wife of 58 years,
as he sat bewildered
at side on her deathbed,
is that she had a bandaid on her finger and he couldn’t recall why.
And never would.

When the actual dying started the room cleared out a bit.
Some of us stayed to keep her company.
Some of us took to the hall out of some sense of decency.
Each felt a sense of pride in their decision.
Mine as a person who broke easily, but never completely.

When my grandmother laid dying
the chaplain prayed a prayer that I, born and raised, in the church
had never heard
or paid attention to.

May death come as easily as nightfall.

Later, when I turned from her body gasping for breath
the sun had set.
Night had come easily. And without me noticing it. TC mark

I Have No Interest In Being The ‘Right’ Kind Of Woman

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20, chanelpluscat
Twenty20, chanelpluscat

I don't need you to tell me who I am, who I need to be, what kind of woman I should become.

I love my long, curly hair. I love the birthmark on my cheek. I love the chicken pox scar on my belly. I love the rough patch of skin on my middle finger, a writer's curse.

I love my Midwest twang, the way I always walk with a purpose, the fact that I am continually doing 65 things at once. That is the person I am.

And I am proud of her.

I am a woman. And whatever shape that should be, I don't care. I do not need to fit this female mold, the 'should be, 'supposed to be,' 'right' kind of woman.

I have no interest in being the right kind of woman.

I don't need you to tell me that I should dress my age, that I need to grow up, that my belly button ring is suggestive.

I don't need you to tell me that heels are for girls that are 'asking for it' and that drinking wine from the bottle isn't classy.

I don't need you to tell me that I should stop lifting weights because a girl that's too muscular isn't attractive. I don't need you to shake your head at my legs. Tell me they're too thick, too strong.

A strong woman is a feared woman. I hope your knees shake when you see me.

I am a woman of words, a woman of thoughts, a woman of plans. I know where I'm going and I'll get there my way. My choice. My decision.

I don't need your approval to be the woman I want to be, the woman I am.

I don't need you to tell me where I should live, what I should spend my money on, who I should love. I don't need you to tell me that you know me better than anyone else. Because you don't.

I know myself.

And I know that I love my baby face. I love my muscular calves. I love my open, but strong heart.

And I don't need your approval for who I am.

I don't need you. TC mark

16 Millennials On How They Actually Feel About The Whole ’American Dream’ Thing

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 05:30 PM PST

via twenty20/tripplex03
via twenty20/tripplex03

1. “I’d really, really like to believe there’s even such a thing as the American Dream but the last couple of years have been hard. It took me nearly a year to get a job in my field after college and the one I took doesn’t look like it’s going to really offer me much opportunity to get ahead which means that I’ll probably be job hunting again within the next six months. If I don’t start making more money then my college loans will always be eating the same chunk of my income and I’ll never get anywhere.”

— Darren, 24

beetlejuice

2. “I’m a second generation Mexican-American immigrant and joined the Marines at 18. After getting out I went to college, got my degree, and went to work for Boeing. For me, the American dream is very much alive and is very real even though things continue to be tough. I worked hard, did my time, and now I have a good job.”

— Javier, 28

beetlejuice

3. “The American Dream is a thing the rich dangle in front of poor people to make them work.”

— Sheila, 25

beetlejuice

4. “A lot of my friends seem to think the American Dream is something cliche like a nice little house with a picket fence and all that but I think they probably get that from movies and stuff. To me, the American Dream is just about the opportunity to work and apply yourself and get ahead.”

— James, 23

beetlejuice

5. “It’s a dated concept but still a real one. Some people talk about it like it’s the ‘American guarantee’ and they’re disappointed but it’s not called a dream for nothing.”

— Catherine, 27

beetlejuice

6. “This probably sounds a little naive but whatever. When I entered the workforce in 2012 I very much believed that if I just worked hard and was a team player then I’d get ahead. What I didn’t count on is just how thirsty these fuckers are out here and by thirsty I mean willing to screw over anyone to get ahead. I have a hard time believing in the American Dream now if only because almost nothing seems to be based on merit and it feels like everyone’s just trying to rip one another off.”

— David, 25

beetlejuice

7. “For the record, the American Dream is mostly about the rights in the constitution and the ability to democratically elect leaders so that the nation (me and everyone else) can choose how we prosper. So, what I’m saying is, whether you think the American Dream is real or not, you’re absolutely right. The American Dream isn’t about a guaranteed job, it’s about a government by, for, and of the people.

I think that’s probably too much responsibility for some.”

— Nellie, 28

beetlejuice

8. “I live with my parents and I’m 25 so I don’t really feel like it has much to do with me.”

— Pam, 25

beetlejuice

9. “I think it’s dead and most everyone else I know does too. We’re the first generation shackled with seemingly endless debt tied to useless degrees we were told we should get because loving our major was somehow supposed to be enough. It wasn’t. It’s not.”

— Peter, 26

beetlejuice

10. “I really do think that people who have bad things to say about the American Dream are either generationally poor or just horribly entitled bitches. Everyone in my generation thinks they’re supposed to be rich.”

— Jessica, 24

beetlejuice

11. “It’s real and it’s alive. It’s just that a lot of us got scammed into thinking we had to pay a ton of money just to get a good job. I have a four year degree and three years after entering the workforce I’m still only making 35k a year. My younger brother said ‘fuck it’, didn’t go to college, got his electrician’s degree, and makes nearly 50k a year now. Oh, and he’s not bitter like me.”

— Marvin, 27

beetlejuice

12. “I think it’s hard to feel like the American Dream is anything besides something that’s for wealthy White people. Every day I see that the government shoots Black people in the service of what seems like an unspoken caste system while filling prisons with poor people. I can’t think of a time it was ever really different in the U.S. between Indian genocide and slavery so, nah, it was never real.”

— Ashley, 26

beetlejuice

13. “My Dad brought my family here in 1995 from Palestine. He opened his own business and put me and my brother through college all while he worked 12 hours days, six days a week. It was his dream that his kids do well. It pretty much sickens me when I hear people my own age talking badly about the U.S. when they’ve never lived anywhere and have no idea what most of the rest of the world is actually like in comparison.”

— Ibrahim, 29

beetlejuice

14. “I think that right now my generation feels a little betrayed by bad planning on the part of the government and unreasonable demands placed on a generation that was told it was a great idea to pay a lot of money for a great education when just an okay education would have probably been fine.”

— Sean, 27

beetlejuice

15. “Is the American Dream real? Hmm, people probably decide whether an idea like this is dead based on how well they’re doing themselves, right? So, if people aren’t doing to well right now or feel they aren’t then they’re gonna say it’s dead, right? Personally, I’m not doing as well as I’d imagined I would be but I’m hopeful. I guess that’s a kind of dream.”

— Janice, 26

beetlejuice

16. “I didn’t go to college straight out of high school and while I think it’s good I didn’t I also saw that there’s literally nothing out there for people who with only high school diploma to their name and with the cost of college being what it is there’s millions and millions of people getting left behind. My dad never went to college but he was a trained machinist. In today’s economy he’d be screwed. Anyway, the funny thing is that once I actually got my college degree and got a job I discovered that you didn’t even fucking need a degree to do the job, it was just a totally arbitrary requirement. We’re being forced to pay our way into jobs that a willing-to-learn 16-year-old could do.”

— Aaron, 31 TC mark

This Is How You Kill Yourself

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 05:00 PM PST

Nadja Tatar
Nadja Tatar

First, fall in love.

Did you ever wonder if it’s ever possible to bring death to someone without actually shooting a gun right in their head or stabbing them in the chest or just about anything physical? The possibility to absolutely murder someone on the insides?

Well, it is attainable and you are capable of it. I am capable of it. We all are.

This awful thought that somehow has been mistaken to be a figment of imagination comes to life in the exact moment of loving someone. In falling in love so deeply. Without limits, without caution, without discretion, without borders, without care. Without care for yourself, at least.

It is true that there is an infinite beauty – deeper than any fortune – in the very act of loving. You can love someone so hard but you must understand the consequences of this very action. With this, you are veritably giving them the hall pass to impair you, to wreck you, to damage you.

You are giving them the chance to grip your heart in their bare hands and who knows what they’ll do with it.

They can caress it with responsibility and genuine love.

Nevertheless, they can also carry it rashly and foolishly. If that so, it will sting. It will hurt real bad. Real hard. The only option you can consider is to actually save yourself from the uncertainty and torment that comes with it, but let me assure you now, that right there is the most absurd thing ever – because you just can’t save yourself from it. You just can’t. It will come for you like a thief in the night, any time, any place, any situation. When you feel it, you feel it. When it’s there, it’s there. When you’re in it, you’re in it. Good luck for there will be no way out.

You will either be loved back or you get hurt, and you’ll kill yourself.

You can hope for the best. That the same fire you felt was the same ignition kindling inside him. That the same desire that flourishes in each cell of your body is the very same voracity that amplifies through his every bone, that the same adventure you’ve been longing to experience is the very same thirst he longs to quench with you by his side, that the same love that resides in your heart is also the same love he resembles for you. For when this happens, it will be revolutionary. It will be beyond lavishing. Beyond stunning. For to love and be loved is beautiful, really beautiful. It’s going to taste, feel, and be like heaven. Like every part of your body is consumed by his presence, like every atomic component inside you was set on flames every time he looks at you and keeps his attention fixed on you, like every thing inside you is experiencing this great salacity for his warmth to be near you.

However, you must also expect the worst, the dreadful ugly parts of being in love. The kind that is able to kill you from the inside out.

The fact that sooner or later you’re going to wait for him, you’re going to crave for his attention, you’re going to beg for it, but you’re not going to have it. You’ll just find yourself waiting in vast darkness for something you know isn’t coming for you. You’re going to define your worth by the way he treated you, you’re going to construe yourself by whether or not he gets back at your messages, or calls, or does he even pay attention to you, or does he even care about you still, does he even have that tiny need of you as you have this enormous hunger for him?

You’ll start to drink, to cry, to do just about anything, hoping these things will somehow ease whatever misery is clinging onto you. Each night, you cry yourself to sleep like it’s your own little hiding place. Anticipating that it’s the only place where the credits roll and the screen blacks out, where all is gone.

That it’s the only domicile where you feel nothing, where every inch, every bit, every fragment, every portion of pain, of despair, of agony vanishes. Absent like it’s not there in the first place. And just when you feel comfortable in your deep slumber, it starts to creep in again, it starts to haunt you. That even though you’re physically asleep, you’re mind is awake and aware, aware of the same pain, same despair, same agony. You may be asleep, but you’re mind and soul is still hurting, it’s still bruised. It will always be like that, it will always linger at that very spot in your chest no matter how many times you try to shove it down, that’s your validation – you are haunted. You are haunted by the mere fact of loving him – of loving the wrong person. That’s when you’ll ratify yourself dead. Ruined. Wrecked. Eradicated. The finest way viable.

And that, my friend, is how you kill yourself.

You kill yourself by loving, by loving the wrong person.

You have been murdered by love, by the very same feeling that made you feel worthy, special and beautiful. The very same craze that brought butterflies in your stomach, that compelled true smiles on your face. The same thing that ablaze your soul, the very same notion that made you feel like a better person. The very same thing that breathe in color and energy in your dullness. You have been murdered by the very same thing that brought you to life. Ironic right?

When this happens, I do hope you find a way to bring yourself back to life.

I hope you find a way to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, that you find the courage to build your life up again, that you find a site to actually start, that you visualize your worth again, that you’d actually stop waiting for him, stop desiring him, and letting what he did to you exemplify your being.
Because he doesn’t and he never will. Ever.

I hope for that substantial time that you’ll finally feel better and be better. The time you decisively realize that no matter how much hardship you’ve been through, it was worth it, not because he was worth it, no.

It was worth it because what you’ve been through was worth it. Because you proved to your own self that you are definitely resilient, that you are brave enough to open your heart, give it away and let someone hold it without the certitude that they will take responsibility and care for it as you did. That you are valiant enough to grant yourself the freedom to endure something so strong that it had overtaken everything else in your heart, that you are defiant enough to swim that ocean without knowing its depth, its width, knowing only the possibility that you might drown – where you can only breathe in nothing but water, that the air from your lungs could be snatched out and that it might break you into pieces every single day, that you have to fight each day through for a gasp of air. Because that’s all you want, that’s all you need: air.

Lastly, I pray that there will come a time that you will finally have the strength to be the person to bring your own self back to life and see how beautiful you are with your own scars, bruises and holes. That you’ll get a glimpse of how these pieces of affliction and despair had somehow made you an even more beautiful person than you already are. TC mark

I Want To Kiss You In Every Room Of The House

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 04:30 PM PST

IMG_6292

It is morning and I’m covering my mouth with both hands. It is too soon for you to smell me without toothpaste. Me, without effort. Me, at my most vulnerable. I turn on my side, running my tongue along my teeth, as if this can somehow clean them.

You attempt a terrible Jimmy Stewart impression and immediately force my mouth free. I’m laughing with a boldness that means breath everywhere. Like I’m voluntarily shouting, “Here I am! In all my morning glory!” My unkept glory. My utterly messy glory.

Take it. Take it all. Because it’s a rarity that I’m willing to give the unfiltered version. I’ve learned how to present the picture I think they want. Ask the boys, they’ll agree. I give the performance they want. And I’ll disappear before they learn the encore is me, emotionally invested. Me, unkept. Messy. Wanting something like love to free me.

But you hold my head with both of your hands and have never told me I’m wrong for crying when I see roadkill. I think, maybe this time it makes sense. Maybe this time I’m not auditioning for the part.

We are no longer teenagers, but I still imagine kissing you on top of every car I see. Not sure why this is my fantasy, but you did always get my motor running. I think of how you’d tease me for that terrible pun. Or how we could make every single backseat rock. How we’d learn to perfect our, “I’m so sorry, Officer!” tones when someone decided to knock. You and I, we’ve got something.

I don’t think about kissing most people I meet. I will wonder if they are happy, or if they have nice family. But I’m not often thirsting for a chance. I’m usually waiting for a moment alone. A wolf, I do not know how I’m supposed to play nice with the rest of society.

But there you were, waiting to howl at the moon with me. I think of kissing you in every room of the house. In the kitchen. The foyer. The bathroom. Your sister’s room. I can’t help this mind of mine, the way I want to love you every place I go. I want to love you constantly. TC mark

23 Relationship Hang-Ups You Need To Get Over Right Now If You Want Lasting Love

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 04:08 PM PST

Twenty20, camy93
Twenty20, camy93

1. You'll never be able to read your significant other's mind. So you'll never be able to confirm whether they're being truthful at any given time.

2. That means you'll have to rely on your instincts a lot. And sometimes your gut will be flat-out wrong.

3. Other times, your gut will be on point, but you'll be fooled into thinking otherwise by your mostly well-meaning but sometimes crafty partner.

4. The longer you stay together, the better positioned you’ll be to manipulate each other simply because knowledge is power.

5. When you find yourself exploiting your vast knowledge of your partner to get what you want, you'll probably feel a little bit guilty, but not quite bad enough to stop.

6. You will both say a lot of things you don't really mean just to shut each other up. There’ll be plenty of false positives (You really are always right, sweetie!), and false negatives (I hate your mother fucking guts!).

7. You’ll even offer half-true assertions for the hell of it sometimes (You give the best blowjobs of anyone I've ever been with! You're the sexiest person I've ever dated! I absolutely adore your family!), because it seems like the decent thing to do.

8. Your partner will not always want to have sex with you, even when they claim to. Alternatively, they might say that your hot naked body put them in the mood when a secret fantasy did the trick instead.

9. You will both inevitably meet other people whom you know, instinctively, you could also probably love. So you will have to choose each other over and over and over again. Or move on.

10. You’ll both regularly encounter other people you’ll want to sleep with, too. So you’ll both have to choose to honor whatever boundaries you've established as a couple again and again and again. Or risk stepping outside the bounds of commitment.

11. It will be a joint struggle to resist all the temptations you face over the years. And you may or may not ever know whether you're both successful.

12. You’ll have to support your partner through some rough times when providing reassurance and propping another person up is the last thing you're in the mood to do.

13. You’ll have to make your partner feel sexually attractive even when you kind of hate what they're wearing, and make them feel loved even on the days when you more than kind of resent them.

14. Sometimes, you won’t be able to cheer each other up no matter how hard you try. Love won’t solve all your problems because it’s not a magic fix. It’s a transcendent bond with tremendous rewards that sometimes causes problems.

15. You will both waste time pining over matters that don't actually matter simply because you're human and that’s life.

16. There will be periods when your imaginations run wild and you can’t stop your own minds from opening the floodgates of paranoia and doubt.

17. Your brains and hearts will sometimes urge you to get jealous when there's absolutely no reason to worry about anything.

18. At other times, you'll fail to be suspicious when you absolutely should be.

19. Your partner will lie to you—about little things (like what they really think about your new jeans), and bigger things (like exactly what went down at the strip club that one night).

20. No matter how crazy it sounds, you probably need them to lie to you on occasion, because total transparency is pretty damn impossible to live by. The health of your relationship and your personal sanity will most likely depend on many well-intentioned fabrications.

21. Over time, you will say a lot of truthful and untruthful nasty things to each other—because hurting the person you adore, again and again, is absolutely inevitable.

22. Even after years, you’ll overlook things about your significant other—how they're really feeling, what they actually want for dinner, or why they're disproportionately upset about something—because not even the most attentive people are perfect, so no couple can be.

23. No matter how strong your bond is, you’ll never know the love of your life entirely because no one can know 100 percent of anyone. And that’s okay. TC mark

Here’s How To Stop Loving Them

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 03:30 PM PST

arieastman
arieastman

When you decide to stop loving them, your body will convince you this is the wrong decision. Everything inside burns with promises, with ideas about the future, with a different you. The you before the shattering. Before the ending. Before you were faced with the strangling thought that now, you are not supposed to love them anymore. Now, you are supposed to move on from this feeling.

Open up a box with all the memories you’re trying to forget. Scatter them across the entire room, taking your time to not miss a single moment. Sit with all of it. Wonder if you can still smell someone on a shirt you haven’t worn in so many moons. Do not run to the bottle or cell phone, ready to send messages you’ll regret when the melancholy isn’t aching so loudly. Just sit there.

Remember how it felt when they kissed your clavicle, or how their laugh always reminded you of a stampede. Wildebeest herd be damned, you’d risk being trampled every time.

Think about the first time your heart told you this feeling was different from before. It wasn’t the love you’d heard of. This is the kind that bubbles up, an unwatched pot of water ready to explode. There is a power in it you cannot turn down.

Silently curse it. And then, verbally curse it. Look at all these ghosts of happier times and think how no one warned you of the leftover haunting. Saying goodbye doesn’t mean everything ends.

Feel dirty, ashamed, like you should be better than this. Like you should know how to be okay. But you’re not. So, yell. Yell to no one and everyone.

Pick out your favorite memory. The one that fills you with an ethereal glow, a warmth no fireplace or glass of wine could ever replicate. It’s a full body feeling. Remember the purity in your happiness. Pin this memory to your chest and put the rest of them back in the box.

Store the box away. If it feels right, maybe you’ll throw it out entirely. Just let it be out of sight right now.

Feel for your pulse. Marvel that every day, your heart beats about 100,000 times. It feels like you think of them 100,000 times. But your heart is still beating and pumping. Even though it feels broken, it’s still going. And so are you.

Watch a movie or comedy special that forces laughter from your lips. One of those strong belly type laughs can send 20% more blood flowing, so giggle even when you aren’t sure you can. Watch Aziz Ansari, or Amy Schumer, or John Mulaney, pick your favorite. Feel hearty bellows healing your body. Remember your heart is not broken. Broken things do not continue working. You are bruised. But you still work.

Call or reach out to someone who has always been there for you — a friend or family member. Tell them five different reasons they matter to you and how much you value your relationship with them. Sip on some nostalgia and joke about a story from your past together. Romantic love, while beautiful, is only one kind of love, and never enough to fully sustain a person. Take note of all the people you have in your life. All the love you have surrounding.

Go for a walk and make yourself a promise for the duration of your walk. I will allow myself to feel whatever I feel. And listen. With every step, check in with yourself. Are you sad? Are you angry? Do you feel utterly lost? Listen to all of it. Accept all of it. Decide this walk will be the time you finally let yourself off the hook. Decide this walk will be when you are allowed to grieve however you need.

Cry. Question. Break and look them up on social media. Want to cry more. Think of calling them. Of texting. Don’t.

When you decide to stop loving them, you will do everything you can think of to make it come true. But maybe you aren’t ready to stop. Maybe time, distance, or some other magic ingredient will do the trick. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to still love them. Perhaps your heart has enough room for some piece of love to stay forever. A preserved painting. An artifact of what you shared. An echo in the back of your chest. You will figure it out.

And if after all this, you still find yourself loving them, so what? We could all use more love, even if it’s the type to be tucked away in a box. TC mark

No, Don’t Do It Later. Do It Now — The Case Against Procrastination.

Posted: 27 Dec 2015 03:00 PM PST

Screen Shot 2015-12-27 at 3.31.26 PM

There's an errand that needs to be run. An email to go out to a client. A project for school. Maybe an unpleasant conversation to have.

What do most of us do? We do it…later. Or more simply, we just don't do it right now—because we can do it later.

That's not to say we're procrastinators—which is more generally the bad habit of putting things off until the last moment. That's a nasty habit too. But this is something more easy to rationalize, this is the "Oh I'm definitely going to do it, but not right this second." I've got time later in the week, we tell ourselves. Or, that we'll do it when we're down there doing [some other thing].

As Steven Pressfield writes, "We don't tell ourselves, 'I'm never going to write my symphony.' Instead we say, 'I am going to write my symphony; I'm just going to start tomorrow." We might even think that it's better this way because we'll be better rested, or more prepared.

“The productivity guru David Allen has a good rule: "Don't touch paper twice." That is, if you're looking at an email or get a memo, punting on it is actually more work—because you've already spent some time on it, however small. That's what we do, needlessly touch stuff twice. Not physically, but mentally. Thinking about it is the first touch.”

And of course, often we don't start tomorrow—not because we're lazy or liars or anything deliberate like that. We don't start tomorrow because something intervenes. Life, fate, busy schedules, whatever.

We even have an annual ritual dedicated to this idea: I'll start losing weight, stop biting my fingernails, being kinder on January 1st. We know we could start these improvements at anytime, but it's safer to put an arbitrary date on them.

Safer, why? Because we know me might not actually have to ever do it.

For this very reason, I've tried to adhere to a philosophy in my work—and whatever success I've had can be attributed to that—of: "Let's just do it now." I apply it to my writing, my company, my reading and every obligation. The reason for doing this way is explained in my philosophy: "You never know what's going to happen later."

In other words, because I believe the world is inherently unpredictable and outside my control, when I have the opportunity to do something, I do it now, and I do not believe in putting things off until later. Because there might not be a later, first and foremost, and if there is, it probably won't confirm to our expectations.

So if I think, I need to go for a run, I go for a run. If I have an article to write, I write it. If I need to pick up something for the house, it goes on my list for today, not "the next time I'm near the store." Even if that means a little more work now as opposed to later.

Why?

Because I have time right now, but I might not have time for a twice-as-long run tomorrow or it might be raining. Because those article ideas I wrote down on a whiteboard for later, well someone accidentally erased it and now they're lost forever. And next time I'm at the store, who knows if I'll remember or not. Because the power could go out, the opportunity could go away, the person you needed to reach could leave the country, the offer ended, or you might just plain forget.

I've been burned too many times to believe that putting stuff off ever works in our favor. Which is why I think it's better to act having taken, as the stoics do, "full note of fortune's habit of behaving just as she pleases." Which is to say, usually not in your favor. In fact, this very article was started on Monday…and then I got very sick the next two days. If I'd finished, like I'd intended, it'd be done already.

Things usually get more complicated, more busy, not less so in the future. Things go wrong, you know. Entropy reigns. So if it's right in front of you, do it. Don't think about it, decide not to do it, and then make a plan to actually do it later.

The productivity guru David Allen has a good rule: "Don't touch paper twice." That is, if you're looking at an email or get a memo, punting on it is actually more work—because you've already spent some time on it, however small. That's what we do, needlessly touch stuff twice. Not physically, but mentally. Thinking about it is the first touch.

But if you focus on this present moment and do what you can in it—even if it's not ideal—you'll find that you ultimately outpace other people. I almost always beat deadlines. I always get what I need done. I rarely need to use excuses—"Sorry, I got sick.", "Sorry, there was traffic.", "Sorry, the website was down." "Sorry, I have to reschedule."—because excuses and the unforeseen circumstances can only intervene if you give them the space to. And when I do, I know whose fault it was. Mine. I should have taken the chance when I had it.

Nothing is more frustrating as an employer than to assign something to someone and then hear a week later that they've run into problems–problems at the beginning of the task. Because you know this roadblock could have been encountered and solved already. Or to hear the clock on some waiting period only just began. Why did we artificially and unnecessarily lengthen it? Right, because you put it off. In my experience, great employees learn this lesson and maybe need it pointed out only once or twice. The ones who bump into it over and over again? They are the Peter principle embodied.

"If a task has once begun. Never leave it till it’s done. Be the labor great or small. Do it well or not at all," goes the proverb (one favored by everyone from President James Garfield to LL Cool J). But it needs an addition:

Begin it now. No, not later. Now. TC mark