Thought Catalog


Seeing You At Your Party With Another Woman

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 08:00 PM PST

Screen Shot 2015-09-14 at 10.02.53 PM

I bought four identical bottles of champagne
and gave one to you
to warm your house.

To the party I brought
three poems about fruit –
one borderline pornographic —
because I couldn't stop thinking about
what your face would look like when I read it to you.

But things didn't work out
as they often don't.

Instead of reading about lovers in bed.
Instead of seeing whether your lips would move in response to my words.
I talked to your mom about her new lake house
and enjoyed it.
And saw you across the room
with your girl
and didn't feel sad at all.

Love, I am learning, is too big
to just be about what I get out of it. TC mark

I Like Your Face When I Can Tell You Are Trying To Decide Where To Kiss Me Next

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 07:35 PM PST

Screen Shot 2015-11-26 at 10.23.50 PM

You came over in the late afternoon and did things like
pull my body into yours
by using your teeth as a lasso around my lower lip.

By night my pillows still smelled like you. How did you make soap smell so good?

All night I was rolling over and smelling you.
All night I was rolling over and thinking about how you make me forget
which way all my limbs are supposed to go.

You send me a picture on Snapchat when you can’t sleep
and I think I am supposed to think something about the way you look
but all I can see is that mouth.

And all I can think is how
I want to bury my face in the painful velcro of your neck
and rub myself raw. TC mark

22 Things To Stop Doing In 2016 (And 22 Things To Start Doing Instead)

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 07:00 PM PST

lavandasogni
lavandasogni

1. Stop going out to brunch every weekend and spending $30 unnecessary dollars on mediocre pancakes. (Start learning to make your own french toast at home.)

2. Stop overscheduling yourself and wearing yourself too thin. Stop making yourself your second, third or fourth priority in your own life. (Start making more time for yourself in your busy schedule.)

3. Stop complaining about politics. (Start actually getting involved and calling your local elected representative about major issues that you think need to be addressed.)

4. Stop filling your free time with Netflix. (Start looking for hobbies that you’d actually be excited to pursue in the new year. Start looking for local language groups, or a sports meet-up in your neighborhood. Look for a pottery studio, or take up coloring. Become a regular at Tuesday night bar trivia.)

5. Stop talking about taking your dream trip to the city you've been lusting after for years. (Start saving and figuring out how you’re going to make the trip happen.)

6. Stop making excuses for not exercising or not making time to take care of your body. (Start finding little things that will motivate you and that you will actually be able to commit to. Start small — get a fitbit, or buy weights to use at home.)

7. Stop buying low-quality $4 clothing you only wear for one night. (Start investing in quality pieces that fit into your wardrobe and that you love and are excited to wear.)

8. Stop getting rid of shoes because they're too worn down, the leather got stained, or they aren’t waterproof. (Start taking better care of the shoes you own — be proactive about maintaining the leather or suede. Consider waterproofing those boots.)

9. Stop always ordering the same old well vodka soda. (Start exploring your local breweries and wineries. Figure out what your favorite cocktail is, and what styles of beer and wine you prefer.)

10. Stop complaining that you never meet anyone new. (Start putting yourself out there by participating in an activity that involves meeting new people at least once a week.)

11. Stop exclusively listening to top 40 hits on the radio. (Start expanding your musical palette – listen to a symphony, an opera, music in a different language, and some classic 80s. See what you like. Surprise yourself.)

12. Stop making binge-watching television your go-to “night in” activity. (Start eliminating television one night per week. On that night, try to supplement TV with a new activity. Have date night in with your significant other, or cook dinner with friends and then actually set the table and have a nice meal together. Make plans with the people you love that don't revolve around the season finale of Scandal.)

13. Stop putting the lifestyle you want on hold. (Start integrating the habits you want to maintain — like going to the gym, cooking, or meditating before work — into your daily life.)

14. Stop putting your own mental health on the back burner. (Start being honest with you what bothers you on a daily basis, and get to a place where you are ready to find productive solutions.)

15. Stop being distant or aloof just for the sake of being mysterious. (Start being more accessible to your friends more, being proactive when you care about someone, and calling your mother.)

16. Stop being the one who tries less in your relationship. (Start putting in as much as your partner does every single day. Instead of saying things like, "I wish I were as good as you," show them that you are making the effort.)

17. Stop spending most of your work day staring at a wall wondering if this is actually something you want to do for the next 30 years. (Start making a timeline for where you might want to see yourself, professionally, at the end of 2016. Whatever your end goal is, make a list of steps you need to take to get there.)

18. Stop spending so much time passively 'liking' your friends' engagement statuses on Facebook while secretly loathing them. (Start realizing that everyone moves at their own pace and what's right for someone else right now might not be right for you. While you're at it, remember that your upcoming year will not be defined by whether or not you start dating someone, or move in with someone, or get engaged to someone.)

19. Stop resting on your laurels. (Start working like you want your boss's job.)

20. Stop thirsting after someone else's life on social media. (Start remembering that you have no idea what their life looks like unfiltered. Focus on living your best life, as opposed to your most polished, picture-perfect life.)

21. Stop leaving your dirty dishes in the sink for three days straight. (Start observing the "wash in under 24 hours" rule.)

22. Stop guilting yourself. Stop depriving yourself every time you want something indulgent. Stop feeling bad that you don’t live five minutes away from the house you grew up in. Stop feeling guilty for the extra work you feel like you should be doing. (Start being kinder to yourself.) TC mark

24 Real Flight Attendants Reveal The Most Shocking Hotel Nightmares They’ve Encountered On The Job

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 06:00 PM PST

1. The x-rated bathroom door.

Discovered by a flight attendant on layover in LA. She reported it to the carrier so she wouldn't get blamed.
Hotel Nightmares FA 1

2. A veritable fountain of mold.

“I was heating up my food in the communal lobby microwave. I felt something drip onto the hand I was holding my plate in, so I looked up and saw this disgusting mess,” says a flight attendant staying at a Radisson hotel.”
Hotel Nightmares FA 4

3. Condoms or candies?

A hotel that stocks Playboy brand condoms in the vending machine.
Hotel Nightmares FA 21

4. In bed with a giant spider.

This little bugger was found lowering itself onto a horrified flight attendant’s bed in a Milwaukee hotel. Shrieks and hairspray sent it RAPIDLY back up the ceiling, at least temporarily.
Hotel Nightmares FA 3

5. Care to guess what the goo is?

“My toe just got stuck in some unidentifiable goo on the floor in my room. I refuse to get down and smell it…”
Hotel Nightmares FA 5

6. When a bathtub drain makes you feel totally unclean.

From an airport hotel in Orlando. Nice. Probably not a tub you'd want to take a bath in.
Hotel Nightmares FA 13

7. Showering with dirt.

After her shower, one flight attendant noticed that a puddle of dirt particles had accumulated on the tub’s floor. Since the dirt wasn’t there when she stepped in, she could only assume that it came out of the drain mid-shower. Ew.
Hotel Nightmares FA 7

8. A Moldy hair dryer guarded by a cockroach.

On layover in New York City, one crew captain found this disgusting hair drier alongside a giant cockroach.
Hotel Nightmares FA 8

9. A peeping Tom’s paradise.

From a flight attendant at The Focus at SFO. Checked in and found paper wadded-up, plugging the door peephole.
Hotel Nightmares FA 10 (1)

10. Closing this door won’t make you feel safe.

Someone REALLY wanted to break into this room at the Galt House in Louisville.
Hotel Nightmares FA 12

11. Shutting this kicked-in door won’t make you feel all that good, either.

If you look closely, you’ll see that this door has been kicked in, leaving it about half an inch making off its frame, and inspiring the flight attendant who checked in to sleep in a corner, can of Mace in hand.
Hotel Nightmares FA 14

12. Same goes for this battered door.

Someone REALLY wanted to get into this room.
Hotel Nightmares FA 16

13. Hairy scary shower handles.

From an attendant working on Thanksgiving: "I was not too observant before stepping into shower this time. Almost through showering when I see this."
Hotel Nightmares FA 15

14. Yet more revolting bathroom hair.

A flight attendant found this cache of hair in her hotel shower at a Courtyard by Marriott in Richmond.
Hotel Nightmares FA 24

15. The not-so-great grate.

What the Hell? At an airport hotel in Syracuse.
Hotel Nightmares FA 17

16. The least inviting chair of all time.

Submitted by a flabbergasted flight attendant in Charlotte.
Hotel Nightmares FA 18

17. Not to be outdone by the least inviting bedspread of all time.

Housekeeping took Labor Day off. Large crusty white stain at a Laguardia hotel.
Hotel Nightmares FA 28

18. You’ll feel bloody uncomfortable in this bed, too.

Blood on a bed doesn’t foster a comforting night’s sleep, that’s for sure.
Hotel Nightmares FA 20

19. Sinking into bathroom filth.

Another look at some under-the-sink grossness at a Comfort Inn in DC.
Hotel Nightmares FA 19

20. Feel like getting electrocuted?

Not a great find if you have issues with fear of fire, electrocution, or spontaneous combustion. Spotted at an airport Best Western.
Hotel Nightmares FA 22

21. Perhaps I can interest you in a pee soak?

The flight attendant who discovered this tub of uriney water was stranded in Shanghai for two days due to equipment problems. The bathwater, she said, appeared to come directly from the river 21 floors below her hotel window.
Hotel Nightmares FA 23

22. Who knew it was possible to make bacon unappetizing?

Submitted by an employee of a major airline who had this "bacon" delivered to her for breakfast.
Hotel Nightmares FA 27

23. Everyone’s bum deserves better.

From a jet-lagged airline employee staying at the Renaissance Hotel in Mumbai, India: “I don't think this toilet has been properly cleaned since the 80's. Or perhaps it has and the guest before me just drank the tap water. Either way…GROSS!”
Hotel Nightmares FA 29

24. "Good Luck Sleeping

From a charter crew on layover in Cabo: “Went looking for an outlet for my phone & found this behind the bed…two lamp power cords spliced together with electrical tape & you can see where it had sparked at one point. Makes me wonder how many other rooms have this. If I die in a fire here, I figure someone should know what may have started it.”
Hotel Nightmares FA 30
TC mark

This Is What Women Are Doing Wrong When It Comes To Online Dating (According To Men)

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / chanelpluscat
Twenty20 / chanelpluscat

I have a question for you ladies. How's online dating going? Is your inbox looking empty? Do you wonder why he stopped texting? Why he didn't want a second date? Maybe you're making some mistakes when using the internet to find a relationship. I mean, we've all probably made dating mistakes right? Profiles, first impressions, texting–it's a learning curve. Do you want to hear what guys think are the biggest online dating mistakes made by women?

I did– so I asked some guys about their online dating experiences.

Meet the Panel (names have been changed to protect the innocent. They still need to get dates, you know?)

Duke: Duke is currently single. He was with his ex for fourteen years and has an eight-year-old son. He tried online dating for about five months before he'd had enough. He likes to keep first dates simple.

Ryder: He is dad to two teenage girls and divorced for five years. Hobbies include the outdoors and sports. He has had a girlfriend for about two years who he did not meet online.

Rhett: Rhett is a professional hacker. Yes, it's a real job. He has two children, nine years apart. He met his current girlfriend on OKCupid. They've been together about a year and a half.

Pip: Recently single after ten years of marriage with a ten-year-old son. He has been dating online for about six months. He's had some good dates, but nothing has stuck.

Without further ado, here's what they told me:

Your Photos

Unsurprisingly, all of the guys we talked to want current, honest photos. And not just a headshot. Why not a headshot? I think you know why. They want to see our bodies. That doesn't mean they're superficial and only want a supermodel. Some men like that, sure, but some men just want a woman whose height and weight are proportional. Some men think big is beautiful. They just want to know what the whole package looks like before they write.

Ryder says, "Don't fill your profile with selfies." This makes you look narcissistic. Dating Coach Laurie Davis agrees. On the Match.com blog she says, "One or two won't make-or-break your first digital impression, but it's more important you show off some other angles in addition to your selfie. Guys want to see what your bod looks like, so make sure you have at least one full body photo uploaded. It's the photo we find is the most important."

Try not to take photos merely of your boobs. Or at that particular overhead angle which shows your face (and makes you look ultra skinny) and gives an ample boob view. Sure, most men like boobs, but aim to show more of your personality with your pics. Look nice, smile. Don't treat your photos like you're the sum of your bra size.

Your Profile

Talk more about who you are rather than what you want from a man. They don't want to hear what they could and should be doing for you. They want to know what your personality is like, your interests, goals, what you want out of life. You can tell them what traits you want in a man, but don't write about all the ways he can serve your needs. In fact, your profile should be 75% about you, and 25% about the type of person you're seeking.

They want you to be unique, to be yourself. Everyone is happy, likes music, movies and walks on the beach. Add details. Liking Willie Nelson is much different than 5 Finger Death Punch. What kind of movies? What are your favorites? Tell them interesting things about yourself. Do you have a cool hobby? Volunteer somewhere? What kind of activities do you enjoy that aren't a cliché? Back it up with pictures.

Avoid being overly "unique" though i.e. weird. Duke sent me a couple pictures from Tinder. In one photo a woman is brandishing her fists. Spelled out in black ink (I hope to holy hell it isn't a tattoo) across her fingers were the words "Fist Slut." I inquired as to what it meant. Duke said, "I didn't have the nerve to ask." I don't blame him.

Another image he sent me showed a woman dressed as a naughty nurse. Under her picture she wrote that she is the wife of Satan. She then went on to talk about all the people she loved in life, and that if you didn't like it you could BLEEP off and BLEEP on a BLEEP of BLEEP. Then she said, "Add me, I love and accept everyone." Um, really?

Yeah, so don't be that unique. That's scary unique.

Pip once read a profile that said, "I'm in an open relationship and practice ethical non-monogamy." Um, WTH? Is Gwyneth Paltrow dating online now? Keep it real. You don't need frilly words to say you have permission to cheat on each other.

Duke stated, "Honesty is huge!" He has come across women that lie even about small things, which is stupid, which brings me to the next point…

… the perfect profile. The one in which the woman is gorgeous, fit, wealthy, well-traveled, with the ideal personality. I would be skeptical. Very skeptical. No one is this perfect. If all of this is true, I would guess you are a heinous b*tch or completely unstable.

These men aren't alone. According to research done at the University of Iowa, daters prefer authentic rather than perfect profiles. They tend to stay away from those that appear "too good to be true," because, well, they usually are.

About Your Standards… And How You Interact With Your Dating Site Of Choice

Men think you choose poorly when it comes to dating. Rhett and Ryder both think you're too picky. Ryder said women go for the bad boys or men that sweet talk them to get their foot in the door. I for one know that this can be true. I fell for it myself.

When I date online, I have certain standards. Must have job. Must have place to live. Must have transportation. Must live in my city. Must not have kids under the age of 12. Must not have pets (though I changed that last one because I pretty much ruled out 98% of men). Well, this guy who broke pretty much all of my dating criteria, plus a bad boy, buttered me up, boosted my ego, and made empty promises. No job, young kid, cat, lived outside my geographical area…needless to say, it didn't last very long. I do miss his Harley though.

Rhett said that since women get so many more messages than men, they will first hit up those with money and/or looks instead of assessing the whole profile before selecting someone to respond to. Well, duh. Okay, that's harsh, but seriously, he has a point. There is more to a man than his gorgeous face and abs. I think we all know that.

Maybe we shouldn't be so fast to judge the book by its cover. I mean, if a guy only has photos of himself, all we know about him is visual – what he looks like. However, if he has photos of pets, vacations, activities, hobbies, we can sense a little better, who he is as a person.

So, if rock-hard-ab guy only has pictures of himself at the gym, drinking beers, or hanging out with his buddies, then he might not be all that profound or all that interested in getting serious. Might want to swipe left and move on.

Ryder also says he doesn't like it when women fill out every personality test, every compatibility questionnaire, and answer every match question. He thinks it comes off as desperate, needy and maybe just a bit deranged. I kind of like the questions on OkCupid, but to be honest, I didn't read the tests and questionnaires on the other sites. Truly, I'm not sure anyone would. We are used to instant gratification these days. Do we have the attention span to read through an entire test or questionnaire? Okay, maybe we do, but I bet a bunch of people don't so it anyway.

The Messages

There are two things you should never, ever talk about while messaging with a prospective date.

1. Exes. They don't want to hear how you were done wrong, or how he broke your heart, or what a douchebag he is. Keep your ex out of any and all discussion during, before, after or really, EVER with a potential new partner.

2. Marriage. The M word is off limits. Don't talk about wanting to get married someday, or again, or ever. Nothing scares a guy more than the talk of marriage. He'll be gone faster than you can say "I do." He might even desperately want to get married– but it has to be his idea.
Other message don'ts: Don't be too aggressive. And when I say aggressive, I mean don't offer up sex right away. This is a turn off for some guys. Bold is good. Blunt is good. Vulgar is bad. Do not ask someone to come over to your place and *cough* service you if you've never met. Yes, some men might like it, but the ones you might want to take home to Mom – they find it icky.

A bad first impression does not make for a second date.

Scheduling The Meet Up

Ladies, always keep in mind that the point of online dating is ultimately to meet people. Our panel guys all told us that when the messaging has run its course and it's time to meet, some women disappear. When that happens, it's hard to not feel like you've wasted their time. Why are you even there if you don't want to meet someone in person eventually? Get over any lingering anxiety, insecurities, and coyness and get your ass out there and meet the guys you've been talking to!

If you've spent time messaging, texting, or talking to a guy for a period of time, and you're not willing to meet whether it be because you're busy, not that into them, got serious with another guy, whatever, you should tell him and break off communication. You don't have to divulge every little bitty reason, but you should at least tell him something, even if it's "Yeah, I'm going in a different direction." Now, I'm not talking about some Joe Schmo you messaged maybe once or twice. I'm talking guys that you've had a back and forth exchange with for weeks. Don't just leave them hanging. Give them some closure.

Your First Date

If you're not feeling it for the guy, be honest, but kind. Sometimes the chemistry is just not there and there's nothing wrong with that. Never pretend like it is. You can say it on the date, or if you're uncomfortable with that, you can message him afterward and say there just wasn't a spark.

If you like the guy, stay in the middle ground. Don't cling, but don't be aloof either. Let your actions show him that you're interested. Not so much that he contemplates your potential stalker-ness, but not so inadequately that he thinks you don't like him.

If you're a woman in your forties, beware. Unfortunately, some men automatically think you're insane and flaky. I've heard this from more than one guy. I'm not sure why. It seems many men have had bad experiences with women that age. So, just some advice, if you're in your forties, you may want to be a little aloof (but still approachable) unless you want to scare your date away. It isn't your fault, it's an unfortunate PR problem for your age group, and it sucks, but less so if you're aware of it.

When you're out on a date with a guy, they do not want you to tell them that you're in an open relationship and that your boyfriend is cool with it. This is information that should be given before you both meet in person. Many men are on dating sites to find true love, not a threesome. Let him decide if whatever you're bringing along is something he wants before you both haul yourselves out in public for the face-to-face meeting. TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

17 Words We Don’t Have in English That Describe Feelings We Have Every Day

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 04:00 PM PST

via twenty20/NickBulanovv
via twenty20/NickBulanovv

If you are a lover of words, you are a "logophile." Not a very pretty word, I know. Still, it's nice to know we have a word for that. Later today, if you are in a conversation with someone and you want to tell them what the word for a lover of words is, but you can't quite remember it, there's a actually a word for that too. You've just experienced lethologica.

The English language is a beautiful concoction of grammar and vocabulary from around the world. It's frustrating, ever-evolving and magically mellifluous. But though our grab bag of a lexicon incorporates many foreign elements, there are still words perched on the outskirts of translatable. I have collected a few of my favorite exotic words to share with you below. These are words we don't have in English and yet, surprisingly, describe things we do, feel and experience every day.

1. L'appel du vide (French)

Perhaps it's some primitive holdover from our monkey ancestors. Perhaps it's your inner nihilistic looking for one last thrill. Whatever the reason, this phrase describes a feeling familiar to anyone who has climbed to the top of a mountain, looked over a bridge or stood on the edge of a balcony. It translates to "the call of the void." It is the siren song that faintly compels you to jump.

2. Backpfeifengesicht (German)

Some words in this list convey nuanced feelings. Some words describe actions or beauty we English speakers simply lack the vocabulary to do justice. "Backpfeifengesicht," however, is perfectly comprehensible (even though it does sound like someone trying to eat their own sneeze). The word translates to "a punchable face." It will inevitably come to describe your [politician/celebrity/relative] of choice.

3. Boketto (Japanese)

When I discovered the Japanese have a word for this, I felt a lot better about myself. "Boketto" is the act of staring at nothing without thinking of anything. It's not daydreaming, it's just an empty, meaningless gazing. If you work in a cubicle, you might refer to this as "Peter Gibbons Syndrome."

4. Cafuné (Brazilian Portuguese)

The first word on our list that can't be fully translated because it carries emotion behind it we don't tend to pack into English. By itself it refers to running your fingers through someone's hair. What sits behind the word is a wealth of warmth and tenderness. Ever been driving for a while and your girlfriend reaches out and gently strokes the place where your hair meets your neck––without saying anything––and it says everything? That's cafuné.

5. Culaccino (Italian)

This word refers to something very simple but I've included it because I love the way it sounds. "Culaccino" is the mark left on a table by a cold drink. (You can prevent them by using coasters, but now that you know what it's called you can conveniently forget to use one. "So sorry," you say to your host, "I've left a culaccino on your coffee table.") If my Italian's right, it may also mean "little butt," which makes this even better.

6. Dépaysement (French)

This word comes to us from the expatriate's adopted country of choice, France. It is a melancholy word that refers to the feeling of not being in your home country. If you've ever gone out of town for an extended period of time and gazed at your bag of clothes and the unfamiliar faces on the sidewalk, you know this one in your bones. Edward Snowden probably wears this word like an overcoat.

7. L'esprit de l'escalier (French)

More of a phrase than a word, but one that is sorely lacking from English. Literally translated, it means "the spirit of the staircase." Let's say you meet a beautiful, witty and loquacious stranger at a party but, for whatever reason, it's not until you're walking downstairs to get a taxi that you think of the perfect thing you could have said to win their attention. Or more commonly, your nemesis (or mother or father or brother or lover or boss or wayward ignoramus) says something utterly terrible to you––but it's not until you've left their presence that you realize the perfect retort you could have made, the ultimate comeback, a debilitating zinger that would have put them in their place. L'esprit de l'escalier refers to that witty realization long after it can do you any good.

8. Forelsket (Norwegian)

This is not love. This is not passion or lust or infatuation. This is a kind of bliss. This is a kind of effervescent joy. This is the unbearable lightness of being that accompanies falling in love.

9. Iktsuarpok (Inuit)

They say eskimos have 100 words for snow. If they're all as good as this one, that might be my next article. Have you ever been so anxious for someone to arrive at your house that you keep checking the windows, going outside, looking to see if they're there? In today's world I think "iktsuarpok" refers more aptly to obsessively checking one's phone to see if you've received a text from that certain someone.

10. Inshallah (Arabic)

This is a beautiful word from a language not widely recognized for its melodiousness. Literally it means "if God wills," though its real meaning varies depending on the speaker's tone and the situation. You can picture a farmer looking out over a drought-stricken farm and saying, "It will rain tonight, Inshallah." But it also has a more casual meaning, such as when your friends invite you to the arcade but you might have a paper to write that night. You say, "I'll see you tonight, inshallah." If you've ever made plans with someone from Southern California, you can amend "inshallah" to the end of any schedule.

11. Jayus (Indonesian)

Do you have a friend or spouse who just can't tell a joke to save their life? But they try? They struggle valiantly, wending their way through the joke like Jack Nicholson in a frozen maze, starting over, forgetting the names of the characters or how many ducks were involved, only to come to the punchline and botch that, too. But then something happens. You laugh. It's not a courtesy laugh, you're not doing it to make them feel better, it's just that the telling itself is so ridiculous, the joke so atrocious, that the entire ordeal is hilarious. A "jayus" is that joke.

12. Katzenjammer (German)

By far my favorite word for a hangover. I debated throwing this one in the list just because English has an equivalent, more or less, but I give it a pass because it's only colloquially defined as a hangover. The word literally means "cat's wail" and it can mean any sort of painful confusion or depression.

13. Komorebi (Japanese)

If you've ever had the pleasure of walking through a thick forest on a sunny day, you've seen komorebi. When the sunlight filters down through the canopy as beams of light, it makes the shadows of the leaves dance on the ground. "Komorebi" refers to the curtains of light and the train of their shadows (but not to the light that shimmers in the treetops above).

14. Kummerspeck (German)

Some people eat their feelings. You get hurt? You eat. You break your heart? You eat. You're a Millennial with a B.A. and you can't even get a job at Burger King? You eat. Eventually all of that grief stretches your waistline. "Kummerspeck" refers to the weight gained from this overeating. It literally means "grief bacon."

15. Madrugada (Spanish)

One of the most sensible words on this list, just because it describes a time period that really begs better description. This is that odd twilight time after midnight but before the traditional morning, the hazy space between 1 AM and 4 AM.

16. Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego)

One of the many words on this list I'd like to find a proper pronunciation for. It describes the significant look that's shared by two people when they are attracted to each other and want the other to make the first move. This word may or may not sum up your entire middle school dating experience.

17. Mångata (Swedish)

If you're near the water late at night, you will see a mångata when the sky is clear. This is the path of light that leads up to and is reflected by the moon.

This article originally appeared on Post Script Productions. TC mark

Everything You Need To Know To Survive Your Long Distance Relationship

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 03:00 PM PST

Twenty20, samueloskar
Twenty20, samueloskar

1. Snapchat, when used consistently, is actually effective.

There's something to be said about seeing your significant other's face at all hours of the day. Bae shoving a sandwich in his/her mouth. Bae walking the dog. Bae cuddled in pillows.

Snapchats can be strangely intimate (and no, I'm not just talking about nudies here). I'm talking the intimate moments your human misses out on, but can still be a part of via the self-disclosing, selfie-positive app. From a goofy pic of you brushing your teeth to a kiss video sent on the subway ride home, Snapchat can actually bring you closer than you think.

2. When bae rings in on Facetime or Skype DON’T IGNORE THE CALL.

Unless you’re in church or talking to your dying grandma.

3. Never, under any circumstances, lie about where you are or who you're with.

Even if it's harmless and even if it requires more explaining than you want give at that moment, you tell the truth. Why? Because lies are what cause distrust. Distrust causes fights. Fights cause breakups. And that's just tragic.

Be honest or break up. It's really that simple.

4. There are good guy friends/girlfriends…and there are bad guy friends/girlfriends.

There’s the kind you hang out with when you’re single and ‘ready to mingle’…and the kind you hangout with when you're in a relationship.

You should probably pick the friends that support the fact that you're dating someone and don't make you wingman. Or go to the strip club. Or take back to back tequila shots.

5. If you fight, don't fight over text.

First of all, that's petty. Second of all, grow up and use your cell to make an actual call. Unfortunately, that's as good as it's going to get for now, but hearing someone's voice is much better than hiding behind a keyboard. You hear the emotion, things don't get misinterpreted, and sometimes listening to the person you miss so much makes you forget what you were mad about in the first place.

6. Establish texting rules.

There's nothing wrong with sending the 'good morning' and 'goodnight' texts. There's nothing wrong with sporadic, when-we're-not-busy texting. And there's nothing wrong with blowing up each other's phones all day long. It's all up to what type of person you are, and what type of person bae is.

Have the conversation about how often and how much you want to text each other. Then no one's feeling neglected or suffocated.

7. Set times to talk to each other and do your best to keep them.

This doesn't have to be a 5pm every single night kind of thing, but you do have to make an effort to set a time so that there's nothing in the way and both parties feel like a priority.

Keeping these commitments shows dedication, which is essential in an LDR. But life gets in the way too, so…

8. Be flexible and forgiving (to an extent).

Don't be the girlfriend/boyfriend who's demanding to know why he/she didn't call right at 7 ET on the dot. Understand that people have commitments and try not to be crazy…until you hear their excuse. (But if it's a pathetic one, then get out while you can!)

9. When you run out of things to talk about, share the random and boring sh*t.

It might sound stupid, but hearing things like 'I made this amazing pesto ravioli for dinner tonight!' will make your significant other feel like he/she's there with you. Even if he can't taste the mouth-watering creation, he gets to be a part of it and know the little details of your life.

10. Surprises are good.

Take some effort every so often to surprise your boo. Whether that's buying a cross-country flight to see him (check with the roomies first!) or as simple as a love letter in the mail on a random day, those things really do make a hell of a difference.

It's the fact that you thought it through, planned it out, and actually did it (without prompting!) that makes your significant other feel important. Which is the goal.

11. Cut it with the social media relationship hyping.

Sadly, no one cares about your relationship except you two and a handful of family and friends. And the people you're closest to aren't looking at social media to inform them about your life. They'll probably call or ask you themselves.

So quit putting your relationship all over internet every day. We all know you're overcompensating. And you really don't need to prove your happiness to anyone but yourself.

Shut the computer screen. Delete the '45 More Days!' Facebook countdown and photo collage of your last thirty pictures together. And quit feeling like you have to tell the world how great your LDR is. We all know LDRs suck, but we still commend you for being in one. Especially if you don't inundate our News Feeds with every selfie you've ever taken together. TC mark

Why Making A New Year’s Resolution Can Actually Destroy You

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 02:00 PM PST

Nana b Agyel
Nana b Agyel

Gym memberships, according to an acquaintance of mine who once worked at a Planet Fitness in Manhattan, spike considerably with the advent of a New Year. These same memberships are collecting dust by the first of February, however. I envisioned myself walking into a location, people lined up behind me in droves, enticed by the prospect of putting an end to my tenure as a potato with hair.

The thought itself was harsh, divisive. But it served as a stark reminder of how deeply we are conditioned to pick ourselves over with fine toothed combs, hunting for inadequacies, traits to fix. These feelings are not exclusive to the New Year, but they are exacerbated the more tangible the end of December and the loss of a further 365 days becomes. We feel the pressure mounting with every TV commercial, every sale, and even with every party invitation boasting of the opportunity you've been given to showcase the brand new you.

The quintessentially American adherence to pressure, of less and less body fat, of longer and longer work hours, of #TeamNoSleep, sneaks up on you. The ease with which we lose track of time becomes ever more discernible. Whatever we did (or didn't do), whatever we wanted (that we didn't get), whatever we expected (that we didn't live up to), whatever we got (that we eschewed), comes together, a chemical reaction of self-recrimination hitting critical mass.

At such a point, pressure ceases to be a principle or even a catalyst through which we can filter desired results, and more a thoroughfare to policies we increment.

At such a point, we disregard what is truly at center stage of this menagerie of self doubt: a human being with valid worries, fears and time constraints which can leave them feeling directionless.

***

When did I realize that such lofty and unrealistic expectations of myself could destroy me before even mustering up the courage to get out of bed?

I suppose you could say it was when I resigned myself to not pumping out a literary masterpiece by the age of twenty-five, that I was pushing myself to limits which severely hindered my output and disrespected the necessary cycle of writing, revision, then revision after revision after revision which would signal and cultivate my artistic growth.

I suppose you could say it was when waking up at God-fearing hours to get things done (but not actually getting anything done at all) threatened to mire the moments where I was actually productive.

And I suppose you could say (though there are many other examples I could add to this conversation) it was when I acknowledged that I could not ignore the way Taco Bell made me feel while stoned (and that to ignore the occasional craving—when I had already been raised with respectable eating habits—would not negate the fact that chewing on kale while high as a kite would feel false, as if I'd assumed the form of a brontosaur overnight).

No true resolution bursts into bloom, into the product formerly only envisioned, over the beginnings of the hangover you'll nurse in the morning. The seed might be planted, yes. But how can you make a choice to spring into action while under the influence? How can you make an informed choice if you're not mentally present to weigh the trade-offs of said choice?

How can you make a choice without actual introspection? How can you make a choice while under the pressure to decide? But, you might be saying to yourself, it's just a New Year's resolution. Maybe. But no resolution of any kind comes out of your head without addressing a very specific need: In this case, time.

Is it the need for time which relegates us to making rash decisions?

Is it not because of time, for all its ebb and flow, that we find ourselves at an impasse, crushed, once again, under yet another year of pressing obligation?

Is it not because of time that we remember or become aware of what we need?

Is it not because of time that we forget to nurse those needs outright?

But pressure does not—and will not—follow the laws of common sense, let alone address your merits or capabilities within a singular moment in time. In only a moment, we can lose our way.

***

Here we are: Less than two weeks away from 2016 and I still wonder who I am and what I'm capable of. But I've stopped wondering for the day.

There's that young boy within who played with his brother in the front yard, running around in gloriously aimless stretches of tag and hide-and-seek.

There's that teen who smoked cigarettes and drank like a fish but still went to his mother's home at night and who, come morning, would be sprawled on the living floor reading the newspaper and having a gander at the week's grocery coupons.

There's that young man who, on his first day of college, stood in the atrium of the main building on campus to gaze upon a riverside which looked so close from that plate glass window that he felt he could take a cool drink in the moment it'd take to sprint down there while the wind whipped the leaves of the trees dotting the bank which were obscured beneath the shadow of skyscrapers.

There's that young man who, while homeless on the streets of New York, found himself appreciating the beauty of Central Park for what seemed the first time, climbing atop a boulder, gazing at the children running about while their parents attempted to shed themselves of the summer heat which they'd wear like a second layer of skin and then lose himself in the sound of taxicabs, the call of street vendors, peddlers, the slurring swirl of midday traffic.

There's that young man sitting down on his sofa with his laptop on a Sunday evening getting ready to wrap up this article.

He has made many promises to himself in the past, some of which he meant to keep and some of which he didn't, because he couldn't. He doesn't know what he's going to tell himself this year when 11:59 on the 31st disappears. Because accepting his limitations and working within them to eventually free himself from them is one of the hardest things he's ever done. He feels this now, at 24. He will feel this a few months from now, when he rings in 25. He will feel this at 40 and feel this at 60 and maybe at 80 and you will do this at those ages, not to mention all the years in between.

And we might even look at each other and ask ourselves: What took us so long?

But it's okay. More than anything: it's okay. TC mark

The Word ‘Maybe’ Can Make Your Life Easier

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 01:00 PM PST

Commitment. Oh Commitment, sometimes you're a smidgen scary. Whenever you're invited to do something, Commitment is lurking, hoping to get its tentacles wrapped tightly around you, suffocating you as you can barely part your lips to release a single, final syllable that ensures your defeat and engulfs you inside of Commitment: "YES."

There are other options, though, and if you don't panic or succumb to peer pressure, you can summon your savior.

By speaking this term, your nemesis must go to battle with an incredible hero, known as The Word "Maybe."

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People

Maybe swoops in and punches Commitment right in the schnoz, causing it to release you from its grasps.

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People

Now, if you're dealing with a pushy, persistent friend, Commitment won't give up at this point. It might try to attack immediately, forcing Maybe to continue to defend until it backs off. Or, Commitment might leave, but return later via a "Are you gonna go?" follow-up text, or phone call. You've got to be prepared to use Maybe repeatedly, under any circumstances — and don't be bashful.

Think of Maybe as your trusty, reliable, go-to Pokémon, the way Pikachu was to Ash.

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People

Commitment won't like Maybe at all. Have you ever seen an insect when it's drenched by bug spray? It twitches, it spasms, it flips, rolls and tries to get away from something designed specifically to eliminate it.

Well, Maybe is to Commitment as Raid is to roaches.

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People

Look, the point here is that Maybe is the ultimate noncommittal term, and makes a perfect response when you don't want to make promises, but also don't want to decline. Like, why should we have to solidify plans when we don't know what kinda mood we'll be in, or if something more important will come up, or what's going to be airing on TBS the day these plans arrives?

I mean, imagine saying "yes" to attending a birthday dinner a couple weeks in advance, but then the day of the dinner comes around, and an hour before it you see that Bad Boys II just began on TBS. Now you've got to walk away from one of those things, and it's not gonna be the one that involves Will Smith being awesome.

Weddings? Baby showers? Social gatherings where there's going to be food? Ok, I get it, you need a headcount so you know how many hotdog buns to buy. That's all fine and dandy, but when it's like, "Person-You've-Only-Met-Once-And-Didn't-Care-For is having a little kickback thingy at his/her place Friday night, want to go?" you don't need to make a pledge to be there immediately.

While Maybe works wonders, keep in mind that every hero has their Kryptonite, and Maybe's weakness is on the spot, impromptu, RIGHT NOW invitations.

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People

The problem with "Want to grab lunch right now?" or "A bunch of us are gonna go to happy hour right now, you down?" is that you have no time. Right Now demands a definitive "yes" or "no," and renders Maybe's powers useless. At this point, with old trusty Maybe in a broken, useless state, you've got to make a desperate attempt, or you'll be in Commitments clutches within a matter of moments. You've got to improvise. Remember, good can always overcome evil, and the wicked Commitment is a beast that can always be slayed. You just have to assess the situation, and call upon a different hero to save you from those dreaded obligations… Even if it sounds like/is an excuse. TC mark

Pajamas Over People
Pajamas Over People
This post originally appeared at Pajamas Over People.

8 Reasons Why Being An Idealist Is A Strength, Not A Weakness

Posted: 28 Dec 2015 12:00 PM PST

tiffanythere
tiffanythere

1. They seek the best in others. Because they immediately see the humanity in everyone, they are able to love others unconditionally. They are more forgiving, accepting and open-minded.

2. They are constantly working on themselves. They see themselves as the people they hope to become, and everything else is simply a product of the work-in-progress.

3. Their perpetual disappointment with less-than-perfect outcomes leads them to find a sense of inner control. The downside of being an idealist is feeling as though dreams are often dashed – yet this usually leads to discerning what is and isn't within your control.

4. They're the most effective problem solvers.
They are able to imagine an outcome that is better than anything otherwise conceived of. That doesn't mean it's always practical, but the ability to even fathom it is the first step to making it possible.

5. They are the most romantic people alive. Romance is all about seeing an imperfect person perfectly, so to say, and idealists who channel that perspective often have happier relationships.

6. They see the world as it is and still hope for the best, which is nothing short of a gift. They don't become jaded by all of the horror that exists, they see it mostly as a pathway to deeper compassion and understanding. They recognize that to see how far we are from an ideal is to also know there is an ideal to aspire to.

7. They are the only people who actually have a chance of living out their dreams. Anybody can work hard. Not everybody has the ability to imagine what they want to work toward, or to believe in it enough that they won't give up.

8. They don't lose hope. It doesn't mean life doesn't try to knock it out of them now and again, it just means they persevere regardless. Their baseline is hopefulness, and it's that attitude that gets them through the worst, and moves them forward to the best. TC mark