Thought Catalog


We Were All Meant To Be Sluts

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 08:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / monicalion
Twenty20 / monicalion

Slut is an extremely powerful word, isn't it? In four letters we have managed to encapsulate all of the shaming we, as humans, connect with female sexuality.

Of course the shaming of sexuality and sexual freedom is not reserved for just women. Society and culture have tried to control and dictate how we wish to love and our ability as men and women to choose what sort of sex we want.

Think of one of the main questions that guides our selection of partner and is a source of much conflict and insecurity. It has ended, and will continue to end relationships before they have even begun:

"How many people have you been with?"

As men and women, we can both feel the cringe if we've had a few "too many" sexual partners when this question pops up. It usually comes out of nowhere over a casual drink or during the post-coital cuddle… right when we thought everything was going soooooo great. Boom.

And we freeze. Why? Because this number carries a lot of weight and judgment.

The answer to this question is enough to say "No" to a wonderful and viable partner. A system taught someone – and those people taught us – that sexuality and our sexual freedom are reflective of our value systems and strength of character.

Amidst all this drama, do we ever really take the time to appreciate that falling for a beautiful heart is rare?!? And that no matter how that heart got in front of us, we should be appreciative?!? If there were a couple of questionable bangs on the way, is that enough to put the brakes on? We should acknowledge that just ONE tiny shift in their history and that person would not be sharing our gaze.

Wow. Deep. Shit.

"Oh wait, you've slept with more than seven people?! OMG. You're basically a parking lot. I can't date you. I can't love you."

If sexuality and sexual freedom brings our character into question, then what do we think about the many wise and amazing human beings who found themselves and learned their lessons through sexual exploration and being open-minded about making mistakes? Do these folks lack character? Does experience really make us wiser? Or is wisdom only reserved for wholesome choices that are approved by religion and the culture police?

This fear of sexuality has very much framed how we look at relationships and the stories we've been told about what is "right" and "wrong".

The very nature of everything, I, and everyone else on this planet, are taught about relationships and love is a stretched and manipulated version of truths.

A little white lie won't hurt anyone… right?! How about a lot of white lies?

Let me give you some examples:

  • Monogamy is the only way
  • You need to be married by 30
  • You must have kids by 35 (women especially)
  • Female sexual freedom is a HUGE NO-NO
  • Gay marriage is bad
  • Polyamory is shameful
  • Every relationship needs to last forever, if they don't, we are failures
  • Divorce is bad
  • Being in a relationship is more important than being happy and single
  • Sexuality is bad. Discovering your sexuality is worse. And sharing your body with more than one person is immoral. Especially if you're a woman.

And fear of sexual freedom underpins each and every one of these beliefs. From the moment of conception, these beliefs are indoctrinated into us through media, religion and culture – all the source of much guilt and shame.

Isn't it crazy that sex, the very thing that brought us into this world, is the thing we deny most?

And on top of that, we are so afraid of female sexual freedom that we have built systems around controlling it.

But what is the fear of embracing sex? 

What is the fear of gay people falling in love and entering the union of marriage? Is marriage really that sacred? The divine heterosexuals who rule the institution of marriage are divorcing at a rate of 50% and even those who remain married are often addicted to pornography and are busy perusing the profiles of other married people on Ashley Maddison.

Now don't get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing. There are plenty of people who are happily married, build amazing families, and have wonderful lives. Their lives and way of living are not the issue. I think a conscious partnership is amazing and I can't wait to build a family with someone special.

The real problem stems from the Ivory Tower of the heterosexual marriage union that seems to be threatened by sexual freedom. There's a fear that families, religion, and society, will all come crumbling down around us should we embrace the sexuality born unto us as an innate human right.

It's inevitable that systems will come crashing down which are built on the foundation of false truths.

The craziest part of the obsession to preserve this pretend world is that we have all been cheating the system and going behind its back anyways. But it's ok to cheat the system, isn't it?! As long as no one is found out, right? We're told to hide our unmarried pregnant daughters from our so called "friends" and co-religionists because it will bring shame to the family.

We can't tell our parents or family about the woman or man we've fallen in love with because she/he's from a different culture or religion.

We reject our children because of their sexual orientation and we scoff at interracial marriage.

We would rather see two people who do not love each other get married to satisfy a system that does not allow them to love on their own terms.

We mutilate female genitalia and shame the feminine desire to explore THEIR bodies. THEIR BODIES! How ridiculous is that?!

All because of what?! To preserve a way of living that does not even embrace the very innate desire for sexual freedom and exploration? One that is not even built on love, kindness and acceptance.

This system seems doomed to fail, does it not?

Our innate sexual desire is evident in our engagement of movies and media. The fanfare of "Fifty Shades of Grey" is not because we just like horrible writing and bad acting. It is because it represents our very deepest truth: EACH and EVERY ONE of us has a freak flag. And almost none of us let it fly. So we become addicted to the porn movies where the (bad) actors are doing everything we wish we were doing. Is there not a potential danger to ignoring our needs and hiding from our desires?

Absolutely. And the proof is all around us.

What do we think sexual repression manifests as? I don't need to be a scientist to come to the conclusion that rape, aggression, molestation of children, and fetishes that are hidden in the corridors of Craigslist, are in some way related to the inability for us to just be ourselves.

We are all so afraid to just be who we are. We have bought into a system that is held together by the threat of shame.

Imagine if we all lived by the ACTUAL truth:

There is no one way to do anything. And anyone who claims to have it all figured out is the very person to run from.

Imagine if it was ok for everyone to not know and to search for knowledge through experience. Imagine if we just did the best we could, each and every day.

Imagine if we were told to just play, see, and feel.

To find out what works for US.

Imagine if our mistakes were embraced, and better yet, encouraged!

Imagine if we were taught that by finding out what we do not want it will just further reinforce what we DO want.

Imagine a world where we got to choose and that our choices did not have to be the same as everyone else's.

That all of our decisions just need to be guided by our human capacity and desire to be kind. If every decision we made were based on the answer to the question:

"What would love do?"

I don't know everything but I do know this:

You are the expert of you. You know you better than anyone. You know how you love. You know what feels good, and you know what your heart beats for.

You know what you want to try and what you are curious about.

You know what you seek. And the most beautiful thing of all, is that you are not committed to a life sentence because you made a decision when you did not know what you know today.

There is no "right way". There is only your way. And no one knows your life better than you.

Live YOUR truth. TC mark

What Men Really Think About Showering With Their Partners

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / myspyphone
Twenty20 / myspyphone

Showering together can seem like a steamy proposition what with the steam and all, but is it all it’s cracked up to be? Maybe you’re looking for a little wet and wild fun, or maybe you just want to spend a little time together while you get ready for work.

Either way, here’s what men really think about jumping into the shower with you.

1. It can become a hairy situation.

“First question: Why is there so much hair and why is it everywhere? If you looked at the shower drain afterwards, you’d think, "Oh, whoever’s hair this is … they’re bald now." Yet somehow, she still has a full head of hair when I look at her.

Second question: Is it OK to admit I secretly use her products when we shower separately? They just make my hair so soft, but I could never buy them myself with a straight face.”

2. Being cold and wet isn’t exactly sexy.

“Dude, showering together sucks. Let me ask you this: What’s the worst part about showering? The cold part when you turn off the water. Now you have to deal with that 50 percent of the time you’re in the shower, too. No thanks. We can see each other naked in a million other ways that are way more comfortable.”

3. It takes WAY too long with her.

“My girlfriend probably does more things in the shower than I do at work all day. When I get in there, I just want to be in and out and on with life. Showering together means standing around to get all pruney while she shaves her legs or uses 14 conditioners. Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

4. It seems fun in theory, but is actually a nightmare.

“It sounds pretty cool. You get to be naked together plus get sh*t done at the same time. But at the end of the day, it’s not really conducive to either of those things. Sex in the shower is a logistical nightmare, and you spend more time waiting for your turn for the water than anything else.”

5. It makes things hot … and sweet.

“Shower sex isn’t really my thing, but it’s fun just to hang out naked with each other and be goofy. If you like hanging out together, you’ll probably like hanging out in the shower, too. It’s just one more thing couples do with each other and no one else.”

6. Overall, it’s kind of a turn off.

“On the plus side, boobies. Otherwise, it’s just like any other activity together, really. Showering together isn’t really a turn on where things start happening, but it’s not like I hate being with my girlfriend. It’s like doing a chore together or something. She adds to the experience, but it’s not like the movies.” TC mark

YOURTANGO

15 Women Reveal The One Secret To Amazing Sex That They Wish All Men Knew

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 06:00 PM PST

Shutterstock, Jose AS Reyes
Shutterstock, Jose AS Reyes

Originally found on R/AskReddit

1. Don’t stop means don’t stop

When I say “don’t stop” that means you should continue exactly what you are doing. Don’t take that as a sign to speed up, slow down, or make any adjustments to the angle. It means what you are currently doing is awesome and DON’T STOP DOING THAT.

2. Give boobs the attention they deserve

Breasts: they’re not just there to look at, guys. Touch them. Play with them. Kiss/lick them. Breasts are a serious erogenous zone for some women.

3. Get me off with words

Dirty talk. To be uninhibited and say the nastiest shit is awesome.

4. Oral is key

Oral is incredible if you do it right. There’s a reason they say “flick the bean” flicking motions can feel amazing. They are a great way to get going.

Also, if a girl is tight and dry, you’re doing it wrong. Warm her up and things go much better and feel better for both parties.

5. Listen here!

  • The clit is not an elevator button
  • I’m not as breakable as I look
  • Guys should be making noise too

6. You are not a jackhammer!

STOP fucking like a rabbit.

JUST SLOW DOWN FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND.

7. Some more important stuff

  • Sex is like a different state of consciousness. For everyone.
  • We feel the same hormones you do, so don’t hold back.
  • Rhythm is everything
  • Don’t say the same dirty phrases over and over, it loses its affect and becomes counterintuitive in the stimulation process

9. Be clean and communicate

If you’re “flicking the bean be mindful of the sensitivity of the area, meaning having enough sense to use common hygiene. Wash your hands, clean underneath your finger nails, maybe even clip them? There are a lot of nerves down there and everyone is different so not everyone feels things the same way. So I think a question such as: ‘like this?’ could potentially be appreciated.

10. Do you need a map?

All of the guys I’ve been with have made the same mistake, they finger my thigh crease. Just learn what the vagina feels like, and if I move your hand away from my thigh crease and to the right place, don’t move your hand back to the damn thigh crease.

11. Not everything has to be rough

Sometimes being soft, sensitive and teasing can be the biggest way to turn someone on! Don’t just vigorously rub down there unless they ask you to be harder or faster. Ouch! Sometimes jumping right in realllllly ruins the moment.

12. Don’t just shove your junk in there

If she’s “so tight it barely fits” then you’re not warming her up enough or at all, and she’ll probably get a nice infection from you tearing her skin like that, thanks. And for god’s sake DON’T spit on her pussy, that’s fucking weird. Get some lube, it’s not just for old people, it actually makes sex a lot more pleasurable. And you better be doing something with her clit during, or at least finishing her off, because 3/4 of us don’t come from only penetration!

13. “I have a lot of experience with disappointing sex, SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO.”

I could write a book on this… at least for myself.

1.) Boobs, they are an important erogenous area. All sorts of teasing is encouraged. Bite, flick, suck, lick…etc. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!! Please, and I cannot stress this enough, respect them. Do NOT treat them like stress balls. Nor water balloons… the point I am trying to stress is, they are not your toys. Over stimulation of the breasts can result in loss of sensation. Guys, your girl will despise you if you take that away from her. It takes a long time for that to come back.

2.) Do not be so predictable. LTR’s are WONDERFUL. But you lose the excitement after a certain time. Don’t get insulted if your partner encourages you to spicing things up. Even if it’s something you’re not in to (within reason…example: threesome) humor her. You might be surprised at how much you like it. Of course, she should be willing to do the same for you…. I digress.

3.) This is more of an extension to #2. Don’t be lazy. A couple minutes of kissing and breast squeezing is not foreplay. Especially if your lying down to go to bed. And, in most cases, it’s not enough to warm a girl up for oral. If she isn’t wet…. she isn’t ready.

4.) Passion. You don’t have to be outspoken or really vocal… just show some enthusiasm in what your doing. It’s wonderful when your partner takes joy in pleasuring you. And it’s a huge turn on seeing how much you please you partner. Win Win. If you go above and beyond in bed, she will return the favor in more ways than one.

Just saying guys…. please your lady and she will be eager to do the same in return. She loves getting off as much as you do.

14. We don’t need an orgasm to have fun

It’s OK if I don’t orgasm. You haven’t failed me. I probably enjoyed it just as much as you. I do have one 25% of the time, but I usually just fake it just so I don’t hurt your ego.

Also, 25% is a high number, some of your girlfriends are faking.

15. And, finally:

Learning together is part of the process, and communication is key. No matter how many tips you have, it’ll be a learning experience for both. I had all the tips in the world and it was still weird and awkward at first, until we developed our own rhythm. TC mark

5 Reasons You And Your Significant Other Should Definitely Make A (Private) Sex Tape

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 05:00 PM PST

parukovsasha
parukovsasha

1. It spices shit up.

No matter how sexually stimulating your relationship is, when you're with one person for a while, you'll have a moment or two when you feel like you've sort of…done it all. Making a sex tape together (for your four eyes only) will give your sex life the extra adrenaline rush it craves.

2. It's the best porn you've ever watched.

A sex tape with someone you love is undoubtedly the best porn there is. Going on a business trip and can't see your boo for a week? I guarantee you that the sight of you fucking each other's brains out will *inspire* you on even the loneliest of nights.

3. It's fucking intimate.

Pro tip: Watch the video immediately after recording. The raunchy, wild, dirty bits together with the slower, super lovely stuff will have you reeling and eager for round two (and three) in little to no time.

4. It means you trust each other.

Chances are, you're not thrilled by the idea of your sibling coming across your naked ass on PornHub one day. Or your boss. Or your old middle school teacher. Or your grandma. Recording you and your significant other having sex, then, requires a shitload of mutual trust. Realizing you love and trust that person enough to suspend all doubts will leave you more confident in your relationship than you were before.

5. You feel incredibly sexy.

There are at least a handful of good reasons why you and your significant other might not want to make a sex tape. Putting aside the obvious for a moment, one of those reasons might be that you're terrified to watch your naked body in action from every angle you've never seen it. If you can manage to shed your inhibitions, though, you'll feel hot as hell the moment the camera starts rolling (or your money back). Better yet, your ego will soar when you realize how fucking fine (and acrobatic!) you look on tape.

Bonus: You learn about a new app!

Before you run home and take my advice, be sure to install Vault on your iPhone/Android, and have your significant other do the same. The app keeps everything you don't want anybody to see under any circumstances—photos, videos, texts messages, contacts—on LOCK. TC mark

11 Things Highly Creative People Sacrifice For Their Art

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 04:00 PM PST

iStock_000057958826_XXXLarge
Milos Stankovic

To be a creative can often feel like a choice that is both insane and thrilling in equal measure. There are thousands of jobs that are far more certain and stable than an artist's work, yet true creatives know that there really is not a choice to be made. The artist must art. Therefore, the artist must find a way to live in the uncertain, wild space between what success looks like to others and what success feels like to themselves. Choosing a creative career is not something for the weak-willed, the comfort-chasers, the ones who need to know how their life will splay out ahead of them for years and years to come. Those are noble endeavors — to value comfort and security — but a creative sacrifices almost all convention in the name of art.

I doubt any of us regret it. We know that life is impermanent and we never know when our last day will be. We'd rather create the work that inspires us most and let it kill us.


1. Highly creative people sacrifice a comfortable life for a big, messy, weird, interesting life

Most creatives learn quickly that comfort and inspiration do not live harmoniously. You can have one, but not the other. Inspiration comes from action, from experimentation, from the chaos, the fire, the big wins and the big fails. In order to art and art well, you must live and live well. And, to live well is to constantly be pushing yourself out of what's comfortable and into what's unknown. This is the source of inspiration: whatever lay on the outer edges of comfort.

2. They sacrifice certainty for a big question mark about the future

Creatives have mastered the art of the unknown. Most of them wear this as a badge of honor, because they have learned the hard way that the best laid plans are the easiest sources of disappointment. Nothing about a creative life exists on a straight line. It's like a squiggly line that often goes backward and then propels forward then stays in one place for an unnervingly long amount of time. There is no plan. The future is a shrug of the shoulders. The words "I don't know" are the artist's anthem. To not know is to be open to knowing, to be led, and the creative thrives there.

3. They sacrifice a stable life for the freedom to say yes at any moment

While creatives might have a yearning to build a life and put down roots, they know that there's always a chance that their lives could be uprooted at any moment. Because an artist does not follow a set path, they have to be consistently open to saying YES quickly and without reservation. They have to be willing to uproot their lives in order to follow the inspiration or the opportunity whenever it comes up. Freedom is the artist's currency.

4. They sacrifice approval from others for approval of themselves

Most art is created alone in a dark room. It's thankless work. It's like doing spec work constantly with the hope that, one day, it will pay off. If creatives needed approval from others to begin, they would never start (and some brilliant creatives never do start, sadly). Instead, artists know that it's a necessity to approve of themselves, to believe in their work and, as equally important, to believe in the process. Creatives know that chasing approval will always prolong the work from ever leaving their minds, so they simply learn to give themselves the permission they may desire from others.

5. They sacrifice being accepted and understood by the world for being a visionary who may or may not be ever understood

Creatives know that any visionary work will not always be immediately understood or accepted. They accept that they may not ever be accepted or understood — yet make their art any way. They don't look outside of themselves for the answers, for permission. They simply create whether anyone appreciates it or not.

6. They sacrifice all the "shoulds" for what their heart leads them to create

Creatives know that they can easily "should" their way into a miserable, uninspired life. They know that the world is built on "shoulds" — what this person should or shouldn't do, how others should or shouldn't live. Artists know that conventions and traditions hardly inspire creative work, that the only way to listen to what their heart yearns to make is to shut out the "shoulds" of the world and find their own way. This is an arduous process, to empty out themselves from all the beliefs of who they should be and, instead, to allow themselves to simply be who they are now and create what they need to create now.

7. They sacrifice constant happiness for the emotional spectrum of self-growth

Artists know that pursuing self-growth means letting go of the desire to be in a constant state of happiness. To grow is to shed old versions of self, which is to also say to grow is to be able to create new versions of art. The only way the art grows and evolves is when the artist grows and evolves. Every creative soon realizes that self-growth is a state of being and that means to be in almost constant flux. The process of evolvement has no room for holding tight to only one emotion — say, happiness — and needs to endure the entire spectrum of emotions to truly evolve. To face who they are as angry, sad, grief-stricken, resentful, bored is to allow themselves to evolve.

8. They sacrifice superficial relationships and work for vulnerable relationships and work

While creating uninspired art is something all creatives have likely had to do in their past — bills are hard — highly creative people feel even more strongly about making art from a vulnerable, real place. They know that at the heart of artistic genius is vulnerability, a brave person who is willing to be rejected, who is willing to share their soul with a world who may not be very kind to it. While creatives know that superficial work and relationships are oftentimes easier to maintain — and success is often easier to come by for the superficial — they know that art is a choice and a privilege and they always want to create from the deepest parts of themselves.

9. They sacrifice their pride for empathy and compassion

The best kind of art comes from a place of empathy and compassion, from an inherent curiosity around the human experience. Highly creative people understand that their curiosity around humanity is what brings them to the page, the instrument, the canvas, the laptop, the camera, the drawing board. Empathy does not exist with pride. It takes a certain degree of humility to have an empathic view of the world and artists understand that at the core of their work is a desire to move people with their art. This means they have a high level of respect for whoever will come into contact with their work. Creatives know that their tender heart, their empathy, their compassion is at the heart of their brilliance and they will eschew pride and arrogance in order to step deeper into that brilliance.

10. They sacrifice the perception of success for their own definition of success

From the outside, a creative's life may not look very successful if success is defined by cultural expectations. An artist learns quickly that they must define success for themselves otherwise they will drown underneath other people's expectations. In their conviction of self, they are free to create and build their life however they desire. Not having to "measure up" or prove anything to others is one of the most important things a creative must learn for themselves — because they could spend their entire artistic life trying to prove themselves and always come up short.

11. They sacrifice the life people told them they should have for a life they love, a life that is inspiring and fucking thrilling

Because that's the whole point. To create is a privilege, one that artists know not to take for granted. To deny a conventional life is a risk, but not as great a risk as to deny their heart. TC mark

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Why It’s So Difficult To Get Your Shit Together

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 03:00 PM PST

I'm not positive when the last time I had all of my shit together was – and truly I'm not quite sure that it's ever been fully intact. I mean, I got my first job as a dishwasher and I can recall a point at 15-years-old in which I had $500 in my checking account, a first-generation iPod and a six-pack, so I think that was the last time I felt even remotely confident in the state of my shit's togetherness.

Then, over the years, that entity known as Adulthood stormed into my life, kicking and flinging my shit everywhere, like a bully destroying some feeble child's sandcastle at the beach.

Adulthood vs. My Shit Castle

I get super motivated to get my shit together at least once a month. Sometimes that motivation lasts for a few days, other times it's a couple of weeks, but I've yet to get over the hump and turn it into a full-blown, permanent lifestyle change. It's like I'm stuck in some sort of irresponsible grown-up Hotel California, or what I like to call, The 'Can't Get My Shit Together' Cycle, which goes a little something like this:

The 'Can't Get My Shit Together' Cycle
Most of us have been stuck in some variation of this sequence at one point or another.

Usually I know good and well when I'm stuck in this 'Can't Get My Shit Together' Cycle, which is actually bad thing. It's like I grasp that my life is in shambles, but because I'm self-aware enough to know that a disaster is coming, it's fine. Should I use this time to try to prevent a giant mess? Nah, I'll just use this time to accept defeat and emotionally prepare myself for the stressful, giant mess instead.

Letting The Shit Hit The FanAnother frustrating thing that can happen when trying to get your shit together is feeling discouraged by the success of others, because that's fringing on hating. 'Bummed by another person's achievements' is basically the slightly less irrational stepsibling of a hater, and nobody wants to be associated with the Hate family – blood relative or not. Here's an example of the ridiculous 'Borderline Hater's' logic:

How Other People Got Successful

It's really a terrible way to be, and on top of that it's easy to convince yourself that literally everyone has their shit more together than you. That guy is wearing unwrinkled shirt, wish I had my shit together like that. That woman bought a Venti instead of a Grande and didn't even hesitate, she must have her financial shit more together than I do. That homeless person has his filthy, matted, tattered belongings stacked so nicely in that shopping cart, his shit must be all the way TO-GETH-ER — unlike mine.

So, as always, I find motivation to try to break free of the cycle at some point. Today is one of those points. I'm enthusiastic, I'm energized and, I don't wanna brag but I even paid a bill early and ate breakfast this morning, so, yeah.  One of these days it'll be the real deal, and who knows, perhaps this is the one? Maybe this is the time I refrain from hastily trying to gather all of the shit at once, and instead focus on handling as much shit as possible daily, until finally, I've got all my shit together. TC mark

Get Your Shit Together

This post originally appeared at PajamasOverPeople.

Toxic Selfishness: 50 Quotes About Why Narcissists Suck

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 02:00 PM PST

(Wikimedia Commons)
(Wikimedia Commons)

1.

"He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals."

Benjamin Franklin

beetlejuice

2.

"Narcissistic people are always struggling with the fact that the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around them."

Unknown

beetlejuice

3.

"Though they are quick to put others down, unhealthy narcissists view themselves in absolutely positive terms."

Daniel Goleman

beetlejuice

4.

"There’s a reason narcissists don’t learn from mistakes and that’s because they never get past the first step which is admitting that they made one."

Jeffrey Kluger

beetlejuice

5.

"Some narcissistic people end up believing their own lies."

Unknown

beetlejuice

6.

"It is not love that should be depicted as blind, but self-love."

Voltaire

beetlejuice

7.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Oscar Wilde

beetlejuice

8.

"Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless."

Jeffrey Kluger

beetlejuice

9.

"I think a lot of self-importance is a product of fear. And fear, living in sort of an un-self-examined fear-based life, tends to lead to narcissism and self-importance."

Moby

beetlejuice

10.

"Since [narcissists] deep down feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault."

M. Scott Peck

beetlejuice

11.

"The silent killer of all great men and women of achievement—particularly men, I don’t know why, maybe it’s the testosterone—I think it’s narcissism. Even more than hubris. And for women, too. Narcissism is the killer."

James Woods

beetlejuice

12.

"I am a recovering narcissist. I thought narcissism was about self-love till someone told me there is a flip side to it. It is actually drearier than self-love; it is unrequited self-love."

Emily Levine

beetlejuice

13.

"Narcissus weeps to find that his image does not return his love."

Mason Cooley

beetlejuice

14.

"The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one’s narcissism."

Erich Fromm

beetlejuice

15.

"Narcissists commonly cut people off and out of their lives due to their shallow emotional style of seeing others as either good or bad."

Karyl McBride

beetlejuice

16.

"Self-love forever creeps out, like a snake, to sting anything which happens…to stumble upon it."

George Gordon Noel Byron

beetlejuice

17.

"A sociopath is one who sees others as impersonal objects to be manipulated to fulfill their own narcissistic needs without any regard for the hurtful consequences of their selfish actions."

R. Alan Woods

beetlejuice

18.

"I think writers are the most narcissistic people. Well, I mustn’t say this, I like many of them, a great many of my friends are writers."

Sylvia Plath

beetlejuice

19.

"A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors."

Karla Grimes

beetlejuice

20.

"The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotionless and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict."

Sam Vaknin

beetlejuice

21.

"Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence."

Sam Vaknin

beetlejuice

22.

"I wonder if the course of narcissism through the ages would have been any different had Narcissus first peered into a cesspool. He probably did."

Frank O’Hara

beetlejuice

23.

"Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist’s need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement."

Donald W. Black

beetlejuice

24.

"A man who loves others based solely on how they make him feel, or what they do for him, is really not loving others at all—but loving only himself."

Criss Jami

beetlejuice

25.

"The ‘Selfie Stick’ has to top the list for what best defines narcissism in society today."

Alex Morritt

beetlejuice

26.

"Out of all the addictions in the world, attention is slowly but surely becoming one of the most dangerous."

Saahil Prem

beetlejuice

27.

"Relationships with narcissists are held in place by hope of a ‘someday better,’ with little evidence to support it will ever arrive."

Ramani Durvasula

beetlejuice

28.

"This Narcissus of ours
Can't see his face in the mirror
Because he has become the mirror."

Antonio Machado

beetlejuice

29.

"I bet it gets pretty lonely with only your ego for company."

Alexandra Bracken

beetlejuice

30.

"How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego."

Amanda Torroni

beetlejuice

31.

"Imagining that you are deep and complex, but others are simple, is one of the primary signs of malignant selfishness."

Stefan Molyneux

beetlejuice

32.

"If anybody studying psychology wants a concrete example of what a narcissist looks like, I advise them to consider any man who cheats on his wife. These guys are the textbook me-firsters, the ones who think the rules don’t apply to them, the ones who tell themselves as long as she doesn’t know, there’s no harm done. No woman needs to sleep with these guys. There are so many single self-absorbed narcissists who will fuck you poorly."

Julie Klausner

beetlejuice

33.

"The only crime is pride."

Sophocles

beetlejuice

34.

"The greater our own level of narcissism, the more we detest it in others."

Steve Maraboli

beetlejuice

35.

"When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose."

Brené Brown

beetlejuice

36.

"Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears."

Sheree Griffin

beetlejuice

37.

"There was nothing more unattractive than narcissism, she thought: nothing could transform beauty into a cloying, unattractive quality than that self-conscious appreciation of self."

Alexander McCall Smith

beetlejuice

38.

"The paradox is that no love can prove so intense as the love of two narcissists for each other."

Norman Mailer

beetlejuice

39.

"I have a very simple question to people…who seem to suffer from excessive narcissism: Please name three other persons who are smarter and more capable than you, in the field you work in. (In most cases they are utterly unable to answer that question honestly.)"

Ingo Molnar

beetlejuice

40.

"A narcissist can’t be faithful. This is because—to a narcissist—’you’ don’t exist except as a mirror. When he looks at you, all he sees is his own reflection. Distort this reflection and he will go find another mirror. It’s as simple, or as complicated, as that."

Tigress Luv

beetlejuice

41.

"Love doesn’t die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism."

Frank Salvato

beetlejuice

42.

"It is especially painful when narcissists suffer memory loss because they are losing parts of the person they love most."

David Brooks

beetlejuice

43.

"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."

T. S. Eliot

beetlejuice

44.

"Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they're self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge."

Janet M. Tavakoli

beetlejuice

45.

"Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference."

Mason Cooley

beetlejuice

46.

"I love narcissists—even more than they love themselves. You don’t have to buoy them up. They are their own razzle-dazzle show and you are the blessed, favored with a front-row seat."

Patricia Marx

beetlejuice

47.

"The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside."

Sam Vaknin

beetlejuice

48.

"If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others."

Henry Cloud

beetlejuice

49.

"Whether with a narcissist a week, a month, a year, a decade, or a half of a century, one thing is for sure…one day you will wake up to the revelation that it was all just a figment of your imagination."

Tigress Luv

beetlejuice

50.

"The most uninteresting thing in the world is watching narcissists fuck each other."

Jarett Kobek TC mark

19 GIFs That Perfectly Capture The Experience Of Being Home For The Holidays

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 01:00 PM PST

1. How You Run Into People You Hated From High School At The Local Mall


    Source: Giphy

2. Being Excited About All The Free Laundry


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3. How You Have Sex/Masturbate


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4. How You Wake Up When People Burst Into Your Room At 6:30am


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5. When There’s No Cable AND The Internet Is Too Slow For Netflix/Torrenting


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6. When You Have To Bring The Family Car Back By 9pm


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7. When You Tell Mom Your Boyfriend Is Sleeping In The Same Bed As You


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8. How You Realize Your Old Bed Is Too Small


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9. Your Face When Your Family Asks When You’re Moving Closer To Home


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10. How You Look In Your Prom Pictures


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11. How Your Grandmother Criticizes Your Weight And Your Clothes And Your Nails And Your Hair


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12. How You “Work” From Home Over The Holidays


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13. How You Look When Mom Has Your Favorite Meal Cooked As Soon As You Arrive


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14. Each And Every Time A Family Member Asks “Well What Are You Going To Do With A Degree In Art”?


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15. When A Person Says Something Racist


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16. You When A Family Fight/Argument Breaks Out


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17. What You Think About When Your Aunt Who Doesn’t Know You’re Gay Asks How Your “Roommate” Shaun Is Doing


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18. When Your Grandparents Ask When You Will Give Them Grandkids


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19. You The Day Before Your Flight Back To Where You Really Live


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Going home for the holidays is always amazing. You know you appreciate it more because you don’t have to live there! When it’s all said and done, though, you miss seeing your family, having home cooked meals and all that free laundry. You’re so excited to come back in a few months! TC mark

18 Things You Need To Know If You’re Falling In Love With A Narcissist

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 12:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / bubblegumwhore
Twenty20 / bubblegumwhore

I don’t know when I became a self-aware narcissist. I mean, I probably was always the narcissist part, but the self-aware bit came one day when I said something self-deprecating and someone told me not to be so hard on myself.

My response was, “My self-deprecation is just another form of self-absorption.”

Epiphany time! Assured of my palatable form of narcissism, I patted myself on the back and then went to check the mirror to see if I looked wiser but hopefully not older. I looked the same but I still spent a while with my reflection.

I think most narcissists fall into the self-aware category with me. (I’m not special, even if I’m so special.) We’re the overthinkers, the navel-gazers, the writers, but we really do know that we can’t be all about us all the time. The problem is, sometimes it just happens.

It makes it hard to be in love with us, and you will fall in love with us. We’re dazzling but we aren’t monsters; we’re just messes (once you get to know us). And when it comes to finding someone who loves us, flaws and all (we do know we have them), we want you to stay in love with us.

Even if we’re difficult, we’re worth it. (Unless you’re dating someone from the one percent of the populace who have narcissistic personality disorder, then look out. They’re maybe not so self-aware and are true terrors.)

But here are some truths to falling for a self-aware narcissist.

1. We need you more than you need us.

We do. Once you love us and we love you, we’re also in love with the way you see us. To lose that or see that change in a negative way affects us to our core because we’re not as self-contained as we might pretend to be.

2. We’re afraid of being boring.

We’re a little or a lot wrapped up in ourselves, but for the self-aware narcissist there can be a fear of not being enough when you really peel away our layers. We’re not as self-assured as we might seem, and we’re forever picking apart and questioning who we are and if it’s worthwhile.

3. We’re bottomless pits of want.

Oh, we pretend that we’ve got it all under control. We’re even independent in many ways, because a lot of the time we love our own company. But even in our alone states, we later want to be noticed and credited for our unique isolation.

We need reassurance without having to ask for it. We crave reminders that you want us around. We can be real jerks if you make it apparent that you like or need us, but the second you withdraw we freak out.

4. We love attention.

Sadly, not just yours. Once we know you love us, it’s almost like we need outside attention, because we’re so sickened by ourselves at times that we actually disrespect the people who think we’re great already. So we need new people to tell us we’re great. This is why we’re often cat people; a dog’s affections are won too easily. We want to work for it.

5. We’re damaged.

A lot of this self-focused introspectiveness stems from something. In my case, I was an extremely shy kid who had trouble making deep friendships. I had loving parents but was a little confused about how I should be (often opting to be a people pleaser instead of rocking the boat and always believing I didn’t have much to offer).

While we’re all damaged and all a little narcissistic about what could’ve gone differently in our lives, self-aware narcissists can’t always shake the feeling that the sad little person we were is still who we are.

6. We overextend ourselves.

We’re often the busiest people you know, partially because we’re afraid to say no. We know we should say no sometimes, but we love flattery and attention and being asked. We worry that if we say no — to an assignment, an opportunity, an invitation — no one will miss us and we won’t be asked again.

7. We keep score.

We can be and often are, in certain aspects anyway, extremely generous with time, attention, and gifts. But there’s always something about which we keep score or track. I do something nice or seemingly selfless for a relative or friend and catch myself thinking, Wow, that was so nice of me. I don’t necessarily want or require a reciprocal favor but I like to celebrate my mini moment of sainthood.

8. We’re incredibly vain.

Whether we’re conventionally attractive or just have that je ne sais quoi, we will check out our reflections when we pass a store window. It’s why reflective surfaces exist. We’re also extremely self-conscious about leaving the house looking less than our best.

9. We’re critical.

I can be a beast to my husband. In all relationships, we view parts of our partners as reflections of us, but narcissists can often see your weaknesses as our failings. It’s not fair, but it’s more our fault than yours.

10. We’re terrified of being found out.

Yes, we cop to being narcissistic, self-centered, and vain, as I’m doing here. But do I hide aspects fo myself? Hell yes! The hidden parts of my heart amount to a soft and terrified quivering mass of baby bunny. I’m so afraid of what can happen if I urge it out of the thicket.
We’re not all bad, though. There are positives to dating one of us…

11. We can be very daring.

Stemming from fear of being boring and not wanting to say no, we sometimes utter a great big resounding “YES” to life. We want to make waves, not channel surf. We’re hungry to try everything we can (dragging around our bottomless pits of want works up an appetite).

12. We look GOOD.

We’re so f*cking vain. So yes, we take care of ourselves. We like attention, so yes, we probably will wear the push-up bra and toss our hair like no b*tch has ever tossed her hair. We’ll get eyeballed and love it, but you get to unwrap us. And there’s always a slight chance of lingerie.

13. We help you be your best self.

Yes, there’s that whole super-critical thing, but because we partially see you as a reflection of us we also want to help you. We will urge you to get to the gym, to eat right, to replace that saggy-assed pair of pants. We deserve it but we also know you do, too.

14. We know how to make others feel special.

One thing about loving attention is that we know others love it, too. So when we laud someone, it’s genuine, not cloying, and usually makes them feel like a million bucks.

15. We’re creative.

A thing happens to people who are in their heads, enjoying their own company. We have ideas. Weird ones, a lot of the time. Sometimes sexy ones. Sometimes ones you want to talk about late into the night. Sometimes the kind that help you solve a problem from a totally different angle than you’d ever expect. Yeah, keep us around.

16. We’re curious.

That whole afraid-to-be-boring thing? That often turns us into the kind of people who love learning, growing, changing and probing. This is definitely a trait of the self-aware narcissist and not a static one who already thinks they’re God’s gifts.

We’re always trying for self-improvement because we concurrently love and hate ourselves. As much as this can be maddening for you, it also means we’ll never be boring and can always recommend a good book.

17. When we try, it really means something.

Look, we do put a lot of time into ourselves. But we’re also not the do-gooders who take care of every last person (and those people are nice and lovely and shouldn’t be insulted). So when we give our all to you, you can feel really good that it’s coming from a part of our heart we don’t necessarily make available to many.

18. We try to be better.

If we’re truly a self-aware narcissist, we do try to make amends. I know I’m chatty and have a story for everything. But I remind myself that some of my chattiness is a side-effect of nerves; I remember to ask questions and then really listen to the responses.

I’m not always great at this and it’s hard if I’m drinking. But I try, and I often succeed. We want to be better because we really do love people besides ourselves, so just be patient with us, OK? TC mark

YOURTANGO

14 College Students Share The Weirdest Shit They Ever Saw Go Down In Their Dorm

Posted: 08 Dec 2015 11:00 AM PST

oleg333
oleg333

Originally found on R/AskReddit

1. Unconventional pets

I was an RA. I had 8 residents trap a raccoon and bring it into their dorm to “domesticate” it. Guess what happens when you let a Raccoon in the dorm? It fucks shit up.

2. No concerts in the f*cking elevator

Lived in a 21 floor tower, something like 1600 students lived in it. 4 guys decided to have a jam session in an elevator and go up and down the building – had drums, guitar, saxophone, and vocalist. I think every single floor wanted to murder them.

3. Who even let this guy in?

2 things, same dude:

We had a guy who’s room was at the end of the hall so it had a little extra space next to his door. A little alcove. We had tour groups come through our dorm with prospective students and their families. Well on one of those days he tore out a bunch of pics from his playboys and posted them all over his door and on the walls outside his room. He took 3 chairs from the common room and put them outside his room as well. He then had a sign that said “The Bitches and Hoes Waiting Room”. A mother went absolutely ballistic when she saw that. He got into deep shit for it too.

A few months later when another tour group came through, our RA Bill, who was a total asshole, was giving kind of a speech to the highschoolers and their families. So our buddy “fell” out of his room in just his boxers and his hands tied behind his back with a sock in his mouth. He spit the sock out and started yelling “BILL! UNTIE ME! THIS ISN’T FUNNY!!!” Our RA was humiliated, the parents went absolutely nuts over it.

Our buddy was kicked out later that day

4. You don’t want to piss this dude off

One guy peed on a cookie sheet and let it freeze outside in winter. He took said frozen sheet of pee and slid it under another guy’s door when he wasn’t there. All the rooms in that dorm were carpeted.

5. Another story about pee

Guy down the hall was just nasty. Smelled bad, slovenly, but very friendly. He never went to class. You might be thinking “gamer”, but nope – he was a day trader. Always told us about his wins/losses for that day. Anyway, this was before mobile devices, and he hardly ever left his computer as a result. Traded in movements of pennies.

So he had milk jugs to pee in. He told us proudly about how much time he saved by peeing in milk jugs. I presumed he’d dump them out routinely, but the first time I caught sight of his room I learned the truth. It was as messy as you’d imagine, but then I saw the jugs. All over his room. The floor, windowsill, computer desk. My memory is hazy by now, but I’d say he had at least 20 1-gallon milk jugs full of piss in his room.

To be fair I couldn’t verify that they were all actually full or just waiting in reserve, but at a glance at least some of them were clearly topped off. And honestly, how many gallons of piss is really acceptable to keep in your room?

6. Everyone gets their noodles taken care of in this story

Walked into the shared kitchen to make an easy mac. Upon entering, I see this drunk chick sitting on the edge of a table with a drunk dude standing in front of her. They were talking, but I was way too focused on getting my easy mac on, so I didn’t think much of it. I set put my wet mac in the microwave and set it for 3 1/2 minutes before strolling back to my dorm.

Ding! So I roll back to the kitchen to get my Mac and sure enough, they’re fucking. Her skirt was pulled up, her pink thong was dangling from one of her ankles, and her legs were wrapped around his waist. Now this guy wasn’t thrusting like he is trying to start a fire down there, but based on the sounds this girl was making, he was giving her exactly what she wanted.

I did what any sane man would do, I got my Mac, removed the lid, gave it a good stir and checked for hard noodles. Once the quality control was finished , I casually walked down the hall to my friends room and told him that someone destroyed all of the furniture in the kitchen. He of course wanted to check it out for himself so as he was walking to the kitchen, I got ready for a great reaction.

As he gets to the door, he turns and looks in and says/does nothing. He just stares for a solid 15 seconds. I was starting to think they had stopped, then he gave the classic “WHAT THE FUCK” shout and turns with an expression of confusion and satisfaction.

My work was done. To this day, that was the most satisfying easy mac I’ve ever had.

TLDR: some dude wet his noodle in the kitchen where I cooked mine.

7. How to get a room to yourself

Pull up a chair, it’s story time.

Across the hall from me lived Ron and Todd (not their real names, but who cares). They were…not a good match. Ron was basically a fat hippie, and Todd was on the football team. The funny thing about was that it was Todd who drove Ron crazy, not the other way around–Todd basically didn’t care about Ron’s antics, but Ron couldn’t stand sharing his dorm room with a straight edge.

So after a few months, Ron cooks up a plan to get Todd out of the room. And this is how it goes down, based on Todd’s story about what actually happened. One night, middle of the night, Todd wakes up. The blinds in the room have been pulled open, and it’s light enough to see in the room. Ron is standing in the middle of the room, naked, painting a huge mural on the wall that has the door on it.

As Ron moves from area to area to paint, he skips and quietly sings to himself. Ron also paints himself. Little paint for the wall, little paint for Ron. After 5+ minutes of watching this scene from his bed with growing disbelief and horror, Todd says something, and Ron turns slowly to face Todd, skips over to Todd’s bed, kisses Todd full on the lips, and says “go back to sleep Todd, you’re dreaming.”

Todd is just sleepy enough to find this somewhat convincing, so he rolls over. Also, what else is he going to do? Fight his naked, paint-covered roommate?

The next morning, Todd wakes up. And there’s no mural anywhere in the room. No paint on the floor, no paint on any of Ron’s bedclothes, and Ron is fast asleep in his bed, wearing a t-shirt. Todd wakes Ron up and asks if anything…odd was going on in their room last night. Ron replies that he had a chem test that wiped him out, so he just came straight home and went to bed and had been asleep until Todd woke him up.

So now Todd doesn’t know what the funk to think, but the best answer appears to be that he had a homoerotic dream about his roommate being a painting satyr. So Todd nopes the fuck out of the dorm room and gets reassigned.

It made no sense to the rest of us either, until much later when we were having a beer in Ron’s room. He asked us if we wanted to see something cool. Sure, we did. So he shut off all the lights and then turned on a lamp hidden near his bed–with a blacklight. All the sudden, a massive, glowing mural appeared on the wall with the door on it. And all over Ron’s sheets and comforter. And Ron just started laughing his fool ass off.

And that’s how Ron got a room to himself.

8. All authority breaks down

One of the RAs got fired…I can’t remember why. He had a week to move out of his dorm room, and it coincided with “mother’s weekend.” Lots of moms visiting campus. He decided to get a keg and invite a bunch of people over as a “fuck you” to his bosses. His room was larger than most, since he was an RA. When they broke up the party the people stumbling out were frat bros and drunk moms, and a couple of grandmothers.

9. KO’ed by a dildo

I lived on the 9th floor of the dorms my freshmen year. One wing was males and the other wing females. One of the girls on my floor received a giant, 10+ inch black dildo with a suction cup attachment as a gag gift from her friends on her 19th birthday. The guys on my floor thought it would be great fun to periodically steal, then chase each other around with said dildo and beat the living hell out of each other with it.

I was in my neighbors room one day when his dorm-mate busted open the door and threw this thing full force at him. Fortunately my friend was able to react quick enough to dodge out of the way. Unfortunately for us though, the dildo went careening full bore into the window behind him, smashed through it and proceeded to fall 9 stories.

We watched in horror and shock as this dildo fell and hit a freshmen girl on the head, who immediately collapsed and began convulsing. Cops and paramedics came and took me, my two neighbors and the poor girl who owned the dildo down to the campus police station.

They put us all into an interrogation room where we waited until a detective came in…with the dildo in hand. He then proceeded slam down the suction cup end of the dildo onto the middle of the interrogation table. We all lost our shit, we couldn’t stop laughing due to the fact that this thing was slowly wobbling back and forth during the whole interrogation.

And don’t worry, the girl who got conked in the head with this thing was fine in the end.

10. WTF

I walked in on a random girl alone in my dorm room. She was squatting over my roommates pillow and shitting on it. I just walked out of the room.

11. With great power comes great…something

One of my favorites is the kid that got suspended for repeatedly climbing along the outside of the dormitories dressed in full Spider-Man regalia. Everyone thought is was funny when he climbed from the first to the second floor. But, by the end of the week, he was climbing the 7th, 8th, etc. and the school was terrified they would be held liable if he died.

The Dorm Director told him he would be removed from campus if it continued, and his response was, “I’m sorry, but with great power, comes great responsibility.” He was kicked out the next day, after making it to the roof.

12. Oh, Pat

There was some dude named Pat on my floor in my freshman year of college. My best Pat story:

As I walked back to my dorm one day, I noticed a dead squirrel in the courtyard outside of the building. Like the rest of the other normal human beings that spotted the poor thing, we walked by it and thought nothing of it. Pat had different plans.

He took the squirrel and froze it in his dorm room refrigerator for about a week. Then he tied a tiny noose and hanged it from the light in one of the dorm elevators, complete with some sort of suicide note about an acorn shortage. He put the elevator out of commission for the entire weekend. Thanks Pat.

13. Some spiritual stuff

Went to a religious all female college. Walked into the dorm hallway to find one student dancing with a snake and speaking in tongues, followed by three other girls praising the lord and also speaking in tongues. Yeah…apparently snakes are not pets if they are used for religious services..

14. F*ck the dorm, amirite?

We had a guy who didn’t like the idea of sharing a dorm. That and he was also a very outdoor-sy person. His solution? He set up his tent on the balcony and proceeded to live there, kept everything outside and all. TC mark