Thought Catalog


Fingering The Male G-Spot: 16 Things You Need To Know About Prostate Massage

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 07:00 PM PST

Flickr Soffie Hicks
Flickr Soffie Hicks

1. WHAT IS IT?

Exclusive to males of the species, the noble yet misunderstood prostate gland is a mischievous lump of human tissue that can lead every male, straight or gay, down a yellow-brick road, past the pearly gates, and into a garden of earthly delights.

2. WHY DO THEY CALL IT THE 'MALE G-SPOT'?

As with the female G-spot—which was named after the pioneering sexologist Ernst Gräfenberg—the male prostate gland can help produce orgasms so intense, farmers who live two counties over from yours will hear you screaming in pleasure.

3. WHERE IS IT?

Unlike the female G-spot, which is located inside the vagina on the upper wall near the 'neath the navel, nature placed a cruel joke on all men by locating the male G-spot about two or three inches inside the male rectum.

4. HOW BIG IS IT?

Online sources claim that the prostate gland is either walnut-sized or chestnut-sized—but never both. And they never specify why they always compare it to nuts rather than, say, gumdrops or jawbreakers or robin's eggs. I will assume that the average male prostate gland is somewhere between the size of a chestnut and walnut.

5. WHAT DOES IT DO?

Ordinarily, the prostate serves as a "valve" that allows a male to either urinate or ejaculate, but never simultaneously.

6. WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH THE MALE ORGASM?

But see, not only does the prostate act as sort of a "railroad crossing guard" between urination and ejaculation, it also aids in the production of seminal fluid. In essence, all male orgasms start with the prostate. And since it teems with nerve endings—even more nerve endings than the penis—it is crucial to male sexual pleasure. Whether directly or indirectly stimulated, your prostate gland will enhance the intensity of your orgasm by 497%, which is a figure I just pulled out of my ass.

7. WILL PROSTATE STIMULATION MAKE ME GAY?

No, but it's very interesting that you asked.

8. WHAT IF I DON'T WANT ANYTHING UP MY BUTT ANYWAY?

The male prostate gland can be indirectly stimulated by applying pressure to the perineum—that no-man's land between a man's scrotum and his asshole otherwise known as the "taint." Since nerve endings on the perineum are connected to nerve endings on the prostate, applying pressure to your man's taint will send him at least three or four steps higher up the Stairway to Heaven.

9. OK, WHAT IF I CHANGE MY MIND AND ACTUALLY WANT SOMETHING UP MY BUTT?

Then you need to strictly adhere to the following instructions…

10. CLEAN YOURSELF

If you—like most sane, healthy people—don't want to mix feces into your lovemaking, it's best that you self-administer an enema before your prostate-massage session. Then make sure your partner's hands, as well as any sex toys they use, are rendered antiseptic with rigorous cleaning. This way you can avoid E. coli and several other disgusting and puke-worthy infections. Also—trim your goddamned fingernails!

11. POSITION YOURSELF

Whether you get on all fours, hang over the side of the bed with your belly facing down, or on your back with your knees in the air, allow your partner easy access to your booty-hole. It's the considerate thing to do.

12. LUBE, LUBE, AND LUBE

Unlike the human vagina, the human anus does not self-lubricate, which in general we should all probably be thankful for. So you need to find a lubricant designed for anal sex and apply it so liberally, no one will have any doubt that you're a Democrat.

13. FINDING IT

Have your partner gently insert their finger inside your rectum and wriggle upward about two or three inches, curling their finger back toward their face in a "come hither" gesture. Allow them to poke gently around the area until you suddenly squeal like a pig with delight.

14. MASSAGING IT

Have your lover pat on your prostate with their finger pad back and forth, not up and down. Or have them gently poke at it. But don't let them be brought, because it could be painful. Have them spend hours, if not days or weeks or years, experimenting just to get it absolutely 100% correct.

15. WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND A PARTNER WILLING TO MASSAGE MY PROSTATE?

There are several male sex toys of various cost and capabilities.

16. CAN PROSTATE MASSAGE GIVE ME PROSTATE CANCER?

No, you silly fool, but milking the prostate can release toxins that actually allow the prostate to avoid cancer. Now quit reading and start massaging! TC mark

13 Weird Things Men Do When They Think Women Aren’t Around

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / tdurkee
Twenty20 / tdurkee

(Insert the gender you are not) are weirdos. We can all agree about that. Maybe they’re not from a planet named after a Greek god but they do things that you just don’t understand. Is it how they were raised? Is it because of some hormone that you lack? Is it because they’re emulating someone admirable they’ve seen on television, films or the stage?

No one knows or cares. You just know that stuff they do (and say!) doesn’t always make sense to you, and you’re pretty sure the stuff they do (and say!) amongst their own kind is even more arcane, if not sinister.

Well, through the power of TV, you probably have a decent idea of some of the weird stuff men do, either while alone or in groups, but you likely don’t know the depth of it. Here are 13 things to calm yourself about when you’re worried if some dude likes you or not, and not all of them have to do with his dick.

1. We unleash our inner geeks when alone.

While not many of us study traditional martial arts, we all practice gunfighting, kung fu, or the lightsaber when we get a free moment. Yeah, even that guy with chiseled abs and the Harvard MBA does this.

2. We send other dudes pictures of our poop.

We’ve been churning that dung for upwards of a day, and we want to see what became of it and if we may need to consult a doctor. Some men take photos and send it to their friends; frankly this would be 90 percent of the content if there was a males-only Instagram. Women may do this if they actually pooped.

3. We think about cheating all the time.

Men talk about boning a decent amount. Outside of fantasy football, it’s evidently the most interesting thing out there. And even the “good guys” who would never, ever cheat, talk about cheating. Frankly, the verbal masturbation may prevent infidelity as dudes who cheat suspect their “square” friends of telling their wives and girlfriends everything.

4. We talk a big game.

Every dude thinks that if it came down to it, he’d be able to beat the brakes off a guy his size or smaller … unless he’s presented with a compelling reason why not. Luckily, most of us find the prospect of getting punched to be fairly unappealing to test this theory.

5. We tuck our penis behind our legs for entertainment.

Every guy has tried “tucking” at least once. And by tucking, I mean jamming our genitals, the whole caboodle, between our legs. Some people call it the “Ugly Girl” and others call it “the back salad,” but either way it’s something adult men generally find hilarious.

6. We laugh at others’ physical hurt.

We can laugh at someone getting hurt and simultaneously feel absolutely terrible for him (or her). It’s part of what makes World Star Hip Hop the definition of a guilty pleasure.

7. We do dangerous, impulsive things.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

That quote is no less true now than when Thoreau said it. I’m not sure we can really blame “a society who says men have to be tough and stoic,” but men kill themselves around four times more often than women, generally without mentioning it or telegraphing it. We’re probably more impulsive, and we’re definitely more violent, but there’s probably something in that statistic worth thinking about.

8. We fall in love hard and fast.

Again, men tend to be more impulsive. And testosterone may conflate love and lust. I’m not sure there’s an argument about who’s the more romantic of the sexes. That is,#UntilYouGetInASeriousRelationship

9. We enjoy peeing from high-up places.

It’s an art. Maybe not an art like making a mosaic of Darth Vader out of a bunch of tiny pictures of Darth Vader, but watching something your body made arc majestically off of a picturesque butte into the great unknown, is magical.

9. We want to make our women happy without too much effort.

Per greatest relationship selling author John Gray, a man’s greatest pleasure in life is making his partner happy. When we’re complaining about you complaining, the general consensus is,”Damn, I wish I knew how to make her happier (without doing too much work).” Beware, we’ve long suspected that there may be some squeaky-wheel-gets-the-grease trickery afoot.

10. We actively hate at least one person we don’t know.

It’s part of what makes team sports compelling. It could be jealousy, but it’s more likely that if we had the work ethic and gosh-given talent, we wouldn’t be such jerks all the time.

12. We think we originally came up with the hottest fads.

Like Facebook. Or roller blades. Or the vertical axis wind turbine. Or that he used to playHunger Games with his GI Joes. At any rate, he came up with it and failed to act. Next time.

13. We do a quick 15 pushups before going anywhere.

Like to the beach. Or on a date. Or possibly being fitted for a suit. Any time that a bigger chest would impress someone. It’s like fluffing but not as divisive regarding the grow-ers versus show-ers communities.

It’s possible that women love pretend kung fu and hate peeing indoors as much as men, but we’ll probably never know. TC mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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14 Successful Women In Male-Dominated Fields Reveal Their Approach To Killing It At ‘A Man’s Job’

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 05:00 PM PST

monikajagiello
monikajagiello

1. Don’t allow yourself to be intimidated.

Louisa Court, 27, is one of the few female grips (lighting/rigging technicians in the film industry) in the UK. She says she was intimated at first by the physical side of the job.

“Some of the kit is hard to move. But you just have to figure out how to lift or move things differently,” she says, “[Now] I’m more confident about shouting and telling people where to get off.” (source)


2. Kill them with competence.

Jules Miller is the Co-founder of Hire and Esquire. Her strategy to overcoming bias in the workplace has been building business by using less money and fewer resources than her male counterparts.

“You have to kill them with competence. ​The only way to convert the people who don’t believe in you is to do an amazing job and succeed in spite of them.” (source)


3. Prove yourself.

Fran Wilkins, age 30, is the first female coxswain at the Filey lifeboat station in North Yorkshire, UK.

“The reality is that you are surrounded by men. At first, I felt I had to prove myself. Once I felt I had, it was fine.” (source)


4. Be a team player.

“Ultimately, you are part of a team, and when your team wins, you win,” says Lauren Talbot, the 27 year old Co-founder and Chief Data Officer of advisorConnect.

“Your team will eventually figure out what you are capable of, regardless of if you are wearing a skirt or pants, or if you have a low or high voice, or if you have short or long hair.” (source)


5. Find and rely on mentors.

Jo Manson, 35, is a surgeon currently working at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

“Mentoring is essential for both sexes,” she says, “Most of my early role models were male. Most of my current mentors are male. I now know several female surgeons who inspire me, and my husband is a surgeon at the same stage of training – we support and encourage each other.” (source)


6. Tough it out.

Katie Gillard is a 21-year-old truck driver who works for Tarmac. She makes up the 0.5% of female truck drivers in the UK. When she went to take her HGV (Heavy Goods Vehicle) practical exams, she was the only girl.

“I’m used to people doing a double-take when I’m driving,” she says, “I get it every day, particularly when I’m sitting in traffic. It doesn’t bother me too much. But from what I see, women are always going to be a minority in this industry. It’s always going to be seen as a man’s world.” (source)


7. Take the bad with the good.

Alison Miller, age 38, drives trains for ScotRail. She makes up one of the 4% of female train drivers.

“The uniform is horrendous. You wear men’s steel-capped shoes. And the drivers’ jacket is supposedly unisex, but really you go out looking like you are wearing your partner’s clothes,” she says, “But there are a lot more things to enjoy about being a train driver.” (source)


8. Build a positive reputation for yourself.

“Reputation is everything,” says Melissa Warren, Partner and a leading Broker for TerraCRG.

“I’ve learned to hold my ground, be firm on my beliefs, and that you can build quite a following with the confidence that you radiate while doing so.” (source)


9. Find a balance, when to speak and when to listen.

Alison Morris, Co-founder and Director of Accounts and Customer Experience at Honey, shares advice from her mother that has helped her learn balance in the workplace.

“Knowing when to raise your voice and speak is important,” she says, “And quietly listening gives my team members the space to problem-solve, brainstorm, embrace their expertise, and share what's most important to them in their role.” (source)


10. Embrace that you are a woman.

Rachel Kaplowitz, the CEO of Honey, talks about her fear of judgment being pregnant and working.

“For months, I struggled with the question of whether I should bring it up in meetings. How would investors react? How do you casually slip something so personal into something so professional?”

But, she says, eventually her body made the decision for her and she embraced it. She was both a mother and successful businesswoman, and yes that was possible. (source)


11. Stay professional no matter what.

Jolene Creighton is the founder of the science website, Quarks to Quasars. She had to send a rejection letter and received a terrible response, which despite wanting to respond angrily, responded in a professional manner.

“There was one older, white, academic man who felt the need to tell us that we are, "imperious little girls," and that "we are not superior to [him]. I could have posted [this email] on professional forums. I could send it to journals where he has been published. I didn't, because I am not that cruel (or insane), and it would really serve no purpose.”

“But I did respond to the email, stating that his reply was unprofessional and reminding him that it is a bad idea to go on the record using such rhetoric.” (source)


12. Be relentless in all aspects.

“The best tools in my toolkit thus far have been a relentless work ethic, an effort to expand my knowledge base daily, leading with self-awareness and confidence, and never giving up,” says Aarti Kapoor, Investment Banker for Moelis & Company.

“At the end of the day, being a woman on Wall Street is not a challenge for me — it's a source of motivation.” (source)


13. Focus on the positives and eliminate the negatives.

Shiho Kawashima is an Assistant Professor of Civil Engineering and Engineering Mechanics at Columbia University.

“I just try to focus my energy on those I know respect me, whether they’re students or colleagues,” she says.

“Just do what you believe is the right thing and that will ultimately get you to where you want to be. And regarding the very few people who may be judging me or disregarding me because I’m young or a woman or whatever other thing, ultimately those aren’t the people who matter anyway.” (source)


14. Spark change to improve situations for others.

Caroline Lake, 41, is a mechanic in Norfolk. She talks about the difficulties in her career and what drives her forward.

“Working in other garages over the years, I did feel like an outsider. Some of the guys would make horrible, sexist comments, but I noticed many of the women drivers would want to talk to me. Because the industry isn’t regulated, some mechanics will take advantage of people’s lack of knowledge. It can be intimidating.”

“I think there are so few women because it’s a stereotypical male environment, but I plan to change that. There is no reason women can’t do it,” she says, “It’s not about brute strength. There is a tool for everything. In fact, women have certain characteristics that make them perfect for the trade. The more women that do it, the more other women will see it as an option.” (source) TC mark

There Is A Troll Account Going Around The Internet Telling Annoying Customers EXACTLY What We’ve Always Wanted To

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 04:00 PM PST

For many of us who have worked in service jobs, there have been MANY times where we just wanted to tell an annoying customer EXACTLY where to shove their bullshit. But we couldn’t, because then we’d lose our jobs.

Well, in honor of all the times we held our tongues, there is an epic duo posing as customer service agents and answering annoying complaints from entitled and ignorant customers.

These are hilarious.

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I literally cannot decide which is my favorite.

Dear 20-Somethings: Get Your Sh*t Together Already!

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 03:00 PM PST

Twenty20, missawbrey
Twenty20, missawbrey

Your ‘Twenties’: the time in your life where you hardly have any idea who you are, yet you're expected to have your sh*t together.

It's complete B.S. but it's a growing experience. Every drunken mistake, every part-time job you hate, every 2AM study session, every nerve-wracking drive to an interview, every depressing car payment, every tequila shot to your accomplishments–these are the craziest and best years of your life.

But if there's one thing I hate about being in my twenties it’s the lax 'I'll figure it out later' attitude I so often run into.

The whole ‘none of us have our lives figured out yet,’ the ‘just chill out,’ the ‘stop worrying about everything’ and the ‘you’re not supposed to have your sh*t together’ mindsets. Sure, yeah, there’s something to be said about not over-thinking, about relaxing, about not stressing over what you can’t control. But you’re in your twenties now. You really should start getting your life together.

Case in point:

“fumbling around bumping into things looking for food.”

Really? Is this what being a twenty-something is all about? We’re just these zombie-idiots with no direction? I beg to differ.

Your twenties are the crazy, selfish, discovery years. You’re supposed to be exploring, traveling, making mistakes, falling in love, feeling on top of the world, and completely failing. You’re not supposed to have this grand plan of how everything is going to work out…but you should have something. You should have some sense of where you’re headed or want to go (…and hopefully that’s somewhere besides the pantry.)

I’m so tired of people saying “Oh, you’re only twenty-whatever. You’ll figure it out.” You’re damn right I will. But I’m not only twenty-whatever. I’m already twenty-whatever. The time is now.

No, I’m not old. But it’s not like I have years and years to just veg out on my parents’ couch. (Well, technically I could if I wanted…but I don’t.) How am I going to start my life from my parents’ couch? How am I going to establish myself? Be independent? Make money? Have a purpose?

I’ve seen this picture probably more than anything (especially with the influx of twenty-something engagements and babies). It’s a manifesto for the twenty-four-year-old that lives at home and doesn’t have a full time job. It’s a feel-good for the single, fifth year senior who’s dragging out another degree.

There’s nothing wrong with the quote. I mean, in many ways it’s true. If you sit there and think you’re supposed to have your life figured out, you’ll be completely paranoid and stuck. And you won’t get anywhere.

But that doesn’t mean you should just sit back and say, “Oh, well I’ll just figure it out when I get there.” What, exactly, will you figure out if you don’t proactively do something? And how will you know when you ‘get there’? (Unanswered questions).

I saw this the other day:

Crazy, right? Crazy to think that these amazing people were sucking at life when they were twenty-three. But you know what these people did? They got their lives together. They didn’t sit there making excuses for their lack of full-time jobs and no significant others and having $5 to their names and living in their mother’s basements. They did something. Because they were in their twenties. And it was high time to get their sh*t together.

Now I’m not sitting here saying I have my life figured out. (Because dear God, I don’t). There’s really no way to have it all figured out, no way to plan for the unknown, no way to really know what it is you want to do with your life.

Not until you start. Not until you make a basic plan and it goes to sh*t and you start completely over. Not until you work a job and realize you hate it and begin the process again.

But you have to try. You have to do, go, live. Because these are the years to grow, to take a terrible job to find your limits, to go back for a second degree, to chase the human you love across the country, to change your major for the fourth time, to try a long distance relationship, to spend money on ridiculously expensive concerts, to move to a foreign city alone, to throw what’s realistic aside and follow your passions. But you can’t sit back passively and watch the years go by, hoping one day you’ll figure it out.

You have to get your sh*t together and start doing. Because for goodness sake, you’re twenty-three already! TC mark

9 Sperm Donors Whose Kids Could Populate A Small Town

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 02:00 PM PST

via twenty20/stellabella
via twenty20/stellabella

1. Ed Houben

While modern in vitro fertilization can cost tens of thousands of dollars, Ed Houben prefers to do things the old fashioned way, through sex. What’s more, since it’s illegal to sell sperm in his native Holland, Houben does it all for free. And lest you think he’s just doing it to get laid, reconsider, Houben says that almost none of the women who’s served as a donor for are women that he would choose in a personal sexual encounter.

“This isn’t Heidi Klum coming round and saying: ‘Let’s do it’,” he says. “It’s genuine people who I would never want to hurt. I have a good old fashioned Catholic guilt feeling and I would be a candidate for therapy if I did this for the wrong reasons.”

So far, Houben’s efforts have yielded 87 healthy children due in large part to his high sperm count of 100 million. Anything below 20 million and you’re going to have trouble reaching conception.

2. Bertold Wiesner

A pioneer in the field of assisted fertility in 1940s London, it was believed that Wiesner had a cache of sperm contributed by some of the smartest men in England. All told, the clinic Wiesner ran resulted in about 1,500 live births between 1943 and 1962. But there’s a catch.

Later DNA analysis of the people conceived in the process turn out to largely be the children of one man, Mr. Wiesner himself. Of the 1,500 live births, upwards of 600 are estimated to have been produced as a result of Wiesner’s own donations to his clinic’s supply of sperm.

Today this wouldn’t be allowed because of risks of inbreeding down the line but since Wiesner was one of the few doctors working in the field when it first started no such rules prohibited him from doing what he did.

3. An Unnamed American Donor

This unnamed gentleman is single-handedly responsible for the IVF births of 150 children. While he’s remained anonymous, one mother, got access to the donor database in order to hunt down some half-siblings for her own children to contact and ended up creating an entire network between the kids who, she says, all look alike. The families in the network even vacation together sometimes, she says.

4. Kirk Maxey 

Maxey, a south Michigan doctor, donated sperm twice a week between 1980 and 1994. He’s a healthy specimen of a man whose mapped genome shows only a 1.9% chance of coronary heart disease and a low risk of Alzheimer’s and baldness. He’s also pushing for greater regulation of the sperm donation industry after they used his sperm to impregnate about 400 different women all within 150 miles of the clinic meaning that there are 400 half-siblings out there who don’t know about one another that may unknowingly one day meet, marry, and have kids that could be less than healthy.

Good job thinking ahead, Michigan clinic!

5. Sam Watson

Unlike the others on the list this dude is actually going for the world record, literally. “I’ve got kids all the way from Spain to Taiwan, so many countries. I’d like to get the world record ever, make sure no-one’s going to break it, get as many as possible.”

Watson is an unlicensed sperm donor who’s been donating once a week for the last 16 years. He estimates that so far he’s sired 800 children all across the world and charges only 50 pounds per sample while collecting it himself with a syringe. Tested for STDs once every three weeks, he also claims a 30% success rate the very first time which is high, higher than the average IVF treatment and far, far cheaper.

The British IVF industry isn’t a big fan of Watson’s work claiming that it’s somehow taking advantage of women. A spokesperson stated in regards to Watson that “if you can’t afford £1,500 to secure safety for yourself and your child, you should wonder if you’re fit for parenthood. It’s an expensive job.”

So, there you have it, if you can’t afford the thousands of dollars per IVF attempt then you’re not a fit parent. Babies, they aren’t for the poors.

6. Chase Kimball

For seven years, as a poor college kid at the University of Utah and afterward, Kimball used to donate sperm for $20 per instance. Now he estimates that he could have had hundreds of children this way. At one point his clinic even began turning him away because, they said, he’d saturated the local area and could only donate more if people requested from out of state.

7. Tim Gullicksen

Some donors didn’t meant to have as many donated offspring as they do. Gullicksen donated for a decade and was promised that only ten families would receive his donations. However, he now says it’s clear that the clinic used his sperm way more than that, producing “80 or 90” children rather than the promised ten.

8. Chris Whitman

Whitman (not his real name) donated sperm while in school, mostly for the money, at the time, then went on with his life. Later, after having a child of his own and a divorce he took a look at the donor registry to see how often his sperm had been used expecting a relatively low number. What he discovered instead was 34 children, twenty girls and fourteen boys. That’s more than triple the amount currently allowed.

9. Declan Rooney

Rooney is a modern pioneer in sperm donation circles. Not only has he fathered 54 children of his own through donations but he’s created app as well to help couples or women seeking a donor find him. He does this all for free. Despite some expressing strong disapproval of his unregulated service, Rooney says its a double standard that’s really the problem.

"Egg donors get treated like saints, sperm donors get treated like back alley, smutty boys," says Declan. "But I'm not doing a bad thing. I'm not ashamed. I have helped women create families. 

Maybe he’s right. TC mark

50 Quotes That Every ISFJ Will Instantly Relate To

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 01:00 PM PST

IgorSun
IgorSun

1. “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.”

–Winston Churchill


2. “Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.”

–Anonymous


3. “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

–Eleanor Roosevelt


4. “I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing."

–Neil Gaiman


5. "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

–J.K. Rowling


6. “How people see the world is often a reflection of how they see themselves. If they think that the world is just a cesspool of lies and deceit, then they themselves may be full of lies and deceit. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just how corrupt the rest of the world is. As the saying goes, ‘It takes one to know one.'”

–David J. Lieberman


7. "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.”

–Jim Rohn


8. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.”

–Mark Twain


9. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

–Marianne Williamson


10. “Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.”

–C.S. Lewis


11. "We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don’t even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It’s time to put an end to this. It’s time for us to let ourselves be loved."

–C Joybell C


12. “When you love someone, when you care for someone, you have to do it through the good and the bad. Not just when you're happy and it's easy.”

–Lauren Olivier


13. “The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

–Marcus Aurelius


14. “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

–Marcus Aurelius


15. “When thinking about life remember this: no amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.”

–Unknown


16. “People have to forgive. We don’t have to like them, we don’t have to be friends with them, we don’t have to send them hearts in text messages, but we have to forgive them, to overlook, to forget. Because if we don’t we are tying rocks to our feet, too much for our wings to carry.”

–C Joybell C


17. “Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that.”

–Nicholas Sparks


18. “The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”

–C Joybell C


19. “Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances.”

–C. S. Lewis


20. "You can love someone so much…But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."

–John Green


21. "Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can't change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free."

–Shannon L. Alder


22. “When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

–Paulo Coelho


23. "You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices."

–John Green


24. “People don't like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don't love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it's not emotive. Our culture doesn't love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It's ridiculous.”

–Matt Chandler Parsons


25. “Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”

–Pablo Neruda


26. “When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something.”

–Nicholas Sparks


27. “Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart. Be the one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.”

–Marvin J. Ashton


28. “Anyone who takes the time to be kind is beautiful.”

–Richelle E. Goodrich


29. “When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

–Eleanor Brownn


30. “I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

–Oscar Wilde


31. “Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be.”

–C Joybell C


32. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

–Anais Nin


33. “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

–Anais Nin


34. "Maybe there’s something you’re afraid to say, or someone you’re afraid to love, or somewhere you’re afraid to go. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt because it matters."

–John Green


35. “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”

–Ann Landers


36. “The past beats inside me like a second heart."

–John Banville


37. “Introverts are collectors of thoughts and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future.”

–Laurie Helgoe


38. “When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it's like giving them emotional oxygen.”

–Stephen Covey


39. “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

–Audrey Hepburn


40. “Find someone who has a life that you want and figure out how they got it. Read books; pick your role models wisely; figure out what they did and do it.”

–Lana Del Rey


41. “My biggest mistakes in life have all stemmed from giving my powers to someone else – believing that the love others had to offer was more important than the love I had to give myself.”

–Oprah Winfrey


42. “Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”

–Gloria Naylor


43. “I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

–F. Scott Fitzgerald


44. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

–Søren Kierkegaard


45. “Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain."

–Johanna de Silentio


46. “I think it’s important to find the little things in everyday life that make you happy.”

–Paula Cole


47. “You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

–Unknown


48. “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

–Sam Keen


49. “You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don't waste your time on anything else.”

–Cheryl Strayed


50. “Beauty comes from a life well lived. If you've lived well, your smile lines are in the right places and your frown lines aren't too bad, what more do you need?”

–Jennifer GarnerTC mark


Heidi Priebe explains how your personality type will hook up, break up and everything else in between in her new book available here.

evrything

Quiz: Who Said It — Donald Trump Or Adolf Hitler?

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 12:00 PM PST

(Flickr / Recuerdos de Pandora) and (Flickr / Gage Skidmore)
(Flickr / Recuerdos de Pandora) and (Flickr / Gage Skidmore)

Donald J. Trump — the real estate tycoon who has unexpectedly zoomed to the front of the 2016 Republican Presidential primary contest — has said a number of audacious things. He has proposed banning Muslims from emigrating to the United States, and says that he hasn’t ruled out tagging them and setting up a national database to track their movements.

This brand of ethnocentric hate is not new. The world has seen many leaders yield bigotry as a tool to rally support. One such leader is a former German Chancellor by the name of Adolf Hitler.

Is it fair to compare the rhetoric of Donald Trump with that of Adolf Hitler? I guess the first test might be whether you can tell them apart.

Give it a shot.*

How did you do?? TC mark

*Some quotes have been slightly paraphrased to avoid the answer from being obvious based on context clues (i.e. mention of Germany, United States, etc.)

10 Healthy Reasons Lots Of Sex Improves The Quality Of Your Relationship

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 11:00 AM PST

Twenty20 / valeohoh
Twenty20 / valeohoh

After the first few months or years of a relationship, many couples feel distant and disconnected, or else they feel stressed and overwhelmed with the demands of daily life. This usually leads to a lack of sex and affection. Many women want to feel close, connected, and relaxed before sex, but in fact, it can work the other way too- having sex can make you closer and cut your stress. So, even if you're feeling irritated, annoyed, exhausted, or distracted, here are ten reasons to try to get in the mood for sex.

1. Many people's "love language" is physical affection.

Touching, sexual and otherwise, is what makes them feel loved. People who have different love languages, like quality time or verbal affirmations, tend to act like sex isn't a big deal. But to those who express love via touch, which is most men, there is no love without sex.

2. Sex releases oxytocin, a chemical that makes people feel close and cuddly.

In fact, it's called the bonding hormone, and it's released when you orgasm. Oxytocin makes you want to ignore all your partner's annoying quirks and just hang out together watching football. (Not really, but it does make you happier with him.)

3. Speaking of oxytocin, it has been shown to reduce alexithymia in men.

Alexithymia is psychology-speak for being unable to talk about feelings. So sex leads to oxytocin which leads to your partner opening up about his deepest and most vulnerable emotions. And women love that stuff.

4. Sex can make you feel like yourself again, not just a parent or a 9-5 employee.

Expressing your sexuality can get you back in touch with the "you" who existed before marriage, kids, mortgages, and bill paying.

5. Sex is relaxing… as long as it's good.

This can make you feel less irritable and less prone to snarky remarks about the number of times you asked your partner to get the oil changed in the car before you did it yourself.

6. Sex can make you feel more confident.

It is a self-esteem boost to feel desired and attractive, and to know that your partner still thinks you're hot. For men in particular, self-esteem comes from their sex appeal. If they don't think any women want to sleep with them, they get depressed. And this usually comes out as passive aggressive remarks about the amount of time you spend on Facebook or getting ready in the morning.

7. Sex helps you sleep better.

Sleeping better makes you feel more optimistic and energetic, both positive for your relationship. Then maybe you'll have the energy to do something fun together instead of sitting on your computers in the same room without talking.

8. Sex can remind you what it was like when you were newly in love.

If you feel as though you're more like coworkers in a child-rearing and bill-paying machine, sex lets you see glimmers of the person that you used to fantasize about. Your partner is the same person who used to make your heart skip a beat, and sex can remind you of that.

9. In couples counseling, many men say that they would rather have more sex

Than have any other change in their relationship. Yet, women continue to cook gourmet dinners, write sweet emails, plan date nights, and other romantic stuff that, sadly, most men barely even notice. If you want to be noticed and appreciated, sex gives you the most bang for your buck (pun intended) with most guys. (Note: there are many cases where women have the higher sex drive in their relationship, but this is less common, so here I'm talking about what I usually see in counseling.)

10. Sex can make you realize that you and your partner have a history together.

Most couples have a pattern for their usual sexual encounters, and respond to each other in ways that they've perfected over time. Even when you feel disconnected or out of sync with each other, your sexual connection may remind you that you and your partner have a long history and a deep connection.

For all of these reasons, and more, don't neglect your sex life as your relationship moves away from the honeymoon stage, and your focus changes to jobs, kids, bills, and other issues. Many couples put sex on the back burner "until they feel closer" or "until I feel less stressed out."

But it can be very hard for couples to rebound from these dry spells. I've observed this many times in couples that I treat. Also, some women think that if you have sex less, you and your partner will want it, and each other, even more, kind of like in high school when you wanted to hook up all the more because it wasn't always easy to find a place to do it. But it's actually the opposite. The less sex you have, the less you want to have.

Think about how uncomfortable many women feel having sex for the first time after childbirth. Resuming sex isn't usually just tough because of the physical pain. It is also very hard to be emotionally vulnerable if you haven't been sexually intimate in a long time. Every day that you push off having sex will make you feel more awkward and less sexy when you eventually try and start having sex again.

Also, if you keep rejecting your partner for sex, he will likely feel bitter and resentful. He will either become obsessed with having sex and grab at you all the time, or will retreat entirely, both physically and emotionally. This is a worst-case scenario and is an example of when lack of sex can truly end a relationship.

Of course, many couples are busy and exhausted, and even when they are feeling close, they find it hard to squeeze sex into their nightly routine. Body image issues, depression and other issues, stress, and kids sleeping in your bed (or waking at night) are common things that get in the way of your sex life.

But, sex is so important that it's essential to make time for it no matter what. Some couples even schedule sex on their calendars, and instead of thinking of this as unromantic, think of it as a way to make sure that you keep the passion alive. And instead of thinking of sex as something that happens if the mood is perfect and your partner acts romantic enough, think of it as a requirement for romance to even happen (most guys don't feel all that lovey dovey towards a woman who keeps turning them down). So turn off that DVR, get the kids to sleep early, turn off your laptops, and start making sex a number one priority! TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.

This Is How To Have A Legitimate Dating Life As A Single Mother (From A Single Mom Who Has Been There)

Posted: 14 Jan 2016 10:00 AM PST

Twenty20 / amyjhumphries
Twenty20 / amyjhumphries

It's 7:30 p.m. and she's wearing her favorite green dress. Her hair is perfectly blown out, and her makeup looks natural and flawless.

She sits across from a very patient, kind and handsome man who has been waiting for weeks to take her out. Her fingers wind themselves around the base of her wine glass and she gracefully clinks hers with his. They smile and cheers, eager to begin their night out.

This is her first date in two years, and her first dinner without her little one.

The man across from her knows she has a child, but still cannot totally fathom her life (although he's open to it).

Only thirty minutes ago she was running around her house half-dressed, with her hair thrown messily into a ponytail and her makeup undone.

Before leaving her house, she was chasing her toddler around, trying desperately to put him to bed by 7:00 p.m. so she wouldn't feel guilty about leaving for a night out.

She gave him a quick bath, still taking time to sit on the bathroom floor and laugh and play with him. Afterwards, she dressed him in his favorite train pajamas, scooped him into her arms and lay in bed with him, reading the words of his favorite night night book until his eyes could no longer stay awake. Once he was sleeping soundly she ran around like a wild woman trying to throw herself together with only 15 minutes to spare.

She is busy. She spends her entire day ensuring her child is healthy, happy and loved.

She gives baths on demand, prepares meals everyday, reads goodnight books, works full-time and has dedicated herself to her role as a mother. She is beautiful, she is busier than most people can imagine and she is a super woman in her own right.

She is a single mom, and so am I.

Above all, we are women with wants, needs and desires. We still enjoy dating, and feeling wanted and beautiful. We like dining out and dancing. We also love being home with our little one(s) in "mom mode" (sweats, messy hair and no makeup) while watching Thomas the train for the hundredth time in a row.

We balance two identities: that of a mother and that of a single woman.

Our lives as mothers are fulfilling, incredible and challenging. Our lives as a single women can be difficult and often times frustrating. We are not in a rush to find a significant other, however, we do hope to one day be swept off of our feet Cinderella style by someone who will embrace our motherhood and womanhood.

Gone are the days of feeling ashamed and unworthy at our status as single parents (there are more than 9.9 million of us worldwide!). We are special and amazing, with our own unique stories to share and it's time for us to proudly rejoin the dating game.

Single Parenthood: My Story

I became a single mom in 2014, when my son's father was denied re-entry into America (he is an Australian citizen) and after much contemplation and heartfelt talk- we decided to continue to raise our son as friends and co-parents rather than partners and lovers.

Fast-forward to today– our son is a vivacious and loving 2-year-old, who likes building Lego trains, chasing birds and laughing. We love him with all of our hearts, and we will always do what is best for him.

We are also both on our own paths now, and for me this means balancing school, parenthood, work and myself while navigating the perils of how to date as single mom. For him, it means starting over in Australia and learning how to be a parent from a distance (thank goodness for Skype).

Dating Disasters Pre-Parenthood

I remember being on a date before I became pregnant with my son, and my date was a real bummer. He was going on and on about himself, barely stopping to breathe or eat. When he did eat, he inhaled his food, I suppose the oxygen deprivation was getting to his brain and this was an automated response.

For two hours I sat across from him, counting the minutes until he would finish his dinner so we could get the check. In my mind I had already deleted him from Facebook and my phone.

He told me matter-of-factly about his family's history starting from his ancestor's European immigration to America in the 1800s to present time. I felt like I was sitting in a college lecture about history (I was only missing my laptop and a ranging hangover from $2 shots). Gulping my Chardonnay, and begging the waiter for more with my desperate eyes, I remember thinking, "Why is dating so hard?"

Now, I look back at those "difficult dates" fondly, as they represent a freedom I did not even know I had.

"Another drink?" Sure, hangovers are no big deal because I can spend all day tomorrow sleeping in.

"A movie after dinner?" No problem, I have no other plans or responsibilities.

"Dessert?" Of course! I have tons of time to spare!

My First Few Dating Disasters As A Single Mom

When I first started dating postpartum, it was awkward. I remember debating when I should tell my dates about my son. Sometimes I would do it before meeting up, and sometimes during dinner. The conversations either went sour or the men acted like it was no big deal (but guess what? It IS a big deal).

The following excerpts are real interactions that I had with potential suitors (the first one via text, the second during dinner):

Dating Disaster #1

Me: "So I want to be open with you, and tell you honestly from day one that I am a single mama. I have a baby boy at home."

Him: "Oh. Wow. Okay. I'm not really big on kids, but I would still like to see you. Maybe as friends who drink and see what happens?"

Yes, this conversation actually happened. Yes, I was mortified. But, I was happy to know so I didn't waste anymore of my time on this man.

Dating Disaster #2

Me (while taking a big gulp of wine): "So, I am a single mom. I have a little boy at home."

My date pauses for a moment, contemplating what he should say, or I suppose if it's something he is open to.

Him (deep in thought): "I see. Well, I'm okay with that. I still want to continue this date and see you again. Does your son live with you like all of the time?"

Me (baffled and chugging my wine): "Yes. He is with me everyday, all day."

He pauses again.

Him (smirking): "Okay, so if we kept dating and eventually hooked up, we would go to my place right?"

I kid you not–this was his concern, where we would "hook up." In my head I crossed his name off of my "potential suitors" list knowing he had years of maturation in front of him before I would ever consider whispering his name again. #ByeFelipe

How These Experiences Shaped My Expectations

After these experiences, I sat down and thought about what I want in a date and potential partner. Childcare is expensive, and without the help of family, dating became a task not worth pursuing because to me it was a waste of time AND money– unless I made it worth it.

I made a list of requirements necessary in order for me to date a man.

He must:

Be okay with dating a single mom.
This means most of the time I can't do spur of the moment things, I won't spend the beginning of our courtship bar hopping or going out several times a week (single moms don't have time to sleep in and nurse hangovers).

Be kind and loving. If we become serious, he must treat my son as he would his nieces and nephews and/or children. This means I expect him to act respectfully, enthusiastically and lovingly towards my child (otherwise the door is that way).

Be patient and understand it might take several weeks for me to agree to dinner and/or drinks.
It is important for me to know there is a mutual attraction; otherwise there is no point—I would rather be at home with my son.

Be flexible, and okay with plans changing last minute.
Life as a parent is often unpredictable, and things happen—babysitters' cancel, children get sick etc.

Be confident and un-intimidated
by my son's father being a constant in my son's life and mine.

Be willing to come to me most of the time.
I am most comfortable going out near my apartment as I have easy access to my son in case there is an emergency or I need to run home quickly.

I have gone into every date since making this list completely open and honest, showing all of my cards before agreeing to dinner or drinks. I make plans tentatively and allow room for change.

Successful Dating Now

I have gone on several exceptional dates since compiling my list from above. My dates have been fun, patient, understanding and wonderful, and have led to me finding a really fantastic guy who accepts my son and me.

Dating as a single mama is not easy, but we are strong women who are used to navigating challenges so it's certainly nothing we can't handle. In many ways we are blessed because our children work as filters that usually weed out the irresponsible and immature men we wouldn't want to be out with anyways.

If you don't know where to start and are overwhelmed at the prospect of dating again, just take small steps and begin by making your own list of requirements.

Doing this will serve as a guide to show you exactly what you are and are not willing to compromise on, and it will bring suitors into your life who meet your criteria.

Once you decide to begin dating it's important to be open and honest with yourself and potential date(s) about your expectations and desires: Are you looking for friendship, fun or a significant other?

Successful dating will begin to happen when you are ready, open and accepting in your role as a mother and single woman. Find your value, purpose and happiness FIRST and then focus on finding dates; when you do this, you will attract people who are positive, happy and totally accepting of you AND your child(ren). TC mark

This post originally appeared at Attract The One.