Thought Catalog


44 Totally Messed Up Games Of ’Truth Or Dare’ That Are 100% NSFL

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 07:00 PM PST

Dare
via Shutterstock

1. The Creepy Hoarder

I was 12ish with a group of girls from the neighborhood. There was a creepy old guy that lived nearby, I watch you playing while I’m in my underwear kind of creepy. They said they would all get naked if I managed to get inside his house. I needed that shit in my life.

Without hesitation I smashed my elbow on the concrete and rolled over there under the guise of seeking medical attention. The guy let me in, the house was Hoarders level gross. He watched me clean off my elbow and forced me to let him apply a bandage. The whole while he was… Fucking grunting or something. I made it out alive and unmolested. They made good on the dare.

2. Sheep Carcass

On a school camping trip when I was about 8/9, my friends and I found a sheep carcass on our explorations. I was dared to stick my finger into the rotting insides of said sheep and then put it in my mouth. It tasted exactly like you would expect.

3. Serendipity

My friend dared me to suck his girlfriend’s nipple. The girlfriend was all for it.

4. Things Got Out Of Hand

Alright everyone, story time. I’ll try to keep it short, but there’s a lot of detail so hang in there with me.

I was 16, and still very much an awkward teenager. Sitting at home one night when my phone rang. A group of girls were going to a party at my good friend’s house and wanted me to tag along since they knew he and I were close. So we get there and it’s a normal party situation. Someone got a case of beer, another stole some liquor from their parent’s cabinet. So after an hour or two, everyone was teenager buzzed and getting flirty. We sit down for a game of truth or dare and the typical ‘kiss her’ and ‘take your shirt off’ goes around a few times. So after about an hour, there’s a bunch of us half-naked in a circle. This is around the time where it goes downhill. My buddy’s dad comes home early from whatever he was doing and we hear the garage door open. We all panic and try to redress as quickly as possible. In the calamity, I grabbed a girl’s shirt and she starts freaking out because she couldn’t find it. His dad walks in as I’m struggling to put on what I finally figured out wasn’t my shirt, and starts yelling at us all to get out. I gave the girl back her shirt as everyone is rushed out of the house. I’m the last to leave as I want to find my clothes, but give up after his dad is getting seriously pissed off at me.

By the time I get to the driveway, I notice the girls have left without me. So I’m stuck a few miles away from home without a ride and a shirt.

I said fuck it, there’s no remedying this situation and just ran my drunk ass as far as I could. I made it about halfway before I stopped to catch my breath in a neighborhood next to a greenbelt. I’m paused on the sidewalk when I look up and see a cop parked a few houses down. Cop flicks on his headlights and I just stopped. There was no way I was going to make this situation any worse. So they pull up next to me and ask if everything is okay. I was completely honest with them and told the entire story. I fully expected a ticket, but they just started laughing at me and offered a ride home. When I got home, I see my mom sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette. So I step out of a cop car, half naked in the middle of the night, to my mother shaking her head looking like hell fire has struck deep in her soul.

I got grounded for two weeks. Totally worth it though, because I saw my first titty that night.

5. In The Australian Bush

…well it wasn’t any of this disgusting I’ve seen but… shit I was at a small camp and somebody got dared to light a tree on fire. This was the Australian Bush, it was the middle of summer in bonfire season. That shit would not go out for AGES if a fire was lit. Fortunately, a passing guy who was running the camp caught on and confiscated those matches and gave a very loud lecture.

6. Slippery

I drank a whole bottle of olive oil. Extra virgin.

7. But Did It Work?

I flossed with my own pube.

8. Hobo Kid

When I was 7, I showered like twice a week. This girl was dared to suck on my big toe and she was fortunate enough to suck on my toe on my fifth day of not showering.

9. Challenge Accepted

A mate was dared to cockslap a fan. He did it.

10. *Shudder*

One friend dared another friend to let him shit on his chest.. He reluctantly complied…

11. That’s Not How This Game Works

“I dare you to kill yourself.”
Middle school sucked.

12. In Retrospect This Was Weird….

When I was younger I was dared to get naked and hump the window facing a busy road at this guy’s place. I thought this was a totally normal thing that older kids made you do as some sort of initiation into middle school. Kinda messed up now I realise he was watching me do it.

13. People Are Animals

Not me but I was at a party with a few friends a few years ago that got fucked up fast. It was in my friends GF’s house for New Years. Her parents were out so they let her have a party but her sister was also allowed to have one. They decided that one would take the living room and the other the kitchen.

I was in the living room having a good time when my GF asked me to get a class for her. I went into the kitchen and that group was playing truth or dare. One girl asked a lad to lick her friends used tampon and well, he fucking did. I stood there and just watched this nasty bitch pull out her tampon and hand it to him. It was a heavy flow.

He straight up sucked it like a lollipop and gave it back to her. I left the kitchen and refused to go back.

14. Who Hasn’t?

After we finished secondary (high) school, my whole class went out and got drunk. Ended up doing some truth or dare and a guy revealed he’d once had a wank to the Latin teacher in the middle of a lesson.

15. Revenge At Last

My friend used to think he was some sort of player. So, we were all sitting around playing, and we all knew he was going to dare the hottest girl to kiss him. So we set our plan into action. My other friend dared him to chug a bottle of Ranch Dressing. Which he did. Then I dared him to chug a liter of Pepsi One. Which he did. He then proceeded to ralph hard and very very loud into a trashcan in the kitchen. His tun, and he dares the girl to make out with him. She refused. We laughed.

What good are friends if they don’t cock-block you at every turn?

16. Near Death

Never played (tragic tear) We just did dares. Friend dared me to jump into a glacial pool butt naked. My heart almost stopped. Last time anyone did that (for a week).

17. It All Worked Out

I was about 17 playing truth or dare at my buddy’s gf’s house. my ex gf was there, we recently broke up but still got along fine. parking truth or dare she ends up getting dared to blow this dude she had a thing for and did it. I was pissed to say the least. they went into the bathroom to do this. as the game went on the game got more and more sexual. a girl was dared to blow me in the bathroom, me being funny and fairly intoxicated, stand up and drop my pants upping the dare factor (at this point everyone had seen some body part of everyone), not missing a beat, she crawls over and does the deed right there in front of everyone. as epic as it sounds I was excited, scared, drunk, and freaked out all at the same time and didn’t know what to do. she stopped after a few seconds and everyone was in shock. we won truth or dare that night. that was the craziest night of my young life and that’s only half the story. in a nutshell I accomplished the hat trick later that night.

18. Mean Girls

I had a sleepover in the first year of middle school. My parents were so happy because I barely had any friends, so they did everything they could to make the party awesome include leaving us totally alone.
We played truth or dare, and there was this one girl who was really good and nice, straight As, miss perfect pretty much. Someone (I can’t remember who) dared her to take off her pants and underwear and go naked from the waist down for the rest of the night. She didn’t want to, but she started to get made fun of for not doing it, so she did.

She looked so miserable walking around my house with her ass and lady parts exposed to the world. Granted, we were all girls but its was still weird. I’ll never forget how sad she looked.

I started to say something about it but I didn’t want to go back to having no friends, so I didn’t. But I still feel kinda bad about that to this day.

19. Frenemies Forever

My roommate asked me to rate the attractiveness of all the players. I figured “What’s the point of truth or dare if you don’t tell the truth?” and gave everyone a pretty high score except for my one friend who was morbidly obese and the kind of depressed that makes it feel like you’re throwing your support and encouragement into a black hole. I tried to be friends with him, but at that point in my life I don’t think I was mature enough to handle it well. Anyway, I rated him as a four, which upset him, and then I went back to his apartment and spent the whole night trying to console him after making the terrible decision of revealing that my rating was not based on looks, but on personality. Basically, “It’s not that I don’t think you’re hot, it’s just that I don’t like YOU as a person.” I feel terrible for how I handled that situation, and honestly how I handled the entire friendship.

20. Yep, That’s Omegle

When I was 14, I played truth or dare at a party. Someone dared me to go on Omegle wearing no pants. So I was just sitting there, with no pants, with a bunch of random dudes starting at me. God that was the most humiliating thing. So much guilt after.

21. Cold, Very Very Cold

I was first and picked dare. They dared me to leave and not come back.

22. Middle School Parties

Ι was in 7th grade and this was оne of those weird middle school рarties. In order to spare some details, Ι ran around my friend’s house shirtless wіth a tampon up my nose singing the nаtional anthem.

Adolescence was weird.

23. Band Kids

Band busses were the best for truth and dares. Probably (no, definitely), some sexual assault going on there.

Anyhow, one time it was getting a little too much for me, and I was tired. So I went and laid down and went to sleep. I woke up some time later and this girl was laying on top of me. I said “uh… Hey”, and she said “Hey”, then it was silent for a few minutes, and she got up and left. The group that was previously playing truth or dare started giggling.

Earlier, a dare was for someone else to grope her, and she did not care. She wasn’t even part of the game at that point.

24. What Happens In The Closet Stays There

We were young, maybe 12 years old. First we played spin the bottle. I had a little boyfriend. He refused to kiss anyone except if it landed on me, because we had not kissed yet. “Awwwww”s ensued. I chose to do the same, except we could never get it to land on each other. The preteen sexual tension was fierce.

Then we played Truth or Dare. There was some whispering amongst the girls. Girl A dares Girl B to join MY boyfriend in Seven Minutes in Heaven. It’s quiet. While we wait, my friend is assuring me that he’s probably just sitting in there with his arms crossed.

When the door opened, Girl B’s shirt was off and they were making out like no tomorrow. That was the end of that.

25. Yikes

When I was 7 or 8 I had somehow started spending some time with a group of 3 older boys, probably 14-15, can’t remember exactly.

They used truth or dare as an excuse to do gay things with each other. Nothing wrong with gays obviously, but this was in the 90’s, when it was still kinda not right. Glory holes and cottaging were at an all time high.

So yeah, those guys. I didn’t actually hang around to see anything, but I somehow think I was at risk when I was in their company.

26. Shit Got Weird

New Year’s eve and I had 4 friends over. One of the dares was having to lick chocolate syrup off my foot, and the same guy had to snort hot chocolate powder. My brother ran up and down the street in his boxers. We made my friend eat a surprise sandwich with egg yolk, pear preserves, syrup and cat food. I got slapped in the bare stomach by everyone with each one getting harder and harder. And then my cousin had to drink a mixture of mayonnaise, salsa, hot chocolate powder, syrup, and sweet tea. So yeah, shit got weird.

27. Nasty

A buddy of mine was dared to shit in the toilet, pick it up, bring it outside and throw it on the driveway. Fucker did it. He got me back later for it though, he did the whole shaving cream to the face thing. Being 12 was weird.

28. “I Win”

We were playing Truth or Dare. Friend dares a girl and I to make out for 10 mins in the other room. We go to the other room and make out for about 10 secs. She then proceeds to pull my dick out and give one of the greatest blowjobs I ever receive. I finish. She then laughs, posts up for a high five and says “haha, I win!” Pretty sure I won.

29. Not Really Appropriate At All

My friends dared each other to answer the door to the pizza guy in their underwear. Two of my female friends did it in just their bras and knickers and the poor guy looked pretty surprised.

We were at my slumber party and were all around 13 at the time.

30. Eager To Take A Breathalyzer

I was a junior in high school. Was over at a friend’s house playing beer pong without beer. We used un-sugared Koolaid. Yeah, we were that cool. Anyway, when you got a ping pong ball in a cup, there was a number on the bottom corresponding to a truth or dare we had written out previously. My dare was to run around the perimeter of the house in my underwear. So I strip down and run to the door only to find a police officer standing there. I screamed “Motherfucker!” and slammed the door in their face. I opened the door again, two officers made their way in and began asking questions.

They told us they wanted everyone to take breathalyzers. We all jumped at the chance to do so. I personally had never taken a breathalyzer before. However, once they saw our enthusiastic cooperation, they told us that they didn’t have enough mouth pieces and to forget about it. They concluded we were not doing anything illegal (we weren’t) and left.

Come to find out later, the neighbors across the street called the police because they saw one of us drinking beer which ended up being an IBC rootbeer. Also found out that there were 5 police officers waiting outside in the back of the house in case any of us decided to run.

Best game of Truth or Dare ever!

31. All For $3

We were playing for a pot of $3 it was down to me And my friend. My friend used his skip all ready, so I dare him something that I know he’ll have to skip on. “Put a banana in your Ass and eat it. This mother fucker gets up sticks the banana in his ass and completely devours the banana. He won the $3.

32. Is Truth Or Dare Just Foreplay?

We were 3 people at the end of a good night drinking, all in bed, buzzed, and it ended in a threesome. Great fun. Pretty weird since we are all best friends. Two guys one girl.

33. Nipple Piercings

Probably 16/17 or so. during the game, one girl says that she has her nipples pierced. Doesn’t take long before she is showing them off, she has rings them. She ended up being ‘dared’ to be a part of every dare for the rest of the night.

Being kids, we ended up having her tied to random things while we were playing – including belt loops (she would kneel in front of guys in nothing but panties while basically being hit the face with anything hard they might have) and other girls earrings (making the other girl motor-boat her for the rest of the round).

34. This Simply Isn’t How You Do It

I picked dare and finger banged a girl for the first time. That part was really great. The bad part was how I walked out of the bathroom and let my friends smell my finger. I was a pretty stupid kid. Sorry Betty, you were a real sweetheart and I really liked making out with you.

35. Three Girl Oral Circle

Freshman year in high school truth or dare and we had changed the rules a bit. All a little messed up already we got to the point all teen truth or dare does when the first sexual dares start coming out. A girl had flashed the boys there her tits. A guy had to pull out his dick and show the girls and then the real one happened. A friend dared the chick I had a crush on to get into a 3 girl circle of oral. (3 girls in the ring three guys) They all just start undressing and go at it. There wasn’t even any looking at each other to see if the others wanted to. That part sticks out in my mind almost as much as the fact that not a single one of us guys took off a single bit of clothing, touched a single girl, or said a single word. We sat there doing nothing. Just teens completely lost in what to do. The entire time I was thinking, “any second now I’m getting in on this”. Never did. They stopped and kinda looked at us one was almost mad at us and she tried to continue the game with a dare that I can’t remember and I can’t remember how the game ended but I did end up fucking the chick I didn’t have a crush on, which in hind sight meant I fucked the hotter one of the three. So all in all a win. But god damn if we didn’t freeze up completely there.

36. That’s My Fetish

I was 18, got dared to lick a girls feet and thought it was weird as fuck. Turns out that she had a foot fetish and was into me, and liked the power trip.

37. This Is Just Insane

I was dared to “jump into the lake in the most dangerous way you can”, so I got in the water, made sure I was good and wet, grabbed a two gallon gas can and a lighter, and climbed up this tree we all used for diving. Everyone was laughing, like “WTF is he doing? Nah, he won’t do it!” I got up in the tree, about 30 feet up, and started going out onto the limb that hung over the water. I poured the gas on myself, and then everyone shut up, because I was really going to do this. I took a breath, lit the lighter, and jumped just as all the gas caught. I sort of belly flopped, but was otherwise fine.

38. With Friends Like These

Not me personally, but I was there. A friend dared another friend to put a popsicle in their vagina. She did it, and complained about it for years afterwards.

39. You Don’t Have To Tell The Truth

Playing truth or dare when I was like 15 or 16. My boyfriend chose truth and, in front of everyone, admitted he had been cheating on me.

40. Dusty Ass Habanero Mouth

Truth or dare one night at a outdoor kitchen where me and a big group of my friends use to hangout. Well my buddy Tom (for the sake of his privacy) brought his girlfriend Hillary. I being the evil bastard planned this one out. There was a super old dusty signed football on top the shelf, just covered with dust. I dared Tom to lick it from end to end, next go around I dared Hillary to eat a full habanero pepper. And just when they didn’t think it could get worse, before either rinsed out their mouths I made them make out so they each got dusty ass habanero mouth.

41. Psycho Kid

A friend’s little brother dared someone to slice open their finger, jam a paper clip into it and put the paper clip into an electrical outlet.

After we said no, he dared the same person to burn down the church 2 blocks down.

42. Joke’s On You, Truth Or Dare

Had a drunken night of truth or dare with a couple friends and some guys we hooked up with. My friend dared me to go out with the guy I was with after he’d asked me and I said no (it was just supposed to be a one night stand.)

We’ve been married for 20 years.

43. A Teenage Version Of ‘The Hangover’

In the weirdest truth or dare ever, I ate a live moth, one girl licked my friends hairy leg, another girl fisted my toilet, and my ginger friend was naked in my bad.

44. Guess What…

I picked truth, The question was “what is one thing you haven’t told me” and I straight up told him “I fucked your older sister” with the most serious face and he said “nice” like it was a joke and he was laughing his arse off then his face went laughter to OMFG HE DID WHAT face. TC mark

On Being A 20-Something Gay Man In A Youth Obsessed Culture

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 06:00 PM PST

Me trying to mimic an emoji because ???
Me trying to mimic an emoji pillow because ???

Before coming out as gay in 2014 I was plagued with a myriad of self-esteem problems.

I had stumbled out of high school having had no romantic relationships (guess why), underachieving grades, and a general air of hopelessness. My best friends were not only effortlessly the top students at our school, but also incredibly talented in music and social skills, and because I had no confidence to do things on my own, I wasn’t able to go out and discover the things I actually was good at. Ergo, I endlessly competed with my friends in what they were best at, and (surprise surprise) came up short every time.

But then I left my sleepy suburb of chain restaurants and John Boehner yard signs and started classes at a liberal college in a liberal city. After one year there, I finally coughed out the words “I think I am gay” to my sophomore year roommate and BFF.

And coming out was hard. Like, really hard. Saddled with years of self-loathing and religion I had a very difficult time admitting that I liked shopping more that sports and didn’t give a damn about a girl’s boobs unless she was offering to guard my credit card in her bra during a night out. But, like so many of my rainbow contemporaries who have come before, I did it.

And it felt good. Not necessarily because I was doing anything, but because I could be.

And it changed everything. I left a world where I was undesirable, under-confidant, and entered one where my Grindr account was flooded with messages and I was approached at almost every party. And it felt good. Not necessarily because I was doing anything (I almost always exaggerate my sex life, don’t trust anything I say), but because I could be.

In the time since, I took a new job that separated me from my high school friends, gained the confidence to cut toxic people out of my life, became president of a campus organization, and have left the demons of depression somewhere back in 2012.

But sometimes I worry that my mental health transformation is not quite as permanent as I wish it were. I am still an incredibly anxious person. On any given Saturday night you are more likely to find me watching Netflix than hitting up the bars, and if you want to know the number of times I’ve experienced true love with someone, the precise digit resembles my unfortunate emoji pillow (see above).

And the truth is, I think that much of my self esteem improvement might be superficial. Boosted by compliments from faceless strangers on hookup apps as much as my genuine accomplishments. And that’s problematic because any attractiveness I do currently have is derivative of my youth, and my youth won’t last forever.

I turned 22 just a few days ago, and while completing two years of one’s 20’s usually doesn’t trigger panic, in the weeks leading up to my birthday I began to feel tinges of fear. Not for the ever-so-slight aging itself, but for everything that comes with it. I’m not getting any younger, and someday, maybe soon, some official gay agency will come and collect my twink card and my life will be over, AMIRITE?!? (ok, bear with me, I know i’m being a little facetious here).

I’m afraid that I will be called to reinvent my identity into something more profound than just another bleach blonde kid in jean shorts, and come up short.

But I am afraid. I’m afraid that growing up, and thereby growing older, will force me out of this cushy equilibrium I’ve found for myself these past two years. I’m afraid that I will be called to reinvent my identity into something more profound than just another bleach blonde gay kid in jean shorts, and come up short. I am afraid that my fleeting youth is the only thing warding off a lurking depression, and that I will be called to fight a battle for my mental health once more. TC mark

What It Would Be Like To Be An American Refugee

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 05:15 PM PST

Takver
Takver

My name is Thomas Keegan.

What?

Oh, right, yes, T-H-O—yeah, that's right. Richard. Keegan. K-E-E-G-A… I'm sorry—what else do you need me to…state?

Oh, right uh. Okay. Thomas Richard Keegan, born August 2nd 1985 in Newark, DE.

Current place of residence: Houston—well, I mean it's no longer our—our home. It was an apartment building. I couldn't tell you how many…occupants. I'm sorry, I'm just so tired.

We're coming from Texas. Houston, Texas.

There are three of us. My wife, my son, and me.

We, uh…we walked. Our car was…and there's no gas anywhere, and the roads are—yeah—yes, we walked.

The whole way, yes. It's—about 2,000 miles. He's 17—uh, well 18 now, I guess, 18 months. My wife and I took turns carrying him. God has watched after us.

I'm very tired, yes. We are very tired and in a great deal of pain. My wife's feet…her blisters have blisters. They are raw. And I am worried about my son. He's not growing. He…he's too thin. Mexico was much closer, of course, but it's dangerous there. There's a lot of violence and it's poor. Canada felt like our only real hope—a place where we could make a life for ourselves.

My wife is an artist—painter and a sculptor. I'm a reporter—sports. Grew up playing baseball, coaches and scouts said I had a shot to play in the bigs 'til I broke my leg senior year of high school. Decided writing about it was the best way to stay close to the game. Anyway, we thought our son would be safe here. I just want him to be safe. We're trying to stay alive, here, you know?

I guess you guys just have Blue Jays, now that the Expo's are gone, right? How far is Toronto from here?

Oh. That far. Really? Wow, I didn't—sorry, I'm actually not very familiar with the geography of Canada.

…yet…?

Do you like baseball?

So you just—want me to tell you about how we got here? Like since we left or…?

The whole thing? From the beginning? That's going to take a while—there's a lot…

Ok.

Well, okay, so…in March of 2011, a group of teenagers in Dallas—you may have heard about this—they spraypainted some slogans on one of the walls at their school. See, they were protesting the repeal of the Voting Rights Act by the Supreme Court, arguing that the repeal would free up certain lawmakers to repress the minority votes through voter ID laws. Now, spraypainting might not have been the most articulate form of protest—obviously it's vandalism, but I mean, come on, they're teenagers, right? Anyway, uh…

These kids were out there protesting, you know, yelling and carrying signs—peaceful. They were peaceful. The police were called. But it wasn't police like you think of police. These guys are…I mean they look like commandos, you know? They all looked like they were on the SWAT team. Like something out of one of those shooter games. And they fired teargas at these people, these kids. Well, I guess the word got out because before you knew it, there were thousands of people gathered in the area around this school.

The how and the why and the what-happened-when of it—it all gets a little hazy. But basically, the national guard shows up, and they…They open fire. I mean…I'm sorry…

It was…I've never seen anything like it. Not since…I mean, Kent State I guess, but this was…these soldiers…American flags on their shoulders and they…just…

They killed 3 young men. Hundreds more were hurt in the fighting, but they killed three kids outside their school and that was…just…it. The streets were flooded. People armed themselves—civilians, I mean—they had to. The military was swooping in. There were helicopters, and tanks—tanks driving down residential streets!

We tried to stay out of it. It's not a winnable battle. I mean, it's the United States military. The greatest fighting force the world has ever seen, right? How do you pick up a hand gun or a hunting rifle and go out to shoot at tanks?

But people did. Our neighbors, our friends, our fam—yes. Our. Oh! I'm sorry…

Our family. Matthew and Luke. My two younger brothers. They fought. They didn't…they didn't…they're not…

It’s 2013, and we were engaged in a second civil war, but this wasn't like the first war. This was a country against its government. The best trained, best equipped military in the world—being supplied by international allies—and fighting against civilians. My youngest brother, Luke, was a dentist! He was killed in a battle with Navy SEALS, in Baltimore.

No part of the country was stable. There was no haven. It's just chaos down there. Violent gangs took over entire cities, cause there's no police or military to protect civilians. Women are being raped. Children are… and they have chemical weapons. They say they don't, but they're releasing gas. I know. I know so much I wish I didn't.

My wife is an identical twin. She always swore to me that she and her sister could kind of communicate through dreams. I used to roll my eyes at her. For months, my wife has been having the same nightmare…of watching her sister…thrown from a roof by a group of men in camouflage. The men are laughing. For months, my wife has known, without knowing, that her twin sister is dead.

But I know. The week before we left, a colleague sent me a link. He warned me, but said he thought we deserved to know. They filmed it. YouTube. I haven't been able to tell my wife.

We stayed as long as we could. But they—the protestors, the rebels—they started holding up in cities, in populated areas. I guess they thought they'd be harder to weed out. There were airstrikes. And mortars. The army shelled apartment buildings. American tanks. They were firing on anything. On everything. Carpet bombing.

In April, our building was struck. They blew a hole in the side of our apartment building. So many people died. Our neighbors. Our friends. The son of our neighbor across the hall was with his babysitter on the top floor of the building. He didn't… He was 6.

I'm sorry, but is that enough?

I'm very tired.

I'll answer anything.

I'm sorry, my French is not…Do I know who—Dylan Roof? Who is—

Christian—wait, wait, wait a minute—wasn't he the guy who killed those people in their church…?

Do I—what? Do I know him? No, no, I mean…he was from…South—Carolina, I think. I have no idea…

A Christian—whoa, no, no, no—you don't…uh…okay, look, he called himself a Christian, but that's not what we—listen, please sir, you have to understand, that was…he was an extremist. That's not us. We're not like…he was, people like him are a miniscule percentage of our population. They're nothing. They're not us. They've just—hijacked—no, listen, they hijack our faith…

…and they are a greater enemy to me than they are to you. They desecrate the name of my God.

Please.

You have to understand. That's not us. You must understand.

Please. We have nowhere to go.

We will die. My son, the last child of my family's name, will die. My wife is sick. She needs help. We have no money. We have no food. We have no home. You are all we have.

Please.

Please.

Take them? TC mark

Here Is The Most Haunted Location In Every State

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 05:00 PM PST

Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

1. Alabama — The Sloss Furnaces

Youtube / TheMysteryTour
Youtube / TheMysteryTour

The Sloss Furnaces were an iron-producing industrial plant that operated for almost one-hundred years from 1882 until 1971. The furnace experienced countless sordid deaths in its time, including workers who allegedly slipped and fell into the molten steel.

The plant is said to be haunted by “Slag” who was a particularly cruel foreman who worked his employees to death — oftentimes literally. One day Slag slipped from the top of the highest furnace and fell to his death. Immediately after this, and onward, people claim to hear Slag’s voice ordering them to work faster and “push more steel.” Some rumors suggest that Slag was killed by his own rioting workers.
beetlejuice

2. Alaska — the Golden North Hotel

Flickr / Aaron
Flickr / Aaron

The various gold rushes in Alaska brought many people to the state, and with the people came towns and hotels. One such hotel is the “Golden North Hotel.”

As legend states, Klondike Ike and his wife ventured to the state to hit it rich, and his wife, Mary, waited in the hotel for Klondike to return from the field.

She waited, and waited, and eventually stopped leaving her room. One day the hotel owners burst down her door, concerned for her welfare, and found her dead, wearing the dress she would have worn at her wedding.

It is said that Mary is still checked in at the hotel, and her ghost is seen staring out the window, waiting for her fiancé’s return.
beetlejuice

3. Arizona — Hotel San Carlos

Youtube / DarkHauntsVideos
Youtube / DarkHauntsVideos

Established in 1928, the San Carlos was only open a few weeks before Leone Jensen threw herself out the penthouse window due to a soured romance. Jensen’s spirt is said to still be mourning her lost love within the walls of the hotel. People have seen her figure standing on the roof, preparing to jump, or leering in front of their bed.

The hotel was built upon the original city well, where three boys allegedly perished trying to retrieve a ball they dropped into it. The boys are said to be heard scampering through the hotel’s halls.
beetlejuice

4. Arkansas — Rich Mountain

Flickr / Tomasz Dunn
Flickr / Tomasz Dunn

Reports of who exactly haunts this mountain seem to be conflicted. Legends often talk about settlers who were driven from the valleys to this mountain during the civil war, but many locals point to more recent times as the source of the hauntings. They claim a deceased restaurant manager, or a girl who was murdered by drug dealers, is the source of the paranormal activity.

Regardless, people have reported seeing a girl carrying a lantern through the cemetery that sits on the mountain’s peak. Many people believe it is the spirit of a girl who was sent to fetch water during a freezing winter storm, but then froze at the top of a tree where she sought refugee from prowling wolves.
beetlejuice

5. California — The Brookdale Lodge

The Brookdale Lodge was built during the height of the roaring twenties, and it quickly patronized a great number of celebrated people, politicians, and celebrities. The lodge is unique, in part, because of the natural brook that runs through the center of the building.

Many psychics have claimed that anywhere from forty-five to forty-nine spirits are haunting the building. Many of the hauntings, however, seem to center around Sarah Logan, who was the niece of a former lodge owner. She fell (or was pushed??) into the brook that runs through the lodge and drowned. Many people report seeing her crying, looking for her mother. Other mysterious activities include hearing voices, the sound of glasses cinching together, and soft music playing with seemingly no point of origin.
beetlejuice

6. Colorado — The Fitzsimons Army Hospital

Wikimedia
Wikimedia

Now deserted, the hospital is said to be haunted by apparitions of former military officers, flickering lights, and the general feeling of unease. Allegedly, many WWI vets who were poisoned by mustard gas were brought to Fitzsimons for treatment, and perhaps they never left.
beetlejuice

7. Connecticut — Union Cemetery

Youtube / The Fear Channel
Youtube / The Fear Channel

The cemetery has been on the radar of many horror-enthusiasts since it was investigated by ghost hunters Ed and Lorraine Warren. The site is said to be haunted by the “White Lady,” a woman whose identity is in dispute. Some say she is a mother who perished in childbirth, wandering around looking for her baby. Others say she was murdered, and her body dumped nearby. Many people have seen her drifting through the cementary or in the nearby areas.
beetlejuice

8. Delaware — The Deer Park Tavern

Wikimedia
Wikimedia

The Deer Park Tavern was built over the remains of the St. Patrick's Inn, which was said to have housed both George Washington and Edgar Allen Poe.

Today, doors are said to open and close by themselves, furniture can move around without manipulation, and a general sense of unease besets many people staying there.
beetlejuice

9. Florida — May-Stringer House

Youtube / Mike Littlefield
Youtube / Mike Littlefield

People have been said to take photos with orbs of light that cannot be explained, or mysteriously recorded audio of a little girl crying. The house was originally built by John May whose wife died in childbirth, with his child following in death only a few years later.

There is also said to be an incredibly hostile spirit known as “Mr. Nasty” who gives people the chills or makes them feel uneasy.
beetlejuice

10. Georgia — Moon River Brewing Company

The Moon River Brewing Company is haunted by multiple ghosts, including a malevolent ghost named “Toby” in the basement. Employees of the brewery (which is still fully operational today) have reported silverware being thrown, doors closing by themselves, and unknown figures walking about the establishment long after the patrons have left.

The building was originally a hotel (what are with ghost and hotels, eh?) that was erected after the Great Fire of 1820. The location is riddled with stories of dueling, murder, and tragic heartbreak. Many people who attend tours of the brewery report being “touched” or “grabbed” by unseen entities.
beetlejuice

11. Hawaii — Waialae Drive-In Theater

Youtube / Paul186
Youtube / Paul186

Now closed, the Waialae Drive-In Theater was one of the last drive-ins in the island state of Hawaii. The theatre’s restroom was said to be haunted by a ghostly woman with long hair and no feet. A woman told local news that, as a little girl, she would never enter the bathroom alone. The drive-in is now at least partially a developed neighborhood.
beetlejuice

12. Idaho — Old Idaho State Penitentiary

The Idaho State prison was open for 101 years, and it is said that some of its most violent inmates never left.

Paranormal investigators and tourists have said that they’ve seen full-body apparitions, weird noises, and unexplained grabbing. Some people have left the prison bawling, saying that they have felt incredible sadness weighing down on them.

The Things We Forget When We’re Going Through A Difficult Time

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 04:45 PM PST

BD31KHIDA7
Brooke Cagle

When was the last time you were happy? And I mean really happy? So happy, that it’s memorable. If you happen to be one of those Pollyanna types who responds to such questions with, “every day,” take an extra moment to consider the last time you were happier than you are every day.

For the record, I’m not shaming people who claim they are happy all the time; I’m just not one of those people. It’s not that my happiness is dependent on circumstance – that is a recipe for disillusionment. And I would even say that overall, I try for a joyful state of being. Still, for me, some days are happy and some days are sad; some days are wonderful and some days are terrible. Indeed some days I am grateful to be alive, but some days, to be perfectly honest, I am not. I’m a certain kind of human, and these are my uncertain kind-of-truths.

If there is anything we can count on in all of our human experiences however, it is that our lives will contain sorrow and suffering; what you do with yours is up to you. But life, however you think of it, is at least a part of the time, difficult.

Disappointments, failure, loss, grief, heartbreak, change, and challenges; our only reprieve, death. There is a certain dark humor in the way life happens and the way it ends: you struggle at least part of the time while you breathe, and your final reward is that you stop breathing entirely. What else is there to do but laugh?

Laughter is one of the things we forget to do when we’re going through a difficult time. Probably because everything seems so consuming and big and powerful – oftentimes more powerful than us. We forget to ask, “Where is the joke in all of this?” And maybe sometimes there isn’t a joke, but what of it? Maybe we learn to laugh anyway.

We forget that we are not alone. Not only that there have been millions of people before us who have been through what we’re going through – and survived, but that everyone who walks alongside us feels some sort of weight on their shoulders. We forget that this fact alone should make us a little less lonely in our pain.

We forget to be grateful, for our blessings and problems alike. This is a difficult one – to be thankful for the things that take away peace of mind. But one does wonder, can we even know gratitude if we did not also know distress? We forget to be grateful for those burdensome things that still made us stronger or wiser or kinder.

We forget to be more gentle and compassionate and understanding of the ways in which we deal with our brokenness.

We forget to ask and to answer, “How are you?” honestly and heartbreakingly.

We forget that all things are temporary, and that nothing lasts forever – including us, especially us.

We forget, perhaps most of all, that we are loved. And that even though this thing that we’re going through is not okay, somehow we will be; somehow love will be enough to get us through all of our difficult times, and that we might even be happy again. TC mark

How The Mighty Have Fallen: Ranking The Women On This Season Of ‘The Bachelor’

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 04:44 PM PST

Hi everyone! What a week. Lace took herself out of the running, Amber weirdly turned herself into an almost-villain and we saw the motherly side of Olivia where she comforted Ben about the loss of his family friends by complaining about the way her toes look. Here’s a complete ranking of where all the women stand from least to most likely to make it to the end:


Our fallen comrades


Lace

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Lace complains to the other girls that she isn’t going to get a rose because Jubilee is upstairs crying and Ben is consoling her so they don’t get time together. Then she approaches Ben and takes herself out of the running because she “doesn’t love herself.”

She appears later as a special guest on Bachelor Live and Chris Harrison invites her to joint he cast of Bachelor in Paradise this summer. She says she’ll get back to him. Whatever Lace!

Shushanna

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

This boot wasn’t surprising to anyone, Shushanna hasn’t said anything so far this seasons (except a few lines in Russian, to show how multi-cultural the show is, or something). I liked her! But yeah, she had no character development. Maybe on Bachelor in Paradise!

Jami

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jami saw the writing on the wall this week. She was anxious about getting time with Ben because she realized she wasn’t getting any either because of or as the cause of not having a connection with him. The mystery of her dismissal is probably solved at her exit interview she she goes on an extremely negative tirade about how no one loves her and she should give up and get some cats. Yikes.


still in the running to becoming america’s next top tabloid cover


Amber

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Oh Amber. She is playing this game like she has never seen a season of The Bachelor. (And she’s PLAYED before). There’s basically only one rule you really have to follow: DON’T get involved in house drama. IF you get involved in house drama never, ever, ever, EVER use your time with The Bachelor to discuss it. She gets the group date rose before all this went down but she’s going next week.

Olivia

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Olivia made a series of bizarre mistakes this week. She complained to Ben about how intimidating people find her. She brought Ben to a hotel room overlooking the other girls in a thinly-veiled attempt to lord her time with Ben over them (he noticed). Then, right after Ben not so subtly announced that he was going to need some comforting at the cocktail party because his family friends had just passed, she instead tried to engage him in some vapid conversation about whether she has cute toes. I don’t think these are things you come back from. I think Ben is basic and not deep but considers himself to be very deep so he’s going to take issue with all of this and eliminate her soon.

Emily & Hayley

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

The preview for next episode makes it seem like MAYBE one twin stays and one twin goes (CAN THIS PLS PLS PLS HAPPEN ON A TWO-ON-ONE DATE I WILL PUT CHRIS HARRISON IN MY WILL FOR THIS) but I still think it’s doubtful that they aren’t just eliminated together. They can’t win. Can America really get behind a first lady of #BachelorNation whose occupation is ‘twin’? (No.)

Becca

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Becca doesn’t get any kind of date this week. With how much Ben loves bubbly women, I don’t know if he will really think Becca shines because she’s so much more muted than everyone else.

Rachel

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

You might find yourself asking “there’s a Rachel on this season????” And you’d be right to wonder, she hasn’t done anything memorable yet. However, remember back to Chris’ season, he almost ended up with Jade and we had no idea who she was at this point in the season. So, there’s hope. Not a lot, but hey, the Bachelor people know how to make good TV.

Jubilee

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jubilee, Jubilee, Jubilee… I don’t really understand this girl. She has a one-on-one date with Ben this week and pisses the house off by saying she’d rather have a different kind of date. It’s a well-known fact that in the Bachelor world you can only ever be positive and happy about everything unless you are shedding a single tear over being widowed or something equally tragic but safe. Jubilee is not the cookie-cutter Bachelor girl, she’s a war veteran and she isn’t gracious overly nice like everyone else. But as much as I love rooting for the unconventional girls I can’t get on Team Jubilee. Her time with Ben is SO AWKWARD.

THAT SAID, if she gets far enough, I think she’ll be the frontrunner for the next Bachelorette. We love a scrappy girl with a sad backstory!

Leah

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Another bubbly blonde, quelle surprise!

Jennifer

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

We don’t see a lot of Jennifer and we’re still waiting to see if she’s filler or if she’s just biding her time until her mid-season story arc comes into play.

Lauren H

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Can I just say that Lauren H seems like the most kindergarten teacher-y kindergarten teach of all time? Like if you wanted to know about someone you don’t know and someone said “oh, she’s a kindergarten teacher” as if that explained everything you needed to know about their personality. That would be Lauren H. Also she says she has bad “ball-handling skills” in reference to the soccer date. So, at least she tried to be interesting.

Amanda

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Amanda and her teeny tiny baby voice do their best to cheer Ben up at the cocktail party. Someone like Amanda is probably exactly who you want to talk to when you need to be babied. She’s not getting a ton of screen time but it definitely seems like she has potential to make it deep in the season.

Jojo

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jojo doesn’t get time with him at all this week so it’s a gamble to rank her so highly. However, she just seems so bubbly and like the kind of girl he wants, but just edgier enough to separate her form the other girls that I have to do it.

Lauren B

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Lauren B gets a one-on-one date this week. She totally hits it off with Softboy Ben who is looking for a sweet, bubbly, blonde girl-next-door stereotype exactly like Lauren B. They definitely fit together and I can see her being a contender for the end.

Also, does anyone know what kind of hair products she uses? Because here she is in a hot tub and her hair is FLAWLESS. Holler at me on Twitter if you have a guess:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Caila

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Poor, sweet, sensitive Caila is so fragile that back at the Bachelor mansion while Ben’s on a one-on-one day she cries with Jojo about her feelings for him and how real they are. Even though her bf is dating 15 other women (who she thinks are ALL GREAT PEOPLE). She is clearly a match made in heaven for this Indiana Softboy.


Burning questions for next week’s episode


What kind of crazy is going to come out of Olivia’s mouth next week???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What are all the girls staring at???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Is Ben actually a bad kisser???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why does anyone involved in production think this cheesey ass car date is a cool idea???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why do they always do this dumb fake wedding date???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

How far will Olivia’s “meltdown” go??? Will she “quit” the show to save her pride too???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What makes this twin so sad???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

See you next week! TC mark

I Wonder If I Will Remember This As The Winter Where Everyone Died

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 04:00 PM PST

Look Catalog
Look Catalog

My grandparents went like a Nicholas Sparks story.

My grandmother first: a surprise to us all.

My grandfather second: no surprise to anyone. He spent 58 years with his beloved, what promise could the earth hold for him?

I include my dog next (guiltily, because you're not supposed to feel as bad for animals as you are for humans). Only two and a half and full of more love to give than I'd ever seen in a puppy – never happy unless he was curled around your body in some capacity. I'd always wanted that and I couldn't decide if his disposition was an answer to prayer or if he just knew his life was going to be short. And he wanted to get it all out.

I wonder if I will remember this as the winter where everyone died but I wasn't overcome with sadness.

There has been a magic to this year, to 30, and suddenly I can be sad without it overpowering me. Suddenly sadness isn't my whole world. I can taste without being consumed. I can see more of the lay of the land.

There are places besides this, there are feelings besides this.

The last time someone died it was an uncle I barely knew. One of my step-father's numerous brother-in-laws (Catholic) that I'd seen once a year for half my life but never noticed in the sea of people. I felt like a violation, then, his daughter was my age and she stayed at my parents house with her husband. I was intruding on their grief all week and also feeling lonely because they had each other and I never feel that way in a crisis. I always feel like I need to be okay just having myself and I still don't know if that is the right way to feel.

The last time a dog died I panicked every time it became more apparent that his time was coming – for two straight years. When he fell down the stairs, when he stopped getting up from the floor when people knocked on the door, when he stopped making the big jump into bed to keep me company at night, I grieved all of these little deaths.

This time, I just grieved once. I don't know if that is an improvement or if the world is making me cold.

I wonder if I will remember the cold this winter even though it was warmer than usual. The agony of warming up my car in -17 degrees – or that it waited until Christmas for the snow to stick.

I wonder why I am waiting around to see how I will feel in hindsight, as if that is The Marker that makes something real, the Hegelian eagle that will make a forthright and final decision about whether the winter was good, or whether it was bad.

I drove up to the big lake yesterday because I wanted to see freshwater instead of all that ice, ice, ice. There was the snowy shore and the waves and the steam of heat from something somehow not frozen. Everything all together like the way it is with this death in the middle of a very good year.

Maybe that will be the memory: the thawed sea and the icy earth and me, the steam in between, trying to decide what form I am going to take. TC mark

4 Ways To Break Your Old Habits And Form Some That Actually Benefit Your Well-Being

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 03:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / adamkuylenstierna
Twenty20 / adamkuylenstierna

Producer's note: Someone on Quora asked: What is the best way to create new habits? Here is one of the best answers that's been pulled from the thread.

beetlejuice

There are two parts to the performance of a habit: consistency and quality.

So, for example, you could brush your teeth every night but fail to align the toothbrush with your gums in the way that your dentist instructed. That’s a habit poorly done.

For the consistency piece, I use the Tiny Habits framework from BJ Fogg at Stanford. BJ calls his key framework BMAT. Essentially, to get a Behavior you need to combine Motivation, Ability and a Trigger.

For the quality piece I use a concept called Deliberate Practice. Normally a habit is in service of some bigger goal. So the quality matters a lot and I’ll end up redesigning my habit over and over again to be as efficient as possible. In Deliberate Practice, how you practice is as important as how much you practice.

You are your own habit designer. And it’s pretty easy. You just need to address all three areas.

Motivation

You chose this habit, so presumably you have a starting level of motivation. The problem is that this motivation may wear off later. So, most motivational tricks are about stopping you from falling off the wagon.

My favorite motivational hack is to adopt a version of the “don’t break the chain” method. Use a journal or a goal tracker like Coach.me to build a streak.

Once you have a streak, three things happen:

  • Because of loss aversion, you won’t want to break the streak.
  • Your confidence will go up. Essentially, the streak is proof that supports having a growth mindset.
  • You can change because you are changing.

Ability

Ability measures how difficult the habit is. You probably assume ability is internal. But a lot of your ability to do something is external. Do you have the tools?

Imagine starting a gym habit. You don’t have the ability to do this habit until you join a gym. That’s obvious right?

But where is this gym located? My gym is right across the street from my office. So my ability to go to the gym is about as easy as it can get. But it could still get easier if I devoted a room in my house to exercise equipment.

There are tons of good examples of making your life easier by redesigning your environment. Stop snoozing by putting the alarm clock further away from your bed. Stop eating sugar by throwing it away.

Trigger

You can’t do something if you forget to do it. The Tiny Habits method has people write down the trigger along with their habit. The ideal is to tie your new habit to an existing habit.

For example, my habit for setting priorities is tied to sitting at my desk.

When I sit at my desk (existing habit) I will write down my priorities in a new Evernote note (new habit).

Deliberate Practice

Having the habit isn’t really the full story. You have to decide if you like the habit or if you can improve on it.

That means you need to measure it. And sometimes what you measure isn’t the thing that actually matters. So trial and error is a big piece of forming habits.

When I first designed my morning routine, I measured only how long it took. So I wrote down all of the steps. I think there were almost thirty steps in total. Then I took a Saturday afternoon and practiced three times in a row.

During the practice I showered exactly like I would normally during each practice run. I dressed. I brushed my teeth. And I timed it to see how fast I could get ready.

But then when I put this routine into my actual life I found myself dreading it. It turns out that a fast morning routine isn’t the most exciting thing to wake up to.

So I redesigned it so that my first step was spending time with my dog. That was something happy that could get me out of bed. Until then I’d never thought to measure how fun my routine was.

I think this is the missing piece when most people talk about habits. You need to practice the habit, not just hold yourself to it. And in practicing, you need to decide whether to refine it or redefine it. TC mark

This answer originally appeared at Quora: The best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge.

10 Ways You’re Making Your Relationship Harder Than It Has To Be

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 02:00 PM PST

iStockPhoto.com
iStockPhoto.com

1. You assume that true love should be easy.

When you fall in love, even the most mundane aspects of life suddenly take on new meaning. As much as you enjoy watching your favorite movie, it's doubly awesome to watch it alongside your significant other so you can experience the cinematic pleasure from their perspective too. But while living day-today with someone you love can be incredibly fulfilling, it isn't easy—not even for the happiest couples. There will be days when you wake up quasi-hating each other, stretches of time when your moods fall out of sync and you can't seem to enjoy each other's company at all, and weeks when everything seems to be going wrong for no reason. Love isn't some magical force that protects you from Life's shit. You have to work hard to steer through all the crap if you want to stay together. True love takes teamwork, and it's hard AF.

2. You’re a little too truthful with each other.

I hate to burst anyone's romantic bubble, but total transparency doesn't facilitate lasting love. You don't have to be totally honest with someone to build a foundation of trust. Sometimes, fibbing or omitting the truth is the decent thing to do. Your partner will need you to lie to them sometimes—to protect them from the reality that you woke up in the middle of the night fantasizing about another man or woman, or that they don't actually look amazing in that new outfit you can sense they feel so confident rocking. There are times when a little white lie can go a long way in sparing a person pain and heartache. As long as you’re well-intentioned, skirting the truth isn't always such a bad thing to do.

3. You compare your relationship to others’.

It's tempting—natural, even—to draw comparisons. With everyone broadcasting the highlights of their lives over social media and using ridiculous hashtags (e.g. #proudwife #solucky #loveourlife) to accentuate their boastful posts, it's virtually impossible not to feel like you're falling short in the happiness department sometimes. You want to be sure that you're in a "good relationship"—that you're not less happy than you should be. But the fact is that social media isn't an accurate portrayal of anyone's life. You know this because you curate your own feed to reflect your best self, featuring only the most glamorous, loving moments, all of which are filtered. With or without social media, the only two people who know what's going on in a relationship are the people who are actually in it. It's impossible to know what other couples' lives are really like, so measuring your relative happiness against theirs is a laughably futile exercise.

4. You look at fighting as a problem rather than a chance to learn.

Passion is awesome when it's directed towards adoring the person you love, but when something goes wrong and your passionate feelings are suddenly coupled with acute anger, things can get nasty fast. When you know someone intimately, you have a lot of power to hurt that individual. At your weakest points, you will use that power recklessly. You will become the worst version of yourself, saying and doing things so out of character that your own behavior disgusts you in real time. You won't stop—until you do. Every storm eventually passes, and when it does, it leaves an opportunity to learn in its wake. If you take something positive away from every battle, thereby seizing the chance it presents to do better, you will be far less likely to repeat the same mistakes. Fighting isn’t a sign of your impending downfall as a couple. It’s just part of the deal, really.

5. You don’t apologize enough.

The simple act of saying "sorry" regularly is critical. Why? Because you're going to make a lot of mistakes as time goes by—some purely by accident, others out of complete idiocy, and still others because your inner jerk decides to shine through. Remember, you’re human. You'll step on your partner's already sore pinky toe at the suckiest time, you'll forget to pick up the dry cleaning one night as you promised you would, or you'll say something appallingly insensitive just to fuck with the person you love. Hopefully, you'll regret every mistake you make, large and small. But feeling bad isn't enough. You have to convey your remorse clearly every single time. If you want to grow as a couple, after all, you have to commit to personal growth, which requires shelving your ego and admitting when you’re in the wrong.

6. You dwell on the past.

Healthy relationships are built on forgiveness and acceptance. Your significant other is an accumulation of everything they've experienced to date, so you have to accept every piece of their past, including those relationships with exes you'd rather not acknowledge and those ridiculously misguided things they did as a young adult. If either person is consumed by frustration over things that occurred in the other’s past, contempt will eat away at the relationship until its totally dead. You have to let go—not just in the beginning, when you first learn the details of your partner’s history, but throughout the relationship. As time goes by and you accumulate shared experiences—some good, some bad—you'll have to practice forgiveness and plow ahead without harping on the problems you once faced. The art of moving on requires compassion and patience, and it’s crucial to long-term contentment.

7. You fixate on the future.

It's always a good idea to set goals as a couple and to work towards meeting them together. Tackling a new exercise regimen seems a lot more like a fun game and less like an impossibly gargantuan, unpleasant task when you do it with someone you love. So does saving up to buy a new car, or speculating about what life would look like with kids in the equation. But if all you can think about is what you want from your future together, you'll end up devoting too much mental energy to what might be instead of what is. You have to be careful not to dream at the cost of appreciating the present.

8. You interpret every relationship doubt as a bad omen.

Only a fool is 100 percent certain of anything. No matter how deeply devoted you are to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you're destined to doubt the strength of your bond occasionally. You will question whether or not you're with the right person, and wonder if you'll be able to make it long-term. You will speculate about what life would look like, had you made different romantic choices. There's no shame in entertaining relationship uncertainty. Doubt creeps in when you least expect it, and it can feel like a serious betrayal of the person you love. But examining your life as an individual and as part of a couple is an entirely healthy pursuit. It certainly doesn't mean that you weren't meant to be together, or that you love your partner any less.

9. You fear change.

Change can be terrifying, but it's also inevitable. Over time, circumstances beyond your control will force you to move or to switch careers or to adopt a new diet. You and your partner are both likely to change in ways you can't predict at this very moment. You'll pick up new hobbies and make new friends. One of you might join a different political party, or suddenly develop an interest in religion. People aren't static. They're fluid. You can’t shy away from change, even if it means deviating from the path that led you to each other. Instead, you have to find a way to evolve together.

10. You set outlandish expectations.

Falling in love isn't the answer to everything. Your relationship, even at its best, won't necessarily make you feel whole, or happy. You will still have to answer to yourself every day, and figure out how to lead a fulfilling life. You have to figure your own shit out, so to speak—and even when you have a supportive, loving partner at your side, it's tough. Don't expect love to fix your life. When you set crazy expectations like that, you set yourself up to be crazy disappointed. There’s no such thing as a one-way ticket to Happily Ever After. TC mark

14 Tiny Lies You Owe It To Yourself To Quit Telling

Posted: 19 Jan 2016 01:00 PM PST

phiasinclair
phiasinclair

1. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Really? Will you? Or will you just keep putting it off until it either never happens or snowballs out of control? Whether it’s the laundry piling up next to your closet or finally mending the broken relationship between you and a friend, you need to stop procrastinating on doing something that’s less than fun and pull a Nike. Just do it.

2. “It’s whatever.”

It’s not whatever. I’m so sick of seeing people pacifying their feelings in the name of seeming “chill” or “cool”. You deserve to own your feelings and express them. Stop letting the inherit need to not rock the boat keep you from getting things off your chest. It’s not whatever; it’s important. You’re not whatever. You’re important.

3. “It’s just one more drink.”

Or one more episode of Making a Murderer, or one more cookie, or one more booty call with the person who only cares about you when they’re drunk. It’s not one more; and you know that. So either own your choices and accept it (especially if involves a Netflix binge day because let’s be real – those rock) or just stop the behavior. Plain and simple.

4. “I didn’t see that message!”

Oh fuck off yes you did. Come on.

5. “I swear I’m listening.”

If you have to convince someone you’re listening it’s probably because you aren’t listening. How much does it annoy you when you’re on the opposite end of this scenario? When you’re telling your friend something and they’re scrolling through Twitter on their phone or obviously checking out someone’s ass while you talk? It. Sucks. So don’t be that person. Switch your phone to silent, make good eye contact, and be present. And, you know, not a shitty friend.

6. “I agree to the terms and conditions.”

No you didn’t. You scrolled through without reading and checked the box. And 9 times out of 10 it’s not going to matter. But then on the 10th you’ll find out that you actually agreed to something that ends up costing you a bunch of money you didn’t expect, or you’ll be called out by a person who says, “Yo. You violated this, son.” And then you’ll look like, and probably feel like, a dumb-dumb. So just give it a skim. Save yourself the pain.

7. “I’m fine.”

Are you? Because I think in 2016 “fine” is really a synonym for “repressing.”

8. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

This is something that shouldn’t have to be even said out loud. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep it that way. Don’t break someone’s trust. Just don’t do it. When has that ever ended well? …hhhmmmmm?

That’s what I thought.

9. “I’ll do it when I lose weight.”

Or buy it when you lose weight. Or you keep it FOR when you lose weight. Stop thinking about your body in future terms. You have a body, and it’s serving you right now. And it CAN serve you right now, if you let it.

10. “I know they can change.”

You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. You cannot change someone who does not want to change. Lather, rinse, repeat.

11. “I’m not jealous.”

We all get jealous and anyone who says that they don’t is *surprise* L.Y.I.N.G. It’s a natural feeling. You don’t have to go all nuts about it and get bitchy or weird when confronted with jealousy. But it’s also okay to recognize it and say, “I kind of/really/REALLY REALLY wish that was me.” And then you know what’s better? Channeling that jealousy into making something or doing something. WOAH. Full circle.

12. “I swear I can handle it.”

It’s okay to admit that you have enough on your plate, and don’t need anything else right now. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say, “No more please.” It’s okay to admit that you cannot handle it. If you take on too much, you will drop something; it always happens. Do a reasonable amount of work at the best of your ability, instead of too much work at a mediocre ability. You, and the people depending on you, will thank you for it.

13. “I don’t usually do this…

So what if you do so what if you don’t? It’s a pointless statement and regardless of the authenticity behind it, no one believes you. Sorry…just a fact.

14. “I’m totally over it.”

But…are you? Who are you trying to convince here? Because chances are if you’re repetitively saying you’re over something, you probably aren’t. And, again. It’s okay to have feelings and express them. So if you aren’t over something that’s okay. Someday you will be and you won’t feel the need to even mention it. Promise. TC mark