Thought Catalog

10 Signs Your Life Is Changing For The Better (Even If It Feels Difficult Right Now)

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 08:00 PM PST / jeffbergen / jeffbergen

1. You're recognizing what you don't want. All of a sudden, you're becoming acutely aware of how much you dislike your work habits and how much your "friends" drain you and how little you feel like yourself lately. It may seem like you're dissecting the anatomy of a disaster, but really, you're getting clear on what you don't want so you can get clearer about what you do.

2. You're opening up to people again; isolation is no longer the most appealing option. Even if you're just thinking about the fact that you need to open your heart more to the people around you, you're already on the right track.

3. You're unpredictably emotional. It's just another way of saying that you're not suppressing everything anymore. You're beginning to feel again, which brings you one step closer to being able to deal with those feelings in a real way.

4. A lot of annoying clichés are starting to make sense. You're seeing why hard work is important, and being present matters and positivity is a choice. You're seeing how love is something you create and your life is what you make it and everything else that seemed like vapid, useless fodder is now the answer to everything, if only you could master it.

5. You're becoming hyper self-conscious. It's just a side effect of becoming more self-aware. Alternatively, you're finally reaching a healthy equilibrium of being able to recognize both the positive and negative aspects about who you are, without denying or inflating either/or.

6. The changes you desire in your life surround wanting to feel more like yourself, not less. In the past, you may have dreamt of a life where you were über successful or incredibly beautiful or completely loved, all in an effort to combat feeling proportionately shitty about yourself. When you're more in your center, you want your life to reflect who you are, not who you wish you were.

7. You feel "lost," which is just another way of saying you're detaching from your old ideas about what your life should be, or what the future should hold, and so on. Living in the present feels an awful lot like being "lost" before we get used to it.

8. You're seeing your hardships as portals to a better understanding of yourself. Rather than battle off your emotional trauma or low self-esteem – or worse, try to control something else in its place – you're beginning to realize that on the other side of the things that most deeply plague you is a deeper truth about who you are.

9. You're beginning to realize that if you have a problem in your life, the problem is you. Aside from the fact that people love to project their issues onto other people and deflect from their own faults, whether or not a situation was your fault, if it is affecting you, it is your responsibility to change. The blame game is an irrelevant one. It's as simple as that.

10. You know you're not getting enough out of life, but now you're starting to that maybe you're not giving enough, either. You complain that you don't have love but you don't actually go out and try to date. You hate your job, but you don't look for a new one. You're always stressed, but you don't work on being better about regulating your emotions or being able to focus harder and work more efficiently. You both recognize that you want more from your life and understand that it's time you start making that happen. TC mark

Why I Don’t Have A Dating Profile

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 07:00 PM PST


I don't have a dating profile,
but if I had one, it would say –
Do you want my freedom,
or do you want my slavery? –
Just so you know where we stand.
The first answer is the correct one
and it should cause at least 99% of profile viewers
to back off.
Next up,
my profile would talk about how
female pop singers often get asked
what are the qualities of an ideal boyfriend.
I'm a female,
though I'm no pop singer,
and an ideal boyfriend has two qualities,
tenderness and great style –
because I can't have someone treat me bad
or make me look bad
(intentional misuse of adjective as adverb –
in case you were about to yell).
Height is not a deal breaker,
but if my abs are more defined than yours,
I won't see you again.
I'll admit that I am a bit shallow,
but most of all,
I couldn't stand the thought
of me doing weight training
while you eat pizza and burp
in front of the TV.
I'd feel that my effort
is being taken for granted
and made light of.
And speaking of TV,
I'll want to watch the original Star Wars trilogy
each time it's on –
if you don't like the original Star Wars trilogy
you have no soul,
so don't talk to me. TC mark

This Is How The Right Person Will Love You

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 06:15 PM PST / wundervisuals / wundervisuals

I hope that you end up with someone who loves you back. I don't mean someone who likes your figure or the cool new shoes you've bought this month. I hope you find someone who's genuinely interested in you. Someone who wants to know what your favorite songs are. I don't mean the songs that you'll listen to with a crowd of people at a bonfire but the songs you listen to when you're driving alone or falling asleep at night. Someone who wants to know what your favorite books are and will take the time to read them because they want to see what intrigues your mind. Someone who wants to know about your favorite childhood memory and your favorite hiding place as an adult. Someone who wants to work out with you and eat a tub of Nutella with you on a Friday night. Someone who uses words like charming, stunning, delightful, lovely, graceful, lovely, dazzling, radiant, and dashing instead of cute, beautiful, and pretty. Someone who wants to read every term paper you've aced and every journal entry you've posted on your blog. Someone who wants to find all the imperfections on your olive skin and wants to love every blemish and scar they find. Someone who knows your favorite quotes by heart. Someone who wants to know if you prefer almond milk or fat free milk. Someone who wants to learn about your past but more so about your future. I hope you find that someone who wants to know every detail about you. I hope you find them and you end up with them forever. TC mark

For The College Christian Struggling With Her Faith

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / amyjhumphries
Twenty20 / amyjhumphries

I want you to know one thing—you are not alone.

You are not the only believer in this crazy college world. Not the only one who is fighting the inner battle between going out drinking on a Friday night and attending church on Sunday. You are not the only one that feels lost sometimes, who can't seem to get it right, who doesn't really know what she's doing. Who's scared.

Being in Christian in college is tough. It's hard to try to find your place, your steady ground in a world that seems to only care about the latest gossip, biggest party, who's making out with who, and how good you are at playing Beer Pong.

But here's the thing: There's more to life than the wildest Friday night, more to life than how many shots you can throw back, or how well you can 'turn up.' There's more to life than the number of boys you sleep with, or how many friends you have.

It might feel like being popular, fitting in, living the 'college life' is important right now, and to some extent it is, but it will never compare to the eternal life you have waiting for you, and the unfailing love you will always have from the man upstairs.

Listen, over these college years you're going to feel lost. You're going to be confused. You're going to hate yourself, doubt your faith, and break down. You're going to mess up. But in every one of those mistakes, you're going to get up and pull yourself back on track. You're going to stay strong in the truths your life has been grounded upon.

It might feel like being popular, fitting in, living the 'college life' is important right now, and to some extent it is, but it will never compare to the eternal life you have waiting for you, and the unfailing love you will always have from the man upstairs.

At many points in your college career you're going to want to go out, and you know what? You're going to go out. You don't have to hide to be a Christian. And you're not going to be a weirdo hermit with a quiet, sheltered life. You are going to experience the world. You are going to laugh and have fun and share drinks and memories and fall in love.

But you know what's going to be different about you? You're going to stay true to yourself, your morals, and your faith. You're going to be the girl that doesn't sleep around, who controls herself, who keeps herself poised, who loves God, who loves others unconditionally, and who shines God's grace and teaches others about His never-ending forgiveness.

You will dive into your studies, your sports, your fine arts, your church activities, and your friends. And you will demonstrate your faith in all of these places. You will triumph and you will fail, and in all of this, you will be stronger as a person and in your faith.

You are a college Christian. And you are not alone. You are not the only one who flirts between wanting to live a 'normal' life and a believer's life, who is lonely and scared and unsure and hesitant and doubtful and terrified. But you know the most beautiful thing about God's love? It's unconditional and purposeful. So trust in him through these years. Know that he has put you in the place that you're meant to be, and that he will use you for greatness. Have faith, sweet pea. You're doing just fine. TC mark

The 25 Most Supremely Ironic Deaths In World History

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 05:15 PM PST



Timothy Treadwell loved bears. The problem is, bears didn’t love him nearly so much.

Blonde-haired and a trifle feminine, young Timmy loved animals as a boy, then overdosed on heroin as a young man, and subsequently devoted his adult life to living among bears. Every summer for 13 years he’d have a bush pilot drop him off amid the savage wilderness of Alaska’s Katmai National Park to live among the giant grizzlies. He never got too close to them, but he made up names for them and sang songs for them and filmed them and claimed he loved them far more than he loved filthy humans and their stupid so-called “civilization.”

But of course it was the end of the 13th year that would prove unlucky for the rabid bear enthusiast.

Timothy thought he understood bears. What he clearly failed to understand is that bears are highly capable of killing him, not to mention frequently more than willing to do so.

He stayed a week later than normal as the summer of 2003 started crashing into the Alaskan fall. During his final days, while he was camping out with his reputed girlfriend Amie Huguenard, he mentioned seeing a new bear that for some reason he didn’t quite trust. Perhaps it was this new interloping brown bear that devoured Timothy and Amie on that fateful autumn morning as they screamed in vain. Treadwell’s camera recorded the sound but not the video because the lens cap was still attached.

German director Werner Herzog turned Timothy’s tragically ironic story into the brilliant 2006 documentary Grizzly Man. In the film, Herzog listens to the death audio on headphones and decides that not only shouldn’t it be included in the film, the tape should be destroyed.

But it appears that the ultra-ghoulish soundtrack of Timothy and Amie’s death has surfaced online. If you dare, you can hear Timothy and his girlfriend’s dying screams here. WARNING: This audio is EXTREMELY upsetting:


As the summer of 1985 drew to an end, the New Orleans Recreation Department was so proud that there were no drownings that season at the city’s swimming pools, they threw a huge poolside party for about 100 lifeguards, 100 more guests, and even four active lifeguards who were assigned to guard the pool and prevent something embarrassing from happening—like, you know, someone drowning to death. But the revelry continued for hours while 31-year-old Jerome Moody, a party guest but not himself a lifeguard, was lying lifeless at the pool’s bottom. His body wasn’t discovered until the party started winding down.



Segways, those annoying and inscrutable electronic sideways skateboard/pogo-stick self-propulsion “Human Transporter” devices that I must confess scare the shit out of me for reasons I cannot quite articulate, have never been more ironically tragic than on that day in 2010 when British investor Jimi Heselden, who’d purchased the company earlier that year, careened a Segway test model a off the road and down an 80-foot cliff to his death. A coroner ruled that Heselden had died of “”multiple blunt force injuries of the chest and spine consistent with a fall whilst riding a gyrobike.”


After being convicted of sexual assault and murder, Michael Anderson Godwin was sentenced to death in 1983, which in South Carolina during the 1980s was administered via the electric chair. He successfully appealed his sentence and had it changed to life imprisonment. One night while sitting naked on a wet metal toilet and wearing headphones that were connected to his TV, he bit into a wire and accidentally zapped himself to death on his own makeshift prison-cell electric chair.



Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov—no, I don’t know how to pronounce it, either, and probably like you, my eyes just sort of skip over names that complicated—was a Russian woman whom doctors had declared dead in June of 2012. But during an open-casket wake, she awoke screaming in panic. She was rushed to a local hospital, where physicians declared she’d died of a heart attack.



Eugene Aserinsky is considered one of the pioneers of modern sleep research and is most famous for discovering REM (rapid-eye movement) sleep in 1953. Forty-five years later he slammed his car into a tree north of San Diego. It is suspected that he had fallen asleep while driving.



With his cereal commercials and best-selling books such as The Complete Book of Running Jim Fixx was the inescapable face of the 1970s’ jogging revolution. But in 1984 he fell down dead of a heart attack while performing the act that made him famous. An autopsy revealed one of Fixx’s coronary arteries was 95% blocked, while another was 80% clogged and still another was crammed with 70% fatty plaque.


A Nebraska man named Derek Kieper was so passionate about the idea that seat-belt laws violated his sacred individual liberties, he wrote an opinion column about it. Less than four months later, he died in a car accident. Two of his friends in the car survived. They were wearing seatbelts.



While proudly riding his roaring Harley down the road with his un-helmeted head exposed to the whistling winds of freedom during a 2011 protest ride against helmet laws, New York biker Philip Contos was flung over his handlebars and onto the sidewalk, where he died of a fatal head injury. A State Trooper claimed that a medical examiner told him Contos would have lived if only he’d been wearing a helmet.



Troy Leon Gregg was a plucky and wily and crafty convicted murderer who along with three other Death Row inmates managed to escape the Georgia State Prison in Reidsville in 1980 one day before Gregg was to be put to death. Unfortunately, that night Greg was beaten to death during a bar fight in North Carolina.


Of the five Beach Boys, only drummer Dennis Wilson could legitimately claim the name, for he was the only surfer in the bunch. Late one afternoon in 1983 he drunkenly went diving in Marina Del Rey to fetch some items he’d tossed overboard his yacht a few years earlier. He drowned to death, and the US Coast Guard buried his body at sea.



Steve “The Crocodile Hunter” Irwin was a charismatic, khaki-wearing, danger-seeking Aussie who gained infamy by pressing his luck with all manner of ungodly beasts. His luck ran out in September 2006 while filming an episode of Ocean’s Deadliest in the Great Barrier Reef. An eight-foot-wide stingray struck him several hundred times with its tail spine. It pierced his heart and he bled to death.



Clement Vallandigham was a valiant and noble Ohio lawyer who in 1871 defended a man named Thomas McGehan on murder charges. Vallandigham’s theory was that the victim had actually shot himself while in a kneeling position. To demonstrate that this was physically possible, Vallandigham recreated the event in the courtroom using a pistol he thought was unloaded. To his extremely brief dismay, it was loaded, and he accidentally shot himself to death, proving his legal theory and leading to his client’s acquittal.



From most accounts, Garry Hoy was a brash, confident Toronto lawyer—perhaps too brash. One day in July 1993, as he had allegedly demonstrated so many times before, he showed a group of visitors that the glass window in his 24th-floor office was unbreakable by running headlong into it. Unfortunately, this time the window popped out of its frame and Hoy fell to his death in an act of autodefenestration. The glass, however, did not break, so technically he proved his point. But at what cost?



In the salty old year of 1794 somewhere off the Hawaiian islands, Captain John Kendrick‘s ship the Washington fired a thirteen-gun salute at another ship called the Jackal, which saluted back. Unfortunately, one of their cannons was actually loaded with grapeshot, killing Kendrick as he sat at his table on deck.



Marcus Garvey was a pioneering black nationalist with a penchant for wearing extremely complicated hats. As the story goes, he died in June 1940 when he suffered two strokes after reading a negatively slanted premature obituary of himself in the Chicago Defender. Written in January of that year, the obit claimed that Garvey had died “broke, alone, and unpopular,” which proved fatally upsetting to him.



Keith Relf is best known as the singer of British Invasion band The Yardbirds, which spawned the legendary guitarists Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, and Jimmy Page. One day in 1976 while practicing in his basement, Relf accidentally fried himself while playing an electric guitar that had been improperly grounded.



Madame Curie is the first woman to ever win a Nobel Prize and is still the only woman to ever win it twice. She discovered polonium and radium but unfortunately spent so much time dabbling in radioactive materials that she fatally succumbed to aplastic anemia.



The Gospel of Mark clearly states that believers in Christ will be able to “pick up serpents” without being harmed, and the almost entirely Caucasian Pentecostal phenomenon of snake-handling is perhaps most vibrant in the tiny, beautiful state of West Virginia. Even though Mack Wolford‘s father had died from picking up serpents, Mack forged ahead to prove his faith in the Lord. After surviving three bites on three separate occasions, he fell dead from a fatal rattlesnake bite in May of 2012.



Two days before Christmas in 2010, a 54-year-old Liverpudlian named Alan Cattarall entered a giant industrial oven that baked plastic at 280 degrees to make kayaks. He sought only to make a minor repair, but the oven’s operator—his future son-in-law, Mark Francis—accidentally locked him in and flipped on the switch. While burning to death, Cattarall screamed for help but the sounds were muffled by the factory’s industrial noises.



As a longtime member of the board of directors for San Francisco’s Golden Gate district, John Moylan had agitated tirelessly to erect suicide barriers on the Golden Gate Bridge, which to date has been the site of at least 1,600 suicides. In 2014—six years after the barriers were erected—Moylan’s grandson Sean successfully evaded the barriers and jumped to his death from the bridge.



In 2011, a 35-year-old Canadian woman named Chantal Lavigne participated in a “detoxification” seminar called “Dying in Consciousness” that involved her being daubed in mud, wrapped up in plastic, swaddled in blankets, and having her head placed in a cardboard box for nine hours. She wound up being “cooked to death” after her body temperature raised to 105 degrees Fahrenheit.



Soul singer Marvin Gaye possessed a rare talent, but he also hailed from a family that was unusually dysfunctional. Having developed extreme paranoia due to insufflating an estimated one million dollars worth of cocaine, Gaye took to wearing a bulletproof vest onstage and surrounding himself with armed bodyguards. For Christmas 1983 he gave his father a .38 pistol, ostensibly to protect himself from those who sought to prey upon the Gaye family fortune. Four months later after a violent domestic scuffle, his father used that pistol to fatally shoot his son.



Jerome Irving Rodale earned a fortune as the publisher of numerous health-food books and Prevention magazine. During a taping of The Dick Cavett Show that never aired, the 72-year=old Rodale allegedly told the host that “I never felt better in my life” and that he intended to live to 100. But he died of a heart attack while the show was taping.



Ex-preacher Sam Kinison built a huge following in the late 1980s as the “screaming comedian.” One of his routines involved a comic defense of drunk driving:

We don't WANT to drink and drive.…But there's no other way to get the fucking CAR back to the HOUSE!! How are we supposed to get fucking home?

In April 1992—less than a week after marrying his third wife and while driving to Nevada for a show—Kinison was killed by a 17-year-old drunk driver. TC mark

7 Things I Look For In A Woman To Be The Mother Of My Children

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / amyjhumphries
Twenty20 / amyjhumphries

Should you look for different things in a co-parent than you do a partner? We want everyone with whom we have intimate relationships to be competently smart, kind, curious and attractive. But while we do endless inventory of what we like, dislike, trust, distrust, covet, lust after, love, hate and admire about the new people we meet, it stands to reason that are some traits you may look for in a potential mate rather than a potential partner.

Perhaps the provider quality is attractive for both a husband and a father, but you’d guess that someone who references “birthing hips” ain’t especially looking for a wife.

I’m not terribly interested in having children (understatement), but if one slips by the goalie, hook or crook, I’ll want to know that this either devious or wholly irresponsible woman is someone who will complement and supplement my ability to keep a tiny person fairly safe (and allow him or her to become a solid citizen). Yeah, that’s a pretty big caveat, but here are seven things I’d love in the mom of my child.

1. The ability to respond well in a crisis

There will be blood. And ear infections. And fist fights. And exclusions. I’m not sure if there’s such thing as building character (I’d have virtually infinity character if bumps, bruises and setbacks did that), but handling adversity with grace is absolutely the world’s finest life skill, and your parents are really the only people who can teach it.

This isn’t to say that if some injustice is going on that you shouldn’t pipe up, but if you can manage to do so in a controlled, calculated way, your results will likely be more to your liking.

2. Somewhat of a hankering for all-things domestic

I can change diapers and I don’t mind. I can mostly cook and do laundry. I need someone who’s better at it than I am to force me to keep the kind of home that a member of Child Services wouldn’t spirit a toddler away from immediately. “Deserves” is the wrong word, but I’d like even a highly inconvenient child of mine to eat something besides cereal and occasionally wear white clothes a second time. Please let me help you help me.

3. A killer sense of humor

My fictional kid will sh*t all the way up her back at least once. It’s gross and stinky … and sort of hilarious. I’m not into toilet humor but if a person getting peed on because she diapered her son from back to front isn’t a little bit funny, then raising kids might not be for you.

I have a close friend who texted me a recording of her 18-month-old son yelling, “Mommy, there’s a f*cking bear in my crib!” She had to share that with someone rather than be mortified that her kid talks like some sailor from Jersey Shore.

4. The ability to function on minimal sleep

People saying, “The struggle is real” with anything less than extinction level issues drives me up the wall, but having chronic sleep problems is a pretty serious bummer. And it’s one that people who haven’t had them don’t really get.

“I don’t know, why don’t you just go to sleep earlier or something?” Cool, next time tell a homeless person to “get a house or something.” I’d prefer that my baby mama could get a contiguous eight hours, but she has to appreciate how crappy not getting regular sleep is and be very interested in devising solutions for nighttime kid issues. And she must be completely against co-sleeping in all but the rarest circumstances.

5. Hate the same things I do

Sure, love is one of the world’s most powerful forces but I’m OK if the mother of Denise Tiger Miller doesn’t LOVE Tina Fey. Or DMX. Or the Atlanta Braves. Or American exceptionalism. Or my dad. But I don’t want to bring a child into this world with someone who can stand Nancy Grace, jam bands, Pepsi or roller blades.

One of the most important things to show your children is that you have respect for one another and I couldn’t in good faith lie to my kid by pretending to appreciate certain tastes; it’d be a slap in everyone’s face.

6. Have some modicum of athletic interest

At one point, I was pretty decent at sports. As a late bloomer, that never really translated to much other than hearing people at the batting cage say, “Wow, where’d you play?” as an adult. I’m not asking you to paint your face orange and become the kind of cartoonish assh*le that sometimes gives Little League a bad name; I’m just asking for someone who’s cool wearing a t-shirt with clashing colors, and sometimes pitching to our kid or shagging her fly balls. Your choice.

Sports, particularly team ones, are great for kids to get exercise, understand competition and cooperation, learn to win with grace/lose with dignity, and appreciate what’s wrong with those crazy soccer people in Europe.

7. Believe in magic

I’m an atheist and I’m pretty sure there’s no magical bearded woman in space who pulls strings to make sure one person is born in a gutter and the next is born to Tom Brady’s parents. However, there’s a tremendous amount of things that happen in the world that we can’t explain; that we can’t observe and so we dismiss.

We’re not 100 percent sure why gravity works. We don’t exactly know why we’re conscious. Dark matter has been a thing and not a thing and then a thing again in my lifetime. Pretending that we have all the answers is boring and petty, but If I inadvertently have a kid, that little doofus’ very existence would be a minor miracle. I’d want his or her mom to believe that some wonderful parts of life are beyond our understanding. TC mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.


14 Nurses And Hospital Workers Share The Creepiest Thing They’ve Ever Seen On The Job

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 04:00 PM PST

Flickr Rob Walker
Flickr Rob Walker
Found on AskReddit

1. her hands reach up and grasp my wrists

"ER Nurse here. Was doing CPR on a lady whose heart had stopped. They initially rolled her into the room unconscious and not breathing. This lady is pretty much dead. However, in the middle of doing chest compressions, her hands reach up and grasp my wrists and then fall back to hanging off the table. We never got her back."

2. a man just jumped off the building

"I was having a patient signing her admissions paperwork. Everything was going normally and she seemed coherent until she looked out her window and asked me, 'Did you see that?' I hadn’t seen anything and she said, 'A man just jumped off the building.' Then she shook her head and mumbled to herself how her mind isn’t right anymore. Freaked me the fuck out. Now I’m terrified of getting old and having dementia."

3. She kept talking about the man in black in the corner

"People turn batshit crazy and creepy as hell when they get really sick. There’s even a term called ICU psychosis…and trust me, it’s real. Anyway, the creepiest that takes the cake for me is this (am an ICU nurse, btw): Had a patient who was admitted for overdose. Very long history of mental health problems. She was thrashing around in bed, very combative, kicking people’s asses for days, totally incoherent. Well the night I had her, she started making decent sense, but still not oriented at all. She was extremely paranoid and kept talking about the man in black in the corner. I’d hear her talking to him and screaming, all night long. So I’d go in there and try to calm her down, but you could see the fear in her eyes. she was talking other nonsense about how she was in space and shit, and with certain patients, you try to redirect their 'reality,' but what I did didn’t help. She said 'that man in black! Don’t you see him!' and pointed to the corner. I said 'there’s nobody here.' I stepped in the corner she was pointing to and waved my hands around. While I’m waving my hands around in the air, she had the most horrifically terrified look on her face that actually scared the shit out of me, like I had just assaulted the man in black. I said 'see, there’s nobody here' and she said in a matter-of-factly, you-stupid-dumb-bitch way: 'that’s what you think.' I promptly got the fuck out of there."

4. Basically just a couple of bloody, rasping holes instead of a face

"Not a doctor, but both of my parents were, so here’s a couple of the weirder stories I remember: Mom was an ER doc, one night a guy came in who had tried to commit suicide. He had used a shotgun, but had stuck it under his chin instead of in his mouth and had angled it wrong so that he just blew most of his face off instead. Apparently he only lived about a block from the hospital so he just walked over with no jaw or nose and only one eye. Basically just a couple of bloody, rasping holes instead of a face. He was in such a state of shock that he just calmly walked in and sat down in the waiting area. The other is much less gory, and mostly just weird. After 'retiring' Dad worked in geriatric care for a few of the nursing homes around town. One guy had this really weird affliction that I can’t remember the name of, but it caused him to have really weird hallucinations, like snakes coming out of his nose and mouth. The strange part was that he was completely lucid and actually really intelligent, and my dad would talk to him frequently. They would be discussing films or philosophy, and the guy would occasionally calmly say, 'Hang on a second,' and then proceed to pull a two-foot invisible snake out of his nose. He’d lay 'it' on the ground, and then it apparently would slither away. He could talk about them and describe them in complete detail."

5. The creepiest laugh I’ve ever heard

"Medical student. While on my Psych rotation, came across an individual who was a chemistry graduate student. Apparently he had been taking astronomical amounts of ketamine, and he was just continuously disassociated. For the entire time I was on this portion of the rotation (3 weeks) I never heard him speak a word. 95% of the time we was wrapped up in his sheets like a mummy and he would just periodically laugh, a crazy soft chuckle, from under his covers if you tried to talk to him. The creepiest laugh I’ve ever heard, I’ll never forget that."

6. imagine someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head

"Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and Scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast. We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real? Another story: A girl spent my entire 8-hour-shift fist-fighting the same ghost. She would throw a few punches, and obviously landed knockout blows, so she’d bend over and twist her hand around like she was wrapping some long hair around her wrist. She’d drag her opponent down the hallway, give a few good kicks, then set up for a curb stomp. Starts off kinda funny, then gets a little disturbing when you think about the graphic things going on in her mind, then just sad after you watch this replay for hours on end."

7. Both mom and baby died

"Paramedic checking in—a few years ago I responded to a call for a pregnant female who shot herself. The 911 caller hung up before any more information could be gathered by dispatch. We arrived to find a girl in her early to mid 20s sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the front of the bathtub slumped over. She was obviously pregnant, looked to be third trimester to me. She was unresponsive and barely breathing with a rapid carotid pulse. A small revolver was on the floor next to her. We found a single gunshot wound to the center of her very pregnant abdomen. The patient’s mother and 4-year-old son were on scene. The mother told us that the patient invited her over for dinner for some company as she had been fighting with the father of her fetus all day long. The mother stated that in the middle of dinner the patient excused herself from the table to use the bathroom. That’s when the mother heard a single gunshot. Anyway, the mother told us that the patient was 23 and was almost full term (I can’t remember how many weeks, but it was >34) with her second pregnancy. To make a long story short, we intubate the patient, establish 2 IVs, carry her down from the second floor to the truck, and haul ass to the trauma center. The patient went into cardiac arrest as we were wheeling her into the hospital. CPR was started and an emergency C-section was performed in the ER. Both mom and baby died. The bullet went through the baby and through mom’s abdominal aorta. Her belly was full of blood. Fucked-up call."

8. I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath

"As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn't know what to do with him. Sadly common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the back yard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors' smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us. I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking. He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because thats what we wanted to hear. And be would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him. I had to get up and close my bedroom door. I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath."

9. I remember her coming home some nights and just pouring wine immediately

"My mother was a NICU nurse for 30 years and one time she showed me a picture of a baby maybe a centimeter or two smaller than a dollar bill placed next to it. She told me it didn’t survive too much longer. That job wrecked her, I remember her coming home some nights and just pouring wine immediately. I’m also never going to forget when she told me with tears in her eyes, 'if you are very unlucky you will lose a child in your life. I lose one every month.'"


"Motorcycle driver, accident, 3rd degree burns, arrived DOA. Had to transfer him from ambulance gurney to ER bed. As we were moving him with a transfer sheet, the liquefied/cooked subcutaneous fat caused the charred skin on his back to separate and his body slipped onto the floor (despite several of us trying to 'catch' him)."

11. her eyes rolled back and she was gone

"Not a MD, but I do work at a hospital. I was sitting a patient up at the edge of the bed is in ICU when she started getting all squirrelly. She didn’t speak much English but kept saying “stand, stand” so I helped her stand up. After standing for a few seconds something told me to lay her back down. Before her head ever hit the pillow her eyes rolled back and she was gone. She had a massive stroke and was gone on the spot. She all but died in my arms. But I like to think I honored her last wish of wanting to stand."

12. What if this wasn’t really their child, and actually some kid they kidnapped?

"I'm not a doctor, but I am in the health are field as a dental hygienist. the creepiest/most confusing thing I’ve seen is as follows: We had a new patient come in for a cleaning. he was around 3 or 4, and mom said he had never been to the dentist before. not uncommon for what I see on a daily basis, so at first I didn’t think anything of it. I did his cleaning, and then went to take his routine X-rays. This is where the shit got weird. After looking at the X-rays I could see that the child had already had a large amount of dental work done. He had around 6 or 7 composite (tooth color) fillings. When I sat back down at my chair I asked the parents again if he had ever been to the dentist. They were both adamant that he hadn’t, and also said there was no way a relative could have taken the without them knowing. What the fuck? How did this happen? Who took him? Where were the parents? Had they possibly been in jail for a long time and not known he was taken to the dentist by someone else and had work performed? What if this wasn’t really their child, and actually some kid they kidnapped? His insurance had no record of him having previous dental work, so that was a dead end, too. I think about it often but know that ultimately, I’ll never get an answer. It sucks."

13. Nothing prepares you for the smell of rotting corpse

"Paramedic here. We got a call to go out to a scene for an elderly woman with chest pains. Arrive at the house, front door is open. We knock, hear the old woman calling out from the back, 'I'm in the back room' in a very monotone and calm voice. My partner and I go to the back of the house looking for this woman, and that’s when we smelled it. Nothing prepares you for the smell of rotting corpse. I’ve smelled it a dozen times, and it never gets any less disturbing. We radio for police and ALS backup as we move through the house. We opened the door to the master bedroom, and there is our patient. She is approximately 80, and she is staring at the master bathroom with these cold, dead eyes. She never once looked at us as we approached her and began talking to her. I got to the bedside and got in front of her gaze, and she just looked right through me. I turned around to see what she could possibly be looking at, and there was the source of my smell. A man, about the same age as my patient, is on the floor with very little left of his head still attached to his body. A shotgun lay on the floor next to him, and most of his head was strewn about the walls and bathroom counter. He shot himself. We loaded the woman up in the ambulance, and our police backup pulled up. I don’t think that woman blinked once the entire time she was in our care. I think she couldn’t even grasp what was going on. Totally fucked me up."

14. Some days, your faith in humanity is tested

"I worked in an ER and the creepiest thing I can remember wasn’t so much an event as a look. A 4-month-old child was brought in because it had basically suffocated in its crib due to neglect. The mother was there, watching her baby die and maybe it was the drugs still coursing through her system, maybe it was the shock, but watching as one of our priests tells her outside the trauma bay 'Heaven has claimed your daughter,' the glassy, thousand-mile stare she gave as she asked if there were police going to her house and if she could go home. Something that utterly wrecked everyone in our ER and she had this otherworldly, totally distant look because she was thinking about how she’s going to get busted. Some days, your faith in humanity is tested." TC mark

10 Painful Questions You Inevitably Ask Yourself After A Bad Breakup

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 03:00 PM PST


1. "Was any of it real?"

You start to question the whole foundation of what was once a solid relationship. Rest assured, your feelings were real, and though it may have faded, the love you had for each other had a pulse. A wonderful, whole existence.

2. "Did he ever really love me?"

You replay the first time he uttered "I love you," and you question if he really felt that way, or if it was just an accident he repeated over and over (and over) again. He loved you, boo. He did, he does, and he probably will for a while.

3. "Did I ever really love him?"

If you felt compelled to say it time and time again, don't second-guess yourself—that shit was true. Just because the love wasn't enough to last a lifetime with him doesn't mean it wasn't the real thing.

4. "…Did we even like each other?"

Yes, you did. At the beginning of your relationship, you could literally hear your stomach drop every time your phone lit up with a text from him. You laughed together. You had great sex together. You liked each other. You loved each other.

5. "Was that a total waste of my time?"

No, it wasn't. Even if it ended in infidelity and/or a keyed car, it wasn't a waste. Just like you learned from the algebra problems you fucked up in middle school, so too will you learn from all your fucked up loves. They'll be painful, but they'll feed you. They'll help you build a starrier future.

6. "Should I have seen the end coming all along?"

You know what *they* say, babe: hindsight is 20/20. Suddenly, rogue memories populate your brain—dark, foreboding memories that suggest you should've known the two of you weren't built to last a long, long time ago. Don't live in the past. It'll cloud all the good that's to come.

7. "Am I an idiot for falling for him to begin with?"

No, you're not. There was a time you thought he was exactly who and where you needed him to be. You shouldn't fault yourself for feeling how you felt.

8. "Am I ever gonna get over this?"

Yes, you will. You'll be heartbroken for a while. There's no use fighting it—let yourself be heartbroken. With a little time (and perhaps a rebound bone), you'll love being single again, and you'll live your beautiful life without him.

9. "Will anyone ever measure up to him?"

Of course they will. The guy that's right for you will surpass this one. He'll be strong and sweet and courageous and kind in ways that this last one wasn't. You'll be happy with him. You might not believe it now—not yet—but you will. And you won't have to settle. Ever.

10. "Will he move on before I do?"

Maybe he will. And if he does, yep, it's gonna suck. But there's no perfect time frame for love matters—there just isn't. He may start banging some awful chick the day after you split, and if he does, you'll wanna tear your hair out. But don't disturb those pretty lil' follicles, boo-boo. Your time will come. TC mark

This Is The Incredible Power Of Love After Loss

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 02:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / easley.morgan
Twenty20 / easley.morgan

In a single second you can cross a street, you can whisper I love you, you can take off in an airplane, you can feel your stomach drop, you can smile, or you can watch someone you love take his last breath. In a second, a tragic, slow-moving, catastrophic second, a friend of mine experienced the latter. She sat powerless as her best friend, her other half, her fiancé, her whole life breathed air for the last time then disappeared underwater.

Her fiancé was in a boat when it overturned. Two hours later, he was pulled from 12ft deep water. This accident occurred just a month prior to his graduation from college.

It breaks my heart, not knowing what to say, not having the words to heal or even begin to mend my friend's heart in the wake of such an enormous loss. But as I watched her, this beautiful girl with a smile that managed to find its way across her face, a laugh that still surfaced somehow, and a heart that was so pure and gold, I realized that this story, her story, is not a tragic story. It will never be a tragic story.

This story is not about loss, but about the incredible power of love. How love can lift us up when we're shattered into millions of tiny pieces, when we're struggling and gasping for a chance to survive in the aftermath of losing someone we've built a life, a future with. How love can heal and mend and smooth over the cracked pieces. How love changes us and our hearts and the world because it doesn't stop when a life does.

Love changes us and our hearts and the world because it doesn't stop when a life does.

This beautiful friend of mine could have given up at any moment. And everyone expected her to. It wasn't because they doubted the person she was, but they couldn't see how she could pick up the bits of brokenness and make them whole again. How could she possibly continue when this was the only life she had known? How could she push on when the entire direction of who she was had suddenly changed? How could she look forward when there was nothing to focus on or trust?

But she did. Somehow she gathered the fragments of herself and put them back together. She pushed and pressed and forged on, all the while loving. Never forgetting. See, this isn't a story of death or a story of loss. It is a story of new beginnings. How this strong woman could pick herself up, how her love could create something beautiful despite her loss.

This young woman never gave up. When she had mended herself enough to talk, she talked. She cried. She opened herself to others and let them in. She shared her story, and shared it again and again and again until her story brought awareness. But she didn't stop there. She continued. She talked to friends and adults, she made phone calls to the college, to companies, to foundations, to people in high places that could make a difference. And she did.

She raised money for diving gear for the town, enough for two diving suits so that the emergency/rescue teams could be prepared if there ever was another emergency. She raised enough money for equipment, to help people respond to this type of crisis. She could have been bitter. She could have been angry that the world was unprepared for her situation, her tragedy. But she wasn't. She focused only on the good that could come out of it, the difference that she could make for the future.

See, that's why this isn't a sad story. It is not about loss, but about love. How love can turn loss into a gift, how something terrible and tragic can be molded into something beautiful, and how we somehow find ways to continue on, to break through the surface and start again, because we know that's what the people we lose would want us to do. And we love them, so we do just that. TC mark

20 Unexpected Ways Your Daily Life Changes When You’re Suddenly Single Again

Posted: 29 Jan 2016 01:00 PM PST

Andrew E Weber
Andrew E Weber

1. Something relatively simple happens, like finding $20, or getting the best parking spot in the lot, or a 25 cent raise, and you can't wait to share it…but you get a lump in your throat because you just can't anymore.

2. You notice things more fully. Things you looked right past, like a bird's nest in the tree out front, or the children throwing snowballs across the street.

3. You wake up earlier and have more of your days to experience. Or the reverse, and you sleep in later, indulging in some selfish, rejuvenating sleep.

4. You become dependent on your phone. It is now your lifeline to the rest of the world and your outlet for social media. And you begin to analyze pictures and Snapstories and Tweets at the deepest level, reading for some underlying, hidden meaning. Wondering if those song lyrics, that smiley face are about you.

5. You are suddenly blessed with free time, and you begin to fill it with purposeful, intentional activities that make you happy.

6. You feel vulnerable in ways only losing love can make you feel—it becomes essential to put on a good face because the whole world seems to be watching you, but all the while you wonder what that person's doing, and if they're wondering about you.

7. You want to share the excitement over that amazing thing you've been wishing for which has finally become a reality…but it's bittersweet. You can't share the news with the person who was there through the struggle. So you bite your tongue.

8. You are brought to tears at the tiniest of things—opening your door to an empty bed, seeing the fridge without his beer or her yogurt, or only one towel in the bathroom.

9. You smile with intention. Purpose. Until that smile begins to form naturally again.

10. You feel this sense of fear. Not at a deep level, but in a way that is much different than how you felt before and who you were before. You are now more hesitant to talk to the opposite sex and careful with your words.

11. You start doing the little things you've always wanted to do, but never could find the time for.

12. You see the value in family and friends, these dependable, truly incredible people you've been blessed with. And you begin to spend more time with them.

13. You have a little hole in your heart from coming across something hilarious or sentimental and wanting so badly to send it to your ex's sibling, or mother, or uncle, who you know will appreciate it. But you just can't.

14. You learn to fill the empty spaces, so you bury yourself in things like work and outings with friends and to-do lists.

15. You find confidence in the smallest things, like your outfit, or how you styled your hair, or the person at the grocery store who smiled at you.

16. You begin to accept that cooking will now feel tedious, and will remind you of how your ex would always cook with you, or how you would always have the perfect portions for two people. But you begin to accept this difference.

17. You try new foods, new recipes, new restaurants, and delight in the simple pleasure of doing something that you didn't do before.

18. You learn how to make yourself a little less lonely—a fortress of pillows so it feels like you're not sleeping alone, notes on your mirror to give you confidence, new pictures in the frames on your walls.

19. You fend for yourself, finding ways to organize your schedule or plan out your days in the way that you want.

20. You listen, really listen. To song lyrics, to the wind rushing past your car windows as you drive, to the silence of the morning. And you hear things you didn't before, sounds that remind you to breathe. Sounds of hope. TC mark