Thought Catalog


Would You Need Me More If I Needed You Less?

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 08:00 PM PST

LastDaydsc06367-LightLeak

Would you need me more if I needed you less? Would you reach for me more, if my reaching stopped entirely? Would you, if my hand stopped uncurling, and stopped its shaking and made itself into fists around you, fists that can’t be held and forget the warmth of other fingers, crave the feeling of my fingertips on the back of your own hand? Would you pry my scarred fingers apart and force yours between them, filling the spaces, and splitting the spider webs and columns of dust that have attached themselves in the most ornate and gorgeous patterns from underuse?

What would your lips do if my lips stopped diving through the most terrifying emptiness that is the feet or inches or miles between each other just to land upon yours? Would your lips dry and wither and shrink back into your face out of shame and fear and the agony of defeat or would they rise and fill with blood and purpose and red rover red rover send your kisses right over through the wall of my arms crossed in front of my body just to glue themselves to mine once and for all and would you fall asleep with them slightly touching?

If I gave less would you require more? Would you give more to make up for the difference, to fill the air with love instead of sorrow and hope instead of despair? If the words, all the words that I’ve bathed you in since the start of the start stopped falling out of the faucet that I’ve become, would your skin grow cold and miss the sound of the bathtub of your heart filling with them? Would you wash yourself with the soap of someone else's promises, blowing the bubbles of someone else’s poetry aimlessly around the white walls and sheer fabric of the shower curtain? Would you rush to me and throw towels in the dryer so that after you were done splashing me in the water of all you’ve not said, all the words you’ve swallowed instead of spit, I could dry myself and emerge clean and fresh and reborn? Would you miss the way your hair felt when not wet with the whispers that I never stopped
giving you?

If I took away, piece by piece by piece all that you held dear and replaced it with nothing and the pitter patter of I am sorry typwritering themselves out of my lips and into your ears, would you fall apart? Broken hearts are made of broken pieces, clean breaks so that one day one moment they can be glued back to whole, but what do we do if those broken pieces are broken again and crushed into powder? How then would we rebuild ourselves? Would you stop the shattering when your pieces were still big enough to carry the picture of what the whole used to resemble? What if I stopped asking all the questions and the answers stopped mattering? What if no answer is also an answer and the silence that follows all I wished to know was an answer all this time? What if I fell silent? Would you speak? Would you ask me the questions that kept us afloat? Would you toss them into the stormy sea and let them be the life preservers we wrapped ourselves in? Would you jump in and drown with me?

Would you love me desperately if my love started to fade away? If you woke one morning and you could not see yourself reflected in my eyes how you always had been, if you caught only glances and no longer stares, if you forgot the value of yourself because I could not find the strength and the energy to remind you, would you hold on tighter or would you run away faster? Would you chase me, if I walked away? Would you sprint barefoot over rough streets just to try to grab the fabric of my shirt and pull it backwards time and again and pray with all your prayers each night that maybe tomorrow, I would see. Maybe tomorrow? Would you give up, if I gave up? Would you fight if I threw in the towel? Would you stand and refuse to be the regret that I carried to my grave, when standing meant suffering and suffering meant wishing so badly that you could fall asleep and just maybe not wake up? Would you brace yourself against the wind of my coldness and turn up your collar and shout obscenities into the emptiness?

Would you need me MORE, if I needed you Less? TC mark

Read This Is If You Need To Believe You’re Worth Loving

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 07:00 PM PST

Sabrina
Sabrina

I think it's so important to talk about when you're struggling. Right now I am struggling. I'm struggling with who I am, what I want and what I'm not. I've been actually focusing on what I'm not a lot lately and how this makes me feel like I'm not measuring up to other peoples standards. I preach self-love but my own has been wavering lately.

Here's what I'm not. I'm not ever going to be under 6 feet. I'm never going to be a size 2. I'm never going to be able to deny a hamburger. I'm not the most emotionally open person. I'm not the person who cries at sad endings in movies. I'm not the person who often talks about their vulnerabilities because being vulnerable scares the shit out of me. While this is a pretty small list of things I'm not, I focus on these things on a regular basis like it's an evil mantra.

How come when things start to get hard or we start to lose our way that we ultimately fall back on a list of things we're not? How many times have you told yourself you're not good enough because of this list? If you're anything like me then it's a lot. As soon as I start to fall for someone these insecurities start to creep up and fester.

They start to taunt me and tell me that I am not good enough for the person I am interested in.

Ultimately these words seep into my conversations and make the other person see the wounds I try to hide under the surface.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Because if you've been telling yourself the same mantra for the span of your lifetime then changing that thought pattern is going to be the most difficult thing ever. The good news is that you can change your thought pattern. I know what I've just written might seem foreign but it's true. You can change it. It takes a lot of work but you can do it.

How? Small tweaks to the everyday language that rotates in your mind. When you look in the mirror don't focus on all the small imperfections but instead focus on everything that you've got going on today. Great hair day? Praise yourself. Beautiful smile? Tell yourself out loud. It's not shallow to give yourself compliments. In fact you should be giving yourself compliments on a regular basis.

I have an alarm that goes off every day at different times that reminds me I'm worth something. Some people would consider it sad that I need to remind myself but like I said it's hard to undo the negative mantras we've been telling ourselves for the last however many years. I also make sure that when that alarm goes off it's got a song that makes me smile. So today at 2:26 PM I smiled because One Direction's 'What Makes You Beautiful' reminded me I was worth something.

So here's what I am. I'm smart. I'm funny. I have a mouth as bad as an angry trucker who just got cut off. I love people unconditionally. I have a ton of kinks to workout but I'm dedicated to fixing them. I'm open and understanding. I want people to feel comfortable and encouraged. I listen to people when they're at their lowest because everyone needs someone to listen without judgement.

We focus so much on what we're not we forget what we are.

I promise you if you start to think about all of the good you have to offer it'll get easier to silence the voices poisoning you with all the negative. All you have to do is start taking baby steps and eventually you'll be making leaps and bounds towards positivity. TC mark

7 Healthy Reasons Not To Put Your Partner On A Pedestal

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / cecbag
Twenty20 / cecbag

1. Your partner is a human not a god.

No matter how great you think you’re partner may be, they will make mistakes. They will fall off the pedestal you put them on and while they may get back on their own two feet, they want to remain on the ground with you, on your level.

2. Your partner will collapse attempting to maintain your idea of perfection.

Admiration is flattering, but when it becomes expectations your partner feels they have to live up to, it turns to pressure they can’t withstand. The amount of times you tell your partner they are perfect is the amount of times they feel they have to prove you right. No one is perfect. Make your partner feel special, make them feel like they are enough, but don’t make them feel pressured to constantly be more.

3. You will unintentionally stunt their growth.

It is wonderful to have someone who motivates you to be better, but when you put your partner on a pedestal you’re sending the message that they are the best they can ever be. It is sometimes easier to improve and work your way up than it is to maintain being the best.

4. You’re creating an idea of the person you think they are.

And they will try to become this idea of who you want them to be. What you fail to realize is that the idea you have of them doesn’t always match reality, and this leads to your partner trying to be someone they’re not. They’re trying to be the way you see them, and not the way they actually are.

5. You may be provoking insecurity.

It’s hard to see ourselves the way others see us, and if you see your partner as pure perfection, they might start to think about how they are flawed. A complete contradiction? Yes, but if the pedestal you’re putting your partner on is so high up, they can’t help but question how they got up there.

6. They won’t be comfortable enough to show you their imperfections.

You should love your partner for their strengths and their weaknesses, because they do have both. When they feel that you only recognize their strengths, they will be terrified to ever show you their flaws. Love is acceptance, and your partner wants you to accept all of them, not just the good parts.

7. The pedestal might be the reason they leave.

They might fuck up royally at one point or another, and sometimes they’re so scared of disappointing you that they will leave before it ever happens. You might never see them mess things up because they’ll run before they even get the chance, and that way, they remain on the pedestal even after they’re gone. TC mark

10 Women Share The Closest They’ve Ever Come To Cheating And What Made Them Not Go Through With It

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / MagdalenaRikanovic
Twenty20 / MagdalenaRikanovic

1. “I’m with my boyfriend because I don’t want to be with anyone else, period. Sure I’ve been hit on by very attractive men that I’m sure I would have a fantastic time screwing, but I don’t look forward to waking up to those men each morning, they won’t ever be able to make me feel the way my boyfriend does, and that’s why I don’t cheat.” —Lauren, 25

beetlejuice

2. “It was my ex. We had been done for a good two years, but we dated from freshman year of high school to senior year of college, so we went through a good deal of change together, young love at its finest. One night he invited me over to help organize his closet (weird I know, but I’m a neat freak so I’m good at that stuff), and we were drinking wine, and hashing out high school memories, and he sat down on the closet floor and told me to come sit by him. I did.

He was just looking at me and smiling and he grabbed my hand and told me he missed me. When he said that the first thing that popped into my head was my current boyfriend, and how hurt he’d be if I was willing to risk one night for our entire relationship, and that was when I realized how much he meant to me, and how much my ex didn’t.” —Caylee, 28

beetlejuice

3. “There’s temptation to cheat everywhere, basically every moment you’re out and not with your significant other there’s an opportunity, but why would you agree to commit to one person if you’re not fully willing to honor that commitment? Basically that’s what I remind myself if I ever even think about cheating. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with my partner if I wanted to be with other people.” —Annabelle, 26

beetlejuice

4. “I went to a business conference with work, and there were tens of thousands of people who were all my age, all in my profession, and all had a significant amount of ambition for the same things I did. Obviously there’s hotel rooms, and places where my boyfriend never would’ve known had I slept with one of these tens of thousands of people, nor would the news ever get back to him because he would have no idea who any of these people were.

I got drinks with one of them, just me and him, and I definitely did not tell him I had a boyfriend while doing so. I felt terrible the entire time, every sip of my drink I just kept thinking what the hell am I doing? And every minute that went by when he’d hit on me, I kept wondering why I wasn’t stopping him. I basically let it get as far as it could before I told him that I was going back to my room alone. I think I just wanted to flirt with that line, literally and figuratively. I didn’t cheat, but I just wanted to see how close I could come to it without actually doing it.” —Kellianne, 27

beetlejuice

5. “I was so drunk, and we had been in a fight the night before. I hadn’t spoken to him all day, and I went out with my girlfriends (without him) and they all knew I was terribly furious with him, which is most likely why they didn’t stop me from flirting with basically every man who glanced my way at the bar. One of these men bought me a drink, did the whole flirty small talk routine, gave me a couple of slight touches by my waist, and before I know it he was leaning in for a kiss. I was really drunk at this point, but not drunk enough to realize I was majorly fucking up, no matter how mad I was at my boyfriend. I awkwardly turned my head to give him my cheek and that’s all he got. After we left the bar I of course drunkenly called my boyfriend to tell him what happened, he told me to come home and we had glorious makeup sex.” —Hannah, 25

beetlejuice

6. “We’re all tempted of course, but if you actually go through with it clearly there is something missing from your current relationship, and maybe that’s something cheaters need to think about. You wouldn’t be seeking affection from someone else if you truly wanted to be with your significant other. When I wanted to sleep with someone else I told my boyfriend, not to make him jealous or hurt him, but because I felt like I had to be honest and let him know what was going on, and I think that’s what anyone should do. If you’re thinking about cheating just talk about it, and figure out what you have to do so you don’t, whether that’s breaking up or not.” —Bridget, 25

beetlejuice

7. “I’ve been cheated on before. It sucks. It’s basically the worst feeling you could ever have in a relationship, and even if you forgive the person, you carry their mistake with you every time you’re together, and no matter how hard you try to trust them there’s still a small part of you that doesn’t. The person I’m with now, if for some reason I ever find myself tempted to cheat, I remind myself of how bad it hurt when my last boyfriend did it to me.” —Shannon, 24

beetlejuice

8. “I have cheated before, and I tried to hide it, and failed terribly, and it destroyed my relationship. With my current boyfriend I’ve been presented the same opportunities to cheat, and I just think about how it’s not worth it. He means more to me than one night with some stranger. If you cheat it says a lot about how much you feel your relationship is worth.” —Mackenzie, 26

beetlejuice

9. “Three things. Bachelorette party. Vegas. Alcohol. And that is the closest I’ve ever come to cheating.” —Trish, 27

beetlejuice

10. “Cheating is all sort of relative to each couple anyway. Some people think kissing is cheating, some people think only sex is cheating, it varies, but I don’t think it makes it any more redeeming when you come close to cheating, but don’t go through with it. You still came close, and that says a lot. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who whispers in a girl’s ear that she’s beautiful, kisses her hand, and then comes home to me. Sure you only kissed her hand, and whispered in her ear, but am I supposed to give you a pat on the back for not ripping her clothes off and fucking her? Absolutely not.” —Mia, 26 TC mark

16 Signs That It’s Really NOT Them; It’s You

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 04:00 PM PST

Byron Ho Jiapeng
Byron Ho Jiapeng

Let’s face it. Not all love ends in a wedding sequence featuring a laser light show and Wilson Phillips. Unfortunately more often than not, your relationship will end with a very awkward conversation that was prefaced by, “We need to talk,” and ended with another cliché. While break ups are anything but fun, they’re a reality.

That being said, too often when recounting the details of said separation to our friends, we’re way too quick to place the blame on our now ex. We say, “It’s not you, it’s me,” when what we mean is, “It’s ABSOLUTELY you.”

Well guess what? Sometimes you are the bad guy. Sometimes it really is NOT them; it’s you. And even though that may be a tough pill to swallow, that doesn’t make it untrue.

beetlejuice

1. You find yourself blatantly ignoring them.

It’s one thing if you’re in the middle of finishing something and you take an extra 20 to 30 to say, “Yeah! Dinner sounds great!” That’s one thing. But if you’re rolling your eyes and tossing your phone to the side every time they even give you a ‘hi’? There’s a problem. Just a thought but you should probably WANT to talk to your S/O…but maybe I’m old fashioned.

2. You get a lot of perks, but don’t have any to give.

These could be presents, or favors, or orgasms: the sky’s the limit! But if you find yourself constantly benefiting but having nothing to give (or nothing you WANT to give) in return, you’re probably the problem.

3. You’re constantly looking for a better option.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend is not the appetizer you ordered just to keep yourself busy before the main course got to your table. They are a person. You don’t get to sample them while also perusing. If you’re looking for options, LIKE looking for options, and can’t give that up; you need to date openly or date casually. And you also obviously have to cut that BF or GF loose.

4. You talk to them like a toddler.

I don’t mean the baby talk thing that so many couples do, despite how annoying that is. I mean when you’re constantly talking down to them like they’re a child.

“You shouldn’t have a beer because you’ll get handsy.”
“You need to plan better; you’re really irresponsible.”
“Why don’t you have a five year plan? What are you going to do with your life?”

You’re both adults. Stop asking if you should cut their meat into bite-sized pieces for them. If you can’t handle letting them make their own decisions get a sperm donor, not a boyfriend.

5. Your crushes aren’t just fantasy; you’d act on them.

It’s one thing if you’re adamant that if Chrissy Teigen left John Legend you’d absolutely show her how to be EXTRA-ordinary people (heyyyyooo). But it’s a whole other thing if your crush is your neighbor who you’re constantly having American Horror Story nights with, and who you frequently hope decides to drink too much wine and suggest that ya’ll ‘Netflix and Chill’. If there’s even the possibility that you wouldn’t stop your crush if things escalated, you have a problem. And the problem is you.

6. You actively shit talk them.

First and foremost, this also makes you a grade A dick. But also…why are you with them if you only have negative things to say? If you’re only complaining, only bringing up their cons, only whining when their name comes up, you should probably move on. And by probably I mean absolutely. Everyone is sick of your negativity and…oh yeah! You’re. A. Dick.

7. You cry to get what you want.

If your only emotions come because you want something, what you should being wanting is some (evidently) much needed alone time. Or the bed to yourself. Or to not ask for anything for a while because Jeeze LOUISE you’re the worst and clearly do not deserve nice things.

8. You only “like” them when it’s just the two of you.

The dumbest thing I ever hear from people who avoid breaking up is, “Well we have fun when it’s just us.” Soooo is your entire existence as a couple going to be a twisted version of Grey Gardens? Oh sounds great!

Sure, liking someone when it’s just you two is obviously crucial. But if you claim to only have fun or enjoy your S/O when there’s no one else around, I’m sorry but…I don’t believe you. You just don’t like them and are too much of a coward to say so.

9. You blatantly flirt with other people.

Again. You’re. An. Asshole.

Okay so yes, to a certain extent we all flirt outside of our relationships. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about leading other people on, sexting, trying to get free drinks, and looking for the benefits of attention from people who are not the person you are in a relationship with while being in said relationship. If you actively seek those things out and encourage them when you’re supposedly monogamous? There’s no beating around the bush; you just suck.

10. You don’t include them in your goals.

If you’re planning life altering things without your significant other…why are you hanging onto them? Let them go. Go do your thing! But stop leading people on; it’s just not cool.

11. You’ve said, “I think I understand cheating.”

See all of the above asshole commentary.

12. You don’t invite them to meet your friends.

The only possible outcome of this recipe is hurt friends, and a confused girlfriend or boyfriend. You’re just going to piss people off. And for what? Really, I’m asking…I don’t have a witty retort I genuinely would like to know why and what you think you’re going to gain. *waits*

13. You admit that you’re not happy; you’re comfortable.

Comfort is great. For mattresses, socks, sweatpants, and couches. And OBVIOUSLY you should be happy — no one is disputing that. But in relationships you need both happiness and comfort. If you don’t have both, you’ll be breaking up eventually. Whether you admit it or not.

14. You project unrealistic expectations and then are upset when they don’t happen.

It’s completely unfair and honestly, INSANE, of you to come up with internal monologues and scenarios to narrate your relationship and then be pissed off when they don’t play out exactly how you imagined. You’re making a mockery over both the relationship you have, and the things you want. You’re basically intentionally setting yourself up for disappointment and really, no one feels bad for you. They just don’t know how to tell you that when you start gushing about how, “He wasn’t how I thought he’d be!!” at brunch.

15. You play games.

Saying, “I’m just playing the game,” is the passive aggressive way of saying, “I’m manipulative.” And you need to stop.

16. You say that you want to break up.

So do yourself a favor, and just break up. TC mark

8 Signs Your Boyfriend Loves Himself More Than He Loves You

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 03:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / rgags
Twenty20 / rgags

There's a thin line between ego and self-esteem. First, it can present itself as one in the same and you're attracted to his confidence and assertiveness. As you dig deeper into your relationship, you'll learn that the ego will only serve itself and therefore, ruin your relationship.

What's the difference between ego and self-esteem?

Men with big egos are often insecure and try to cover up those insecurities with overcompensation. In truth, the man with a big ego lacks confidence and self-love.

On the other hand, a man with high self-esteem has confidence in his own abilities, knows his shortcomings, and loves himself. He's secure enough with who he is and is able to unmask.

So are you dating the man or his ego? Here are 8 signs to watch out for:

1. He talks about himself — a lot.

The ego is more interested in his own life and struggles than he is in yours. Often when you share something, he can turn it around and make it about him. Take notice of who's doing most of the talking and sharing in your relationship. Does he hijack every topic and answer questions on your behalf in social situations?

2. He protects himself first.

The ego wants to protect itself before all else, even if it means protecting itself from being bruised by you. He often runs away at any sign of conflict and will build evidence to justify his actions even if it means hurting you in the process.

3. He won't take your advice.

God forbid you are right about something and he's wrong. What if he does take your advice and something amazing happens? He won't be able to take all the credit and his ego can't take that.

4. He compares himself and your relationship to others.

The ego is served by outside circumstances instead of internal love. His ego is running the show. It will compare itself to others to measure it's self worth. The worst is when he compares himself to you and loses self-esteem when he believes you outperformed him.

5. He's not present.

The ego decides what is worth his time and what's not. He is unable to stay in the moment. He is impatient and doesn't connect with others.

6. He's here for the boost.

This relationship serves him alone. He's dependent on your love to boost his self-value. He knows he's not for you, yet he will keep you around because you give him that ego boost.

7. He criticizes you often.

The ego thrives when others fail. He's quick to point out your faults or tell you when you’re wrong. He never gives you constructive criticism on how to do better.

8. He's jealous.

His ego is the only important person in your life. He keeps bringing up the ex you're still friends with and asks you where you are if you're out past a certain time. He doesn't like how much time you spend with your family.

We all have an ego. When it’s left unrestrained, it can destroy your relationships with anger, fear, and jealousy. Get rid of the man with the self-serving ego and find a guy who loves himself. A man who doesn't love himself will never be able to truly love you. TC mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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25 Beautifully Banal Ways True Love Manifests Day-To-Day

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 02:00 PM PST

Twenty20, evawaltz
Twenty20, evawaltz

1. Love is using each other's razors or deodorant because it makes you feel closer in some weird way you can’t quite explain.

2. It’s also laughing over how bad your farts stink, and sometimes arguing feverishly over whose farts stink the most.

3. It’s calling your significant other out for being an asshole, or letting them slide for their asshole behavior because they had a no-good, horrible, very bad day and they need a permission slip to be a dick temporarily.

4. It's negotiating constantly over ridiculous matters, and making silly bargains. For instance, “I'll consent to those questionable throw pillows if and only if you agree to those kitchen towels I like.”

5. It's debating which TV show you should watch together next, and claiming the right to view certain programs alone so you can’t be accused of TV-cheating later.

6. It's giving your significant other a two-minute back rub before falling asleep even if you're exhausted simply because they ask you to (and you know they’re good for the massage credit).

7. It's establishing life-enhancing household rules like No Phones At The Dinner Table Ever. And punishing each other appropriately on the occasions either of you violates an agreed upon stipulation.

8. It's looking into each other's eyes whenever possible, understanding that eye contact is generally more powerful than anything that comes out of either of your mouths.

9. It's spending ten minutes neither of you has lazing about in bed some mornings after the alarm rings before you pick up your phones and dive into the day ahead.

10. It's telling your significant other that they look sexy before they even ask for your opinion on the days you sense they could use the ego boost.

11. It's remembering when your boyfriend or girlfriend has an important meeting and offering a canned but meaningful "good luck" as they head out the door.

12. Then remembering to text them an appropriately uplifting, emoji-ridden message right before that meeting occurs.

13. And preparing to support them no matter the outcome of that big important meeting because you’ve committed to being there whatever the fuck happens.

14. It's preemptively doing tiny little things to make each other happy, like putting the laundry in the dryer even if you didn't start the wash, or tidying up the closet even if you didn't create that hideous mess.

15. It's doing the dishes when it's not your turn because you can sense that your partner might benefit from heading directly to the couch right after dinner.

16. It's saying "thank you" for every little thing your partner does for you. And sometimes, saying it for no apparent reason, without prompting, because you truly feel grateful for the life you’ve built together.

17. It's sighing slash smiling over the fact that your partner failed, yet again, to put the toothpaste or the salt or the remote control back in its designated place after using it—not because they didn’t think to do so, but because they know exactly how to push your buttons.

18. It’s letting your boyfriend or girlfriend use you as an excuse to get out of something they don’t want to do. “Sorry, can’t make it to dinner. [Insert s/o’s name] is sick with the flu. Again.”

19. It’s entertaining your partner’s friends when they pop by unexpectedly, even when hosting is the last thing in the world you feel like doing.

20. It’s taking a genuine interest in each other’s hobbies—reading up about motorcycles or stamp collecting or football or whatever else tickles your significant other—just so you can ask each other questions that demonstrate you care enough to research shit you don’t really care about.

21. It’s making up words so you can speak in your very own couple’s code.

22. It's encouraging each other to make smart eating choices and to exercise regularly because teamwork makes maintaining healthy habits so much simpler.

23. It’s also making bad choices together—like gong for ice cream on a full stomach or finishing a second or third bottle of wine on a weeknight—for the hell of it because indulging as a twosome is doubly satisfying.

24. It's saying "I love you" at seemingly random moments, and then casually returning to whatever else you were just doing.

25. It's reminding each other that you're lucky to be together—and that you can’t imagine life without the option to collapse into each other’s arms whenever. TC mark

6 Heartwarming Stories About Long Lost Loves Finally Reuniting

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 01:00 PM PST

Shutterstock / Mohamed Mekhamer
Shutterstock / Mohamed Mekhamer

1. like being struck by lightning

"Reuniting with my lost love was like being struck by lightning. He and I had been in a serious relationship back in high school 30 years ago. My mother did not approve of our relationship and unfortunately sent me out of the area to keep me away from him….Then this past October I received an email….We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and then I spoke with him on the phone and that’s when the dam broke! All the emotions came pouring down on me just hearing his voice. In a very short time it became clear that we had very strong feelings for one another….Right now we are going to be seeing each other monthly, and I will be selling my property at the end of the school year to move up to his area. I love him with all my heart and soul and don’t care what faults he has. I would do anything for him. It’s hard for people that haven’t experienced this to understand it. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this to happen. It is a roller coaster of very intense feelings that don’t always make sense to me! And it’s so hard to be apart from him now! When my mother broke us up, she returned his class ring that he had given me to his mother. For Christmas, he found the class ring, and wrapped it up for me, I was very touched. I wear it around my neck on a gold chain now to remind me of him. I look to our future with much hope and optimism."

2. I am so happy

"In 1998 I met the love of my life in Sudan. A wonderful Sudanese musician who brought out the best in me every day. His presence in my life was like the sun shining in. When he performed, he sang for me only. I was working in Sudan at the time, we were going to get married and have beautiful children and live happily ever after. There was a war going on, I was working with war-affected children and the government kicked me out. I was devastated and cried for 6 months. Heartbroken for years. We did not manage to meet up again and we both married unhappily. Last week, after 14 years, we were reunited for 2 days and the love is as strong as ever. I feel so blessed. Too old to have those children now, but this is going to be the best year ever as we are free to travel and see each other. My dream of gracefully growing old with him is coming true after all….I am so happy."

3. The feelings and emotions came flooding back with a vengeance

"Met my lost love almost 30 years ago in high school….In a nutshell we shared chemistry and a sexual tension that was palpable to those around us. We occasionally kissed (sometimes passionately), but never crossed the line from friends to lovers. After three years of being friends, hanging out and helping each other (here and there) our friendship blossomed into something more. We finally shared a kiss that was undeniable. Sadly, parental disapproval was the cause for me leaving my love. We drifted apart and our contact to each other became less and less. However, I never forgot her although after 20 years I ‘thought’ the past was the past. We recently reconnected and decided to meet one afternoon and get caught up on the intervening years, nothing more. What happened next was so unexpected. The feelings and emotions came flooding back with a vengeance. It was as if our relationship had been placed on hold. We rekindled our relationship inside of one week. Our second-chance relationship has been the most emotionally charged relationship of my life. The fears, emotions, grief, regrets, everything—everything came back like a flood. Over the next few months we talked about everything imaginable. We married in just over 6 months. My soulmate, my love, and now—my wife….Our rekindled relationship has been the most incredible journey, that started almost three decades ago and lasted through all those lonely years."

4. I had to fight back tears

"As a teenager, I had the kind of love that everyone dreams of finding. My most cherished memory is an incredible feeling of oneness when we would hold each other and shed tears of joy while being overwhelmed by love. At such times, there was no need for words because we just knew. She had more of an influence on my life than anyone else that I have known….After drawing me away from bad influences when we got together, she started hanging out with the wrong crowd four years later. Being young, ambitious, and foolish, I broke up with her in order to save myself from being drawn back in the wrong direction. I always had second thoughts about that decision and never stopped loving her. I was haunted by the memory of her last words when we broke up, which were ‘I love you.’…I finally decided that I had to contact her about 30 years after we broke up, 25 years since I last saw her, and 20 years since her last letter….I was thrilled that she was happy to hear from me and that she had been trying to find me….During the long drive to our hometown, I had to fight back tears every time I thought what it would be like to look into her eyes for the first time in decades…I immediately felt comfortable with her, and we picked up right where left off many years ago. She kept her hair long, and it felt so good to run a brush through it again. Behaving like teenagers, we spent the first evening going parking and listening to our favorite songs….We never got to spend the night together as teenagers. When it finally happened, I lay there beside her awake all night thinking how lucky I was to have her back."

5. even a continent couldn't separate us

"Three-year-old Anne moved with her family to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, just four houses down from my family; I was five, and we two became immediate friends. I was Anne's protector and hero….I hadn't spoken to Anne in more than 30 years, but I knew her sister lived in Denver so I gave her a call when I arrived. She told me that Anne also lived in town, and she suggested that we all get together. As soon as Anne and I saw each other, our hearts were singing. All of the excitement and joy they we had experienced together as children transformed itself into a mature form; we were in love. We saw each other once more before I returned to Pennsylvania and Anne left for Europe to spend the Christmas holiday season with her children. But now even a continent couldn't separate us. Today we are living our lives together, again with joy, enthusiasm, and excitement!…And of course now we have our children, too. What a miracle!"

6. now we’ve lost all of our teenage inhibitions

"Eric and I met in 1950 and from the moment we began dating I knew we were made for each other. We had so much fun—Eric was always making me laugh…I never forgot about Eric. Every time I heard our song, ‘Jealous Heart’, by Connie Francis, I recalled the first time Eric kissed me….[Then one day] I was serving at the bar when a voice I’d not heard for nearly 40 years asked me if there was any chance of a pint. I looked up and there was Eric, the hair was greyer and the face a little more wrinkled but other than that he was just as handsome as ever….Our relationship is just as passionate and physical as before, although now we’ve lost all of our teenage inhibitions." TC mark

14 Men On What They Hate The Most About Being Men

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 12:00 PM PST

look catalog
look catalog
Found on AskReddit.

1. we can’t be raped

"Apparently if you’re a guy and you get raped by a girl, you’re lucky…"

2. we can’t show weakness

"Being expected to show invulnerability."

3. we can’t cry

"Being judged negatively for crying or having emotions. We’re human, too."

4. we can’t be the little spoon

"Always having to be manly; guys like to be the little spoon, too."

5. we can’t talk to kids

"I can’t talk to a kid that isn’t mine without their parents thinking I’m a predatory pedophile, while any woman can address them unhindered."

6. we have double the suicide rate of women

"Gonna take a morbid turn and say…at least doubling the suicide rate of women. Turns out, women are more likely to attempt suicide, but men are more likely to do it well. Apparently, trying to better men’s health and rights is consider anti-feminism."

7. we do double the jail time of women

"Getting double jail time on average. Probably not gonna get custody. Much more likely to be abandoned by family."

8. the ‘masculinity’ trap

"The pressure of what society deems ‘masculinity’, and how ‘real’ men aren’t supposed to show, or even feel emotion, lest they be accused of being a pussy, or a homosexual, or what have you. That’s not to say I have anything against gay people. Just that if you show even a modicum of emotion, you’re deemed by many of your male counterparts as ‘not a real man.' And I think that’s total bullshit."

9. society sees us as expendable

"How much society sees you as expendable and generally just doesn’t give a shit about you."

10. we pay for the majority of everything

"Being the provider. Paying for the majority of everything. Being expected to earn the money to go to a mortgage, vacations, education for kids, furniture, etc. This comes with having a greater burden to take jobs that make more money but are also much more stressful. Women are more free to pursue interests as their careers (photography, art, music) and can do the same while raising a family. Men don't have that luxury. Speaking in generalities, of course. There will always be exceptions, but the above is true for the most part."

11. manning up

"'Manning up.' Yes I know I’m a grown man but goddamn sometimes I want to sit down and have a good cry once a year when all the shit going on reaches its max."

12. we’re typecast as the fool

"Why is it okay to criticize 'predominantly male' hobbies like sports, video games, cars, comics, D&D, etc… But it’s not okay to criticize 'predominantly female' hobbies? It sure seems like it’s way more okay to laugh at men, while comedy involving women is usually laughing with women. I don’t think many women will ever understand the concept of 'being the fool.'"

13. we’re treated like creeps

"If I’m walking down the street with a female in front of me I feel like I need to slow down and create a larger gap so she doesn’t feel threatened. I don’t think I come off as creepy in any way but I worry about her feeling of safety."

14. we’re seen as unemotional

"No matter how masculine we look, we still need affection. Happened in the last three relationships. They thought I was hardcore looking man whose heart can’t be broken. You thought wrong." TC mark

11 Horror Movies That Are Consistently Rated The Best By Horror Fans

Posted: 08 Jan 2016 11:00 AM PST

This isn’t your typical list where Psycho is at the top and then every other horror movie you’ve already seen is listed below. This is a worldwide list of horror movies that span the subtleties of the genre across time and space full of classics and movies more recent that you may have missed. Enjoy.

1. The Cremator

via YouTube
via YouTube

Released in 1969 and set in 1930s Austria, ‘The Cremator’ is a Czech film focusing on the life of Roman Kopfrkingl, a man preoccupied with the Tibetan Book of the Dead who believes that cremation relieves earthly suffering. Faced with the prospect of getting ahead at his job it’s suggested that his wife, of half-Jewish descent, is holding him back and with Nazi troops gathering on the border, Kopfrkingl finally finds a way to enact his beliefs on earthly suffering.

Here’s the entire film in high quality with subtitles.

2. The Blue Elephant

via YouTube
via YouTube

The story of Yehia Rashed, a fallen from grace psychiatrist struggling with alcoholism returns to his profession after years away. Once he arrives he finds that a close friend and fellow psychiatrist has become his first patient after raping and murdering his own wife. As Rashed begins his work and tries to sort out the truth of what actually happened he finds himself drawn more and more into a world that causes him to question his own sanity.

This Egyptian film is beautifully shot and stunningly well put together. There’s a lower quality version of it available here.

3. Kandisha

via YouTube
via YouTube

Grieving attorney Nyla Jayde is still mourning the death of her daughter when she comes face to face with the unbelievable, a woman accused of murder who claims that the vengeful Morrocan spirit Kandisha, known for punishing husbands who abuse their wives, is actually the one responsible. As Jayde investigates the case she soon finds that it’s more likely than she first thought.

Kandisha is also one of the only Morrocan horror films ever made and I hesitated to include it because it’s difficult to find. Still, worth mentioning if for no other reason than to put on your ‘to watch’ list.

4. Hour Of The Wolf

via YouTube
via YouTube

Considered a masterpiece of the genre, ‘Hour of the Wolf’ details the degeneration of a man haunted by demons as he’s slowly destroyed, seemingly by a group of aristocrats possessing strange powers and living in a nearby castle.

The style in this movie is undeniably amazing and as a thriller that mixes the psychological and the supernatural it truly has no peer. You can watch the entire thing with English subs below.

5. Pontypool

via YouTube
via YouTube

All hell breaks loose when a tiny Ontario town experiences a peculiar viral outbreak. Told from the perspective of one radio host and shot almost entirely inside that studio this psychological horror thriller is a different take on the end of the world zombie films we’ve all gotten so used to.

6. I Saw The Devil

via YouTube
via YouTube

If intensity and suspense is what you’re looking for then look no further than this South Korean thriller masterpiece about a serial killer whose murders follow no pattern and who continues to elude authorities even as he commits evil act after evil act.

The movie focuses on a young police officer searching for him and raises real questions about how monsters come to live among us.

7. Cronos

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Guillermo del Toro’s first feature screenplay resulted in the genre-blurring Cronos, the story of a man who discovers an ancient artifact and soon becomes addicted to the powers it grants him even as he’s hunted by supernatural forces. There’s a Criterion Collection edition of this movie available is well if you’re interested in that.

8. Three… Extremes

via YouTube
via YouTube

Three different directors from China, Japan, and South Korea worked together to produce “Three… Extremes” and it’s a horrifying and glorious masterpiece broken into three distinct segments. I don’t want to say too much but this one is a must see if you want straight up horror.

9. The Wicker Man

via YouTube
via YouTube

A cult film about a police officer investigating a missing girl on a Scottish island village which focuses on the pagan practices of Ancient Britain with a bit of twist. It features a young Christopher Lee who called it “a brilliant film” and didn’t consider it horror at all. However the British press called it the Citizen Kane of horror movies.

Check this one out, not the absolutely horribly and universally panned American remake.

10. Mother Joan of the Angels

via YouTube
via YouTube

A Polish film about a 17th century priest who is sent to the countryside to handle a report of a nun possessed by demons. Once there he finds a collective hysteria has taken place and has to face the harsh realities of sacrifice (literally).

This is another classic and a must for any true lover of the genre. It was also filmed in 1962 so if you watch that notice how differently this might have been filmed today.

11. Manichitrathazhu (The Ornate Lock)

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 3.29.31 PM

An Indian classic which has been remade several times over, “Manichitrathazhu” was also released under the English name “The Ornate Lock” but first came out in India in 1993. It’s the story of a young couple who travel to their ancestral home where they discover a forbidden and locked room. Unable to resist, the wife lets her curiosity get the best of her and enters room unleashing a tortured spirit who begins to possess her more and more.

Typical of Indian movies but not of the horror or supernatural genres, the entire movie is a jamboree of singing and dancing. This might be difficult to get used to for a Western audience but if you can approach it with an open mind then you may just be rewarded with appreciation for a classic enjoyed by millions all over the world.

A warning, this movie is hard to find in the U.S. Netflix doesn’t carry it so you may need to locate a local store that carries foreign films or, barring that, find it on YouTube where it is located in it’s full version. Otherwise, there are *cough* other means of locating it as well. TC mark