Thought Catalog


You Left Me Between A Black Hole And A Supernova

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 08:00 PM PST

SpaceTheories
Nikita Gill

The day you left, I began to read space theories. I read about why the earth goes around the sun, about the solar system slowly collapsing into itself, about black holes and supernovas. But the truth is, the more I read about the universe, the more they began to blend together into a pastiche of you, of me, of us. This isn't about spirituality, understand. This isn't about how 'it wasn't in the stars' and 'I wish I had loved you like the earth loves the sun'. I have already written those poems for you and the image of you walking away from a home that was once ours, helped me understand that there is no romance in the way a star collapses. It is ugly to watch a thing of beauty turn on itself.

The day you left, I learnt that some black holes roam at a nine hundred miles an hour searching for things to absorb into their abyss – entire planets like ours, entire solar systems have disappeared into their shark like mouths. And I found you shaped like a black hole the first night I had to sleep without you and tried to reach for you. It sucked me in, into its graveyard of stars leaving me there for no one to find. It took me three days to find my way back, to leave our bed, to call my mother back and try to explain where I have been. I lost her, as I would lose anyone between empty explanations of black holes and supernovas.

The day you left, I forgot how to write. I forgot the way it feels to feel my fingers wrap around a pen and pour emotions in black ink into a white abyss of nothingness – filling it with words so that it doesn't seem so empty…so terrifyingly alone. Do you remember my fear of wide open blank spaces, both dark and light? You told me that blank white nothingness is what it feels like to be at the centre of a star just as it is falling apart. I’m so sorry I didn't believe you. I am there now, and I know you weren't lying.

The day you left, I realised you were a rouge planet. That you didn't orbit around anyone or anything. That you had no solar system and you found your way into mine, into my orbit, to stay with me just for a little while. I couldn't keep you. You weren't meant to be a part of me. Our love was like the sun, ninety-nine percent of this solar system, but not nearly enough to keep you. Some things are more beautiful because they don't belong to anyone or anything. That is how I would like to remember you. As something too wild for me to keep, rather than a thing that threw the sun away.

The day you left, I read that the earth once upon a time may have had a second moon. That the moon we see today was created by the collision between the two. It helps me realise that sometimes, there is beauty in destruction. It helps me realise that sometimes the most beautiful things are built from accidents or collisions. And that is where I will leave our love. On an oasis between supernova and a black hole, a safe place lost between the two. TC mark

Netflix And Kill: 20 Awesome Horror Movies To Watch On Date Night

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 07:15 PM PST

Some couples love curling up together on the couch for a romantic night in with a feelgood rom-com. Others prefer buckets of blood, monsters under the bed, and the screams of the innocent (or not so innocent.) Here are 20 streaming horror flicks you can watch on Netflix right now with your bloody Valentine.

Horns

Horns
Horns

Ig Perrish is having a bad day. After being accused of the brutal rape and murder of his long-term girlfriend, he wakes up with a hellish hangover and a set of horns growing out of his head. Also, anyone he comes into contact with — including friends and family — begin to tell him their deepest, darkest secrets. Yeah, pretty bad day.

Inner Demons

Inner Demons
Inner Demons

If “Intervention” and “The Blair Witch Project” made mad passionate love and had a baby, this would be it. Is Carson, a former straight-A student gone wrong, simply a young woman going through a goth-druggie phase — or is something far more sinister at play?

The Nightmare

The Nightmare
The Nightmare

This is technically a documentary but it’s very well done and extremely scary. It dives into the phenomenon known as “sleep paralysis” and how it affects its sufferers. (As a longtime victim of sleep paralysis, I can concur that this film is on-point.)

Devil

Devil
Devil

Based on a story by horror great M. Night Shyamalan, a group of wrong-doers are trapped together in a malfunctioning elevator and turned against each other one by one. Oh, did I mention one of them is Satan?

The Babadook

The Babadook
The Babadook

One of the best horror films to come out in recent years, the tale of widowed mother Amelia and her disturbed son Sam will both terrify you and also convince you that perhaps childfree is the way to be.

V/H/S

V/H/S
V/H/S

Six films, six forms of terror. A standout segment is “Amateur Night”, a pack of friends out on the prowl for some strange. Lily, however, is a little stranger than they’d bargained for. “I like you!”

Mr. Jones

Mr. Jones
Mr. Jones

Scott and Penny put their lives on hold to make a nature documentary in the secluded wilderness. Things go bad when the project doesn’t turn out as well as they’d hoped, and they go even worse when they come across the works of mysterious, elusive artist Mr. Jones.

We Are What We Are

We Are What We Are
We Are What We Are

The Parkers are a very close family. Because what draws a family closer together than a terrible, horrible secret? Ancient traditions and isolation make this film a chilling experience indeed.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

Who wouldn’t want to live in a world where we get both Robert Englund AND Freddy Kreuger? This delightfully meta movie explores the idea that the actors who portray characters in the “Nightmare On Elm Street” saga are haunted IRL by the monster they thought existed only on the screen.

Creep

Creep
Creep

Light some candles, run a bath, and enjoy tubby time with Josef as Aaron films his daily life for posterity. Or is that really what’s going on? I can’t wait for you to meet Peachfuzz.

Dark Skies

Dark Skies
Dark Skies

The suburbs become a haven of horror when the Barrett family begins to experience strange occurrences. Animal attacks, odd messages, and spontaneous nosebleeds are actually the least of their worries.

The Hole (2001)

The Hole
The Hole

Liz, Mike, Geoff, and Frankie decide to blow off a school field trip and spend their free time partying in an abandoned fallout shelter. However, their brilliant plan soon goes belly-up when the door won’t open and they realize no one is coming for them. This might be considered more of a thriller than a horror flick but it’s pretty dark and features Kiera Knightly in her debut breakout role.

Banshee Chapter

Banshee Chapter
Banshee Chapter

Loosely based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft, this film was produced by Zachary Quinto (my strong-browed love) and features Buffalo Bill as a Hunter S. Thompson-esque delight. Mystery drugs, the government, aliens… just like Stefan’s favorite clubs, it’s got it all.

Dead Silence

Dead Silence
Dead Silence

James Wan’s work has a signature style without coming off as repetitive. After the unexplained death of his wife, Jamie Ashen returns to his childhood home to find out why he was anonymously sent a ventriloquist’s dummy named “Billy.” Billy leads him to the dark legend of Mary Shaw and what happens when she makes you scream…

The Haunting (1999)

The Haunting
The Haunting

A loose remake of the 1963 original (and the Shirley Jackson novel), this film follows a group of people attending what they believe is a sleep study — but turns out to be something far more terrifying. It’s fairly star-studded, featuring Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Owen Wilson.

The Faculty

The Faculty
The Faculty

Travel back to high school with this late-90s gem. Josh Hartnett and pals go on a super spooky romp while trying to avoid becoming alien food, all set to an alt-grunge soundtrack that will make you miss when Garbage was popular.

Stonehearst Asylum

Stonehearst Asylum
Stonehearst Asylum

At Stonehearst Asylum, cruel procedures and “cures” have been replaced by kindness and freedom. But is all as it seems? With Ben Kingsley, Kate Beckinsale, and Michael Caine starring, this movie is chock full of talented Brits and scary bits.

Honeymoon

Honeymoon
Honeymoon

This one is perfect for the romantic night in! After their marriage, Bea and Paul go on their honeymoon set in a rustic cabin. And everything is wonderful! Just kidding, this is a list of horror movies and you know everything goes straight to hell.

The Shining

The Shining
The Shining

I shouldn’t have to explain why you need to watch this masterpiece. Join the Torrance family at the Overlook Hotel, sit back, and enjoy. After all, you’ve always been there. TC mark

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz

You Should Date The Girl Who Is Dead Inside

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 07:00 PM PST

Screen Shot 2016-02-08 at 10.53.42 AM

Date the girl who is dead inside.

See her across the way in a bar and try to figure out what she’s drinking. Maybe you can pull some smooth Will Smith shit and casually order her another one. Start thinking about Hitch. Damn, that was a pretty good movie. Hey, what’s Kevin James up to these days?

Motion the bartender to send her a gin and tonic. It’s not what she’s drinking, but who cares! You’re still thoughtful as f*ck. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

Notice how entirely unimpressed she is. But you know she’s just playing the game. You don’t like things that come too easily. God forbid a woman go for what she wants right away. Everyone knows ambition is super unattractive. Ugh.

…Although you kind of wish she’d acknowledge you at least a little bit. You did send her a drink. That deserves AT LEAST some light fondling of your dick. You guess you’d settle for a “Hello.”

She’s not getting the hint, so you figure you better let your liquid courage shine and approach her. She’s just so intimidating though, limply sitting there with her waxy alabaster skin and sunken cheeks. But you’ve got this. Go get your girl.

Clear your throat and mumble a sexually charged, “H-Hi.”

Nothing.

She’s still playing hard to get. She’s not even making eye contact with you. God damn ungrateful bitch! Wait, no. Maybe she can’t hear you?? All the buzzing of the bar might be drowning you out. Try touching her this time. That’s a good idea.

Put your uninvited hand on her shoulder and watch her slump over. Someone’s been hitting the sauce a little too hard, huh? But you’re still going to continue talking to her. It’s kind of nice. She isn’t talking over you, interrupting, making it all about her. You feel so close to her. It’s like you’re the only two people in the entire world.

Lean in and sniff her neck. Because this isn’t at all weird to do to a stranger. She smells kind of like that dead rat you saw on the corner of 42nd Street and Broadway. You love how different she is. She’s not like all those other girls. You’ve finally found a keeper.

Ask her if she’d like to go back to your place. A fly starts humming above her head. Tell her you’ve got a good feeling about this.

Whisper into her ear before whisking her off to start a beautiful life together,

“You’re just so uncomplicated.” TC mark

7 Grisly Valentine’s Day Murders That Will Make You Happy You Don’t Have A Date

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 06:15 PM PST

1. Surgeon bought orchids for his wife, but crushes her head instead.

Youtube / Aphrodite Jones
Youtube / Aphrodite Jones

On Valentine’s Day 2001, Dr. John Hamilton ordered an expensive bouquet of flowers for his wife, Susan, but she would never live to see them.

Coming home between surgeries he allegedly found his wife, dead, in a pool of her own blood. She had been strangled with two of his own neckties and had her skull beaten so badly that pieces of her brain were exposed.

By their friend’s accounts, Susan and John Hamilton had a happy marriage, but as investigators dug deeper, they found some suspicious clues that made Dr. Hamilton their prime suspect.

Youtube / Aphrodite Jones
Youtube / Aphrodite Jones

Firstly, there was this note that his wife wrote him in his Valentine’s Day card:

I bought my cards two weeks ago, so I guess maybe they don’t seem as appropriate now. But I do love you. Have a good day.

— Susan.

Some of Susan’s family confirmed that she was considering divorce after discovering him making sordid phone calls with a stripper.

Then, to complicate the matter further, the police found traces of blood and flesh in Dr. Hamilton’s car. They also found Susan’s jewelry hidden in an underwear drawer, almost as if someone had wanted the police to think a robbery had taken place.

After an expert witness testified that the blood spatters on Dr. Hamilton’s sleeve were consistent with someone beating his wife, the jury convicted him of murder in less than two hours.

2. Olympic athlete Oscar Pistorius shoots girlfriend through bathroom door

Flickr / Jim Thurston
Flickr / Jim Thurston

Oscar Pistorius rose to worldwide fame after his victory in the 2004 Paralympics. After Valentine’s Day 2013, however, he became known for something very different: the savage murder of Reeva Steenkamp.

While Pistorius admits that he fired the gun that killed his lover, Reeva Steenkamp, he denies it was murder. He claims that he thought he heard an intruder, and that he was acting in self defense.

Youtube / Sky News
Youtube / Sky News

Text messengers were recovered from Steenkamp’s phone that said she was afraid of Pistorius, and that he was capable of “snapping” aggressively at her. A court eventually found him guilty of murder.

3. Baptist missionary sends wife to God

Youtube / Ashley McNamee
Youtube / Ashley McNamee

On Valentine’s Day 2013, Minister Nathan Leuthold gave his children Valentine’s Day cards before school, but the only thing he gave his wife was a bullet through the face.

It took a jury only 90 minutes to find him guilty of murdering his wife, Denise. Leuthold had laid in wait for his wife to return home so he could fire a gunshot right through her head.

Investigators found that he made hundreds of internet searches about how to most effectively kill someone. He had Googled how much poison a human body could withstand, and how to quietly fire a .40-caliber Glock handgun (the weapon he used to murder his wife).

Furthermore, he had used his children’s college fund to pay his mistress hush money to not tell the police they were having a sordid affair. The mistress was at the house often, “teaching the children Lithuanian.”

He was sentenced to 80 years.

4. Valentine’s Day Trap

Facebook via Murderpedia
Facebook via Murderpedia

Stacey Schoeck definitely knew she wanted her fifth husband dead, but she wasn’t sure how to execute a plan…or her husband.

She decided to hire a personal trainer, known as “Mr. Results” — who moonlit as a hit man — to take out her unsuspecting, hot air balloon enthusiast husband.

Police Handout via Murderpedia
“Mr. Results” | Police Handout via Murderpedia

She told her husband that she wanted to exchange Valentine’s Day cards in a public park, and that is where Mr. Results shot him. She gave the hitman $10,000 for the service, and immediately claimed her husband’s $500,000 life insurance policy.

Unfortunately for her, she had arranged almost the entirety of the crime via phone calls, which the police got recordings of. Stacey will be spending the rest of her Valentine’s Days in federal prison, along with Mr. Results, and a work colleague who helped them plot the senseless murder.

5. Bitter ex stabs former girlfriend for revenge

Youtube / WTNH News8
Youtube / WTNH News8

25-year-old Tiana Notice broke up with her boyfriend, James Carter, because of his frequent volatile, and sometimes violent, behavior.

Carter wasn’t willing to give her up, however, even after she received multiple restraining orders. He continued texting, calling, and emailing Tiana; eventually culminating with these threats:

Ct.gov
Government documents | Ct.gov

Despite frequent police interventions, Carter kept trying to visit Tiana at her home and workplace; and wrote her many letters. His behavior alternated between extremely hostile and extremely apologetic, oftentimes trying to make amends and get back together with Tiana.

Government document | Ct.gov
Government document | Ct.gov

Tiana returned to the police with this email, and they finally agreed to take Carter in for violating the restraining order. They wouldn’t be able to arrest him in time, however.

On the evening of Valentine’s Day 2009, Tiana was killed by over 20 stab wounds inflicted by ex-boyfriend James Carter. Carter was sentenced to 60 year in prison.

6. Loving couple tortured to death after Valentine’s Day dance

Family photo via News Observer
Family photo via News Observer

Valentine’s Day 1971 was the last holiday 19-year-old Jesse McBane and 20-year-old Patricia Mann spent together — or spent alive, for that matter.

The young love birds accompanied each other to a Valentine’s Day dance at a local hospital, but neither returned to their beds that night. The police initially ignored the case, assuming the couple had just run away or eloped, and only a few days later began an investigation that yielded no results.

A few weeks later a local surveyor found two bodies, tied to a tree, still lovingly leaned against each other. It was Jesse and Patricia. Marks on their necks and bodies indicated that a rope was tightened and slackened around them multiple times, implying some sort of sick torture.

Because their kidnapping and death happened in different countries, multiple police precincts were involved, that oftentimes were reluctant to share information with each other. No suspects were ever brought in, and the murderer remains at-large to this day.

7. Husband murders wife, stuffs pieces of her body in garbage bags, and blames the police for everything.

Family photo via Murderpedia
Family photo via Murderpedia

On Valentine’s Day 2007, Stephen Grant notified a local police precinct that his wife, Tara Lynn Grant, was missing.

After interviewing Stephen, police discovered that there was a five day gap between when his wife went “missing” and when he reported her disappearance.

Stephen Grant immediately began going on a media bonanza, appearing on tons of shows, and accusing the police of harassment. In early March, police executed a search warrant on the Grant’s home and found mangled pieces of Tara’s remains on the floor of the garage. Stephen Grant had apparently originally dumped his wife’s body in a local park, but moved it back into his garage after hearing the police would be searching the park.

Stephen Grant had, by the time of the search, fled of the state, but police caught up with him in Michigan by tracking a phone call he made to his sister. After being brought in by the police, Grant confessed, saying that he had strangled his wife after she “belittled him” and “bit him.” He was sentenced to 50 years in prison. TC mark

slack-imgs.com

Life Does Not Always Move In Straight Lines

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 06:00 PM PST

you-are-here

I used to think that my life would always move in a linear way, like an arrow rushing towards a target or a row of dominos collapsing in perfect order. I’ve never believed that everything happens for a reason, but I did think that someday I would look back on what I’ve done and some kind of clear trajectory or narrative would emerge – like the time I read 100 Years of Solitude and was mostly baffled by it until the very end when a few choice paragraphs neatly laid bare all the patterns and themes that until then had been obscure. I keep looking for those types of paragraphs in my own life, the ones that will shine a light on all of my murkiest, most inexplicable choices and prove that everything has only ever been leading to this.

I’ve been struggling with writing lately. I’m treading the line between “can’t” and “don’t want to,” that funny no man’s land where it’s hard to tell whether you need to try harder or just give up. A few weeks Nathan took me to a dive bar, pulled out a notebook and pen and told me that we were going to think up ten story ideas together to prove that I could still do it. Several drinks later I was yelling about how great a it would be to write novel about 18 year old Mary Shelley slutting around Geneva, exchanging caustic bon mots with Lord Byron and composing a seminal work of science fiction. But when I got home and opened a new Word doc all I could see was the huge blankness of it, which seemed to me to mirror exactly the muted blankness in my head.

I’ve always believed that writing, like any other craft, is one that you can hone through dull, persistent, non-stop toil. I told myself that work begets work, and dove into the frantic grind that is freelance journalism. I pitched publication after publication, and whenever I received a rejection I would just turn around and send the same pitch somewhere else. I auctioned off deeply personal stories because a first person essay is worth a thousand well-cited statistics. When my deadlines began to stack up I felt excited instead of anxious. I churned out hot take after hot take, often just recycling the same general words and ideas while applying them to new situations.

I thought that I was learning to be a better writer, but mostly I was just learning to be faster, sloppier one. And then I hit a wall and couldn’t write anything, not even the same essay about reproductive rights that I’d written a thousand times before.

Failure and success are a funny binary. A marriage can be a strong healthy relationship for a dozen years or more, but if for whatever reason it ends in divorce then we still call it a failed marriage. The same goes for failed careers, as if the choice to move on to something else eclipses any good times that might have happened. The way we apply these labels after the fact makes it seem like the whole enterprise was always objectively a big mistake. This, in turn, rewrites the narrative of our experiences so that they comfortably fit the model of failure/success – because if they didn’t, what would they be? Just a mess of good and bad that doesn’t make any rational sense.

I have spurts where writing comes easily and I’m able to produce essay after competent essay. When that happens, it’s tempting to believe that I’ve finally hit my stride as a writer; I feel the needle slip into the groove and I think this is it. But then I’ll go through dry spells where everything feels forced, my writing alternating between saccharine, adjective-laden prose and stilted sentences that refuse to have life breathed into them. And just like the good periods make me believe that I’ve finally made it, the difficult periods make me feel like it can only be downhill from there.

I’m trying to tell myself that I’m not failing, just taking the long way around. A little while ago a friend of mine said that he read somewhere that all artists have ten great years in which they produce their best work. “But,” he said, “what if those years are spread out? What if instead of one amazing decade, you get a year in your twenties, a couple of years in your thirties, and so on?”

Beginnings are easy, or at least fun and exciting. In some ways, endings, with all their finality and clean lines, are easy too – at the very least they free you from worrying about when the end will come. What are much more difficult are the in-between times, the times when you’re adrift, rudderless and without a destination, in some uncharted sea. Do you try to paddle towards shore, even if you have no idea where shore is? Or do you sit and wait for rescue? All you can do is hold on. Or not.

Life does not always move in straight lines. It moves in lazy detours; sometimes it loses traction and skids sideways, and sometimes it loops back on itself in ways that are confusing and maddening. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve gotten anywhere; I’m still the same scared kid I was at 20, spinning my wheels and praying for something, anything – except now I have the added burden of feeling like I’m running out of time. I still have so much to do and, frustratingly, I’m not sure I’m much closer to knowing how to do it. Six months ago I thought I knew; six months from now I might feel that way again.

Have you ever looked at one of those maps they have in malls and museums and airports and felt a strange thrill of grace when you see the arrow that says you are here? Of course intellectually you know that someone chose this specific location for the map and then marked that specific spot on the map, but even knowing this I find it hard not to look at those words and feel like I’ve been saved by a stroke of luck. They found me! I was just standing here feeling lost and they found me!

I’m trying to learn to live my life with the idea that wherever I am – whether I feel like I’m moving forward or backward or standing still – someone somewhere could make a map that says you are here. And I’ll know that even if it’s not clear to me right then, there is a path on that map that leads to the exit and there is a path that leads to my departure gate and there is a path that leads to the food court. And no matter what path I choose, I will eventually find another map that, comfortingly, tells me that I am here.

Everything has only ever been leading to this.

And this.

And this.

And whatever comes next. TC mark

20 People On The Shocking Secret They Will Never Tell Their Parents

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 05:00 PM PST

secrt

Found on AskReddit.

1. I FOUND DIRTY POLAROIDS OF THEM

"When I was in 3rd grade, I found Polaroids of my parents getting down and dirty on their honeymoon. Being the dip shit that I was, I brought them to school and traded them to one of my friends for a holographic Charizard card. They never found out. I still have the card. I win."

2. MOM’S CONDOMS WERE TOO SMALL

"I got busy with my BF in my mum’s bed once…we didn’t have a condom handy, so I reached into her bedside table drawer and pulled one out….It was too small."

3. I STOLE MY MOM’S CREDIT CARD

"I stole my mom’s credit card when I was 13 to pay for a RuneScape membership."

4. I HAD SEX WITH MY COUSIN

"I had sex with my cousin when we were in high school. Twice."

5. I HAD SEX WITH FOUR OF MY COUSINS

"That between the ages of 11-13 I had sex with four of my cousins who were all in high school (not at the same time). Today, I am still close to one of them in a completely non-sexual way, two of them are lost to drugs forever in another state, and the one who took my virginity… well, I hate him. I probably wouldn’t hate him so much except for the fact that I completely trusted him when I was 11. Once I got old enough to realize what had happened, I felt betrayed. I do not believe that I would have had sex with my other cousins if I had not lost my virginity to him. Also, when I was 18, he came over to my house drunk and tried to get me to sleep with him again because he wanted to 'know how good I had gotten since I was older.' No, creep. I’m 32 now and I have only seen him once since that day. He lives in another part of the country with his beautiful wife and two children. I feel sad when I look at pictures of her on Facebook because she is so beautiful and sweet. She has no idea how much of a creep that he really is, she believes she married a good man. Instead she married a child fucker who no doubt cheats on her because he has never been faithful. Their marriage is on the rocks for reasons unknown to me but…I can only speculate. I hope she gets out soon and I hope he does NOT move back home. I’m sure no one will read this but damn it feels good to get it off my chest."

6. OUR DOG WAS EATEN BY SKUNKS

"I take my dog out to play fetch one day in the summer. We play behind my house in the meadow it is by the edge of the forest; anyways my dog run away into the forest, I chase after him and I find him in a skunk den getting eaten by the skunks. I tell my mom he got lost in the forest and i never did find him. I did not tell my mom I did find him but he was a skunk lunch."

7. I broke my mom's waterbed having sex

"I broke my mom's waterbed having sex, the same night she came home really drunk and when she woke up in the morning she thought she did and didn’t remember."

8. I WAS IN PRISON, NOT IN SPAIN

"That the month I was 'living a month in Spain' was actually spent in prison. I had friends to post fake Instagram pictures for me, too."

9. THE ROPE WAS FOR BONDAGE, NOT SUICIDE

"When I was in middle school I was a horny (and kinky) teenage boy, one night I couldn’t sleep and I was jerking off in my bedroom. For some reason I got it in my head to use the rope (I was a Boy Scout and used it for camping…mostly) and I messed around a little with self-bondage. Nothing extreme, tying hands or ankles, etc. Well, I finished jerking off and went to sleep. Next morning mom wakes me up and sees the rope. I didn’t understand but she was worried and asking why I had the rope out. I lied saying I was just messing around with my Boy Scout knots, just bored and couldn’t sleep. She had me go see the school therapist, and coincidentally I also was stressed from school and life. And we had a discussion about how stressed I was, etc. It was an emotional conversation etc. It wasn’t until months later that I realized she thought I had been thinking about suicide. And I never told her otherwise, because suicide was the furthest from my mind, but I wasn’t sure she’d be comforted in knowing her son was interested in bondage, etc."

10. I HAD SEX WITH A COUCH

"My dad walked in on me after I had sex with a couch; he didn't know it, though. I was having sex with the couch and i fell asleep while leaning on it. (I was shirtless and pantless with my boxers down to my knees, knelt over the couch with my dick in between the couch cushions, in my living room, when my dad turns on the lights and wakes me up.) He asked me what i was doing and i shouldn't fall asleep like that. He didn't know my dick was in between the cushions. And when he turned around i pulled out and pulled my boxers back up. He still doesn't know."

11. I KICKED A HOLE IN THE DOOR OVER A VIDEO GAME, NOT A GIRL

"I put my foot through my bedroom door after I lost an online match on UFC 09. The guy kicked my ass and then PM'd me abuse so i went berserk. I told my dad it was over a girl who faked pregnancy with me and that she was phoning me. Truth is i hadn’t spoken to her in months and didn’t want to admit it was over a video game."

12. THEY HAVE A NINE-YEAR-OLD GRANDSON THEY NEVER SAW

"I am from the UK, when I was 16 I was holidaying in Mexico and ended up banging this American girl. Flew home and obviously thought that’s that, we literally live thousands of miles away I’ll never hear from her again. I’m 25 now and two years ago I got a message on Facebook from her saying that she got pregnant and had the baby and that I have a son, she sent me some pictures and he does actually look like me. I wouldn’t even consider telling my parents about this until I have absolute proof that the kid is mine, but even then it would break their hearts to know they have a 9-year-old grandson they never saw. At the minute I’m kind of just playing it by ear."

13. MULTIPLE DRUGS, MULTIPLE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

"Grew up with parents who were divorced. Lived with my Mom and Stepdad. Dad was a crack/cokehead but took me every few weekends and I loved him very much still. At 14 my Stepdad was killed and my Mom became an absent closet-alcoholic. My Dad got his shit together for me so he spent two years in a live-in rehabilitation home and my Mom left me alone in our family home from ages 14-16 to pursue a new relationship in a town hours away. I kept them up to date on my good grades and fun extracurricular sports and whatnot, but I was lying. I fell into hard drugs and became addicted to coke and MDMA and alcohol. I stole food so I could eat, but I also stole clothes and makeup and alcohol and everything else I wanted solely because I wanted it. I tried to kill myself multiple times. All in under two years. I don’t plan on telling either of them that."

14. I once took too much salvia and was gone for 70 years

"I once took too much salvia and was gone for 70 years. I traveled trough the universe, ended up on the other side of it. Was a part of an intergalactic counsel and represented humanity. After explaining earth and humanity to them in their own language that they taught me, I traveled back and crash-landed in my friends’ sofa as a completely empty shell, everything about me was gone. I started with the classic 'Where am I, Who are you…Who am I?' They started talking to me but I did not understand the language, so I thought to myself 'Hah, you sound so silly.' Then my whole life flashed in front of my eyes and I was back to 'normal.' Fucked-up shit."

15. I PUT THE SCREW IN THE TUNA

"I was the one who put the screw in the tuna."

16. My brother physically and emotionally abused me when I was young

"My brother physically and emotionally abused me when I was young. He’s 10 years older than me and a big guy, so I couldn’t do anything about it. My parents weren’t around that much either, so my siblings were often responsible for taking care of me. Sometimes my brother would tease me around my parents and I would start crying instantly, only to be told by them that I was being overly sensitive. They didn’t realize that my crying was because of how ashamed he made me feel in general. So I learnt quickly not to tell them if bad things are going on. To this day my mum often tries to convince me to talk to my brother (it’s been 2 years of no contact) and thinks that I’m being very mean to him. It would break my parents if they knew the things he said/did to me. So I keep it between me and my therapist."

17. I PROVIDED A FALSE POLICE REPORT TO AVOID GETTING IN TROUBLE

"When I was 13 and my little bro was 11, we stayed at the mall WAY past when we were supposed to come home, like a few hours. This was the time before cell phones. On the way home we hatched a scheme. We devised a lie that involved us being detained by a mall security guard for running down a back hallway of the mall. We even came up with a real person to base this security guard on, in case we were questioned separately. We pretty much described to our mom the pro wrestler Dean Malenko. It was perfect. Little did we know, there was a guy in our area posing as a cop and abducting children. Mom called the cops. My brother and I separately had to give statements about what happened. The thing is, the lie held up. The cops told Mom that there was a good chance this was the guy. IIRC there may have even been a little blurp in the news about a sighting of this guy at the mall we frequented. We threw a wrench in an investigation, caused a minor local scare, scared the shit out of our Mom, and ruined our freedom to walk to the mall by ourselves for 6 months, all because we didn’t want to get into trouble for being 3 hours late getting home."

18. REPEATED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

"I had suicidal thoughts when I was a kid. I would get kitchen knives and take them up to the bathroom when no one was home and try and cut my wrists, but I always ended up puking instead."

19. I BROKE MOM’S COUCH HAVING SEX ON IT

"You know the last couch you had, mom? Yeh it didn’t really break when I sat on it. It did break however when I had really energetic, rough sex with a girl who I wasn’t in a relationship with."

20. I’M TERRIBLY DEPRESSED

"I’m terribly depressed and have considered suicide multiple times." TC mark

The Day I Lost My Father

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 04:38 PM PST

 Twenty20 astraleia
Twenty20 astraleia

I opened the cupboard and figured I'd make
pumpkin pancakes from a yellow box

When I cracked open the egg
the yolk fell into the laps of flour
and I remembered the day
he brought me to the Bronx Zoo

I wore a velvet red jacket
had a mushroom bowl haircut
made friends with a turtle
shied away from the bears

I knew even though he was with me,
he still wasn't all there

When I measured the milk 3/4s to a cup
I thought of the night we went to IHOP
and how he barely touched his food
while I ate breakfast for dinner
and asked him not to leave me again

While I flipped the batter on the grill
I reminisced the week we spent in California
how he held my hand on the roller coaster
as we swooped from the sky
into the mouths of plastic dinosaurs

As I poured maple syrup and
buttered golden brown circles

I knew all I had left of my father
were pumpkin pancake memories. TC mark

I Found A Feather On The Passenger Seat Of My Car And It Brought Me To Tears

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 04:00 PM PST

Creative Vix
Creative Vix

It was a Tuesday. A typical, average, decently normal type of Tuesday, except that it was a sucky Tuesday. Nothing awful happened, nothing dramatic or super emotional—there was just a heavy weight on my shoulders. I was anxious about the future, feeling sort of lost, and not myself. I had just left the gym, and was pulling into my parking spot at my house. The gym was decent; I'd lifted and ran a good chunk of miles, but I still felt directionless. No matter how many miles you run, you can't get that feeling out of your head. I idled my car, and just sat there for a moment. The rest of my Tuesday was open, a free night with no plans. But as much as that should have put me in a good mood, I felt stuck.

I sighed. Then leaned over to the passenger side of my car and grabbed my purse and lunch. As I picked them up, I noticed a thin, white feather in the middle of the seat. It stopped me right in my tracks.

A few months ago, my mother started reading a book about angels. Don't ask me why or how this began, but it was absolutely a blessing to our entire family. In the Christian faith, angels are God's messengers. They bring good news, and in some denominations, angels are considered to be guardians, or faithful lookouts. In my mother's angel book, it tells how angels are constantly watching over humans, guiding them, protecting them, and giving them signs of their love and care. One of these signs is a feather.

A feather is a reminder that you are not alone. It can be an answer to a question, a prayer, or an anxious thought. It can be a reassurance that you're on the right path. As I ran my finger over the tiny ribs of the feather, I felt a sudden sense of peace.

There was absolutely no rhyme or reason for that feather to be in my car. I don't own a damn thing that is feather made, or down-stuffed. I haven't had a pillow in my car, or any small feathered animal, or anything, really, except for my gym shoes, purse, and lunch bag. There was no explanation for that feather being there. It just was.

A feather is a reminder that you are not alone.

I clutched the feather in my palm and stared at it. The tears were already pouring down my face; there was no stopping them. It was as if, in that moment, all the indecision and fear and anxiety and stress I was feeling had melted away. This tiny, insignificant-looking feather was the unsolicited answer to the jumble of emotions I was feeling—I was on the right path. I was going to be okay.

Sometimes in life, you're blessed with little miracles. They might seem like nothing, like a tiny white feather, but they carry incredible weight. They are signs that you're never alone, even when you’re at your lowest, even when it's a Tuesday night and you're feeling sort of empty. For me, this was related to my faith, but it’s deeper than that and not solely because of that. In that moment I wasn’t praying, I wasn't asking God for an answer. I was just given a small gift. A small angel-note, to show me that the mix of craziness I was feeling was just a part of the process. That as I went through the rest of my crappy Tuesday, I wasn't riding completely solo. Someone had my back. TC mark

18 Hilariously Ridiculous Things You Can Tell Your Honey This Valentine’s Day To Describe How You Feel

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 03:15 PM PST

Filipovich
Filipovich

1.

“Baby, you’re nothing like the upcoming Friends reunion. I actually want you.”

2.

“Baby, you’re just like the upcoming Gilmore Girls reunion. I can’t wait until you’re here.”

3.

“I love you as much as Bernie Sanders hates wall street.”

4.

“I love you as much as Hillary Clinton loves trying way too hard to appeal to young voters.”

5.

“I love you as much as Ted Cruz likes pretending to be human and not, in fact, a blob of slime that has newly acquired a solid form.”

6.

“I love you as much as Donald Trump loves alienating anyone who isn’t a rich, white, cisgender, straight, bigoted man.”

7.

“I’m always happy to be be your #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch.

8.

“When I look out amongst thousands of faces, you’re the only one I can see. I promise, I’d never Steve Harvey you.”

9.

“You make me feel like a white girl on Molly at Coachella. So high. So, so high.”

10.

“You mean so much to me that I’d let you continue to use my Netflix account even if we broke up.”

11.

“You’re my best friend. And no, not Amy Schumer and JLaw status. Because that shit just seems commercialized and contrived. You and I? Oh, we’re real.”

12.

“When I look at you, I know I’ve found #relationshipgoals.”

13.

“Are you Safeway? Because I could eat the booty like groceries 24/7.”

14.

“You and I are like The Bachelor. Never going off the air.”

15.

“A wise prophet from Canada once said: if you had a twin, I would still choose you.”

16.

“I’d never give up on us. You’re the pizza to my rat.”

17.

“Every time we have sex, I’m ready to take your ass to Red Lobster.”

18.

“You can always count on me. I’ll never Frank Ocean you.” TC mark

This Is What Real Love Looks Like When You End Apart

Posted: 09 Feb 2016 03:00 PM PST

istockphoto.com / epicurean
istockphoto.com / epicurean

When I turned twenty-one, I fell in love for the first time. I met a guy who had an old soul and a beautiful mind. I didn't have to put up walls with him and he didn't have to knock any of mine down—it was effortless. He didn't ask ordinary questions such as what my favorite color was or what I did for fun. He wanted to know what I was afraid of, what my favorite Disney movie was, what my top five songs were, and what made me smile in the simplest way. I think that 's when I knew that he was someone I could easily fall in love with.

I loved that he listened to alternative, classical, and indie music that I secretly liked such as The Killers, Beethoven, and Bright Eyes. I loved that he could recite poetry by Pablo Neruda, Jack Kerourac, and William Shakespeare without even trying to be impressive. I loved that he was always full of romantic surprises such as reservations to French restaurants, flying kites on the beach, or having picnics at the park. I loved that his fingers were dull from playing guitar nights after nights. I loved that he watched chick flicks with me and truly did enjoy the storylines out of them. I loved the way his mind worked, a little more observant than most people (he wanted to minor in philosophy). I loved that he couldn't cook, but he was willing to experiment in my kitchen and never made fun of my terrible meals. I loved that we could sit in the back seat of his car until five in the morning simply listening to our favorite rock bands. I loved that we tried new coffee shops together even though he didn't even know how to order coffee. I loved that we could spend hours in bookshops without saying a word to one another, yet we never felt alone. I loved that we got lost in cities we thought we knew and I loved that we worked towards making a home together in one we'd never been to. I loved how focused and determined we were about chasing our dreams.

Somewhere along the line we began chasing different dreams. I moved to Seattle because of a job opportunity and though he swore he would join me he ended up staying behind to pursue his dream. In the end, I learned that love sometimes is not enough. TC mark