Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

50 People Reveal The Filthy Fantasies And Hookups That Make Them Cringe But Still Turn Them On

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 07:00 PM PST

via Flickr - ePi.Longo
via Flickr – ePi.Longo

1. Just Casually Dropping By, Then I Blow Him

One of my female friends has a fuck buddy whom she introduced to us on one occasion, and he became a sort of fixture in our group, hanging out with us every once in a while. Long story short, he started hitting on me, but I wasn’t really keen on the idea of having sex with him as he’s already sleeping with my friend, and he wasn’t really my type. My friend said it was fine with her, though. One day that guy and i were just chatting on MSN, the convo turned to sex, he said he was jerking off and he wanted to cum on my tits. It really turned me on because i’ve never experienced that before, and I told him so. He begged me to come over, and the deal was pretty clear: no sex, i’d just watch him jerk off and then have him cum on my tits. I went over to his place, watched him jerk off for a bit, got horny and sucked him off until he came on my tits. Then I cleaned myself up, put my clothes on, and left like nothing happened. He gave me money for cab fare like he promised before I came over. Having a guy hand me money after I give him a blow job and let him blow his load on my tits, and the idea that I just casually dropped by to suck him off.. makes me feel so dirty yet turns me on so much that I won’t mind doing it again.

2. Tied Up, At A Bar

Getting tied up in the corner of a seedy bear bar, hunched over a stool with a ring gag and a spreader bar keeping me open and ready for the patrons. Tally marks on my ass keep track of the loads thrust deep inside me, and on my forehead keep track of the cum drenching my face, hair, and throat.

I have more, but honestly, I’m a smidge distracted now.

3.  Having Her Attack Me

I want to cum in my girls freshly shaved pussy and when she wants to come she can force me to eat her out whilst my cum is still inside her.

Eating my own cum feels dirty but having her attack me like that would feel so hot!

4. Sub Slave For Multiple Women

Being dominated by a woman. Tied up and helpless and used in degrading and humiliating ways. Also group bondage as a sub slave for multiple women and being in bondage and having her be a bit scary. I haven’t gotten to “play” with a group yet, but I would like to.

One of my female friends is coming to town this Wednesday with a bunch of new toys and she won’t tell me what they are. I am a weird mix of little-kid-on-Xmas-morning-hyperventilating excited, massively aroused and a bit terrified. I would heinously embarrassed, but I want her female friends to come over and take advantage of me too.

5. Answering An Online Adult Ad

So. I have done a lot of crazy stuff, but nothing that compares to this for sheer perversion. I saw an ad on the Chicago Reader site – the online adult personals. A woman, hispanic, who wanted a man to impregnate her. Her husband was mostly sterile (poor quality sperm) and she desperately wanted children. I thought it was a joke, but… there was an audio recording from her attached that sounded real. And so I replied. And she wrote back. And we talked on the phone. Fast forward – we meet in a bar. She’s a cute 30 year old – petite, pretty nice body too. Up to now, I figure this is all about some kinky role-playing, and I am very down. But she seems quite serious about checking me out. Wants to know my SAT scores. Insists that I promise to meet her every month at the height of her cycle until she gets pregnant. I must swear I will never try to track her down. And the sex ends as soon as she gets a positive pregnancy test.

I’m starting to freak out. And get turned on. So turned on. We make a date for several days later. We meet at the Hard Rock Hotel, both produce our STD test results, and it is ON! And it is hot… kinky, mind-blowing, hair pulling sex. 4 times. She has a somewhat shallow vagina, and I have a long enough cock that it can really bang into her cervix. Which she doesn’t like. So I finish up by pushing her face down into the bed and ramming her as hard as possible. She’s in pain, and she’s also cumming. I tell her she’s a whore, she’s a cheat, her husband is not a man… I’m so deep when I cum that she screams and tries to pull away.

That was the only time we had sex. A few weeks later I got a message through the web site we met on. “Positive. Wish me luck.”

That was about six years ago. I often wonder…

6. The Virgin

I want to spend a whole weekend smoking pot and having sex. I’m talking every kind of sex; I want it ALL. And I want it to be with a stranger. We plan things out the day before or something and we barely even talk, we just meet and fuck for 3 days straight, I dominate, she dominates, I’m tied up, then she’s tied up, we deny each other orgasms, we fuck in public, we play rape fantasies, we watch porn and imitate all the moves, etc. BTW, I’m a virgin. I don’t wanna pop my cherry, I wanna fucking annihilate it.

7. Roommate Fantasy

I want a few roommates who would use me as a cumdump. Not in a degrading manner, but just nonchalantly. Like one could go, “Hey dude, want a load in your mouth?” in the same way/tone that he would ask “Let’s play TF2.”

Also, it would be very hot if they would boast about my cocksucking skillz with their friends and invite them to try it.

8. ‘Crack’ Them Open

I love to manhandle girls and force them to do things. Not a rape fantasy, just imposing my will. I really like to “crack girls open” as I call it, by that I mean I place them face down and ass up and I spread their ass and pussy and just look at it and rub it before I get to buisness. My fantasy is for one to get in that position and crack themselves open for me.

9. Ladyboys Everywhere

I would love to fuck a ladyboy in the ass, suck her cock, have her fuck me in the ass and get abused by two ladyboys at once.

10. Anonymous…In The Dark

God I still get horny every time I think about it.

In college there was a decent sized group of us drinking & smoking pot at night in the rented basement of a friends place. This was a place where they kept the windows blacked out due to the regular underage drinking (as tends to happen at college). I was dating a guy, who wasn’t there at the time. I’d guess there were another 4 girls there, and perhaps 6 guys (not remembering exactly who was there)

The conversation somehow turned to sex, and people were starting to flirt / be a bit more…public with their attraction I suppose (a guy rubbing his girlfriends covered nipples, nothing crazy). The music was also fairly loud. Then one guy had the bright idea to turn off the light. I have no idea why this was a funny idea at the time (likely due to the pitch black nature of the basement), but everyone was laughing and pushing each other. People were walking around, bumping into the walls, shoving each other, knocking over bottles, etc.. you couldn’t see a thing.

I was standing, and some misc male hand grabbed a breast. I was a bit drunk, I just let it go, I couldn’t see who it was, it didn’t necessarily feel like cheating, and I figured no one necessarily knew who I was either. Then another hand seemed to feel that hand, understand what was going on, and grabbed my other breast. No speaking at all (just loud music in the background with people laughing all around).

Without spelling it all out, the guys slowly pushed me to the ground, my shirt was pushed up. I felt more hands appear, “investigate”, and start feeling up my legs (had a skirt on), etc. My breasts were never left alone. I could hear some level of breathing / coughing (it had gotten a bit quieter in the room). A hand went completely up my skirt, pushed aside my panties, I felt more hands in there.

Very shortly afterwards my panties were removed, and a finger was inserted into my pussy (completely wet), with more hands wandering around, I could practically feel the horniness of those hands wandering back & forth looking for an opening. With my nipples being toyed with, I was getting closer to orgasm incredibly fast (surprisingly for being at least tipsy if not drunk).

Then the hand stopped, my legs were pushed apart a bit more, and I felt a penis rubbing around the entrance. I tensed up a bit, but didn’t stop it. That guy had sex with me.. I could feel him cum inside shortly afterwards.. I had a bit of a panic as he didn’t have protection on (it leaked out shortly afterwards). Then another guy entered seconds after he pulled out.. then a third guy. The third guy had a condom (smart guy!) I think I was too nervous / scared about the condoms / feeling it had gone a bit far so I wasn’t able to completely physically enjoy it (couldn’t get off), but god it was hot. The third guy stopped, I still had hands on me (no idea if they were the same, different hands, etc), but I decided it had been enough.

I got up, pulled my panties back on (they were thankfully on the ground near me still), and walked to the other side of the room. A few minutes later I could see a small amount of light from the stairway down the hall, so I went out there, and left.

I had STD tests not too long afterwards, was thankfully clean, and had my period on schedule. Broke up with the boyfriend (didn’t tell him why, just figured it was the right thing to do, was probably done with the relationship anyway). Never figured out which friends I had sex with. None of us talked about it later, other than vague mentions of “what a crazy time we had, we should do it again sometime (at least from the guys)”

And as I said, I get incredibly turned on every time I think about it. I have a huge fetish for pitch-black rooms, anonymous sex, etc. The whole idea thrills me, and I wish I could figure out how to do it all over again.

11. Call Me A Whore

There was one time when I laid on my stomach, naked, with my ass up and my boyfriend just took me really hard from behind. He spanked me and called me a whore and pinned my arms behind my back. It was sooo hot and loved it and he liked how I screamed really loud and how my voice cracked when doing it. :) Fun fun.

12. Nazis

I want to be spanked by a female North Korean military police officer. Or a Nazi. I have a thing for military uniforms from authoritarian dictatorships.

And I want to start making pornographic comics, preferably related to Victoriana somehow. But I wonder about showing all my kink shit to the people I know. And I know that my parents would see it, and that makes me feel weird.

13. Bent Over A Bale Of Hay

Dirtiest thing: My first time doing anything sexual was oral (giving and receiving) in a mock-up of a missionary hut at the girl’s seventh-day Adventist college, with her bent over a bale of hay in view of one of the chapels. Mind you, at this school you couldn’t even openly kiss as there needed to be ‘god space’ separating you…

14. To Be A Tiny Person

Remember that movie ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids?” Well I want to be about that small, and wrestle with a hot next door type chicks clit, then dive naked into her pussy and make her cum. I want the fear of being crushed to death by her vaginal walls to make it a life and death situation. I want to finally slide out of her pussy covered in her juices, almost blind, and then I want to cum on her tongue that is almost as big as me with my teeny tiny cock.

Perhaps then dad can un-shrink me, and I’ll have another chance except she prefers me to be small so I shrink myself for her and she brings her friends over and it turns into a complete mess.

Yeah, that does it for me.

15. Tempting Mormons

Mormon guys and gals. Not something I’ve done, certainly… but the idea that I am SO irresistible that they would give up their entire religion and world view and dogma to do THIS girl is kind of hot.

16. Incest

Seeing as I don’t have a sister I guess its okay but the idea of incest is ridiculously hot to me. Sometimes, when I feel the mood is right I don’t watch porn but instead read some nasty incest stories on literotica. I guess its the taboo of it. I can’t read the mother/son incest stuff that grosses me out, but the sister/brother stuff = epic fapping.

17. Enthusiastic Deepthroat

I want to get deepthroated, balls deep. And I want to EXPLODE all the way in her throat, pushing her head against me while I do it. And I want her to guzzle that shit, enjoying every second of it.

Probably won’t ever happen, but it’s hot to imagine.

18. It’s All About Me

I want him to just spend hours pleasing me with no intention of having me reciprocate. In fact, pleasing me for hours is so hot for him that he can come without any stimulation except pleasing ME.

Also, I’d love to have one guy going down on me while another plays with my nipples.

None of this is terribly exciting/cringe-worthy but I guess I do feel guilty if I don’t reciprocate so that makes it naughtier for me.

19. Pee

I get turned on watching videos of girls being peed on.

I am a girl, and have no personal desire to be urinated on. But these videos, to me, are hot. I wish I understood it, to the logical me, it seems ridiculous.

20. Cult Brainwashing

I fantasize (and I suppose I should emphasize fantasize)about kidnapping and restraining a young woman, and using cult-like brainwashing pain and pleasure techniques to train her to crave punishment, because that’s when she’s forced to cum and is fed and watered. Eventually, after several days of alternating torture and pleasure has whittled her sanity down to the nub, she’s taken right to the edge of a massive orgasm and the given the choice of being freed or ahem finished off…

21. A Massive, Consequence Free Orgy

Being part of a full-scale Orgy. Just walking into a room and being completely swept up into a mass of bodies, everyone just ravaging each other. (Note: no condoms involved with this, because it is a FANTASY where crotch and blood ickies do not exist ;P) I want to be so exhausted and fucked silly I have to crawl into a corner just to breathe.

22. ‘Surrounded By Girls’ With A Twist

I want lots of women around me, playing with me, kissing me, licking me, touching me, watching me, all while being fucked by a hot guy.

23. MMF With Identical Twins

I was recently the girl in a MMMF. It was amazing. The most fun I’ve ever had. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The guys I was with were foreign visiting the country I live in now and we could barely communicate with words, but sex was a complete different story.

My fantasy is to have MMF with identical twins…or triplets…just the thought gets me so excited. I have a pair in mind, I’m just having difficulty setting it up.

24. Pegging In Public

…as far as dirtiest I’ve ever done… probably public sex. Sex in a college classroom (audio visual room!), sex in a car in a mall parking lot, sex on a public tollway, sex on the front step of our apartment, sex over my ex-husband’s desk, sex while friends are mere feet away…

I love to wear a strap on and fuck my boyfriend in the ass.

It may be somewhat tame, but I can’t get enough of it.

25. Restrained And Naked In Public

Oh I have several. One is to be bound naked in semi-public, like at a party where I’m tied spread eagle to a wall or in a strip club where I’m handcuffed to a stripper pole with my arms over my head. I could see being tied spread eagle between 2 trees in the woods or as a rope based crucifixion.

But pee play also sounds like fun.

26. The Ending Of This One Is Amazing

I once had this idea of building a steel track about 20 feet long and a few yards apart, several feet off the ground and on an angle. Then I would get the entire Dallas Cowboys Cheerleading squad. Half of them would do the splits naked in a handstand underneath the track and the other half would be on top. At this point I would load my naked self on to the top of the track and log roll down, getting precisely one penetration per vagina (2/rotation). I would continue this for as long as possible and then would climb to the top and finish while doing a wookie roar.

Then I would send the footage of this event to various ex girlfriends, and then film their reactions to the footage. Which brings us to the actual sexual fantasy, which is jerking it to that video.

27. Hours Of Oral

He’d come over to my place and tell me that this time, he wouldn’t want to come at all. It would just be about me, the entire time. Start making out, and I put my hand on his jeans and he moves back my hand–I just have to take it. Everything from there devolves into neck kissing and nipple sucking, and then he goes down on me, and I imagine this in great detail.

I had a boyfriend who would never, ever go down on me and would get really upset if I’d mention it, so now it’s really hard for me to let a guy stay down there–I freak out and just pull him up and fake it so he moves on. But this time, he’d stay down there and stay down there, for at least 30 minutes of fingering and licking. I figure, I’ve given blowjobs that long… is it wrong for me to imagine, just once, that I’d get that sort of attention? But I think the reason I like that as a fantasy is the control element–I start wanting him to stop because it makes me nervous, makes me wonder if he hates it and if he’s uncomfortable, even as I want him to keep on going because it feels so good, and knowing that he’s not going to stop. And normally I come early and often–this time, I’d come often but only after a while. Normally I try to come as quickly as I can the first time so I can keep on hitting that high, since it’s not so bad for me and guys tend to like it when they can make a girl come pretty easily, but it’d be awesome at once for there to be no pressure at all, and I could go without flexing all those muscles down there and moving my thighs around to accelerate the process on my end. And I could just lie back and let it be about me. It’d feel very wrong, and be kinda awesome.

That would be lovely. And a major and unpleasant “fuck you” to the boy who messed up my mind so bad about oral sex that now it feels taboo in my mind enough for it to be a “dirty fantasy” instead of something normal. Hmph.

28. A True Patriot

For the record, I am male.

Deepest fantasy: tied down and taken advantage of by my SO.

Dirtiest thing I’ve done: Had sex in a baptist church. I wiped myself off on the American flag and the preacher’s chair.

29. ‘Look Me In The Eye!’

I want to fuck my best friend while her boyfriend watches.

30. To Be In A Woman’s Body

I would like to be a woman so that I could trib other chicks. I am fascinated by the porn on this topic and I am not sure why. Most of the time when a guy says he fantasizes about being a woman it is driven by a motivation to be with men.

I want to we a woman so that I can rub my pussy against that of other women. Just the thought of girl-me and another woman with legs scissored grind-humping each other while sucking each other’s toes…moaning and gasping at the feeling of our wet snatches stimulating each other’s… drives me mad.

31. Sounds Like A Party

My girlfriend getting gangbanged.

32. Anonymous, Rough Pegging

Ok so here it is. Male here. My fantasy would be getting fucked by a girl with a strapon up the ass while she is stroking my dick. Slow and gentle at first then once things get going she can do as she likes and should be talking real dirty to me, like how great my virgin ass feels, you know stuff like that. This girl would have to be somewhat anonymous. The willy thing would hopefully be small since all I have had up there was a finger. Its an odd fantasy since I haven’t really enjoyed ass play all that much in the past. Haha oh well. There it is.

33. To Hook Up With A Man…

I’m a lesbian in a long term relationship.. but for the past few months, most of my fantasies have been about men. And I’d love to hook up with one but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Sigh. ):

34. A Female In A Gay Bar

I visited a gay bar that had hard bodied male go-go dancers. Being one of the few females I got a lot of attention from the dancers, who were mostly straight guys. I gave one of the straight dancers a hand job in the back corner, and he came on my tits. Next thing I know, one of the gay dancers came up and licked all of the guys cum off of my boobs. SO HOT.

Later that night, I ended up in the bathroom on my knees with another dancer, head bobbing unapologetically up and down his huge cock. Best part… my boyfriend loved watching :)

35. Naughty Office Sex

For me it’s office sex, doing one of the girls over the photocopier and cumming inside her then going back to work as if nothing happened although she didn’t really clean up and you can still see cum on her high heels and its dripping from her pussy as she gives powerpoint presentations.

36. Cathedral Sex, In France

I’m staying in France right now and every town has a gorgeous cathedral. Now, I’m always really respectful of peoples’ places of worship and I’d never want to have sex in one (cause I’d get pissed if someone were to mess with my sacred personal spaces) but I just thought of how cool it would be to have really really loud sex in a cathedral. I mean, the acoustics in those places are amazing.

Yeah, I’d really just do it for the echo. Having stained-glass Jesuses watch me would freak me out a little.

37. An Adult Book Store Gangbang

Craziest thing: I was in an adult book store one time buying pornos (before the Internet) and while paying at the cashier I noticed a small CCTV behind the clerk. On the TV was a woman in an obvious gang bang. I pay for my stuff and walk back to the video booths (behind a curtain) and there she is – a woman getting fucked by a dude while 4-5 other guys stand around. I walk up the crowd and watch for a while, then take out my cock like everyone else, and just jack off and watch.

I stood there jacking my half-hard dick and watched three dudes come inside her, one come on her face, and 1 on her tits, and without saying a word stepped in and fucked her. She was lying on her back directly on the cement floor with what looked like a quilt underneath her.

I remember several things vividly: When I first got down on my knees to put my dick in her the smell of cum was overwhelming. She was covered in it. The other thing I remember was how stretched out her pussy was and how I slid in without any problem. She was probably late 30s or early 40s, chubby with big tits. Dark hair, 90’s perm, and a light bush. There was literally a stream of cum running from her pussy to her asshole and then puddling on the quilt.

While I was fucking her I was completely nervous and freaked out by the group of dudes over me and afraid someone was going to jizz on me. Because her pussy was so wet and loose it was taking me a while to get off, so in the 2-3 minutes I was inside of her I saw another two dudes cum in her mouth. I start banging her like crazy and cum inside of her and as soon as I stand up and black dude with a gigantic cock kneels down where I was (between her legs), starts slapping her cock against her pussy, and then rams it into her and she goes from lightly moaning to loudly groaning and whimpering.

Some of the guys seemed to be sticking around trying to get a second turn, but zipped up and left the store.

In the time I was there I saw at least 10 guys cum in or on her and she appeared to be loving it every time.

This was right before Magic Johnson came out with aids, sometime around 1991. After I saw this I was convinced I had AIDS and went for an HIV test around Christmas of 1991 and it was negative, and promised myself to never get involved in an anonymous gang bang ever again.

38. Ruthless!

Obligatory: Missionary, for the sole purpose of procreation.

39. Feminized Men

Men. Specifically:

  • Wearing men’s clothing. I just love men so much, I want to wear the things they wear! Oxfords are my favorite, but even things like socks and a-shirts give me a thrill…
  • Men wearing women’s clothing, especially lingerie. I’m a sucker for a dude in a dress. As long as he’s still clearly a dude (i.e., not actually trying to look like a woman). HOT.
  • Gay guys kissing or having sex. It’s not only hot; somehow it just makes me feel nice.
  • Fucking/fingering my fiance in the ass. It’s a shame more straight couples don’t do this; it’s actually wonderfully intimate.
  • Male genitalia. Yes, you read that right; there’s actually a woman out there who DIGS dicks. Including the internal parts. And balls. And assholes. And prostates. And all the associated sights and smells and textures. Except for those of poo and, for some reason, semen. Although it’s hella worth it…

What does it say about our society that loving men this much makes me feel very queer? In the general sense, of course.

40. Breaking And ‘Entering’

For years now I’ve had this fantasy of a guy breaking into my place to rob me and instead we end up having hours of hot sex. Afterwards, he leaves.

41. Outside, In Public, With A Strapon

I am a girl and a lesbian (all this is obvious from the story). I was dating this girl for about a year or so and we went to White Water in Georgia, a water park. I just bought my first strap on, so I started packing, which is placing strap ons underneath your clothing. Towards the end of our time there, we both decided to take a shower in the public showers while my mom waited for us at the food area. My girlfriend at the time had an idea to fuck with the strap on in the showers since I did start packing for occasions like this. I don’t think either of us cared about the location we were in, because my ex was moaning audibly and the force of my thrust colliding into her was banging the fuck out of the walls.

Its between that and fucking her behind a laundry mat on a busy road.

42. Rape Fantasy

I get off on rape fantasy porn, and the idea of being taken advantage of turns me on. I don’t mean to offend rape victims, and sometimes I feel guilty about it, but I imagine being assaulted by a rapist will turn me on and I will actually have a good time (minus the part where the rapist turns out to be a murderer as well). I’m hugely attracted to men who dominate me in bed, and I guess I view rape as the highest level of sexual domination.

I’m not into BDSM as I find it a bit too extreme…leather, whips, handcuffs, the idea doesn’t turn me on at all. I’m into rough sex, I like being banged hard, getting my hair pulled a bit, and I have this fantasy of having a guy slap me around a bit before just tackling me and fucking me furiously. I won’t be submissive, though, I imagine myself fighting back and hitting him before he eventually dominates me and hitting each other just turns into fucking. I don’t know, there’s just something so intense about anger and sex combined.

43. Fucked By A Stern Asian Woman

I’m a 39 year old straight white male and I’ve started seriously fantasizing about being fucked in the ass by slightly older, very stern looking short haired Asian woman with a strap on and full body hair. After she has had her way with me I turn it around and ravish her body in every way I can think of. I don’t know where this came from, with the specificity and the fetishistic aspects but it turns me on more than anything. As I get older the idea of being totally dominated and then turning it around on her fires me up. I like the struggle for sexual dominance with the surrender and violation followed by taking it back.

44. UPS Guy

I’m pretty boringly vanilla. Actually I’m pretty disappointed with my lack of fetishes. A big fantasy for me, therefore, is having someone kind of ‘force’ me into them… in the fantasy it’s great, but I just don’t think I’d get into it in reality.

One fantasy, though: UPS guys. Kind of cliche, for sure, but I want to “sign for that package” and tear those brown shorts OFF. God, I hope that actually happens someday!

45.  A Submissive Girl

I want to be used, dominated, treated like a whore. I’m submissive and would love to be in a threesome being the only girl, a foursome, anything. I fantasise about being taken in every orifice by multiple people, using me for hours as I’m tied down and cumming again and again. Anything bondage-y is good. I can be really specific with my fantasies x]

If I’m going all out unrealistic eroticism then there’s the one about being a sex slave in a ‘school’ for sex. Being taught how to fuck, how to be used, being punished if I screw up etc. I’d be bent over and toyed with, screwed by multiple men. I’d be tied down to the bed with my legs pulled wide apart and completely restrained, blindfolded and gagged, unable to tell if anyone was approaching.. and then I’d be fucked senseless by a complete stranger =D Other positions would be awesome too.. bent over and tied to a desk as men line up to take me how they please, all the while having to perform some inane task like typing. And if I screw up, I get fucked hard anally.

In a more realistic context I just love being tied up, used and humiliated. I love being exposed for my bf to see as he uses multiple toys on me and then puts my clothes back on to keep them in. I love being told what to do decisively and roughly. That’s always hot.

Mmm getting a bit bothered now.

46. The Roughest Sex Known To Man

I’ve got all sorts of fantasies but I always feel like I might have some issues due to them. One of the recurring ones is…

I’m walking down the street when I bump into an acquaintance of mine, and he greets me and excitedly talks me into joining him on his way, I agree and we walk and talk. When we get to his place he immediately changes and becomes a scary sort of dude and chains me down, floor, bed, shower, wall. It changes with the imagining. There we have the roughest sex known to man, while he chokes me and does other violent things like leave tiny cuts like paper cuts with a knife on my side, or slaps me/ punches me in the face.

The idea of being so controlled is totally enamoring. It’s also sort of the reason I’m a big horror movie buff is that the villains almost always totally turn me on.

Also- unrelated, one of the hottest sex-sessions I had was in full clown makeup. Grease paint smears so beautifully when being sweated through.

47. The Boss’s Daughter

True story, happened a long time ago – I screwed my boss’ daughter (ex-gf) in his waterbed at a party he was throwing. My girlfriend at the time was outside and never caught on to what was happening. After the party she gave me BJ – so she kinda had lesbian sex with my ex-gf by proxy.

48. Orgasm Denial

I recently had a girlfriend who like to be dominated a lot. We had talked about her dominating me occasionally, and tease and denial stuff, but she never really got into it.

Anyways, one night I told her I was going to use her entirely. I tied her up, blind folded her, made her suck me to get me hard, then gagged her. I told her that both her holes were going to be used tonight and she was going to like it. She mumbled yes sir and nodded her head. I went and grabbed a butt plug I bought her and lubed her ass up and put it in without touching her pussy once. She got wet really fast so I grabbed her vibrator and started playing with her clit a bit while touching myself. I told her she was being a good slut and better not cum. So just as she’s getting near I pull the vibrator away and start to fuck her like crazy, with her ass sticking up and plugged. I fucked her ’til I came and then told her she wasn’t going to cum tonight and told her to keep the plug in for the rest of the night and sleep naked with me. Then I told her if I felt like it in the night I’d wake her up and fuck her ass, but she wasn’t to finish at all and would have to just enjoy what she got. It turned me on just to hear her disappointment.

Anyways, going beyond that and into what I fantasized about. Basically I’d want her to do the same to me. She’d tie my up, lube me, and plug my ass. Then she’d ride me and make herself cum as many times as she wants. If I cum inside her, then she’d make me keep pleasuring her by sitting on my face because she wasn’t done yet. I’d be licking her and my own cum all at the same time. If I don’t cum then she’d tell me she’s done and to put my clothes on with the plug still in. I’d find it soo hot.

49. Ass And Nothing But Ass

My fantasy is FFM. The twist for me is lots of anal play. Im an ass man 100%. My dream is to fuck 2 girls in the ass, watch them play with each others ass, duel cock sucking, ass slapping and all sorts of other dirty play. When im ready, i want to unload right into one of their ass’s and watch the other girl eat the cum right out of it. After she has the cum in her mouth, i want them to snow ball back and forth with the cum. Watching them play with it, licking each other clean, then both licking my cock nice and clean.

God, I’m hard just thinking about it!

50. Adult Diapers

I don’t know what it is, and I kind of know how it happened, but I get turned on by adult diapers. Part of it is the desire to take care of a woman, almost excessively. I thought I just wanted to be a ‘daddy’ and take care of a girl in diapers until I bought a sample and tried some on my own. The feeling is exhilarating. Having to move around the house when my room mates are home and I’m wearing makes it even more exciting.

Maybe my subconscious likes it because its one big joke to me: I’m the most mature person out of almost everyone I know, yet I like wearing and using diapers. The clearest my mind has ever been was when I’m sitting in my own waste. It is almost poetic, if not excessively creepy. I wish that anyone who finds out about it is very understanding with me and doesn’t hold it against me. TC mark

5 Ways To Turn Him On That Aren’t All About Sex

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 06:00 PM PST / wundervisuals / wundervisuals

Turn him on without touching him? Yes, not only is it possible. It’s super easy to do.  And the place to start is by feeling good in your own body.

Your energy is at its sexiest when you feel lively, excited and even aroused. And how do you light yourself up like that? Simple. Engage all of your senses and stay present in the moment.

Once your own energy is flowing, here are 5 simple, but super sexy hands-free ways to turn him on:

1. Look your personal best

I’m not sure that there is any study needed to know that men respond to what they are looking at. But you’ll feel good when you look good to yourself. Don’t dress to anybody else’s standards, but your own.

Dress and coif to your own satisfaction whether it’s quirky, elegant, or sporty. He’ll notice. But the point is that you’ll feel good when you look good.

2. Smell delicious

Do it for you. It will boost your mood. And when you feel good, he’ll feel good.

The Smell Report indicates that the “regular use of pleasant fragrances had a significant beneficial effect on the emotional well-being of mid-life females, and another study showed that young women experience equally positive effects. Again, the cheering effect of pleasant fragrances may also make women more attractive to potential partners.”

3. Listen with love

Play a mood lifting soundtrack for your day, or music that makes you want to move your body. Talk to friends who aren’t downers. And if you get a chance, to talk to him.

Listen. People who actively listen are actually fascinating. Really.

4. Taste life more

Okay, bear with me here. I’m suggesting that you consciously see if you can broaden your taste for food, instead of relying on chocolate as a substitute for his kisses. Try some new foods that you haven’t tried before.

Taste can become an adventure. And it’s one way that you can expand your horizons. A broadened perspective is also sexy because not only life become more interesting to you. As it does, you will become enticingly more interesting to him.

5. Touch . . . Yourself.

That’s right, yourself. Not him. There are many studies that indicate that we unconsciously touch ourselves in various ways to self soothe. But I say — why not do it purposefully?

Trail your fingertips down your arms, rub your legs, touch your face. Feel yourself in your body. You’ll feel more grounded and more confident. And he’ll notice that in you.

Now that you’ve turned him on by turning yourself on … go ahead and break all the rules.
Touch him on the elbow as you gaze into his eyes and ask him a just personal enough question. The sight of you and your essence shining equal … a slamdunk turn on! TC mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

YourTango HeartShoosh

50 One-Sentence Reminders Every College Girl Needs To Hear Right Now

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 05:00 PM PST

Look Catalog
Look Catalog

1. Those worries keeping you up at night—the ones where you picture yourself jobless and loveless at 25—they're normal.

2. Talent alone won't pay your bills, bb—working your ass off is a prerequisite for success.

3. Nope, no one will actually give a damn about your GPA after graduation.

4. And no one will care about where you went to school, either (except maybe fellow alumni).

5. Being creatively/emotionally fulfilled is wonderful, but don't neglect the importance of making decent money.

6. You are a stupidly capable human being when you get out of your own way.

7. Your dreams will not come to fruition by witchcraft—you're gonna have to sweat for them after all.

8. Stop chasing what you want to be, and start chasing what you want to do.

9. He—the fuckboy, whoever he is—will soon be a blip in your distant memory.

10. Don't worry about figuring everything out, because no one ever does.

11. You're probably gaining weight from alcohol, babe—not dining hall fro-yo.

12. Just because everyone and their mother is taking Psych 101, doesn't mean you have to.

13. Set a birth control alarm, and take that shit every day, even if you're at lunch with your grandma.

14. If you have no idea what you really want to do, DEFINITELY don't blow $200K you don't have on law school.

15. Find your truest look—something is wrong if wardrobe hasn't changed since senior year of high school.

16. If a guy makes you feel like you constantly need to work for his attention, move on.

17. No one will care who the captain of the football team was after you graduate—no one.

18. 100% of people spend the years from 18 to 24 stressed the fuck out because they don't have a clue how to be an adult—you are not alone.

19. Call your parents more often.

20. And try to better understand their less popular choices—raising you is NOT an easy job.

21. Your major doesn't have to dictate squat about your professional future (yas, babe, you can 100% work on Wall Street with a degree in art history).

22. It is perfectly OK to graduate without ever finding a college boyfriend, or without falling in love—all that will come, trust.

23. Forging strong connections, and gaining experience—that's what it's all about, babe.

24. Yes, paying rent is shitty, but it's doable.

25. No, you can't be on your family's phone plan and call yourself an adult.

26. Get a job on campus—it's easy work, and you can always use the money.

27. There is nothing sexier than a woman who don't need no mans.

28. It's great to lean on your friends for guidance, but don't lose sight of the fact that you know yourself better than anybody else.

29. You are always allowed to change your mind.

30. Speaking up for yourself and for what you believe in is rarely easy, but it's always worth it.

31. At least 20% of college women are the victims of sexual assault—educate yourself, and if a guy is ever making you feel uncomfortable, make your exit.

32. Discover and BUILD your brand, boo—it's a lifestyle.

33. Wearing too much makeup makes you look ridiculous, not more mature.

34. …And it's bad for your skin, which will eventually make you look older (in a bad way).

35. It's OK to cut toxic people out of your life (you know who they are).

36. Nobody likes a social climber.

37. Take an art class before you graduate, even if you consider yourself artistically deprived. Flexing your creative muscles is always an enlightening exercise, if you commit to it.

38. No matter how great *he* is, don't let him take you away from your friends—they were here before he came, and they'll be here after he's gone.


40. Trust your gut—you're way more perceptive than you give yourself credit.

41. Not everything will work out how you want it to, and that's really OK.

42. Don't settle for your second choice just because it seems safer.

43. Soon, your options for sexual partners won't have reputations to precede them, and you'll be winging it in a big way, so go HAM on hookups while it's safe(r).

44. But never, ever yield to pressure from a guy to ditch the condom.

45. Getting fit >>>>>> being skinny.

46. Your window to consume unreasonable amounts of cheap liquor without needing to receive your nutrients through an IV the next day will be alarmingly small.

47. You have as many hours in a day as Beyoncé, Oprah, and Tina Fey.

48. There's no right or wrong way to grow up.

49. Going to college is a privilege many people aren't granted, so count your blessings, and take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.

50. This too shall pass. TC mark

15 Things You Need To Give Yourself A Permission Slip To Do Sometimes

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 04:00 PM PST

Twenty20,  Photo by jakestrongphotog
Photo by

1. Change your mind.

Forming a new opinion about something—whether it's your favorite color or an important world issue—doesn't make you fickle, or a hypocrite. It simply means that your understanding of a situation or overall outlook has evolved in some way, and you’re responding accordingly. Changing one’s mind is a necessary part of the growth process, and a natural extension of learning.

2. Fall out of love.

It doesn't matter if you've exchanged promises of “forever,” or sworn a million times that you'd never ever leave your significant other. You're allowed to fall out of love with someone. You're allowed to leave. You're allowed to move on. You’re allowed to fall for someone else.

3. Forgive yourself.

You're human, so you’re going to make mistakes, even as you grow older and become more mature. None of us is immune to human error. So forgive yourself without dwelling for too long. As long as you commit to learning from your mistakes, there’s no reason to regret them or to punish yourself perpetually.

4. Take a mental health day.

You will wake up some mornings feeling totally ill equipped to take on the world—not because you're sick or tired, but because you just don't feel like it. Sometimes, you need to do nothing but take care of you. So take a day off to do you and only you.

5. Splurge.

Yes, it's wise to be mindful of your spending habits day to day. It's smart to save up for the future. But we all have a limited bandwidth for behaving responsibly. Sometimes, splurging is essential. So treat yourself to a decadent dinner at a fancy restaurant once in awhile, or buy that pair of overpriced jeans without feeling at all guilty just because. Your happiness is worth the occasional indulgence.

6. Omit the truth.

Sometimes, omitting part of the truth is the polite thing to do. On other occasions, it's just simpler. And that's okay. If everyone said what was on their minds ALL the time, the world around us would crumble. Trimming the truth is a matter of etiquette and a means of self-preservation.

7. Tell a flat-out lie.

Lying gets such a bad name, but it's not always such a bad thing to do. Lie when you need to—because you don't feeling like *getting into it,* or because you're in a terrible mood—and don't beat yourself up about fibbing afterwards. As long as you're not hurting anyone else and you don’t make a habit of it, you won't go to hell. Promise

8. Request alone time.

I don't care if you're in a serious relationship, if you have five roommates, or if you’re a parent of three. You're allowed to skedaddle for no reason at all to get some time entirely alone—to collect yourself and to heal in isolation so you can return to your family and friends and your regular daily life feeling recharged. No one can run on fumes that long.

9. Outsource.

Maybe the more financially wise decision would be to save money rather than pay for a cleaning service every other week, or to eat what’s in the fridge instead of ordering delivery. The thing is, there's a lot of value in saving yourself some aggravation now and then. Some services are totally worth paying for, even if you can't really afford them.

10. Decline a phone call.

Don't feel obligated to accept every phone call. You're not at anyone's beck and call—not your parents' or your boss' or your kids'. You get to design your day and choose who you spend time listening and talking to.

11. Eat junk food.

Don't bother tormenting yourself when you crave a burger and fries or a giant milkshake. You can't possibly eat sensibly ALL the time. Sometimes, nothing does the trick like a little comfort food. You can reinstitute those regular, healthy eating habits tomorrow. In fact, it’ll be easier to be “good” once you let the reins loose for a little.

12. Avoid exercise.

Sometimes, exercising will be the last thing you want to do in life because, let’s face it, it’s not all that much fun. Take a week off from the gym, even if you're far from achieving your fitness goals and you don't feel like you "deserve" to. After a short break, you’ll end up approaching your workouts we renewed vigor.

13. Stay up too late.

It's totally unreasonable to stay up for two more hours just to watch a movie or gab on the phone with a friend on a work night. Do it anyways, at least on occasion. You'll lose precious, regenerative hours of sleep. But sometimes you have to embrace the Netflix now at the risk of next day grogginess. Your performance might suffer temporarily, but you can get back on track soon enough, and the memory of seizing the moment to do exactly what you want will taste delicious always.

14. Get too drunk.

You can't always keep tabs on how many drinks you consume. Sometimes, you have to let yourself stop counting and drink well past the point of a guaranteed hangover. Stay out past your bedtime. Get wasted. Dance your face off. Suffer the next day for your "bad decisions," resting on the cushion of awesome memories you’ve made. It doesn't have to be a special occasion. Random nights out transform into something special as soon as you stop trying to control everything and just let go for a stint.

15. Deny your partner sex.

You won't always want to have sex with the person you love, and they won't always want to have sex with you. When your sex drives are misaligned, it's not necessarily a sign of relationship trouble, so don’t sweat it. Maybe you don't have the energy to make love, or you just don't feel like being naked. You're allowed to say 'no' to sex, even if it means that your significant other ends up sexually frustrated as a result. As long as they’re satisfied most days, they'll be A-okay. You don’t owe anyone sex whenever they want it. TC mark

Martin Shkreli Just Got Robbed Of $15 Million And Literally Nobody Feels Even A Little Bad For Him

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 03:32 PM PST

Remember Martin Shkreli? That little shit who tried to raise the price of an HIV-fighting drug 5,556% overnight?

Well, it turns out he’s finding out what it feels like being robbed right now, and he doesn’t really like it that much.

It all started when Shkreli offered to buy Kanye’s new album for ten million bucks.

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

And then expanded his offer to $15 million!

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

Which is when he finally got himself a deal with Kanye!

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

Or like, so he thought:

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

Turns out, the “savvy businessman” Martin Shkreli had trusted some random dude on bitcoin who had PROMISED that he worked for Kanye…

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

…and he had given DaQuan $15 million dollars, but didn’t actually get the real album at all.

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli


Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

A little bitter, Mr. Shkreli?

Twitter / Martin Shkreli
Twitter / Martin Shkreli

Maybe this is how people felt when you tried to charge them $750 for a $13 pill?

Karma is a bitch.

UPDATE: Some people have brought up the possibility that Martin’s “robbery” is just a huge fake ploy for attention. With his narcissistic personality, this isn’t impossible; I just can’t decide what is sadder: getting tricked out of $15 million or pretending to because nobody would pay attention to you otherwise. TC mark

To The Woman Who Doesn’t Sleep Around, This Is For You

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 03:00 PM PST


You don't take guys home. You don't go to the bars with intentions. You don't Netflix and Chill. And you definitely don't see sex as something casual.

You are a woman who doesn't sleep around. This is how you've defined yourself. This is the legacy you lead and the strength you carry, even when it doesn't feel like it. You are admired, just so you know.

You are the type of woman who sees sex as something beautiful, something special, maybe even something sacred. Sex, you believe, should be shared between you and select person(s). Maybe with a deep, unexplainable connection. Maybe with love. Maybe with marriage. Regardless, you hold yourself, and men, to a higher standard. You love deeply. You know what you deserve and don't settle for anything less. And that makes you powerful.

You don't find sex with multiple men liberating or empowering. And that is absofreakinglutely okay.

We live in a world where it's okay to sleep around, okay to have sexual freedom, okay to have multiple partners. All these things are awesome for women—to have the ability, the choice, the control of our own bodies and decisions. But this isn't for every single woman. You are a woman, a Feminist who stands for the purity of her own body. You don't find sex with multiple men liberating or empowering. And that is absofreakinglutely okay.

You are not crazy. Not weird. Not a flirt, tease, prude, stuck-up, trying to be 'better' than anyone, or any other negative words the world wants to label you with. You are a woman who embraces her sexuality as much as any other woman. You are just selective about who you give your body to.

You're going to face opposition. You're going to meet women who will judge you and men who will chastise you. You will have days when you're not sure if you'll ever find your 'right' guy. (You will.) You'll have moments when you're challenged to hold to your beliefs, when you'll question if you should change who you are and just be flippant with sex. But stay strong. There is a world of women out there, just like you. You are loved. You are not alone. TC mark

5 Completely Embarrassing Sexual Encounters I Wish I Could ‘Eternal Sunshine’ Away

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 02:49 PM PST

1. "Are you close yet?"

Do you remember being sixteen? I thought it was an awesome age. Sneaking out of home right under your parent’s noses, drinking and doing things you THINK you are ready for. That was myself anyway, little did I know then that there was a hell more of a lot to learn. Imagine it for me, being in bed with your boyfriend while your parents where away for the weekend and being highly inexperienced. I think I was the only one of my friends who hadn't done, well… anything. He was the first male to ever get past the pants and into the underwear and to be perfectly honest I was excited! Maybe this is what I had been missing… Buuuuuuuuut, as you could probably assume because of the whole sixteen and inexperienced factor, it didn't exactly go the way I had planned now did it?

I felt nothing, actually that's not the way I should put it. It was as if he was just rubbing skin, that's how aroused I was. I have been more turned on by someone grabbing my knee, that's how much fun I was having. The worst part of it was he was grunting and grinding on me as if he was really enjoying it, where as I was just waiting for it to be over! Then his words came out in a girlish whimper, "Are you close yet?" It's safe to say that was the last time I ever had him stay over.

2. "Don't stop."

This is another story from when I was a teenager, maybe it's a rite of passage to have extremely awkward sexual encounters when you're young? Or maybe I was extremely unlucky.

Its every teenager's wet dream to kiss the most popular guy in school, the one every girl fans herself over as they walk past in the halls and a simple smirk from them is enough to make you smile for an entire week. Although we all know that this type of male doesn't travel alone, there is normally a less good looking friend that gives you those creep vibes from a mile away.

It was late at a very deserted high school party, the dark lounge room was filled with empty cups and discarded clothing and I was with every girl's darkest fantasy… Before id I go on we were both the legal age for anything to happen, unfortunately that would be stopped before we even got to the good stuff.

As a heavy make out session was turning into something so much more, he all of a sudden stopped and started looking around the empty room. Before I could ask him what was going on, a voice in the dark spoke the words that chilled nightmares, "Don't stop". Note to self: if a hot guy has a creepy friend, don't get steamy where watching eyes can see.

Th Strip Tease Gone Wrong

At the very ripe age of eighteen I did it, I took off those V-card and threw it in the bin. My boyfriend and I did everything together and at the time I thought I was going to marry him. Sex makes us all naïve. For his twenty-first birthday we throw a house party and invited everyone. There was a DJ playing, the drinks where flowing and I had a surprise under my dress in the form of a corset for the birthday boy.

Now learning from my past mistakes I dragged him very willingly into the bedroom to give him his surprise. The boyfriend’s bedroom was situated right near where the party was booming, which at the time I thought was perfect considering we could still hear the booming base. As I got down to business and started to tease him seductively everything was going to plan. Until I heard shouting, as I looked over towards his windowed I saw not one but three of his friends watching and cheering us on. I have never got dressed so fast in my whole life.

4. The Protocol.

I was twenty-one, single and ready to mingle. After being broken up with my ex for nearly a year I thought it was time to dip my toes back in the water but instead I drunkenly decided to take a flying leap. I met this guy through a friend one night at a club. He was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Everything was going great we were drinking, laughing and quite a lot of banter was happening. Considering where I live is a small town, when the club closed at 2 AM there was nowhere else to go.

Inviting me back to his place to "watch a movie" and I agreed. After about twenty minutes of watching The Notebook (Yeah smooth? Am I right), we started doing the dance with no pants. Now I don't know if it's just me but personally I never pictured myself having a one night stand with a near stranger but hey I did it.

After we were finished the easy going air that was around us before disappeared. I think it was only thirty seconds after, that I got dressed and was making my way to leave. I remember saying to him, "I don't know the certain type of protocol here so I am just going to leave." Yes, I did face palm myself later for that.

5. "Don't Tease Me."

After realising I wasn't the one night stand type, I met this guy. He was really nice and sweet, everything a girl thinks she wants in a man. We had gone out on dates and everything was going okay but I knew there was something missing. Taking the relationship (If you could even call it that) really slow, was actually pretty boring and in saying that so was he.

I planned to end it with him but we both said we would attend a friend's birthday party together. Speaking to my best friend I told her I was going to end it a few days after the party, sit him down and discuss it as adults. In my defence I was still only twenty-one and things rarely go to plan at that age.

Attending the party together I got incredible drunk just to deal with his boring personality. Somehow that turned into us making out against his car and something we had planned to take slowly turned into us taking a very quickly as we made our way into the car. His movements where really rushed and there was no fooling around beforehand, we just jumped straight into a home run. It was very dark and when he put it in and started moving, I didn't feel much. Speaking without thinking I said, "Don't tease me." He stopped his jerky movements and looked me dead in the eye and asked, "What are you talking about." Turns out he wasn't and I had learnt one thing not to say to a guy with a small penis. TC mark

13 ENFJs Share Exactly How To Win Over Their Type

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 02:00 PM PST

1. “Be classy, kind, considerate, empathetic and a good conversationalist!”


2. “Be interested in me and my thoughts. Also, to allow me to help you and support you. As a friend, I would want someone who is a positive person. As a romantic partner, someone who appreciates and loves me for who I am.”


3. “Let me feel listened to and respected. I don’t need you do what I suggest, I just need to know you’ve considered my idea. Also, please let me help you. I need to feel needed and worthwhile.”


4. “Pay attention. Be thoughtful and notice little things I say and do. Anything heartfelt will probably go over well.”


5. “Show that you care in your conversations and go out of your way to do something nice in a while, and I’ll be head over heels.”


6. “Ask me how I am; don’t just prattle on about yourself and assume that because I’m an extrovert I’ll naturally fill in the blanks.”


7. “Write me a love letter. I’ll melt.”


8. “Be funny and consistent and plan things ahead of time. Think of fun things for us to do together. We need a lot of affection, communication, and follow through!”


9. “Be open, honest, and REAL with me. One good, genuine conversation and you’ll have a friend in me for life. When it comes to romance, show me that there’s more to you than meets the eye. Keep it interesting. Be intentional. Be direct.”


10. “Always listen to my feelings and spoil me with little things that let me know you really see/hear me.”


11. “Pay attention to the details and don’t be afraid to be goofy or silly. Being reserved, generic, or boring is a huge turnoff.”


12. “Listen to me and actually CARE about what I have to say. Because I’ll always do the same for you.”


13. “I’m always asking people their day and getting share them to share things with me. But soemtimes I’m not telling you about my day because I’m waiting for YOU to ask. As my partner, it shows that you genuinely care and believe me…I have a lot to share.” TC mark

Pick up Heidi’s new book “How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Personality Type” here.


10 Things Your Relationship Needs In Order To Survive Long-Distance

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 01:00 PM PST


1. Serious trust.

Being away from someone you love majority of the time is a hard thing to deal with. And you can’t survive it without serious amounts of trust. A long-distance relationship that works is one that has two secure people. Secure with themselves. With their partner. With their relationship. If you don’t have trust, you won’t have much.

2. An ability to talk honestly about moments of jealousy.

Just because you trust someone doesn’t mean you won’t have very human moments of jealousy. Everyone does. Put miles between you and your honey? It’ll amplify that feeling from time to time. But talking it through, and recognizing when you’re feeling irrationally, is important in making it work.

3. A connection that isn’t just physical.

It’s easy to feel connected to someone when you’re able to physically touch them and feel them. In long-distance relationships, you have to learn how to give and receive affection that doesn’t always include being in the same room. You’ll need to strengthen the core of your relationship — friendship, respect, and admiration.

4. Carve out special “us” time.

Pick a show you can both watch together. Even if you’re not together. FaceTime while you do it. Or discuss the episode after it’s finished. Choose a day when it’s just the two of you, or when you can have some type of shared activity.

5. Your own passions/interests.

Honestly, this is something that every person in a relationship needs to have. Every person in general, to be honest. But it’s especially important when your beau is far away. When you have something you’re interested in, you can pour energy and time into that. And it will make the days until you see your Love a little less daunting.

6. Send each other videos/pictures.

Even if you can’t be with each other day to day, you can still make an effort to feel included. Send them videos or silly photos. If you see something you know would make them laugh, snap a picture. Text/email it to them. These small moments can do a world of difference in feeling like you’re still experiencing moments together.

7. Find things to be grateful for.

Let each other know the things you appreciate about one another. Try to take time each day to remember how grateful you are to be with them. Even if it’s harder sometimes. You’re so happy to have them in your life, and in your corner.

8. Share.

Share your weird dreams from the night before. Share things you’d like to do when you visit each other. Share dreams and aspirations, fears and trepidations. It’s important to keep your connection strong, and sharing even the smallest things can help achieve that.

9. Don’t obsess over social media.

I personally think it’s not the best idea to follow anyone you’re dating/hooking up with/interested in on social media. We’ve become so consumed with knowing what everyone is doing CONSTANTLY, and that’s not the healthiest. And this mentality can turn otherwise trusting people into unnecessarily insecure. So they are tagged in a photo at a party they didn’t mention? Who cares. Don’t stress about it or become a social media sleuth. Got a question? Ask your partner. But don’t just lurk. Guaranteed it’s not going to make you feel any better.

10. Appreciate it as a chance to get to know yourself again.

Long-distance grants you a special opportunity: the space to grow and discover who you are. Not that you can’t do that within a local relationship, but there is something liberating about doing what you want, when you want. Of course you’ll miss your significant other, but you’re also given the chance to learn how to be with someone you may have forgotten about — yourself. And that will serve you well in the future, both individually and in your relationship. TC mark

When There Are No More Clouds To Name

Posted: 15 Feb 2016 12:00 PM PST


It is always easiest to look outward.

Our eyes direct our focus at the world around us; we are trained to see the colors, shapes, and people as they exist in front of our faces. We react to what we see, and when we can't see everything, we fill in the blanks ourselves. We make assumptions, we create stories. Labels are crafted this way; black ink is stamped onto theoretical white strips of fabric, sewn onto skin with the tightest of sutures.

We don't like to admit that our perceptions of the world aren't perceptions at all; rather, they're reflections of ourselves. Our eyes are not telescopes; we want to believe that we can see every last detail, every blade of grass, every breath – but, in fact, we do not. We cannot grasp the fact that our eyes are actually mirrors, and every last object that we visualize is merely another version of ourselves that has deceptively shifted its shape.

Our surroundings are colored by our own experiences; this is why the sky is bluer for some more than others, why the clouds can be rabbits or skulls, why cold air can feel refreshing or paralyzing. There are a host of adjectives to give life to every aspect of the day.

The words we choose are also symbols. They tell stories of who we are.

Most people don't realize this – you and I included. Most people drift through space, attaching emotions and connotations to various people and places they encounter. Most people believe they are in control of these associations. That they are the ones who define their world – but in reality, it is the other way around.

Just because we give a name to something doesn't mean that's what it is. The truth is that there are multiple perspectives for every view – we exist in a universe where dozens of realities can exist simultaneously. We are living, breathing, walking science fiction novels, and we don't even know it. We are stuck inside the pages of our own "Choose Your Own Adventure" novel; we are living through a story with dozens of different endings, with chapters that remain locked until we find a certain key to set them loose.

But we won't know this until we look for it. And that involves looking at ourselves first.

At some point, we must embrace who we are – in our entirety, not just the parts that make us feel beautiful and loved. We cannot hide nor run from the pieces of us that are weaker than we'd like to admit, or the ugly thoughts that creep into our brains as much as we try to push them out. We must recognize that our scowl at another human is really a scowl at ourselves; the disdain that creeps in over the most mundane situations is actually directed right at our own hearts, annoyance oozing through arteries, disgust spreading through our veins. We cannot push hate outward without it boomeranging back to its source in some way.

There's an undeniable strength in turning the mirrors inward. It feels foreign at first – strangely ugly – the sense of not knowing what we are looking at. It's like a song you heard more than a decade ago, one that you used to know all the words to but have since forgotten. You'd rather not listen to it because it makes you sad.

You'd rather not look because it makes you sad.

But tell me this – when we are left alone with only ourselves, when there is no one else to judge, and there are no more clouds to name, and the sky is colorless – what else is there? Ultimately, we are in control of the stories that we live. We have the power to skip ahead or remain stuck on a page for years. We are simultaneously the protagonists and the antagonists of these strange sci-fi / reality / fiction / horror / romance novels that play out over the course of our lives.

And yet, we are also the authors. No one else is holding the pen. We blindly create what we assume comes next. What would happen if we chose to create without assumption? Decide who you want to be, decide how you want your story to unfold. Decide what comes next. TC mark