Thought Catalog


‘Am I Settling?’ 25 People Answer The Question No One Wants To Acknowledge

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 08:00 PM PST

via lookcatalog
via lookcatalog

1. Settled, Didn’t Work Out

I feel like the divorce was worth every penny

2. How Settling Became Absolute Love

I was in my late teens, still ruffled from a long term relationship breakup a few years prior (note: not actually long term) and I met someone else. I wanted to be in another long term relationship, and I decided that this girl would do for now. I’d been single for a while, and had designed the perfect girlfriend into a picture in my head, and now was waiting for her to arrive. This girl was not that picture, but whatever.

So we started dating and all was going relatively well, but then she got sick. Crap. I needed to be there for her – not only physically, but mentally too. So I told myself to grow up a bit – ‘make more of an investment!’ ‘Jesus Christ!’ ‘It’s over with that other girl (I told myself)!’ I needed to make a commitment or move on – I couldn’t keep stringing her along. So there I was in the hospital, visiting my girlfriend, mentally prepping myself to be more ‘there’ for her, and then it just sort of hit me. My girlfriend needs a real friend, not someone playing pretend. It’s super cliche, I know, but it really was a spark that turned into a flame, then a fire, and eventually that forest of old feelings was eventually burned to ash. This was not a quick process, but over the next few years by really focusing on growing the fuck up, I went from dating one girl and wishing I was with someone else, to dating this amazing girl and being glad I’m not with anyone else – all just a change in perception.

And she was amazing. I, on the other hand, was a complete immature idiot for not caring. We stayed together when she was released (in great health) from the hospital, and started really working on our relationship. And then it just grew, and grew, and grew…

We’re older now, and married, and have talked in the past about how our relationship started. The worst part is that she knew all along. She knew shortly after we started dating that my mind was somewhere else, but for whatever reason we both decided that we would stick it out for lack of something better – at least, that’s what we thought at the time. I feel extremely lucky to be with the woman I’m with – it’s hard remembering how it all started, but it certainly worked out for the best.

So yes, I settled. Actually, we both felt like we settled at the time. But we were lucky enough to be with each other when we started to mature into better people, and we’ve grown only closer because of it. She definitely was not the ‘woman of my dreams’ at the time (my dreams were stupid anyways), but she really is now, and I don’t really care how fucking cheesy that sounds.

TL;DR – I settled for my gf (and she for me), and then grew the fuck up and made that relationship work like a fucking adult, and soon realized that she was the one. ~fin~

3. ‘Settling’ Means You’re Not Happy With Yourself

Being happy with yourself is a very important part of being happy in a relationship. If you require another person to be happy you’re placing an undue burden on your partner. It’s much easier and more satisfying to make someone happy when they’re not counting on you to do it day after day.

I figured out that I was much happier when I stopped making marriage a goal and learned to be happy with myself. When I dated someone new I wasn’t always trying to evaluate them to decide if they were the one. I just entered into relationships naturally and let them run their course naturally.

When I was with my now-wife it was our relationship that indicated marriage. We were (and are) a very good pair and getting married just made a bunch of sense.

I was just enjoying being with her and realized I was probably never going to want to stop. That was the only item on my marriage check list so I proposed.

4. Don’t Make Yourself Crazy

I got married early. I love her immensely. I have a feeling that many people in that situation would agree that they wonder if they settled and didn't realize it. However, then I think, you’re happy so don't sweat it. You can drive yourself crazy worrying about things like that.

5. I Didn’t Settle, She Did

How about the shoe on the other foot? My wife is as hot as the noonday sun, has multiple college degrees (she’s a teacher), and she’s a good deal (7 yrs) younger than me. On my best day (pre-cancer) I was a solid 6 and she can do a 9 in a sweatshirt. I asked her out in the beginning knowing I was breaching the sacred “never go higher than 2” rule but I’ll be damned if she didn’t say yes. When dating got serious I told her I was falling in love and she asked if that meant we were going to get married.

It’s been almost 20 years now. We have great kids and the best day to day life I could ever imagine. A couple years back I got cancer and it brutalized my face and neck. I went from a 6 to a (look at him, he looks funny!) 4, got all scarred up, lost all my lean muscle mass to wasting, and lost all my teeth. The crazy woman still hugs me every day, kisses me right on the mouth no matter who is around, and keeps me warm at night. She just brought me a fresh coffee as I was typing this…It’s like some crazy long dream I never want to end.

Do me a favor and DON’T ask her. I don’t want to know that answer. Let me die thinking that this is all because she really does love me as much as life itself. That her day revolves around our time together. That growing old together is something to look forward to and not something to fear.

Because that’s how I feel.

6. Being Told You Settled When You Know You Didn’t

I keep being told that I settled, but I don’t honestly think I did. I’m the “hot one” in the relationship, but he’s the confident one. He walks into a room and he owns that fucking room. I read fiction for fun, he devours news, but nothing else. (Don’t worry, he doesn’t believe it all.) I have a bachelor’s degree, he’s pushing 40 and just now going back for his GED. Not that he isn’t smart, because he is, he never needed it. He has always had steady work, so it was never a concern. He just decided he wanted it, so he’s going to get it.

I get told at least once a month that I settled, but I’m still not seeing it. This man stood by me during the darkest times of my life, unflinching, without judgement. I am sure there are times that he kept me alive. If I’m now settling, by giving him a family, and a home, and a partner, then so be it. I’ll “settle” for this for the rest of my life.

7. Holding Out For Mr. Perfect

I don’t think I settled, but I did read snippets of an interesting book on this subject. The gist of the book suggested that there are too many women holding out too long for Mr. Perfect. They might be 40 and still waiting. This book discusses the idea that women who “settle” for Mr. Good Enough earlier in their life will have more long-term happiness.

The book was called, “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb.

8. What Might Have… 

A friend of mine had been with her partner (and at this point, fiance) for a good seven years. They were a fantastic couple – they brought the best out in each other, and supported each other to continue to discover who they were in the world.

A few month before their wedding, she went into the bathroom, and yet again he had left his wet towels on the floor. She closed the door, and suddenly these wet towels represented to her all the unmet needs in their relationship. In her mind, she had asked repeatedly that he do this one small task to make their home life a little easier. And the fact that he continued to leave them lying around was interpreted as a massive disrespect to her and their relationship.

She catastrophised and saw these towels as a sign that they could not have a future together. If he couldn’t do this tiny thing, then how could they parent together? How could they grow old together with mutual love and respect? If he couldn’t do this little thing for her, then how could he really love her?

So she sat on the floor and cried. She decided to walk downstairs and break up the relationship. She thought through where she’d move to, how they would divide their assets, and how she would break it to their families and friends. She made peace with the fact that they were not meant to be.

Then she stood up. She was about to go downstairs and start the process of separating their lives. Until she looked down again and thought “Want do I want more? His wet towels on the bathroom floor and a life with him? Or a tidy bathroom and no Paul?” And in that moment all her thoughts were reversed and she went downstairs and kissed him and told him how much she loved him.

Ten years on, she now looks at his wet towels with love. She was ready to throw everything away because of one thing he wasn’t doing for her. Yet there were a million other things he did reliably, faithfully, and lovingly to make her feel cared for and valued. If we’re not careful we can require our own version of perfection, and ignore a different perfection right in front of our eyes.

9. What’s Most Important Is Respect

In all honesty, no one is perfect. No man is going to pull up in his Mercedes, walk into my job and carry me off into a perfect life. What’s most important is respect. Does your partner respect you and reasonably supports your decisions to better yourself? If yes then that’s a keeper.

The biggest problem I’ve seen around some women my age is that they do one of two things. Either they spend their nights looking for Mr Right at parties clubs and bars then sleep with the first guy who shows interest in them and complain that he doesn’t want to be serious/won’t grow up, or they become recluses and say how they’re waiting for the right guy.

It takes a balance of getting out there to meet someone, getting to know them better and building lasting bonds.

I’m no expert and I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. The biggest thing I had to do was accept who I was and find someone who was compatible with me and complimented my personality.

3 years later and I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. My boyfriend is kind and loving but will call me on my shit when I’m being unreasonable. We both met each other at a point in our lives where we were ready to slow down, stop going out so much and just hang out with someone who liked what we liked. Sometimes we just sit around watching cartoons, sometimes we go hiking, and sometimes we just sit and talk in the dark.

Our son is our priority yet we still make time for each other because we aren’t just parents, we’re partners as well. We discuss everything and we try to be as honest with each other as we can. We avoid demeaning each other even though we still fight from time to time.

He isn’t the perfect guy, but he’s the perfect guy for me. And that is what matters most, the puppy love may be gone, but it grew into a deeper, more satisfying love.

10. “The Rules” And Having The Upper Hand

A girl I knew was taught by her sorority sisters to date up during her single days (aka sleep with hot guys) but marry down. By marrying down, she maintains the upper hand by being the one who has more options. The man she would settle with would subconsciously know he married up and had better keep her happy or she would walk, because there’s plenty of other guys who would want her. If she married up (aka married a hot guy), she would always be the one who would have to keep him happy. Something about “The Rules” book girls read.

She was messed up in the head anyways.

11. A Different Way Of Looking At “Settling”

Define “settle.” Let’s say you’re with someone attractive, supportive, loving unconditionally. Yet, you have very little common interests and can hardly do activities together beyond watching movies and eating dinner.

I guess I would call that settling.

12. Waiting Gets You Nowhere

The way to a successful and happy relationship is to find a person you get along with, who is attractive to you in whatever way for whatever reason, and dedicate time to them. As long as you’re both good people who don’t lie, cheat, and steal (at the very least from each other), then over time you will learn how to make each other better and work as a team through life which eventually results in a pretty near perfect combination.

But, even if you did manage to find this mythical “perfect person”, it still probably wouldn’t work out because the seemingly prevalent mindset of “happily ever after” makes people forget to put in the time and the effort. It won’t just happen on its own. This isn’t Disney. Whether your mate is “perfect” to begin with doesn’t matter. You can’t just put your feet up and expect sunshine and bunny farts forever. A good and fulfilling relationship takes time and dedication. Period. And, chances are, if it does seem to be “happening on its own”, your SO is getting really tired of your shit.

So, why spend all that time alone only to discover many years later once you’ve found someone “acceptable enough” you’re still going to have to put in a lot of time to have a meaningful relationship?

If you’re turning people away because they don’t have absolutely everything on your checklist, you’re insane. Love doesn’t come out of a package. You have to make it yourself.

13. Truly Settling Is A Lot Like Delusion

I ignored all the things that I didn’t like. His lack of motivation in life, his video game addiction, his constant complaining when we didn’t have alcohol in the house, his lack of involvement as a parent. Now we are getting divorced and I’m realizing settling was the biggest mistake of my life. Lesson learned. Settling on appearance is one thing, but don’t settle when it comes to life goals and drive to move forward in life.

14. Don’t Be Greedy

I feel like if there’s a net positive in your life, and nothing harmful, you’re not really settling. Don’t be greedy.

15. We All “Settle” In The End

I think all of us settle in the end.

I have been happily married for over a decade now.

My wife isn’t the prettiest girl I ever dated, she isn’t the smartest girl, she isn’t the nicest girl, she isn’t the most thoughtful, she isn’t the funniest.

She is the one that had the best combination of those qualities though.

I am not her dream guy either, I think Chris Pratt is right now, but I am pretty sure she isn’t looking to trade up.

16. He Understands Me And That’s Worth More Than Money

I guess you could say I “settled” for my current partner. He doesn’t have job or a license, so I pay the bills and drive him wherever he needs to go. I’m young, bright, and moderately attractive, and plenty of people have said, implicitly or explicitly that I could find someone with a job and a car, and they’re absolutely right. On paper I could absolutely do “better.”

But what they don’t realize is what he does do for me. He cleans the apartment when I’m at work and runs errands for me whenever he can get a ride from a friend. But more importantly, he not only puts up with, but understands and loves my crazy brain.

I’ve fought depression and anxiety since I was 12, and last year I was diagnosed as possibly a bit bipolar. I’ve struggled with cutting and eating disorders since I was a young teen. I’ve had tons of friends and partners who supported me and my mental illnesses, but my boyfriend is the first person I’ve met who intrinsically understands what I go through. I’ve spent years trying to downplay and suppress my mental problems in relationships, and for the first time in my life I don’t have to. Ive been trying to find someone like this for 13 years. And that’s worth way more than money to me.

17. “Do I Fit Or Do I Feel?”

I had a friend that was dating a girl and the two of them had a lot in common. He really got along well with her, but he didn’t have that burning passion that he had always envisioned.

Then one day she asked him why they were together. She said “do I fit or do I feel? In other words, do we make sense together, or do you have a very strong attraction to me?

He thought “this is it… This is where we break up”. He said “to be honest with you, it’s more of a fit than a feel.”

She said “Good. Because the feel wears off. But we will always fit.” She confessed to him that some people in the past had dated her just for looks or physical reasons, and if he had this strong passion for her, she was prepared to break it off. Meanwhile he was prepared to break it off because he didn’t have that passion. But in that moment, they both found clarity about what was important to them.

They have been happily married for about 12 years.

18. Holding Out For The One

I settled . . . and now I have one ex-wife under my belt.

Never again. I’ve entered my Costanza years and now I’m holding out for the one.

19. It’s Now Clear That I Lucked Out

A few years ago I may have thought I settled. But now its pretty clear that I just lucked into one of the only possible happy ending scenarios that would be available for a person with my personality and character faults.

20. “My Shit Also Stinks”

Oftentimes while lighting a match I’ll remind myself that my shit also stinks. Literally & figuratively. Cannot imagine putting the effort forward to once again convince someone that I am worth tolerating.

21. She Makes Me Happy, That’s All That Matters

I’m currently dating a girl who hasn’t had much attention from men. She doesn’t put much effort into her appearance but she has a heart of gold. I love to do things for her because she has genuine gratitude and I think she actually cares about me.

I’ve been asked if I’m taking the “safe bet” instead of going for the 10/10.

I don’t like dating really attractive women… I feel like the whole dynamic is just me trying to win over the 10/10. With the 10/10 putting minimal effort because she will have men chasing her all the time.

My current gf makes me happy and that’s all that matters. I’m the lucky one…

The first time I told her she was beautiful she broke down and said “no one has really told me that before.”

I couldn’t understand why such a great person was never told that… She settled for me and I think I love her… Fuck I miss her right now…

22. Sometimes Regretful, Sometimes Not

I settled and at times I’m happy, at times I heavily regret it. At the time, he made me feel like I’d never do any better. He cheated on me, hurt like hell and he turned it around blaming me for him cheating, that I didn’t communicate enough, that I wasn’t loving enough etc. So I tried harder to be a better person, I pushed a lot of my friends away when they tried to make me see it was not my fault, out of desperation I stayed with him. We went to couples therapy for a few years, we got to a much better place and he no longer cheats, but that pain is still there, the feeling of not being good enough is still there so I regret staying, I have low enough self confidence that I don’t need that extra emotional roller coaster in my life.

23. When Settling Means Not Making The Same Mistake Over And Over Again

My first marriage was based on the idealized image of the perfect woman for me. She was attractive, wild, and wanted to have fun above all else. Unsurprisingly, she decided to leave me a note that said goodbye. For ten years after the divorce, I chased after similar women who fit that idealized view of “my type”…it was miserable.

I met my current wife at a wedding, it was probably supposed to be another one night stand. For some reason, I called her the next day and we just kept talking…right down the aisle five years later. I settled, in that I settled on compatibility rather than my idealized image of my type. While my wife isn’t the life of the party or wild in bed, she’s still beautiful and my absolute best friend. Not a day goes by where I don’t thank my lucky stars for having called the bridesmaid to see if she was hung over too.

24. Both People In A Relationship Have Their Own Gravity…

I think that the idea of “having settled” once you are at any distance into your relationship is a sign that the relationship has failed, or is failing. And the idea of settling at the beginning of the relationship is a sign that the relationship is struggling to get going, and that something important is missing.

I’ve been with my wife since 2000 now, having met her when I was 14. We have been married since 2007. As she is the most important person in my life, my life has been, to a great extent, shaped by her. My goals have shifted, imperceptibly at any given time, but obviously when looked at from a distance. My desires have changed in the same way. And my personality has gradually changed as well. It is much like two stars or planets who have drifted so close to one another that their gravitational pulls are drawing each other in, closer and closer as time goes on. You may not notice it if you are looking for a short while. But the overall trends are clear.

These changes aren’t volitional, but they aren’t against your will either. Rather than being compelled to change who you are, your intimacy inevitably changes you. We are all affected, to some degree of other, by those in our lives. It only makes sense that the one that we love the most, and spend most of our time with, affects us more clearly than any other. And it only makes sense that becoming more like the person that you love would not be a disheartening phenomenon. You do, after all, love them for a reason.

In a relationship like this, where you both are unwittingly exerting your (gravitational) force on one another, and where you are spiraling closer and closer together, it makes sense that you become more and more perfect for one another. That you come to be better fits. And, the love that you have makes you, perhaps irrationally, appreciate the small quirks and nuances of them more than you would a stranger. Their value to you is increased both because of the ways in which you come to resemble one another, but also because of the biasing effects of the love that causes you to grow together.

When you first meet somebody, and you first begin to fall for them, you are often (and hopefully) infatuated with them. You have a quick burning passion for them. They are, at least to you, the most beautiful person in any room that they’re in. The glint and glow of their eyes shines brighter than anybody else, and at least partly because they are glowing for, and at, you. It makes sense yet again that you will be unlikely to see yourself as settling at this stage.

If you are in a loving, intimate relationship, your partner may not be perfect. They might, objectively, have flaws. But, they begin, and become, perfect for you and to you. Or, at the very least, they begin and become much closer to and for you than they would be to and for others.

I will say, though, that I think that my partner is pretty damned perfect. Maybe that’s my biases talking. And maybe that’s just because I’ve grown up and developed with her. But, I can’t tell the difference. And I don’t think that makes it any less meaningful.

25. If You Think You’re Settling Then They’re Better Off Without You

There’s no such thing as “settling” for someone unless you’re an arrogant jackass who thinks they’re better than their partner. In which case, it’s really your partner who settled with putting up with your bullshit.

You date around. You find some people you click with and some people you don’t. But actually having a relationship has nothing to do with finding the perfect person, it has to do with BUILDING a relationship with the person you find.

Relationships take work, and you get out what you put in – it can be difficult, and heart wrenching and change you as a person, but that’s how life works. You open up to someone, put your feelings out there, and they reciprocate. Now, it’s possible that they don’t reciprocate and they don’t feel for you like you feel for them – you can stick around or not, in that case. And sometimes you really should cut off ties if someone is crossing lines they shouldn’t.

If you stay in a relationship with the idea that you’re somehow making a sacrifice by sticking around instead of dumping them, they’d be better off without your selfish martyr-complex ass. TC mark

12 Women Describe Their Most God-Awful Sexual Experience

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 07:00 PM PST

Shutterstock / Piotr Marcinski
Shutterstock / Piotr Marcinski

1. Getting oral from him was like watching someone really, really disagree with my vagina

"My ex was not so much in the bedroom. Getting oral from him was like watching someone really, really disagree with my vagina. Somehow, somewhere, he learned that oral sex means stick out your tongue and shake your head vigorously. And regular sex was also bad. I used to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. Like a dog, he’d only move his lower body when humping, then he’d have to sort of keep scooting up….it was just awful. So, I decided that a switch to doggy style was necessary (it got it over with quickly). So from behind he’d stick just the tip in then turn his hips from side to side like he was trying to use my vagina to hold one end so he could bend himself. Luckily he was pretty small so it only pushed on the walls a little and was very uncomfortable."

Descension

2. He told me to expect heavy precipitation in my Southern hemisphere

"I slept with the weatherman when I worked for a TV station. He asked me if I wanted him to talk dirty. I said sure (in the right circumstances it can work). He told me to expect heavy precipitation in my Southern hemisphere. His forecast was wrong. True story."

Colleen

3. I had no idea that his penis was smaller than my thumb

"I didn’t feel anything. I had no idea that his penis was smaller than my thumb. And he really thought he was doing something…at least to himself he was, he was sweating, overheating, and he had a major orgasm…and I just didn’t feel anything. I mean I didn’t even feel his penis inside of me and I’m not sure it reached that far. I was just devastated."

Cherie

4. his wiener was itty-bitty-bitty

"The worst was a guy who was ahemm *performing* shall we say, and before we got together was bragging about how ‘good’ he was…when he finally starts going, I’m thinking what the hell is he doing with his tongue—he was sooo unskilled I was actually embarrassed for the guy. The funny thing is that he seemed really cocky about his ‘skills’ and I didn’t want to bruise his ego by offering suggestions. Yes I faked it, felt bad that he was apparently trying so hard, and I was dying for it to be over—totally awkward. AND his wiener was itty-bitty-bitty—total deal breaker…sad, but true—harsh, I know."

NaNa

5. he was waiting and trying to untie himself for 45 minutes

"I met this guy at a party so I gave him my number and we decided to hang out the next day. We went out in the afternoon for lunch and I took him back to my apt. He agreed to be tied to my bed so I did, only to realize that I didn’t have any condoms left. To be playful, I told him to wait tied like that on my bed while I went to Walgreens. On the way back from Walgreens I ran into a friend of mine that I had a crush on and I haven’t seen him for ages. So I was really surprised and happy to see him and we ended up talking. Apparently he lived near by the neighborhood now. He asked me to see his new apt so I went over there and chat for like almost half an hour or so. Yes, I finally realized that I had a guy tied up in my apt. I quickly said sorry that I had to run. He must think I was acting weird, not to mention he probably saw the condoms in the thin walgreens white plastic bag. I came back home and my date was gone. Thank god nothing else was missing. According to my friend who knew his friends, he was waiting and trying to untie himself for 45 minutes. Oops!"

Perry

6. I got rug burn from his stubble

"I once had sex with a guy that hadn’t shaved part of his ‘area’ for a few days so I got rug burn from his stubble. It was pretty bad… I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I stopped talking to him for a while and he called in the middle of the night a few weeks later and tried to have phone sex. it was so hysterical I just played along to see what he would say…I was rolling on the floor with laughter. I don’t think he knew I was ‘faking’ the phone sex so I felt like that was my revenge for the rug burn."

Betty

7. he slapped himself in the balls hard

"Ha ha, I think accidental ball slapping is more common than people realize—I was on top of a guy once, and he was slapping my ass, and we were getting really into it until…he missed, and slapped himself in the balls, HARD. And then I could not for the life of me stop laughing, as he writhed around in pain on the bed."

Anon

8. Get the Hell off Me!

"The worst sex I have ever had was actually my first experience with everything. I was only 20 yrs old…yeah late bloomer, and he was 30. I gave him a bj, because I was curious and I thought it was about time I found out what it was like. That part wasn’t too bad, but when he came, it tasted like a penny in my mouth. He has a lot of alcohol in his system, and I had no idea that it would taste that bad. Then he gave me oral, and It did absolutely nothing for me at all. I kept on thinking to myself, is this it? is this what all the fuss is about, it feels like Sh*t!! lol He must not be doing it right, or has no idea what he is doing. Then we tried to have actual sex…OMG…I could not understand why it hurt so bad, and why it wouldn’t go in..I mean, at the time, and since i was 13 I was masturbating, so I knew I wasn’t tight and I couldn’t understand why if i could get my Fingers in myself, why this wasn’t working….I was in so much pain the more he tried to penetrate, the worse it got, I told him at least 5 times to stop, and he said, ‘well it’s supposed to hurt your first time,’ so I let him keep going for another few thrusts…then I finally had enough pain and screamed ‘Get the Hell off Me’!! And he did. After that, I bled for 3 days."

babyboo3980

9. He was sweating buckets off of himself

"The worst sex I ever had was with a guy I dated for a short time after my son’s father. He was very sweet and a great guy outside of the bedroom but in bed all he did was sweat. I mean not just normal perspiring, I understand that happens I sweat a bit too. He was sweating buckets off of himself. By the end of sex I was soaked so much it was like I was in a shower(his sweat would POUR off his face) I never told him but it definitely wasn’t enjoyable."

Mandi

10. he finished before it was in

"Worst sex was with this super gorgeous guy at work, his body was killer and we flirted for months. I finally decided to give him some. Big Mistake!!! He was so little (not really even the problem) but he was sweating and making all this noise, telling me how good it feels, that I got the best….. He wasn’t even in yet!!! He finished and I was through!!"

bekkarei75

11. He had no idea what a clitoris was let alone how sensitive it could be!

"How many have done the ‘consolation fuck’? You know, you’re dumping them but wanna give them at least something to remember you by and it goes horribly wrong? Or how about the time I was involved with a man who thought, and had been told, that he was great in bed but couldn’t even come close to my mighty-intruder-vibrator? I mean, God in short-shorts, the man didn’t even know how to kiss, let alone touch a breast! Christ, I had to show him where the fun spot on my body was! He had no idea what a clitoris was let alone how sensitive it could be! Bad sex, oh yeah, I’ll bet in the end you’ll get more stories from women than men because men consider it good if they can at least get their rocks off. Most of the time, women don’t but men never know the difference!"

Anonymous

12. decisions, decisions…

"The worst sex I ever had…wow, so many to choose from it is hard to say. Was it the date rape by the sailor on the bathroom floor of the motel? (I didn’t even think to call it that at the time, but looking back on it I’d have to say that’s what it was). Was it the gorgeous Israeli box boy with killer green eyes in the back of my Toyota, where he thrust twice, came, and seeing the look on my face asked me if he had hurt me? Or was it the gold-chain wearing Iranian guy who came INSTANTLY, and then, when I decided that maybe he just needed to get it out of his system, went on to come INSTANTLY two more times within 30 minutes, and seemed completely unfazed by this? Decisions, decisions…."

Stoid TC mark

7 Tales From ‘Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark’ You Totally Forgot About

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 06:15 PM PST

The Big Toe

Instagram Photo

What is this. WHAT IS THIS?! The first lines of this jump-scare-style-story are, I shit you not: “A boy was digging at the edge of the garden when he saw a big toe. He tried to pick it up, but it was stuck on something.” WHAT SMALL CHILD IN THEIR RIGHT MIND TRIES TO PULL A HUMAN BODY PART OUT OF THE GROUND?! Oh, but don’t worry. His mother is apparently also totally not a psychopath because she responds to this behavior by saying “It looks nice and plump. I’ll put it in the soup, and we’ll have it for supper.” And dear old dad carves it into three pieces. FOR THEM TO EAT. This whole family is VOLUNTARILY engaging in cannibalism! Forget the rest of the story (wherein the toe’s posthumous owner comes looking for its missing bit) because that’s the creepy part right there. Case closed.

A New Horse

Instagram Photo

This one starts off pretty innocuous, kind of fun in fact. Two farmhands are chatting about how one of them is repeatedly being turned into a horse at night by a witch, who then rides him all across the countryside. The other one suggests he’ll take the guy’s place to see if it’s true. It IS true and he finds himself at the witch’s mercy until he can remove the enchanted bridle, turning himself back into a horse. Ahh what supernatural hijinks! Until, you know, the farmhand turns her into a horse, gets her fitted for horseshoes (apparently just to be a dick?), and trades her to her husband in exchange for a better horse. This story — you know, the one in a children’s book? — ends with her husband removing the bridle AND FINDING HIS WIFE WITH HORSESHOES NAILED TO HER HANDS AND FEET. THAT IS HORRIFYING. I READ THAT WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. No wonder I repressed it.

The Bride

Instagram Photo

Girl gets married. Girl plays hide-and-seek. Girl hides in trunk. Girl is never found. Girl dies in trunk. Moral of this story: don’t hide in a trunk that can lock from the outside, ya dingus.

Wonderful Sausage

Instagram Photo

Samuel Blunt is a butcher who murders his wife Eloise after a spat about money. (Understandable, right?) Well, what’s an enterprising young man to do but grind her up into sausage meat and sell it to innocent citizens? And THEN when his new product is so successful, what ELSE is he supposed to do — NOT abduct puppies, kittens, and children to continue making his sausage? This one has a weirdly eerie open ending and also one of the most upsetting illustrations which I shared above so I’m not the only one who has to think about it all day.

The White Satin Evening Gown

Instagram Photo

There’s not much to this story, but it sure makes you think twice about shopping for vintage clothes. It’s a variation of an urban legend — sometimes the dress in question is for prom, other times it’s a wedding dress — but the bottom line is a poor-ish young girl needs a beautiful dress for not a lot of cash. She finds a gown being resold cheap, but her frugal-ness ends in tragedy when the embalming fluid material left on the dress’s material kills her. WHY is there embalming fluid on a beautiful dress, you ask? Oh, because the gown had been stolen from a corpse! (CHILDREN’S BOOK. CHILDREN’S. BOOK.)

“May I Carry Your Basket?”

Instagram Photo

This is just. I can’t. It hardly even qualifies as a story, it’s more like the ramblings of a madman off his meds. A guy asks to carry a woman’s basket, she agrees, oops her head’s in there, the chase is afoot, the head bites both of his legs and then the head/body disappear. I swear, that’s the whole thing.

The Thing

Instagram Photo

Ted Martin and Sam Miller were good friends, according to this tale. Starts off fine enough, right? Well GUESS AGAIN because Ted and Sam spot something crawl out of a turnip field and stand up. It disappears, reappears, lather rinse repeat until Sam decides he’s going to touch it because Sam is a very smart man. The thing is wearing black pants, a white shirt, and black suspenders and looks just like a skeleton. When Sam touches it, the thing gives chase, then disappears again. Okay, so it’s over, right? WRONG AGAIN because Ted gets very sick a year later and dies and Sam says he looks just like the skeleton in his final days. NOW it’s over. You can’t give a kid such a stark, terrible glimpse of their own mortality! That kind of trauma creates… well, people like me. TC mark

12 Men Describe Their Most God-Awful Sexual Experience

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 06:00 PM PST

Shutterstock / Syda Productions/a>
Shutterstock / Syda Productions/a>

1. like having sex with a platter of warm organ meats

"I had sex once with someone I wasn’t really attracted to. She was (is) a very good and supportive friend, I love her that way, and she’d always wanted me. She just wanted some sex between friends, which I do all the time, so I figured why not… it would increase her happiness if nothing else. But I really wasn’t prepared for the lack of attraction factor. I thought it would only have a neutral affect on the whole affair, but I discovered that having sex with someone you don’t really want is like having sex with a platter of warm organ meats. Not really something very sexy at all. I was really turned off and it felt wrong and yucky. The only time sex has ever felt wrong and yucky to me."

John

2. she Goes full corpse mode

"Meet girl at bar. Booty calls me a week or two later. Spend night at her place. Lots of making out at first, then we jump into bed. Goes full corpse mode. Doesn’t want to try anything besides missionary. At one point while she’s limply tugging at my penis, I straight up tell her, ‘You know, I’d love it if you’d go down on me right now.’ She reacts by putting her fingers to her lips and whispering, ‘Shhh…’ That night ruined any momentum our relationship might have had."

MrOoogieBoogie

3. the WORST-smelling pussy I have ever smelt

"In high school I dated a sophomore girl for a few weeks and we had sex once in the auditorium stairwell while a Halo tourney was going on. Would have been at least by-the-books decent fucking except for the fact that she had the WORST-smelling pussy I have ever smelt. Good lord, it was like she stuffed garbage up there if the trash can was out of reach. The next Monday I gave her the ol’ ‘it’s not you it’s me’ garbage and traded up for a girl my age whose snapper didn’t remind me of a landfill."

Conrad

4. Definitely lesbian

"When I was in college I had sex with a gal who was trying to decide if she was bisexual or lesbian. Definitely lesbian."

Anonymous

5. a stream of baby batter hitting me square in the eye

"About seven years ago, I was dating a girl from a good, Catholic family, and after about six weeks without even a glimpse of anything her end, it began to dawn on me that I was trying to break into the Fort Knox of chastity, meaning our sexual relationship mostly revolved around her awkward handjobs. Anyway, we were getting intimate one Friday night and the tedious routine was taking even longer than usual. I could tell she was getting disheartened so I suggested she slip me a finger and fish around for my G-spot. Normally this would be out of the question, but she decided to spoil me that day, so I hoisted my feet up on the mattress while she knelt on the floor, fingering me with one hand and jerking it with the other. This horribly unfortunate alignment of face and genitals directed the ensuing orgasm into my own face, with a stream of baby batter hitting me square in the eye. Popeye's signature jingle has followed me around like a cum stain on my character ever since."

Joe

6. I could not be bothered to find a machete to cut through her hairy jungle

"Got home with a real good-looking girl…Took of her clothes while it was dark…started touching her back, and realized she had the worst Acne attack there…touched her breast, and could feel long hard hairs around her nipples…took of her pants, and felt that she almost had more hair down in her nether regions than on her head. She ended up just lying there flat on her back expecting something special from me…the only thing she got was a wet leg, because I could not be bothered to find a machete to cut through her hairy jungle."

Han

7. 10cc of exuberance deep inside her

"Some girl who worked in a strip club took a liking to me. She wasn't hot, but she was a woman who was willing to have sex with me, and that counted for a lot. For the record, I haven't cum prematurely in over ten years. For the record, this shag was over ten years ago and I came. Prematurely. I tried to keep going and pretend I hadn't just shot 10cc of exuberance deep inside her but it didn't work. It never does."

Anonymous

8. a MOTH with an 8-inch wing span flies in through my open bedroom window

"1 – 2 AM: I’m back home with a girl I’ve known for a few weeks.. we’re both nice and sauced. we finally make it up to my room and start getting to business. gratuitous kissing of the body and what not leads to sex. condom on and it’s fun drunk sex! suddenly, and i kid you not, a MOTH with an 8-inch wing span flies in through my open bedroom window. judging by the way it was flying, it must have been as drunk as us. unfortunately, my fear of moths trumps any kind of common sense. I screamed like a schoolgirl and jumped off the bed. She was petrified, like a burglar had entered the room. Once she saw the moth though, she too entered Freak Mode. We are both naked and screaming like children. The whole ordeal ended with me eventually killing the moth with a sandal + pillow + my hands. I flushed the behemoth down the toilet and that was it. We both went to sleep."

Clyde

9. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass, Then toss that into a can of tuna

"So I was talking with a girl online about 5 years ago, back when I was living in SoCal. She seemed of the shy type, but after about a couple of weeks, she really opened up, phone and Skype sex every other night, all the stuff. We decide to finally meet up because we could not take it anymore. She wanted some, I wanted it all, and it would be hot to meet somewhere in the middle (we lived a good 40ish miles apart) and just go. The day comes, and after having lunch and playing mini-golf, we get to the motel, I shell out $90, and we get into the room and immediately my shirt is flying, and we are making out. Now, the first warning sign was that it was my clothes being shed. She wasn’t a secret fatty, because I saw what was up over cam. But hell, she was pulling me and getting down so I paid it little attention. I get around to getting her on the bed, taking her shirt off, unbuckling her bra and giving her every bit of attention with my mouth. She’s loving it, and after some time, starts to unbuckle her pants, but stops. I think to myself, ‘Ok, she wants me to do it’ but when I reach, she pushes me away. Now, I’m harder than Thor’s hammer and I want to go all out, so I push her hand away and begin to strip off the pants and tear off her panties. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. The smell came all at once, and hit me harder and faster than a 12-gauge to the temple. From hard as a rock to a banana peel, and it took all the willpower to not heave. I looked at her, and she had this look that told me that this was a problem for other guys and was awaiting my reaction. With eyes watering and the gag reflexes doing the work of gods, I kissed her and began fingering…I did not want her to feel bad but my dick could not do that work. Then the worst thing happens. She pushes my head down in an effort to do the impossible…but again, I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I spread her apart, breathing from my mouth, and mind you the smell gets worse. Imagine mildew, old urine and a slight whiff of ass. Then toss that into a can of tuna. It’s not good. I lick, and my body said no, and I heave. She gasps, I say something along the lines of IT’S NOT YOU I’M SICK but as soon as I do I throw up in my mouth. She begins crying while struggling to put on her ripped panties, and I just feel like shit both physically and for the poor sap that has to take that next time. By the time I get out of the bathroom, she’s gone, and we haven’t really talked since."

Vesper

10. It felt like a dead person with a vacuum for a mouth

"Some girl that gave me the worst blowjob ever. It felt like a dead person with a vacuum for a mouth, can’t really describe it but it’s probably like a real doll sucking your dick. I had to stop her and we proceeded to have hot sweaty awful sex inside a tent right under the sun in the middle of the summer. Just awful all around."

SalsaShark

11. my nose was in her ass

"The worst time begins with my girlfriend in dog position. It was one of these days that was not very wet… and before doing it I thought that it would be better for both if i would lick it a little. I had never made it like that, but when I did, my nose was in her ass. While I was doing nothing feels wrong, because I was breathing through my mouth, but when I ended and started to have sex, I had and disgusting smell of ass/poo surround me… because it was at my nose!!!. No matter what I was doing, there was that smell. Absolutely disgusting sex."

Hydrargyrus

12. She was too uptight

"The worst was with a preacher’s daughter. She was too uptight and kept complaining how it wasn’t right afterwards. It was a rather boring encounter with her having way too much remorse afterward, killed the whole experience."

doctonka TC mark

12 Things You Should Know Before Having Sex With An Introvert

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 05:16 PM PST

Giulia Agostini
Giulia Agostini

It's no secret that introverts suck at intimacy. They're brilliantly intellectual, AKA they're stuck in their heads a lot. They spend more time theorizing intimacy than actually engaging in it.

But all is not lost when it comes to love and lust with an introvert.

Introverts feel fiercely and love deeply. They are intense. They have supersonic senses and can experience sex with every molecule in their bodies.

If you're able to score a connection with an introvert you'll be able to score a home run in the sack.

Here are 12 things you need to know before getting intimate with an “innie”:

1.

Romance is not something introverts do well. Romance is a fake and inauthentic dance to the introvert. If you wanna get to their heart (and in their pants), be brutally honest. Tell them your intentions and don't froo-froo it up. If you want a good romping with an introvert, forget the romantics. Say to them, "I want a good romping." And you shall receive.

2.

Steer clear from highly stimulating situations if you want sex with an introvert. Socialization and high stimulant environments deplete the introvert's energy. Choose an intimate, one-on-one setting for optimum chances of gettin' in the sack with an innie.

3.

Having a deep, intense conversation is foreplay for an introvert. If you want to get an introvert in the mood, try discussing a book, a work of art, or social and political issues. Introverts soften and open up—if you engage their interests and passions.

4.

Actually, better yet, try talking as little as possible.

5.

Small talk will kill your chances of getting laid. Small talk pains the introvert. The only person that will get screwed if you engage in small talk is you. Don't do it.

6.

Their cool demeanor and perpetual aloofness is not a game. Introverts aren't playing hard to get. Their accidental attractiveness is really sexy. Don't be discouraged by their standoffish air.

7.

You'll know if the introvert has an orgasm or not. They won't (and can't) fake it.

8.

You’d better be an extrovert. Those are the only people introverts should have sex with.

9.

An introvert will judge the hell out of you in the sack. They judge. That's just what they do. Then they'll report their judgments to you in a very blunt, direct manner. Be ready. Take notes.

10.

Introverts are great listeners. Talk to them about what you want in bed.

11.

Introverts have the fantasy advantage. They can use their immense brainpower to fantasize extensively. They could give you a step-by-step guide to their perfect sex scenarios. It's up to you to make the fantasies a reality. Trust me, it will be worth it.

12.

Introverts don't need to be held after sex. They actually prefer not to be touched at all after sex. They're touched out. They won't get offended if you don't spend the night. They probably don't want you to, anyway.

If you really want to turn an innie on, hand them your Myers-Briggs results. Let them decide if there is a (calculated) connection. TC mark

19 Things You Should NEVER Say Right After Sex

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 05:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1.

"I'm so sorry."

2.

"Your services are no longer required.”

3.

"I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple."

4.

"Don’t worry, I’ll put you and your coffin back down in the grave before I leave."

5.

"You can pick any prize on the second shelf."

6.

"That’ll do, pig…That’ll do."

7.

"Thank you for coming."

8.

"I would say that overall, that went pretty well."

9.

"The door is over there."

10.

"I better go before your husband gets home."

11.

"That was great. Sorry I called out your sister's name."

12.

"We can NOT tell mom and dad about this."

13.

"It’s not that weird, we’re barely related."

14.

"I want to have your abortion."

15.

"Now bake me a pie, mother."

16.

"You have been a marvelous audience. Let’s give a big hand to my partner—isn’t she lovely? We’re going to take a short break now, but hang around for our second set. Don’t forget to tip your waitstaff—they’re working hard for you."

17.

"Now go. GET OUT."

18.

"Thanks, Mom!"

19.

"So…want to watch Netflix now?" TC mark

9 Relationship Mistakes I Made In My 20s That I’ll Never Repeat

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 04:00 PM PST

Pexels Ed Gregory
Ed Gregory

1. Chasing the person who didn't want to be chased.

I thought that with the right amount of perseverance, kindness and effort, I could certainly get a guy to like me back. Isn't that how it worked with most other things? I'd spend hours figuring out what this person liked, where I could bump into them, how to make myself seem like an interesting prospect, without overdoing it of course. Then I realized that I was doing most of the chasing and the effort was not paying off. The more I initiated contact or showed my feelings, the more he pulled away. I wish I had known to just chill out a bit more. To take a leap of faith to show my interest, but then let the guy meet me half way. I probably scared off a lot of prospects that might have otherwise been more interested in me.

2. Acting as if every relationship had to lead to marriage.

This line of reasoning went into effect any time we hung out more than three times. In my 20s, so many of my friends were moving in with their significant others, getting engaged, married and even getting pregnant. Of course I wanted any new love interest to be the "One." But being so focused on the end goal, I failed to first enjoy the relationship before us. Most relationships will not end in marriage – they're really for practice. I'm now a firm believer that some relationships are just supposed to be crappy. These are like the dressing room section of your local retail-clothing store. Try each other on for size, get rid of the ones that cling too tight, are way too loose or just make you feel gross.

3. Playing the Waiting Game.

After a great conversation, the request for my phone number or following an excellent first date, I'd spend hours, even days just waiting for my phone to go off. Would he call? Text? Email? Was he interested? Was he trapped under something heavy? If he verbally told me that he wanted to hang out again and then I didn't hear from him, I'd go into panic mode, wondering if he'd met someone else or realized he just wasn't interested. I felt paralyzed. I should have been moving forward, going about my day – not worried about someone else validating my self worth.

4. Overanalyzing every single interaction.

I can't even imagine how many brain cells were wasted wondering what a certain conversation meant. Whether a decision to go to a bar with his friends nearby my home to watch football without contacting me meant we were over or why he seemed quiet at dinner. Eventually, I learned that it never needed to be so difficult. If the relationship had staying power, I'd hear from him and it didn't require any hard work. If he wasn't interested, he'd rarely tell me – another lesson to understand. He'd usually just disappear into some black hole where all ex boyfriends go.

5. Worrying about everyone else's relationships.

In my 20s, there seemed to be an epidemic of people moving in together, getting engaged and walking down the aisle. If you weren't doing one of these things, you had reason to worry that you'd probably die alone. It could be heard at times to watch everyone around you be happily falling in love while having a difficult time getting a second date. I wish I had just stayed in my own lane and realized that it was worth waiting for the right person. That there were other things to be doing with my 20s other than getting married and I could be just as happy. That just because I didn't have a ring on my finger, didn't mean I wouldn't eventually and that I should enjoy the time to figure out what I wanted in life for myself.

6. Forgiving a cheater.

Don't do it. Just don't even go there. If he cheats once, he's not capable of loving you the way you deserve. There are no excuses that you can get out of your head completely.

7. Pretending that I was ok with a casual relationship.

I liked the guy. So getting the chance to hang out with him on a moment's notice seemed acceptable at the time. Or getting a 10 PM call asking me what I was doing that evening seemed fine – who needed to be serious all of the time? But an indefinitely casual relationship was never my style, no matter how much I pretended not to care. I've learned to communicate what I'm interested in without holding back. If he's into it, we could move forward. If he wasn't, I was just delaying the inevitable.

8. Being exclusive to a guy who wasn't exclusive to me.

This was never a good position to be in. I'd put all my eggs in one basket, thinking how happy I was after the first few dates. How could I even think about going out with someone else when we had such a natural chemistry and I was completely smitten? I've now learned that there are no assumptions in the early parts of a relationship. Some people need more time to figure out what they want. If you invested enough time in a relationship and he still isn't willing to cut bait with the competition, it's time to part ways.

9. Forgetting to value myself.

I wish I could have given my 20-something self a big pep talk. I'd tell her to walk away from the guys that made her sad. To not accept anyone who treated her less than she treated him. To go after kind hearted people instead of just good-looking people. To watch out for the guys that have other romantic prospects in their lives, but continue to keep you on the sidelines. That it's better to be alone, then to be with the wrong person. That the right person will not make you sweat it out so hard and will be worth all the nonsense. TC mark

7 Happy Couples That Hated Each Other At First Explain What Changed Their Minds

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 03:15 PM PST

via Shutterstock
via Shutterstock

1. The Girl Who Fell For Her Arch Enemy

“I met my boyfriend our Freshman year in high school. We were both politically active and, of course, he was a conservative and I was a liberal. I led protests and a few on campus marches in support of a number of liberal issues. We basically hated each other, used to talk shit about each other, really demonized one another and the funny was that neither of us were particularly extreme. We were both nice to ‘the other side’ on campus. It was just he and I that had all this animosity.

And it probably would have continued like that all four years if we hadn’t randomly ended up sitting on a couch together at a party on election night in 2012. He struck up a conversation which I now really think was brave of him and I realized that he was really funny and not at all the angry dude I thought he’d be.

Yeah, so we made out that night, dated afterward, and got married two years ago. I know, it’s ridiculous.”

—Jane, 22

beetlejuice

2. The Guy Who Fell For His Little Sister’s Bestie

“My girlfriend is best friends with my sister and the only times I used to see her was when she and my sis were drinking and so I had this impression of her as ‘the most annoying girl in the world’. It didn’t help that I also thought she was hot so in my head it was like ‘she’s so pretty but also such an idiot.’

I thought this way about her for literally three years until my sister invited me to go see the new Star Wars with them. I went and discovered that she wasn’t annoying at all. She was just an annoying drunk…just like everyone else.

Anyway, I hung out with her and my sister a few more times before I asked her out. Her number one complaint she confessed about me was, you guessed it, that I was annoying and overbearing when I was drinking.

So I guess we’re the same person, lol.”

—David, 24

beetlejuice

3. The Girl Who Gave A Nervous Guy A Second Shot

“I thought my boyfriend was a total big talking idiot when I first met him through a friend. We went on one date and he talked about himself the entire time and I was sure he was a completely self centered jackass. I ended the date early and told my friend there wouldn’t be another one. She begged me to give him one more shot, said she’d known him since they were kids and that he had a big heart.

So, I gave in and he just came clean to me on our second date that he’d been really nervous and wanted to come across confident. After that the second date was really relaxed and we spent the whole evening laughing and smiling. Really, the best date I’d ever been on. We’ve been dating over a year now and I couldn’t be happier. Don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t given him another shot and he hadn’t been honest with me.”

—Mary, 26

beetlejuice

4. The Competitive Assholes Who Couldn’t Ignore The Sexual Tension

“My wife and I hated each other and I mean hated each other when we first met. We’re both competitive and for some reason a really small disagreement about religion one night at the bar with our mutual friends turned into this long standing grudge. Like, our friends didn’t know if they should invite both of us out with them at the same time or not.

But they did, and we continued to fight until her best friend literally told us to get a room one night. It’s weird but up until that point I hadn’t noticed that there really was this huge sexual tension going on between us. We made out in this super sloppy drunk way later that night and suddenly we didn’t fight anymore and were nice to one another.

Men and women are weird. Love is even weirder.”

—James, 28

beetlejuice

5. The Guy Who Was So Nervous He Couldn’t Shut Up

“My now husband is a doctor and he was a doctor when we met on our first date. I also thought he was a crazy person because he showed me a picture of a brain scan of one of his patients and talked about the difficulty in doing a biopsy on brain cancers.

I literally thought he might be a murderer because who wants to look at cancerous brains during dinner? He followed up with a really strong text game though and I found myself agreeing to go out with him again despite having serious reservations about his social skills.

It turns out he just freaked when I asked about his job and instead of just giving me a little information he felt like he had to give me ALL the information. The second date was great after that. I think sometimes we’re all too hard on one another on first dates. Unless they’re mean to you or you aren’t attractive I think it’s almost always worth another shot.”

—Gina, 27

beetlejuice

6. Stealing Your Best Friend’s Crush

“My story is a little strange. My current boyfriend who I love very much was originally a crush of one of my best friends. She was and sadly still is the kind of girl who just can’t stop falling for guys who are assholes and will always be assholes. As a result, when she fell for my boyfriend I assumed he was also an asshole even though he wasn’t into her. I used to talk him down to her and tried to steer her towards people I thought would be good to her and I honestly just hated him by default.

Fast forward a year and I meet him for probably the third time in a totally different context and we end up having to talk to each other and I discover that he’s a really great and sensitive guy and super smart. We started dating and that was a little awkward with my friend at first but she was already with someone else by then so it was hard for her to complain.”

—Ashley, 25

beetlejuice

7. The Snobby Girl Who Won His Heart

“I thought my wife was a pretentious snob when we first met because she talked to literally no one the first night I met her. A mutual friend of ours had asked her to come out with the whole group and she basically just nodded yes or no all night. She also had a really great education and so I figured she was just uncomfortable being around non-academic types.

Nope, turns out she’s just shy and really wanted to get into the evening and have fun but was too nervous to do it. She’s gotten a lot less shy over the years we’ve been together but people still sometimes think she’s snotty which makes me sad because she’s actually the complete opposite.”

—Marvin, 32 TC mark

I’m Saying She’s A Gold Digger: 7 Women Explain Why They Married For Money

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 03:00 PM PST

Flickr Jiposhy.com
Flickr Jiposhy.com

1. being rich is not a crime, but being poor is.

"If you are not yet wealthy but there is potential, I can work with that, because there is nothing more sexier than an ambitious man. We need to understand that not all men that earn lots of money do it dishonestly, and being rich is not a crime, but being poor is."

—Shornee

2. the rich always want what they cannot have.

"I married a rich man. I did not meet him on a dating site, I met him in the real world of life. I did not move in with him when he asked me to I had learned that mistake already from a prior rich finance. I said, "No! I will not live with a man unless I am married to him." Trust me, say it loud and firmly the rich always want what they cannot have. And that is how he proposed, standing in the streets of Vineyards of Napa he said, "Okay will you marry me?" The prenuptial was worth over a million dollars."

—Anonymous

3. I wouldn't date anyone that seemed to be struggling financially.

"My husband is 15 years older than I am. He had one child but had never been married when we met. He has been working in the same field for 18 years. He works in as a director of operations for an international Internet company. He is smart, sensitive, analytical, funny, and controlling at times. He's very attractive. He's in great shape and cares about his body….I was doing fine financially when we met. I was keeping my head above water but never felt like I was secure. I had been diagnosed with cancer before we met and I was dealing with the possibility of being financially shattered. I was actively seeking someone that would at least be able to make me feel secure if my cancer got worse and I was unable to work. I wouldn't date anyone that seemed to be struggling financially. I would say [it was] 80% security and 20% love/capability the day I moved in and I would say it was 60% love and 40% security the day we were married. As I type this, I am very much in love with my husband."

—Mandi

4. I married for money. Just for money.

"I can't believe I'm admitting this, but it's true that I married for money. Just for money. I've always wanted a rich husband. And if you think it's because my father didn't have the means to give us a decent life, you're wrong. We didn't want for anything….So when the time came to marry, I told my parents to look for a man whose family was very well off. Of course I wanted a man who was also kind, considerate and romantic. When I was 24, my parents introduced me to Akash. He worked with his builder father and was nice to talk to. Soon it was decided that we'd marry."

—Parita

5. when I walked down the aisle towards my future husband I was not in love, but I had security.

"After dating for awhile, I can't say I fell in love with Shawn, but I did develop feelings for him. Unlike my parents and countless others who I've watched argue time and time again about money, Shawn and I lived relatively argument-free and I loved it. That's why when he dropped to one knee on our two-year anniversary and asked me to marry him I said yes. Now please understand that I wasn't planning to live entirely off of him, I do have dreams. I finished my degree and started a very successful career in marketing that I love. And no, when I walked down the aisle towards my future husband I was not in love, but I had security and that meant a lot to me. In my mind, marriages face enough obstacles, the last one it needs is one revolving around money."

—Danielle

6. I now live a very comfortable life.

"I love my husband but one of the main reasons I married him is because he comes from a wealthy family and has a very lucrative career. I now live a very comfortable life with our three beautiful children and have no regrets. I married for money."

—Anonymous

7. I married for money and not love.

"My parents had groomed me to be a doctor's wife—clearly, a pedigree that a girl like me could never attain on her own. But my parents and friends thought I was insane to marry someone who would never get my generational references. I was only 5 years old when he was 20. I know—creepy. If you're married, you know there are many factors that go into the decision to marry 'the one.' When I met 'the one,' he just happened to be fifteen years older than me and a well-established physician. The Tyra Banks show recently asked me to be a guest on a show in which I'd sit with my husband like two deer—caught in the headlights—and let the audience rip us both a new one as I admitted that I married for money and not love."

—Melissa TC mark

A Letter To My Grandmother Who Left This Earth Too Soon

Posted: 25 Feb 2016 02:00 PM PST

Tiago Camargo
Tiago Camargo

I wish I could pick up the phone and call you, trace the map of all the cities and countries you've explored and listen as you speak to me in the native language, tell me stories of food and friends and the miles you've wandered.

I wish I could ask you what it was like, when you knew you were in love. If it was a brush of fingertips, or his voice echoing in your head when you read his handwritten letter. If it was easy, or hard. Or really, really hard but you always pushed through. And what it was like to have kids, a whole mess of them crawling and screaming and pulling at your legs.

I wish I could pick your brain for answers, listen to you tell me stories of my father. Imagine him, the youngest of five, with his messy hair and trouble-making temper.

I wish I could ask you for the recipe to your homemade meatballs, or what you thought of my mama the first night she came over.

I wish you could tell me which of the aunts I remind you of the most, maybe the quiet one who sings or the rebellious one who walked out of the house without a shirt.

I wish I could ask you what my laugh sounds like, or if I look beautiful in my dress, and hear you answer with a voice that's gravelly and strong, Yes, you look beautiful. I love you.

Sometimes I imagine you in Heaven. From what I remember you'd be feisty, even up there, with your deck of cards and a vodka tonic. Or maybe you'd be exactly how my mother remembers you, with a cigarette dangling from your mouth, stirring a pot of tomato sauce on the stove.

See, I lost you, two of you, before I was old enough to understand even who you were—my memories of you blending together—Grandma, Nana, Oma.

I didn't have the chance to ask you what you thought of my boyfriend, of my college choice, of the way I pull back my dark brown hair. And I don't remember what your eyes looked like, are they rootbeer brown, too, or a dark hazel?

I never got to ask you what you were afraid of, what your dreams were, if you were happy. I hope that you are happy now, maybe floating on a cloud playing Rummy with your husband or throwing spitballs down at us, because that seems like something you'd like to do.

I never got the chance to walk around your kitchen, to smell the spices, or to touch the rough edges of that painting you hung on the wall next to the basement steps.

I never got the chance to put on your high heels and pearls and parade around the living room like a younger version of you, like a younger version of my mother, which would make you cry and hug us both.

I never got to ask you what your favorite color was, or if you wept when I was born. I never got to kiss your soft, wrinkled cheek goodbye. And I never got to tell you that I really, really love you, so I hope you hear me now. TC mark