Thought Catalog

What We Forget When We Say The Timing’s Wrong

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 08:00 PM PST

Let’s talk about how our timing’s off.

You see, we couldn’t have planned this out worse.

It would have been infinitely easier to meet you two years earlier or three years later or in a different space or place or country or time zone.

It would have been simpler to meet you in a world where I could wake up nestled tightly in beside you and you could join in each adventure I took on.

It would be marvellous to have all our fates aligned and to see the timing play itself out flawlessly.

But I’m inclined to say we ought to count our blessings.

Because here's the absolute miracle that we cannot allow ourselves to ignore: out of the billions of years that earth has existed for, you and I ended up alive at the exact same time.

I wasn't born on your 90th birthday. You didn't die an untimely death at age 3.

I didn't live as a pauper in the year 400 B.C. You will not spring into existence 500 years into the future. Out of all the centuries, eras, time periods and Universes we could have ended up in, we somehow both ended up here.

We ended up in the era with planes and trains and cars and cell phones and Skype calls. We ended up in the age of relentless communication and instantaneous connection. Of all the possible worlds that we could have gotten stuck in, we found ourselves living in a time when it's possible to wake up to a good morning text every day from someone who is clear across the world.

And when you look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad. When you look at it that way, it doesn't seem unbearable to wait for a couple more months or a few painstaking years or a single stretch of absence that will eventually be bridged. When you look at it from the angle of the bleak improbability that two people like you and I would ever co-exist, the timing doesn't seem so wrong at all.

Because really, who are you and I to demand any more from the Universe? Who are we to mandate that the stars all align in our favor and the fortunes always cater to our fates? When we chisel it down to probability, we've already come out on top here. So it's only fair we put in some work.

Because the truth about the timing being wrong is that it's nothing more than the world's flimsiest reason not to try.

It's the simplest excuse to pack it in. It's a pre-designed reason to bow out. Saying that the timing is wrong is saying nothing more than 'You aren't worth any inconvenience.'

And when it comes to you, that is untrue.

When it comes to you, I'd wade through limitless eras and time zones and alternate realities and Universes trying to find you.

I’d wait for decades or ages or centuries or lifetimes. I’d wait through wars and resolutions and tsunamis and ice ages and apocalypses. I’d wait indefinitely. I’d wait forever.

But the brilliant thing is, I don't have to do any of that. Because here we are, right now. At this time. In this Universe.

And as long as you're alive here and I'm alive too,
the timing is right enough for me. TC mark

8 Types Of Fuckboys That No Single Girl Has Time For

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / ana_lombardini
Twenty20 / ana_lombardini

1. The fuckboy who ghosts.

This fuckboy leaves without warning. He’ll be on your mind even after he’s gone because you’ll never know exactly why he left. It’s hard enough for a single girl to read what’s on his mind when he’s present, but when he disappears with no explanation, it’s not because you’re not worth it, it’s because he thinks it’s the easiest way out, and he doesn’t think you’ll care.

2. The fuckboy who only calls after midnight.

He has one thing on his mind, and it has nothing to do with getting to know you as a person. If he only calls after midnight he’s trying to get into your bed, not your heart. He’s great for the single girl who doesn’t get attached, but if you’re looking for a relationship, this fuckboy is not the X that marks the spot.

3. The fuckboy who only calls when he’s drunk.

Sometimes the fuckboy who calls after midnight, and the fuckboy who only calls when he’s drunk are one in the same. If he can’t call you when he’s sober, he doesn’t deserve to talk to you when he’s drunk. If you’re looking for nothing more than entertainment then pick up the phone, but if you’re going to believe what he’s saying when he’s 12 shots of whiskey deep and has his thumb in a beer bong waiting to be chugged, you might want to ignore his call.

4. The fuckboy who acts like a different person in front of his friends.

When he’s around you he’s like sweet apple pie and when he’s around his friends he’s like beef jerky. If he has two separate personalities he’s trying to keep those two worlds apart. A guy who’s worth your time won’t mind bringing you around his friends. He’ll integrate you into his life, not attempt to keep you out of it.

5. The fuckboy who is in love with himself.

We’re all familiar with the full-blown narcissist. He loves himself more than he loves you, and until he meets a girl who is willing to accept this, he will remain the only love of his life.

6. The fuckboy who’s having sex with women other than you.

If you’re both fooling around that’s great, but if you’re trying to be the only woman in his life, this is one fuckboy you don’t want to fool around with. He’s clever with the way he multi-tasks, so when he’s texting ‘Johnny’ dick pics, Johnny is actually Sarah, and she’s most likely unaware you even exist.

7. The fuckboy who thinks insulting you is flirting.

Remember in kindergarten when boys who were mean to us actually liked us? Well we’re not in kindergarten anymore, so if he only brings you down to build you up, he’s being a foolish little man-boy. He thinks his insults will make you want him more, but unless you vibe off of self- deprecation he’s not doing anything for your self-esteem.

8. The fuckboy who has no motivation.

There’s nothing worse than wanting the best for someone who doesn’t want that for themselves. Motivation is something that can be encouraged, but ultimately only he can make it happen. If you’re looking for someone who inspires you to become a better person, the fuckboy with no motivation is not your answer. TC mark

10 Of The Most Gruesome And Disturbing Murderers In New York’s History

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 06:00 PM PST

1. The “Worst Woman On Earth”

Original Source unknown via
Original Source unknown via

In the 1890s this was the nickname given to Lizzie Halliday, New York’s first known female serial killer. She was also the first woman to ever be sentenced to death by the electric chair although that sentence was never carried out.

Lizzie emigrated to the states as a child and as she got older showed a propensity to experience what would be later called “spells of insanity.” Halliday committed at least four murders including two women she was old friends with and her sixth husband who she stabbed, shot, and mutilated. Yes, sixth. Of the previous five, she is suspected of killing possibly two of them and attempted to kill another by poisoning with arsenic.

She also had a love of burning things. In 1888, she burned down the saloon of the two female “old friends” that she would later murder and burned both the barn and house of her sixth husband who she would later murder.

Apprehended and sentenced to death by electrocution, the governor of New York went on to commute her sentence and instead institutionalized her for being mentally insane. She was sent to the Matteawan State Hospital for the Criminally Insane where she would live out the rest of her life. While there, she attacked and killed a nurse by stabbing her 200 times with a pair of scissors.

2. The “East Harlem Rapist”

Arohn Kee mugshot and wanted poster
Arohn Kee mugshot and wanted poster

Arohn Kee was a serial murderer and rapist who had a sick penchant for forced sodomy among teenage girls who lived in several different Harlem housing projects. He took his first victim in 1991.

All told, Kee raped and murdered by strangulation three separate girls Paola Illera, 13, Johalis Castro, 19, and Rasheeda Washington 18 over the course of eight years. Castro’s body he burned beyond all recognition and could only be identified by her ankle bracelet. During this time he also raped and committed forced sodomy against four other teenage girls.

Once arrested, Kee conducted an incredible rant in court where he claimed he was the victim of a massive conspiracy involving DNA swapping.At the end of the trial, Kee was  declared “Fuck all o’ y’all!” to the entire courtroom. He was convicted as a result of the massive DNA evidence and the testimony of the rape victims he hadn’t killed and, in 2001, was sentenced to three life sentences for the murders and 400 years for the rapes.

From prison, Kee later made twenty 5 x 7 inch “rape cards” which depicted handwritten accounts of his crimes and the things he had said to his victims including “Say, ‘I love it’,” “Be quiet and take it like a woman,” and “Act like you love me.

3. The Baby Killer

Marybeth Tinning via
Marybeth Tinning via

Described by some completely oblivious individual as a “devoted” mother, Schenectady, NY resident Marybeth Tinning is actually a serial child murderer but unlike other cases of child murder all these children were her own.

From 1975 to 1985, Tinning gave birth to or adopted a total of nine babies, boys and girls. None of these children lived past their fifth birthday and most died within a few months of being born. Tinning was a regular in Schenectady hospital trauma centers where she would bring her dead offspring in a panic saying they weren’t breathing. Hospitals consistently declared the cause of death as being Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) but literally no one ever caught on that nine dead children from SIDS was a statistical impossibility.

Tinning’s ultimate motivation for these murders, according to investigators, was to garner sympathy and attention. They believe that after each baby’s death, Tinning got a kind of emotional high from the attention she received which included police on manhunts in the search for people who might have smothered her children but who, in reality, did not exist at all.

Tinning was finally investigated after a call to the police from the hospital where she took her ninth child, three-month-old Tami Lynne, after she claimed she found Tami unconscious in her crib with blood coming out of her mouth. Once arrested, Tinning admitted to the murder and confessed that she’d also been slowly poisoning her husband.

Despite ample circumstantial evidence in the form of eight child corpses, Tinning was only charged with the death of Tami Lynne. She was found guilty and remains in prison where she has been denied parole four times because continues “to demonstrate no insight into her crime.”

4. The Happy Land Arsonist

Julio Gonzalez via YouTube
Julio Gonzalez via YouTube

On March 25th, 1990, Julio Gonzalez went to see his ex-girlfriend, Lydia Feliciano, at the “Happy Land” club in the Bronx where she worked as a coat check girl. The club had previously been shut down for code violations. Lydia had recently broken up with Gonzalez and when he arrived he had been drinking. Predictably, the brief meeting turned into an argument before bouncers tossed him from the club.

What happened next was not so predictable. Having vowed to Lydia that “Tomorrow you’re not going to work here any more. I told you and I swear it,” Gonzalez went and purchased a gasoline in a jug, brought it back to Happy Land and doused the place, including the stairs, with the stuff, lit it and left.

The venue had sealed all the exits save the main entrance in order to keep people from getting in for free. All told, 87 people burned to death in the Happy Land club. Lydia, presumably the main object of Gonzalez’s rage, however did not burn in the fire but was actually the first to notice it and leave. She claims that she warned others but no one and I mean no one heard her at all.

So exhausted was he from burning 87 people alive that Gonzalez went straight home and went to sleep which is where police later found and arrested him. He was later sentenced to 25 years to life.

5. The Oswego Serial Killer

Waneta Ethel Hoyt
Waneta Ethel Hoyt

By all accounts, Waneta Hoyt was a good mother who’d simply had a string of bad luck…over and over and over again. From 1965 to 1971, Waneta had five children and, one by one, they all seemingly succumbed to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). No one gave it a second thought until 1995 when authorities from a neighboring county began looking at SIDS deaths in the area again with the idea that some of them might be murder.

Hoyt confessed to the murders by suffocation when faced with authorities and was tried and sentenced to 75 years to life. She died in 1998 of pancreatic cancer while still appealing her sentence. Since she died before her appeal could be heard, New York state officially exonerated her.

6. The “Lonely Hearts Killers”

Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck via YouTube
Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck via YouTube

Martha Beck had a harrowing upbringing. Not only was she burdened with an overbearing a brutal mother but she was relentlessly teased in school and, far worse, at the age of ten she had already suffered rape at the hands of her own brother.

Raymond Fernandez, soon to become Beck’s partner in crime, was a brain damaged former British intelligence agent who had a pattern of answering “lonely hearts ads” and then filching the women who placed them for everything they were worth. In 1947 he answered an ad placed by single mother of two, Martha Beck.

Beck was obsessed with a need for male acceptance and, after spending only a short time with Fernandez, she abandoned both of her children in Florida and moved to New York to live with him. Even when Fernandez confessed that he was a scam artist and possibly a murderer, Beck wasn’t swayed and instead began posing as Fernandez’s sister to facilitate the scam.

Only two years later, catching Fernandez in bed with one of his marks, Janet Fay, Beck smashed Fay’s head in with a hammer and Fernandez finished the job by strangling her to death. The couple then fled New York for Michigan and moved in with a widow and her daughter. Beck’s insane temper got the best of her once again and she shot the widow before later drowning the daughter for crying.

Eventually arrested, both were executed in the electric chair in New York in March 1951. Their last words were of their love for one another.

“I wanna shout it out; I love Martha! What do the public know about love?” – Raymond Fernandez.

“My story is a love story. But only those tortured by love can know what I mean […] Imprisonment in the Death House has only strengthened my feeling for Raymond….” – Martha Beck

7. The “Iceman”

via Murderpedia
via Murderpedia

By all accounts the most accomplished murderer on this list, Richard Kuklinksi was an Italian mob contract killer known as the ‘Iceman’ because he engaged in a practice of freezing the bodies of his victims in an industrial cooler in order to hide the time of their murder. There are other supposed origins to this nickname and Kuklinski seemed to revel in changing the story as well as telling others including that he he was part of the group who murdered union boss Jimmy Hoffa which he later recanted.

Kuklinkski was very thorough and intelligent. In one instance he killed a man seemingly accidentally but still took the precaution of cutting off all the man’s fingers and removing all of his teeth by hand so that even if he disposed of the body and it was later found the man would never be able to be identified.

All told, Kuklinksi killed between six and 100 people between 1949 and 1986. And although Kuklinski appears to have been the kind of man who would exaggerate, tales of Kuklinski’s willingness to murder for as little as making him “feel bad about something” seem nearly ubiquitous. Murdering his first victim at age 13, Kuklinksi has been described by New York authorities as one of the most dangerous criminals in the state’s entire history.

Kuklinski died in prison in 2006.

8. The “Angel Of Death”

Richard Angelo via

Richard Angelo should have been on of the good ones. An EMT at Good Samaritan Hospital in Long Island, NY, Angelo had been an Eagle Scout and a volunteer fireman. His background profile was of a person who cared about serving others. This was not the case.

Feeling unappreciated in his job as a nurse, Angelo began inducing emergencies in the patients at Good Samaritan by injecting them with paralytic agents Pavulon and Anectine because he wanted to be the one that would save them. Initially this strategy worked and Angelo received the praise he sought from his co-workers and the patients he had “saved.”

However, for 25 of the 37 patients he did this with it did not work and Angelo was unable to save them in time. What’s more, people began to notice a pattern of emergencies during Angelo’s shift which caused them to become suspicious. This all came to a head when one patient, seeing that Angelo was injecting him with something, managed to hit their ‘call’ button notifying the nursing staff to his plight. The contents Angelo was attempting to administer were analyzed and he was found out. Later, police discovered these same paralyzing agents in Angelo’s home.

When interviewed by authorities regarding the murders, Angelo claimed he did it because he suffered, essentially, from low self-esteem.

“I wanted to create a situation where I would cause the patient to have some respiratory distress or some problem, and through my intervention or suggested intervention or whatever, come out looking like I knew what I was doing. I had no confidence in myself. I felt very inadequate.”

Angelo was sentenced to 61 years in prison.

9. Kathy Boudin

via murderpedia
Kathy Boudin via murderpedia

This is the only political case of this entire list and one of the more controversial ones.

A member of the leftist domestic terror group the Weather Underground (WU), Boudin was first arrested in 1970 after prematurely setting off a nail bomb she and another WU member were building and which was ultimately intended to be used against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dixon, New Jersey. Released on bond, Boudin skipped town only to reappear eleven years later working as a getaway truck driver with the Black Liberation Army in the robbery of an armored car carrying 1.6 million dollars.

The U-Haul getaway truck was spotted and two officers then pulled it over. However, they were expecting to be confronted with the Black men who had just been spotted robbing the armed car, not Boudin. Police officers later testified that Boudin exited the vehicle with her hands up and implored them to lower their weapons even as two more officers arrived. Officers maintained that Boudin attempted to lull them into a false sense of security. Boudin maintained that she stayed silent.

Regardless, at no time did she warn them that there were six men armed with automatic weapons in the back of the U-Haul. As a result, when the robbers leapt from the back of the truck and opened fire on the officers they were caught completely unaware and two were killed.

Boudin, trying to escape on foot, was quickly nabbed as were most of the other robbers and WU members although two were shot and killed. Boudin was later tried along with the other members of the robbery crew. Boudin received by far the lightest sentence of 25 years to life perhaps because her father was a well known and connected attorney himself and her attorney was able to arrange a plea bargain of one count of felony murder and one count of felony robbery. Most others involved in the robbery and shootings received triple that.

Boudin was paroled in 2003 and has since been an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a scholar in-residence at the NYU School of Law. She is well known for her AIDS activism and scholarly work in education both during and since her release from prison.

10. Joel David Rifkin

Daily News front page via murderpedia

Another serial killer who preyed solely on women, Rifkin is responsible for the murder and, in some cases, dismemberment of seventeen women he claimed were prostitutes. He was the most prolific serial killer in New York’s entire 20th century history.

Rifkin came from a fairly normal background and was of above average intelligence. Articles on his life indicate that he was teased heavily in school where he performed poorly and also began having fantasies of killing women. Later, out of school, he was unable to hold down a job. At some point he began soliciting prostitutes while, at the same time, he developed a fascination with serial killers who murdered prostitutes even going so far as to collect newspaper clippings on the topic.

In 1989 an 1990, Rifkin finally began making news of his own by murdering two women whose bodies he then dismembered and threw into the Manhattan canals. Their remains were never discovered. In 1991, Rifkin stepped up his activities and over the next two years he killed fifteen women and usually disposed of their bodies in a container of some kind which he then threw into a body of water.

Rifkin was finally caught during a routine traffic stop where officers attempted to pull him over for not displaying and tags. Rifkin didn’t stop and it wasn’t until he missed a turn and wrecked that officers discovered that he was towing the body of his latest victim no doubt taking it to be dumped somewhere. Rifkin was imprisoned and is available for parole in 2197 at which time he will be dead. TC mark

12 Ways To Embrace The Chaos In Your Life (Because You Have No Control Over It Anyway)

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20 / marcobertoliphotography
Twenty20 / marcobertoliphotography

1. Realize you can’t control everything.

You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control your reaction. Make your life easier, and react in a way that will benefit you and everyone around you.

2. Stop only seeing negatives.

Negativity is contagious, but so is everything that’s positive. Bad things are bound to happen, and it’s difficult to maintain a positive attitude when they do, but would you rather sulk or smile? Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and you don’t have to make it appear that way, but you also don’t have to make it appear like the fiery gates of hell.

3. Be flexible.

Not everything presents itself to your convenience. When life goes un-according to plan, just go with it.

4. Accept change.

It’s one thing for change to be unexpectedly thrown into your life, but it’s another to accept it. Even if it’s un-welcomed, don’t allow change to shrink you, let it help you grow.

5. Don’t forget your interests and your passions.

Chaos can make us forget what’s most important because all we can focus on is the disruption causing us grief, but we can’t forget what makes us who we are. Remember what fills your life with excitement, remember the things that make you feel good, because your passions will help you get through the chaos if you can remember to keep them alive.

6. Don’t allow one bad day to create a sequence of bad days.

One bad day is only one domino, but when you let it topple over it knocks down the domino beside it, and then one bad thing becomes a never-ending stream of bad things. Terrible things happen, but you can’t let that dim the way you look at life. You’re allowed to have a bad day, but wake up the next morning and try to make it a good one.

7. Talk to someone.

Vent. We’re all good at it, and while your friends, family, loved ones (whoever) don’t necessarily enjoy hearing about the chaos in your life, they’re willing to listen. Whining and talking are two very different things, talk about your chaos, don’t whine about it.

8. Release anger.

In a healthy way. Chaos causes different emotions for everyone, for many, it’s anger. Don’t take your anger out on your friends, your family, your coworkers, your pets, don’t allow anger to make you someone you’re not. Release it on something that can’t respond. Go run 12 miles, go take a kickboxing class, go clean your entire apartment floor to ceiling for the next 5 hours, do whatever you need to do, but deal with the chaos without negatively affecting the ones you love.

9. Don’t hold back your feelings.

Cry if you want to cry. Tears won’t make you weaker, and holding them back won’t make you stronger. Let your feelings be felt, that’s why you have them.

10. Take a break.

Mentally, physically, emotionally, just take a moment to breathe. Whether you need to take a walk, meditate, write a poem, do what you need to do to escape the chaos for just a moment. Don’t think about anything other than what you’re doing. The chaos will be there when you return, but you’ll return to it refreshed.

11. Remember your health.

Stress, chaos, disruption, it comes from things beyond ourselves and makes us blur our own life out of focus. Don’t forget your health. You only have one life and one body, be kind to it, nurture it.

12. There’s always someone who has it better, and always someone who has it worse.

When your life feels a mess, you look at everyone else and see perfection. You see them and they have it all together; you see yourself and you’re falling apart. There will always be someone who has a better salary, a better love life, a better apartment, but the comparisons are based from your own insecurities. Everyone has problems, and you’re not the only one who’s struggling. TC mark

Ranking The Women On This Season Of ‘The Bachelor’ Week 5: What’s Wrong With ‘Teen Mom’?

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 04:05 PM PST

Hi Everyone! It’s week 5 in Bachelor Nation, our little baby is growing up! This week Ben pretended to care about fashion (which was weird for all of us), Jubilee acted “erratic”, and Olivia felt like she was on an episode of Teen Mom (which, to be fair, was a great joke, just unacceptable for middle America/the Bachelor audience/Ben H from Indiana.

We also learned that when The Bachelor is filming in their luxury locations, the girls share beds???

Here's Jubliee and Olivia sharing a bed.
Here’s Jubliee and Olivia sharing a bed.

Is this low-budget? Or do they want them to fight in their sleep? Does this happen everywhere? Like, when they Bachelor dude gets ready to give his final rose, do the two finalists have to share a hotel room the night before? Whack.

Here’s how the girls are doing this week, ranked from least to most likely to make it to the end:

Our Fallen Heros


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jubilee doesn’t seem to think about how others are going to perceive the things she does. When Ben tries to do something sweet with her on the group date, she publicly rebuffs him because he also says sweet things to other girls, so he “doesn’t mean it.” Later, he tries to hold her hand and again — in front of everyone — she rejects him. I think it’s a really good indicator of how poor the health of their relationship would be if he chose her because it isn’t always about how you feel. That’s embarrassing and frustrating for Ben. He’s not doing anything wrong here, he’s doing what you go on The Bachelor to do. In the end, it’s not that Ben didn’t like Jubilee, it’s that Jubilee’s actions alienated him to the point that it overshadowed the fragile connection Bachelor relationships are built on.

In her exit interview she bemoans that she would have loved Ben “unconditionally” but that’s just not true. Her affection for him was completely conditional on whether he was making her feel confident from moment to moment.

Why are you here Jubilee? The great thing about life is that you can choose to do things that make you happy. If you don’t want to date someone who is dating a bunch of other girls, consider not making the choice to be in a situation where that’s all that’s going to happen for months.

If you find yourself acting like Jubilee in relationships and want a good read on the subject, here’s exactly why it’s bullshit not to feel good when a guy is into you (but also into other women/into having sex with you/whatever other made up reason you’ve given yourself to feel insecure about it). Let’s end with Ben’s #sadface after Jubilee rejects him in front of all the other girls, and America:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Still competing for Ben’s heart — at least until there’s actually a rose ceremony


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

I’m so tired of this girl talking about how dumb and inept at everything she is as if that’s some sort of badge of honor. This week Emily decided to use Olivia’s Teen Mom comment as a platform to be dramatic and whine to Ben about how she doesn’t like “fake people”. She’s not even involved? Get a different hobby.


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jennifer only gets a group date and then spends her only alone time with Ben complaining about Olivia.


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Leah doesn’t get any time with Ben during the group date because he spent so much time dealing with Jubilee’s drama.

Lauren H

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

It’s not that I hate Lauren H, it’s just that sometimes you see someone and you’re just like “that’s not for me.” I feel like you could hold of on actually dating her and just date a robot that likes everything and constantly claps their hands together like a seal:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Then she says things no one should ever say. Like “holy shoot”.

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Also, this bitch drinks red wine out of champagne flutes:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

This was truly Olivia’s week to shine. She’s gotta get some kind of TV deal for this, right? She can be Chris Harrison’s assistant or something. Anyways, she informs us all that her and Ben have their own love language, which we obviously cannot even fathom.

The big controversy this week as she starts talking about shuffling her kids around between her mom and her ex while she’s filming and Olivia remarks “I feel like this is an episode of Teen Mom that I watch.” Everyone thinks this is offensive and I don’t really understand why. It did sound like an episode of Teen Mom.

To be fair, she handles it really well and tells Amanda this experience is making her realize some uncomfortable things about herself — like that she sometimes says rude things without realizing it — and that she’ll try to do better.


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Becca is a total wallflower this week — and every other week.


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Jojo does exactly the right thing, which is to comfort Ben after he makes the tough decision to let Jubilee go home. She tells him how good he is at doing difficult things and how much she admires him.

We also get this amazing jem from Jojo: “Ben already tasted my taco. And he loved it.”


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Amanda gets a one-on-one date this week. Here’s Olivia’s face when Amanda’s name was on the date card:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What I like about Amanda is that she’s soooooo boring — which is perfect for bland Ben. I also like that she has awesome hair and I hope she sticks around so I can keep looking at it and figure out how she styles it. Amanda is the kind of girl who everyone will always describe as “beautiful inside and out” when what they really mean is “beautiful on the outside, not multi-faceted enough to offend anyone on the inside.”

Lauren B

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Ben seems to take special time on the group date to go on a walk around the city with Lauren B. When other girls have to compete and interrupt each other for a few minutes of time, that’s a really good sign.


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Caila only had like 2 lines this week, but if she’s in it for the long haul they could just be wanting to keep her low key for a bit.

Burning questions for next week’s episode

Why is everyone crying???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

No really, ‘sup with all the tears???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why is Lauren H making this face???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Even Jojo is crying???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor


The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What is “the biggest mistake of Ben’s life”???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What pensive thoughts will Ben think on this cool cliff???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

10 Ways I Loved You

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 04:00 PM PST



Being with you has always made me feel secure. You charm me in the most noble way and I’m entrapped into having this sweet and lovely conversations with you. Yet even with all that, I’m the only one enamored as our interactions deem completely meaningless to you.


I’m the only one who thinks that every moment spent with you, our late Friday night strolls, usual breakfasts in bed, and movie dates, hold meaning. However with you, everything is rendered hollow and insignificant. We both know you’re only doing all these things because you can’t do that one thing I long for the most; love me.


We can be too close at one instance and detached right after. You can spend so many nights with me and then not talk to me for days afterwards. Leaving me with nothing but the palatable desire of waiting for you; for your text, for your callm and maybe one day, for that one moment you’ll finally reciprocate the same feelings I have for you. It’s like waiting for that 4:00 AM bus at 10:00 AM – something I know won’t come, yet I still wait, hoping and praying for some twist of fate.


You know me too well. You know when I am happy or sad. Everything about me. You see through my open heart and read me like an open book. It pains me that you don’t even permit me to infiltrate any part of your being.


Knowing my value and understanding the love I deserve, I let you love me less than what I’m entitled to. Maybe because you’re not aware of it or you just refuse to give it. You construe my worth as less than its true value. I act okay, I act as if I don’t need anything more; for anything is better than nothing.


I’m a fool, such a fool for you. There’s no us. There’s no future. Yet every time I’m with you, I feel hopeful. I begin to feed my heart with expectations that maybe someday, you will be able to give me the love I deserve. It’s like loving a wall, a tall brick wall. It’s just me, my love for you, and that wall. Nothing beyond it. Nothing before. Nothing in between.


Darling, you are my glorious puppeteer. You own me and have marked my entire soul as yours. Every inch of my being, I let you hold it. I let you trace every fragment of my body, let you inside every whim, every secret, every trance without being able to grasp any of your own.


I’m the water and you’re the sun. I let you absorb everything. I granted you the liberty to use me as long as you need, as long as you want, leaving me bare and parched once you’re done regardless if I’m able to have you or not when I’m the one in need.


I love you. I love you. I love you. You’re the only one. I try to make myself believe that someday I will get to be the most vital person in your life, the one you will come home to and the one who will always be enough. Nevertheless, I’ll take what little you can give. And even though loving you gets tougher and tougher, I will still whisper, "I love you" in the middle of the night despite the fact that I am never able to call you my own.


It all boils down to goodbye. You were gone fast as lightning. Possibly, with no regrets. I watched your silhouette disappear from my window sill taking each fraction of my mind, my heart, and my stripped soul. Knowing that you’ve taken every portion of my being without the assurance that you’ll be back. It’s just goodbye. TC mark

Adults Still Get Scared, And Other Thoughts I’m Having At 2am

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 03:15 PM PST / Leonardo Patrizi / Leonardo Patrizi

1. You can be an adult and still feel confused and scared at the same time.

2. Drinking water is important especially when you wake up in the morning and before you eat every meal.

3. It's okay to clean-up your pool of Facebook friends because numbers don't matter.

4. You have to avoid talking to people when they are not in a receptive mood.

5. Exercise is the best form of distraction and becoming fit is just a bonus. It converts anger into strong punches.

6. The heart can only endure so much (but it never complains).

7. When it comes to genuine friendships, you only need a few.

8. You cannot just fall in love with anyone who gives you at least the bit of attention.

9. I cannot stand people who seem to value excitement and mystery over loyalty and dedication.

10. In this age, trees are more important than people.

11. We are not scared to fail; we are scared that others may see us fail.

12. Don't expect me to respect you if you don't respect your parents.

13. Douchebag = A liar and a coward.

14. You cannot always be forgiving but you can always choose to be kind.

15. You have to be street smart.

16. You have to learn how to be demanding especially when you have the right to.

17. Say thank you all the time.

18. People can only hurt you if you give them your consent. You are responsible for your own feelings.

19. Be professional at all times. Don't be late. Be discreet. Avoid getting into silly arguments. Admit your mistakes.

20. See the good in people. And forgive, even if they don't deserve it. TC mark

8 Ways Billionaires And Elite Athletes Perform At The Highest Level

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 03:00 PM PST

Boba Jovanovic
Boba Jovanovic

Average is over.

The middle-ground has all but dissolved, leaving you in one of two positions: among the leading few or mediocre many.

Your relationship with technology will either facilitate unthinkable opportunity and growth or keep you on the wrong side of average. As Cal Newport has said in his recent book, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World:

"The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive."

Success has never been so attainable, thus making many of us spoiled and lazy. But the following eight strategies are intended to shake up your approach, challenging you to work and live at a higher and more conscious level.

Here we go:

1. Don't Be Afraid Of Making An "Ugly" Move

Until recent history, certain chess strategies were unquestioned dogma among the world's elite. They were written in books and taught to all rising padawan learners. But the validity of these strategies have come into question as computers have been programmed to consistently beat top players. While analyzing the computer's strategy, players have been shocked and amused by the computer's use of certain "ugly" moves — which no trained chess player would ever do — that utterly clash with conventional wisdom.

Rather than finesse and aesthetics guiding their strategy, the computer's brute calculations allow it to examine every position concretely. In response to the surprising insights learned from computers, chess players have been forced to question their long-held assumptions.

As Magnus Carlsen, the World Chess Champion, explained in an interview with Business Insider:

"You cannot rely on what has been taught in books — that this is good, this is bad — there are always exceptions and every situation is different.
Even if something looks bad, it doesn't look right, you calculate it, it works and… there you go! It's just forcing us to look a bit further, to look away from what the books used to teach us. It's forcing us to break the rules."

No matter what field you are in, there are rigid norms guiding your thinking — the rules considered "best practice." However, life (and chess) is messy and complex, and every situation calls for a more contextual analysis.

What is right in your situation may not be right in mine.

For example, it makes little sense to most people why I'm getting a PhD. Many would consider it an "ugly" move. And perhaps, to most people pursuing my aims, it is an ugly move. But given my situation and personal calculations, it's a strong strategic decision. The ugly zig while most are zagging.

There are always exceptions. And rather than obsessing how your decisions are perceived, make the best possible decisions you can — whether standard or anomaly. Your calculations are solid, and like the computers in chess, you'll be able to "connect the dots looking backwards." What may look ugly to others in the moment will be your victory in the end.

2. Realize That You're Not "Way" Behind

In sports and all other forms of competition, people perform best when the game is close. Which is why big magic happens at the end of games, like on-sides kicks retrieved followed by 30 second touchdown drives. But when the contest is decidedly in one opponent's favor, neither side acts with the same effort. When you're winning big, it's easy to get lax and overconfident. When you're losing big, it's easy to give up.

Sadly, you probably perceive those at the top of your field "in a different league" altogether. But when you do this, you perform with less intensity than you would if you perceived the "game" to be closer. When you elevate your thinking — and see yourself on the same level as those at "the top" — you quickly become disillusioned by the fallibility of those you once perceived as immortal. They are just people. Most importantly, you will begin playing with an urgency that often surpasses even them.

The game is close. The game is close.

3. Do More With Less

We have all become addicted to input. As a culture, we've developed cognitive dependencies in order to sustain even lackluster performance. For example, although people think they perform better on caffeine, the truth is, they really don't. We use it to merely get back to our status-quo. When we're off it, we underperform and become incapable.

A current Kickstarter campaign — a rug alarm-clock that literally makes you get out of bed and stand on it to disarm it — is another example. Although clever and funny, I personally would not want to depend on a rug to get me out of bed.

We can move beyond the dependencies of constant training, spiritual assurances, and external reinforcements. We can learn to be agents that act rather than objects that are acted upon.

We shouldn't need the best software to start a business, or the best guitar to play guitar. As Jason Fried and DHH have said in Rework:

"Guitar gurus say, "Tone is in your fingers." You can buy the same guitar, effects pedals, and amplifier that Eddie Van Halen uses. But when you play that rig, it's still going to sound like you.

Likewise, Eddie could plug into a crappy Strat/Pignose setup at a pawn shop, and you'd still be able to recognize that it's Eddie Van Halen playing. Fancy gear can help, but the truth is your tone comes from you.

Many amateur golfers think they need expensive clubs. But it's the swing that matters, not the club. Give Tiger Woods a set of cheap clubs and he'll still destroy you.”

Detach yourself from your dependencies. Try going running without all the running gear. Try waking up without a Ruggie. Try living a day without caffeine. Try outputting without having to "inspire" yourself.

Do more with less.

4. Increase Your Responsibility

Uncle Ben once told Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility." Unfortunately, he had it backwards.

The constraints of responsibility force you to think more creatively. Responsibility qualifies you to show up at a higher level. I never thought parenting three foster children would increase my productivity, but it has. Failure on my part doesn't impact only me anymore. Similarly, chess players are at their toughest when it matters most, when everything is on the line. If you must perform to provide for your family, you'll get it done. If it's a matter of life or death, you'll do whatever it takes. If your vision is compelling enough, you'll avoid distractions.

Taking on the right forms of responsibility can put life on easy-mode. It's like injecting yourself with motivation steroids — urgency and desperation.

When you're desperate to be healthy, you eat right and exercise. No excuses. When you're desperate to be successful, honing your craft is far more appealing than mindlessly surfing Facebook.

5. Every Billionaire’s Secret: Build A Team Around You Sooner Than You Feel Comfortable

"The bigger your dream, the more important your team." — Robin Sharma

According to Alex Charfen, CEO of Charfen consulting services and founder of the Entrepreneurial Personality Type™ (EPT), the one thing billionaires have in common is that they are comfortable. And by comfortable, he doesn't mean they wear comfy slippers — he means they barely lift a finger except when they're doing what they do best. In order to do so, they build a team around them to take care of the rest.

When most people hear this, they initially think, "Of course, they are billionaires." However, the truth is that this is why they are billionaires. When Charfen was in his 20's, he was at a friend's (a billionaire) and was surprised to see a staff of two people working at his house, and a team of 30 people, including a driver. Charfen couldn't help but ask his friend:

"Is it ever embarrassing to have so much help and so much fuss as you go through the day and get around? I mean at least 10 people have helped us so far and it's only 11 A.M."

His friend responded:

"It would be irresponsible for me to do anything that you observed any member of my team doing today. They are there for me and I am there for them. We have grown together and we built everything together. If I had done anything that one of my team members had done today they would've been uncomfortable and worried. Each one of them is here for a reason and many of them played a role in training and hiring each other. They know that the more they help me get accomplished, the more secure we all are and the more we can grow our foundation."”

High performers build a team around them much sooner than they are comfortable with. They are willing to think big, take on greater responsibility, and focus in on their superpower. The sooner you can remove all of the personal pressure and noise the faster your income will skyrocket.

Thus, increasing your responsibility is not about doing more. It's about leading more.

6. How Much Are You Willing To Put On The Line?

Elon Musk is considered eccentric in many ways. One of which is how uncomfortably long-term his thinking is. The man is trying to change the world and populate Mars. He's willing to make any sacrifice — no matter how difficult — today, to manifest his worldview in the long-awaited future.

Musk sunk all of his own money into his companies. Most of his decisions make little sense to other people. He'd rather wait to have his company go public if going public means stalling or misdirecting his mission to populate Mars. But he's calculating. He's willing to make ugly moves because he is not flinching on his long-term vision. Dramatic risks accompany everything Musk does.

His propensity for risk does not come from insanity. But rather, from a level of conviction so intense as to be off-putting to some. When asked, "How much are you willing to put on the line?" he responded:

"Everything that other people hold dear. I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact. Ideally, I'd like to go for a visit, come back, and then go there when I'm like 70 or something and just stay there. If things go well, that would be the case. If my wife and I have a bunch of kids, she would probably stay with them on Earth."

7. Short-Term & Low Cost Experiments

Tim Ferriss doesn't do what he thinks will make him happy. He does what excites him.

Although his overarching vision remains consistent, Ferriss doesn't have long-term plans. Instead, he does 3–6 month "experiments," which he puts all of his energy into. He has no clue what doors may open as a result of these experiments, so why make long-term plans? He'd rather respond to the brilliant and best opportunities that arise, taking him in now unforeseen directions.

I've recently adopted Ferriss' concept of doing short-term experiments. This has changed my approach to my work. For example, a few months ago I stumbled upon a personal development article that had over 1,000,000 social shares. I decided to perform an experiment to attempt creating an article that would also get 1,000,000 shares. The result was this article.

Although the article wasn't shared a million times, the results were profound and unexpected. An editor at TIME asked if they could syndicate the article. Additionally, the article brought several thousand new readers (including some of my favorite authors & researchers) and subscribers to my blog. Lastly, it brought on several new coaching clients.

That was just one short experiment that took a week to perform. Experiments are a fun way to pursue goals because they allow you to get innovative and bold. Experiments are short-term — and thus relatively low risk — thus, they should be "moon shots."

Why play small? What's the worst that could happen, you waste a few months and learn a lot while doing it?

8. Stay In The Zone As Long As You Can

"The only way I've found to get over this is to sit with the discomfort. Like most creatives, I'm at my best when there's a bit of fear and a lot of uncomfortableness thrown into the mix. Being alone with my own thoughts is truly frightening, but truly necessary." — Paul Jarvis

We have an addiction to input. If given a few spare moments, we hastily resort to our devices. Half of Americans couldn't make it 24 hours without their smartphones. According to research, most men and a large portion of women would rather experience painful electric shocks than sit alone with their thoughts.

However, the longer you can stay in the zone, the greater will be your reward and impact in the current economy. TC mark

How Discontent Helped Me Transform My Life

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 02:00 PM PST

Franca Gimenez
Franca Gimenez

Last year was a pivotal year for me. It may have been the best year of my life because I've finally achieved something I've always dreamed of: getting my writing published and having people (other than my friends) read it. Even though these accomplishments may seem small or insignificant to some people, their impact on me is much more profound than anyone could even imagine and I am about to tell you why.

I discovered my love for writing when I was 14. I was going through a hard time and found no one to talk to who could understand what I was going through, so I resorted to my notebooks. I started with my high school notebooks. I would write what I'm feeling, my problems and how I plan to deal with them and I would write down what I would say word by word. Slowly but surely, I found it just made me feel so much better, it didn't fix anything but it was therapeutic, just to be able to write it all down and feel like I can say what I truly want without filtering or pretending healed me in some way. Eventually, my notebooks turned into journals, and my journals turned into diaries, and my writing turned from being a sporadic habit to a daily ritual. So I started getting creative, I started writing poems, scripts and dialogues, I even wrote songs! (I don't plan on sharing these with anyone, and save myself the embarrassment).

I was discontented with my life, so I started finding solace in writing.

When I turned 22 I realized I have so many notes and diaries and poems that are just stored either under my bed or on my computer. I started sharing some of them with my closest friends, until one of them suggested I start a blog and share some of them. At first I was hesitant, but I wanted to test my writing on a somewhat larger scale. So I started a blog back then sharing some of my poems and my thoughts on certain topics. People responded positively to it (and by people I mean my Facebook friends) but I just wasn't feeling it, and I felt like I was sharing the most personal stuff that I became an open book to everyone, and at that time I liked someone who wasn’t a big fan of my writing, so I deleted my blog and stopped sharing my notes altogether, I also stopped writing. I felt like it should be more of a hobby than a lifestyle, after all if you are not a bestselling author, you are just like any other "wannabe writer" chasing a dream that may or may not happen.

I was discontented with the feeling of being too exposed. 

Two years later, I was really bored and tired of my field and the tedious jobs that suck the life out of me, I was feeling uninspired and demotivated day in and day out. Even though my job has some fun aspects, I felt like it wasn't giving me any sort of fulfillment. Every day was a daunting experience, work was literally suffocating me. Everyone kept asking me what is your passion? What do you like to do the most? What do you think you are talented in? My answer to all these questions was always writing! So I decided to give it another shot- take 2-a blog, shared with my Facebook friends again, I tried to avoid writing personal things this time, but it felt empty. I felt like this is not how I want to write, hating the blog more and more each day-same story, different year. Until I was left with no money and a mediocre blog. Again, I deleted the blog and went back to the corporate world once again.

I was discontented with the quality of my writing and discontented with my inability to make my dreams come true.

The same thing happened again last year, and I decided if I don’t do something about my writing-anything really, I will be stuck in an eternal life of discontent. I decided to try something different this time, I didn’t start another blog, I decided to write a book! I wrote one in 9 months, I poured everything about my life on paper and all what I’ve been through in this book. I think I poured myself in this book. But I didn’t do anything with it, I continued working and I would occasionally read the book and make some edits. I looked for publishers and sent it to some of my friends to read it and then I realized I don’t have an audience to publish a book, I don’t know if people would like my style of writing, I don’t know if my friends are the right judge of my writing.

I was discontented with my audience and with myself at this point. 

So I decided to start small and send out some articles to different online magazines, in hopes someone would pick them up. I have tried doing that before and no one got back to me and some of my previously sent articles were rejected. But for some magical reason, this time they got accepted. One after another, until I was finally able to publish a fair number of articles and have the title “writer” or “contributor” added next to my name, something I’ve always dreamed of. The articles got good feedback and maybe a couple of hundred shares. I thought it couldn’t get any better than this. People who don’t know me are actually reading, liking and SHARING my article! It just couldn’t get any better than this!

But apparently, it could! While I was coming up with ideas for my next article, I wrote a very personal one about a previous relationship, at first, I was very hesitant to publish it because of how private or sensitive it was, and I was very vulnerable at that time, I just didn’t want to remind myself and everyone of that phase in my life. I sent it to my best friend first and she encouraged me to publish it and told me it was the best one I’ve written so far and that part of being a good writer is to share my personal stories without reservations, so I followed her advice and published it. (I can't thank her enough for that)

What happens next is still a surprise to me to and probably will be forever. The article was a huge hit, in less than 3 days it bumped up to 19,000 shares, and I was getting random messages from people I don’t know telling me how much they loved it, how much it helped them get closure and how it touched them somehow. Then another article topped the charts and the messages kept coming. I still can’t believe it. I know to some people this is insignificant because I am still not on the bestseller's list, but to me this is HUGE. It is everything I've been asking for and dreaming of. Looking back at those journals, diaries, poems, and notes I had, thinking that no one will ever see them or acknowledge them, the disappointment that came each time I deactivated my blog, the rejection letters from other websites who thought my articles were not good enough, the people who made fun of me for wanting to be a writer, all came to me like a flashback scene.

For the first time I saw the progress that my discontent had spawned. 

I know I am still not a bestselling author, but I touched someone's heart, I made someone think differently or get closure or reconsider a certain relationship or just someone who read my words and was moved by it. To the world this may mean nothing, but to me this means everything, this is what I’ve always wanted and this is what I believe my “job” should be. Just these comments or shares mean more to me than any other reward or promotion I've ever gotten. I've always wanted to feel like what I am doing is meaningful and has a direct impact on someone's life. I know that not everyone will be a fan of my writing, and I may or may make it on the bestsellers list but I feel like I am on the right path at least, a path that makes me content about what I am doing.

If it wasn't for my discontent, I would've stayed stuck in a job I loathed wondering what life looks like on the other side.

Had I neglected the frustrated and the discontented voices in my head, I would've never transformed my life in a way that makes me look forward to tomorrow.

Discontent is the first necessity of progress and the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. I want to be able to look back on my life and say I tried to reach the 1,000 miles of my journey, I tried to finish every mile. Whether I make it to 1,000 miles or not, I am happy I took a few steps and I want to keep taking more steps and keep accumulating miles. I hope my story inspires people, I hope I make someone happy, and if this is truly my calling, if this is what I am born to do, if this is my message on this earth, I hope I deliver it in the best way possible. But more than anything, I hope I always listen to my discontent because this is where the magic begins. TC mark

26 Things I’d Send To You Instead Of A Valentine

Posted: 02 Feb 2016 01:00 PM PST



“Roses are red
And you should take this as a sign
That I’m into to witty rhyming
But not being your Valentine.”


“Your best acting job was pretending that you loved me.”


“No one in this city associates you with me and it’s so amazing. I’m finally free.”


“I’ve slept with someone else who had your name and when I whispered it in his ear you didn’t even cross my mind.”


“You no longer haunt me.”


“And I no longer care if I haunt you.”


“I hope you get to go back to Peru someday.”


“I hope she loves you as much as I did.”


“My dog still whines when she thinks she sees you.”


“I still don’t care about whether or not the aluminum in deodorant is bad for you.”


“Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your best-friend tried to fuck me
And I said no because of you.”


“I sleep with girls now.”


“But I still sleep with boys.”


“Really the only person I don’t want to sleep with, is you.”


“You weren’t there for me like you said you would be. For a long time that really hurt. Now it’s just another sign that shows I was always a better person than you.”


“It’s taken a long time but now if someone mentions you, my first reaction is to ask who they’re talking about.”


“I know about the time you tried to cheat on your girlfriend with one of our mutual friends. Some people never change.”


“Roses are red
Sunflowers are tall
I took your friend’s virginity
And I’m not sorry at all.”


“There was a time I thought I’d always love you. But it turns out I’ll always love the memories, but not you.”


“On my first Valentine’s Day without you, I put all of your things into plastic bags, drank four bottles of wine, and cried as I threw up purple and tried to come to terms with the fact that I was disposable to you.”


“On my second Valentine’s Day without you, I went out with my friends and planned my upcoming move. I laughed and sipped Moscow Mules, and pretended I didn’t hope you’d be behind my U-Haul telling me to stay.


“On my last Valentine’s Day without you, I only thought about you for a moment. I went to bed early and I checked the view count on a post entirely comprised on what you did to me that was going viral. I realized I could build something myself that only contained the traces of you that I allowed. And that was really something.”


“On this Valentine’s Day without you, I won’t think about you at all. Because it’s over. It’s really over.”


“It has taken 1095 days for me to not miss you.”


“Roses are red
Seaweed lives by the shore
I’m forgetting all about you
Because I do not love you anymore.” TC mark