Thought Catalog


If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Guille Faingold
Guille Faingold

It’s a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

There are a million possible scenarios here. It’s easier when he’s an asshole – selfish, only thinking of himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you thoughtlessly, whatever. But it’s a lot harder when he’s a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he tells you that you’re an incredible person, but he just doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Or when he really likes you, but doesn’t think you’re the one. Or when he just doesn’t feel as strongly as you do and he wants to be honest. Or when he can’t seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesn’t yet realize just means that he’s afraid of hurting you, that feeling ‘confused’ just a softer way of eventually saying ‘no.’ If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have had to make up his mind in the first place. It would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

But regardless, whether he’s a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you, moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun you had together or how well you got along, he doesn’t want to be with you. And that’s the truth. And that’s going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you don’t want to grab onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the fizzling out of your fling, or the ‘no more talking’ after you guys spent so much time ‘talking.’ It is the truth, and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

It’s easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or he’s just afraid of commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and it’s my job to kick through them.

But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you don’t even need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The decision was simple. It really wasn’t even a decision at all.

Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

That’s why your heart is broken. Because he didn’t feel those things. He didn’t feel that same certainty that you did, deep in your bones. And you can’t change that, and you can’t fix yourself, and there’s nothing you did wrong. It’s just the truth. His heart didn’t make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even more.

Maybe you’ll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once – instead of breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that he’s making a mistake or he probably misses you or you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. TC mark

100 Things You Should Sext Your Man If You Want Him To Cum In His Pants Immediately

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 07:00 PM PDT

onickl
onickl

1.

Why aren’t you cumming down my throat right now?

2.

Even when you’re not here you give me the best orgasms.

3.

I’m naked in bed waiting for you.

4.

I want your cum dripping out of me.

5.

Just so you know, you can cum anywhere, anytime.

6.

You make me so wet.

7.

Can you please cum on my tits next time?

8.

I miss your cock.

9.

I’m stressed. I need you to fuck me until I can’t remember my name.

10.

I’ve never been this wet before.

11.

My pussy misses you.

12.

I want to do something with you sexually you’ve never done before.

13.

I just thought about you and I swear I got wet immediately.

14.

My nipples get hard when you text me.

15.

It’s been so long since I’ve sucked on your balls.

16.

I don’t know why, but all I could think about in my work meeting was kneeling in front of you and getting you off.

17.

I can’t wait to get home so I can sit on your face.

18.

I’m sore in the best way from last night.

19.

If I come to your office for lunch, which way do you want to fuck me on your desk first?

20.

All I can think about is how you taste.

21.

I just came so hard thinking about the way you pull my hair when you fuck me.

22.

I’m not wearing panties today.

23.

I’m ruining the panties I wore today thinking about you.

24.

I just got a wax, wanna see?

25.

I get to suck you dry before we go out tonight.

26.

I miss hearing you cum.

27.

Pretty sure my neighbors can hear when I think about you.

28.

If you say one more thing I’m going to have to finish myself right here right now.

29.

Is it wrong that just seeing those blue dots next to your name gets me wet?

30.

Your cock is literally perfect.

31.

Just so you know, you can have me any way, any time.

32.

I’m at work and all I can think about is your cock.

33.

How many times do you think I can make you cum tonight?

34.

I couldn’t decide which panties you’d like best, so I decided not to wear any.

35.

Can I give you head while you play video games later?

36.

You have no idea how bad I want you to fuck me right now.

37.

As soon as you walk in the door tonight I’m getting on my knees.

38.

I was looking at my tits in the mirror and thinking about how much better they’d look with your cum on them.

39.

Why aren’t you fucking me right now?

40.

You make me think the nastiest thoughts.

41.

I’m really craving your cum right now.

42.

You made me make such a mess in my bed.

43.

You made me cum so hard last time I swear I was going to pass out.

44.

How long am I supposed to wait until I tell you how much I want your cock again?

45.

You fuck me so good.

46.

I just made myself cum thinking about you, but I’m down for round 2 if you feel like coming over.

47.

Your cock drives me crazy.

48.

I think it would be really hot if I could tie you up and tease you for hours before I make you cum.

49.

I keep thinking about the way your cum tastes. I need to taste it again.

50.

I think I’m in love with your cock.

51.

I would suck your dick every morning if I could.

52.

I wanna see your handprint on this ass.

53.

You’re not leaving your bed this weekend.

54.

I could never get tired of fucking you.

55.

Ever since I met you I can’t stop touching myself whenever I’m in bed.

56.

I wish you knew all the bad things I want to do to you tonight.

57.

I ordered us a new toy.

58.

I never knew I was so perverted until I met you and you made me think of all the ways I want you to make me cum.

59.

Can you be showered and in sweats by 8? I have a list of naughty things I want to do to you tonight.

60.

Cum over and don't say anything, I want to blow you for at least a half hour before I make you cum harder than you ever have before.

61.

No one makes my panties wet like you.

62.

Pull my hair tonight.

63.

When is a good time to tell you how bad I want you to fuck me from behind right now?

64.

Just so you know I’m going to make you cum at least twice when you get home tonight.

65.

I just read that semen is supposed to be good for your skin. Can we test it out later?

66.

I have expensive whiskey and I want you.

67.

I love how sexy you look when you’re making me cum.

68.

I was just thinking about how hard you made me cum last time. When can I see you?

69.

I can’t decide if I want you to cum in my mouth or in my pussy more.

70.

Fresh from church and ready 2 sin.

71.

Can we go skinny dipping?

72.

Here’s a picture of my boobs just because.

73.

Here’s a picture of the panties I was wearing before I got them too wet thinking about you.

74.

I can’t stop thinking about what you feel like when you’re inside me.

75.

Tonight: fuck me like you hate me.

76.

Tonight: make me cum while your cock is in my mouth.

77.

Don’t talk tonight, just lay back and let me do all the work.

78.

The only words I’m going to say tonight are ‘yes sir.’

79.

Cum over.

80.

Your hands and your dick can do no wrong.

81.

I’m not usually this horny. But here I am sending you sexts in the middle of the afternoon because you’ve turned me into such a slut.

82.

I’d give up netflix forever just to feel your fingers on my clit right now.

83.

I’m dripping wet for you.

84.

I could explain how horny you make me, but I’d rather you stick your fingers inside me and feel for yourself.

85.

I want my tongue over every inch of your cock and balls.

86.

I want to sit on your face until I can’t cum anymore.

87.

You know what happens when you first get inside me? That’s all I’ve thought about at work today.

88.

I need a good fucking.

89.

I want to cum for you so badly.

90.

I wish I was waking you up with a BJ right now.

91.

Spank me later?

92.

Be naked when I get home.

93.

You. Me. No clothes. All weekend.

94.

You’ve turned me into such a dirty little slut.

95.

I need your tongue on my clit immediately.

96.

I get turned on just thinking about your cum on me.

97.

Tonight I’m going to tease you until you fucking beg to cum.

98.

Last night I got myself off thinking about how I want to choke on your cock tonight.

99.

The only thing that’s getting me through this day is the thought of your tongue on my clit.

100.

You made me work all day in wet panties. TC mark

The Problem Isn’t That He Loves You Less, It’s That You Expect Him To Love You The Same Way You Love Him

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 06:00 PM PDT

alexandraleary
alexandraleary

When we talk about romantic love we always focus on the part of the equation we think will make us happiest: how to get someone to love us. Seriously, this is 99.9% of dating advice. But if you do any research into how our minds work, you’ll know that a bigger contributor to our happiness — and what we should focus on — is how we love.


Think of the (faulty) famous dating advice trope: Never make someone a priority who only treats you as an option.

Here we shine a spotlight on the behaviors of another — do they love us enough? Is our affection returned?

We measure their actions and what we guess their motivations to be. We turn people who we were otherwise willing to love into monsters because we don’t get enough out of the transaction. We put all our eggs in a basket we have no control over.

Here’s the thing: it’s really fucking hard to tell if someone loves you as much as you love them, even if they do. People show and receive love in different ways and despite all our advances, we’re often very bad at communicating when it comes to matters of the heart. It’s sensitive and tightly wound up in our ego, so we hold our cards close or we ourselves are confused or scared about what we want. We self-sabotage, we pick up pathologies, we carry baggage.

Feeling completely loved by someone is like landing on the moon. You learn how to walk first.

By focusing on one of the hardest parts of relationships first — having someone love us exactly as much as and in the way that we wish to be loved — we ensure that we will never be happy in love.


The way to love is to love


There is no obstacle to having more love in your life. You can start right now. Love people more.

It’s not a trick and it’s not hippie bullshit, spend more time loving people and you will feel happier with the quality of your love life. Forgive people more. Show your love by listening to and understanding your chosen people. Make the whole love thing easier on yourself by not requiring them to love you back. Just let your heart do what it does and try to get your ego out of the way as much as possible.

You don’t have to rely on other people or luck or timing or romantic tropes to have a happy love life. All you have to do is be willing to love.


The need to solve the problem is the problem


The problem with this strategy is it reveals an ugly truth: we worry about ‘getting people to love us’a lot more than we worry about becoming people who can love better.

We put up with so much unnecessary happiness because we want to solve something that is not a problem: people love each other to varying degrees.

No one is a bad person because they love someone less than that person loves them. Some people are busier, some people place a higher premium on money or endeavors that aren’t romantic love, some people carry too much baggage to be vulnerable enough to love deeply in their current state. There are circumstances beyond our control, always, but we can be satisfied with the abundance with which we can give, when we really try.

The problem is that instead of being fixated on this abundance, we are fixated on scarcity. As Thich Nhat Hanh writes:

Very often we feel like a pot without a lid. We believe that our lid is somewhere in the world and that if we look very hard, we'll find the right lid to cover our pot. The feeling of emptiness is always there inside us. When we contemplate the other person, sometimes we think we see what we feel we lack. We think we need someone else to lean on, to take refuge in, and to diminish our suffering. We want to be the object of another person's attention and contemplation. We want someone who will look at us and embrace our feeling of emptiness and suffering with his energy of mindfulness. Soon we become addicted to that kind of energy; we think that without that attention, we can't live. It helps us feel less empty and helps us forget the block of suffering inside. When we ourselves can't generate the energy to take care of ourselves, we think we need the energy of someone else. We focus on the need and the lack rather than generating the energy of mindfulness, concentration, and insight that can heal our suffering and help the other person as well.


When we have nothing to lose, we stop being afraid of losing


Imagine what your love life would be like if you weren’t afraid of losing. How much more free would you be to be yourself, to pursue your goals — how much more powerful would you feel in giving love, unafraid of the possibility of not receiving it back? Don’t we always understand that life is more fully lived in gratitude than in worry?

There is no worry about our ability to give love. That is something we control. That is something we can accomplish.

As Dennis Lehane wrote:

The person you love is rarely worthy of how big your love is. Because no one is worthy of that and maybe no one deserves that burden of it, either. You'll be let down. You'll be disappointed and have your trust broken and have a lot of real sucky days. You lose more than you win. You hate the person you love as much as you love him. But you roll up your sleeves and work – at everything – because that's what growing older is.

There’s another story about children who survived the holocaust but were unable to sleep peacefully until they were given loaves of bread to sleep with. Only when they were assured of the promise that they could eat tomorrow were they able to sleep. Give yourself a loaf of bread to hold: concentrate on what you control, on what makes you feel good.


Saying ‘I love You’ Is easy


Who is happier? The person who is chained to a scoreboard or the person who is unfettered by circumstance, who is free to do what feels good to them.

If you are worried if you are lovable, if you are pretty or smart or good enough — will looking to other people to tell you ‘yes’ ever fill your void? You are lovable because you love. You are pretty or smart or enough because of what you do. You will never be these things simply because someone else tells you you are. What if the need to be loved is the whole problem?

But if you are loving, if you are going through the motions of love and telling someone you love them and sending them nice texts and remembering their mother’s birthday and when they are due for a doctor’s appointment and endearing yourself to their friends in order that they give you something back — you are not loving. You are not lovable. You deserving only of the same kind of conditional love that you are giving. And frankly, you deserve better.

Saying ‘I love you’ is easy. Loving someone is easy. It’s expectations that are complicated.

Instagram Photo


Equality is the enemy


I have learned that reciprocity can be the enemy of happiness. When you give something, especially love, it should be because of the joy that comes from giving. If you are giving in hopes of making it a transaction, because you want to keep score and get back everything you’ve given, I am sorry to tell you that you will never be happy. Because you haven’t found love, you’ve found someone who accepts the same form of payment you do in order to dole out your affection.

It’s supposed to feel empowering to demand reciprocity, but instead it feels hollow. What if instead of needing, I was so empowered that I could give as much love whenever and wherever I wanted and never worry about what was coming back to me?

What is so wrong with loving someone more than they love you? What if you have a high capacity for love and are on the extreme end of the spectrum? Is it worth being upset about for your entire life? Is it worth sacrificing your gift because it isn’t given to everyone equally? It is more important to find peace with and say "I am happy that one of my best qualities is my ability to love" and move on? The simple fact is that love and relationships are not equally important to everyone and we are all entitled to have whatever values we choose, as long as we are forthcoming about them in a relationship.

When you truly love someone, your love doesn't come with hooks. You don't love someone to get something out of it, including a quota of how much they love you.


You deserve better than to love someone who doesn’t love you back. But you also deserve better than to love someone who does. You deserve to be so full of love, and so satisfied in giving it, so joyful in giving it that what someone can offer you in return is irrelevant. TC mark

14 Survivors Of Attempted Murder Share Their Dark And Grisly Stories

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Thought Catalog
Thought Catalog

Responses originally from R/AskReddit

1. Attempted infanticide

When I was a newborn my biological father tried to kill me by choking me. It happened in my grandmothers kitchen and my mom bopped him over the head wth a frying pan and stabbed him with one of those hot dog pokers you use on the grill. He’s always been a real big piece of shit.

2. Got stabbed. It’s casual.

I was stabbed while bouncing at a bar. I’m not sure if that counts. I doubt the guy was really trying to kill me, though he very easily could have. It required emergency surgery to close up an artery and the knife stopped just shy of puncturing my lung. My friend, also bouncing, was stabbed over his heart, but his sternum stopped the blade. That’s probably what caused the stabber to slice his own fingers open, which lead to finding him and the conviction.

He was charged with attempted murder, along with a bunch of other things. He was convicted of at least some of those charges and did 6 years.

All in all, not bad. 10/10, would get stabbed again.

3. Boyfriend tried to throw me off the balcony

When I was 17, I had a 22 y/o boyfriend who I dated near the time I finished my secondary school education. He was genuinely amazing and I thought he was perfect as every naive young girl does, my friends warned me saying he was manipulative and abusive but I brushed it off assuming they were jealous. But I started noticing things, and I wouldn’t give him his way, we started fighting more and more.

One night we were relaxing and watching my favourite movie in my room (Robots I think it was called), anyway my boyfriend starts trying to pressure me into giving him oral. I tried pulling away but he was holding my had down into his lap, that’s when I started shouting and screaming. He grabbed my neck and threw me to the floor and began kicking me, at this point I was completely dazed and in shock so I couldn’t defend myself. After what seemed like ages I finally screamed stop, he grabbed my hair and dragged me to my balcony where he tried shoving me over the guard rail. I was fighting but I’m really small so I don’t have much strength. Suddenly something grabs me and at the same time I see my boyfriend fly headfirst over the rails. Turns out my neighbour got home early and noticed the situation unfold, he ran broke through the front door and upstairs to my room, then tossed my boyfriend over the rails and grabbed me stop me falling.

Police and ambulance were called, boyfriend was taken to hospital and charged with assault and attempted GBH. Luckily my family has cameras on the balconies and porch to catch thieves so they caught almost everything that occurred. My neighbour didn’t get charged as he acted in my defense. That was about 3 years ago, neighbour and I are close friends and boyfriend is still in prison. I realise I really should call him my ex but it seems odd in the story.

4. Jealous business partner tries to end partnership…permanently. 

I have this mate from the States, older gent, owns a company that goes around putting change in vending machines or whatever. Anywho, his childhood friend co-owned the company with him, things were apparently really good. As it would appear, his friend was a jealous, greedy cunt, wanted to own the company all by his lonesome.

The ‘friend’ calls up my mate, asks him to help in fiddling with his car. Now my mate is a very kind guy, goes above and beyond to help a brother, gets over to his house with his toolkit and smile on his face as I can imagine although the devious little shit rigged the car up so the exhaust would pour into the car and suffocate him. The bloke knocks him out cold, chucks him in the car with it on and goes to watch telly or something.

Old mate wakes up, squirms out of the car and escapes. His mate eventually gets up to check out his dirty deed and sees him disappeared, and proceeds to send him a text a long the lines of ‘you should be asleep in the car…’. By this time he has already made it to the police station.

What’s freakier is, this obvious attempt at homiecide re-jogged his memory of a month of two prior where he went to help his buddy mow his lawn where a ‘freak accident’ cause a large piece of shrapnel to slice his cheek – coincidence? Who knows.

Needless to say, my mate owns the entire company now. Really great guy, isn’t the first time some cunt tried to off him though.

5. Abusive boyfriend suffocates me to an inch of my life

I dated the quarterback in high school. My parents hated him, but their hatred fueled me to overlook red flags and really push to make things work….to prove them wrong. I was 17. Anyway, flash forward to 19 I’m still dating the douche. I had been pushed around, had bruises left on me, lots of little shit had happened but I never told anyone. He was always terribly sorry and made it out to be my fault. I was young and he totally manipulated me because he had a weird hold over me since he took my virginity. I was going to college and living in my own house alone. I had experienced life outside my crazy small town and something in me snappend after a day of abuse. I was fucking done.

It was late November and he had just purchased me a Christmas tree. When I called to finally break up with him, he was pissed off and told me he just wanted his Christmas tree. Fine. I left it on my front porch and went to a friend’s house. I had a really terrible feeling and needed to not be home. I started getting a plethora of phone calls and texts from him. They started off begging me to talk, then when I didn’t respond he left me voice mails telling me his mother had a heart attack and he needed me.

We lived a couple hours from our hometown and he started timing his calls with what town he’d be at if he were actually driving. “I’m not anywhere near you. I just passed [name of town] and I’m so scared about my mom. Please call me.” Then 15 minutes later when he’d be passing another town I’d get the same call. He kept saying he wasn’t anywhere near me. I ended up turning off my phone and staying at my friends house until 3 am. When I got home I was careful to drive around and make sure his car wasn’t around. I ran inside and got a call on my land line. “Where have you been.” It was the absolute coldest I’ve ever heard his voice. I told him not to call me and hung up. Two seconds later my door flew open and I was thrown against my counter.

He was screaming, asking where I had been, who I was with, why was I ignoring him, etc. I started begging him to calm down. I reached for my cell phone and he broke it in half and ripped my landline out of the wall. The rest is basically a blur. He totally trashed my apartment. At one point I made it outside. Neighbors 2 doors away saw him grab my hair and drag me inside. They did nothing.

He grabbed a knife he’d brought and held it against my neck, then told me that’s not how he wanted me to go. He grabbed my face and shoved it into my couch, suffocating me. This encounter was nearing 2 hours long at this point and I couldn’t get loose and started losing consciousness. Something happened and he snapped out of it. He let go and did a total 180. He started bawling and apologizing. He hugged me and was begged me to forgive him. I told him I forgave him but he needed to go so I could rest. I told him whatever I needed to, to get him out of my house.

I immediately plugged in my landline and called 911. He started knocking on the door, crying and apologizing. I said I had just called police, and he screamed “You fucking bitch!” and left.

He pled down to false imprisonment and was only given a little community service. I had a restraining order for awhile. The second it was up he called and asked me to be a “team player” and help him get the charges expunged. Nope. Fuck off.

6. Brother attempts to destroy computer, kill me

About 10 years ago when I was 16 my brother (at the time 21) moved back into my parents home due various drug related issues. At the time that was about the extent of my knowledge of the situation, but I’d later learned that my older brother was acting as a small time dealer and had gotten into some trouble with some sort of gang by not moving product fast enough. He also happened to have been a user of various drugs including meth (again at the time all I knew was “drug issues”). Now to be fair when he moved back into my parents place he quit using everything with exception of pot. However the usage of drugs does in fact mess with you brain, and there are effects that can linger. I guess what I’m getting at is that brothers mental health wasn’t exactly in outstanding condition.

On this particular day my brother came home from working a job, and was behaving a bit strange. It’s hard to recall all the details, but the one thing that comes to mind is him slamming a pot of water onto the stove, throwing in some noodles, turning on the wrong burner, and walking away. It was almost like he was sleep walking, but at the same time I knew he wasn’t. Being the passive/timid person I am I sort of just let him do his thing (correcting the pot/burner issue) and went back to playing on the computer.

A few minutes later I was interrupted when my brother attempted to rip the computer out of the wall and, I presume, attempt to smash it. I physically stopped him and an argument of sorts followed. Apparently the computer was evil and was corrupting me. I, an introverted 16 year old gamer, did not like this accusation that fell along similar lines I’ve been hearing for years by certain groups of people. Especially from the brother who was also formerly a gamer, and had so drastically changed from the person I had known and respected just a few years prior. He began throwing many things at me including chairs, dishes, and proceeded to tackle me while I was occupied with the chair he had most recently thrown. He then attempted to strangle me while muttering something about purging evil. That was the point I felt he was actually trying to kill me, and decided I needed to physically harm him to make him stop.

So I tossed him off me and gave him several punches as hard as I could in the midsection. He disengage and ran outside into the woods out of sight. I called my father who came home and found my brother trying to hang himself in the woods (we presume given the belt in the tree), but barely coherent/conscious. He was taken to the ER.

Turns out my brother was severely dehydrated, and coupled with his other mental health issues this caused a psychotic break of sorts. I should end this by saying we’re both perfectly fine now, and leading happy productive lives.

7. “Do you want to move out NOW?”

I’ve always grown up in a family heavily against doctors and medication. My dad specifically thought mental illness was a load of crap, and was quite abusive towards me. When I was 17 I began experiencing extreme levels of anxiety, which eventually spiraled into breakdowns and episodes of sheer terror. Not long before this, my sister was feeling suicidal. When I tried to tell my parents to get her help, my dad said psychologists are a bunch of bullshit, all depressed people want to die and that if she wants to kill herself so badly he’ll help her. I was beaten for standing up for her.

Anyway considering this incident I decided to seek help behind my parents back. Eventually my dad found out, and lost it. One day he came into my room and told me to move out, so I told him I would and that the only reason I was staying was for mum.

Then, in the most calmest, unusual voice ever, he said “Do you want to move out now.” I was baffled by what he meant, and it was only later I realized he was implying my death. He said, “Do you want to move out… right now? Here I’ll help you.”

He then proceeded to smash my whole room into pieces, he smashed two guitars over my head, threw draws and object at me with heavy force. Then he grabbed a long steak of wood that he broke off my chest of drawers by repeatedly kicking it. He held it to my neck and said he was going to kill me. I told him I loved him, he said “No you don’t, you’re the biggest mistake of my fucking life. I’m going to kill you, it all ends now.”

He tried stabbing me in the neck, only managing a small cut while I was kicking him in the stomach as forcefully as I could. He then grabbed me by my head and smashed my head against my bed, trying to knock me and and continuing to say he was going to end it all. I had my hands around his throat, choking him at which point my mum came into the room and threw him off me (he started beating her instead). She managed to get him out of my room, and so I ran out of my window and into my neighbours backyard crying for help. My neighbours freaked out thinking I was intruder, the husband picked me up by my shirt and has his fist closed like he was ready to punch me. I was hospitalized that night with only minor physical injuries.

The police saw the scene where he beat me and said its the worst they’d ever seen a room trashed. in court, the judge looked at my dad and said “Property damage is not acceptable.” He was let off with no charges and just a warning. They had used the wrong police statement.

All of this because I tried to seek help.

8. Brother tried to kill me with chef’s knife

My older brother abused me for pretty much my entire life. Broken bones, chemical burns from supergluing my eyes shut while I was sleeping, regular burns, strangling, etc. The one instance that sticks out to me the most is when we were roughly 13 and 15, he was pissed because I was watching a show and didn’t want to give up the TV for him.

He started punching me anywhere his fists could land. I tried to escape into our room and he slammed into the door until it cracked and he could get in. Chased me through the house, managed to grab me by the hair and throw me over the banister (we had a half wall separating the stairwell from the upstairs) and I free fell an entire level downstairs. When I stood back up, he was standing at the top with a chefs knife in his hand. At that point I freaked out and tried to escape through the French doors in my sisters room but he made it outside just as I opened the door.

So I ran back upstairs with him right behind me, made it to the kitchen. We had one of those counters that wrap around and then stick out in one spot, like an attached island. That was separating us while I tried to call my mom but he sliced the cord. I threw the receiver at his face as hard as I could and ran past him while he was holding his head. I made it down the street before I noticed he wasn’t following me anymore. When I threw the phone, I shattered his front teeth and apparently shit’s excruciating when your nerves are dangling and exposed.

I called my mom and told her what happened. She told me to go back home and shed talk to him when she got home from work. Lol fat chance. I walked to my friend’s house across the highway and stayed there till my dad dragged me home.

9. Vehicular murder attempt

Driving through rural Oregon with a couple of buddies on Spring Break, on a stretch of highway with one lane in each direction, we were stuck in a line of cars behind a woman who was driving a little slowly. We hit a stretch where passing was allowed so I moved over and sped up so I could get around her.

She sped up too.

I was driving a Civic with three big guys in the car so I couldn’t beat her. OK, I thought, be that way. I slowed back down to get back behind her.

She slowed down too. She wasn’t going to let me back in.

The passing lane was coming to an end and I was starting to get a little nervous. I tried to catch her eye to indicate that she had to let me in and realized she was staring at me, smiling. I looked forward and realized a semi was coming straight towards me. I jerked left, onto the shoulder of the oncoming lane, and missed the semi by a few feet. The cars behind the psycho had seen the whole thing and let me in between them, and she exited shortly after trying to kill me.

I only drive fast cars now and when I pass people I try to do it before they notice I’m doing it.

10. Jealous cousin wanted me dead.

My cousin tried to drown me a few years ago. We’d been on bad terms for years; she beat me up constantly when we were kids and she sabotaged my work a few times in high school. I never fought back because she was absolutely fucking crazy and I figured she was “special”. About three years ago I dated a guy she was interested in (didn’t know she was into him) and that was the “final straw” as she put it. So she decided to kill me by dragging me into the pool in her backyard and holding me underwater until I blacked out (she’s easily twice my size/weight so it was the easiest way for her, and she could just blame my death on drowning by accident).

Anyways, she successfully held me underwater until I stopped breathing, then got out of the pool and sat in a deck chair to watch the show. My friend found me and he genuinely thought I was dead. He dragged me out of the water and did CPR, and that probably saved my life.

If you’re wondering where psychopath cousin was for that whole ordeal, she was still sitting there in her pink flamingo deck chair, smiling like Norman fucking Bates.

Charges were pressed, and insanity was pled (which was probably accurate anyways).

I do not really talk to that side of the family much anymore.

11. Attempted rape turns murderous

A man jumped me and pummeled me on a beach in Barbados in an attempted rape. When I attacked him in defense he tried to kill me and started strangling me. I dug my shoulders into the sand to relieve pressure and not black out. I managed to squeeze my knee between us to separate his torso from mine, he then arched his back bringing his face closer to mine and I grabbed onto it with my teeth and bit hard — ripping parts of his tongue off while he screamed.

That got him off me and running. I felt high and happy after the fact, but my bf who was running down to help me cried for hours. The real horror came after with the hospital visit and the next day reporting it to the constable. Barbados police don’t give a shit about rape and society there victim blames. Nothing was computerized and I had to write three copies of the incident to get it reported. My only consolation is that tongues don’t grow back and that mofo will remember me forever.

12. Protected girlfriend from rapist

When I was 17, I took my HS girlfriend to winter dance. Before though, we went out to dinner in the city (Dayton, OH). There is a nice Thai place we were going to, but I hadn’t really learned my way around (and this was before pocket GPS). I ended up parking outside of the “nice” district a bit too far, because of traffic and no parking spots being open. We figured walking would just be faster.

It was snowing, we were enjoying a conversation – but I noticed a man alter his trajectory slightly towards us. Background – I’ve done Bujinkan Taijutsu since I was 14; I had learned situational awareness, and taken self defense/rape prevention courses. I’m tall, but really skinny. I saw him coming but let myself not be 100% ready.

As we go to pass, sure enough the knife comes out. Buck knife. Doesn’t ask for money – he tells us to shut up and say nothing. He looks at my date, and gives a look that tells me this is not about money. I had to decide – do I wait another 5 seconds to see what he does, or do I be stupid and rush him?

So I decided. I rushed diagonally at him, and even with my hands up he got the blade into my guard and sliced the outside of my orbital socket. Date ran the opposite direction screaming for help. I take the chance to rush into his off-swing, and he hits my ribs with the butt of the handle. I can’t breathe, or see in my right eye – but I have his neck with my thumb on the trachea, and my right hand us barely holding his arm to me ( so he can’t get the knife loose ). I apply as much raw force to his neck as my adrenaline fueled body can manage. I hear a small pop, and he fell a away fast. I hadn’t crushed it, but he was definitely feeling it. I took this time to fall back, but was so winded I could only manage about 50 feet. I’m bleeding like a faucet from my right eye, and l was certain the eye was slashed.

I slink away, and he didn’t follow. The police and my date found me on the sidewalk after some people ran out of an apartment to investigate.

I have my eye, but only about 50% of my vision. It looks only slightly like Fogarty from A History of Violence. Also, a long scar from my eyebrow to my cheek.

For about a week after, her parents and her were grateful and just so thrilled that I put myself into that to protect her. A week later she cheated on me with a guy from the basketball team, and I was just garbage to be dumped.

Moral of the story – nothing is ever good enough for some people XD.

13. Car sabotage

My ex wife had her new boyfriend cut the brake lines on the driver side of my car. Her logic was that when I was heading to work, I’d have to stop at the end of the Mississippi river bridge, swerve off, and land in the half frozen river underneath.

It almost worked. Thankfully my car swerved hard to the right and totalled itself on the guard rail.

14. Bar fight murder attempt actually saved my life?

I was stabbed in the stomach during a bar fight and I passed out from blood loss. When I came to I was in the hospital, the surgeon who patched me up let me know that had I not been stabbed I could have died from my appendix bursting.

Apparently without realizing it, my appendix was perforated (and not related to the stab wound). What I thought was just some cramps was actually a life threatening time bomb, and thanks to being almost stabbed to death I got to live. TC mark

This Is How We Allow Ourselves To Heal

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Damian Borja
Damian Borja

we carry collected pain from so many moments. like the time during high school when you were first made fun of or when you didn't get a high enough score to be placed in advanced classes. maybe you lost yourself in the transition to adulthood, parenthood, or somewhere else along the way. or perhaps you are experiencing pain from the present moment as life is unfolding in a way that is different from what you had planned.

we all have these moments. some we continue to know because the wounds remain scabbed, fresh, and open; others are faint scars that have healed over the years.

and i believe that like the outside of our bodies that serve as life maps covered with scars from a fishing trip, the first fall on a bike, or stretch-marks after a growth spurt or having your first child; the inside of our bodies carry memories of the experiences we have endured and the emotions we have attached to these moments.

perhaps you are familiar with the sting of shame that presents itself in a wave of heat that takes over your body or knots in your stomach from feeling unworthy or never enough. and we all carry the pain from the heartache of lost love- whether that loss be from an imagined life dream, intimate relationship, friendship, goal, pet, or family member. our bodies store the emotions we experience and our minds collect all of the words that we consciously or unconsciously think. the sum of all of these experiences equate into who we are in this moment.

and sometimes the present moment is messy. sometimes we have mascara running down our face or we push back tears of frustration that we've been fighting with for far too long. and while the present moment can feel like too much to endure, endless, or unbearable, we often feel forced to pull it all together with a smile on our face because showing up honestly and openly feels too revealing and uncomfortable.

perhaps through increased alcohol consumption, restrictive eating habits, self-harming behaviors, or spending time with people who only pull you farther from your goals. we cover up insecurities through mistaken gestures of love or lose ourselves in misguided attempts to find happiness through busyness, people pleasing, productivity, or materialism. we search for reassurance, validation, and self-worth through other people's approval, the numbers on a scale, or they way our clothes fit us. and still, something remains missing.

whether it be in large or small ways, these little bits of darkness that accumulate along the way begin to cloud our hearts and chip away at our self-worth, self-love, and inner light.

but the truth is, the world needs your brightness.

you need your brightness.

i know this because i know what it feels like when we go dim. our insides start to feel like a deserted, musty old attic room that aches for a little sunlight and fresh air. you start closing doors and boxing yourself in. you begin to feel like you're living in a way that's smaller than you actually are. maybe you've heard the little whisper in your heart or ringing softly in your ears reminding you that you are so much more than the present moment. that your life, your deepest radiance, is one of greatness and eternal love.

and if any of this holds true for you, you haven't lost who you are, you're just finding your way.

self-love is a fluid process that ebb and flows and because it is ever changing, it's something we must work on daily. if you aren't familiar with the shift from inner criticism to celebrating your worth, there are many ways to start:

1. you can start by honoring who and where you are.
begin to learn about the messages you tell yourself and gently consider where it is you find your worth- perhaps it comes from the attention you receive from the people around you, in your productivity, accomplishments, or ability to please others. get curious about your sadness, internal pressures, or constant worrying and perfectionism. maybe it is about making a decision to stop allowing your past to dictate your future while still honoring where it is you come from. you can start by allowing yourself to be exactly who you are in this moment without calling for a need to change or be anything different than you are. and begin to know that who you are is enough and that you have everything within you to become everything you aspire to be.

2. you get curious about who you are and who you pretend to be in order to meet other people's expectations. you start observing the comparisons you make or the put-downs you mutter about yourself or others. you watch your unkind judgments and assumptions of strangers and recognize that your perception of others is often a reflection of yourself and the way you are feeling. and during this process, you give yourself permission to gently exit people from your life and make peace with the fact that some relationships and people are not meant for you. you recognize that perhaps inner growth will take place in the letting go, the moving on. it means you lean into the guilt you experience when saying no to others so that you can start to say yes to yourself.

3. you improve yourself through kindness. kindness towards your body and love to your soul. self-love is a practice that includes the way you view yourself when you look into the mirror, the way you talk to yourself in the secrecy of your mind, and the way you nourish yourself throughout your days. the movement towards self love is showing yourself the same compassion, understanding, and kindness that you would treat your dearest friend. its a process of forgiving flaws and owning up to mistakes. so maybe you are kind to yourself by taking a nap in the middle of a sunday afternoon when the sun is shining into your window just right even though you have a million other things that need to be done. or for you, it might be about increasing your awareness of the background noise of anxiety that attempts to drown out your sense of enjoyment and play. it's recognizing that you are worthy and deserving of the happiness that comes your way and not allowing your mind to rob you of the joy, gratitude, and contentment of the present moment out of fear of future what-if's, anxieties, and catastrophes.

4. you practice things that bring you joy, calmness, and energy. you start listening to the quiet inner voice that knows your heart and the sweetness that you need. maybe you need a day full of pajamas and blankets or an afternoon of laughter with friends. you begin prioritizing your well-being and understand that you're most capable of offering the purest love to others when you develop that same love for yourself. i journal. drink tea. read. exercise. i practice yoga and meditate, and sometimes i eat five chewy chocolate chip cookies in a row. i honor my need for personal time and get curious about times when i feel anxious, incompetent, or upset. i share my insecurities and ease in to vulnerability. and when you practice self-love you become selective of the way you spend and give of your time. you stop collecting other people's negativity and make a decision to be soft and patient with yourself.

5. you allow yourself to heal. and healing can be uncomfortable. our individual experiences of healing will take different paths and different amounts of time, and all of it is necessary for our journey. you welcome the raw and truthful expression of emotion and you promise to be gentle with yourself as you grow. there is no time limit on healing and you allow yourself to take as long you need. it will be a long and windy road filled with detours of disappointments or a return to old behaviors, but you continue to try. sometimes self-love is about allowing yourself to face your sadness, to speak your hurts, and to sit with your feelings. sometimes self-love is recognizing all that you have endured. its looking for those little glimmers of hope that present themselves to us in the darkest of moments.

you are wonderful and capable and kind.

and you are deserving of your love. TC mark

12 People Reveal The Dramatic Details Of Their Messiest Breakup Ever

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

1. This girl passed me a note and was like “Want to be my boyfriend?” or something. I drew her a picture in response basically going like “No, go eat a dick.” And she was like “WELL I DIDNT WANT TO DATE YOU ANYWAYS!” She’s actually really pretty now. But she removed me on Facebook sooooo.”

— Mike, 22

2. “Although, I still to this day don’t know if I was actually dating this girl. She told everyone I was but I was just like ‘whatever’ about it. OK so basically after a couple months of her telling everyone I was her boyfriend and I (not wanting to hurt her feelings) just went along with it, but I had hardly talked to her. Well one day she started telling everyone I had gotten her a ring she was wearing because I wanted to marry her and that’s where 'little' me drew the line. And I was just like "Naw, I didn’t get her that and I want to break up 'cause I don’t like you lying to everyone," and she started crying and I felt really bad.”

— Randy, 22

3. “Well. There was one guy before Blaine but he was dumbed in a shitty way because I liked Blaine more. I just told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. And started to be cold because Blaine and I exchanged numbers at lunch, began texting for a few days and finally hung out once before I decided ‘Yup, leaving him for you.’ Just once and I decided ‘Yup you have more potential and you’re way hotter’ and he made the signature on his text messages this long poem about begging someone to return his angel back to him. Which creeped me out more. And he was texting Blaine asking him to talk to me as a wing man, not knowing Blaine was the reason.”

— Jessica, 21

4. “Well like I’ve gotten broken up with in a note, and she never talked to me again. One day before class she gave me a note and I read it in class, Said some shit about not wanting to be in a relationship and I tried to talk to her after class and she COMPLETELY avoided me. Keep in mind we also went to the same high school. So anytime I saw her in the halls after that she would like duck her head down and walk off quick as fuck. And that was that.”

— Scott, 25

5. “Freshmen year a girl dumped me using the same fucking valentines letter that I gave her because she was too afraid to tell me in person…and I’m all, ‘What’s wrong with my card?’ She was like, ‘Its not the card that’s the problem, is you, bye.’ That bitch.”

— Jonathan, 24

6. “Ok, so I dated this one chick called Cindy. This chick was twice my height. She was very very tall (I felt I had to mention this) but I was going out with her, things where great. I really liked her. There was one small group of dudes at school I didn’t get along with that great.

One day one of those guys came up to me and said, “Your girlfriend is my girlfriend now.” I kinda shrugged it off, not thinking much of it. So as I continue about my day as a busy student, I finally see my (then) girlfriend. She hugs me and says, “Carlos says I’m his girlfriend now” and just takes off running.”

— Luis, 21

7. “Alright so I met this guy through a best friend, whose husband just happens to be best friends with him. I met him; we spent some time together and fooled around. It was fun I won't lie. He was almost twice my age, so I expected at least some degree of maturity and self-confidence, but I'm not one to force my expectations onto others like that. Fast forward to my best friends birthday, she's turning 21. We had a nice dinner at a fancy Mexican restaurant; all of her lifelong friends were there. Then there's me, sitting at the end of the table with my seemingly self-sustaining boyfriend who hasn't said a word.

Right before this dinner even happened he texted me saying ‘Sorry if I act weird tonight.’

Huh?

‘What are you talking about?’ I said.

‘If I don't hold your hand or anything like that, just don't take it personally.’

Here I was, happy as can be until I realized that my boyfriend HAD failed to inform me that he isn't out to anyone besides me and his best friend. Look, I get it. I lived in the closet for years before I came out. But there's a big difference between hiding yourself from others and inviting someone else into your personal dilemma while expecting them to simply accept your lack of self-confidence in who you are.

He seriously expected me to be ok with being dragged down? I left the closet in the first place because I knew I didn't belong there. We broke up shortly after that night. Things just didn't feel the same. Pretending to be something you're not is dishonest and undermines the integrity of the relationship you're in with someone else. It just isn't fair. OKAY DONE.”

— Brandon, 21

8. “Broke up with a girl in the seventh grade. We both liked rocks, like the crystal Quartz. So I wrote with sharpie on one “I’m breaking up with you and put my initials on he bottom.” And left it on the desk.”

— Daniel, 28

9. “I had a girlfriend, Maddie, she broke up with me because I didn’t hold her hand enough.”

— Michael, 21

10. “Oh okay 4th grade a girl liked me and asked me out and I said yes and then my friend told me he liked her so I turned back to her and said hey my friend likes you too you can date him instead and then she turned to him and asked him.

And another one…

Okay so in 6th grade I dated Noelle for like a week because it was at the end of the school year. She gave me her number and then I lost it so I couldn’t get in touch with her, at the end of the summer I remember I was hanging out with Annie and I told her how i lost her number and she slapped me across the face! I was really shocked but it was really funny to me cause something like that never happened before. I didn’t know about daring then I was just like these things seemed superficial since it was just middle school.”

— Daniel, 23

11. “Not going to name names, just to keep it a mystery! I "went out with" this cute little footballer. I don't remember exactly how long we went out for, but it was a good 2 or 3 months. The relationship came to its fateful end when one week, he got a pimple on his nose. I shrugged. It was whatever; I didn't have perfect skin and it made me admire him because he wasn't embarrassed about it. Until he was.

He picked at it constantly, and by the end of the week it was his entire nose. It bled every now and then, and even had puss coming out of it. It got to the point where any time he went to kiss me on the cheek, I would push him away and act like I was playing hard to get. Yeah, I'm a petty bitch. But I wasn't mean! I think I just said something along the lines "it's run its course".

I'm pretty sure that's where it ended. To this day my parents rag on me for breaking up with him about that even though he was so sweet to me; THEY EVEN HAVE A PHRASE THEY SAY IN HIS HONOR. But obviously things worked out 10 years later. He's married and I have Sam, so life's good!”

— Noelle, 21

12. “Funny break up story: was dating this guy, everything's going good… But then he won't stop trying to serenade me (like all the time) and trying to change the subject never worked. It starts getting really creepy so I try to cut things off, but he doesn’t get the hint. Had to flat out tell him he was so annoying he reminded me of my little sister.

For real though, he would sing to me like 24/7, no matter how hard I tried to get him to stop. It got so bad I found myself turning the volume down on my computer when we would Skype so i didn’t have to hear him. And he knew how nuts Katelyn drove me. So it was an eye opener.”

— Courtney, 22

This Is What Being A Millennial Is

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Anubhav Saxena
Anubhav Saxena

It's miserable.

Some people will have you think that in order to be successful in America, all it takes is hard work. I'm here to tell you that's bullshit. To be successful in America, you need to have luck. And not just the kind of luck where you win $20 on a scratch-off lottery ticket. No, sir or madam. This kind of luck is like winning the genetic lottery, the intellectual lottery, and $850 Million Powerball in one instant.

Being a millennial in America means having broken dreams.

Being a millennial in America means being told your ambitions and smarts are worthless.

Being a millennial in America means living with your parents, or sharing a room with a former stripper and her snake simply because it's either this hellhole or homelessness.

Being a millennial in America means listening to Baby Boomers rattle you for struggling to pay your credit card minimum ("Why is it so hard? I got this job when I was 17 and it paid the bills.") when in the back of your mind you're thinking, "If you would shut up and retire or die already, maybe there would be a few more jobs to go around!"

Being a millennial in America means being constantly hounded by two phrases:

"Get a job."

This statement is problematic for two reasons:

1. You raised a generation of people convinced that all it took to do well in life was to go to an excellent university and 'work hard' and we'd be able to find work doing what you love and went to school for. Our apologies if post-college life has been a bit of a shock.

2. Fine, I'll flip burgers. I'll sell furniture.

I'll do anything. But who's hiring? Please oh PLEASE find me a location that will hire me as soon as I walk in off the street with a degree from a top-25 university and I'll eat my words right now. Would you hire me? Doubt it. You're worried that you'll deal with all of the training and I'll up and leave as soon as I find something better. You're worried that I'll be an awful worker because I'm an educated young person and somehow that translates to being a poor worker. You're worried that I have other priorities (you know, like making my car payment for the month) and won't perform well for your business.

"When I was your age…"

Well Mom, when you were my age college wasn't $48,000 per year. When you were my age, Dad, minimum wage was enough to buy a $2500 lightly-used car with cash and still not worry about making your rent or being able to buy groceries. See, Grandpa, when you were my age, you were able to walk in off the street and start working in a dangerous steel mill, no-questions-asked, and make enough money to provide for the family that you started at age 20.

Welcome to 2016, where the national minimum wage, when adjusted to match the modern dollar, hasn't changed dramatically since the mid-1970s. You bought a house, a car, a college education on minimum wage. I can barely afford to buy lunch.

Now What?

Don't worry about us. We'll make it, eventually. Our misguided thoughts on an American Dream — the one you sold my generation through your broken education system; the Dream that died a miserable death 30 years ago — those thoughts are being reshaped. We're changing the American landscape, and redefining what it means to be successful. In some ways, yes, you've still got to hit the lottery. But we'll eventually rise to positions of power and use our newfound power and influence to change America for the better. For now, however, we'll continue listening to the same, lousy narrative we've been spoon-fed for our entire lives, waiting for our chance at success… Right?

That's what it's like to be a millennial in America.

Lousy. TC mark

I Want To Waste My Days With You

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 01:00 PM PDT

istockphoto.com / wundervisuals
istockphoto.com / wundervisuals

I want to waste my days with you, talking about life, telling each other stories about our past and our wishes for the future. I want to waste my mornings with you, catching you up on years and years of untold stories, family secrets, friend's drama and a long list of heartbreaks. I want to waste my words on you.

I want to waste my afternoons with you, driving ourselves to unfamiliar places; exploring the city as we listen to your favorite songs and as you listen to my favorite lyrics and replay our favorite songs over and over again. I want us to go to museums, galleries, festivals, concerts and anything we come cross. I want to waste my money on you.

I want to waste my evenings with you, walking by the lake, watching the sunset, remembering the times when we didn't think the sun will ever shine, when we were blinded by our own darkness and how we came to find the light. I want to shine my light on you.

I want to waste my nights with you. I want to dance with you under the moonlight and I want to take you to all my favorite restaurants and bars and show you my favorite spots. Where I go when I need to think, where I go when I need to be alone, and where I go when I want to hide from the world. I want to waste my secrets on you.

I want to waste my heart with you. I want to spoil you and buy you gifts you don't need. I want to help you love the parts of you that you gravely hate. I want to heal the scars that life left on you and I want to keep giving you all I've got – profusely and lavishly. I want to waste my love on you.

I want to waste my sleep with you. I want to stay up looking at you when I can barely open my eyes. I want to stay up listening to you when I can't utter a word. I want you to be the reason why I couldn't wake up in the morning and I want you to be the reason for my incurable insomnia. I want to waste my sleepless nights on you. 

I want to waste the best years of my life with you. Traveling, exploring the world, exploring adulthood, exploring life and watching ourselves grow through life. I want to spend my years in your arms that feel like home. I want to waste the best years of my life making memories with you.

I want to waste my time with you. I want every moment to be filled with something of you. I want time to fly with you, I want time to pass me by with you, or maybe I want time to stop with you.

I guess what I am trying to say is I don't want to waste a minute unless I am wasting it away with you. TC mark

11 Completely Insane Screenshots From The Rich Kids Of Snapchat

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 12:00 PM PDT

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TC mark

How To Fix Your Relationship (Without Even Trying All That Hard)

Posted: 18 Mar 2016 11:00 AM PDT

Twenty20, EdwardLai
Twenty20, EdwardLai

You are human and your significant other is too, and you can't expect the human experience to be entirely smooth. Life is a complicated mess of emotions, responsibilities, conflicting desires, and unanticipated consequences. That's why every relationship is a series of ups and downs. But the point of being in a relationship is to navigate life's highest highs and lowest lows, including all challenges born from your togetherness, as a couple.

Sometimes, it's easy to forget this. It's easy to let yourself feel defeated and resentful and bitter. To resort to outright fighting or passive aggressive nastiness. To blame yourself or your partner for your romantic troubles, and to start dreaming of a life apart.

There's no escaping relationship setbacks. Doubts are inevitable. So are troubles that seem insurmountable. And nothing is more devastating than a prolonged period of relationship pain.

But if you want lasting love—if you want to avoid 'the end'—you have to extract yourselves from every single relationship rut. You have to remain conscious at all times that difficulties will arise—no matter how much you love each other, sometimes when you least expect them—and commit to tackling them head on.

Luckily, this is not necessarily as intimidating a task as it sounds. As long as your relationship is rooted in love, you will be able to fix it.

How?

You fix your relationship by being truthful about what went wrong. By identifying the underlying issues and addressing them rather than posting a happy couple photo to social media to make yourself feel better through phony “likes” and reassurances that you look so adorable together. The happy couple charade doesn't last, but happiness can be yours again—as soon as you stop pretending.

You fix your relationship by being compassionate. By trying to understand your significant other, even when their actions seem beyond comprehension. You fix your relationship by choosing to forgive. By moving forward instead of assigning fault or holding grudges. By refusing to reduce yourself to self-indulgent what ifs and circular arguments about what could have or should have been.

You fix your relationship by conquering uncertainty with a heavy dose of trust, which is the antidote to doubt. Rebuild it from zero if you must, but without it love is just dust.

You fix your relationship by remembering that you chose this life—that you chose your significant other, and that they chose you. By deciding to feel grateful for crossing paths, something that happened as a result of a string of serendipitous events completely outside your control, beginning long before you were born. You fix your relationship by acknowledging how extraordinary the world is, and how small your role in it really is.

You fix your relationship by recalling how and why you fell for your partner in the first place. You can do this in many different ways. Look your partner in the eyes, or observe them silently from afar until that familiar sense of admiration sets in. Flip through old photo albums, soaking in each captured smile and tender embrace, each notable moment along the path that is your shared journey—yours and theirs and no one else's.

You fix your relationship by reliving all your favorite memories, in your head and then again out loud. By recalling how happy your partner once made you. By conjuring your former self, and taking some of that happiness back from them if you have to. Pledge to feel giddy again, and it will happen.

You fix your relationship by demanding quality time. Five minutes lying in bed, staring at each other before reaching for your phones in the morning. Ten minutes sitting on the couch in the evening before dinner, as one of you folds laundry. You don't need to plan a date night or wait for a special occasion to enjoy each other's company. Steal time whenever you can.

You fix your relationship by having sex. Call it making love if you have to. Either way, your body will respond to your partner's touch, and your brain will release hormones reminding you to associate intimacy with pleasure.

You fix your relationship by laughing—at life’s complexity, at your own hypocrisy, at a stupid joke, or a bad movie you watched together five years earlier. Laugh with each other as much as you can.

You fix your relationship by being a better person day in and day out. By waking up and embracing your best self and then setting the bar for personal growth a little bit higher. Lead by example if you have to. There's no downside to becoming a better version of yourself.

You fix your relationship by promising to do better—together. Again and again and again. By demanding this of each other, especially when things are bleakest. Because the alternative sucks.

You fix your relationship by remembering how awesome love is, and how fortunate you are to have it right there at your fingertips. If only you’d just reach for it. TC mark