Thought Catalog

23 Powerful Reminders Every Girl Who Loves ‘Too Much’ Needs To Hear Right Now

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 08:00 PM PDT


1. “Your love should never feel like a bribe to return what someone should be giving to you freely.”

2. “I am still growing out of your childish habits, I am growing out of the desire to raise you into a man worthy of my love.”

3. “Being able to love someone so wholly is a gift, not all gifts need be returned. Sometimes there is beauty in simply giving”

4. “I didn't like the story so I changed the ending and wrote myself back to life.”

5. “I love him, I will always love him, but I have to believe, that I deserve someone who loves me back.”

6. “Healing is part of our design, we are meant to break, we are meant to rebuild ourselves.”

7. “I would give anything to know what it is to attach yourself to people that don't intend to tear you from their sides.”

8. “Forgive them. Forgive the situation. Forgive yourself. It begins and ends with forgiveness.”

9. “A lover should arouse both your weakness and your strength: someone who teaches you to kneel, then stand back up.”

10. “Leave. Stay gone. Let my wounds scab over, let my heart repair.”

11. “Every love you encounter will teach you something new about yourself.”

12. “I knew the ending from the start but held out so I could live the beauty of the rest of the story.”

13. “I am divorced from the idea that true love is a one-time thing. I am my own soulmate. The love I offer replenishes itself daily. I am capable of finding true love again and again because it lives in me first.”

14. “There is too much wildness in me for me to exist in a love that is tame.”

15. “Love yourself so fiercely that he knows exactly what you expect from him.”

16. “I am still learning how to walk away from something without dragging my feet.”

17. “You are always loveable when you are kind.”

18. “Your body deserves more than to be ground zero for hate.”

19. “I stood him up on my shoulders, he brought me down to my knees.”

20. “Forget 'old souls’ — I'm ancient.”

21. “Accepting that it broke you is how you begin to piece yourself back together again.”

22. “I remind myself daily that there was nothing more I could have done, no more love I could have given, to make him stay. When every instinct told me to run, my love for him made anchors out of my feet. And now he's sinking for someone else.”

23. “I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose someone who loved you as purely, as deeply, as wildly, as I loved you.” TC mark

These words were originally published on Reyhan Vega’s Tumblr.

17 Little Love Notes That Will Remind You How Magical Life Can Be

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 07:00 PM PDT


































EmoLabs5 TC mark

This Is How She Wants To Be Loved By You

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay? Answer me that and I will tell you whether or not to kill yourself.
– Tom Robbins

With that quote, Tom Robbins proposed a big and powerful question, a question about life and everything in it. It's a question that gets right to the point and it got us to thinking, writing and wondering.

We don't know the answer, but we needed to try and find it, if only to start the conversation. So, assuming love is a woman, this is how we'd make her stay.

1. Love her fiercely.

Connection is key, vulnerability is bravery, and an open heart breaks down closed souls. We only get one shot at this life, this moment, and this relationship. If you're blessed enough to find yourself waking up next to the same love over and over and over again, please don't think of it as blandness. Choose blessedness.

If you find yourself getting too used to the monotony of your daily existence or if the routine is becoming too obscene, change something. Mix it up. Add some spice. Run off and have an adventure, even if it's just down the road. Go and see something you've never seen, even if it's just across the street. Go and do something you've never done, even if it's just under the sheets.

When you enter a room, let others notice that you notice her first. When you walk next to her, stop and kiss her neck for no good reason other than the fact that she is by your side. When she gets dressed in the morning, smile and appreciate that women are sexier getting dressed than they are getting undressed.

Respect her boundaries, but break down her walls. Crush her fears and free her mind. She's yours, and it's up to you to be hers. Be the hero she's always wanted but never knew she needed.

Be a brazen inspiration. Be a bold revelation. Be a novel innovation. Earn her every day and appreciate her every night. Give her your heart and defend hers at all costs. Be a warrior for love armed with a quiver full of fervor, and love will forever follow you into the hunt.

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need.
– Tom Robbins

2. Make her feel beautiful.

This one is pretty simple: Girls want to feel beautiful. Unfortunately, as you probably already recognize, women are bombarded each and every day with images from TV, magazines, Facebook and everywhere else in our culture trying to show them and sell them beauty. "They should look good." "They need to be put together." "They must be presented well."

That is total bullshit. Humans were not born to cover their faces in makeup, did not evolve to spend an hour straightening their hair with expensive machines, and did not arise solely to dress up in high heels, or expensive jewels, or an overpriced dress bought to attend that cocktail party that night with those people that we don't really know and don't even care about.

In our society, beauty most often relates to the exterior and although a variety of superficial modifications are now wildly popular, they are all, each of them, a small, dirty, and pathetic lie.

Diamond rings are not beautiful, an open heart is beautiful. New shoes are not beautiful, kindness is beautiful. Vulnerability is beautiful. Compassion, honesty, courage and confidence are the real beautiful things.

Besides, even with all of the makeup, accessories and clothes in the world, you cannot be beautiful if you do not feel beautiful. Similarly, if you feel beautiful, you are beautiful. It really is that simple.

So, take these powerful ideas and go about setting them free into the world. Make your girl feel beautiful. Compliment her soul. Look her in the eyes when you tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Melt her heart. Be her beacon. When she wakes up in the morning, tell her she looks great, and when she laughs or calls you crazy (and she will), mean it when you tell her that you mean it.

Stare into her eyes until she looks away first. Let her soar, and admire her in flight. Open her eyes, heart, hopes and dreams. Write her a note that says she makes you feel lucky, leave her a voicemail that says she makes you feel blessed and make her a card that says she makes you feel beautiful.

After all, beautiful things create beautiful things. So go ahead and be beautiful together, and love will stick around to watch.

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.
– Tom Robbins

3. Make her feel safe.

Girls like being held. They like having arms wrapped around them, simultaneously holding them close and pushing the world away. They enjoy walking with someone that can connect with them, confiding in someone who cares for them and loving someone who adores them. Girls like knowing that they are enough for us, that we are not looking elsewhere for replacements.

Girls want to matter, so let her feel comfortable speaking her heart. When she does, listen. When you listen, understand (not just what is being said, but why).

When you understand, relate and remember. Become fluent in the language she speaks. Encourage her to be the best her possible, even if that means exposing the hard truths that she tries to avoid, the facts that she can no longer ignore.

It's up to you to make her see that, ultimately, no one else will make her happy but her. It's up to you to help her help herself. Earn her trust and then keep making deposits, because helping a woman feel safe empowers her to do the things that her heart tells her they need to be done.

When she is not worried about you or her or us, she is free, an uncaged bird, and freedom is a wondrous feeling. Freedom means safety, safety is liberating, and liberation leads to fearlessness.

Without fear, we can focus on the things that matter, the things that set our hearts alight, the dreams that only arise when we are awake.

Catalyzed by safety, dormant ideas awaken, embolden and enliven our life. Compassion, courage and honesty, love's three younger sisters, will stop by to visit, helping to ensure that our women are as safe and as strong as possible. Why is this important? Because strong women make men strong. And strong men can make love stay.

When two people meet and fall in love, there's a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it's usually too late, we've used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It's hard work, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay.
– Tom Robbins

4. Make her feel important.

There's a lot going on in the world and we are always on alert. We have to deal with jobs, laundry, stress, temptation, money, family, friends and the future.

Distractions pervade. Opportunities proliferate. Obstacles present themselves. We have the internet in our pockets, a gleam in our eyes and no time on our hands. We're often busy, occasionally stressed, and sometimes overwhelmed. We have much on our minds and to us, normal is nuts.

We have dreams and adventures ahead of us and sorrow and sacrifice behind and yet, through all of the drama and strife, the pains and the panics, the days and nights, love remains. She is there, next to you, urging you on, smiling, and wanting nothing but the best for you because she loves you, she cares about you, and she wants you to be happy.

She is a best friend, mentor and biggest fan all in one. Your life would be worse without her in it. You would miss her if she were gone. She is the best thing in your world. Don't you ever fucking lose sight of that, and love will have no chance to escape.

Love is addicted to appreciation and awareness. Keep both in abundant supply and love will always be near.

My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.
– Tom Robbins

5. Fuck her good.

Here's the thing: Women love sex and they think about it all the time. Although they would probably never admit it, women love getting down and dirty between the sheets, fast and furious on the bathroom floor, and slow and comfortable up against a wall.

If you're a woman, you're probably smiling as you read this. I'm sorry, girls, but the secret is out. We know that you talk about sex with your friends, fantasize about foreplay when you're alone, and dream about the dirty when you are bored at work. And that's okay. It's more than okay, in fact.

Sex is important and good sex is a universal human right. So, do your best to be your best, not only in life but also in bed. However, don't forget that it's far more than just the physical that matters: the most important sex organ is the brain.

Be giving, with words and touch. Be intimate, with emotions and experience. Be thoughtful, with deeds and desires. Seduce her away from her distractions. Excite her.

Good loving is a necessity and if your girl is not getting it from you, she'll start looking elsewhere for greener pastures to fertilize. However, if you can make her shake like a freight train, she'll stick around like a memory. And that's what it is all about — making love stay.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
– Tom Robbins

6. Make her laugh.

Cyndi Lauper was right: Girls just want to have fun.

Have you ever seen a bunch of girls going absolutely buck wild on a dance floor? It's a sensation, and fun is the feeling. Have you ever witnessed a group of girls laughing so hard that they're snorting and crying and madly screeching right up close into each others faces? It's a sanctuary, and fun is the preacher.

Life is hard, and that's a fact. We all know that sadness comes by to play hide and seek, sorrow randomly stops by for a drink, and occasionally, we get overwhelmed, annoyed, or infuriated. It happens. It's unavoidable. It's not her fault.

Being down does not make her a bad person, or a bad partner, or a pain in the ass. Being down does not make her heart any smaller or her beauty any less noticeable. Rather, being down is part of lifting up.

Help lift her up. Help make her see. Teach yourself the powerful and noble truth that here is nothing more beautiful than a smiling soul staring at you with love-filled eyes. Make her smile. Warm her heart. Be silly.

Life is far too serious to take seriously and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is laugh.

So do it, and do it often. Goof around. Be playful. Have fun. Locate your inner child and give him a high five. Find some grass and do some somersaults. Enjoy the ride and love will sit next to you, its head on your shoulder, smiling all the while, for where there is laughter, there is love.

But do we know how to make love stay? I can't even think about it. The best I can do is play it day by day.
– Tom Robbins

How do you make love stay? TC mark

This post originated on Rebelle Society.

The Doctors Think My Girlfriend Has Brain Damage From Our Car Crash, But I Think The Truth Is More Terrifying

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Flickr, Xenja Santarelli
Flickr, Xenja Santarelli

Most teens tend to do stupid things, and I certainly wasn't an exception to the rule. My mistakes seem to bare down on me more than the usual person however. You see, my mistakes lead to a drunken car accident with the love of my young life at the time. A woman who will never be the same as she was 10 years ago.

We were young, and oh so dumb. I thought I was a hotshot driving my dad's '69 Camaro he let me borrow for my junior prom. He shouldn't have put too much trust in me though. 8 beers later I thought I could handle it. Long story short, it wasn't long until we were in the crumpled mess that was my father's dream car. Lindsey's (my girlfriend) prom dress covered in her own blood caused me to black out in fear, or maybe it was all the blood I was losing, it's hard to tell though, the entire event remains in a suppressed blur.

The next thing I knew I was waking up to an empty hospital room. A dim light above my head and the rhythmic beeping of my heartrate monitor. I was instantly frightened, not knowing if Lindsey was alright, or where my parents were or even nurses for that matter. I tried to sit up but was desperately weak. To my horrific surprise, I realized from my knee down on my left leg was simply nothing, a ghost of thought reaming as I tried to move my foot. Finally a nurse burst through the door and instantly came to my aid telling me to relax. She explained to me I had been in a coma for the past 3 days. I was horrified. I knew what death felt like. I couldn't help but cry.

Shortly after in came my parents, obviously elated to see me rise from the dead. The shower of love didn't stop for a while, and I have to admit it felt nice after a 3 day black spot in my life. Finally I asked the nagging question. "Where's Lindsey?" I asked multiple times. My mother's face broke to tears as she explained to me. "She's real banged up honey, the doctor say she has significant brain damage. I'm so sorry." She broke to full blown sobbing. My father explaining how grateful he is that I'm alive. But all I could think about was Lindsey, and what my foolish mistakes had brought upon her. Brain damage? What kind of brain damage? I was frightened for her and disgusted in myself.

We spent a week more in that place before I could finally see Lindsey. She came into my room, timid, almost embarrassed. The nurses allowed us a brief moment of time together before she needed to get back to their care. I tried to speak to her in a loving voice, but she just seemed afraid of me, I was devastatingly, deeply saddened. She simply said hello to me and that was about as far as our conversation went. I cried for hours that night.

Weeks went by, I had to learn to walk with a fancy new prosthetic shin, something I was still mentally getting my head around. Just the thought of having a piece of my body that no longer exists creeped me out to no end. Lindsey had gotten somewhat better, her speech slowly coming back to normal. She explained to me that she had to take speech classes for hours on end just to be able to pronounce the words correctly again. She did seem a bit off though, just something about her personality, like she wasn't quite the same girl I knew. We would eat lunch together almost every day in the cafeteria, her tastes in food totally changed. She used to hate broccoli and after the accident she just devoured it. Even her choices of music dramatically changed. It pained me to know how much of an affect my actions had on her life.

I became engrossed in her. More than ever before. I felt I owed her something, that I needed to be there for her no matter what. Whatever she wanted me to do, I wouldn't hesitate to help her. We would hang out anytime we got the chance, I tried desperately to rebuild the connections we had before the accident. And to be honest, it was hard at times, I was trying to find the old her for a long time before I finally realized she wasn't all there. A large portion of her old self was there, but it certainly wasn't the same.

Over the next few months I became very committed to our relationship, getting to know this new, yet still amazing version of my old girlfriend. The strangest thing is that she still remembered a lot of things from our relationship, like corny pet names and sexual fetishes. It was so frustrating communicating with 75% of my beloved girlfriend, the other 25% surprising me in sometimes unfortunate ways. Like her sudden blind faith in Christianity, something we both were critically skeptic of a mere 8 months ago. So needless to say we didn't talk about religion very much since it always dissolved into a fight.

I was now in my senior year of high school. A year where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, instead I was tending to the needs of my now impaired girlfriend. I basically lost all my friends, devoting most of my time and energy to Lindsey. She was beginning to become a bit too high maintenance for me and to my surprise I was really starting to get sick of it. When I brought it up to her it escalated into a full blown fight, she threatened to kill herself if I left her and this truly frightened me. She never talked that way, ever. And I was really starting to wonder how much the accident had changed her. I couldn't deal with the stress of thinking she killed herself over me. So I stayed.

I hated the way she spoke to me sometimes. She could be absolutely degrading. A strange part of me liked it though, it's hard to explain. I have to admit it probably had something to do with the sex. If there was one positive from the accident, it's the fact that it turned her into a bit of a nympho. Sometimes we would sneak out of class and go to this rarely traveled stairwell and make out on the steps. We had been caught a few times but the principle always seemed to let it slide, almost feeling sorry for us, knowing about the accident.

By the end of senior year our relationship had turned toxic. It was a vicious cycle of anger, abuse, sex and forgiveness. She hated if I ever brought up the accident, and how it changed her, or if I called her out on any of her new habits. Her new personality had a steamy temper, one that would scare me at times. She still threatened to kill herself at times, and even more freighting, to kill me. I finally started taking her threats more seriously, her words seeming to hold truth. I asked her what I needed to do to prove to her that I love her and her response worried me. She told me that if I truly loved her then I would beat up her ex-boyfriend Marcus in school the next day. Again she threatened to kill herself if I didn't do it.

At this point I was truly worried, I knew I had to talk to her parents. I hadn't spoken to her mom or dad since the accident, they truly hated me for what I had done to their daughter and I can't really blame them. After Lindsey went to lacrosse practice that night I took a walk to her house. I knocked on the door and nobody answered for some time. Finally I twisted the handle and peaked my head in and called for her parents. Her dad came to the door and was immediately toxic. "What the fuck are you doing here." He cursed at me. "Listen," I said. "First off, I owe you a long overdue apology." I was met with a slamming door in my face. I was stunned. I banged on the door a few more times trying to explain to him that I'm worried about Lindsey. There was no response.

I went home that night frightened for the next day. Morning came and I regretfully walked to school. By midday I had seen Lindsey a few times in the hallway looking at me with question. Finally we stopped and talked and she told me to meet her by the stairwell after lunch. So I did and sure enough back came the crazy talk. "So are you going to do it?"

"You can't even do one little thing I ask you to do? When did you become such a pussy?" She resorted to her usual name calling.

"It's not one little thing, you're asking me to assault your ex-boyfriend just to prove a point that I care about you, that's fucked up Lindsey and I'm not playing your mind games anymore." I stood my ground.

She gritted her teeth when I wouldn't bend to her will. She pulled a knife out of her backpack and pressed it to her wrist. "Lindsey STOP!" I screamed to her. "I'll do it right here." She threatened. "I'll bleed myself dry if you don't fuck him up when he comes up these stairs when the bell rings."

I gulped. Terrified on multiple levels. We sat there for moments, discussing why she was doing this. I tried to explain to her how irrational she was being, but she only threatened more and pressed the blade harder against her skin. I realized I had no other choice, she was really going to do it. I thought about leaving to tell someone but I was sure she would do something stupid if I tried.

Finally the bell rang. I looked to her once more and tried to plead my case of why this is pointless and fucked up for her to be doing. I was so scared of what I might see if I didn't follow her directions. I didn't know if I could handle seeing her slit her wrist in front of me. In a brief moment of time Marcus came slowly up the steps and gave me a strange look. "Hey Marc." I said timidly. I couldn't do it, he started to walk past me when I heard Lindsey scream. "DO IT!" I saw a drop of red blood drip from her arm as the blade hardly broke her skin.

I slammed Marcus by his neck to the ground, his head thumping a stair. He groaned in pain from the harsh impact and I began fiercely pummeling him. His head bouncing off the ground as my fist bloodied his face. "Is this what you fucking want?" I screamed to Lindsey. My fists cracking Marc's nose and eye socket. I continued until he was hardly breathing, his face drenched in blood and his throat gurgling. Moments later there were numerous people surrounding us, including teachers ripping me to my feet and dragging me down the hall. Lindsey fled when the crowd came fearing she will get in trouble as well (as she should).

I sat in the office for hours being scolded by the principle telling me he's given me enough slack and that I've gone way to far this time. I tried explaining to him what Lindsey was doing to me and how she was going to kill herself. Finally my parents showed up along with the councilor, they explained to my parents what had happened and showed them my bloodied hands. I desperately told them about Lindsey, about the knife, about the last few months and how she had been acting. The councilor had a small laptop with a flash drive plugged in the side, she clicked play on the video and we watched silently. My blood was cold as I watched to security footage of the corner staircase. I stood alone in the stairwell, bantering to the tiled wall and screaming at nothing, my parents cringed as they watched me mercilessly assaulted Marc. Only the two of us in the stairwell before the crowd came. TC mark

This story originally appeared on /r/NoSleep.

The 30 Most Romantic Movie Quotes Of All Time

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 04:00 PM PDT

The Notebook
The Notebook

1. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." ~ Moulin Rouge

2. “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ~ When Harry Met Sally

3. "To me, you are perfect" ~ Love Actually

4. "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." ~ The Notebook

5. "You had me at Hello" ~ Jerry Maguire

6. "The only way you can beat my crazy was by doing something crazy yourself. Thank you. I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck." ~ The Silver Linings Playbook

7. "I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." ~ Notting Hill 

8. "I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly." ~ You've Got Mail

9. “Here’s looking at you kid.” ~ Casablanca

10. "It doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other." ~ Good Will Hunting

11. “You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” ~ Gone With The Wind

12. “You make me want to be a better man.” ~ As Good As It Gets

13. “I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.” ~ The Vow

14. "It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together … and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home. .. only to no home I'd ever known … I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like … magic." ~ Sleepless in Seattle

15. “It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you." ~ The Fault In Our Stars

16. “It’s like in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together.” ~ Serendipity 

17. “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you.” ~ Pride & Prejudice 

18. “They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true.” ~ Big Fish 

19. ” I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder.” ~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

20. "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you." ~ Juno

21. “You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.” ~ Sweet Home Alabama

22. “Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with?” ~ Meet Joe Black 

23. "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.” ~ The Notebook 

24. “Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy.” ~ My Best Friend’s Wedding 

25. “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away.” ~ Hitch 

26. “Everything I have ever done, I’ve done for you.” ~ Great Expectations 

27. "I love you very much, probably more than anybody could love another person." ~ 50 First Dates 

28. "What I really want to do with my life — what I want to do for a living — is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it." ~ Say Anything

29. “I’ve come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours.” ~ Sense & Sensibility 

30. “I wish I had done everything on earth with you” ~ The Great Gatsby. TC mark

I Only Ever Miss You When I’m Lonely

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 03:00 PM PDT


I only ever miss you when I'm lonely. Late at night and in the morning, when I wish your body was close to mine.

The day after we broke up, I woke up crying, and thought, "Oh, shit. This can't be good." For the few days I really mourned us, when *missing you* rained—for lack of a fresher formulation—it fucking poured.

That same day, though—the day my eyes saw tears before they saw sunlight—I went to be with a friend. And immediately, in the company of somebody who loves me, I remembered I love me—without you—too.

"Back when we were so in love we didn't know what it was." Denis Johnson wrote that, and when I read it, my heart split open. I paled, thinking, "What if… what if… what if I never know love like that again?" You left me so cold, so shaken, scared stiff.

You lost me, because you don't know where You are.

But I've realized since, love, that when the end finally arrived, the You I fell so bravely, so consciously in love with no longer existed. You lost me, because you don't know where You are. And now, I don't miss you, for most of the day, because, though we broke up barely two weeks ago, I haven't been with You for ages. That's the good news.

Still, late at night and in the morning, I wish your body was close to mine. But only then. Only then, because a warm body is nice to have close when I go to sleep, and when I wake up. Your warm body was nice to have close. And the stuff inside it was even nicer. Some time ago.

The days have passed quickly since we said our ugly goodbyes. I didn't think they would. I thought each day would crawl by, wearing me out with its critical lack of you in it. But while I think and write about you often, your absence has far from consumed me.

*Missing you* does not own me. Not like I thought it would.

You are the first boy I ever loved, by a long shot. And I'm sure I'll hold every man who comes after you to the impossibly high standard of how much I loved you when we were at our best. But *missing you* does not own me. Not like I thought it would. That's the even better news.

Buried inside me is the half-baked hope that, one day, you'll be back in my life. I've been told that's a normal thing to half-hope for, in the wake of breakup like ours. But I'm not designing my life with you as a pending desire.

I don't feel sad when you come up in conversation. Or when I see a happy couple that reminds me of us. I don't feel sad without you. I feel like me.

That is, until I go to bed and think, "Wouldn't it be nice if he were here." TC mark

50 People Confess Their Darkest Family Secrets

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Alf Santos
Alf Santos
Found on AskReddit.

1. Mom was in the Manson family

"My mother was part of Charles Manson's ‘family.’"

2. Mom was victimized by a Nazi kiddie porn ring

"My mother was the subject of a child porn ring held by her biological uncle on her estranged father's side. Her stepfather was a huge Nazi sympathizer, stumbled upon photos of my uncle in Hitler youth garb. The abusers are no longer alive but there’s a reason the moment she and my father had my older brother she packed up and moved 3,000 miles away without a word."

3. My mom named her firstborn son after a cult leader

"I read a blog post about a cult in America, known for exploiting young and vulnerable women, where my uncle’s wife is described as the leader’s ‘favorite girl.’ Nobody in my family knows she was a part of this cult but I did some research into it. Turns out she named her firstborn son after the leader, weird."

4. I’m named after a stillborn baby my father had in a previous marriage

"For the longest time, I thought I was named after my father. Found out a few years ago that I’m actually named after a stillborn baby that my father had in a previous marriage that was named after him. My mother named me after that baby, against my father’s wishes."

5. My father says he would leave my mom to be with me

"My father is sexually and romantically attracted to me, and would leave my mom to be with me….He was an alcoholic and I was in my sophomore year of college and…basically he had always been a nudist, and as I grew older I realized I was probably sexually abused, just not at an extremely invasive level. So he was just drunk and naked and began masturbating and asked me to bring him tissues, and I threw the box in his face and went to my room. Then he just kind of told me that in an alternate world he would be with me, and he’s attracted to me, but he understands it’s wrong and we’ve never really spoken about it since."

6. My cousin prostitutes herself in exchange for benzos

"As of this past November, my cousin was prostituting herself to men she was meeting on various websites to fund her benzo addiction. I don’t know if it’s still going on or not but it’s pretty fucked up."

7. Dad wanted to abort me

"My dad wanted to abort me, but his college professor convinced him to let my mom had me. I think he still regrets it."

8. Dad works in Las Vegas as a drag queen

"When I was 13 my father came out as gay and how is happily married to a male and works in Las Vegas as a drag queen."

9. My mother murdered my brother

"My mother murdered my brother a while back, and while no one else knows this, I was able to talk to the mortician and discovered that my brother had his neck slit by my mother and that he had bruises up and down his arms and face. Turned out to be defensive bruises from trying to block her stabbing him. I’m the only one in my family to know and I don't think anyone in the family could handle figuring that out, especially since it’s been over two years now."

10. My ex’s father was repeatedly ass-raped by his parents and their friends

"My ex’s father was passed around like candy between his parents and their friends. Dude’s like 60 to this day can’t have a normal bowel movement."

11. My brother wears my clothes and makeup when I’m not home

"I'm pretty sure that my older brother likes to try on my clothes and wear my makeup when he is home alone."

12. Dad physically and mentally abused all of us

"My father use to physically and mentally abuse me and my sisters until we all left for college. My mother knew about this and would say she’d all cut us out of any inheritance if I told a living soul about it. I’m glad they're dead."

13. My aunt is a lesbian

"My aunt is a lesbian. Its a shame because she represses herself so much because of religion."

14. My uncle shot a guy

"Found out not too long ago that my uncle shot a guy (drug dealer) and did a lot of marijuana. He has some pictures of smoking weed with famous politicians and celebrities that I have yet to find."

15. My great-grandfather survived Nazi Germany without ever realizing he’s Jewish

"Great-grandfather was born the bastard son of a Jewish professor during a time in Germany you really didn’t want to be Jewish. His mother raised him without ever telling him who his father was until her deathbed."

16. My great-grandfather killed two people

"My great-grandfather killed two people and the only person who knew was his wife and myself. I found out after he died when I found his journal in the house. I was the only one really close to him because the family knew he killed his wife. That’s the first thing. No one could prove it, and it was a mercy killing as she had cancer and assisted suicide wasn’t a thing. He was my grandfather though and I loved him. I was told not to spend time with him but did. When he died I was in his wood shed. He spent a lot of time out there whittling and no one thought to check for valuables out there. The family gutted the house and his son put it up for sale. Out in the wood shed was his journal in a tool box. I read it from cover to cover. He was bullied for years by someone from another family and he eventually drowned him in a creek and left him there. They found his body weeks later after it was washed up elsewhere. They said it was a swimming accident. The journal said he told his wife, who then used this information to get him to kill her because she didn’t want to live any longer but couldn’t get into heaven if she killed herself. The whole thing was so fucked up. I still love my grandfather but goddamn."

17. My cousin hired a hit man to murder his uncle

"One of my cousins hired a hit man to murder his uncle."

18. My grandmother lied about having a brain tumor so she could get rid of her kids

"I was helping my grandmother clean her attic and come across a box with old legal papers, I’m a nosy little shit so I take a break and read through them. Found a document adopting her 4 kids out to a family, her reasoning was she had a fatal brain tumor. Thought this was weird so I kept digging. Found another document where she took the family to court to get her kids back, had to confess the brain tumor was a lie and she did it because the man she was with didn’t want kids. The reason she took the family to court to get her kids back: the adoptive father was habitually molesting them, including my uncle. She apparently found out because my grandmother and her new man were living close enough that my mom ran away from her adoptive parents to my grandmothers house and told her everything. It’s hard pretending you don’t know…"

19. My dad had a kid with his mistress

"My father has a daughter from his lover, heard him speaking about her with his friend while mom wasn’t at home (however I think that she may know). I actually want to meet her, I always wanted to have a bro/sis."

20. My dad may die soon

"Not really dark but kinda sad. I overheard my parents talking and apparently none of my dad’s side of the family males have lived over 60 years old. He is currently 52."

21. My cousin is a junkie

"My cousin D has some issues. She is addicted to Oxy, and currently has two children who could be taken away any day now. She steals constantly. My aunts live near her, and they had to take her key away because she kept pawning stuff from their house (presumably to buy drugs). She even sold one of their cars once. D was always taken care of by my great grandparents, and, after they both passed, she was left everything (This was before the drugs). She pretty much sold all of their belongings and kept the house. My grandfather, as far as I know, was unable to retrieve any of his mother’s belongings. D also molested someone in our family by asking them to 'Do what her boyfriend does.' D will be in jail soon."

22. My grandfather was a Grand Dragon in the Klan

"When going through my great (great?) grandfather's things after his death, they found his huge, daunting, red KKK hood in the back of his closet, turns out he was the Grand Dragon of my home town."

23. My uncle killed two Scientologists

"My granddad was an auditor for the Church of Scientology, and decided to quit after one of his friends was brutally assaulted. He was hunted down and threatened repeatedly, and they threatened to kill off his family, and a bunch of other fucked up shit. My uncle killed two of the men chasing him and hunting him down. Buried them in cemeteries in another person’s grave. He told me one day when I found some threat letters from the Cult."

24. My stepmom was a local porn star and high-end prostitute

"I grew up in a house that valued technology quite a bit. My dad always liked getting the newest/fastest computer and gadgets etc. As a result, I started using the Internet at a pretty early age, roughly 5-6 in 1994 or so. Despite my father’s taste for technology, we lived more-or-less in squalor due to my parents getting divorced. Fast forward a few years, and my Dad and Stepmom have moved out of the crappy two-bedroom apartment with 3 kids, and somehow afforded a much larger house. I loved the Internet, and was a sexually curious individual from a pretty early age so I remember searching for stuff (on AltaVista/Lycos of course) like ‘boobs’ and ‘vagina.’ I can’t recall exactly what I’d searched for, but I ultimately came across a photo of a white woman with very familiar hair having sex with a black man. I kept scrolling down and ultimately to my horror realized that the woman was actually my stepmom. She had become a local porn star and high-end prostitute where I lived at the time. They were destitute despite my father being a lawyer and had to do something, so she turned to sex work and he helped to facilitate it. She would regularly go on ‘business trips’ and I knew before any of my other siblings did about what this really meant. Ultimately, this came to a head by way of a custody trial between my mother and father. My mother is very religious and knew about the whole thing, and my father naturally lost—despite the fact that I wanted to live with him because my mother was a tad unstable at the time. My stepbrother doesn’t know, but pretty much the rest of my family knows but NEVER talks about it."

25. My mother is a notorious whore

"My mother is a notorious whore. I could go into details about that but to be on point about this particular case. It was simple, she had sex with him but he was married and had his own kid. In order to be taken care of my mother told the man I thought was my biological father that she was pregnant. He married her. So my biological father is a falsely convicted felon and I have a sister. We talk frequently and have been trying to find a way to overturn his ruling ever since….We did do a blood test and have confirmed without a shadow of doubt that he is my father and she is my half sibling. I have confronted my mother about it but she denies it even with presenting her with the test results. The man who raised me, who is apparently my uncle and not my father, doesn’t know as that would absolutely devastate him. We decided to keep this a family secret between me, my sister, my real father and my lying whore of a mother."

26. My grandma was getting death threats from the Taliban

"My gran had to move to England from Pakistan ’cause she kept receiving death threats from the Taliban. ‘Cause apparently being an actress is a sin, and you need to be murdered for it. I’m pretty sure nobody’s supposed to know this besides my parents and her."

27. My cousin willingly castrated himself

"One of my cousins willingly castrated himself in an effort to hide his transgender urges from his radical Baptist parents. When we were growing up he was the star of the football team, a state wrestling champ, and super popular. He was so good at sports that my aunt and uncle pulled him from private Baptist school and put him in public school. He then went into the army. When he came back home he revealed to me that he had always stolen my thongs and bras when we were young, which I had always blamed on my little brother’s perv best friend. He said he had a gay lover in the army and he was confused about his sexuality. He became extremely depressed and an alcoholic, I couldn’t help him because he wouldn’t let me. Suddenly he was engaged to a girl he went to high school with. I talked to both of them to find out how their relationship was going to work, and make sure she knew the seriousness of what she was getting into. She knew, and supported him. She helped him go shopping for women’s clothing and allowed him to have lovers while maintaining a friendship and a front for his family. They got married, had a little girl and everything seemed fine. He decided to get castrated because he wanted to stop his urges because even with his wife’s and friend’s support, he felt terrible about hiding it from his family. He wanted to be normal. It was a drastic decision, but I supported him in his plight to be happy. Now there’s an even bigger secret. His wife has had a boyfriend, who has gotten her pregnant. My cousin enjoys the humiliation and being emasculated but I don’t think he counted on this happening. A few people in my family know now, and have all kept it from his parents. We have no idea how they’re going to raise this new baby and how open they are with their three year old. I am very afraid that one day their daughter is going to tell his parents about her mom’s boyfriend and think it’s a completely normal thing. Also, if anyone is feeling grated that I used ‘he’ instead of ‘she’, it is because he doesn’t always identify as female. His sexuality is still pretty undefined, or fluid."

28. My uncle brutally tortured a cousin who raped his sister

"My late uncle tortured and mutilated the adult cousin who repeatedly raped his nine-year-old sister. He purposely kept from killing him, cauterizing his wounds so he wouldn’t bleed out and so the scarring wouldn’t be repairable. He made very sure he’d never be able to rape another child….My uncle passed away a few years later. The cousin underwent a ton of surgeries, but none of them could really fix the scarring or mutilation. Last I heard he was still in hiding overseas. I see his mom from time to time. 40 years later she still blames the victim for her son’s injuries. The victim, btw, grew up to be an advocate for DV and abuse victims."

29. My uncle was a snitch

"My uncle snitched to on a Youngstown kingpin. My whole family is or has been involved in some sort or criminal enterprise for around 3 generations. Growing up we learned fast to never speak of family matters to strangers and defiantly never to police. Pack in the mid 90s my uncle was driving drugs all over the East Coast and got hit in Virginia with 15 keys of coke. The DEA had tracked him from pick up in Florida to Ohio once and had video of both the pick up and delivery. They offered him 8 years if he gave them the man that wanted and he did it rather than the life sentence he would have had in federal max."

30. My uncle doesn’t know he was supposed to have been aborted

"My grandmother was going to abort my uncle. When she left that day to get the abortion, my other uncle was hit by a bus. She took that as a sign from God not to have the abortion. To this day my uncle doesn’t know that he was supposed to have been aborted."

31. My wealthy cousin gave up his first kid for adoption because he had Down syndrome

"My older cousin is very wealthy, lives in the nice part of town, has a beautiful wife, healthy kids, and a luxurious life style. Apparently, the first kid his wife and he had had Down syndrome and they gave her up for adoption because of it, instead of the lifestyle. No one talks about it and I don’t know if the kids he has now know about it."

32. My brother was convicted of possession of child pornography

"My brother was convicted of possession of child pornography."

33. My half-brother raped me

"My half-brother raped me and would play 'wrestle' with me and take my clothes off. Would walk around naked and sneak in to the bathroom when I was there to 'talk' while naked. (I was 8-10 and he was 13-15). My other half-sibling either knew or didn’t care and would leave to go sleep with her boyfriend and leave us to 'play.'"

34. My father killed himself two months ago

"Two months ago today my father, 52, killed himself. The day before he ended his life I had seen him and even though he wasn't in the best spot in life we were working on making things better for the future for him, my 4 younger siblings, and myself (19). When I got the news of his death I immediately went and visited his home where my stepmother, and two younger half siblings lived with him. While there I found out that my stepmother had “accidentally” wiped his cell phone after his death while trying to get in to it. While leaving I took his computer to look through to see if I could find anything that would give a lead as to why he ended his life. He had his phone syncing with Google Voice, so I could see all his text messages and whereabouts as they were all backed up with Google. During my investigation I found exactly what caused him to kill himself. It was a text from my stepmother that wasn't meant to be sent to him. She doesn't know that I know why she wiped his phone or that she was the one that caused him to kill himself. I have yet to go after her legally, but I am in preparation of doing so….The message read “He has not been served yet…I don't know what to do. He’s in the office with J*** (my youngest brother of 13) fixing his office chair." That was the last message he received. The being “served” part was in reference to a divorce and restraining order she filed on him. He knew she filed but had been told that it was going to be pushed back and potentially thrown out. He did nothing wrong to have her initiate a divorce or a restraining order from his two kids. I believe it ultimately devastated him after going through a very nasty divorce with my mother because of what my stepmother did many years ago and caused him to act in the way he did. He lost all hope and I believe it was because she ruined his first marriage, tried to take his kids away, and broke his heart."

35. My father raped me for seven years

"It’s hard to choose just one thing because my family is the definition of a clusterfuck. I think the worst thing worth mentioning is that I was molested and eventually repeatedly raped for a period of 7 years as a child by my father. It was quite violent at times, and occasionally, a loaded gun was involved. I’m now 24. In short, this has ruined my life. I’ve suffered an incredible amount of mental health problems as a result that are not yet totally resolved and have cost thousands upon thousands of dollars and hours to treat. I’ve been on probably 20 different psychotropic drugs, none of which have made much of a difference. I’ve tried to kill myself more times than I can count on both hands. I’ve been institutionalized nine times—sometimes voluntarily, sometimes not. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I am objectively quite bright. Everyone expected me to go places with my life, but I have absolutely nothing to show for my intelligence. I couldn’t finish my college degree both because I have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers since I was a teenager, and because my college fund consists of money my father controls; dealing with him in any form renders me unable to function for days or sometimes weeks. I’ve had many jobs, but I can’t hold one down because my mental health has made me too unreliable for anyone to want to keep around. It was only fairly recently that I became remotely capable of having healthy or functional close relationships. I met my SO two years ago, and as of December, we are happily engaged. This is the first person who has ever made me feel safe, and the first person who I felt has ever accepted me as I am. He might be the first really good thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. My fiancĂ© and my therapist know what went down, but no one else does. I think the rest of my family thinks I’m just plain crazy. My father has never been punished for what he did in any way. He is moderately famous in a field I will not divulge for fear that he sees this. He lives in a mansion with a trophy wife, and I live in a studio in the ghetto. My parents are divorced, and my mother and I are close; however, my father is an extremely vindictive, vengeful person, and I don’t even want to know what would happen if he knew I had outed him. He is getting old, though; he’ll be 65 next month, and as far as I know, he’s in fairly poor health. I have resolved to tell my mother what happened once he finally kicks the bucket."

36. My dad and grandfather used to fight each other with knives all the time

"My grandfather and father knife fought each other frequently. Dad has huge scars on his abdomen. Grandfather had serious issues, very abusive. He held a straight razor up to my grandmother’s throat and my uncle grabbed a nearby rifle and held it up to him. The last words out of his mouth were telling my uncle he didn’t have the guts to shoot him."

37. My uncle is a pill head and a thief

"My uncle got addicted to prescription meds, bled out his business of cash before he emptied out my cousins’ inheritance/college funds. He then asked my parents for a loan to help with his business (no one was aware of what he was doing, apparently not even my aunt) and then spent that on drugs. His younger kids don’t know but his oldest does as he was the only one my aunt could rely on/confide in. My family wasn’t the only one he stole from either and he’s basically been exiled from his immediate family until he fixes what he’s done, which isn’t likely."

38. My dad is a registered sex offender

"My dad is on the sex offender registry for rape. From the research I have done he was never convicted and most likely falsely accused; yet he is still listed as an offender. Also, he is several years older than he says he is?!?"

39. I’m named after my mom’s ex-lover

"I’m named after my mother’s ex-lover. 20 years and one divorce later my dad still doesn’t know."

40. My aunt sent lewd pictures of her underage daughter to an underage boy she met online

"My aunt sent lewd (I am not sure if fully nude or not) pictures of her underage daughter, my cousin, to an underage boy she met on the Internet. No charges were ever filed, because my uncle was going through chemo and wasn’t doing too well, and my family that found out didn’t want to put him through the stress of that investigation during the last years of his life. Sick fucking bitch got away with it."

41. My great-grandfather was an incredibly cruel cop

"My great-grandfather was a Yugoslavian immigrant in the 1930s. He became a detective in Gary, Indiana. Stories I hear from family members is that he was an incredibly cruel and corrupt cop/detective with a very racist streak in him. He was known for taking African Americans that caused petty crimes, stripping them naked with their arms tied behind their backs and a broom handle through his arms and dumped them at the Indiana/Illinois border in the middle of the night. I've heard some other rather disturbing stories where he ‘killed people’ in the line of duty although under very shady circumstances. If there is some interest i can try to get more stories."

42. My ex-husband is bleeding NYC taxpayers of millions

"This was before 9/11. My ex-husband was an NYPD detective but he abused his authority, so the PD took his detective shield away and put him back on patrol in uniform in Brooklyn. After he got demoted, he hated going to work but he had no choice. He was also playing hockey in a men’s league. One day he fell on the ice playing hockey and he suffered a herniated disk in his back. He dragged himself to work the next day and hid his injury. He was in his patrol car and was called to a house for a domestic disturbance. This was in the winter and there was a lot of ice in the driveway. He got out of the car and pretended to slip on the ice. He told his partner that he cannot move and they ended up taking him to the hospital in an ambulance. He claimed that he was injured on the job and was retired with full disability in his 30s. After about a year his back got better and he was showing very little signs of his injury. We moved to another state because he was paranoid that if the NYPD finds out that he is not as disabled as he claimed to be, he will lose his pension. He gets 75% of his pay and full medical and dental benefits for life tax free courtesy of the taxpayers of NY City. After we moved across the country he told all our new neighbors that he was retired from the NYPD because he got hurt saving people from the World Trade Center during 911. He was never at Ground Zero, he was already retired when 9/11 happened."

43. My dad murdered three Afghan mujahideen

"My dad fought in the Soviet Afghan war and has a large number of journals he wrote in while there. Reading some of them in secret growing up made me find out some things about my dad. One he wasn’t a truck mechanic like he always told us, he was a sharpshooter and apparently was a damn good one. Two he killed three Afghans while they where asleep. So here it goes his squad was on patrol apparently and he stepped off into the bushes to take a leak and happened upon three Afghan mujahideen that were asleep. Not wanting to wake them he apparently stabbed two with his bayonet and realizing this took too much effort smashed the third ones head in with his entrenching tool. He then rejoined his patrol and didn’t mention what he had come across or done to anyone else."

44. My uncle’s relatives defrauded his poor widow out of his estate

"My uncle died owning several pieces of land and plenty of money in the bank. The relatives took all of it and divided it up among themselves, and lied to his poor widow and children that uncle left them nothing."

45. My cousin sexually abused me

"That my cousin had sexually abused me when I was a kid. I’m talking like…8-14, and it only stopped because she had hanged herself. If she were still alive, well… I still have flashbacks of what she would do, and I feel so…fucked up for being, well…sorta turned on, I think because it was at such an impressionable age, and was the only sexual activity I’ve ever had. I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve only told my brother and my girlfriend about it. It has been the root of most of my issues, from depression to suicidal tendencies (I put myself in harm’s way hoping for the worst which would be the best) to not being able to perform sexually, and many many other things. I frequent /r/suicidewatch mostly because, well…duh. There are times where I want to just end it all, and I’ve been…dangerously close to it. About 5 lbs of trigger pressure away from it. I’ve tried counseling, but I could never bring myself to tell someone I barely know about it. Or my family, mostly because they wouldn’t believe me."

46. My stepdad is a rapist

"Stepdad raped two girls when he was in high school. Edit for explanation, probably should elaborate: so my stepdad is a douchebag. As in, he’s pretty overzealous with the belt or his fists and it’s even worse when he’s drunk. One time though, he was really hammered and I was changing the day after a party and he walked in and saw a hickey on my neck. He was already pissed at me because he always is (like dinner not good enough, grades slacking, not playing well in sports, etc) but for some reason hickey = evil and he went apeshit. He pushed me on the floor and took off his belt and I thought “here we go again” but then he tugged at his pants I was was like “what the fuck” and got up and pushed him away. He was like “Ive done this twice, ill do it again” and I was like “what?” and he slurred “gotten with a high-schooler that didn't want my dick.” then he passed out on the floor. I was completely dumbfounded and just dragged him to his room and went back into my room and locked the door and was just thinking what the fuck… I mean his usual shit sucks a lot but it’s nothing I can’t handle but that’s a whole other level of shit. Now I have this info on him, not sure what to do with it. I looked him up and he’s never been arrested, so there’s two poor girls who were assaulted by the monstrosity that is my stepfather and never got justice. I know it’s been way too many years for anything it happen but it’s still really, really shitty."

47. My father is not really my father

"I’m almost 100% confident that my father is not my biological father. They hung the birth certificates of my two younger brothers, not mine. I asked about it, parents said that they let somebody borrow it & they “never got it back." I was digging through old things & found a letter written to me for my first birthday. I can’t remember word for word what it said, but it was effectively ‘I’m proud to be your father and will always love you’. But it was signed “Nick”. I do not know a single adult Nick in my whole life. My uncle on my dad’s side looks a hell of a lot like me. That’s probably paranoia though. His name is not Nick. The aforementioned uncle killed a guy. Got into a fight with someone in college, beat the shit out of him and the guy died. My grandfather is a lawyer and somehow got him out of it; uncle is now a minister. I was molested by my dad when I was younger, and both of us act like it never happened. Now, he touches me whenever he “says goodnight” to me."

48. My stepbrother is severely fucked-up

"I have a stepbrother who is the bad sheep in our family. It’s a sad story as a whole, it starts with him as a baby, his real mother a prostitute who would feed him pain medication in his bottled so he would sleep while she made her living downstairs. My mum and his dad got together when I was about 2, he would often steal things, then it built up to breaking into places after hours, destroying property and setting fires. He is 4 years older than me, when I turned 7 he started molesting me and I just didn’t know how to deal with it, it went on until I was 13. He started getting violent and taking speed when he was 13 so he scared me a lot and I never told a soul until he moved out. My grandparents know but they never talk about it. He killed a neighbor's cat and buried it in our front yard and then eventually he was living on the streets and he was raped so he took so many drugs that he was hospitalized and then diagnosed with schizophrenia after he said the devil spoke to him and told him to hurt people. The one instance that makes me sick is my grandmother saying she remembers him being at her place and he made her tea and then she got really tired and all she remembers is him laying on top of her, she’s never spoken of that again, I doubt she ever will and I’m the only one who knows. He now is on heavy medication and is practically like a child under constant supervision in hospital."

49. Nearly everyone on my mum’s side of the family has been sexually abused

"Practically every female on my Mum’s side of the family was sexually abused including my Mum and Sister. My Mum was abused by her Dad, my sister was abused by Mum’s side cousin (oldest male), My Mum’s side cousin (second oldest male) raped the youngest male cousin, who abused his niece. The messed up part was when I was around 13-14 just before the majority of this started to collapse in on itself I used to go and stay at their house because they lived in the city near 2 of my favorite skate parks so I would stay for weeks on end just going and skating every day. Then one day my Mum invited the some of them down, shit got real depressing real fast and everything came out. That shit was seriously fucked up."

50. My entire family has a toxic legacy

"This is actually a story about several family members, and I have decided that I would never divulge this to anyone—not even my SO, I don’t care if we got married. Something about this toxic legacy makes me feel like I myself am tainted by this bullshit so I like to hide this family secret in some really deep dusty old memory bin. My mom was raped when she was 14 and gave birth to a son. The father of the kid was alleged to be some random guy in her hometown and he was disgraced after the kid's birth. My mom gave the kid up for adoption, and he was taken care of by close relatives—my grandpa would become his legal guardian. This is in the deep South and abortion was wrong—no exceptions. Of course, that's not the only stereotypical Southern trope you’ll find rings true in this story but we’ll get there. The kid grows up, and he’s kind of fucked up. He’s a huge troublemaker and just can’t stay on the straight and narrow. My mom never really wanted anything to do with him, and we all knew he was aware of this. More thank likely it contributed to his behavior issues. I was a little kid when I met him, and he was much older by about 10 years. He didn’t like me, and I didn’t like him. My mom died and that was the last I heard of him. We all moved on and I lived with my dad following her death. I always wondered why my mom hated the kid so much. One day, I was getting wasted with a cousin of mine and she started talking about an uncle I’d never met who lived in fucking Seattle, WA. He moved really far away to be away from his family and I simply never knew him. Well, my cousin was really drunk and she looked me in the eye and said 'It’s time you knew something.' She pulled out two photos, one of the uncle I didn’t know and one of my older half-brother, the kid my mom hated. They looked exactly the fucking same. Yep, turns out the guy who raped my mom at 14 and got her pregnant wasn’t the poor sap riding around town. It was my fucking uncle, my mom’s older brother. If you’re wondering how my mom died, well she killed herself. After learning that, its not hard to imagine why." TC mark

This Is What You Need To Remember If You’re Trying To Make A Difference With Your Passions

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 01:15 PM PDT


We live in a world of constant opposition. We're told to go to school, find dependable jobs, and stick to the status quo. But then we're encouraged to break the rules, pursue our dreams, and never settle.

We're told that cubicles are restricting, that we shouldn’t work too much or too little, and that we need to free ourselves from the workplace mold. But then we’re advised to establish practical and financially smart careers.

We're encouraged to be reliable and realistic. But then urged to be fearless in the pursuit of what we love.

In all of this, it's difficult to know what and who we're supposed to be. To know what the answers are, or if we're doing the right thing.

But what we need to know, is that no choice is wrong. We can work salaried, nine-to-five office jobs, or we can be starving artists with part-time gigs on the side to make ends meet. We can be doctors or garbage men, first grade teachers or writers, stay-at-home parents or factory workers on the night shift. And all of these careers are good. None of these lifestyles are wrong or foolish, it just depends on what we feel strongly about, what we want in life.

Regardless of the paths we choose, we need to feel passion. We need to strive to make a difference. We need to believe that what we're doing is important.

Because it is.

So this is for you—pursuing whatever career, whatever life you feel in your heart is important, know this: What you are doing and what you believe in matters.

You will always face opposition, this is guaranteed. Someone will shake their head at you and say you need to be freer, less stuffy, more open. Or more grounded, more stable, and less reckless. Someone will always have something to say, but know this: What you do matters.

Even if it seems like the entire world is against you, even if some days you feel purposeless, even if sometimes you stare at the clock on the wall and wonder what it all means. What you are doing matters.

Even if it's just to one person, you are making a difference. And you can't give up on that.

You might not know your impact, the lives you have touched, the feeling you have given someone on a day when he or she really needed it—but it’s there. And that is why you should fearlessly continue forward in whatever you're passionate about. Because it's important. Because it's necessary.

In a world of haters—haters of the corporate world, haters of the non-traditional world—believe in yourself and what you love. Don't be afraid to continue forward, to stand firm, and to oppose this life of opposition. Because all of this matters. You matter. TC mark

How Deciding To Simply Not Give A F*ck Actually Saved Me From My Spiraling Depression

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Matthew Wiebe
Matthew Wiebe

My life post graduation has been anything but ordinary. I started drinking. Heavily. I gained and lost weight. Rapidly. I thought about ending my life. Some days. I cried. Every day.

I had just graduated from the school of my dreams. I wasn't at the top of my class. Probably not even the top 30% of it. But I graduated. My degree was real and valid. I went through four years of hard work. I held seven internships over the course of those four years. I put in countless volunteer hours, both on campus and off. I worked three jobs – for a month, all at the same time. I graduated from one of the nation's top universities with a degree from one of the best Communication and Journalism schools in the world.

My friends noticed before I did. We'd go out to eat and I'd order a drink. Or two. Or three. Before I knew it I was drunk and crying in my bed about how I had amounted to nothing.

We'd go for a walk and they'd comment on how I had stopped taking care of myself: "You're gaining tons of weight. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." And I was fine. I was also drunk, half the time. My red canteen wasn't filled with water or PowerAde; it was filled with vodka. Usually UV brand – the neon colored serum in my bright red canteen bottle made a convincing PowerAde.

In a lot of ways, that red canteen became my best friend. It didn't leave my side very often. I went everywhere with it. I figured out just the right amount to drink to feel good, but not be drunk by the end of the day when it was time to drive home.

I noticed myself spiraling before anyone else noticed. Somehow, thankfully, I had the will to stop.

I stopped drinking. At the same time, I stopped eating.

My diet was suddenly water, coffee, and the occasional bagel from work. My parents noticed my appetite had disappeared when we suddenly had far more leftover dinner than normal. They thought nothing of it. "He's eating before he comes home," they'd reassure themselves.

All the while, I kept losing weight. I went from near 200 pounds to 152 in a month. At 6'3", 152 pounds is scary looking. My clothes stopped fitting. I was a shell of my former self. I overheard someone on the street say I looked like the grim reaper in one of my black shirts that fell off my shoulders like a shawl.

It was scary. Christmas came around and I felt like I had aged seven years in the seven months since graduating. I wondered every day what I had done wrong. My friends were doing so well. Of course, they had gone through a bit of shock after graduation too, but they all seemed to shake it off after about six weeks. Here I was more than six months later and still reeling from it all.

Then, it was like something popped. I had a major anxiety attack just after the New Year, and by February I felt like the weight on my shoulder had been lifted.

What'd I do?

I let go. I stopped thinking about what everyone else was doing. I stopped trying to fit into societal norms. I stopped telling myself, "I have to work here because I need the money." I stopped punishing myself for wanting to work on my own terms, rather than sitting at a desk all day. I found my light and started working towards it. I saw the light at the edge of the spiral and darted towards it. I fell out of my spiral.

And it feels good.

I'll never know if it was simply graduation that triggered my spiral. I still suffer from severe anxiety. Some days I can't get out of bed without thinking about the numerous things on my plate. I drag myself out of bed anyway, cry in the shower, and pretend to be okay through the day. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's something I deal with.

Other anxiety sufferers know that there is no "cure-all" for this ailment, nor is any one person's fix guaranteed to work for anyone else. I take long walks and listen to loud music. Other people need to sit in a dark room in a ball. But whatever your fix is, use it. Get out of your spiral. Between anxiety and depression, the world can be a pretty dark place. Find your light and everything else will come. TC mark

39 Hilarious Photos Of Things That Look Just Like Dicks

Posted: 31 Mar 2016 12:45 PM PDT


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