Thought Catalog


You Have To Let Them Go To Be Whole Again

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 08:15 PM PDT

Nirrimi Firebace
Nirrimi Firebace

If you're anything like me, letting go is a long and arduous process. And I'm not talking about five stages of grief, a bit of self-destructive behaviour, or a few unfortunate Saturday nights finding some solace in strangers. I'm talking months, even years, of regret and isolation—finding it near to impossible to connect with others because you put all of your heart into your last relationship, and despite everything you gave it, look where that got you.

You are left wondering how it could all be really worth the trouble—how enduring countless excruciatingly awkward dates, long cold nights of lacklustre chemistry and waves of rejection and disappointment all in the tireless search to find somebody fresh you connect with could possibly be a sensible allocation of your time and efforts when you have already formed an extraordinary connection in the relationship you shared with your Ex-partner. Wouldn't it be better to instead direct that energy to winning them back, to mending the chasm of love lost between you and prove once and for all that you are who they are supposed to end up with?

What I have begun to recognise in myself and others is that, more often than not, the fear of letting go isn't really that at all, but a fear of trying again — it's not really about the person you have left, but all of the uncertainty and possible disappointment that now lies on the road ahead of you. We find it so difficult to locate and form true connections that letting them go seems unthinkable to us, and discovering one again, a frightening prospect at best.

We hit pause on our lives while we standby indefinitely feeling sorry for ourselves.

So, as futile as it is, we hold on tightly to the small hope our wayward loves might yet still come home. And in the meantime, we withdraw from the world and keep to ourselves, completely disinterested or oblivious of any new potential love interests that come our way. We hit pause on our lives while we standby indefinitely feeling sorry for ourselves.

Well, to hell with that, we deserve better. We must work to shed ourselves of all the longing and sorrow and learn to recognise that our hearts need clearing out from time to time too. That the old adage, "there's plenty of fish in the sea," is a cliché precisely because it is true — the world is rich and teeming with deeply fascinating, warm-hearted people, and though you mightn't always reel in precisely what you're looking for, much joy and enjoyment can be found in the process. We must come to understand that the people who tear our hearts to pieces do not have the power to put them back together, not even if they wanted to—that only we have the tools, care, and understanding that are necessary to make them strong and whole again.

The most valuable change I have implemented this year is to stop allowing old loves and regrets to linger in me and prevent me from welcoming good things into my life. I made the decision to stop dwelling sorrowfully on the past and instead set my eyes toward the future.

The rewards for my efforts have been vast and instantaneous. I finally see that just because true connection is precious and rare doesn't mean it is singular. I see that the number of great loves you experience in a lifetime can be as limitless as you make it. There is a whole wide wild world out there at your doorstep, full of deeply passionate and powerful connections, and it is up to you to find the courage to claim them.

So leave your number with that cute stranger in the coffee shop, or respond to that invitation to dinner you've been quietly ignoring, tidy yourself up, slip into your finest suit or dress, and get yourself back in the game. Let them go, and be yours again. TC mark

30 Common Sense Sex Tips That Would Make Women Way Happier in Bed

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Simone Becchetti
Simone Becchetti

1.

Sex shouldn't hurt for her. At all.

2.

Every time you get an orgasm, you should give an orgasm.

3.

Remind her of how beautiful her naked body is. Even her tummy flab and cellulite.

4.

Start paying way more attention to her clit.

5.

Kiss her neck. Kiss her neck. Kiss her neck.

6.

Don't call her a slut or push her head down, unless you know she's into that.

7.

Buy her lingerie, but don't pressure her to wear it.

8.

Make direct eye contact while you thrust.

9.

Don't assume she can bend herself into ridiculous positions. That shit hurts.

10.

Pull her hair. Unless it's in an up-do that took her an hour to finish.

11.

Foreplay for as long as you can take it.

12.

Don't let her do all of the work.

13.

Go down on her as often as she goes down on you. Or more.

14.

Buy a vibrator. Use it on her while you fuck her.

15.

Gentle sex is good, but rough sex can be even better.

16.

Consent is key, even if you're already dating her.

17.

Have sex outside of the bedroom. Try the couch, the shower, or even the car.

18.

Always have condoms close by.

19.

Suck on an ice cube before going down on her.

20.

Role play when sex starts feeling stale. The cop and prisoner act never gets old.

21.

Keep the room clean. Even light some candles if you're feeling fancy.

22.

Talk to her. Your voice is more of a turn-on than you think.

23.

Use lube, so she's extra comfortable.

24.

Initiate it at different times of day. Most women love morning sex.

25.

Keep yourself well groomed down there. She doesn't want stray hairs in her mouth.

26.

Listen for her moans. Then keep doing whatever it is that causes those moans.

27.

Touch her breasts with your hands, lips, and tongue.

28.

Don't wear childish boxers. It can be a total turn-off.

29.

Ask her what she wants. She'll actually tell you.

30.

Cuddle with her when you're finished. TC mark

Live: A Medium And I Are Trying To Contact The Dead While Staying Overnight In One Of America’s Most Haunted Houses

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 07:01 PM PDT

Ghost Adventures
Ghost Adventures

Saturday, 2:29 am CST

We are going to try to go to sleep. Our room is freezing. We keep hearing noises coming from the fireplace. Amy keeps seeing things. We will try to do some more work tomorrow morning — checkout isn’t until 11 am — but I have a feeling things are going to get interesting tonight. Thanks for tuning in; look for an update in the morning.

Saturday, 2:02 am CST

Wow. We just got back from an insane few sessions. First of all, Amy used a pendulum to ask if there had been peace reached between the two parties. If the Lemps had permission from the Cherokee to finally pass on. Each question was met with a ‘yes.’

Then she asked if we were stopping the spirits’ crossover by speaking with them. Hard no. Could we keep speaking with them? Hard yes.

Billy Lemp stepped forward to “set the record straight” about something. About his father’s death. I’ll go into that later as we still don’t have all the details. The EMF meter was running the whole time and we only got a few small spikes as we were using the pendulum instead.

Then we headed down to Charles Lemp’s room.

If you’ll recall, Charles is the ghost who is “sweet” on me and has visited my home a few times. (I only live a few minutes away from the mansion.) Amy began by asking questions with no real response. Finally, she asked, “Do you want M.J. to ask the questions?”

The meter spiked all the way to yellow, the highest I’d seen all night.

What followed was a series of questions that ranged from whether he visited my house when my husband was on a business trip (big spike) and if he killed himself in the bar area rather than the bedroom we were in (sad little spike.) You can watch the full session here, where the whole Lemp family ends up getting in on the conversation:

We will be doing a few more sessions before calling it quits for the night. Tomorrow we will review all our video and audio. Already the fireplace, after being quiet all night, has started to make the same sounds it did the last time I was here and trying to sleep: small stones being thrown about, knocks, creaks. I do not think this will be a quiet night.

Saturday, 12:19 am CST

We just finished a pretty intense EMF reader session down in Billy’s office where he supposedly killed himself. (Amy has other ideas.) During this session, we played Cherokee chants of hope and Amy asked the Cherokee and the Lemps to come together to try to release the Lemps from their prison. We got several interesting spikes on the meter, especially when Amy asked if they wanted us to turn the chants off. That got a hard yes.

In our second Periscope session, Amy explains exactly what we’re doing here tonight. We are taking a breather and going back at it very soon. Meanwhile, I’m going to the part of the house that scares me the most to get ice for my energy drink. Wish me luck.

Friday, 10:50 pm CST

Only moments after our last EVP, we get what sounds like an actual ghost conversation. See if you hear what we did, and remember, the upstairs was completely silent at this point.

Friday, 10:38 pm CST

And within an hour of arriving we already catch what Zak Bagans would call “A CLASS A EVP!” Except I’m not wearing a tight black t-shirt or shouting “bro” a lot.

Check this out. Amy was meditating and I was going through letters left by previous people who stayed here. Neither of us were speaking and this is not passing traffic.

Chills. I’m going to try to pull more from the first session we did. Meanwhile, here is our first Periscope session.

Friday, 9:44 pm CST

Instagram Photo

Good evening world! It’s me, M.J. Pack, and my clairvoyant friend Amy Venezia. We are staying overnight in the Elsa Suite at the Lemp Mansion, the most haunted room in one of the most haunted houses in the whole country. We are on a mission to make contact with the Lemp family from beyond the grave and see what we can do to help these lost souls who appear to be trapped between the walls of this house.

We just enjoyed a fabulous dinner and some wine in the atrium area of the restaurant; bear with us as we set up some technical equipment and decide on a plan of action. There’s a dinner theater downstairs as well as the restaurant and bar, which stay open until 11, so it will be a little while before we get the place to ourselves (and whatever other guests happen to be staying overnight.) After close, the employees lock the doors and leave us here, then we’re on our own.

Billy has already been very talkative. In a brief EVP session we were rewarded with several very clear answers — one voice appears to whisper “be kind” — as well as what sounds like an entire group of people chattering amongst themselves.

Amy promises it will be a very intense night — perhaps the most intense experience of her life. And, to quote her, “That’s saying something.”

We will be live Periscoping (link to be included) as well as recording video, audio, and sharing with you whatever we find and experience.

Walk these haunted halls with us as we try to bring the Lemp family — and the Cherokee spirits that cursed them — some amount of peace.

Are you ready? Because I know I am. TC mark

We Pretend We Aren’t Ourselves Every Time We Have Sex

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Milly Cope
Milly Cope

After dinner, we disappear
and I make you into something you're not.
Give you soft eyes and a kind heart.
You press your mouth into my neck like
you need me more than oxygen itself,
and I want to believe it. That you'd choose
having this over breathing.
Every time, in every life.
I wish I'd worn sexier underwear.
Wish you'd take off your face and just be
naked with me. Our bodies slick with tears,
trembling, unseparated by fabric.

I wish we weren't who we are.
That I wasn't sad.
And you weren't lost.

You can't look me in the eye so
I don't call you by your name.
We slip and we stumble
like tangled giants into my
old twin-sized bed.
We fuck like forgetting
and you are beautiful, beautiful.
Gut-wrenching beautiful
underneath it all.
Deeper than the hurt.
Beneath your skin.
Inside the inside
of everything
that glows. TC mark

10 Horrifying Haunted House Movies To Watch While You’re Home Alone

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 06:00 PM PDT

The Others

The Others
The Others

Nicole Kidman shines (or screams?) throughout this delightfully eerie Victorian-era spookfest. Ignore the fact that you want to punch the little boy right in his pouty mouth the whole time and just relish in the fact that there are still some horror movies out there that can surprise you.

Poltergeist

Poltergeist
Poltergeist

Of course I’m talking about the original, you monster. This one is just such a solid classic and really quite scary even with the PG rating. Add to that the alleged curse that hung over the film’s series (because apparently the skeletons in the pool are REAL?!) and you’ve got a true haunter on your hands. Bonus fun fact: it took me until last year to watch the skin-pulling part and I still watched it through my fingers.

The Shining

The Shining
The Shining

Okay, so technically the Overlook isn’t a house, it’s a hotel. But that’s even more bang for your buck! Roam the halls with Danny and lose your mind with Jack as the specters slowly reveal exactly how powerful they truly are. After all… you’ve always been the caretaker.

1408

1408
1408

Bear with me here, I’m going to toss in another hotel movie because JFC this movie is SCARY. I mean, downright terrifying. It’s one of my favorite Stephen King short stories and one of the more effective film versions of his work; I think this is mainly because it deals with the very psychology of fear. I mean, Room 1408 literally knows EXACTLY what will scare its occupant, and rather than stick to one subject it simply throws ALL of them their way. This one spooked me good.

The Amityville Horror

The Amityville Horror
The Amityville Horror

It would be remiss of me not to include this absolute classic. This film deals with the very basic concept of buying your dream house only to find out it’s actually a nightmare. I love the way that the house actually affects members of the family in a deep way rather than just having spirits roaming the halls at night. If you haven’t seen this yet — what are you waiting for?! Even the remake has its charm (but I’d definitely stick with the original.)

Insidious

Insidious
Insidious

One might argue that Insidious is more about the haunting of an individual than a house but that doesn’t make the haunting any less scary. Besides, haunted people live in the house — doesn’t that make the house itself haunted? I’m getting into semantics here. Anyway, James Wan does some amazing things with visual terror in this film; it’s so worth a watch.

Thirteen Ghosts

Thirteen Ghosts
Thirteen Ghosts

This movie always seemed to be on television when I was in high school and every time I found it I would inevitably watch the whole thing. The house itself is just so bizarre but my favorite part was the range of ghosts and their unique back stories. If I recall, there was even a website where you could go to read all about how they died… those stories were brutal. Also, Tony Shalhoub is there!

The House On Haunted Hill

House On Haunted Hill
House On Haunted Hill

I’m not particularly fond of this one but it’s still pretty fun. Also, the words ‘house’ and ‘haunted’ are in the title, so it would feel weird to leave it out.

Sinister

Sinister
Sinister

This one takes on a very interesting new concept. I love the “home movies” that Ethan Hawke finds and even the certain vagueness left behind in the wake of what’s causing the mayhem inside his new home. I don’t want to give anything away so just give it a shot, trust me.

The Conjuring

The Conjuring
The Conjuring

Another James Wan masterpiece, this introduces us to the most famous ghost-hunting couple in the USA: the Warrens. I love the nostalgic atmosphere, the peek into ghost hunting of the past, and of course, the disturbing imagery that Wan seems just to excel at. This is a staple of haunted house horror and one of the scariest films to come out in years. So if you choose to watch this one alone, well… don’t say I didn’t warn you. TC mark

I Still Miss You

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Lulu Lovering
Lulu Lovering

There.

I said it.

I am not heartbroken anymore. Really, I’m not. I’m not just a girl saying that to convince everyone staring at her with inquisitive, intrusive eyes. I’m saying it because it’s the truth.

Really. It is.

“I miss you. There, I said it.”

I no longer find you to be a habit.

I do not instinctually think to call you, I don’t have your number memorized anymore (261? Or was it 216?) and when something happens I do not find my right hand reaching for a phone to start typing away to tell you all of the details. You are no longer my emergency contact and honestly, I don’t think I would recognize your voice in a crowd.

But still…

There are days, and there are moments, where all I want to do is look over at you at smirk and roll my eyes. There are days, and there are moments where I know I’m being stupid but you would still laugh at me. There are days, and there are moments, where I feel like you would be the only one to understand me.

I can admit that there are times where I know that even though I may not be able to remember your voice, I still miss your laugh.

And I still really want to hear it.

“I still miss you. There, I said it.”

I’m no longer empty.

I do not feel like I have a gaping hole shaped exactly like your torso in my chest. I do not watch the blood pulsate in my veins and see your lies flowing through me. I do not look for you to finish my sentences or to pick me up at the end of the day. I am not trying to finish anything because I’m complete.

Really.

I am complete on my own. I’m whole.

But even still…

I find my fingers looking for the ink on your shoulders to trace and my hands looking for you to hold at night. I find myself swallowing down your name when I’m on an empty beach and wish I had more company than driftwood. I hold myself back from saying, “He would have loved this” on summer nights.

I may be whole, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room.

“I still miss you. There, I said it.”

I am not waiting for you anymore.

I do not stay up at night, I am not sitting in my bed while staring at the door just picturing you coming through it. I do not watch the clock keep moving and feel disappointed when you don’t. I do not save a pillow for you, there’s no water on the nightstand going untouched, there is no chair in my apartment with a permanent dibs. There’s nothing for you here.

This is a world that I created without you.

This is not yours, and I’m not waiting for you to claim your space.

I’m not hoping, not wishing, not looking, not praying. And I am most definitely not waiting.

Because I’m older now, wiser now. And I know there’s nothing there for me.

I’ve moved on.

There is no but.

I’m simply not heartbroken over you anymore.

Except…

“I still miss you. There, I said it.”

There is still a longing. I can pretend to ignore it, that it is simply a result of too many glasses of wine and ballads, but it’s there.

And try as I might, I do not, no, cannot, deny it.

Because I think there always will be.

Because I still miss you.

And I think a part of me always will. TC mark

You Deserve Someone Who Will Love Every Piece Of You

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 04:30 PM PDT

amanda tipton
amanda tipton

You deserve someone who will look at you and know that you are good enough. Someone who will not let you struggle on whether or not you're worth it, because you are. How people see you or label you doesn't add, change or deduct who you are.

You deserve someone who will never require you to change in order to fit other people’s standards. Because they understand that our eyes see things, places and people out of our own perspectives and lenses. That in actuality, we don't see all these by what they are, we see it by what we really are – a reflection of our heart and soul.

You deserve someone whom you don’t have to verify yourself to. Someone who will never see you as too much of this, too much of that, someone who will embrace all your edges and be sure that if not for your edges, you won’t be YOU.

You deserve someone who will never make you feel like you have to be their monumental idea of who you should be. Someone who will understand that the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you carry yourself is what makes you unique, and unique is beautiful. Someone who will look at you and will love your bad parts as much as they love your good parts.

You deserve someone who will never overthink your flaws. Someone who will realize how difficult it has been for you to love and embrace who you are, thus never allowing conclusively insignificant people ruin it in second tops.

You deserve someone who will exist to see the beauty in you. Someone who will see you with your morning face, smell your morning breath and hear you fail a note as you belt out your favorite song. Someone who will see you lick your chocolate coned ice-cream in the most unattractive way, see you fart, see you eat a hotdog you've already dropped – and will still find you beautifully attractive.

You deserve someone who will stay with you during the stormy days and assures you that there will be a rainbow somewhere along the way. Someone who will inspire you, encourage you, push you beyond your own limits. Someone who will trust your talents and abilities even when you can't trust your own. Someone who will love you at your most critical moments, even those moments when you can't even love yourself.

You deserve someone who will see you with your bad days and also with your good days. Someone who will see you in your most despairing moments and also in your joyous ones. Someone who will see you from flaw to flaw and embrace every single thing about it. Someone who will see you at your ugliest and bitchiest moments, someone who will see you at your worst and will STILL love you for it.

You deserve someone who will see an intelligent human being even when you don't make any sense. Someone who will see a genuinely happy person even when you’re being too foolish. Someone who will see the smiles, the misadventures and the facades, but more than that, will see your real substance.

You deserve someone who will see beyond the outer, who will see a smart, beautiful person who fiercely fight to survive life. Someone who will regard the intensity of bravery she's amounted to. Someone who will recognize her strong pursuit to overcome life's hardest moments.

You deserve someone who will never give you shit talk about who you are nor lectures you to change. You deserve someone who will be there for you. Patiently loving you for every good and every bad part of yourself. Constantly understanding that this is who you are, and as long as you don't overstep your boundaries and you respect the people around you, you're good. They're good.

You deserve someone who will see you and know that you are worth so much more than meets the eye.

You deserve someone who will love you in your entirety. TC mark

10 Reasons Why Friend Love Is The Best Kind Of Love There Is

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, amyjhumphries
Twenty20, amyjhumphries

1. Friends don't ghost.

Everyone in a romantic relationship is essentially living in a constant state of will-they-or-won’t-they-ghost-me? fear. There are never any guarantees that your significant other won't wake up one day and split. But that isn't the case with friends. Real friends don't ghost, and there's a lot of comfort in that simple reality.

2. There's never any sexual tension.

Maybe you drunkenly made out one night in college, but your relationship with your bestie is otherwise sex free. When you're not at all responsible for meeting someone's sexual needs, hanging out is a lot less complicated. You don't have to sit there wondering if and when they're going to make a move, if you’re missing some kind of cue that they’re desperate to get in the bedroom, or if you'll disappoint them by deferring sex until morning because you really are that tired.

3. You can stuff your faces without thinking about what you'll look like naked.

Since it doesn't matter whether or not you look or feel sexy, you can feast with total abandon whenever you eat with friends. Who cares if that extra order of fries makes you feel gross, or that ice cream sundae was totally unnecessary? Just unbutton your pants on the ride home and bask in your bloated glory.

4. You can watch Netflix together and actually chill.

When your bestie texts "Netflix and chill?" it's not a euphemism. They actually want you to come over so you can sit around watching Friends or Master of None and be lazy with them. There's never any underlying subtext for you to uncode within their messages. Plus, you don't have to worry that they'll hit pause and feel you up right as the plot's heating up.

5. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but a friend is always there.

Even if a friend starts dating someone seriously and is suddenly a lot less available to hang out because they're always with their boyfriend or girlfriend, most romantic relationships eventually end. So you can count on your friend to eventually reestablish their place in your life as a constant ally and go-to plus-one. It might take a day or so for them to mend their broken heart post inevitable break-up, but the two of you will revert back to your old ways in no time.

6. You can rely on each other for social media love without seeming cheesy.

A true friend will “like” every single thing you post, and also comment with an appropriately enthusiastic message (e.g. "OMG you're fucking gorgeous I love u so much!!!," or "#canibeyou"). You don't have to wonder if other people will think it's corny of you to tag them in anything, or that your back-and-forth is annoying. Friendship isn't at all lame like romantic love can be.

7. You can be your weirdest self without stressing that they might break up with you.

Your best friends all accept you as is, weirdness and all. When you’re together, you don't have to worry that your behavior's secretly being catalogued and divided into some mental pros-and-cons chart that may or may not lead to your eventual breakup if the scale tips too much the wrong way. So break out into dance spontaneously and push the envelope with inappropriate jokes all you want. They're not sitting there judging, or wondering how their mom or dad might respond to your antics.

8. You never ever have to dress up for each other.

Maybe it's been a day or two since you last showered, or your sweats haven't been washed in a week or so. Doesn't matter. You can show up to a friend's house in any state of shabbiness, wearing whatever the hell you want. They'll take you at your smelliest, sneeziest, and least fashionable. And that's a beautiful thing.

9. There's never any financial tension.

You never have to guess if they’ll pick up the whole check, or who’s paying for what when you go out with a friend. You splitsies pretty much everything, no questions asked. Financial transactions between friends aren't tainted by gender stereotypes or societal conditioning. For the most part, they're wonderfully plain and simple.

10. You can love them for who they are without worrying that your kids will inherit their flaws.

Since you're not going to make babies with your friends, you can love them for exactly who they are, flaws and all. You don’t have to pretend that you're not at all worried that your kids might inherit their weird left toe, or their learning disability. When you don't have to think twice about your gene pools merging, another’s person’s quirks are especially loveable. TC mark

Please, Never Doubt That I Love You

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 03:45 PM PDT

Unsplash
Unsplash

No matter how crazy things get, never doubt that I love you.

When I am cranky and sick and mean, please never doubt that I love you.

When you are cranky and sick and mean, please never doubt that I love you.

When I’m quiet and reserved, and too ashamed or scared to let you into my thoughts, please never doubt that I love you.

When you need your space and time away from me and moments to breathe, please never doubt that I love you.

When I overthink to the point of insanity and I create problems that don’t exist, please never doubt that I love you.

When our love styles are out of sync and we don’t know how to love the other, please never doubt that I love you.

When we’re out of money and patience, please never doubt that I love you.

When we fight until the middle of the night and we’re yelling and misconstruing each others’ words, please never doubt that I love you.

When life comes in and breaks your heart, please never doubt that I love you.

When life throws obstacles in our path, attempts to distance us and tries its damnedest to convince us we won’t make it, please believe that we will and never doubt that I love you.

When life is darkening our happy life together and the world around feels like it is caving in and you and I are pulling farther away from each other, please never doubt that I love you.

When your memory starts to fade with age and we’re old and gray, our bones drying and brittle, our once smooth skin wrinkly and droopy, please, promise me this: that you will never forget that I love you. TC mark

To My Almost Relationship, This is Me Letting Go

Posted: 22 Apr 2016 03:30 PM PDT

Jati Putra
Jati Putra

Relationship is a weird word that people who aren't in them come to despise. Not so much because they can't find someone, but rather they have met someone and haven't quite gotten it right. And the feelings are all there. You're led to believe this actually could be something. And in your mind you play make believe, you dance with these ideas of how wonderful it could one day be.

We foolishly use the word love, to describe our feelings towards these people. And it important to note it isn't the wrong word to use, but rather the wrong person to use it towards who isn't worthy of our love.

Because love simply isn't supposed to hurt this much.

But we settle. We allow love to consume us and trick us in a way into thinking this sort of thing is normal. Because it isn't all bad. Only a complete and total fool would invest time and energy into someone if it was all horrible.

There is something that keeps us there. It's the promises we want to believe. It's the I love yous, three simple words, but their actions counter it. They tell us one day, it'll work out. They tell us one day, we will get it right. So we hope for one day. But we hold onto blind faith and hope that there's something there. We aren't crazy for believing in someone we care about. We hold onto the good moments and the physical aspects of the relationship. The conversations throughout the day. It's the exchanging of secrets, and we feel no one could possibly know us as well as they do. We feel it's only ever been them and no one could ever replace them. They get it. Because it isn't just an almost relationship, they're our best friend too.

But we can't dismiss the fact that there's a really dark side to these relationships. When things are going good, we forget about the nights we cried ourselves to sleep. We forget about the ignored texts which kept us on your toes, as you watched bubbles that disappeared. They knew we were just staring at our phone. We wonder what they are doing, and who they are with. They leave us feeling insecure in a way we never had before. We forget we've been jumping through hoops of fire, but there are times we get burnt, maybe it's happened so much it no longer hurts. We forget about every abrupt ending, and the circles we continue to run in. We forget about the confusion and the blurry lines, and how they redraw them, however, they'd like.

Relationships aren't supposed to be an almost thing.

And the idea of letting go tears at our heartstrings, because we know what we deserve, and we know it isn't this. Then that thought, though, if we try again, maybe you'll get it right? And it's that thought that keeps this going. They've become a habit we're scared to break. They become time we don't want to realize is wasted. Because we can't quite imagine a time, in our life, where they aren't consuming every bit of it, and controlling so much of our thoughts and feelings.

We want to be free of them, but we also fear that freedom too. We fear not ever loving someone as we do them. We fear just turning back around like we have every time before. We fear missing them, but who could possibly miss someone, that doesn't treat them well 100%. But we seem to and feel like a fool for it.

But then one day, you just get tired. Tired of it all.

You harbor the courage to let go. And it isn't just letting someone go, but it's letting someone go and it's losing part of yourself too. Because we have allowed them unknowingly to define us and define our self-worth.

But we let go because we deserve someone that makes you feel good 100% of the time. We let go because we shouldn't just like half of one person. We let go because we want someone to love us, as deeply as we love them.

We finally accepted, that we'll never get that ending we envisioned.

So to my almost relationship, this is me letting go. This is me moving on. This is me for the first time, giving myself what I deserve.

It takes strength to believe in someone and believe in a future, that in uncertain, but of the greater strength, comes in the moment you realize you deserve so much more than this. TC mark