Thought Catalog

The Best People I Know Have Been Hurt The Worst

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

The best people I know have been hurt the worst.

They have been thrown down and torn apart, lied to and cheated on. They have been battered and bruised, maimed, and shamed, and yet, somehow, they have overcome. They have turned fierce. They have worked hard.

The best people I know have shown gratitude to anguish, met sorrow with sincerity, and found peace in the pieces of their wrecked plans and runaway dreams.

Living the difference between sympathy and empathy, they are comfortable with discomfort and they appreciate that pain is not just a feeling, but a phenomenon. They have bathed in failure and they have showered in suffering. They have felt it all. They are raw.

The best people I know have learned that a strong scream is no match for a silent stare. They know the aching empty horror that makes bones throb, the vile darkness that light fears, and the cold dust where embers used to glow.

They have known hurt that is real and bleak and dripping with despair, and they have collapsed, time and time again, only to rise once more. Their wounds have not won. They have healed. They move forward.

The best people I know whisper to themselves, sighing so long that their lies became truths and their shards became scars, whispers as pure as pain,

"Hurt me, break me, and slay me, if you want. Lie to me, step on me, and steal from me, if you will, but I am stronger than your weakness, I am brighter than your darkness, and I am braver than your cowardice."

They have taken shrapnel to the soul, broken hopes and broken bones, but they continue to battle. They have turned valiant. They are noble.

The best people I know have seen soul mates become strangers and have felt ghosts in their veins where gods used to reign.

They have learned that a broken heart can shatter and a shattered heart can splinter, but, eventually, it can break no more and in that beautiful, morose moment, the broken become unbreakable, unstoppable. They are fearless. They are free.

The best people I know are not immune to heartache; they are intimate with it. They are the blessed, broken angels circling the holy kingdom of forgiveness, the destroyed divine crying tears of pristine grief.

They are the lucky, scarred saviors pacing the grieving halls of redemption, the wounded heroes murmuring hymns of clean consolation. They have been beat up and spat on, kicked in and burnt out, and yet somehow, they have overcome. They are heroic. They have persisted.

The best people I know have been hurt the worst.

They have just made the best of it.TC mark

This post originated on Rebelle Society.

The 10 Types Of Girls You Meet In The Club Bathroom

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 07:00 PM PDT


There's no way to sugar coat this: The club bathroom is a strange place. You know that sinking feeling when a creepy dude who's been offering you drinks all night somehow finds you again, just when you thought you'd lost him for good? Entering the parallel universe that is the girl's bathroom is kind of like that, but worse.

The ladies' room at the club is a lot like Vegas in that whatever happens there stays there since everyone's too drunk to remember anything about it the next day. But it's also a lot like the zoo in that you encounter so many fucking bizarre species inside.

Here are the 10 different types of girls you're bound to meet in the club bathroom:

1. The Drunk Girl Crying In The Corner Over Her Ex.

You have your own shit to worry about but you can't help overhearing the chick in the corner screaming at the top of her lungs into her cell phone, leaving a series of voicemails for her ex-boyfriend that would be highly entertaining if they weren't so damn pitiful. She starts off with a promise to kill him, but by the 15th message she's confessing her undying love.

You feel so bad for this girl, hoping for her sake that her battery is about to die so she can stop embarrassing herself. You even look around for a grownup who might be able to escort her home and put some food in her mouth so she can sober up and finally shut the fuck up. At one point, you even generously attempt to bestow some wisdom on her, but it's clear from her inability to register your presence, let alone your brilliance, that you're roughly 13 drinks too late for that.

2. The Girl Who Got Way Too Fucked Up And Is About To Throw Up

She walks into the bathroom looking like a hot mess—lipstick smeared, cross-eyed, and barely able to walk. After staring in the mirror for a while trying to fix her face, which is way beyond repair at this point, she professes her love to the stranger standing right next to her. Before she can finish whatever she's saying, though, she has to run to the nearest stall to puke her brains out. Luckily for everyone else, she leaves the fucking door wide open so we can all enjoy the show. At this point no one wants to go anywhere near that toilet, which works out great for her since she's already decided it's the perfect spot to take a nap.

3. The Obnoxiously Friendly Girl

You're not sure where she came from but you sure are thankful for her. This girl loves EVERYTHING about you. She's clearly had one too many but you don't care because she lovesssss your hair and she thinks you're SO pretty and you soak it all in because you had a pretty shitty workweek. She takes a few pictures with you and even asks you to be in her Snapchat, which makes you feel like the celeb you've always secretly felt you deserve to be.

You're super flattered—but only until you make a few more trips to the bathroom and realize that this bitch never leaves, and that she's pulling the same shit with every other girl who waits in line to pee. You wonder if she even has any friends at the club, and whether you mean anything to her at all. Probably not, you're forced to realize.

4. The Non-stop Snap-chatter

This girl has to document every single moment in the bathroom, including her friend peeing. The concept of TMI and personal space are totally foreign to her. She has 10 followers on Snapchat and feels obligated to share her entire world with them. No one is safe from her phone, or from her annoying rants to her snapchat "fans" about how annoyed she is with the world, mostly because your outfit doesn't match. She voices her disapproval of your clothing as you stand right there, and she doesn't even skip a beat when you look at her like, "Bitch, you know I can hear you, right?"

5. The Lying Bitch Who Wants To Cut

This bitch will try every trick in the book to cut the line. She'll approach a stranger pretending to know them so she can jump ahead. Or she'll march right up to the front of the line and say something ridiculous, like: "OMG I'm going to throw up," or "I'm pregnant and I'm going into labor," or "I am in the witness protection program and need to hide in the bathroom right this second," or "I have 2,000 Instagram followers and I'll give you a shout-out if you let me cut." When none of that works, she'll actually bring a friend over to vouch for her lies. 99% of the time no one buys her BS, and she eventually gives up.

6. The Bathroom Hogging BFFs

Every club bathroom has them. The BFF's that do literally everything together, and going to the bathroom is no exception. Not only do they have a photo shoot in the bathroom and a gossip session in front of the sink as you are trying to use it but they also hog a bathroom stall for at least 20 minutes so they can watch each other pee, take more pics, analyze each other's texts, and do some drugs without leaving each other's side.

7. The Girl Applying 50 Shades Of Too Much Makeup

If you didn't know any better you would think this girl brought a full suitcase of makeup with her. She hogs the mirror for 30 minutes, during which time she keeps reapplying the same shit. You ask her politely to move a little but she pretends not to hear you as she continues to cake shit onto her face. Right as you're about to leave, she glances over at you, but just when you think she's finally about to move the fuck over so you can fix your ugly, she asks to borrow your lipstick instead.

8. The Drunk Girl Who Mistakes The Bathroom For The Actual Club

This girl is LIT AF and if the bathroom was a high school she would definitely be voted "The Life Of The Party." Not only is she everything you ever wanted to be from the confidence she exudes to her fashion sense but she is also super nice and her fun attitude is almost contagious. Every other song that comes on is somehow her "jam" and at one point she even twerks on the bathroom attendant while waiting for her friends to finish peeing. Hell, you would even join her dance party for one if you weren't too busy Instagram stalking your crush.

9. The Girl Ready To Fight Literally Everyone

Whether she does it or not, she lets everyone in the restroom know that tonight's about to go down. You're not really sure who pissed her off or if she's just super hungry but you're way too scared to even look in her general direction since she's clearly a ticking time bomb on the verge of exploding on someone. This is clearly a case of "lack of dick" or "lack of food" or both, and you'd rather not be the target of her rage.

10. The Girl Who Needs To STFU Already

This girl just. Won't. Stop. Talking. She's either gossiping with her friends about what a bitch Becky, Jackie, Jennifer, Karen and, gosh, even Rachel are. Or she's babbling about how awesome she is. Basically everyone else sucks and is obviously jealous of her perfect life. You want to slap this girl back into reality and let her know that she has no haters and her 900 followers on Instagram don't actually count as fans. TC mark

This article originally appeared on DaddyIssuesLA.

This Is How You Love The Girl Who Will Never Be Perfect

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 06:00 PM PDT


I am the girl men turn to in order to forget slivers of yesterdays they don’t want to remember, as though I am the best way to run past the greyness of weeks and years kissed brusquely by routine and washed-out dreams. As though I have much to give, as though the pallor of my cheeks are enough to paint their mornings in shocking technicolor, as though I have within my palms the answer to prayers they never thought to ask for.

No guarantee of constant bliss. I can assure you of sleepless nights underneath starry skies but not of continuous evenings such as this. I can assure unplanned journeys through unmapped streets and dirt roads but, I’m sorry, if I run away at the slightest kiss.

I am an accident about to happen -a timebomb about the explode. The reason why they scratch names on tombstones and place signs on pedestrian zones. There is no rope to tie me down, I had already built my own gilded cage -determined not to let anyone too close to see how much of an unhinged, hollow spectacle I can be (without the coffee, without the tea, without the smile I wear ear to ear, with just me and 300 complaints packed in a suitcase).

I won’t beg for you to keep your fingers intertwined with mine because I can’t promise you enough warmth from my own. You make me wish I wasn’t broken as much just so I can give you all that you lack. But I’m a walking carcass with an eggshell of a heartbeat and there is not much left of me.

If I run away all of a sudden, I apologize. I am restless and unkind even to myself. But I will always keep a pocketful of your words in the back of my mind. I can’t be owned and I don’t wish to be. Don’t try to rebuild or mend me while you listen to the crossfire of my thoughts in the morning. I had earned enough scars to write poetry.

I will tell you a thousand reasons why you should leave but if you really mean to stay, then please do.

Relearn the world with me. TC mark

A Generation Afraid Of Sex

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 05:45 PM PDT

Nina Sever
Nina Sever

I made the mistake of meeting someone for the first time on New Year's Eve. The meeting itself wasn't a mistake, but the fact that I don't drink much, combined with a bartender giving me a giant glass of whiskey for free, no ice, coupled with my bluntly sexual new year's resolution, made for an interesting mix of embarrassment and a strange first impression on my end. It was the most alcohol I've had in my body in years, so obviously, when I told someone I had just met three minutes prior that my new years resolution was to finally bottom for the first time, she seemed a little uncomfortable. Only I was highly intoxicated, so I didn't care.

This is not necessarily something I would have said to someone I had just met sober, and in fact, it's likely not something I would say to many people I've known my whole life. The conversation then veered in the direction of learning how to bottom, and the various ways a self-identifying gay man could test the waters, for lack of a better term. This person was stuck with me at a diner, and the conversation between my friend and I lasted for at least an hour.

I woke up the next morning feeling awkward and wanting to apologize. But the more I thought about the conversation I was having with my friend, the more I realized we weren't really discussing anything that should warrant someone else to be uncomfortable, or that should warrant an apology. Unless you're Amber Rose trying to humiliate Kanye West's sexual interests, there was nothing to be embarrassed of. (Except for when I stood up and accidentally knocked over a Christmas tree by accident.)

I later learned this person was, in fact, a little overwhelmed by my discussion of sex. But the reality is that if someone presents themselves as a liberal open-minded college student who has gay friends, I'm going to think I could talk about gay sex around you. I went to college. I was involved in my campus Gay/Straight Alliance. I rallied around various causes. I'm as progressive as it gets, but I strongly dislike PC culture. I imagine I was raised in much the same way most college kids are raised in 2016. But there seems to be something with the most recent generation of college-aged people and recent college graduates that demonstrates an unhealthy fear of sex and sexuality, and for how progressive this group of people claim to be, I'm convinced they are far more conservative than they realize.

I have a job that occasionally puts me in the presence of celebrities. With the exception of the time Alicia Keys walked through the door and I had to run away for fear I would start crying in front of her, I am generally unaffected. It's fun spotting random movie stars walk through your building and pointing them out to coworkers. It's entertaining when some B-lister pops in to see his or her movie, but that's about as far as it goes.

Recently however, the stunning Olivia Wilde came through and naturally everyone's jaw dropped. Regardless of gender or sexuality, when you see someone as beautiful as Olivia Wilde, it's natural to discuss the magnitude and relevance of this beauty. She's tall. Her face is exceptionally lined, and she fits all the definitions of what is considered stereotypically sexy. Also, she's even better looking in person.

So when a gay male coworker posted an innocuous sentence about Olivia Wilde on Facebook, he was attacked with statements accusing him of objectifying women. He was called a pig. He was told that his statement was vulgar. It was all very bizarre, considering the accusation of the objectification of a woman was aimed at a gay man (not that this can't happen, just in this case, it didn't make sense) and the people doing the accusing were not a bunch of elderly harpies, but millenials.

There was never a point in my life where I would have considered a simple pointed public statement that someone wants to have sex with another person as an objectification. When I say a public statement, I mean that someone within earshot, someone you probably know well (because generally people aren't discussing sex with strangers, unless you're drunk on New Year's Eve) sees someone they are attracted to then tells you out loud they would have sex with said person. What I'm definitely not referring to is going up to that person and telling them directly. But a simple conversation about sex between friends is not offensive.

This sparked the question, why is simply stating a normal interest in sex for a specific person so offensive? Moreover, why was it so triggering?

Most of my friends who are currently in college, or just out of college give or take a few years, have the same overly sensitive idea of sex. I want to go back to school, Drew Barrymore Never Been Kissed style, and infiltrate what is making these new adults so fearful of normal sexual discussion and behavior.

We're teaching these kids to be so caught up in social justice and to constantly pay attention to the flaws in our system. While much of this is completely valid and for the betterment of society, these same people are refusing to ever look inward, and this same refusal is ultimately what slowly chips away at never fully understanding one's own sexuality, which then further develops into a discomfort of discussing sex. This manifests itself in such a way that it then allows for these people to see this as normal, because they are taught over the years that sexuality is delicate, and that sex is a flower, as if this were the 1940's.

It's an unexpected side effect of an overly politically correct culture. Sex is always going to appear uncomfortable on the surface when it's new and not part of the mainstream, or not part of your stream of consciousness. But the sad truth is that we are creating a generation of people who never get over this discomfort, because we're allowing them to believe that never stepping out of your comfort zone is the same thing as someone invading your safe space. It's not the same thing. Sex, if done properly, is not delicate. Sex is letting go. Sexuality is looking inward then releasing outward.

There is an understanding that comes with acceptance and maturity, and that understanding is having fun. But, as it currently stands, there are far too many boring and defensive identities in response to sexuality. There are too many easily offended people looking for a reason to reinforce their own victimhood. They will create entire worlds to continue to see themselves as a victim. They will gather friends and foster environments that will never allow them to step out of their comfort zone. They will look for anything that will reinforce this. Rather than fixing themselves from the inside out, they seem to want the outside to reflect who they are.

We are becoming a generation of people who feel the need to constantly pick everything apart and reconstruct its meaning into something negative. If I say I want to have sex with someone, but not inappropriately or aggressively say it to that person, this is not an offense. If I discuss sex with a gay friend and you don't like it, look inward. If I decide I want to have sex with Olivia Wilde because she's gorgeous and you consider that an objectification, it's only an objectification if I said it to her face, then diminished everything else about her as a woman. This is what's called a healthy interest in sex.

It's all very hypocritical, considering this is thought to be the most widely progressive and accepting generation ever, but things really haven't changed that much when you look underneath. I can't tell you how many people, when asked, consider themselves to be "sexually fluid" then turn around and refuse to have sex with anything other than what is expected of them. That's not fluidity. That's superficial, and it makes you a liar. Pretending to be progressive and support gay marriage, then being uncomfortable when someone talks about gay sex is not understandable. It's pedestrian, and we should be pushing ourselves further.

It is a common misconception to view someone else's normal healthy interest in sex as an objectification. Think about why you would be uncomfortable with someone discussing gay sex when you support gay relationships. Think about why you view a gay man stating a sexual interest in a woman as something dirty. The problem is not the other person's normal interest in sex. The problem is that your view of sex is negative and shameful and private, and if you didn't view your own sexuality this way, you wouldn't view someone else's sexuality this way either. TC mark

17 Everyday Struggles Of Being A Girl Who Wears Her Heart On Her Sleeve

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Kiele Twarowski
Kiele Twarowski

1. You get teary-eyed at the most seemingly mundane things, like dead squirrels on the side of the road, or an old couple holding hands.

2. You’re a TERRIBLE liar. Seriously, you have absolutely no poker face.

3. You have a really hard time hiding when you have a crush on someone. It feels like you’re constantly on the verge of bursting and accidentally shouting, “YOUR FACE IS THE BEST!! I REALLY LIKE YOUR FACE!!”

4. And even when you think you’re being stealth about liking someone, you’ll find out later that everyone already knew. And I mean EVERYONE.

5. You suck at keeping your own secrets. You’re essentially a walking, talking diary.

6. No one ever has to wonder how you’re feeling. You just go ahead and tell them. (Even when they don’t ask)

7. You worry about getting kicked out of movie theaters when watching sad movies because you’re sobbing just a little too loudly. You can’t control it, okay??!?

8. Bambi and Dumbo ruined you. Thanks a lot, WALT.

9. You are everyone’s stand-in therapist. And while you love that people feel comfortable confiding in you, it can be a little draining at times.

10. You assume the best in people, and when someone isn’t as authentic as they present themselves to be, it really throws you off. You mean…you’re not actually nice? Oh.

11. You give a lot of second chances. Which can sometimes bite you in the ass.

12. You get easily invested in people, places…things. It wouldn’t be weird for you to get emotionally attached to a tree, tbh.

13. You’ve never really worried about having resting-bitch-face. You typically have resting-whatever-my-current-emotional-state-is-face.

14. Um, you actually do give a f*ck. You give plenty.

15. You have a hard time understanding people who don’t easily open up. You just want to crack open their lil’ robotic hearts! Let us in. Let us love you.

16. You’re never afraid to give those you love verbal affection. You’re a compliment machine to your closest pals and will always end a conversation with: “Bye, love you!”

17. You cannot play it cool. Nope. Noooope. Not gonna happen. Sorry. Physically can’t. You will never be thought of as the mysterious girl, and you know what? You’ve accepted it. You embrace it. This is your path. This is your destiny. *bursts into song* TAKE ME FOR WHAT I AMMMM. WHO I WAS MEANT TO BEEEEEE. TC mark

I Am Trying So Hard To Avoid Falling In Love With You

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 04:15 PM PDT


You inch closer to my ear,
I crawl a little to meet you;
Our elbows are touching,
and my heart is aching.

I heard you garnish promises,
with the tips of your fingers on bare skin,
I can feel your breath on my shoulder,
and your eyes on my face when I stare at the walls.

I can try to be brave,
I can be what you think I am,
But I admonish your advances towards my heart.

I walk on glass floors with glass slippers,
I live a very noisy existence.
I love quiet, I love the sound of quiet breaths,
The way that our eyes meet solemnly across a room,
I heard your kisses cut through the sorrow,
Oh, I have the grief of a hundred years in my mouth.

I can tell you what I want to want and what I need,
I hear you calling me in the middle of the night,
I’m too scared to let you hear the love screaming from my smile.

I love how your eyes never leave my face,
how you brush my hair behind my ear,
You’re made of light a light, of a hope,
too bright, too full of warm smiles and gentle caresses,
and I don’t know how to reciprocate this kind of affection.

The contrast between us is too extreme,
You’re everything poets write about,
I’m everything they don’t.
How do I keep up when I walk in muddy deserts,
when you’re gliding on marble floors?

You smile and walk beside me, stealing a glance,
as I try to feign disinterest.

You keep trying to make me feel special,
I don’t want to question the identity I’ve created over the years,
I’m the background wallpaper and you’re the masterpiece,
in the middle of the room,
praised by the spectators from all over the world.

We’re equally balanced, but I’m holding the edge,
to soften the impact of the crash,
while you’re spreading your arms, embracing the fall.
I’m sorry but can I strap on a parachute?

You reached the ground first,
turned around and said, “I’m in love with you.”

I gasped and said, “I’m still falling.” TC mark

19 Completely Stupid Things I Can’t Help But Find Personally Offensive

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 04:00 PM PDT

New Girl
New Girl

1. Raisins.

Especially in cookies. A raisin cookie is living a lie. Everyone thinks it’s going to be a delicious chocolate chip cookie, and then upon biting into it are greeted with the grossest snack of all time. It’s rude. And humiliating because you can’t spit out a bite of food and keep your dignity after like, the age of 13.

2. 4G vs. LTE

I pay my own phone bill like a respectable, semi-put together lady. I should be able to check Twitter without a delay whenever I damn well please.

3. Cars that play their music loudly enough that I can hear it inside my apartment.

I’m super stoked for you that you’re still not over “Sorry” and feel the need to ~*jAm*~ every time you hear it. I’m just not with you. And I don’t want to hear it when you roll by because you don’t understand what an appropriate decibel level is. Just don’t.

4. Hangnails.

Why does every time one of those little bastards decides to make an appearance all of sudden your arm is going through some sort of Black Swan hell? Yes, I know that hand lotion helps. But sometimes it’s too late and you just walk around bleeding from your cuticle to your goddamn elbow for a week and it’s TERRIBLE.

5. People who do not have semi-professional email handles.

Honey. I know, I know. We all had fun being petewentzluvmeback211 @ yahoo dot com from 2001 to 2005. But we’re adults now. Get an email that you don’t have to mutter under your breath because it’s truly embarrassing. You’ll thank me later.

6. Bicyclists.

“When you’re a pedestrian you hate cars, when you’re driving you hate pedestrians. But no matter where we are, we will all always hate someone on a bike.” — Ghandi

7. Uber surge pricing.

Look man. We’re all just trying to turn hard work into happy hour, and get home without dying. I’m already wasting my money by having David pick me up in his black Prius, you don’t have to make it worse for all of us.

8. Shower handles that are not clear about how to make the shower work.

Nothing makes me feel like more of a fool than getting into an unfamiliar shower and not being able to ~*ahem*~ make it rain. JUST LABEL IT ON AND OFF. WHY IS THAT SO HARD?!?!

9. When Siri won’t just answer the fucking question.

Siri, you and your iPhone house cost me over $700. Just answer the question and stop Googling things.

10. Lukewarm coffee.

If I order a non-iced coffee I expect that sucker is handed to me at a balmy 115 degrees. If it feels like a pool that needs skimming because it’s been neglected all Spring I’m just going to be grossed out.

11. Cash bars at weddings.

No. NO. I’m at your wedding, I’m not sleeping during your vows, I’m wearing heels and washed my hair, AND I bought you a gift. The least you can do is facilitate my buzz. If you cannot grant me this common courtesy you will find me not on the dance floor making the Cupid Shuffle my bitch, but in the kitchen with your catering staff getting lit. Sorry not sorry.

12. People who use the Apple Genius Bar like a library.

Get in and get out, folks. It makes everyone happier. Especially Kevin the Apple Guy, who is tired of explaining that no, you didn’t get Apple Care + so yes, you’re screwed.

13. Night zits.

Yes, I realize I should have taken my makeup off more thoroughly. But why?! Why you gotta be so rude?! Don’t you know I’m…in my 20s and shouldn’t have to deal with both taxes AND acne. *sIgH*

14. Round-a-bouts.

No one knows what to do, everyone ends up honking, and it’s just a mess. Stoplights 4ever.

15. Overly taught towel dispensers.

I just want to try my hands, not end up with little bits of damp paper towel stuck to my palms. STOP RIPPING YOU’RE MAKING ME QUESTION HOW I GOT A COLLEGE DEGREE.

16. Facebook invites.

Look. Imma level with you. No one wants to come watch your band play Green Day covers in the basement of a VFW. No one.

17. People who do not teach their children how to behave around animals.

You are asking for your child to get bitten by a dog and it’s making everyone nervous.

18. Non-direct flights.

No one LIKES air travel, okay? We all hate being crammed into a tiny tin can filled with farts, recycled air, and $7 bottles of Barefoot. But we do it because it’s a hazard of needing to get from point A to point B. But getting to point B shouldn’t have to take a detour to points A.1, A.2, and A.3 simply because Delta couldn’t get their shit together enough to make a direct flight. UGH. This is why we can’t have nice things.

19. FitTea.

We all know it just makes you poop a lot. Stop lying to everyone. TC mark

19 Things Every Chronically Messy Person Understands

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 03:00 PM PDT


1. Your idea of cleaning your room is piling all of your clothes onto your desk chair and assuming you’ll take care of it ‘some other time.’

2. Basically any version of you cleaning just involves you putting crap into piles that you will tackle on the day when you magically become a more organized person.

3. The last time you made your bed was probably when you were a kid and you were trying to prove to your parents that you were responsible enough to get a dog.

4. …And you never looked back.

5. Instead of folding all your clothes in your laundry basket after they’ve been washed, you just pull them out one-by-one each time you need something to wear.

6. Technically speaking, you consider this a ‘system’ because eventually the basket is emptied out enough and the hamper is filled up enough that it signals to you that it’s time to do laundry again.

7. When you visit friends, it takes less than sixty minutes for you to spread your belongings all over their living space. And they always have to mail you at least three different things that you accidentally left behind.

8. Looking for something in your bag is a complicated process because it is a black hole of old receipts, gum wrappers, chapstick that you forgot you had until this moment, three pairs of headphones, and Tic Tacs that have escaped from their plastic prison.

9. Every time you travel, you’re shocked at your ability to enter a beautiful, pristine hotel room and ruin it within minutes.

10. Everything you own is always lost, all the time.

11. But you prefer the term ‘temporarily misplaced.’

12. You’re always really proud of yourself when you put a bowl or plate in the dishwasher immediately after you used it.

13. Being in your room often feels like Christmas because you’re always discovering items that you haven’t seen for months at a time.

14. “Sorry, my car’s a little messy.”
–You, every day.

15. When your roommates have recently cleaned any shared living spaces, you immediately withdraw to your room because you know it’s in your nature to effortlessly destroy their hard work.

16. You find that the messier your bed is, the more comfortable it gets.

17. Every time you’re tempted to buy a planner or any other organization tool, you stop yourself and think of all of the planners you’ve bought with high hopes in the past that only ended up melting into the giant glob that is your belongings.

18. Sometimes that coffee mug sitting on your desk has only been there for two hours. Other times, it’s been there for three weeks.

19. You’re reading this list because you spent too long looking for something in your bedroom or your bag and eventually gave up and retreated to the distraction that is the internet. TC mark

When It’s Time To Leave The Place You’ve Called Home

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

Last night I climbed a tower that overlooked the city and I stood there, two jackets, baseball cap, arms folded on the concrete ledge, hands pressed to my cheeks. The wind was fierce, freezing the tears against my face as I tried to blink them away. I watched the windmills in the distance, spinning, spinning, and the set of lights across the county road blinking on and off.

The city extended for miles, small, but bright. I thought of the Chicago skyline, how breathtaking it was from the deck of the tallest tower, from the window of an airplane. Or the city of Phoenix from the street that dead-ended into the mountain, where I sat in-between the legs of a boy I loved, taking in all the colors, all the lights.

I thought of how the sounds of those cities seemed so distant, but when you closed your eyes you could always hear them—the rush of an airplane engine, laughter, shouts, horns, sirens. I'd always loved those sounds, felt at peace in hearing them.

But here, it was silence. It was the shadow of a car on a one-lane road a few miles to my left. It was a ranch house with a single light. It was the gas station up the road with its florescent sign, swaying absently in the wind.

As I watched the lights, I couldn't help but cry. Cry for the sounds and the absence of them. Cry for the places I'd been and called home. Cry for the hands I'd held, the hearts I'd broken, and the people I would one day leave behind. Cry because this silent city was where I'd found myself. And it was time say goodbye. TC mark

Mister Wallace: The Only Queer Rapper You Should Be Listening To Right Now

Posted: 05 Apr 2016 01:45 PM PDT

“Have you seen me in the magazine? Huh? Have you seen me in the magazine?” Mister Wallace chants with urgency on his stylish debut EP Faggot, out now via Chicago-based FutureHood Records. With cameos by Cakes da Killa, aCebOOmbaP and Kiam, Faggot sees Mister Wallace spit to jazzy, infectious ballroom beats that link club music, house, sickening synths and hip hop, all while exploding the constructs of queer sex and gender.


You can’t play Faggot, certainly not a track like “It Girl,” and not get into the fantasy. I caught up with the Chicago-bred, New York-based provocateur via phone on his way to Six Flags. We kee’d about being fabulous, black queerness, and what living as a faggot really means.

 of Mister Wallace
Patrick Arias

I’m really drawn to the way you’ve embraced the word faggot all over the EP. I mean, it’s the name of the record. How did you decide to go with such a strong word?

I chose “faggot” because I wanted to poke fun at the media’s coverage of queer hip-hop artists and as a fuck you to all the people who called me names or told me the world wasn’t ready for people like me. I feel like gay is a white man’s term. There’s not much room within “gay” for black/brown bodies. Also it’s very limiting. Faggot is limitless. The “other” is where it’s at — gay is the status quo. I’m not for the status quo, and my music speaks to another perspective, the perspective of the modern queer black body. When the word “faggot” is thrown at you on the street, the way people say it and the stigma behind it, it’s bad. But also you see me and, yes bitch, I'm fab as fuck. [laughs]

Yes Gawd! But what does it mean for you to be "fab as fuck"? What does that actually do?

You know, what does it do? It barely pays your bills, I'll tell you that. I think it's a way of expressing an awareness about the constructs around you. In the RuPaul's Drag Race society there's a lot of people who are starting to understand the constructs of gender but still getting wrapped up in the constructs. It's the in-betweens and the mismatches where it's really at. It's the butch lesbians who are having sex with femme men. It's the expression of identity, the allowing of everyone to be themselves and not try to limit people.

So for you, being fabulous and being a faggot is all about blurring the lines of identity, of shaking up social constructs altogether.

I think a fabulous person is a person who can communicate that I won't actually be limited. Fabulousness is a way of showing how you can communicate and operate in the world on a different plane. It's a beacon for a lot of people, a wakeup call, and that's why I push to be in people's faces.

Wallace Wallace Wallace
Wallace Wallace Wallace

Speaking of being in people's faces, I was listening to “It Girl” on my headphones in my living room and as soon as it came on I screamed, “Ooooh bitch!” I couldn’t take it. My reaction was so visceral, I couldn’t even stay seated. My roommates didn’t know what was going on with me.

I'm glad you felt that way when you turned it up because I want to wake that up inside of you. I want you feel like you're the “It Girl,” too.

I surely did! I was walking around my living room, throwing my arms in the air, twirling.

The message of the damn song is "Girl, you're that girl. Be that girl." It's something I have to tell myself everyday in the struggle of being fabulous and trying to life my life as an artist. I want my work to be my life, and I want to spread this message in many different ways. It's about empowerment, waking up and feeling good about yourself. As an African-American man growing up in the 21st century, it's not great for someone like me and we're limited in so many different ways. "It Girl" is about being unlimited. Nothing's going to stop me. When other people listen to it I want them to have that same feeling, no matter what their background is.

You’ve essentially repurposed this negative slur and thrown it into a black queer performance context. That must be liberating for you aesthetically.

I grew up in a household where, you know, you're walking and you're living and you're enjoying yourself and then all of a sudden they say: Don't walk like that! Why are you holding your hands like that? The vogue references in “It Girl” – the "ha" – is supposed to make you go right into that femininity because that is part of who you are. You should be able to express that freely.

How exactly has voguing and ballroom impacted your sound?

Ballroom was everything. In that household where you're told, "don't move like that" or "don't walk like that," and then you see a whole movement based on that, based on expressing yourself through feminine gesture and the power of your personal sensuality, that completely unlocked my mind. I felt like that was where I belonged. My cousin, who was really into fashion, experienced the culture in Atlanta first hand and told me that I had to check it out. Through the power of the internet I was able to look up videos of kids in New York that were tearing it up. I was in my room crashing and crashing and crashing to the floor. My mom was like, "What are you doing in there?" and I was all, "Nothing! I'm sorry!" when really I was trying to learn how to dip.

So you started voguing by learning online and then going to the actual balls and learning there, too.

I was at the club very young, 18, and practicing the moves I’d "perfected" in my bedroom that were not so perfect at all. My friend Darrell found me in the club, honey, and he was like, "Hey, come to this house meeting" and I got to practice with the girls and walk all the mini balls. So voguing has always been there for me as an inspiration.

Wallace Wallace Wallace
Wallace Wallace Wallace

The interesting thing about voguing nowadays is that it is so popular and has spread internationally. Have you had a chance to experience any of the international scene?

I've been watching Leyomi since the very beginning. So when she and Dashaun Wesley started traveling globally and seeing the effect this has had on pop stars has been cool. I remember very early on seeing clips of BeyoncĂ© and Mya — Mya was one of the first girls to have a whole vogue break down in this Pepsi commercial years ago. I gagged. I've seen what's going on in Paris and I think that's really exciting, and I would really love to go over there and vogue with those kids.

What do you think about the label “black gay rap”?

You have to look at it from lens of it being gay first. So everything else is straight rap? What's the point of denoting the sexual orientation? What told you my sexual orientation was gay? What, because you heard a ballroom sample? What I've seen them do to Mykki Blanco and Cakes da Killa is immediately say it's "gay rap." But no, that's just rap, girl. Half the stuff Kanye West is putting out right now sounds like some fags who are giving her heat and fire and saying, "Yasss, bitch!" All those girls sound gay to me. Again, it's that whole RuPaul's Drag Race culture. That language is seeping into straight culture.

Fabulousness is a way of showing how you can communicate and operate in the world on a different plane. It's a beacon for a lot of people, a wakeup call, and that's why I push to be in people's faces.

Just because you heard someone talking about doing one thing with a man don't mean they're not doing something with a girl either. On Faggot you find a song like "PPlay," and I'm singing "playing with my pussy" and it could be a vogue reference, but then there's the flip where I can also do that other thing, too, that you don't think that I do because my arms move the way they do or because my voice sounds the way it does. Gag!

You recently moved from Chicago, where you were quite the scene queen, and now you’re based in New York. What has changed for you since the move?

I moved to New York about eight months ago. There's a lot more opportunity. There's more doors opening up, more people interested in what I have to say. But more so it's the energy. There's a lot of history here, and that has affected me greatly. I'm a kid of the night. I go out all the time and I get to DJ a lot more here, always at all these different parties seeing all these different scenes. It's been inspiring me to make more art. I've been more productive since I've been here. There's a lot of stuff I've been working on that I'm excited to share soon.

Wallace Wallace Wallace
Wallace Wallace Wallace

Like what?

Well, Banjee Report, the rap group I’m in, is still very much alive and well. We're working on our debut album. Overall it's more music, more visuals. I'll be releasing a video for "It Girl" soon, so that's what I'm working on currently. We're shooting the video tomorrow, actually.

I'm sure there will be some sickening looks.

Oh, yes! [laughs] We're working on that today. Oh my god. It's all about looks! It's all about being fierce. TC mark

Buy Faggot on Bandcamp.