Thought Catalog

42 Creepy AF Things Kids Said To Their Parents That Absolutely Chilled Them To The Bone

Posted: 10 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT

via Flickr - Boris Thaser
via Flickr – Boris Thaser

1. The Man With The Snake Neck

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around and nothing was there. I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn’t scared.

2. That’s Not Sleep

“Daddy sleep” then pushing my head underwater at the pool.

3. Soon, Very Soon Now

Not to me, but to his grandmother.

He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she’s very old, and will die soon.

Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.

4. More Than Jealous

My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy its a monster..we should bury it.”

5. Way Too Deep And Weird

I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.

6. The Bad Man

Why are you crying?

“Bad man”

What bad man?

“There.” Points behind me at a dark corner of the room

Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.

She slept in our bed that night.

7. “Dangerous Tools”

This sort of relates… It still makes me laugh hysterically… My childhood friend recently found his journal from when he was about 6 or 7… One entry said something along the lines of, “Sometimes Mommy gardens. Sometimes Daddy works inside the house. When Daddy thinks I’m with Mommy, and Mommy thinks I’m with Daddy, sometimes I like to go into the neighbors garage and play with their dangerous tools.”

8. What Do You See?

My five-year-old son asked me last week “what do you see through the black circles in my eyes when you’re controlling me when I’m at school?”

9. Fire

“So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?”

Three-year-old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.

10. Leatherface

I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off”.

The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.

11. The Watchful Eye

I don’t have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy’s youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren’t there to hurt us but she wasn’t having it.

So I’m sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers:

“See. He’s always watching.”

Horrific and hysterical all at once.

12. Don’t Encourage Them

My co-worker’s four year old daughter always thought that the rattling of the water pipes in the kitchen cupboards were “white wolves” and the sound always scared her.

One day she was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “Mom. The white wolves aren’t bad… they’re our friends!”

Her mom encouraged the idea by saying, “Yes! The white wolves are protecting us. They are our friends.”

Then her daughter added in, “They’re our friends, but not the man who crawls on the floor and stands by my bed.”

13. Time Out For Baby

I work in a preschool. Creepy shit gets said and done all the time. The one that sticks out to me happened last year. There is a small kitchenette area in our classroom that the kids use during free time for playing house or whatever pretend games they think up. There was one little girl that I was keeping a close eye on, mostly because of how withdrawn from the other kids she was. I noticed she was playing with a babydoll in the kitchenette, rocking it back and forth and singing to it.

She then took the baby, shoved it into the play oven and slammed the door shut. She turned around, looked straight at me, and said, “Sometimes bad babies go in timeout” in the creepiest little girl voice I’ve ever heard before smiling and running off. That one kind of shook me.

14. It Can’t Scream

When I was a waitress, I watched a little girl (4ish) stab her plastic fork into her sandwich repeatedly, saying “die die die die die die”. When I asked her what she was doing (her mom was in the bathroom for a minute), she replied with a straight face, “I like to kill things, but mom says I shouldn’t. So I picked the ham because it can’t scream.”

15. Carson Is Gone

When my son was little he, maybe 3, he used to do this weird crawl where he would slide his forehead along the floor. That was pretty creepy in itself. Then one night he crawled across the hallway into my room like that and stood up a few inches from my face and made a weird meow sound. He got into bed with me and went to sleep. Another time he was freaking out about a monster in the basement so we went down and saw nothing, of course, and as I turned out the light and headed upstairs and he said “Hes right behind us now.” I might have peed a little. Possibly the creepiest thing he did was one day I scolded him for misbehaving so he hid his head under his blanket. I pretended I couldn’t find him by saying “Where is my little Carson?” He slowly lowered the blanket and with a dead evil stare said, “Carson is gone, I am Rick.” I’m certain he’s possessed. We never knew any Ricks, as far I can remember. Still don’t. Never figured out where he picked up the name.

16. “We Need To Get It Out”

My noticeably pregnant sister and I were having a conversation at the dining room table. My 4 year old son was also present and asked my sister if there was a baby in her belly. She affirmed. He, completely straight faced, slid from his chair and headed for the kitchen saying “We need to get it out. I’ll go get the knife. ” I don’t even know…

17. The Pretty Girl At The Cottage

My 3 year old nephew was at my cottage. He’s asked me numerous times about the “girl over there” while pointing at one of the back bedrooms. The place is small, and there is definitely nobody there so I just dismiss it as a really active imagination (he has lots of imaginary friends).

Then some friends are visiting and they have a daughter around the same age. She has never met my nephew. Twice in the one day she asked about the “pretty girl” while pointing at the exact same room. Definitely caught me out and I didn’t know what to think.

Then at Christmas my family was over at my place and my nephew points at a picture of my wife and asks if she is coming to visit us here or does she just stay at the cottage. My wife died ten years ago. Personally I don’t really believe in paranormal stuff so it’s probably just my logical brain putting together a bunch of kids ramblings but it definitely got my attention.

18. Playing ‘Social Worker’

My five year old adopted little sister has a game she would play, where we would pretend to go around to people’s houses and take their children. Once we rounded up enough we would eat them, violently and maliciously. This was her idea, through and through. The name of the game? Social worker.

19. Still Shiver At This One

“Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed”.

“Hes behind you now”.

Still haven’t gotten over that one and shiver at the memory.

20. Chicken Skin

We were having roast chicken for dinner. Son (3) has lightbulb moment. Holds up chicken skin. “When we say ‘chicken skin’, is this really the skin of the chicken? Like my skin?” Next day after some Sunday nappage we play cars. I see a fresh scar on his foot. Straight line with a little dry blood. Ask the little sir about it: “I cut myself. I took a knife because I wanted to see what my meat looks like under my skin but it hurt a little so I stopped. I still don’t know.”

21. Looking For His Sister

My wife was getting my 2yr old son up one morning. He was standing in his bed/crib. As she said good morning and walked over to him he picked up her shirt a little and crooked his head to the side. She asked him what he was doing and he said, “looking for my baby sister in your tummy.” She laughed it off as a weird kid imagination thing. We found out later that at the time she was 2 weeks pregnant and it was, in fact, a girl. We are due in September. We had never really had the talk about where babies come from nor did we talk about having another child at all around him. So spooky.

22. Dead Babies

A good friend of mine and her husband bought what is considered an ‘old’ house around here. (Western Canada…not many houses over 100 years old). They were renovating the basement one day while I was visiting. I was down there alone with their son, who was barely 2 at the time, and could not yet speak in full sentences. He took my hand and led me over to a brick chimney-like thing thing, with a rusty metal door on it. He looked up and said “That’s where the dead babies go.”

I was horrified. Firstly, because, like I said, the kid could barely talk, let alone say something like that. I doubt he even knew what ‘dead’ meant. I’m positive that no one would have told him that, and there were no older kids around that would have said that as a joke. Still creeps me out to this day.

23. The Car Fire From A Past Life

“Before I was born here, I had a sister, right? Her and my other Mom are so old now. They were ok when the car was on fire, but I sure wasn’t!”

He was maybe 5 or 6 years old? It was totally out of the blue..

24. “Come Here Buddy”

When my son was in Kindergarten I received a call from his teacher while at work saying he refused to go outside at recess time and was sitting there terrified. He said there was a guy named Otie who had brown hair and a brown beard who kept telling him to “come here buddy” over and over while he was playing outside before school started. They reviewed tapes and didn’t see anyone. Scared the crap out of me that some man was trying to abduct him but I’m pretty sure he either sees ghosts or has a very active imagination. He also said this guy talked to him at the bus stop or outside his window (on the 2nd floor). He also refused to go anywhere near an entire half of one of our old homes when he was 1-2 years old. He would just stand in the doorway and point.

25. The Voyeur

Not my child…but, my 3 yo niece told my wife to dance in the middle of the room while she hid in a closet watching through the crack in the door.

26. Where Did She Get This?

My daughter said to me that there is a woman who watches her watch movies in her room and sleeps on the ceiling above her bed when she sleeps. she also says it dose not like me and wants to eat my heart. my kid watches Elmo and fucking Dinosaur Train. where in the hell did she get this from?

27. Missing Harvey

When my little sister was younger she used to walk around the house with a picture frame with a picture of my great grandpa in her hands crying and saying “I miss you Harvey.” Harvey had died before even I was born. Other than this common occurrence my mom told me that she would constantly say things that my great grandma Lucy would say.

28. Down In The Hole

I have a three year old who says some pretty strange stuff….

Last night: “Mommy.. the man, the very big man with big yellow eyes is looking at you.”

I look.. nothing. I tell him there is no man and he is make-believe. My son laughs, “Oh he is hiding now.” — 2 minutes later, “Oh no Mommy, you made him very mad. Now he says he will come when you are sleeping.”

Few weeks ago he tells me, “I’m not going to be four. I’m doing to die. And you will put me down, down, down in the hole.” I tell him that isn’t true, and who told him that. He gets quiet and goes, “The man told me. But I will be scared, so after three night-nights you die too and come with me.”

Sheesh. As if I didn’t have bad dreams already.

29. The Digger

My four-year-old nephew doesn’t talk much. But when he does, he says some of the weirdest things. Best one I can think of off the top of my head:

He was outside playing near the edge of his parents’ yard, digging holes with a little plastic shovel in the dirt. He looked very focused and was making each hole the same size and shape. His mom went outside to check on him, and asked “Hey there Z, whatcha diggin’ for?”

He looked her right in the eyes, and with a completely straight face said, “My soul.

30. Did Not Expect That

He said that he had a dream about a school shooting the previous night. I asked him what happened in the dream and he responded with, “Hmm…Let me think. I forgot who I shot first.”

31. Now Scared Of The Dark

One time my husband and I went to his friends house for a bonfire. Anyway, his son Lane was sitting on my lap, I went to get up, and he screamed then told me to sit back down. I asked him what was wrong and he said that “it” was watching me from the dark corner of the house and if I got up “it” was going to hurt me. He pointed to it and even described what it looked like.He said it was a tall monster with more teeth than a shark, it had no eyes. Very large claws. Apparently it was as big as the house.

I stayed there for 2 hours until he fell asleep. Told his dad to take him, and ran to the house. Scared of the dark ever since.

32. Babysitting

Was babysitting my little cousin. We went to the park, and I had to stop at the Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up a cutting board for my mom.

I find the one she needs, and look up to see my cousin in the next aisle, absolutely stunned by the big wall of knives before her. She looks at me, and very cheerfully says, “Look at all those murder weapons!” She’s just a creepy child in general….

33. All The Girls Were Normal

I used to nanny for this family that had 3 kids. Two older girls and a boy about 3. The girls were normal. The boy would only ever talk about death. If we played with Legos he would kill all the Lego people and his voice would get this weird deep sound to it as he described their individual demises. Play with the dog and he’d eventually talk about breaking it’s neck. Coloring would just be him with a black or red crayon filling in a whole page. He would whisper threats to his sisters. If we read a book he would suggest murdering characters.

He was the most morbid child I’d ever met. And I don’t know where it came from since his parents were real hippy dippy. I mean all organic eating, no tv watching, in love with nature people.

He either had gone through some serious trauma or he was possessed by the devil. Either way I quit shortly after when they laughed off my concern over his mindset.

34. From One Imaginary Friend To The Other

My half brother used to have an imaginary friend named Jerry Brusher who was really friendly and did nice things all the time. Then he made a new imaginary friend named Terry, who was mean and got blamed for all the bad things my brother did. Eventually Terry murdered Jerry.

35. Two Weeks Notice

I was babysitting my 4 year old niece. And, we’re watching cartoons when she looks over, dead serous and wonders, “So what’s gonna happen to us when we die in two weeks?”

36. The Girl Without A Face

When my daughter was 4, she woke me up on a dark morning with this gem, “Mom…wake up….mom. There’s a girl in my room who doesn’t have a face.”

The sun wasn’t up and my tired brain was like wtf, I let out a small giggle from my unease. She pulled me by my arm out of bed, and took me to her room to show me the girl. She tells me it’s under her bed, and I’m thinking when did her imagination get so creepy. So I look under her bed, knowing if this was a horror movie this would be a stupid move. And then I see the girl without a face, it wasn’t her imagination… It was one of her dolls, with a pair of doll pants pulled over her face. I laughed, and my daughter was belly laughing so hard because she loves doing silly things. But seriously in those few moments she freaked me out so bad.

37. In Mommy’s Tummy

When my daughter was bout 3 years old she had a sound machine in her room to help her sleep. We typically had it on the babbling brook, or night time crickets sounds. One night I was putting her to bed and turned on the sound machine, she had been playing with it earlier and the sound was left on the sound of a beating heart. After a few minutes of laying there with her in the dark, she looked at me and said “I didn’t like being in mommy’s tummy, it was dark and wet and I don’t want to go back in there, ok?”

38. The Visitor In The Sun Room

The house I bought belonged to a recently deceased couple. The lady was an avid gardener, and they built a beautiful sun room to house their indoor plants. She spent a lot of time in that room, as I hear it.

I’ve found my 4-year-old staring at that room from afar a few times, and when I asked what she was doing, she whispered, “Is that mommy?”

39. “Was She Nice?”

Not a parent, but when I was growing up my family lived in a really old house. Odd things would happen such as doors being cracked open. Never really freaked us out since there were so many of us kids that we figured someone had opened the door and forgot to completely shut it. Anyways, one day while we were having breakfast, my 3 year old sister looks at me and says “Was she nice?” And everyone looked at her like wtf? So she says “the lady that went in your room at night. Was she nice? She told me she saw you sleeping. She goes every night and leaves the door open.” We moved out shortly after.

40. The Boiler Room

When my kid was four, we were watching a documentary on the Titanic. The scene was a picture of the boiler room and the camera panned from left to right. He pointed at the TV and said, “That’s wrong. The boilers were on the other side, and I was right here.” He pointed to a small space in the boiler room. “That’s where I was. And that’s why I don’t like water now.”

41. The Man Outside The Window

When my son was young, he came and climbed into bed with us, crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the big fat man with a bloody hole in his head kept trying to open his window.

42. Roger’s Last Day

My little brother’s imaginary friend, Roger, lived under our coffee table. Roger had a wife and nine kids. Roger and his family lived peacefully alongside us for three years. One day, my little brother announced that Roger wouldn’t be around anymore, since he shot and killed himself and his whole family. TC mark

32 Short, Sexy Poems That Will Make You Horny From The Very First Verse

Posted: 10 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT


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43 People Describe The Best Sex They’ve Ever Had In Exactly Five Words

Posted: 10 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT


1. “Her titties were the bun.”

2. “My vagina smiled that night.”

3. “Kisses, fondling, pawing, tickling, plunging.”

4. “She blowed like a pro.”

5. “My pussy plus giant cock.”

6. “We jerked off together first.”

7. “Just the tip—then plunge!”

8. “It was mindful, and tantric.”

9. “He loved licking my clit.”

10. “Awesome foreplay, even better fucking.”

11. “Woke up, mouth on cock.”

12. “Lips all over my body.”

13. “Godly cock meets wet pussy.”

14. “Dick in my mouth—yum.”

15. “He felt so good inside.”

16. “He had me at 'handcuffs.'”

17. “Boobies jiggling in my face.”

18. “Come all over me please!”

19. “He gave me multiples—twice.”

20. “'More please!' the slut said.”

21. “Naked bodies twisted together. Bliss.”

22. “Front and back, both doors.”

23. “Gave her a masturbation demo.”

24. “She was such a screamer.”

25. “Teasing and tickling with feathers.”

26. “She slurped up every bit.”

27. “Her ass was so inviting.”

28. “We orgasmed together, so electric.”

29. “In and out. Deep. Hard.”

30. “I'm naughty, so he spanked.”

31. “Her pussy was so tight.”

32. “Licking, sucking, fucking, and swallowing.”

33. “She deep-throated like a goddess.”

34. “Our 'third' was a hottie.”

35. “Suckling her breasts all night.”

36. “Sex party orgy with strangers.”

37. “'Come play,' she said. 'Okay!'”

38. “Her body, my fucking paradise.”

39. “Taking turns with a vibrator.”

40. “Couple of lesbians plus me.”

41. “He attacked, I welcomed it.”

42. “Rode me like a cowgirl.”

43. “We fucked like caged animals.” TC mark

Real Sex Stories book cover

Read more writing like this in Mélanie Berliet’s book Real Sex Stories That Will Make You Really Horny here.

How To Fuck A Woman Well (As Told By A Bisexual)

Posted: 10 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Arnoldas Kubilius
Arnoldas Kubilius

To fuck a woman well, fuck her slowly. The sex doesn't start once the lights are dimmed and the curtains are drawn on a night when you are both feeling frisky – it starts days, even weeks, before that.

It starts with the first date where you make her feel comfortable – as though you're someone she can relax into herself around, someone she can finally let go with. It starts with the texts that you send her, reminding her you are thinking of her, you're missing her, you see passion and fire when you look at her and hope that she feels the same way. The sex starts doesn't start when you take off your clothes. It starts when your eyes meet from across a crowded bar and she thinks, "Maybe this is someone worth knowing."

To fuck a woman well, get to know her. Understand what excites her, what drives her, what makes her feel passionate and furious and free. To fuck a woman well, you have to know who she is outside the bedroom. You have to know what she is looking for, out of life and from a lover alike.

To fuck a woman well, slow down. Making her cum isn't a race and your desperate sprint to the finish is not the way to help her get off. Take your time when you're fucking a woman. Play with her body. Play with her mind. Let your fingers wander over her skin, circling around danger zones but never plunging into them completely. Whisper quietly, calmly that you want her. That you're mad about her. Let her know that you are there to explore her, not just to fuel your own needs.

To fuck a woman well, make her want you. Kiss her deeply, like you mean it, like the act of exploring her lips is more erotic than the feeling of her skin against yours. Tease her willingly and tantalisingly – trailing shivers and goosebumps down her spine. Let her tell you how badly she wants it. Let her body respond fully to your touch.

To fuck a woman well, learn her body. Don't assume that what worked well for the last woman works for her as well. Ask questions. Keep her present. Let her tell you what she likes, what she's craving, where she's dying for your mouth and hands to roam.

Take your time while you go down on a woman – let her body respond to the feel of your lips on her, let your fingers slide slowly inside of her. Listen for her answers, her responses, for her 'faster's and 'slower's, her 'there's. Learn when she wants pressure and when she wants release. Learn when she wants it hard and fast and when she wants it slow and steady and soft.

Don't second-guess yourself when pleasuring a woman – she needs you to be patient and firm. It takes time to get a woman off– so let her know that you have all of the time on earth. Let her know that this is not just cum and go.

To fuck a woman well, don’t neglect her. Once she's orgasmed, it's not your game from thereon out. Keep her pleasured while you are inside of her – reach a hand around to touch her, trail passionate kisses down her neck. When you're on top of her, look at her – let her know you're present with her, you're invested in her, that you want the whole of her body and mind.

To fuck a woman well, don't see it as a game of give and take. Let sex be an experience of togetherness, let your bodies merge together, let them work as a team and not as singular units, trying too hard to appease one another. To fuck her well, get lost in her. Let her get lost inside of you.

To fuck a woman well, stop worrying about your technique and just be present with her. Make her laugh. Make her shiver. Make her want the whole of you – unfiltered, unplanned, unorchestrated. And then want her right back. Make her absolutely certain that there is no place you'd rather be on earth than right there, right then, right with her.

To fuck a woman well, fuck her like you mean it. Because you do.

And if you can master that, you will always leave her wanting for more. TC mark

Why Everyone Is Jealous Of You, According To Your ‘Love Language’

Posted: 10 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Jeff Isy
Jeff Isy

1. Quality Time

Since you value quality time so much, you’ve made it a priority over the years to groom yourself into an individual people actually WANT to spend time with. As a result, you're relatively easy going and pleasant to be around. You're not the type who needs to be doing something super exciting in order to have a good time. You can make even the most banal situations fun just by being present. By necessity, you’re a people person, and others are bound to envy just how magnetic you are—when they're not inviting you out somewhere, or asking to come over and hang out, that is.

2. Words of Affirmation

You thrive off of affirmation, so you figured out early on how to accept compliments in the most gracious way possible. You acknowledge flattery without seeming at all boastful or exuding a false sense of modesty. You're always polite and grateful to others for their kindness and that gentle, well-mannered nature inspires people to be yet kinder—both to you, and those around them. People admire you for your ability to engender so much positivity.

3. Physical Touch

Through respect and appreciation for the power of physical touch, you've mastered the art of reassuring your fellow humans that they’re safe and loved with one carefully executed tender move. You’re an expert at affection and let’s face it: everyone loves you for it. You know exactly how to flip someone's mood from despondent to contented through a perfectly-timed caress or a little gentle petting. People are in awe of your ability to know when they need a hug or a hand squeeze before they even do. When it comes to the human body, you're incredibly perceptive. You're also an amazing masseur, and an especially cuddly lover.

4. Receiving Gifts

Since you understand just how lovely it can be to receive a thoughtful, well-timed gift, you're the first to think about presenting them to others. You're the one who orders a cake for your coworker's birthday, who plans the celebratory get-together for a friend in honor of a recent achievement, and forwards hilarious memes to people who will definitely be amused by them. You like the crap out of people's social media posts because you truly enjoy spreading the well of good feels. And you always send thank you notes. You are constantly aware of opportunities to demonstrate that you care through small but meaningful gestures and others wish they could be as consistently charitable as you are.

5. Acts of Service

Those who value demonstrations of love through acts of service tend to be service-minded themselves. You're the one who volunteers to take on that extra task at the office so your friend doesn't have to. You proactively do things like tidy up the house and shop for groceries with others in mind. But you do these things without expecting any accolades. What you crave most in life is the reciprocation of caring behaviors, but you don't demand them. Your generous spirit is impressive, and others are bound to get jealous of the effortless do-gooder in you. TC mark

6 Things Every Extrovert Secretly Has To Deal With

Posted: 10 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT

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Over the past few years I've noticed a growing number of articles exclaiming, "How To Take Care of An Introvert" or "10 Things Everyone Should Understand About Introverts" and while I have no real problem with introverts and introversion, my issue is with the fact that people of the internet seem to have romanticized introversion in a way that turns any possible social impediments a person might have into desirable quirky traits. Not only this, but extroverts are suddenly the bad guys for not understanding introverts or mistreating introverts, etc, etc.

As a self-proclaimed extrovert, I'm pretty sick and tired of people assuming that introverts are the only people who have got it hard. Really, seriously? Are we really going to play this game? Now you look here, mister. Extroverts may not seem as delicate or may not seem as complex and diverse, but extroverts have a whole different category of BS they have to deal with too. It's not easy out there for anyone.

1. People will often assume you're flirting.

Being an extrovert generally means that you enjoy the company of others, you can appear confident and you're quite comfortable striking up a conversation with almost anyone, regardless of how much (or how little) you actually know them. What an extrovert considers a normal form of communication, others might see as flirtation and a sign of open sexual availability. You can imagine how frustrating and potentially disheartening it can be to have your friendliness misinterpreted as something more, especially when the person you are talking to gets offended that you are not, in fact, hitting on them.

2. You're not allowed to be sad.

Most extroverts I know are happy-go-lucky people who like to keep the conversation going, make people laugh and have a good time as often as they can. The only downside to this is that when you do something often enough, people expect you to do it all the time. If you're someone who spends most of their time being the happy, comical figure in the group, when you're having a bad day, people are shocked, maybe taken aback, possibly even offended.. they simply don't understand how you can be not happy. Being an extrovert is a full-time social job that requires you to entertain the crowd, so when you suddenly stop doing what you're supposed to do, you're gonna get boo'd off stage.

3. You're expected to keep the conversation going.

When there's a lull in the conversation, do you know who starts it back up again? The extrovert does. However, being the engine and the fuel for social gatherings can be extremely tiring and feel like a lot of work, so sometimes it would be nice for us extroverts to be allowed a break and have other people take over (though, for some of us, not talking can be quite the challenge).

4. Being labeled as shallow or unintellectual because you're not an introvert.

Extroverts are usually stereotyped as being loud, party-going people who are in constant need of social interaction and simply have no time to sit down, relax and maybe read a book or something. On the other hand, there seems to be some romanticizing of introversion (via tumblr and social media) that involves depicting introverts as deep, philosophical, misunderstood, quirky unicorns… or something along those lines. Since when has 'outgoing' been a synonym for 'shallow'? Extroverts are just as capable of complex thought as introverts are of talking to people.

5. Craving the company of others.

Just as introverts feel drained from too much social interaction, extroverts will come down with a case of the blues if they're left by themselves for too long. Although extroverts enjoy time to themselves every now and again (because really, who doesn't need alone time?), they thrive in the company of others, so when they've spent too much time on their own, they can start to feel restless, have problems focusing, feel really antsy – they desperately need to go out, be around people and do something.

6. People assuming you are always confident.

Being extroverted doesn't necessarily mean you have an abundance of self-confidence. Sure, an extrovert likes being around people and feels comfortable being around people, but that doesn't automatically mean that an extrovert is 100% confident in themselves and their actions 24/7. There are many extroverts out there who I'm sure could testify to the fact that they have, on several occasions, felt shy and small and unsure. Extroversion is not synonymous with confidence. TC mark

Read more about extroverts, introverts, and learning to be yourself here.


15 Things I Always Wanted To Say To Customers When I Worked In Retail

Posted: 10 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT

10 Items or Less - Seasons 1 & 2
10 Items or Less

1. To the person that says, "Oh! It isn't scanning! That must mean it's free!"

Every time someone tells that joke a cashier dies. I hope you can sleep with that on your conscience.

2. To the person that says, "It is such a beautiful day outside. Such a shame you have to be in here all day!"

Well, fortunately I have people like you to remind me how sad and vitamin D deficient my life is. Thanks for doing your part.

3. To the person that insists on taking the opportunity of a captive audience to tell me how perfect and great their child is:

You think THAT’S impressive? I saw a kid make a slip n' slide with nothing but his own urine and a tile floor. THAT is ingenuity!

4. To the person that insists I check in the back for an item:

Yes! What a great idea!! I forgot we have the magic portal back there that we only use for special guests like you! Let me go activate the control board and get those beamed right in from headquarters. Can't believe I almost forgot about this magic at the tip of my fingers!

5. To the person outraged that we don't accept checks:

Well, you know…9/11? (Because I mean, what can they say to that?)

6. To the person on their cell phone the entire time I am ringing them out:

I'm sure that telling your bff about your super-hot date with the mega rich lawyer is way more important than taking four seconds to acknowledge there is an actual person standing in front of you, but if you could please but down the phone I would really appreciate it. If you don't, I'm going to fart in your bag so there will be a death cloud hitting you in the face when you open it.

7. To the parent that left their small child unattended in the store so they could go shop for shoes:

Hi. You should change your name to "The Reason Birth Control Was Invented."

8. To the person that keeps trying to get me to give them a discount when I have already explained I am unable to do anything to lower the price:

You were the kid who tried to trade his tuna sandwich for pudding cups in elementary school weren't you?

9. To the person that starts to tell me WAY too much about their personal issues:

I majored in theatre, not psychology. As you can see it has landed me this prestigious job. I can't actually offer you any advice or help you in anyway, but I can sure as hell stand here and act like I care. Does that work for you?

10. To the obnoxious, rich lady complaining because things cost too much or other banal first world problems:

Look at your ring finger. See that? That shiny bauble is worth about twice my yearly income. Calm your tits, go get a soy latte and realize you have it better than 99% of people in this country. Saving $8 on toys for your kid really isn't going to benefit your life in any way. Also, you look orange. Work that shit out because it's not cute.

11. To the large group of teens that are walking around as if they are burdened by life:

Nothing. I don't talk to youths.

12. To the person that makes a point to tell me how much cheaper products are at other stores:

Here's an idea: Go there and shop. You smell like disappointment and I can't handle that right now.

13. To the creepy food court worker that comes into the store and stares at me:

You're the only one that makes me feel special and scares at the same time. Thanks?

14. To the person that says, "Wow! You've worked here for a long time!"

Hey, you have shitty kids! Oh? Are we not playing the "Let's tell people things that make them feel dead inside" game?

15. To the person that has all of their children's Christmas presents bought and wrapped by August.

Will you adopt me? TC Mark

Like this? Read more hilarious true stories here.

TC Site-2

I’m Not The Girl For You

Posted: 10 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Richard Torres
Richard Torres

If you want someone to call only when you have time or when you're bored and lonely. I'm not the girl for you.

If you only want to see me when you have no one else to talk to and you want to kill some time. I'm not the girl for you.

If you want me to tell you what you want to hear instead of the truth or how I really feel.  I'm not the girl for you.

If you expect me to be too understanding and too accommodating. I'm not the girl for you.

If you expect me to wait for you or keep playing your game until you make up your mind. I'm not the girl for you.

If you want to hang out with me then hang out with a different girl the next day. I'm not the girl for you.

If you want someone who will accept your inconsistency. I'm not the girl for you.

If you want someone who is chill and nonchalant. I'm not the girl for you.

If you can't understand why I think not replying to a text is rude. I'm not the girl for you.

If you are still thinking about someone else and you want to me to be patient. I'm not the girl for you.

If you only want to have fun and be casual. I'm not the girl for you.

If you didn't know it from the first time you looked into my eyes. I'm not the girl for you.

If you're confused or hesitant about me. I'm not the girl for you.

I'm the girl for someone who is fully ready, who knows what he wants, who knows that he wants me. Someone who can see how passionate and loving I can be and wants to be a part of my life and a part of my heart. Someone who understands that I'm not perfect but I'm real and I'm willing to work on myself.

Someone who understands that I've been hurt before and I won't let myself go through the same heartbreak twice. Someone who knows that even though I can be with anyone, I chose him.

I'm the girl for someone who's scared to lose me, who won't let me go without a fight and someone who understands that girls like me will walk away from guys who don't appreciate them no matter how much they love them.

If you want someone to stay with you when you don't appreciate her. I'm not the girl for you.

Maybe you think I could be the girl for you and maybe I believed it at one point but I'm not, and sooner or later you'll realize that maybe you're not the guy for me too. TC mark

The 14 Differences Between The Boys You Date And The Men You Marry

Posted: 10 May 2016 12:02 PM PDT

1. The kind of man you marry says “I love you” and “I’m sorry” because he genuinely feels that way, and he never hesitates to be the one to say it first. The kind of boy you date says those things when an apology will get you off his case and an “I love you” will keep you around a little longer.

2. The man you marry asks you out. The boy you date asks you to hang out. The man you marry will be clear about his intentions. The boy you date will keep you questioning.

3. The kind of man you marry knows the art of treating someone to a night out, and he realizes that he should do so not because he’s a man and it’s his masculine responsibility, but because everyone deserves to be treated well and swept off their feet now and again. The kind of boy you date won’t think that these gestures are important.

4. You’ll have things like reading, a love of nature, music, politics and religion in common with the man you marry. You’ll have things like drinking and talking about people from high school and where they ended up with the boy you date.

5. The kind of man you marry doesn’t seek you out for his own means. He doesn’t want you because he wants sex, or someone to show his family, or someone to wrap his arm around at the end of the day. The kind of boy you date was lonely or needed someone to sleep with regularly or needed to get his family off his case.

6. The man you marry sticks around no matter how messy things get. This one is important, because if you think that the rest of forever isn’t going to be a little messy at times, you’re kidding yourself. And you need someone who can handle it, who is committed. The boy you date is the one who uses you at his disposal. Who seems to come and go when it’s convenient for him. Who isn’t committed enough to want to stay when things are anything but happy.

7. The kind of man you marry wants to go down on you. The kind of boy you date wants you to go down on him.

8. The kind of man you marry is hella good in bed, not because of their physique or skill, just because they care enough about you, and not just themselves, to make sure that you’re happy and taken care of before they are. The kind of boy you date is there for his own release, and his own needs.

9. The man you marry will understand that bodies fluctuate in size, that hair is natural and to shave it is a personal choice not a requirement, that ailments happen and so do sometimes unseemly excretions. The boy you date will be grossed out by anything that makes you anything less than the Kate Upton poster on their wall.

10. Whether or not they receive your family’s complete approval, the man you marry is respectful even if they’re hesitant, the boy you date is disrespectful right back.

11. The man you’ll marry is the one who will change his mind about marriage and kids having met you. The boy you date is the one who says neither are for him– ever.

12. The kind of man you marry doesn’t fight dirty. He doesn’t call you “fat” or “stupid” in your arguments. The boy you date does.

13. The man you marry will know how to do his own laundry, cook himself a meal, have a savings account, wear a tailored shirt, be comfortable in his sexuality/gender performance wherever it falls on the spectrum, be cognisant of whether or not he wants kids or a house on a farm or a condo in a city, because these are things that every person should know before they get married. Needless to say, the boy you date will be unsure of what he wants, and the problem with it is that when he does decide, you have to make sure it aligns with what you want.

14. You will never have to question whether or not the man you marry loves you. Even if everything else is up in the air, even if everything else has totally fallen to shit, you know that there is something deeper between you, and it’s all you really need. The boy you date will never give you that feeling of assuredness. Not because he didn’t say it, not because he didn’t act like it, but because somewhere within you, you know it isn’t true. TC Mark

Love Kate Bailey? Check out her new Thought Catalog Book here.


Call For Submissions: The Millennial Muslim Experience

Posted: 10 May 2016 11:05 AM PDT


Hello, Thought Catalog! In light of recent politics, discussions about the Muslim experience in America are everywhere. Unfortunately, 76% of Americans believe that discrimination against Muslims living in the United States is increasing (Pew Research Center).

We're inviting our community of Muslim readers to take the reigns on a discussion about life in 2016 as a young Muslim in America. We would love for you to share stories and reflections on growing up Muslim and whether you’ve modified your traditions or beliefs as a result of religious intolerance in the US. Thought Catalog is working in partnership with the new season of Pivot's groundbreaking TV documentary series, Secret Lives Of Americans.

The show explores the secrets we all keep and the strength it takes to reveal them to friends and family as courageous Americans will reveal their deepest secrets to their close ones. This season's premiere follows a woman who has concealed her identity and faith from friends in response to growing anti-Muslim sentiments and violence, ultimately making the choice to reveal her secret.

Submit your responses and anecdotes (long or short!) and make sure to include "Pivot Millennial Muslim" in the title.

Your personal stories and unique perspectives will be published anonymously to help lead important, thought provoking conversations on the Thought Catalog platform and beyond.

Click Here To Submit!

Secret Lives Of Americans returns for an all-new season on Friday, May 20th at 10 p.m. ET/PT on Pivot, Participant Media's television network.