Thought Catalog

I’m Surrendering To Love, I’m Going All In

Posted: 12 May 2016 07:20 PM PDT


I don't know exactly where I'm headed.

I try my best to lay out a map, to plan, to attempt to unfold my life month by month and smooth out all the wrinkles. But in the end, I'm still left confused. The future will turn and twist and curve when I least expect it. I'll end up with a different plan, a different road to get to where I was headed.

But that's just how life is.
And it's how love is.

We can't plan either of those things, even though we try to convince ourselves we can.

For me this is especially tough. I'm a planner. I like knowing where and when, and even the why sometimes. I like having a destination, even if it's somewhere off in the faraway future. I like imagining where I'll one day be, setting a point on a map or a goal in my head and aiming for that, all the while knowing it won't be a straight path, yet still believing anyways.

But life throws me off balance sometimes.
And so does love.

Sometimes love will hit me out of nowhere, leaving my mind spinning and reeling. Leaving me with confusing feelings that shake everything I've believed in, everything I've tried to sketch out in front of me.

Love will stop me in my tracks, or completely speed my entire body up. It will make me feel dizzy and strange, and it will throw me off balance, but sometimes in the best ways.

That's the thing about love, though: it's the one thing you can't plan.

It's the one thing you can't pinpoint on a map, can't draw lines to, can't connect to something tangible or even make sense of it sometimes.

It comes when it wants, either creeping up slowly or smacking you right in the face. It messes with your best-laid map, your sincerest intentions.

It makes you rethink everything because suddenly you've found something that matters more than yourself.

And so I've decided to surrender to love.

Because I can't control it. Because I can't plan around it. Because the world is filled with these unknowns, these chances we take for the things and people we care about.

So I'm going for it; I'm going all in.

I'm acknowledging that love is something I cannot control, that loving someone else could completely destroy me, could create an entirely new life that I didn't ever plan for—but that's okay.

Because I'm taking a chance.

Because life is too short to always know where you're headed, too short to be afraid to fall, too short to be selfish with your heart.

Because not planning can be exciting and fun. Because love is one of those things you just jump into fearlessly, and without a guidebook or map.

Because sometimes you don't need a guidebook or map. You just need your heart, your brain, and the faith in something bigger than yourself.

So I'm going for it. I'm going all in. TC mark

17 Uplifting Reminders Everyone Going Through A Quarter Life Crisis Needs To Hear Right Now

Posted: 12 May 2016 05:21 PM PDT


1. You are not the first to go through this, and you are certainly not the last.

2. The fact that you are even aware of the feelings you are experiencing right now means you are in the mindset of always expecting the best of yourself.

3. The moments in which we do the deepest reflection of ourselves and our lives do not occur when we are happy.

4. Rather, we get to know ourselves the most when we are in the grips of crippling self-doubt, lack of direction, and feelings of listlessness.

5. It is just as helpful to figure out what you don’t want to do as it is to figure out what you do want to do.

6. Going through a quarter-life crisis means that you’re growing. It means you are coming with terms to the fact that your whimsical, “fake adult” way of living is over, which, though it’s a hard pill to swallow, also means that you are aware that it’s time to grow up. Some people never come to that realization.

7. There will probably never be an age in which you feel that you simply have everything together. Almost every person around you, whether they’re 21 or 56, is pretty much running on the ‘fake it ’til you make it’ mantra.

8. Most of your peers are feeling the exact same way you are right now, even (and especially) the ones that seem to have it all together. Behind every person’s carefully crafted existence is a whole well of problems, anxieties, doubts, insecurities, and challenges. You are not alone. This is one of your closest connections to those around you.

9. Sometimes the most vulnerable experiences you have and ridiculous decisions you make during this period of your life will be some of your best stories down the line.

10. Often, the impulsive and ‘all-in’ decisions you make during this time would have never happened had you been feeling safe, accomplished, and totally at ease in your life.

11. Just because someone has it together in one area of their life doesn’t mean everything else is perfect. Sometimes the person who is deeply in love is also going through extreme stress in terms of what kind of career they want to have. Sometimes the wunderkind with the insanely successful job is dealing with a serious health problem. Nothing is perfect for anyone, no matter what it may seem like.

12. You never know the type of people you are going to meet while your life is all over the place. Some of them may very well become some of your lifelong friends. Nothing bonds you more than a friendship formed during a challenging time.

13. There’s a reason why the most fascinating stories we watch or read or ask about are the ones that involve conflict. Everything (including the person experiencing said conflict) is just a little (or a lot) more interesting that way.

14. Don’t underestimate the amount of peace you might receive from meditation, or long talks with friends and family, or an extremely helpful book. Here is one of my favorite reads ever.

15. It’s important to hold yourself to a high standard, but it’s also important to take it easy on yourself once in a while. You’re not going to move forward any faster if you’re just constantly berating yourself.

16. Remember that wine exists. Get on that Tom and Donna train and treat-yoself when the days get rough.

17. Don’t try to find yourself. It’s an impossible feat when you’re always changing. Just accept the uncomfortable doubts and embrace the fact that they are part of what’s making you who you are. TC mark

Am I The Only 20-Something Guy Who Actually Wants A Real Relationship?

Posted: 12 May 2016 05:04 PM PDT

Thought Catalog
Thought Catalog

Everyone tries to tell me all about how great the hookup life is. They tell me about how awesome it is to just visit someone’s bed, have sex, and leave before you have to remember their name or the sound of their voice. They tell me it is all the rage, and that everyone is doing it. But I dunno, I don’t quite buy it. 

That’s not to say that I judge other people for their choices, or what makes them happy. But I just don’t think hookups are my cup of tea anymore — if they ever were.

I want someone to not just sleep with, but to spend the night with, and wake up with. I want someone who will eat breakfast with me, before rushing off to school or work. I want someone who will be waiting at home for me, or waiting for my text, to talk about our day.

Am I the only guy who is looking for this?

I don’t think there is anything specifically “masculine” or “manly” about wanting to attract the maximum amount of sex for the minimum amount of effort. I don’t get that. I don’t get guys who keep tabs on how many girls they have slept with, or challenge each other to sleep with girls of certain ethnicities, backgrounds, or sororities. And while I’ve had a one night stand here and there, it’s just not enough.

Sex isn’t enough. Physical pleasure, temporary sensations are not a replacement for genuine emotions. And while maybe there is quite a bit of momentary pleasure in an orgasm, my suspicion is that it doesn’t match the pleasure held within a lifetime of hugs from someone you care about “around the clock.”

Relationships are riskier, I’ll admit. You are putting more on the line. More time, more money, and more feelings. And some of those feelings could be bad ones, because unlike in the movies, relationships don’t always work out.

But I think I am ready for them. I want the feels, give them all to me.

I want the commitment, I want the risk, I want the emotions, I want the real thing. I want to go on adventures that take us far beyond our respective bedrooms. I want to travel to places that we have only imagined. I want to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. I want to go shopping together, and just enjoy life’s mundane things with a partner who wants to enjoy them with me too.

I want to watch my partner grow into their career, their aspirations, and our life.

And I’m not pretending like the next person I go on a date with will be the person I stay with forever. I know that finding someone takes a lot of time and effort, but I also know that I want to start now. I want to get to know someone, to go on dates, to take risks, and to work to find something that’s real.

I want to share something with someone that last more than a few seconds. And I know that that journey isn’t easy, but I am ready — even when I feel like the only one. TC mark

19 Unmistakable Signs You Are Your Own Damn Soulmate

Posted: 12 May 2016 04:46 PM PDT

Wendy Liu
Wendy Liu

1. You don’t need someone else to see the beauty in your flaws because you can see it for yourself.

2. Ditto goes to your less than awesome personality traits, and every single quirk that defines you. You know that you’re human and complicated and weird—and that that’s okay!

3. You know that you’re bound to make mistakes, too. But you also know how to forgive yourself.

4. When someone cancels on you, you're never all that mad because you're perfectly happy spending a night at home, all by yourself. You don't need someone special to mark every special occasion with, let alone a regular weekend night.

5. You manage to make yourself LOL a lot, and you're pretty proud of that. In fact, you consider your ability to entertain yourself a badge of honor—an important survival tool you'll be able to lean on well into the future.

6. Speaking of the future, aging doesn't scare you all that much since you know you'll always have yourself to hang out with, all the way up until the very end.

7. You realize there will be disappointments along the way, but that’s just life.

8. Of course, breakups suck, but you know in your heart that you’ll always find a way to be okay. You don’t need anyone else to validate your awesomeness anyway.

9. You also understand that tough experiences really do make you stronger.

10. You're not afraid to cry because your emotions—even the ones that are difficult to stomach—make you feel alive.

11. You don't believe in regret, choosing to view every single mishap as a chance to learn instead.

12. It takes a lot of effort sometimes, but you’re wholeheartedly committed to recognizing the silver lining in the darkest circumstances so you can keep going, and growing.

13. You’re not counting on a relationship to make you entirely happy because the kind of fulfillment you’re after in life requires so much more than the right guy.

14. You don't expect love to fix your life. You'll do that for yourself, thank you very much.

15. You're into romance, but you don't feel the need to romanticize relationships. You’re not a sucker for happily ever afters or overrated fantasy moments.

16. You’ve never ever been the type to choose a guy over the girls. Even if your fiercest crush asked you out, you'd politely decline if you already had plans with your best gal pals.

17. You have countless meaningful friendships that date all the way back to the playpen or sandbox because you really are that crazy loyal.

18. You’re also open-minded, though not easily swayed. You don't need people to agree with you. Your opinions are your own and when others offer different ones, you're okay with that.

19. It’s not that you’re too rigid to evolve—but that you’re someone who thinks things through, and who knows what she wants. Fuck it! Truth is, you love yourself. TC mark

All The Ways I Fucked Up By Letting Myself Love You

Posted: 12 May 2016 04:29 PM PDT


When we talk about love so often it’s talking about how it’s inevitable. How it’s out of our control. How falling in love is just that, falling. That it happens without our consent or approval and one day we’re not and then one day we are.

We talk about love like it’s not our choice. Like we have no say. Like love is something that just happens to us. Where once there was nothing now there’s all this love that manifested from nowhere.

But reality? That’s bullshit. 

Seriously. It’s bullshit with a capitol b, underlined, bolded, and shouted from the rooftop.

There is always a moment. There is always a moment when you can choose a path, and effectively change the course of your life. It may not be exactly what you want to do or what is going to feel the greatest at the time, but there’s always a choice.

And I completely fucked myself over when I chose to love you.

I did. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I saw that line dividing ‘casual’ and ‘falling for you’ and decided to cross it. I saw you and loving you and threw myself into a game where I didn’t know the rules and was ultimately destined to come in last.

I fucked up by letting myself love you because I allowed you to take a space of control over myself that once had been reserved for only me. I allowed you to have a say in my emotions, my self-worth. When I let myself love you I gave you a power over me that no one else had ever had before. And you abused it.   

I made a huge error in judgement when I chose to love you because you were never going to be able to love me back the way I wanted, the way I needed. You were too wrapped up in you and loving yourself to ever really love someone else. I should have copied you instead of loving you.

I fucked myself over by choosing to love you because there’s a piece of myself I’ve never been able to get back. You took it with you when you left. You put it in your pocket or on some high, high shelf where I’ll never be able to reach it no matter how hard I try. It sits there, collecting dust and being unused. To be honest I’m not even sure I’d recognize that piece of me if I did see it ever again, even though I know I won’t.

I fucked up by choosing to love you because I should have chosen myself.

I should spent those months, those years figuring out how to love myself and be the best advocate for me. Instead of wasting years on someone who would ultimately forget me, who would ultimately not be there one day, I should have been paying attention to me. I should have been falling in love with myself.

See, the only thing that you’re doing when you act like love is out of your control is refusing to take responsibility for your own happiness, and for your own heartbreak. You’re pinning all of the blame onto another person instead of examining your own choices, and what you could have done different. We talk about falling and fate and destiny and inevitability because it’s easier than saying, “I should have done that differently.”

I completely fucked myself over when I let myself love you. Because at the end of the day, it wasn’t what was right for me.

I chose to love you, and I shouldn’t have.

But now? I’ll never choose anyone over myself ever again. TC mark

We Weren’t Forever, But That Doesn’t Mean We Didn’t Matter

Posted: 12 May 2016 04:14 PM PDT


There are some people who come into our lives and from the start, we know things will only be temporary. They flicker with the kind of magic that has a palpable expiration date. There’s no grand illusion of a future together. There’s no crystal ball in the corner, shimmering with some image of a wrinkled couple sitting together on the front porch.

You know the lights will eventually dim, the curtains will close, the bartender will shout, “Last call!” and you’ll kiss the entire chapter goodbye. You’ll shut the book.

But that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

Before you, I never bought into the idea of a summer romance. With all the heat, I wanted bodies far away from me. I wanted to swim in my own solitude. I didn’t want to share the AC with anyone. I was happy that way. When the months got colder, maybe I’d feel differently. But I could handle sunshine on my own. I liked it that way.

You arrived in town like a tidal wave. I am nervous around large bodies of water, that’s why you rarely find me at the beach. But then, you were there. And I was diving into depths I promised I never would. I would lick the sea salt off your cheeks and go back for more. You were the embodiment of my everything I swore off — a love that wouldn’t be forever.

I can’t do casual. It’s just not in my nature. When I love, I love with every part of my body. I’ll love you with my back, bend in ways I didn’t know I could go. I’ll love you with my ears, listen when you’re afraid no one really hears you. I’ll love you with my shoulders, let you rest when everything else is weighing too heavy.

I don’t become somewhat attached — I’m all the way or nothing. I was taught as a little girl to say how I felt, even if it made people around me nervous. I’ll be the first one to burst with those three little words. I don’t care to play power games. Frankly, I just don’t know how.

But with you, I found myself wanting to love you in the moment. With you, I wasn’t consumed with whether or not you’d be the one I brought home for the holidays. I didn’t freak out over our differences, if they would propel us into different directions one day. Because we already knew.

We weren’t going to end up together.

Some would argue that had it meant enough, we would have figured it out. We would have made sacrifices, compromises to make sure our love had a fighting chance. I used to be one of those people. I thought if love was strong enough, it was all that mattered. Forget everything else. Love is enough.

But no, love isn’t always enough. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. It’s a truth that makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable, they don’t want to admit life can get in the way.

The last time you kissed me, I tasted all our time together and didn’t regret a second. There’s something special in recognizing even something brief can be powerful. Even something brief can be life-changing. You made an indelible impression on me.

You reminded me to take chances. With myself, with other people. You reminded me that not everything has to go according to plan. You reminded me that it’s okay to accept what comes and love it every second its here.

Sure, you weren’t my forever. But you were my then. You were my ‘at one time.’ And goodness, how beautiful it was. TC mark

12 Former ‘Ghosters’ On That One Special Girl Who Made Them Change Their Ways

Posted: 12 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, ink.kristi
Twenty20, ink.kristi

1. "Six months ago, I met this girl who changed me forever by literally smashing my phone to bits. A week after we hooked up kinda randomly, we ran into each other at a bar. I'd ghosted her, of course, like I always did, figuring I could charm my way back in if I needed to. She walked right up to me that night and grabbed my phone right out of my pocket. Then she threw it on the ground and stomped on it and walked away. Sounds crazy, but it was the wake-up call I needed. Next day, I showed up at her apartment to apologize and she was nice enough to forgive me—after making me promise I’d never treat another woman that way again. To this day, I haven't."

— Derek, 30

2. "One day a few months back my little sister came home from school balling. I asked her what was up and she said this guy she'd been crushing on who’d been flirting with her non-stop suddenly stopped Snapping her back and refused to acknowledge her in the hallway—like it was nbd. I wanted to kill the bastard, but I also had to admit to myself that I'd done the same thing dozens of times over. My sister's the reason I don't do that shit anymore."

— Nathan, 18

3. "This girl totally shamed me on social media after I ignored her texts for a few weeks straight. She took a screenshot of our initial back-and-forth from when I was still interested and being flirty and posted it to Facebook with a whole caption explaining how I'd 'humped and dumped' her. I was pissed at first but then I stepped back and really started to question my behavior. After thinking long and hard about how I'd acted, I realized that I'd pretty much asked for it. I ended up apologizing publicly through a comment on her post and then I asked her out. We've been dating seriously since—no nonsense, no games—and it feels really good."

— Rex, 29

4. "When it comes to emotional intelligence, I was a fucking toddler throughout my twenties. But then I fell for this older woman at work—whip smart, hot, and talented, the whole package. I knew I had to up my game if I wanted a chance with her, so I matured by necessity. I set myself straight and put effort into wooing her, always careful to respond to her emails and texts in a timely fashion. It's simple, really, being a good guy. You just have to sack up and think with your heart instead of your dick."

— Eugene, 28

5. "I used to think being 'a man' meant not having any feelings, so I buried mine. That made ghosting women and treating them like crap pretty easy. But when I met the gorgeous brunette who would become my first long-term girlfriend, I immediately had all these feelings I couldn’t suppress. Around then, I realized that I knew nothing about women, and that I had a lot of work to do on myself. I started therapy and changed my outlook for good. I have a policy now that every single text gets answered. It's about mutual respect."

— Franklin, 28

6. "Guys like me love to pretend we don't care about anything. But guess what? We're insecure idiots. This girl I was sleeping with last summer told me that to my face one night because I didn't answer her texts and we ended up at the same beach party. She had fire, and I'll never get the opportunity to date her properly because I ruined it. No matter what, I'm grateful to her for inspiring me to change. "

— Serguei, 26

7. "My grandmother of all people set me straight. She's a little senile, so I didn't think twice about talking to my buddies in front of her on the phone the way I talk to them in private. I was saying awful things about this one girl who'd given me the best bj of my life, bragging about how I hadn't talked to her since, and suddenly grams opened her mouth and said: 'You’re better than that, boy.' I was totally dumbfounded. I mean, it was the first full sentence she'd spoken in months. Obviously, it made me think."

— Lyle, 24

8. "Technology definitely connects us, but it disconnects us too. For so long I would just send texts without really thinking about the fact that someone on the other end would be reading them. I would click send on half-baked comments and offensive jokes like it was nothing. I ignored a whole bunch of girls I'd hooked up with, too. Honestly, I stopped because a girl ghosted ME, and being ignored was the most awful experience. I couldn't believe I'd put so many people through that kind of hell."

— Burton, 25

9. "I was a jerk for so long. It's like I didn't even understand that I was interacting with other humans or something. Then I met this girl in college who changed my entire perspective—on life and love. She told me straight up that I was an asshole who didn't deserve her. And she was right. It took me six months, but I finally convinced her to give me another shot and we've been together five years now."

— Taylor, 27

10. "About six months ago, I left my iphone on the table at a restaurant. I went back a few hours later to get it and a few of the waitresses were skimming through my texts. There were a bunch of unanswered ones from girls I'd hooked up with the last few months. When I asked for my phone, one of them—by far the most stunning—handed it to me without a word and muttered 'fuckboy' and then turned her back on me. Seeing myself through their eyes made me feel pretty lame, so I pledged to be a better guy starting right then."

— Perry, 33

11. "At a certain point, every guy needs to snap the fuck out of it and own the fact that they're just as vulnerable and human as the girls they've been misleading and mistreating. Sadly, I think it takes meeting a girl you can love to really get there for a lot of men. That's what did it for me—good, old fashioned love. I'll never be a dick to another woman as long as I live."

— Max, 32

12. "I have to credit my mom for showing me what an egocentric bastard I was being. She picked up my phone one day thinking it was hers just as this slew of angry texts came through from a girl I'd blatantly ghosted. She was so horrified by what she read, and she made me call the girl up while she was standing there to say sorry. It was humiliating, but I get why she did it and I'm definitely not that guy anymore."

— Casey, 23 TC mark

20 One-Sentence Reminders Every Reluctant ‘Adult’ Needs To Hear Right Now

Posted: 12 May 2016 03:45 PM PDT / g-stockstudio / g-stockstudio

1. It’s okay that you had pizza rolls and Kool-Aid for dinner last night because you totally paid the cable bill on time this month.

2. Anyone who judges you for binge-watching all the seasons of ‘Hey Arnold’ last weekend is just jealous of your amazing life choices.

3. There are almost more board and video games aimed towards grown-ups than kids these days and that’s awesome.

4. Technology these days makes things AMAZING because in the past you had to remember lame things like directions to places and recipes and now it’s all in your phone — so you can use your brain power for better stuff!

5. Capri Suns are still as delicious as they have always been and you can buy as many as you want.

6. No one actually understands how finances/taxes/insurance policies work, we’re all just flying by the seat of our pants here.

7. YouTubing a ton of old toy commercials from your childhood is a perfectly legitimate way to spend your downtime.

8. Shower beers are always an option — ALWAYS.

9. No matter what happens with the Presidential election, things will be okay… probably.

10. It’s all right that your friends have kids and it’s also all right that you totally want/absolutely do not want kids.

11. Also, dogs/cats/chinchillas rule, and you can have those as roommates if you feel like it!

12. Some days are harder than others.

13. You know, you can still totally run through a sprinkler during the summer if you want to.

14. Feel free to cry during kids’ movies because honestly they’re way better than they used to be and [PIXAR SPOILER ALERT] let’s face it, Bing Bong’s exit from Riley’s mind is the most heartbreaking thing ever.

15. Just because you’re “grown up” doesn’t mean you can’t have a sleepover, whether it’s with your friends or your significant other.

16. Fruit snacks are a perfectly viable… snack.

17. You continue to exist and thrive every day, despite your inner doubts and worries.

18. McNuggets are NOT just for children and that’s why they come in a 20-pack and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

19. You think you were awesome at that NES/SNES/N64 game as a kid, well, give it another shot and see how amazing you can be today.

20. It’s okay if you find adulting hard, because most of us do, and that keeps things interesting.

TC mark

18 Women On The Most Infuriating Thing A Guy Said To Them (That He Actually Thought Was A Compliment)

Posted: 12 May 2016 03:30 PM PDT

John Tucker Must Die
John Tucker Must Die

1. “You’re too pretty to be gay.”

–Claire, 23

2. “My husband and I were watching some TV show and there was a girl with these really cut abs. I was skinny but not toned. I told him ‘I wish I had those lines on my stomach! They look so good.’ And he goes, dead serious, ‘No, no, my ex-girlfriend had those. I like your tummy the way it is!’ AND THEN POKED IT.”

–Lisa, 29

3. “A guy once told me he'd slept with 99 women, and that he wanted the 100th to be special!”

–Tori, 31

4. “New Year's Eve, 2003. I'd been with my (now husband) boyfriend for three months, both of us 17-years-old at the time. We were at a party with another couple and had raided somebody's parents’ liquor cabinet. Everyone else got drunk but I couldn't because 90% of the mixture was Jagermeister and I couldn't drink it. So a little later on we all break away to have teenager sex. My drunk boyfriend finishes and as I roll away I realize the condom is gone.

Since I am very sober I start FREAKING OUT. Oh god, I am a pregnant teen mother. For sure. There's no way I'm not completely preggo. I start frantically searching for the mysterious missing condom and my poor hammered guy goes ‘It's FIIIINE. It's FIIIINE! I WANT you to be the mother of my children.’

Ah yes, how romantic and sweet and beautiful but YOU MAY HAVE JUST RUINED BOTH OF OUR LIVES YOU DUMB IDIOT. I found the condom inside me and luckily we have still not produced any children to this day but god help me I married that moron.”

–Anna, 30

5. “We were talking about porn for some reason. I was feeling really bad about myself but was still super skinny, probably 110 pounds. I was admittedly on a compliment fishing trip and said something like ‘But I don't look like how girls look in porn! I'm so fat. No one in porn looks like me.’ He took me at my word and rather than thinking about the words coming out of his mouth, patted my shoulder in an understanding way and said, ‘I'm sure they make fat girl porn.'”

–Mel, 28

6. “I just hate when guys ask ‘How are you still single?’ I get that they’re trying to be nice and complimentary, but it just makes me feel embarrassed and stupid and awkward.”

–Alessandra, 26

7. “I’m gay, and I met this guy at a bar who kept talking about how he dated 3 lesbians. And he was like ‘you and me could be good though’ and I had only been talking to him just to be nice. It was so annoying.”

–Elizabeth, 24

8. “A Wall Street guy once ask me: ‘Are you a BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche type of girl…Cause I've got all three.’ Technically it was more of a question than an intended compliment, but I was still generally shocked that this type of dude exists.”

–Bri, 27

9. “A guy I was dating said he was tired of the ‘hot, blonde overly skinny types’ and was happy to be dating someone like me. Insert expressionless, annoyed emoji face.”

–Amber, 23

10. “I think you make my friends feel uncomfortable with how smart you are.”

–Jules, 30

11. “He told me my beer belly gave me character and that it was funny. I tried to laugh along with him but later that night I went back to my place and cried.”

–Amy, 21

12. “The classic ‘but you fold the laundry so much better than I do!’ line. I always thought it was a cliche but then my boyfriend actually said it to me and I couldn’t believe guys really use it. It’s not cute, just annoying as hell.”

–Lace, 29

13. “A guy I was ‘talking’ to told me that my high-profile job made me scary.”

–Tia, 28

14. “He told me he took a while to hit on me because I seemed more like a ‘relationship girl’ than a ‘one night stand’ type.”


15. “That my sister was the pretty one but that I was the more approachable one.”


16. “Some dude on Tinder messaged me that he was initially gonna swipe left but that my bio was funny so he decided to swipe right. Lucky me!!!!!!”

–Megan, 24

17. “You’re actually a lot nicer than you look.”

–Greta, 29

18. “You’re not someone I would ever date but you’re great with emotional stuff.” TC mark

–Nina, 25

You Won’t Always Miss Him, I Promise

Posted: 12 May 2016 03:15 PM PDT

Dawn Ashley
Dawn Ashley

I know it feels like you've been missing him forever.

Like every long, lonely day just drags into the next. Like memories of the two of you seem to haunt everything you do, even the simple things like brushing your teeth or rolling over and reaching absentmindedly towards his side of the bed.

I know your heart feels like an empty cavity.

I know you ache with a loneliness so deep you swear it's etched into every fiber, muscle, and bone of your skin.

But if I could promise you one thing, one tiny, flickering candle in the midst of your rainstorm, it's this: You won't always miss him.

Right now, your loss is present. It's relevant. It's current. It's close.

You are still in the downswing of your heartbreak, you haven't yet cut the ties and set yourself free. There's nothing wrong with being where you are, with soaking in your pain and letting it cover you, letting yourself feel.

But eventually you have to be strong enough to shed that broken skin, strong enough to take deep breaths again, strong enough to smile.

You won't always feel as weak as you do right now.

You won't always imagine his face when you close your eyes, won't always have the desire to know what he's doing or where he is. You won't always miss him before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up.

You won't always feel his kiss on your lips or his fingers through your hair.

There will be a time when he will no longer cross your mind and when you'll merely smile in remembrance of him, of the two of you.

And that freedom will taste sweeter than any memory.

I know what you're feeling right now. It's a sort of hopelessness, a sort of purposelessness that you can acknowledge is crazy, but you can't seem find your way out. You know you shouldn't let this sadness destroy you. You know you shouldn't give anyone that power over your emotions, but you can't help it.

Love does crazy things to us.
Love can build us, but also destroy us.

I know that you're aching. I know that you're afraid. I know you need time to heal and time to rebuild and time to teach yourself what it means to be whole without someone else. I get it.

You are broken, and it's okay to be broken right now.
You can't rush your healing, and that's fine.

But you need to know that this feeling won't last. You need to know that just because you're hurting doesn't mean you can't get back up again, doesn't mean you're weak.

You won't always miss him.

You won't always cry, won't always curl under your covers instead of seeing the world, won't always want to be alone and upset.

One day the world will open up to you and you'll see the sun peeking through the blinds, welcoming a new day. And you won't think of him in that moment. Instead you'll reach, unconsciously, for the sun. And it will be the first step to your new beginning.

The new, beautiful world without him. TC mark