Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog


41 Questions To Ask On A First Date That Are Way More Intriguing Than ‘What Do You Do For Fun?’

Posted: 14 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

mattinho7
mattinho7

1. What are you really passionate about and why?

2. What’s the best advice someone has ever given you?

3. Where is your favorite travel get-away?

4. If you had one hour left to live what would you do?

5. What was your favorite year and why?

6. If you could meet someone who’s dead who would it be?

7. Do you have any tattoos? What do they mean?

8. If you could come back to life as an animal what animal would you be?

9. What’s one song you really relate to?

10. What was the last movie that made you cry? Or the last movie that made you emotional (for people who are too embarrassed to admit a movie made them cry)?

11. If you could be friends with a celebrity who would it be and why?

12. Have you ever laughed so hard you peed your pants? (Then ask what made them do it)

13. If I were to ask your friends about you what would they say?

14. What’s something you would never want your mother to know about you?

15. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

16. If you could live another life as someone else who would it be?

17. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?

18. When was the last time you cried?

19. What do you think happens to us after we die?

20. What is your drink of choice?

21. What was your favorite game to play as a child?

22. Do you have any embarrassing nicknames you’d like to share? How’d you get them?

23. Dog or cat person?

24. What is one TV show you’re embarrassed to admit you watch?

25. What’s your favorite guilty pleasure food-wise?

26. What’s one book you’ve read that has caused some deep thinking?

27. What’s your most used emoji?

28. If you could pick an emoji to best describe you which one would it be?

29. What’s one character (could be from TV, a movie, or book) you identify with?

30. Have you ever broken a bone? How?

31. Coffee or tea?

32. If a high-school stereotype were to describe you in adulthood which one would it be?

33. Are you a morning or night person?

34. If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?

35. What’s your favorite season?

36. Do you prefer hot or cold weather?

37. Would you rather live forever or die tomorrow?

38. What’s one lie you’ve told that you were caught in?

39. Who in your family are you closest to?

40. What would you say is your most redeeming quality?

41. What has been your biggest accomplishment in life so far? TC mark

Young Girl Seeks Older Man

Posted: 14 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

If you're a girl who is bored, lonely, or just upset at her father for moving to an odd, foreign city, do not despair. If a strange woman who is not your mother is wandering around a flat that does not feel like your home, do not despair. If her even stranger daughter seems to elicit too strong a response in your father, do not despair. Never despair because there's a game you can play, one that can kill both time and the uneasy feeling in your stomach.

The game is simple. You get on the Northern line of the tube, preferably at Kennington station. Then, from Elephant and Castle to London Bridge, you whore yourself up. You put on aggressively red lipstick, try to apply eyeliner with shaking hands, brush your hair until it hurts and slightly pull down the front of your top. After that, always look at your reflection in the tube's windows. Carefully inspect the woman staring back at you and ask if she's attractive, or at least good enough. You look just like her. But, like the sun, it's not wise to stare at her for too long, lest you hurt yourself.

Calm down before you get to Bank station. Take a deep breath and relax. After all, you've done this before. Stand opposite one of the doors so you have a good look at the black clad, pale faced men who swarm in. Before you strike, look at their left hand to find that magic piece of metal. If it's not there move on, no matter how good-looking (for a man your father's age) he may be. He can't tell you anything you need to know.

If it is there then that's your cue. Look at him, look away, look at him again. Catch his eyes and give a smile, wait for him to smile back. They always do, even if you don't want them to. Once he bites make your way towards him. Always move slowly because you know he'll miss his stop because of you and it's the least he deserves.

Say you're lost, you don't have friends or family here, that you want to see the British Museum. Say that you're stressed out and don't understand how the tube works although you've lived in London for at least a year, but you're not sure because time has flowed funny since she left you. He'll be concerned, but you can't tell if it's real or not.

Allow him to comfort you and offer lunch, his treat. Wherever he takes you never sit outside or near the windows. He's eager to escape his office. He's eager to escape his home. He's eager to peel off the City suit he's been rotting in since morning. But most of all he's eager to taste your skin and bury himself in your hair and between your legs.

When you're done eating he'll give you his number and hurry back to work. You'll stare hard at the digits, first on the paper and then on the screen. One time you threw it away, but went through the rubbish bin to get it back.

You will stand in the cold, grimy tube station (even if he has a car). You will wander around straining your eyes in the dark to find the right flat. You will ring the bell and briefly consider running away. You never do.

His place is clean of course, maybe a way to impose order. Occasionally you step on a toy car or trip over a dollhouse, but he assures you she's out with them. Sometimes he makes you something to eat or tries to start a conversation, but most of the time he hustles you into the bedroom because he's in a hurry.

You won't be able to remember these next moments well, but that doesn't matter since it's always the same. You're crushed under their bodies and ground into their beds, hoping the comforter will swallow you up so you can disappear. But don't worry too much, they never last long.

When he's done with you it will all move very quickly. He'll find your clothes and walk you to the door while you put them on. Sometimes you notice your panties lying quietly in the corner of the room but you say nothing, almost wanting them to be found.

By the time you're back on his front step you make a mental note. Once again he's proven a point that will linger in your mind the next time that cute boy smiles at you, the next time you see your father again, the next time you see yourself in the tube window.

Of course, you tell yourself there won't be a next time. You have already learned the lesson so much that it's spread across your girlhood like cancer, the one that devoured your mother. But we both know what you will do when your new sister smiles at your father. We both know what you will do when your new mother avoids your glare. We both know what you will do when they all go out and forget to bring you. You will get on the Northern line of the tube. TC mark

12 Reasons You Should Definitely Fall In Love With A Strong Woman

Posted: 14 May 2016 04:01 PM PDT

stokpic
stokpic

1. Because she is self-aware and confident.

A strong woman knows that she is strong. She defines herself by her strength and by her ability to love others, yet still love herself. She is the type of woman to always keep her head held high and to stick to her morals and beliefs. She walks with confidence, yet humility—the perfect woman to have by your side.

2. Because she's a go-getter.

A strong woman knows who she is and what she wants. She's the type of woman who has goals and actively pursues them. Sometimes she won't know how to slow down, and will need you to help her relax, but she is motivated, persistent, and hard-working to the point that she'll make your head spin. (In a good way.)

3. Because she isn't afraid to be vulnerable.

Strength comes from vulnerability. From seeing flaws and the parts of yourself that don't measure up and acknowledging them. From finding strength in being honest, open, and sincere. A strong woman isn't afraid to open up to you, to strive for a deeper connection with you, and to give you her whole heart.

4. Because she won't take your sh*t.

A strong woman won't play games. She won't stand for mistrust or for someone messing with her head. She will call you out when you don't act right and she won't settle for being treated less than she deserves. Because of this, she will keep you on the right track and make you a better man.

5. Because she isn't the type to nag you or be insecure.

She won't drive you crazy by questioning your every move. She will trust you until you prove her wrong and she won't be worried about other people coming in-between your relationship because she is too busy loving you, and too confident in the two of you to have any doubts.

6. Because she will inspire you.

She will build you up, encouraging you to chase your dreams both alongside her, and with her. She will be the girl that makes you believe in yourself and in what you want. And this will be the biggest blessing.

7. Because she isn't afraid to acknowledge her fears.

She is a strong woman, strong enough to know that she is flawed and imperfect. She will be open with you about the things she fears, especially in regards to your relationship. And because of her honesty, the bond between the two of you will become even stronger.

8. Because she will make you both humble and strong.

She will bring out the best parts of you. She will make you gentle and emotional to counterbalance her sassiness, but also strong enough to match her. She will help you become a more well-rounded man, and this will cause your relationship to both balance and flourish.

9. Because she listens.

Her strength comes from her ability to listen to her heart, and this translates to her relationships. She will be the woman who tries her best to understand your perspective, and will listen to you both in arguments and in the day to day.

10. Because she will keep your life interesting.

She is a passionate woman, a driven woman. Because of this, she will sometimes butt heads with you. But this is good. She will make your life interesting, fighting with you when it counts, and challenging you, which keeps things fun and forever-growing.

11. Because she will be your partner and other half.

She will be your equal. A woman who stands up to you, and stands for you. She won't be the type of woman to take a back seat, or to sit on the sidelines. Instead, she will be right next to you in every decision you make, supporting and loving you with her whole heart.

12. Because she will always have your back.

She's tough, and she will be tough on your behalf. She won't let others hurt you or treat you poorly. She will be the woman who is defending you in every situation, and the woman who will put up a fight if you are treated like anything less than the amazing man that you are. TC mark

10 Women On The Truth Behind Why They Put Guys In The Friend Zone

Posted: 14 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT

lookcatalog.com
lookcatalog.com

1. I think he's great, but not for me.

"He's my best friend and as much as he means to me, he means it in a brotherly way. If we ever took our relationship to the next level I think it would ultimately ruin our friendship which I love so much."

– Sarah, 24


2. No sexual attraction.

"There are just some people that I don't feel a sexual attraction to, whether it be that I'm taller than them or they're skinnier than me. Those are personal problems that I have with myself that I need to work past, but for now those are turn offs. He could be the best friend I could have asked for, but I'm still not sexually attracted because I'll be too worried about it."

— Kara, 25


3. He's obnoxious.

"To me it's not about appearance, it's about his attitude. There is nothing more of a turn off than a guy who gets drunk and is obnoxious at the bar and people generally don't want to be around him because everyone is sick of his macho man attitude. In that case I would always rather be a friend to him so I can easily leave and walk away from him than be associated as his girl."

– Martha, 26


4. He's just a friend with benefits.

"This might seem weird, but I've had sex with guys that I've put in the friend zone. Just because I have sex with them doesn't mean I have feelings for them and I wouldn't want to date them just because. Even if I don't want a relationship at the time, I can still want to have sex."

– Cam, 30


5. He's dating or did date one of my friends.

"I would never date or even hook up with one of my friends ex boyfriends so he is automatically in the friendzone, even if he tries to hit on me. I would never do that because if he's even going to try that he's not someone I'm interested in."

– Sara, 23


6. He is needy and Clingy.

"I cannot even consider dating someone who is needy and relies solely on me. I need him to be his own person, if not he's getting immediately friendzoned. When I think of someone I'd want to be in a relationship it is with someone confident and not completely reliant on others, someone who can take care of themselves. I've got too much going on myself to worry about taking care of another human."

– Jill, 31


7. I can't control my feelings.

"There are just some people I fall hard and fast for because that's the type of person I am, and then there are others that I just don't think I'll ever be attracted to in any way. They just give me the friend vibe and I can't control that. My emotions have a mind of their own and I wish more people would realize you can't control who you love and have chemistry for."

– Hayley, 22


8. His sense of humor is non-existent.

"I'm sorry, but if you can't make me laugh or even laugh at things I think are funny we are never going to get along. Laughing is needed and necessary in relationships and if you don't get my sense of humor or sarcasm, you're automatically friendzoned. I need a good joke and someone to laugh at my quirks."

– Sydney, 23


9. He is too important for me to lose.

"I have really good friends that I've put in the friendzone simply because I couldn't imagine my life with out him so I'd rather not ruin it by trying anything. He's such a great person and he's going to make someone really happy, but I really can't risk losing him because without him I'd have nothing so I need him as he is."

– Riley, 22


10. It just happens sometimes.

"Honestly everyone has been friendzoned. Everyone has been attracted to someone who doesn't want them back. Everyone has been rejected. It is just something that happens and sometimes it's something you can't control. You can't force feelings because that will never lead to happiness, but the friendzone is just a place that people who you don't want to pursue a future with are in a romantic or sexual way, which is fine because everyone has been there. It might not be fair, but it's life."

– Stephanie, 29 TC mark

10 Telling Signs You’re In A Relationship For All The Wrong Reasons

Posted: 14 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

jakecoffey
jakecoffey

Falling in love with someone and being in a relationship is one of the best things that can ever happen to us. We spend time with someone we think is terrific and daydream about them when we're not together. We laugh, play and have fun together. We share dreams, goals, aspirations, and we have someone to turn to when things go up in flames. We feel like this is the best time of your life and we finally understand what love is…Or maybe not?

Despite being in a relationship and spending intimate moments with someone, do you ever find yourself wishing for someone else? Do you feel unhappy and dissatisfied? Do you ever find yourself resenting the person you are with?

If you're feeling uneasy about the relationship you are in, then maybe you should ask yourself. Why are you in a relationship? Why are you committing yourself to this person? Maybe you're in it simply because:

1. The sex is perfect

I can't blame you. Finding the perfect bedmate can be tough. You have to have that certain chemistry. You have to be in the same page as to where your tastes lie. So when you finally find that someone who rocks your world, it's really difficult to let him/her slip away. But let's be fair, do you have chemistry outside the bedroom? Can you carry on a conversation that does not involve foreplay and pillow talk? If you have tried and there's still nothing else you can enjoy together, then my friend, you're just fooling yourself into thinking this booty-call is something more.

2. You want to make an ex jealous

Getting dumped by someone you've cared for must be one of the worst feelings there are. And one way or another we have wanted to get back at them for inflicting that pain. But using another person to hurt someone else is wrong. Not only are you being insensitive and deceptive; you, yourself are also inflicting pain to someone who may genuinely care about you.

3. You can have sex when you need it

Isn't it the reason why sex toys were invented? Have sex whenever you want, however you want, in different shapes and speeds. There are more and more ways to find gratification merely by a press of a button; and more and more reasons why you shouldn't use somebody just to satisfy your cravings. People are not toys to be used and discarded when you no longer need them.

4. You want to have kids soon or your clock is ticking

This reasoning plagues not just women but men too. There are people who have spent their 20s and 30s focusing on their career and/or studies, dedicating their youth to fun, or simply putting of life-changing decisions until they've come to the right time and state of mind. But sometime we realize we are in the right time to build a family, but only when it's already too late. So some people resort to settling.

Like a game of musical chairs, once they hear the music stop, they just go with whoever the person they are at the moment. Doesn't matter if they are in love with them at all, or if they are both on the same page when it comes to building a family. Is this the kind of family you would want to build, though? "Co-parent" with someone you barely tolerate, and raise kids who will never see the true definition of real love from their parents?

5. You need to validate your sexual orientation

Some people live lifestyles that don't always fit the mold. Like some men do not come off as a sporty, ripped, muscle-car loving alpha-male; and some women don't act and dress like the Duchess of Cambridge. For that some narrow-minded people would wonder if they play for the other team. To prove them wrong, they get into relationships blindly just to prove that they are not gay.

But in doing this, it just goes to show that you let other people dictate even your personal relationships. Your love life (or lack thereof) is none of other people's business. Be happy of who you are, and instead of getting into a relationship to prove your sexual orientation, work on a way to stop yourself about giving a damn on what other people think, and loving who you are to the core.

6. You want to feel attractive

There are some occasions like Valentine's Day and Christmas when being single stand out like a sore thumb. You feel like just about any other woman is getting flowers and chocolates on V-day, and your relatives who you see but once a year keep pressing on why you're not seeing anyone, and, "What's wrong with you?". But getting into a relationship just to assert your attractiveness and "market value" will not make the issue go away. It instead will only destroy your self-esteem all the more so. You're only showing that you're valuable if and only if, you are a part of a couple.

7. You've been in a relationship with someone for too long it's a waste to break off

Some couples who have been in a relationship far too long have gotten too comfortable to realize that they may have fallen out of love with their partner. They have been doing the same habits, the same routines, that they don't realize that what they are fond of the normalcy, albeit the lull and lack of progress. What these couples don't see, is that they've lost respect for each other. They don't respect each other anymore to give them the love and freedom, and much rather hang on to each other merely for convenience.

8. You've been out of a relationship for too long

You feel like your gears are getting rusty and your pipes are getting squeaky and it's time to get out and make a human Drano out of somebody. Fun stuff. There's no harm in having amazing sex with someone, bang it out, and get your wheels turning again. But make sure you and your partner are on the same page. If you want to keep is casual, so should he/she. Don't lead him/her on into thinking this is merely a part of a grander, more special bond when it isn't.

9. You want to prove you're capable of commitment

You've been playing the field for too long, that even your family and closest friends think that
you're incapable of commitment with any person other than yourself, and you want to prove them wrong. Of course, by getting into a relationship just for commitment's sake is defeating the purpose. You should want to commit, not because you want to see how long you can hold your breath, but because you've met someone so wonderful that you want to spend time with him/her and take care of him/her the best way you can.

10. It's nice to have somebody taking care of you

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of by someone, as long as you genuinely want to care for that person back. You're capable of looking out for someone other than yourself, and recognizing the other person's needs too. But if it's a one way street where you demand so much of the other person and you refuse to make any effort to care for them, then you should not be in a relationship.

Should any of these turn out to be the only reasons you're with someone, you might need to reassess your relationship. There shouldn't be any other reason to be with someone other than you love them, wholeheartedly, transcending the mind-blowing sex, your biological clock, all the time spent, and your self-validation.

You know that through thick or thin you'll be there for them and you'll be equals in everything. They mean the world to you, and despite being assured of your own person, you know that having them in your life just makes it extra special.

Settling should be nothing but a remote notion, because you know you're so darn lucky to have found someone who understands you, makes you happy, and makes you a better person, just as you do to them. You know in your heart that you are right where you need to be.

If you're not, do your partner a favor and see how you can make up for what's lacking, together. If that's too much to ask, let them go and let them be with someone else who can make them feel as special as they deserve. TC mark

The Idiot’s Guide To Philippine Martial Law

Posted: 14 May 2016 10:45 AM PDT

Flickr / Eric James Sarmiento
Flickr / Eric James Sarmiento

Let's face it; a lot of millennial Filipinos are stupid. No, I won't sugarcoat it.

There's no other word to describe how a slew of teens-to-20-somethings can be deluded into thinking history professors, priests, US ambassadors, farmers, and ordinary citizens from the 80s banded together to rewrite history to "discredit" and "frame" the Marcos regime, even when they have access to credible information via the Internet at their fingertips.

It's strange because even my own Danish mother-in-law knows about Imelda Marcos and the Marcos' legacy (solely from history lessons in school and reading the news), but many Filipinos don't.

But for foreigners still unaware, the Philippines was under Martial Law from September 1972 until 1986 by the corrupt Marcos family. Somehow my fellow Filipino youth seem to think it was our country's "golden years" when everything flourished, despite numerous sources and facts stating otherwise, despite the murders, despite the rapes, despite the survivor accounts, despite the down-spiraling economy and worsening poverty.

You're worried America nominating Trump? The Philippines is literally a few ballots away from electing a poor man's Hitler's son, Bongbong Marcos.

Clearly failing to grasp the election is not only a means of practicing our democracy, but is also an unofficial IQ test, Filipinos are rallying to support and vote for a proven criminal to become Vice President, while sharing articles from satire sites as proof of a giant conspiracy. #LolWTF

To those of you who were too busy gossiping with your classmates, sending flirty texts under the desk to your crush, daydreaming about a celebrity, or plain-old sleeping instead of paying attention during your Philippine History and Economy 101 classes – let me help you stop making a fool out of yourself.

MARTIAL LAW 101 FOR IDIOTS:

1. "The Philippines was the best country in all of Asia! The peso was strong! Our economy was flourishing! THE GOLDEN YEARS!" – Yes, during the first few years of Martial Law, our economy rose. How? By heavily borrowing money from banks. We borrowed SO MUCH MONEY our debt rose from $2.9 billion in 1973 of the "golden years" to $17.30 billion in 1980 (Source). Our economy steadily weakened and actually grinded to a halt (Source). Unemployment rates and inflation soared immensely while the Marcos regime monopolized businesses and gained commission from many companies  (Source). The Agrarian Reform platform was also a front in order for Ferdinand Marcos to gain ownership of his enemies' lands, only 4% of farmers owned land when he was forced to step down from the presidency (Source).

2. "Ferdinand Marcos is my idol, the greatest President we've ever had. He had the highest score in history in many tests and he was very intelligent." – So was Ted Bundy and he's a serial killer. The funds borrowed above were heavily mismanaged, with Ferdinand Marcos the dictator pocketing most of the funds and using the rest to build useless infrastructure projects with cheap materials in order to appease the Filipinos and blindside them from the theft. Another slew of BS I read is that Ferdinand is not as "bad" as other politicians of present days. No, he is not. He is probably worse (Source).

3. "Their family has always been wealthy, that's their own money." – Tell that to the government as it continues trying to amass the billions of dollars stolen by the Marcoses. Bongbong even tried to contest a ruling by the courts to have $40 million be returned to the government. (Source). His sister is in the Panama Papers list (Source). And remember that iconic photo of a Martial Law survivor crying after finally being compensated 20+ years later? The money used for compensation was from the Marcos' formerly secret Swiss bank accounts containing $800 million (Source)

4. "Bongbong was just a boy." – During the EDSA Revolution when the Filipino people rose up to overthrow the dictatorship, Bongbong Marcos was already 28 years old wearing haute couture military uniform ready to help attack thousands of innocent civilians fighting for their rights. Back in 1981 when he was still 23, he was elected as Vice-Governor of Ilocos Norte and later on became Governor from 1983-1986.

5. "The sins of the father are not the sins of the son." – Certainly not. However, just as Bongbong was already grown enough to have pubic hair, he was fully mature enough to be aware of what his dictator father was doing and did not have any problems benefitting from his father’s regime or splurging their ill-gotten money. His father’s sins are not his own. He made his own sins. For instance, he never complained when his father handpicked him to be PhilComSat's Chairman of the Board which gave him a cool monthly salary of $9,700 – $97,000 despite barely showing up for work. (Source) He received much more from other assignments and businesses the entire family received a cut from. People change? Bongbong is recently entangled in the PDAF scam for plunder (Source). His other biggest blunder in the present? Trying to rewrite (Source) and whitewash history (Source).

6. "They're good people, look at what they've accomplished." – So what? So what if they arguably did a few things right, maybe? Bongbong installing windmills didn't stop the Marcoses and their cronies from murdering the student who dared question Imee Marcos in an open-forum (Source). If anything, he is possibly showing he is using the same tactic his father and mother did – put up a few visible projects, keep the rest of the money. Also, the Marcoses are barred from going back to the US after they violated a US court decision to give compensation to 10,000 Martial Law victims whose human rights were violated (Source). And what about the accident during the construction of the Manila Film Center? Do good people refuse to rescue 169 workers buried under wet cement? (Source) Do good people use taxpayers' money for Philippine planes to deliver freshly pumped breast milk to their baby left in the Philippines as the mom vacations in Europe? (Source) Do good people use government funds to go  on a million dollar shopping spree? (Source) Or to buy custom-made jewelry, designer shoes, apartments in New York, and paintings by Monet, Picasso, and Van Gogh? (Source) Do good people continue to laugh when we demand for them to apologize for the money they've stolen, the lives they've killed? Do good people refuse to say sorry despite irrefutable proof? (Source) Do good people call the victims of their crime"greedy" in order to avoid paying lawful compensation? Do good people censor media (Source) or imprison (Source) and torture 1,000 people, with hundreds still missing until today? (Source) (Source). If the Marcos family accomplished anything during their political careers, it's that they cemented and institutionalized the art of corruption in the Philippines.

7. "The Aquinos and Lopezes and others are the same. They are also corrupt." – I don't give a shit. We're talking about how you are actively turning a blind eye to the ugly history of this country. Other political groups' sins do not negate the Marcoses'.

8. "But they cheated! They're cheating now!" – IKR? Just like how the Marcos regime cheated during the violent 1986 snap elections (Source).

9. "You weren't born at the time. You could never 100% know what truly happened back then." Sweetheart, that’s what books, news articles, the Internet, and this god damn article are for.

10. "Bongbong is our rightful Vice-President. These are all lies and black propaganda. The sources stated were paid for by anti-Marcos politicians. You're part of the conspiracy. And even if this article is true, you need to move on!" – Please don't procreate.

There are documentaries such as Imelda, Lest We Forget, and Batas Militar showcasing footage and witness accounts of the Marcos' debauchery. In the comments section of these authentic videos, you'll see Filipino upon Filipino cursing the video's uploader for being a "liar." In case I get the same reaction, let me tell you upfront I abstained from voting so there goes your logic of "You’re paid for by the opposition!"

My fellow youth, sorry to say, spend more time ogling the latest "love team" celebrity than using google and going to the library to educate themselves. Everything is a giant ala soap opera conspiracy. They willfully choose to forget our well-documented history while screaming "Pinoy Pride!" because they're too egotistical to admit they're wrong, just like their beloved Marcos family.

The Filipino millennial generation is taking a giant shit on every real flesh-and-bone human being who suffered under Martial Law, both dead and living. The Philippines being a third-world country is not an excuse for your stupidity and intellectual laziness, especially when continuously presented with verified evidence. You are traitors to your own Motherland, to your own blood.

Some of you say you support Marcos because you admire Lee Kuan Yew and believe Marcos is the Philippine version.

So let's end this lesson by a quote from Singapore's finest leader –

"It is a soft, forgiving culture. Only in the Philippines could a leader like Ferdinand Marcos, who pillaged his country for over 20 years, still be considered for a national burial. Insignificant amounts of the loot (the Marcoses have stolen) have been recovered, yet his wife and children were allowed to return and engage in politics."

Never again, Marcos and idiot Marcos-fanatics. Never again. TC mark

14 Reasons Why Traveling Is A Lot Like Falling In Love

Posted: 14 May 2016 10:00 AM PDT

Twenty20, maxime.du.bus
Twenty20, maxime.du.bus

1. Your longing to discover more is heightened.

There's always something about that someone you fall in love with that's fascinating and exhilarating. You want to get to know the person on a deeper level and yet, no matter how much you know about the person, there will always be more to discover that thrills. You just wake up in a trance wanting to know everything there is to learn about the person.

In traveling, every time you go somewhere, unconsciously, you look at it just the same way. You are driven. When you go to some place, correspondingly you dive into the unfamiliar and each step you take only gets you a step closer to unraveling its beauty. In return, the place slowly reveals itself to you. However, you yearn to discover more about it because even if you might just be re-visiting the place, you'll realize that there will always be more to it to discover, explore, and experience.

2. You make sacrifices selflessly.

You realize that you just can't have everything. There are things that you will have to sacrifice at some point. You tend to set your priorities in order. You may no longer seem to be the person that you used to be — but you're fine with it anyway. You learn to adjust and compromise with the person you fell in love with. You don't recount on the issues in between you two but you tend to trust the person more than the blossoming relationship.

In traveling, you are forced to make a lot of sacrifices too. You cannot predict what happens on the road. Thus, you work your way to deal with every situation as it is, however it's good or bad. You defy the odds that comes your way. You try to twist negative encounters with a fellow to something positive no matter what. On the road, you tend to be flexible in every situation. Thus, you always come glorious even during misadventures. You treat it like a life lesson you carry with you all through your next travels. You just adjust and learn to compromise, you become bolder, stronger and forgiving too.

3. You forget your reservations.

Falling in love with someone could be scary too. No matter how long you know the person does not give any assurance of security. But, because you intend to be open to the person as you fall deeply in love, you put your guards down and let yourself get through your own inhibitions.

Just like in traveling, allowing yourself to go out there puts you in an implausible amount of pressure. At times you tend to also feel burdened trying your best to make sure that things during each travels go smoothly as planned. But, once you're in it, you tend to overlook your dilemmas and set aside your doubts. What's important is that you're there, enjoying the ride, and is terrifically ready for it no matter what happens in between.

4. You accept the good and the bad.

The more you get to know the person you just fell in love with, you find yourself falling in love even more. Learning about their dark past, sad story, and heavy luggage doesn't change it. You learn to embrace them and even end up loving their flaws too. In traveling, misadventures are inevitable. However, you know how to handle every bad situation you encounter. You just accept it and treat it like a whole new experience to learn from.

5. You divulge that part of you that nobody knows.

When you're just starting to get into a relationship, little by little you bare your soul. That soul may just be about that side of you that others don't know of. You can just be the person that you are with this person, comfortably. The same is true when it comes to traveling. When you're new in a place, you tend to not be afraid to show and represent yourself. You could be as silly without worrying to be judged. You tend to find how it's easier to even start up a conversation and say what's on your mind. It's even amusing how to end up revealing this side of you that you don't even know existed.

6. You are inspired and motivated.

Falling in love can be a great source of inspiration and motivation. Sometimes, you can picture a life with the person you fell in love with and that keeps you feeling good while doing your thing. You may find yourselves working on a common goal too. It keeps you both interested in keeping your growing relationship because you see that you're good for each other.

Traveling is a lot like that too. It can bring out the best in you in many ways. It could also be a great source of inspiration and motivation. You'll find yourself working hard to save for a travel fund and find yourself realizing your travel plan anytime soon. You'll want to work even harder, become better and, if possible, be more at everything. Because you think that it will make you fully equipped to deal with whatever is going to happen on the road. It matters to you to be a better person to share to the world and even a better person to share to your loved ones and friends when you get back home.

7. You want to try new things you never tried before.

Falling in love could also mean falling in love with the differences you share with someone. Not required, but you tend to try to experience how it is with your special someone's shoes. You tend to push yourself out of your comfort zone to understand the person you're building a relationship with. There is essentially a reasonable rush of adrenaline that gives you confidence to do things you think you wouldn't do ever. Not to impress them but to genuinely show your interest in them by trying to make your flourishing relationship work. In traveling, the urge in wanting to try new things is unbelievable. You just can't get enough of anything. A new skill could open a door to another which pushes you to continuously try and learn another. Thus, trying becomes unending and so does traveling, as a huge venue to learning new things.

8. It is painful when it's over.

Falling in love entails a lot of risks. You're love may not be reciprocated. You're blossoming relationship may not last. And it will hurt. It will hurt tremendously that you may no longer want to gamble in love anymore. It's the same with traveling, when time is up and it's time to go home, you'll find yourself wanting to stay a little longer. It saddens you that a trip is over especially when you eyed to visit the place too long. However, in traveling, there is just no moving on. You can just keep coming back and plan for more adventures.

9. You look forward each to moment.

You wake up with a smile and jump out of bed enthusiastically. You are positive about what the day has to offer. You simply just look forward to making the day even more worthwhile with your special someone or with the destination you're heading to. No matter how yesterday's may be tough, you actively wake up at dawn to watch out for the amazing sunrise, start on the trip early, beat the traffic, grab a sumptuous breakfast on the way, dare to experience, and yet, completely understand that misadventures are inherent. However, you look forward and anticipate a good day, anyway.

10. It leaves a mark in your life forever.

No matter how short or long the relationship would last, you know that it will always be a part of you. You know that some time in the future, you will remember the person. It could make you smile, it could make you sad, but, nevertheless, it will remind you of a lesson and you will only be grateful that you went through it and became the person that you are at the present. Just like in traveling, a destination can provide you a good view of how to see things differently. Whatever kind of memories you bring with you after a travel, you only end up being thankful that once in your life, you went through an experience that changed the way you see things and there's nothing going to be like it.

11. You see and appreciate how the earth could get colorful, not gray.

Everything just seems to be perfectly beautiful and faultless when you fall in love. You can overlook the flaws, the shortcomings, and doubts. The same goes with traveling, too. You just tend to be relaxed and be at peace. You just don't pay attention to the downsides but look into it in a positive perspective no matter how ugly it could possibly get. You just stay in a good mood, romanticizing everything the place has to offer, and seizing the moment without regrets but only good memories to treasure.

12. You can't get enough.

When you fall in love, every waking day seems like a moment to date and to exchange sweet nothings. You will find yourself having more sense of purpose. Your existence must now include loving and professing love continuously. The experience will make your heart skip a beat and everything you do will seem to revolve around it. It's a mixture of different emotions that you only find yourself craving for more. A day or two may not be enough. You have to see the person you fell in love with as often as you feel like it. In traveling, you will never get enough too. A place couldn't just be a place for you. You will find yourself wanting to experience some more. You will be filled with captured images but at some point, it will never be enough to describe your whole experience. Because the best storyteller will always be you who have experienced coming to a somewhere first hand.

13. You don't miss every detail no matter how little they are.

When you fall gradually in love, you get to know the person bit by bit too. You just don't miss a single little detail about them. It liberates you to know them all. Because somehow, it becomes a validation of how deeply you know the person you're in love with. Just like in traveling, you tend to look at every little thing too, you're very observant; from how each city run their streets, to their customs and traits, to every attraction that you come to explore. That's why most travelers on record are great storytellers too because they are keen to observe and can readily notice anything.

14. You do anything to make it worthwhile.

You stay calm but try your hardest to make the growing relationship stable and exciting at the same time. You may not be sure where it leads you two but because you invested in genuine feelings and emotions, you simply try your best to make it work to last, somehow. Just like in traveling, you know it always comes with a risk but what would enjoyment mean when you don't go through all the difficulties on the road?

So there you have it, deciphered, how traveling is a lot like falling in love. And just like with falling in love, you may also fear, experience heartbreaks, rare little regrets, have lessons learned, and always a story to tell. Do you agree with us by saying that falling in love is a lot like traveling? How beautiful it is to love. Yet, how even beautiful it is to travel for some. What's your take? Spread the love. Travel lots! TC mark

I Took You Down From The Pedestal Today

Posted: 14 May 2016 09:00 AM PDT

Julia Caesar
Julia Caesar

It's been a little over half a year since we've spoken amicably to each other, since I told you I wanted to cut ties. We parted with a kiss and an "I love you". It was a nice end, I guess. Since then, I've done a bunch of new things, been to places, spent some time, a lot of time, alone.

I was sworn off relationships because needless to say, you've scared me off any such endeavor. Sure, some boys – little boys – traipsed in and out of my life, but they were just scenery you drive by on a road trip. Some weren't even that pretty. Honestly, it was a series of further disappointments after you and my heart couldn't take anymore crap.

Then, in my darkest days, I met someone. I put in my best efforts to keep him at arm's length, keep myself closed off, dance around intimate questions with coy, non-specific half-truths – I got quite good at it, who would have known. But well, I guess it's not that surprising considering I've had 7 years of training from the master himself. Anyway despite all that, he got to me. Everything happened so organically and so quickly. It felt natural to be around him, and it was as if we were connected on some higher cognitive and emotional wavelength. I'd never felt this way with anybody before.

The point of all of this, is not to gush about my partner and wave my happiness in your face. I am not childish. I am writing to you to tell you that I am not truly happy and I feel like I can't be because you are still haunting me. I feel like I let you get away scot-free. I sent you off with a beautiful fanfare complete with butterflies and fairy dust. I didn't even give you a genuine slap. So here is my long overdue slap-in-your-face.

If it's over and done for you, packed neatly into a box and stowed away, and you're living a new exciting life with new people and going places without looking back, then good for you. Genuinely, I'm happy for you, and also not in the least bit surprised. You're good with boxes.

But I want you to know that for me, it hasn't ended. That when you hurt people the way you hurt me, it stays with them for a long time.

It's with me everyday. Everyday I'm discovering new depths of the pain you have caused me. Everyday the pristine image of you I preserved in my mind is rapidly tarnishing and everyday another good memory is tainted as I start to see it with new eyes.

You're like a shadow following me everywhere I go. The other night I dreamt that I wanted to beat you up but I couldn't, even though you were right in front of me. I was moving in slow motion, there was an invisible force pushing against me. When I finally got to your face, I managed a slow deep scratch and your face started to bleed.

Him and I are so perfect for each other and I know I could be so happy with him. The operative word is "could". My capacity to love and be loved, to trust, to be happy, has been curtailed. In my head it looks like an impenetrable film surrounding my heart, impeding it's ability to reach its full potential. The potential capacity that I maximised when I was loving you.

It's so frustrating because I know what I'm capable of. I know I have so much love to give, but I feel like I can't give it. You were the first and only one to whom I gave it all to, wholeheartedly. But you were so blinded by your over sized ego and God-complex so big that you callously threw it away.

I don't think you knew what you had. I think you still don't. What's worse is that I had such little self-worth back then that I couldn't see that you didn't deserve all that I surrendered to you. Other people slowly began to see it, though. That the scales didn't balance. That it was fire and ice. That it was the master and his puppy wagging her tail by the door awaiting her master's arrival home.

You really fucked up. Not so much because you hurt me (although that's a part of it), but more because you failed to realize that the one person who knew Superman for so long didn't run away when the mask started to peel off. When she started to get to know that other side of you that you kept hidden so well. It made her love you even more. You failed to recognize that unconditional love does exist, and you had it.

But I got tired of fighting for you. I got tired trying to prove that you don't have to and in fact shouldn't do this alone. That you did and always would have me. No matter what you did to me. I got tired holding on to the fact that we grew up together, and we have a bond like nobody else does.

But I started to realize that you weren't fighting back for me. It got too lonely, and I deserve better. And I did get better. Now I know what it feels like when a man loves you with all his heart.

When he is upfront with his demons and requests for and respects your opinion. When he lets himself feel and you're the first person with whom he is honest about it. When he stands up for you and protects you with his life. When he parades you to all of his friends, and family, even when that landed him knee-deep in shit. Now I know the difference between "I am not obliged to stay. I would have left if I wanted to. But I didn't." and "I'm always here, I'm not going anywhere."

I don't want you to be there at my proposal, or my engagement, or my wedding, or my wedding night. I don't want to wonder where you are when I have my first child, or what you're doing when I get my first job. I don't want you anymore, and I want to be able to live happily ever after with him without you sticking around. I don't want you anymore. Any part of you.

So here's me taking another step to try to get rid of you. I'm selling the guitar, and I have no more photos of you except on Instagram. Now I'm taking my little slice of justice and giving you a piece of my mind. It's truly a waste, we had gone through so much together. You were my best friend for the longest time and my first love. I loved you with every inch of me. But now every inch of me wants you gone and every good memory we had is tarnished as I start to realize that it wasn't what I thought it was. And that's on you, not me.

I don't wish anything bad for you. In fact, I hope you learn to get over yourself and let the next girl love the human side of you. I hope that I don't haunt you the way you did for me. I hope that you face your demons full-on and come out the other side happier.

I'm not expecting to hear from you. I'm not even expecting you to get to the end of this post. But I hope you do and I hope you take something positive away from this. Other than a small ache in your chest where I used to be.

Take care. TC mark

41 People Share The Most Outrageous And Hilarious Lies They Ever Told

Posted: 14 May 2016 08:00 AM PDT

via Flickr - jintae kim
via Flickr – jintae kim

1. A Lifechanging Lie

Told my employer that I was Jewish. Not Jewish. Had to research all the holidays, pick a temple to be a member of, etc.

Had to get a new job.

2. His Very Own Olivia Wilde

I’m the kind of person that always leaves my shoes tied and just slips them on. I’m dating this girl for a couple months and then one day my shoe gets untied but I’m too lazy to retie it. It really bothers her and she insists on me tying it. I really don’t want to bend over and do it for some reason. It was around the time when Liam Neeson got his shoe tied by Olivia Wilde and I was crazy jealous because I really liked Olivia Wilde since watching House.

She eventually asks me “Don’t you know how to tie your shoes???”. In my head I’m seeing Liam Neeson getting his shoes tied by Olivia Wilde and how badass it looks. So I say “No… I never learned how, you can’t tell anyone…”

To this day, when my shoe gets untied in public she will pull me off to the side away from other people and secretly tie my shoe. For some reason it makes her happy and it’s the sweetest thing ever. I can’t understand how she would even tolerate a grown man who doesn’t know how to tie his own shoe! I’ll never be Liam Neeson cool, but I’ve found my Olivia Wilde.

3. Lies About Not Having Children

I work with a number of women (and men for that matter) who all have children. When we all first started working together they asked me if my wife and I have kids – I said no. I have zero interest in hearing about their kids or talking about mine.

So years later I’m the guy without kids and it’s wonderful. My boss who I’ve known for 18 years actually knows my son and doesn’t care, he actually thinks its funny.

Son is in his mid 20s and has been out of the nest for years to technically I don’t have kids, just an adult son.

4. The Lie That Caused A Heart Condition

In an ironic twist of fate, I used to tell people that I had a heart condition, and that’s why I took pills daily (it’s actually Prozac).

Found out about a year and some change ago that I do, in fact, have a heart condition.

I lied so hard that I retroactively gave myself a heart condition.

5. The Drunk Liar

I dislocated my knee dancing like a maniac whilst drunk in January. Ended up on crutches for three weeks. Told everyone at work I did it bending down to grab something from the freezer because I didn’t want them to think I was a drunken maniac. People at work are still shocked that I dislocated it so ‘easily’ and keep saying how unlucky I am and bringing the sympathy. Now I just feel like a fraud.

6. The Christmas Lie That Became A Family Story

My aunt would send us Christmas presents a month or so early every year and they’d sit under the tree just asking to get peeked into. Usually it was pretty boring stuff. So one year me and my brother both got this same exact size small box that felt completely weightless. We couldn’t tell what it was from the small holes we made, nor by shaking it or anything so we decided one of us had to open it up completely, find out what it was and wrap it back up. Well…turned out to be a crisp $20 with a bunch of tissue paper wadded up around it. We were dirt poor so $20 was like $1,000,000. We didn’t want to wait to spend it either so we carefully extracted each of our $20’s and rewrapped the boxes.

Now comes the lie. Mom would want to know where we got this money…she knew we had no money and no way to get any money so we came up with a plan. My brother was to take the $40 and when we got to Wal Mart, he would go to the bathroom and when he came back he would say he found it on the floor and in the Christmas spirit he will graciously split the money with me allowing us to spend our $20 freely. Everything worked perfectly.

Except my mom gushed about it to anyone who’d listen and STILL occasionally brings up our amazing luck finding $40 at Wal Mart that time. It’s proof of the magic of Christmas! See, Santa is real! Almost 25 years later it still gets mentioned. She’d be crushed to know the truth so the lie lives on.

7. Thirteen Year Old Lies About Age, Goes To College Early

When I was 13 I was playing world of Warcraft and someone asked me my age. 13 was so young so I lied and said I was 14, cause that meant I was so much more mature. Well I kept playing wow, with the same group of people, and 4 years later they thought I was 18.

Someone started asking me how my applications to college were going since I was that age. Being caught in the lie about my age I played along and asked for advice. I played along with the advice which resulted in me actually putting in a college application to a university and…. I got in. As a high school junior.

So to keep up this lie about my age I now had to finish high school quickly so I could actually go to this university that accepted me. Great part is that I was able to do this by overloading my spring semester of “Senior” year high school with online classes (yay Florida online high school). I managed to graduate high school a year early and went to university a year early to keep this lie going.

So here I am, at a university 1000miles from my home state, finished my BS and am now doing a masters, all because 14 sounded way more mature than 13 on a fucking video game.

8. Toddler Lies About Why He’s Crying, Earns Swim Lessons

When I was about 5 I remember being in the bathroom and brushing my teeth. My mum was there and berated me for something. Later, being a sensitive child, I was crying in bed about it. My parents came in all concerned and my mum asked: “was it because I yelled at you earlier?”. Embarrassed at being caught out so easily I said ” no.. I’m sad because.. Because I can’t swim”. Soon after I was taken to swimming lessons. I hated swimming.

9. A Lie Of Jurassic Proportions

Here is a lie I told in first grade. We had to do a report on a dinosaur, and we were each assigned a different dino to do a report on. We each were supposed to stand in front of the class and give a report. Before I could go, another girl in my class went and did a report on the same dinosaur my report was on. Instead of assuming that the teacher just handed out the same dinosaur to multiple kids, I assumed that I messed up and did the report wrong, so I threw it away and started crying before recess. My teacher came up to me and asked why I was crying, so I told her it was “because my mom has breast cancer.”

To be fair, I did have a really vague memory of someone telling me my mom had cancer. My dad had cancer when I was very little, and I think it was just a dream, but I partially believed it. It didn’t make me cry though. It was the report that I was upset about.

This lie didn’t last long, when my teacher gave my mom a get well soon card, and my mom confusingly explained that she did not have cancer.

10. Professor Liar

I am a professor and many times I will tell personal stories in an effort to demonstrate tough concepts. About half of these stories I made up at some point.

I don’t remember which ones are real and which ones are lies. So I just go with them and don’t worry about it.

11. The Coward

That I am allergic to bees. I was so scared of them in grade school and junior high, that I convinced everybody that I am allergic so they don’t judge me when I run from bees.

12. Tuna Casserole Forever

When I was a little kid, I told my mom I really liked her tuna casserole. I was just trying to be nice and pay her a compliment since she seemed like she was having a bad day.

Pretty much every time I go to visit her she has some tuna casserole waiting for me. I don’t actually like tuna casserole that much, but it’s such a sweet gesture that I don’t have the heart to tell her to stop. This has been going on for over thirty years now.

13. American Pretends To Be Scottish, Convinces Aussies

A couple years ago, I went to a bar in a town I didn’t expect to be in very often, and I decided to don a Scottish accent and make up a back story for a fictitious version of myself.

Now, I doubt my accent would have fooled someone actually from Edinburgh, but by the end of the night I had a group of Americans and one bemused Australian chatting with me about the things that make the US a strange place to visit from abroad. Shots were bought, back slaps given, and a good night had; I thought nothing else of it.

…until I was dating a girl from the next town over, and she took me to her favorite bar. That bar. We walked in, someone greeted my by my “name”, and I did the only thing I could do — cheerfully donned my fraudulent accent, explained that my business trip had been indefinitely extended, and spent the next twenty minutes furtively explaining to my date that I wasn’t a con man, just an ex actor with terrible impulse control.

14. American Pretends To Be German

For some reason when I was a younger kid, I really really wished I was German. I do have a very German last name, but I’m really only like 5 percent German. But I would always tell people I was 100 percent German. (I would say both my grandparents on both sides were straight from Germany, so both my parents were 100% German). It didn’t really go as planned, and whenever we would learn about the nazis in history people would stare at me, and the teacher would even ask me for my insight on it. One time when German exchange students visited our middle school for a day, I was assigned to be their tour guide because they would want someone “like them”. When high school rolls around, all my friends assumed I would take German as my language class. So since I was the “german girl” I did. Hence me learning German and now constantly being asked to speak German to people to prove that I’m German. I’ve also studied German customs and culture just so people believe me. Fuck my 12 year old self for having such a weird obsession with Germany. edit: wow I wasn’t expecting this to blow up. It’s mind-blowing how many other people have made up fake races/nationalities.

15. The Lie That Protects

This is a lie with a happy ending and I’ll take it to my grave.

Background – My mother is a very emotional person and there are 5 boys in my family. So she doesn’t get to have a lot of emotional moments that she gets to share with her kids. We mostly just make fun of her (in a playful way) and everyone moves on. She has cried at every big, medium, and small event in our lives, and I love that I have a woman in my life that cares so much about me and my siblings.

Background 2 – I was an ass hole of a kid. But I am actively trying to make up for the patience my parents had for me.

Story – My parents are almost empty nesters and live in Colorado, last year by complete mistake all of her kids found jobs/school in Utah County, Utah. We all live about 20 minutes from each other, completely on a fluke. My mother decided she wanted to take up on one last road trip, so we flew in to Colorado, and she drove us back home. It doesn’t sound like too much, but my family is poor and it was a very nice gesture. Plus there are places on the way we always used to stop at, like the Little America Hotel in WY. And the Grand America brunch buffet. All of this is far too expensive for my parents so on the way I discreetly called and payed for everything, or would sneak out during a meal to “go to the bathroom” and would slip a waiter a card.

At each stop the staff would play along and mention how the room had to be changed so they gave it to us for free, or how a kind stranger payed for our meal. And I was never caught. My family’s appreciation for the amazing people of the midwest was too much for my mother and she broke down to me and told me how she had no idea how she was going to pay for our trip but she did it anyway because she wanted to be with her boys one last time before we were all too busy, or she too old. She then told me how she prayed for help and God gave it to her.

I am not religious, but my Mom is and there is no way I’m going to tell her the most spiritual experience she had had in a long time was her sneaky son.

Love you Mama.

16. The Bear Attack That Wasn’t

I have a horizontal scar on my stomach from a surgery I had when I was a baby. For some reason in elementary school I would tell everyone that it was from when a bear attacked me.

I’m now almost 30 and people I went to elementary school with still recognize me in public as that guy that got attacked by a bear.

17. The Embarrassed Liar

When I was younger I walking home at night and the street lights were off, I got scared and starting running, knocked myself clean out on a lamppost. Someone walking their dog found me and called the ambulance. I was that embarrassed when I woke up I told the nurse I was mugged (I was 12). My parents turned up at the same time as the police. I gave a description that sounded a lot like gonzo from the muppets and police were searching the area with sniffer dogs. Thank Christ nobody was arrested and I still haven’t told my parents.

18. The Lie That Came True

My brother had a girlfriend with a younger sister my age and they all came to watch me play baseball once. I was pretty smitten with the younger sister and so after the game I started bragging about how I played guitar. My brother laughed in my face and said I had got a guitar but it had been collecting dust for months and I’d never have the patience to learn an instrument anyway.

I was so embarrassed by being called out and doubted, I went home, told my mom I wanted to take lessons again, and here I am 20 years later still playing guitar every day.

19. The Lying American

I am currently studying Chinese in Beijing. My Chinese isn’t that great and listening is by far my worst skill. So I will often get asked questions that I think I understand but don’t. For instance, I was asked if you can haggle prices in America and I told the class you can. Since I am the only American in the class, nobody knows any better. All my lies are small, and completely accidental, but there are so many of them. If anybody in that class actually goes to America they are going to be in for a big surprise. And if any of them spoke English they would know I am not an 18 year old from a small town with no buses, trains, or taxis, who doesn’t know how to properly use a fork and knife.

20. Trapped By A Trick

When I was a kid, I got the bright idea to put a knotted cherry stem under my tongue, and then show my sister an untied stem and magically tie it in a knot in my mouth in seconds. Fast forward about 20 years my entire extended family thinks I have this weird ability to tie knots with my tongue… it’s a complete lie. At this point I refuse to do it, and get, almost defensive when people bring it up or ask to show it again. Pretty sure I got the idea from the Simpsons or pete & pete and now has stuck with me as a curse.

21. San Diego

When I was interviewing for a job in college when I was 21 (that might lead to something after college), one of the interviewers was the manager of the department. A real grade A-douche. I could tell right away from the interview that he was so full of himself. Well, he was just grilling me (I’m talking about like a $11 an hour job) and making sure I fit the job description. At one point he mentioned that he had just come back from San Diego. I asked him how it was, because I was there last year and it was awesome. He goes off on a tangent about it, he warmed up to me whenever I would pretty much repeat whatever he said and adding in “and the weather is just perfect.” Ended up getting the job, and for the next two years I had to pretend I had an imaginary trip to San Diego because every once in a while he’d always bring up how he wanted to go back.

I’ve never been to California.

22. Eating Poop

I used to teach outdoor education in the Rockies. We would get inner city kids from Denver out there on school field trips for three or four days, and teach them the way of the wild.

The place where I taught had elk and deer wandering all over the place, so there were piles of poo everywhere. One of the gags that my colleagues and I always pulled was to hold a Milk Dud in our palms, reach down and act like we were picking up a piece of cervine butt solid, show the Milk Dud to them and eat it.

It was all fun and games and “ewwww…” until one kid got too excited about it and actually ate a poo.

23. The Yogurt Thief

A girl I lived with two years ago thought I was stealing her yogurt out of the fridge. I told her it couldn’t have been me since I’m allergic to dairy, and now I still can’t eat dairy in front of her or anyone from that friend group. She made me a dairy free cake for my birthday – the guilt is eating me alive.

24. The Last King Of Rhodesia

This lie broke. It shattered but its a great story. My chiropractor (great bloke, not great English, fairly gullible) lived with my drinking buddy at the time and one night with my last name being Rhodes, we decided to convince him I was the last of the ruling elites of Rhodesia in exile in Australia since the rise of Zimbabwe. Even set up a blog (which got me in so, so much trouble when a racist took it over), slipped in Leo DiCaprio’s accent from blood diamond occasionally. All was going well, I’d go get my back fixed spin a yarn about a semi-made up land and laugh all the way home, this went on for months. And then my mum invited my chiropractor (lets call him Patel) to a family barbeque. First thing he said to my mum, “So how DID you get out of Rhodesia?” And a laugh went out so loud and so far, even obi fucking wan felt it. I was not the last King of Rhodesia, just a guy with a terrible sense of humor when drunk.

25. The Snake Bite

I once told people I had been bitten by a venomous snake to get out of work for a few days….I had already called in sick a ton of times and just could not face them if I did it again. I am young and in good health, there is just no way even an old frail person is ill as much as I am calling in…. so yes snake bite. They knew I kept venomous snakes and I thought “this is a great idea.”

Turns out they were fascinated and wanted to see so I had to wrap my foot up in a huge bandage and hobble around for weeks…. luckily I was moving to another job I actually didn’t hate a few weeks after that. I didn’t have to deform my own foot or actually let one of my venomous bite me so that I would not get busted…I was not far off doing so!!

26. Blaming Razali

I shat in a rock pool.

We used to go camping in an idyllic beachside location with huge tides (~10m). When I was 12-13 we went for an explore and swim in the rock pools, I was away from the group and needed to poop, so I did. My parents were of the alternative persuasion and nude a lot of the time, I thought they would be fine with the naturalness of the thing. Wrong. 10 minutes later the group circles back and notice the huge stunned mullet. I was smirking until I realized that the sounds coming from them weren’t laughter, but angry shock. Led by my father saying, “who shits in such a beautiful spot?!” Totally taken aback, I suggested the short round friend Razali. Everyone believed me and it has stuck ever since.

Even till today, almost 20 years later, the family brings up the time Razali shat in the rock pool.

27. Abducted By Aliens

My sister has told our family that she was abducted by aliens. She says that that they come and take her once every few months and perform experiments on her. My parents found her an abduction support group and she has to go to meetings once a month. This has been going on for 7 years now. She told me that she was going to tell them initially it was an April Fools Day prank but she let it slide a little too long. Now look what happened.

28. The Accidental Engagement

I had a coworker tell me he got married on accident. It was Christmas morning and he bought his girlfriend a ring as a Christmas present. They were both sitting around the tree and when she opened it she started to cry and said “well are you going to ask me.” Thats when he realized what he had done. He got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. Moral of the story, don’t ever buy a ring for a girl unless you are planning on marrying her.

29. Pretending To Be Dutch

When I was a kid and playing on xbox live with people from all over the world, I used to put on this dutch-sounding accent when talking to new people, partly because I didn’t like how my normal accent sounded, especially when hearing it back, and also because I was/am weird. I met some good friends throughout the year or so that I did it. I’m still in touch but no where near as much as we used to be, we’ll have a Skype call every now and again, and even after 6-7 years, I still put the accent on to them. Obviously with us being good friends, I also lied about an awful lot of background things. It’s like I created this other person. I never intended for it to go like this, but I could never tell them I’ve lied about my accent, which stemmed in to a bunch of other things… and even now after all these years… I’m the dutch guy that has only ever spoke english. It goes much deeper but, that’s basically it.

30. The Titty Twister Monkey

My now wife and I were dating in college in the early 80’s. One night we went out to a party where she proceeded to get black out drunk.

The next morning I asked her if she remembered the little organ grinder monkey giving her tittie twisters. She didn’t believe me at first so she asked my roommate. He was always on his game and confirmed it without hesitation. He even added to the story a bit.

All 100% complete bullshit. No titty loving monkey to be had.

Fast forward 30+ years. It’s now a family legend. She tells everyone about it.

Parents/siblings/children/friends have heard the story dozens of times. It invariably comes up at every family gathering. People hearing it for the first time howl with laughter because she has the rap down cold by now and delivers it with skill. Those that have heard it repeatedly just cringe and roll their eyes.

I’m the only one (besides roommate whom I haven’t seen in 20+ years) that knows it’s all bullshit. I’m scared to tell her the truth, so I wrote her a sealed letter and put it in my will.

31. The False Jew

Was a poor kid who went to boarding school for high school. After getting there, nearly all my friends were Jewish … so I said I was, too. This was 16 years ago. Most of the social circles I’ve been in since have had some sort of relation to the people I was in high school (and college) with so the lie just kind of stuck. I’ve even been the token Jew in many of those circles.

Funny part is that last year I got drunk and tried to explain this to three of my closest friends. They simply did not believe me. The next morning they were like “You got so drunk you tried to convince us that you’re not Jewish.” and I was just like, “ehhh …”

32. The Vegetable Lie

Someone at work, who is grungy, a chain-smoker, and never washes her hands, made a carrot cake and was asking people to try it. I told them I was allergic to carrots. I love carrots. To this day whenever I order or bring a salad to work I have to have it with no carrots.

33. The Threesome Baby

My daughter was accidentally conceived in a “threesome” when our friends birth control failed.

We just told everyone that we got a surrogate because my wife wanted to focus on her career. No one actually knows that our friend didn’t want to get an abortion so my wife and i decided to take the baby in as if she was ours.

It actually work pretty well, in the past 4 years since, my wife has been promoted and is making $$$ while i stay home with our daughter. My wife sometimes says that she accidentally had her cake and ate it because she now has a daughter and her body is still the same.

34. Walking Dead Liar

Everyone I work with thinks I watch The Walking Dead- I haven’t viewed it since Season two. Now I find myself reading the synopsis of episodes the day after they come out just to perpetuate the lie.

35. Said He Didn’t Know What A Potato Was

My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am “invited to dinner” with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.

I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.

When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was. That would be funny.

Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I’ll tell you how.

So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked “This looks very interesting. What is this?”

They stared at me and the mother said “It’s a baked potato.” And I was saying “Oh, interesting, a baked….what is it again?”

And she was like “A potato.”

And I was like “A ‘potato’, oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.”

And then they didn’t see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn’t know what a potato is.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my “fucked up antics”, and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like “Enough is enough. You’re fucking with us. Admit it.” And I said “Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don’t know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said “Taste’s very strange!”

That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying “What are you doing?” and my girlfriend went to some other room.

Finally the father said I should “Get the fuck out of his house” and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn’t take that kindly.

Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don’t know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don’t know what a potato is.

I wish I never started it but I can’t go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.

36. “I Don’t Like Porn”

When I first started dating this girl I told her that I don’t like porn.

Flash forward 6 years, we’re married and watching an episode of “Friends” where one of the girls thinks her boyfriend doesn’t like porn. My wife turns to me and says “well not ALL guys like porn! You don’t like it, right?”

Me: “That’s right, honey. It’s not for me.”

37. Told Everyone He Was Married

At, work, for whatever reason, when I first started I told a girl that I was married…I was never married…It got so out of hand that I actually bought a fake wedding ring….The whole hospital thinks I’m a husband…I’ve had friends call in pretending they’re my wife….It’s so crazy out of hand now that I think I would be fired if the truth came out.

38. The Text Flirt Surrogate

I was hammered when I first met my fiancee. The next day a mutual friend gave me her number. I was a little nervous to text her believing that I had made an ass of myself the night before.

My best friend’s girlfriend took initiative and started texting my fiancee from my phone. They texted for over an hour and then she handed the phone off to me.

My fiancee still talks about how she thought I was cute and funny when I first texted her, and I have no clue what was said.

39. Faking A Southern Drawl

Joining the military out of high school, I spent four years in Texas. During the last few months of my time I began talking to a girl that’d I’d had a big crush on in high school. We texted and used Snapchat, and she finally called me on the phone. I was very, very drunk when she called, and I thought it’d be funny to use a southern accent, which she found to be irresistibly attractive. Long story short, I’ve now been home for about four months and seeing her at least twice a week. We get along great and everything is going perfectly except…I have to pretend to have a southern drawl whenever I’m around her.

40. Auditioning For Harry Potter

In the UK there was an meant to be an “open call” for Harry Potter auditions. But due to the fiasco over the director of the first film it never happened. However I’d still sent my letter off as suggested by the tv show Blue Peter who announced it. I never heard back but for some reason my 11yr old brain was really pissed at not getting a chance. When I started secondary school people kept telling me how much I looked like Harry Potter (the illustrated one the books showed, not Daniel Radcliffe, because at that point the news hadn’t broken yet). To this day I’ve no idea why I just went all in and told my school mates I’d gone all the way to the final auditions. When Daniel Radcliffe was confirmed everyone asked me what he was like so I told them he was horrible lol (yeah, pre-pubescent me was jealous at all!!) I kept that up all through secondary school until we left just because it was too embarrassing to admit otherwise.

And no, I haven’t met Daniel Radcliffe.

41. A Friend Will Lie For You

As a kid I had a large mole removed which then popped it’s stitches leaving a quite sizable scar. When asked about it, I tell people my best friend stabbed me with a steak knife around the age of 11 in his garage. Best part is, to this day he’ll tell the same story. My wife doesnt even know the truth. That’s what friends are for. TC mark

Maybe It’s Not About Letting Go, But About Making Room For What We Can’t Change

Posted: 14 May 2016 06:00 AM PDT

When something tragic and gutting happens to someone, something that is miles beyond what we can empathize with emotionally, we tend to think to ourselves, how do they go on after this? I am talking about the people who lose parents suddenly at a young age, who have infants die in their arms, who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses while still in the throes and wonder of adolescence. The things that seem, if they were to happen to us, to be the end-all. I’m not sure that we can grasp that kind of emotional pain until we’ve been in those shoes ourselves. But for the little bit we can understand from our own experiences, we inevitably wonder how people move on after the worst befell them.

The people who have seen these depths know something. They know that often, it’s not about moving on or figuring out a way to be happy about something. Not everything will be tailored to our liking, and just because it’s not, it doesn’t mean it’s going away. It’s not about getting over things, it’s about making room for them. It’s about painting the picture with contrast.

We never want to make room in our lives and hearts for things we don’t want there, but in all honesty, we can’t control most of what comes in and out anyway. And in our efforts to manhandle our existence, we hurt ourselves, because we get caught up in being upset over the failure of what we “thought should be.” Another thing that, of course, we never really know.

So maybe what we do when there’s nothing else to do is we make space in our hearts for the big, bad, ugly things we’re afraid of, and we learn to love them. We learn that these things are roadblocks that we aren’t supposed to knock down, because they serve us and show us that we need to go in another direction. We learn to love them for that, even though we don’t love them at all. We learn that they serve purpose, and it’s in going through this process a few times that we realize how what doesn’t work is usually far more important and poignant than what does. TC mark