Thought Catalog

I Moved On Because I Wanted To Be Happy

Posted: 16 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT

 Jessica Polar
Jessica Polar

Hours, days, weeks, months…of being sulky has used up my energy. It has made me so resentful that I can no longer look at the good things about everything. My mood swings became so frequent that the people around me became at risk of creating good memories with me. All that made up my personality was pain, anger and disgust. Pain of being left alone, anger for being deceived, and disgust of being broken. I was generally a plaintiff, miserable being who blamed the circumstances… angry of the world, when in reality, there was only that one person to be blamed.

It took a while for me to get back on my feet. To regain the drained strength that kept me going all this time. It took forever for me to realize that somehow – what we lose is not always our loss. More often than not, we do not recognize the things that stay, for we often focus on what's already gone. It is too hard to go on without the specific entities that once made our every day, our "everyday".

It's never easy, simply because we are emotionally invested in these things. We somehow allocate so much of our human efforts to things we want to last long…but then, destiny sometimes won't let us hold on to things we want so badly.

Relationships are no exception. We may have, we will and we might lose someone we love so deeply. That is something one cannot avoid. No matter how hard we try, or how much we resist. Losing someone eventually comes to life, one way or the other. It is not a matter of how bad or good we handled a relationship, most cases – things just go beyond our control.

The only thing we can do as human beings is to move on… get over it and let things be.

Moving on is not simple. Just how loving and investing time takes energy, moving on requires more. It won't be easy at first, you will always be tempted to look back and reminisce. No matter how hard it gets though, make sure to remember why you walked out in the first place. Keep within your heart the good things, for you will use these eventually to stay inspired.

For you to remember, it wasn't your fault it failed. Remember also the bad things, for you will learn from these. You will eventually be armoured with the experiences from the past. As you pass each day, thinking you should stop going forward – lift your heart, breath and whisper "I deserve more…something better…something more fulfilling". Just know that if it was meant to be in the very beginning, it wouldn't have slipped away. Let it go, like the river…let the natural law take control.

If you might ask why I moved on, let me tell you…I moved on because I needed to, I moved on because I had to…there really is no point staying still, when there is no reason to hold on. There is so much good in the world to stay stagnant, useless and unhappy.

Changing your view to the direction of the sun will keep your light glowing. Staying positive can lift up one's spirit, and moving on allows oneself to be rediscovered and unveiled. Going through and enduring pain is like going through a tunnel…it takes time, it requires sorrow to take part, and it takes a lot of courage to endure.

There is no other way out but through the direction of the light…keep going! Even when you fall, get back up… help yourself… be strong! At the end of it, you will see the light. There is something brighter, more beautiful than what used to be, something worth looking forward to. Another obstacle is passed and is now part of what you left behind, you become stronger and fiercer, you gain more experience… you become more HUMAN.

I have gained and lost. Loved and was left behind. I trusted and was deceived. I got hurt – of course. But I'm still alive. I came out a lot stronger, wiser and more courageous. Will I love again? Will I trust again? Will I risk happiness to regain it back again? My answer is clear, no second thoughts – I will…no matter how bruised I get, I will never get tired of trying.

The answer is resounding: I moved on because the person in me wanted to be happy, to be rediscovered, to be truly renewed. I moved on to see the good in the bad…to see gain in what I once lost.

I wanted to be a better version of me…leaving the past behind, learning to forgive, not holding back and looking forward to a much better beginning. I moved on simply because I wanted to. TC mark

16 Things You Should Finally Learn To Let Go Of In Your Mid-Twenties

Posted: 16 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT



The idea that there is just one perfect person out there who exists solely to be with you, instead of several potential partners you could possibly make a life with.


The urge to apologize for things you know you don’t need to apologize for.


The belief that finding a career where you can ‘do what you love’ means that you won’t ever have to do any hard work.


The way of thinking we’ve all grown accustomed to in which we are convinced that we can find out everything we’ll ever need to know about someone simply by using the phone in our hands.


The idea that a fun, relaxing weekend always needs to include a ton of social activities with every single person you know.


The desire to compete with everyone around you for the ‘ideal life’ instead of simply focusing on yourself and what it is that would truly make you happy.


The instinctive tendency to hold yourself back or play aloof when you finally meet someone you like, because you’ve been told that these games are what is ‘normal’ in the dating world.


The belief that hard work alone makes you deserving of any raise, promotion, or job that you want.


The belief that you need to explain yourself and your life choices to every single person that questions you or doubts you.


The idea that saying ‘thank you’ is a waste of time.


The (typically subconscious) belief that you should only be kind to someone if it will benefit you in some way.


The rationalizations you’ve made with yourself over how your body will always be able to bounce back from repeated poor behaviors like over-drinking and unhealthy eating.


The belief that if a friendship naturally fizzles out, it automatically means that you’re a bad person or friend.


The idea that you’ll always be capable of changing anyone and everyone for the better.


The belief that the things happening in the worlds far away from yours are not your responsibility.


The idea that it’s always too late for a newly discovered dream. TC mark

I Can’t Give You All Of Me Right Now

Posted: 16 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT


In another life, or even at another point in history, you would be mine, I would be yours, and that would be the end of it. No questions asked, and no conundrums to debate — just you and me, and the rest of the world around us.

When I say that I've never met anyone like you, there's nothing fabricated or embellished about it. One of the traits I admire most about you is that when we talk, I feel that you actually care and are actually listening.

In today's world of self-absorption, it's commonplace for people to nod along aimlessly while your lips move until you finally break long enough for them to say their peace, preach about their problems, and talk about what they want to talk about. That's not the case with you.

There are things I swore that I would never discuss with anyone ever again, and yet I brought them up with you on our first date. There are thoughts I swore that I would never bring to life, and yet I've done it with you regularly. Maybe it's your attentive ear or your engaging eyes, but there's something about you that makes me feel safe, and that feels like home.

I've opened up more with you than I ever thought I would, and you've stuck around much longer than I ever thought you would, and there is nothing I would change about either of those.

But as much as I've given you — my eyes to look into, my hands to hold, my body to lie against — I can't give you all of me.

For all the locks you've disintegrated, and for all the doubt you've erased, there's still a part of me that I cannot relinquish: my heart.

And you know exactly why — it's with someone else.

I've tried for months to retrieve it, even pieces of it, but all attempts have been futile. I know that must frustrate you, even if you'll never admit it, and I completely understand. I'm also sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to break out of this trance of what can only be delusion at this point. I'm sorry that I can't be more of what you may want, and more of what you certainly deserve.

Blame them. I know you want to. Hell, I want to.

The crazy part is that I truly feel that you'd want things to work out between me and her just because you know how happy it would make me, and the only thing crazier than that is the fact that it makes me care for you that much more.

It's so rare in this world for us to find someone who genuinely cares about our happiness, and I believe that if we're lucky enough to find someone like that, we should keep them in our lives in any capacity possible.

That's my plan for you. Whether we date, get married, or end up just being friends for the next several decades, I know that I'll always want you in my life in some facet.

If it ever works out between me and her, I know that in some weird way you'd be the first person I'd want to tell. If it never does, hopefully she'll at least send me on my way with whatever is left of my heart.

If it ever works out between you and me, I'm happy to give you the battered and bruised remnants of what she never wanted to begin with. If it never does, at least you'll know whom to blame.TC mark

He Only Loved Her To Hurt Her

Posted: 16 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

 Ryan Pouncy
Ryan Pouncy

Every dawn confirmed what she already knew; that the sun had set on them.

Time and again she returned for another dose of pain and insecurity. It was as if the first time didn't rip her open enough.

Disregarded but not discarded, she continually opened the door even wider to him. It was a door to occasional worthlessness. To inadequacy. It all became an unspoken norm. An avoidable cycle.

Love is a word he used often. It wasn't as if she didn't feel his love. He meant it, he said so himself. But against her warm body he also promised to never leave her.

He hurt her only to comfort her just before he could hurt her, again.

Maybe she believed his love was the only love worth experiencing, even if it meant she bled. She was blindly addicted to him.

Every time had to be the last time. It had to be! Just how much more would her poor heart be able to withstand? He kept cutting her.

… And yet she stayed.

Maybe, when it was time, he thought leaving her would hurt. It did, at first. It was quite unbearable. Like a thick screw driving deep in her chest. She thought she would surely die. When it wasn't happening fast enough, she thought of beating it to the grave.

But she didn't die. She got grace in place of the grave. Instead, his absence, his strangeness became familiar. Reluctantly, she embraced it. Eventually, she accepted it.

She met someone else; herself. It was her best introduction yet. She swam in the discovery of her precious self. And she had him to thank. Because he didn't stay.

So she silently thanked him, for discarding her.  TC mark

I’m Sorry We Never Got To See If We Could Have Made It

Posted: 16 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

galaxies and hurricanes
galaxies and hurricanes

I am just going to start this by saying that I am sorry.

I am sorry that you were younger and fell in love with me, in the wrong place and at the wrong time. I am sorry that I had to leave, to put an ocean between us, and that as soon as I realized about it I even tried to get back as soon as I could. I am sorry that I started to be happy somewhere else, despite all the daily snaps and texts you used to send promising me you were different and that we could have make this work. I am sorry (for) you felt like telling me multiples times you were not a fuckboy and of course at the end it turned out to be you were definitely one of those.

About this point I am especially sorry for myself because I believed you.

I am very sorry that we both hold on for almost two years and when it was almost about time to meet again, because texts weren't enough, not anymore, you decided to let it all go. I am sorry because I am the first one who stopped interacting, went out with multiple other guys on dates, and tried to move on without even letting you know. I am sorry for all the times I insisted what you were giving me was not enough, because you know what, I get it, you were falling asleep by the time I was getting up, but if you REALLY wanted this we could have make it work.

This is why, above all, above anything else, I am really, genuinely, truly, sorry.

Because deep down I know we could have make it. Despite everything I knew that somehow you were the one, because every time I spotted someone who looked exactly like you in the crowd my heart skipped a beat, because every time I saw your face in a snap I giggled and smiled like a fool, because I found lyrics in almost every song I used to be obsessed with that could have work perfectly for us. I am sorry, again, about the fact that the only reason why this didn't work out it's because we live in two different countries, and the miles are too much that we won't even know how to write the number on a piece of paper. I am sorry that in the end, the only song I can relate now when I think about you iss “All You Had To Do Was Stay” by Taylor Swift.

Because even if didn't want to in the first place, you somehow managed to make me fall for you, when the only thing I did was telling your sister that you were cute, and that now, I am the one "picking up the pieces of the mess you made". So yes, I am very sorry for myself because I saw that coming, I almost knew it from day one, that after all I would have been the who somehow still holds on and won't believe that you actually went out and found somebody else.

And I just hate the idea. TC mark

This Is The Love I Promise To Give You

Posted: 16 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT


No matter how hard I battle against my current, I'm going to wear my heart pinned to my sleeve, and all of my emotions rainbow-painted on my face. Always. At first, I am going to be careful. I am going to pay close attention to your actions. Are you kind? Are you thoughtful? Are you really listening to me? I'm going to wait for you to show me that I am not another round of checkers to you. Once I decide I like you, I'm going to tell you that I like you, loudly, and I'm not going to mask those feelings. Ever. I don't care if it's too soon, or if I say it first, I'm going to be open and honest with you. Sometimes, there are words I will find myself unable to say, but I'm going to show you them instead. I'm going to share with you my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and the craziest of my dreams. I'm going to slowly reveal all of me. Even the parts of me that I sometimes struggle to love myself. I'm not worried what you'll think of me, because I know that if I'm the girl who's meant for you, you will take my crazy… and maybe, just maybe, you'll find it endearing. I'm going to kiss you, soft and romantically, hard and intensely, slowly and passionately. I'm going to kiss you each day, before you wake in the morning, and every evening, before we say our goodnights. And I'm going to kiss you like we're the only two people on this earth in that moment, because for me, we will be. I'm going to trust that you would never do anything to hurt me, and that anything you say or do that does unintentionally cause me pain, is coming from a place of good, a place of you wanting me to be the best possible version of myself that I can be. I'm going to love you all the more for challenging me like this. I'm going to always have your back, for I am fiercely loyal, and I'm expecting you to have mine. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust in you, because that's the only way I know how to be. I'm going to believe you when you tell me something; anything, because I have chosen to believe in us. I'm going to tell the world how deeply I feel for you, for I have never been a girl who likes to deal in secrets. I won't overshare though. All of the most beautiful details will remain within the poppy fields of you & me. Because there are some things that should be kept just for us. It will take time and patience, but when I decide I'm ready to share with you my body, know that I will also be sharing my heart and my soul. I am not someone who could ever give you one without the other. At first, I'm going to give you my heart with caution, because I'm afraid of collecting any more permanent scars. I'm going to hold your heart with the tenderness that I hope you will choose to hold mine. I'm going to love you, with all that I have to give. Every day from now. I'm going to let you in, all of the way, where no one has ever journeyed before. It's more delicate and vulnerable there than I can begin to fathom. Once I let you in, for me it will be forever. I know that forever scares a lot of us, but I've never been one to scare easy. Forever is a promise, a commitment; a journey that I have patiently been waiting to go on. And I'm going to wait for this journey with you.

When I do let you in, please promise me you won't break anything? TC mark

If They Love You They’ll Come Back

Posted: 16 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Andrew Hefter
Andrew Hefter

Love is a whirlwind of adventures. Adventures composed of consecutive moments that bring different emotions. Emotions that trigger decision. Decision to either fight, hustle, gamble, risk, breathe, rest, love, hate, hold on or let go. You can fight for each other as much as you can. Like what they say, if you love them, never leave them, chase them, fight and be with them no matter what.


Is love really forcing it? Pushing through a relationship that has become a series of tiresome events? Inflicting your own selfish desires on each other? Is love deaf that it could not hear their screams and cries? Is love blind that it doesn’t see the true needs of one another?

When this "love" starts showing its sharp blades, piercing through every vein you used to hold on, let go.

When this "love" that once gave you the boldness to rise has now become chains that hold you down, let go. When this "love" gradually becomes a succession of poisonous events, let go. When this "love" becomes selfish, greedy, impatient, rude and becomes nothing but a vessel of pain and suffering, let go.

No matter how much it kills you to see them go, let go.

Yes, love at times is holding on. But like every other thing on this planet, love needs balance too. Hold on, fight, but when it’s no longer healthy, surrender. That’s also love – love is the perfect mixture of holding on and letting go. I believe in this more than I believe that if they love you, they’ll never leave in the first place, because there are absolutely times that they have to go, times where you two have to separate and find yourselves without your relationship’s influence.

Love is never convenient. You don’t say I love you because it’s beneficial, you say it because you mean it.

Don’t say it because you want our relationship to be safe, because you don’t wanna barge in the four walls of this relationship, you don’t want a fight, you hate arguments and because you’d rather settle. Don’t hide the visible lines that could trace the downfall of this relationship. Let these lines penetrate into our hearts because these lines are what determines if we could make it. Don’t say it to convince me that everything is fine. I want you to regard the value of these three words your letting go of, I want you to know that this love is and should be the stronghold of our relationship and if it’s only said just so we could stay on the safe side, then I’d rather you not say it. If ever the time comes and it’s no longer convenient, when it will be outmost hard to utter "I love you", I’ll understand. I’ll understand despite the fact that I still want you to say it. I’ll understand the reasons why you can’t say it and I’d rather accept that than hear you say it without its real substance. I want you to say it for no other reason but only because you mean it.

I want us to figure this relationship together. And if along the way you want to let go for a while so you could determine your next steps and your future plans; if there are things you need to settle outside us, then go. Do what you must. I will not force you to stay. I will not insist for your presence to remain by my side no matter how much I want you to. I will not give you an ultimatum either. I will not compel you to choose me. I will allow you to fly, as high as you can, as far as you can.

I want you to identify the things you want, the things you prioritize on your own. I want you to decide on your own. Not because I insist, not because I made you.

It doesn’t matter how many things can happen in the span of time we’re apart, those who love truly, trusts truly. I trust that if you love me, you’ll come back. Love is not a set of chains I have to put on you just so you’ll stay with me. Love is freedom and I opt to give you the freedom to fly without my chains binding you. I want to release you from me.

I want you to grow in all aspects of your life possible – in your career, passion and dreams. I believe that you’ll make it big, in time. I want you to discover yourself, learn new things, go out of your comfort zone, gather experiences and unearth the secrets of life. I want you to explore life and look for ways to fill every hole in your soul, I want these experiences to suffice the emptiness inside you, I want these glimpses of happiness mend all your broken parts that I can’t mend. I want you to achieve all the things you want for yourself. All the happiness in the world possible. I want to use these hands to give you what you need and face the sacrifices it require, because love is generous. I will endure the sorrow it includes. And if our love is real, it will endure as well. Parting is never easy, nothing is really easy when it comes to love, it’s something we both have to work hard for.

However, I will not wait for you. I will grow as well, figure out my life, my future. In the process, I’ll love you, still. I mean, can you really unlove someone? I don’t think so. You will still be here, forever marked upon my heart. If one day, we’ll see each other again and feel the same ignition, the same spark, the burning fire in our hearts that tells us we’re made for each other then let’s do it again, let’s risk it. Let’s gamble on it.

Let’s make it work, feed the love and allow it to blossom.

When you come back, I know you’re whole. I know that I’m not something to occupy your holes, but I am an addition to you, a beautiful soul. When you come back, I’ll be humble and accepting. I will lay down all our weaknesses and mistakes out in the open so we can begin with the healing. If we truly love each other, then there will be forgiveness. Love forgives. We will allow forgiveness to reign above our shortcomings, above our past. When you come back, I’ll love you entirely. I’ll love you more than the aches, the tragedies, the misunderstanding, the separate roads we took, more than all the hardships – I’ll love you, above all these, always. And as long as there are no valid reasons to let go, then I won’t. I’ll hold on for I am home.

I do believe that destiny has its way, if you are meant for me, you’ll be with me and I’ll be with you.

Because in the end when all is said and done, no matter how many times we went out of our way, how far our paths went, how many people we met, how many years it took, how many obstacles we undergone; no matter how many turns we made that produced great distance between us, even if we’re halfway around the globe… true love will prevail.

If they truly love you, they’ll always come back. TC mark

21 Women Who Got Labelled ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriends’ Tell Their Side Of The Story

Posted: 16 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

camy93 /
camy93 /

1. Boyfriend Takes Everything, Blames Her When She’s Had Enough

We got engaged and decided to buy a house. I put up the whole down payment, he had to pay off some debt. The mortgage was to come out of a joint account I set up but he never went to the bank to sign adding his name, so it was just me. He promised to give me half the mortgage payment every two weeks. He didn’t. I was so stressed for money and when I brought it up he would get mad, explain how he pays for other things (bills split 70/30 me paying more). He would constantly bring up how I put fifteen pounds on how I wasn’t as fun as I used to be. I was constantly stressed with money, so our sex life dropped. He was a supposed handy man, and we undertook a bathroom renovation. I was the one who smashed the tile, cut and laid the tile, and fixed the drywall after watching YouTube videos while he sat on the couch drinking +15 beers a day.

He made 15g more than I did a year. He had only given me 300 dollars for the mortgage we were supposed to split. He covered our monthly bills, which were 300 a month, while I paid 2g for the mortgage and I covered our grocery bill. I’m 5’3″ and 110lbs while he was 6’4″ and 220lbs. After two years (I know…) I was up late at night doing our taxes and his phone buzzed. I checked it because I thought maybe it was a buddy looking for a ride after drinking and saw it was a girl asking him if he wanted to meet up sometime. There was no previous conversation with them but I saw multiple long phone calls with her while at work.

I snapped. I had done so much and lost so much for him to start talking other girls?? I carried him financially and stood by him as he destroyed relationships with family members and friends where he was wrong.

I kicked him out. I calmly packed his stuff, woke him up and told him to leave. He told everyone I had gained weight, I was the worst sex ever, I was crazy and always checking his phone, and used him for his money. I was devastated. On top of this, the day we broke up he slept with another girl which just crushed me. I sent way more angry texts than I am proud of and way too many phone calls. I cringe when I think about it.

But I’m happy to say 6 months later, all mutual friends have ditched him and even just his friends, my acquaintances, have abandoned him. I also lost those fifteen pounds, still have a house while he lives with his parents, and got a huge promotion so I make twice as much as him. I’m a lot happier but there was a crazy, rough few months there. Sometimes you get pushed to the edge?

After all is said and done, I’m still happy it turned out this way. I learned more than I would have if I didn’t. I didn’t know I was capable of renovating a bathroom but I did and I’m very proud of that.

2. “I Hate Myself For This”

Ok, here goes. I’m really nervous writing this because I was super crazy and I hate myself for it.

Years ago, I met a guy. It was an instant attraction (for me) and for a time, him too. Things were pretty intense and then for some inexplicable reason he faded on me.

This was all over the course of three years.

It literally drove me crazy when he faded on me. I couldn’t understand why. I was so invested emotionally, just being near him made my body react. Everything just felt right when I was around him.

So when it turned out he wasn’t feeling the same, I couldn’t understand it.

I was hurt, so, so hurt, and angry and not knowing why sent me into a really weird headspace. I became obsessed.

I never blew up his phone or anything like that. Instead, I’d try to time things and be places I knew he’d be.

When I heard from a mutual friend about an ex gf of his, I got really jealous and paranoid. Was he seeing her again? WHy? Why her not me? What was wrong with me?

So I became obsessed with her too and this is where things got weird.

I began doing drive bys on both their houses. If I saw his car at her house I’d drive around and around until he’d leave.

I’d check to see when he was last logged on to facebook (seriously, that last online timestamp feature is a full stalker tool), I’d try to work out if they were having sex by the amount of times he logged on.

Before long though, instead of driving by, I began wearing a disguise and walking by her house. I never went to his, just hers when he was there.

The pain I’d feel in my chest when I saw his car there was unbearable. I HAD to know what they were doing. Why her not me?

I escalated to crawling along in bushes outside her house in my ridiculous disguise to try and hear what they were talking about.

I heard them having sex a few times. It was sick and creepy and I really fucking hate that I know any of that.

My behaviour got even worse and I did a few other things I won’t write here.

Eventually, I began lurking around outside his house. Long story short, he came right out and confronted me one night, while in “disguise”. He said my name, but instead of seeming angry or weirded out, he just laughed.

I stopped all my silly antics after that, but fuck, why did I do it? I don’t know myself. The worst part was that during all these lonely sad nights I spent doing this, I knew it was crazy and weird. But I still did it.

During the time I was in treatment for suicide attempts and BPD but I still carried on like a weirdo. I never told my therapists about him or her or what I was doing.

I wish I had the excuse that I was super crazy and was hearing voices or blacking out, but I made a choice. I hated doing it so much, but I still did and I’m a seemingly normal, well educated person.

It’s been a few years now, and thinking about it now… it’s like it was someone else. Why did I do that? Will I do it again? Why did I get weird about him and no one else?

I don’t know…

3. “She’s So Materialistic”

I had a terrible birthday that year. My moms had a positive biopsy, the cancer had spread, and at that it looked super high risk. There was drama at work, where I had to perform layoffs on some long term employees. I texted him about it. He texted me back to make sure I was going to be home that night, and that he was then at my apartment. I thought maybe he was going to surprise me with dinner or something.

I come home and he had been watching my tv (his cable was off) and left fast food wrappers all over my couch. I was miserable and planned to take a bath and get drunk. Next thing you know, his son is at the door. My ex had dropped him off, expecting me to babysit overnight while he went to Hooters with friends. He refused to answer his phone. When he did, he said he didn’t see the big deal, as I said I would be home.

His version? I broke up with him because he didn’t get me a birthday present, and I was too materialistic.

Actually, everything he accused me of doing was pretty twisted. He constantly was telling his son to disregard anything I said, that I wasn’t his mother. Yet he expected me to babysit even though the son was then uncontrollable. Earlier in the relationship, the son was playing with a super ball and was popping it in and out of his mouth. I told him it was dangerous. My ex was in the other room, didn’t know what his kid was doing and said not to listen to me. The kid started showing off more and aspirated the ball. My ex freaked out was trying to fish it out with his fingers but it was down the kids throat pretty far and the kid wasn’t breathing at all. I flipped the son over and did the kiddie Heimlich maneuver, ball popped right out and the son started breathing again.

But I had bruised the kid in the process of doing the maneuver. My ex took pictures and whenever we fought he threatened to call the police for assault charges. Afterwards, he would tell the kid that I would hurt him again and how ” mean” I was. He still expected me to watch his son regularly though.

4. Come Get Your Shit

The fucker had about 1000.00 worth of my Blu Rays in his place, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to blow up his phone numerous times a day until he fucking answered and gave them back to me.

But to everyone who listened to him first (his “bros”) I was “his crazy ex who wouldn’t stop calling him hurhur bitches are crazy eh?”

5. Crazy For Being Understandably Upset

I was meeting his friends for the first time. We all went out and then came back to his house for drinks. I’m talking to his friends getting to know them and be social. He’s upstairs and talking to another friend. Girl walks in and goes up stairs I think nothing of it until his friend comes down and I’m being directed elsewhere.

I realize they’re trying to distract me and of course since I’d been drinking everything was a lot bigger of a deal. I throw a fit and go and knock at the LOCKED door and might’ve start screaming because what else was I supposed to do when he guy your seeing is in a locked room with a pretty girl? I’m humiliated, can’t be talked down and am alone cause they’re all his friends. Screaming, crying and the like.

So that’s how I became the crazy one.

6. Cheater Cheats, Accuses Her Of Stalking

For me I was with a guy for 4 years. The last 6 months of it I had no idea he was cheating on me. I find out. I get upset and I ask him to come over to talk it over. Mind you I was really rational about the situation.

I felt sad not only that he cheated on me, but that he must have felt trapped to do it in the first place. So I basically ask him why after all this time he couldn’t just tell me that he wasn’t interested in me anymore. He responded “I just didn’t want to hurt you”. Well it was a nice stab in my heart, but ok.

A few days later I check on my Facebook and I have all these messages from people that I am not necessarily friends with, I just knew them because they were friends with my ex. Well they’re messages weren’t kind to me and even people for some reason were making “notes” and passing them along like those chain letters or fill in the blanks.

So basically these “notes” we’re poorly edited/photoshopped (might as well been paint) screen shots of convos where people twisted my words making it look like I was the bad guy. Basically I ignored these things, I was upset, but more embarrassed because honestly I found that my ex had been actually telling people these things were true.

I asked him to kindly stop. But he kept insisting that he was stating facts. I kept telling him that those things weren’t true.

Soon after it died down and people stopped talking, he decided to come up with new things. Now he was telling people that I begged for money and made him buy everything because I am selfish. People bought it lol. Although I was the one who had a job… He never worked lol. So I asked him again kindly not to say things like that and he should be over me and focus on his new relationship.

Well it didn’t stop. I got threatening messages from his gf about harassing him and begging him to stop with my “lies” and she told me some other stuff. Finally I had enough.

After all the harassment, I ran into him at the mall where he greeted me with a smile and gestured to give me a hug like we’re friends. I told him that it’s not appropriate and really I just don’t want to talk to him anymore. His gf was meeting up with him and she stopped by as I was walking away from him and she started screaming at me in the middle of the mall.

I kept trying to explain I had no intentions of meeting him there. All the while she’s screaming calling me “crazy” he’s recording it all. I finally start to walk away (confrontation isn’t my thing). She grabs my hair and pulls me to the ground and keeps telling me to quit obsessing over her bf. I struggle to get away and finally a security guy shows up and she explains how I am causing commotion and apparently “threw punches” at her. He kicks me out.

Hours later I go on fb and see I have 75 messages. And I am tagged in something. Well my ex recorded the whole fight (where I did nothing and basically get beaten up) on Facebook. People called me all kinds of scum. So I don’t go on there anymore. So much drama.

All that time I was the “crazy” ex gf. And honestly I was more heartbroken that he was sad being with me than the actual break up.

I wanted to file a police report. I never did. He eventually got caught having sex with a 13-year-old (he was 19 at that time). Had court, never showed and fled to Canada.

7. Caught Him Cheating But She’s The Crazy One

I was called the crazy ex-girlfriend. We dated for five years so we had many friends in common. I found out he was cheating on me through sexts on his mac he left open while he was in the shower. I freaked out and I threw his stuff out of MY apartment (he was living there ‘temporarily’ until he could find a job). I wanted to be alone to figure my life out so I turned off my phone so he couldn’t contact me and took off work for a couple days.

After mentally recuperating, I turn on my phone to some mutual friends calling me a bitch and I’m blocking you! etc. I find out that he had told them I threw him out of OUR apartment because he was talking to his sister and I thought he was cheating. He said I made him homeless. They believed him because I never responded to the accusations because my phone was off! So now they think I’m super jealous and I was crazy because I made him ‘homeless’ (his parents live 45 min away, he started living with them).

Luckily some people believed me, but for the most part, a lot of those mutual friends took his side. This happened six months ago and I still am getting flak for it. Too bad I never took screenshots of the sexts.

8. The Sex Offender

I found out that my ex was a registered sex offender (the victim was a young child), on probation, considered at high risk to reoffend, and had several court mandated restrictions and requirements. His dad and stepmother had helped him hide it from me for close to 3 years.

I dumped him immediately and went no contact, but a friend of mine started dating him. She helped care for her sister’s child, who was the same age and gender as my ex’s victim. I told her and she confronted him. He denied it and said that I was a crazy jealous bitch who couldn’t handle being dumped. She accused me of slandering him and trying to ruin his life. This was before the Internet, so I showed her the court records I had copies of. She dumped him and outed him publicly.

He then went on a campaign to trash me to anyone who would listen to his rants. I was crazy, a whore, cheated on him, had stds, stole from him, physically assaulted him, turned tricks to support a drug habit, you name it, I did it.

I’m just glad this happened in the early 90s or he’d have put it all online and it’d have been a lot harder to put behind me.

9. He Blamed Everyone But Himself

In the eyes of his family, I’m a crazy girl who caused him to lose his job with a prominent university in our state by filing a restraining order against him. Then after the restraining order was dismissed i further ruined his life by accusing him of/him being prosecuted for domestic violence, and it causing him to lose custody of his son.

In reality, he threatened to murder me and my family after I broke up with him the first time, causing me to file the restraining order. Being young and dumb, I attempted to rekindle the relationship after the restraining order was dismissed. After a couple of months, he hacked into my Facebook account and posted naked photos of me, then beat the shit out of me when I confronted him about it, which is why he got domestic violence charges. Aaand he lost his son because he likes to smoke pot and blow it in his face and let him play with his bong.

Not crazy, just stupid.

10. The Scammer

He began stealing alcohol from our roommate (we were underage and couldn’t buy it). He’d get trashed by himself and I’d have to help him to bed. Once he reached 21, he’d just get drunk and not come home. He moved onto other things, like smoking cigarettes and weed, then onto cocaine and Adderall. I’m not against experimenting, but I was terrified because I cared about him and he took everything to extremes. He told me I wasn’t fun. I didn’t know how to party. He said my job wasn’t stressful and that he needed these things. Whenever he was too tired to go out, he’d tell his friends and family that I said he couldn’t go.

I figured this was a phase, and I tried to ignore it but I’d always end up venting my frustration. I was heavily invested in college and getting a job I liked, whereas he dropped out and essentially scammed people for a living. I was so angry that he didn’t care about building a good career and getting an education. I drifted away from him because we had nothing in common. I tried to break up with him so many times and he’d threaten to kill himself and swore he’d stop drinking/doing cocaine/get a job, etc. It’s a long story but I haven’t talked to him in two years and his family firmly believes I’m fucking insane and that he’s a victim who’s still going through a youthful phase (he’s 27 now).

11. Took Care Of Him, Called ‘Crazy’ For Her Trouble

He was addicted to heroin for years and THAT’S why I was blowing up his phone constantly. I never told anyone what was going on with him but if he wasn’t where he said he was he most likely had a needle in his arm. Back before he got sober he let people think that I was just obsessive when in actuality I was legitimately worried about him. Doesn’t really matter now, we don’t talk to any of those people anymore but my reputation still stands.

12. But She’s The “Jealous” One

Former “Crazy” girlfriend here. Accused my boyfriend in high school of having an emotional affair with his best friend that was a girl, it made me uncomfortable when they were alone together or when he would constantly talk about her. For instance he told her how beautiful she was at prom and never commented on my dress. His guy friend, who is still a close friend of mine to this day, ended up pretty much being my date while he hung out with this chick. A lot of his guy friends told me I was just jealous and irrational. I broke up with him feeling like the crazy girlfriend. Fast forward four years and me and my guy friend were talking and he said that this ex boyfriend of mine almost had a restraining order from his former best friend that was a girl. Turns out he was in love with her for years and she led him on big time and would tease him and use him as a tool to make herself feel better when she needed a confidence boost pretty much. He ended up constantly badgering her about how much he loved her to the point of getting drunk and showing up at her house, facebook stalking her etc. and she had to completely cut him out of her life because it was freaking her out. Turns out he was the crazy one and he was cheating on me.

Now if I get that feeling I just end the relationship right then and there. Not dealing with that shit again.

13. Gives Her An STD, Blames Her

Met this guy over the Internet. We met, slept together a few times. Told me about an ex of his who was so unhygienic that she would not use anything on the first full day of her period, and barely changed her tampons. HE told ME that she has HPV. I went and got tested, gyno said I had four abnormal cells. I told the guy.

He flipped it on me, said I must’ve been the one to give it to her (even though she had full HPV), and broke things off with me. Then called me a crazy bitch when I called to scream at him for being such an asshole.

He married her. Ick.

14. Two Faced

I would always ask if he wanted to watch a TV show with me, or if we could listen to certain music, or eat at a certain restaurant and he would always say, “Hey, I’m just happy to spend time with you.” Weeks or months later, he’d explode at me. “I hate that show! I can’t stand that band! Why are we eating at that restaurant again?”

Everything was like this. I was pretty sick at one point in our relationship so that meant almost no sex. I tried talking to him about it. He said he understood why we weren’t having regular sex and he just wanted me to feel better. Apparently he would complain endlessly to his friends about it, but not to the one person who could actually do something about.

15. Idealism Disappointed

I was young and naive. I was heads over heels in love with a guy. And in my mind letting it go wasn’t an option. In my dumb young brain I thought somehow that if I talked and bugged him enough that I would somehow figure out the way to fix it. This included a drunken night of me showing up at his door and crying for two hours asking him why. To be fair he did lead me on for a while telling me we would be together after he got though his whole I wanna be alone period. OBVIOUSLY that didn’t happen. It definitely made me grow up a lot. I realize now especially that when a man decides he’s done with the relationship it’s definitely done. So yea basically I was just a crazy idealistic girl who thought if I asked enough questions I would get an answer I would want to hear.

16. They Always Call You Crazy When They Get Caught

My ex posted pictures on Facebook of a girl wearing the sweatshirt I bought him. When I called him out on it, he quickly deleted the photo and called my a psycho. He literally tried to convince me I was crazy, until I showed him the picture I took of that picture on my phone. He then said that he posted that picture because they had the same sweatshirt and it was such a big coincidence! Too bad that sweatshirt was from goodwill for a football team at a random high school all the way across the country. With the same jersey number on the back.

He then tried to tell me I was a psycho jealous bitch. Until I told him to cut the shit and he admitted to cheating on me with her multiple times. This guy was another kind of stupid.

17. Old Traumas Triggered

There was something in his eyes when he talked down to me that morphed him into my abusive brother. When he smiled like that while talking down to me he was all I could see. I wasn’t screaming at my boyfriend, I was screaming at my brother.

18. She Likes To Drag People Into Her “Dark World”

“Crazy bitch ex” here: I went to study abroad for a full year and before i left, he started to ignore me and tell me to shut up whenever I was exposing my opinion (even in front of friends and family). After that, he would just not answering my texts or tell me i was writing for getting attention and ruining his day (I had just moved to another country). I reached my limit when he ignored me for a full week. We broke up, and I decided to cut off all contact for few days. When I unblocked him to try to become friends, he suddenly saw he had been doing wrong and I decided to give him a second chance. As soon as I told him that a creepy guy on my uni had tried to flirt with me, he said I was obviously looking for a new dick, and I had all this planned. This routine kept going until he explicitly called me a slut in a text. I blocked him everywhere and ignored his texts and calls for two weeks (he told me I was doing a ghosting thing). I made out with another guy in that time, and after he found out, he sent me a message to tell me that he was going to ruin my social life in my city for cheating on him. Soon after he told me he was going to leave me alone because he had a new girlfriend. I sent him a message asking if he was kidding. He called me ‘crazy bitch’.

So, for his friends I am a bitch because I cheated on him and have a new boyfriend. I am crazy because I was harassing him for weeks in order to get back together and being extremely jealous of his new girlfriends. All of this, of course, according to him.

Last thing I knew is that he’s a good guy and I was an evil bitch who made him act like an abusive asshole because I must have a mental disorder and I like to drag people into my dark world.

19. Called Crazy Cause She Didn’t Take Shit

My ex spent years convincing me that I shouldn’t make a plan B–we were moving in together and getting married. I had no plan B. And “convincing” ranged from earnest, thoughtful talks to him wearing me down with constant, unstopping bitching.

He hammered me because he hated my friends, he “accidentally” went through my emails, Facebook, and phone at least twice each, and used that to tell me what an awful girlfriend I was.

Turns out he was fucking the girl down the hall, the same girl who he got a job at his company.The girl he threw a double birthday party for me and her. The girl he invited to our dinners and had once a week lunch beers with.

So, while he’s telling me that I need to spend less time with my friends, love him and rely on him alone, and that I’m a shit girlfriend, he’s cheating on me. For years.

He fucked my life and set me back years–money I could’ve saved, time with other people or working on school or jobs. He knew he was ruining my future and didn’t care.

So, I texted his mom, his dad, and called his job to tell them he was fucking a coworker. Doesn’t seem like he got fired, which is too bad. I’d like him to restart at ground zero too.

Our many friends in common wanted to stay neutral. My response was that we don’t have friends in common. I know they’ve all told everyone I’m a crazy, spiteful bitch, and the truth is–yup, yup I am. 100%.

20. Classic Gaslighting

Labeled as the “crazy ex girlfriend” I was actually in a relationship where I was emotionally and verbally abused. He was constantly going through my phone accusing me of cheating when he was the one cheating on me with multiple women. When I found proof through looking through his phone he would slap his phone out of my hand and call me crazy, telling me these were his friends that he was talking to. Yet the things he were telling these females were things you don’t say to friends as in calling them sexy and telling to come over or telling them how he wanted to pee on them in the shower, etc. It was a relationship full of gaslighting. So glad I got out of it and found that I wasn’t the crazy one.

21. Savage

After three years he broke up with me via text. I sent him bull testicles so he could see what balls actually looked like. I mean someone had to show him what he was missing. TC mark

The Love Story Of A Narcissist And His Victim

Posted: 16 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Victoria Zeoli
Victoria Zeoli

Once upon a time, his tenderness wrapped around you and his fingers traced the outline of your tattoo as his lips brushed against your ear. Most love stories begin with a kiss; this one begins with a well-constructed mask and premeditated murder. A first meeting where the conversation is sex itself; language becomes a weapon and a medicine, a healing balm for your wounds and a sick game of Russian roulette.

He ties his words around you like a corset, fashioning you into his soulmate. Fast-forwarding intimacy on all levels, he plays the victim, weaving a sad story about betrayal by his previous partner who you will later come to learn is also a victim. Faux innocence and an illusion of good-naturedness make for a stunning performance. He's used to the applause and has many admirers lurking in the shadows, but he'll introduce you to them later. The first act still has to proceed. He pretends he's never felt like this before, and his pity ploy feasts on the first taste of your empathy. Your sympathy is delicious, prime for a dinner date; your compassion will make for good dessert.

The real kick is when he pretends to make you the center of his world in spite of his own self-centeredness, much like a predator does when hunting prey. Predators don't take their eyes off of their prey and neither does a narcissist when preparing to devour his victim. You imbibe both the drinks and his masquerade, inebriated on his façade and the charisma which will later become contempt.

First dates quickly become fifth dates; months speed by as you spend weekends wrapped in his arms and the high of shared laughter, inside jokes, and exclusive worlds you've created. Worlds no one else is allowed entry to. You begin to lose touch with friends and family members. He seems to encourage this behavior and at times even demand it. Isolation and constant communication becomes the norm, but you are prompted to feel as if you desire this isolation at first: it's a protected world, safe, loving, affectionate, at times overbearing. It cannot be tampered with. After years of living in a war zone, you enjoy what feels like a decade of peace, even if you know it is stifling.

Until the first blow, which comes like a gunshot in the dark as you're sleeping. You try to waken from the nightmare only to realize you're still in the midst of dreaming. A dream within a dream. The mask slips and hell becomes a little token of your reality. It's the first jolt of betrayal, of something not being quite right. You rationalize it and minimize it, hoping it was just an off-color comment or a misunderstanding. You dismiss his rage as a "bad day." He then begins to knit an intricate web filled with falsehoods, half-truths, the worst miseries from your past and the best insecurities from your present. New people as well as new forms of torment begin to show up; he introduces them into the sacred space of your relationship. He ignores you while he extols them; he demeans you while he praises them. He loves to see you squirm and he loves to play and win games.

He engineers a new false reality for you to live in, doubtful of your own inner voice. He begins to twist and turn your strengths into flaws, your talents into travesties, your compassion into naiveté. The blame for everything and anything become yours as he erodes your identity, your memory, and your self-esteem. His weaknesses suddenly become your weaknesses; there is no limit to what he will project on your mindscape as he rents space inside of your head and signs a new lease. He invites you to his playground of malice. This particular fun house hosts smoke, mirrors and distortions of your reality.

To the narcissist, romance isn't romance until it's like cocaine. A drug you begin to sniff daily hoping his intermittent kindness will numb the cruelty of the callous words and the actions that add up bit by bit to subtract from your daily joy. Defeat comes in the startled look you give him when he first brushes the proverbial blade across your skin; it comes in the form of a snide, insulting remark that ever so gently passes through his lips, as if testing your threshold and the precipice of a boundary you didn't even know you had to draw in the first place.

This is followed by the remarks that make you question whether he ever even meant to be cruel or not. Where once you felt carefree, lighthearted and loving, you now feel as if you are being turned into a different person that resembles nothing like you once were. Being and feeling crazy, oversensitive and humorless are the portraits he paints to keep you on the edge of never knowing anything for certain. His true intentions are quickly hidden. His loving gentleness is often merged with condescending contempt which leaves you spinning.

It's a potent cocktail of poison and remedy.

Each withdrawal from the drug leaves you reeling. His addiction is savagely evoking and witnessing your pain and your addiction is attempting to regain his validation. Wanting to recapture some of the fairytale bliss in the beginning which has slowly but surely become a nightmare.

Defeat becomes your daily routine as he tests you more and more; harsh words become condescending put-downs; sarcastic jabs become full-fledged attacks; molehills become mountains and partnership becomes a power play. It doesn't matter how much you fight back, because your defeat settles in slyly onto the sadistic smirk on his face. Bit by bit the water reaches a boiling point and you become so accustomed to the heat that you are no longer aware that you are dying. Defeat is now a lithe dancer forced to dance to an impossible rhythm, hoping to escape herself.

Defeat comes rapidly when he begins to rip apart your wounds, slowly and carefully, piece by piece, instead of nursing them; rather than the gentle healer, he becomes the wretched surgeon that manufactures your madness all while sprinkling doubts about your ability to discern what is happening. Defeat replaces your anticipation of a happy ending and supplants the main storyline in your relationship: he rejoices in the gradual slump of your shoulders as he begins to feast on your pain. The virus has found a host; the leech has secured a new life source. The fairy tale has reached midnight but now your feet hurt too much to walk away barefoot from the illusion of the ball. Somehow, the glass slipper must fit. It just has to, even if it causes your feet to bleed.

The highs are worth the lows or so your heart says; your mind doesn't listen, it's too high on the novocain of sweet promises while your psyche is warped behind the prison bars of his projected pain. You become needy for approval, for any scrap of kindness, any leftovers of sincerity, any inkling for the dream he once constructed of meeting someone who truly saw you. Once you feasted on his homemade meals of support, understanding and comfort; now you're malnourished, never enough.

He picks and prods at each flaw, each insecurity, each wound and when there are no more to be found, he creates new ones, blaming you for your own demise. He maims you with the truth of your own humanity. Once you binged on his affection and now you're starving on his lack of praise. You attempt to restrain yourself from feasting on the love of others while pretending to be satisfied with crumbs.

Your body, once his shelter, now becomes a breeding ground for his lies. Flesh meets flesh in an attempt to find truth where there is nothing but falsehood. Sweet lovemaking becomes devaluing coercion. Silence and a callous smile becomes the response to your pleas.

Discrepancies begin to add up. Stories begin to self-destruct. Lies begin to love themselves, begetting more lies. The ending is packaged with the maximum amount of cruelty in the shortest amount of time in order to leave the biggest impact.
Closure is the only fairy tale, a myth, a legend. The only true closure can come from within. The truth becomes the only mirror you can trust and sometimes you are the only one who can look in it and find yourself again. This is a game he doesn't have to win. This is a nightmare you may have to wake up from again and again, in order to realize you're no longer dreaming.

This is a type of love story where the happy ending lies in not finding Prince Charming. Rather, it lies in the awakening that he never existed at all. TC mark

This Is Why The Relationships That Break Our Hearts Are So Important

Posted: 16 May 2016 11:00 AM PDT

Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

Is 28 too early or too late to just come out and say that I don’t want to ever have to fathom a future where I have not become both a wife and a mother? 27 was the age, at least for me, when this reality started to creep in—and yes, out of absolutely nowhere. The reality that, oh no, if I’ve always known that marriage and motherhood are special to me should I have been searching all along for the very relationship that would reward me with both?

Should I have at least dated smarter and cut ties as soon as my heart knew that what was between us would never be enough? I reason we can’t look back and think this way. I mean, we can, but how will that ultimately serve us? And anyway,

we need to experience relationships that cater to a vision not of marriage or even love but the smaller dreams, too.

Like, the dream we have for our ego. The dreams which beg for our attention as we come of age. These are dreams that we must attend to before the final act, so to speak, before the fancy wedding and forever love. These are the dreams which we mustn't obliterate, ignore, or devalue but, rather, must demystify. These are the dreams we must bring down to earth and feel out and often overcome the dreaminess of.

That said, these visions, the crushes and hookups, are absolutely necessary though. They inform the very foundation of ourselves—of who we are behind the facades or who we are in relation to them, who we are after we've attained our fantasies and been blindsided by them, too. What does our heart yearn for then? How comfortable do we feel in the arms of someone we have longed for the attention of?

Because love that is long and lasting is not sustained by attention alone.

Our small and superficial and vague encounters are meant to teach us this. They are meant to motivate us toward deeper meanings and higher qualities. Which is why we need them. We need relationships that will only ever be meant for right now. I believe it is because of our journey along the way, our journey through our small and unrealistic, our early and circumstantial loves, that we grow into our own acknowledgment of what we viscerally beg for and realistically and inevitably need.

Coming into this recognition and then acceptance, however, takes time and patience, strength and fortitude. Our vision for marriage and motherhood and greater love takes perspective. And it’s a perspective gained through the time we take playing with the ideas we have of people and the ideas we have for ourselves. It's a perspective gained by rubbing our dreams up against their realities. A perspective gained by the influencing power of singleness. Datelessness. Periods of romantic sobriety where we face down ourselves and come to terms with what we really want for ourselves as well as what we are most designed for.

To understand who we are, to understand the "I" in 'I love you,' we must make our "mistakes” and have met with our crushes and fallen down into our heartbreak. To be ready for not our dreams but our greatest realities, we must live through the experiences that don't go according to plan.

We must have thrown our heart behind something and invested ourselves in someone only to learn that neither was ever meant to take us to the alter

or stand by us through and through and to the end. This is how we develop ourselves and our vision for the future.

Through emotional chaos and then some sort of sexual sobriety. Through acknowledgment and acceptance. Through our venturing on the high tides and golden arches of perspective. What carries us forward and rewards us forever and changes us the most though is our appreciation. And appreciation comes from an accumulation of these many smaller dreams and loves and experiences. Experiences that have come and gone and broken our hearts and lured us down other paths and persuaded us into opening new doors and stampeding through them, too.

We don’t just wake up suddenly understanding this, right? Maybe it had to take me 27 years to realize the elements I cannot fathom living without. And maybe I'll need even several years more to see myself for all I really am and to have that clarity and confidence take me into the arms of a husband and a future of golden opportunities. TC mark