Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

23 Weird & Disturbing Sex Facts You Really Didn’t Need To Know

Posted: 17 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT


1. Old people have a LOT of sex.

How much sex, you ask? Do you really want to know? OK, since you asked, the elderly are currently experiencing the biggest spike in sexually transmitted infections among all age groups. Should I continue? All right, then—three-quarters of 70-year-old men are still able to impregnate a woman. Should I stop? No? Then you need to know that nearly a third of women over 80 still have sex with their partners. And one-third of men and one-quarter of women over 50 have performed oral sex over the past year. Hey, don’t blame me—you asked!

2. Female orgasm is designed to induce pregnancy.

The rhythmic pulsating motion of the vaginal walls during female orgasm is designed to push sperm up toward the uterus and into the cervix. And you thought the real purpose of the female orgasm was pleasure. How wrong you were!

3. The human mouth hosts over 500 types of bacteria.

Try not to think of that the next time you’re kissing someone or they’re going down on you. Visualizing 500 different types of bacteria squirming all over your junk could threaten to kill the mood.

4. Straight men comprise more than half the audience for online transgender porn.

A meta-study of one billion online searches for porn concluded that transgender porn is the fourth-most popular form of porn on Earth. And straight men are the primary consumers of it. There may actually be less transphobia out there than you think there is.

5. Left testicles tend to hang lower than right ones.

I’ll pause to allow you to visually verify this fact with all your male friends—and I won’t judge you for it!

6. Female penguins engage in a form of prostitution.

Researchers have repeatedly observed female penguins exchanging sexual favors with male penguins that aren’t their mates in exchange for pebbles they will use to build nests for their babies.

7. Two-thirds of men and women have fantasized about other people while having sex with their partner.

Tonight when you’re having sex with your partner, I want you both to fantasize that the other one is fantasizing about having sex with someone else. It’s the only way to keep some spice in your love life.

8. Ovulating women are more likely to cheat.

When that egg’s sitting there just aching to be fertilized, women tend to get a little restless. And if you can’t do the job, well, boy, you’re fired.

9. Shaving your pubes makes you more likely to spread a sexually transmitted infection.

Since pubic hair acts as a sort of sexual hockey goalie, it is assumed that shaved pubes will also make it more likely for you to receive a sexually transmitted infection. Clearly this is God’s way of showing us that it’s time for everyone to end the madness and “go natural” again.

10. Male testosterone levels and sperm counts are only a quarter of what they were a century ago.

Men aren’t what they used to be. In fact, they are literally only a quarter of what they used to be only a century ago.

11. Male fruit flies who can't find mates are more likely to drink alcohol than fruit flies who are players.

I have no idea where these fruit flies are getting alcohol—one would assume they’d at least be carded at the local bar—but fruit flies who are losers at the mating game tend to drown their misery in booze.

12. Alfred Kinsey was able to insert the bristle side of a toothbrush into his urethra.

The pioneering sex researcher and author of The Kinsey Report also had a collection of over 5,000 wasps. Why he was sticking toothbrushes up his urethra and collecting thousands of wasps is probably a problem for him and his therapist. Either way, it’s pretty freaky-deaky.

13. Sex toys are banned in Alabama and Mississippi.

Can you fucking believe they make you drive to Georgia and Arkansas for sex toys? Gas isn’t cheap, you know!

14. Women are aroused by chimpanzee porn.

That’s right, as weeeeeeeird as that is. A study showed that women who viewed footage of chimpanzee sex became sexually aroused and experienced vaginal lubrication.

15. Four popes have died while having sex.

Sure, that means that 262 popes did not die during sex, but these are popes—they’re not supposed to be having sex in the first place.

16. Adults are more likely to tell lies while in bed than they are anywhere else.

This is really hard to believe, since you’re usually naked in bed and it’s hard to exaggerate anything in that condition. But people lie more when they’re lying in bed—get it?

17. Gay men have bigger penises than straight men.

Although straight men tend to be bigger dicks.

18. The bigger his balls, the more likely he is to cheat.

If your man has huge testes, the only sane thing to do is get a GPS tracking chip implanted in his body while he’s sleeping—that way you’ll always know where he is.

19. Educated white women have more anal sex than any other group.

This presumably includes educated white gay men. Uh—way to go, white women?

20. Fat men have more sexual endurance than thin men.

Multiple studies have confirmed that it takes severely overweight men nearly three times as long to ejaculate as it does those jerky male gym rats who are always asking you to feel their six-packs. Six-packs? More like six seconds!

21. Male bicyclists risk impotence.

The pressure of the bicycle seat on the male groin can permanently damage sexual function and render the avid cyclist a poor and pathetic shell of his former sexual self. Is it really worth it? Drive a car instead and save your boners, guys!

22. Straight men search for images of penises online almost as much as they do vaginas.

It’s unclear whether they’re comparing themselves to the online penises or they simply like looking at them. If it’s the latter, it raises the question of exactly how “straight” they really are.

23. One out of every ten European babies is conceived on an IKEA bed.

Just knowing this fact will make me unable to have an erection for three days. I hate IKEA. TC mark

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.

This Is Me Saying Goodbye To The Possibility Of Us

Posted: 17 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Naim Naim
Naim Naim

I’m saying goodbye to the possibility of you and me, not that we had any, to be honest.

Goodbye to any possibility of a love story with you. Goodbye to the “once upon a time” and “happily ever after” that had never been inked on any piece of paper, or on any surface for that matter.

Goodbye to any possibility of dates. Kite-flying, going to the museum, watching a basketball game, surfing the waves in La Union or Baler, climbing a mountain, visiting a dog cafΓ©, roaming around the bookstore, and driving to the North or South and just forget about the rest of the world for a while.

Goodbye to any possibility of the little things. Sending photos and videos of anything that could make the other laugh, the little notes that we’d slip into each other’s pockets, the random gifts we’d give each other on normal days, the silly banters and inside jokes we’d have, the “good morning” and “good night” texts and everything in between.

Goodbye to any possibility of the big things. The surprises we’d pull off for each other, the lengths we’d go through just to put a smile on each other’s face; me supporting you in every game you play and being proud of what you’ve done because I know you’re good at it; and you letting me drag you to my favorite team’s game even though you’d rather support yours.

Goodbye to any possibility of misunderstandings and disagreements. Of jealousy, of having different views on topics that deeply matter to us, of counting and comparing each other’s mistakes, of letting our pride get in the way.

Goodbye to any possibility of us becoming better versions of ourselves. Of us learning to respect a completely opposite opinion from ours, of putting ourselves in the other’s shoes before jumping into conclusions, of how compromise can save a relationship, of sacrificing one’s happiness for the other.

Goodbye to any possibility of butterflies, sparks, and fireworks.

Goodbye to any possibility of knowing each other on a deeper level. On late-night conversations that would continue until the first rays of sunlight peek through the clouds; on knowing what tickles the fancy of the other, our greatest fears, our ambitions; on what pisses the other off, on what could make the other smile, laugh, cry, or if we’re lucky, feel all of those at the same time.

Goodbye to any possibility of making you happy. For I truly know deep in my heart and in the littlest corners of my brain, for all that I have to give, nothing can compare to the happiness she brings you.

Goodbye to the potential love we could have had. The kind that makes the other want to be the one who loves more; the all-consuming, every-fiber-of-my-being type of love; the kind of love that would not only be between us but with all the people we care about; the kind of love that would resonate from the deepest core of our souls.

Goodbye to the love story that had never been given the chance to begin. TC mark

My Boyfriend Is Studying Abroad And These Texts Are How I Get Off When He’s Away

Posted: 17 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT


For the last month my boyfriend has been away, studying abroad in Europe. We both decided to stay together, even though we knew it would be really difficult. Both of us have “touch” as our love language, and we have extremely high sexual appetites. While he was here at home we probably had sex at least four times a week, and oral whenever we were in a rush.

Being away from him has been so difficult. But we both really wanted to stay faithful and monogamous with each other. Luckily, he got an international texting plan, which has at least partially solved our sexual appetite problem. Hopefully other couples find this useful too. Messages have been edited for grammar and clarity:

Tuesday, March 29th

Me (10:24):

Oh baby, I miss you so freaking much.

Him (10:24):

I miss you too, baby.

Me (10:25):

What do you miss about me?

Him (10:26):

Everything. Your voice, your hair, your baby blue eyes.

I miss your arms enveloping me. I miss your hands running through my hair, reminding me how lucky I am.

Me (10:26):

Anything else πŸ˜˜πŸ˜‰

Him (10:27):

I miss your gigantic tits pressing up against me when we hug goodbye.

Me (10:27):

Oh baby, I miss our hugs too. Especially when your rock hard cock presses into my stomach. πŸ’¦πŸ’¦

Him (10:28):

I miss taking off your bra and revealing your overflowing tits, ripe for me to enjoy. I love running my tongue along the perimeter of them, slowly licking up the entirety of your mounds.

Me (10:30):

Oh baby, I fucking love when you do that. I miss pulling down your pants to reveal your gigantic cock straining against the confines of your underwear. I love watching your massive manhood spring straight up, as if saluting me, when I finally peel off your briefs.

Him (10:33):

God Kelly, I miss you going down on me. My cock literally grows nine sizes when inside your perfect mouth. With every lick, my dick gets unbearably harder. You know just the right spots to caress with your tongue before taking my entire 8 inches down your throat. You make me moan so fucking loud baby, as you bob your head up and down, loudly sucking on my stick. I grab your hair and scream that I am cumming, and you take every last drop of my seed down your throat.

Me (10:37):

God, I miss you baby.

Wednesday, April 16th

Him (12:01):

Baby, I am so fucking horny today.

Me (12:02):

Orly???πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‡ xoxoxoxox

Him (12:02):

I was in class and started thinking about the night after my birthday.

Me (12:03):

Oh yeah????? ☔️

Him (12:04):

I couldn’t stop thinking about how we came back from the bars, and we were both just a little tipsy. We basically sprinted in my bedroom, and I threw off my shoes and coat. We both jumped into the bed, and our lips connected. You ran your hands through my hair as we made out, deeper and deeper. My tongue pushed its way into your mouth, as your hands began to unbutton my shirt.

Me (12:09):

Oh baby, that was so hot. Then I pulled off your shirt and ran my hands down your chest and over your chiseled abs. You forced open my top as your kisses slowly descended down my neck and you rolled me onto my back. I gasped as your hands pushed into my bra and grabbed my soft breasts.

Him (12:12):

Then your hands venture past my abs, baby, and you grab my hard, throbbing bulge. I was about ready to cum right there, soaking my pants with threads of sticky cum. I push you onto the bed and discard the rest of your top and your bra as I give your boobs the full attention they deserve.

Baby, you moaned so loud when I licked your nipples. Then you took control again! You pushed me down and got on top of me. You pulled me belt out of my pants in one easy motion, and pulled my pants down to my legs. You ran your sweet mouth along the insatiable bulge in my pants, and I couldn’t take it much more.

“Take it,” I gasped, my entire body moaning with desire.

And you finally pulled down my briefs, revealing a cock that was so fucking hard and large I could hardly believe it was mine.

Me (12:20):

I teased you baby, I took little licks and nibbles along the outside, lapping up your balls as you moaned in anticipation.

“I need your mouth,” You moaned, pulling my long brown hair.

I finally took your throbbing manhood, and went down on you, relishing every delicious taste of your gigantic dick.

Him (12:24):

Then I returned the favor. I kicked off my pants and underwear and pulled down yours, revealing your perfect, perfect slit. My tongue danced around your beautiful opening, digging itself deeper and deeper inside you. You were moaning so loud, I’m sure all my roommates could hear, but I didn’t fucking care. I needed you.

Me (12:26):

You slid a finger into my opening, but I needed more. Oh I fucking needed so so much more.

“I need you,” I gasped pushing my hand into your chest. “Please, please, baby, I need your cock.”

You gave me a passionate kiss as you positioned your manhood to penetrate me. You entered me, slowly at first — too slow. I wanted more. I needed more.

“Harder,” I moaned, “Fuck me harder baby.”

Your huge dick filled every crevice of my canal.

“More,” I moan, and you wrap my legs around you so that you can bring me closer, sending your dick deeper inside me.

“Faster,” I scream as I grab onto your arms and your cock pulsates inside me, stretching my body to its limits. Our eyes interlock, and I realize how much I fucking love you. You are gasping for every breath, trying to satisfy my insatiable need for you.

Him (12:35):

Our bodies began to tense. I wanted to hold out longer for you baby, I wanted to make the moment last, but my fucking cock had been crying for you all evening.

“I’m about to cum baby,” You moaned as your fingernails dug into my arms. I felt my cock stiffen further, harder beyond imagination, and I yelled your name into the night as my sweet seed filled your beautiful pussy.

Me (12:38):

Our sweet juices intermixed as I felt thread after thread of your salty cum fill up my canal. When your load was finally empty you pulled out of me, and collapsed onto me, totally and utterly spent.

Him (12:39):

omg baby, i just came rn. That was so so fucking hot. πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

Me (12:40):

I miss your body so so so much.

Saturday, April 23rd

Me (8:13):

hi baby, did you like the photo I snapchatted you earlier??

Him (8:13):

Omg baby it was so fucking hot. Why do you have to tease me like this? πŸ˜΅

Me (8:14):

I saw you screenshoted it! πŸ˜

Him (8:14):

😘😘 I had to save something for tonight, since I can’t have the real thing πŸ˜«

Me (8:15):

MhhhmhmmπŸ˜‰ are you touching yourself right now?

Him (8:15):

Yeah I’m back in my room baby, and my cock is poking out of my underwear. It got rock hard when I looked at the pic again.

Me (8:16):

What are you doing now??

Him (8:16):

I am stroking my hard cock up and down, looking at my pictures of you. God baby, talk dirty to me.

Me (8:17):

Oh Kevin, I wish I could see you move your hand up and down your flawless cock. I wish I could pull off your shirt and run my tongue over your perfect nipples, sucking on every sweaty pore of your fucking hot body. I wish our fucking tongues could wrestle for superiority in our mouthes, as I slowly jerked you off from the front. I love winning our tongue wrestling matches by making you cum from a slow handjob.

Him (8:19):

Is this making you horny baby? What are you doing now?

Me (8:19):

I already took my pants off. I’ll send you a pic. Now I’m running my hands over my firm breasts, about to slip my hand into my panties.

Him (8:19):

Oh baby you’re making me so horny. Tell me more.

Me (8:20):

Send me a pic of you baby. I need to see you right now.

Him (8:21):

I’ll send you one of my swollen cock, baby. It is so fucking hard, it needs you so fucking badly. It misses you so so much.

Me (8:22):

Oh baby, I miss your dick so much. That pic got me so fucking horny. I am so wet. I am sliding a finger into my clit, just wishing it was you. My pussy aches for you baby.

Him (8:23):

Omg baby I can’t stop. I am stroking my cock so fast now, lightning is pulsing through my body.

Me (8:24):

I am squeezing my hard nipples with my other hand, wishing it was soft bites from your teeth. I’m pushing another finger into my womanhood, toying with my swollen pearl, gasping tiny moans into the air. I wish I could taste you on my mouth, your sweet tongue dancing on my lips.

Him (8:25):

Oh baby, I just came…my sweet sticky sap all over my shirt. I’m just laying here thinking about your beautiful body, wishing we cold envelop each other in our naked bodies.

Me (8:26):

I love you so much babe. Only 63 more days. πŸ˜πŸ˜

Him (8:27):

Counting down every one… πŸ’ž ! Love you! TC mark

This Is Why We Can’t Let Go Of People Who Aren’t Good For Us (Even Though We Should)

Posted: 17 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Tord Sollie

I knew from the start you were "that asshole" but I have a comical way of thinking that I can be the one to impact someone, to change them. I naΓ―vely think I will make a difference, so I attempt to. I try to be the one who let's them in, the one who gives them chance after chance to prove to me they aren't a bad person.

You were slightly different. The guy I met three years ago isn't the same guy I know now. The guy I know now has a sweet side, but has a hard time showing it. He doesn't like to expose his emotions. He covers them up at all cost. It's been three years and I still can't figure out why.

I can't figure out what it is about you that keeps me around, either. I put 120 percent into the relationship, while you put in a mere 40 to 50 percent, on a good day. But I still stay hanging around.

I keep holding on. I keep telling myself things will get better, that you do care about me. I tell myself that you have a hard time showing affection. I tell myself that you show you care about me in different ways, even though I'm not entirely sure what those ways are. I keep twisting things in my head because I didn't want to accept not having you in my life.

I should have known by the way you would only make time for me when it was convenient for you. I should have known when you didn't want me to know the little personal details of your life that I so openly shared with you. I should have known that you really didn't care when I'd invite you to dinners, parties, or even my own house and you always treated it like a chore. I should have known especially when you wouldn't come based off who else would be there.

I had hoped over and over again. I hoped that maybe if I opened up to you, you would in turn open up to me. Instead I just kept making a fool of myself; I kept opening up for you to not even respond, time and time again. Maybe it wasn't even that you didn't have any stories you wanted to share, maybe they weren't your stories to tell. But instead of not reciprocating with your own words, you would simply disregard me. I would maybe get a head nod, a couple words, maybe a look, and I still kept trying.

The question remains, why did I stay somewhere I was clearly unwanted? Why did I try so hard for something that was a dead end street? I kept trying, kept pushing, kept hoping for a new road to be built, but instead there wasn't one and everything I was yearning for was out of reach.

I think the reason we stay holding on so long is because people like that know what they're doing. All it takes is one random compliment out of the blue, a nice gesture, something atypical of them and it sends us wanting more. It satisfies the feeling we felt all along because deep down we knew they were capable of being that person. The person they allowed us to see for a few seconds. We knew they weren't as cold as they present themselves.

It's that one second; that one compliment that keeps us hanging on. It makes us do crazy things, it makes us put in the 120 percent because more than anything we want them to love us. We want them to realize that they're lucky they have us and that we are better than they deserve, even though that will never make them want us more. It will never make them change. But we keep trying because we can't let them go. TC mark

You Are One Of The Things I Love The Most That I Will Never Have

Posted: 17 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Rachel Erin
Rachel Erin

For so long,
we have yearned
to love
from afar,
to love
beyond our reach,
to adore even
the things we know
nothing about.
Perhaps that's why
I love the sun, the moon,
the stars
you. TC mark

This Is How You Get Her Back

Posted: 17 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT


First, you man up.

You realize the ways that you have failed her, the things you've done that have disappointed her and yourself, the flaws that have broken even the most beautiful connection between the two of you—and you air them out like dirty laundry.

You bring them to the surface, you expose them.
You look at them, at yourself with a critical eye.
You realize that damn, you messed up.

Then you acknowledge.

You reach out to her if she's long gone, you hold her close if she's still around. You tell her all those uninhibited, terrifying thoughts on your mind. The ones that are emotion-filled and unedited, that make you seem like less of a man, that make you really feel something.

And you pour them out to her.

You tell her all the things you truly miss—how her hand feels in yours, the silly way her nose crinkles when she laughs, how her body is always so soft and warm in your arms. You remind her of all the little things, like when she rests her head on your shoulder when she's sitting shotgun, or how she'll always puts 'I love you' sticky-notes on the counter when she leaves the house before you do.

You tell her that you miss those little things.
That your heart is aching.
That you've messed up.

Then you apologize.

Fully, in the way that really digs deep. You apologize for the little things, the big things, and the everythings in-between. You reach into the most guarded part of your heart and let those walls down.

You stop being afraid of what you look like, of what kind of man you've become, even of what she'll say.

You just apologize because you need her to know that you're sorry.
That you love her.
That you don't want to lose her.

And this is the only thing you can do to keep yourself afloat.

You pursue.

You make amends to fix what's broken, you change what you know you've done wrong, and you show her that you're a new man.

You devote time to her, energy to her.
You make her the priority she always should have been.

You do everything in your power to show her that you want her, that you need her.

And then you wait.

But not passively.

You give her time, give her space, but keep yourself just within reach.
You let her think, be patient as she decides whether or not to slowly let her guard down.

And in the meantime, you keep doing what you can to show her you care. Like bringing her favorite coffee to work, like waking up early just to say good morning, like making dinner or cleaning without asking, or so many of those little, stupid things you overlooked for months.

And you hope, wish, pray that she'll see you.
That she'll see you've changed, that you mean what you say.
That she'll know you love her, despite past mistakes.

And that she'll love you enough to try again. TC mark

Read about How To Get Him Back.

I Promise You This

Posted: 17 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT


I guess I expect a lot in relationships, and when those expectations aren't met, I feel disappointed and betrayed. It's unfair, especially when the person I'm dating isn't aware of this mental checklist I've concocted over years of being treated poorly, or just dating the wrong but very lovely, guy.

I know what I want but that's only because I know how much I give in a relationship.

I know I fight for what I love; I chase after the things that give me fireworks inside my belly. Things that make me feel alive and inspired. I do not give up on those special people who keep me up late at night because sleeping feels dull in comparison to drowning in thoughts about them.

If a spark is lit between me and another, I'll want it to flicker forever; I'll want to bask in the warmth of it. I willingly let myself burn.

So if I fall for you, if I utter those three words above the noise of my beating heart, I promise I'll always fight for us, for you. Even when things get tough, even when we feel like giving up, even when you walk out the door because this argument isn't getting us anywhere, I promise, I'll never give up.

I promise I'll always be honest, even if the honesty could break us. Even if the truth is harsh and unloving, I'll give you it, because I'd expect the same in return.

I promise to hold no secrets in my heart, I promise to share it all with you.

I promise to always tell you when I'm mad or upset. I won't say I'm fine and ignore you or be passive aggressive. I promise to be transparent; I promise to talk to you about everything.

But I also promise not to unleash all of my crazy thoughts on you when its 1am and you've had a hard day at work, I promise not to bring up things from the past to torment you with.

I promise to know what to tell you, and what should only be reserved for my girl friends. I promise I'll always try to see what is my insecurities and paranoia, and what is real.

I promise I will not taint our love with ghosts from my past, from words spoken by other men. I promise not to let old wounds be opened. And I promise not to open yours.

I promise to let you have your own space. To not demand every single minute of your time, even if I want it.

I promise to not get jealous of the cute girl you've been friends with for years, I'll talk clothes and Starbucks syrup flavors with her. I will not let my insecurities, plague your life.

I promise to try new things with you, even if it's just Game Of Thrones, because I know you love it.

I promise to play video games and eat pizza with you, and I promise not to laugh when I kick your ass at a game of pool.

I promise to support every single decision you make, even if that decision takes you far away from me.

I promise to be your cheerleader, I promise to always be on your side.

I promise to hold you close and stroke your hair, even though you slap my hand away, I know you secretly love it, I know it soothes you, and I promise to do it whenever you're sad, even if you won't admit you are.

I promise to travel as far as our love demands, to be by your side. I promise to not let the distance stop us from being the best possible version of ourselves.

I promise to never give up on my dreams, I promise to always make you proud, I promise I'll keep writing, even on the days when I feel like giving up. I'll think of you standing there telling me to stop moping and start doing.

I promise to never give up, on anything.

But most importantly,
I promise to always love you because ever since that day I saw you, all blue eyes and a butterfly inducing smile, I knew you'd be important to me. I knew I'd eventually fall for you.

Some days, I even think I loved you before I met you, I think my heart was waiting for you all this time.

I promise it'll be just me and you,
For always. TC mark

100 Things All Women Need To Know About Men (According to 100 Men)

Posted: 17 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Found on AskReddit.

1. Men aren’t mind readers.

"Men aren't mind readers…if you want something, be direct."

2. Guys are shy, too.

"Guys are shy, too. Don’t be afraid to walk up and talk."

3. Not all men are rapists and sometimes a compliment really is just a compliment.

"Not all men are rapists and sometimes a compliment really is just a compliment."

4. If you want a ‘bad boy,’ expect to be treated badly.

"Don’t tell me you don’t like me because I’m a ‘nice guy’ and that most girls like ‘bad boys,' and then come looking for a shoulder to cry on when he cheats on you or treats you like shit. Instead, go fuck yourself. I don’t care, because you got what you deserved. Next time, try looking for someone who cares about you, even if they’re ‘too nice'."

5. It’s not OK to physically assault men, period.

"It’s not OK to physically assault men, period. It doesn’t matter how small you are and how big the guy is. If you don’t disagree, walk away, voice your concern, or speak to the law."

6. We are just as emotionally complex as women are.

"Men’s emotional lives are, pretty much across the board, just as complex and nuanced as women’s.

Also, there’s a whole ecosystem of subtle communication, competition, and one-upmanship between men (think Alpha/Beta but way more complicated) that is probably largely invisible to you.

We’ve had to navigate through it all our whole lives and sometimes it stinks."

7. Guys like getting compliments about their appearance, too.

"Guys like getting compliments about their appearance, too; even just minor ones feel nice."

8. We are not machines. We are human, too.

"We are not machines. We get sick. We can cry. We can be goofy or funny. We can be weak or scared. We can go limp. We can complain. We can be nice and sweet. Don’t make men out to be machismo meatheads who just walk around looking for sex and expect us to always be strong and confident and take charge on every single little thing. We are human, too. It’s not bad to be a nice guy."

9. Some of us actually are hopeless romantics.

"That some of us actually are hopeless romantics. We want to find true love, too. Even then we will still make mistakes. Some of us it will be really stupid and think that we want different women just because that’s the way we are programmed. And sometimes it takes something big to make us realize that’s not what we want."

10. You shouldn't smack us down for showing emotions.

“• If we open up to you, let us do it instead of smacking us down for being emotional, you’ll have a friend for life.

• Don’t assume what movies teach about men is at all accurate; seriously, my last girlfriend did and was perpetually worried I’d cheat even though I find the concept abhorrent.

• If we’re quiet, it means we’re thinking, not angry.

• We have a strong desire to protect the women in our life, whether that be our wife, our sister, or our grandmother even. We do get overprotective due to an admittedly over-reliance on our 'gut feelings,' and we’re aware it’s annoying you, but humor us and you may be surprised with the results.

• A man's younger siblings are extremely important; do not insult them if you want us to stay. Talking from experience here.

• We worry over our bodies constantly, media bombards us with an ideal you have to work for years to attain and keep, similar to women, let us talk about it if we need to.


11. Rom-coms don’t work in real life.

"You know those movies where the woman is unpredictable, annoying, and generally crazy, but the man she is after falls in love with her anyway? That doesn’t work in real life. Seriously."

12. Never, ever, EVER make fun of a man’s penis.

"Never, ever, EVER make fun of a man’s penis. It’s not a fucking game; sometimes shrinkage happens, sometimes I’m just not in the mood. I know that it’s just a game to you, but for us it’s a really big deal. Don’t know why, don’t care why, it just is."

13. I’m not inheriting a kingdom, so I won’t treat you like a princess.

"No I won’t treat you like a princess. I’m not inheriting a kingdom, I’m looking for a life partner. My equal."

14. If you keep asking whether we’re angry with you, eventually we will be.

"On disagreements: Sometimes a man will disagree with you. He has reasons for it. If you present an argument, and he abruptly says 'OK, fine,' it means you have convinced him. It probably does not mean he’s angry with you. If you then ask, 'Are you angry at me?' and he says no, he isn’t. But if you keep asking, then eventually he will be. Or maybe it’s just me."

15. Don’t use sex as a weapon.

"If you weaponize sex, that’s a quick way for us to resent you. And of course if you do not want to do it you should not, but if you treat sex like it is some kind of privilege that your guy should only get it if he has been a good boy and treat it like a reward rather than a romantic and intimate activity that is equally pleasurable for the both of you, then that is a great way to kill any affection your guy has for you."

16. We are afraid of rejection.

"Fear of rejection can be downright terrifying. I am lucky that my wife was direct and asked me out."

17. Give us the benefit of the doubt.

"Unless we’re fighting, when we say something that can be taken one of two ways and one of the options is bad, we meant the good one."

18. We don’t think about sex every seven seconds.

"Men don’t think about sex every 7 seconds. I read this from some women's magazine whilst waiting in the dentist’s office. These women's magazines' perception of men is ridiculous."

19. Just say, ‘Sorry, no thanks’ if you don’t want to go out with us.

"My deal is, if I ask a girl out and she’s not interested, saying, 'Sorry, no thanks' or a variation thereof is perfectly acceptable. I’ll be more than happy to move the fuck on."

20. Don’t ever assume what’s going on in our minds.

"Don’t ever assume what’s going on in our mind. You might think we’re having doubts about all this and things are going to shit so you start acting like it and then it gets all messed up and it’s over. The truth is we’re probably just thinking about the last episode of Game of Thrones or something like that. If you want to know, ask!"

21. Nonsense behavior will cause us to pull back.

"We’re perfectly willing to invest, but nonsense behavior will, little by little, cause us to disinvest. That time you said you were upset and when I asked why, you said, 'Guess?'—I pulled back a little. When you started crying instead of articulating your feelings? I pulled back a little. When you developed double standards regarding behaviors that are okay for you but NOT for me? I pulled back A LOT."

22. Do not belittle our cocks.

"Unless the guy is super hung, any insinuation that his cock is even a little less than ideal in terms of size hurts a lot. Even some hung guys actually feel like their cock is too small."

23. Say what you mean.

"If you say something we’re most likely going to take it at face value.


Guy: Hey babe I’m going to go play cards at Zach’s tonight is that all right?

Girl: Yeah, that’s fine, stay out all night, I’m going to bed anyway.

Guy: * Leaves after a hug and kiss *

* Hours later Guy gets an angry text because she wanted him to stay home with her. *

The guy was giving her the option to keep him home and she told him she was fine with it and she was tired."

24. Mean what you say.

"This game of 'know what I want without me telling you' bullshit has got to stop. I’m not a fuckin' mind reader. I’m not in a relationship/marriage to play mind games. Tell me what’s on your mind or how you really feel, the guessing games must end. Alternatively, if you would rather me not do something, don’t tell me, ‘No, go ahead it’s fine,’ than get pissed when I do it. Just tell me you’d rather me not."

25. Stop hinting and just tell us what you want.

"Your hints are useless. Say what you want. Also, when we pee sometimes we still get some on the floor. Even as adults."

26. If you want to see us happy, just get naked.

"Trust me, when a woman is naked, 99% of the time we are happy beyond compare. No matter what you think you look like."

27. If you're not interested in the sex, we're not interested in the sex.

"If you're not interested in the sex, we're not interested in the sex. If you're just going to lie there like a rag doll while we hump away, it gets boring real quick. Fuck, I could go service myself twice as fast with half the exertion if that's all it's about. And on a related note, don't take masturbation personally. It's a literal physical need for men. Imagine walking around for a week with loaded sinuses and being told not to blow your nose. That's literally how it feels down there when we’re backed up. Let us relieve a little pressure and get off our fucking backs. It's not about you."

28. If a guy likes you a lot, he will make time for you.

"If a guy likes you a lot, he will make time for you. If you are getting a lot of maybes and excuses, just move on."

29. It doesn’t feel good to have a partner that does nothing but take.

"When a guy is constantly doing all the initiating, all of the oral, and all of the work with no reciprocation, don’t act surprised when he stops calling. It doesn’t feel good to have a partner that does nothing but take.

I’ve heard a lot of, 'Well, I do a lot! Like x, y, and z! Just because it isn’t in the bedroom doesn’t mean it doesn’t count!' Yes. Yes, it does mean it doesn’t count when we’re talking about sex. Doing nice things outside the bedroom doesn’t translate into appreciation for what you’re receiving inside the bedroom.

It’s like giving a dog a treat three days after he brings you the paper. How’s he know WTF you just gave him a treat for?"

30. Bars aren’t the best place to meet the best guys.

"There exist men willing to have serious relationships with you…but those men probably don’t spend their time at bars chatting you up the first time you glance in their direction."

31. Sometimes we just like to hold our balls.

"Sometimes, when we’re on the couch, we just like to hold our balls. We’re not sexually aroused, we just like to hold them and know they are there."

32. If you routinely slap your man’s hand away, don’t be surprised if he stops reaching.

"If you routinely slap your man’s hand away when he reaches for sex…don’t be surprised if he gets the point and stops reaching."

33. We quite often lack the emotional intelligence or desire to articulate our feelings.

"Assuming you’re dealing with a normal male, what we say is what we mean, and what we mean is what we say. Any hidden meanings are a fiction invented by you; we don’t use that channel to communicate.

Conversely, do not use obfuscated communication methods with men for important topics; the odds of us missing or misinterpreting such a communication are high.

Do not talk about problems unless you are prepared to discuss the solution.

If we say we don’t care, we don’t. Especially as regards what we eat. If we say we don’t care, we’re not saying we don’t care who we eat with or whether we’ll eat, only that we don’t care what we eat or where we eat.

We’re generally shit at going to the doctors or dentists. Even in countries where healthcare is free. Remind us to check for cancer from time to time, or do it for us where possible/appropriate.

Our emotions tend to build up over time, as we quite often lack the emotional intelligence or desire to articulate our feelings. Fortunately, they also fade over time without any obvious outlets, so only sustained angst or serious trauma will have a long-lasting effect."

34. Don’t be nice when rejecting us.

"Don’t be nice when rejecting someone. I’m a grown adult and can handle being told no. Just the other day I asked a girl what her plans were Friday and I got a 'I work all weekend because it’s graduation weekend, but maybe next time!'

That could be a hint or genuine statement. Don’t leave shit up in the air, just be straight with us because for the love of god MEN CANNOT READ WOMEN'S MINDS.

P.S. If you get mad at me for something I did in a dream (I thought people joked about this until it happened to me), I now think you're batshit insane and rule number one is never stick your dick in crazy."

35. We love your big butt in those jeans.

"Your butt looks big in those jeans, and we fuckin' love it."

36. We pretend not to notice how fake your compliments sound.

"We pretend not to notice how fake your compliments sound. 'Omg, i love your shirt!' 'You are soooo. Funny!'"

37. It's okay to tell us, 'No, I would not be interested in going out with you.'

"It's okay to tell us, 'No, I would not be interested in going out with you.' It makes things a lot easier than saying, 'Oh, sorry I can't make it my grandma died…my dog is sick…I have to do XYZ.' Its a shitty hint, especially after having a seemingly engaging string of conversations."

38. A conversation you had in your head is not a conversation that actually happened.

"A conversation you had in your head is not a conversation that actually happened."

39. Ignore all romantic advice from rom-coms.

"Every piece of romantic advice you’ve gotten from a rom-com should be jettisoned as fast as possible. 'Hard to get' does not work. Subtle hints are not going to be picked up on. There is no minimum waiting period for replying to texts, agreeing to a second date, resuming communication—anything. Put your cards on the table and be upfront. Men don’t hate a woman who says no; if anything, most men will be grateful that they can just move on. The happiest relationship I’ve ever been in began in one whirlwind night: We went from first date to drinks after to apartment in a single evening. I’m going to marry her once my bank balance has room for a ring in it."

40. If you want us to understand something, then articulate in clear language.

"Men are not fucking mind readers. If you want us to understand something, then articulate in clear language. We play draughts, not chess."

41. Men don’t drop subtle hints.

"When I ask, 'Do you know where the remote is?,' I am not asking you to look for the remote. When I ask, 'Is this basket of laundry clean or dirty?,' I am not asking you to do the laundry. When I say, 'We’re all out of milk,' I am not asking you to drop everything and go shopping. For fuck’s sake, I’m just trying to exchange information with you. I’m not trying to drop subtle hints that I am unhappy and need you to do something, my God."

42. Please respect our privacy.

"Oh yes, another thing: If I tell you, 'Please respect our privacy, what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom,' and you turn around and tell all your friends…I will be upset and the relationship will probably not last."

43. If you say, ‘Nothing’s wrong,’ we will believe you.

"If we ask, 'What’s wrong?' and you answer, 'Nothing,' we will behave exactly as if everything is OK."

44. Don’t try to make us jealous by talking about other guys.

"Mentioning how many guys are going for you/chasing you doesn’t create the narrative of, 'Oh damn, she’s a hot commodity, better try harder.' Instead it's, 'Fuck, chasing her seems like it would be a lot of drama, better skip this one.'"

45. We are as insecure about ourselves as you are about yourselves.

"We are as insecure about ourselves as you are about yourselves."

46. All men are different and they should be treated as such.

"All men are different and they should be treated as such."

47. If you want us to do something, expect that we’ll do it our way.

"If you want me to do something, expect that I’ll do it my way. If you want something done your way, you fuckin' do it. This is the price of delegation."

48. We’re not always in the mood for sex.

"Just because we can’t get an erection at a given moment, that doesn’t mean we’re not into you or that we don’t want to have sex. It’s not that simple."

49. If we compliment you, the best thing you can say is, 'Thank you.'

"If we compliment you, the best thing you can say is, 'Thank you.' A self-deprecating joke about how we’re wrong is rarely charming."

50. We’re not interested in playing stupid games.

"We can see through the 'I'm fine' bullshit. But if you say it three times, we’re going to let it go. It’s not because we aren’t aware it’s bullshit, and it’s not because we don’t care—it’s because we’re not interested in playing stupid games."

51. If I tell you something in confidence, it’s really not OK for you to tell your best friends.

"If I tell you something in confidence, it’s really not OK for you to tell your best friends. And it goes both ways."

52. Just tell us what you want to eat!

"What do you want to eat. pls."

53. If you want us to do something, just come out and say it!

"Most of us don’t get subtle hints; if you want us to do something, just come out and say it!"

54. We can’t always tell when you’re flirting.

"Don’t forget that one woman’s 'subtle hint’ is another woman’s ‘What? Are you kidding? I was fixing my hair, not flirting, you creep.'"

55. Your enthusiasm is what makes sex good for us.

"What makes sex good? One thing more than anything. ENTHUSIASM. It doesn’t matter how hot you are if I’m banging you and you seem bored. Or if the BJ is like a chore or something. Nothing kills the mood quicker."

56. We can and do LITERALLY think of nothing. NOTHING.

"We can and do LITERALLY think of nothing. NOTHING. No thought, no music in our head, just nothing. Complete silence in our head. It’s so calming and relaxing."

57. If you ask for my opinion, don’t get upset when I tell you my opinion.

"If you ask for my opinion, don’t get upset when I tell you my opinion."

58. We can’t predict when you’re going to act like an evil gremlin.

"I've never owned a gremlin, so please don’t expect me to understand your feeding patterns and be able to predict when you’re going to become an evil monster because all you’ve eaten was some Melba toast 12 hours ago."

59. Men have a 'C-word' as well that we hate to have attached to us.

"Men have a 'C-word' as well that we hate to have attached to us. It’s called 'Creep' and encompasses 'Not my type' to 'Level 3 sex offender' and everything in between. It’s vastly subjective, applied liberally with very broad brushstrokes, and can occur with something as simple as looking past you to the beer menu and occasionally crossing glances. The majority of guys would really only like to: a) talk like adults, b) ask you to please step aside so we can get to the bartender, or c) continue being subconsciously aware of your existence but actively thinking about nothing. Indifference, the ultimate villainy."

60. We want black and white, so stop giving us grey.

"I read a quote once that said something to the effect of: 'Guys want black and white and girls can only give grey.' Please stop making this fucking true."

61. Don’t look for insults in everything we say to you.

"If I say something to you, and it could possibly be interpreted multiple ways, I didn’t mean the one that pisses you off. Don’t look for insults in everything someone says to you."

62. We start to shut down when all the romance is coming from our end.

"We like to be wooed as well. We start to shut down when all the romance is coming from our end."

63. Women change and men don’t.

"Men fall for women and expect them never to change. But they do. Women fall for men and want to change them. But they don't."

64. We’ll probably go with the girl that jerks us around the least.

"A little mystery & drawn-out flirting is good, but seriously, don't let it go on too long. Most guys are talking to more than one girl. Talking, not banging. And we’ll probably go with the one that jerks us around the least. Also when you asked what we’re thinking about & we say ‘nothing,' we are not lying."

65. If we ask you to play a video game with us, that means we really like you.

"If a man asks you to play a video game with him, and actually takes the time and patience to teach you how to play it, he really fucking likes you and wants to spend HOURS of quality time with you."

66. A man who treats waiters with respect is trustworthy.

"A man who treats people who have 'lower status' (e.g., waiters) with respect is trustworthy. A man who does not is not."

67. Men are actually very, very good listeners.

"Men are actually very, very good listeners. We pay attention to what you actually say. If you say 'yes' but you meant 'no,' then the breakdown of communication is with you, not us. It’s really not our responsibility to learn what you really mean when you say something completely different."

68. We think in boxes.

"Our manner of thinking is pretty different from women’s. The best analogy I have heard is that men think in boxes: If you want to talk about camping, we will take out the camping box; if you want to talk about houses, we put the camping box away and pull out the housing box. There is one box that has nothing in it and, if given the choice, that is the box we will go to every time and literally think about nothing. The nothing box is our favorite one."

69. Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what we want to do

"Just because we both have the day off doesn't mean we have to fill it with shit to do. Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what I want to do."

70. Women are hornier than men.

"You are hornier than us. Fuck what they told you. It’s true."

71. Never, ever call our penis ‘cute.’

"I'm surprised by the lack of penis knowledge most women possess, so here’s some information.
1. When we pee, it’s not this magical stream that starts and stops without dripping, and it doesn’t always shoot in a straight line. It can, and sometimes will, shoot out in multiple directions simultaneously at times. We’re not peeing on the seat on purpose, and it’s as frustrating to us as it is to you.
2. Like the joke by Dane Cook, our penis is kind of like an amoeba. It’s constantly changing shape, and you never really know what he’s going to look like at any given time.
3. To add on to the above post, let’s also talk about shrinkage. When we’re dehydrated, been swimming in the pool, or have just been generally very active, he’s going to be a shadow of himself when released to the world. We’re literally talking 1/3 to 1/4 (sometimes even below) his full size. This is expected, but still a bit emasculating. Be an adult.
4. Never, ever, call him cute. Unless you want to talk about how big he is, don’t say a word."

72. We are much simpler than you think we are.

"We are much simpler than you think we are. 'When you hear hoofbeats, think Horses, not Zebras.'"

73. We get annoyed when we find out you told your best friends our confidential secrets.

"We get annoyed when we find out your best friends know everything about our relationship, including the secrets we told you in confidentiality."


"GIRLS. CAN. ASK. GUYS. OUT. I cannot tell you how often it gets asked on Yik Yak at my university or I overhear girls deliberating over it with their friends if they can ask a guy out."

75. Don’t look for hidden meaning in what we say.

"That men really don’t have anything behind what they’re saying. Like, if you’re going out to dinner and he says, 'That’s an interesting dress,' literally he means it’s interesting. He doesn’t mean that it’s ugly, he doesn’t mean that you look fat, that your hair is ugly, that you have a nasty pimple on your chin, he really just thinks your dress is interesting. All the while you’re overanalyzing what he’s saying and thinking of 400 different meanings to what he said, he’s onto thinking about what he wants to eat at the restaurant."

76. When we say, 'I love you,' we mean it.

"When you say, 'I love you,' I’m not always going to parrot it back. The reason is because love isn’t a Pavlovian response. When I say, 'I love you' it is with thoughtful intent. I want my 'I love yous' to have meaning.

77. Hints don’t work.

"Hints don’t work. If you want something, ask for it. If you expect him to read your mind, you’re going to be disappointed a lot."

78. Don’t try to make us jealous.

"Don’t try to make us jealous by pretending to like other guys. A lot of guys will just back off if they think you’re into someone else."

79. We listen to your problems so we can solve them.

"If you ask us for advice, we will give you what we believe to be the best course of action. 90% of the time you will ignore us. 95% of the time you will think it’s stupid. But 99% of the time, it will be the simplest, most direct method to solve the problem. That’s what we do, we listen to your problems to solve them. It’s not what you want, but it’s what you get."

80. Don’t wait for us to initiate sex.

"If you want to have sex, don’t wait for men to initiate. If a man always has to initiate into sex he will feel like you don’t want it and just do it because you make him feel good but don’t actually feel any pleasure yourself.

Also , when initiating, be pretty straightforward or use very obvious hints because we don’t get it. If you start touching a guy’s dick and he doesn’t understand that you want to have sex, yeah, that’s wrong. But if you give some sort of glance or just say something like, 'Oh, it’s been a long day' and we’re supposed to work from there to understand that you want to have sex that’s not gonna work."

81. A lot of us want a woman that will make us feel loved.

"A lot of us want a woman that will make us feel loved, not one who just gets loved."

82. Sometimes we just like to be alone.

"Sometimes men just like to be alone; it’s not that we’re angry with you or ignoring you, we just like to be alone occasionally."

83. Don’t tell your friends about our sexual secrets.

"If we tell you something about our sexual history or sexual predilections, it doesn’t mean we actually want to talk about or hear about it every time you think about it. We opened up enough to tell you some kooky, borderline stuff we did in the past; leave it alone, don’t bring it up, and definitely don’t bring it up lightly or use it as ammunition during an argument, and what’s more don’t tell your friends about it. This is personal stuff, and at some point grown-up relationships should be about integrity, mutual respect, and trust—even beyond the bounds of the relationship."

84. Give us feedback during sex.

"Every vagina and their owner is different. Much like how every penis and their owner is different.

What may work for one, may not work for the other. So during sex, feel free to give feedback. Faster? Slower? Softer? Harder? Let us know what works, what doesn’t. Can we be doing things better? Tell us.

I dated one girl for over a year who told me she didn’t like how I fingered her. Seriously, she didn’t speak up about it for over a year because she felt awkward about it. So she essentially just wasted our time. If I am finger-banging or eating pussy, I’m not doing it for my sake. A little feedback and guidance isn’t going to kill my mood."

85. Constantly being on your phone while we’re out together makes us wonder why we’re actually there.

"Maybe it’s just me, but constantly being on your phone while we’re out together makes me wonder why I’m actually there."

86. If you like a guy, tell him.

"I don’t know if every guy would agree with this, but I don’t think it’s the rejection we’re afraid of. It’s the possibility of looking like some creep/loser if we ask you out and you say no. It’s the way you’ll see us from then on out that makes us afraid. The vulnerability. So honestly, if you like a guy, tell him. No guy should ever have a problem with a girl doing that; there’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t make us have to go through the whole fear of asking you out if you already want to tell us yourself."

87. Don’t blame us for things we do in YOUR dreams.

"Women of the world!!!!

Guys cannot cheat in your dreams!

Three times it happened with an ex of mine. Three times she awoke in a complete strop, of course being the ever caring SO at the time I ask what’s wrong….

Supposedly I cheated with her best friend three times in HER dreams and I’m the one to blame….

I never cheated and never thought of cheating."

88. We need time with our friends, too.

"Just because I want to spend the rest of my life with you does not mean I can’t have time with friends. Time apart is sometimes just as important as time together."

89. We shut down because arguing isn’t worth it.

"If we shut down or stop responding during an argument, it doesn’t mean we stopped caring about your feelings or that you aren’t worth talking to or that we’re ignoring you. It means we just don’t want to make the argument worse or last longer than it needs to, because chances are, the argument wasn’t worth the energy to begin with."

90. Fuck off with the hints.

"Fuck off with the hints (both, the “blatantly obvious” and subtle). We prefer direct, clear communication. Say what you mean and mean what you say."

91. Guys like being the little spoon sometimes, too.

"Guys like being the little spoon sometimes, too."

92. Our legs are a Venus flytrap for our dicks.

"When we’re spreading our legs, it’s most likely because our balls are uncomfortable. Side note, our legs are a Venus flytrap for our dicks."

93. We don’t get tired of your boobs.

"We don’t get tired of your boobs. It’s a joy to see them literally every time. The same with touching them. You might not understand it…frankly, I don’t think we do, either. But for straight men, boobs are the physical embodiment of joy. I’ve been with my SO for almost a decade and my eyes still up light every time. I’m not a very emotive person, but she’s noted my look of genuine happiness when I see them."

94. Don’t assume that we wanna cheat on you with our female friends.

"Two things:
1. Unless you have a specific reason, don’t assume that we wanna cheat on you with our female friends. It can be a little insulting.
2. Men are very literal. If we tell you we love you or that you’re beautiful, we tend to mean exactly that."

95. Even if you hit us playfully, it still hurts.

"Just because a man is physically bigger than you doesn’t mean that punching, kicking, or slapping him doesn’t hurt—even if it’s done playfully. We aren’t trees or rocks. Pain still hurts."

96. I'm not obligated to still be as attracted to you if you get fat and unhealthy.

"I'm not obligated to still be as attracted to you if you get fat and unhealthy. I feel this goes both ways."

96. When we break up, please keep the jewelry we gave you.

"When a breakup does happen don’t go trying to give back things we gave to you e.g., jewelry, etc.
A) we find it hurtful, like there is no sentimental value to our time together.
B) what am I gonna do with girls’ jewelry/stuff?
C) it may just end up coming across like you are trying to intentionally cause us pain by giving such things back, like a reminder of your existence."

98. The older we get, the less time we’re willing to spend “chasing” you.

"The older we get, the less time we’re willing to spend ‘chasing’ you. If I’m interested, and you’re interested, there should be no reason for you to still be playing hard to get and taking longer than two requests for your time to agree to a date. Either commit or tell me you’re not interested. I’m 30. Dating at this age consists of ‘Are we doing this or not? I got shit to do.’"

99. If you bring us problems, we will offer solutions.

"If you bring us problems, we will offer solutions. That is our way of showing that we have listened and that we care."

100. We don’t run the world.

"There is a mountain of men that are really struggling. We don’t run the world. In fact, a very large percentage of us will kill ourselves. 79% of suicides are males (US). White males represent 70% of suicides overall.

And yet, not a single candidate seems to be expressing any desire to combat any of this. As have no candidates in decades.

The Men’s Rights movement is something that seems to piss off a lot of people. But this is one of our biggest concerns. Personally, I get very upset when I hear economically debunked wage gap lies perpetrated repeatedly, year-after-year. Wage gap. #HeForShe. #BringBackOurGirls. Mansplaining. Manspreading. Alarming rate of suicide in males? Crickets. Massively disproportionate rates of violent crime? BORING. Schoolboys being burned alive or forced into being child soldiers? #BringBackOurBoys? HA! More like #BringBackMyKardashians, am I right!?

There is a vast lack of perspective missing from today’s social justice warriors, corrupt politicians, and ideologues. Men are struggling. Boys are struggling. Worldwide, even.


In the past week, the woman who once claimed, 'Women have always been the primary victims of war' made another sexist plea to further denigrate the worth of male life. In spite of the FACT that women receive 63% (SIXTY-THREE PERCENT) lighter sentences than men for the same crime if they are prosecuted at ALL, Hillary Clinton feels that the criminal justice system is unfair…to women. Because putting women in prison takes them away from their families. And, obviously, men being away from their families is no big deal.

Advocates for the acknowledgement of men’s issues do not hate you, women. But I do hate every last harpy that has shouted down people (men, women, trans alike) just trying to speak about men’s struggles. I do hate the COUNTLESS 'not-true' feminists I see littering Twitter with continued attempts to minimize men’s issues, or proudly posting their #MaleTears selfies. I DON’T hate, but proudly champion, the amazing women that ARE trying to bring light to these issues. The kinds of women who DON’T just sit there when their friends are all joking about how men are worthless or only good for one thing (thanks, wife, for calling out double standards).

And that’s why I don’t hate women. Like most MRAs. We love women. We’ve most likely been raised by amazing women, grown up with them as siblings, dated and married them. There are mountains of you that are NOT the problem. But we need your help. We need your cooperation and insistence on fact-based politics, not gender-based. The wage gap continues to be an issue liberal candidates will espouse, in the face of economic and statistical proof to the illegitimacy of the argument, simply because a large percentage of people seem to want to hear it. There is a race, it seems, to victimhood. Who am I to judge most things, but I feel fairly confident in saying that the prevention of male suicide and homelessness deserves more of our airtime, advertising, outreach, and funding than a wage gap myth that is repeatedly debunked under the slightest bit of academic scrutiny (or at the very least, reduced to a range that is within a standard margin of error).

This simple belief will undoubtedly be met with shouts of 'misogyny.' I am a misogynist simply for prioritizing a concrete, factual narrative that prioritizes a life-and-death issue." TC mark

16 Restaurant Servers Reveal The Worst Thing They’ve Ever Done To A Customer

Posted: 17 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz


"I once had a man from Australia who tipped $1.07 on a bill that was about a hundred dollars. I was honestly FLOORED. It was like a 1% tip. I'm not sure what the tipping rules are like in the land down under, but that is not kosher in New York City. After the meal, he went for a drink at the bar. I bribed the bartender to 'accidentally' spill beer on his crotch. It was worth the $20."

— Marisa


"Once, about midway through the meal, a man I was serving made a disgustingly blunt pass at me. Like, he reached over and straight-up caressed my thigh as I was leaning in to pour him more wine. I told my manager, who, thank goodness, actually wasn't a perv (which is hard to come by in the restaurant industry), and the manager charged him for the meal, wrapped it up in a to-go box, and then escorted him right out the door. It was liberating."

— Sara


"I once accidentally charged a customer for someone else's much more expensive bill. When you're weeded (server speak for 'swamped'), and you're running around, and you have five four-tops, shit gets kind of crazy. I was running two cards at once for two different tables, and I ran the cards for the wrong tables. One bill was significantly higher than the other, and I didn't realize it until after both parties left. So I crazily overcharged one of my parties of four, and undercharged the other. I never told anyone about it, because I knew my manager would be furious."

— Dustin


"I was working at a sports bar, and a group of my friends came in to drink and watch the game. It's really fucking annoying when all of your friends can just kick back and watch football, and you have to be waiting on them. It made me feel like I wasn't part of the group, I was just the waiter. I'm not particularly proud of this, but I spit in their wings. And then instead of wrapping up their leftovers, I told them I couldn't, and let the staff eat the (non-spit-on) wings."

— Sam


"I hate serving kids under 5 or 6. Children are pretty much the worst thing to ever happen to career servers. This is probably not only the worst thing I've done in my career, it's also the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I (very lightly) spiked one of the kids' sprites. I just threw in the tiniest bit of vodka, because it's odorless. The kid was fine, but definitely got quieter, and I'm sure he slept the whole car ride home. To be honest, I'm 90% sure I did those parents a favor."

— Emily


"This isn't particularly bad, but for a lot of last summer, I ate customers' leftovers. I worked at a high-end pizza shop in Boston, and whenever customers would only eat one slice of pizza on a fairly large pie, and then not want to take it home, I hated to just throw it out. So, I'd help myself to a couple slices for dinner, and then toss it."

— Jake


"I gave a really hot customer my number on his bill once. He told me he thought it was super inappropriate of me. Needless to say, we didn't see each other again."

— Laura


"I ACCIDENTALLY served someone undercooked veal parm. I was so thankful when the customer caught it. We had line cooks, not chefs, at my restaurant, and sometimes they just slipped up. I brought the parm over, and the guest called me over a minute later and told me to look at the veal. I was horrified. I apologized profusely, brought my manager over, he comped the whole meal, and the manager chewed out the cook in the back room. I didn't make any money off their table, and it wasn't even my fault."

— Han Yee


"My manager forced me to come in and do my shift once when I was sick. I was so furious at her that, out of pure malice, I sneezed on her employee meal before serving it to her. No regrets. She deserved it."

— JC


"I used to work at an expensive steak house, similar to Capital Grille, but in California. Every once and a while, we would do these elaborate meals that were five courses, and each course came with wine pairings. It was really expensive — $85/person, I think. I did the whole meal using the the wrong wine. Oooooooops."

— Dianna


"We used to host an eating competition at the place I worked at, and even though it was the grossest tradition ever, you got a bonus if, as a server, you convinced someone to do it. I used the shamelessly flirt with the guys that came in to get them to do it, and I held the record for 'most guests who attempted the challenge.' Each bonus was about $30, and overall, I'd say I brought in an extra $500 (over the course of a few years) by convincing people to do this wing-eating challenge. Sorry, guys."

— Kay


"I love serving, because it's a great way to make money, but still have flexible schedule. However, something that absolutely kills me is that being a woman in the service industry inevitably means working with asshole managers. A couple of times, on particularly hard days, I told my customers how shitty my manager was being to me, mainly to play the sympathy card and get extra tips. It's so unprofessional and exploitative of me, and I feel shitty for taking slight advantage of people's generosity. But I have to admit, the 30% tips were really nice."

— Toby


"I used to work at a fries and burger place, and let's just say, I've seen some shit. I never personally did anything to a customer, but I've seen a coworker drop a few fries on the floor, throw them back into the bowl, and still serve them."

— Will


"I've served a few alcoholic drink with almost no booze in them. Some of those overly fruity mixed drinks have, like, less than a shot of alcohol in them. Once, the guy working at the bar came up to me and said we were out of the vodka my guest wanted. Instead of going back and asking what kind of vodka the customer would like instead, I just had him make it without booze entirely, cause the customer had been a dick to me."

— Jared


"My manager used to have video cameras around our restaurant — even behind the counter so he could catch us if we sat down for even a minute. I thought it was such a violation that I literally used to do things just to fuck with the manager. I once told my table (who I knew) that they were on camera, and had them all wave in the direction of the camera. It was pretty screwed up that I got them involved, but I couldn't help it."

— Kathy


"Once, we were short staffed, and I couldn't find our line cook anywhere. It was driving me crazy. My table had been waiting for their main meals for 30 minutes, and they were starting to get really pissed. So I went into the kitchen, and made the meals. The recipes are so simple, I've made stuff in the kitchen before, and I'd been working there for years. So the dishes came out fine, but I'll never get over the fact that I once served customers food that I made myself. They really seemed to enjoy their meal, though. And luckily, no one ever caught me."

— Jenn TC mark

The First Step To Being Okay Is Admitting When You’re Not

Posted: 17 May 2016 11:00 AM PDT

alison rose
alison rose

Everything around me was buzzing. There was lively chatter. There were people everywhere. But I felt nothing. I felt numb and alone. And as the lump in my throat formed I knew what was coming. I was going to cry and as someone who doesn't cry often it was a foreign feeling.

I knew my depression and anxiety were giving me shit. I could feel it when I woke up in the morning and I was starting to forget the reason I was even here anymore. Then the affixation of if I made the right decision sets in. I focus on it and tear it apart as I try to ease my mind and give me some temporary relief. But it wasn't going to come as easy this time.

I hate when people say you're fine or you'll be fine. I know I'm fine but I don't want to be just fine. I want to feel happy. Even as I sat in one of the most beautiful cities in the world with amazing people I had just met, I wondered if this was it. If this is what my life was going to be for the rest of my days. If I was going to have to keep moving, keep meeting new people to feel the momentary high that makes everything worth it.

I was always good at faking my smile. I think it's because it's the only thing that came natural. Even in the saddest, most uncomfortable moments there is always a smile plastered on my face. And maybe that's what confuses people. Maybe I'm not able to open up and tell people that right now I'm struggling so hard to just stay afloat. To continue to look at myself in the mirror and not hate the reflection and fake smile looking back at me.

I was tired of being nice. I just wanted to be mean. To be angry. But I wasn't ever allowed to be angry. As soon as my personality changed from bubbly to even slightly upset, people treated me as if I had a disease and they would actively avoid me or bombard me with questions. I hated feeling like I could never be anything but happy because it would burden the rest of the world.

So I hide it. I don't tell people the shit that hurts or confront the assholes who've taken advantage. I bury it down deep until it explodes out in self-hatred. How could I be so stupid to let people come into my life, take what they need and go again? How could I think that my life would fix itself if I don't ever want to confront the issues?

That's the thing about reflection. Sometimes the deeper you dig the more things you see that you don't like. Things you desperately want to change. Memories you didn't want to ever think of again. Or the people who hurt you but you still don't hate and probably won't ever. Because hating them would take away from hating yourself.

I hate giving people advice anymore. It felt so cheesy and hypocritical to tell people how to be happy when I couldn't even do it for myself. I don't mind listening to people who are upset but I feel like I have nothing to offer them but tired old clichΓ©s and sympathetic nods. I didn't even know who I wanted to be anymore let alone be able to give someone what they need right now.

So what happens when you get so deep down the tunnel that digging yourself out seems like an impossible task?

I think you give yourself a fucking break.

That's it. Give yourself a break. Worry about nothing but yourself. The people who love you will always be there if they are truly meant to be. Self-care is never selfish. It's also OK to just not be always happy. Know that you're resilient and that in time you'll get back to yourself.

This is the time when I need to take my own advice and give myself a break even though right now all I want to do is tear myself down. Eventually, one by one, I'll get back to me. But it takes time and I'm starting to be OK with that. TC mark