Thought Catalog

Regular Dates Are out, SuperDates Are In: Here’s Why They Make Your Relationship Stronger

Posted: 20 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT / Oleh_Slobodeniuk / Oleh_Slobodeniuk

If you're one of the many single millennials navigating the dating scene, you're likely using dating apps and going on a lot of dates. Due to the casual dating culture we sometimes feel trapped in, many of these 'dates' we get asked out on barely count as a date.

Many women complain about being offered nothing but boring and unoriginal date ideas that don't excite them. No wonder we turn down dates often. It's not just women who crave something more exceptional, though. It's very common for both men and women to be matched with someone on a dating app like Tinder, only to be invited out for an anti-climactic, unremarkable and boring date.

These non-dates are usually something painfully mediocre such as a casual cup of coffee, or even worse: 'Netflix and Chill'. These are hang outs, not dates. We deserve better. We deserve to go on SuperDates.

But what is a SuperDate? It's a special date night that strays from the mediocre and instead promises to be unforgettable, unique and special. It's an opportunity to get dressed up for once. It's up to you if you prefer an active SuperDate such as a picnic at the finish point of a beautiful hike, or a cultural outing such as a wine tasting night followed by a concert or a play. Many SuperDates also involve dining at a fancy restaurant or engaging in a unique and adventurous activity such as zip lining, spoken word poetry or improv comedy.

A new app called SuperDate is bringing back the date by introducing users to a plethora of SuperDates to choose from, which the community can rank and join. This app will give you date ideas that will impress whoever you're interested in, and help you win them over. This is the first dating app that matches users based on their shared interest in a common offline activity, and it encourages us to participate in memorable, exciting experiences that are creative and fun instead of boring and awkward.

Relationship Expert April Masini of the Ask April advice forum points out the importance of a fantastic first date in order to stand out: "First dates are sacred opportunities, and so are first impressions. They happen once, and then they're gone, and they can make or break everything. A great first impression is exponentially valuable, and so is a fantastic first date. You'll either get written off, or you'll stand out (in a good way) from the rest of their options by treating them to a memorable evening."

By discouraging the boring meet-ups at Starbucks and the amateur evenings of 'Netflix and Chill', and instead opting for a truly awesome date, SuperDates are undoubtedly the key to success in dating.

It goes without saying that we could all benefit from going on more SuperDates. Our generation is hungry for real connections, and going on a SuperDate is what's needed to build a true connection because unremarkable dates aren't enjoyable or memorable. A movie night in is just as exciting as eating a bowl of plain vanilla ice cream, but a SuperDate is the rainbow sprinkles you so desperately need in your dating life – and in that ice cream. New couples who integrate rainbow sprinkles in the form of awesome and unusual date nights dramatically increase their chances of building special memories with each other and building a strong bond compared to couples who stick with the plain vanilla-flavored date nights.

A phenomenal date can leave you feeling spell-bound, tingly all over and permanently smiling. This is the type of date promotes a special connection and chemistry. If things are going well with someone you're dating, this is the type of date that will keep that momentum going. If you're planning a first date, however, remember that a fantastic first date allows you to hit the ground running so that you stand out from everybody else.

The casual hook-up culture is depressing and unfulfilling. It's time to put chivalry, romance and excitement back into dating. The best way to form a genuine connection with someone is to build memories based on exceptional real life experiences such as SuperDates. Let's change dating for the better – we all deserve it. TC mark

11 Naughty People Share Their Deliciously Dirty Public Sex Stories

Posted: 20 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Flickr / Gabriel S. Delgado C.
Flickr / Gabriel S. Delgado C.


“My boyfriend had been studying abroad for three months, and we both agreed to keep sex between the two of us. It was HARD. When he came back, I met him at the airport and we both knew we couldn’t wait another second. We pulled each other into an airport bathroom, I sat on a toilet and opened my legs. We didn’t bother to keep it quiet, and I’m surprised we weren’t called out hahaha.”

— Jessica, 23


“My wife had been complaining that our normal sex routine was getting a little stale, and that I never wanted to “spice it up.” Not long after her complaints, we were at a department store and I was handing her stuff and back and forth in the fitting room. After handing her a blouse, I pushed myself in and began aggressively making out. She was so into it. She shoved her hand in my pants and began massaging my dick, making me rock hard.

I pulled up her skirt, and banged her right there and then. She never complained about our sex life again.”

— David, 31


“I was actually onboard a flight from Los Angeles to my family in Atlanta. I was sat next to this really cute man who was around my age. We chatted all through the boarding process and take-off. It was really clear that he was into me. Eventually he put his hand on my thigh, and I took it and placed it on my crotch. We put a blanket over us, and he fingered me through half the flight. It was really adventurous and hot and I’ve never done anything like that since!”

— Sarah, 26


“When I was 18, me and my first serious girlfriend were hanging out in a park (it was the suburbs, nothing else to do) when we were both making out super heavy. Neither of us had ever done anything before, but in that moment we were both super horny. We went to a kinda clearing a few feet in the woods and started messing around. We didn’t end up having “full” sex, but somewhere in that woods there is a tree with my discharge from a half-decent handjob.”

— Jeff, 24


“I feel like what happened to me literally only happens in fiction lol. I was in a department store shopping mall when I foot slid under my stall, on top of mine. I remember the guy who followed me into the bathroom was kinda cute, and I was kinda horny, so I went for it. He stood on the toilet and I sucked his cock until he came. It was kinda awkward, because we didn’t think there was anyone else in the bathroom when we exited the stall, but there was some guy washing his hands who saw us. yolo, I guess?

— Dylan, 19


“My husband and I were going through something of a dry spell after the birth of our first kid, but we definitely both wanted it. My mom was watching our son when we went grocery shopping, and by the time we loaded all the groceries into our car we were hot, sweaty, and frustrated. Realizing that the rest of the night would be devoted to our kid, we both looked at each other and knew we needed to get boned right there, right then. My husband pulled off his pants, and I rode him until we were both FULLY satisfied. I’m sure people saw us, but I was just too lost in the moment to care.”

— Elizabeth, 29


“Me and my boyfriend were in a local park to escape the college campus, having a late-night picnic. After we were finished eating, we cuddled and started making out. We both got very turned out, and one thing led to another, and we started having sex. When my BF was just like a few thrusts in, we were interrupted by a police officer who was on rounds in the park. I was so sure we were both going to jail! He just yelled at us and told us to get out. My boyfriend said he was probably jealous!”

— Latisha, 22


“Not sure how ‘public’ this is, but my one night my fiancee and I were swimming our pool and started getting a little grabby. I slid my hand into his swimming trunks and started feeling him up. He couldn’t handle it, and he ripped off my bikini and we f*cked right there in the pool. One of our neighbors jokingly mocked me for it the next day (we can be kinda loud), but I guess they were mostly cool with it?”

— Sam, 25


Me and my boyfriend were backpacking through Europe and staying at a hostel. The place was really shitty, like it was one huge room full of beds — like probably 60+ beds easily. We came back to our beds with more than a few drinks (and other stuff) in our system, and were both just feeling REALLY horny. We thought we were being low key, but literally seconds after sliding off my pants some older man approached our bed and said “Don’t even think about disturbing my sleep tonight.”

The guy had a knife dangling on his chest, attached to some kind of necklace. We quickly decided to just go to bed.”

— L.M, 26


“I was on spring break with some of my old friends (who were all complete assholes). They spent the entire trip completely shitting on me, just totally ragging on everything about me (I’m ugly, unattractive, fat whatever). I don’t even know why I went with them.

On the trip with us was this drop-dead gorgeous girl named Lily. She was literally every guy’s eye-candy, and we became close. It was during our last day of vacation, and we were hanging out on the beach when she asked me why I tolerated my “friends” talking to me the way they did. I just shrugged, and said I didn’t really have a choice.

“Want to make them really jealous?” She asked with a mischievous smile.

I didn’t know what she meant, but right there, in full view of the ENTIRE group, she slipped my dick out of my swim trunks and started sucking it until I came. It was the hottest thing that has ever happened to me. We didn’t talk much after that trip, but GOD DAMN that made the whole stupid trip worth it.”

— Carter, 21


“I had a class with my girlfriend during our senior year of college. We decided to do what a lot of seniors do, and “sneaky drink” during class. We sat in the back row of the lecture hall, and the alcohol made us extremely horny. Before I knew it, we were in the back rubbing each other off. It was kinda insane, really.”

— Mark, 23 TC mark

16 People Describe That Mortifying Time They Got Walked In On During Sex

Posted: 20 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Adrianna Calvo

1. "My summer boyfriend and I were getting busy on the dock of his lake cabin and his aunt and uncle had been out in the water. They boated up while we were fucking on the dock, so I jumped into the lake and like… waved." – Samantha, 27

2. "I was out at a beach one night with a girl and it was around 11. The beach closed at sundown and we were in my car and I didn't see or hear a cop until he knocked on my window, shined his flashlight in my car and saw her giving me head." – Brian, 28

3. "I was on a cruise ship and there was some definite sexual tension with me and this guy I met. The last night we were on the ship we waited until it was really late and started hooking up on the very front of the cruise ship. We were 69ing when a group of people we didn't hear came walking right up to us. It was absolutely humiliating, I was so unbelievably happy to get off the ship the next morning and never see any of those people again." – Holly, 23

4. "I ditched school to have sex with this girl in one of my classes and while I was having sex in the library parking lot at my high school a cop pulled up to us. He ended up taking us to the station and we had to call our parents and have them pick us up because we were minors. I also had to pay a $500 fine, through all my moms yelling I still think it was worth it looking back at the story now." – Dave, 25

5. "My mom caught me having sex with my boyfriend in the backseat of my car. She opened up the door, dragged me out by my hair and said "pull up your pants you little slut," before slapping me in the face. She made me go pack my stuff up from camp and drove me back home, and the next day made me tell my nana what I did." – Sarah, 20

6. "My boyfriends mom got home from work early one day when we were having sex. She came into his room and obviously knew what was going on, so she weirdly got under the blankets and started talking to us for about three minutes before she got up and left the room. It was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life." – Michelle, 24

7. "In high school I used to sneak this guy into my bedroom window at my parents house. It was a regular thing, but my brother woke up one night and for some reason tried to come into my room, but the door was locked. It was still enough of a scare for the guy I was hooking up with the run into my closet butt ass naked and hide in fear for a good 10 minutes." – Bella, 23

8. "I was having sex with this girl in my buddies bathroom and we ordered take out. He kept banging on the door asking about how we were going to pay, even though I'm pretty sure he knew I was in there with her. He finally banged open the door saw me balls deep in her and proceeded to ask about the payment. Cheap bastard couldn't have just paid the delivery dude and worried about it later." – Mark, 31

9. "I was really drunk one night walking home with the guy I've been wanting to hook up with for a while now. He kept grabbing me and flirting with me on the walk that we ended up having sex on someone's front yard. It was dark out until they came storming out of their house the light on. They called the cops, we book it and ran away as fast as we could." – Bri, 26

10. "This girl I was hooking up with at the time invited me to her house, her parents weren't home so I went, obviously. She was under the covers giving me head her mom barged in her room. I started panicking and hit her in the head when she came up and saw her mom. He mom started flipping shit and kicked me out. That blow job wasn't worth me trying to go back there ever again either." – Kyle, 29

11. "My girlfriend and I told the other people we were with we were going to get snacks, but instead we just went into the room next door to hook up. The room didn't have a door and she was on her knees giving me head when I saw one of the girls walk past us looking for us. She didn't notice us so I didn't tell my gf because I didn't want her to stop. She ended up walking back past the room and saw us and gasped. It ended up being really awkward, but apparently she just really wanted snacks." – Nick, 26

12. "I was at a concert and really horny so I started having sex with my boyfriend in a place I thought was private, mind you I was drunk. Anyways we were going to town and the truck that was in front of us pulled out and all the sudden everyone saw me bend over against a tree and started cheering. Good thing everyone else was drunk too, but it was extremely embarrassing and our friends still wont let it go." – Katie, 27

13. "I got caught having sex in the hospital. My girlfriend was visiting me, I just had a minor surgery nothing serious. While the curtain was closed and it was just us in the room she got on top of me and we started having sex. The nurse did not like what she saw when she pulled back the curtain. She yelled at me for doing activity and I've never seen my girlfriend so uncomfortable." – Brent, 32

14. "My grandpa walked in on me having sex it was so terrible I started crying and he said he couldn't even look at me. It literally broke my heart, I still think he only things of me in doggy style because I think that's why he has such a hard time looking at me." – Lilly, 21

15. "I thought having sex on my roof was a good idea, until the cops came and fined me for indecent exposure. It also really scratched up my back. The thrill factor was high though." – Mike, 29

16. "My kids walked in on me and their father having sex. Let me tell you, it isn't any less awkward than walking in on your kids, especially when they start screaming "ew, gross." Embarrassing." – Marla, 35 TC mark

The Pain Of Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

Posted: 20 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT


I always wanted to write about you.
About how your eyes sparkle like stardust in my dark room.
About your smile that gave me so many butterflies in my stomach.
About how I remember you as I listen to John Waite sing, “Missing You.”
About how you brought euphoria to my life with every mention of your name.
About how I keep telling myself to love you until I don’t need you anymore.

But, you see… I always run of words to describe these things.
I always find myself speechless every time I try.

You came to my life without warning; I just woke up one morning tasting the cherry flavored lip balm you left on my lips. I allowed myself to indulge in your misery, to the power of your warm body. As I stand in front of the mirror, looking at the young man, the innocent naked man, I whisper to myself,

“How could you allow someone to do these things to you? Wake up!”

I tried to ignore the fact that I’m falling, because I know too much about falling in love. When you’re in love, you allow yourself to be blinded of the reality.

It’s like a drug, it gives you a temporary pleasure and you don’t like to be temporary. It’s giving someone the authority to break your heart while you’re sitting in the corner watching.

Love is a big NO to me because I don’t like to be one of those millennials who are so miserably broken by it.

But darling, I didn’t use the knowledge I have with love because you simply took that away from me.

You gave me hope to still believe.

I was naive and honest.
To you it’s a game; to me it isn’t.

You decided to just play it cool while I was drowning in you.
You said that I was young and this was just lust.
Lust? I wonder how could you call this lust when all we did was love?
How could you just tell me that? When all I did was think about you all night?

But anyway,

Thank you, because you never fell in love with me when I thought you were all I needed.

Thank you, because you only loved me when you needed me and turn your back when you didn’t.

Thank you, because while I was begging you to appreciate me, you never did.

Thank you, because you taught me that I was so stupid for loving you.

Thank you, for showing me that love is selfless; love is not asking anything in return.

Darling, I was innocent and young.

We both needed inspiration and motivation in our lives, and sadly we didn’t fall in any of the two. We’re just humans who’re still learning what to do with the mysteries and wonders of the world we live in.

We’re still learning how to handle storms and hurricanes.

The bitter truth is, I couldn’t write about you because all I want to say is, FUCK YOU. Those two words are enough, enough to make me feel better. You allowed me to love you but you’re too arrogant and too afraid for commitments. I was so stupid for allowing you to come inside my house and treat you like a queen, but you left me with nothing but tears.

Thank you, because loving someone who doesn’t love you has made me strong, has made me see what I deserve, has helped me let go.

Thank you, for changing my perception of love.
Thank you, Darling. TC mark

An Open Letter To The Emotionally Unavailable Man

Posted: 20 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

 Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

First let me ask you this: Are you aware that you are emotionally unavailable? Or does it only hit you when the girls you led on start falling for you?

Did you know that with every sweet message you sent her, with every nice compliment you gave her and with every romantic date you took her out on, she was getting attached?

Did you know that she started looking forward to your texts and your compliments and looking forward to seeing you?

Did you know that she opened up to you because she thought you cared, because she thought you wanted to know and because she thought you were going to stay in her life; at least for a while?

Did you know that when you told her that you're not on the same page, she was already finishing the chapter?

Sometimes I think you know and you just don't care because all you want to do is feed your ego not your heart. You want to know that you can make any girl fall for you but you don't know how to fall for her the same way because that was not the purpose of talking to her. It was about you; you wanted to feel good about yourself and you had something to prove to yourself.

It was a game for you; a game you only wanted to win, a game you got so good at that it’s become second nature to you and a game you didn't want to replay once it was over because you were so busy looking for the next one.

And sometimes I think you don't know, I think you want to believe that you are available but once it gets to a point where you have to make a decision, you realize that you are not. And I like to believe that you feel bad about it, that you feel guilty about hurting other people; people who cared about you and that you are trying hard to understand where the problem is so you can fix it.

I want to believe that you are looking for love too but you just don't know how to get over your fears, your insecurities and you don't want anyone to get in the way of your plans and your dreams. I really want to believe that. I want to believe that emotionally unavailable is another term for lost not another term for heart breaker.

But whether you know it or not; my question remains why? Why get yourself into something you're unsure of and hurt someone else along the way? Why try to win someone over when you’re still not over the one you lost?

Why take someone on a ride when you don't know where you're going? Why would you convince someone to jump off a cliff when you're the one who is afraid of falling? Why open someone's heart when yours is breaking?

I wonder if you ask yourself these questions and if you found the answers. I would suggest you keep trying to find these answers away from people's hearts, find your reasons away from people's feelings and find your pleasure away from someone else's pain.

Because if you can be honest with yourself, you will be honest with her and if you can be honest with yourself, you will know that she deserves someone who is ready to give her what she really deserves and you wouldn't have even tried.

But don't keep trying if you're not ready, don't keep trying because you're lonely and don't keep trying if you know that you will end up breaking her heart and don't keep trying to make someone love you when you don't know what love is. TC mark

You Are My Forever And Always

Posted: 20 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT

I believe it was Monday afternoon, we went straight to my place just right after school. We agreed to have some street food after we put our back packs down. We decided to eat something grilled – oh, our favorite! I wanted some coconut juice, but we ended up drinking some sodas – though you know I should start cutting them out. It was a usual day until we reached back home, my sister was at the door, probably waiting for me to deliver the news, the news I refused to share with you right away, the news that started the domino fall of us.

"The petition papers were approved, we're leaving in more or less than a year," not her exact words, but her exact thought. I was crying when I got back beside you.

"What's wrong?" You asked, wiping my tears, placing your arms around me, kissing my forehead,

"Nothing serious. Just promise me we'll work things out no matter what," I answered looking right at you. You looked puzzled that time, don't know what I was talking about.

"Is it final? Is there a way for you to stay? How 'bout your studies?" And then you looked at me – oh, your sad eyes, baby. You hugged me tighter, kissed my lips for a second, "How about us? Our plans?" More like you are talking to yourself that time than me. I told you nothing will change. That was the time we began to screw things up.

Months passed by, things changed, you changed. You started choosing your friends over me all the time; you started lying regarding your whereabouts; you started have a life without me. All along I thought we can work things out. Months left 'til I leave, I thought we are getting stronger. Well, I'll be damned.

You decided that things are going out of our control, you said you can't take the fact that you're causing me pain without intending to anymore, that's when you told me the bullshit cliché, "there is a right time for us, not now, but someday when we're both capable to accept our differences." I thought it was the same break up we were having all the time. But, hell, you never came back. Sure enough will never come back for you have yourself a new baby girl.

Months ago, I went home. I thought maybe if we could meet, talk things through, I'll get you back, but then again, I'll be damned. You said, "I'm not here to say sorry. I know you are so used to them by now," right then and there I knew I'm not getting you back soon, or not at all, I guess.

I was drunk all the time, kissed someone to endure the pain, fooled myself that I love someone else. Right when I was being happy about my life, truth punched me right at my face, I still love you, and still not over you.

You gave me reasons to stay in love with you for all those years, and I still have the same reasons now. You were the only person who could pull successful surprises for me; you made me feel like a damn princess; you kept up with my dramas in life.

More than a year after calling it quits, mistakes were made, wounds are healed – well, at least yours – time has passed. I want to thank you, for that Monday afternoon, for all the days you loved me true, for all the things you eased to keep up with my bizarre life. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong, and be there for myself. You are, and will always be, my forever and always. TC mark

You Are A Daughter Of Christ

Posted: 20 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Dawn Ashley
Dawn Ashley

You are a daughter of Christ. Do you know how wonderful that is? That means no matter where you wander, what obstacles cross your path, or how broken you feel—you are loved.

Fully. Unconditionally. Forever.

Know this: God chose you. Christ died for you.

There is a Savior that knows every little thing about you, from how many hairs are on your head, to how bitten-down your cuticles are, to how fast your heart beats when you run into that guy with the wire-frame glasses and cute smile at the bookstore.

This God knows your flaws and your failures; He knows the dark places you try to hide and the regrets you bury under the surface.

He knows the times you've given your heart to a man who didn't love you. He knows the moments you were impure. He knows the words you've spoken dishonestly, when you've said one thing and done another. But He also has stood by you in your moments of success and triumph, when the biggest smile stretched across your beautiful face.

He knows your ups and downs, your highs and lows—and all these things make Him smile, make Him proud, make Him care for you more and more.

He loves you so incredibly much.

And as long as you believe that His son gave His life for your sins, He will never, ever stop loving you.

So what does it mean to be a daughter of Christ? It means someone to turn to when life feels overwhelming, it means a sense of peace when all hope is lost, it means security and sanctuary, it means love even on your worst days.

It means faith and a community of believers.
It means an eternal life when these days are over.

Being a daughter of Christ means that you have a forever father in Heaven.

Someone who is dependable and strong, someone who will not leave you or forsake you, even if you disappoint Him time and time again.

Being a daughter of Christ means that you have the greatest love one could ever provide.

More whole than any boyfriend, more complete than any husband, more persistent and passionate and perfect than you will find in any relationship, any marriage.

Being a daughter of Christ means never feeling, never being alone. For He is with you. Always.

So please seek refuge in Him and take ahold of His promise. Trust that He will be one you can turn to, because you can, no matter what. Know that His word is true and honest and lean into His love. Open your heart to Him and accept His son. Believe that someone loved you so much that they would die to make you sinless, blameless.

You are a daughter of Christ.

And He is longing to love you. Let Him in. TC mark

When Nice Girls Fall For Fuckboys

Posted: 20 May 2016 01:01 PM PDT


I fell for a fuckboy in this ridiculous hookup culture. Funny how that confession almost sounds like closure, like it's an explanation for why everything happened. It's an excuse for you to act the way you did because that's just the way it is—the way it is until maybe one day it's not. You're the one that gets to choose which side to stand on, and I'm supposed to accept that. If I get hurt, I should've known better, and if it works out…well that never really happens.

Guys like you get this label because you make us girls angry. We fume from what you put us through and especially the way you left. But mostly, we're mad because we remember how happy you made us… and that's the worst part. For some reason, for a moment in time, the player decided to change his ways. He found a girl that was worth it. I felt worth it. Thank you, because you made me feel amazing and continued to do so during the initial saga of whatever we were.

We never had a label and I never thought we needed one. Wanting to be together was enough. At least for me it was. But soon guys like you begin to assume we have expectations and start focusing on excuses to avoid fulfilling them. Deep down we all know if you want to be with someone, you find a way. You've known this yet you kept me around regardless. As if you're teasing me of a future until you wish to exchange me for a better one with a better girl. Like you're doing me a favor.

Soon time between interactions grow until my phone becomes my biggest insecurity. Our finale is inevitable and I just don't have the strength to let you go.

The end was vague and irritating. It always is with these things. There's no real closure and there's still few attempts of chitchat so you can keep me holding on. You convince yourself this spares my feelings, when really the ambiguity tempts a possible future. Since we were never "officially" together, you rid yourself of any guilt and leave me frustrated for feeling so hurt. As if I don't have a right to be. You diminished my confidence and self-worth and got off scot-free, all because of a technicality. You were in it for the chase and left me branded in a pool of your conquests…the backup plans you've secured in case of emergency.

What's worse is I let you. I foolishly thought that I was worth it.

It's taken me a while to accept who you really are, to see the flaws in whatever this was that you masked with phony affection. But really, I don't think you're a fuckboy at all. I think you're a coward. Your fear of commitment is contradicted by your fear of ending up alone. You assume drunk chitchats show you care, when really it makes you spineless. You think nothing ended because "technically" we were nothing from the start…and maybe I held a bit too long on that. Losing you may have hurt, but I knew officially moving on and accepting we were over was going to be terrifying. But unlike you, I'm no coward.

It's no use to hold on to maybes and "oh-but-that-one-times"; it's scary to let go, but when I did…I felt relief. After months of telling myself you weren't worth it, I finally believed it too. I don't forgive you, but I'm over it. I don't hate you, I've just moved on from how I felt. At last.

Good guys may finish last, but great girls just get screwed over.

It's only when we've had enough when we understand why it needed to happen. Playing it safe, trying to be cool, and keeping distance all just waste time. Refusing to partake doesn't mean we'll end up alone, it means we have standards. Soon we laugh at your "i mIsse u" message—GOD why did we ever fall for that? And finally, we learn that our good guys won't care about what seems cool, or excuses, or the chase, because great girls are worth it. I'm worth it. And we needed you to show us that.

I still can't help but wonder who you'll eventually end up with. Is it a girl you change for, or the only girl that's left? I hope one day you realize the rarity of our connection and value it.

Thank you for teaching me to find some one who will. TC mark

Everyone’s Obsessed With ‘Adulting’ And I’m Tired Of Pretending I Give A Fuck

Posted: 20 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

 Chel Hirons
Chel Hirons

I had my first quarter-life crisis this year.

While traveling Southeast Asia, I contracted a nasty case of Dengue Fever and spent a week cooped up in a hotel room in Cambodia, wondering if I was doing it all wrong.

You see, for a long time I was doing adulthood right. I had a nice apartment and a serious boyfriend. I had a 9-5 job in an office and a comfortable amount of savings in the bank. My life was laid out the way every twenty-something dreamed theirs to be, except for one thing: I was miserable.

At the risk of sounding horribly cliché, I've never been the 9-5 type. The daily grind drives me mad. Monogamous relationships make me feel claustrophobic.

Doing things the way my parent's generation did them makes me feel like a brain dead zombie – and yet for a long time, I followed in their proud footsteps anyway. Because I thought that was what it meant to be an adult.

But the thing is, I eventually got tired of playing grown-up.

I lost the boyfriend and the apartment and the office job – all within a month of each other. And I pretended to be unhappy about it all. I pretended to care that I was no longer fitting the cookie cutter model of adulthood. But the truth is, I didn't care. At all. In fact, I was kind of relieved to watch my picture-perfect life fall apart.

Because at the end of the day, that's not what I wanted my adulthood to look like. And at this point, it no longer does.

Now I have a job doing something I love. I travel often, I go out often, I fall in and out of love often, and I fall short of many of the ‘adult-esque’ requirements.

I don't have a fancy apartment with minimalist décor and designated plates for when important guests come over. I don't have a serious relationship. I don't have expensive taste in wine.

And for a while, I assumed that the lack of these things made me less of an adult than those around me. After all, I've watched my peers start to move towards these achievements in leaps and bounds.

I've watched engagement announcements and baby photos flood my news feed. I've seen old classmates score high-paying jobs and buy property. I've watched some of my peers lives fall into line in a highly specific way, and watched other peers salivate over their successes.

And on my bad days, I understand that jealousy. On the days when instability gets tiring, I feel too old to be drinking and traveling and sleeping around and changing my life plan the way other people change shirts. On the days when I'm sick and delirious in a lonely hotel room in Cambodia, I want the traditional 'adult' type things that my friends seem to so desperately covet.

But those days are also few and far between.

The truth is, I hardly ever feel shitty about the fact that I am not 'adulting' the way I seemingly ought to be. I love my life. And I'm tired of pretending I don't.

There's this weird idea out there that we have to pride ourselves on the things that indicate that we're in line with where we 'should be' in life. In our parent's generation, being in your mid to late twenties meant that you had a home with classy belongings, and probably a partner and child.

It meant you had a steady job with a retirement plan and that your future was starting to take shape in a concrete, predictable way. Hitting these milestones meant you were an adult. And so we assume that they still do. But hold up a second.

Can we take a moment to acknowledge the fact that we no longer live in our parent's generation?

The world is changing. And so are we.

9-5s are no longer a necessity in the work force that we have created. Monogamy is no longer the only acceptable dating practice. Staying rooted in one place is not necessarily cheaper than traveling long-term anymore, and switching companies frequently may actually be what is best for our careers in the current workforce.

So why are we still fixated on measuring how much of an adult we are by how closely we're falling in line with the values of the generations that preceded ours?

I'm in my mid-twenties and I'm currently in between apartments. I'm single. I've spent way too much money on traveling in the past year, and I don't have plans to pop out children anytime soon. And yet I absolutely feel like an adult.

When crisis strikes, I handle it. When someone I love needs me, I'm there. When life presents unexpected obstacles, I navigate them with confidence and decisiveness. I don't at all feel ill equipped for adult life. In fact, more often that not, I feel damn good at it.

Because the truth about the concept of 'adulting' is that if you have to measure it by which possessions you own and which milestone you've hit, you're probably coming at it from a place of intense insecurity.

Being an adult doesn't mean having a pinterest-porn living room and an engagement ring resting on your finger.

Being an adult means knowing yourself. It means listening to your own needs. It means understanding which kind of lifestyle you want to be living and then pursuing it unapologetically.

Sometimes being an adult means getting married and having a kid, but other times it means the total opposite. Sometimes it means traveling long-term. Sometimes it means frequent career shifts. Sometimes, being an adult just means having the bravery to say, 'I choose the life that I want over the life that I'm expected to have and I'm happy with that. I'm living with my own definition of integrity.'

Because at the end of the day, the most mature thing any of us can ever do is to know ourselves. To trust ourselves. To understand that even when our wants and needs differ from the desires of the people around us, they're still valid. They're still meaningful. They're still there.

And to allow ourselves the honesty to grow into the exact kind of adult that we want to become. TC mark

How Much Of A Functional Hot Mess Are You Really?

Posted: 20 May 2016 11:54 AM PDT