Thought Catalog


I Finally Fucked My Ex’s Best Friend And It Was Just As Mind-Blowing In Real Life As I’d Always Imagined

Posted: 25 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Mario Antonio Pena Zapatería Follow
Mario Antonio Pena Zapatería

It was forbidden. I knew that.
I think that's exactly why I wanted it so bad.

***

I timed my bath perfectly. As I turned off the water, I could hear Max's hands fumbling with the front doorknob, then the scuff of his shoes on the welcome mat.

"One second!" I called out, drawing out my syllables slowly.

I wanted him to know where I was.

I wanted to see his face when I walked out in just a towel.

I could hear him cross the living room and settle into a sofa chair. I imagined what he looked like—probably his usual Nikes, athletic shorts, sweatshirt, and hat flipped backwards. I'd always been so attracted to him, that casual sort of confidence that only a former collegiate basketball player can have. Fucking sexy.

I ran my fingers loosely through my hair, then tossed it so it fell naturally around my shoulders. I wanted to look effortless, as if I hadn't planned for him to come over at just this moment, as if I hadn't wanted to fuck him since I first laid eyes on him.

I opened the bathroom door slowly, letting the steam waft out and giving myself a second to breathe.

"I'm so sorry. I kind of lost track of time."

I let out a small giggle. Fuck, was I nervous?

He smiled, then looked down at the floor. "It's fine, I'll just, er—give you a minute to get dressed." He got on his feet as if to leave.

"No, really, it's okay." I nodded towards my bedroom door. "I actually need your help in here."

I took a step towards him, holding the towel loosely around my chest so that the line of my cleavage was barely visible. I could see his eyes travel from my face to my neck, then from my collarbone to my chest. It sent a shiver down my spine.

He slowly rose from the couch to follow me.

Fuck. This was happening.

Truth is, I actually called Max over to help me move my furniture and fix a broken shelf—real, legitimate, and a job for a post-collegiate basketball player type of man. A sexy, fuckable, always-wanted-but-never-could-have type of man.

I hadn't necessarily planned on seducing him. Not at first.

But walking through the door to my bedroom, seeing my black lace bra on the floor where I had thrown it, and my sheets looking so clean, so ready, I said fuck it.

I was having sex with my ex's best friend. And it was happening now.

I turned to face him. He was leaning against my bedroom door, his arms stretched above his head and hanging from to the top of the frame. I could see the muscles on his arms exposed through the thin shirt sleeves.

We locked eyes. I could feel my heart pound in my chest.

We both knew what the other was thinking.

Finally.

I took a step closer to him, close enough to smell his aftershave and the lingering, sweet smell of his sweat. It made me lightheaded.

"I really need your help with something." Holding my towel in one hand, I leaned my body against his chest, and stepped on my tip toes, reaching a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him towards me. "Can you help me?"

His muscles tensed. I could feel his erection as I pushed my hips into his. He looked down at me with those dark brown eyes and slowly, so fucking slowly, moved his hands from the doorframe to my shoulders.

I took my hand away from his neck and ran my fingers down towards his chest. His hands were warm and heavy on my shoulders. I stared at him, tried to give him my most innocent look.

"Please," I cooed, "I really, really need your help."

We both knew what I needed.

His hands slid lower on my shoulders, reaching the line of the towel tucked under my arms. He fingered the wet fabric, then slowly reached his forefinger underneath the cloth, carefully moving my hand out of the way.

He leaned forward, put his lips to my chest and murmured.

"Goddamn, You don't know how long I've wanted this."

My knees buckled in response. With a gentle motion, he pulled away the towel, letting it drop to the floor.

I stood naked in front of him, and watched as his eyes traveled over my body. Slowly. Taking every inch of me in.

"Fuck. Your body's incredible."

He cupped my breasts in his hands. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as he put them in his mouth, alternating between sucking and flicking my nipples with his tongue.

I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.

I grabbed his hair with one hand, pulling his head back; the other dug into the skin in his back.

"I want you," I whispered.

He pulled away from me, then ripped off his shirt and picked me up in one quick motion. He threw me on the bed and hovered over me with his shorts still on and a smirk on his face.

"I'm going to make you beg for me."

Fuck.

My body jolted in response. I wanted him so bad.

Before I knew what was happening, he slid his fingers in me and I gasped. He pushed deeper, pulsing quickly, slowly, then quickly again. A rhythm that made my body both tingle and squirm with pleasure.

He knew what the hell he was doing. That's for sure.

I closed my eyes and moaned. Every touch, every pulse was fucking amazing.

“I love it when you moan,” he said, pushing his fingers deeper, making me arch my back with pleasure. “Now I wanna know what you sound like when I’m inside you.”

My body quivered. I was out of control, intoxicated by his every touch. He was going to make me cum. And I was powerless.

With his fingers still inside me, he maneuvered his body and pulled down his pants, revealing the cock I'd been fucking dreaming about for months.

That forbidden body part, that goddamn forbidden man. I wanted all of him.

He slid his fingers out and his penis inside me in one motion. He felt so full. So fucking good. I bit my lip to keep from crying out, but he saw me and tugged at my bottom lip.

"Don't you hold back. I wanna hear you. I wanna hear you scream."

Fuck. Fuck Fuck.

I cried out, breathy and uncontrollably as he thrusted again and again. I was already so close to cumming it was unbelievable. My fingernails dug into his back and he bit my collarbone as he reached his own orgasm. I could feel his body—every thick, strong muscle, the warmth of his chest pressed against mine.

"Moan." He commanded as he thrust even deeper and I did. I moaned. And I moaned. And I pulled him closer to me as he came.

His fingers slid back inside me and he pulsed again. My entire body clenched, then released and I cried out as I came.

He kissed my collarbone at the spot where he had bitten it, a mix of both pain and pleasure.

"I think we should keep this our little secret," he said, his lips pressed into my tender skin. "I think you're going to need a lot more of my help." TC mark

SICK: 16 Of The Grisliest Babysitter Stories Ever

Posted: 25 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

David McGreavy, AKA "The Monster of Worcester" and "The Real Friday the 13th Killer." (West Mercia Police Department)
David McGreavy, AKA “The Monster of Worcester” and “The Real Friday the 13th Killer.” (West Mercia Police Department)

1. THREE LITTLE WHITE COFFINS

On Friday, April 13, 1973, English drifter David McGreavy found himself babysitting the three young children of friends who’d graciously let him stay at their house. Annoyed by a nine-month-old female baby’s crying, she smashed her skull in with his fists, then strangled the four-year-old boy with a wire and slit the two-year-old girl’s throat. He then impaled the children’s dead bodies on garden railings outside. According to the children’s mother:

I remember the three little white coffins at the funeral and being in the crematorium with my parents but that's all….He might as well have killed me. I lost my children, my husband, my home, my sanity—everything—because of him.

2. ‘NO ONE WOULD HEAR THEM SCREAM’

Prison photo of Christine Falling. (Florida Department of Corrections)
Prison photo of Christine Falling. (Florida Department of Corrections)

Christine Falling was an epileptic and mentally impaired Florida girl who as a child would drop cats from deadly heights to “test their nine lives.” As a teenager she was unable to secure any kind of a meaningful job beyond babysitting and caregiving. She became one of America’s youngest serial killers by fatally suffocating at least three children and causing an elderly man to have a heart attack during her first day on the job with him. When arrested, she confessed to police that she heard voices commanding her to “kill the baby” and that she murdered the children by “smotheration”:

The way I done it, I seen it done on TV shows. I had my own way, though. Simple and easy. No one would hear them scream.

3. THE BABY INTERRUPTED HIS FACEBOOKING

Jesus Cornelio. (Weld County Sheriff's Department)
Jesus Cornelio. (Weld County Sheriff’s Department)

Colorado teenager Jesus Cornelio pleaded guilty to shoving his toddler cousin after the boy attempted to grab his phone while he was Facebooking. The tiny boy fell backward and fatally smacked his head on a coffee table.

4. BEAT TO DEATH WITH A BRICK AND DISMEMBERED

Michael Plumadore. (Allen County Sheriff's Department)
Michael Plumadore. (Allen County Sheriff’s Department)

Michael Plumadore seemed like a regular guy to his neighbors at a dilapidated Indiana trailer park—that is, until the day in 2011 when he beat a nine-year-old girl he was babysitting to death with a brick, dismembered her corpse, and hid her head, hands, and feet in his trailer.

5. WHO WOULD LEAVE THEIR KID WITH THIS GUY?

Shalin Ren Payne. (Coweta County Sheriff's Department)
Shalin Ren Payne. (Coweta County Sheriff’s Department)

Shalin Ren Payne’s face and head are almost entirely covered in tattoos. The Georgia felon was out on parole in October 2015 babysitting his fiancée’s twelve-year-old daughter when the girl’s mother came home to allegedly find him raping her. He escaped and fled wearing only a T-shirt but was arrested soon afterward. He faces charges of sexual battery, aggravated sodomy, aggravated assault, and rape.

6. FATAL GAME OF ‘MORTAL KOMBAT’

Lamar Roberts (Weld County Sheriff's Department)
Lamar Roberts. (Weld County Sheriff’s Department)

During a real-life reenactment of the video game Mortal Kombat in 2007, Lamar Roberts of Johnstown, CO kicked and body-slammed his girlfriend’s seven-year-old daughter while babysitting her. The girl died after suffering swelling of the brain, a broken wrist, and over twenty bruises. Roberts pleaded guilty and is serving a 36-year prison sentence.

7. CHILD FINALLY DIES TEN YEARS AFTER BEING VIOLENTLY SHAKEN

In 2005, Christopher Byrd of Orange County, CA, violently shook his girlfriend’s 11-month-old baby to the point where she lost consciousness and entered a vegetative state. She was hooked up on life support for ten years until finally dying in January 2015. Byrd is now being tried for the infant girl’s murder.

8. UPPER WEST SIDE NANNY BLOODBATH

In late October 2012, mother of three Lucia Krim returned with her three-year-old daughter to her Upper West Side apartment, only to find that two of her children were dead and swimming in blood in the family bathtub. Startled by Krim’s sudden appearance, the children’s nanny Yoselyn Ortega began stabbing herself so violently that she shoved the kitchen knife all the way through to the other side of her neck. “I’m sick in my mind,” Ortega would later confess.

9. SHE TRIED STABBING THE DEVIL OUT OF THEM

Elzbieta Plackowska. (DuPage County Sheriff's Department)
Elzbieta Plackowska. (DuPage County Sheriff’s Department)

A mere five days after the Ortega bloodbath, Elzbieta Plackowska of Naperville, IL, stabbed her own son 100 times and her friends’ daughter fifty times. She later told detectives that she killed them because she thought they were demon-possessed.

10. INFANT SHOT UP WITH COCAINE AND HEROIN

Oscar Sanchez-Rivera and Viameri Santana-Berrio. (Philadelphia Police Department)
Oscar Sanchez-Rivera and Viameri Santana-Berrio. (Philadelphia Police Department)

Philadelphia couple Oscar Sanchez-Rivera and Viameri Santana-Berrio pleaded guilty to murder charges after the 2011 overdose death of a baby boy that had been left in their care. Investigators found needle marks on the infant’s feet and massive quantities of cocaine and heroin in his bloodstream. When her sentencing judge asked her if she had anything to say to the court, Santana-Berrio shrugged and said, “Like what?”

11. EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOY CHARGED WITH MURDER

Last October, a 26-year-old Alabama woman went out clubbing with her friend, leaving the friend’s eight-year-old son as the “babysitter” for five children who were younger than he was. He allegedly beat a one-year-old female infant to death because she was crying too much.

12. ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL CHARGED WITH MURDER

A year ago, an eleven-year-old Ohio girl appeared in court wearing leg shackles and charged with the murder of a two-month-old baby whom she’d allegedly beaten to death while babysitting her. The infant had injuries to her kidney, liver, spleen, and brain.

13. PIT BULL OWNERS CHARGED WITH MURDER AFTER DOG KILLS INFANT

John Terry Underwood II and Terra McConnell. (Grayson County Sheriff's Department)
John Terry Underwood II and Terra McConnell. (Grayson County Sheriff’s Department)

Last month two suspects were arrested in North Carolina and charged with murder after their pit bull—who had previously been observed attacking other people—fatally mauled a 15-month-old girl who’d been placed in their care. The couple’s Facebook page is still active and features a photo of what may be the killer dog.

14. DAD GIVES THUMBS-UP TO BABYSITTER WHO HAD SEX WITH HIS PRETEEN SON

Last year an unnamed British man—who allegedly had previous sexual relations with his twenty-year-old babysitter—acted like it was no big deal that she’d had sex with his eleven-year-old son. Text messages suggest he’d actually encouraged it. The father told the court:

I know he told her he was 15. He looks older than his years. He’s sex-mad. He would’ve been fully up for this experience and in many ways sees it as a notch on his belt and is totally unaffected by it.

15. HAIRBRUSH BREAKS INSIDE TODDLER’S RECTUM

Becky Burlison. (Metro Nashville Police Department)
Becky Burlison. (Metro Nashville Police Department)

While babysitting her friends’ two-year-old son in 2012, Becky Burlison of Hermitage, TN, shoved a hairbrush up the boy’s rectum so forcefully that the handle broke and lodged the brush inside his body. Burlison was found guilty of aggravated rape of a child and aggravated child abuse.

16. WOMAN SKYPES HERSELF SEXUALLY ABUSING FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL

Jennifer Mahoney. (Monmouth County Sheriff's Department)
Jennifer Mahoney. (Monmouth County Sheriff’s Department)

In 2012, video clips emerged of New Jerseyan Jennifer Mahoney conducting livestreamed Skype sessions where she performed oral sex on a sleeping five-year-old girl while laughing and masturbating. Mahoney was sentenced to thirty years in prison. TC mark

You Are My Serendipity

Posted: 25 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Eleazar
Eleazar

I believe in fate.

I believe that the universe pushes two people together, draws you to the other half of yourself. And I believe that despite anything, despite everything, two people who are meant to be together, will find their way in the end.

I knew it from the moment I saw you, when my day was meant to start out one way but ended up leading me to you. There was this feeling deep down inside my gut which told me ‘this is it’ ‘he’s the one’. And I know that sounds cliche, I know it’s the kind of thing you hear in romantic movies and novels, but it was the truest thing I’ve ever known.

And it still is.

There were so many obstacles for us, and some days I felt like giving up. But my heart wouldn’t let me. I have never fought like that before, not for anyone. I have never felt so strongly about something, about a possibility and I didn’t care who told me to quit you. Who told me it would never work, who told me I was stupid for losing myself in fighting for you.

But I knew, some day, you’d turn up at my door. You would drop everything and just accept that this fire, this insane connection, it wasn’t going anywhere. It was more powerful than us.

And you did.

But despite the pain that came with it, those early days, where you were just the hot, charming guy at work and I was me, they’re some of my favourite to look back on. I remember the electricity which always flickered between us, the laughs we had. The way you’d tease me about things no one had even noticed before. And how you had this way of looking at me like you knew me better than anyone ever had or ever will.

Being with you, around you, or even hearing your voice, it was like this insane high that I never wanted to come down from.

When I was with you I felt like a different person, you saw the girl I’d wanted to be for my entire life. I wasn’t the girl who used to be chubby or quiet, or insecure, or shy, or a nerd. I was just me, this version of me.

You made time stop.

Those hours, or minutes, even, when you were so close I could smell your skin, and count the endless shades of blue in your eyes, everything else just stopped. The entire world ceased to exist, and it was just you and me. And the space between us.

My God, how I wanted to close that space.

How I wanted to feel your lips pressed to mine. I lost so many nights thinking of that, of you. Of the possibility of us.

It’s a beautiful story, the way we found each other. The way our love was a force greater than both of us, greater than anything which tried to push us apart. Even those around us could see it. When people found out about us they would say how they knew it would happen eventually. How much they loved watching us together, that they saw the way we looked at each other, the energy which ran between us.

How we were ‘just meant to be’.

And I would smile and say, ‘I know.’

And even now, after a year together, it’s still like those first weeks. I still get high off of your presence. I still crave your touch. I still believe that the universe had a plan for us, that even if it wasn’t now, we’d find each other eventually.

And one day, I’ll write a book about us, about the beautiful mess of our undeniable romance. I’ll tell the world how I lost myself in your eyes and how we fought for the way we old each other when we sleep. People will fall in love with how we fell in love and for years to come they’ll go crazy trying to find what we have. TC mark

When You Fall For The Boy Who Loves Someone Else

Posted: 25 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Holly Lay
Holly Lay

When you love someone, you see them in everything. You see them in every ray of each sunrise and sunset. You hear them in the lyrics of every melody. You see them between the colours of every rainbow.

Their absence marks your presence, and all too often your reality is composed of memories of the past, rather than the present.

When you love someone, you hope that a fraction of this love you feel toward them is returned to you. You long with every ounce of your being that this person loves you. You get angry at yourself for imagining impossible scenarios that you know will never come true. Yet if you lower your guard, you know your heart will take you to that place and time where he will look into your eyes, admit his foolishness, and ask you to let him in.

It becomes so real that you can almost see it all unfold in front of you.

The tears, his arms drawing you in, his searching eyes looking into yours asking you, begging you for a chance. You imagine yourself being reluctant, being uncertain. But the honest truth is that this is what your heart has been wanting for countless days and nights.

To be his, at last.

But reality takes over, as it always does. Reality reminds you that you never belonged to him. Reality reminds you that he never loved you.

Reality shines a bright light at a love he feels towards another girl. And it leaves you undone, alone, feeling inadequate.

When you love someone who loves someone else, it leaves a wound that time struggles to heal.

You continue to see him in everything. Yet in the shadows, standing far off in the distance, you see her as well. She is quiet. She does not make her presence known. Yet you know she is there. You can almost imagine her smiling at you, in a sly way, because she is loved by him, and you are not.

Walking the journey of unrequited love has dragged you to the lowest of lows, but it has helped you find something unexpected. A strength that you did not think you had. You look back, and although you feel the hurt, although you still long for him, you find that you are making it through each day, and your journey has continued on without him.

Your life has continued on.

You realize, nothing has ever stopped because you are without him. Time carries on, and in a gentle way, you have carried on also. A part of you will always remain tied to him.

Love that cannot be returned defines a person. It makes you vulnerable and floods in a surge of emotions so raw it leaves you exhausted, yet so alive. But this love prepares you for another love. A stronger love, a lasting love. A love that is extended towards your bruised heart in a beautiful, wholesome way that has yet to be fully explained by the poets.

A true love, a requited love. TC mark

50 Fun, Cheap Outdoor Dates That Are Perfect For Summer

Posted: 25 May 2016 04:30 PM PDT

Unsplash
Unsplash

1. Spend the majority of your night at a drive-in movie theater and get cozy in the back of the car. Perfect for some alone time with some entertainment.

2. Build a campfire for two with s'mores. It's free and a great way to spend quality time together.

3. Check out your local farmers’ market and buy some fresh produce to make a fantastic dinner together at home.

4. Go hiking or for a nature walk.

5. Tie-dye random clothes or old sheets you have. Everything looks better with a fresh coat of tie-dye on it and it's fun.

6. Grab discount coupons at your local grocery store or search for deals on the Internet for bargain prices for a theme park near you. Everyone loves amusement parks, and use the extra cash you have to play games and win a giant teddy bear.

7. Have a picnic in the park. Bring a basket with food, a blanket, maybe a guitar, go all out and make a day of it.

8. Go to an amateur sports game, even if you're not a fan. Tickets are usually super cheap, along with the beer!

9. Get pool floaties, or any kind of floatation device really, and float around in a small lake or down a river. It's extremely relaxing and fun. (Hint: pack a cooler filled with food and beer so you can float and eat.)

10. Make a day out of going to local wineries, the samples are usually free and you can go from winery to winery throughout the day tasting and comparing. It also gives you an excuse to dress up a bit.

11. Go to an outdoor festival. Google what's going on around you in the summer and you're bound to find free festivals in your area to check out.

12. Concerts at small venues are generally free or cheap, especially if local bands are performing. Grab some lawn chairs and hangout at the stage for the night together.

13. Find a bar or club that has karaoke on a certain night and go sing your hearts out together on stage.

14. Go to a local park and swing on the swings. It's a perfect opportunity to get some great conversation in.

15. Check out the garage sales in your neighborhoods on the weekends. This might sound like a weird date, but you never know what you'll find and it's always interesting to see everyone's junk.

16. Go get ice cream together. Sit on a bench and eat it or go for a walk, but enjoy each other's company.

17. Spend a day at the beach, pack a bag for the day and just lay out in the sun and splash around in the water.

18. Rent a two-person kayak, this might cost a little, but not too much if you go to a state park or a local rental shop and split it. Pack a lunch and stop half way through to sit on a rock and eat together.

19. Have a water balloon fight. Run around your yard and chase each other just like you used to do when you were kids.

20. Take a mini road trip even to somewhere you've been before, but get out of the car and walk around. Actually explore the area you are together.

21. Go stargazing at night. Summer nights are perfect to layout side and admire the stars. Bring blankets and lie in the grass, and appreciate the time you're spending with the person you're with.

22. Find a zoo near you and spend the day looking at exotic animals. Most zoos are decently cheap and it's the perfect place to take plenty of pictures.

23. Go on a scavenger hunt! Each partner should hide clues around specific places and send the other one looking for the clues to the main prize. (Hint: all clues should be love related and pertain to your relationship.)

24. Go geocaching. I've never actually done this, but I've always wanted to. It is an app where you search for a particular item based on GPS location. It seems really fun and gives you something to talk through.

25. Watch the sunrise or sunset with your S/O in a private part of the land that is special to you and if you don't have a special spot, make one.

26. Visit a nature center. They are generally free to the public to walk around and explore different parts of history in your area and see different changes in the land around you.

27. Pick berries together. You only pay for what bushel you fill so if you're not looking to spend a lot grab a smaller bushel and eat some berries in the fields together.

28. Skip rocks together at the lake on a warm summer day and reminisce over old memories.

29. Be a tourist in your own city and visit historical landmarks and if you don't have any go some place in town you've never been before.

30. Create your own slip n slide. I've done it with a tarp and a hose, it brings you back to your childhood days and it's super fun.

31. Make your own popsicles. Look up recipes or just grab some of your favorite fresh fruit throw it in a popsicle container with water and if you don't have a popsicle container, just use an ice cube tray and freeze away.

32. Go camping, even if you're not an outdoors person, at least pitch a tent in the backyard. Bring blankets, snacks, a lantern and really try to get cozy in nature.

33. Go fishing. Fishing is fun and relaxing. It's the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon sitting on a dock with your S/O.

34. Check out a flea market and let it flood you with nostalgia and bond over your childhood days.

35. Beach day! Go to your local beach and spend the day playing in the water and catching some rays.

36. Make your own outside fort! Grab blankets and sheets from inside and hang them from trees to create your own little outdoor sanctuary together.

37. Spend the day at a beer festival. You do normally have to buy general admission tickets, but once you're in you can have as much beer as you want and beer is a great way to bond.

38. Have a cook out in the backyard. Set the table up nice, throw a candle in the center and cook up some great burgers.

39. Go mini golfing, while it costs money it is very inexpensive and who doesn't love a good healthy competition of mini golfing and harmless shit talking to your S/O?

40. Go for a bike ride together through town, on a boardwalk, around your favorite spot. It's a great way to have fun and get some exercise in.

41. Head for morning coffee at an outdoor café, that way you get to still enjoy your three favorite things: caffeine, the outdoors and your S/O.

42. If you live near a pond, make a rope swing and spend the day swinging into the lake. It will be thrilling and refreshing.

43. Go to a roof top happy hour. You get to still enjoy the beautiful outside weather while enjoying cheap drinks, and the view will most likely be amazing.

44. Find your inner kid and play with sidewalk chalk and see who can create the best/most artistic drawing.

45. Buy cheap sparklers and fireworks and set them off at night together.

46. Fly a kite. Kites are relatively cheap if you don't already have one. Spend the day in the park flying them around (without getting them tangled).

47. Volunteer at one of your favorite charities in your community. It will feel good and you'll get to do something you're passionate about together.

48. Participate in a color run. The prices of these vary, but plan it ahead of time and make sure you sign up for the early bird special to save yourselves some money! Color runs are loads of fun and there isn't much that's better than fun exercise.

49. Feed the ducks by your local lake or pond.

50. Make your own outdoor cinema. Pull a TV out on the deck and grab some blankets and cuddle up while watching your favorite movie in the comfort of your own deck. TC mark

For Those Of Us That Feel Everything So Deeply

Posted: 25 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

SayLuiiiis
SayLuiiiis

For those of us who can't let it go,
fumbling over our words and apologies
we push and push and push.

For those of us who can't turn off our watery eyes,
years of memories and residual insecurities
that maybe we aren't all we're cracked up to be
tearing ourselves down.

For those of us who feel we are too much,
casting our hopeful eyes down
and swallowing our words.

Do not be tainted by others.
Their indifference
is not a fault of yours.

It does not mean you are less.

Your words of adoration and love
fill him up,
sticky sweet.

But you are not toxic.

Take care
and don't be crushed by the world.
It is both beautiful and cruel to feel so deeply. TC mark

For All The Girls With Clumsy Hearts

Posted: 25 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Ines Perkovic
Ines Perkovic

I tripped over another boy's smile not too long ago. It was warm and it was kind, immediately throwing me off balance and into a longing that could not and would not be returned. It was a familiar scene, a rerun I was bored of watching. An exchange I was sick of having.

Bandaids came in the form of wine and friends, comforting words that I would find another boy whose grin would knock me and my heart over again. I knew they were right.

I would find another. I always do. But they never stay.

One bruise simply just leads to another. One heartbreak expedites the next.

Some suggest that maybe I'm just going for the wrong men, that maybe if I gave the ones who truly cared for me a chance, I would find something to work out. They could be right, but then again they act like we have a choice in who we fall for. That our hearts are rational, steady entities that beat correctly when we command them to. And this just isn't the case, especially when you have a clumsy heart like mine.

Because when you're the girl with the clumsy heart, you fall more quickly and more easily.

You always overestimate another person's commitment or interest, and take a flying leap hoping to land in their arms. But your judgment is always off, and you and your clumsy heart land around thirty feet off, in the thorns of rejection.

And while you're laying there, you start to wonder why you bother. Why would anyone keep exposing themselves to this kind of heartache and pain? And for a while you may lose hope, but with this hurt comes strength, and with that you give yourself the bravery to stand up and fall again.

And one day you'll run into another clumsy heart, and the two of you will stumble into a love so wonderfully uncoordinated and sincere that all the other scars will have been worth it. All that hurt, all those missteps led you to him.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for that kind of collision.

So, I'm picking myself back up and getting ready for that beautiful fall. And from one clumsy heart to another, I hope that you feel this way again soon, too. TC mark

In A Room Full Of Everyone I’ve Ever Loved, I’d Still Choose You

Posted: 25 May 2016 02:01 PM PDT

Aily Torres

I used to be the girl that made you laugh and the girl that got to spend all night watching movies with you on the couch. I used to be the girl that would always be riding shotgun next to you singing at the top our of lungs. I used to be the girl you'd call when you wanted to go on an adventure and I'd go anywhere with you.

I used to be the girl who could finish your sentences and think of the words when you couldn't. I used to be the girl who was constantly on your mind, dawn till dusk and then dusk till dawn. I used to be the girl who would leave you wide-awake all night talking and thinking.

I used to be the girl who was your everything, before I became the girl who was your nothing.

I stopped being the first girl you wanted to talk to in the morning. I stopped being the one you couldn't wait to see after work. I stopped being the one you'd take out to dinner. I stopped being the one you wanted to spend your time with.

You broke me, you made me feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on a million times. I felt pain over and over, when I thought it started going away it came back, it always came back.

But if you put me in a room full of everyone I've ever loved and everyone who has ever broken my heart, I'd still choose you. I would always choose you.

I would run to you over and over again. Every time. I would wrap my arms around you and tell you how I've missed you every day since you've been gone.

It's you I would choose you to wake up next to every morning and make breakfast for. It's you I would choose to send flirty texts to on my lunch break. It's you I would choose you to come home to after a long, shitty day because I know just the site of you would make me feel better.

I would choose you no matter how much alcohol I had in my system, even in a room full of everyone I've ever loved because to me we had something that was rare and intense. An instant connection I knew I never wanted to live without, but you must not have felt the same after time. As I grew with you, you grew away.

Even so, I would choose you when I'm lonely and want someone by my side, but I would also choose you when it's 2PM and something wonderful has happened. You'd be the person I'd want by my side when all my dreams come true.

Because it's not about who you miss when it's the middle of the night and you're lonely, it's about who you miss in the middle of the day when you've got a million things going on. And to me that person is always you.

No matter the circumstances, no matter the time, if I had to choose again I would always choose you, even if you wouldn't choose me too. TC mark

When You’re The One Who Cares The Most

Posted: 25 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Emran Kassim
Emran Kassim

When you're the one who cares the most, you often feel lost.

You feel confused, and you feel hurt. You can't understand why the other person doesn't care about you, or why they don't show it, or how they don't see that what they're doing is hurting you.

You keep giving.

You give and you give until you have absolutely nothing left, and then you give some more. This is because they take. They take and they suck you dry. They know it's killing you; they watch it break you, and they don't care. You put them first; they put themselves first; and so they win, and you're left empty, broken, with nothing left to give.

When you're the one who cares the most, you cry yourself to sleep at night.

You prioritize people who don't think about you. You value everyone else's feelings over your own.

You care.

You keep caring even when they give you reasons not to. You forgive. You keep forgiving. They take advantage of your forgiveness. They take advantage of your love. They take advantage of you, of your kindness. You see this but you don't stop.

You can't stop.

Not when you're the one who cares the most.

When you're the one who cares the most, you will die of heartbreak.

You will die of disappointment. Loving others is what is going to kill you. They mean the world to you, but your tears mean nothing to them. You spend your life saving them, but when you tell them you're dying, they watch you go.

They don't fight for you, and it breaks your heart.

When you're the one who cares the most, you want to beg them to care about you, but you don't.

You want to ask why they don't love you, but you can't. You sit on your floor and cry so that the next time you see them you can smile. Your heart keeps breaking into smaller and smaller pieces. These pieces get lost throughout your life so that even when you want to repair your heart, you can't.

There are holes.

Holes that they made when they tore through you.

When you're the one who cares the most, you walk around wounded.

Scars from your past mark your body. The pain you've experienced runs through your veins and paints your face. You smile and laugh because you know it's what they want to see, and you want to make them happy. That's all you want.

But no one cares about your happiness.

No one cares to know that you're okay; no one cares about the tears; no one cares.

He doesn't care.

When you're the one who cares the most, you do small things to make his day brighter and better.

You get him presents and surprises when he's down. You take care of him when he's sick. You give him everything, and he takes it all, and he gives you nothing back. He'll take all of you. He'll destroy you. He'll say it's because he loves you.

But it's not love, because you don't destroy the people you love.

When you're the one who cares the most, you'll disappear.

You'll fade. You'll vanish. And maybe one day they'll search for you, but you'll have nothing left to give, and no love left in your heart. TC mark

75 Reasons You Deserve To Let Him Go And Choose Yourself Instead

Posted: 25 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Sophia Sinclair
Sophia Sinclair

1. He makes you cry.

2. You already know he’s not the type of person you want to end up with.

3. If you applied the amount of energy you burn up trying to get his attention to something that’s actually worth your while, amazing things will unfold in your life.

4. He’s a dick.

5. There are about six billion other people in the world. It’s madness to place so much significance on only one of them.

6. You deserve more, and you know it.

7. Being single by choice is one of the greatest things you’ll ever experience.

8. Traveling the world, developing friendships, and bettering yourself is way more rewarding than moping around and drowning in a pool of anxiety.

9. You’re capable of moving forward.

10. Independence is attractive.

11. Dogs are better than men. Get one.

12. You’ll be free as a bird.

13. Clean slates give us something to look forward to.

14. He’ll never love you the way you love him. It sucks, but it’s the truth.

15. If he wanted to be with you badly enough, he would fight for you.

16. You won’t have to read those terribly boring articles he sends you anymore.

17. Happiness is the best revenge.

18. You’ll have more room in your bed and less dishes in your sink.

19. Beyoncé would be proud. If that matters…

20. You really will find something better someday. Ask anyone who’s been in your shoes.

21. You can’t take over the world if you’re too busy nursing a broken heart.

22. He’ll regret letting you slip through his fingers, and whether he expresses that regret or not, it will be satisfying for you.

23. You’ll get baller breakup therapy from the people who were there for you when he wasn’t.

24. Letting go makes you brave.

25. Letting go makes you strong.

26. You’ll learn invaluable lessons about love and yourself.

27. You can wear the sweatshirt he hated and cook the meals he criticized.

28. You can pick the movie.

29. You can pick the video game.

30. You can pick the restaurant.

31. You can pick the Pandora station.

32. You can pick your nose.

33. You can stay out late without worrying him.

34. You can sing in the shower without annoying him.

35. You can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want.

36. He sucks the life out of you.

37. He makes you angry and depressed all the time.

38. You need yourself more than you need him.

39. Your next relationship will be better because you’ll know how much you’re willing to tolerate.

40. You can start meeting new people.

41. You’ll be one step closer to meeting the right person.

42. You can finally find out what life after him looks like.

43. You can shamelessly make yourself a breakup playlist.

44. You can shamelessly watch your favorite romantic comedies and ugly cry.

45. Your friends can introduce you to the people they’ve always wanted to set you up with.

46. You can take a vacation. You deserve it.

47. You’ll have more time and room to pursue everything else you’re passionate about.

48. You’ll experience the bittersweet victory of radical change and growth.

49. A lot of people are rooting for you and your happiness.

50. You’ll have new things to write about.

51. He’s never going to get any better at calling and texting you back.

52. He’s never going to get any better at remembering what you like in bed.

53. He’s never going to get any better at making you a priority.

54. He’s never going to get any better at hearing you out.

55. He’s never going to get any better at giving you the love and attention you need and deserve.

56. You will acquire shameless access to delicious comfort food.

57. You can experience the hilarious satisfaction of singing this anthem as you pack your shit and leave. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g

58. You can go do that thing he never wanted to do with you.

59. You’ll be doing yourself a huge favor, though you may not realize it until you’ve healed.

60. You will not die without him. I promise.

61. You’ll develop coping skills that will carry you through the rest of your life.

62. You can mentally rewind to life before you met him. You can start over.

63. He doesn’t deserve you.

64. It’ll be hard, and you need to prove to yourself that you can get through hard things. Because unfortunately, life will never stop being hard.

65. Life just might surprise you with a new love interest or another opportunity you may otherwise miss if you stay.

66. You’ll cultivate mad self-respect.

67. The version of him you cling to in your head is not who he really is.

68. He probably has a really gross habit. Tell me I’m wrong.

69. If you can ditch your junk food or caffeine habit, you can ditch him.

70. Leaving him behind may be risky, but staying is even riskier. Just think about how much you’ve put on the line for him and how little you’ve gotten in return.

71. You know in your gut that the end is near anyway.

72. He makes you unhappy, whereas you should be feeling the complete opposite.

73. Life is too short to waste your time.

74. You’re better off alone than you are with someone who brings you pain.

75. You just read this entire article, which means you probably needed a hell of a lot of convincing. So choose yourself. TC mark