Thought Catalog

You Are A Wild and Beautiful Thing, It’s About Time You Started Loving Yourself

Posted: 26 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT


Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain, it makes you indestructible. We often forget how important it is to take a break from the world and ask ourselves what we want. We are students, fraternity and sorority members, classmates, lovers, and friends. But who are you to yourself? If you can’t say the best relationship you have is the one with the person in the mirror, it’s time to take a journey on the path to inner peace.

Loving ourselves is having a deep appreciation for who we are. It’s accepting our imperfections and flaws. It’s understanding that we are in charge of our lives and we can’t really be successful until we have mastered our relationships within our own heart.

This isn’t something easy, but it’s also not impossible. It’s something that takes time. It’s understanding how to put your needs first before you can genuinely give love to others. It’s giving yourself not only what you want, but what you deserve. It’s walking away from something or someone that doesn’t add to your life anymore. It’s forgiving those who have hurt you and remembering there are beginnings in endings.

Find little moments throughout your day where your objective is to just be. Shut your phone off and pick up a book. Disconnect from the the world around you and just breathe. Become in touch with your own mind and open your heart to the world around you. It’s incredible what will come your way once you realize you are truly unstoppable.

It’s finding the little moments in life and making them beautiful. TC mark

This Is How I’m Going To Make You Cum Like Crazy

Posted: 26 May 2016 07:30 PM PDT

Shutterstock, sakkmesterke
Shutterstock, sakkmesterke

First, I'm going to tease you. I'm going to taunt you as I see fit, making you thirst for my naked body more and more with every passing second. I'm going to smile like the naughty coquette I am, lick my lips, and look into your eyes in a way that screams, "Fuck me! Now!"

But I'm going to make you wait.

I'm going to let you get rock hard as you stare at me, imagining all the things you want to do to me in bed. I'm going to let you fantasize about tearing off my clothes and nibbling on my flesh and licking my nipples and fondling my breasts and fucking me in all your favorite positions.

But I'm going to make you wonder, just a little, whether or not you'll actually get laid.

Only once you've reached the pinnacle of horniness, I'm going to grab your crotch and massage your cock through your pants. Then I’m going to slip my hand behind your waistline and jerk you off before whispering, "Take me to bed." With one fluid swoop of my arms, then, I'm going to strip off my dress, revealing the fact that I'm not wearing panties.

But I’m not going to help you undress.

As you clamber about, trying to kick off your trousers and unbutton your shirt, I’m going to stand there, fingering myself, and let you gawk at my curves, aching to smack my ass and finger my pussy and bury your face in my perfect tits. Then I'm going to push you onto the bed, forcing you to recline.

As you lie there, growing more and more eager to stick it inside me, I’m going to mouth your cock with everything I've got—licking the shaft from base to tip and then pursing my lips and bopping my head up and down, salivating as much as possible so you’re all lubed up.

But I not going to mount you—not yet.

I’m going to suck and suck, pausing once in awhile to tell you how wet my pussy’s getting. And when you moan in gratitude, I’m going to stop and smile in a way that lets you know I’m having the time of my life blowing you.

Only once that massive cock of yours is properly moistened—by my standards, not yours—I’m going to climb on top of it. "I need you inside me! Now!" I’m going to say as you penetrate me, finally.

But I’m not going to let you hold the reins.

I’m going to grab my own tits and bounce up and down—slowly at first, then faster, welcoming your dick deeper and deeper inside me. I’m going to scream, "Fuck me! Like that!" louder and louder. Again and again.

Then I’m going to pause, suddenly, to look your in the eyes as I squeeze my pussy muscles tight. You'll put your arms around me and pull me down so my breasts are jiggling right in your face and you can suckle my nipples. Without warning, you’ll grab my ass and flip me over to take me from behind.

But I’m going to be the one in control—still.

As we bang, doggy style, I’m going to look over my shoulder every so often and beg you to "Fuck me, harder!" When one of us craves a change, I’m going to make sure that your dick never leaves my pussy fully as we contort our sweaty bodies from one position into another, figuring out how to keep humping for maximal pleasure in every new shape we take.

Sensing that you’re on the brink of explosion, I’m going to let myself go. I’m going to scream, "I'm cumming!!!" Then I’m going to tell you to cum all over my face.

But I’m not going to be done with you—not yet.

Feeling the semen rise from your testicles, you’ll pull out in time to squirt your juices all over my stomach, tits, and mouth.

But just when you think it can't get any better, I’m going to lick your cum from around my lips and dip my pointer finger into the sticky stream dripping down my midsection for a little extra taste. “Yum,” I’ll say. “Thanks.”

Real Sex Stories book cover

Read more writing like this in M√©lanie Berliet’s book Real Sex Stories That Will Make You Really Horny here.

15 Reminders For Anyone Who Wants To Date A Woman Who Has Been Put Through Hell

Posted: 26 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

1. She’s more resilient than you can fathom, which means she won’t put up with your bullshit for too long. People who have been through hell know that they are capable of moving on.

2. If she seems like she’s over-analyzing what you say, it’s because in the past, those offhand comments were warning signs that she brushed off too easily.

3. If it seems like she’s overthinking your relationship, it’s because in the past, she learned not to always trust what she feels.

4. She doesn’t tell you about her past because she’s broken or because it still bothers her. She tells you because doing so is a form of intimacy.

5. If you feel the urge to call her “crazy,” consider how you would have responded had you been put in the same circumstances that she was. Chances are, she reacted as any human being with the capacity to feel would. If she weren’t “crazy,” she’d be an emotionless psychopath. She would have been okay with how she was treated.

6. Be glad she wasn’t okay with how she was treated.

7. There will be some things that trigger her, or at least remind her of past experiences. Let those be moments in which you reassure her that this is different. If it doesn’t bring you closer, it will push you farther apart.

8. Know what you want before you ask her out. Don’t win her trust, open her heart and spend time with her only to tell her it’s “not the right time.” All she will hear is: “You are not the right person.”

9. Be consistently straightforward. It’s different from being blunt, and it’s even more different from being honest once in a while.

10. The fine line between being honest and being hurtful is taking a pause to ask yourself: “Is this something that she needs to know? What benefit is there in telling her this very honest thing?”

11. Don’t confuse silence for acceptance. Sometimes battles have to be chosen, that doesn’t mean she isn’t noticing everything.

12. Don’t confuse forgiveness for forgetting. People who have been through a lot do not forget when someone gives them a glimpse at their true character.

13. Remind her that the only way to see whether or not relationship will work is by being it. The quality of love is not the median of all the thoughts you have about it; you can’t think your way into partnership. You either do or don’t. Actions are everything.

14. You do not need to be the idea of a “perfect partner.” You don’t have to be perfect at all. What she’s looking for is genuine connection, and the kind of person who will protect and nurture that connection when they find it.

15. Understand that she is the person she is because of what she went through. Don’t see her as a victim with baggage, see her as a survivor who still – miraculously – has the capacity to love. TC mark

The Truth About Turning 30

Posted: 26 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT

 Meiying Ng
Meiying Ng

So, it happened.  A few months ago I reached that monolithic milestone I had long been dreading… I turned 30.


I’m pretty sure that in previous years, during all those countless discussions about the future and what it may hold for us, friends and I would reel off these stupidly excessive-sounding years which back then sounded so distant, and talk about what life may be like by then.  “We’re gonna be 18 in 2003, 21 in 2006, and 30 in 2015!” went the conversations that used to take place of a lunch-break as we sat in the classroom squeezing cartons of Capri Sun and bitching about Maths teachers.  We were just a bunch of naively ambitious thirteen year olds who believed we knew exactly what our futures would look like on the basis of what our parents had done, or how people lived in Albert Square.

Like most, I fell into that trap as well, although I was marginally more flexi-minded about the future than some of my friends.  Unlike them, I had no idea what I wanted to do for a career – and to be honest, I didn’t really care – all I wanted was to do like my siblings and go to University, and then get married and have a couple of children by the age of 25.  And own a Dyson hoover.

I’m quite sure that the thirteen year old me would probably have choked on her Capri-Sun straw had she been able to see the reality of what would be: Thirty years old, still single (and beginning to think – after numerous soirees with Tinder – that I’m just too used to my own personal space and too afraid to give it up to be anything but) and still living with my parents, albeit purely for financial reasons.

It just doesn’t sound good, does it?  Thirteen year old me would’ve been most ashamed had they known this.  In fact I’m pretty sure I made several vows to enter lesbian matrimony with a few school-friends of the time should we mutually have arrived at this same conclusion in life.  It’s a pity I can’t remember which friends, or that we didn’t archive some official decree, written with a scented gel pen on a piece of recycled A4 (with margins).

It’s very easy to use the value of hindsight and sit back now labeling the above as naive close-mindedness borne from a lack of worldly wisdom and exposure to only the likes of Bliss magazine and Blue Peter, but as somebody who will forever preach the value of living a life that is true to yourself, and not baying into mainstream trajectories just for the sake of it, I’ll admit that even the more adult me had apprehensions about 2015, and turning 30.

Very early into my twenties I had decided that I wanted to use that decade to learn purely about myself and the world – and have my own story – rather than expend my energies into making a family of my own, and I like to think I did just that, but as 28… 29… rolled around I was finding myself feeling the doomed breath of 30 down the back of my neck once again.  I set some targets to achieve by October 2015 and suffice to say I didn’t achieve all of them because I’m still sat at home in my parents’ house with no idea how – as a single person who is determined not to rent a property- I’m going to afford any alternative.

But it’s okay.  I’ve reached the milestone I dreaded, and I’m not worried anymore.

Many people have told me that your 30’s are your best years.  It’s early days, of course, but from what I’ve seen so far, I think they might be right.

I loved my 20’s but only now can I see how much pressure I was putting on myself in those later years by setting 30 as a deadline for various things.  In small doses pressure can be powerful, and a useful catalyst for self-improvement, but if you’re not careful it can also be exceptionally detrimental to your well-being.

In February last year I saw the familiar face of one of my best friends all over the national press.  A coroner’s report had deduced that she had taken her own life on the basis that she was “about to reach 30 feeling as though she wasn’t where she should be in life”.  Those of us who knew her were enraged by this most simplistic of conclusions which was clearly written for mass impact rather than to reflect truth.  There was a great deal more to her circumstances than that, but at the same time, reading those articles and particularly the comments attached, written by anonymous internet users all over the world, was enough to demonstrate to me that this whole ‘fear of thirty’ is a real and genuine thing that many people experience, albeit quietly.

Reading those comments alerted me to the fact that those insecurities often attributed to our teenage years really do last until much later.  Many of the comments left had been written by people of a similar age, who expressed their empathy for my friend, and explained that they too felt as though they had “failed at life”. The comments all alluded to the idea that 30 is an age twinned with macro judgment, but having now been there and got the t-shirt, I can honestly say it’s not as bad as people may expect.

In truth I can think of a lot of things that have had a worse effect than turning 30: A much-loved Primarni pump dissolving in a puddle on the seventh straight day of rain in a row when I was a student, failing my 93rd driving test, the takeaway pizza I ate in Crewe… all of those prompted more disappointment and woe than the milestone birthday I had been dreading.

In fact, turning 30 has – so far –  proved to be nothing but a positive thing.  And why?

Purely because it was as though the needle on the ‘giveashit-o-meter’ reached zero without there being any kind of penalty.  It’s like with any kind of fear; the run-up and the trepidation that ensues can be the worst part.  When you’re finally faced with it, it’s a lot easier to confront, because then, you’re actively dealing with it.  You don’t have a choice, so can no longer float around fearfully in the circumspect.

The way to stop caring about being 30, is to actually turn 30 and be able to accept that this is the way things have turned out, and all that has happened has happened with reason.  

Where there’s any dissatisfaction, rather than allow it to be the subject of disproportionate focus, it should be used to identify where any changes can be made, and if something can’t be changed, then it’s out of your control, so stop judging yourself for it.  Speaking of judgment – we all know how great other people can be at it too, and that’s bound to be another reason why many people fear turning 30 – but it’s important to remember the basic rules of Science here. Unless two people have lived parallel lives and had exactly the same set of circumstances, it wouldn’t be a fair test to compare their current situations.  Anyone who fails to realise this, and continues to judge others, is probably not the kind of person whose approval you’d want, anyway.

Those who extolled the virtues of the 30’s in response to my expressions of fear were adamant that one of the best things about these years is the fact that you no longer have to worry about turning 30, silly though that may sound.  With that perceived deadline now just a part of history, the pressure dissipates and the freedom to do the things that we really want and are destined to do – whatever those may be – begins.  Decisions become bold because we take off the shackles of fear and allow them to be.

That’s the reality of thirty, and so far it’s been fun.  TC mark

I Visited My Hometown And Had The Best Sex Of My Life With The Girl Next Door

Posted: 26 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Sara Neff
Sara Neff

It started out totally innocent. (Aka: how all the best sex stories start.)

Really. I didn’t go to that bar intending to go home with her. But I guess the best times don’t always start the way you’d expect them to.

Britta and I were friends of friends; the sort of acquaintances who had crossed paths once or twice but didn’t really have a relationship or friendship outside of being in the same bar, or at the same party a couple of times. I’d always thought she seemed sweet and nice. She’s the kind of Midwestern girl that gets along with everyone and would look right at home posing on the cover of a Bed Bath and Beyond advertisement for scented candles.

Basically, all though Britta was conventionally adorable and sweeter-than-candy nice, she wasn’t really what I thought was my type.

I had escaped from my hometown and the mindset that came along with it. I had packed my bags the second I was 18 and gone off searching for a new life. I landed in my liberal city that I still call home and promptly dyed my hair crazy colors, tattooed myself up, and begun being open and out about everything from voting for Obama to enjoying going down on women and men alike.

So when I landed back home for a family reunion, bedding the token “was probably homecoming queen, girl next door” girl wasn’t exactly on my expectation/to-do/must fuck list.

But then I saw her. 

I’m not a sap. I don’t think lust and feelings go hand in hand. Sex is just sex.

But the minute I saw Britta across that crowded bar and looked her, really looked at her, I knew I had to know how she tasted.

She welcomed me into the circle of dudes who were all staring at the way her tank top clung to her black bra with a big hug. Her hair smelled like mangoes and cigarettes and all I could think about was wrapping my fingers around it and pulling. She planted a kiss on my cheek and the way her lipgloss clung to the side of my face made me hungry to know where else, what else she could do with those lips.

“I’ll go get us some drinks! You just say here with the boys!”

Britta waved me off as I tried to grab my card to pay and left me in the slew of guys who had been eyeing her.

“Fuck she’s hot…”

One of the guys watched her walk towards the bar with that sort of douche bag way of staring at a girl’s ass.

I sipped my beer and couldn’t help but also stare.

“Yep,” I agreed between Blue Moon breaks. “She’s definitely hot.”

He gave me a sort of WTF look.

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

Was that a challenge? Was he actually challenging me about the hot girl with the freckled shoulders and a back I wanted to see arch?

I snorted into my beer before smacking it down on the table.

“I’m gonna leave with her, pal. Just watch.”

The rest of the night in that dive bar is sort of an massive blur of 2004 country songs being played on a jukebox while I kept finding excuses to get Britta to lean in closer to hear me. I would tuck her hair behind her ears and with every little lip bite and nervous giggle I knew I was totally in. Maybe I was imagining it, but I was pretty sure when she said, “Come over for some wine” into my ear she purposely caught my earlobe between her lips.

We made it back to her apartment and shook the snow off of our coats before tossing them aside. I curled up on her bed as she popped open a bottle of wine.

“Sorry the place is such a wreck! My boyfriend literally moved out like…four days ago,” she called from the kitchen.


She made her way into the bedroom and handed me some sort of red wine before flopping down on the bed, kicking her Converse off with her.

“Ex-boyfriend. I guess I should have clarified.”

I sipped my wine and nodded.

She sighed. “It’s just so weird. I mean we were together for four years, I can’t even imagine kissing anyone besides him.”

I set my wine down on her night stand.

“Well, why don’t you just give it a shot?” I said thoughtfully with only a slight lean in.

She batted her eyelashes and I could see the curiosity filling her blue eyes.

“…I’ve never…”

And I didn’t let her finish the sentence because it was predictable and didn’t matter.

The first few kisses were soft and easy, the kind of making out you do in high school all quiet because you don’t want your parents to catch you. I cupped both sides of her face with my hands and tangled my fingers through her hair as I carefully licked at her bottom lip. I couldn’t help but smile when a little moan escaped her lips and she pulled me in deeper, getting more bold with her tongue.

I pulled away for a split second, both our our mouths red and swollen from kissing.

“I just want to tell you,” I said breathlessly. “If you want to stop — just tell me.”

But Britta just pulled me in again. Her mouth was hungry and her sighs were more desperate, more audible. I guided her arms up and pulled her tank top off, reaching for the clasp on the back of her bra.

She scooted up towards the head of the bed and I crawled towards her, straddling over her narrow hips. I moved from her mouth to her ears to her neck, catching her skin between my teeth. A little “oh” escaped from her as I made my way down, fondling her sides with my hands as I lightly sucked on one already pink nipple.

I kissed her between her chest as I undid her jeans with one hand. Looking up at her as I slid my way down her waistband, feeling the heat from her on my palm, I could see the nervousness between her eyes. I backed up, and kissed her again.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded furiously.


Don’t have to ask me twice.

I pulled her jeans off and threw them beside the bed. She scooted up, her fingers lightly teasing across the top of her pink boyshorts like some sort of invitation. I resumed my previously spot, swirling her nipples with my tongue and tickled my fingers up and down her ribs. She shivered with anticipation and gasped, biting down on her bottom lip.

I took my right hand and carefully, slowly traced the lined from below her pierced bellybutton to the top of her panties. I gently caressed the top of them, teasing her and making her arch into my hand. She was already getting wet, I could feel it between her legs. I thumbed the elastic near her hipbone for just a second before sliding my hand between her thighs.

“Lo…” She moaned hungrily, grasping at my hair.

I slid one finger inside of her, swirling slowly and rhythmically circling her clit with my thumb. She squirmed and shook, I could see her grasping at her pillowcase as she squeezed her eyes shut. I moved from one finger to two, slowly and methodically moving in and out of her. She was so wet, so ready.

I kissed her one more time before pulling off her panties and stared at her naked body, drinking her in. She rubbed herself, licking her lips as I yanked off my sweatshirt and jeans.

“Just relax,” I instructed, backing myself up until I was leaning right over her most sensitive spot.

She couldn’t help but cry out as soon as my tongue met her. Her hips bucked into me and I eased them back down, making purposeful circles over her clit.

She tasted better than I could have imagined.

I rested one hand on one of her full breasts, playing with her nipple as I ate her out. I started slowly; going back and forth from making circles on her clit to licking her length wise with just the tip of my tongue. I slipped my index and middle finger in her, pumping in and out as I danced quickly across her and watched her moans get caught in her throat.

Every now and then I would back up and lightly blow, switching to three fingers and building her up before diving back in.

“Oh god don’t stop…” She whimpered softly, begging me with her eyes and the throbbing I could feel on my lips.

I smiled slowly and obliged, moving faster and harder. My middle finger was inside of her, pulsating on her G-spot as I sucked at her clit. I moved faster with my tongue, flicking back and forth and I felt her body tense against me.

“Oh god…oh god..”

I pressed into her more deeply.

“Come for me, babe. I want to hear you come,” I whispered, muffled against her. She was hot, beating. She was close.

I pressed the tip of my tongue to her and moved it quickly, fast and purposeful. I pushed my finger inside of her deeper and pinched her nipple just slightly as I felt her entire body clench and she cried out. Her fingers yanked at my hair as her hips bucked and shuddered, but I stayed put.

“That’s it, that’s it,” I cooed, still licking and lapping.

Britta screamed out as I kept going down on her. With every twitch, every push as she came I kept rubbing against her G-spot, kept making firm, pressured circles with my tongue against her clit. She was wetter than ever, coming and coming and coming. And once she thought she was done she’d come again. I didn’t stop, didn’t waver until I felt the familiar collapse of her thighs and heard the choking, gasping for air that is just so fucking satisfying.

Britta lay against her strewn pillows, trying to catch her breath. I smiled and wiped my mouth, falling next to her on the bed.

“That was…that was insane,” She said between gulps for air.

I planted a kiss on her cheek and reached for her wine. I heard her swallow and then felt a timid hand on my shoulder.

“Give me a minute and then…can you teach me how to do that?” TC mark

I Wish I Was A Train Because Trains Don’t Wait For People

Posted: 26 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

 Ales Krivec
Ales Krivec

I wish I was a train because trains always know where they're going. They know their way and they know their stops. They don't stop at the wrong station and they don't stop at stations that don't have room for them. They always make sure that the station knows, that the station is ready and that the station is waiting for them.

A train doesn't wait for late passengers or passengers who are not sure where they're going. They only let passengers in who are on board, who booked a ticket, who know they have to be on that train to get to their destination.

A train doesn't make excuses for confused or hesitant passengers; a train doesn't care about those who can't make up their minds.

A train just rolls into the darkness and doesn't fear the obstacles on the way. It keeps going in one direction and it doesn't turn back. It looks ahead and moves ahead and rarely looks at what it left behind. A train doesn't really care about the pebbles on the tracks as long as it can keep moving and a train doesn't care whether it's night or day as long as it can see the road.

A train stops at all sorts of stations and learns to adjust along the way. It may not be the fanciest or nicest station but it's part of the path and a train embraces all parts of the path; the good, the bad and the ugly. A train doesn't wait for the perfect station, a train knows there is something to be picked up from each station that will make the road easier and less frightening.

A train doesn't care about the weight of the cargo it’s transporting; heavy or light, it will just carry it and take it where it belongs; instead of worrying about the cargo, the train enjoys the scenery it passes through, the sunsets and sunrises it witnesses, the farms, the greenery and the beautiful land it looks at and the rainbows that penetrate the skies every now and then.

Because these moments make the ride worthwhile, they make it easier, they make it more meaningful and they make the train forget that it's alone. Trains find beauty in isolation.

I wish I was a train because trains make people happy, they take them to see loved ones, they make it easier to connect with those far away and they give people something to look forward to. Trains bring loved ones together.

I wish I was a train because trains don't stay in one station for too long; trains keep moving no matter how special one station was, if it's time to go, a train just leaves. Trains always know when to leave. Trains always leave before it's too late.

I wish I was a train because even when trains crash, they make the front page, even in their destruction, they still leave something for the world to talk about. TC mark

How To Tell If An INTJ Likes You (As Told By 29 INTJs)

Posted: 26 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT



1. “When I am interested in someone, I act completely normal, or perhaps even a tad too formal, until I am absolutely certain that my feelings are true and I can see myself in the future with you. In this awkward formality stage, I’ll offer to help you with things I would never offer to others (definitely going out of my way). Once I’m sure (yes, this could take years and years or perhaps never at all), I will point blank make it known. I’m not interested in flirting or playing games. I want to know if my feelings are reciprocated and if you see a future with me, too. Like most things, INTJs approach love with caution and dedication.”


2. “I take things extremely slow with romantic interests, so my expressions of romantic interest are very subtle, and probably not picked up on. My game plan actually hinges on me explicitly telling them that I want to be more than friends with them. But there are 3 things that I do with romantic interests that I don’t do with others:
(1) Engage in non-essential communication when we’re apart.
(2) Regularly give compliments. Sometimes it’s about looks, but more often it’s about your intellect, personality, or some other trait I admire.
(3) Make an effort to spend time together, even if it’s in a small group setting. I only make time for things I’m interested in, so if I’m making time for you, that’s a big clue I’m interested in you.”


3. “I find any mutual friends; casually (or so I think) ask about them; decide if they have mutual interests. Obsess. Bring them to fictional character status. Finally, meet them in real life. Ask an offbeat question. Steal awkward glances throughout event. Look away as soon as they look back. Leave the event. Keep mentally envisioning what life would look like together until I am emotionally drained. Then get on with my life as it was before, never telling anyone how I feel/felt.”


4. “They probably won’t know because I don’t show it. I might ‘happen’ to be at various places where i know they hang out, work out etc. but I’m subtle about it. If it’s at work, I find some project that I need their help/input so I have an excuse to strike up a conversation with them. I generally won’t make the first move romantically.”


5. “When I like someone, I try to be around him as much as possible and find out everything there is to know about him. (Especially little things he likes, so I can know how to surprise him; and his long term plans, to know if we would be compatible in the long run.) But the easiest way for another person to tell is that he is probably one of the few people allowed to touch me at any given time.”


6. “I realize that this may not be the most straightfoward way with which one can show romantic interest, but when I like and respect someone, I would usually make the effort to tell them when they have understood something wrongly. I want the person I’m interested in to have the same motivation to strive to reach a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. It is the highest form of flattery if I bother to correct your views.”


7. “It’s simple. I make a point of interacting with the person regularly. I don’t go out of my way to interact with people, even the people I like. I must be very interested if I keep showing up to chat and hang out with you.”


8. “I actually give them my time and listen to their problems. I also show affection through physical touch which I normally do not do. I try to figure out how I can help them confront their issues in a manageable way and do thoughtful things to make them smile. I also start taking on some of their responsibilities as my own ( nothing huge, just smaller chores or tasks I can do to help out *cooking dinner etc) until they decompress.”


9. “When I like someone I research their type extensively and study them when I’m around them. If I listen to you really intently, I might like you, because I find most people uninteresting. I wish I was good at flirting but I’m too shy to try.”


10. “I will flirt. Well, I’ll flirt the way I flirt. I normally think I’m clever and hilarious, but when I’m really interested in someone, I will add a physical touch. I cross my self imposed boundary. I’ll remove a fallen eyelash, or push their hair back slightly. I don’t touch people. I have a bubble and I want it respected, therefore I respect all the bubbles around me. But if I want to make it clear I’m interested without being entirely brash, I’ll breach the bubble. Touch their arm, sit a little closer, keep my hands open on the table, rest my head on their shoulder (briefly). Just small physical cues I’m not closing them out.”


11. “I really put effort into hanging out with them, and I don’t hold back my thoughts. Typically I try to be as tactful as possible with people, but if I’m romantically interested, I value them enough to shoot a little more straight with them. Not necessarily telling them outright but definitely just showing them more of my true form.”


12. “I will spend time with them and talk to them. I don’t give attention to just anyone, you know! Most of the time, people just think I’m a bitch. In general, I see no need to change that. If I take the time to try to flirt or be nice to you, or at least make you think I’m not a bitch, then I think you are special. I also really like being efficient, so if that means sending lots of signals at once (texting/sexting, wearing extra makeup when they are around, increasing affection, etc) then I am okay with it. I will put myself out there, I need to know as soon as possible if they aren’t interested and it’s time to move on.”


13. “I’m not so good at this, but I try to be near them much more often. Sometimes I’ll lightly engage them in a conversation. And this is strange, but I’ll usually say their name when I’m talking to them.”


14. “I put myself around that person as much as possible, short of being stalkerish. I learn as much as I can about them, their likes and dislikes, their dreams and goals, etc. I will also communicate with the person a lot. If I regularly and quickly text you back that’s a really good sign. If you’re ever in doubt whether an INTJ likes you just ask, they will respect you for having the balls to ask and they will be honest with you.”


15. “Sadly for me, I fit perfectly into the stereotype of INTJs being romantic disasters. The art of subtle flirting is unknown to and lost on me. I generally try finding events we would mutually be interested and asking the other if they wish to go see it. Basically, just asking them to hang out one-on-one, without explicitly asking them out on a date.”


16. “I usually end up infiltrating their life. I spend most of my free time with them even doing the most mundane things like supermarket shopping. Half the time I wait for the other one to drop a suggestive comment and pounce on that with a flirty response but that’s the extent of my flirting abilities.”


17. “I don’t experience instant attraction. It takes time for me to figure out if I am actually interested. A tell-tale sign would be if I ask a lot of questions and want to spend time with someone. If and when I come to realize I am attracted, I typically just say so.”


18. “I think INTJs are probably more likely to just state it. We don’t like dating games, and making our intentions known is the easiest way to skip that part. But it is also possible that INTJs would miss signs or opportunities of mutual attraction and then wouldn’t explicitly state their interest. In those cases, I would show my interest by spending time with the person, asking deep and meaningful questions and listening intently to the answers. This is a big deal since we appreciate alone time. I would smile (a real smile, not a polite smile) when I see him or her instead of being vaguely annoyed by another human presence. I can flirt some, but it’s usually after a dating relationship has been established, not as a precursor to dating. My flirting or flattery tends to be very honest and forthright. An INTJ might compliment something that most other personalities wouldn’t appreciate.”


19. “I’ll go out of my way to pursue you, if we’re messaging and I’m asking every question under the sun it’s because I’m really interested in you. It’s all part of my quest for knowledge, the more know about you, the more certain I can be wether we really belong together. It also helps to ask me some questions in return; just to reciprocate the interest.”


20. “It’s pretty much impossible to not explicitly state interest, to be honest. I’m so straightforward that I can’t be vague about it. If I’m romantically interested in someone, I show signs that are very obvious. I’ll send them nice messages, maybe even add emoticons. If I’m going to show someone I have emotions, I might as well be vocal about them.”


21. “As a typical INTJ, the fact that I’m even willing to make/spend time with someone says a lot in my view. I do not spend time with people I don’t like. In fact, if I’m even willing to talk to someone every day, that’s huge for me. I don’t like having daily banter and pointless conversations with just anyone. I’m trying to be better about voicing positive affirmations and will do my best to be mindful and compliment people I’m dating. I’m not very good at initiating physical affection, which is another thing I’m working on; but I am comfortable reciprocating when my partner is physically affectionate. I’m also big at giving gifts and doing nice/helpful things for others, although it’s more important to me that it be a thoughtful gift than an expensive one.”


22. “Generally I’ll keep an eye out for them and try to make their life better behind their back (but won’t actually tell them what I did…go figure). Example: at my former job, I put some lemons on a coworker’s (ENFP) desk because she was feeling unwell but didn’t tell her. It was only a few days later when discussing something else that I casually mentioned giving her some lemons (she was still run-down) that she figured it out.”


23. “Showing my romantic interest involves engaging with the person in a shared interest or hobby – and by demonstrating my knowledge or expertise in that particular area. I make it a point to smile at them, acknowledge them, and engage in conversation. I might send them articles or videos I came across that made me think of them. I’ll do some research on their interests and casually invite them to an event or concert that they would enjoy. But to be honest, none of these things ever come off as romantic. To me, it’s obvious because I would never engage someone in that way if I didn’t actually have feelings for them. As an INTJ woman it seems that most men were always too scared to directly pursue me. So I’m much better at creating a friendship with someone I’m interested in – and then eventually that person’s “E” or “F” (or both) figures it out.”


24. “When I like someone, I distance myself. I can’t find that language that coincides with my thoughts around the person I like. So it remains felt inside and all I can only do is stay at a distance, silently studying them. But, I would definitely take the effort to get out of house and spend more time getting to know them. I may reply using more words than usual. I would not get cranky when we accidentally touch one another’s hands. If they ever ask me directly, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them the truth.”


25. “Being straight forward and not interested with most people all the time, I am obviously romantically interested in someone when I:
(1) Text to ask them about their day and follow through with more questions despite it being a very bland topic.
(2) Learn their interests, research it, learn it even if it is something out of my element, like dancing.
(3) Remember details of everything thy say because information is power … and power is used to buy gifts and set up little surprises for the said special person.”


26. “I’m very particular with my time. If I actively try to engage, and make plans, and try to remake plans with you (I’m looking at you ENFP’s) when you get distracted (visit a baby animal farm) or forget about the plans, I’m interested. I’ll also try to help you develop, and provide subtle constructive criticism (with the nicest intentions in mind). I also become a little ‘clingy’ if I’m interested, because I want to find out as much as I can about you.. But I think the ultimate (as an INTJ), if I ever open up about my emotions with you, I trust you, and are more than likely pretty interested in you.”


27. “I strike up conversations with them and pay attention for things they indicate that they like, and then bring those things up as ideas to spend time together. I usually will tell them directly that I like them. I’m not interested in wasting time if being direct can help break the ice that much quicker.”


28. “I will communicate my personal space differently; You might suddenly feel that you are allowed to give me a hug, to sit closer, I might even initiate this type of physical contact. And then of course if I am interested – you will know. I do not engage in 'mating-games'. I will most probably tell you that I have an interest in you, and specify if we are talking about a fling or a relationship. If my intentions are for a relationship, I will be very concerned about how I am expressing myself. That, both in terms of my expressed attitude and in terms of clarification of my intentions. I will add gentleness and tenderness to my otherwise very matter-of-fact and effectiveness-focused way of communication. I will also put much effort in executing understanding with and accommodating your emotionality, that is inherently more on the surface than mine.”


29. “I will ask them to play chess. The brain being the sexiest part of human body, it’s a perfect foreplay.”TC mark


Pick up Heidi’s book “How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Personality Type” here.


10 Reasons Why Your Life Gets Better The Day You Stop Caring About What People Think

Posted: 26 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT / wundervisuals / wundervisuals

1. You start living life according to your own rules. You fill your life with more activities and adventures that resemble you; not your friends, not your family and not society. Your life becomes a reflection of who you truly are instead of conforming to be someone you're not.

2. You become braver. You don't have the fear of what others may think of your choices, so you take more risks and make bolder decisions because people and their opinions are not holding you back anymore. You just do what you feel like doing with no reservations.

3. You attract the right people for you. You attract friends who support your decisions without judging you and friends who probably don't care about fitting in either. You start building better, deeper and more meaningful relationships with people who actually understand you.

4. You realize how toxic people can be. You realize how their opinions and voices distort the voices in your head, tricking you into believing something you don't agree with or not really feeling. You realize that people can truly shape you into someone you don’t want to be if you pay too much attention to what they say.

5. You no longer try to impress others, you just want to impress yourself. You feel happier that you're not looking for someone's approval or validation, you're not waiting for someone to give you a pat on the back for doing things right and you're not waiting for someone to make you feel like you matter or that you are important.

6. You have a better chance at succeeding. When you take risks and live a life that you can enjoy and love, your possibilities of finding success are endless because with every step you take, you are actually doing something that you really want or really love and you’re living a more passionate life. Eventually, that passion will pay off and you will turn into a lifestyle.

7. It becomes harder for people to bring you down. You don't care if someone doesn't like your clothes or criticizes the way you live your life. Words don't get to you as much as they used to and the naysayers don't bring you down anymore because you’re not listening. 

8. It is liberating. When you take the weight of people and their opinions off your shoulder, you begin to live your life differently, you don't feel bad about your choices (even the poor ones), and you don't care about keeping up appearances or being politically correct. You start making your own decisions without consulting a bunch of people first.

9. You start changing your life. You start finding your passion and pursuing your dreams instead of staying stuck in the comfort zone of people and society. You become an explorer and a wanderer. You transform your life the day you decide to stop paying attention to what people think or what they might say.

10. You realize that they don't care either. At the end of the day, you realize that people actually don't care about your life as much as you think. Everyone is busy living their own to monitor yours and sometimes their harsh opinions are nothing but another conversation to them. You have to always know the difference between the ones who truly care about your life and the ones who pretend to be interested in it.  TC mark

When You Deal With Your Depression By Pulling Away From People

Posted: 26 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

 Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

It's no secret that I work through mental health issues every day. It's something I'm incredibly proud of – not in some weird, misinformed "WOOHOO, DEPRESSION IS A BLAST" way, but just that I'm happy to speak up about something people have been shamed into silence about for so long. If I'm going to share myself so publicly, I want to show the not-so cute parts. The dirtiness. The times I was not a person I like very much.

I was first diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 14, but I'm pretty sure it made its grand appearance about two years earlier. I've been an anxious thing since birth. I didn't even recognize that those weird moments of nausea, heart palpitations, and dizziness were actually panic attacks until I went away for college. And the bipolar II diagnosis came in college too.

Part of getting older and discovering more about myself (including those things I don't like) has been learning about my coping mechanisms, how I deal, why I do the things I do. I'm the biggest self-analyzer you'll meet. I like to play therapist to myself (not that it should ever take the place of a professional.) Maybe it's fucked, but I get a sick joy unlocking new answers as to why I'm fucked up about something. I get to be a neurotic Sherlock, and my own goddamn mind is the case I'm trying to crack.

I've always been withdrawn. As a kid, I rarely made it through the night at sleepovers. I would end up calling my mom at 2 am asking her to pick me up. It's like I couldn't settle until I was alone again. Even with people I loved, I kept watch on the clock. I routinely made up excuses as to why I couldn't attend social events. I had my handful of friends and never really cared to expand it much. Even now, my social circle is TINY. Today I thought, "Wow, if I ever threw a party who would I even fucking invite? My mom? My dog?"

I think that might surprise a lot of the online community I've created. I've been told I come across as very bubbly, super open, basically a golden retriever in human form. Sure, there's some truth in those statements – I get very excited and passionate about seemingly small things. I'm a hugger. My natural instinct is to believe in people. I trust everyone. I give second chances. And thirds. And fourths.

But I'll always be the first one to leave the party. It's difficult to know if this is because of anxiety or if it's just a personality trait. Maybe the two aren't mutually exclusive.

I think one of the hard parts of loving someone who struggles is that even though they don't intend to, they hurt you. Even when you’re just the bystander.

I know when I withdraw, when I stop returning texts, when I ghost from people's lives like I was never even there to begin with, it’s something that stings. And every time I wake up and discover, "Oh shit, I've been in hiding for a few months" I feel terrible. But it's a cyclical process. It’s a hard thing to change when it feels like it’s part of who you are.

I don't ever mean to pull away. It's never malicious. It isn't because I hate someone, or that I've decided my life is better without them. It's because my fucking brain says, "You're done for a while. Go hibernate, ya weirdo." So I do. I hibernate. I’m a hibernating human.

What I'm saying is I'm still here. Despite writing endless poems about it, I am not good at telling people when I'm hurting, so I hide. I avoid. I ignore. And none of it is good.

But I'm still alive.

Sometimes, I just need to escape for a bit. But I come back. I promise, I'll always come back. TC mark

I’m Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now, But One Day I Will Be

Posted: 26 May 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Dustin Adams
Dustin Adams

For as long as I can remember, I've never done the whole relationship thing.

I've always been the girl who prefers to "play the field" and avoid commitment to one person. I look at my non-single friends with both awe and admiration. So you’re telling me… you two have remained together for a whole year? And you’ve never gotten bored of each other? Never cheated on each other? Not even once?!

Sometimes I imagine it would feel nice to be with one person, that one person who'd serve as a constant in my fast-paced and ever-changing life. That person who'd stand by my side on my best and worst days, who'd laugh at my dumb jokes, that person to always come home to. But then I remember I have had that… it just wasn’t a full-fledged, exclusive relationship. And that's never bothered me. I set the rules and had the freedom to speak to whomever I pleased. I never had to worry about growing bored of the one I was seeing.

But with this said… There must be a reason I cry each time I watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. A reason I'm drawn to old-school romance novels in which the man sweeps the woman off her feet. A reason that whenever I meet an elderly couple I insist on hearing the full tale of how they met.

Because I know, buried under the complex layers of my apathetic yet dynamic self, there's a part of me that longs to give and receive love.

A part of me that, although may not have fully surfaced yet, is capable of connecting with another soul and creating an emotionally charged relationship.

Because when I imagine myself in fifteen years, I don’t see myself scrolling through my never-ending list of contacts contemplating which man to invite to spend the night. I envision myself living in a warm house with two dogs and husband, and eventually children.

Maybe I'm just not ready to unveil that side of me yet.

I'm still young and have much to learn about the world along with myself. But when I find that man who uncovers the girl inside of me who's ready to love unconditionally, I won't stifle her. I'll embrace her and welcome her with open arms. Because even though we haven’t interacted for much of my life, she is me. And I'm excited for her to make her appearance. TC mark