Thought Catalog


64 People Share The Most Awkward, Random, And Hilarious Things They’ve Ever Heard In Bed

Posted: 28 May 2016 05:57 PM PDT

marcobertoliphotography / www.twenty20.com/photos/acbf8a84-6642-4c31-8823-24d3ebe20716
marcobertoliphotography / www.twenty20.com/photos/acbf8a84-6642-4c31-8823-24d3ebe20716

1.

“Where can I put my water”

I realized after he asked it the second time that he meant cum and had to contain my laughter.

2.

I once had someone refer to condoms as Gatorade.

Guy: You want a gatorade?

Me: No thanks, I’m good.

Guy: Are you suuuuure you don’t want a ga-tor-ade?

Me: No, really, I’m fine.

Guy: (leans in and whispers) I’m trying to ask if we need condoms.

Me: Oh. YES! Yes we need condoms, obviously.

He runs in to the store and I sit in the truck wondering how the hell I was supposed to know gatorade meant condoms. Oh to be young again.

3.

“Holy shit, there’s a potato on the floor over there. ”

To be fair, there was indeed a potato on the floor.

4.

“You fuck like a robot”

Followed immediately by apologies and, “I meant machine. You fuck like a machine” Then debate over what the funniest machine I could fuck like would be.

5.

“The worker’s revolution is inevitable.”

6.

I use to date MILFs in my twenties. This one was really kinky and asked if it was okay to call me a certain name. I didn’t mind, I was getting laid. I later found out that was the name of her son.

7.

First words after we finish…

Her: “I don’t think I believe in God anymore.”

Me: “Oh…Ok.”

8.

“This is why I prefer women, cock is just painful.”

9.

“You’re doing a good job!” In a very surprised tone.

10.

“Can I put my finger in your butt?”

She could.

11.

“Are you an organ donor?”

We’re still married.

12.

“I’m too young to get fucked like this.”

Lulz were had.

13.

My ex was going to ride me, and climbed on top. Then she said “Now you’re the jews, and I’m Hitler” I laughed for 15 minutes straight, and couldn’t do a thing. She was weird…

14.

“Wait, you’ve never seen Star Wars right?” We ended up not finishing to go rent Episode IV, then found ourselves having sex in the middle of it. Good movie.

15.

“Where’d you get that desk? It’s lovely.”

16.

“Surprise!”

We were trying to expand beyond just sex, and did some mutual masturbation/fondling while watching porn together. Just as he starts to cum, he yells “Surprise” and tries to aim it at me, but misjudged the intensity of his load. Because I was half laying on him, it ended up shooting straight up and landing all over his face and chest. So instead of giving me a “Surprise” facial, he gave himself one. It was hilarious.

17.

“There’s something in my pussy.” Um yeah, my dick.

Turned out that apparently some of her hair (which was super long and thus was always all over her bed sheets) had balled up mid-thrust and snuck in.

We aren’t together anymore, but still best friends. Whenever she apologizes for saying something gross or TMI, I casually reminded her that I’ve pulled her own hair out of her vagina, which usually results in her slapping me and telling me to shut up.

18.

“I’m hungry let’s get pizza after this”… We were both very drunk.

19.

I once lived with someone with Disassociative Identity Disorder. She was 90lbs soaking wet while I stood at 6 foot, 280lbs. She and I were having sex one night, missionary style, when all of the sudden, her entire aura seemed to change. It’s dark, but I can barely make out her facial features and while physically, she looked the same, I could kind of tell that this was not the same person.

She suddenly grabs my shoulders and menacingly says, “She’s had enough: it’s my turn now.” And proceeds to flip me over with ease and is suddenly riding me like there is no tomorrow. This was simultaneously the most disturbing and hottest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

When I mentioned it the next day, she genuinely had no idea what I was talking about and profusely apologized for “putting me though that.”

20.

“Ahh babe theres shit in your ass cheeks.”

21.

“Fuck me like BP fucked the Gulf.”

22.

My girlfriend once said “fuck me like you are gay” I just stopped and had to check if I heard that right! Couldn’t stop laughing but still managed to finish up!

23.

“And the duck walked up to the lemonade stand.”

24.

Imagine the scene: a dark hotel room, the middle of the night, the TV playing in the background. A man and a woman boink furiously.

Suddenly, the man stops, and he says “holy shit, I forgot I had Oreos!” Because he had gotten them earlier at the store. That man was drunk, and that man was me.

25.

“Dot!”

Some context is needed. My girlfriend and I play The Dot Game which is where you try to tap the other person on the nose and say “dot”. You aren’t allowed to cover your nose so you have to deflect their hands and grapple with them. She dotted me and so I had to focus on dotting her back. So we started wrestling to try and dot the other one and we were laughing the whole time. All that wrestling just turned us on again and so we seamlessly went back to sex.

26.

Not said but did… she started blowing raspberries on my belly…

She was on top and was making her way down and I thought she was going to give me a BJ…nope, raspberries on my belly…

27.

“Is Whole Foods still open?”

28.

I had a girl ask me to call her by a different name once. It was a bit weird, but I went with it and I later found out it was her roommate’s name.

29.

“Did you just sneeze into my pussy?”

This was followed by a very quiet yes from me.

30.

In context it made sense, but; “Biscuits everywhere!”

31.

“There’s no ‘deep and meaningful’ to this. I just want to fuck you.”

32.

“Thanks for the free parking.”

33.

“Go deep like you’re Aaron fucking Rodgers.”

34.

“You’re so much bigger than your roommate”

“MEEE-OOWWWW”

“Is that a cop?”

35.

I was once dating a girl who claimed to like dank memes.

When I came I whispered in her ear that Bush did 9/11 and that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.

Oddly she wasn’t amused.

I also slept with a girl who claimed to like puns.

We started with some fingering then a handy. By the time we actually got to fucking I was already ready to cum. I lasted less than a minute then said “I guess all that handy work finally paid off.”

Once again not amused.

Women, am I right?

36.

A long time ago myself and the mrs had a night when we watched a load of 70s James Bond films back to back. In most of these, the female Bond seduces at the end utters ‘Oh James’ in pleasure, and I playfully asked why she didn’t do this exact same thing with me, and brought it up each film that night. Then I completely forgot about it.

About three years later she reminded me by doing it (yup, saying ‘James’ and everything) right in the middle of the horizontal shuffle. I got what she meant after about five seconds and saw the funny side, but those five seconds were very, very uncomfortable indeed.

37.

I’ve done this a few times.. First time with a girlfriend is usually followed by “So that’s what losing my virginity feels like.”

Also had a girlfriend as we’re about to cum, we’d say random things or names. Either ended in a wtf is that or hilarity.

38.

Asked me about my plans for next Wednesday. Was mid-stroke. Stopped, I think a second (cause she was serious). Then she asked me why I stopped and how close she was to cumming. Neither of us finished…tried to figure out plans.

39.

“I can’t do this.” He meant doing it on the couch, but for a second, I was really confused.

40.

“Do you think we should get wings with the pizza?”

I responded with “God, I love you.”

41.

“As soon as your arms heal, I’ll buy you that Playstation you wanted.”

42.

“I miss my ex.”

43.

“I used to have sex (with his ex) to this CD all the time too.”

44.

“MUM”. I wasn’t his mum. We never spoke of it again.

45.

A partner once insisted I shout “I’m Old Gregg” whilst climaxing. (I do a spot on Old Gregg impression)

You best believe I did it too.

46.

“Your dick feels like corn.”

47.

“How are you not more flexible?”

48.

“So do I have the job?”

49.

“Can you untie me? I want to go home.”

50.

“What is the Euphrates River?” – Mid-orgasm.

I still have no idea why I said it.

51.

In high school I was banging my girlfriend doggy style and she puts her hands back to stop me. I’m 1/2 way in her and she turns back to me and says “was the pre-calc test tomorrow or Friday?”

Another one was in college I was having sex with a girl and she says “I’ve always wanted to be fucked by a big black cock.” For the record I’m extremely white, as is my cock.

52.

Him: “Want me to go deeper?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Him: “I can’t, I’m all out of PP.”

53.

“We need to let the cat watch us.” She wanted the cat to watch, so I went with it. Unfortunately, I kept my eyes closed the entire time, fearing the moment I made eye contact with the cat…fearing its silent judgement, and scorn would lead to performance anxiety. The cat’s name was Fluffles.

54.

“Holy cow!!!” He was the cutest surfer-guy, but he grew up Mormon and I think he was just so astonished to be having sex that he had to express his delighted surprise, but without swearing.

55.

“Did we tip the waiter at the restaurant earlier?” – Said mid-stroke.

Oddly, I was thinking exactly the same thing. Which is weird because normally all I can think about during sex is the sex.

56.

“Why do you make me cum so much, I just want pizza.” Til this day I have no idea, but fuck it we had pizza afterwards.

57.

I once had a guy say, “I fucking hate walnuts” just after sex. We’d not talked about food, nor were we near any. Maybe it was just that good, and I blew his mind. LOL.

Also, once a guy said “I want to fuck you with big tits!” when he was asking for the boob sex. I immediately pictured him having enormous boobs and couldn’t stop laughing.

58.

I said “look mom no hands” while railing away, she laughed for a good five minutes.

59.

I once kissed my own bicep. I was fucking without my glasses on and got confused. She saw me do it.

60.

Just last night, when we were finished, I had cum on my hand. So I reached over reeaaally slowly and swiped my thumb across his forehead while whispering “Siiiimbaaaah”.

61.

Her: “We should film this. My ex said he misses me.”

62.

“Whatever happened to neopets?”

63.

“Holy shit, this is why bitches get pregnant.” It was her first time having unprotected sex.

64.

“Action!” TC mark

The Title Of This Poem Is ‘Fuckboys’

Posted: 28 May 2016 05:56 PM PDT

Chrissy Stockton
Chrissy Stockton

Losing you has been like
the incredible relief of an exhale
you have been waiting years
to take.

I didn’t realize I had been struggling
to swim to the surface for so long.

But here I am
inhaling something new.

And spitting you out like salty water. TC mark

18 Little Reminders For Anyone Who Feels Like They Don’t Know What They’re Doing With Their Life

Posted: 28 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Screen Shot 2016-05-16 at 9.32.24 PM

1. Nobody knows what they are “doing with their lives.” Some people have a better idea of what they’re working toward, but ultimately, none of us can accurately anticipate or summarize what our existence is about. Not yet.

2. You decide what your life is defined by. The feeling of being “lost” isn’t what happens when you go off-path, it’s when you forfeit control. It’s what happens when you don’t want to accept the course of events that have unfolded. Being found again is a matter of owning what happened to you, and continuing to write the story.

3. J.K. Rowling didn’t know she was going to be one of the most famous writers in the world, she was just writing a story for her kids. Steve Jobs didn’t know he’d be a pioneer of how humanity interacts with technology, he was just a guy in his garage making a computer. Oprah didn’t know she’d become the poster woman for self-improvement and success, she was just trying to do a job. You don’t need to know what you’re doing to still do something extraordinary.

4. There is no way you will be able to predict or plan what will be happening in 5 years from now.

5. If you can predict and plan for that, dream bigger. Try harder.

6. Planning your life (or having a cohesive idea of “what you’re doing”) isn’t necessarily ambition, it’s more just a soothing notion. Focus instead on what you want to do with each and every day of your existence. That’s noble. That’s worthwhile. That will get you somewhere.

7. You owe nothing to your younger self. You are not responsible for being the person you once thought you'd be.

8. You owe everything to the adult you are today. You owe it to yourself to ask yourself what you like, what you want, what calls you, what you need, and what you deserve.

9. Do you know why you don't have the things you once thought you wanted? Because you don't want them anymore. Not badly enough.

10. It's likely that you're between realizing you don't want what you once did, and giving yourself permission to want what you want now.

11. Give yourself permission to want what you want now.

12. If you want to change your life, stop thinking about how you feel lost and start coming up with actions you can take that move you in a direction – any direction – that’s positive. It’s a lot harder to think your way into a new way of acting than it is to act your way into a new way of thinking.

13. Nobody’s life is as good as it looks online.

14. Nobody cares about your social media presence as much as you do.

15. Social media has uniquely and distinctly made us ever-more concerned with the next big “goal.” If you feel like you don’t know where your life is going, it’s likely because you don’t know what you want your next big impressive “goal” to be.

16. You don’t need to accomplish anything to be a worthwhile human being. Very few people are actually meant to be extraordinary. That does not mean you cannot know contentment, love, joy, and all the real wonders of life.

17. Your life is only ever as good as your perception of it is. Feeling lost or like you “don’t know what you’re doing” is only solved by learning to think about things differently. That’s all.

18. Stop asking: “What am I doing with my life?” and start asking: “What am I doing with today? TC mark

Ranking The Cast Of This Season Of ‘The Real World’ By How Terrible Of A Person They Are

Posted: 28 May 2016 03:21 PM PDT

Ranked from least terrible to most terrible:

CeeJai Jenkins

The Real World
The Real World

Ceejai is the best person on this season. Ceejai has overcome incredible obstacles in life and become a strong, open-minded person who as a tenacious ability to find silver-linings in life.

She beats the shit out of Jenna and I’m the last person in the world to say violence is okay, but I think MTV is really at fault for this. Ceejai is visibly over her limit for a long period of time. Jenna should have been kicked out of the house after she attacked Ceejai to begin with. You can’t lock someone in a room with someone insulting them, watch it escalate to this level, and not expect this to happen. What any sane person does here — and what Ceejai would have done on her own — is to not put themselves in this situation, which of course does not make good TV.

Ceejai views her violence as a show of weakness, which is the right reaction here.

Sabrina Kennedy

The Real World
The Real World

Sabrina could maybe be the best person on this season, but she’s too boring to know for sure. “Boring” on reality tv generally means good things — but only off screen. She doesn’t yell at people, she doesn’t stir up drama, she just seems like a good friend and presence in the house.

Dean Plange

The Real World
The Real World

Like Sabrina, Dean may be near the top of the ranking simply because he’s boring on TV. But he seems affable with most people and patient with Jenna’s insane beliefs. He passively participates in the bullying of Jenna, but to a much smaller degree than the others.

Dylan Moore

The Real World
The Real World

Dylan is a stripper with a heart of gold.

Dylan gets on the show and immediately dumps his girlfriend back home for the bright shiny objects in the house. But you can tell he has a good heart and he seems genuinely disturbed by the house bullying Jenna. Even though he later agrees with their assessment, he is open-minded enough to discover what she’s really like for himself. It’s very endearing to see how much a small amount of positive attention means to her after months of bullying.

Kailah Casillas

The Real World
The Real World

There’s not a lot of substance to Kailah. She’s very, very, very young. She needs to get a job or go to school or figure out how to do something that gives her confidence so she can be happy in whatever that is instead of needing attention from everyone else so badly. She is young though, there’s a lot of time in her life for her to do this.

She gets to be above Jenna though because I was impressed by how she called her out for being a racist while it was happening. This is better than bullying after the fact because she literally tries to explain why what she was doing is not okay versus just calling her names or ignoring her.

Jenna Thomason

The Real World
The Real World

Jenna lives in a world where people say things like “go pick some cotton, bitch” to Ceejai which is utterly mind-blowing for me as a viewer and her roommates in the house. She’s racist and she’s homophobic, but she genuinely doesn’t know any better. This Real World house was what she desperately needed — time to live with people she has violent misconceptions about and change her mind in the only way people every change their minds: through relationships and experiencing other people’s stories. Unfortunately, her roommates instead spend the time trying to change her mind in the way no one in the history of the world ever changes their mind: through ostracizing and bullying her. It honestly makes me super sad to see this missed opportunity because there’s hope for Jenna. She doesn’t want to be a bad person, but she’s a product of her upbringing and she has to be challenged in the right way.

Dione Mariani

The Real World
The Real World

Dione escalates the situation between Jenna and Ceejai to blows. While Jenna is drunk and hurting because she was just rejected by her love interest Dione screams at her “shut the fuck up he doesn’t give a fuck about you” which seems cold-hearted to the point that it’s primal and just savage. Who tries to hurt someone else like this? Especially when the matter at hand doesn’t concern them at all.

Chris Ammon Hall

The Real World
The Real World

Chris is the worst person in this Real World house. He has gone through some tough stuff in life — being a poly person growing up in conservative mormonism — but he hasn’t learned from it. When Ceejai hits Jenna she feels terrible and realizes it was weakness and not the right thing to do. Chris jokes about spitting in her face and calling her a bitch. He’s not more open-minded for having struggled through other people’s close-mindedness. He’s not more loving or accepting for having dealt with other people not loving or accepting him. He’s a bully who has inexplicably convinced himself he’s a good person. TC mark

This Is Why You’re Such A Good Friend, According To Your ‘Love Language’

Posted: 28 May 2016 02:04 PM PDT

Alf Santos
Alf Santos

1. Quality Time

You're the type who sincerely enjoys the company of others, and when you're there you're really there. You don't let outside distractions like your cell phone prevent you from giving someone your full attention. You make eye contact and you listen intently, which makes people feel heard—and understood. Since you value time with others so much, you're also always willing to go out of your way to meet up with a friend, especially a friend in need. Those closest to you know they can count on you to meet up at the drop of the hat. When something goes really wrong (breakups, problems at work, a death in the family), you're the first person people call for an emergency pick-me-up hangout sesh. You're also the one they reach out to when things go right and it’s time to celebrate.

2. Physical Touch

You never hesitate to demonstrate affection, and you fully understand that touching can be meaningful even when it's asexual. Your ability to harness the powers of human contact without making others feel at all uncomfortable is what makes you such a great friend. You're the one who offers a big bear hug in greeting, who forces even the shyest people to wrap their arms around you and bathe in the positive energy that can only be transmitted through physical connection. You don't even have to say much because your kindhearted, touch-feely behavior does the talking for you. You shake hands firmly, and kiss people on the cheek enthusiastically. You make people feel warm and fuzzy through interacting with them physically, something that gets lost too often in an age in which everyone spends so much time hiding behind screens.

3. Words of Affirmation

You don't even have to be present to turn someone's day around. Since you understand the impact words can have, you specialize in doling out encouraging statements to friends and family whenever they're needed. People know that they can ring you up when they're feeling a little down and that you'll say exactly the right thing to cheer them up. You don't even have to dig deep to find the right affirmations, and you say them like you mean them—because you do. You see the proverbial silver lining in most situations and you have an uncanny ability to articulate what you see, sharing the beauty of positivity with those you love. You’re also particularly good at maintaining relationships across long distances.

4. Receiving Gifts

Since you're fluent in the language of giving, you're an expert at demonstrating how much you care through small, thoughtful gifts. You rarely show up anywhere empty-handed, but you tend to go beyond the typical in selecting presents. Instead of a bottle of wine or a bouquet of flowers, you might attend a housewarming party with a wand of sage because your host once offhandedly mentioned that she loved that scent. You're the one who remembers to bake cookies for a friend's birthday, and who picks up a little something on the way to meeting up with so-and-so because you just can’t help yourself. You can't help buying that trinket you spot in the shop window that reminds you so much of your old college friend of your aunt Jane or your third cousin Marty, either. You spread joy constantly by distributing tiny reminders to loved ones that you really do care enough to stop in your tracks and grab a little something extra to express your heartfelt appreciation for them.

5. Acts of Service

You're not the type who does kind things seeking credit or acknowledgement. The very act of doing something nice to ease a friend's burden and elevate their experience of the world fulfills you. Since you don't actively seek accolades, your kindnesses sometimes go unnoticed, but that's okay with you. You trust innately in the value of good deeds, knowing in your heart that the spirit of generosity through service is contagious. You're the type who does someone a favor before they even think to ask for it. You're keenly aware of how you can help out, and you actually follow through whenever possible, taking pleasure in alleviating the load that falls on friends, whether or not they know it. TC mark

15 Super Easy Ways You Can Trick Yourself Into Feeling More Confident (Without Even Realizing It)

Posted: 28 May 2016 02:02 PM PDT

rico.pulido08
rico.pulido08

1. Make eye contact with people you’re interacting with. We tend to avoid it when we’re feeling particularly insecure, so forcing yourself to lock eyes with whoever you’re speaking to will often convince your brain that you’re feeling more comfortable with yourself than you actually are.

2. Don’t put other people down. Even though our egos convince us that bashing others will make us feel better about ourselves, it really won’t. All it’s doing is reminding us, in a disguised form, of something we’re really unhappy about within ourselves. You probably won’t do it perfectly, but making a conscious effort to just let other people be, without judging them, will bring you a lot more peace than you would expect.  

3. Read. The more you expand your brain and force your imagination to be activated, the better you will feel internally.

4. Start each day with a to-do list that’s actually attainable. If lists aren’t your thing, cool. Just do it in your head on the commute to work. However you go about it, ending each day accomplishing even just a few small things will make you feel more relaxed and content with how you spent your time.

5. Keep up with the news and current events. Find a website or a daily email publication that can easily help you stay up to date. It takes up less than ten minutes of your day, but you’ll feel a lot more engaged during parties and debates and, hell, even while watching SNL, if you know what’s going on in the world.

6. Focus on gratitude. The more you pay attention to the things around you that bring you joy and laughter, the less time you will spend obsessing over all the little things that you are convinced are wrong with you.

7. Be kind to others. Most of us are inherently good people (for the most part). But sometimes good people forget to hold the door or smile at the cashier or say hello to the bus driver or to reach out to the friend who’s really struggling. Make sure you’re always doing the small things. The small things are what make us feel good.

8. Sleep more. None of us sleep enough, and it’s one of the most important things we can do to maintain not only our physical health, but our mental health and clarity as well.

9. Listen to music that’s going to put you in a good mood. The kind that gives you chills, the kind that gets your blood flowing, that one song you can listen to a hundred times, whatever. Just throw on something that makes you feel like you can take on the world.

10. Lipstick. I’m speaking personally here, but hey, it’s a small thing that always makes me feel like I’ve stepped out of my slump.

11. Treat yourself to some top of the line skin care products. Good, well-reviewed, high-quality stuff that’s going to make your skin feel soft and fresh and smooth.

12. Give out genuine compliments whenever you can. Making other people feel good makes us feel good.

13. Eat well. Really well. You don’t need to be overly strict with yourself, but making sure that the majority of your diet consists of healthy, clean foods will make a world of a difference in how your body feels and looks.

14. Get ready in at least some way. Dress in an outfit that makes you feel good, take some extra time to really moisturize, or choose any other one simple thing that gives you a little extra boost when you feel like you need it.

15. Change up something small in your routine. Sometimes switching up the monotony of our every day habits can shake something up within us that takes us out of our own crazy, judgmental heads. TC mark

There’s Nothing Romantic About The Pain Of Your Breakup, But Here’s How It Makes You Stronger

Posted: 28 May 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Kaique Rocha
Kaique Rocha

For a while, a broken heart hurts so intensely that the pain is actually physical. You feel the smothering weight of sadness and loneliness, of rejection and isolation. But in addition to those internal emotions, there’s also bodily pain: nausea, headaches, lack of appetite, and an exhaustion so crushing that all you feel capable of doing is laying in bed all damn day.

So when someone tells you that your broken heart is actually making you stronger, it’s usually accompanied by an intense desire to throw something on your end.

How could anyone possibly classify you as being strong, you wonder. You’ve spent days, weeks, and even months sobbing against the wall, crying in bathroom stalls at work, needing your friends and family more than you’ve ever needed them in your life, sometimes staring unseeingly in the middle of a social gathering, unable to feel anything at all.

Who would call that “getting stronger”?

To you, this whole experience feels more like you’re breaking apart, piece by piece.

But here’s the thing about “getting stronger.” We don’t realize it’s happening to us until we’re already through the dark patch. How could you possibly have time to reflect on the strength and tenacity of your soul when all your energy is going towards just getting out of bed in the morning? How could you have any time to do some internal categorization of your supposed mental and emotional fortitude when you’re too focused on trying not to break down at work and on maintaining some semblance of a social life so that you don’t entirely lose your mind?

We romanticize breakups in order to survive. We want the pain and the aching to have meaning, so that it didn’t all happen for nothing. We need a way to wrap our brains around all the heartache. So we think about the movies we’ve seen, the books we’ve read, the sad One Republic songs they play during the montage that follows a breakup scene at the end of a dramatic television episode. And we want to be those people, those characters. We want to stare out of a bus window on a rainy day and experience ~growth~ in a ten-second take. We want to go on a long hike and get to the top of a mountain and then realize it was a metaphor! the whole time for our grieving process, and that now we’re okay. We want to stand alone and stare at the skyline of a beautiful city at night, and smile to the invisible audience watching us, to signify that we will get through this because we’re ~strong~.

But in real life, breakups are ugly.

The days are shitty and uneventful. You’re alone much of the time. Much of your grieving happens behind closed doors and you are the only one who will ever witness it. Falling asleep is impossible for a long time, because you’re still getting used to the fact that there is no longer a warm body beside you or a soothing, familiar voice to wish you good night. Work days are impossibly long.

Sleep is the only respite, and it is brief and not restful. Social outings are exhausting and obligatory for a long while. Nothing about the pain and sadness and loneliness is romantic. It’s just full of suck.

There are some really beautiful moments that happen throughout this time, sure. But they’re sparse, and sprinkled amongst so many rough days that we are fairly unaware of them. The healing happens slowly, because this is real life. We are unaware of the growth and the change happening within us because it is happening in quiet, unremarkable moments. Nothing about it is seemingly courageous or awe-inspiring. It’s just regular life. But it’s regular life that we’re forcing ourselves to go through and continue showing up to, despite the heaviness that sits on our shoulders. And that is where the strength is coming from, bit by bit. Each time we get out of bed we’re getting stronger. Each time we cry in the bathroom stall and then shake it off and go back to our desk, we’re getting stronger. Each time we force ourselves to go be with our friends when all we want to do is stay home and wallow, we’re getting stronger. Nothing about this behavior is sexy or fascinating to watch. It doesn’t turn ours into an exceptional story or turn us into some outstanding character. We’re just us, surviving despite how sad we are, how heavy our heart is.

But that is what true strength really is. It’s not for show, it’s not for the benefit of someone else, it’s not incredible our admirable. It’s small, and secret, and quiet. It’s average. It’s human. But that’s exactly what makes it so comforting. Sometimes we go through our breakups and our heartaches and we wonder why it’s not as fascinating and as beautiful as the stories we read and watch. We think that we’re never going to get better because we’re not matching up with what we expect heartbreak to be like. But when you think about it, the monotony of your pain should be comforting. It means you’re doing it right, that you’re on the right track, that you’re experiencing what millions of humans before you have experienced. Maybe you’re not going to come out on the other side of your heartbreak and create an Eat, Pray, Love kind of phenomenon. But the important thing is, you’re going to come out on the other side, and you’re going to understand in such a deeper way what it means to be strong, what it means to be brave, what it means to be tough.

It means getting up, showing up, and living – when there’s no promise of admiration or glory or fascination from others. You’re doing it just to do it, you’re doing it because somewhere inside of you, you know that you’ll make it through, that you’ll be okay, that you’ll survive.

You are building strength, slowly, steadily. And maybe there’s no Snow Patrol playing in the background, maybe there’s no close up shot to portray your growth on your face. But it’s real, your new strength. More real than anything you’ve ever watched or read or listened to. Your heart was broken, and your story probably fell very short of extraordinary. And that’s exactly why you should trust it. It’s real life, not a movie. You’re almost there. Stay strong, and just keep getting out of bed. TC mark

Maybe Those Who Wander Want To Be Lost

Posted: 28 May 2016 11:53 AM PDT

Jeff Hopper

It's the endless scrolling through airline sites, trying to find the best deals to anywhere in the world. Finding hostels, airbnbs, maybe even cruise ships to call home for a few days. It's the packing and planning  all the adventures that await you. It's going new places you've never been, trying to new things, bonding with new people. It's those things that we live for.

It's buying a one-way ticket to anywhere your heart desires, not planning a return because you're not sure how the world will shape you or where it will lead you. You're ready to let the world lead you in the direction it wants you to go. Your open to letting the world break you down and build you up. You're ready for the lonely nights that will come ahead while everyone who lives the safe lifestyle back at home are settling down and living just fine without you. You miss them, but even when you go 'home' to visit you truly don't want to be there because to you it is no longer home.

Home isn't four walls and a welcome mat. It isn't material items or a bed. Home to you is everywhere. It's in the airplane you've been on so many times before. It's on the trains you spend the night on as you travel throughout Europe to the next destination that awaits you. It's in the wilderness you spend huddled over a fire in the outback. It's everywhere you've been; everywhere you've left your footprints behind.

Your mind is constantly wandering, constantly thinking about the next destination. You constantly wonder what is going on in the last place you went. What your friends you've made there are doing. Your heart is in places you've left behind with the people who have touched your life.

Being lost is where wanderers feel most at home, where they feel most themselves. Constantly yearning for new places, new faces and new experiences. It's the building excitement and the memories that follow. They are enthusiastic about life; they take it on full force with wide-open arms ready to embrace everything it brings their way because to them it's all or nothing, and life isn't meant to be lived half-assed.

Those who wander want to be lost; they want to discover places they would only see in pictures. They want to do things most people only dream of. They want to live to the absolute max. They want to stumble through the world without direction. Being lost is where they find happiness.

Being in one place for a long time makes them feel stuck. It makes them feel restricted. As much as they love the people they are with and the relationships they've developed there is only so much time they can spend in one place before their mind starts to wander and their curiosity takes over yet again.

It's only a limited amount of time before they hop back on the Internet and start searching for the next flight out, the next train ride, the next bus route. It's only a limited time before they're on new land, relearning new names, making new connections and finding new lives to touch.

The thing with those who wander is that they don't want to be found. They don't want stability. They live for freedom and open roads with nothing standing in their way. To them the best thing you can possibly to do is to tackle the shit out of life and love every second of it, wherever you are because the only thing that will truly break their heart is stability. TC mark

12 People On The Weirdest Porn Watching Experience They’ve Ever Had

Posted: 28 May 2016 11:51 AM PDT

negativespace.co

1. "I was visiting my friends and we went out to the bar, we came home and instead of putting on a movie we started watching porn. It was very awkward because no one was saying anything and we were all laying on the ground next to each other watching it like it was a movie while this girl is just repeatedly getting fucked in the ass." –Leah, 26


2. "I was fingering myself in my room to porn on my phone. I swore I locked my door, but my friend came in my room anyways. I've never been so mortified and she just kind of let it go and didn't say anything." –Brit, 22


3. "I was at my buddys house watching porn on his living room TV and jacking off, well he didn't tell me his mom was coming by that day. She screamed and ran out of the house. Neither of them were very happy with me after that."–Brad, 23


4. "This is going to sound super fucked up, but it was. It was my friends fourth grade (maybe?) birthday party and we were all staying up late watching TV. Well, we were flipping through the channels and there was porn on, it was before they put blocks on everything and made you buy it, and we were watching people swap partners and fuck in pools and showers. Everyone was freaking out, I doubt any of us had even seen a dick in real life at that point either. It was weird, but we kept watching." –Mary, 24


5. "This guy I know does gay porn so me and all my straight girl friends would sit in the basement and watch it on our laptops when we were in high school." –Alyssa, 29


6. "I was watching porn one day when my wife walked in the room and saw me masturbating. Instead of being mad at me for watching porn she jumped in bed and watched it with me, and started jerking me off. It turned into some pretty kinky sex." –Kevin, 32


7. "I watched lesbian porn when I was in college with my friend, we would then act out what they were doing on the screen. We're both straight, but we got drunk and tried it. It was kind of fun." –Lucy, 27


8. "In high school I used to watch porn with my teammate before we played games in the hallway. Looking back it's really weird, but we used to sit in a corner, watch porn with headphones on and repeat the shit they'd say. Everyone on the team knew what we were doing too, but no one ever said anything." –Sam, 22


9. "I used to sit in my room and watch porn with my best friend, then we'd text our best guy friend and ask him questions about what guys actually liked based on the porn we were watching at the time." –Tayler, 23


10. "Definitely the time my brother walked in was the weirdest and worst porn watching experience I've ever had. He obviously knew what was going on, but instead of walking out he just started fucking around with me." –Mikey, 25


11. "I used to jack off while I was on long drives, it would keep me awake and I would play the porn through my car speakers. It was kind of fucked up, but whatever. Except the last time I did it I got pulled over because a cop saw what I was doing. I got a ticket and he was repulsed."–Shane, 33


12. "This is so embarrassing, but I was watching porn in my kitchen and it got me so horny. I grabbed a cucumber out of the fridge and started going at it because I don't own a vibrator. Well, my husband came home early and I didn't hear him. He walked into the kitchen to see me fucking a cucumber. He dropped his keys and was kind of freaked out, but kind of turned on. We've started having better sex since then."–Riley, 31 TC mark

For Every Senior Girl On Her Prom Night

Posted: 28 May 2016 11:51 AM PDT

Marisa Donnelly
Marisa Donnelly

This is the night you've dreamed about for months. You've pictured it in your mind a thousand times over, imagined your dress, the way it would twirl around your legs when you spun in the mirror, the gentle warmth of a hand on your back for pictures, the bubbling excitement you'd feel stepping into the limo or onto the dance floor.

This is the dream night, the night that culminates your high school experience—the night that will forever be a hazy, beautiful dream you'll carry in your memory.

I hope it's everything you've imagined.

I hope your dress fits just right and your smile stretches across your face effortlessly in every picture. I hope you find a date that makes you laugh, or if you don't, that you surround yourself with friends that make you forget about feeling alone.

I hope your makeup brightens your face just the way you want it, or that you decide to embrace your natural beauty. I hope your hair falls perfectly, and that the curls frame your smile.

I hope that as you're getting ready, you feel beautiful, inside and out.

But I hope you know that this night isn't everything.

Yes, this is the night glorified in every high school movie. It's the precious night, the special night, the night that's supposed to be all you've ever wanted. And for you, I hope it is.

But it's okay if your prom night isn't perfect.

It's okay if your date steps on your train or if you make a silly face in one of your pictures. It's okay if you found your dress on the clearance rack, okay if you didn't get your makeup done, and okay even if it's raining and your hair gets a little frizzy.

Sometimes imperfections, sometimes the things we can't plan for are the things we remember the most.

Not because they were terrible, not because they ruined our plans, but because they gave our night some character.

 

Because they became the things we will never forget.

So I hope you learn to laugh on your prom night. I hope you don't take things too seriously or stress yourself out trying to have a flawless, picture-perfect evening.

I hope you eat and don't try to starve yourself into your dress. I hope you take a bunch of pictures, and some of them goofy just because. I hope you don't keep yourself from dancing like a fool because you don't want to look disheveled.

I hope you learn how to walk without wobbling in your heels, and I hope that you eventually take them off and dance dance dance.

This is a night that yes, you will always remember.

But you'll remember it for the way you laughed, for how messy your hair got from dancing, for how tired you were from jumping and shaking your butt all night.

You'll remember it for the kisses you shared with people you care about, for the way it felt to have someone's arms around your waist for a slow dance.

For how it never really was about this one night, but about the celebration of who you've become and the people around you.

And so I hope you celebrate it, and celebrate it well.

Every imperfection, every smudged line of mascara, every tongue-out photo, every stepped on hem of your dress—I hope you enjoy all of that. I hope you remember it forever.

Having a perfect night is overrated.

So I guess I don't hope your night is everything you imagined.
I hope it's even more. TC mark