Thought Catalog

41 Men And Women Share The Disturbing And Unusual Fantasies That Still 100% Turn Them On

Posted: 07 May 2016 08:30 PM PDT

Nina Sever -
Nina Sever –

1. Comforting A Woman

Whenever I hold/comfort a woman when she’s crying, I get super turned on. Even if I’m not in the mood sexually or wanting sex, I just get really turned on and I have no idea why.

2. Sleeping Sex

The thought of someone having sex with me while I’m asleep.

3. Casual Buttplug

The Casual Buttplug. Like a plug, some sexy panties and than just jeans and a T-Shirt and I’ll go run errands. There’s something to be said about secret kinks in public.

4. Vibrating Egg In Public

Tried a remote control vibrating egg? I love putting one in my GF then hang on to the remote. Great fun in public. I think she had at least 7-8 orgasms at a Fields of the Nephilim concert, I had to hold her so she wouldn’t fall.

5. Harry Potter Fanfic

A few months ago, I miraculously stumbled across a Harry Potter fanfiction where Hermione deep throats Buckbeak’s hippogriff cock, gets fucked doggy style while Hagrid watches and masturbates, then she gives birth to the first ever angel cos hippogriffs have wings.

I should not have been as erect as I was.

6. Licking The Sweat Off Her Legs

I used to spar with a female friend, she was studying Tae Kwon Do and I was studying Jujitsu. There was some tension between us, but I never made a move because she was always straight up about practicing kicks against a heavier opponent. I was in the 205 range working up to 225, she was about 110.

I told her that if she could get 5 kicks through my guard, that I would I would lick the sweat off her legs. She hit me with some kicks I had never seen at that speed, from her. The combination of the pain, then the salty taste of her sweat drove me nuts. We spent the next year as friends with benefits. Never anything spoken, but after working out we would often end up giving tongue baths and going down on each other. But only after working up a gnarly sweat.

Never had anyone like her since. Still love that taste.

7. Quicksand

As a child I had a quicksand/mud pit fetish. After seeing a Vice doc on Quicksand porn recently, all these repressed memories came flooding back in. I remember getting so excited when watching an episode of Gilligan’s Island when Ginger and Mary Ann were soaking up to their necks in a pool of mud. At the age of around 7, I would go to bed and dream of soaking in the mud pit with the two of them.

8. “Damn Right I’m Your Brother”

Incest porn. But not all of it, just a few Xev Bellringer videos. It’s not really the incest thing that’s hot to me, that was actually pretty disturbing at first. But damn, she is like, my exact type physically, and most of those vids are POV. After a while, the scenarios got kinda sexy. At first, I was like, “I’ll just mute it.” Now, I’m like, “Yea, damn right I’m your brother.”

9. Jalapeno Poppers and Vitamin D Milk

A few weeks or so ago I got a corneal abrasion in my eye and couldn’t see for two days. The night I could finally open my eyes again my SO and I had decided to make jalapeno poppers. Yeah, rubbing jalapeno pepper juice into my eyes following a corneal abrasion was absolutely unbearable. I jumped in the shower and that didn’t help. I scream for her to look online for any home remedies and a tip was to pour milk into my eyes, perfect I’d just bought a gallon. My girlfriend a strips down and joins me in the shower with the milk. I begin pouring the milk into my eyes but it only slightly dulls the pain. My gf has this beautiful idea to distract my pain by going down on me. She’s just lovely. She starts going to town, and for some reason a mix between the steaming shower watcher, the eye pain, the cold milk being poured on my face, and my gf going to town caused the most memorable orgasm I ever felt that it caused my legs to go limp and I fell out of the porcelain tub onto my back. I wasn’t seriously hurt, in fact, i was in ecstasy. It’s been a few weeks but I’ve managed to convince my girl to blow me in the tub while I waterboard myself with vitamin D milk 3 whole times, still haven’t been able to successfully recreate that moment, but when a golden snake slivers on out of your butthole, you go catch the sucker.

10. Bored Masturbation

Dripping, casual nudity, and casual masturbation.

It would be hot as hell to be hanging out with an attractive woman who just felt like being naked… and not strictly for comfort’s sake, either, but because she had an almost apathetic exhibitionist streak. I’d really like to hang out with her, and while we were conversing or watching a movie, watch as she just started casually masturbating. I’d love for her to act like it was as uninteresting as scratching an itch or doing her nails.

I also really like it when girls drip. Not squirt or pee, exactly – though both of those are pretty damned arousing, and I’d love to experience the former – but drip. I’d love to watch tiny droplets cling to her lips and fall while she stood there, making no effort to spread her legs or pose.

I guess I have a thing for apathy and arousal.

11. Disgusted With Herself

I am still disgusted with myself over this and have never told a soul but here it goes… On Facebook I am in some shit posting groups. Everyone is a huge asshole and trolls each other constantly. In one group I’m in a guy posted a link to a video of a “cute dog.” Well I opened it and I am instantly assaulted with a video of a girl bent over being fucked by a Doberman. My instantly reaction was to scream in disgust then slam my laptop shut.

Then I realized I was incredibly wet and I have never forgiven myself.

12. Yikes!

I used to play with my naval ring, turned me on a little. Started putting my finger inside and noticed a sensation of intense arousal. Had surgery about a year ago to remove my gall bladder. Turns out it was a hernia and I was playing with my insides.

13. Crossed Eyes

Girls with lazy eyes. Like full on cross-eyed.

14. Toes Intertwined In Battle

My ex girlfriend was really good with her feet… like really good.

Sometimes she would just eat peanut butter out of jars with her toes, or try to train herself to use silverware with them, real fucked up shit.

Then one day it happened, she was walking around barefoot and another woman walked in the room.

It was then that I discovered that having 2 woman wrestle with their bare feet gives me a raging willy.

14. Oral Pain Fixation

I got braces right around the time I hit puberty. Having a really fucked up over bite I had braces for a long time, and they were tightened very often, usually causing immense pain so bad I couldn’t eat solid food for several days after each tightening. Having immense oral pain for the first few years I explored masturbation must have lead to some kind of oral specific masochistic turn on.

I didn’t even notice until several years after my braces were taken off I got punched in the mouth and although I didn’t lose any teeth pushing on the few now loose teeth felt really good. I kept pushing the teeth as hard as I could with my tongue until they bled, and wiggled them side to side with my fingers, which was very painful, but made me want to masturbate while my teeth hurt.

I’m scared if I explore this fetish more I’ll end up either shifting my now straight teeth back out of place, or even go too far as to pull some out; although I know I like it, I have never intentionally caused myself oral pain for sexual pleasure (other than wiggling those few teeth after getting punched. The teeth healed just fine).

15. Serial Killer Fetish

The risk of being murdered. It’s awful and i know I can’t really ever tell anyone about it. And it’s not like I actually want to be murdered, but the idea of being fucked by a serial killer turns me on?? Lame.

16. Making Grown Men Cry

At this point I’ve accepted my desire to make grown men cry in either pain or because they need to cum that bad.

17. Virgin Bondage

I’m a virgin but the thought of someone tying me up spread eagle, blindfolded and gagged, bent over, and just banging the shit out of me and using vibrators until I’m screaming, crying, shaking, can’t speak or stand or anything, then cumming on my back and having a new guy come and do it all over again.

18. Size King

Really big cocks.

As a totally straight male, watching women get smashed by massive dicks, like 10+ inches is just so fucking awesome.

19. Afterglow Laughter

That half laugh half crying thing some girls do post orgasm. I find it disturbingly sexy.

20. Extreme Role Playing

My wife and I role play.

Not really plumber and housewife stuff.

She is a lost alien prince from a place we call “Under” that fell into our universe. I am the creepy man that takes him in and does unspeakable things to him.

Or sometimes she is the king of that strange planet in that same strange universe, and I am the twin brother that has time bending powers and foresight. We have twincest, but genetics aren’t a thing in this universe. No big deal everyone fucks everyone. It’s humans that are disgusting if they fuck siblings.

Or I am her stalker, I kidnap her and take her into the world of Under where I ravage her and force her to bare children for the kingdom, because she was a “lost child” that was smuggled into Earthworld and has no idea she is an Under.

Or, the lost alien prince gets older. I am his pimp. I use, abuse, and fuck that alien. He loves me but is conflicted. I am secretly a spy from another universe trying to catch the people of under that bled into the earth world.

Under has it’s own mythology and rules. The people have never seen their sun. It’s overcast. Their oceans are purple. Royalty can sprout wings. The king can sprout horns if antagonized.

One of my characters is a sadist, so we have bdsm sessions (safely!) sometimes.

A huge majority of the sex scenes involve forcing, pain, and some form of alien incest.

This is 100% normal to us. We have been doing it and developing an ongoing background story that ties each character together for 17 years now.

21. From The Inside

I don’t know if it counts but I saw a video where they put a camera on the inside of a woman’s vagina and it was surprising how much I liked it. Specially when the guy came it’s like sex on the inside.

Oh and lesbian.

22. Bloody Spanking

I never really was much into spanking. I’ve paddled/whipped other guys asses before to satisfy their fetish but it really didn’t do much for me but that was before I met this guy on Craigslist. He wanted to be whipped with a riding crop to the point where his ass was bleeding… We met the first time and I tied him up and got his ass a little red and left some welts. We had sex afterwards and parted ways. That evening he emailed me saying I didn’t do it hard enough and he though I didn’t have it in me to make his ass purple and bleed. I offered to meet again the following evening and see what I could do.

The second time we met I tied him up a different way and used a yardstick to warm him up and instantly switched to top mode (I’m more of a bottom when it comes to kink) and lit his ass up real good with the riding crop. I didn’t break the skin but I left quite a few nice big purple welts and kept going for a little while after he asked me to stop… By then I noticed I was covered in precum and when I was done I made him go down on me. He wasn’t particularly good at oral but it was one of the most intense orgasms I’d ever had. Never heard from him since.

23. His “Past”

My husband talking about his past sexual experiences.

24. Much, MUCH Older Men

I fantasize about being raped by older men. Not just older, either, but really disgusting, unattractive, possibly-obese older men. It’s fucking weird.

When I was 15 I met a guy online who was/is twice my age and some things happened that the FBI wouldn’t have appreciated very much. I don’t know if that relates back to it in some weird Freudian way. I still get off to the thought of him fucking me.

Other things disturbing things I’ve gotten off to include incest, somnophilia, tentacle porn and that one type of hentai that rhymes with “holy.”

This isn’t what my mother wanted for me.

25. Complicated Poopy Scenarios

Having someone sit on my lap whilst I am on the toilet myself having them poop between my legs as I go myself and we embrace.

26. *Sniff*

A guy smelling my underwear.

27. Race Play

I don’t know if it’s “disturbing” exactly, but I’m a black girl and get off on the whole racial humiliation thing. Being called all kinds of racist names during sex, being treated as an inferior, like an animal, being made to worship white men and/or women (I am bi), etc etc. It has gotten my juices flowing from a young age.

28. Domination Of Women

Sex and violence. Demeaning women. Aggressive domination of women. Verbally abusing a partner. And after its all done being extremely sweet comforting and affectionate.

29. Sexual Subtlety

I’m turned on by form and suggestion. I’d much rather watch a blurry silhouette or a ponytail bouncing with the blowjob offscreen. There’s something about not quite seeing those involved but the raw forms that really gets to me.

30. Clowns

Kavity the Klown. Look it up if you want nightmares, I’ll refrain from posting it here. It’s not the first time I’ve been turned on by clowns, but I think it might be the last.

31. Cuckoldry

Being a Cuck I get so hard at the idea…the problem is I like the idea but I don’t ever want my Gf to cheat on me.

32. Blackmail

Blackmail. I wouldn’t extort someone for sex but that disgusted look the girl has before “succumbing” to the pleasure just gets me.

33. Choking

I used to fall asleep with my hand around my neck, or around my throat, and when I was sleeping with this girl I felt compelled to have her put her hands around my throat and I really liked it.

34. So Silky

Men who wear lingerie.

35. The Sounds Of Labor

I am female, currently 33 and I have gotten off on the sound of a woman in labor since I was 8. I have still never heard of anyone else who reacts this way. As an adult I realized that a woman in labor sounds very much like a woman climaxing but I have no idea why my child brain responded to this.

36. Teasing Until They Can’t Take It

This guy I knew who I knew liked me.. I would suck on his fingers and tease him knowing that I was making him hard as hell. He ended up getting super frustrated and grabbed me roughly by my hair and forced my head down to his dick. Holy shit I was so turned on having his dick in my mouth was like heaven.

37. Girlfriend Fighting And Winning

Watching my girlfriend beat the shit out of another girl.

She runs a car club and one of her guy friends was getting beat up on by his girlfriend at one of their meets. He refused to hit her and she wouldn’t get out of his face. Clawing at him, yelling, you get it. Girlfriend pulled her off of him, they started fighting, and my girlfriend laid her ass out.

Having to pull my tiny girlfriend off this chick with the hardest boner ever… awkward as fuck but it’s scary hot when she’s mad.

38. A Mindless Fuck Machine

So, there was that story about a hair stylist having her salon broken into, then subduing the robber and keeping him chained up as a sex slave. She fed him only Viagra, and she had him for three days.

Some evil little part of me thinks this is an excellent plan. Maybe with some other drugs sandwiched onto the Viagra, so the guy is completely out of his mind at all times. My own mindless fuck machine.

Yeah, I don’t explore this train of thought.

39. His Dirty Hands

Last month I went to get my oil changed. When the mechanic called me up to get my information and try to upsell me on some bullshit, I noticed how utterly filthy and disgusting his hands were. I even made a snotty comment about them which we both dismissed as me being a bitch. I went to sit back down but for some reason I could not get the thought of his blackened hands out of my head. I ended up getting his number and begging for pictures of his dirty palms and finger tips. Fast forward a month and I am now going to his work after hours on a weekly basis to get fucked in the office while he rubs his nasty hands all over my naked body.

40. Eating Her Ears Out. Yes, Ears

I never knew getting my ear ate out like a vagina would get me off. It’s fucking hot though.

41. Incest And Lactation

I’m super into incest where dads impregnate their daughters. Even better if it leads to lactation. But I’m gay. Nothing makes sense. TC mark

This Is For The Women Who Want More In Life, For Themselves And No One Else

Posted: 07 May 2016 08:00 PM PDT

On Saturday, I felt lonely for one hour. Long enough for me to panic thinking what if I become this again, what if happiness has been my greatest illusion.

The prospect of returning to who I was panics me. Explain further, my sister said over the phone. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t put my fear into words, the crippling sadness of who I used to be. I went to my therapist today and as soon as I got there, my entire body bent in on itself. I looked like a snapped stem, like a woman holding her head in her hands, like a woman holding on to her enemy.

We started off talking about my energy, my medication, potential deficiencies in vitamin B and D. We spoke about supplementing my diet with iron. Then she said this could be a side effect of depression.

But, she quickly added, you’re not depressed. We smiled as if my stability was something we could be confident about, as if it were a miracle that had swept in and decided to stay.

I think you just need uninterrupted sleep, my therapist suggested. I definitely need sleep. We agreed and moved on. I told her about the past two weeks, about this new phase of dignity and disinterest I’d cultivated regarding my ex.

I told her about the letter that came, the intensity and timing of it, about being called a soulmate. Do you think of him as a soulmate? She wanted to know. No. Well, not in the typical sense. I told her about Elizabeth Gilbert, about him being a soulmate in the way she describes:

A mirror showing you everything that is holding you back, who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life, who reveals another layer and leaves.

Elizabeth says a soulmate’s purpose is to "shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master."

I can’t believe I am describing someone I’ve loved in so harsh a light. I can’t believe he’s shaken and torn and shown and broken and transformed me. I can’t believe I’m finally at a place in my life where I am letting myself be aware of it, aware of the full impact of our relationship and the devastating disinterest I feel for him in its wake.

Talking about it though is different than just acknowledging it from within. When I talk about him I feel blunt and irresponsible with my heart, I feel finished and cruel. I read his letter, and I felt guilty. Because you’ve moved on? My therapist asked. Because the tables have turned, I said. This time I’m the one who has disappeared. This time I’m the one intent on letting our relationship go. The difference is I’m serious about it. I seriously mean I will never show back up for him.

The letter was broken and devastatingly sexual. I try to summarize the bulk of it but can only manage to do so with a reasonable amount of bitterness and disdain. It talked about loving each other forever, about me getting pregnant and us creating a home. It said everything I’d been wanting to hear again, everything I had been told before, everything he had promised and then taken back from me. The letter, I told her, was just unfair. It was too late.

My mom said when a woman feels guilty, it’s because she’s doing something right for herself.

I repeated this to my therapist and she smiled and held it wide across her face until I asked her what it was for. She looked so happy. Why? I asked.

I’m just thinking of your bravery, about how you’ve gotten yourself healthy again so you could move back to New York, she told me. I’m thinking about your life and how much you’ve changed it since we met. Sometimes you have to keep it in perspective. Your moods and dreams. Your love and your loneliness. Your breakthroughs and fear.

She’s right. She absolutely is. We could all afford to celebrate more, to celebrate the strength it takes to overcome the relationships which have held us down, the loneliness that has caused us to shrink with panic, that has brought out our sheepish ways for an hour on a Saturday afternoon but from which we have bounced back from.

It’s okay to be a woman who holds her head in her hands every once in awhile, who tries to sift and process the thoughts that pierce and overwhelm her at times. I think as women we have to celebrate the love it takes to begin making decisions for the betterment of ourselves.

We have to celebrate the courage wrapped up in our willingness to get so close to our thoughts. To me this must mean that we are not insecure enough to believe we can be defeated by them. And is this not the most beautiful thinking on earth? TC mark

8 Perks Of Dating The Girl With A Big Heart

Posted: 07 May 2016 07:00 PM PDT

George Tudor
George Tudor

1. She'll make you smile without trying.

She loves the world, and her kindness and love glows in everything she does. If you're down, she can bring you up with just that simple turn of her lips. And even if she's driving you crazy, or the both of you are in the middle of a heated argument, one smile from her makes all the anger fade away. Her contagious positive attitude will bring a steady stream of happiness to your life.

2. She'll help you slow down and see the little things.

Like the nest of baby birds, or the sunshine flitting through the trees. She often sees things that you overlook, which makes you appreciate the world a little more every day.

3. She will accept you (and your weirdo family) with open arms.

Because her heart is so big, she'll have no problem loving your quirks. If you have a strange habit of eating pickles before going to bed or sleeping with wooly socks, she won't judge you. And even if your family is far from normal, she'll fit herself right in.

4. She's super hard to stay mad at.

You will inevitably fight, no matter how perfect your relationship is, but because she loves you and cares for you so deeply, it's hard to find reasons to stay angry. Not only is she willing to apologize and mend what she's done wrong, but she's willing to compromise with you, which is everything in a relationship.

5. She'll forgive you for the dumb sh*t you do.

She's not naïve and isn't afraid to tell you when you're wrong, but she loves you deeply and knows that people make mistakes. She will forgive you (within reason) for dumb things and will always believe the best in you, even when you fail.

6. She'll get you to embrace your soft side.

Which, in all reality, is actually healthy for you. She will shower you with affection and in turn, bring that out in you. She will gently persuade you to open up to her, to spill your inner thoughts, and to be vulnerable. And over time, you will do just that. You will become comfortable with your tender side and more in-tune with your emotions, which is empowering (and not emasculating).

7. She'll be gentle, even in her anger.

Though she's big-hearted, she's not weak. She will get mad at you, but she will always try to be gentle. She doesn't believe in breaking people down or saying heated, in-the-moment, angry things. She will always try to collect herself, organize her thoughts, and approach you with love, even if she's deeply hurt.

8. She'll share her last slice of pizza.

Or even her corner of the pillow, or her half of the bed when you roll over and take too much room. She is so loving and so willing to put your needs equal to, if not more important at times, than her own. She will always think of you and want to share things with you—her food, her happiness, her life—and this will be the type of love you've always dreamed of, always deserved. TC mark

The Best Way To Win Your Heart, According To Your ‘Love Language’

Posted: 07 May 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Damian Borja
Damian Borja

1. Quality Time

If you want to impress someone who values quality time above all, give them your undivided attention every single time you hang out. Triple check that your phone is on silent before getting together, because people who appreciate QT are turned off by outside distractions and those who respond to them too readily.

In planning a date, focus on simple, traditional activities that allow you to get to know each other, like dinner followed by a casual stroll through the park. Choose quiet restaurants and bars where you can actually hear each other speak. And don't bother with the typical banter about the weather or your daily commute. To prove that you're interested in who they are as an individual, pry a little deeper with thoughtful questions that provoke more revealing conversations (e.g. What's your biggest fear? What do you really want out of life? Who do you look up to?). Make eye contact as often as possible and always listen intently. Your main objective should be to make them feel as if being in their presence is your number one priority.

2. Words of Affirmation

For some, actions don't speak louder than words at all. If you're dating someone whose love language is words of affirmation, the way to their heart isn't through grand gestures. Don't try to wow them with anything other than kindness and positivity.

In complimenting them, avoid hollow, generic statements such as, "You look great!" Instead, get specific and tell them exactly what you like about the way they dress, act, work, etc. You want to encourage them through considerate, warmhearted observations. Take every chance you get to doll out well-meaning niceties to others, too. By going out of your way to thank your waitress or taxi driver and by smiling at strangers in passing, you’ll show your date just how polite and pleasant you are, which will make them feel safe. Your goal should be to ensure that every experience they have with you is as warm and fuzzy as possible.

3. Physical Touch

Let's get something straight: People who respond to physical touch above all aren't more likely to sleep with you or to get freaky in bed. It's critical not to confuse physical touch with sexual stuff. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to introduce touch without getting naked.

As your date passes through doorways, guide them ever so gently with your hand on the small of their back. Help them in and out of their jacket. As you walk, always hold their hand. Take them to places where you can sit side by side as you chat, and touch their shoulder tenderly whenever possible. If it seems appropriate, maybe even place a hand on their leg. During a movie, lean towards them and squeeze their arm or thigh a little throughout the film. In the car, reach across the console and squeeze their palm briefly just because. In saying good-bye, always aim for a memorable embrace, whether you make out or not. It's possible to make a hug really count if you hold someone tight enough. Once you're sleeping together, definitely plan on lots of cuddling and spooning. In general: Fewer words, more impromptu back rubs.

4. Receiving Gifts

Those who truly appreciate gifts aren't any more materialistic or greedy than the rest of us. It's not the object that moves them so much as the meaning behind it. The smallest gestures won't go unnoticed by someone whose love language is receiving gifts, so shower them with frequent reminders that you're thinking about them.

You don't have to spend money to do this. You just have to get creative. A gift can be as simple as texting a silly meme that reminds you of the object of your affection. You might also surprise them with a box of matches from the bar where you first met—a tiny memento they can hold onto forever. Everyday demonstrations that you care are critical, but it's even more important to mark all the important days in some small but meaningful way. Make note of every relevant birthday, holiday, and anniversary and plan on celebrating them all somehow.

5. Acts Of Service

In some cases, actions really do speak louder than words. If you're trying to win over an acts of service type, don't sweat over compliments or physical displays of affection. Instead, wake up fifteen minutes earlier than your boo and vacuum the house or do the dishes before they get the chance to. Show them you care by staying mindful of all the little ways you can make their days go by more smoothly. For instance, pick up the mail for them on your way in, throw a load of laundry in, or call up customer service to check on that WiFi connection so they don't have to. Be proactive about helping around the house and running routine errands on their behalf. They will be grateful for every way in which you serve their daily needs. TC mark

44 Simple But Meaningful Quotes That Will Make You Feel Happy In An Instant

Posted: 07 May 2016 05:00 PM PDT


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TC mark

10 Should-Be Dating Rules That Would Make Finding Love A Lot Easier

Posted: 07 May 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Wunder Visuals
Wunder Visuals

1. Agree to date. Or agree to keep it casual.

But please, whatever you do, don't hover in dating purgatory. You know, that place where you're semi-serious and meet up every Friday night, but you're still signed up for Tinder, and aren't sure if you're allowed to use it or not. Save yourselves some trouble by calling each other up and picking a side.

2. Meet in person before getting too attached.

There's a limit to how long we're supposed to wait to text someone and how many times we can text them in a row. But what we really need is a limit on how much we're allowed to text until we meet face-to-face. That way, we would actually get a chance to develop a real relationship with a guy, instead of continuing to send half-naked SnapChats to him when we both know we're never going to put down our phones to go on an actual date.

3. Clarify what intimate moments mean.

If you kiss someone and see fireworks, tell them that it meant something to you. If you fuck someone just for the fun of it, do the decent thing and let them know it was a one-time thing. Put an end to curiosity and make honesty sexy again.

4. Have sex whenever the hell you're horny.

Don't wait until the third date to have sex when you want it on the first date. Don't force it on the third date if you don't think you'll be ready until the tenth date, either. Let it happen naturally. Schedules aren't sexy. Spontaneity is.

5. Act interested if you're interested.

Once you find the person you want to be with, why would you pretend that you aren't interested and make them feel like shit? Wouldn't it be better to let them know you value them, since there's already so much self-doubt in the world? Why would your go-to flirting technique be to make the other person feel inferior? If you're interested, act like it.

6. Talk about whatever topic comes up.

Don't stick to talking about the easy issues when you couldn't care less about his favorite hockey team. Talk about the deep stuff you've been warned to stay away from. If you're both Political Science majors, then it's okay to get into a screaming match about Donald Trump. If politics are important to you, opposing views might be a deal breaker. It's better to talk about those things early, before you get attached.

7. Break up the old-fashioned way.

Don't ghost. Be a vampire instead and leave a painful mark before making your exit. It's better for them to know for sure that a relationship is over than to wonder if you're ever going to swoop back into their life. I don't care how inconvenient it is for you to send a breakup text. Use "It's not you, it's me," if you have to. Just say something to officially end it.

8. Delete "hang out" from your vocabulary.

Ask someone to come over to eat the dinner you made, so they know to wear a pretty dress. Ask someone to listen to Supernatural drone on in the background while you eat them out, so they know to shave. But don't ask them to hang out. The definition shifts too much for anyone to understand what you're expecting of them.

9. Go on dates where you can actually interact.

If you're looking for more than sex, don't invite someone over to your house the first time you're seeing each other one-on-one. It's too modern. But don't go too old-fashioned and take them to dinner and a movie, either. Go to the planetarium. Go to a winery. Go to the park. Go somewhere that'll allow you to have an actual conversation instead of talking over movie dialogue.

10. Stop making assumptions.

Don't assume a girl wants to marry you, because she holds your hand. Don't assume a guy only wants to fuck you, because he kisses your neck. Gender stereotypes are so last century. You can't make assumptions anymore. Not accurate ones, at least. You never know who wants something real and who's looking for a hookup—unless you ask. TC mark

Don’t ‘Fall’ In Love With Me: Choose To Love Me

Posted: 07 May 2016 03:00 PM PDT


One day, I playfully teased you and said “You’re falling in love with me, aren’t you?”

You answered with “I don’t do falling in love” ever so nonchalantly. I was dumbfounded, staring at you. I tried to make sense of what you had just told me, after you had already said that you loved me. I was searching the room for possible explanations, possible constructions to comprehend what you meant, but my efforts came to naught. I looked at you and you seemed as lost as I was, wondering if you said something wrong. And honestly, I wasn’t sure either. I felt a tear roll down my face and there was only one thing I was sure about in that moment. I was hurt.

How could you love me and still say you don’t ‘do’ falling in love?

You held me tight and reassured me that you loved me, but I was still lost. We laid there silent, both careful not to say anything else that would likely complicate the moment even further.

And then I understood.

You don’t ‘fall’ in love, you decide who you want to love. You don’t love aimlessly. You don’t ‘fall in love’ like you were hit by cupid’s arrow and had no other choice but to heed. You don’t fall in love because of and for various reasons. You don’t fall in love because you have outgrown the ‘romantic’ in you.

And honestly, this is the kind of love I prefer.

I remember having told you something along the lines of ” I don’t want to say ‘I love you’ out of emotion or hype. When I do, I want to be confident about it. I want to be sure about it. Because you deserve that, you deserve to be decided on.” And I realized that that was what you were offering me, too.

You love me because you do, because you have decided to. And I know that you love me because I know how much you value your time, and you have shared such a large bulk of it with me. I know that you love me because you are with me without despite of’s and even if’s. I know you love me because you still look at me like I’m magic, even during the mundane moments of our togetherness. I know you love me because you stayed, even when I walked my monsters and kept my insecurities on a leash. I know you love me because you have decided to, and you continue to decide to, every day.

And because of this love, I have learned to love myself too. I have learned to love myself without despite of’s and even if’s because I deserve that. I deserve to love myself, unconditionally. I have learned to love myself both on good days and bad ones. I have learned to love myself because I love you but ultimately because I love me.

And for that, know that I love you, every day. Because I want to and because I have decided to. TC mark

This Is Why The Next Person You Date Should Be An Introvert

Posted: 07 May 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Brooke Davis
Brooke Davis

Susan Cain's 2012 book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, has gained huge popular acclaim and received attention from everyone from business leaders and psychologists to teachers, university presidents, and political activists. American culture is dominated by the "extrovert ideal" and yet without introverts, where would we be?

We would not have Post-impressionist sunflowers (Van Gogh), personal computers (Steve Jobs), or quantum physics (Albert Einstein). The Civil War might never have come to an end (but it did thanks to Abraham Lincoln,) and the world would never have met Harry Potter (but we did, thanks to J.K. Rowling). Typically the most creative people, and often very personable and charming, introverts get a bad rap and are victims of all kinds of unfair stereotyping. They are not by definition socially awkward nerds with no friends. They are usually fascinating and inventive, often intuitive and passionate.

How do they operate?

    • Introverts process information internally. They are more tuned in to the internal world of emotions and ideas than the world of people and activities.
    • There are many types of introverts—just as there are many types of extroverts—from the extremely shy and non-social, to great leaders and extraordinary speakers. In fact, being shy has nothing to do with introversion, and being a great leader has nothing to do with extroversion.
    • Introverts can usually handle the same situations and environments that an extrovert can, but not for as long. High energy people, activities, crowds will ultimately exhaust them.
    • Rather than "refueling" in the company of others, an introvert will "plug in" by being alone, when exhausted or drained.
    • Time alone to think without distractions is a basic need for an introvert. Though an introvert can tune people out and focus in the midst of chaos, in a way that an extrovert (who can be distractible) often cannot, doing so takes its toll.
    • Introverts are highly introspective.
    • An introvert is as likely to enjoy a party as much as anyone, but may go to fewer parties than an extrovert, and may prefer smaller groups of intimate friends.
    • Though I can think of exceptions, most introverts will weigh options at length before making a decision.

If you are not an introvert, you may have all kinds of crazy ideas about what life would be like with one. An eternity of silence and isolation as your introvert partner holed up in an office inventing edible Saran Wrap or writing haikus. Or a lifetime spent with zero social life, zero parties, and zero dinners out with friends. No matter how much you love someone, you want more than one person in your life, right? Well of course you do! So does your introvert. An introvert is not a freak. He or she is simply a person with a particular way of operating. I guarantee that you know many people who are introverts and, based on some of the stereotypes, you would never guess. In fact, the most common myths about introverts simply not true. They are not rude, they do like people, they know how to laugh and play, they go outside, and they can be quite talkative when they have something meaningful to talk about. (But it's true— small talk is agonizingly painful to the classic introvert.)

Why is it awesome to be in a relationship with an introvert? Here are 6 great reasons:

1. They are great listeners. They want to know you, and understand you better. Though empathy does not necessarily go hand in hand with introversion, many introverts are so tuned in to nuance that they are, in fact, very empathic. What that means for you—you will feel heard.

2. They are observant. An introvert pays attention to details. In a relationship, introverts are likely to notice moods, words spoken or not spoken, body language. They are aware of your needs. What that means for you—you will be seen.

3. They are easy to be around. There is less drama, less competition, less general relationship chaos with an introvert. Your introvert partner has no desire to outshine you, be the "headliner" in the relationship, or be the center of attention. What that means for you— their easy presence is comforting.

4. They are loyal. Because introverts are selective about who they hang with, they invest time and energy into their relationships. They are patient and loyal, sometimes to a fault. What that means for you— you can rest easy.

5. They practice good self-care. Typically, introverts pay close attention to diet and exercise, and generally value their health. They also project these values through their appearance and manner of dress, often classic, understated, and non-flashy. What that means for you— nice arm candy! Just kidding (sort of). It means your partner will be healthy and set a good example!

6. They are authentic.
Introverts may or may not sit up all night talking, but when they do, their conversation is likely to be thoughtful, meaningful, even soulful. They are likely to feel things deeply and passionately, and live honorably according to their values. What that means for you—you will know your partner wants to connect with you on an intimate level.

Introverts are wonderful partners for other introverts, and also for classic extroverts (wait for next week's blog on great reasons to date an extrovert). For personal growth, to get out of their comfort zone, and just to have fun, people will date, or be in serious relationships, outside their "version" – whether it be intro or extra. Often, in fact, extroverts and introverts are very successful in relationships once they understand one another's modus operandi and are able to respect each other's unique needs. TC mark

10 Things You Can Relate To If Your Mother Was The Main Disciplinarian In Your Home

Posted: 07 May 2016 11:00 AM PDT


1. You are strong as hell. Your mom was the first person you fought with, and you fought fiercely. With every argument, you developed your own voice, sense of self, and inner strength. Throughout your crazy teen years, you butted heads quite often, but this taught you how to be independent apart from the ones you love.

2. You don't take anyone's sh*t. Your mom made you into a tough cookie. She wouldn't put up with your crap, and now you have a low BS tolerance, too. You know when you're getting pushed or played, and you don't let people get away with it.

3. You are sensitive to the needs of others. Even though you might come off as a hard a$$ sometimes, you're a real softie. Your mother's love has taught you to be in-tune with your feelings and the world around you. You have become more aware of your needs, your actions, others needs/actions, and how you influence people.

4. You are occasionally a people-pleaser, or have people-pleasing tendencies. Much of your young life was centered on trying to be the best daughter you could be. You always wanted to exceed your mom's expectations and make her proud. You were always striving to be better—which is good, but can also mean that you're forever chasing someone's (or your own) acceptance.

5. You love unconditionally. Your mother may have been hard on you at times, but she never stopped loving you. Ever. Now you know the meaning (and the value) of true love and you bless your relationships with it.

6. You are stubborn and pride yourself in this. Your stubbornness was born from plenty of full-out screaming matches where neither of you would back down. Though being stubborn can be limiting, it means that you are secure in who you are and what you want.

7. You are self-regulated, responsible, and motivated. Your mom's high expectations pushed and inspired you. Now you not only have self-confidence, but you most definitely have your sh*t together.

8. You are incredibly forgiving. There were times that your mom might've been a little too tough on you, but you've learned, grown, and let that go. You now understand the power in seeing the world from someone else's eyes, and because of this, you can make peace with your butting-heads years.

9. You are humble. You know when you mess up, and you take responsibility because you were taught to as a child.

10. You know that love isn't sunshine and butterflies all the time, and that's okay. Your mother raised you with her strength. She was hard on you when you deserved it and didn't lessen your punishments when you pulled the puppy-dog face. She taught you that love is unconditional, but imperfect. It will be tough, it will hurt, but it will always be incredibly beautiful and worth it. TC mark

Why Following God Means Choosing Singleness (For Now)

Posted: 07 May 2016 10:00 AM PDT


I often bemoan the fact that I'm single. I mean, there are good things about it, and I get to know Jesus in suffering and whatever. But it just occurred to me in the past couple of weeks that I actually have chosen singleness. Do choose it. Am choosing it.

I kinda don't like that. It's easier to think of singleness as something that's happening to me, something that has been chosen for me. I like to think that, if it were up to me, I would choose marriage and a family of my own. Yet, 33 years into this life, I have yet to make that choice.

For instance, when my best-ish guy friend asked me to be his girlfriend, I turned him down. More than once. When a guy I reconnected with after 10 years indicated that he might be interested in me as a future wife, I turned him down. Again. I've gone on dates only to firmly cut things off before the second date, and I've refused to give out my number to interested parties.

It's not like this happens often. In fact, it happens so rarely that I just summed most of it up in one paragraph. Still, I've had to process for a couple of weeks if I'm even qualified to write about singleness, since I've chosen it on a number of occasions.

I had to really confront myself with questions like:

  • What right do I have to share my stories alongside the people who have truly, heart-breakingly never had a choice?
  • How can I even begin to compare myself to people like a certain friend, who seems to only attract men who haven't quite come out of the closet yet?
  • How dare I complain about being single around my friends who have gone through gut-wrenching divorces, not of their own choosing?
  • How can my stories exist in the same realm as my homosexual Christian friends who are living celibate in order to glorify God, with no hope of ever getting married in this lifetime?
  • I've turned down men! Christian men who loved Jesus and liked me. How snobbish does that make me?!

The more I process this idea, though, the more I realize that, in my case, singleness is a by-product of bigger choices. I choose to aim higher than "good enough" in life; I choose not to "settle" for my plans, instead seeking out God's plans; I choose to follow Jesus, as He followed God's plan. It just so happens that those choices have led me to turn down men who were wrong for me.

Here's what I mean when I say I follow Jesus: Jesus, the Son of God, became a man so that He could show us what it's like to perfectly follow God. Every decision He made was in order for His Father to be glorified. Some of those decisions to follow and trust God led Jesus into extremely terrible things, like homelessness, rejection, attempts on His life, physical abuse, mockery, death on a Roman cross, and – yes – singleness.

In His time on earth, Jesus had multiple opportunities to cheat His way to rewards that would have been "good enough" or "settling." For instance,

  • Satan offered Jesus all the kingdoms of the world on Satan's terms, and Jesus turned him down.
  • As God, Jesus owned the entire world; yet He didn't choose to raise up an army, overthrow the government, and live in a palace.
  • Jesus had access to legions of angels who could have delivered Him from the crucifixion, but He went through with it anyway.

Jesus decided every moment and every day to follow God no matter what, so God turned His great suffering into a great reward in heaven. Because He waited and did things God's way,

  • God gave Him more than the kingdoms of this world; He gave Jesus all the universes (which Jesus created anyway, so I guess that was fair).
  • Jesus doesn't live in a cushy palace on earth; He lives in heaven where He's waiting for us to join Him and live in perfect peace forever.
  • Jesus doesn't just have access to the angels; He lives with them (the Bible says that the angels fly around and around His throne in heaven, worshiping Him constantly).

Jesus perfectly, consistently chose God's way, ultimately so that His people would be able to choose God's way and share in His reward. Without Jesus as my example and my savior, I would just be hanging out, dating whomever and marrying the first guy to propose (he was in fifth grade, and I was the teacher's helper; it was inevitable).

Jesus' story and pretty much the whole Gospel affect the way I make decisions and interact with the world. As it concerns my relationship status, I don't want to cheat my way to a "good enough" romance; I don't want to "settle" for less than God's best for me.

So I choose to follow Jesus by…

  • not dating unintentionally. So singleness happens every day that I don't set up online profiles, upload pics of myself 20 lbs ago, and go on dates with every man who "winks" at me.
  • not having sex before marriage (and not just because I don't have a boyfriend). So celibacy happens every day that I don't download a Tinder app or wear skanky clothes to clubs in order to find a man to corrupt me.
  • honoring the roommate He has given me. So roommate life instead of husband life happens every day that she and I spend time doing life together, encouraging each other, and reminding each other why we choose Jesus in our singleness.

So I may be choosing singleness, but it's ultimately because I'm choosing God's way of doing things. For some people, choosing God's way leads to marriage; for some, it leads to children; for some, both or neither. But His way is always good and worth it, even (especially) when it comes about the right way.

I know it will be worth it because it was worth it for Jesus. Because I follow Him, I get to know Him in ways I wouldn't in marriage; I get to serve people like I wouldn't get to as a mother; I get to know people in ways I wouldn't have time to if I weren't single. Not only that, but I get heaven, just like Jesus did; in heaven, all the struggles of following Jesus on earth and being single will be miniscule.

God's way, through Jesus, brings hope to un-kissed people, acceptance to rejected people, a family to abandoned people, and a future to all people who love Jesus. Jesus' story (the Gospel story) makes us equal to Jesus Himself in the family of God, and the Gospel is the reason my story co-exists with wildly different ones.

So I'm single, not because I once turned down a marriage proposal, but because I trust that God's plan is better than "good enough." TC mark