Thought Catalog

I’m 20-Something Virgin And That Is Frankly, The LEAST Interesting Part About Me

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Carmen Jost
Carmen Jost

Don’t think I am narcissistic when I say this, but rather, that I am confident in myself.

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

I’ve dated. I’ve dated A LOT, but its never gotten past the 3 months mark. My longest relationship with a label lasted 3 months, and that was in 6th grade. Considering that, I am not desperate enough to count that as a “real” relationship.

I couldn’t tell you why this single life has been so consistent. My best friends are even bewildered by it. It just never works out. And because I have been single, I am still a virgin.

I’m not prude. I do love to have a good time! I mean I have been given the opportunity to lose it far too many times to different guys. I have denied each and every one because I have self-respect. I have chosen to remain a virgin because I choose to lose it to someone I actually have feelings for, but most importantly, someone that has mutual feelings back.

I won’t deny that I haven’t had the thought of losing it to a complete stranger. I’ve met some handsome gentlemen that have tempted me. Sometimes I even regret not having that one night stand in Vegas because I mean, you only live once, so live it up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it though. I want to have fun and sleep with different people and experience them, because it's a natural thing our bodies do. I don’t want to only sleep with one person in my whole life.

I will say this though, when I started dating someone I really had feelings for last year, I was glad I had saved it for him. But in the end, I ended up not giving it to him either. I scared him away by defining myself with my virginity. How? My insecurities about my virginity were at their high. I was afraid guys would be scared by it or would think I was weird because It seemed like I was the only virgin left. My friend used to introduce me to her guy friends with, “This is Brielle. She’s a virgin.” It was part of me and who I was.

I let my virginity define me at one point in my life. That ruined a special relationship that I had with someone.

I complain about being a virgin to my best friends because I am jealous of them. I want to experience it.  I am also jealous that I don’t understand what its like to be in a relationship, but I always get over it. I do love being single the majority of the time, but it can be a burden that I am a virgin because I wouldn't give up my virginity unless I was in a relationship.

I take pleasure in my purity though.

Some guys might be turned off by it or scared of it. They don’t want to taint the virgin, but trust me, I've already been tainted by life.

I will save my virginity for the gentleman that wants to accept my love and give me his love in return.

I have had the will power to say “no,” and people are always amazed at how I do it. It's hard to say “no” to sex. Girls and guys get taken advantage of in these situations. It's hard to deny sex when it's right in front of you and feels so good. People lose their virginity to someone they don’t really want to and then regret it and feel insecure about themselves after. I know it’s tempting to just do it and get it over with, but think about it. You don’t want to wake up and regret it the next day. You want to be able to enjoy it and feel comfortable.

So what?

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

Some might say that’s sad. Some might say that’s amazing. Some guys might be freaked out. Some might be turned on by it.

But sex experience doesn’t define a person. So don’t let it define you. TC mark

20 Things I Wish My Mom Already Knew Without Me Having To Tell Her

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT


1. I took her two nicest cashmere sweaters to college with me.

2. I'm really looking to expand my sexual horizons.

3. I worry about not being as successful as her.

4. There are a bunch of caked hard boogers behind the headboard of my bed from years of wiping them there.

5. I have a radically different view of "binge-drinking" than she does.

6. I'm not actually amazing at everything I do — actually pretty mediocre at most things.

7. At college, I mix my darks and whites and colors all together and DGAF.

8. I spend countless of my "homework" hours scrolling through Tumblr.

9. It's weird when she follows my friends on Instagram.

10. Most days I seriously doubt the value of my college education.

11. I have a yeast infection right now.

12. I'm not crazy about Joni Mitchell.

13. I sometimes (often) doubt that kindness is always the way to succeed in this world.

14. She has a double chin in her facebook profile picture.

15. I try not to call her everyday so as not to annoy her.

16. I love podcasts too.

17. I don't care that much about "that article she just read."

18. Most books I read I still wish she was reading aloud to me.

19. There must always be eggo waffles in the freezer.

20. I like hanging out with her more than most of my friends. TC mark

There Is Someone Out There Who Will Never Ask You To Change For Them

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT


This is not a guarantee that there is someone out there for you. I do not have the power nor the omniscience to be able to promise you that. But it is a promise that you will always deserve better than to settle for someone who is incapable of loving you as you are. It is a guarantee that someone who asks you to change your very essence will never, ever be the right person for you, no matter what you try to tell yourself. It’s easy to try to convince yourself otherwise, to tell yourself that it’s understandable that you need to change for them – because at the very center of our core is an instinctive craving to love and be loved. It’s in our nature, it’s wired within our drive for emotional survival. When we catch even the slightest whiff of the possibility of love, we latch on tightly. We’ve grown to understand that love is a rare and precious commodity in quite a disconnected world, and the loss of it – even if it is still just a possibility – is not something we want to risk.

But sometimes we are so mystified by it, so scared of losing love or just never finding it at all, that we lose our ability to see things rationally. We accept truths we wouldn’t normally accept, we make excuses for people who treat us badly or shred our hearts consistently, because we think we need to convince ourselves that this is the best it’s ever going to get. So rather than standing our ground, rather than loving ourselves enough to walk away, we water the seed that’s been planted within us by another, by the person who has made us believe that we can never be loved as we are. That we must change if we will ever have any hope of making our so-called ‘true love’ happy. And that right there is the only sign you need in order to know that this is not real love at all.

Real love – brave, pure, genuine love – never involves one person needing another to change. Real love is exactly the opposite; it’s loving every single piece that makes the other person whole.

It’s accepting their flaws and insecurities and annoying habits unquestioningly, because those things are just as much a part of them as the things we so desperately love – their humor, their intelligence, their kindness, their confidence, or whatever else pulls us to them. That is how we are truly, deeply wired to love.

Anything else that tries to disguise itself as love is not love. Someone asking you to change for them, even if they try to camouflage it as being ‘in your best interest,’ is not in love with you, and they never will be. Even if – especially if – you do change. It doesn’t matter. They are not in love with you. They are in love with the idea of you. They are in love with the person they crafted out of pieces of you – the one who has similarities to you but better suits their needs.

If there is a ‘right person’ out there for you, it is someone who will never ask you to change. They may challenge you, they may encourage you to go after something you typically wouldn’t because they believe in you. But they will never ask you to change the very things that make you who you are. They will love you, not their ideal version of you. They will look at your vulnerabilities and only see pathways that will bring you closer together. They will see opportunities to take your closeness to a deeper level than you would go to otherwise. They will love you bravely, purely, genuinely. Because that’s the only way they know how. TC mark

What This Grandmother Said When She Saw Two Girls Kissing Will Make You Laugh Your Ass Off

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Sometimes elderly people get a bad rap for disparaging LGBTQ+ people and their relationships. Oftentimes people of older generations just can’t wrap their head around the idea of two people of the same gender loving each other.

That’s why this girl was kinda concerned when she noticed a grandmother looking at two girls who had kissed near the bus stop.

But she had no reason to worry.

Here’s what happened:

Source: Tumblr

LOL, love it! I don’t know her, but I’m sure Grandma’s soul is drop-dead gorgeous! TC mark

How To Love Someone For The Rest Of Your Life

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 03:00 PM PDT


Meet him inside of a hurricane.
Not a literal one, but the kind of event that changes you.
The kind of thing that shapes how you think,
how you feel, how you look at the world.

Kiss him for the first time and gasp for air
like you’ve just popped your head out of the pool.
Silently wonder if this is the first time you’ve ever breathed.
If everything before has been practice.

Listen to Bright Eyes like a damn cliché
and understand exactly what the song means.
Decide this is the first day of your life.
Decide you want to live it again and again.

When it starts getting cold outside,
wrap yourself up in a silk cocoon together.
Talk about conspiracy theories and family vacations.
Press his hand to your beating chest
and watch it shake your entire foundation.
Watch it strip away everything you naively thought you knew.
Touch every freckle on his body and shiver each time.
Think of connecting the dots and seeing if it spells out your fate. See if it spells forever. Hope that it does.

Tell everyone you know how much you hate the term making love,
but finally get what it means.
Touch each other at the drive-in theater
like lovestruck kids stuck in the 50s.
Buy popcorn and take turns tossing it into each other’s mouths.

Go to a large oak tree to carve your names with a giant heart,
but change your mind last minute because you’re afraid it hurts the tree.
Take a nap underneath it together instead.
Wake up and tell each other every detail of your dreams.

Run around every city you can think of.
Watch him make fun of hipsters,
then make fun of him because he sort of is one.
Let him control the radio even though
you have a compulsive need to be the DJ.
Listen to his songs and find what he likes about them.
Listen to them when you’re alone.
Listen to them when you miss him.
Listen to them when he is far away
and you cannot reach his lips through a telephone.

Cry when you see him really hurting.
Cry when you know that, despite your love, you cannot take it away. You cannot be a savior.
But you can stand by.
You can be a pillar when he thinks there is no place to lean.

Tell him he has a piece of you
and you’re not sure how it happened,
but you’re so glad it did.
Fall asleep on his chest and fear you will love him always.
That life and death mean very little.
That love is stronger than forces anyone can understand.
You, or me, or him.
Wake up every few hours to see if he’s still breathing.

It has been years and I still wake up
to check if he’s still breathing.

My love, are you still breathing?
Are you still with me? TC mark

This Is What They Mean When They Say, ‘You Just Know’

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 02:15 PM PDT

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

They say that when you find love, you’ll know. It will hit you hard like a firetruck on duty, like freshly made coffee on an eager tongue, like a sudden downpour just as you’re leaving the building.

But sometimes it’s a slow burning ember after the wild fire has died down, the melting of sugar crystals in the warmth of a slow stir, the smell of freshly cut grass after the rain and the rainbow that transgresses it. Sometimes it’s the cool morning breeze that has always been there but we never took the time to notice.

It’s a blossoming flower that flourishes as you nurture it, the speckling grains of sand on a beautiful sprawling paradise, each note of a melody that makes beautiful music.

Sometimes love makes us more aware. It ignites our senses and opens our eyes.

Sometimes love doesn’t take us by surprise but rather embraces us in a familiar warmth.

Sometimes we find it in the most mundane places at the most mundane time.

It’s in the small smiles that escapes the lips on the commute to work or the tingling sensation in your body when you remember how it feels when your skin touches theirs.

It’s the happiness that you feel when you’re together; the kind of happiness that is new to you yet feels like home.

It’s in the way your hands fit imperfectly together and yet, you don’t want to let go.

It’s in your laugh when you share moments; a laugh that you’ve never shared with anyone else.

It’s when you look into each other’s eyes and get lost in the universe.

It’s at the end of the day when you kiss them good night and you just know. TC mark

This Is The Color You Need To Surround Yourself With, According To Your Birthday

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 02:00 PM PDT


Astrology gives us helpful insights into our character, behavior and personality but what about the feelings associated with the bright blue sky, the searing red-orange of an ember, the calm of a lavender plant? Color— scientifically defined as the visible spectrum of wavelengths of light that we are able to perceive—is also defined by its ability to make us feel, create and recognize ourselves and others. Renowned astrologer Michele Bernhardt unlocks the potential of the color made personal in her book, "Colorstrology," which combines astrology, numerology and color theory to create a color profile for everyone based on their birth month.

Here's what color you should search for the next time you're in Urban Outfitters, based on your birthday.

JANUARY: Caramel

Those born in this month are typically logical and practical. Brown, like the color of the earth, signifies that January babies have their feet securely on the ground. Surrounding ourselves with Caramel encourages us to stay persistent.

FEBRUARY: Sheer lilac

February cuties are open and calm. They are the person you seek a hug from on an off day. Surrounding ourselves with lilac promotes spirituality and wellness.

MARCH: Fair Aqua

People born in March are dreamers; subtle and intuitive. By surrounding ourselves with aqua we can break down the boundaries of appearance and help us tap into our psyches.

APRIL: Cayenne

Just like the spicy color, April babies are fiery, strong, and passionate. They are brave and have heart and are quick to take action. Surrounding ourselves with cayenne can energize us and give us courage for a new beginning.

MAY: Shamrock

May babes (me!) are explorers. They are always on the move, seeking adventure with passion but find stability at home. Surrounding ourselves with Shamrock is particularly useful when embarking on new endeavors.

JUNE: Aspen Gold

June Lovelies are rays of sunshine. They're the coffee to your early morning.They are intelligent and energize those around them. Surrounding ourselves with gold lifts our spirits immensely.

JULY: Coral Blush

Those born in July are nurturing and caring. Like Coral Blush, they are gentle and calming. Surrounding ourselves with Coral Blush can be particularly useful in times of change or new developments.

AUGUST: Sun Orange

A nod at the end of summer, those born in August reflect the color sun orange. Late summer peaches are regal. They emanate power and brightness. Surrounding ourselves in orange brings wealth and happiness.


Those born in September are artistic and appreciate the beauty in the world (of course this is the birth month of Queen Bey herself). They are spectacular and wise. Wearing, meditating or surrounding ourselves with Baja Blue promotes appreciation and tranquility.

OCTOBER: Cerulean

Beauties born in October are balanced. Like September people, they appreciate beauty and seek serenity. Surrounding ourselves with Cerulean can help us keep balanced.

NOVEMBER: Claret Red

November stunners are perceptive and intense. They see through facades and thus love deeply and live with strength. Surrounding ourselves or wearing Claret Red inspires us to be ambitious and to persevere.

DECEMBER: Pagoda Blue

December cuties have vision and are open to exploring new ventures. Surrounding ourselves with Pagoda Blue allows us to be more tolerant and open to others. TC mark

44 Uplifting Love Quotes That Will Make A Romantic Out Of You

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 01:15 PM PDT


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TC mark

Everything About You Scares Me, Which Is Why I Want To Love You

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 01:00 PM PDT


You have caught me so off guard. You're everything I know I don't need right now but want so bad. There's a second when you're in my space that I feel like I'm suffocating because your intensity, your beauty, your smarts knock me backwards. It makes me wonder and believe that all the people I've met before were guiding me to this moment. The moment where when we speak to each other I feel like I'm home. Because home isn't necessarily a place but a feeling.

Right now we're both not in a place to love each other. To give each other the support we need in order to be good enough to work. Maybe it's because we're both two very free spirits who don't even know the direction we should go. All I know is that our directions should be the same. Because with you I manage to be able to be more me. Slowly but surely there will be points where I question you because you're not something I'm used to. Stability.

Even if everything else around us and within our own universes is complete and utter chaos, you stand tall and true as steadiness.

It's a feeling. I just feel it in my gut. I said 'oh shit' the minute I saw you because deep down inside I felt that you were going to be something. And you are something. What? I'm not so sure yet. But I want to be sure. I want to be sure that you're not going to be gone tomorrow. And every indications point to you not disappearing.

When you meet people sometimes they just ignite something in your bones. You feel it like an electric shock sent straight through your entire body. And you need to see them again.

You're almost too afraid to see them again. Because they're captivating and make your heart want to explode out of your chest.

You see the true beauty in their expressions and mannerisms. Those weird mannerisms that makes someone them. That's how I feel about you.

And I'm excited. It's the kind of excited I've been before but haven't felt in a while. You're not a chore. Not someone who's emotionally draining. You're just you and honey, just you is perfectly alright with me. When you look at me I feel like we have a secret understanding, a private joke, that no one else is privy too.

But then the fear sets in. The belief that maybe, just maybe I'm not enough.

I'm scared that I won't be able to offer you enough. I'm afraid that I'm just not enough. I mean we've both seen and felt what happens when it doesn't work out. We both know pain even if we've felt it in extremely different ways. Pain is pain and we both have been the victims of this cruel mistress but we both survived. And we're here.

I can tell you that the fear is almost enough to make me walk away. It's almost enough to make me not want to dive back into something that leaves me vulnerable and at the mercy of someone else. But letting the potential for love slip away is worse than going through the hurt again. In this instance there is nothing to lose and everything to gain because sweetheart, you'd definitely be worth my wounded ego and hurt pride if for even just a millisecond I get to hold you.

So I'm going to weather this storm. I'm going to go full force into it and hope that somehow I make it out with little to no damage. That somehow if there's a hurricane coming for me that you're there to guide me through it.

There's just something in the way you say my name that makes me realize that I have nothing to lose and you to gain. So let's go on this adventure together and see where it takes us, shall we? TC mark

Sweet Girl, Allowing Yourself To Love Again Is The Bravest Thing You Can Do

Posted: 17 Jun 2016 12:15 PM PDT

Stephanie Red
Stephanie Red

Oh darling, please allow yourself to love again.

I know it's terrifying. I know that in your head all you can see are the ways it can go wrong. How it will go wrong. I understand that you've already done this whole "love" thing, and it left you shattered and so scattered in the wake that you just can't imagine going through it again. You don't want to get your hopes up because you don't want to be let down again. I've been there, so believe me that when I say this it's not because I think you should just get over it and move on. I'm saying it because love is the best possible thing we posses in our lives, and it would be tragic for you to never open yourself up again.

I know you're not ready right now, and that's okay. You need to heal, and you need to relearn how to love again. Yet love isn't simply restrained to romantic partners.

In fact, I think the only way you can ever truly learn to love someone again is to look around at all the types of love surrounding you now.

Once you finally start to grasp the different types of love flowing all around you, you begin to realize just how much love is truly worth it in the end. You realize that even now, you already love and are loved by people. You're afraid of something that is already threading its way through your life even if it's in the subtlest ways. I know that romantic love seems different from the kind of love you have with others, but when you really look at it, it's not that different at all.

Look around you. You have friends who are there for you every day and love you regardless of if you're in your best clothes or in your sweatpants with those three holes in it. Their love is consistent, and they are there when you need a shoulder to cry on as well as someone to laugh with. Learn to love them in the ways they love you- in the ways they love your mind and your personality, not your body. When you learn to love people who love your mind, you learn to love the way you think and experience things too.

You also have family/people like family who love you so unconditionally you can't understand it sometimes. They love you despite every crazy, ridiculous, and oftentimes stupid thing you do. Even when you're in the wrong, they still love you at the end of it all. Learn to accept that love because once you realize that someone is capable of loving you despite all of your flaws, you start to understand that the ones before who walked away didn't truly love you.

And then, you have yourself. Look at yourself, darling, I know that you are your own worst critic. You know every good and bad thing about you better than most. Yet look at all you've done in your life, and you're still here. You survived and lived another day. You know there are good things that you bring to this world- You exist in this world and it's better because you're in it.

When you love yourself and the strength you posses in that lion heart of yours, you begin to see the worth you've held all along that others tried to take from you.

Love is the thing we live for, die for, and fight for. We can't always explain it, and we aren't always good at it, but we crave it none the less. We were made to love and be loved. Don't let the one who broke you keep you broken. Because one day, you will find someone who is worth all the love you can give. Not the guy who can't handle you. Not the one who only wants to see you on weekends. Not the one who tries to strip down all the things that make you who you are and replace them with things they like better.

No, the one who deserves your love might be overwhelmed by you, but they stay because they are equally captivated-they love your mind and the way your brain works, regardless of the way you look that day. They still want you, even when you're in the wrong and have done something regretful. They see you exactly the way you are and want it all, not just the parts they pick and choose; They see your worth and appreciate it.

Because that's what honest love is. And it's nothing you should be afraid of. TC mark