Thought Catalog


Date The Girl That Drives You Crazy

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 08:00 PM PDT

georgia.may.pj
georgia.may.pj

There's an old quote that I completely love:

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them."

— Unknown

Yes. Yessss. I want to take whoever came up with that line and just freaking squeeze them. They understand. They get it. They know that life's too dang short and we can't settle for love that doesn't make us feel something.

Love shouldn't be mediocre.

It shouldn't be boring, shouldn't be blah, shouldn't be monotonous, or going through the motions. Hell, love shouldn't be easy. And I'll stand by that.

Sure, falling in love should be easy. You fall for their smile, for their looks, for their touch, for the way their presence makes your heart literally bounce around in your chest.

But actual love is hard. It's about choosing someone, day after day after day.

Choosing them, even through their b.s. and tears and full-blown screaming matches and random annoying things they do. Choosing them because no matter how angry you get, you literally cannot live without them in your life.

Love's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be about caring for someone, so much so, that you willingly fight through hell, together, so that you can always find your way back into each other's arms.

That's why I firmly believe that out of all the people in the world, you should date the girl that drives you crazy. Date the girl that makes you feel something.

The one whose yell makes you want to rip your hair out, whose tears make your stomach tie itself in knots. The one who makes you so physically mad you want to scream.

But also the one whose smile cannot help bring out yours, whose laugh brightens even your most bitter of days, whose touch sends electric shocks from your brain to your knees to your toes.

Love isn't supposed to be about finding someone who fits perfectly with you, who calms and compliments you in every puzzle-piece, cookie-cutter type of way.

No. Love is meant to be two completely independent people somehow finding a way to mesh into one another's lives. It's supposed to be confusing and difficult. It's supposed to be messy. It's supposed to be real.

And it's supposed to drive you completely crazy.

So crazy that you keep chasing after it, keep falling back into it, keep desiring the way your heart skips and your hands sweat and your mind spins after every kiss.

Don't date the girl that's one-dimensional and stoic. Don't date the girl that says everything she's supposed to, never fights with you, and always stands by your side quiet and unoriginal and boring. Don't date the girl that doesn't make your heart go absolutely nuts.

Because that's not real love, and it won't last.

Fall for the girl that drives you crazy.
Because I promise, she's just as crazy about you. TC mark

You’re Still An Asshole, But I’m Choosing To Forgive You

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

iStockPhoto.com / AZarubaika
iStockPhoto.com / AZarubaika

Considering how much of a cocky and self-obsessed man you are, it would be highly unlikely that you ever read this. I’m sure you’ve moved forward in your life and thought very little of the destruction you left in your path. I’m sure I was just another speed bump, just another indent that you quickly smoothed over. They say habits are hard to break, and you broke me like it’s what you’ve always done. Like brushing your teeth, or ironing your white button-up, our brutal undoing seemed utterly routine.

On one of our first dates, you told me you were incapable of love. I laughed, as if it were a joke. But now I see the harsh reality. You were telling the truth.

So, I’m not writing this for you. I’ve already spent so much of my time doing whatever I could for you. I wanted to be enough. I thought of little ways to make you smile, to warm up that cold, mechanical heart of yours. I wanted to prove I was worthy of your affection, even though some part of me knew you were too busy making love to your own reflection every night. It would always be a losing battle. But dammit, I tried.

I’m writing this for me. And I’m choosing to forgive you for me.

I’m not doing it because I’ve suddenly seen the light and finally get why you did what you did. I’m not forgiving you because you’re some wounded, misunderstood creature and I shouldn’t have been so quick to think of you as an asshole. I’m not forgiving you to ease your conscience.

Because the thing is, you are an asshole. And you know it. You’d never deny it. It’s part of your sickening charm. You own everything you are. You’d be the first one to nod along and agree, “Yep, I’m a huge jerk. You’re not wrong.”

I choose to forgive you because holding onto this resentment isn’t hurting you. It’s only hurting me.

I choose to forgive you because I deserve to hear your name or see your face and not taste bile in the back of my throat. I don’t want to fight back tears, to pretend I have allergies for the first time ever. I don’t want this bitterness sitting captive in my heart.

I choose to forgive you because resentment does nothing positive for my life. I want something big and beautiful. I want happiness and hands that touch me tenderly, not roughly. I want a love worth speaking about.

I choose to forgive you because forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. I won’t erase what happened. But I can let go of my anger. I can stop beating myself up for it.

I want to let you go. I need to let you go.

My forgiveness doesn’t mean you didn’t do something to earn my scorn. My forgiveness doesn’t mean all is fine and dandy. My forgiveness means I’m finally putting myself first. My forgiveness means I’m letting myself heal. My forgiveness means I’m doing this for me. Because if I’m being honest with myself, I never needed you. I never needed what you put me through. And you definitely don’t need my forgiveness.

But I need to forgive you. I need to forgive you for me. TC mark

Why Falling In Love Scares The Shit Out Of Me

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, dreadlocksprincess
Twenty20, dreadlocksprincess

As much as I want to find a man to spend the rest of my life with, and as much as I complain about being single, I have a secret. I’m scared of falling in love. It’s the single most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me.

I’ve never experienced it before.

I’m used to being single. I’m good at it. I know what movies to binge watch on Netflix when I’m bored and what dating apps to check if I want a quick boost in confidence. But I’m not used to being someone’s serious girlfriend. What if I’m bad at it? I have no idea how to comfort a guy when he’s in tears or how to make a good first impression with his parents. Just the thought of taking such serious steps gives me major anxiety.

Crushes are hard enough to deal with. 

I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and I’ve spent hours crying over them for ridiculous reasons. And those tears were only over boys I wish I would’ve been with. Imagine how bad it would be if I ended up in a serious relationship with someone who stole my heart? Loving someone is ten times worse than lusting over them. I don’t know if I’m ready to experience that level of emotion.

I don’t want to lose sight of what’s important in life. 

It’s hard enough to balance my social life and my career as a single woman. Adding a man into the mix would only make life more difficult. If I found a serious boyfriend, I’d have to make him one of my top priorities, which means I might end up letting other things, like my friendships or my career, slide. But I never want that to happen.

I don’t want to lose my independence. 

I consider myself to be pretty self-sufficient, but if I entered a serious relationship, my boyfriend would become a big part of my life. I’d end up getting upset over silly things, like if he forgot to compliment my new haircut or if he spent a little too much time texting a certain female friend. A boyfriend would be able to make or break my day, and I’m scared of letting someone hold that much power over me.

People do crazy things in the name of love. 

I’ve seen friends of mine fall in love, and it’s not always a pretty sight. Some of them have turned into recluses who refuse to leave the house without their boyfriend by their side. Some of them have become shells of who they once were, because they’ve been mentally and physically abused. There are even people out there who kill in the name of love. Sure, it’s a beautiful emotion, but it’s also a dangerous one. I don’t know if I want to get involved in it.

The more I have, the more I have to lose. 

It’s not falling in love that scares me as much as falling out of love. I don’t want to get my hopes up by imagining what it would be like to marry a certain man, and then end up getting my heart broken when it doesn’t actually happen. I know that I’m strong, but I’d still have trouble handling that type of pain. It’s something I hope I never have to go through. TC mark

I Refuse To Say ‘I Love You’ Right Away

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, _eatandlove_
Twenty20, _eatandlove_

Locking eyes with your boyfriend, hearing him say those three little words, and then refusing to say them back is uncomfortable. In fact, it’s downright painful, but I don’t give a damn. I’m not going to say, “I love you” unless I mean it.

Relationships shouldn’t be rushed.

I don’t want to skip ahead to the serious stage where I’m on a first name basis with his mom and leave toothbrushes at his house. I’m going to enjoy the beginning stages, when we’re awkwardly polite and are still excited to see each other naked. If we fast forward to love, we’ll end up missing out on precious moments that only new couples have.

The right guy will understand why I want to wait.

I’m not a total bitch. I’m not going to stare blankly at my boyfriend after he bares his soul to me. I’m going to explain the situation to him as gently as I can. I’ll tell him that I take “I love you” seriously, and that I don’t think it’s fair for me to say the words to him before I truly believe them myself. If he gets pissy after I’m honest with him, then we don’t belong together. I don’t want a man who prefers false affection. I want a man who’s willing to wait for the real deal.

Love at first sight is bullshit.

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe it’s possible to feel an emotion as intense and complicated as love, just by watching an attractive person walk by. I think you can tell if you have chemistry with someone from the very first time you meet. I even think it’s possible to predict that you’re eventually going to fall in love with a certain person. But I don’t think you feel that love right off the bat. That’s why those three little words won’t escape my lips early on in the relationship. I need time to get to know my boyfriend’s mind, heart, and soul before I can claim that I love every single piece of him.

I don’t confuse love for lust. 

There’s a reason why people claim “I love you” doesn’t count if it’s said right after sex. It’s because lust can confuse the hell out of you. But I’m smart enough to know the difference between liking someone a whole lot and loving someone. Believe it or not, complimenting me and giving me intense orgasms doesn’t guarantee my love. I won’t love him until I know him well, and I won’t know him well until I spend months of my time alongside him.

I don’t want to give out false hope. 

I don’t want to blurt out the words on a whim and make him think that our relationship is more serious than it is. That’s why I’m not going to tell someone I love them the first time the words cross my mind. I need time to process the feelings on my own. After I’m comfortable with the fact that I love him, and know that my feelings aren’t going to change anytime soon, then I’ll think about telling him. It’s a process.

Love is scary.

I’ll admit it. I’m terrified of falling in love. To me, it’s not some sweet concept that will turn my lonely life into an exciting adventure. It’s a ruthless emotion that’s capable of destroying everything I am. I don’t want to rush into something as dangerous as that. So if I say, “I love you,” then I must really mean it, because I’d rather feel numb than give you my whole heart. TC mark

44 Tiny Frustrations Only Introverts Can Relate To

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT

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TC mark

Sunday Ritual

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 03:45 PM PDT

Screen Shot 2016-06-09 at 10.59.31 PM

Tonight I scrubbed all the corners of my apartment and then I stood under the hot shower and washed away all the bleach smell. I turned the lights off and lit candles and listened to the same elliott smith song on repeat. Then I laid on the couch and I thought about reading in bed and smoking and sending you text messages that say things like "you know Hume was full of shit, right?" TC mark

To The Man I’m Already Losing, This Is What I Want To Tell You

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Mitya Ku
Mitya Ku

I want to tell you, you are strong.

You've experienced such grief in your life, but you didn't let that stop you from spreading your wings and flying free. You've faced such heartbreak and stood by while others, along with yourself, tried to mend the pieces back together and figure out how to move on from it all. It didn't matter how long it took, you were there until it was all fixed. When you first looked at me, you saw my shattered pieces with such perfect clarity and you held out your hand to keep me from slipping away into the ruins of my life.

I want to tell you how you inspire me.

You are full of such passion and drive. You thirst for things I've never even thought to look at in this life. You've opened my eyes to what a fulfilling life this can be and that you can make it out of the darkness and into the light where things are better. You make me want to be a better person, who doesn't see any mountains she can't conquer. You are underappreciated and deserve to be told how breathtaking you are with every movement you make.

I want to tell you, you've shown me how to truly be alive.

You showed me more things than I've seen in years, in just the few short weeks we had together. Those moments are something I will never forget. I will be forever thankful for being able to share them with you, because it easily could have been someone else beside you, sharing them with you instead of me. You showed me the value that a fleeting moment can have, and that if you don't seize it, it will disappear.

I want to tell you to fight for us.

I want you to want me as much as I want you. I want that 'fairy tale' love, that, if you're lucky, you get to experience once in a lifetime. I want us to stop time and lose ourselves in each other's souls – yours so full of compassion and optimism, mine so guarded and hard to see. But if you fight for us, there might be some sunshine peering over the wall someday.

I want to tell you that I don't want to lose you.

I feel at home lying on your chest and being held in your arms. I don't want to lose you, but it's selfish of me to want to keep you for myself. If you can do all this for me, imagine the impact you can have on other people, the one's who won't be such a hassle to cross paths with.

I want to tell you to let me go.

Because I know this won't last forever and I need to protect myself as best I can so I don't get broken again. I see the pain already seeping through the once healed cracks of my heart because you've started to make your way back in to it, little by little. I'm doing my best to keep it sealed, but you are too remarkable and know the ways to get me to open up even the slightest. You are causing me to feel things that I haven't allowed myself to feel in years. This scares me, and because of this I want to tell you to please let me go now, so I can keep my heart guarded.

I want to tell you you'll find someone else.

As we were sitting there trying to figure out this hopeless situation, I wanted to tell you it didn't matter. I know you'll find someone else and there's nothing I can do to stop that from happening. You've been through this scene before, and you found someone else. You eventually found me. I'll fade from your memory, just like they all have. History has a way of repeating itself, and I'm nothing worth holding on to compared to who's coming your way next and that's okay. In the end, you'll be exactly where you're supposed to be.

I want to tell you how much you hurt me.

But that it's a pain I'm honored to feel. It's the pain of knowing I'm losing someone so great, not the pain of betrayal. It's the pain of watching you slip through my fingers because we are going our separate ways. It's the pain of never knowing "what if." It's the pain of losing something I wanted to keep, but never got the chance, or had the right to fully gain. It's the pain of knowing how great it could be, but never getting the chance to find out. It's the pain of watching from a distance as you go forward and achieve your dreams with someone else. It's the pain of knowing our conversations will soon come to an end.

I want to tell you I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I cried in front of you. I'm sorry I was always too drunk and missed out on the many additional memories I could have had with you. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect girl, physically, or emotionally, and that I'm full of contradictions. I'm sorry I can't give you as much as you've given me and that you have to put in 20 times the effort just to try to get me to believe anything you say. But most of all, I'm sorry for the last thing I want to tell you…

I want to tell you goodbye.

Because we both know that's how this ends. TC mark

Why You’re Never Going To Make It In Life Until You Learn To Be Your Own Best Friend

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 02:00 PM PDT

prozipix
prozipix

1. Because somebody has to tell you when you can do better.

Somebody has to be willing to take a long, hard look at your circumstances and be frank with you about when you are settling for less than your full potential. Only you know what your dreams are, what your settling point is, and exactly where those two intersect.

You need to be the one who makes the hard judgment calls about your life and future, because nobody understands what you want out of it better than you do.

2. Because somebody has to take care of you when you are hurting.

Somebody has to be there to pick you up off of the floor when you get knocked down. Someone has to wipe your tears, give you pep talks, remind you that you're awesome, and be patient with you as you heal.

And guess who has historically done all of those things for you? You have! You're the one who calms you down when you wake up hysterical at 3am. You're the one who picks yourself up and forces you to start over again. You are ultimately the one who gets yourself through every heartbreak, every letdown and every rejection. And every time you help yourself through it, you get better at knowing what you need.

3. Because somebody has to make you laugh at your own hang-ups and insecurities.

Your insecurities will eat you alive in your 20s if you aren't able to level with yourself about them. Some part of you needs to be able to step outside your own crippling sense of self-doubt and remind yourself that you're being (sometimes more than) a little bit ridiculous. In fact, your outlandish thoughts are pretty funny a lot of the time – if you are able to consider them from a perspective outside of your own.

4. Because you need someone who's going to fight like hell for you.

If there's anything we all fiercely need in our twenties, it's someone who will advocate for us. Someone who will believe in us. Someone who will show up to every interview, every first date and every challenge we come across and confidently convey that we're the shit.

But here's the catch: Nobody's going to do this for you, except you. And so you owe it to yourself to start singing your own praises.

5. Because you need someone who'll show you patience and understanding.

At the end of the day, nobody ever knows exactly what you're struggling with except you. And so you need to be the person who sets your own pace. You need to be the one who decides when you need to ought plugging away at something and when you are ready to move on. Nobody is ever going to understand what you need as intricately as you do – and so you need to be the one who shows yourself the most patience and encouragement.

6. Because somebody has to push you toward consistent self-improvement.

You are the only person who can ever properly determine what success, happiness and overall wellbeing looks like to you. And so you have to be the one who pushes yourself towards all of them.

You know when you're settling. You know when you're succeeding. And you know exactly what you need to do to bridge the gap between those two points. Because nobody else is going to bridge it for you. No one else is going to challenge you to become the best version of yourself, except you.

7. Because someone has to celebrate your wins.

You may always have friends, family members and co-workers who will be there to grab drinks when your accomplishments are piling and the good times are rolling. But none of them will ever know exactly how much sweat and blood went into those accomplishments – how many all-nighters you pulled, how many challenges you overcame, how much of yourself you invested in the process. Only you know all of that. Which means only you can ever truly appreciate what you’ve built for yourself in life – and the rewards that you get to reap from that.

8. Because you need someone who you can rely on come hell or high water.

The unfortunate truth about life is that people come and go. Friends change, relationships form and fall apart and even our closest loved ones may move away or become distanced at various points in our lives. But we never leave our own sides. We are the only people who will see us through all of the best and worst days of our lives – and we’re therefore the only people we can ever be 100% certain we can rely on.

9. Because you need someone who knows all of your intricacies.

No matter how long someone spends getting to know you, no one will ever truly understand you the way you understand yourself. You need someone who is able to see through your greatest hopes, your deepest insecurities, your most painful memories and your most outlandish thoughts – and that person has to be you. Because at the end of the day, the honesty and openness that you apply to the relationship you have with yourself sets the stage for all other relationships in your life.

10. Because you need someone who's seen you through the best and worst of times – and who still wants to be on your team.

If there’s anything we can be 100% certain of in life, it’s that we’re stuck with ourselves. We’re the only person who never has the option to bail, flake or bow out on us. And so we might as well be on our own team. We might as well fight for ourselves, advocate for ourselves, believe in ourselves, and learn to – at the least – get along with ourselves.

We have an entire lifetime to spend in our own company. And that’s a hell of a lot of time to spend with someone you cannot call a friend. TC mark

The Measure Of A Dad Is Found In What His Kids Say After His Death

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 01:15 PM PDT

Wikimedia.org
Wikimedia.org

The accolades for Muhammad Ali in the past week have been plentiful, emotional and poignant. From entertainers, to athletes, to politicians and business leaders came words of praise for a man who – in spite of his flaws and faults – changed lives and empowered others to be their true, authentic self.

Many said he was a hero. A hero not for what he did in the boxing ring. But a hero for what he did for others.

Was he a hero?

I say yes. But not because of the words from his celebrated friends. He was a hero because his children said he was a hero.

For the multitude of voices that spoke publicly about Muhammad Ali, it was the voices of his own children, the ones who called him "Dad," that touched me the most. Perhaps their words came close to me, as a father myself, and played out something I've long thought about – the words my own children will share, someday, in their eulogies for me.

I've been a father for 27 years. Somewhere along that journey I picked up that nugget of advice. And it resonated to my inner core.

"Everyday, live the eulogy you want your children to give you someday."

Slightly morbid? Perhaps. I understand that few of us are comfortable with envisioning that moment in time when others are weighing in publicly about those things, which defined our own life.

I've given two eulogies in my life. One for my brother. And one for my father. For all the stories I've written and articles I've authored – nothing has brought me more pride than putting pen to paper to articulate who these two men were in my life.

Perhaps those experiences have made the concept of my own children eulogizing me a little less creepy.

I tell you, I've tried (and failed) many times in life at attempts to improve something. Lose weight. Exercise more. Read more. Sleep more. Relax more. And while I usually have temporary successes, I often resort back to bad habits. And so goes the cycle.

But this live-your-own-eulogy-thingy works. It pretty much has the same effect for me as when I see a police car on the road as I'm zipping by going 22 miles over the speed limit.

I slow down. I become aware. And my behavior changes.

It helps me prioritize. It helps me embrace the serendipity of life. It helps me be a little less angry when I'm about to blow a gasket. It makes me stop and count to ten. Or pause before I speak.

It reminds me to tell my children how much I love being their father each and every day.

The truth is, when I think about my own eulogy, I truly realize how much I love being these kids' father. Each and every day.

Do I want to be a hero?

Heck, yeah!

But I want to be their hero. And only theirs. It is through the unique and lifetime relationship I have with each of them that I want them to know a kind of care that makes them feel safe, loved and a person of value.

"Dad was our hero. And his super-power was the care he gave us each and every day."

Those are the words I'm hoping for, kids. Someday. TC mark

How To Love A Girl Who Has Been Broken

Posted: 19 Jun 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Ryan Moreno
Ryan Moreno

She constantly asks every person who shows her even the most meagre of affection this question: "Are you going to say?" Needy, it may seem, but the past taught her not to be too trusting, that words are often used as weapon to lure someone then destroy them in the end, that words hold so much power much like a dagger through the heart. And of course they will respond with: "No baby, I am here to stay." But she will just nod in agreement even when she knows deep inside her there is doubt constantly gnawing at her. She will hope that this time it will be different. How hard would it be to love her? She will risk herself to be cut open once more, and try to find beauty from all the scars that plagued her heart. Whispering unto it, "try once more." But they will all leave eventually. They will leave her with shrapnel of the bomb that exploded a little too soon.

And she is back to square one, bent and broken – but is still breathing. She will crawl her way out of it, the last taking longer than the one preceded it. She loses herself to each one of them; she gave love with little in return sometimes none at all. She will tell herself she is fine. It is the lie she repeats day in and day out, that maybe if she believes it hard enough, she will be actually, in the simplest sense of the word – okay.

But she never will be.

There will always be something missing.

Yes, there will be days that she could smile and put on her bravest face. There will be times when her laughter will be so contagious the world will forget her brokenness for a moment. But then as the night comes, as her body succumbs to exhaustion there it is once more, her even present companion – misery.

And you will try to fix her. Oh boy, yes you will try, hard. Hard enough, that you would actually believe you could. But she is broken for a reason and you should never cage her into that one description. She is broken, but she is other things too. She is loyal, she is kind – she is beautiful. Never say "I love that broken girl…" Instead say, "I love that girl…" Because she is a girl who need not be placed alongside negative adjectives such as broken, depressed, manic, delusional – she is a girl. A girl who can love you like no other.

Say "I love that girl…"

I love that girl who refused to be fixed because honestly there is nothing to fix. Maybe brokenness is just a part of who she is but never her whole persona.

Say…

I love that girl who could paint a grey sky yet I still feel enamoured by her. How she let out a heartfelt laugh when jumping through the puddles after the downpour
Say…

I love that girl who wouldn't give me half baked truths and sugar-coated lies. Because she knows how painful it is to be lied to.
Say…

I love that girl who is living her life one day at a time, seeing everything for the first time, because she is well aware that tomorrow is but borrowed times.

No one said it would be easy, no one said it wouldn't entail sacrifices, no one said no one will get hurt along the way. But aren't all great love stories cause tremendous pain one way or another? If it hurts, then it is raw and true.

Love her. Adore her. Have faith in her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. See things her way, and let her see things in yours. Be content with her. Be proud of her. Shout it to the world. Look at her as if she was the materialization of a beautiful dream. Want her. Need her. She is as worthy as everyone else. Take a chance. Take that leap of faith. Fill the void in her heart, because maybe you are the only one missing to make her whole again. And maybe, she'll be the love you've constantly prayed for. TC mark