Thought Catalog

Remember When People Were Enough

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Jordan McQueen
Jordan McQueen

Remember when just meeting up with your friends was enough? When we didn’t obsess over digital proof of a friendship and having a good time.

Remember when silence was enough? When we didn’t have to fill that void of nothing with blinking notifications because the silence was too loud.

Remember when a conversation was enough? When we didn’t have to converse with 5 other people who are not even in front of you because giving them your time is so much more important than giving it to the one who actually took the time to come see you.

Remember when enjoying the moment was enough? When we didn’t have to snap, record, edit, Photoshop, crop and post the hell out of that moment just to tell others you had that perfect moment.

Remember when ‘thank you’ was enough? When we didn’t have to share it on social media to prove a point and have a million people commenting on what an amazing and kind and gracious and inspiring role model we are.

Remember when ‘I like you’ was enough? When we didn’t obsess over getting likes from strangers who don’t even know what we’re like.

Remember when ‘I want you’ was enough? When we didn’t worry between wanting to text back a few seconds or a few hours later because we wanted to appear like we were wanted somewhere or by someone else, so that the one we want will want us more.

Remember when ‘I love you’ was enough? TC mark

I Would Love To Love You, But I Can’t

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Alexander Shustov
Alexander Shustov

I'd love to love you. Yes, I'd love to hold you tight and whisper in your ear that I do, I really do.

I'd love to hug you. Feel your heartbeat against mine, try to remember your very scent, and feel you so close to me… so close I'd be out of breath.

I'd love to touch your face. Close my eyes and feel them– the curve of your lips, your thick eyelashes, sharp nose and boney cheeks…

I'd love to remember you, the man who has made me laugh. You, who have taught me how to love, who made me believe in love once more and you, who took the time chasing me, to feel my every downpour of aches and bitterness, and then try to make them yours. I want to remember you so bad.

But I can't.

We are, like how Emily Dickinson would say, bound to opposing lands.

“The hours slid fast, as hours will,
Clutched tight by greedy hands;
So faces on two decks look back,
Bound to opposing lands.

And so, when all the time had failed,
Without external sound,
Each bound the other's crucifix,
We gave no other bond.” TC mark

Girls Don’t Want Everything, They Just Want To Be Loved

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT


Over the weekend someone said to me, "He can buy you whatever you want. You should go for him." The first thought that came through my head was that is not at all what most girls want, and that is definitely not what I want.

I wasn't interested in him and him having money didn't make me any more interested. What good is a hallow relationship without love and passion?

In the same night I also over heard someone say, "I give her whatever she wants and I buy her everything she asks for. I don’t know what else she wants."

Expensive gifts and dinners aren't everything. Money doesn't replace love, money doesn't fill in the gaps of being lonely in a relationship and money surely doesn't keep you warm at night. Money doesn't make you soup when you're sick, money doesn't hold the umbrella over your head in the rain and money doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy inside from passion.

I don't want a relationship that is flooded with gifts that are trying to replace love because love can't be replaced.

Love can't be covered up or over powered by anything. Love is love and there is nothing more dominant than it.

Love is like magic, sometimes it's impossible to understand or figure out, but no one has to truly understand it other than the ones who are creating the show, as they as they can make it work nothing else matters.

Love makes you feel more alive than anything. It gives you butterflies and makes your heart skip a beat. It makes you nervous, jittery, excited and passionate. Love makes your heart race and your knees tremble. Love is filling and honest, it is not something that can be replaced or bought.

I want passion. I don't want comfort.

I want to kiss someone like they are the air that fills my lungs, like their kiss is the only thing keeping me alive.

I don't want gifts from someone; I've never wanted gifts. I've never wanted to marry rich so I could live a luxurious lifestyle. I would take being poor and happily in love over being with someone just because they can spoil me. That's not love, and that is not a relationship I'm interested in because money can’t buy happiness.

I don't need diamonds and pearls to make me happy, I just want your love. I don't need you to be my hero; I just want you to be there for me. I don't need you to show me off in front of your friends, I just want to feel special to you.

Money can't create feelings that aren't there and sometimes as humans we think that fancy gifts can make up for mistakes or lack of attention, but in all reality, they can't. All women really want is love, attention and to be appreciated.

There is no price tag on giving someone your heart.

Every girl just wants mean something to someone, to feel a burning passion of love. She wants to give her love and receive it back. She doesn’t want to be bought and surrounded by meaningless gifts, she wants to enfolded in your arms and have you reciprocate the nice things she does for you.

Money can’t help you solve your problems together, money can’t wipe away your tears and money can’t build a solid, happy relationship, but true love can and it always does. TC mark

I Am A Girl Who Wants Heartfelt Moments, Not Games

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 05:45 PM PDT

Hugo Coelho
Hugo Coelho

The idea of being in love makes your heart beat a little faster. It drives you mad. It makes you say ridiculous things, do things out of the norm, and makes your brain get flustered. Your hormones are at an all-time high. You will find yourself making your happiness dependent on the other person. This is possibly the worst thing you could ever do to yourself. You will find yourself laughing, crying and frustrated—and if you're not talking to that certain someone you begin to feel worried. Does he not like me anymore? Or who else could he possibly be talking to? Is he with another girl?

You start to overthink and analyze. You have never felt like this before, so all of a sudden you are becoming this senseless and irrational woman who doesn't even know why she is worrying about this.

Having a crush isn't what it used to be. You need to be ready to play a game of epic strategy. You're going to be in a battle field, and the one that falls first loses. You are expected to 'act smart' and 'interesting' but not too interesting because you've got to leave a little to their imagination. You have to constantly be 'busy' or 'out of reach'. You have a certain amount of time you have to wait before even thinking about replying to their message. But are you even allowed to use emoji's? You start to become this person that you aren't. You're now pretending to like what they like because you feel that will make them fall for you more. It will make you seem more attractive. Every. Single. Word has to be properly analyzed and your best friend needs to proof read before pressing send.

It's exhausting and to be honest it's fucking stupid. I don't want to play games and quite honestly I can't be bothered keeping up with the lies and silly persona that you're supposed to put on.

So, you've gone through the bullshit and you're finally with this guy. In person. Together. Not as boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but you both seem to (maybe) like each other and this is it. He is rough around the edges, always eats takeout food and loves to smoke. He is sweet but just enough to keep you intrigued. He plays records that you don't even know and listens to music you hate. First impression is 'he's my type, but not someone I would take home to my dad'. You go back because there's something about him that makes what you're doing feel wrong but the thrill feels so right.

That's it. You've lost. You are head over heels for him and you cannot seem to get him out of your head. But of course, he can't know this. He can't know you've fallen first.

You eventually discover a relationship is not what he intended and you were playing a game without knowing you had lost before it even started.

This isn't my failed attempt to fall in love. I watched a friend I adore go through this pain. I was there through all of it. I was there when she met him, I was there on the phone listening how their first date went, and I was there when she tried to convince herself she didn't like him. I watched her cry, I watched her analyze her messages. I was the one proof reading making sure she was saying the "right thing." I was excited for her. She was someone who never let anyone in and when she finally did, the experience broke her. She lost all self-confidence she ever had. You only had to look at her the wrong way and she would feel like she wasn't good enough. BUT SHE IS. She is good enough. When are we going to learn that what other people think we are doesn't determine who we are?

Wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't easy. Being let down and mentally neglected is tough to bounce back from, and from a best friend perspective, she still isn't fully healed. I wish that eating donuts and ice cream and having the best girly nights ever could fix her broken heart, but most of all her dignity.

Sometimes you just have so much love to give and no one to give it too. Hold on to it – the right person will come (at least that's what people tell me) and you'll be glad you didn't give it out so freely. Be yourself 100% of the time and baby, anyone will fall for you. TC mark

Don’t Become The Person Who Hurt You

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 05:15 PM PDT

Don't break someone's heart just because you have been broken. Don't become cruel because someone was cruel to you. Don't hurt someone just because you have been hurt. Don't become emotionless because you weren't shown the emotion you deserve. And don't become the person who hurt you because you were hurt.

We always have two options in life when things don't go how we so desperately want them to, we can move on with a positive attitude taking away what we learned from the tragedy. Or we can hang our heads and sulk over what could have been and live in our self-imposed misery.

It took a while for me to realize this, but most of the pain I've felt in my life was self-inflicted. It was uncontrollable misery and tragedy from my world, deeply worsened from the mindset I had. It did more damage than good because I chose to think negatively and poorly about my life. While I didn't have the power to control my circumstance, I surely had the power to control my mindset, but I didn't want to.

Everyone has their own problems and obstacles in life. No one's problems are any less relevant just because you think yours are worse. Everyone's problems are important because everyone feels differently and handles pain differently. What we can't do is let those experiences and problems change us for the worst.

We can't let someone who doesn't love us correctly take away our hope and desire to find a new love, a better love.

Don't give up on love because you were hurt, don't become the person who hurt you to someone else. It's not fair to you or them because your heart will heal, maybe not wholly or quickly, but someone will love you again. They will love all the broken pieces of you that you've worked so hard at putting back together, and you will love them back.

Don't let who broke you change how you love. Don't let it change how you feel towards others. Don't let it change how you feel when you're falling in love. Don't let it change how your heart beats for another soul. Don't let it change the passion you felt in your heart before you were broken.

And please, don't let it change who you are because you are not who broke you, you are better than that.

Don't change who you are, learn from it. You have to want to be better and you can't let heart break change you who are because love wins, love always wins in the end. You can be hateful, you can be cold and dark, but the only person you are hurting is yourself because love always wins. You are hurting your future chances at love, you are hurting your future chances at healing and happiness.

Healing will take time and it will take everyone different amounts of time, but once you find someone new, someone who loves you better than you could imagine you will love harder and stronger than you did before.

Don't be mad at who hurt you, don't hold grudges, and certainly don't change who you are as a person and your heart because of what happened to you. Your heart is kind and it’s filled with love you want to share, don't let anyone take that from you, especially not the one who hurt you because then they win.

Hurt people hurt people because misery loves company. Don't let hate and hurt stop you from being the best person you can be.

Be you, be completely and unashamedly you, and always know that love wins and you will have your happy ending. TC mark

I Need You To See Who I Really Am, And Love Me Anyway

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Jeff Isy
Jeff Isy

I don't always like who I am, and I need you to know that.

Sometimes, I read too much into a harmless comment, I fixate on an interaction that's really no big deal, or I say something unnecessarily childish. I do things I regularly admonish others for—things I dismiss as silly or ill thought out, as if I'm above those behaviors when I'm definitely not.

Sometimes, I'm a mother fucking idiot and a hypocrite.

I can see it happening in the moment—see myself transforming into someone I don't respect, reducing myself to overreaction or a response that isn't smart, thoughtful, or mature. That isn't reflective of my best self. That is the complete opposite of the strong, hardworking, independent woman I like to think I am.

But I'm not always capable of being my best self, and I need you to accept that.

Sometimes, I'm a total asshole. I don't feel good about it, but it happens. I say nasty things, knowing exactly how deep my words will cut. I resort to passive aggressiveness and outright insults, stabbing as hard as I can at your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I say things specifically designed to provoke, or to deflate your ego. Some of the mean things I say are rooted in truth, harsh judgments and spiteful opinions I secretly harbor. Others are entirely falsified, the manifestations of emotional responses I can't control for whatever reason. None of the mean things I say are ever worthy of vocalizing, but sometimes I say them anyway.

I can be a grade-A jerk because I am over-tired or frustrated with life in general or because I feel like starting trouble for no good reason at all, and I need you to understand that.

Sometimes, it's hard for me to remember that I like myself better when I am kind, compassionate, and caring. When I take the time to understand another's perspective rather than attack them for being "idiotic" or "ridiculous." That I am a better person when I strive to behave like someone I can actually admire.

Sometimes, I retreat into myself for days at a time and I can't stop my mind from wandering in a million different directions simultaneously—from diving so far deep inside myself that I miss my subway stop and forget to hand the barista the $2.50 I owe for my morning coffee. I forget that I'm a person living in a world populated by billions of others, someone whose actions inevitably have a ripple effect on those around her. I let my problems preoccupy me, pathetically harping on the details of shit that doesn't really matter in the grander scheme of things.

I'm not normally like this, so when it happens, it might seem odd. Contradictory, even. But it's destined to happen, and I need you to be prepared for that.

Sometimes, I just can't will myself to be the cheerful person I usually am, no matter how hard I try. I wake up day after day hoping to feel recharged so I can be the "normal" me, but I realize seconds after my eyelids crack open that I do not feel good at all. In those moments, between sleep and reluctant wakefulness, I resolve to give off the positive energy others expect from me—to be the happy, carefree girl I typically am. But I'm unable to force myself to fake it, knowing that my eyes will ultimately betray any attempt I make to mask my bleh attitude with a phony smile.

When this happens, you will assume you've done something to upset me. And you may be right. But that will never be the entire story. I'm pensive, I'll say, not sad—more to myself than anyone else. One last attempt at willing myself out of the funk. One more failed attempt, that is.

Sometimes, I don't want anything other than to be alone with my thoughts, lost in my own head, and I need you to respect that.

I need you to know these things because I need you to see me for who I really am, and love me anyway. I need you to know that I'm imperfect. That I say and do selfish things. That I think horrible thoughts. That I am not always the confident, smiley, warm, easy going person you fell in love with. That many of my layers are unimaginably dark. That I am not always fun to be around.

I don't always like myself, so I don't expect you to either. But I do expect you to love me anyway. TC mark

I Think We Are Something, But I Don’t Know Quite What

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 04:45 PM PDT

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

I thought we had something.

Something different and true and great. Something to start with, to build on and to carry with us for a while. That's why I didn't try my best to keep you away from me like I'm used to do. That's why I didn't keep you at arms' length, way behind my high tough walls; white from the outside but so stained and cracked from the inside.

I really thought we had something. Really. Genuinely. It was crazy. I really thought we had something. It was the beginning, I was confused because it was so new.

But that "something" was never clear. This "something" is still not clear… For what is it, for what it means, for what it'll be.

So I've lost myself in this so confused "something", vainly trying to find the right definition that would fit in.

I've searched it in the term "friendship" because that's the one I know the most. I've searched its meaning everywhere, trying to find a kind of alternative one that could stick to us, to our "something". Trying to find the little crack or unclear term that could explain what we are. But still, we never fit in. Always, it was always the same meaning, with no blurry edges, with no hidden meaning, no ambiguity, no "but if", not even the slightest "maybe".

So I got cocky and searched for our meaning in the following stage. I've searched for it in "relationship". The romantic one. The one that all my friends have found and are building on. The one where you find another half that seems to be the one. Where you have their hand, their soul, their heart. Where the "lives to be" are tangled, where the teasing games are clear on what they want and on what they mean. But still, it wasn't quite us. Something was missing…

Something was missing from us, or too much from it. It wasn't a loving relationship, we were missing some pieces. We were missing the unconditional love showed to the world, where no secrets are kept, where no one backs off when one can't hide anymore behind the ambiguity. We were missing the real touch, way over that "teasing touch" we were giving to each other. We were missing the unashamed display of affection, of interest. We were missing the kisses, the heat of our bodies, the lust exploding in the intimacy of the sheets… We were missing the clarity of a romantic relationship when both parties know that they're together in this crazy thing called love.

And it wasn't just a friendship either. Our "us" was suffocating in the edges too tight of this definition, overflowing the rims of the mold in which I had shaped each one of my friendship. We just couldn't fit in, we were too much, too caught in our unclear teasing games, always pushing away the boundaries of a simple friendship, replacing them with blurry lines of ambiguity and uncertainty. Your hands were too casual, too wandering, my body too thirsty of your touch, I wanted too much to know each dusty corner of your mind, and you were imposing yourself too violently in my sleepless nights.

We were too much for a friendship, but so insufficient for a loving relationship.

That's where I've lost ground I think. Hypnotized by your smile, drugged by your presence, blinded by my need of being loved.

So, I guess that our "something" isn't represented by these two definitions. I guess that our "us" is doomed to be stuck in something untitled, caught between the "too much of a friendship" and "so less of a relationship."

Especially when you overly narrow the field of a relationship when you violently push me back in my so tiny position of friend, when you talk about an umpteenth girl that happens to be the new fling you've said no word about.

Especially when you push back the boundaries of a friendship when you tease and flirt, when you come to get me, spreading here and there filthy seeds of ambiguity of a "more" that could eventually happen.

So, now, maybe… Maybe that our "something" can apply to a definition: the weird definition of friendship that you seem to have, that you seem to carve especially for me. More than a candid friend, less than a fierce love, I guess that I am your "almost".

In all these blurry lines, you've made of me your "almost", your "too much" and "not enough". And this is driving me insane! Sharpening my patience, messing with my emotions and honesty, exacerbating my jealousy and insecurities, imprisoning me in a growing unrequited love that ironically builds me up and tears me down…

Usually, I don't like to be put in boxes, a nice square one, like everybody, when I'd like to be a round one or a weirdly shaped one. I usually don't like boundaries and limits. But here, here, with you, with this "something", the edges are too blurry.

So I ask you: what are we? TC mark

The One Sentence That Can Ruin Any Relationship Before It Even Starts

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 04:15 PM PDT


You've just had another guy flake.

You've only known him several weeks. The two of you had started to build (what you thought was) a great connection. He'd met some of your friends, you'd slept together, and now… he's disappeared. Just like the rest of them. No real explanation. No real honor. Right when things seemed to be getting serious.

You asked your friend her opinion, and she thinks, "You didn't tell him what you wanted and you slept with him too soon."

You're over men, over dating, and about ready to give up on the entire damn idea. Why can't you find a guy good guy who is mature enough to actually want to build something?

Any of this sound familiar?

There are 9 deadly words that come to women's mind in this situation, thinking they can use them to end the frustration.

If you've ever gotten sick of flaky guys, who seem nonchalant about committing and their interest in general, you may have even used them yourself. They are a completely understandable reaction to such a situation.

Unfortunately, they end up having the opposite effect, killing his attraction and increasingly the likelihood of the pattern repeating.

A woman meets a man, decides she won't let the same flaky bullshit happen again, and within the first couple few dates, says to him proudly…

"I'm not playing games. I'm looking for something serious."

And in just 9 words, she's crushed his attraction and virtually ensured history repeats itself.

It would be different if she said it 6 months on. The problem is how early she goes to it.

What she thinks she's doing is being strong, showing her standards to a man and saying, "You won't mess me around!"

What she's actually doing is handing her power over to a virtual stranger (and yes, he's still a virtual stranger after three great dates) and saying, "Even though I know very little about you, I've decided I want a relationship with you. Your move."

People who don't agree with me might argue, "No, the woman isn't saying she wants a relationship with him yet; she's just saying she wants to work towards one."

That may be true, but that's not what he hears.

He hears an agenda to get out of single life and into a relationship, with him. And he thinks, "Why does she dislike her single life so much that she's so keen to get out of it?"

Every date and all the time spent together from the moment you've uttered the 9 words is now under a framework of pressure. You've taken away the room that allows his attraction for you to grow by putting him under your 'we're growing a relationship' umbrella.

In the same way you're turned off by a guy who wants to use you for sex, men get turned off by a woman who wants to use them for a relationship.

While the majority of men take a let's wait and see approach (which is inheritably attractive, because it provides a natural challenge to the other person), many women hand over their power early (and blow his attraction in the process) by having an agenda right off the bat.

When a woman tells a man, "I'm not playing games. I'm looking for something serious", she's misunderstanding the way men look for a relationship.

Saying to a man, "I'm not playing games. I'm looking for something serious" does not work, because:

Men don't start dating you thinking about a relationship.

Really absorb this concept, because it's something that women, who are frustrated at guys who won't commit, find easy to forget when they meet someone new. A man's mindset does not change to thinking about a relationship with you until later on.

This mindset change only happens after he's been seeing you a few weeks, maybe a few months, quite happy in his single life, when suddenly one night, he can't fall asleep, because he can't stop thinking about you, and he suddenly realizes to himself, "Holy shit. I want this."

That same guy would never have had the room to build that sort of attraction for you if you'd come out in the first week with, "I'm not playing games. I'm looking for something serious."
You will meet the occasional guy, who has an agenda for a relationship, but is this the kind of guy you want to be with? The guy who just wants a relationship, rather than a relationship, specifically with you?

To better explain, there is another important concept to understand about attraction, which is especially relevant if you've been finding guys interested in you at the beginning, but quickly becoming flakier about a relationship in the first few weeks or months. It also explains why a typical man's, "Let's wait and see approach" usually gives men the power in dating:

Whichever person cares less about the outcome will be the one that attracts the other.

This does not mean you play hard to get. Don't ever act disinterested in a guy you like. But that's not to say you can't challenge a man in the same way that a man challenges you by not being totally won over by you in the beginning.

When you show a man that you are happy single, when you show him that you enjoy your time together but are still in a 'take him or leave him' mindset, when you show him you're not head over heels in love and planning a long-term future after the first month of dating (again, because you're reserving judgement until you know him better), he's going to want to work to win you over. And he'll work hard.

This is why you can cook him an elaborate dinner on the second date, shut down his attraction completely, and have him flake on a relationship, but do the same thing for him 5 months later, and he'll think to himself, "I'm so lucky I got this girl to commit."

The moment you tell him in your first few interactions that you want something serious, you put all your cards right out there on the table for him to take or leave. For a virtual stranger. And the guy says to himself, "Why would she value herself so little to do that for me? She hardly knows me."

Whereas, another woman might like him, be open to a relationship in the future, but isn't fazed about the overall outcome. She'll take him or leave him, because she's quite happy where she is.

He hasn't won her over just because he's been charming for a few weeks. Her efforts to impress him are limited in the beginning and are only relative to his, because she believes she's good enough just as she is. She keeps her own life going and only puts more effort into him slowly, as the months go on and he earns it. Slowly, but surely (if things continue), he rises up her priority list.

If he walks away or stops putting in effort at any point, she doesn't freak out and try to grab him back or pull out her best recipe. She can live without him. She might hurt, but she'll say to herself, "Oh well, I'm good enough as is, and if a guy doesn't see that, then he's the wrong guy for me."

With this type of woman, the guy never feels like he has her 100% in the bag. And it leaves him room to always be attracted to her.

You might ask, "Well, what about after they've committed and are in a relationship? How can she not be 100% in the bag for him, then? This can't work long-term, because you're just advising people to play hard to get."

No, I'm not. And no, she's not. Because for this woman, even after the two have committed, he still feels like, if he messes up, mistreats her, drops his standards, or forgets how lucky he is to be in a relationship with her – she'll walk away.

She'll put her own standards for herself above her desire to be in a relationship. In other words:

Even once committed, she's never so sold on a relationship that she wouldn't go back to single life if he really screwed up.

And that's why, when you become this type of woman, a guy will spend a lifetime growing attraction for you, falling more in love with you, and always working hard to treat you like the amazing catch that you know you are. Eventually, he'll want to marry you. Working for you, and hence attraction, becomes a job for him that never ends.

So the next time those 9 lethal words come to mind, stop immediately and tell yourself, "No, I've only known this guy a short time, and have no real idea about him."

And next time you find yourself going out of your way to impress a guy you've only dated for a short time, stop again and say, "No. I'm good enough as I am. Let's wait and see."

Don't listen to your friend, who told you it was because you didn't make your intentions clear or because you slept with him too soon. Re-evaluate the way you're approaching dating. Create an amazing single life for yourself that you're content to stay in, then go out and actively date, while caring way less about the outcome. Do that, and right then and there, you'll have discovered the real secret of male attraction. TC mark

I Want An ‘I Love You Anyway’ Kind Of Relationship

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT, ArthurHidden, ArthurHidden

I am sick and tired of having relationships where I give more of myself than the other person gives to me. I am drained from working so hard at something that will inevitably fail in the end. And I am exhausted from trying to pull teeth from someone who will never love me like I loved him.

I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship where I am sweating at the end of the day from trying to wrack my brain with something clever to say. I don’t want to be at a place where I know the other person is just using me for sex.

And I am done trying things with people who won’t have the decency to try back.

Too many times, we enter relationships because we feel lonely, or we feel insecure. But, those relationships never end well. And they usually leave you feeling defeated, broken and bruised. We think that maybe if we have some intimacy with someone else, then they will eventually love us back. Or that if we say yes to the boy who asks you out, then you’ll maybe start to like him more.

But it never works.

So, I’m saying no to relationships that only thrive off of attraction. I’m saying goodbye to relationships that leave you more messed up than you were before you entered into one. I’m leaving those relationships with my head held high, and my feet stomping them down in the dirt where they belong. 

I’m saying goodbye to “I maybe sorta like you relationships” and “I like your ass” type of relationships and I’m finally saying hello to “I love you anyway” type of relationships.

This relationship should be about your bond and not about how quickly you get into bed with this person. It’s about honesty and telling the truth even if it’s difficult. It’s about adoring one another amongst all of your flaws. It’s about finding perfections in the imperfections. And it’s about enthusiastically running to your partner, not wasting a second of your time together. It’s about having water fights in the kitchen and undressing yourself with no fear of judgment. It’s about first kisses and how for the first time in a long time it feels like real magic.

I want a relationship where I can feel electricity running through my hands the first time he holds my hand. I want a relationship where he tells me I’m beautiful without my makeup on. I want a relationship where he won’t ever cross the line I’ve drawn for myself.

And I want a relationship where when he tells me he loves me, he will say it without hesitation in his voice or a drop of liquor on his tongue.

And when we say “I love you” for the first time, I want him to keep saying it. And if I crash my car into a fire hydrant, he will tell me “I love you anyways.” And if I mess up his favorite shirt by accidentally mixing it in with my whites, he will reassure me ” I love you anyways.” And when I wake up with the frizziest hair since Anne Hathaway on the Princess Diaries, he will kiss me over and over again and say, “I love you anyways.”

And then we will reach a point where just with his gaze, I’ll be able to tell that he will love me anyways. And he will love me regardless of any dumb mistake I get myself in to.

Finding this relationship will be the hardest part. And it will probably take me years. It’s going to be a difficult, long, rollercoaster of a journey. But I can guarantee you, once I find it? I sure as hell am not letting him go. And you shouldn’t either. TC mark

I Want To Be More Than Just Your Lover

Posted: 24 Jun 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Emily & Steve Photography
Emily & Steve Photography

When I make someone my partner, I do not want to just be a lover. There are many different ways to show a person you love them; by just being a lover, it only means I am restricted to just holding your hand, giving morning kisses and cuddling you when you sleep. Don't get me wrong; I want all of that, but I also want you to have more than that.

I want to add value to your life, and contribute to being the best versions of ourselves, for each other.

I want to be your consistent cheerleader;
supporting you in what you choose to do in life and whatever decision you make.

I want to be your sneaky sidekick; doing little acts of service without your knowledge, that makes you smile when you find out.

I want to be your naggy nurse;
making a fuss when you refuse to take your medication, but only because I want you to be lively again.

I want to be your travel tote; exploring the ends of the Earth with you, having an adventure while learning about different cultures.

I want to be your sultry singer;
because you are the music to my soul.

I want to be your best friend;
sharing every little secret and be silly in our separate world.

I want to be your passive protector; guarding you from hurt and catching every malicious bullet, when the need arises.

Because, if we ever stopped being lovers (which I hope won't happen), I want to be able to be pick one of these roles, and still be there for you. TC mark