Thought Catalog


My Girlfriend Invited A Horny Stranger To Have A Threesome With Us In The Bar Bathroom, And It Was The Best Sex I’ve Ever Had

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Flickr / ghoguma film
Flickr / ghoguma film

As both of us got dressed in our party wear, I tried very hard to resist doing Diya right there and then. She wore a dress that cane down to right above her knee, and a push-up bra that made her 34B tits stand out almost as much as my cock did when I saw them. I was simplistic like many men, I wore a dressy shirt and jeans. Our cab had arrived downstairs and I wore my shoes, ready to leave as Diya was wearing her lipstick. We kissed on the elevator on the way down, and got into the cab.

We got there, and after we entered we bit the bar, got ourselves a few drinks, and headed to the dance floor. We danced for quite a while, I grinded her, I kissed her even more, and we danced until we were exhausted. Looking at her panting and the after effects of our grinding left my cock throbbing and hard. I took Diyas hand from the bar table and put it over my jeans.

She felt my hardon has a look of shock mixed with lust flashed across her eyes.

“Hottie” she whispered. My cock didn’t seem to be going back down, I took her by the hand and led her to a dark corner of the bathroom where I kissed her hard and held her boobs tight. I squeezed them hard and I pulled her bra down to suck on it. Our spot was right behind the toilet, and we had to make sure no one came and disturbed us. As I held her boobs tight in my hand about to dive in for seconds, a young man of about 24 came around and saw us at it. He got an ample view of Diyas boobs. I closed her bra and looked at him.

“Sorry, we’re leaving” I said as I took Diyas hand.

“No no, you guys carry on,” he said, “my bad, that was hot by the way” I was turned on by the fact that he saw Diyas boobs. So much so, in fact that my cock was stuggling to get out of its pants. Before the man could even leave, I took Diyas hand and placed it over my jeans. She gasped, and slowly slipped her hand underneath my jeans and felt my cock. The man, seeing this, froze in place. Diya unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans as she took my cock out and immediately devoured it.

Her lipstick was still on her lips, and she sucked on my cock until my pink head turned pinker and pinker. I told her to stop as I was about to cum. My 7.6″ penis was drenched with her saliva. We decided to move it to the bathroom, and we dressed and went into the second floor mens room. The second floor mens room was much more secluded, and people hardly used it. The stranger had also followed us here, and watched as Diya took my cock out again inside a cubicle.

I made her sit in the closet and lifted her dress up. Using one finger, I moved her panties to the side and licked her clitoris slowly.

The stranger slowly moved his hands over his pants, and a brief outline of his erection was visible. As I was licking her pussy, I saw Diya wink at the man with the corner of my eye. My cock stiffened. Now ready to have it all, I sat down on the toilet seat and had her sit on my cock. It was so wet and warm. Her pussy ate my cock up easily, and before you know it, we were humping furiously, she jumped up and down on my cock rode it hard to orgasm.

Diya kissed me hard, her tongue down my throat and started to fuck me more. I stopped her and put a finger over her lip. I made her suck on my finger, and when wet, I inserted it slowly into her asshole. She let out many moans of pain followed by pleasure, and i slowly kept the finger inside her while she rocked her body back and forth. It was now that I noticed the stranger had taken his cock out, and was jerking off looking at us. I stopped immediately and told Diya. She looked at me and gave me a foxy smile that almost made me blow my load inside her right then. She turned to the stranger.

“Come here” she told him and he came. We got a closer look at his cock. He was an indian boy, and his cock was a massive 8 and a half inches, clean shaven and circumcised. Diya put her index finger on the tip of his cock.

“Are you going to be a good boy?” She asked seductively.

“Yes I am” he replied, as he took his hand and slowly jerked off his cock. Diya spit on his cock, and got up and asked me to fuck her doggystyle. The stranger started masturbating furiously using Diyas saliva as lube for his big uncut cock. I fingered her asshole a bit more, then I tried to slide my cock into it. The hole was very small, and my cock being thick, simply couldnt get in. I tried inserting two fingers, then three, then I tried my cock again. This time, the tip went in. We used a lot of lube we brought, which helped so much.

Then slowly, inch by inch, I slid my dick inside her asshole. The tightness and warmth was enough to give me multiple orgasms just be being there. I rocked my body back and forth slowly. Diya couldn’t stop screaming, I could tell it hurt her a little in the beginning, but she was getting intense pleasure now. I fucked her hard, not stopping for a breath, at a constant pace. At one point, she screamed for me to stop because it got too intense.

I didn’t stop, I rammed her hard like a bull, pumping my veiny cock into her wet asshole. “Baby I’m cumming!” She screamed about three times, and all her anal muscles clenched on my cock, and I gave in, jet after jet if warm, sticky, thick cum shot into her asshole. I stayed at the state of shock for about a whole minute, then I looked at the stranger, who was staring at Diyas tits. I removed her bra and gave him a nice look.

“You like these tits?” I asked him. I licked her nipple and bit it lightly.

“Don’t you wish you could do that?” Diya kissed me hard and bit me. I could tell she was still very horny. I kissed her hard and put two fingers into her pussy. Diya looked at the stranger and touched his throbbing cock. The stranger gasped.

“Do you boys want to have some real fun?” She asked. My head was spinning, and my cock was becoming rock hard again.

“Yes ma’am!” The stranger said. Diya bent over and slapped her ass. The stranger got the signal and went over. He teased her pussy with his tip and slid his big cock inside her pussy.

“Fuuuccckkk” she screamed. He slid further in and she moaned loudly “That’s a big dick” my cock was harder than it had ever been. Every vein was visible and my head was pink with blood flow. “Give me your cock” she told me, and I stood in front of her. She sucked my cock hard and wet while being fucked hard from behind. She clamped down on my cock with her teeth lightly as she grunted multiple times and screamed as he pounded her from behind.

She told the stranger to sit on the toilet seat, and she went and sat on his cock facing me. She rocked her body forward and fucked him. She told me to enter her ass from behind. My entire body felt warn as I felt every pulse of my cock wanting this. I put my cock inside her asshole slowly and she screamed out loud.

“FFUUUCCKK OH MY GOD YES!” She screamed. Two big dicks were in her at the same time. We rocked our bodies and with every rock Diya screamed and shouted begging for more.

She came quite a few times that night. I pounded hard at her ass and needed to cum badly. I could feel the cum from the last time, it acted as lube as I destroyed her ass roughly. The stranger pulled out and spunked over her boobs while I unloaded my balls inside her ass, my cock throbbing hard.

The stranger left without a word and Diya and I returned to dancing, she danced with cum on her boobs. A few people saw it, but it was the hottest. There’s a night I’ll always remember. TC mark

6 Dirty Stories Of Getting Caught Having Sex (Usually By Prying Parents)

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

SIMONE BECCHETTI
SIMONE BECCHETTI

1. A cop was involved…

A few years ago an ex and I were driving back to my parents place at night (in high school at the time) when I asked her if she would give me a little road head. She agreed and began to do her thing. I was driving down the road being as careful as possible when boom goes the dynamite. Awesome, right? Wrong. Apparently we were at a bad angle, when I went off I caused her to gag and she ended up vomiting all over my crotch and drivers seat. I’m reveling in post BJ endorphins when all of a sudden I get a whiff of vomit and semen. It was awful, but that’s not the worst part. As soon as I realize what has happened I pulled off the road into a high school parking lot so I can at least attempt to clean up some of the mess.

As soon a I park I realize there’s a cop on the other side of the parking lot just lurking. He see’s me do a high speed turn into the lot late at night so, naturally wants to see what I’m up to. By the time I get out of the car he’s getting out of his as well. He walks up, shines his flashlight on me and asks “is everything all right?” Here I am, pants unzipped, crotch covered in cum and puke and all I can say is, “my girlfriend got sick.” He walks over to her side and she’s hanging out of the open door busting up laughing. He walks back over to me, puts his hand on my shoulder, laughs and says, “have a good night sir”, before walking back to his car and driving away.

2. There is no summary good enough for this epic story

Okay this is a bad one.

This was back in highschool. To make a long story short, my friend and I both guys and straight were both experimenting with our female friend. We were all virgins so just uhh…. trying everything out.

It began with making out and eventually she was giving us both handjobs for all of our first times ever. My friend shoots first and gets it all over her. She runs into the bathroom to go clean it up and is ostensibly going to come back in and finish me off.

So to set the scene we are both sitting on her bed with our pants off, me with a raging boner, him with a deflating one with spooge dripping out.

We hear a door close and ASSUME it is the bathroom door and then we see the knob turning and ASSUME it is her coming in but OH NO it is BOTH HER PARENTS.

What the FUCK????? is pretty much a thought going through all of our minds.

Her dad is scary. He is a big black dude who used to play college ball. Her mom is a white former hippie current bleeding heart lawyer.

My friend pulls a moment of genius or stupidity (still haven’t decided) and says with a serious face “uh…. we’re gay!”

And that either saved us or doomed us. Dad’s rage faded. Mom’s motherly liberal instincts kicked in and after letting us get dressed she made us coffee and has us talk out our whole situation. Thinking on the fly we just went with it and told a big story about how we were gay but our parents were super intolerant but Laura their daughter was very cool and let us use her room to be together while she hung out in a separate part of the house.

They bought it all but the fucking worst thing is that they bought it too hard and practically adopted us as their 2 gay sons. We were family friends for years before this but from this point on they would always make sure to email us stuff about gay rights and whenever we were over they would mention or ask about new stuff happening in the gay world. They bought me a CD of “coming out” music for Xmas that year. This was years ago and to this day they still think we are totally gay.

The side benefit of this is that we were allowed to sleep over pretty frequently so we could “be together” when in reality we were double-teaming their daughter.

EDIT:

Okay since this seems popular here are some more anecdotes from what this lie has wrought.

  • I did get to see her mom change her bathing suit in front of me once because it totally doesn’t matter since I was gay. That would have been a lot cooler if I wasn’t bent over fixing my shoe for 3 minutes thinking about gramma and the Holocaust to try to kill my boner.
  • ‘Laura’ was NOT allowed to date (yeah they were not so lenient with their own kids) but I got to take her to the prom and of course have free reign to keep her out all night because I’m SAFE!
  • They tried to hint to my parents that I was gay on more than one occassion and I then had my parents question me about this and there is no fucking good answer to that one. I eventually told my dad the complete and utter truth and he laughed his ass off and now he goes along with the lie (our parents are ALL friends) and makes constant gay jokes and allusions in front of Laura’s family. Thanks Dad.
  • I really love old action movies and they take that in the worst fucking way thinking that I am attracted to Arnold and Stallone and such and tell me that ‘Kevin’ will probably never look like that and every time I rave about a movie hero or something it hurts his body image.
  • We all watched 300 together once and it was just really fucking awkward.

I am still afraid that the Dad will find out and absolutely fucking murder the turders out of me if I say or do the wrong thing or we just get unlucky and have another walk-in.

3. Parents keep walking in!!

Me and my girlfriend at the time are hanging out in her room watching TV. Her parents are home but they’re busy in the kitchen cooking something, so we decided that we could sneak some “special” time if we were extra quiet. We start getting intimate and a few minutes later we’re both completely naked and going at it like wild animals. We’re talking like 5 star sex here, almost to the point where I don’t care about the noise anymore.

We just changed positions and started anew when I hear a knock on the door and the doorknob starts turning. I cannot describe the sense of dread that came over me as we quickly tried to jump under the covers and cover our nakedness as much as possible, but there’s no hiding what we were doing. I was caught, and her Dad was going to kill me and bury me in the back yard. It was a done deal in my mind. What happened next I will recite verbatim, for it is forever seared in my memory.

Her mother pokes her head in the door. “Oh, sorry to interrupt! Foghorn, I’ve got a tin of cookies here for when you go home.” She then smiles, leaves said tin of delicious cookies (she was a pastery chef), closes the door, and leaves.

I don’t think we stopped laughing for a good 10 minutes.

4. Dad locked himself out

During my sophomore summer home from college one of my good friends from childhood was visiting and my Dad decided it was ok if I had 10-15 friends over to drink a bit in the backyard. Well, from that mild mannered gathering I managed to pull a girl and brought her back to my room around 1 am.

Around 1:30 as I’m beating guts on this girl we hear a repeatedly louder tapping on the window to my room, she freaks the fuck out and I put on boxers and open the blinds to see what’s going on. I flip open the blinds to see my fucking DAD staring back at me in my boxers and a random girl with the sheets pulled over her tits.

Turns out he went out to the backyard to clean up after we were all done partying and accidentally locked himself out of the house.

5. LOL WOW

Late one night my parents had gone to bed and my girlfriend and I are fooling around on the couch in the living room. It got hot fast and we started fucking, thinking that at 1am there’s no way that my parents are getting up. She was wearing a skirt and simply removed her panties. I was wearing loose jeans so I just undid the button and unzipped. I was sitting on the couch and she was riding me reverse cowgirl when we heard someone coming down the stairs. There was no time to do anything except for her to throw a blanket over us. Thankfully we hadn’t removed our shirts so it appeared that she was simply sitting on my lap and we were cuddling. My mom descended down the stairs and informs us that she can’t sleep. She proceeds to join us on the couch to watch a little TV. Mind you…my cock is buried in my girlfriend.

Now my girlfriend was a freak…and this seemed to totally turn her on. She kept shifting her weight or leaning forward to “grab her drink off the coffee table”. She was doing this while talking to my mom…chatting and laughing. This went on for about 5 minutes before my mom finally got up to use the bathroom. The second she was out of sight my GF started bouncing on my cock again and came as hard as she ever had. This in turn caused me to burst, as well. We recovered pretty quickly and she got off of me. We were able to get ourselves re-situated just in time for my mom to come back in sit back down. Her and my GF continued talking for a good 30 minutes while I sat there unable to speak.

6. Open door policy, no cares!

In my sophomore year of high school, my boyfriend and I are going at it in my bedroom. I’m wearing loose shorts, so they’re still on, and his pants are just unbuttoned. I’m straddling him. We appear to be fully dressed.

My parents had a strict “bedroom door must be open when boys are over” policy, so the door was open about a foot. The only warning I had was the sound of my mom’s footsteps coming down the hall. “Hi!” she said brightly, as she entered the room. Her smile faltered as she saw me straddling him. “What are you…”

“Uh, hi!” I said, leaning down and tickling my boyfriend’s ribs. “We’re having a tickle-fight, and I’m winning! Haha.”

The crease between her eyebrows faded a little and she set down the basket of laundry. “Okay, but you– you can’t sit on him like that.”

I shrugged, said okay (but didn’t move), and she left the room. He and I then finished what we started, but it took a minute or two to get going again. Apparently having to have a conversation with your girlfriend’s mom while mid-coitus is quite the boner-killer! TC mark

When You’re Not The One Who Settles

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT

 Abigail Keenan
Abigail Keenan

When you're not the one who settles, good things take more time, they come slowly and they teach you the art of waiting and the art of patience, because when you choose not to settle, the things you're looking for won't fall into your lap, they will require you to walk and stumble until you reach them and they will require to fail a few times before you get them right.

When you're not the one who settles, love won't easily find you. It will be challenging because you're challenging, you don't sit back and watch someone mistreat you, you don't stay quiet when someone disrespects you and you don't stay when you should leave. So you keep leaving until you find a place to stay; a place that feels like home, a place that doesn't make you feel like you're settling.

And it's harder to find a happy home than a broken home and the road may be long, and you may get lost a few times but as long as you keep going, you will eventually find that home with a perfect parking sport waiting for you.

When you're not the one who settles, you ask a lot of questions with answers that might hurt you and you look for the truth; the truth that others evade, the truth that others shove aside to live a lie and the truth that others are afraid of. But you ask for it because you know it will set you free even if it's ruthless.

Because it takes courage not to settle, it takes strength and it takes resilience.

When you're not the one who settles, you might feel like you're different, you might feel like everyone else is ahead of you, leading different lives, speaking different languages and walking in a different direction and sometimes you question if you should just follow the crowd instead of traveling alone;

but then you remember how it felt when you were one of them, when you were happily confused, when you were satisfied with dissatisfaction when you were content with mediocrity and then you realize that you’re not cut out to settle for average, that you're always looking for greatness, that you're always looking for ways to shine and that you're always running towards the light.

When you're not the one who settles, people might think you're a fool. A fool for dreaming bigger, a fool for waiting to find your fairytale, a fool for taking an unfamiliar road and a fool for expecting to live a life that will make you happy. People think you're a fool for wanting to be happy.

When you're not the one who settles, you have to realize that more often than not, you will be alone and there will be times when you will long to feel understood and no one will really understand you but trust that there are many non-settlers out there driving on the same road, their journey is different from yours, they might be closer to their destination, they might be stuck in traffic, they might be trying to meet you half-way, but they're on the road and someday you will find them and the road won't be as lonely and it won't be as foreign.

But until you find them, keep driving, keep looking for greatness, keep looking for fascinating love and keep not settling.  TC mark

Letter From A Girl Who Was Molested

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT

lookcatalog
lookcatalog

It's true what the statistics say: It's someone you know. Most sexual abuse offenders pick those they are familiar with. Thirty percent are family relatives. I stayed up nights running my fingers over these stats like they were rosary beads.

Fathers. Uncles. Brothers. For me, it was mummy's first cousin.

I wonder who else I might have become if this hadn't happened to me. Maybe it wouldn't have been someone who has her friends' sympathy. They are awed I survived this tragedy, that I'm so normal, you never would have guessed.

I am sick of surviving this, of surviving him, ghost haunting a ghost. I want nothing more than to be able to recount my history without skipping over this or risk stunning people into silence, to recall a childhood that does not require recovery from, customized gray sky for my child shoulders, Atlas too soon. I want to come to God in peace, not a raging storm of tears who cannot understand why He would betray her, how He could betray her, what I did to deserve this cross, whose sins I suffer for.

My god said he loved me. So did my abuser.

I want to pray without resentment so palpable, I taste in my mouth when I put my head to the ground in a sajdah. When I bow before Him, I don't want it to be weighed down by all the emotional baggage that needs unpacking every time I talk to him, that relentless echo of a 'why' in my head that follows me everywhere in my eight-year-old voice, trapped there by him. I want His people to stop asking me why I'm not Muslim enough, why I run my mouth off about Him, because I can't tell them. I would be seen as lesser, as touched, filthy for having suffered, for having lost.

My own mother doesn't want to hear it. She tells me a survivor entices the rapist. She tells me abuse is a rite of passage for Pakistani women and that I should stop making a fuss. I'm not special for having this happen to me. I want the privilege of this ignorance, this insensitivity. Tell me, mother: what is it like to condemn those who are stronger than you, whose suffering you can't scratch the surface of?

I want to listen to people who say everything happens for a reason, and agree. I don't want to see them for what they are: complicit. With these innocuous words, they aid criminals with their silence and their oppression. They perpetuate the misery of millions, encourage them to hate and blame themselves. I want to listen to them, and not fear for their daughters, their wives, their mothers, their sisters.

Their nieces.

I don't want to be the girl who has a god who hurt her, who watched it happen and won't answer her now. I want to be the girl who joins in with her community when they celebrate her god, who is all-knowing, just, kind, who does not feel robbed of a deity and an entire self.

I don't want to be an inspirational story or a statistic. I am only asking you to listen, to me and all those who need my voice to speak for them, sorry as it may be. In all of them, there is Musa, burnt tongues and tied hands, the true chosen ones, and I am only Harun, brought forward on their insistence, to translate their grief for you. We are all caged birds and I sing the loudest for those of us who can't. Your bars couldn't keep him out when it mattered so hear our songs now.

Why could you not keep us safe? Our parents let us float down the stream but there is no heroism in this story, only negligence, only cruelty. They forgot us there or they left us. We don't know which one is worse.

It wasn't Asia who found us, but the Pharaoh himself and we bear the marks still, and you dare to blame us for this when you can't hold your boys accountable. You dare to punish us for having endured his brutality, his insidious caresses.

So keep your reverence of us and give us relief. Keep your sympathy and your awe of us, and just understand. We are not here to help you feel better about yourselves; we are here to be heard. For the love of your humanity, let us speak. TC mark

An Apology Letter To Calvin Harris — How Taylor Swift Treated You Is Completely Disgusting

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 04:45 PM PDT

Wikimedia / BitchBuzz
Wikimedia / BitchBuzz

First of all, as a bro and a big fan of your music, let me start by offering my sincerest condolences for the abrupt conclusion of your relationship with Taylor Swift.

Through the media is how I first learned of what appeared to be your loving, nurturing relationship with one of the world's most adored singers. Only through the media is how I learned of your sudden breakup after 15 affectionate months. And only through the media did I hear about Taylor and her new beau, Loki.

With all due respect Mr. Harris (and all other future Taylor Swift boyfriends, for that matter), what did you expect when you date someone who writes songs with titles like "I Knew You Were Trouble", "Bad Blood", "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together", and "Shake It Off"?

I'll admit I used to be a TayTay fan before this shit went down. I'll admit that I'll still sing her songs loudly and proudly while they're being played on the radio. I'll even admit that I still think she's a cutie.

But I gotta vent. So here it is.

Listen, I don't know what went on during your relationship nor do I pretend to, but the way she recently disrespected you is disgusting. It's completely uncalled for.

How the f*ck can you claim that you still have love and respect for your former boyfriend while you're canoodling with some other dude not even three weeks later? What right do you have to defame your exes by writing songs about them when you're clearly the one that lacks respect and decency?

Calvin, if I were you, I'd be counting my blessings, man. Sure, Taylor Swift is an attractive young lady. Sure, Swift is a mega superstar. Sure, Swift has lots of good things going for her.

But Taylor Swift is missing one ginormous quality. And that is quality is integrity.

Absolutely no person in their right mind with a decent level of integrity would treat another human the way she treated you. To quote my good fictional friend Stephanie Tanner: "How rude?"

Again, I don't know the exact circumstances of your breakup. I don't even know the circumstances surrounding your relationship in the first place. The only things I know are from what the media has reported.

And based on those reports, “I should have known that she was trouble when she walked in. So shame on me now.” What kind of role model is she being to her young, impressionable fans?

It's quite possible that Mr. Hiddleston is just a rebound. It's quite possible that Taylor Swift still loves and respects you. But if I were you, I would fuggedaboutit! Continue to concentrate on producing those booty shaking, chart topping hits that you do so well.

'Cause after Taylor Swift's next album is released, I think it's safe to assume that your name will be associated with other chart topping hits that you didn't produce.

BTW: I wrote this letter before I discovered the number sorry Taylor letters from her fans. At least my letter comes from an objective point of view. TC mark

10 Things You Think Your Boyfriend Is Lying To You About (And He Actually Is)

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, BrigitteStanford
Twenty20, BrigitteStanford

1. How terrified he is of marriage.

It doesn't matter how strong your relationship is, or how deeply connected you are as a couple. To your boyfriend, the idea of promising forever is right up there with the thought of stabbing his eyeballs out with sharp pins, or self castration. That doesn't mean he'll never propose. Men are more vulnerable to societal pressures than they'd like to admit, and society says that Happily Ever After comes at the cost of an engagement and a wedding. But let's be clear: Your boyfriend cum fiancĂ© will walk down that aisle in a state or terror no matter how in love with you he is.

2. The number of women who turn him on in a given day (who aren't you).

Guess what? Men get turned on a lot—as they walk down the street, as they ride the bus, as they sit at their desks, etc. They get aroused by your best friends and total strangers alike. A boob is a boob, right? But don’t expect them to be forthright about this. When you catch your boyfriend checking someone else out and decide to ask, poutily, whether he's turned on by the other’s girl’s firm ass and/or perky tits, he’s going to give you the emphatic “no” you so covet. But what he means by “no” is: YES!

3. Just how badly he wants to have a threesome.

Your boyfriend really wants to have a threesome with you and another woman. If you've already had one, he wants to do it again. Guys love feeling like they’re being worshipped in bed, and the only thing better than one woman's naked body to set the cock-hungry mood is two sets of limbs. Entangled in all those arms and legs, he gets to feel like Hercules. He might claim to be sexually satisfied by your regular, one-on-one sex life, but he that would be a lie. Secretly, he’s pining for a third party to join the fun once in awhile.

4. The number of people he's slept with.

It's a well-known fact that dudes are likely to lie about the number of women they've banged. Why? Because if they tell the truth and the number's deemed too high, they'll get the stink eye. On the other hand, if they reveal a number that’s considered too low, they risk seeming less desirable. Far better to stay in the safe zone, which means they'll feel you out a bit before settling on the magic number that's fall exactly within the bounds of acceptability to you.

5. How often he masturbates.

Starting from a young age, men are programmed to masturbate on the sly because they want to do it so often that they have to sneak away from day-to-day life to meet their own raging desires. As teenagers, they masturbate stealthily in their bedrooms, in the shower, behind bleachers, and in parked cars, and those habits stick with them. It doesn't matter how often you're fucking your boyfriend. He’s definitely still masturbating regularly too, but he probably won't tell you just how often for fear of making you feel inadequate.

6. What he thinks about while masturbating.

Even if your boyfriend does admit to masturbating now and then, he’s bound to tack a little disclaimer onto his confession: "Don't worry—I was thinking about you the entire time," he might say. Chances are, however, that he rarely thinks of you while tugging the ol’ one-eyed snake. Masturbating is a time for fantasizing, and fantasies enable men to fuck models and celebrity crushes or the hot girl at work they’re flirting with behind your back.

7. The type of porn he likes.

If your boyfriend is honest about watching porn (trust me, he does), he's probably still lying his face off about the type of porn he likes. Ask him to show you a clip and he'll pick something totally innocuous, like a video of a hetero couple doing it doggy style. The truth is, your boyfriend watches some pretty fucked up shit sometimes. Why? Because it's available—for free, no less—all across the internet, so he can.

8. What he thinks about during sex with you.

When you ask your boyfriend what he thinks about while making love to you, don't expect him to answer honestly. He's going to tell you exactly what you need to hear, which is that he was obviously thinking about you and your hot body. Don’t be fooled. It’s just as likely that he was thinking about his ex’s badass bod, or some sex scene from a movie you recently watched together.

9. How he feels about strip clubs.

Even if your boyfriend doesn't frequent topless bars, it's a pretty safe bet that he likes them (and the lap dances that go with them)—not just a little, but a lot. It’s also highly likely that he's patronized more than a few strip clubs in his day and spent an exorbitant amount of money during each motorboating festival. Since none of this is information will enhance your relationship or your opinion of him as a quality human, however, none of it will ever be shared. Instead, your boyfriend will continue to deny or at least downplay his fondness for those places where naked women willingly shove their tits in his face all night long.

10. How wasted he got when he went out with the boys.

Guys just love to get drunk and act stupid together. If your boyfriend goes out with "the boys," expect him to be insanely hungover (and maybe a little bruised) the following day. Ask all the questions you want about what went down, but don't trust the timeline of events provided. And if you bother asking how many drinks or drugs he consumed while partying with his buddies, don’t expect an accurate estimate. I promise that he’ll slash that startling number in half, if only to avoid your judgmental sighs and lectures rooted in "serious concern." TC mark

5 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You (And It’s Time To Move On Already)

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 03:01 PM PDT

 Thought.is
Thought.is

Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually quite easy to know if someone likes you or not. In college whenever I liked a guy, I would fret constantly about every text he sent, every move he made, and everything he ever said to me. But, it really shouldn’t be as hard as we make it seem.

1. If a guy isn’t into you, his texts will make it clear.

Whether we like it or not, texts can be the best way to figure out if someone is into you or not. If he takes days to respond or doesn’t reply at all, he’s not into you. If he replies with one word answers, he’s just not that into you. If he never asks you questions about yourself, he’s totally not into you. And finally, if he texts you, “Want to hang out?” at 2 a.m on a Monday, HE’S NOT INTO YOU.

2. If a guy isn’t into you, he will avoid you constantly.

So, let’s say you’ve been texting for a while and you’re very hopeful about your potential relationship. But, when you ask to hang out after school and he says no, I hope you know he’s not into you. And if you see him in the hallways and he half waves at you with a sheepish smile, he’s not that into you. When he see’s you at a party and ignores all of your attempts to try to dance with him, I’m sorry but he’s just not that into you.

3. If a guy isn’t into you, he won’t talk to you.

If a guy you are interested in won’t even try to initiate conversations with you through text, through face to face interaction or through any other way of communication, he’s not into you. Period.

4. If a guy isn’t into you, he might just tell you.

Sometimes, guys will actually do the right thing instead of leading you on. Sometimes, they will actually let you know how they feel and say it in a polite and empathetic way. Note – This is a very rare occasion.

5. If a guy isn’t into you, he will f*** you and go.

So, if you’re thinking that when you two finally have sex, that he might magically fall in love with you? Probably wrong. If you two decide to do the deed, and he immediately leaves and doesn’t even want to stay for the breakfast you made, he’s just not that into you. Also, what type of dude wouldn’t want to stay for breakfast?

Ladies and gents, it’s a cruel world out there and I’ve wasted so many days of my life pining over guys who didn’t give two craps about me. It wasn’t even their fault per say, it was just my naivety that made it worse.

So, don’t make the same mistakes as me and please recognize the signs when he’s just not that into you. Then, you can move the f*** on, because ain’t nobody got time for that. TC mark

16 Girls Reveal The Devastatingly Honest Reason Why They And Their Boyfriend Broke Up

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

1.
“He treated me like one of the boys. I never felt like I was special to him — just like I was a friend he got to have sex with. So I left him for someone who actually treated me like a girlfriend and not a football buddy with a vagina.” — Emily, 24

beetlejuice

2.
“He always seemed intimidated by me. Rather than being excited when I was excelling in school or at my job, he’d get weird and introspective and push me away. I couldn’t deal with the insecurities and they honestly drove us in different directions that didn’t include each other.” — Nichole, 26

beetlejuice

3.
“He was bad in bed. And not willing to get better. #bye.” — Rosie, 25

beetlejuice

4.
“I wish I had a concrete reason why we fell out of love but I don’t. Slowly but surely we went from being each other’s EVERYTHING, each other’s co-star, to just a walk on role at best. That wasn’t enough for me, and I know it wasn’t enough for him either.” — Courtney, 27

beetlejuice

5.
“I waited for over six years for him to be ready to really commit to me, to us, and there was always something holding him back and scaring him into his own little world. I know my worth, I know my value, and I couldn’t wait anymore. I miss him every day but I don’t regret it.” —Cristina, 30

beetlejuice

6.
“I realized that he was wildly immature and not at all in the same space as me in mentality or in life. I ended it for him and for me because I knew if we stayed together that we’d eventually end up hating each other over stupid, petty annoyances.”  Anna, 25

beetlejuice

7.
“He never wanted to do anything. He just wanted to stay at home and watch Netflix, fuck, and sit around. It was cool at first, chill even. But eventually it felt like we were an episode of some TLC special of agoraphobics. It wasn’t sexy, and I want to feel sexy.” — Jill, 24

beetlejuice

8.
“He asked me to do anal and I said no. And then he asked again, and I said no. And again, still said no. And then, in very Sex and the City fashion he told if he wasn’t going to get it from me, he’d get it somewhere else. So told him to get that and EVERYTHING else somewhere else. He’s a piece of shit. And I hope he got some on his dick.” — Kallie, 23

beetlejuice

9.
“He never really seemed like he wanted to move forward. He was very content staying in the same place, doing the same thing, being the same person. So I grew and…he didn’t. Eventually, as I outgrew my old life, I outgrew him too.” — Bethany, 27

beetlejuice

10.
“He had a lot of problems (substance abuse, parent stuff, issues with authority etc) that he had absolutely no interest in dealing with. I tried to help him but I got to a place where I saw our future, and saw that it was going to get even worse than it already was. At the end of it I couldn’t justify putting myself and my future at risk in order to try and be there for someone who didn’t even want to be there for himself.”  Rachel, 26

beetlejuice

11.
“He was super jealous about the dumbest stuff. He wanted to know where I was, who I was with, when I’d be home, what I was doing…and not because I ever gave him any reason to think I would be doing something he would be upset about. It was just him projecting insecurity onto me. So I broke it off and he immediately jumped in bed with another girl. I was 100% right about him being insecure, and I know I’m better than that.” — Della, 22

beetlejuice

12.
“Our relationship started because he cheated on his then-girlfriend with me. And to be honest, I could never shake that. I never felt good about it and always was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to do the same thing he did WITH me, TO me. Paranoia isn’t healthy, and it killed the relationship.” — Kate, 23

beetlejuice

13.
“I never got along with his friends. I didn’t want to force him to choose between us, and tried my best to never make it clear that I felt the way that I did. But eventually he got tired of having to silently pick sides and started to resent me. It drove enough of a wedge between us that we had to go our separate ways.” — Leah, 26

beetlejuice

14.
“He was ADDICTED to porn. Like Don Jon style. It was constant. And it was degrading and gross. No thanks.” — April, 24

beetlejuice

15.
“I think he really wanted the whole, “All American Family” thing. And I am just not that girl. I don’t want kids, I don’t want a white picket fence, I don’t want to take Disney vacations…I don’t want any of it. We were very different people when it came down to really, seriously talking about what we wanted for the future. And once it was out there…well you can’t really take it back. It became the elephant in the room that neither of us could avoid. And finally, we stopped avoiding it and just broke up instead.” — Charlie, 28

beetlejuice

16.
“He called me by his ex’s name while I was going down on him. I should’ve bit it off.” —Alex, 26 TC mark

Ranking The Men On This Season Of ‘The Bachelorette’: Who Is Jojo’s ‘Husband Material’

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 01:11 PM PDT

Hi Everyone! This week Derek had an epic meltdown and became this season’s most memorable crier. For now. James Taylor was a snitch, Jordan was entitled, and Jojo weirdly couldn’t decide that Alex and his full body tattoo isn’t a good match for her. Also, we all silently wondered why a girl trying to find a husband, and presumably not opposed to getting knocked up in the next year or two is running around South America getting all Zika-y.

Oh, and Jojo wore this:

Instagram Photo

Here’s how the guys stand after last night’s episode:


See you in paradise???


Wells

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

I don’t really need Wells to go on Paradise he’s not super lively or interesting even thought weirdly, I can also tell he’s probably good at his job of being a radio DJ. At least the show was good for his career! In the end, he succumbed to the danger of the middle of the season one-on-one date where you’re chosen not because the Bachelor/ette wants to spend more time with you, but because they need to in order to determine which way you’re going to go.

Derek

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

I’m happy for Derek that he got to come on this show and have a massive crying attack in front of America. He strikes me as the kind of guy who has never had anything bad happen to them and now he gets to understand what life is like for the rest of us normal people who aren’t hot bankers. But hopefully, this isn’t the last we’ll see of Derek. I smell a new Nick Viall/Chris Bukowski.

For the record, this decision was spoiled by the preview for this episode. I’m sure ABC is more careful about bigger spoilers, but FYI — don’t pay really close attention if you want to be surprised.


Still in the running


Alex

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Alex is a narc with bad tattoos. I think he will be gone next week.

James Taylor

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

I have grown to love James Taylor but the fact that Jojo can’t decide between him and Alex speaks volumes. He’s a great guy, but not the kind of great guy Jojo is interested in.

Chase

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Chase kind of has a cardboard box of a personality, but I guess that’s okay when you are as beautiful as he is.

Robby

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

I don’t like Robby! He has the facial hair of a laid back bro with the actual hair of a metro, pick one! He seems to be competing with James Taylor for who can play the best third place game in Bachelor history.

Luke

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 2.55.12 PM

Luke is giving my decades long Dylan McKay crush some much needed love. I’m not really sure if he’s a good match for Jojo because they spend most of their time together hooking up, but as far as show history goes, that’s the basis for a solid relationship that will end 3 months after the publicity dries up.

Jordan

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Every week I become more and more convinced that Jordan is (barely) hiding his real personality, which is dark and manipulative. He’s always on this weird defense and he’s so fake and low key angry when he does it. Last time Jojo asked him something he started talking about his pastor so he could sound like a good guy again. Gross! BUT, Jojo does seem to love him the most, so here we are.


burning questions for next week’s episode


Will Alex get a one-on-one date/stop whining???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Will James Taylor do “whatever it takes”???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

What will Jordan get defensive about next week???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Waht.

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why is Robby so weird???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Why is Jojo crying this week???

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

See you next week!

The Most Heartbreaking Breakup Any 20-Something Can Go Through

Posted: 28 Jun 2016 01:00 PM PDT

chanelpluscat
chanelpluscat

Living in New York, or any city for that matter, means you're going to be moving a lot. Whether your rent is too high, your roommate’s sex is too loud, or the probable too frequent combination of the both—your suitcase is always half packed. And while this is never truly an issue for relationships, the shoes you borrowed from your college roommate three years ago can alternate weekends and happily celebrate two Christmases in both Brooklyn and Harlem; there is one thing you will never be able to get back: your delivery food.

Now, I know half of you are thinking, “I really don't think there's a difference between the lo mein from Golden City 4 and City Golden 4,” and the other half is thinking, "Oh my god I miss Golden City 4's lo mein so much," and you are both kind of right. But, despite them both containing high sodium and the option to be delivered in quart sized (#GodBlessAmerica), the personal connection between man and delivery man is undeniable. City Golden 4 wasn't there for you when you were hungover until 4 pm that one Sunday, and when you called that on St. Patrick’s Day at 2 AM after eleven hours of drinking, who answered the phone? John Lee. And he didn't judge you when you ordered enough food for three people, although he's kind of used to that. BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU THAT WELL.

I recently graduated college and moved out of my delivery range, and feel heartbroken that, despite ordering as much take out as humanly (poor adjective, because I'm a monster) possible, I never got the chance to bid farewell to the people that helped me get through my highest highs (too literally) and my lowest lows.

So goodbye, Mexican place that sent me a quart of Sangira in a plastic container, your burritos were never fully wrapped, but you never got too mad at me when I would drunkenly try to speak to you in Spanglish (I'm the worst). Farewell, my two Asian restaurants who I always had guilt over picking one over the other to order from, until a few months ago when I found out you were owned by the same person. You were my go-to dinner for when I just wanted to not do any work and feel like Carrie Bradshaw while binge-watching Sex and the City for the seventh time (running theme is I'm the worst). And the bagel place. Ah, can I count the ways? Or mental states that you saw me in? No. You accepted me flaws and all, telling me that my order of an 'everything bagel with egg and cheese and vegetable cream cheese' was weird and gross, but delivered it to me anyway. I'm sorry for always forgetting to put on pants when opening the door, and I'm especially sorry for the one delivery guy who I made try and fix my fallen shower rod to no avail (The worst, right?).

But with every seamless window closing, another tap opens. And I look forward to making new memories, with new ethnic food groups and even more indigestion. Because after all, maybe delivery food in general is our soulmates, and the various delivery people are just to have fun with and to scar emotionally forever. TC mark