Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

15 Men Share The Most Common Thing They Lie To Their Girlfriends About

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 08:00 PM PDT



“How attractive I find her friends. It’s not as if I’d ever cheat on her. I love my girlfriend. I can’t help it if her best friend is a total babe. But I’m smart enough to never say that thought out loud.”

— Trevor, 24


“Work stuff. I’m in a very stressful career and I don’t always feel like talking about it. I’m definitely guilty of saying everything’s fine when shit actually just hit the fan. But I don’t need her overly worried until there’s ACTUALLY a reason to be.”

— Christian, 27


“Porn. I lie a lot about porn.”

— Brandon, 24


“I never flat out lie. But there are times I definitely selectively choose what I tell her. For example, if she asks me about a girl she’s seen comment on my photos or something, I’ll say she’s a friend. I don’t need to say we drunkenly hooked up one time in college.”

— Elijah, 25


“There’s this girl that hangs out in my group of friends that my girlfriend HATES. She’s tried explaining it to me before, but to be honest, I still don’t get why there’s such animosity. So, a lot of times when I go to hang with my buddies and do something, she’s there. I just leave that out of the story when I later tell my girlfriend.”

— Mark, 22


“How many girls I’ve been with. I round the number down…significantly.”

— Sam, 24


“That my mom likes her. I’m not trying to hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. I’m not a monster.”

— Ian, 27


“I’m the kind of person who really craves my space and alone time. My girlfriend is the total opposite. It can be hard to tell someone, ‘I love you, but I don’t want to be around anyone right now’ without them personalizing it. Sometimes I’ll tell little, white lies to just get some me time. Like I’ll say I have work I need to get done when in reality, I’m sitting on the couch with a cold beer in hand.”

— Austin, 30


“Sex stuff. I’m not going to get into the specifics, but let’s just say my girlfriend and I have very different definitions of ‘kinky’.”

— JD, 27


“I’m a very noncommittal person in all aspects of my life. I was a nomad for a long time after college. Getting into a monogamous relationship was a huge (and out of character) step for me and, as much as I adore my girlfriend, I still get freaked out occasionally. But it’s not something I ever tell her about. I guess that’s not an outright lie, but it isn’t totally honest either.”

— Adam, 32


“My buddy likes going to the strip club. I don’t like them as much as he does, but I’m also not going to pass up seeing ass and titties when I’m invited along. It’s definitely not an activity I tell my girlfriend about.”

— Anthony, 27


“My girlfriend doesn’t shave her armpits and theoretically, I support it. Why should she be expected to do something that I don’t do just because she’s a woman? So one one hand, I get it. But on the other…I would never, EVER say this to her, but it kind of grosses me out.”

— Cole, 26


“My past relationships. I tell her she’s the only person to ever make me feel the way she does. But that’s not entirely true.”

— Jake, 21


“If I’ve ever fantasized about someone else during sex. C’mon, of course I have.”

— Brock, 24


“Oh man, this would get me in so much trouble if I ever told her, but I definitely lie about liking her friends. They’re the most shrill group of women I’ve ever met. They make her happy though, so I do what a good boyfriend does and I keep my mouth shut. But god damn, group date night is my actual nightmare.”

— Drake, 25 TC mark

If Someone Forces You To Choose, Choose Yourself

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

I’ve got the biggest bleeding heart. Seriously, it’s nauseating how much I believe in romantic love. Ask anyone.

I’ve written books about my dalliances in the unrequited camp. I stay stuck on boys with dimples and freckles far past a point that I should. Call me love’s biggest champion, shouting from the rooftops that we should give it a chance. I’ve always thought we should fall deeply, fall quickly, fall without fear of what could happen when we land.

And I still believe that. Really, I do. But there’s something I failed to consider.

What if this whole time the best person you could ever fall in love with is yourself?

I preach self-love like it’s my birthright. And not because it’s trendy or millennial narcissism. People who cast it aside as another buzzword are missing something crucial.

Self-love is necessary because it gives you the tools to survive in this lifetime. And it’s something you can do on your own. You don’t need to depend on anyone else to give you your worth or value. You hold all the power, and in a world that you can’t control, that’s an empowering feeling.

Of course, it’s always easier said than done. Choosing yourself isn’t something that naturally comes easily. It’s a beautiful thing to want to do things for others, to choose them. Selflessness has its place, absolutely. And ideally, you’d learn to strike a good balance. Sometimes, you choose others. Sometimes, you choose yourself.

But if someone puts you in a position where you are constantly doing everything for them and it’s barely reciprocated? That’s not love. That’s not healthy or a recipe for happiness. All that does is build up resentment and a false idea that you’re not good enough.

I spent so much wasted time trying to convince people I was worth it.

I broke my back bending for people who would never be flexible for me. I cried so hard, I was sure my self-loathing, my sabotage, and my belief that I was always the one waiting would eventually drown me. And maybe if I kept going with that mentality, it would have.

I had to bury this storyline that I’m just supposed to be the one with my arms outreached, ready to catch whoever needs a soft landing. That’s not the life I’m looking to create. That’s not the outlook I want.

I choose myself. I choose myself because I’m the only guaranteed one to do the job correctly. I choose myself for all the times someone made me merely an option, not a priority. I choose myself so that when someone wonderful comes along, I’ve done the proper work to be loving to both of us. Relationships require give and take. It’s okay to recognize when you deserve a little take.

If someone bruises your heart, don’t give up on love. Don’t close yourself off from future opportunity. But choose yourself. Learn how all these things can coexist. You can be an ooey-gooey romantic and still make sure your feelings are considered important. Because you matter. Even if you’ve momentarily forgotten. Even if someone has you tricked into thinking otherwise. You matter. I promise. TC mark

6 Cheating Women Who Slept With Someone Else Confess Why They Did It

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Over a year ago I wrote an article where I interviewed 6 men who had cheated on their significant other, and asked their "real" reasons for doing so.

To my surprise, that article got a ton of feedback. I wouldn't exactly consider that article a hard hitting "high-brow" piece of writing, however, I did always plan to write a similar article with gender reversal and ask women the same questions. 

But when it became somewhat of a controversial article, re-published by many sites, with many, many comments (many mentioning that it was unfair to only say men cheat, it was 'sexist', so on and so forth, you get the idea), I decided to let the kettle simmer until I wrote another article from 6 women's reasoning's for why they cheated.

If I'm completely, and brutally honest (which will offend a few women, sorry in advance), realistically, I think women cheat just as much as men. Lets not forget there are several types of cheating. Emotional, physical, mental. But, I still think there is just as many women who cheat as there are men. To be honest, I just think women are a bit smarter at hiding it most of the time.

I finally decided to sit down 6 women I know personally who have cheated or had an affair and asked them the same questions as I previously asked the men. [Names have been changed for privacy]. 
Side note: I do not condone, agree with, or find cheating acceptable in any form.

1. Taken For Granted

Chelsea Ellise: What would you say the main reason was that you cheated?

Steph: I was feeling really taken for granted and unappreciated, and we had many fights over it yet nothing was changing. I didn't want to just give up on our relationship, but at the same time I met somebody who really appreciated and built me up everyday and finally I gave into that. I gave into that ego boost, that appreciation I had been longing for.

Chelsea Ellise:
In all honesty, do you regret it?

Steph: This is horrible, but no. I don't. I've actually been with the guy who showed me the appreciation at that time for almost three years, now.

Chelsea Ellise:
Do you at least regret the way it was handled? 

Steph: Yes. Of course. It got messy and it didn't need to be.

2. Open Relationship

Chelsea Ellise: Rachel, I'm actually most excited to interview you. You and your boyfriend have a bit of a peculiar set up, don't you?

Rachel: [Laughs] You could call it that.

Chelsea Ellise: You used to despise the thought of cheating, I remember, you absolutely hated it!

Yeah, back then, the notion of cheating might as well have been the holocaust to me. It fucking disgusted me.

Chelsea Ellise:
Yet now, you're in an open relationship. A comfortable one too! Can you tell me how that came to be?

Rachel: Oh god, I might be single by the end of this. Seriously, from the get go we both cheated. We both knew we wanted to be together, but we went through all this back and forth of him being away, us doing long distance, then I would find out he cheated, so I would go cheat, he would find out, so he would go cheat, it was like keeping tally, who could hurt each other most. But, we didn't want to emotionally be with anybody else and still don't.

Chelsea Ellise: So how did you guys broach of the subject of perhaps having an open relationship?

Rachel: He just said to me one day, "Look, it's going to happen. I love you, but we aren't in the same city, we're in our twenties, we're both attractive, and we both go out a lot. Why don't we figure out a way to not hate each other for doing that"

Chelsea Ellise:
I still can't believe you went for that, just knowing you.

Rachel: I can't either. It still kind of grosses me out but I just don't think about it and just do my own thing.

3. Caught In The Act

Chelsea Ellise: Hi, Hannah. I'm going to have to grill you a bit here because lets be honest, the way you got caught cheating was brutal.

Hannah: Ugh, no kidding.

Chelsea Ellise:
So, you had been with Elliot for 3 years and you went to a Cinco De Mayo party a couple years ago. Can you elaborate from there?

Hannah: I can, but will I? [Laughs]. Just kidding. Yeah, we were going to a fiesta party or whatever, so of course we were already hammered. When Elliot and I drank together it was world war 3, we always fought. So, that's what happened. And I got black out and basically decided " Well fuck him, he takes me for granted anyways" and I hooked up with this really good looking guy I had been flirting with for months.

Chelsea Ellise: And then…

Hannah: Oh god. Alright. And then me and this other guy, we started having sex in the freezer of the pub we were at, and I guess my ex had realized I wasn't around so him and his buddy came looking for me, heard shit going down in the freezer, opened it and basically saw us dead in the act.

Chelsea Ellise: That's gnarly. I still can't get over that. Drunk or not, would you say it all stemmed from feeling like he was ungrateful for what he had in you?

Hannah: Totally. And also, a bit, this is embarrassing, but I thought he would eventually cheat or leave me anyways. Things hadn't been going well.

4. I Was Done With Him

Chelsea Ellise: Amber, what was your reason for cheating?

Amber: It's as simple as this. I was done with him. But, we lived together. We shared a dog. Shared cable, shared wifi, shared a car, we were close with each other's parents. I was working two jobs and going to school and I just didn't have the energy to break up. I think he probably cheated and did the same, he just never got caught. I didn't go out of my way to sleep with other people but if it happened, it happened.

5. In Need Of An Orgasm

Chelsea Ellise: What about you. Chloe? What was your reasoning?

Chloe: I sound like such a bitch, I honestly really did love him but… his penis was just so small and it didn't do anything for me. Like, I could never get off. And I'm a sexual person. I needed to get off.

Chelsea Ellise: What's that saying? "It isn't the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean?"

Chloe: That saying is bullshit. The ocean isn't always moving the way you want it to, okay? It's about the size of the ship. It is 100% about the size of the ship. Dick. Can I just say size of the dick? Cause that's the truth. I could barely feel it! What's a girl to do?

Chelsea Ellise:
You're a ridiculous human being, you know that? I don't even know what to say back to that. I'm going to move on and leave that there!

6. Insecurities

Chelsea Ellise: Okay Tina, last but not least. Why did you cheat?

Tina: Because I was insecure and looking for anybody to validate me and build me up because at that time, I couldn't do it myself, so any guy who showed interest made me feel worth something, validated, hot, whatever. It was pathetic but that was my struggle, it was my insecurities. Still is.

Chelsea Ellise:
Thank you guys all so much for answering my questions honestly, I really appreciate it and hopefully the readers will too! TC mark

14 Bridesmaids On The Mid-Wedding Fiasco They Tried To Hide From The Bride

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT



"The bride was really set on all the attention being on her, which I totally understand. Here was the one glitch: I was pregnant with my first child and had just found out about four days before the wedding. But what could I do? I knew she would be so so mad at me for stealing her thunder if I told people, but at the same time, it wasn’t bad news and I didn’t want to hide it. I ended up not telling anyone, and then told the bride when she got back to her honeymoon. Even then, she was pretty pissed."

— Mary, 28


"We ripped the veil. She ended up wearing her older sister’s, because that was the only option we had, and no one told her about the switch. This was four years ago, and she still has no idea. It was similar enough, but even so, I was still shocked that she didn't notice and flip a shit. I guess the wedding really did go to her head."

— Jenna, 35


"The bride wanted us all to be wearing the exact same color nail polish. And at this point, she had made so many stupid-ass requests that I was just damn near sick of it. So one other girl and I decided to paint our nails bright blue at the last minute. It was totally insignificant, but it made us feel like we were getting some revenge for spending a shit ton of money when our bride was awful to us the whole time."

— Julia, 23


"I had to change my dress at the very last minute because – this is so embarrassing – I got a period stain on my dress. We didn’t want to tell the bride, because she already had enough to worry about. I swapped dresses, because luckily I had another bridesmaid's dress, and I lived close enough that my boyfriend was able to bring the other dress. Our colors were green, and I walked down the aisle in a blue, sequined dress. And the first time the bride saw the fact that I was wearing a different dress was when she walked down the aisle."

— Jacqueline, 26


"I started dating the bride's brother about two weeks before the wedding. Obviously, she was going to be excited, but she just had so much going on and was so stressed that we had no good time to tell her. We hid it for a month after the wedding, and then told the bride we had gotten together at the wedding. She was thrilled, and still hasn't learned the real story."

— Sara, 29


"I was in charge of holding the bride's veil at one point, and I accidentally stepped on it. It was a spring wedding, so it was muddy outside, because it has rained the day before. Needless to say, it was more than just a little noticeable, but not to the bride, because the veil was behind her at that point. We decided it was best not to say anything and just encourage her to take it off for most of the reception. Thankfully, when we told her the following day she was still riding the wedding high and laughed it off — which was really a lucky break.”

— Ericka, 36


“Our wedding party hung out so much leading up to the wedding. We all lived in PA, and there were six girls, six guys, and the couple. Over the course of the wedding lead up and wedding festivities, I hooked up with one of the groomsmen consistently, and then at the wedding, I hooked up with a second one. And I didn’t tell anyone.The boys still don’t know, and neither does the bride. (Actually, only one other bridesmaid knew.)"

— Lacey, 27


"The groom disappeared for a couple hours before the wedding, and we didn’t tell the bride. It sounds bad, but I honestly think he was just freaking the fuck out and needed to be on his own for a few hours. He was back in plenty of time, but a few of his friends had to go out to find him. Once they were married and on their honeymoon, the groom told the bride what had happened, but the rest of us never talked to them about it, and it’s pretty obvious it wouldn’t be okay to bring up now."

— Jyoti, 25


"A long long long time ago, in college, I slept with the groom. It was before my good friend and him got together. And when they started dating, it was a couple years after college, and seeing as I didn’t live in the same city as them, I sort of figured it was a non-issue and neither of us mentioned it. But then two years later, they’re engaged and she is asking me to be a bridesmaid, which I reallllly didn’t expect. It came out of the blue and I kind of wanted to ask her if, like, she wanted me close to her because she knew what had happened between Chris and me. But it never came up, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells throughout the whole bridal/wedding experience — and Chris and I never spoke once."

— Mollie, 27


"My best girlfriend turned into a bridezilla, which wasn’t a surprise. She has always been pretty spoiled. But she was just a nightmare as a bride, and she had a two year engagement, so it was the never-ending nightmare. We picked the dresses we all loved that were affordable, and she insisted we get roughly the same dress in different fabric for $100 more. This wedding was already costing a fortune, so I put my foot down, and changed the order. I hid it and then didn't tell her until the wedding weekend, and said there was nothing she could do about it. I let her get mad at me instead of the other three girls."

— Trish, 27


"I witnessed the bride and groom get into a MONSTER of a fight two days before the wedding. Like, a complete blow out. They were slamming doors and screaming. Afterward, I approached the bride and asked if she needed to talk, and she almost pretended like it didn’t happen. Like she completely brushed me off and refused to talk about it. I went behind the bride’s back and told her mom about it, which I know Lila would’ve been so angry about, but I was legitimately super worried and just wanted someone to be aware of the situation."

— — Jess, 26


"As the sister of the bride, it was really hard for me to strike the balance between what I thought my sister wanted, and what she actually wanted. Three nights before the wedding, I’d planned this big party with booze and well, raunchy entertainment, and friends. I told her we were just going out for drinks with friends, and she had a nervous breakdown. She kept saying how she couldn’t deal with more plans or more people, and was just like losing it, and clearly hadn’t slept in about a week. So I canceled the whole event (and had to eat some of money) and never even told her about it. Who knows, maybe she would’ve liked it, but in the moment, I was just worried she'd hate it and be angry at me. She is always so levelheaded that it was so crazy to see her like that."

— Liana, 29


"I gave the bride her something borrowed. But I didn’t tell her it was from my marriage that didn’t work out…"

— Marie, 29


"I spent about four months badmouthing the bride, because all of her choices were frustrating and she was being selfish and costing me a lot of money in the process. Five days before the wedding, she sat me down and told me the other girls had said that 'someone' was dissatisfied and if that was true, I should just say it to her face. So I told her it wasn’t me who had been being a bitch behind her back, and gave her the name of the girl who was 'really doing it.' None of the other girls or the bride every figured out what I’d done, and she and I are still really good friends."

— Eliza, 26

TC mark

You Are Not Any Less Of A Woman Just Because He Left

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT


My heart breaks for you, sweetie.

All the moments and memories you shared, all the ways you gave your heart away, all the times you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, to believe in love, to trust in a man to mean his 'I love yous.'

I can't even imagine the weight of the pain on your beautiful heart.

But I want you to know something: Your heart isn't any less beautiful now that he's gone. Your soul doesn't have any less sparkle with him not by your side.

You are not any less of a woman because he left, I promise you this.

I know you are aching. I know you are angry. I know you are a thousand emotions all mixed together that sometimes you don't even know how to feel.

I know you're caught up in wanting him back.

I know you're trying to navigate this life change, maybe with the burden of judgment on your shoulders, maybe with the complication of children, maybe with an uncertain longing to stay true to your faith that's started to burn a hole in your heart.

But I want you to know that you will get through this.

I want you to know that even though you feel like you have no strength, you will find the energy to fight and stay true to the person you are, to battle like you've battled through so many other things in your life.

I know your heart is shattered into hundreds of tiny, terrified pieces of who you used to be.

I know you aren't sure of your next step, even your next breath—but I promise you there is a light off in the distance, and God off in the distance. Even if you can't see it, even if you can't see Him, He's there. And He's longing for you.

I know you're anxious about where to go, about who you are, about how you're going to build a life with your man no longer in it. But I hope you trust that things will fall into place over time, that God will stand beside you and guide you through.

I hope you know that you're not alone.

You are allowed to feel broken right now. You are allowed to be confused, to be scared, to be angry, to be bitter, to be sad. You must feel all these things, then try to let them go. Try to turn your face towards healing. Try to not let these emotions take control of your heart and mind.

Please know that you are not any less amazing, any less focused, any less driven, any less of a good mother, good sister, good aunt, good daughter, good niece, good worker, or good friend just because he left.

You are not any less strong because he left.

You are not any less of who you've always been just because he turned his back on your love.

Healing takes time. But you are a courageous woman.

Keep fighting. Keep looking forward.
Keep your head high and your heart open.

Be the incredible, fearless, passionate woman you are.

You will always be you, even if he's gone. TC mark

Why People Who Experience Emotions ‘Very Deeply’ Are Living The Best Life (Even If It Sucks Sometimes)

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Ángela Burón
Ángela Burón

I was walking into one of Columbus’ hundred-billion malls one day with two of my really good friends. We were chatting about whatever, typical nonsense, when somehow we started joking about how attractive we each were.

“Jake, you’re a 3 on a good day,” one of them said.

“A 3!?” I responded with mock (maybe) indignation.

“I must be at least a 5!” I replied with a fake laugh probably.

“Nope,” he responded. “A 3, on a good day.”

And I don’t know why, but it bothered me. Little stuff like that always bothers me. I don’t “shrug things off,” I don’t “chill out,” I don’t laugh and move on. I dwell, and obsess, and moan, and process. And maybe this situation doesn’t apply exactly to you, but if you’ve ever felt inferior because you got emotional about a so-called “trivial” situation, we are in the same boat I think.

Some of us feel emotions more deeply. We react to things faster, and more intensely than other people do. We don’t feel emotions like a long sip of wine, we feel them like an intense shot of tequila.

And that doesn’t mean we are weak. That doesn’t mean we are soft. That doesn’t mean we are less.

We feel bigger. We love bigger. We experience life bigger. Nothing is just “blah” or “meh,” everything is either great or absolutely terrible. Nothing on this planet is bland or mundane. And while sometimes we wish it could be, we are seeing the Earth for the fullness it has to offer, and not just blending it together in indifferent shades of grey.

We have a powerful understanding of the world. Nothing is trivial. Nobody is trivial. Everything has a meaning that can be experienced and learned from. We don’t shy away from things that make us uncomfortable, because we seem to always be uncomfortable. We embrace the world head-on, even the parts that hurt.

And yes, we worry. We worry about this, and that, and the other thing. We worry about what people think, about what people thought, and what people could think someday. But in-between all this worrying we find an inner sense of caring and concern.

Which is why we are consumed with empathy for people. We understand the power of words (because they have hurt us before, even carelessly). We treat people with the tenderness and concern that we wish for ourselves. We go out of our way to help people—even with the smallest things—because we know the feeling of needing help.

We are less judgmental. We don’t judge people who are having a rough night, crying, or ranting. We know the power of emotions, and how they can drive people do things that are out of character. We understand what it is like to feel hurt and have nobody understand. We forgive faster, and let go sooner.

We are always improving. Very very few people have “worthless” feedback for us. We care about people’s opinions (maybe too much occasionally) and are always willing to listen to somebody’s take. We pick up feedback that other people might ignore.

And like, there are probably dozens of days a year we wish we could just “chill out” and take life as it is, we can’t. But that’s okay. Because what we experience by feeling makes up for it all. TC mark

Why Is It So Hard To Accept Men As Caring Parents?

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 02:30 PM PDT

Heather Whitten
Heather Whitten

The debate over this photo was predictable. I knew many would see something uncomfortably wrong.

When it first found its way onto social media a few weeks ago the image caught the attention of millions around the globe. Mom and photographer, Heather Whitten, took the photo of her husband, Thomas, and their one-year-old son, Fox, in a tender and not-so-uncommon family moment.

Fox was ill. Feverish. And – as children do – making a mess of himself. So dad did what dads and moms do. He took his son to the shower with him to both clean him off and, hopefully, cool his body down. I've done the same thing many times with my own children when they were young.

I was just never photographed.

But Thomas was. And his photo ignited a debate.

Some felt it was inappropriate. Creepy. And they looked well beyond what the image actually portrayed. Facebook became a central player in the conversation when it removed the image – several times – stating it had violated its ‘Community Standards.’ They ultimately and permanently reversed their position and allowed the image to stay on Facebook.

Yep, that debate I saw coming.

But there's another conversation that needs to take place, isn't there? It's a conversation that centers on the reality that many are still not comfortable seeing men as caring and nurturing parents.

I first experienced that discomfort about ten years ago when I became my three young children's sole and primary caregiver. With regularity – I encountered a world of doubters who questioned my ability – and really, any man's ability – to care for children.

I experienced it with friends. I experienced it with family. Neighbors. Even random people who would share their opinions with me at the grocery store.

"It must be hard for a man to handle all that you're trying to do."

Some referenced their perspective that I had to be the "mom and the dad" – all at the same time.

"Funny," I'd think to myself. "I'm just trying to be a parent and take care of my kids."

But that was ten years ago. And in those ten years a lot has changed in society. Media has slowly come to address how dads are portrayed in commercials and advertising. There's fewer and fewer bumbling idiot dads mocked in sitcom television shows. More and more families turn the daily parenting responsibilities over to stay-at-home dads. (Research from Dove Men+Care – a partner of mine – shows 9 of 10 men see their caring side as a sign of strength). Men are talking about how they value their caring side. Even Facebook's own Mark Zuckerberg has been one of numerous public figures leading the conversation about men as caregivers.

That's progress, right? I like to think so. But I am often reminded that we have a long way to go with this cultural conversation.

I was recently asked – now that my children are older – what my favorite part of being a dad was. It was a question I couldn't fully respond to because my answer is wrapped within the arms of having a lifetime relationship with each of my children.

That's where you'll find my favorite part of fatherhood.

Smack dab in the middle of the feeling I have when I care for the people I love. TC mark

6 Things To Remember When The Person You Love Cheats On You

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Morgan Sessions
Morgan Sessions

1. Remember that cheating is a choice not a mistake. They made the conscious decision to risk everything they had with you to be with the other party. They chose them. If they could do it once, they can always do it again. Yes, there are rare cases where people learn from their mistakes and avoid repeating them. But ask yourself this: Is this person worth a second chance? Are you really willing to take the risk? Because if you cannot trust your partner to stay faithful in a relationship, how are you going to trust them with a bigger responsibility?

2. Don’t stay for the sake of love. I know it is easier said than done and you’re still probably madly in love with them. But remember, love can drive one insane. Love makes people do ridiculous things. When they crave for someone else’s attention, it proves that they are no longer in love with you. Yes they might still love you (I believe someone is capable of loving more than one person at a time), but that doesn’t mean they are still crazy for you.

3. Remember that you are worth it. When someone cheats on you, you start to question your worth. Let me remind you that your worth is not determined by how others treat you. They, on the other hand, are not worth your time, effort, love and affection. When you give someone all of that, you’re giving a part of you that you cannot take back. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. So do not continue to invest your life on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

4. Stop blaming yourself. You might start to think that you’re not good enough – that you could have done more, love more, give more. Truth is you have done enough. Maybe, they found someone with something they have been looking for – something that you do not have or something that you couldn’t give. You gave your best but they decided they wanted something else. There is nothing else you could do that would have changed their mind. Hence, it is not your fault that they cheated on you.

5. Pick yourself up and move on. The recovery period is not easy. And time won’t heal the pain if you do not make an effort to move on. Keep yourself occupied. Re-evaluate your priority lists and start focusing on the things that are more important to you. Try out as many things as you want (especially those you couldn’t achieve while in a relationship). Prove to yourself you are better than trials and tribulations. And please remember this; moving on does not mean you are trying to get over the person, it simply means that you’re learning to live without them.

6. Hate their actions, but not them. This is hard, I know. But remember that they were once the biggest part of your life. They have been there for you when no one else was. They too, gave a part of them that they could not get back. Resentment towards them won’t do you any justice. It won’t make you feel any better. People make mistakes; this includes stupid and nonsensical ones. And the hard truth is, sometimes, when someone makes a bad decision, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are an entirely a bad person.  TC mark

12 Subtle Signs To Know If Someone Is Lying To You

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 01:01 PM PDT

 Neill Kumar
Neill Kumar

1. Stuttering & inconsistencies. When someone is lying, they usually have a hard time coming up with coherent answers and their lies will be full of contradictions, so watch what they say and how they say it, if it doesn't add up and the person is stuttering more than usual then this a clear sign that they're lying.

2. Touching their nose or mouth. If you ask someone a question and they start touching their face or covering their nose, it means they're uncomfortable and they don't want to answer that question because they were not prepared for it.

3. Looking side to side or not blinking at all. There are two types of liars: those who look you in the eye without blinking to try to prove that they're not hiding anything and those who can't look at you because they're afraid of getting caught. Too much or too little eye contact is a clear sign of lying.

4. Sudden head movements. If you suspect someone is lying and you notice that they keep changing their head direction then they probably are. Usually they will lean their head backwards to distance themselves from the anxiety or the pressure that is directed at them.

5. Insincere emotions or lack of empathy. Lies are not genuine and so there will be no emotion behind it, if you sense that the person in front of you is being fake or insincere, it is an indication that they are not saying what they're truly feeling.

6. Not answering right away. If someone pauses or takes a few seconds to come up with an answer and you see that they're swallowing or clearing their throat, it means they were caught off guard and do not have the right answer for you, instead, they will take a moment or two to think of a good lie to tell.

7. Giving too much information. Sometimes liars overcompensate for their lies by providing too much information or explanations on the subject to make people think that what they're saying is actually true.

8. Repeating their sentences. When liars try to convince you of their lies, they will often repeat the same words or sentences over and over again especially when they're being cornered and running out of material.

9. Using distractions. Liars will try to shift their anxiety onto something else, they'll either play with their phone, or start moving things in front of them to distract you from the main lie. It's also a sign that they're nervous and don't know how to handle their lies well.

10. Their voice changes. Liars will change the tone of their voice when they're telling a lie, they will either speak very loudly or they will whisper. Closely observe their voice in a regular speech and in a lie and you will be able to tell the difference.

11. Moving their feet. When liars get uncomfortable, they will start shuffling their feet or maybe put one leg on top of the other to give the impression that they are relaxed and that whatever you're asking them didn't faze them.

12. They attempt to turn the tables on you. The biggest sign that someone is lying is when they try to turn the tables on you or blame you, it's their defense mechanism when they're feeling threatened and they will automatically accuse you of the same thing they’re being accused of. TC mark

When You Can’t Help Missing Him (But You Hate Yourself For It)

Posted: 08 Jun 2016 12:00 PM PDT


He was your kryptonite, your weakness and your biggest downfall. You knew he wasn't good for you, but you still couldn't resist him, no matter how hard you tried. He became your realm and he had you from hello.

Part of you knew this would happen. You knew you should have stayed away from him, you told yourself that, but your head and your heart wanted two different things. How cliché, isn't it?

When he was around the sun burned brighter and the world turned faster, he became the center of your tiny world and made it feel so much bigger. He didn't have to do much, but the feelings he gave you were immense and as hard you tried, you couldn't push them away.

And even now that things are over, you still lie in bed at night thinking of him. You think of all the way he destroyed you and smashed your perfectly good heart into millions of tiny pieces. It kills you, but you know deep inside if you could redo it, start again, choose to love him or not, you'd do it all over.

You hate yourself for loving him, because you shouldn't.

He's moved on while you're still mulling over the thought of him, he has become your muse and no matter how hard you try you can't get him out of your head.

You hate that you would love him all over again. You would dive back into his arms and let him scoop you up. You would pick up where you left off because you hate that you can't make it through a single day without thinking of him, without wondering if he's wondering about you, even though you know the answer.

Even if you say a hundred times a day that you hate him, the truth is, you don't hate him for not loving you anymore, but you hate yourself for still loving him.

Loving him was like being found when you've been lost for so long. He made you feel safe and loved. He made you feel cared about and not over looked. He made you feel appreciated by all the words he said. But words are just words and eventually his actions stopped meeting the appealing lines that soared out of his mouth. Other things, new things, started filling his pretty little head and those things soon found a more important place with him.

You just wish you could call him and tell him how stupid he is and how much you miss him, but you knew it wouldn't change a thing. You'd stand on a rooftop and scream it if you could because maybe it would make you feel better even though he's gone part of him still lives inside you, a part you hate, but at the same time don't want to let go of.

But you need to let go.

He just comes back in flashes, so bright and so forceful. It makes it hard to live without him.

He's like a kaleidoscope of memories that just flash in front of your eyes. He fills your head with thoughts that you can't forget.

He's like the devil pulling you in with such a handsome smile that you can't resist.

You pretend not to care, you say no when people ask if you miss him. You try to convince yourself you're over him, and that you don't want to run into him. You pretend your stomach doesn't sink when his name is brought up and you pretend you don't love him when the whole world knows you do.

As much as you tell yourself one day he will miss you too, deep down you know it probably isn't true, so you just wait for the day where you stop missing him, too. TC mark