Thought Catalog


50 People Confess The Absolute Worst Reason They Ever Had Sex With Anyone

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Flickr / Cordelia Naumann
Flickr / Cordelia Naumann
Found on AskReddit.

1. Because he had a micropenis.

"Because he had a micropenis. :( It was like sucking on a button."


2. Because I needed his WiFi password.

"My neighbor for his WiFi password."


3. Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.

"She bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last 5 minutes inside of her. I won, but she bought a pizza with anchovies on it because when I came i pulled out and shot it on her rug, which apparently was expensive. I don’t like anchovies."


4. Because I wanted some chocolate.

"For chocolate. I desperately wanted some chocolate but just could not for the life of me be bothered to walk the 300 meters that separated my apartment from the shops. I traded sex and a BJ with my boyfriend if he got me chocolate. He came back and I had laid a white sheet on the dinner table and was lying on it naked looking all sacrificial."


5. Because I wanted tacos.

"For tacos. A FWB had some tacos and I said come over and bring them. He showed up and hadn’t brought the tacos because he assumed I was using it as an excuse to invite him over. I still had sex with him but I was pretty upset about not getting a taco."


6. Because I’d forgotten to get him a birthday present.

"My best friend's 16th birthday, in Britain that's the age of consent, I was 17 and I took his virginity. I forgot to get him a present. I hated myself for months afterwards."


7. Because she was a Red Sox fan and I’m a Yankees fan.

"Because she was a Red Sox fan. I’m a Yankees fan and I wanted to fuck her from behind while she wore my Yankee hat."


8. Because she looked like the female version of me.

"She kind of looked like the female version of me, so I essentially banged female me."


9. Because he asked very politely.

"He asked very politely."


10. Because I was too lazy to give him a blowjob.

"Because I was too lazy to give him a blowjob."


11. Because she was my boss and I wanted to keep my job.

"She was my boss and I wanted to keep my job. If you think bad sex is waking up the next morning with a hangover and thinking, 'Oh god what have I done,' try being completely sober and thinking, 'Let’s get this over with as quickly as possible' before you even start, and then during the actual act doing your best to distract yourself from what’s going on while reminding yourself that it has to end at some point.


12. Because I didn’t have cab fare home.

"There was a blizzard out and I didn’t have any cash and didn’t want to walk to the ATM or wait for the night bus. So I told this dude I’d fuck him at my place (we were at a party) if he paid for the cab. It was -35 that night so totally worth. There’s Uber now though so I don’t have to do that anymore.


13. Because they had the same name as me.

"They had the same name as me.

I thought it would be cool to moan my name during sex.

It was."


14. Because they’d never been with a black guy before…dozens of times.

"'I've never been with black guy before.' ~ Dozens of women."


15. Because she kind of followed me home.

"Because she was there, and she kind of followed me home.
Me: 'I'm gonna bounce.'
Her: 'Great, I love your place.'
Me: 'Okay.'


16. Because I’d made a $1 bet.

"A bigger girl was annoying my buddy at our house party, he came up to me we were both drunk told me to take her to my room and take care of the problem. I told him that was too tall an order. He said will you take money, I said of course. my drunk ass accepted $1 to take care of the problem."


17. Because I was bored.

"I was bored. The worst part was is she said, 'This isn’t going to be one of those things where we never talk to each other again, right?' I said 'No, of course not.'

Never talked to her again."


18. Because I wanted to see if she sounded like a dog squeeze toy when she moaned.

"There was a very petite girl in college with a VERY squeaky voice. On a long drive one day I found myself wondering what kind of noises she made during sex. I was sure she would sound like a dog squeeze toy. I had to find out. A few weeks later I succeeded. She was silent the whole time. I lost a little self-esteem that day."


19. Because I was annoyed and tired of arguing.

"I started hating having sex with my boyfriend at the time. We were breaking up, and all he wanted to do was have sex. I was not turned on by him anymore, or even physically attracted to him, either (not that he was bad looking or anything, I just got too bored with him). Anyways, he would always wake me up in the middle of the night, trying to do it, basically begging me to give it up. One night I just had enough of arguing back and forth with him and just did it. Out of pity, I suppose. And just being annoyed to the point where I just did it so I could get some fucking shut eye. Sheeeeeeeeeshhhh. It's never fun having sex with someone you start hating."


20. Because I didn’t like her asshole cop boyfriend.

"Because her boyfriend was an asshole cop and I didn’t like him."


21. Because I felt really bad she’d driven so far.

"Got catfished. Ended up being about 80 pounds heavier than the picture she had sent me. Felt really bad that she drove all this way to literally have sex, so I had to smash it. Was really weird, but the head was out of this world."


22. Because her name was Storm.

"Because her name was Storm. I walked around drunkenly that night, telling all my buddies I had 'the X-man dick.'"


23. Because she wouldn't stop trying to put my wang in her mouth.

"Because she wouldn't stop trying to put my wang in her mouth. A bunch of us at a party were laying down to go to sleep in a room and she kept trying to crawl under my blanket on the floor. eventually I just said fuck it."


24. Because I wasn’t in the mood to argue anymore.

"Because I wasn’t in the mood to argue anymore and I know she gets hella horny when we do, so we just started fucking. How to not resolve problems 101."


25. Because I pitied him.

"Pity. He was a perfectly nice guy, not unattractive, but for some reason could never seem to get a lot of interest. I slept with him after a party because I wanted him to feel better about himself."


26. Because I hadn’t had sex in over a year.

"Because I hadn’t had sex in over a year."


27. Because she was North Korean.

"She was North Korean.

She wasn’t very attractive but she was flirting with me and, fuck it, how many chances am I gonna get to sleep with a North Korean girl? So I did it for science."


28. Because she was Malaysian.

"I'd never slept with a Malaysian girl before."


29. Because I liked his best friend and his best friend wasn’t paying attention to me.

"I liked his best friend and his best friend wasn’t paying attention to me.

Another time, I had sex with a kind of gross guy because he thought I was really hot and I thought he might like, worship my body in bed. He didn’t even go down on me but I kept hooking up with him for like 2 months because my roommate was dating his roommate. Worst sex ever."


30. Because I wanted to prove to my husband that I was sexier than his girlfriend.

"Because I thought I had to prove to him that after nine years of marriage, and being eight months pregnant with our first (very much planned for) child, I could still be sexier than his girlfriend that I’d just found out about. I essentially rage-fucked him, I was so damn angry it was brutal, and when he finished (I sure didn’t enjoy it), I rolled over, threw up and then went in the shower and cried for half an hour."


31. Because she said she wanted to rebel against her strict parents.

"She wanted to rebel against her strict parents. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and when she said yes, I was just like ‘well alright then.’"


32. Because he used to make fun of me in high school when I was an ugly duckling.

"Because I tried to date him when we where in high school, he laughed at me at that time and told the entire school.

Came back 7 years later when I went from ugly duckling to quite cute big boobs girl, as if he did not bully me before.

Had sex, it was awful, he confessed a few days later that it was his first time and I confirmed that he needed to work on it. He hates me now."


33. Because my friend was tired of him complaining about being a virgin.

"I slept with this guy as a favor to a mutual friend (my best friend) because she was tired of him complaining about being a virgin. He had no idea it was a set up. Then when I didn’t want to date him he decided I was an evil whore….even though I was clear from the start about not wanting a relationship. Now she can’t talk about me in his presence because he freaks out.


34. Because I wanted to stop a conversation that would lead to her finding out that I cheated.

"To stop a conversation that would lead to her finding out I cheated.


35. Because I didn’t feel like walking the three miles home from the bar.

"I once slept with a girl because the bar I met her at was much closer to her place (5 min walk) than it was to mine (3.5 miles).


36. Because he had a painting I liked hanging in his kitchen.

"I used to really like that melty clock picture by Dali, The Persistence of Memory. The guy had that picture hanging in his kitchen."


37. Because she tried to hard to get with me that I let her blow me as a consolation prize.

"She put in so much effort trying to get with me that I let her blow me as a consolation prize. Felt shitty."


38. Because he had cancer and I felt awful for him.

"I had sex with him because he had cancer and I felt awful for him because he was only 20 at the time. Turns out he’d faked the cancer and was also a murderer."


39. Because I wanted to see if a deaf person sounded just as funny during sex as they do in normal conversation.

"I wanted to see if a deaf person sounded just as funny during sex as they do in normal conversation. Turns out she sounded perfectly normal during sex."


40. Because I wanted to break up with her friend.

"I wanted to break up with a woman I was seeing, so I had sex with her friend."


41. Because she had terminal cancer and didn’t want to die a virgin.

"Girl in college had terminal cancer and didn’t want to die a virgin. She was very nice though, RIP."


42. Because he flopped his dick out. What else was I to do?

"Because he flopped his dick out. What else was I to do? I’m not rude. So I sucked the cum out. :o"


43. Because I wanted to cover up my gayness to my friends.

"I had sex with a girl to cover up my gayness to my friends."


44. Because I was lonely and wanted to feel cared for.

"Because I was lonely and wanted to feel cared for."


45. Because I hadn’t had any human contact in about five years.

"Being manic-depressive, having social anxiety, and being a combat vet I tend to avoid people. I had not had any human contact in about 5 years aside from the people I encounter at work….prison inmates. Hate to admit it but a friend of mine saw my advanced state of hermitude and convinced the cute lesbian at work to “help out a coworker”. She helped out a lot after about a 32 pack split between us."


46. Because I needed to pay for a parking fine.

"To pay for a parking fine."


47. Because I was homeless and didn’t feel like staying at the Salvation Army.

"Eleven years ago, I was homeless (evicted from apartment), 23, and didn’t feel like dealing with the bums at the Salvation Army.

Hooked up with this fat chick that went to the local State University I’d been sorta flirting with over Myspace…it worked for a month.

The sex was…eh.
Not only that I had to share an upper bunk of a dorm room bunk bed with her, not very comfortable either. God, I cant believe I went down on her…oh well, nobody is going to read this….BIG BOOTY HOOOOES!"


48. Because he said he had a weird-looking penis and I just HAD to see it.

"The guy was very nice. Not my type, but nice. He was lamenting about how he couldn’t find a nice girl because his penis looked weird. My ears perked up and I knew I HAD to see his dick. For science. So I initiated foreplay and he pulled it out. Wow! When he was a kid they botched his circumcision and it was half circumcised. It also didn’t grow properly so it was slightly stunted. Had all this weird scar tissue around it. Probably 4 inches hard, but it was longer on one side than the other? And he had HUGE TESTICLES. I mean HUGE.

Anyway, the guy is nice and the dick is…..interesting. so I consent. I kinda wanted to see what it would feel like, I figured the weird scar tissue would feel pretty good. Meh. it was okay, I guess. He lasted all of 25 seconds and pulled put to cum but HIS GIANT BALLS HELD THE HOLY GRAIL OF SEMEN. He must have cum 1/4th of a cup. All over my stomach. Now, jizz doesn’t make me queasy, I can swallow a load, no problem. But, seeing so much in one area made me gag. So I’m gagging, he’s trying to wipe me off, I haven’t orgasmed, and so after all that I ask him to eat me out. He has bragged about his skills, so why not? He gets really nervous and says he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to taste his dick that’s been in me. You for real?

So I got dressed, cleaned up, and he took me home. We kind of stopped talking after that. But he introduced me to World of Warcraft, so at least something good came from it."


49. Because she called me a pussy and I wanted to prove I’m not a pussy.

"This girl kind of cornered me at a party in college. I tried to say I wasn’t interested because I’d just gotten out of a long relationship, but she knew that it had ended over a month prior (though I didn’t tell her, we’d only just met, and she was only visiting for a few days, so how did she know?).

When I seemed hesitant (read: disinterested), she said something like, 'Wow, I didn’t think you were a pussy,' and I was a drunk college student, so to prove I wasn’t a pussy, I kissed her. Because that makes sense, right?

Suddenly we’re back at my place—where she’d never been, yet she led me there. I said we could fool around, but I didn’t want to 'go all the way' my first time with her.

But after I convinced her to sit on my face and got her off that way, she just jumped onto my cock. No warning, no condom, just hopped right on almost immediately after she came.

I felt too awkward to stop her at that point, so I just went with it. It was actually really good sex overall, but I felt really weird about it."


50. Because he was unattractive.

"Because he told me he didn’t get sex often because he was unattractive, which was true, he was unattractive, so I decided to toss him a bone as my way to send good karma into the universe." TC mark

You Have To Love People Without An Agenda

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 07:00 PM PDT

 kirillvasilevcom
kirillvasilevcom

We spend a lot of time worrying about what we're going to get out of love.

We're looking for commitment. Stability. Long-term partnership. A guarantee that someone's going to walk into our lives and then never walk back out.

It's in our nature to cling to what we love – this is an evolutionary trait that has been programmed into us since the beginning of time.

And yet it's one that gets us absolutely nowhere.

Because here's the thing about love: Its longevity is never guaranteed.

You could have a ring slipped on your finger, pop out several adorable children, be the world's most picture-perfect couple and then have that lover get hit by a car one Tuesday morning and lose them a thousand times quicker than you found them.

Nothing about love is ever set in stone. And yet we expend so much energy trying to ensure it doesn't go anywhere.

And the problem is that when we love with the goal of securing a commitment from someone, we are loving them with an agenda.

We aren't just appreciating that person for who they are, we are looking at them as a means of achieving stable validation, companionship and support. We love them for what they could bring to our lives. We love them conditionally. Whether we're willing to admit that or not.

And the problem with this kind of love is that it's never going to leave us satisfied – because it's always going to be rooted in anxiety.

It's always going to be give-and-take, push-and-pull, I'm-happy-as-long-as-I-have-you and I'm-anxious-as-long-as-I-don't.

And the kind of love worth having shouldn't work that way.

Because real love doesn't have an agenda.

Real love happens when – and only when – we are willing to give up the expectations we have for someone else and simply appreciate him or her for who they are.

We have to be willing to drop our pre-conceived expectations – our desires for a boyfriend or girlfriend or life partner or companion – before we can truly appreciate what's incredible about a person. To see them holistically – not as a means to an end, but as a human – one with complex needs and desires.

One with opinions and passions and fears.

One who could change our way of thinking, if we'd let them. One who could light up our worlds if we'd allow them to.

Because the thing is, it's incredible how kind people can be when we're not expecting them to move mountains for us. How funny they can be when there isn't any pressure to make crowds roar. How honest people can be when they don't have any motivation to be dishonest, and how magnanimous they can be, despite all of the ways in which they're broken – if they don't have any reason to need to hide their flaws from our sight.

Anyone is imperfect under a microscope – and when we're desperately trying to fit someone into a certain role in our lives, it's always that microscope we're placing them under.

We're wanting them to say a certain thing, behave a certain way, showcase their affection in a very particular manner – rather than taking a step back and simply appreciating the ways in which they're already doing so.

Because people are pouring out love constantly – in the jokes they make, in the initiatives they take, in the moments when they're sitting silently beside you but it isn't the least bit uncomfortable.

And if we could unclench our hands from that 'Find love now' agenda, we'd be able to appreciate those moments more fully. To allow our relationships to form more organically. To truly appreciate people for all their quirks and intricacies and charms, before rushing to assign them a particular role in our lives.

We have to love people without an agenda because it's the way the best people deserve to be loved.

And it's the only route to letting any kind of love worth having in. TC mark

Read This If You Need To Remember That Love Is Worth Fighting For

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Tammy McGary
Tammy McGary

Love is not simple. In fact, it is perhaps one of the most complex things in the world. It carries a lot of surprises and immerses you in a plethora of feelings – some of which you have never even felt before. They will mostly strike you with awe, but of all these feelings, there are two that go hand in hand – joy and pain. You see, no matter how much you pray for or wish for, or even work for a perfect love, there will never be such a thing as a perfect relationship. There will be good days, as well as bad; fights and kisses – lots of them; crying and laughing; winning and losing. There will be days when you'll just look at your partner's face as he/she sleeps and think about how you want to spend the rest of your days and nights with him/her. You'll look at him/her and fail to comprehend how it all happened, or even started. You'll look at him/her and feel all sorts of emotions bursting out of your chest like a firework ready for display.

However, there will also be days when you'll think about letting go; you'll want to take a few steps back but you're not entirely sure how or whether your should or not. And when that time comes knocking on your door, here's what you need to remember.

Happiness and pain are both just emotions – intangible, fleeting, seemingly empty, yet they carry the heaviest weights, and all you really have to do is weigh them in.

And when the latter feels much heavier than the former, that's when you have to loosen your grip; that's when you take a few steps back and consider putting yourself first. When everything feels too much to carry, or when you can't take any of it anymore, for all the right reasons, darling, please let go. When you're causing each other too much pain that you forget why you even started, that's when you set each other free – that's when you know that you are not the perfect fit, and somebody else out there must have the missing piece.

When happiness continues to remain heavier than your pain, that's when you keep on trying and fighting.

You try your best to fix what had broken, because you simply don't give up on love without putting on a fight and giving it your best shot.

You don't just let go of something that took a while to come into your life. You don't just give up on someone you chose to be happy with without a valid reason. Remind yourself of all of the days when you didn't want to go to sleep because you're afraid that when you wake up, you'll forget about how ecstatic you felt the previous day. Think about all of the nights you didn't want to let him/her go, and ask yourself whether you can spend the following nights sleeping alone. Think about all of the mountains you climbed and ask yourself if you are ready to hike alone the next time around.

Love takes time.

It is something that we often seek and wait for. There are times when it is taken for granted. There are times when you will question its existence, but when it already made its presence strongly felt around you, make sure that you'll cherish it and let it grow. Fight for it and don't ever dare waste it. Too many people find it hard to receive love, so if you're on both the giving and receiving ends, you are one of the few lucky ones.

But when with your love comes the kind of pain that drains your heart and soul, learn how to stop fighting; learn how to let go.

Think about all of the times you struggled to love yourself, together with the moment you finally were able to, because more frequent than not, we sometimes forget that the love we give ourselves is still more significant than the love we receive from other people. We often fear that letting go will hurt us almost eternally, but what we fail to realize is that holding on can possibly do just the same. TC mark

Unrequited Love Is My Specialty

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 06:00 PM PDT

haylee -
haylee –

Unrequited love is my specialty.

It began when I was in preschool. I would draw hearts around the yearbook photos of boys I liked but never talked to. Apparently my three-year-old self had a stalker quality to my infatuations. If you're looking for evidence, just go through old photo albums. The hearts abound.

But as I grew, to choose the unrequited path offered a sense of security.

I think we are all familiar with this technique: we choose the ones that won't love us back because it protects us from the tenuous possibility of rejection by simply assuming that it will happen as an inevitability.

It started with the boy across the street, too much a sibling to be anything remarkable. Then my heart moved to various "cool boys" in middle school, the ones who talked back to teachers and wouldn't look twice at the uptight teacher's pet. In high school, I got into the sick habit of only liking boys who were spoken for. Later, their newfound availability would render them undesirable. Not dislikable, but certainly not crush-worthy.

This habit followed me into college, with the addition of my repulsion towards any guy who showed slightest interest in me. My response? "Why?" or "You must be mistaken" or "Thanks but I'd really rather not."

My affinity for liking the unattainable turned into a preference for being the unattainable myself.

It was safe in my cocoon of defense mechanisms and fantasies. I told myself I was just waiting for the right person to come around but now I have to wonder: how could I know they were the right one if I never let anyone close enough?

Cue every cliché possible, preferably with "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson playing in the background. Because that's what happened. When I finally let down my defenses, I fell and I fell hard.

We all know how first loves typically turn out, unless you're one of the lucky 5% that pulls through to the other side. But now I find myself back in my previous pattern of unrequited love. And what is the draw? What is so striking about this pattern that causes us – as I know I am not the only one – to hold onto the fantasy of someone that has left our affections unreciprocated?

Is it because of that safety I longed for a s a teen, that security of rejecting myself rather than letting someone else take a turn saying no?

Is it because there is some part of us, some deep soul-like core, that knows more than our minds do, that knows a connection is real and worth fighting for?

Is it because we are all slightly deranged?

My opinion fluctuates between these theories with the speed of roadrunner and the mercurial nature of Hades' hair in Disney's Hercules. The result is a complete exhaustion in trying to referee the war between my head and my heart.

I'm sad to say that my heart always wins.

Isn't that a sad thing to say? That there is shame in letting your heart rule your mind? Isn't that supposed to be a tenant in most religions? Compassion, empathy, the works. So why is it in this case that my sin lies in the very thing that so many would praise in different circumstances?

I write this not because I know the answers but because I want to know them. I certainly don't think I am alone in these patterns. I can name a few friends who have even dabbled in this Modus Operandi, even if they haven't committed their heart to it as strictly as I have. And to all those who know what I am talking about, I plead for a new regiment to still the humors in my heart that drive me through the course of unrequited love on a daily basis.

Unrequited love is my specialty.

Oy vey. TC mark

This Profound Tumblr Post About Anxiety Is Like, Super Relatable

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 05:28 PM PDT

This Tumblr post has really struck a chord with a lot of people who have social anxiety.

Anxiety can make everyday things seem harder, and can lead to many people overthinking simple tasks that those without anxiety wouldn’t even think about.

via Imgur

Do you relate? TC mark

18 Tiny, Unromantic Ways Your Partner Tells You They Love You (That You Might Not Be Noticing)

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

1. When they do the unappealing chores (taking out the trash, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom) so that you can have a break.

2. When they hold off on watching the next episode of Game of Thrones (or whatever your favorite joint show is) no matter how much it pains them, because they know it’s your thing to do together.

3. When they sort out your Cloud storage or fix your printer or help you do your taxes or any other tedious task you can think of, because they know it will help alleviate a little bit of your stress.

4. When they scrape the snow off your car in the dead of winter so that your morning is just a little easier.

5. When they smile anytime you do something stupid or silly, and you feel zero sense of embarrassment because you know this is why they like you in the first place.

6. When they let you tell a story that they’ve already heard four times, just because they know it brings you joy and delight to bring it up.  

7. When they finally break the pooping barrier around you because they are comfortable enough with you to joke about bodily functions.

8. When they call you a ‘nerd’ or a ‘dork’ or any other light insult, but with a subtle amount of affection in their voice.

9. When they go see a movie with you or go to any other event they really don’t care for, just so you can have some company.

10. When they laugh at your lame jokes, no matter how bad they are.

11. When they learn to just get over your weird sleeping habits, like dealing with the fact that you need seven pillows or that you hog the covers or that you continuously talk in your sleep.

12. When they automatically start doing certain things without you even asking – like handing you their red skittles, or letting you have the aisle seat on an airplane, or grabbing your favorite soda any time they run to the pharmacy.

13. When they don’t like a certain restaurant but they eat there anyway, just because they know you love it.

14. When they crawl out of bed as quietly as possible to make sure they don’t wake you up, especially after you’ve had a long week.

15. When they go grocery shopping and get excited to show you that they bought some of your favorite things as a surprise.

16. When they add some of your favorite songs to their playlists, especially during a long road trip.

17. When they automatically hand you their cocktail or their plate at a new restaurant, because they know with absolute certainty that you’ll want a sip or a bite.

18. When they let you have the last piece of pizza (the ultimate sign of a true keeper). TC mark

For Anyone Who Is Afraid To Let Go Because They Think They’ll Never Find Someone Better

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 04:00 PM PDT

rodicioc
rodicioc

If you’re afraid of letting go, it’s probably not because you’re really that in love with whatever you’re holding on to. When you get to the point of having to “hold on” in the first place, it’s likely that there’s enough crap to make the idea of a life without that person or thing a relatively appealing option. If you’re afraid to let go, or if you think you can’t, it’s probably because you fear the unknown. You assume that you’ll never find someone better.

This is what happens when you’ve placed your faith in the world as opposed to in yourself. You assume that you won’t find love because you look around at the people you already know and see no viable options; you assume you’ll never find better because you can’t imagine what that looks like yet.

You didn’t expect the last person you fell in love with – or the person before that. It was a succession of people you never knew you’d meet and find and fall for. But you did. The thing is that if there’s a part of you that wants to let go, it’s the same part that’s also telling you that there is something else out there, even though your mind can’t hold onto what it is yet.

You have to realize that if you’re heartbroken and lost, it’s because you’re supposed to be. There are things you can only learn about yourself when you’re not mentally relying on someone else to give you a sense of self. There are choices you can only make when you feel absolutely lost and helpless, and often, they’re in the direction of the life you’ve always wanted, but didn’t choose.

Chances are, the relationship wasn’t that great – if you’re willing to see clearly, there’s probably more relief than sorrow in your life. If you didn’t try hard enough, it’s because you didn’t want to. If the timing wasn’t right, it’s because you weren’t ultimately right together. This does not diminish your worth, it just means you were set up in a mismatch. Now you’re free to do better.

All you are losing is an idea you had of what your future would be, or look like. That’s all. If you can’t fill that mental image with another person, it’s probably because it’s time to fill it with something else.

When you find yourself lost and reeling and certain that you’re destined to a foreseeable existence of suffering and sadness, see it as your wake up call to expand. Try things you’ve never tried, become someone the old you wouldn’t even recognize. This is not an accident, this is your becoming. It’s designed this way.

If you’re sure you won’t find someone better, then make yourself better, and trust that the person you’ll become will find who they’re supposed to be with.

Because if you’re worried that losing someone means losing your future, what you’ve really lost is yourself. TC mark

To The Girls Who Have Loved Someone Who Didn’t Deserve Them

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

I salute you because contrary to what people tell you, you are not stupid. You are never dumb for falling for that guy. You are actually brave and I admired that bravery you had when you decided to fall for them.

You are brave. Brave.

I salute you for your very act of loving. For having the power to love the people who can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. I salute you because even when it hurts like hell, you still choose to stay. That even though you have all the reason to walk away, you still prefer them and you don’t even think twice.

I salute you for your belief that people can change. That maybe one day, he would realize just how important you are. That one morning, he will see all your efforts and appreciate it. That a time will come and he will take into consideration all the emotions you invested in him. That one special moment, he would just come into his senses and will realize just how amazing you are and how good you have been to him and will decide to reciprocate the love you deserve.

I salute you for entrusting them with your whole heart and soul even when they refuse to accept it. I salute you for allowing them into your life even when they can’t open the door for you. I salute you for letting them hold your hand, knowing they will let go after. I salute you for handing them your hours and your attention even when they only refer to you when they have nothing better to do.

I salute you for your firmness. For this strong lady facade you put up, that every time he comes, you accept him with open heart and every time he goes you let him and wait patiently for that day he gets bored and thought of you once more.

I salute you for your audacity to stay. To stay with someone who will only consider you as their past time. To stay with someone who can only love you less, to stay with someone who will never choose you. Someone who might be interested today and then apathetic tomorrow. Someone who loves the girl before you and the girl after you, but never you. Someone who can only take you to chill places and not on a proper dinner date. Someone who can only send you home and not take you home. Someone who can only text you in the middle of the night and not in the morning. Someone who even when you turn the world upside down will never have the guts to see your magic.

I salute you for that portion in your heart that still cares, hopes and expects. Cares for him, enough to let him break your heart over and over again, letting him into your heart knowing he wouldn’t stay long. That space that still holds that tiny ray of hope for the possibility of "us" even when he only sees an individual that’s only good for the moment. That fragment in your heart that still expects that he might change his mind and will decide to be with you or at least try to make it work.

I salute you for giving so much MORE than what you are receiving.

I salute you because you’ve been used and yet you choose to forgive. You’ve been hurt yet you choose to heal. You’ve been taken for granted yet you choose to exert effort beyond comprehension.

I salute you because no matter how many hurtful words people have thrown at you because you always love the wrong people, yet you still listened, accepted and offered your big heart. I salute you because no matter how wounded your soul is, no matter how damaged your heart is, you always choose LOVE. You always choose to learn, forget and move forward. You still choose to accept the pain, overcome it and let go.

I salute you because you have the courage to love people who can’t love you back. Because you have this tremendous hope that maybe they have some kind of remaining ounce of strength to love you back. Because despite of all the signs and tales that you two will never work out, you still saw the few reasons why it can.

I salute you because despite the facts and the knowledge that you deserve SO MUCH better than what you are getting, you are still settling for this tiny amount that he can give. Only because you love them. Because you love, even when they can’t and won’t. That right there is probably the most spectacular, brave and painful thing ever.

You deserve better, you know that. Yet you can’t help yourself, you only love and there’s nothing wrong with loving. You love and that’s admirable.

I salute you because after all, loving is never easy. Loving can be scary. Loving can be tortuous. Loving can be distasteful. But you still choose to see love for all its fascinating attributes. You still choose to love, and not just love the easy people, or the people who can give you the world. You didn’t love the right people, you loved all the wrong ones and that reflects nothing but total bravery.

Keep loving and I do hope the next person you choose is the right one. TC mark

I Know It’s Not Right, But I Still Can’t Let You Go

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Chloé Coislier
Chloé Coislier

We listen to Amy Winehouse’s “Some Unholy War” as the crickets outside our bedroom window rub their wings together, clicking along with the melody. Your voice tries to match Amy’s – low with a certain sadness that has always troubled me.

There is too much hurt inside of you for us to call any of this holy.

You reach for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand, the same one I try to hide whenever you’re at work. And I say try because I always end up putting it back. Like a mother who thinks twice before looking inside her child’s closet. She might discover something she’ll wish she didn’t. She may find out her child isn’t something she alone can save.

I know, I compare myself to your mother far too often for it to be healthy. I don’t know why I’ve always loved boys who seek a dose of parenting in their romance. I’ll talk to my therapist it, I promise myself. I’ll tell her about how I take your cigarettes and put them in places you won’t think to look. I’ll tell her how I put them back before you see. The words “savior complex” and “nightingale syndrome” will echo throughout the room.

Amy continues to croon and the neighbors next-door let out big belly laughs, the kind of joy you can hear through insulated walls. I like it. There’s a warmth there. There’s a warmth to hearing people so at ease in their happiness.

“He can’t lose with me in tow / I refuse to let him go”

When you laugh, the left side of your lip curls up a little higher than the right. It’s always been my favorite. I’m not sure you’ve ever even noticed. My uneven boy. This unholy war we’ve decided to call love. Maybe we just wouldn’t know anything else.

You light a cigarette and my insides burn.

Sing, Amy, sing.

“At his side, and drunk on pride / We wait for the blow”

Another day, I’ll tell my therapist about this. I’ll read the writing on the wall and pretend I’m illiterate. None of this is holy. But who said love was?

Who said we couldn’t find something beautiful in all this mess? TC mark

At The End Of The Day, Only You Can Make The Hard Decisions

Posted: 30 Jun 2016 01:00 PM PDT

 Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

You seek someone's help, you read articles and books to find answers, you talk to friends and family, you go to a therapist so they can help you make decisions, help you lead a better life and help you quiet the endless cycle of confusion in your head, but at the end of the day you'll still be the one who needs to make these decisions, after all is said and done, it will be your call. No one else will make them for you when it's time to take action.

Because even if the whole world told you not to do something and a little voice inside of you whispered that you should, you will end up following that voice.

Here's the funny thing about human beings, they think they don't know the answers and sometimes they really don't but almost everyone knows how to find it or where to find it, almost everyone knows where to start and almost everyone knows what needs to be done, but almost everyone wants confirmation that they're on the right track, they want someone to tell them they're right and they want someone to make the decision a little easier.

Because that's all what we really want; someone to make the decision easier instead of making the actual decision, someone to make us feel like we're not alone.

But when people don't agree with us or our decisions, we tend to doubt ourselves and we stop making decisions based on how we feel or what we know and make decisions based on what the people who care about us tell us to do, because sometimes they're right and sometimes we can take ourselves to hell.

But isn't making decisions based on someone else a hell of its own? Isn't living an inauthentic life the worst decision you could possibly make?

I guess what makes decisions easier is that they're our own, when you make the right decision, you get a sense of pride and ownership that you knew what was right for you and when you make the wrong one, it's easier to move on with no regrets because it was also all you.

Because if you give the right to choose or the right to decide to someone else, you're giving away the right to live.

Only you can make the decision to quit or try harder, only you can make the decision to stay or leave, only you can make the decision to love or hate, only you can make the decision to hold on or let go and only you can make the decision to control your life or let others control you.

Decisions can be many things; they can be hard or easy, rash or calculated, temporary or forever and they can also change, but the one thing that shouldn't change is who makes these decisions.

And that should always be YOU. TC mark