Thought Catalog


10 Signs You’re Dating A Man Who You Could Be With Forever

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 08:15 PM PDT

chasingamberphotography
chasingamberphotography

The world of dating most definitely separates the men from the boys. As any single female on the dating scene knows, most guys can talk a good game, but it’s their actions that will tell everything that needs to be known about them. Some of them are very good at playing games and hiding certain aspects of their personalities. There are specific indicators that can make all the difference between a dating mistake and a lasting relationship, signs that will tell you that you are dating a real man.

Could I ever really know whether I've met "the one?” Unfortunately for us ladies, there isn't a magic test and you should know that there's no such thing as a "perfect" guy, but there are signs to know you've found the right guy for you. Look for these ten qualities and you will know you’ve found a keeper:

1. He listens when you talk.

He is genuinely interested in what you have to say and doesn’t sneak a peek at his phone while he nods cluelessly as you talk.

2. He puts time into his appearance.

He doesn’t show up for your date or even just to spend time with you in dirty, torn clothing or with his pants drooping to his knees. He respects himself and he respects you by caring about how he presents himself.

3. He is kind to others.

He doesn’t diss the elderly gentleman working as a WalMart door greeter or talk down to the server when you two go out to eat. He’s been known to comfort a crying child on occasion.

4. He is good to the women in his life.

As cheesy and clichĂ© as it sounds, it is very true that you can tell a lot about a man from the way he treats, talks to and talks about his mother and the other women in his life – grandmother, sister, etc. Respect is respect, and if he respects them, he will respect you.

5. He likes animals.

Again, a little cheesy on the surface, but deep down a man who dislikes or is mean to a defenseless animal is on a power trip and has issues which could very well reveal themselves in a nasty way someday. Don’t take the chance.

6. He’s a hard worker.

Beware the guy who’s in his mid-20’s and still lives at home where his mother does his laundry, cooks for him, etc. A man with a healthy sense of self-esteem and ambition will have a job and he will go to work faithfully to earn his way in life.

7. He will remember important events in your relationship.

A good man will assign to memory your birthday, anniversary, etc., as well as things like your favorite perfume, favorite flowers, all the things that make you, you. He will want to have this information at hand in order to occasionally surprise you with gifts and special outings.

8. He will not allow you to be disrespected by anyone.

A boy will adopt the childish “Bros before hoes” attitude; a man will introduce his lady to his friends and allow no disrespect for her to pass their lips. He will make time for you exclusively and spend time with his friends as well, and never be upset that he is with you rather than with them.

9. He will care about your family’s opinion of him.

Some families will NEVER like a guy, even if he has wings and a halo. If your guy has been respectful to your family and to you, and they still won’t give him a chance, let him leave them be without you making a case out of it. If he has done his best and they still want nothing to do with him, it’s their issue, not his and not yours.

10. He won’t flirt, and he won’t allow women to flirt with him.

If one of your “friends” comes on to him, he will tell you immediately, not slip her his number with a wink. Any woman who approaches him will be informed in a gentlemanly manner that he in fact has a lady and is very happy. You will never feel a moment’s need to search through his cell phone.

A good man will display these qualities consistently, not just when he is with you or when the two of you are in the company of others. There are good guys out there, ladies. Now, it is your responsibility to make certain that you treat them with the same respect and care you want, so that they remain good men! TC mark

This Lesbian Waitress Was Left A Hateful Message Instead Of Tip

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 07:15 PM PDT

Taylor Stewart is a waitress who loves her job. She talks about how she loves making people happy, and truly enjoys coming into work:

"I’m a people person and that’s why I have this job because I love people. You know, and I like to serve them and, you know, make them happy." (Source)

However, something happened during her shift last week that made her more than a little unhappy.

KFOR.com
KFOR.com

It all happened at this IHOP restaurant in Enid, Oklahoma.

KFOR.com
KFOR.com

Stewart says that she was waiting on a man and his three kids. There was a mistake made on his order, but it was promptly corrected. The man, however, intentionally made a mess with his food and then stormed out — ignoring calls for him to have a good night. He had been rude all night, apparently.

KFOR.com
KFOR.com

When she went to check on his table, however, she found something besides a tip written on his receipt:

KFOR.com
KFOR.com

The customer, leaving absolutely no tip, also attacked Stewart for her lifestyle. Nobody has been able to make out the signature on the receipt in order to get some kind of comment from the customer.

It’s amazing how “brave” people are when they write down a hateful message and then run out the door. TC mark

19 Things To Take Care Of In Your Own Life That Are More Important Than Finding A Relationship

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

1. The friends who are always there for you. Devote your time to them, instead of aimlessly trying to spend time with people who make you worry that they won’t return your texts, or reciprocate your affection. Respond to the close friends who reach out just to check in, or go out of their way to make plans with you.

2. Your apartment. Your life needs to be organized in order for you to feel fully comfortable and settled in it. When you’re living in an apartment that feels like it’s completely not lived in, or if it feels like you’re not taking care of your space, you’ll just get restless.

3. Your family life. Of course, no one could go sort through all their family drama and baggage in one day. But taking care of your family life just means consistently putting in the effort, and when you don’t do that, it can really weigh you down and might be something you regret in the long run.

4. Your history with your exes. If you still feel like your relationship with an ex is taking up too much space in your head, it probably is. Confront. The. Issue. It won’t go anywhere otherwise.

5. Your mental health. Caring for your own mental well-being is absolutely crucial, because if you’re not secure in your own mental health, you will struggle to help others with theirs.

6. The other parts of your health, too. If you don’t have a dentist, or health insurance, or you feel like you need to see a specialist (whether that’s a dermatologist or a therapist), go. Get the ball rolling. There’s really no time like the present for you to start taking care of yourself.

7. Your maturity. Growing up. Being an adult. Being financially in control of your own life. Being emotionally in control of your own life. You can’t pursue a mature relationship if you don’t feel remotely mature.

8. And your self-love. You also can’t love someone else before you truly love yourself. It’s a hard fact to really accept, but self-love is a crucial part of the puzzle.

9. Your career. Pursuing relationships isn’t more or less important than pursuing career goals. It really depends on the person, and what they want out of their year, or decade, or life. But you can throw yourself into your career. You can hustle, take on more, and try to route yourself in the direction you feel like you want most. Feeling like you’re on comfortable career ground might help give you the confidence that you’re searching for.

10. The goals you set for yourself this year. How far along are you? Have you crossed any off your list, or are you making new ones? Giving yourself a personal check up is important, and putting your needs and goals before finding someone else will make you feel productive and confident.

11. Setting goals if you haven’t already. Because if you haven’t set goals for 2016, it isn’t too late to start.

12. Your travel wants. Planning things that you really want to do. Maybe there’s a concert, a show, or a sporting event across an ocean that you want to see. Maybe there are parts of your home state you’ve never been to. Start making your bucket list trips higher a priority.

13. Getting your finances together and making a budget. Making a spreadsheet of how much money you bring in and pay out will never be as much fun as swiping through dating profiles. But you need to be in control of your incoming and outgoing money, and making sure you are will eliminate a lot of stress in your life. And once you’re on top of everything, it will give you more time to devote to other, more fun things.

14. Saving and investing in your future. The reality is this: saving money will give you the resources to never feel bound to a shitty job or a shitty relationship. And that is not worth giving up just to spend unnecessarily.

15. Finding hobbies. Finding things you care about outside of people is more important than you think. Outside of spending time with your friends and family, what else do you really care about that brings you joy?

16. Making a few go-to friends. And investing the time to keep them around.

17. Finding something you look forward to on a weekly basis. Just like keeping hobbies, it’s morale boosting (and just fun) to have things in your life that excite you on a day-to-day basis, even if they seem small and insignificant to someone else. They really just need to matter to you.

18. Connecting with the family members that actually live close to you. And realizing how lucky you are if those people are your parents and siblings.

19. Getting out of any shitty situations in your life. Regardless of what they are, start taking productive steps to get rid of them. If you’re in a dead-end job, with an awful or even abusive boss, or if you’re in a one-sided friendship where they don’t respect you, start figuring out how you’re either going to remedy the situation or get out of it. It’s insanely challenging, and emotionally draining, but you will feel lighter and more positive by just working toward (and eventually finding) a permanent solution. TC mark

To My Almost Boyfriend

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 05:15 PM PDT

IngridNagyPhotography
IngridNagyPhotography

Dear Almost Boyfriend,

How are you?

I hope you are doing very well. You still look cute in your pictures by the way. And that one with you biting your lower lip? It still kind of makes me want to see you right away and kiss you again.

I also read in one of your tweets that you liked someone and you even were telling yourself to man it up or you won't get him. Aw. He's lucky. I think you didn't feel the same way towards me which sucked, but I've kind of gotten over it already. I know you were aware that how we felt was more of like the other way around — you even said I almost had you.

And as they say, almost will never be enough.

How long has it been? 6 months? I've also dated a few guys but you being the first after my last relationship, kind of set standards for everyone else who followed. In the looks department, you're still number one. Or two.

What if I had you? What if we became official and we were boyfriends? Don't you think about it sometimes? Because I do. Nah, it's not that I haven't moved on. When you're single and bored, you tend to think of these things just to pass time.

I would have been at your place yesterday and you could have cooked for me again. I must say your cooking was really good. I don't know. Even the reheated pizza we had for breakfast was great. Maybe because I ate it with you.

We would have then gone to the mall to watch Jungle Book. I'm not sure if you would have liked it. I wasn't really given the chance to know more of you. You were quiet and reserved when we were still talking and I just had to fill in the blanks in between.

That's what's bad about me having to make up for your silence. I made my own little stories inside my head which made me think you liked me too. Liked in the sense of us being partners.

I would make up excuses for your being not expressive and will tell myself of possible reasons why you weren't exerting as much effort as I did.

Anyway, we could have then had dinner somewhere not too fancy and had ice cream after. Remember that one time when we ran in the rain just to get ice cream from a store near your place? Definitely one for the books.

We would then head back to your place and make love. I would have heard again the strange noise you make when you try to be sexy; I'm sure you weren't conscious that you were doing that, but I liked it. I would have seen that look in your eyes again, your hairy thighs and felt your kisses that only I gave meaning to.

If you think about it, you would have not been my almost boyfriend. You could be my boyfriend now. And all the things I mentioned above would have not been wasted chances and possibilities but rather sweet memories.

This could have been a love letter and not a blog post.
There could have been an us. And I could have ended this with love.  TC mark

On White Boys

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 04:15 PM PDT

vitaliygonyukov
vitaliygonyukov

I grew up hating myself. Each day I didn't wake up with pin-straight hair and a narrow nose was a reminder that I wasn't beautiful. After all, a girl's appearance is the sum of her worth, and without European features I was useless. I thought I was born cursed, and my life's mission was to reverse it. So began my years of pilgrimage running away from myself and toward a better, whiter me.

Summers were spent refusing to go outside in fear of the sun. Instead I burned my skin with lemon juice in an attempt to scrub away the darkness from my complexion. My scalp was doused in burning chemicals to "fix" my kinky hair. I scraped the vernacular from my tongue and sucked in my lips. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't suck the color out of my flesh. I had to look elsewhere, going outside of myself to find a solution.

You see, my blackness doesn't exist in a vacuum; the edges of my racial identity are molded by white people, just like my femaleness is informed by men. I resided within this double-sided trap, looking to both to tell me who I am. Without one or the other I had no boundaries, a shapeless lump with no substance. As a black woman, I thought only one group of people could reunite these two disparate parts of myself.

I lost my virginity to a white man. He was the son of an advertising mogul, schooled in Switzerland and living in the gentrified London district of Shoreditch as a university student. I, on the other hand, was from a lower middle class household headed by a single mother. The only reason I could afford to be in Europe was a scholarship that allowed me to study in France for a year.

He told me many things that evening, how lovely my skin color was, how racist the U.S. could be, how it was impolite to question people about money after I asked if he was rich. Looking back the imbalance of power is obvious, and the fact that he watched The Wire should have set off alarms. But I was too in awe of the attention I was receiving; when a mortal gets to sleep with Zeus, does she have a right to question the circumstances?

There were more men like him. I was often the first black woman they'd sleep with, a feat that they eagerly let me know. One, another Englishman, asked where I was really from. Like many black Americans I had no idea. After eyeing me up and down he decided that my ancestors were probably from Ghana, a once-popular slave trading center and former British colony. Judging from his blonde hair and blue eyes he could've been Scandinavian, the absolute pinnacle of whiteness.

Before we had sex he turned on some West African music. He assured me that it wasn't because I was black, that he just liked it. I told him to turn it off. He refused. Afterwards he complimented me, a much better selection than all the "fugly" girls he'd slept with, which made my heart jump; I still wasn't used to men praising me and belittling other women in the same breath, but I'd eventually adjust. While we were getting dressed he said we made quite the contrast, his pasty skin so different from my own. He too loved the color of my skin, said I was exotic and admitted that he was sort of racist towards black people.

I didn't view these experiences as exploitive in the moment. The only thing I felt was reassurance, happy to have my looks validated by those I had so desperately wished to impress. But whatever exhilaration I got from those encounters were brief, like flashes of lightening giving bursts of clarity before plunging back into the darkness.

Part of my discomfort stemmed from an awakening I was having that year. France put me in close proximity with other black kids, much closer than my Midwestern prep school did, and I was slowly becoming aware of my race. Here were boys and girls who weren't ashamed of their blackness, not wanting to shirk away from it. This was radical for me, and seeing them embrace what I had so long avoided was liberating. Around them I no longer felt the need to perform or hide anything that might betray my otherness. It was as though I was being told that it was o.k. to be black, that I didn't have to feel shame in my broad nose or corkscrew curls.

At the same time, I was becoming uncomfortable with the way white people often viewed their black counterparts. My host mother, a French bobo, supposedly espoused progressive values from her every pore. Yet she'd click her tongue at my natural hair or say things like "a black flirted with me today!" I started to question whether my behavior in front of white people even mattered. I couldn't solve whatever racial hang-ups they had, and I began to wonder if it was my place to do so. How painful it was to strip myself of the flesh that held me together just to please those who looked down on me.

When I returned to the U.S. I finally had a revelation, or maybe I was just tired of the burden I felt weighing on my shoulders. The obligation to look attractive for men was already tiring enough. Trying to sell myself to white ones was plainly humiliating. I figured that the only reason I felt so compelled to sleep with white men was because I viewed them as above me and needing their acceptance. It was the one thing that proved my blackness didn't make me unsalvageable and ugly.

In retrospect their extent to which they fetishized me was as disturbing as my warped convictions. I don't think they saw me as fully human, but rather as an exotic treat to have before settling for the main course. Maybe I was their Hottentot Venus, a freak they could marvel at and play with before throwing away. I felt horrendously guilty for participating, as though I was cosigning their racist fantasies. Am I just as bad as them.

Today I realize that I'm worthy, but I will never be the classic beauty the west worships in women. Straight hair will never grow out of my scalp and my skin won't miraculously become lighter, and a white man's approval will not change that. No, I don't worry about being othered in this society, as I've already accepted that although my black is different it will always be beautiful. But my heart aches for the little black girls who will be disgusted by their own image, who'll go looking for affirmation in all the wrong places. TC mark

This Isn’t A Taylor Swift Song

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 03:15 PM PDT

henkholveck
henkholveck

Just because you made me sad doesn't mean that "you're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar." It means that I'm a whiny little bitch who doesn't even own an instrument.

Just because you went through a stop sign while I was talking over the music doesn't mean that "you almost ran a red because you were looking over at me." It means that you need to stop picking songs while you're driving.

Just because we spent Saturday together from 7AM doesn't mean "I can make the bad guys good for the weekend." It means that you hoped I'd be easier to use at night if you put in a few hours of pretending to care in the morning.

Just because we met at a coffee shop in the middle of the week doesn't mean that "on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again." It means that you thought that dinner seemed like too much of a commitment for a first date and that the second date should be at 1AM on Saturday.

Just because I'm pining over you doesn't mean that "what you've been looking for has been here the whole time." It means that you're looking for something, but not for me.

Just because I slept next to you once doesn't mean that "when the sun came up you were looking at me." It means that I woke up drooling on my pillow three feet away from you.

Just because you picked me up at 6 doesn't mean that "today was a fairytale." It means that you got out of work at a reasonable time for once, and it was convenient to grab me on your way home.

Just because there was a thunderstorm the last time you were in town doesn't mean that "it rains in your bedroom, and everything is wrong." It means that spring weather in the Midwest is erratic as hell.

Just because I got butterflies during our first conversation doesn't mean that "we met, and the sparks flew instantly." It means that I blurted out that you look like Ben Wyatt then awkwardly stood there frozen as you attempted to have a normal interaction with me.

Just because you have a pickup truck and listen to country doesn't mean that you're "a redneck, heartbreak who's really bad at lying." It means that took your dad's car to move here from New England.

Just because you were older than me doesn't mean "I was too young to be messed with." It means that you were my 31-year-old friend who didn't come anywhere near me and was completely unaware of my borderline creepy crush.

Until I morph into Taylor Swift, I need to stop romanticizing hopeless crushes and dead-end relationships. "Boys only want love if it's torture; don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya."

Oops, I did it again. TC mark

He Wasn’t My True Love, But He Was A Blessing Nonetheless

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 02:15 PM PDT

Dragunsk Usf
Dragunsk Usf

We have all heard this before, “No one you meet is by accident, they are either a blessing or a lesson.”

I, for one, am a true believer of that. I met him 2 years ago, on a Monday morning at the office lobby on my first day at work. It wasn’t love at first sight. It was more of a friendly morning “waiting for the elevator” chat, if you will, and that was it.

I saw him a couple more times from afar at the cafeteria but we never talked again. Fast forward a few months, we bumped into each other again and he asked me out.

Never did I imagine that saying yes to him could set off a chain of events that would change me as a person, or shaped my perspective of life, people, and love forever.

Ours wasn’t a whirlwind romance and I liked that he didn’t sweep me off my feet. Our relationship was romantic though grounded and mature. He was my best friend, my pillar of strength and my lover.

He was everything I ever wanted in a man and more.

I loved that we could do mundane things and still enjoy each other’s company. I still remember how that one time when a trip to the supermarket ended up in us frantically looking for each other in between aisles when we heard our song playing over the PA system and singing our lungs out right there in the crowded store when we finally found each other.

It was the first time that I had someone who believed in me that much and wanted me to be the best version of myself in every possible way. I fell in love with him because of his humility
and his ability to care for and help others.

He taught me how to feel again, how love feels, and I’m grateful for that because I now know what I deserve when it comes to matters of the heart. He also taught me how to persevere and believe in myself.

I have become a whole new person because of him, both good and bad. I’ve learned to take pleasures in life’s simplicity. I’ve learned that it’s about what you’re made of in life that matters NOT titles or the size of your paycheck.

I’ve learned that people walk in and out of your life all the time and we should treasure the moments with them while they are still here. I’ve learnt to make the most of my life in whatever way I can.

On the other hand, this whole experience has also made me somewhat cynical when it comes to love, though deep down inside I hope that I’m wrong and people don’t always disappoint you and maybe, just maybe, one day someone will stay because he chooses to stay.

Just maybe, one day, soon, I will be made a choice NOT an option.

My one true love was God sent, to teach me these lessons to embark on a journey to discover myself and to learn to love myself again. And who knows, maybe one day, someone will make me believe in love all over again. TC mark

How Much Of A Mess You Are Based On Your Wine Glass Of Choice

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 01:15 PM PDT

Ava Meena
Ava Meena

It's 2016, and our phones are for watching TV, our vegetables are for juicing to a pulp, and our desks are for throwing dirty clothes on (right?). So with all that change, it comes to no surprise that wine glasses have been slowly moving out of necessity.

If you're worried I'm talking about the end of wine, take a deep breath (or sip) and come back down to reality—I'm from New Jersey and really think I'd be arrested for even thinking that thought.

What I mean is, with minimal storage space and even more minimal coupons to a Pier 1 Imports, the various sipping utensils in our kitchen have enrolled in a UCB Improv class. While the end goal is always a perfect glass, or bottle, of wine, how you get there says a lot more about you than you think.

Mason Jar

You just moved a few months ago, and like are in no way going to take a subway to like, Home Goods & try and carry four wine glasses back. Plus, you love how you can write off using one as being 'hip and young,' when in reality you're 'lazy and want to pour a Real Housewives of New Jersey amount of wine into your glass.'

Stemless Wine Glass

Once bitten, twice knocked over an actual wine glass while reaching for another last bite of baked brie. You know what you're worth, and that's not a lot, but hey – girl’s gotta eat. The silver lining is that you can also use these glasses very easily for the whiskey ginger you decide to make yourself after you finish the bottle of wine; further proving how not ready for a real wine glass you are.

Travel Mug

You love a fun Snapchat moment, and want everyone to know that there's definitely, maybe wine in here. The only times you ever went to the library in college was just when your WiFi gave out and you had to see who won The Bachelorette. Obviously, your trusted travel buddy came along for the ride.

Solo Cup

You're spiritually, and probably actually, the oldest person at the party. SWUG doesn't even begin to cover it. And while you're definitely over large crowds and guys named Colin shouting the words to Billy Joel, you're definitely still very into making red wine teeth your statement piece of the night. PS, it's totally okay to still think Colin is hot, and to make your Tinder radius one mile to see if you match. You're still human, girl.

Measuring Cup

Fuck Jason, fuck your friends, and most importantly, FUCK A SERVING SIZE. You haven't done the dishes in over a week, but you also haven't cooked since you moved in, so the measuring cup is perfectly clean and ready for a bottle of good ole Woodbridge to light your fire. Remember not to double tap that Instagram from three years ago, but if you do, just stop for a minute and think that maybe all the times you ironically said 'everything happens for a reason' actually might be true. You will wake up the next morning with cheese in your bed, but don't worry, you definitely ate all the crackers. Calories don't count when you're living your best damn life.

Out of the Bottle

Lady Gaga put it best when she said, "baby I was born this way." You'll chug your heart out, dance your heart out, and definitely almost vomit your heart out, but it's all okay, because as your other role model, Hannah Montana also told you, "nobody's perfect, I gotta work it, again and again 'til I finish this Pinot," or something like that. You're too drunk to correct me anyway. And I love you for that. TC mark

Happiness Isn’t Found In The Big Things, It’s Found In All The Tiny Things We Overlook

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 12:15 PM PDT

Ashley Linh Trann
Ashley Linh Trann

I used to run a lot. Sports and I are like the colors red and orange in the rainbow: always next to each other. I hadn't run for a while because I got tendinitis in my knees, but my physical therapist suggested that I try to run again. I was sort of running from running, so I decided to take Shia LaBeouf's advice and just do it.

I used to run on pavement, but I found out that it's actually terrible for your knees, so I tried to find softer ground. I found myself driving to a little spot of woods hidden in the middle of my suburban town. Normally when I run, I listen to music to keep my pace fast, I use a running app to track my speed, and it's something serious because I'm training for my next season of lacrosse.

But, today, I wasn't thinking about those things.

I was thinking about how I was kind of nervous and kind of physically impaired. So, I went for an easy jog with no destination, music, pace, and definitely no hubris.

I was amazed at how pretty the quiet sounded.

In modern society, we are always listening to some sort of noise. Listening to music, the news, Netflix, friends, or a crazy boss. We don't spend a lot of time just listening to the quiet.

This lack of noise made today different. I started to listen to the sound of my feet crunching on the dirt and the way my breath went in and out. It was more like pathetic panting but still, I found something poetic about it.

I took a break and sat on a mossy patch, which felt like earth's carpet, and I stared at a stream. I could hear the fidgeting of leaves and found a teacup sized chipmunk. He scurried across an old, fallen branch using it as a bridge to cross the water.

I had the simplest epiphany. I would have never seen the chipmunk if I had my headphones on. It was so obvious that it almost didn't matter, except that it mattered a whole lot. I would have been loving my music, but I would have missed the sound of leaves which was the reason why I thought to look and see what was making that noise. It made me really weirdly happy to see the little woodland creature. A chipmunk just makes me happy.

Sometimes, the world knows just what will make you happy, but we often forget to be willing to listen to whatever that could be.

I would have never had this existential moment looking at a cuter version of a squirrel if I had never started listening to the quiet.

And in the quiet, I found a lot more.

I was surprised at how fun it was to jog without headphones. To do something without never-ending goals to achieve. I felt like I had to run on harder ground to prove something, but found that softer ground, like a softer heart, had a lot to offer.

We really don't need to prove to anyone that we can run on harder ground, or live life with a harder heart.

The real brave thing is to be soft. To let yourself be affected by the the small things often under appreciated or never looked for at all.

I always thought I needed music because I needed to go as fast as possible. I always thought that I shouldn't take breaks, but my knees forced me to now. I ran out of options to do what I used to do, but I was kind of happy that I did. I was good at focusing on being fast, keeping my pace, zoning out the world, and not taking breaks. But then I realized that while I focused on all those big things like being fast, being good at sports, and being good at life, I can forget about the small things. I forgot to listen for a chipmunk. I forgot to stop and lay on earth's carpet. I forgot to stare at the trees above and notice the fifty shades of green that they offered.

What I really forgot to do was to listen to what the world could tell me—and once I started to listen, it started to tell me a lot. Blink 182 sings about the ‘small things,’ and it turns out that the small things can actually make you really freaking happy. So, please listen to what that rock band says.

But, please try and listen to the quiet, too. TC mark

I Was So Excited About The Potential Of Us

Posted: 09 Jul 2016 11:45 AM PDT

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

I lay awake in bed at night with thoughts of you crowding my head. I've nearly given up on trying to push them away because it feels like there is no point anymore.

The more I try to forget the more you're there.

I let the thoughts swallow me as I think about all that we could have been.

I hate to admit it, but I hate how deeply I miss what we almost had.

You were different. You were someone I didn't get bored of, you were someone I wanted more of. You were someone I could actually see myself sticking with, but you obviously didn't feel the same about me. I thought there was potential that you could be the one, but potential doesn't mean anything if you don't do anything with it.

I tried to hold on, but you pulled away and it felt like the tighter I grabbed the faster you ran.

I really think we were meant to be, but we did it wrong. Maybe in another life or if our paths cross again in the future, then maybe our hearts will align. Or maybe I'll realize what a fool I'd been all this time. I know it might sound crazy, but there really was something different about you that made it so hard to let you go.

I thought you were different and that makes me a fool. I swore you were different; I convinced myself things were different and that you weren't who everyone warned me about. But as usual, they were right. You weren't different, but you made me feel different. You made me feel things I never thought I could, maybe that's why it's making goodbye so hard.

It's stopping me from letting go and forcing me to cling to everything I never thought I could.

We were never in love, but do I believe we had the potential to fall hard.

Maybe that scared you so you ran, you weren't ready to feel something real. Or maybe you just couldn't picture your forever with a girl like me. You left and now I'm stuck with all the memories of the good times we shared, unable to reach out and call you, unable to touch your hand and unable to make anymore memories. So I cling to what I've got, I cling to the memories of 'us' and come to terms with the fact that I'll now only have memories of what we could have been.

If you taught me anything from leaving it's that I need to stop believing in the idea of what could have been. I need to let go and move on, without you, just like you did without me.

I need to stop clinging to the potential because even if I did find the right person, it wasn't the right time for you.

I could wish you the worst, hope you're haunted by what we could have been and wished you'd realized what you left behind, but you already know that. You knew what we could have been and the way I could have loved you, but you decided you wanted something different and that is okay, too.

I was so excited about the potential of us, but there is no 'us' and there is no more potential. So, I'm deciding to let you go and stop believing in what could have been. TC mark