Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

I Had The Best Sex Of My Life With My Brother’s Best Friend, And He Has No Idea

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

Just relax,” I whispered in his hear as he stopped himself. He wanted to touch me, wanted to comb his hands through my hair, wanted to kiss my neck, down to my chest where he’d stop himself again. I could tell he wanted it all.

He doesn’t have to know,” I said.

Hoping he’d continue, hoping he wouldn’t be able to resist himself for very much longer, hoping that just the thought of how I felt, how I tasted, would be enough for him to actually find out.

Kiss me.” I said, grabbing his neck, looking straight into his eyes to confirm he wanted it too. He looked at me as if I was everything he couldn’t have. He wrapped his hands around my face, took hold of me, and looked at me as if he were about to devour me, about to do something he might regret, but I could tell the adrenaline of risk thrilled him much more than the thought of consequence.

Why are you doing this to me?” He whispered. As if my touch alone was a slow yet satisfying torture.

Because I want you.”

He looked into my eyes for one more second, and I could see something in him set off. He reached under my dress, and I felt his cold touch against my thigh. He slowly, teasingly, slid his way up to what would’ve been my panties, as I remembered I didn’t have any on. He felt the bare skin of my soft lips and looked at me like he wanted more. We both did.

He reached towards my back, ran his hands over my ass and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his torso, and he carried me to the couch in my brother’s living room, right down the hall from his bedroom door. It was a tiny apartment, but we wanted each other so badly. We both questioned whether we could keep quiet, but neither of us cared enough to make it stop.

We couldn’t stop.

He threw me atop the brown suede upholstery and removed his shirt. God, his abs. He approached me slowly, and when he was close enough to touch I rubbed my hands down his chest, over the ridges of his tight stomach, down to his Levi jeans.

Fuck, I want you.

I grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, kissing his stomach. I unbuttoned his jeans and ran my tongue from his belly button to his briefs. I looked up at him as he ran his fingers through my hair, I could hear his heavy breathing, both terrified and thrilled of what I was going to do next.

I ran my fingers slowly over his briefs and felt his hard cock practically begging me for more. I wrapped my palm gently around his balls and he moaned so loud I had to cover his mouth with my hand.

Shhh.” I whispered. “No noise. No talking.” He groaned and took my hand away from his mouth.

Don’t tell me what to do.” He pushed me back against the couch. His sudden spring of dominance immediately turned me on. He held my hands above my head. Straddling me, he kissed my neck. His lips felt so good against my skin. I tried to kiss him back and he held my hands down harder. He was no longer scared, and I loved it. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.

As his lips stayed pressed against my neck, he held me down with just one hand and slid the other down my body. When his fingers ran over my breasts, my nipples turned hard. He slid his hand down further and gently tickled my clit, teasing me of what was yet to come.

You’re so wet,” he whispered.

What are you waiting for?” I asked. “Fuck me.

He looked at me and bit his lip. Fuck, I want him so bad. He kissed me hard, a kiss that said, I’m going to make you feel something you’ve never felt before.

He ran his fingers against my clit again, this time harder. I could feel my body quivering. My breathing getting heavier, slowly losing control of my ability to stay quiet I began to moan.

You like that?” he asked.

I couldn’t form a word, his touch felt so incredibly satisfying. His lips slowly inched down to the curve of my breasts. He licked my nipple as it got even harder than before.

Can I bite them?” Holy fuck. I nodded my head and he bit my nipple, soft at first, and then just hard enough to make me feel a pain that I thoroughly enjoyed.

I grabbed his briefs and slid them down. I took his hard cock into my hands. Stroking it slowly to make sure he wouldn’t get too excited. I wanted this to last. When I grabbed him he lifted his head and let out a deep breath, I could feel it against my chest.

He kissed my lips and pushed his body closer to mine. I could feel his abs against my stomach, his dick atop my pussy. He put his finger on my clit and slowly began to enter me. I was so wet.

He started slow. He put his hand in the small of my back and used it to thrust harder. He moved his hands down to my ass and grabbed me firmly. He lifted me so I was sitting upright, still inside of me he pulled my body closer. My legs wrapped around his waist and he began entering me deeper and deeper. It felt so good.

You feel incredible,” he said thrusting deep inside of me.

My body felt hot like fire and freezing cold all at once. The skin of my legs had chills. I rubbed my hands down his back and felt his sweat run through my fingers. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back. I didn’t want him to cum just yet.

His cock was so big it stayed inside of me. I got on top of him and began to ride him. I took his hands and placed them on my breasts. “Touch me,” I whispered.

His fingers massaged my chest and I couldn’t help but moan. “Look who’s loud now,” he teased.

I lowered my body closer towards him. I kissed him and bit his lip gently. He still felt so good. I could feel myself getting close to climax, but I wasn’t ready for it to end, we both weren’t. I continued to ride him, my hips thrusting against his.

Turn around,” he told me. I loved it when he told me what to do.

I turned around and was on the couch on my hands and knees. He grabbed my ass and squeezed me. He put his hands on my hip bones and entered me from behind. I felt his cock hit my G-spot. I moaned uncontrollably. He thrusted hard and grabbed my hair. He gave it a slight pull. I loved it.

He flipped me around. “I want to see your face when I make you cum,” he said.

I knew it was going to happen soon. He was on top of me kissing my neck and I began to feel my body lose control of itself. My legs were quivering, my back arched in satisfaction. “You feel so fucking good,” I whispered.

I began to lose my breath, gasping for air, I came like I never had before. It was as if my body didn’t even belong to me. Holy shit. He looked at me and smiled. He knew he gave it to me good, not good, the best.

You’re amazing,” I said. He laughed quietly, “Not so bad yourself,” as he laid down next to me, our bodies close together, sharing the bit of space we had. He kissed my shoulder gently as I was trying to catch my breath.

You think he heard?” he asked. “He’ll never know.” I said. TC mark

43 People Confess The Kinky Sex Acts They’d Love To Do (But Are Afraid To Ask Their Partners)

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 07:15 PM PDT

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Found on AskReddit.

1. Spank my ass so hard you leave a handprint.

"Don’t try to make me orgasm just use me to get off. Also, spank my ass, I friggin’ LOVE that, leave a damn handprint!"

2. Call me your whore, and I will melt for you like butter.

"Don’t be afraid to be rough with me. Hold me down, slap my ass, call me your whore, and I will melt for you like butter."

3. I want her to put a fox-tail butt plug in my butt and pet me.

"I want her to put a fox-tail butt plug in my butt and pet me while talking about my cute tail and calling me a cute fox."

4. Smash layered birthday cakes into my face.

"I want my partner to smash layered birthday cakes into my face."

5. I want to be choked until I pass out and dragged around and fucked mercilessly.

"I want to be choked until I pass out and dragged around and fucked mercilessly."

6. I want to have sex with a girl with a full-grown bush.

"I want to have sex with a girl with a full-grown bush. Everyone my age just always shaves and I get it because it’s what society says is acceptable but it’s gotten to a point where I’m tired of seeing the same bald vagina when I’m having sex."

7. Can I call you daddy?

"Can I call you daddy?"

8. I like girls to lick my ass…which doesn't usually happen.

"I like girls to lick my ass. It…doesn’t really ever go over well. First time? It’s happened, but not usually."

9. I want to see her pee.

"I want to see her pee."

10. Spank me hard and call me a dirty whore.

"Spank me hard and call me a dirty whore. Most guys are like 'WTF' and they don’t want to because they don’t want to hurt me, at least the first time. Also, I'd like a cum mustache."

11. Put on a furry suit and growl at me.

"I would want to ask her if she would put on a furry suit and growl at me."

12. Let me put a collar on her and tug it as she's about to orgasm.

13. I wanna get rough as fuck.

"I wanna get rough as fuck. but you cant just ask her out rough she wants it outright. She has to initiate it a little bit. After the first time though it’s easier to vocalize this, though."

14. Choke me while you're fucking me.

"This one time my ex let me choke him while I was fucking him. It was so sexy to me. I would never ask for that on the first time though, because…well, that’s psychotic."

15. I have always wanted someone to toss my salad.

"I have always wanted someone to toss my salad. Never done it before, but that takes someone 1. Wanting to tiddle the doody pooty hole 2. Extra prep ahead of time which doesn’t really happen because usually it’s a one-night coincidence."

16. I'd really like to be pegged….

"I’d really like to be pegged. Also I’d like her to put on some very specific items of clothing, and to leave them on during the act. And for her to treat me like I’m just a fleshy sex toy."

17. …and she'd really like to peg you.

"Pegging. I’d love to peg a guy. I’m into all the femdom shit. But I’m such a wimpy unassuming virgin of a girl that anyone that enters a relationship with me probably won’t be expecting me to want to enter into him. Repeatedly. Maybe I’ll just stick to women. It’s so hard to find other women that are into women, tho."

18. I want her to let me shout obscenities at her.

"Shouting obscenities. She always calls me out for using obscene words, even if she only overhears me speaking with a friend over the phone. I tried doing this once and she jumped from my dick, slapped me across the face, and didn’t let me touch her for the rest of the night. I try to keep silent ever since."

19. I want to bite her ass while we're doing 69.

"69 and if she minds if I bite her ass (not to the point of puncture wounds obviously but lightly) while we’re doing it."

20. I'd like to tie her up and be pretty rough with her.

"I'd like to tie her up and be pretty rough with her. But Jesus. I can’t help but think how scared shitless just bringing this up to someone not into it would be."

21. I want to eat a sandwich in bed, George Costanza style.

"A sandwich. George Constanza style."

22. Stimulate my male G-spot, please.

"Prostate stimulation. Most chicks dig it, though."

23. Smack my ass like it owes you money.

"1) smack my ass like it owes you money.
2) pull my hair like this is a game of tug-o-war and you’re in it to win it.
3) call me your filthy, dirty little whore.
4) get rougher than 40-grit sandpaper."

24. A plate of girl ass, please.

"I want to eat the girl’s ass."

25. Grabbing hair, spanking, a little choking.

"Rough sex, I like grabbing hair, spanking, a little choking if they’re into it, getting scratched and bit. I feel like it’s too much the first time."

26. I want to fist her ass.

To fist her ass.

27. Her ass, my face.

"For her to sit on my face."

28. I want Benny Hill music playing in the background.

"To play Benny Hill music."

29. Whisper in my right ear.

"I really get off on whispering in my right ear. My left ear is worthless for this. Not that I’m deaf in it or anything, its just weird, I can’t explain it. In my right ear, though, certain sounds feel so goddamn good. Like, airy, clippy sounds. I can’t explain it in words, it's just certain sounds. And if you make them in my right ear, it's amazing. That’s what I want from people during sex. I literally don’t care about anything else. I am a very simple person. I want you to make sounds in my ear, I want you to occasionally massage my hand (because it hurts all the time due to an injury), and I want you to be generally nice to me. If you do those three things, and come on, these are really low-bar items, I would do pretty much anything for you. Goddamn, I have such low standards."

30. I want people to be a lot rougher with me than they think they can be.

"I want people to be a lot rougher with me than they think they can be. I like letting the guy take charge but a lot of guys seem hesitant to really be in control at first, like they aren’t sure it’s what I really want. I will say though I do love when people are clear with me about what they want, even the first time. One time I was going down on this guy for the first time and he asked me to put a finger up his butt hahahaha. Once I got over the initial surprise (that I didn’t show) that he had just asked me that right off the bat I very enthusiastically fingered that bumhole!"

31. Lights on, please.

"I want to leave the lights on. Makes it easier to see and do everything."

32. I like being sexually tortured.

"I just want to be choked, spanked, slapped, called daddy’s little girl or some other odd pet name while they do the dirtiest stuff to me. I like being sexually tortured for lack of better terms. Boundaries pushed. Little odd to bring up on a first encounter, of course."

33. Mutual warm-water enema marathon.

"Keep in mind, this assumes she has fully evacuated her bowels first (off to a sexy start. I want us to jump in the shower together. I want to wash her and have her wash me completely and thoroughly while we make out and kind of grope around. Then I want to give her a couple quick warm water enemas, just to flush out any remnants. I’ll soap up her asshole really well. First, as I’m cleaning back there, I’ll let a digit or two slip in, eased by the soap. Next, I’ll slowly work in my middle finger and ring finger and kiss her deeply until she feels relaxed and comfortable.

Then I’ll stick my dick in her ass.

After a few quick and gentle pumps, I want to start pissing inside of her; basically a piss enema. After she’s filled up, I want to take out my cock and have her face me with it hanging just below her; I then want her to piss on it. When she is done I want to lift her up and ease her ass onto my soaked cock. We’ll be covered in each other’s piss and I’ll fuck her ass until I cum inside.

Then I’ll lovingly administer a few more warm water enemas to get her nice and clean. We’ll lovingly wash each other down again. Then we’ll snuggle comfortably in a nice, big, warm bed. In the middle of the night, we’ll press our freshly washed bodies together and be so turned on by the earlier events that we’ll just have to have sex again; perhaps more conventional sex, but made hotter by the thought of being soaked in each other’s cum and piss.

So yeah, you can imagine why I’m afraid to ask for that."

34. Talk to me in a raunchy English accent.

"Talk to me in a raunchy English accent. I’d melt."

35. Go down on me after cumming inside me.

"I like having my man of the night go down on me after cumming inside me.

I also like my asshole eaten vigorously.

I never ask about either, strictly volunteers only."

36. I'm hot for dirty talk—the filthier, the better.

"I've always been hot for for dirty talk—the filthier, the better. Nobody’s seemed to mind when I do it, but every time I’ve asked someone to talk back to me, they’ve gotten stage fright and were taken out of the moment trying to come up with something on the spot."

37. No eye contact.

"Don’t look me in the face. Just bend me over and fuck me, without any eye contact. Please."

"To wrap my hands around her throat, or put a collar on her that I can tug on, especially as she’s about to orgasm.

Slamming a girl against your system with your hands gripping her throat and controlling exactly how much oxygen she gets is one of my favorite power-fuck moves.

Also, to tie her up with the rope looping between her neck and wrists behind her back, so I have something I can pull on that will both tighten around her throat, and put pressure on her joints, forcing her to choose whether to endure some pain by relaxing her arms, or go without oxygen for a while by tightening them so her joints aren’t stretched. (Note: If you try this at home, careful not to tie it in such a way that friction causes it to stay tight once you release!)"

38. Choke me while fucking me to the point where I can't breathe and my neck gets bruised.

"I want to get choked while being fucked…to the point where I can’t breathe and my neck gets bruised."

39. Seeking permission to put my thumb in her butthole while hitting it from the back.

"Permission to put my thumb in her butthole when I hit it from the back."

40. Two-way ass-eating, please.

"Analingus/rim job, eating ass—both giving and receiving."

41. I wish I had asked her to jack it with the T-rex arm.

"I dated a gal with one arm way back in the day. Well, she had two, but one was a little three-inch-long Tyrannosaurus arm with a thumb and two fingers. We couldn’t do doggy style ’cause she was tripodded and kept falling over. Anyway, I wish I had asked her to jack it with the T-rex arm. She never used it for anything. The skin would be baby soft. Not that I want to get jacked off by a baby or anything like that. It was just such a missed opportunity."

42. Bite my neck, hard, when I’m about to cum.

"Bite my neck, hard, when I’m about to cum. It turns me into putty, but everyone’s scared of hurting me…"

43. I'd settle for having sex with a man who is willing to actually do anything besides lie there.

"I'd settle for having sex with a man who is willing to actually do anything besides lie there.

I wish my partner would be more active during sex. He always just pulls me on top of him and I have to do all the work, very frustrating. The worst part is I’ve asked for him to do more and try to 'guide' him, but he just continues doing nothing after a few seconds. Took me months to get him to stop just laying there silently.

It was way more upsetting writing this than I expected." TC mark

18 Empowering Things To Think About When You’re Convinced You’ll Never Get Over Them

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Sophia Sinclair
Sophia Sinclair

1. Think about a time when you really didn’t want to go somewhere (work, a job interview, class, whatever) because you were afraid or intimidated. Think about how you went anyway. How you reigned in your fear or swallowed your pride, because you knew you could do it. Because you knew that you’re almost always stronger than you feel.

2. Think about a moment when you laughed so hard that you cried, or even peed yourself. How light you felt in that moment, how free. How it’s happened more than once in your life, and how it will certainly happen again, even if you don’t feel like laughing right now.

3. Think about a time when you stood up for yourself, when you knew you deserved to be treated better than the way that you were in that moment. Think about how capable you are of demanding more for yourself.

4. Think about a time that you accomplished something you never thought you’d be able to do in a million years. A class you thought you’d never pass, a mile time you never thought you’d reach while running, a presentation you nailed even when you were so nervous that you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Think about how you did that. You. All on your own.

5. Think about an instance where you helped out a stranger, when there was nothing in it for you and you acted out of sheer instinct. Think of how happy it made your soul.

6. Think about a time when someone else cried because you cried, and how loved it made you feel to know that someone else could be so deeply affected by your sadness.

7. Think of a time when you climbed into your warm bed after a super long and stressful day, and of how it felt even more amazing than it usually did. Think about how easy it can be to feel such strong pleasure and happiness from such a seemingly small, trivial thing.

8. Think of a moment when you really wanted to lash out at someone but managed to contain yourself. Think of how badly you wanted to lose it in the moment, how good you knew it would feel. And then think about how much better you felt afterwards when you didn’t do this. How good it felt to know you are in so much more control of your behavior when you are emotionally awake.

9. Think about a time when you were completely content with doing nothing, with sitting in silence and listening to your own breath. Remember how good it felt to be that in tune with your own soul.

10. Think of an instance in which a friend was having a really hard time and you made them laugh. Remember how much joy you could feel simply from making someone else’s day even just the tiniest bit better.

11. Think of a day where you really didn’t think you were going to make it through to the end of it. Where you were so overcome with sadness or loneliness or fear that you woke up and thought How am I possibly going to survive [work/school/life] today? Think of how you got out of bed anyway, hesitant every step of the way, and made it through. Because even when your heart and your brain feel practically paralyzed, you are tougher than you think.

12. Think of a time when a new place finally, finally began to feel like home. Think of the regular, ordinary moment when you came to realize this. Remember how proud and resilient it made you feel.

13. Think of a moment when someone really listened to you. When they looked you in the eye and heard what you were saying and acknowledged the lens through which you view the world. Think about how it nearly brought you to tears to truly feel like you were being seen.

14. Think about all of the times, since that moment, that you have made an effort to make someone else feel that way. How good it feels to look at someone and let them know, I see you.

15. Think about an emotional moment shared with someone else (in a nonromantic way) that was so intense that it took your breath away. Remember how amazing it felt to understand that your soul and your physical body are truly connected.

16. Think of a moment when someone put you completely at ease simply from a genuine smile. Think of how sneakily powerful that force can be.

17. Think of an instant where you laughed when you were sad, and how confusingly beautiful that sound felt as it popped out of your lungs.

18. Think of how many sad moments you’ve already gotten through up until now. How you always came out on the other side stronger, or wiser, or just different in some way – no matter how long it took. Remember that that will happen to you again. Remember that soon, this breakup will be just another ‘time’ that you remember, somewhere down the line, when you’re changed for the better. TC mark

Is Sex The Only Thing That Defines A Relationship?

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 06:00 PM PDT

 Clem Onojeghuo
Clem Onojeghuo

Is sex all that matters?

Then why find sex rather than love?

Months ago, I met this guy who, at least I thought, is different from the others. Thought he was so pure and sincere. We became really good friends. You know that connection when you just talk about shits and shits of life? No personal and deep commitments, just the fun company of each other. I was, and I am still, so blown away by how random and fascinating he is– the way he talks, the way he thinks, the way he handles his whole life.

It's so overwhelming to have a friend who seemed to be your alter ego; you could see yourself from another human being. Very similar but barely different. I know we were on the same page, or maybe… I thought we were.

Everything went smooth and fine. He could just call me asking what food he shall bring for their family excursion, or when he was bored feeling tipsy with his friends, or even when a security guard was getting on his nerves, or when he was on his way home from work. He could text me in the middle of the night just to tell that his stomach aches so much, or to ask if I'm busy and eaten my dinner, or ask if I got home safely.

We could just talk about random things, laugh at both corny jokes and nothing feels too mundane. Oh, I used to laugh off his rated 18+ jokes, as well.

"You'll go with me wherever I want to, okay?"

"What? No."

"Hahahah. Why?"

"I just don't like. Tell me first where we will go."

"In a dark place. It's a surprise."

"Then, no."

"But why? You know I can do it gently. Hahaha."

He could joke about smutty stuff and because I value our friendship and thought that we were just too close to one another to sometimes bring such topics in between our conversations, I laugh it off. It was not the first or the last; it was only one of those times when he randomly spoke about it. I know, and maybe he knew, that I actually feel uneasy when things like that pop out of nowhere. But we were friends, right? So it's fine.

Until once, he asked me if we could level up our relationship. I settled him by making a deal that we would only go with the flow– that whatever happens, happens. He agreed though he was kind of, perhaps, disappointed.

We still kept the relationship we used to know. Same way of talking, same corny and nasty jokes– I felt we were still on the same page. But things went complicated when he started wanting me to take his nasty jokes seriously.

After a friendly date, he texted me asking why didn't I come and join him at a motel to do that thing. I responded as if it was a funny joke. Again.

Days later, I texted him first and reminded him about the movie date we planned. Then, he tried to make a trade– he will treat me a movie then I must agree to have [clears throat] sex with him. As always, I made fun out of it yet talked straightforward as much as I can.

Yes, I finally told him that I never wanted to do it yet. We both pretended that the conversation was as fine as our pasts but it wasn't. We both talked as if we were still fooling around but we weren't.

He never texted or called me again after that.

From something to nothing real quick.

Call me boring, modest, traditional or manang in our own language, but people like me still have a space in this world, right?

Can a girl and a boy remain friends without sex? Do guys really make friends just for sex?

I know it is not right to stereotype men but I heard other stories about such boys before and then it hit me so hard knowing it now happened to me. It is not another story I heard but it happened to be an actual experience.

I am the kind of a person who cannot let go easily– from the smallest object in my belongings to biggest person who stepped into my life. I can move on with my life but can't let go of the memories that easy.

I was still thinking of him and how we used to talk late at night but I couldn't do anything. I realized I was nothing to him when he once became the focus of my days.

Maybe yes, I started to fall for him until I realized, he was only being a d*ck. TC mark

If You Want Forever, Look For Those Who Speak To Your Soul

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 05:15 PM PDT

 Caleb Ekeroth
Caleb Ekeroth

There are some who never leave you, who will always stick by your side. Not because of the vows or because they are bounded by the relationship but because their smile lies with you.

They know that you look good only when you smile. They realize the power of your smile. They are the ones who make you smile despite being broken on inside. Their heart melts in the coldest hour when they see you smile. That is the power of your smile.

Such are the people who go out of their way only to ensure your safety. They are the ones who will take efforts to make things better no matter what; they will not judge you for your mistakes for they know that your mistakes do not define you. Don’t be afraid, they won’t judge you for your past either.

You rarely find such people in life and when you find them, make sure you value them for they are priceless. You’ll wear your widest smile when you are around them.

If you genuinely laugh with them, I can tell for sure you cannot cry alone. They take care of your fragile heart like it’s their own.

Sit with them with your legs closed and hearts open and have conversations that will connect the soul.

Physical relations are easier to end, you cannot live with just a body forever. If you want to have a forever, let the souls connect. TC mark

You’re Still The One I Want To Talk To When I’m Sad

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT


You're still the first person I want to talk to when I hear bad news, you're still the only one I want to cry to.

You're still the only one who can make me feel better when things go wrong; I don't know if it's the sound of your voice or the words you say so articulately or just the way you understand my silence when people struggle to understand my words.

You're still the only one capable of making me smile when my tears are pouring down my face, you're still the hand I want to hold when I can't even feel mine.

Because it's always the tough times that reveal to you who you need the most and it's no surprise that I need you.

I need you to tell me that it's going to be okay, and if it's not then at least you're with me.

I need you to quiet my mind so I can sleep at night because you can turn my nightmares into dreams.

And I admit that I can't do this alone.

I can, but today, I don't want you.

I know you'll tell me that I'm not alone because I have my friends, but I feel alone, I feel alone without you.

You're still the only one I want to be alone with. 

It's ironic that sometimes we wait for things to go wrong so we can go right. It's ironic that we have to come so close to losing people or losing ourselves to remember who we really don't want to lose.

You're still the one I’m afraid of losing.

And today, I surrender.

Today, I need you.

Today, I want to call you and tell you what I'm going through.

Today, I want you to listen to me.

Today, I want you to act like you care.

Because no matter who shows up at my door to comfort me, I'll still knock on yours.

If you're the reckless decision in times of sadness, I want to be irresponsible.

If you're the mistake I make because I'm not thinking clearly, I want to be foolish.

If needing you is wrong, I don't want to be right.  TC mark

I Want You To Look At Me And Just Know

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 04:16 PM PDT


I want us to meet soon. I want you to look at me and just know.

 could say the same for myself, but I’ll probably take the hard road
 and fight my feelings for you every step of the way. I’ve never 
believed in being easy.

If you shake my hand, please let yours be clean. Don’t give me a limp
 handshake like those fake girls trying to take care of their
’manicures’ or like I have some disease. Give me a firm handshake I
 can trust. I don’t bite, I promise. Well… only if you ask nicely.

not a good hugger, so if you insist please keep it short. Really
 short. Personal space, trust issues and all that. You understand,

You’ll fall in love with me. You won’t be able to help yourself.

will be the kind of love that inspires you to write me poetry and
 dedicate songs to me. To buy airtime and spend hours on the phone
listening to me breathe on the other side during our ‘ you hang up,
no, you hang up’ phone calls. To shell out a pretty penny to take me
somewhere fancy and spoil me.

It’s not you, it’s me.

What can I say? I’m awesome.

I’ll mess it up somehow.

I just don’t know how to be loved. The minute 
you tell me the words will be the beginning of the end.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I will turn into the worst version of myself, someone unlovable. I
 will frustrate you, make you mad and make you sad. The thin line 
between love and hate will be bent over backwards by the time I’m
 through with you.

In the quiet moments, I hope you realize that this is just a trick. 
That this is the way that my heart fights with my mind. That this is 
the way my mind processes my feelings.

This is how I fight for you. For us.

On a much simpler plane, I just really really want to know if you have
 staying power. I figure, if you can love me at my worst, it must be 
safe to show you my best, right?

You see, I want to be safe.

I’ve never felt that; not even sure how
 it’s supposed to feel like. All I know is that every time you hold my
 hand and look at me with that special light in your eyes, I melt a

Every time you let me ramble on and remember every 
insignificant detail later, I swoon. Every time you give me the gift 
of words I love so much, I feel warm.

And every time you say, “I love you,” I know one of these days I’ll
 say it back and mean it. TC mark

I’ll Always Regret Not Saying ‘Yes’ When You Asked To Get Back Together

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 04:00 PM PDT


There’s this logical part of me that knows you will never read this. It’s the part of me that says to put down the wine and not text you. It’s the part that says moving on is the healthy choice or, really, is the only choice.

It’s the same part of me that thinks of you happy and thriving, and in a strange way, gives me a lot of joy. Even if it’s not with me. You being fulfilled is about as close as I get to feeling 105% happy for someone else. You, in love. You, making a difference in your career. You’re exactly what I always thought you’d be.

Beautiful, hard-working, caring.

The logical part of me knows you must hate seeing my name. That when a mutual friend mentions my career, how I spill my guts for a paycheck, and sends you a link, you roll your eyes. I like to think you’re proud I followed a dream, but that rational me kicks in again. And she says you’d be tired of it. I would deserve that, I suppose. I overstep my boundaries, I know. It’s not okay. I should pick a new topic. I should stop talking about how often you cross my mind.

And honestly? I’d stop if I could.

I’d stop if I didn’t have a fucking dream about you every other week.

Even though I don’t want it to be true, you occupy such a huge part of me. I still love you, in some way. Maybe not a way that makes sense or is even grounded in reality. But it’s still there. And your voice whispers to me when I can’t sleep.

You’ve been the love of my life, so far. Besides my parents, you’re the person who made the biggest difference in who I am. I hope you know that. Even if you don’t want to, I need you to know it.

I need you to know how much I regret letting you go.

The first time you kissed me was in March 2010. I’ll never forget it. So many things in my life have become blurs. But you? You’re in technicolor.

You’ll always be brilliant to me. TC mark

This Is The Kind Of Love You Are Worth

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 03:15 PM PDT

It’s easy to put yourself down and to run away from a potential love because you’re so scared of screwing it up. It’s easy to run. But you’re worth more than the type of love that leaves. You are worth more than the kind of love that fades. You are worth more than the type of love that hides. 

The truth is, the kind of love that you are worth is something that probably hasn’t come yet. Because if it happened to you, then you wouldn’t have had to say goodbye to it. Because the kind of love you are worth is never going to utter the words “goodbye”.

This is the kind of love you are worth: It’s the kind that doesn’t shy away from your light. It’s the kind that latches onto your rays, letting them shine even brighter. The kind of love you are worth is the kind that says hello to you with vivid colors, and one that shouts “I love you” for the whole world to hear.

The kind of love that you are worth is the kind that never dampens your smile.

It is the kind that sees the whole galaxy by just looking into your eyes.  The kind that sees the future just by seeing your smile. And the kind that never, ever, looks away from your steady gaze.

It’s the type of love that never wavers, no matter how adamant the weather men are about the category five hurricane.

Even if the foundation of the house shakes with the wind and thunder, this love won’t lose power when the electricity goes out.

It will make sparks just by seeing you. This love will make power just from being in the presence of you.

The kind of love that you are worth is the kind that is tender with every touch it gives you. It will stroke you, like you are the canvas, and they will paint you in their favorite watercolors. Bringing out your strengths in red, and bringing out your laughter in blue.

This type of love is powerful. And no matter how far you run, it will follow you home.

You see, the type of love you are worth is the kind that doesn’t give up. It is the kind of an elephant, the kind that never forgets. The kind that can paint you even if they are unable to speak.

You deserve the type of love that won’t run from you. And the kind of love that you are worth, won’t. It won’t disappear. It won’t fade like a twenty year old tattoo. It will grow more vivid and bright with each day that passes. It is a loud, obnoxious, and fierce force that will protect you amongst the chaos. Amongst the sadness. Amongst the anxiety.

The kind of love you are worth won’t ever turn away. It will hold your hand through the summer despise sweaty and slick palms. It will kiss your nose despite the frost bitten temperatures of winter. And it will fall for you everyday, like the leaves in autumn. It will never stop falling. It will always be calling your name. TC mark

Please Don’t Hold On To What You’ve Already Let Go Of

Posted: 15 Jul 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Manik Rathee
Manik Rathee

You've put the past behind you. You've let go. Whether a person or town, a bad memory or heartache, you've learned that you cannot cling to the familiar anymore.

You've released your grasp on what was bringing you down.
You set yourself free of misery and pain.

You've turned to your focus to something that brings the promise of new hope.

And you're no longer afraid.
You are free.

Bu there will be moments when you still wonder. There will be nights when you curl up in your new bed, in your new town and you think about those old friends, those old lovers. You will wonder what they're doing, thousands of miles away.

You will wonder if they're happy, then question if you're happy.

Your mind will travel to places that you never imagined—thinking of your body in the arms of a lover, or how the grass of that old park would feel under your bare shoulders. You'll think of the places, the people you've left and you will wish them back into existence in your mind.

You will convince yourself that you miss them, that you never should have left.

But this is your loneliness playing tricks on you.
You can't reach back for what you've already left behind.

The past is a beautiful place. Haunted and complicated in the rearview. You must always keep the past in a place where it can be seen, remembered, dug up if needed. You can always keep connections with the friends you've left, the people you've loved and still love.

But the past cannot direct the path of your life. It cannot keep you from moving forward, from finding true happiness or your true self.

There is a reason you've let go of what you could not bear to hang on to, a reason you've set people or places free as you continued along your road.

Leave them there.

If you continue to let your mind spin over what you're missing, over the friends you used to have, the places you used to wander, the people you could have loved—you won't find those things where you are.

You'll forever feel empty, looking over your shoulder at the could have beens instead of the what's happenings.

And that's no way to live. TC mark