Thought Catalog


16 Soon-To-Be Sex Goddess Tips For Good Girls Who Want To Be Bad

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 08:15 PM PDT

LookCatalog.com
LookCatalog.com

1. Role play. You don’t have to squeeze into a leather bodysuit and act like a dominatrix. If you’re more comfortable playing the role of a sexy librarian, slip into your glasses and a pencil skirt.

2. Have sex in a car with tinted windows or in the bathroom stall at your favorite restaurant. It’s semi-public, but no one will be able to see you or barge in on you.

3. Once you’re ready to have public sex that’s a little more public, then wear a skirt with crotchless underwear (or no underwear at all). That way, you won’t have to get completely undressed. You’ll only have to lift your skirt up a little bit.

4. If you want to give him a real treat, masturbate in front of him. He’ll either watch to see how the show ends, or he’ll climb on top of you and help you finish the job.

5. If you want to make him horny in public, “accidentally” brush your hand (or your ass) against his crotch or tell him that you aren’t wearing any underwear.

6. If you’re too nervous to wear handcuffs, then you should put the handcuffs on him. Then you can ride him or suck on his cock.

7. Speaking of handcuffs, you don’t have to buy the metal kind. Buy the fuzzy kind, so your wrists don’t end up getting bruised or scraped.

8. Instead of trying something extreme, like a threesome, put on a porno while you’re getting it on. It’ll feel like someone else is in the room, but you’ll still have your man to yourself.

9. If you’re embarrassed about walking into an adult shop and picking out skimpy lingerie, then you can just buy super sexy underwear. That way, you’ll be comfortable, but you’ll still turn your man on.

10. If talking dirty sounds too intimidating, you should start out by texting dirty. You’ll have plenty of time to plan out what to say and you won’t blush, because he’ll be miles away. Pretty soon, you’ll be able to say every dirty word aloud.

11. Buy sex toys to use together. You can start out small by buying flavored lube or a bullet vibrator. Take things one step at a time.

12. Record yourselves having sex on a device you own. That way, you’ll feel like a porn star on set for a shoot, but you can delete all the evidence as soon as you orgasm.

13. If you’re too embarrassed to do a strip tease for your partner, you can just get undressed in front of him. Even without the music and the dancing, he’ll be turned on by your hot body.

14. Have sex in front of a window that overlooks your neighbor’s house, or at least have sex in a room while the doors are all wide open.

15. If you’re uncomfortable taking nudes, take pictures of yourself in a dress that shows off your cleavage or jeans that show off your ass. He’ll still masturbate to the pics.

16Whenever you have sex, challenge yourself to try one new thing, however small. Kiss him in a new spot. Lick him. Bite him. Just keep trying new techniques until you turn into a total sex goddess. TC mark

No Matter What Happens, I Won’t Walk Away From You

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Marisa Donnelly
Marisa Donnelly

I promise to always make you laugh and steal your clothes. I promise to tickle you when you're getting ready and harass you when you're on the phone. I promise to ask you annoying questions and try to budge into your personal life. I promise to assess every boyfriend or male you bring into the house and threaten his safety if he ever hurts you.

But most of all I promise to stand by your side, always.

As your big sis, I know that it's my job to protect you, to support you, to listen to you. But I'm here for more than that. I'm here for late night phone calls and pillow fights, for mornings snuggled under the covers and mugs of hot chocolate on the back porch. I'll be here to hold you when your heart is broken and make you laugh when that's the last thing you want to do.

I'm going to be here for it all. I promise.

No matter the distance between us or the miles that separate us. No matter the years or time that has passed. No matter where our lives take us, even if they take us apart, I'm not walking away from you.

They say sisterhood is forever, but I didn't realize that until we got older. Until I saw myself reflected back to me in your eyes, until I realized that so much of who I am is in you, and I'm thankful for that. I didn't realize how amazing it was to have someone to talk to, someone who understands, someone who will always be my best friend.

And I promise I'll always be yours.

We're at the time now when our lives are shifting, when our paths are changing, when we're becoming independent and strong and hard-headed. I know this is your time to explore, to challenge what's around you, to grow. And I'm excited for that. No matter how hard it is to see you go, I need you to know one thing: I'll never be too far away. I promise.

I'll be there whenever you need me; I'll be there even for the times you don't. I'll be there because that's what sisters do—and you won't have to ask. Whenever you call, I'll pick up the phone. I'll share your laughs and your fears, your painful moments and best memories.

I know that our lives are not always going to bring us close together, but I'll fight for us. I'll keep on fighting for us to stay close because that's one thing I've promised since you were born—to be not only your sister, but your best friend.

I love you. I hope you know that.

I love you on the days when I'm busy. I love you on the days when I have my own drama and fears. I love you on the days when I don't have the answers. I love you on the days when I make you angry. I love you on the days when you drive me crazy.

And this won't ever change.

There's not a thing you could do to make me walk away from you. You're my sister and I'm in this forever, so no matter what happens, please know that my love isn't changing. I love you.

And I'm here. TC mark

16 People Dish Out The Dirty Details Of The ‘Best Sex They’ve Ever Had’

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 07:01 PM PDT

NickBulanovv
NickBulanovv

Responses originally from R/AskReddit

1. Overcuming challenges

I have a lot of insecurities when it comes to sex with guys. It’s something we’ve been working on our whole relationship. I’ve never been able to get out of my head.

But about 2 months ago, something just changed. I stayed the night, which wasn’t unusual, and we started kissing and touching each other. But this time it was just so sensual and intense. I don’t know what changed or where it came from.

He ate me out for a solid 20 minutes and by the end I was shaking uncontrollably. I sucked his dick until he came and I swallowed, which I haven’t done in a long time.

I got on top of him and rode his dick for the longest I ever have, I honestly lost track of time. I didn’t have to stop and rest, I just kept going and going. We were both drenched in sweat, making it much easier for me to grind on him.

I squirted for the first time when I was on top of him. I’ve since learned that it’s easy for me to recognize the angle that he needs to hit for me to squirt, but I can never distinguish when it’s actually happening. I honestly don’t know how many times I squirted but it was everywhere.

He pushed me off and laid me down, pulling my legs over his head. He fucked me hard for a few minutes and I squirted more- I don’t know how many times still. We couldn’t sleep on the bed that night and it was still wet when we woke up early the next afternoon.

Our sex life has vastly improved since that night, but I’ve still never squirted that many times or that much again.

2. It was enthusiastic!!!

Enthusiasm. I once hooked up with a girl who had it in spades.

When I replay that night over in my head there’s not really anything physical about her or the sex that stands out.

But, my god. This woman was enthusiastic.

She made me feel like a God damn porn star.

From the moment when she got my pants off and said “oh wow” to later when she was saying shit like “your cock is so deep inside me.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider myself to be anywhere near a sexual God our anything, but this girl sure made me feel that way.

3. Making it fun

had a short term relationship with a girl I met through some mutual friends. My girlfriend at the time approved of me having sex on the side for a little fun while she was out of the country.

This girl just had an INSANE amount of fun doing everything. She actually acted like she was not only enjoying it, but having FUN every moment of everything that was happening. She was riding me like I was a swingset, smiling the whole time. We told jokes to each other. When we were done, we talked about fun times we’d had and sex with other people. Then we fucked again.

Three weeks.

After that we moved to different states and remained great friends over Facebook. When I met her new boyfriend, we all joked about how loud she was in bed.

That was as close as I’ve ever been to a poly relationship. Being with a girl who really showed that she not only enjoyed the sex but was also having FUN was awesome.

4. It was the acid…

On the edge of a bluff that skirted a closed golf course in whangarei, New Zealand. On acid. It happened because we got turned on by the waves, crashing into the rocks below. It was a night with a full moon, and the water seemed to be made of black latex. The waves would rhythmically slam into the hard, black granite. Making a sucking, slurping sound as it drew back, leaving gentle frothy licks before suddenly plunging into the rocks for more. We simultaneously decided that we needed to fuck. Immediately. I pulled her pants off and ate her for a while, before slowly entering. It was definitely the acid… but that night, I felt like I finally understood her vagina. I could feel gestures and contractions that seemed to happen almost autonomously. We’ve been having sex for over a year and a half, but this time I felt like I was really getting to know its texture and personality. At one point, it felt like our respective parts had blended, and we were stirring a mystic soup.

Tldr: outdoor sex, foreign country, amazing acid trip and super sexy water.

5. Kill my nipples

I was lazing in bed one Sunday morning with my SO. We’re lightly fooling around and chatting about sex. I love nipple stimulation and mention how I liked them squeezed really hard. We get an idea and he nips downstairs to the kitchen and he comes back with two different types of clothes pegs. We try the wooden ones first but they hurt too much, the plastic ones still cause intense pain but I can just about take it. We’re lying next to each other and im feeling pretty good about being able to take it when I notice that I’m insanely turned on, I mention this to him and he slips his hand down there to check for wetness. I’m soaked!

He immediately gets the hardest boner ever. Feels like I can barely get my hand around it. He tries to finger me but I can’t wait. I throw him on the bed and jump on his magnificent cock. I cum almost immediately, really hard. Hard enough to push him out of me but I’m on top so I use my bodyweight to keep him in. I can feel my pussy contracting around him, he has this huge grin on his face. Almost as soon as I finish orgasming I’m aware of the clamping pain on my nipples, it sets me off again so I fuck him a bit more. It takes virtually nothing before I cum again. Over and over I repeat this cycle, I cum five times in five minutes. It’s insane, my body has become some kind of orgasm machine. I can’t take any more and ask him to take the pegs off me. Bloody hell that hurts!

I lay down to recover while he massages my poor abused titties with this dopey ear to ear grin on his face. I needed a bit of time to compose myself but then fair’s fair I suck him off until he cums (it doesn’t take long, he was so turned on). Afterwards we lay in each other’s arms wallowing in our love for each other.

6. Choke me

My girl came over with all intentions of just passing out all night. (She was working a very shitty job at the time) So she gets there and we cuddle and go to sleep, next thing I know she’s waking me up at 4 am because she’s horny.

Things get hot and heavy and we get a little rough like normal, and then out of nowhere she grabs my neck and starts squeezing and at first I freak out, but then I realize I love it, and we keep going till we both finish at the same time. And then proceed to pass out and sleep till 1 pm.

7. Fuck me in the window!

For Valentine’s Day two years ago, my SO and I decided to rent a hotel room for a day-long sex marathon. We went crazy that day, just fucking on every surface of the room. The highlight though was him tying me spread-eagle on top of one of the tables in my school girl outfit I wore for him, and opening the curtains of the room so I could be “exposed” to the high rise office building that was across from the hotel. That element of exhibitionism while he fucked me raw was absolutely amazing. It was also the first time we tried some more intense BDSM stuff like choking and gagging me with my panties. It was so incredibly amazing, and now we’ve made it a tradition to spend Valentine’s Day at a hotel every year.

8. Sex in the rain (or after it anyway)

A friend and I were spending a lot of time together one summer- cute dates (picnics, going to the zoo, movies, dinner, you name it), late nights, and long talks… we had kissed, and were rarely found not holding hands or walking arm-in-arm. One night we were at my place, watching a movie and it started to pour- an immediate torrential downpour.

She turns to me, kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear “let’s go outside”, gets up and gently tugs at my hand, pulling me outside. We run around in the rain, barefoot and soaked- after a couple of minutes, we decide we’re too cold and have to go back inside, but we stop in front of the walkway and kiss for a good long while before going inside.

Inside, we’re both sopping wet- soaked through to the bone. I suggest we change into something dry, and she coyly replies “why not just get out of it?” so… we do- our clothes left by the door, she wraps herself around me and I walk us up to my bedroom where we proceed to have the most amazing, loud, passionate sex until the sun comes up.

Afterwards, my back was positively covered in scratch marks, and we both had hickeys everywhere. We ended up going over to a friend’s house that night to swim and then drink outrageously, and we had the same sex again that night- practically the whole week was spent relaxing and going out during the day and then wildly screwing each other at night.

9. Sex on the sofa bed

Mine was very recently with my SO.

I had my fair share of partners during college etc but the first time my SO and I slept together he immediately shot to the number one spot.

So he was away for a wedding, when he got back he had a friend staying with him, his friend was sleeping in his bed, he and I were on his sofa-bed.

We were cuddling and he was buzzed and not really sleepy. He asked if I wanted to spoon I said sure, he pressed his hard cock right up on my ass. I started grinding against it. He said he didn’t want to have sex in case his friend heard us so I started licking his cock instead. He stopped me and started teasing my tits.

Usually I like kinda rough stimulation, biting my nipples HARD, but this time he just went so slowly and so gently, it drove me crazy!! After maybe 10-15 mins of having my tits teased like that I couldn’t take it anymore.

I begged him to fuck me and he obliged. As we weren’t on a proper bed or anything we could only really do missionary but it was intense and so loving and just… Wow!!

10. I came inside her and it was insane

The best sex I ever had…

It was in college with a FWB. She came over to fuck like she normally does. Making out, I went to the drawer to pull out a condom but forgot we used the last condom the last time we fucked. I told her I didn’t have a condom.

We continued making out (her on top) while she grinded her pussy on my cock. At some point, she sank down on it. We fucked for a LONG time! Against the wall. Bent her over the bed. Bent her over the desk. Missionary. In the window. Everywhere. Back to the bed with her on top I was ready to cum. I told her I was going to cum. She started riding me harder. I said again I was going to cum. She started long stroking my cock – lifting up until just the head was in her pussy then sinking down. I went to grab her hips to get her off me. She grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the sides of my head while she rode my cock. I came HARD in her pussy! It was the first time I ever came inside a woman before. It was the greatest orgasm I had to that date.

I’ve had some good ones, but this one I will remember forever.

11. “Tell me the alphabet backwards…”

Leaving the bar one night, I bump into a vague acquaintance, and a friend of theirs whom I & everyone I was with didn’t know. She very strongly resembled a brunette Scarlett Johansen. We all briefly exchanged formalities, trying to be on our ways after a long night out.

The unknown, buxom, sexy brunette and I, however, had instantly locked eyes, and walking & talking on the way to the parking garage, I’m subtly flirting but am not pressed either way because I was tired, but she says to me with a smile “you look like you’d be a great kisser”.

Immediately I’m turned on because a woman taking the initiative, in any way, is one of the most dead-sexy things imaginable. We kiss slowly & passionately, instant kissing chemistry. She says “yeah… I’m coming home with you tonight”. Away we go in my car.

Get back to my place, tear off our clothes, all while hot kissing and my hands roaming her amazing naked figure. Perfect tits, ass, and hips, just simply perfect. The type of girl whose body doesn’t lie through her clothes.

So, the 2 hottest things that made this 1 (of 2) best sexual encounters in my life so far:

We’re making out, hot naked bodies pressed together while standing, and she drops to her knees and slowly starts going down on me (I LOVE standing BJs), and she is wonderful & passionate about it, but pauses a moment and looks up at me.

“Start saying the alphabet backwards, like I’m a cop giving you a field test, or I stop”.

Holy shit, I could barely think, and letters started pouring out my mouth in a blur, every so often hearing her moan/say: “Mhm mhhmmm” (as in “no, you messed up”), and she would lightly pull away from me, as my scrambled brain begged for blood from my throbbing cock in order to formulate the next proper letters to keep her going at it.

Amazing. Which led to:

We move to the bed and she subtly, almost without me even realizing, again takes initiative to maneuver herself on top of me. Watching her gorgeous, large breasts heave, as I gently caressed her body & breasts, as she buried her gorgeous hips down onto me…

Slowly sliding & grinding her pussy all over me, and then slipping me inside of her, and riding me like an animal. Like any guy, I love a girl on top. This is one of the sexiest views imaginable, and I was lost in the euphoria. Watching her slowly thrust away, with my hands on her tits, then one on her belly with my thumb gently rubbing her clit with every thrust… watching her arch back every few humps, and her head thrown back or to the side every so often, with her mouth open in a silent gasps.

Then she started trying to talk, like typical sex stuff “you feel so good”, “it’s amazing”, etc, but almost immediately, she becomes mostly incomprehensible and I have the hugest shit-eating grin on my face as this girl rides me and literally starts speaking in tongues, half-sentences, and half-words… and then feeling her pussy quiver on my cock as she collapsed on me and we kissed.

Un-fucking-believable. I rolled her over and finished myself off, but that was just mindless fucking at that point. She herself, was amazing. Laying there in the after-sex musky, calm, haze, she says “that was amazing, when I was on top of you it was like a mini-orgasm with each thrust, you have a perfect cock”… sooo fucking hot to hear something like that. I mentioned she was talking while on top, but she claimed she had no recollection of trying to say anything. Unreal. Best one-night-stand ever. Luckily it happened a few more times.

12. Hammock Sex

My first real/serious girlfriend, we had been dating on and off for like a year and a half. We had very similar libidos and interests back then, and she liked to do it whenever we had the chance. One night, I snuck over to her house (we were both about 16 at the time, so this was a big deal.) So I worked my way over there, and she was camping out in the back yard, and they had a hammock.

I started on top but that didn’t really work out, so then she got on top and holy hell. The next 45 minutes were THE most intense minutes of sex. She just got a rhythm that perfectly rolled with the bouncing of the hammock and it was crazy. I recommend a hammock to anyone for this reason.

13. Threesome led to better twosome

I had my first threesome one night (me, SO, and friend), up until the wee hours of the morning at the friend’s place.That was awesome and mind opening and beautiful but it’s not my best. My best time was the morning after the threesome when my SO and I were alone again: it was just missionary but it was so incredibly passionate and urgent and connected that it blew my mind even more than the amazing threesome.

It was like some new, deeper connection had been made between us after that night and manifested itself as mind-exploding sex.

14. “Ran my pussy like he owned it.”

My lover and I have the best sex I have ever had, consistently. The best was the most recent.

He just ran my pussy like he owns it. Double penetrating my pussy with toys, sucking my clit multiple times. He knows I like it kinky and rough and pulled out all the stops. I have bruises all over my body and my muscles hurt (this was on Wednesday. He fisted me while using a Hitachi on me. He took pictures of me. He fucked me with my panties. As in stuffed them inside me. By the end of the night, I was in ecstasy & just begging him to fill me up and use my pussy. Absolutely mind blowing.

15. Totally dominated, totally turned on

When I was 16 I was at a house with a circle of fracquaintances. Of all the people there, I knew him the least; we had had a few conversations previous, but nothing indicated that he was into me, so to speak.

There was a general “keep up” drinking contest in which I was of course participating, so by my 4th beer inside of an hour and a half (I was about 5’2″, 130lbs. at the time), I was drunk but not too drunk. More like at that wonderfully happy, invincible stage.

I had gone downstairs for a smoke and was climbing a set of stairs to the side room where we were chilling, and he was coming down. We met about halfway, stopped, and just looked at each other.

I said hi.

He said hi.

He slams me into the wall and begins kissing me, forcefully, without any of the sloppy drunkenness or inexperience I had come to expect from my peer group (although he has 3 years on me, so that helped). We run to his room and the door slams behind me. I say something like, “You know I’m not just going to have sex with you,” and he responds with something like, “Oh I know,” and then I’m up against the wall again, wrapping my legs around him (he’s only slightly taller than me and very muscular so we had great angles for all of this), then he threw me on the bed, went down on me while wrapped around my legs so I couldn’t escape, even after I had already cum twice and was kicking like crazy. I sucked his dick to a hardness heretofore unknown to humankind. Then we fucked in multiple positions for the next hour. We were interrupted at some point by people just walking in, but continued regardless, like the troopers we are.

This particular session was my first indication that I wanted to be dominated in bed, that the last thing I wanted was someone tenderly stroking my hair and asking me if I’m okay every 5 seconds. This was hot and spontaneous and just fucking brilliant.

16. “My moans were a treasure map for her to follow.”

One night my friend and his girlfriend ask me to go bowling one night, I decide to get out of the apartment, and they invited a friend along. It was a friend of the girlfriend’s who wanted to get out of the house too, she was someone I had met I think briefly once before, but only in passing. We all went bowling, and throughout the night I kept finding myself checking out the girl’s ass when she went up there. When she’d come back I’d kinda half assed put my arm on the back of the chair kinda around her but only lightly flirted.

Fast forward to the end of bowling, we all decide to come back to my apartment to watch a movie, my friend and his girlfriend are on one end of the couch, and me and the girl were kinda near the other (not cuddling, or anything). About 20 minutes into the movie I decide what the hell and put my hand on her upper thigh, to which she covers with her hand. At this point there’s insane sparks. About 5 minutes pass and then I just turn to her, she turns to me, and we start making out like teenagers. My friend didn’t notice really, and his girlfriend was all but asleep in his lap. I whispered to the girl “want to move this to my bedroom” to which she stands up and walks right to.

I follow her with about a 5 second lag time, and when I get to the bedroom she’s already laying on her back with her pants off. She asks if I have a condom and it’s on. This girl was the most enthusiastic woman I’ve ever experienced in bed, I was throwing her into all different positions, and she was squealing with delight in every one. What made it extra special is that she was the first girl I had ever been with that had her pubic hair completely waxed, which made going down on her the most pleasurable time I’ve ever had doing that for someone.

Then we turn the tables and she decides to go down on me, which typically isn’t the easiest thing to get me off from, however she was AMAZING, my moans seemed to be a treasure map for her to follow, as she always took my breathing and grunts as cues to what was good, and what was amazing! Then it came time for me to come, at which point I informed her of this (because I had never been with a girl that swallowed before and that’s common courtesy), to my surprise, she doubled her efforts and made me come harder than I had ever come before right into her mouth which she promptly swallowed with pride.

I was astonished at this whole series of events. However while we had been going at it for a good 30-45 minutes including foreplay and penetration, she hadn’t come yet (which she seemed to be ok with). I then asked her if she’s able to come while masturbating, and she said yes. So I grabbed her hand and guided it down to her still wet slit and started helping her rub it slowly, once she started getting a rhythm going I started to also masturbate with her in sync, while also kissing her all over, caressing her magnificent breasts, and occasionally helping her rubbing. After about 5 minutes, we both came with a powerful orgasm at the same time. She turned to me and said “that was fucking hot!”. After that both of us just laid there coming down from some of the most unexpected, statically charged sex.

After that night I found out that my friend and his girlfriend had been hearing the girl’s moaning and noises, and felt pretty uncomfortable so they left. To this day, that was the hottest, and best sex of my life. And the sad part is after that night, we never saw each other again (although we’re still friends on Facebook). TC mark

The Secret Life Of An Ex-Tumblr-Famous Fitspo Icon

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 06:00 PM PDT

iStockPhoto.com / Anne Baek
iStockPhoto.com / Anne Baek

7,000 followers. That's a lot of people. Maybe not as many as other famous Tumblr bloggers have, but to me, 7,000 was a significant following – a significant enough following to label myself as quasi-Tumblr famous (at least within the fitspo community).

From the outside I seemed like the girl who had it all: a great body, good looks, happiness, and most importantly, self-control. Online, dozens of my personal progress photos had tens of thousands of notes attributed to them. How could someone who had that many notes on photos of themselves not be happy? But what many people didn't know was I was battling a demon of my own: my eating disorder.

I operated under the fa├žade that my "toned" body was a result of my workouts and "healthy" eating. Nothing could be further from the truth.

My body was a product of my restricted eating habits, self-deprecating mind, and an overly extreme workout schedule.

For an entire year – my senior year in high school to be exact – I focused on three things: my schoolwork, my diet, and my workout schedule. Food and working out took precedent over any relationships I had – you know, the actual important things in life. While my classmates were making the most of their last year in high school by hanging out with friends, I was spending all of my time in the gym and at home.

I couldn't eat out because I wouldn't touch anything that had carbs, and I'm talking about any sort of carbohydrate, even fruit, rice, and starchy vegetables. My workout routine was regimented to the point where I would throw tantrums if I could not follow it. A seventeen-year-old young adult throwing a tantrum over missing a workout – that's not what a happy, healthy person looks like, but that was the very image I was portraying online.

I was a living, breathing hypocrite. I received dozens of messages from young girls on a daily basis asking me for advice on how to lose weight, how to tone up, how to gain confidence. Little did they know, I was not in the position to be giving them any sort of legitimate advice; hell, I needed advice on healthy living.

The pressure of keeping a blog where I portrayed a different Nicole, a healthier Nicole, was too much. It was almost suffocating.

I couldn't continue lying to myself or to my followers, so I deleted my mini empire; I ended my Tumblr-fame with one click.

Despite ending my online presence, my eating disorder followed me to college and slowly morphed into a binge eating disorder. Night after dreaded night during my first year at college, I would sneak down my residence hall into the loggia where one of the three snack-filled vending machines on my college's campus lived. There, I would feed the machine handfuls of change to receive bags of processed junk food in return. Once back in the safety of my dorm room, I opened up my laptop, put on a Netflix film, and gorged my brains out on the food I just bought. An insatiable hunger consumed me; it dwelled in my very soul. This type of night would occur for days on end, interrupted by a binge-free week, only to begin the cycle once again.

Fortunately, the relentless binge/restrict cycle that consumed me ended. Four years later, I can confidently say I no longer maintain a toxic mindset around food or my body. Four years of learning how to accept my body, of placing my self worth on other aspects of my identity, of not comparing myself to others, I regained control of my life and gained incredible insight on myself.

How I achieved this is a story for another article, but what I want you to take away from this article is the following: nothing is as it seems. In the case of online personalities, no matter how much an individual puts out onto the Internet, you will never truly know their story. The envy and jealousy people feel towards others is ultimately pointless. The success one achieves may seem effortless to others, but in fact, may have been (and probably was) a treacherous journey for the achiever. The saying "never judge a book by its cover," may be old, but it still holds true in the 21st century, and probably will forever. TC mark

You Are God’s Child, You Are Not A Burden

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 05:45 PM PDT

Madalina Lesan
Madalina Lesan

Please know that you will make it through this moment. Everyone will tell you to take a deep breath, to look at the big picture, but I know that it's impossible right now. I know that you want to scream at them, you want to ask them how a deep breath could stop the war in your head.

Because doesn't everyone know that if breaths stopped bloodshed this world would be a better place?

You want to run away from your brain; you want it to stop. But maybe it feels right, like you deserve this kind of pain. You feel like you're losing the battle with this monster inside of your head, and its painful and frustrating and exhausting.

I know how evil those voices in your head are. I know what they're saying to you. I know it's painful, and hard to grasp reality when lies are pervading your mind and absorbing into your memory.

I also know it's not true.

Those voices are probably telling you right now that I don't even know you, whispering into your grey matter that you're the exception to my words.

But you're not.
You are God's child.

This is just the struggle that you must face in this lifetime. The same as physical defects or alcoholism, this anxiety and fear is your demon.

You are beautiful, you are capable, you are not destroying every relationship that you care about.

You are not a burden.

You are a light, and you have a gift that others cannot gain access to. You are empathetic, you feel strongly, you love loudly, and it is because of the way that you love and the way that you care that causes you to fear and worry. I know.

But I promise you that you will be okay. If He can hold the world, then He can surely hold this moment and the next and every moment after that. Sit through this. It will get better. The fog will lift and you will remember that you are human and you are doing okay in this life, good even. You will once again break free from the dusty catacombs in which your brain held you hostage, you will no longer cower in the corner of a long forgotten fear, you will be able to breathe again without feeling the burden of a thousand unnecessary weights on your legs.

Please just remember that you are not alone in your fight.
You will survive this. TC mark

All The Reasons Why I Chose You And All The Reasons Why I Left You

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT

 benjamarkoword
benjamarkoword

This is why I chose you.

I chose you because of the way your words effortlessly completed mine. The way your hands swiftly clasped into mine.

I chose you because it seemed like you never cared about my baggage and yours seemed very light for me to carry.

I chose you because your honesty mesmerized me, you didn't care what they would say or what they would think but you cared about what I thought, and I always thought you were wonderful.

I chose you because you weren't into shallow things or materialistic things, you always talked about the deeper things in life, the things that inspired you, which ironically, were the things that inspired me too.

I chose you because you knew about heartbreak and you knew about survival. You knew about loneliness and you knew about darkness but you also knew how to find the light and you knew how to find your way back home.

I chose you because you felt like home. 

I chose you because you made me feel something I haven't felt in years. You reminded me of the innocence of first love, the passion of college sweethearts and the friendship of an old married couple.

I chose you because you had all what I was looking for and I knew that there is no way I'd look elsewhere when I'm with you.

This is why I left you.

I left you because your words started to contradict themselves and contradict mine and your hands seemed to slowly slip away.

I left you because you seemed like you wanted someone else to carry your baggage and someone else to handle you.

I left you because your honesty started to sound more like lies and you no longer cared to hear the truth. 

I left you because you started showing off, you started caring about how many likes you're going to get and how many people you can impress and you forgot about what truly matters or who truly matters.

I left you because you turned into a cold and heartless person; you turned from being the heartbroken to being the heart breaker and you started filling your silence with noise I didn't want to hear.

I left you because I could slowly see you becoming the person I didn't want you to be and the person you promised you'd never be.

I left you because I started to wonder if someone out there is better for me, if I deserve better than this, if I am worth more than this.

I left you because I valued myself more than you valued me.

I chose you because I thought you were different and I left you because you turned out to be just like everyone else.  TC mark

It Only Counts If You Fight For Yourself On The Bad Days

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 04:15 PM PDT

 Bianca des Jardins
Bianca des Jardins

I am selectively on my own team in life.

I think that many of us function this way (though I'm not really sure). Basically, I identify with myself when it's easiest to do so. I hold my head high when things are going well. I boast my accomplishments and sing my own praises when the stars are aligned in my favor and my ducks are lined up in a row.

The rest of the time, I hide out.

When I'm staring down failure or inadequacy, I retreat. When I'm not who I want to be, I balk. When I've made a mistake or let myself down or otherwise failed to show up for myself (and the morals that I vehemently stand for), I am the first person in line to reject myself.

I don't want to be on my own team when my team's losing.

I want to be able to selectively choose myself.

But here's what I'm learning as I get older: You don't get to selectively fight for yourself in life.

Because self-love is simple on the sunny days.

It's easy to believe in yourself when you're gunning toward success and prosperity. It's simple to accept who you are when you are getting promoted or winning someone's heart or defeating a seemingly undefeatable challenge. It's uncomplicated to fight for yourself when you're already winning the battle.

But that's also when it matters the least to do so.

Here is the truth about when self-love actually matters: it matters when you've fucked something up.

It matters when you've been trying too hard, running too far, pouring all too much of yourself into something, only to have it all fall apart.

It matters when you've let yourself or someone else down.

Because these are the times when it takes true strength to love yourself.

These are the times when you need to be a bigger, fiercer, more compassionate version of yourself than even you knew you were capable of being. These are the times when you have to be willing to take a long, hard look at your own life and realize that you're imperfect, but you're going to keep fighting for yourself anyways.

You're going to keep on showing up for yourself.

Because at the end of the day, self-love only really counts if you practice it when it's the hardest to do so.

It only counts if you can stare down the shittiest, most despicable parts of yourself and go, Okay. I am going to own these things. I am going to accept that they're a part of me. I am going to accept that this is the fucking piece of shit human who is on my team right now… and I am going to make them get better.

I am going to fight for this person. I'm going to go to bat for them. I'm going to refuse to disengage from or give up on myself.

I'm going to love myself like a parent loves a wayward child – one who occasionally does the wrong thing, even though they know better. But who needs understanding and compassion to grow away from that. One who needs to be loved the most when they deserve it the least.

Because that's the only way any of us ever get better.

We have to fight for ourselves even when it's difficult and thankless and unnatural.

Even when we disgust ourselves. Even when we're mad at ourselves. Even when we have a thousand miles left to travel between the person we are and the person we want to be, and there's no end to the journey in sight.

Because those are the times when we need to show up for ourselves the most. Those are the times when we vehemently need to be on our own teams. Those are the times when we need and ought to fight for ourselves the most fiercely.

Because if we simply detach from ourselves every time we make a wrong choice, we fall back into the same patterns of pain and self-destruction, time and time again.

It's not until we start owning those parts of ourselves, examining their origins and doing the hard work of actually changing them, do we start to actually get better.

Even if that means fighting for ourselves when we want to the absolute least. TC mark

I Run A Health And Fitness Company And I’m A Fraud

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 04:00 PM PDT

I need to come clean….I have something to confess.

I am a fraud.

My name is Sarah Gaines and I am the founder of Fit University, a college student's go-to source for all things health & fitness. We preach moderation, self-love and enjoyment through fitness and aim to teach college students that fitness is not a certain look. Rather, we hope to make students realize that fitness looks and feels different for everyone. Fitness is not skinny, it's not toned, it's not muscular, it's not ripped. Fitness is different for each person, depending on their body type, their preferred form of fitness and their experience participating in that form of fitness.

As the founder of Fit University, I believe those things – I really do. And I think it's incredibly important for students (and people of all ages) to believe those things in order to develop a healthy body and mind. But here's thing thing – I believe those things to be true for everyone…except myself.

Writing that makes me feel a bit narcissistic actually. Why am I so special? Why am I the one exception to the rule?

What I'm about to reveal is something that I've been struggling with for a while now. I've felt that since I am the founder of Fit University, and for a lack of a better term, the "face" of Fit University, that I needed to look the part. I needed to look "fit." And don't get me wrong, I know that I'm fit. I can squat 200 pounds, run the Harvard Stadium and spin for 3-4 hours at a time (not something I'm suggesting anyone do on a regular basis, but something I've had to do while training to be a Cycologist at Cyc Fitness). But despite all that, I've felt that because I have a little extra fat on my body – covering whatever six-pack may lie beneath, keeping my arms from looking like those you see on a fitness model – that I am not doing my part as the founder of a health & fitness company.

Therein lies where the fraud starts to creep out. How can I, as someone who is constantly pushing to others that fitness is NOT that fitness model you see on the front of magazines, not believe it myself? All this time while I've been preaching fitness for all, I've secretly been trying to get my body to a point that I think it should look like as a fitness professional.

And you know what? I've been there. I've had that fitness model body before. I've had those popping shoulders and cut obliques. But you know what else? I love food too much for that shit.

Does the picture on the left make me look like a fitness model?

fitness 1

Left – May 2014, Right – Today (Feb 2016)

To maintain that sort of figure, you need to do one of a few things:

  1. Eat a very regimented diet (or count your macros to a T) every day
  2. Have incredible genetics that make you naturally lean
  3. Build up muscle and your metabolism over the course of many years

And frankly…

  1. Eating a very regimented diet has caused me to have unhealthy attitudes towards food in the past. I've counted macros here and there but I can't seem to get myself to do it consistently.
  2. I, unfortunately, do not have those genetics.
  3. I'm working on it! This is the ultimate goal but I recognize that it takes time. And even still, I know that being as "lean" as I was in May 2014, all year long, is not healthy. Not getting a period because your body is so low in fat? Yeah, not healthy.

For me, fitness is much more enjoyable when I am moving and eating in ways that make me feel good. I won't lie…I'd love to have those "boulder shoulders." I love the look of a woman with strong, muscular arms. But will looking like I have muscular arms make any bit of a difference in my life? Unless I'm competing in a fitness competition (which I'm not…been there, done that), who gives a shit? The answer is NO ONE. No one cares how muscular, or toned, or jacked I look. And if they do – I'm sorry, but please find a hobby to entertain yourself.

You know what people do care about? Practicing what I preach. Being authentic to my company, to my brand and to the words that come out of my mouth. 

And so that's what I'm going to continue to do. No, I do not have the look of a fitness model. No, I do not have a six pack. But you know what I do have?

The strength to move furniture in and out of my apartment.
The stamina to run hill sprints.
The endurance to compete in a Spartan Race.
The judgement to know when my body needs to rest.

Fitness looks and feels different for everyone. It's time I start believing that for myself. TC mark

Goodbye Doesn’t Scare Me Anymore

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 03:00 PM PDT

 Gabi E. Mulder
Gabi E. Mulder

Goodbye doesn't scare me anymore.

Goodbye makes me look forward to what's next, to a new start and to the next chapter I'll start by myself.

Goodbye taught me that people don't always stay and the things that belonged to you today can belong to someone else tomorrow.

Goodbye taught me that nothing is guaranteed and that people can easily change their minds.

Goodbye taught me that getting too attached to people will eventually hurt you.

Goodbye taught me to expect that anyone can leave but it also taught me that I can leave too.

It taught me that I can say goodbye too.

Because goodbye is not the challenge, the challenge is how you handle it and the challenge is in starting over. 

And sometimes you have to say goodbye before even saying hello.

And sometimes your life begins after goodbye.

When you know you can make it on your own, when you know you can survive, when you know that your hardest goodbye didn't break you and when you realize how much stronger goodbyes can make you.

And sometimes you survive a goodbye that you didn't even get; sometimes people leave without even saying goodbye and that's how you know that even goodbyes are not promised or guaranteed anymore.

Goodbyes can sometimes be better for us and sometimes they're exactly what we need.

Goodbyes can be the beginning of rediscovering ourselves and it can be the beginning of our breakthrough.

I don't fear goodbyes anymore, somehow, something always tells me when things are about to end and somehow I prepare myself for goodbyes long before I actually get to say them.

But goodbyes also hold a little bit of hope, because goodbye is not farewell, goodbye means till we meet again, goodbye means maybe not now but later, goodbye means someday we'll say hello again; at another place and another time and goodbye is not always the end.

And sometimes the happiest endings start with goodbyes. TC mark

If You’re Unhappy With Your Life, It’s Your Responsibility To Change It

Posted: 27 Jul 2016 02:15 PM PDT

Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

Oftentimes, we settle for what we think is right, acceptable and safe. We are so dominated by the idea of staying because it feels scary to move. Because it feels frightening to face a whole new environment without the people, the things, or the places we’ve been so used to.

We are so terrified by the idea of moving on, because we feel like we just can’t move on and leave things behind. We sacrifice our own being, our own happiness. We choose to compromise all these because we choose to stay, when we should really be moving on, moving forward.

If you’re unhappy, MOVE. Because if you’re meant to stay in one place, you should have roots, instead of feet.

If you’re unhappy with your job, quit. If you feel like, you’re no longer growing, no longer learning, if you’re no longer productive, if you’re only clocking in and out every single day – then move. If you’re constantly stressing over the fact that it drains you mentally, physically and emotionally, then move. If you’re thinking of just sticking with that job that never fails to suck your joy because it pays the bills and you might be "promoted" there and can call yourself "successful" and "happier" – NO. Your happiness does not depend on your success. Your success actually depends on your happiness. If you think there are new opportunities, new places, new things you can explore and will contribute to your soul and to your individual growth, then go there. If it’s worth your time thinking, then it’s worth trying. No one’s too old to try. Whether it ends good or bad, it’s still an experience. Let’s not forget that every experience teaches us a valuable lesson that we might never learn if we choose otherwise.

If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, leave. If you feel like they no longer influence you positively and you no longer prosper with them then leave. By leaving, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cutting them off of your life or you’re forgetting them forever, it just simply means that you are finally moving forward. The time you had with them was spectacular. There were learnings and encouragements but when they are no longer a vessel of such and all they do is drag you into settling for mediocrity, then maybe it’s time to say your "thank you" and "see you again". You are just recognizing that you need to go on with your life, perhaps without them.

If you’re unhappy with your love life, end it. They aren’t the last people on earth. Romantic relationships are more than forehead kisses, dinner dates, tight hugs and sweet letters – romantic relationships just like any other vital connection you have, is supposed to mature with you. Romantic relationships are supposed to let you flourish and develop in every aspect of who you are. It is supposed to hearten you every morning and not weigh you down with doubts and resentments. If your partner becomes a constant instrument of heartache and toxicity, then cut them off. You are not obliged to burden yourself with such. They are supposed to be one of the top people who will propel you to be at your best, to motivate you and allow you to discover the extent of your grandeur. Remember that, always. Who knows, maybe in the near future you’ll meet someone who’ll contribute to your soul even more.

If you’re unhappy with your city, move. Don’t get stranded with comfort zones and safety nets. Familiarity is good but too much familiarity is not that good. A little risk and uncertainty can go a long long way. If you’re only staying because you feel it’s secured and because you’re already living there for a long while now that it is "home" or that it is "convenient" – well, you might want to re-think your decisions. Being comfortable can be a whole lot scarier than taking risks. You stopped conquering magnificent things when you start getting comfortable. Remember, great things come outside of our comfort zone. So pack your things, leave your city and move to another one if you must. Go out on this adventure to nowhere. Start anew. Search for a place you might like to visit, a place you might like to stay. Now is the time. Home is where your happiness is, not where it’s guarded.

If you’re unhappy with your life path, take any turn possible. Whether it is your college course or your career path, or your business direction – whatever path it is that you’re taking right now, if it reeks strong discontentment, then it’s the perfect time to take a pause and redirect yourself. If you’re taking a course you don’t like, shift. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to waste years, effort and money on something you never even love in the first place. It will only teach you to settle. At the end of the day, if it doesn’t embolden you, you’ll still feel devoid, exhausted. So it doesn’t really matter if you’re graduating next year, you better decide before you find yourself trapped in an office chair with loads of shitty work you don’t even understand and doesn’t enrich your passion. If you’re investing years of your precious time and expertise in a career path you’re not even appeased with, shift. If you don’t see yourself on the same path in the years to come, what’s the point? There is no right time to shift and leave, you do it when you feel like it. You do it when you’re unhappy. You do it now. Take on a new path, embrace diversity and development. Whatever path it is you’re in right now, if you’re unhappy, take a turn. Whether it is left or right, as long as you’re happy, you will not lose yourself.

If you’re unhappy with how you see life, move your sight. See life from a different view, a different perspective. Re-acquaint yourself with life. Worrying or over-thinking things don’t change how life is. Like they say, don’t stress over the things you can’t change. The only thing you can do is fix your eyes on a different light, see life in all its splendor. Stop viewing it for all its troubles. Life is beautiful.

If you’re unhappy where you are right now, move. It’s as simple as that, I don’t know why we make everything so complicated. Why we spend so much of our time and energy scrutinizing everything, when the only thing we should really be thinking about is our own happiness.

Thus, instead of dreading and over-examining every decision you need to make in your life, trust your guts. Sometimes, taking risks and clinging to perplexity is a good thing. You don’t always have to weigh the pros and cons of things, sometimes there is only one thing that really, truly matters and that is; your happiness, your passion for this life and your hunger for a contented heart. You don’t have to be sure of where you’re going or what the next step is; sometimes all you have to do is take the first step and that is to MOVE. TC mark