Thought Catalog


‘Everybody Hurts Sometimes,’ 16 Men And Women Share The Inspriring Ways They Beat Sadness And Get Happy Again

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 08:15 PM PDT

hakimihaslan / www.twenty20.com/photos/dfd01338-e17c-4c3a-b371-dbcce013f068
hakimihaslan / www.twenty20.com/photos/dfd01338-e17c-4c3a-b371-dbcce013f068

Sadness is sometimes circumstantial, sometimes crushing, and sometimes it’s just time to be sad but below are 16 true stories from people who didn’t it let it control their lives and used it to enrich themselves. 

1. Little Goals

Get outside and take a walk for an hour. Exercise even a little bit. Does wonders for your mind.

Listen to upbeat music.

Make small little goals and do them. You’ll feel better about yourself and be more motivated to do more things. Like, clean the dishes, vacuum, rearrange books, laundry.

2. One Thing A Day

I’m undergoing therapy right now and have been suggested the little goals thing, it’s pretty legit. First thing I’d do waking up is to write down a little task on my cell phone, then at the end of the day I’d have done that little, very specific task (“one hour of cleaning” doesn’t work) and go to bed with a renewed feeling that I wasn’t a completely worthless slob.

Surely there are many ways to feel demoralized and it doesn’t work for all these ways, but I wanted to reiterate that it can be a great idea.

3. Real Quiet Time

Going for long walks has helped me immensely – I’ve also found that leaving my phone at home while going for a walk helps a huge amount. No need to constantly check FB/Twitter/whatever, just enjoy the walk for what it is and be alone with your thoughts. I’ve come to some seemingly obvious but important realizations that way.

4. Throw Yourself Into Something You’ve Always Wanted To Try

I recently got out of a relationship and most of my friends have moved in the past year. Ive felt incredibly lonely the past month. It has made me realize though that I’ve been relying too much on others for my happiness and I won’t be truly happy until I’m okay with being by myself. So instead of looking for others to combat the loneliness, I’ve decided to embrace it. Ive decided to quit drinking for a bit, I’ve been working out, I’ve picked up golf again (my favorite hobby), and I’ve started talking to a therapist. All of these things have changed my routine completely, I focus on so many other things that I barely think about being alone and the exercise is giving me a lot more energy. And by day’s end, I’m happy to be alone watching Netflix and reading Reddit to just relax.

5. Love The Loved Ones That Depend On You

My cat greatly helped me when I was depressed. It felt like he knew and was super cuddly and affectionate all the time.

6. Fight The Tiny Voice That Says “Not Now”

Just do something. Fuck that. Do lots of things. You’re gonna hate the idea of it. You’re gonna try to talk yourself out of following through with plans. I know, I’m often there, too.

Do I regret some stuff? Sure. Were some things worse than doing nothing? Absolutely.

But way more stuff has been fulfilling. Probably 80% of the time, I’m glad I picked my lazy ass up and went to the concert, or took the road trip, or read the book, or went to the gathering. And you know what? Even fully remembering these good times, the next time an opportunity comes up, I dread it and try to talk myself out of doing it all over again.

It’s important to do a lot of stuff you don’t want to. What, you think your fucked up brain won’t lead you astray? Mine will, so I often have to betray it. I’m normally glad I did.

7. Take Inventory Of All The Things You’re Thankful For Every Day

I went through a period of depression last year where my brain just went into lizard mode. I was in fight or flight mode all the time, has adrenaline keeping me constantly nervous, sweated a lot, slept poorly, and couldn’t get my mind straight.

I ended up doing three things that helped (as well as eventually quitting my job which was causing the stress): 1. Each night before I went to sleep, I gave thanks for all the good things in my life. Having a place to live, my husband, my dog, my mum, my friends, even right down to things like tea and toast that gave me pleasure to consume. 2. Reached out for help to people who could support me with different aspects of my problems. A psychologist for the stress and anxiety, my mum for general comfort and emotional support, a former colleague for ideas for my work situation. This helped me identify pathways to a better future. 3. Yoga. For me, it calmed me and supported me to get better at it. Experiencing success in something helped restore my confidence. Each class, I’d hold a pose longer or stretch further or have better balance. I could see progress and felt good about my achievement. In a time when I felt like I was failing at my job, getting better at something and being praised by the teacher felt really good.

8. Ask What You’re Holding On To

Life gets overwhelming. Feel it, and when you can’t feel it anymore, just watch it. The thing is your getting to experience it in one way or the other. There are very very few instances where that isn’t a positive, even if it doesn’t seem like it. God isn’t real to me, but the 7 sins are in a metaphorical sense. If things aren’t enjoyable and life isn’t sweet then chances are you’re clinging to one of em. For me personally it’s sloth, gluttony, and vanity. They affect my feelings, and my relationships with people; in a toxic way. Like they say knowing is half the battle, so maybe find out which “evil” is affecting you, and if you already have then you’re on a process of recovery. I feel like I’m rambling.

9. Intentional Listening Refocuses You

I listen to music in a particular way.

I find somewhere soft to lie down, put my best headphones in, find some music and visualize it. Visualization involves things like creating scenes for the music, picking out instruments and imagining the atmosphere surrounding them, creating movement colors/patterns for the way the pieces of the music interconnects, and attempting to feel the feelings expressed by the composers of the music. Really, there’s lots of ways to see and feel the sounds of music. It always calms me down. For me, it’s an escape from paranoia, from stress, from fatigue and loneliness. I can just fall into a daydream-world of music and avoid the real world, revel in the seconds I could have been hating only a short time earlier. That does the trick for me.

10. Keep Moving!

Fix your diet, get some one a day vitamins, walk for 30 minutes a day. Pref outside (go play some pokeman go!)

This is the most basic solution to this problem that everyone faces at one point or another.

Getting a hobby that introduces you to new people is also a great thing.

The more stationary you are, the harder life is to deal with. Gotta keep moving.

11. Do Little Things That Make You Happy, Tend To Relationships

-Indulge your nostalgia until you’re sick of those things so that you may better appreciate your present

-Go on Netflix or whatever and just watch the first thing you see with a really good or really bad rating. You’re sure to be entertained and distracted either way!

-Go for a jog, and end it full sprint. When my mind is idle it slips into a very dark place, but when you’re full of adrenaline, I guarantee you won’t have that problem

-99% of people have at least one friend whether they realize it or not. If you truly don’t, don’t beat yourself up, but desperate times call for desperate measures; put yourself out there; think of something you love doing or have always wanted to do and find a community of others with those interests. Have faith in people, and don’t give up.

-Work out if you don’t already. Allow yourself to have shallow goals in addition to the others you have. Wanna look good? Do something about it, whether that’s work out or go clothes shopping

-Find something therapeutic/cathartic that you can do nonstop for a long time without getting sick of it like writing a story or drawing something.

-Never let friends or loved ones just slip away. If they make a calculated decision to leave you, it’s best to just let go, but don’t sit idly by as you drift apart

-There is someone out there for everyone. There are 7 billion God damn people in the world, 3.5 billion of your preferred gender, the whole 7 if you swing both ways, between 400 to 150 million (give or take) in your age group (0-7 or so years gap) and probably around at least 5%ish are conceivably compatible with you. That’s at least 7.5 million people (I just pulled that number out of my ass, but the point is that’s a lot of fucking people); you don’t have to be alone. Don’t give up hope and keep trying.

12. Pay Attention To Your Faith

Here’s an unpopular answer, but I don’t care what people think. I’m a Christian. I firmly believe that there’s a better future for me, but sometimes I can’t see it. People get ticked off by my optimism and attack me. I ignore them. This is the worst it will ever get for me.

It’s cool if you disagree with me. I’m not trying to convert anyone, just sharing my opinion.

13. Take Merlin’s Advice And Learn Something

“The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn. T.H. White – The Once and Future King.

Also exercise, a good routine that you stick to will do wonders for the psyche. – Sound of body, sound of mind.

14. Advice From Underground (Literally)

I feel I am a prime candidate to answer this question. I work underground and alone for most of my days. Also because of the type of job, sometimes I am down there for 3 days at a time (I have a couch and can sleep when needed). Often times as I am working i feel very alone. I dropped out of college after a year and a half and just turned 21 a few weeks ago. I see my friends traveling the world, hanging out at clubs and bars, playing games together and it hurts a lot sometimes to not be able to join in.

For me, I use my work to feel better. I work as a data center engineer and have built the entire site from the “underground” up (wow that’s a bad joke). I knew when I dropped out of college I was going to have to work twice as hard to get where I wanted (couldn’t afford tuition), and it took me a year but I got there. From before I went to college I always wanted to play with advanced hardware and use it to build something else that is magical. So whenever I feel alone I take a step back from working and look at what I have already accomplished. That always gives me a good push to keep on working.

You have to find something that you love unconditionally and focus on that. Just for a few moments, but it can bring your spirits back up to keep on working. And if you haven’t gotten there yet, continue working! Slowing down or moping around will not get you closer to your goals. For me it is my work, I love it beyond a doubt. I get overwhelmed quite a lot when I look at how much isn’t completed yet, but I will get there. I average 95 hours a week and most days I get a thought of why I love it so much but it is only a brief moment, then I get back to work :)

Thanks for reading the words of a mole person. Hopefully they will reach someone who is struggling.

15. The “10 Seconds” Worldview

This is kind of silly, but it works for me. I heard it in an episode of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”.

Kimmy says “a person can stand just about anything for 10 seconds, then you just start on a new 10 seconds. All you've got to do is take it 10 seconds at a time."

This actually really worked for me. I’m a really lazy person. I hate to clean, hate to exercise, you know standard stuff. But I find if just start doing something, even for 10 seconds, I get pretty motivated to follow through and finish it. Starting is the hardest part.

16. Turn It Into A Positive

Sometimes it’s hard, but I pick something and I focus on it. You’d be surprised. Last time was a few weeks ago, I picked cooking. Made some lasagna one day, then some chicken fried rice, salmon, and I watched people make deserts on youtube. As I watched them I thought “that looks so good, and I think I can do that”. It’s that feeling of believing that you can succeed that helps you to keep going, even if the success is tiny.

The time before, I hit the gym. The time before that I picked up my guitar and learned a couple of new songs. I can go on and on and on. Every time it happens, find something you wanted to do at some point in your life, and do it, focus on it. TC mark

40 Photos Of Hot Girls Eating Junk That Will Make You Want Sex (And Food) Immediately

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 07:15 PM PDT

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TC mark

11 Things You Need To Know Before You Date A Cancer

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Richard Torres
Richard Torres

1. A Cancer is the most loving, generous, supporting partner in the Zodiac. If you make them feel loved and secure they’ll spend their life trying to make you happy.

2. A Cancer has spent a lot of time creating a beautiful home that is relaxing to they and their loved ones. Don’t fuck with their home.

3. Cancers exist on a rollercoaster of emotions. They get happy or sad easily — it’s just their way. Mature Cancers will learn how to let these feelings come and go without making decisions based on them, acting irrationally, or being externally moody and grouchy. Still, it’s best not to provoke their sensitive side with jokes at their expense.

4. Cancers are not easy to get to know. If you date them, expect to take the lead and prod them to open up. Make them feel safe and be vulnerable yourself and you’ll get things flowing.

5. There is nothing a Cancer hates more than conflict. They will go out of their way to avoid conflict, even when it is the healthiest path forward in a relationship. You need to prove to your Cancer that you can handle conflict with grace. If you raise your voice when you get angry or have a short temper, your relationship will not last long.

6. The biggest relationship problem Cancers have is the high expectations they place on their loved ones. Since no one can live up to these expectations, they often find themselves disappointed and can be childishly upset about arguments and failings that have happened only in their head.

7. The biggest thing for a Cancer is feeling safe and secure. If you can’t provide this, they will look elsewhere.

8. The best date to take a Cancer on is one at home. Buy some new candles, prepare a special meal, create a special evening in the comfort of their favorite place — home.

9. It’s easy to feel smothered by a Cancer because they are so giving and loving. Try to remember how lucky you are to be so genuinely loved — but if you’re someone who needs a lot of space and independence, it may not be a good match.

10. If you’re looking for a one-night-stand, LOL, look elsewhere.

11. In bed, Cancers are romantic and sensual. They’re all about touch and creating a relaxing, romantic atmosphere that will take the experience to the next level. They love comfortable beds, mood music, candles, long foreplay, and cuddling afterwards. TC mark

You Are Worth An Infinity Of Stars

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 05:15 PM PDT

Riziki Nielsen
Riziki Nielsen

I was curled up in my flowery bedding set, my laptop on my left side playing the beautiful artwork that is the adaptation of Stephen Chbosky's novel 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower', when these few words rang out: "We accept the love we think we deserve."

And they resonated again and again… and again.

We accept the love we think we deserve. We accept the love we think we deserve. We accept the love we think we deserve.

These words never quite made sense to me before that night. I could never really picture, concretize and substantialize them before you told me this: "I can't really fathom why or how you can write such pretty things about me… I'm nothing." And then it clicked. Chbosky's words finally meant something.

And I felt sorry.

I am not sorry for feeling the way I do. I am only sorry that you thought you were unworthy of it.

Of my attention, my affection, my support and encouragement. Of the sweet notes and the cute presents. Of my heart. Because you are. An infinity of times. You are worthy of it.

I am not sorry for putting words on feelings and ink on paper. I am only sorry to hear you say you were nothing.

I am sorry that you thought you couldn't be worth a universe. Because you are. Because everyone is. Everyone withholds an entire galaxy within his or her own soul. And so do you.

I am not sorry for any of it. I am only sorry you didn't love yourself more. I am only sorry you didn't want to believe how special and beautiful you are. And I want to tell you. I want to tell you how special and beautiful you are, because – given the way you think of yourself – I'm not sure anybody's told you before.

You're not worth how much money you have in your bank account; you're worth how much love you have in your heart.

And as far as I know, you're one of the richest people I have ever met.

Love is everything. Love is all we need. Love is all you need. And it isn't just the chorus of a Beatles' song. If there is loving and caring, there is everything you need to get through absolutely anything. The rest is so vain, and everything but essential. If you think the parties, the fancy houses will make you happy, will make me happy, you're a fool.

Take it from someone who loved and lost and bled to despair the loss of her everything. In the end, all that mattered was all that was left to give and take – all that mattered was love.

How I wish for you not only to see yourself through my eyes, but through my mind, my heart and my whole body too. And then maybe you’ll see what I see, you'll feel what I feel; and then maybe, you’ll realize how wonderful you are. How precious you are. How lovable and special you are.

So I am not sorry for this being what it is, whatever it is. And I won't be sorry for never giving up, for being stubborn, and for carrying on saying that you are worth an infinity of stars.

Because you are. TC mark

5 Obstacles Standing In The Way Of Your Summer Fitness Goals

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 04:15 PM PDT

armisan
armisan

Almost everyone I know is still trying to shed a few pounds now that summer has arrived and they can no longer hide behind sweaters. You'll feel that much more confident in that sexy floral dress if you figure out how to stick with a healthy fitness routine throughout the summer. If you've got some summer fitness goals, you likely have to overcome a few obstacles to get there. Swapping pasta for produce is causing you to go broke, your personal trainer is more interested in who they just crossed paths with on Happn than they are focused on helping you achieve your fitness goals and the bakery across the street from your office is filling the air with temptation.

When it comes to getting in shape in time for summer, the struggle is definitely real. Here are five obstacles you'll run into while you try to achieve your beach bod goals and how to overcome them:

1. Going broke from buying healthy food.

Why is healthy food so expensive? If you track your spending, you'll want to cry when you see how much money this "healthier choice" is costing you. Although a pasta dinner is a fraction of the cost of a chicken and veggie stir fry, it's not impossible to eat healthy without breaking the bank. If you want to watch your spending and eat healthy on a budget, you're in luck because you can.

In this podcast, "How to Save Money and Still Eat Healthy," health expert Jennifer Fugo advises, "Always cook extra and save extra portions in tupperware in your freezer, rather than 'saving' some of your ingredients for later." She explains that many people will only use some of their veggies or some of their chicken in fear that they'll make too much, but then that chicken and those mushrooms go bad and have to be thrown away. You're throwing your money away when you could have just cooked all of it and put those extra servings in the freezer.

Same thing goes with fruit: When your bananas are going brown, freeze them instead of throwing them away. They're great in smoothies when they're browner and sweeter. Another tip is to head to local farmers markets and offer to buy their ugly fruit or the produce they need to get rid of and are, therefore, willing to sell for less.

2. Finding the energy to work out is impossible.

Every single time you decide you're too tired to go to the gym, you're getting yourself that much farther away from your fitness goals. To overcome this struggle, try going to the gym right after work instead of going home first. If you go home first, you'll get distracted by Netflix and your phone. Before you know it, it'll be bed time. Pack your gym clothes and be ready to leave for the gym as soon as work finishes.

Remember that even if you're tired, working out dramatically improves your energy levels as it is a natural endorphin booster. There are also plenty of natural ways you can increase your energy before a workout, such as eating kiwis or drinking a cold-pressed green juice. Better yet, do your workout outside. Go kayaking or hiking. The fresh air will wake you up like nothing else, and it is National Great Outdoors Month, after all.

3. Personal trainers make everything more complicated.

The struggle of finding a good personal trainer is a big one. Many of us will hire a personal trainer in hopes that their expertise will help us achieve our summer bod goals sooner rather than later. What we forget, though, is that many personal trainers are doing this as a side gig for a bit of extra income, and therefore, not taking the job seriously.

Think about it: If you worked all day and had to go train a client afterward, wouldn't you be tired and not that into the session? And if personal training isn't their main source of income, they're probably not taking it all that seriously to begin with.

That's why your personal trainer is on their phone checking their messages dating apps, scrolling through Instagram and yawning during your session. What they should be doing is correcting you on your form, yelling at you and motivating you to work harder to achieve your goals.

4. Resisting the urge to eat when you're bored is too hard.

When you're watching TV, surfing the internet or working on your latest article, you'll be tempted to eat something while you're doing it. We tend to eat the most when we're alone, when we're bored and when we're stressed. If you need something in your mouth, what you really need is a big drawer of lollipops. I'm serious. There are tons of sugar-free, diet-friendly lollipops that will keep your mouth occupied and stop you from eating when you're bored. It really is the perfect solution.

5. Restaurant temptations are real.

If your friends love to eat out, you'll be facing some major challenges. The best way to overcome this obstacle is through your own research. Call around and find out which sushi restaurants offer brown rice sushi, and suggest those places to your friends.

Go to your favorite restaurant's website and see if the nutritional information is listed next to each menu item (it sometimes is) and if it's not, email them and the manager will provide it. Order something that's high in fiber so it will fill you up enough to deter you from ordering dessert. If you can, suggest a brunch date instead of dinner, since dinner tends to come with more temptation and more calories than brunch. TC mark

Never Forget That Your Scars Are A Sign Of Strength

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 03:15 PM PDT

 stephenpaulphoto

stephenpaulphoto

Never forget that your scars are a sign of strength, of survival and of power. We all have them. We all have scars from broken promises and bruised egos. We have scars from the boys who took our hearts as they left, and scars that remind us of all that we have been through. The scars that stain our hearts, that are permanently marked on our bodies, are there for a purpose.

They are there to show us who we used to be.

They are there to remind us that our hearts are still beating despite all of the markings and scratches.

They are there to remind us that we are still breathing despite the dust that still lives in our lungs. And even though our eyes are tired and weary from all the goodbyes we have said, all the love we have never gotten back, and all of the people we miss, they still see. They still open wide.

Your scars should never be something to hide. They should never be something to be ashamed of, or to shy away from. It’s ok if they bleed every now and then. It’s easy to pick at the things you should’ve done, should’ve said and should’ve loved. It’s easy to fall asleep with your wound open wide, because for some reason you can’t get your first love out of your head. It’s normal to pick at the scab that reminds you of all the people who hurt you.

You pick, and poke, but they aren’t ever going to go away. They will bleed, but they will also close back up for safe keeping.

If you look closely, you’ll be able to see that everyone has their own scars, and their skeletons in the closet that they don’t want to show to anyone. It’s easy to pretend they don’t exist. It’s easier to pick in the night when no one can see you. But we all need to realize that these scars aren’t ugly. They aren’t meant to be kept secret.

These scars are markings of our strength.

They show us that we are all warriors after all, even if we were dead for a while. We aren’t shaking and gasping for air anymore. We aren’t reaching for people that don’t bother to give us their hand. We aren’t shouting to the silent air anymore.

Instead, we are now fighters. We fought for our survival. And we did it. We finally did it. We are armies with the scars that prove it. We can stand now, without fear of breaking our legs in the process. Our scars are our memories, embedded in our souls and hearts.

Our scars are our war markings. They stay to let us know that we have survived worse before. And we will keep surviving, no matter what comes our way.

Our scars are beautiful reminders that no matter what tomorrow brings, we will still carry on. No matter all of the pain, the hurt and the worry, we survive. We keep walking. We keep on healingTC mark

Love The Person You Can Have Fun Doing Absolutely Nothing With

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 02:15 PM PDT

@ThoughtCatalog
@ThoughtCatalog

He put his feet up on her coffee table and rested his head on her shoulder. It didn’t matter what was on the TV, it didn’t matter whether she was drinking herbal tea or wine, it didn’t matter that she was wearing an old stained t-shirt with sweats, none of that mattered, because when she was with him they could be doing nothing at all. It was the reassurance of his touch, the comfort in her laugh, the happiness felt in the presence of the other.

It was the love they felt simply by sharing their lives together, no matter what they were doing.

Their love grew in adventure, in doing things that were exciting, things that guaranteed smiles, laughter, things that automatically caused conversation. But those moments weren’t the ones where they discovered how much they meant to each other, how much they loved one another, and how much they’d change their lives for the sake of loving someone else.

Because while their love grew in moments of excitement, moments of thrill and spiked heartbeats, it thrived in moments of quiet, in moments of calm and silence, moments of nothingness. Moments that weren’t memorable at all, but moments that most certainly maintained the love that already existed. Because they didn’t need adrenaline or thrill to enjoy each other’s company. They had fun together while doing nothing at all. They loved each other in every moment, not just the exhilarating ones.

And as time went on, and the excitement of simply being with one another was supposed to wear down, when their love was supposed to become complacent, not weaker, but just different, they discovered that their love was more resilient than they’d ever imagine.

Because although she knew she loved him in drunken nights on dance floors and weekend getaways where they escaped reality together, she also knew she loved him after long days of work that ended in the comfort of his arms, she knew she loved him in lazy Sunday mornings of cooking breakfast and staying in pajamas all day, she knew she loved him when the moments that were supposed to be boring were better when spent with him.

Love someone who brings joy to the moments that are supposed to be boring. Love someone who doesn’t have to always make you smile, but supplements your happiness regardless of visible grins or audible laughter. Because while life might not always be exciting, it is better when they’re around. Love the person you have fun doing absolutely nothing with. TC mark

19 Productive Things To Remember When Things Aren’t Going Your Way

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 01:15 PM PDT

Millie Clinton
Millie Clinton

1. Good things ARE coming your way. And as hard as it is when everything is going up in flames, you need to remember that. It will keep you sane to remember this, and also, it’s true.

2. You need to be patient. Even when it feels impossible. Good things, most unfortunately, don’t always come down the pipeline all at once. It can be more of a positive trickle than a rainstorm of opportunity, but ultimately, you can make even a few ounces of good into so much more.

3. People are busy. If you’re waiting on a phone call or an email, try to keep in mind that whoever you’re waiting on is swamped. It sucks, and it’s hard not to take it personally when someone says they’ll get back to you on Wednesday and then you don’t hear from them. But it doesn’t mean you won’t hear from them, it just means they’re busy and it may take a bit longer.

4. Sometimes in order to work better, you need to refocus. You need to work smarter. Working hard and working smart are two different things. If you’re working eight hours, but are half-assing the whole time, then you may as well just work hard for four hours instead. In other words, refocus yourself, take a good look at your working style, and try to boost your productivity (and cut your work time in the process).

5. Refreshing pages will not make an email or text message come to you any faster. Refreshing Facebook, dragging your mail down on your phone to see if a new message will appear, and compulsively checking for text notifications is doing nothing to help you.

6. It’s important to give people space, and it’s important to give yourself time. While you’re giving others their space, make sure you give yourself the alone time you crave, too. Even if you’re effortlessly extroverted, it’s still important to clear your head, and think through things on your own.

7. If you’re ever at a complete loss for what to do, doing a simple but rejuvenating workout is a great move. When you’re frustrated with how things are going, upset with people, or disappointed with work, try clearing your head by changing your clothes and going for a run, a walk, a hike, or a swim and leaving it all behind.

8. You have to make your own luck. Sitting at home and expecting your job situation to magically change, or your personal life to fix itself isn’t the answer. Waiting for great opportunities will never be as fruitful as going out and finding them.

9. Taking your mind off it might help alleviate your concerns. When it feels like nothing is going right, of course it’s on your mind, but you can’t sit and brood every second of every day. So if you need a break, take one.

10. Positive thinking will help. It might not solve everything, but you need to work hard to keep your spirits up and stay positive. Reminding yourself that good things are coming to you is part of the battle, after all.

11. You need to be getting your rest. And when you’re worried, and feeling a little defeated, it’s hard to remember that you NEED your sleep. Eight hours. Goals.

12. How capable you really are. You need to remind yourself of all the positive things you have to offer the people around you. You are valuable to all of your personal relationships and to all the work you touch. If it helps, make a list of all your best attributes. Put your pen to paper, and don’t be too humble.

13. You can always talk it out with a friend or family member. You are not a burden on anyone for needing to talk. You would do the same for the people in your life. When you need to spill and vent, find someone you trust and ask if they have time to chat.

14. You deserve to treat yourself to a night of de-stressing. Having some cheap, go-to treat yo’self activities to help you unwind after a rough day will absolutely help boost your morale. Make yourself a nice dessert, draw a bubble bath, or find a sappy movie to watch with a friend.

15. When doors close, others open. And that’s true whether we’re talking about relationships, opportunities to move to a new place, jobs, or anything else. Not every opportunity is going to pan out, which can be really defeating, especially when you feel like you need a win. But remember that when one option goes up in flames, you’ll find a better alternative.

16. The only person who creates consequences for change is yourself. You are the vehicle of change in your own life, and you are the one who needs to be in control.

17. This will always sound trite, but you have to believe in yourself. It’s going to have to be one of the very first steps before you START becoming that vehicle for change. You need to really have faith that you can do it. Which you can, by the way.

18. And you can’t feel selfish putting your own happiness first. Especially when there are various factors moving all around you that you can’t control, you need to remember that you can be in control of your own life, and that means putting your well-being first. It isn’t selfish; sometimes it’s just incredibly necessary.

19. You can’t let people make you feel inferior. There’s a reason Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote is repeated so often: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” TC mark

You’re Not A Bad Person, Just Bad For Me

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 12:15 PM PDT

Olga Ferrer SaladiƩ
Olga Ferrer SaladiƩ

Maybe I always believe the best about you because I loved you, because somehow I see the people I've cared for as these invincible creatures that can do no wrong. Or maybe it's because there's a part of me that hopes, no matter time or mistakes passed between us, that you will always be good, always do the right thing.

Maybe I set my expectations too high.

Maybe I'm setting myself up for failure, for defeat. Maybe I'm just wishing on stars that aren't really stars at all, just lights from airplanes floating through the sky.

I put my faith in you again. I thought you'd be there, be someone I could count on, just once. I was wrong. Maybe you had somewhere else to be, somewhere more pressing or urgent. Maybe it wasn't the right time, and I caught you when you had your hands full. Maybe you were scared, because it was me on the other end of the phone. Maybe you pushed the thought of me out of your mind. Or maybe you just forgot. I'm not sure which is worse.

All I know is that I hoped you'd prove me wrong this time.
That when it came down to it, you'd be there.

But maybe I've always had a little too much faith.

I know you're living your life somewhere on the other side of the street, the town, the country, the planet, the universe. And I'm here. But I thought that maybe, just maybe, you'd be different this time.

I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Not this time, not ever.

See, I learned at a young age that you can't put all of your hope into people; you can't let a person be the source of your happiness. I guess I just slipped up somewhere, thinking you were different.

But you're not a bad person, just bad for me.

Bad for me because I keep putting you in this box, keep labeling you as something you're not, something I can believe in. I keep thinking, every single time, that things will change, that things have changed, that things were never as bad as they were.

But maybe I've just been blind.

You're not a bad person. You've done so many wonderful things, blessed so many people's lives, brought smiles to others on their darkest of days. You used to make me laugh like it was effortless, like I was born for the purpose of throwing my head back and letting that sound slip from my lips. Those were the easy days.

I'm sure it's not all your fault, how things shifted between us. I'm sure it's not all your fault that it's hard for us to trust, to let people in. I don't blame you for everything.

But I know I need to let you go.

I need to strengthen my heart, not let it weaken with your broken promises, with my silly choices, with putting my faith in someone who isn't going to follow through.

You're not a bad person, just bad for me. I hope you understand this. And I hope you find someone to love someday.

Someone you'll love too much to ever let down. TC mark

If You Are Going To Live, Live With Intention

Posted: 30 Jul 2016 11:45 AM PDT

martinak15
martinak15

If you are going to feel, feel deeply.

Let yourself experience everything to your core—the good, the bad, the painful, the exhilarating. Let yourself feel it and be changed by it, shaken by it, terrified by it, and inspired by it. Let what you feel change your life. Let it make you a person who isn't afraid to be vulnerable, isn't afraid to love, isn't afraid to face the world head on. Feel deeply and don't change.

If you are going to laugh, laugh with abandon.

Throw your head back, close your eyes, and celebrate your happiness. Share this laughter with those around you and relish in the good moments. Make others smile. Tell jokes. Share silly stories. Bring the ones you love close and enjoy each other's company. Forever find reasons to keep on laughing.

If you are going to work, work with purpose.

Go to your job every single day with a smile on your face. Open the door and think of the positive possibilities, not the negatives. Make every interaction mean something; make every communication legitimate and thought through. Make every day better than the last. And never allow yourself to feel stagnant and stuck.

If you are going to listen, listen with open ears.

Think of others and put them before yourself. Think of the ways you can make someone feel cared for or just be present in their life when they need you the most. Quiet yourself so you can be open to others' needs. Give yourself silence to understand what you are feeling, what others are feeling, and how you can help.

If you are going to cry, cry openly.

Allow yourself to experience painful emotions. Allow yourself to hurt over the ones you love or the situations that deeply affect you. Allow yourself a minute for self-pity, for bitterness, for anger or for sadness. Cry without embarrassment. Then begin to heal.

If you are going to love, love recklessly.

Love this person because you want to love them, because he or she is who you have decided is the person you want to spend your life with. Love this person because you have, and will continue to choose them every single day. Love them fearlessly, passionately, stupidly. Because life is too short to not fully give in to love.

If you are going to live, live with intention.

Live each day with purpose. Open your eyes and choose to be productive, choose to make a difference, choose to care for the people and the world around you. Live intentionally. Say things that you mean; say things that matter. Pursue what you want relentlessly and be unafraid to chase your dreams. Give to others. Love others. Bless others. Live every single day with purpose and passion in mind. TC mark