Thought Catalog


Don’t Be Afraid To Take The Risk Of Loving Someone Who Makes You Feel Vulnerable

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

“People don't make you happy, your thoughts do. People don't make you sad, your emotions do. Age doesn't make you mature, experiences do.” — Anonymous

Yesterday I went to one of my best friend's house and we spent a lot of time updating ourselves since Savannah lives in Milan and we get to see each other every 6 months. She mentioned a guy who's trying to have a relationship with her. She explained to me how he's the sweetest guy she's ever met and how she really wants him as her boyfriend, but also how she has a great fear of being hurt by him. She's been hurt before so no wonder why she has that fear. Also she mentioned how independent she is and didn't want to depend emotionally on him. With all that said, I went home reviewing that information and two words were drifting constantly on my mind: "take risks".

Love is all about taking risks.

There are many opinions whether taking risks for love is a good or terrible idea, but in the end that doesn't even matter, we take risks anyway. Fear is the most powerful weapon on earth. Fear to be hurt, to be ridiculed, to make mistakes, to fail and not reach our goal. Fear can stop us from achieving or dreams, our goals, or even stop us from taking chances on people who want the best for us. As I said to Savannah, it's true, she has all the right not to totally trust this guy because of her past experiences, but also if she keeps hiding from love then she'll only hurt herself and others. If she wants those old wounds to heal she needs to give herself a chance to let someone help her heal them. It's true, time helps a lot to heal wounds like those, but we also need to open ourselves to other choices that may help us. Sooner or later love is gonna catch us and there's no way to stop that. We were created to love and to be loved, and I think we all agree that love is the best and most indescribable feeling in the world.

It's okay to be afraid of feeling vulnerable in another person's hands, but if it weren't that way, then it wouldn't be worth it.

We wouldn't learn those valuable lessons after we experience our first kiss or after having a break up. All those rejections and all those dinners under the moon would all be easily forgotten if it weren't for that choice we took to risk it all for love. This is about trust; trusting that he will catch us when we fall, that she will be there in our happiest moments as well as our worst ones. Trusting that he will do everything in his power to keep you safe, as well as you will do anything in your power to make him feel as the best guy you've ever met.

It's ok to depend on someone else.

True, we should take our own choices in our life, but isn't it amazing when you can make someone else part of that life and know how vulnerable you are by doing it? When we read one of Nicholas Sparks novels we see that couples make so many sacrifices for love and the first thing we say is "it's not real, they're just a bunch of fake perfect stories" but one thing we can learn from all of those stories is that every single sacrifice we make for love is totally worth it in the end. We need to learn to make ourselves vulnerable, and not look at it as a weakness, but as our most beautiful trait.

It all starts with a choice, and this time the choice is to open our heart and let other know the real me.

Let the world know you for who you really are and not who you want the world to think you are. Love, risk it all, take chances, get hurt, get back up and try it again and never ever let fear stop you from opening your heart to that person who is ready to make sacrifices for you. Love is a two way feeling, so if you take risks by opening your heart, remember that she is also taking the same risk by letting you know her as who she really is.

Risks are challenging and they're scaring, but the feeling of overcoming our fears and achieving our goals it's just indescribable, and when we overcome them for love, it's even better.

As Peter Mc Williams said: "It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does." TC mark

Love Can Be A Lot Of Things, But It Is Always Good

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 07:00 PM PDT

fotobigrafie
fotobigrafie

You see me with your eyes. You truly, undeniably, see me into my core. My soul has for once felt noticed, adored, and appreciated due to your eyes.

They all said it would happen at a time when I least expected it. I have to say that I didn't see you coming; you actually came out of nowhere, if nowhere was Heaven. These past few weeks of knowing you has taught me how worthy I am. You love me with those endearing eyes. Those eyes unravel every piece of who I am and I've never felt so complete while the pieces of myself ravel onto the floor.

Weeks. Just weeks.

Weeks are all it took for me to feel what I believe people search lifetimes for. Up until the day before I knew you I was one of those explorers. With you, I feel as though I am the most traveled. I have seen what a selfless love looks like from watching the way your eyes meet mine. Your eyes study my face as though I am a piece of art to be appreciated and taken in for exactly what it is.

I want everyone to feel what I feel when you look at me.

I see the best version of myself when I look at you. I see my future. I see looking at you in the car after our wedding night ends and our life begins, grabbing your face to kiss you, knowing how sweet that moment will be. I see jumping into your arms after we see a little check mark that indicates we'll have something that is an equal mixture of you and me. I see sleeping in on Sundays, watching how the sun runs across your face and feeling in awe I get to have you as a partner. I see taking drives where my hand can't find itself away from being intertwined in yours, listening to the melody that created us, and exchanging soft smiles.

I see a lifetime that brings tears to my eyes because of how loved I am going to be. How worthy I am going to feel.

My darling, my lovely and precious soul, I promise to never take you for granted. I promise to love you with my eyes as you love me with yours. I see my whole world when I look at you. I see what the people mean when they say you'll just know. From the first conversation we had it was an instant feeling of affirmation. You are it and to be honest, you always have been.

Love can be a lot of things. Love can be messy, unpredictable, heart wrenching, and too good to be true. Although, with you, I have learned that love can just be a good thing. I am going to spend the rest of my waking days to give back to you the love that you have given to me.

Those eyes, your beautiful and endearing eyes, thank you for loving me with them. Thank you for choosing me for I promise to choose you every day. TC mark

Falling In Love With The Idea Of Him

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Julian Bialowas - www.instagram.com/julianbialowas/
Julian Bialowas –
www.instagram.com/julianbialowas/

I've learned that every person we meet holds a specific role in our lives. Each with a certain lesson we must learn. Not all of these people, or lessons, are ones we want to accept though. That brings us to sadness and confusion, heart break, even feeling completely lost.

At the end of my junior year of high school I started dating my now ex-boyfriend who would come to be longest relationship I've ever had, almost 4 years. Those 4 years were full of lessons and took away some personal growth I could have had at the end of high school and my first few years of college. I was blocked off from most of the world that didn't have anything to do with my boyfriend and he liked to keep it that way. The end of our relationship came due to a new lesson who showed up in my life. This boy came out of nowhere. If I would have seen him coming, knowing what I was about to learn… I would have ran for my life. This boy was my first true love, and my first true heart break. He swept me off my feet faster than the waves crashing into the sand. He knew exactly what to say and somehow got me to end my longest relationship and rearrange my life completely. I went from a sheltered shy runner's girlfriend to an outgoing vulnerable Me. It was the first time I was myself in a long time, but I grasped right onto his chest instead of letting my feet hit the ground before we went running. Looking back I wish I could change every little thing, because maybe we would still be together. But as time goes on and he continues to pop in and out of my life knowing I can't stop loving him, I'm starting to realize what I truly do love about him.

I love the idea of him. I love the words he spoke to change my lengthy-boring-safe relationship into something fresh and exhilarating. I loved meeting a family that actually cared about me and still to this day reaches out to me like we're blood. I love the long summer nights with someone who made me feel wild instead of old. I love the passion that came with each touch, hug, kiss, and hold. I love the idea of being his, the idea of us being together. But ideas are a part of our minds, they only come alive with effort and a true reason to be.

This is why he became my worst-best lesson. He taught me how to love, or more like what it feels like to love. He did not teach me what it feels like to be loved, rather what it feels like to be desired or infatuated with. He taught me how to worry, and how to grieve with no reason at hand. He taught me how to feel like I'm drowning when trying to come up with the words to describe how I feel. He taught me how to crave attention and lose full awareness of what being alive should feel like. He taught me how to hold on to nothing more than a string with all of my weight dangling below.

His lesson may have swallowed me into depths I wished to never reach, but he taught me to do more than just cry…

I learned how to grow.

I discovered how to push myself for just one reason, myself. I found it's possible to be happy on your own and be the rescue you needed all along.

I love the idea of him still to this day. And I will probably love him the rest of my life. That is a lesson I won't be able to forget with a large sting, but it does remind me of one thing… I learned something. Our lessons can either help us grow or burry us into the ground. It's up to you to decide how you grow. TC mark

You Don’t Even Know Me Anymore

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 06:00 PM PDT

saritawalsh
saritawalsh

I remember you like I remember that summer,
everything too hot,
my feet pounding against the concrete
trying to make it to safe ground,
to stop burning

you always had me burning

I used to wonder when people would call for help,
if fires are the type of monster
that start slowly,
if it’s only cause for concern when the flames
are tall enough that we can look them
in the eye
when we can see the damage
in plain view

you called me three months ago to say how proud you were,
of course,
I blush,
I’m hungry for your approval,
like it will make up for your departure
if you love me again,
it means I was always worth it,
right?

you ask if I want to get coffee
and I run to the bathroom because I think
my breakfast might come back up,
do you even know me?

do you remember the sound of
my heart?

I ask the mirror,
and want to break it when there is
no response

you tell me how pretty I look
and I think,
you haven’t seen me in years

so you like the pictures,
you read the words,
all this burning in my throat,
in my chest
it is summer again and I’m afraid,
there are no lifeguards out
and your blues always could
drown me

you do not know who I have become,
or how I fought battles all on my own
when you decided
turbulence was too much

don’t you dare show back up,
don’t you dare say you have always
loved me

you don’t even know me,
not now,

not anymore. TC mark

It’s The Tiny Moments When I Miss You The Most

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Marija Mandic
Marija Mandic

I don’t miss you much in the large, out of scale moments anymore. I don’t even miss you in the moments that cause for celebrations, or in the ones that cause me to drink too much wine by myself.

I miss you in the tiny, smaller, and softer moments.

The ones that aren’t really meaningful to anyone on the outside looking in. I miss you sometimes in such a small way, that it almost ceases to exist. But, I know it does. My heart knows it does.

Once, I missed you while I was sitting in my unmade bed. It was a Saturday. I was aimlessly lying there, scrolling through the land of YouTube videos that never end. And then, all at once, I felt a lump form in my throat. It was a boring Saturday, full of coffee and naps. But, I remembered the Saturday’s that weren’t ever boring. The one’s that were full of better coffee, of hand holding, of tiny and large kisses, of running in your safe arms which used to be my home.

A lump always forms in my throat because you were my home. And you aren’t my home now.

I remember another time when I missed you more. I was ordering brunch with my friends. One of my best friends ordered banana Nutella french toast.

I wanted to order it so bad, but the lump in my throat restricted my oxygen. And my hangover that day, made me dizzy. Maybe I was just lightheaded because you weren’t there. I ordered pizza with an egg on top, but I eyed that french toast longingly as the aroma filled up all my senses. I remember how much you loved Nutella banana sandwiches. And how we walked to that cafe by your house every day, smiling like little kids on their birthday, because we knew what we were about to experience. I remember us stuffing our faces in that hazelnut goodness.

Nutella banana kisses. That was our thing.

Sometimes I don’t register the lump in my throat. Sometimes, I just feel a tiny twinge of pain. Like when I hug a guy who smells like you. Or when I drink the type of beer you like. Even when I see a fedora while I window shop. Sometimes, it happens when I hold hands with someone else and I remember the first time you held mine, and how sweaty your hands were. Sometimes, it happens when I kiss someone and start to panic because it’s never you.

It happens all the time. In the tiny, little moments. I wonder if those tiny twinges of sharp pain will ever go away. I know they’ve gone away for you.

I just hope, sometimes, you think of me when you see daisies, and when you hear Taylor Swift come on the radio.

I hope you think of me when you see a field of sunflowers, and when you eat Nutella banana sandwiches. I don’t want your love anymore. I just want acknowledgment that we ever happened. Because, in those tiny moments, it feels so far away. TC mark

You Have To Love Yourself, Even When He Can’t Seem To

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 04:00 PM PDT

jesslowche
jesslowche

Quite possibly one of the hardest thing in life to deal with is when the person you love, doesn’t love you back. Maybe you guys broke up a long time ago and you still are holding onto him. Maybe he’s the guy you’ve had a crush on forever, but has a girlfriend. Or maybe, you guys hooked up and the next day, he told you it wasn’t anything serious for him.

Whatever the case may be, you have to love yourself even when he can’t seem to.

But, it’s easier said than done. This takes hard work, of course. And lots  and lots of time. It’s not going to happen in an instant. You can’t just wake up and decide to love yourself again. You can’t just decide to be happy. You need to give yourself time and space to heal that hurt. You need to be gentle with yourself, and not put a time limit on your heartbreak.

I remember watching “Sex And The City” after a bad breakup. Charlotte York, one of my characters on the show said something I will never forget. She said, “It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.” And I call total bullshit. You should never time your healing process. You should never expect to feel magically different over the next few weeks.

Your heart just doesn’t work like that. Love doesn’t work that way.

If you truly loved someone who is unable to love you back, it is incredibly painful. No one is going to say words that will take that hurt away. No hookup will take that pain away. No amount of nights out are going to take the sting off.

It’s ultimately up to you and time to heal.

So, what do you do? How do you get over him? How does one let go? Truth be told, I don’t know. I don’t have a magical list of things to do that can help you heal. But I can tell you my story.

My first heartbreak didn’t take six months for me to heal. And it didn’t take a year. To be perfectly honest, I’m still healing as I write this. And it’s been three years. I refuse to believe that you can heal completely from someone not loving you back. I refuse to believe that someone can magically be perfectly fine after that hurt.

You can’t just bounce back up. It’s impossible.

I think that has time passes and as your heart starts to stitch itself back together, you’ll learn how to cope with the pain. You’ll learn how to survive. But it’s never going to go away completely. Sure, you’ll be able to move on from him and you’ll be able to love things about yourself that you thought you’d never love again.

But, you are never going to be the same.

And I think that’s what make love so beautiful. It’s accepting that the pain you feel is always going to stay with you. And as years pass, you’ll still feel a little bit of it no matter how much you have grown and have moved on. And as time passes, it’s not so much pain as it is reminiscing and remembering.

It might sting from time to time, but as the years pass, you’ll start to be grateful. Grateful for that love you felt. And grateful that your heart has the capacity to love that strongly. To feel that much. To love so powerfully.

So you see, this love that you feel is gone now? It’s never going to leave you. It’s always going to be held in a tiny fraction of your heart. And as time passes, the hurt you’re feeling now is going to become less. It’s going to bloom into something better. It’s going to turn into happy memories, into transformation and into self love. It’s incredible that you have the capacity to love as much as you did. And even though he hurt you, you’re going to be ok. You’re still surviving and breathing aren’t you?

And guess what? The love that you felt towards him, someday, will grow into love for someone else. And it’s not going to be another boy.

It’ll grow into love for yourself.

You are going to fall in love with yourself. That hurt will turn into recognition that you are a powerful and beautiful source of love. And you can turn all that hurt into something beautiful.

No matter how much you love him and no matter how much you feel like shit now, it’s going to get better. You’re going to grow. You’re going to get stronger. You’re going to start learning how to love yourself.

And instead of jumping and falling like you did in the past, you’re going to jump and soar. TC mark

When I Wonder If You Ever Actually Loved Me Back

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 03:00 PM PDT

ChloƩ Coislier
ChloƩ Coislier

You were my first kiss.

I used to think that a first kiss meant something until you fucked me over. You played me like one of your video games you were so attached to. Or better yet the guitar strings you practiced day in and day out. You promised to always be there for me and in the beginning you wanted to know everything; my favorite color, my biggest regret, my dream date. But as the days went on you grew tired of me and threw me aside so that you could go play with another girl.

You probably didn't even realize how heartbroken I was.

I remember a couple weeks later I was having a panic attack at work and you wouldn't let me go home until you were sure I was going to be okay. We drove and drove for what felt like forever until finally you parked your car and just let the October air grow still between us. You let me run my fingers through your hair until your blue eyes grew so heavy you fell asleep. You promised me you wouldn't but you ended up passing out anyways. The moment was nothing short of how I imagine infinity to feel. Of how I had always imagined my time with you to be. The noises in my head were silenced and the heaviness I had felt just hours before was gone. You made me feel safe, protected.

It made me feel like we could still be in love again, like I could still touch you and you would feel something.

Like you had never hurt me before and you never intended on leaving me again. You loved me. Man, did you love me. And at 3:24 AM sitting in the backseat of your mini-van watching the street lights from a lookout, this is how I fell in love with you again by mistake.

Maybe you felt something too because you never could look me in the eyes after that night. You quit talking to me all together, quit responding to my calls, quit acknowledging my existence when we were merely 2 feet apart. I guess I eventually grew tired of the game and moved on. I can't recall exactly when I realized you were never going to come knock on my door and offer to change your ways for me, but I did. I realized how naive I was and how selfish of me to believe that I was so important to you, that eventually you would regret hurting me. I wonder now, almost two years later, if you still remember anything about me.

Do you remember the way I would play with the lines in the palm of your hand? Or how nervous you made me feel? Did I ever make you feel the same way? TC mark

36 Inner Thoughts And Feelings That Make INFJs Truly Unique

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 02:30 PM PDT

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TC mark

To The One Who Emotionally Abused Me

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Emily Elizabeth
Emily Elizabeth

Of all the blowout fights we had, in the end, we parted ways with so much left unsaid. All we talked about then was why the now had to change, not how the then had led to such an unpleasant now.

So here we are, many nows later, and here are the things I wish I had said to you. Because I deserve to have a chance to speak my mind after everything that happened.

First, the things that hurt me, that made me squirm with anxiety, those things were not ridiculous, and you had no right to tell me they were. No one should ever be told that their problems are stupid, no matter how trivial they may seem from the outside, because for that person, that issue means something to them. If you really cared about me, you should have respected my feelings (as a decent human being, you should respect everyone's feelings).

And if you really cared about me, you should never have tried to control me.

The worst feeling in the world, is feeling trapped in your life, feeling like a hostage to emotions that keep crushing you. Love like that feels like the tightness in your throat when you know you're about to cry—it's suffocating. Who were you to say what was best for me? Who were you to decide whether or not it was appropriate to ignore me because you "didn't need to entertain that behavior."” That behavior, that bouncing up and down in front of your blank stare, that screaming, that begging you to stop the things that tortured me—that behavior you "didn't need to entertain," that was your fault for ever trying to control me.

Even more than trying to control what I did and said around you, it hurt that the things you said crawled inside my ear and set up camp in my mind. I didn't even have to be around you to feel worthless, to feel like I was always too something (or too much the other thing five minutes later).

It hurt to second guess myself, to always wonder if anyone at all liked me for me, or if they were just patronizing me. It hurt to live with the constant anxiety that maybe I would say the wrong thing without even realizing it, make the wrong plans, see the wrong people, and that you would walk out of my life without even mentioning it. Without even saying goodbye. And it hurt even more because I am my own person and I lived my own life besides, and so you just kept tossing me aside and then coming back to pick up the pieces when you were ready—walking in and out of my life as though it was a revolving door.

That’s not how life works. That is not sustainable, that is not healthy.

And now that it's over, I'd mostly just like to explain to you why I'm angry. Hate you? I don't hate you. Hate takes effort, and I've given you far more than enough of my time and energy. But every now and again, the frustration over the way you treated me comes to the surface. Every time I overthink every action of an interaction because old habits die hard. Every time I feel that familiar tightness of anxiety constricting my throat as it comes time to say goodbye and I fear there may not be another hello. Every time I've found myself crying as I fight to sit still through an anxiety attack that shakes my whole being all because of a text that went unanswered, because of a moment where I hazarded vulnerability and expected to be crushed, because of an experience that I've been conditioned to associate with heartbreak.

I've had to overwrite every situation in which I've been hardwired to feel anxiety.

Because of your game, I've had to relearn how to live my life.

I could have told you these things in person, but I didn't want to bother pouring that much more energy into you, into us. I could have written a personal letter and tucked it in the mailbox for you to read or tear up.

But I didn’t. this. Because this isn't about you.

Because of these things you did, I realize that this is everything that love isn't, and that's something I want to share with the world. TC mark

40 Ways Being In A Healthy Relationship Is Just The Best

Posted: 03 Jul 2016 01:30 PM PDT

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TC mark