Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog


I’m Not Afraid Of Being Alone, I’m Afraid Of Never Again Finding A Love Like The One I Had

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 08:00 PM PDT

m__carty / www.twenty20.com/photos/2fca07ba-99dc-4c2b-bb2e-df26dfa22930
m__carty / www.twenty20.com/photos/2fca07ba-99dc-4c2b-bb2e-df26dfa22930

During an emotional talk with a friend about how my relationship with the guy I'd been seeing on and off for over a year had once again fallen to pieces, I was told that I cling to people because I'm afraid of being alone. "I've never seen you happy and single at the same time," he told me, and after the initial jolt of denial and anger at his assumption passed, I began to ponder whether or not this really was the case. To put this in perspective, I'm an introvert. I've never enjoyed crowds or large groups of people, my friend group has always been relatively small and close-knit, and I would choose Say Yes to the Dress alone on the couch in my living room over a wild party nine times out of ten. However, like most people, I have always been happiest when spending quality time with close friends or family members. I struggle when I don't have someone to talk to about the things that excite or trouble me, but that's not the point that my friend was trying to make. He was suggesting that I do not know how to be happy if I am not in a relationship, and after spending some time alone and having the opportunity to reflect upon this accusation, I came to a very obvious conclusion: I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of never again finding a love like that.

I didn't enter into the dating game until rather late. I was single all throughout high school and only made fleeting connections during my first semester of college, but I was okay with that. I enjoyed the independence, I never longed for someone to wake up next to, and my desire for a boyfriend only lasted for half an hour after the latest romantic comedy movie that I had watched. I did date, and I made some great memories with some phenomenal people, but my feelings never seemed to be strong enough for me to fully invest myself in a relationship. I was comfortable in my solitude. I still am. Amidst everything that has happened in the past couple of years, this is the one thing that has remained constant, but another major thing has also changed. I fell in love.

They always say it happens when you least expect it, and I never fully comprehended what that meant until I met him. I wasn't searching for anything serious at the time, but the ease with which I was able to open my heart to him and share the most intimate parts of who I am was something I had never experienced before. I finally mustered up the courage to sing in front of someone who wasn't in my immediate family. As insignificant as that may seem, it was a huge moment for me. I was never afraid for him to see me laugh so hard that I snorted, embarrass myself miserably, or cry until my eyes got red and puffy. I began to picture my future with another person by my side for the first time in my life, and it was just as exciting as it was terrifying. At times, it was a selfless, beautiful, and all-consuming love. At other times, it was betrayal, it was lies, it was broken promises, and it was heartbreak. So why did I refuse to let go of it? Why was I stuck in this relentless cycle of heartache that was slowly eating away at me? Was I really that scared of being alone that I couldn't remove myself from a situation that was breaking my heart piece by piece?

No, I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of never again finding a love like that. I'm scared that the fire that that boy lit in my heart will never stop burning no matter how hard I try to extinguish it. I'm petrified that every future relationship I have will be tainted by the love that we shared, the love that has become an integral part of who I am. I'm terrified that no one will ever make me feel so vulnerable, so passionate, and so alive. I'm scared that when I wake up next to someone else in the future, a part of me will always wish it were him. I'm worried that the imperfections that I once found so endearing will drive me away if they belong to anyone else. Instead of being cute and comforting, snoring will become a major annoyance that keeps me tossing and turning all night long. Rather than making me laugh, lighthearted jokes about my flaws will wreck my self-confidence and leave me feeling defeated. Kissing with morning breath will be disgusting as opposed to intimate, and arguing over what show to watch on Netflix or what radio station to listen to in the car will be the cause of one too many pointless arguments. I'm scared that there will always be songs that I won't be able to listen to (I'm looking at you Adele) and places that I'll have to avoid because I cannot stop the memories of us from rushing back. I'm terrified that no matter how successful I am in busying my mind with other, happier thoughts, the occasional dream of him will be a constant reminder of everything that I've lost.

So, in response to the advice that my friend gave me with the very best of intentions: No, I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of never again finding a love like that. TC mark

This Is How I Am Healing From You

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 07:00 PM PDT

NickBulanovv
NickBulanovv

I almost didn’t write this. But I am not writing it to you. I am writing it for me.

I am still angry, and sad, and my heart is still shattered. I am still shocked at how you could become so cold to me when you were my everything just a few short months ago. I am still confused, still waking up from the nightmare, and accepting it as reality. A new reality. Where you aren’t there to hold, and look at in awe whenever I want to.

But I am learning to heal.

I have had to heal from a lot of things, and I am still healing from so much that’s happened to me. Every day, I wake up and I go on, I move forward. And most days, I cry. And that’s okay. It’s okay to miss you.

I am starting to see you for the person you truly are. Someone that I loved, but who chose to leave me. Someone that I cherished, but who stopped believing that we could make it work.

And I am learning to forgive you. I haven’t yet, and I don’t know when I will. But I can feel it, someday the time will come. Maybe it won’t come until I meet someone else, and start telling him about what happened with you, and he’ll look at me the way you never really did.

And maybe it will be before then.

But I know, when it happens, it won’t be for you.

I won’t forgive you to give YOU the peace of mind. I know you can do that yourself, and after so long, I now know it isn’t my responsibility to get rid of your guilt. I will forgive you so that I can love myself and others, in the way I did when I first fell in love with you. I will let go of all the hurt and pain, and start to love everything again. Start to believe in myself, and in happiness, and love.

It may take a long time for me to heal, and to move on, longer than it takes you, and that’s okay too.
Because I can feel it now. I can feel the healing. I can see the light, at the end of the darkness. TC mark

The Truth About Self Love (PS: You’re Probably Doing It Wrong)

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Carola Ferrero
Carola Ferrero

Self-love is all the rage now. And rightly so. Self-love is, after all, ultimately what pushes you to gain a solidified sense of who you truly are by celebrating the beauty and freedom of being true to yourself.

But I have come to realize that there is a really thin line between self-love, and self-destruction. Some of the most prevalent misconceptions about self-love are a result of how excessively we overcompensate for our lack of it. In turn, we cover it up with vanity and superficial undertones and we tell ourselves, "There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.' How many times are the punchy, preachy quotes presented out of context and dangerously turned into excuses for us to be shitty human beings when we feel like it?

We've become addicted to a pretty twisted version of self-love. A self-love that imposes. A self-love that is only active when there's an audience. And that's not right. Loving yourself is not be a one-time thing. Authentic self-love can't be induced by a drug, a compliment, or a meaningless relationship.

Self-love is not a mood. Self-love is not a mask that you put on. Don't make an ugly pit of self-loathing and hatred for the world and call it 'Self-love'.

Self-love is not exclusive.

Be present to what you are doing and while you are doing it. Real happiness isn't about putting conditions on what you get and what you give. "If I get that raise, I'll be happy." It could get awfully frustrating when things don't go your way, but learn to know when it is time to stop, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "This is bigger than me."

But when that happens, continue to seek the knowledge and ways that abide by your values and goals. You may not be there yet, but you will be damn closer than you were yesterday! That's just how it is.

Self-love is not running away the moment shit hits the fan.

I have zero respect for people who claim to love themselves yet bolt the moment things get rough. Honestly, who are you benefitting by automatically 'removing yourself' when things are 'no longer working'? It's selfish and juvenile. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. That means: if you have a problem, learn to fix it.

Self-love is not a one-off achievement.

It is a particular way of experiencing oneself. I'll tell you straight up: it's a constant shitload of hard work. Life is gonna keep throwing all kinds of shit at you. The challenge is to remain moving forward when everything is pulling you back, learning how to accept facts rather than deny them. It is to continue being responsible when everything around you is forcing you the other way. How does it go: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." Right? So find the beat–you'll learn to like the song.

Self-love is not self-righteous.

Know what you don't know, and balance it with what you do know. Tell the truth and practice what you preach—even when nobody is watching. Be comfortable with having no audience. If you need viewers to validate how you honor your commitments and the values you say you admire, then you need to wake up. You really only see what people want you to see, and the world will never run out of people who say they're one thing and do another, but please. Ain't nobody got time!

Self-love is not defensive.

Realize that you, and only you, control your choices and actions. You are responsible for your wellbeing, and you are responsible for the fulfillment of your goals and dreams. Understanding your own worth means knowing that not everybody will be able to see it. But when you make a decision–sacrifices and all–, that is all on you. Nobody else is ACCOUNTABLE for that. And yes, often times–whether you like it or not–you are going to need the help of other people to achieve your goals, and when that happens, learn to offer your help in exchange. "Fair isn't everybody getting the same thing. Fair is everyone getting."

Self-love is not obnoxious.

It's important to be authentic in how we connect with others, but it's just as important to know that you aren't perfect. Confidence plays a huge part in self-love, but ultimately this is what it is: "It is not 'everybody will like me'; it is 'not everybody will like me, but I'm fine with that.'" But honey, don't forget: when somebody dislikes you, it is a reflection of their character. How you react to it, on the other hand, is a reflection of yours. Stand up for yourself in appropriate ways, in appropriate contexts. "Putting yourself first" does not warrant any negative judgment towards whoever wronged you.

I'm no expert on self-love, but I've been on this journey for quite a while now. I've hit a few dead ends, taken a number of wrong turns, but you know what: I've learned that self-love is about the willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions completely.

It's tough. It's an active job. And it is built over a long period of time through the right state of mind. But… it's all worth it. If it isn't built over a long period of time through the right state of mind, what would it be if not.. completely pointless. TC mark

How You Respond To Being Told To ‘Be More Ladylike’, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

Aries

“Okay but my personality is LITERALLY a penis so I don’t see how that’s gonna work.”

Taurus

“Does that mean you’ll let me go to the mall again?”

Gemini

“If I’m a lady you’re a snake buh-bye.”

Cancer

“Okay so somehow I’m the momfriend but not ladylike enough for you.

Okay. Alright. I make brownies for your dumbass and this is what I get.

Okay. Alright.”

Leo

“I’m a Queen I don’t need this.”

Virgo

“What even IS being ladylike? What do you mean by that?”

Libra

“I don’t like that you want me to follow your intense standards on women.”

Scorpio

“If I wear a dress will you leave me alone?”

Sagittarius

“No thanks, I don’t feel like doing that. I’ll say what I want when I want. Fuck you, fuck your standards. Fuck that.”

Capricorn

“Are you telling me I’m not perfect the way I am??? Because you’re wrong.”

Aquarius

“Why? So I can fall under your intense bullshit and society can control my views and how I act? So I can be contained and not be the forceful wind that I am? Darling, I’m a motherfucking hurricane and I will never be subdued.”

Pisces

“Please shut up, you’re being an ass.” TC mark

26 People On How To Tell A Relationship Is Nearing The End

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Emilien ETIENNE
Emilien ETIENNE
Found on AskReddit.

1. When you can’t stand to be around him.

"When you get home, you find yourself sitting in your car, just taking a few extra minutes and some deep breaths before you go inside."


2. The memories are better than the actual reality.

"When you miss the memories more than your partner."


3. Booking tickets to see to a concert 6 months from now? Nope.

"You hesitate to make future plans with them."


4. When they make you nervous for all the wrong reasons.

"From personal experience I would have to say when I find that I am unable to relax around my current partner. If I feel on edge because I’m nervous that we are going to get into an argument or I have to be on my best behavior to make you want to hang out with me then we are headed for a break up. I broke up with my last ex when I realized that my hands were shaking once I got in my car after hanging out."


5. If you change your behavior to please him.

"I was exhausting myself picking particular clothing to wear, only checking my phone when he was in the bathroom, being super sweet even when I wasn’t in a sweet mood just in hopes we could get through a night without arguing. He finally dumped me for “lying” about something I did not lie about, and as bad as it hurt at the moment I thank god he did it because I realize now how controlling of my life he was becoming. I knew a break up was well on its way, I think that’s why I was trying so hard. I had this stupid notion that maybe if I behaved well enough he would stay. It took him dumping me to realize I shouldn’t have to behave like a child in order to keep a man."


6. You ignore their phone calls.

"Your phone rings, it’s her, and you don’t want to answer."


7. When you grow out of the relationship.

"When you aren’t on the same page with what you want out of the relationship."


8. Infatuation to boredom to irritation to break up. Rinse, repeat.

"Most people have a recognizable pattern that they go through with romantic relationships, beginning with how they first behave toward a prospective paramour and eventually culminating in a breakup of one form or another. It’s similar to the concept of having a “type” – a certain description which applies to the individuals they date – except that it’s closer to being a habit than anything else. For example, we’ve all likely known someone who goes through a routine of becoming infatuated with a new partner, then bored by them, and finally irritated, only to restart the entire cycle when they meet someone new and interesting. (That latest someone is always “the one” at first, aren’t they?) Anyway, as a result of these patterns existing, different people will behave in different ways when they’re heading toward a breakup… but there are a few indicators of that trend which are more or less universal."


9. General apathy towards the other person.

"Fights, at least on their own, aren’t necessarily omens of an impending split. After all, we tend to be most angered by the people for whom we have the strongest feelings. When those same feelings start to evaporate, though, it’s usually an indicator that neither party really cares about the other anymore."


10. Reluctance in bringing up your boyfriend or girlfriend when talking to new people.

"You find yourself not bringing up that you have an SO so quickly into conversations with the opposite sex."


11. Captain obvious.

"Posting on reddit asking for telltale signs that you’re heading for a breakup."


12. You find out they are bi/want to be poly and you’re not feeling it.

"She stops asking about your life, stops with pet names, the sex stops or becomes uncomfortable for the other person, she says she has guards up suddenly, she’s acting weird because of x, y, or z, she can’t hold a conversation any longer, she doesn’t want to cuddle, kisses become pecks, she stops coming to you for kisses or pecks…
Then you have a great weekend where everything seems wonderful…
… then she texts you she wants to be with you, but she wants you to accept that she wants to sleep with other women for the emotional, intimate, and sexual connection that a man can’t give her and she’s not willing to give that up… She won’t meet to talk about it or pick up her phone.. Only text.. Yet you’re still an amazing person she wants to be with. This was my weekend."


13. Doing anything you can to avoid them.

"Watching tv constantly when together in house."


14. When going abroad alone puts things into perspective.

"After 5 months you’ll go abroad for two weeks alone and realise you’re happier than you’ve been in years because you’re away from her. Then you’ll come back home and end the relationship. This will lead to her pleading with you not to leave and promising she’ll change, totally contradicting everything she said previously."


15. The sex is gone.

"When they start being distant with you, especially physically. Where before you might have sex 2 or 3 times a week all of a sudden it’s been 2 and a half weeks, and when you try to broach the subject she says she doesn’t want to. Kisses aren’t nearly as passionate as they were, and before long she’s wanting to come over because you two need to talk."


16. The proof is in the texting.

"When you get a text that says “We need to talk.”
Or when she starts replying to literally any text with “k”"


17. On second thought…

"When you realize you don’t want to bring them to a work event because you aren’t proud to be with them anymore."


18. When you can’t stand to be around him.

"When you get home, you find yourself sitting in your car, just taking a few extra minutes and some deep breaths before you go inside."


19. Maybe a secret OkCupid profile??

"They start closing and minimizing windows when you walk in the room. “So you’re just looking at the Microsoft welcome screen?"


20. The gifts stop coming.

"She doesn’t buy you sushi anymore."


21. No more couples selfies. Damn. That’s serious.

"Before my ex and I broke up we went on a vacation we had planned for a year. We both knew things weren’t going well, but we both cared a lot about each-other and we didn’t want to cancel our trip.The trip was a road-trip to the Pacific NW, and every time we pulled off the road to see something or take picture the same thing would happen. We would do a selfie together, then I would take a picture of her alone and she would take one of me. We never mentioned it, but we both knew what we were doing. As soon as we got back home we ended it. The pics of us together don’t exist anymore, but I have plenty of pictures of myself in the beautiful Pacific NW!"


22. When you can’t stand to be around him.

"This can be a subtle one, but I have noticed it in almost every breakup I’ve had. For example, you watch a movie and you think your SO might like it, so you say “Hey, check out X, it’s your sort of movie”. When things are going well they might say “Oh, ok” but just before the breakup they are looking to put psychological distance between you, so it ends up turning into “Oh, that’s really not the kind of movie I like.”
"


23. As soon as they start pointing out the differences between you.

"This can be a subtle one, but I have noticed it in almost every breakup I’ve had. For example, you watch a movie and you think your SO might like it, so you say “Hey, check out X, it’s your sort of movie”. When things are going well they might say “Oh, ok” but just before the breakup they are looking to put psychological distance between you, so it ends up turning into “Oh, that’s really not the kind of movie I like.”


24. Oh oh oh!.

"When you find texts between her and your friend talking about fucking."


25. He’s a gay!

"He comes out of the closet."


26. When the resentment game is strong.

"You resent each other. You don’t like being around each other. You feel more like roommates then a couple."

44 ‘Bikini Bridges’ That Will Make You Hate The Fitspo Trend Even More

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 04:00 PM PDT

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TC mark

20 Easy To Follow Flirting Tips That’ll Turn You Into A Total Seductress

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Emily & Steve Photography -
Emily & Steve Photography –

1. Touch him, but don’t grope him. Put a hand on his shoulder when you say hello. Slap his arm when you laugh at one of his jokes. Sit so close that your thigh brushes against his. Subtle touches make the biggest impact.

2. Draw attention to your lips. Lick them, touch them, or reapply your lipstick in front of him. Make sure he notices how smooth and soft they are, so he’ll have no choice but to imagine kissing you.

3. If you’re sitting down, cross and uncross your legs. This is especially effective if you’re wearing a dress, because he’ll be trying to catch a flash of your underwear.

4. Get his mind on sex. You don’t have to walk around, spouting out dirty jokes that would make your grandmother blush. Instead, try to make comments that are vaguely sexual. Comments that hint at something naughty, but aren’t blatantly obvious. Of course, if you’re comfortable blurting out how horny you are, that works too.

5. Play with your hair. Don’t twirl it around your finger like you’ve seen in the movies. Just brush it down every once in a while or push it behind your ear.

6. Work on your posture. If you keep your spine straight and your shoulders back, your boobs will be pushed out more. It’ll do wonders for your cleavage.

7. Wear the right perfume. Try something that smells of vanilla or lavender. Men are a sucker for those scents.

8. Don’t cross your arms. It’ll create the same illusion as staring at your phone or glancing at the clock. Basically, it’ll make him think you want him to leave you the hell alone.

9. If you aren’t against the idea of using your beauty to get what you want, then you should rest your elbows on the table and lean forward when you’re talking to him. It’ll give him a better view of what’s hidden beneath your shirt.

10. Again, if you’re comfortable with using your sexuality to attract men, you can always bend over in front of him. Remember the bend and snap from Legally Blonde? That shit really works.

11. Face your entire body toward him when he’s talking to you. He doesn’t want to see you glancing around the room, checking out other men. Playing hard to get rarely works.

12. Smile. It sounds simple, but if you make eye contact with a stranger while rocking your resting bitch face, he won’t know if you’re interested in him or if you’re warning him to stay away.

13. Compliment him. Guys usually have a hard time figuring out if we’re actually flirting, but if you tell him that he looks sexy in the color blue, then he’ll understand you’re interested.

14. If you’re wearing a necklace, play with it. It’ll draw attention to your chest.

15. Wink at him from across the room to encourage him to walk over. You might want to practice the move in the mirror though, because winks are either super sexy or incredibly awkward.

16. When you say hello or goodbye to him, give him a hug. Make sure it lingers. There’s a clear difference between a friendly hug and a flirty one.

17. Actually pay attention to what he’s saying. Men aren’t all that different from us. They want to be heard, too.

18. Wear an outfit that shows off your favorite body part. You don’t have to spend hours on your appearance. Just put in a little effort.

19. Use your eyes. When he walks by, establish eye contact and smile. When he’s standing across the room, make sure he catches you checking him out. When you’re lucky enough to have a conversation with him, glance down at his lips, so he knows you’re thinking about kissing him.

20. Ask him out. Men love women with confidence, so if you’re interested in him, just hand him your phone and ask him to type in his number. TC mark

25 Things You Should NEVER Do On A First Date

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Flickr / Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Flickr / Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Found on AskReddit.

1. Don’t bring your mother’s ashes.

"Bringing your mother along…in a urn."


2. Don’t confess that you once made out with your cousin.

"Tell them you once made out with your cousin…no way in hell I was going out with that girl again."


3. Don’t wear a T-shirt that says KEEP YOUR BITCH IN CHECK.

"I went on a first date 2 weeks ago with a guy who showed up wearing a T-shirt that said ‘keep your bitch in check’ on the back. That was a daring move, IMO."


4. Don’t demand sex in return for dinner.

"Had a buddy tell his date, before they ordered, that if she spent $30 or more on her dinner she’d have to put out or she was walking home. He wasn’t joking, dead serious. She threw her $10 drink in his face and ordered an Uber then left. Good for her, my buddy is a real scumbag to women and I told him that straight to his face after hearing this. He still thinks she was in the wrong to this day…"


5. Don’t go into graphic detail about exactly why you have PTSD.

"I wasn’t really put off when the dude told me he had PTSD. It was when he described in great detail why he had PTSD, from tales of his friends in the military raping women, murder, blood, guts, head shots, children being shot, animal torture. Essentially, every horrible thing you can imagine.


6. Don’t rate your date on a scale of 1 to 10.

"Rating your date out of ten. Had this happen to me recently!


7. Don’t be late.

"Don’t be late! And added on top, if something does hold you up, let the other person know so they aren’t just waiting around wondering if you’ll show."


8. Don’t fart.

"I would reserve farting until at least the second date."


9. Don’t shit your pants.

"When I was getting back out there after a horrible break up, we went hiking.

I was not fit for hiking. When we finished, I was very proud. I didn’t complain about it at all. However, that was sourly ruined as I got up too quick and there was a brush of wind… one of hot proportions followed by… a crackle of fireworks.

Whatever I had eaten that morning had not agreed with me and came without warning. I shat my pants.

Do not shit your pants on a first date. They will laugh at you."


10. Don’t squeeze her boob while saying, ‘honk, honk.’

"Squeezing her boob while saying, 'honk, honk.'"


11. Don’t pee on her to establish dominance.

"Peeing on her to establish dominance. It will also get you kicked out of the bar."


12. Don’t ask her what day she wants to get married.

"Asking her what day she wants to have the wedding."


13. Don’t ask her to have your children.

"Asking if they will have your children."


14. Don’t whip out your penis without being asked.

"Don’t show her your penis without being asked to do so. This happened to a friend over 20 years ago. She went on a date (was set up by her sister). After the movie, they were talking & smoking in his car, and he whipped it out when she wasn’t really looking ( she said, up until the point, it was a very platonic date, no kissing, or discussing anything risqué). He said something like 'whaddya think?' She says she then became a little frightened, but said “no, I don’t think so.” She says, he put it away and tried picking up conversation, like nothing happened. She was still scared, but says she didn’t show it, just showed disinterest. And that was it, he dropped her off, and she swore never again to be set up."


15. Don’t tell them you love them.

"Saying that you love them. Had that happen to me, yeah—there was no second date."


16. Don’t be Jeff.

"I don’t know if this counts, but back when I was in my late twenties, there was this cute guy at work that had been flirting with me for weeks, and I admit, I was interested. He finally worked up the nerve to ask me out but I had already promised my son I would take him to the movies that night. (My son was five years old at the time.) So this guy, we’ll call him Jeff, says ‘Well, would it be all right if I came along?’ This was a nice surprise, so I agreed. He replied, ‘This is great. Our first date and I get to meet your son!’ We decided to meet at the theater, and go for dinner afterward. So I show up at the theater with my son, meet Jeff, introduce him to my son, and then go to the ticket window. I go to buy my son, and my own tickets when Jeff speaks up and says ‘Oh, I don’t have any money so you’re going to have to buy my ticket too.’ This totally threw me but I just wanted my son to have a good time, so I bought Jeff’s ticket, too. We get inside and go to the concession stand so I can buy my son some popcorn and a drink, as I’m ordering Jeff steps up and orders a large popcorn and large drink too. I look at him, and he goes ‘That’s okay, right?’ I tell him I didn’t bring enough money to buy him his ticket AND snacks. He starts to act all put out that me and my son have drinks and popcorn but he doesn’t. So I buy him a small soda and small popcorn just to shut him up. After the movie was over, as we’re walking through the lobby Jeff asks, ‘So, where are we going for dinner?’ I stopped, looked at him and said ‘WE aren’t going anywhere for dinner. I don’t have any money left.’ Once again he got all pissy and said ‘Well, YOU were the one that asked me out so I figured you would be the one paying.’ Wait. What? I just stared at him for a couple of seconds, took my son’s hand and left. Needless to say, we didn’t go out again.

So, yeah, don’t be Jeff."


17. Don’t talk about religion, abortion, politics, or exes.

"Things to not talk about. R.A.P.E.
• Religion
• Abortion
• Politics
• Exes
”


18. Don’t talk about other guys you’re dating.

"I did online dating for a while and I was completely blown away by how frequently women talked about other guys they were dating off the site, too. Now I understand online dating is a bit of a numbers game and people go out with a lot of different people but talk about making me feel like my name was 'Free Food' or 'Movie Tickets.' Yeah, don’t do this."


19. Don’t lie about yourself.

"Lying. I went on a first date with a girl after meeting online and exchanging a month’s worth of emails. We met at a sushi bar and started small talk. When I asked what she did for work she told me she worked for a large multi-national corporation. I was like, cool. Then we continued on the date, had a nice dinner, went for a stroll, and later on (like after a few hours–we were kinda hitting it off) she confessed the “large multi-national” was actually the U.S. government and that she was in the military. Ok. So that sucked. Not because she was in the military, but because she thought she had to lie about what it really was. I kinda brushed it off though because we were having a good time. Then, even later, as we were saying our goodbyes and setting up plans to meet again, she says, “Oh, and one more thing…my name isn’t really Jane, it’s Jill.” (or whatever, I forget now). That was the clincher for me. No second date."


20. Don’t talk about your depression.

"Talking about your depression."


21. Don’t plan an elaborate future together.

"A guy started telling me on our first date that we would have three kids together, he already had their names picked out, and we’d live in a two-story house with a white picket fence in Mississippi. Uh, no."


22. Don’t be rude to the servers.

"Being overly demanding, critical or rude to serving staff. If you ever see this, nope out of there ASAP. There is no greater warning sign of dealing with someone of poor character."


23. Don’t have bad breath.

"Bad breath, oversharing, crying, inviting another person to tag along. If you get drunk, just make sure you’re both having a good time and it’s not devolving into a bitching, sob-fest."


24. Don’t say ‘I love you.’

"Any type of 'I think I love you,' or straight up 'I love you; on the first date is usually S-Grade crazy status. Run for the fucking hills."


25. Don’t wear Crocs.

"Crocs, if you want a second date, anyway." TC mark

50 Things To Text Your Boyfriend If You Want To Make His Day

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Milly Cope
Milly Cope

1.

I’m going to rub your back when you get home from work today.

2.

Can I make your favorite dinner tonight?

3.

Just so you know, you looked extra hot this morning.

4.

I’ve been thinking about you all day.

5.

I can’t wait until you get home.

6.

I love going to sleep with you.

7.

I love waking up with you.

8.

I miss your face.

9.

I keep wondering why I’m smiling and then I remember it’s because of you.

10.

I’m making us steaks tonight.

11.

Hoping you’re having a good day at work.

12.

I took your advice and _____. Thanks for being so smart.

13.

I can’t imagine finding anyone kinder, smarter or hotter than you are.

14.

You always make me smile.

15.

I’ve had a stressful day and all I want to do is fall asleep in your arms.

16.

I don’t know why, but all I could think about in my work meeting was you.

17.

Have a great day <3

18.

I feel like with you as my partner we can do anything.

19.

I can’t wait to see you again.

20.

Its funny how its always the nights we spend at home not doing anything that make me love you the most.

21.

You’re actually the best guy I’ve dated.

22.

I’m still laughing at that joke you told me last night.

23.

I love how you know so much about ______.

24.

I’m annoying my friends because I can’t stop bragging about how great you are.

25.

You make me feel like the happiest woman in the world.

26.

I love the way you hug me.

27.

Lets make tacos together tonight.

28.

I’m so lucky I found someone as good as you.

29.

Thank you for being you.

30.

You’re literally perfect to me.

31.

I’m so proud of you.

32.

You’re the perfect person to go to when I need help.

33.

Every time I go to text you, I smile.

34.

Having a bad day but I know all I need to make it better is a hug from you.

35.

I hope you know how much I adore you.

36.

Just thinking about your smile :)

37.

I had a great time with you yesterday and I love you.

38.

<3

39.

I think all my friends are jealous that I get to have you all to myself.

40.

You make me feel so safe.

41.

I love our life together.

42.

Has anyone ever told you how good you smell?

43.

You make me feel so lucky.

44.

I miss being snuggled into you.

45.

Wish you were here.

46.

You looked so good in the _____ shirt you were wearing last night.

47.

I’m so happy when I think about you.

48.

I’m so in love with you.

49.

Just thinking about how good you make me feel.

50.

You’re the man of my dreams. TC mark

7 Red Flags That Prove Your Boyfriend Is An Asshole

Posted: 06 Jul 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

1. Everything is about him.

Does everything that come out of his mouth start with “I”? Does he interrupt you when you’re trying to tell him something about yourself? Does he rarely ask you how your day was and instead, plunges into a five hour story about his day? Yeah, he’s an asshole.

2. He bickers with you on every little thing.

Does your boyfriend try to pick a fight every chance he gets? Does he snap at you when you’re driving him somewhere because you’re driving below the speed limit? Does he shake his head at you when you get lost yet again? Does he yell at you for snap chatting one of his friends? Yup. Asshole.

3. He is controlling.

Is your boyfriend oddly controlling with you? Does he try to make all your decisions just by himself? Does he get angry when you make a date with your friends instead of him? And does he glare at you when you decide to leave his place early? Asshole. And probably psycho. ABORT.

4. He ditches you.

Does your boyfriend decide to ditch you to smoke pot with his friends instead of meeting you for a date? Does he not listen to you when you tell him you want alone time with him? Does he want to play basketball with his friends instead of going to dinner with you every day of the week? Complete asshole.

5. He pressures you.

Does your boyfriend always try to have sex with you when you aren’t in the mood? Does he try to force you into something you never want to do? Does he not listen to you when you tell him you’re tired? Please leave him now.

6. He doesn’t like your friends.

Does your boyfriend roll his eyes whenever you invite your friends over? Does he not try to get to know them at all? Does he stay silent when they try to talk to him? Does he tell you it’s just because “he’s shy?” Yeah, sure asshole.

7. He doesn’t get along with your family.

Is your boyfriend strange around your family? Does he try to argue with them instead of remain cordial? Or is he weirdly silent when they try to communicate with him? Does he even ask your sister anything about herself? If you answer yes to all of the above questions, he’s an asshole.

I’m not saying that every one of these bullet points makes your guy a complete moron but, if he ultimately doesn’t treat you right and doesn’t show interest in what makes you tick, please recognize this. Don’t you think you deserve better?

Don’t settle for an asshole, please.

One day, you’ll find someone who doesn’t treat you like a trash bag he can kick around all the time. It’s not worth it. Ever. You’re going to find a guy that actually asks you how your day was when you come home at night. You’re going to find someone who loves every imperfect part of you. You’re going to find someone who wants to get to know your loved ones. Don’t settle for a loser. I hope you recognize that you’re worth so much more than that. TC mark