Thought Catalog


17 Sex Hacks To Make Riding Him A Lot Less Tiring

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 10:00 PM PDT

Emmanuel Rosario
Emmanuel Rosario

1. If you aren’t used to hitting the gym and doing squats on the daily, you should try resting on your knees instead of resting on your feet as you bounce up and down. That way, you should be able to ride him for longer without getting as tired.

2. If you don’t think you can last all that long without breaking into a sweat, you should try leaning forward and holding onto the headboard. That way, you’ll have something to push your arms against to help you move.

3. If it’s easier, you could also try pressing your palms against his chest and pushing off of his body. Don’t worry, he’ll find it sexy when you dig your nails into his skin.

4. If your boobs get sore from bouncing around, then hold them with your hands. He’ll find it hot and you’ll find it comforting.

5. Grab his hand and place it on your clit, so he can rub. Sex won’t feel as tiring if you’re actually getting something out of it. Besides, seeing you cum might make him cum.

6. You don’t have to use up all of your energy moving up and down the entire time. Try taking a break to move backwards and forwards or to create circular motions. See what you like.

7. When you undress and get on top of him, tease him before you let the fun begin. Run his cock along your clit and let him feel how wet you are. The harder you make him ahead of time, the faster he’ll come once you’re riding him.

8. Wear something sexy. When you’re on top, your body is on full display, so you might as well flaunt it. Slip into your sexiest lingerie or the bra that makes your cleavage look spectacular.

9. If you get tired, take a break. Stop moving, but keep him inside of you while you bend down to kiss and lick and nibble him.

10. Grab his hands and place them on your ass. That way, he can help you bounce up and down, which will take some of the pressure off of your legs.

11. Put your hair into a ponytail, so it doesn’t get all over the place while you’re bouncing around. You can even put your hair up while you’re riding him. Most men get turned on when they see you play with your hair.

12. If he’s an ass man, turn around so he sees your booty instead. It should make him cum faster, and you never know, reverse cowgirl might be easier on your legs than the traditional cowgirl position.

13. He can still thrust from below you, you know. So if you need a short break, stop moving and ask him to take control. You won’t hear any complaints from him.

14. It’ll be even easier for you to ride him when you’re on the couch, because he’ll be sitting up. Then you can easily kiss his neck, grab his shoulders, and stick your tits in his face.

15. Get him horny before the sex starts. Before you remove his pants, grind on him with your clothing still on. Wait until he’s begging you to let him inside. Then make him wait some more.

16. Of course, you could always give him a blowjob beforehand. Nothing will prep him for sex faster than your lips wrapped around his cock.

17. Remember, there’s no reason for you two to stay in the same position for the entire time. If you get tired, tell him to fuck you from behind. He’ll be so turned on that he won’t even realize you’re asking to switch, because you’re sweating. TC mark

I Love Eating Ass, Does That Make Me A Gross Person?

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 08:45 PM PDT

koobeanscharlie / www.twenty20.com/photos/af67736b-0685-4e5a-bbdf-985aa8423614
koobeanscharlie / www.twenty20.com/photos/af67736b-0685-4e5a-bbdf-985aa8423614

I have an affinity for eating booty. It's kind of like licking a dirty penny. But I'm into it.

Does that make me a gross person? Most of my friends feel the same way I do about butt stuff. Maybe it's the reason we all hang out?

Most girls I run into seem to like a little butt play – Whether it's a finger rubbing their butthole, a tongue licking it or an occasional finger, toy or a dick up there. 90% of the women I've hooked up with enjoy one or some combination of these three activities.

Some girls don't want to admit they like butt play because it makes them feel dirty, embarrassed or ashamed. These are usually the same women who roll over, spread their cheeks and press their asses into my face from the first moment they feel my tongue enter their crack. Deep down they know it feels good, but repress those feelings. I think women should embrace what they enjoy without shaming themselves. What can I say, I'm a male feminist at heart.

I hear Catholic Schoolgirls apparently only do anal because they want to remain virgins. I don't necessarily buy their logic, but I would never argue with them. Where were they when I was growing up? I've had to beg, plead and manipulate my way into most of my butt sex experiences. Apparently my mom should have sent me to Catholic School.

Then there are the rare "nothing has ever been up there and no one has ever touched it" girls. These girls drive me insane. "I don't like it, it feels weird." They are so against experimenting they shut it down before they give it a chance. Every time they clench their cheeks or tense up as I get even remotely close to their ass I can't help but think of what George Carlin said – "Don't be so suburban, it's the new millennium." There are thousands of nerve endings in your anus, relax and enjoy it.

I feel it's my job to take these repressed women and show them the wonders and majesty of butt play. I try my best to help them see the light. My mind can't fathom not finding pleasure in the act. I continually endeavor to change their minds. Sometimes with no avail.

In fact, one girl stopped seeing me because I kept attempting to lick her ass. I took every opportunity I could find to slide my tongue in her ass, hoping she would come to her senses. Instead, she told me my repeated efforts to please her booty made her feel uncomfortable. Then she put her clothes back on and left my house. We never spoke again.

I've had a girl say to me, "How would you feel if I stuck my tongue in your ass." Girl you can't scare me with a good time!  I try to talk most women into giving me a rim job. It feels good, I'm not afraid to admit I like it. I have no shame when it comes to that. Well maybe a little shame, but I'll get over it.

I understand everyone has their likes and dislikes. Butt play may not be for everyone, but let's not make it taboo. All I'm saying is give it a chance. Don't let other people cast aspersions on what you may enjoy. Don't worry about what your partner may think we he reaches his destination, that's on him. If you worry about the hygienic nature of this practice, then bathe or clean up a little beforehand.

I promise you this, as a man I know full well the risks I take when engaging in butt play. The responsibility to deal with those risks lies firmly on my shoulders. I'm not afraid of a dingleberry on my tongue or a little poop on my finger or shaft. I know those could be real possibilities and I'm willing to take those risks.

Ladies, if your man ventures down there he needs to be accountable for what happens to him. This is not your burden to bear. It should be a legally binding agreement that if he's going to go spelunking he deals with the possible consequences. It's a choice to go for the booty and if he's not man enough to handle the repercussions then he has no business exploring your backside. TC mark

12 Things I Did Wrong (But Learned From) In My Last Relationship

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Thought Catalog Instagram
Thought Catalog Instagram

1. I didn’t make the time I needed to. I learned that making an effort has to be a two-way street. To expect that one person will make plans and the other person will just follow them doesn’t work. You both have to make the effort, and one person shouldn’t constantly be claiming that they’re “busier” than the other.

2. I was unnecessarily jealous. And I didn’t need to be at all. I almost feel like I was just being jealous because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. But I had no reason to doubt my S.O., and putting him in a position where he often needed to defend himself put us in a bad place.

3. I gave him standards I wasn’t meeting myself. Which was a really unfair precedent for me to set. It was one of those things I didn’t even realize I was doing in the moment, but looking back, I know I was.

4. I took things too personally, when they weren’t meant to be taken that way. And in my defense, I think when you’re in a relationship, and you’re someone who takes things really personally, your S.O. should really KNOW and accept that about you. It shouldn’t have to be a fight every time, they should just understand that that is how you come. But I did learn that maybe I’m a bit of an overly sensitive person.

5. I didn’t know what give and take meant. Again, the two-way street thing was lost on me for a while, and that also meant that compromising wasn’t my strong suit. Compromise. Is. Key. That’s what I’ve learned.

6. I let my emotional fears get in the way. And instead of exposing them, and explaining them to my S.O. so he would understand and feel like he was in the know, I kept them to myself. I allowed my emotional fears to make me closed off, which meant I wasn’t always honest in my relationship.

7. I was too scared to let my vulnerabilities show. And I feel like that’s what he needed to see most.

8. And in general, I was scared of getting hurt, which hindered my ability to love fully. I wanted to give him my full range of emotions, because those feelings really did exist for him, but I didn’t show him until it was too late.

9. I didn’t want my family to be involved. I just felt like I was never ready. I’d spent a lot of time with his family, but whenever he mentioned meeting my family, I made excuses. They’re much farther away, and I was worried that if they met, they’d get as invested as I was, and then I’d be letting them down if it didn’t work out.

10. The way I thought I would be in a relationship was totally different from how I actually acted. Turns out, I wasn’t the picture-perfect girlfriend pop culture taught me to be.

11. I didn’t want to let him into things I did on my own. And while I definitely think having alone time in a relationship is important, I pushed a little too hard for my space. If I could do it again, I would just be honest about needing more time for myself, instead of being evasive.

12. I knew it wasn’t quite right, but I wasn’t willing to see it. I think I really ignored the fact that we had too many incompatibilities. And yes, some of the issues came from me being very guarded and not sharing with him. But I think it also just wasn’t as right as I thought it was when I initially got swept up in everything. TC mark

‘Nice Guys’ From Hell: 49 Women Share Nightmare Stories From The Friend Zone

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 07:30 PM PDT

Jovanadventures / Twenty20.com
Jovanadventures / Twenty20.com
Found on AskReddit.

1. He was pissed that I wasn’t dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS.

"I went to a pretty small college in northern Colorado. My freshman year I befriended a nice guy named R. R ended up pledging with a fraternity. I went on a couple of dates with a guy from R’s frat I thought things were going well then the guy I dated just stopped responding to me. A bunch of other people involved in the Greek community and lots of people in my dorm started giving me funny looks or conversations would end as soon as I came in the room. Apparently he was pissed that I wasn’t dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS. I ended up transferring schools because of that guy."


2. He broke in my house to steal my medication and left a note saying that he hoped being off it made me kill myself.

"Was friends with a guy for years, and then he asked me out while I was in a relationship. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t reacted to me saying no by going on a tirade about how ungrateful I was because he’d been my friend for so long, and he’d been so nice to me, and no one else would have stuck around when I’d been so crazy.

He finished up by breaking in a few days later to steal my medication and left a note saying that he hoped being off it made me kill myself."


3. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work.

"Dude I dated for while always complained when we first started going out about how girls always screwed him over, nice guys finished last etc. etc. He told me his stories and I felt so sorry for him. After a few months together he turned out to be the most possessive irrational person I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t hang out with my friends, not even girlfriends, he even flipped on me for hanging out with my BROTHER and giving him a hug. Wtf?? I finally dumped him when I got my first teeny tiny tattoo and he slut shamed me for a few days straight. He told me how if I chose to be a pierced and tatted person (I had plugs and nose piercings when he met me) that I was choosing a promiscuous life and he finds that to be the most unattractive thing in the world. Yeah okay buddy, buh bye. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work. He showed up at my current job two days after I started working there…"


4. He just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away.

"A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs at uni. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot, it’ll get better, etc. etc. We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I’m seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away."


5. Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I’m a whore, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is.

"Harassed me for 6 months after we stopped talking, was verbally abusive and called me every gendered slur in the book and kept making new email accounts as I blocked them to inform me he was a nice guy and asking me to help him find a GF because nice guys deserve GFs.

Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I’m a whore, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is.

I’ve never really told anyone about what happened and it feels healthy to get it off my chest. The whole thing reeks of 4chan, obviously. as long as I’m oversharing he also posted a revealing picture I sent online ok bye."


6. It really hurts to realize that some ‘friends’ are just sexually frustrated animals.

"I’ve always been a tomboy and grew up with a lot of male friends. Since reaching adulthood, I’ve also grown some breasts. This combination of things has led to most of my best guy friends asking me if they could finally see my tits “since we’ve been friends for so long.” and subsequently vanishing when I said no. It’s depressing enough when I realize that a guy I’m into just wants to bang, but it really hurt when the guys I thought were actual human beings, with whom I’d developed deep multi-year friendships, were just sexually frustrated animals. So yeah, I’ve got some trust issues now."


7. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.

"Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on Facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If I don’t ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him."


8. He tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday

"That one time he tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday."


9. He didn’t give up. For FIVE years.

"I went to an extremely conservative and small college. Our freshman class was pretty tiny as in you would know everyone by name in your class.

There was a guy I met on the first day of class and he seemed nice. We had a usual conversation (nothing out of the ordinary). Two days later, he texted me. I never gave him my number and the only person who had my number was my roommate and she swears she never gave him my number.

Cue the constant messages asking me how my day was and if I wanted to meet up or hang out. I politely told him that I didn’t want to date anyone at the moment and I was focused on school.

He didn’t give up. For FIVE years. He messaged me with different numbers, emails, and send me letters. He would threaten every single guy who would talk to me.

Worst part was when I learned that he and his frat buddies had announced to everyone in the first week of freshman year that I was his girl and that I was off the market.

Pretty much ruined my college experience in terms of having a social life."


10. I beat the shit out of him.

"I knew a guy in college that took the fact that I was sexual with some other men to indicate that I wanted to be so with him.

I let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn’t like him, was not attracted to him, did not want to fuck him, or be in any sort of relationship.

He kept sticking his toe over the line though, not enough to warrant a major response, but still pushing it.

One night at a party he tackled me onto a bed and started groping me, trying to take my clothes off, etc.

I’m not sure what he was thinking, given the differences in our sizes and temperament.

I beat the shit out of him.

Due to the pain I’ve seen sexual assault cause some of my very close friends in the past and the greater than average dislike of rapists I have as a result, I likely went way too far.

At least from a legal point of view.

However, that ended the problem."


11. The guy kept sending me e-mails well after 3 years.

"Pretty much any guy who turns aggressive after you show them you’re not interested.

At least in my experience, when men are interested they try to be friends with you thinking you’ll change your mind at some point and then get really weird when that doesn’t happen and terminate the friendship. It sucks. When I say I’m not interested, I really mean it. I don’t like to be led on so I wouldn’t do it to others.

I got into a stupid situation when I was a kid and the guy kept sending me e-mails well after 3 years. It’s been over a decade now but whenever I set up a new social media account I always look up his name and block him."


12. He texts to ask if I thought he was nice, then proceeds to send 4 dick pics and asks me to come back.

"Where do I start?

Met a guy online dating (his profile actually started with “nice guy”) and chatted for a few weeks before meeting up. Had made it exceptionally clear that I wanted to see if our chemistry existed in real life but wasn’t going to sleep with him on first sight. Met up with him and he talked incessantly about how he hadn’t had sex in weeks and needed to break his drought. I leave, he texts to ask if I thought he was nice, then proceeds to send 4 dick pics and asks me to come back. Gets so offended when I said no, calls to beg me to come over for sex so I can help him with “his situation” because he’s a nice guy."


13. He was so nice he tried to rape me.

• He was my college apartment-mate and a friend of a friend. He seemed OK, but he was a little strange.

• He would come to my bedroom door and talk to me. He’d hang on the door and smile and tell me that homework was for losers and I should hang out with him. When I asked him to leave me alone—when I asked for anything, really—he’d push back a liiittttle bit more and more, until I started to feel upset. Then he’d make a joke and leave.

• He did unsolicited things, grand gestures. Write a sweet poem or put an outrageous amount of work into a present or favor.

• He’d tell me we needed to talk. That he felt like he was putting all the effort into our friendship, and it really hurt his feelings. I felt terrible after each of these, somehow.

• He would make challenging comments about everything I did, always with enough plausible deniability. “Whatcha doing?” “Why are you doing it that way?” “That’s stupid. Why don’t you do it this way?” “Well, you suck.”

• There were many jokes at my expense that were juuust harmless enough to tolerate, and many conversations—in big groups, particularly—that he would steer to use peer pressure to make me talk about my personal life.

"TL;DR: He was so nice he tried to rape me."


14. I remember him saying, ‘say my name,’ and I would. Over and over, until I blacked out.

"We were hanging out and he gave me a cranberry-and-vodka with three more shots in it than I thought. Then he gave me two more. I remember throwing up. I remember him saying, ‘say my name,’ and I would. Over and over, until I blacked out.

When I woke up, he was fondling me. I lay there for a moment and let him touch me because I was so tired. After about 5 seconds, I got out of bed and told him he needed to leave. He asked why, and I told him that I didn’t remember anything since the bathroom. He pushed, like he always does, but I pushed back and he walked out. THAT’S when the apologies started.

First, he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d been drinking! Later, he said he knew what he’d been doing, of course he realized, and he was very sorry! When I realized I couldn’t sleep, I texted my best friend, asking her how I could have led this guy on. What I had I done wrong? I texted pretty much continuously for the next few hours, but she was asleep and never picked up.

Friends helped me move out. Some of them asked me what I’d done to lead him on, which made me doubt myself more. I was afraid to be alone and afraid to bathe, but I always felt dirty and desperate to get clean. After a few days that went away.

I talked to other friends, who told me about their own, previously unrevealed, experiences. I was blindsided by these. Some implied that because they got through it ok, I’d be fine, nbd. Eventually I mostly forgot about it.

And in writing this, I only just realized he wasn’t too drunk to know it was wrong. He actually planned it. I wish I’d pressed charges. (Yes, I am an idiot.)"


15. He switched schools for me, wrote songs for me, cried for me, threatened me when I had a bf, and tried to kill himself.

"There was a guy who was in love with me since high school, I’m not sure if he still is today. Basically, he switched schools for me, wrote songs for me, cried for me, threatened me when I had a bf, and tried to kill himself—this part, I’m not sure if it was for me, or for his dad, still makes me feel really guilty even though we were never together.

I just hope he moves on and finds someone nice."


16. He acted like I was being a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ sorta person for cold-shouldering him.

"He mopes, tells everyone we know I maliciously broke his heart, but still tries to hang out with me. At first I do attempt to be friends but the repeated guilt trips prove to be too fucking annoying. He also apparently is seeing some poor girl who ‘hates me’ because he CONSTANTLY TELLS HER HE’S NOT OVER ME. He seems to get satisfaction out of telling me this. Last time I saw him, after telling him I couldn’t talk to him anymore, he acted like I was being a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ sorta person for cold-shouldering him.

And that, my friends, is the most garbagey NiceGuy I have ever encountered."


17. He seemed weird but nice at first, but then he would talk about murdering people.

"When I was younger there was this kid that no one would talk to, so I decided to be a nice person and be his friend. He seemed weird but nice at first, but then he would talk about murdering people, stories about celebrity women getting raped and liking it (all false, I even Googled it to give him the benefit of the doubt). He would switch between talking about how it’d be so nice to have me take his last name and threatening to rape and murder me. Eventually it went too far and he chased me into the road after he was not allowed back in the school for harassing me. I nearly got hit by a car but I literally ran into the side of my mom’s car before I could be seriously hurt."


18. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand-up guy.

"I’m paranoid about leading people on. I’m petite with large breasts and doe eyes so I seem to give the ‘young exploitable anime girl’ vibe.
I hung out with a guy (we watched Mighty Boosh and chatted). Before he came over I literally said ‘I am not looking for a relationship. Please don’t ask to be more than friends’ as I had recently gotten out of a long-term relationship.

Of course that apparently translated to him asking me out via text as soon as he got home. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand-up guy.

Thus began his two-year campaign of stalking."


19. I came out to find a 12-page letter pinned under my windshield wiper, detailing all of the ways I failed.

"Senior year of high school, I dated a guy who was awesome on paper and all that, but we seemed to not really click. Like, I got the sense he actually liked me but wasn’t particularly attracted to me (we’d make out, but basically were in a holding pattern from about date #2 on, he’d seem happy to see me but at the same time never once told me I was pretty–not even when we went to prom)… Anyway, senior year is winding down and I thought, this is clearly just some school thing and we’ll be broken up before I go to college, so I might as well end it before he gets invested. I tried to be as kind as possible, explained all the reasons he was great, detailed my reasons for ending it, and that I sincerely hoped we’d be friends. He proceeded to:

• Show up at places he never went to, just because I’d be there.

• Leave little notes, drawings, flowers he picked, etc. on my car (things he never did when we were actually dating, BTW).

• If I didn’t immediately greet him when he arrived somewhere I was, he’d come over and interrupt any conversation I was having, just repeating, ‘Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello’ until he was acknowledged. He would also wander off, then return to do it again at least a few more times if I stayed there.

• We never talked about birthdays while we were dating, but apparently, I missed his. I know this because I came out to find a 12-page letter pinned under my windshield wiper, detailing all of the ways I failed as a friend (item number 3 was ‘friends give birthday cards’).

• He petitioned my friends to tell me how sad he was and how I had broken his heart. Sometimes I’d meet a friend of a friend who would suddenly get this horrified look on their face and say, ‘Oh, you’re THAT girl? {ExBF} has told me a lot about you.’

• When I finally confronted him and said, ‘You know, we could have been at least friendly acquaintances, but the notes and you talking to my friends, and that ‘hello, hello’ stuff just killed it for me. So leave me alone,’ his response was, ‘I should have known. Nobody will ever love me. You just showed me I’m unlovable.’

• Between summer and the start of college, he did leave me alone. Five months post-breakup, Thanksgiving weekend, I had university friends over at my family’s house. At midnight, Thanksgiving night, my ex walks in the front door without even knocking—which he’d never once done while we were dating. He’d had a huge fight with his family, and for whatever reason decided to come to MY house. I didn’t want to freak out my friends OR wake up my parents, so I made him a turkey sandwich, put it in a paper bag, and told him to get in my car. I drove him to another friend’s house and said, ‘I’m trying to be kind because you’ve obviously had a bad night, but if I ever see you again, I’m going to call the police. Do not come back. Do not contact me again. Do not go to my parents’ house again.’

Even worse? The next summer, my high school best friend informed me that they were ‘in love’ and moving in together. I had told her everything that happened between us, but she just knew she understood him better and could give him the love he needed. Her happily ever after included:

• Excessive crying jags and raging tantrums (all his)

• Having to pay his bills so he could afford prescribed lithium pills

• Coming home to their apartment to find he’d not only destroyed all of their furniture but also done structural damage to the building

• Having him disappear without a word for weeks at a time

• Having him take all of her money and only months later find out he’d reconnected with some ex-girlfriend who was in Germany–manufacturing LSD and planning great mountain biking trips

• My (former) friend did not appreciate my laughing about how she was right, she definitely wound up knowing him better than I ever did. She thought I’d be sympathetic, but that’s not really how I roll. I basically said, ‘I told you I wanted him out of my life. I told you he was a psycho, but you told me I was wrong. Why would I want to talk to you about him now?’

tl,dr: Senior year boyfriend went from not particularly involved while dating to semi-stalking, showed up in the middle of the night months later, and ultimately went completely nuts after moving in with my former best friend."


20. He sexually assaulted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch.

"He was my best friend since the age of like 4 or 5 (same age) and practically family. I had a shitty adolescent time, drank too much way too young and hung out with bad people, I lost almost all of my friends except this guy who stuck by me through thick and thin. Called me to check on me, always invited me to game nights, told me I was okay, made me feel alright again. He never pressured me to do anything with him, nothing like that at all even though there were plenty of other guys who did. We’d talk on the phone several times a week until the end and I was adamant we were only friends—he was fine with this and was dating and all of that. Cue a few years ago.

I had a mental breakdown one night and he came over to help me out but started acting weird. Wanted me to cuddle in bed next to him to feel “closer to each other” (he had a steady girlfriend and I’m not okay with this either way) and gets upset about it, all while I’m crying and shaking uncontrollably on the couch.

We have a weird relationship for a few months where I’m not comfortable seeing him anymore but we still talk. One night I decided to invite him over to watch a movie like old times.

He sexually assaulted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch. Did it matter that I said no, and did he care? No, he deserved it and he had been a nice guy, a friend, for so long. I said a loud no and it didn't matter, he wanted to do it again sometime, maybe regularly if I didn't mind.

I haven't talked to him or you in years. I’ll never forgive you."


21. He lost it. He began insulting me, telling me I led him on.

"I was 16 and quite lonely so I posted something on Tumblr so people would message me. I added a 26 y/o guy from NY (I am from Switzerland, so time zones are different). In my mind it was clear and it seemed obvious that I didn’t want anything romantic as we had 10 years of difference and I TOLD him that I only wanted a friend.

Well, after messaging for a while he told me he had to go to sleep and made me promise to continue to talk to him once he woke up. Weird but whatever I thought. Few hours later he messaged me and talked about how he wanted me to be his girlfriend and so on. I told him again that I was only looking for a friend.

He lost it. He began insulting me, telling me I led him on (even though I told him I was only looking for a friend when we first talked). I ended up having to block him because I couldn’t get him to calm down or to understand that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

I never made another post to meet new people online after that."


22. He flat-out screamed at me ‘FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!’

"I was friends with this guy for a couple years but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.

Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My ‘friend’ calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he ‘wasn’t good enough for me’ and why my boyfriend ‘was so much better than him.’ I tried to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a ‘nice guy’ and how he had ‘always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?’ I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that ‘he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.’

I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me ‘FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!’

I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty."


23. When I read and didn’t respond to his message, he texted me ‘whore’ and ‘fuck you I’m a nice guy.’

"When I read and didn’t respond to his message, he texted me ‘whore’ and ‘fuck you I’m a nice guy.’ The irony…


24. He says he’s fine with friendship and says he understands me so much.

"I haven’t had many, but I had a recent one. Met a guy at work briefly, later see that he friended me on Facebook and asks me out. I said I wasn’t looking for a relationship, especially with all my work troubles. He says he’s fine with friendship and says he understands me so much.

Over the next few weeks he sends me messages about cats or the weather, stuff like that. Usually about four in a row, all about an hour apart. I don’t really respond much.

Then the other day I wake up to a text that says, “hey” so I write “hey what’s up.” I didn’t see that the first text was from the previous night. He next text I get back says something like, “well I WAS going to invite you to a party last night but I see you were hanging out with other people. It’s too bad, I guess I’ll just delete your number. I could have loved you forever.”

I text back basically saying what the hell is that all about?? He then says that he couldn’t stand that I was with someone else and could I please understand.

I thought the messages were mean because I met him once, never hung out with him, had good reasons for not starting anything, and yet he tries to make me feel bad when I’m already not doing well."


25. He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a slut and wasted his time.

"Met on a dating site between relationships. Described himself as nice and respectful. ‘What a woman wants is important!’

We met at a seafood restaurant and he was really nice and respectful. He tried to pull my chair out but I’d done it myself. I jokingly offered to pull his chair out. We’d had a nice dinner but didn’t really ‘click.’ He seemed perfectly fine. After the scallops we talked about life goals and then wrapped the dinner up. He asked me when he could see me again and I said “I had a great time, but I am not sure a second date will work out. Good luck dating!” and put my half of the dinner tab down. He’s been honest and so had I that we’d had a couple of other people “on deck” and were just testing the waters.

He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a slut and wasted his time and if I wasn’t going to put out then I could have at least paid for my meal (as my money and a tip were already on the table?)

I walked away and stopped doing dating sites.

Another ‘nice guy’ held me hostage in my bathroom at knifepoint because I broke up with him, but the other guy was by far the worst.


26. He was pretty sure I was the girl that his mom prayed for him to marry.

"Oh, man. In the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college, I came home and volunteered to help my parents’ church out because they were down a singer. The guy playing drums that Sunday asked for my number. He was kinda cute and seemed shy, so I said yes.

So we go out for coffee, he invites me to his house, and it’s early so I go with. It’s really awkward, but I felt bad for the guy because he wasn’t unattractive so he obviously just had really bad social skills. At his house, he introduces me to his parents, whom he lives with. He tells them “This is the one from church I told you about!”

Then after his parents go to bed, he tells me how his mom had been ‘praying for me to meet my wife at church,’ and then the next week he did!

He then drove me back to my car (Nothing happened, of course, I felt too awkward to even sit on the same couch as him after he accidentally told me).

I stopped talking to him after that, and he sent me some really sad messages about how we had such a good connection and yadda yadda yadda. I started dating someone not long after that and he sent me a message about how upset he was, because I obviously wasn’t “ready for a relationship” and how I had “lied to him,” which I never did. He then proceeded to block me on Facebook and Instagram. From time to time he’ll read me, and I will ignore him.

He didn’t get very harassing but that’s what I think of when I hear ‘nice guy.’

I’m a Christian, and I’m all for praying with your spouse, but this is TOO FAR to go on a first date. So crazy."


27. He proceeded to act like a victim of ‘the friend zone’ and complain that she didn’t like ‘nice guys.’

"A friend of mine thought he was the ‘nice guy.’ He was pretty smitten with a girl he’d met on the school bus. Over the course of the school year my friend:

*Would lick his lips violently and bang on the table whenever he saw her from a distance

*Tell everyone around when she would wear yoga pants in the most obvious way possible (loudly saying ” look at her ass!”

*Routinely thrust his hips towards her whenever he stood behind her

*Get visibly aroused when she sat next to him on the bus

*Constantly go into her class for our photo class and take pictures of her cleavage/ass on the teacher’s camera and not even bother to wipe the SD card. Tried to get upskirt creep shots and got caught by the teacher

*Constantly tell us how he would masturbate thinking about her

*He stole someone else’s photo of her, made several copies of it in the dark room, and showed people one of the pictures encrusted in his cum, including a friend of the girl

*Called her a bitch behind her back when she wore jeans because “he couldn’t get a good look at her assets”

*Asked her to prom, and when she obviously said no, proceeded to act like a victim of “the friendzone” and complain that she didn’t like “nice guys.”


28. He had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.

"Met ‘Bill’ at a friend’s party. There was definite attraction so we started dating. We really had fun—it seemed like we could make a good life together. After a year together he asked me to move in with him and it looked like a good idea. The first night in his house he had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.

It’s like the niceness was a front to get me exactly where he wanted me—under his roof and his rules. He seemed to think that he now owned me. That sure didn’t work for me. I packed up and got out within days."


29. He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker.

"The thing that made him a ‘nice guy’ was that he was adored and highly respected professionally by his circle of friends. So sweet, thoughtful, well mannered. Extremely handsome and talented. Fascinating life, blue chip circle of friends (I don’t want to give too many specific details). He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker….

Quickly discovered he was an emotional infant with airs of superiority, viewed himself as the intellectual counterpart to my silly head, liked to “air conduct” classical music in front of his stereo (I had to include that one), turned down any sexual advances I made, was the worst lover I ever had (he had a reputation as an amazing lover mostly promoted by himself)…I came to believe he was a deeply, deeply closeted homosexual but that’s a whole other post. He was also mildly homophobic which he only expressed in private with me.

There was a lot more I won’t go into. If I was ever upset about anything, however mildly, he was emotionally incapable of discussing it without becoming extremely defensive to the point of sabotaging the gentlest of conversations about my feelings with him sobbing and throwing himself on the floor. Literally pushed me away from any sexual advances. Once I was cuddling up to him and placed my hand on his thigh. He pushed me away and explained that hey, that was a huge turnoff. Pillow talk might send him out of bed, pacing the floor yelling at me and jabbing his finger in the air. There was more of this sort of thing that happened but not much because…

I ended it abruptly. I was of an age where I was not going to fucking waste a minute of my time on it. I tried to discuss our relationship, mostly with regards to the sex, which was not going well. It tried to talk to him multiple times, in person, on the phone, via email. Like grownups do when a relationship starts to have bumps. Because it was impossible to talk to him, and he wouldn’t listen to me, I spelled out the end our relationship in an email. So, he told his friends I “broke up with him in an email.” Of course, these were all his friends I had been brought into, not mine.

I began getting mildly threatening and very creepy ‘anonymous’ letters that were obviously from him. He began enlisting people I’d never met, and even someone he’d just met, to harass me on his behalf for the next year. I started to document it and tell friends. He did some big, showy confrontational things in public places where he knew I’d be, and also enlisted other people. That’s when I contacted the police. I’m trying not to be too detailed, but he got a phone call (this was done as a personal favor to me) from a police officer that scared the shit out of him and it stopped. He was in his late 40’s when he was doing this.

And I know, that all of his friends think I’m some terrible bitch and that he’s this nice guy that 'can’t find the right girl."


30. A few days later he sent me a picture of him pissing.

"So many come to mind but these were the first two I thought of:

1) Old guy who was the dad of an acquaintance. The guy must have been in his 60’s. We ran into each other often in social situations and he was always really friendly (in a fatherly way I thought). One day he needed to have dental work done and wasn’t able to drive afterwards and offered me some cash to drive him. I needed the cash and I figured why not? A couple days later I ran into him again and he asked me if I would be interested in being his ‘lover’ in exchange for money and that he was a nice guy and would treat me nicely. Whut. I don’t even know how the conversation got there but it was clear he had been planning on asking me this. Extra gross because I knew his daughter, like dude wtf. Really old dudes can still be creeps, lesson learned.

2) This guy never actually said he was a nice guy but his actions said enough. We went on a date, had stuff in common and got along, but I just didn’t feel anything romantic. I told him this at the end of the date when he tried to kiss me and he kept going on about how he didn’t understand why I would even “let the date continue” (like what was I supposed to do, just bail halfway through?) and how he thought everything had gone well. I said sorry I’m just not feeling it and we ended the date. He texted me the next day apologizing and asking if I wanted to just be friends because we did get along and have a lot in common. He seemed genuine so I said sure. Over the next 2 years we’d occasionally hang out, meet up for lunch and chat. He had a girlfriend for most of those 2 years but they eventually broke up. Then one day he tries to give me a massage, but I was uncomfortable with it and cut it off. A few days later he sent me a picture of him pissing. Yes, you read that right. I was like dude, why would you send me that? I know you have a weird sense of humor but don’t send me pics of your piss, I don’t want to see it. He BLEW UP. He must have sent me about 30 texts ranting on and on about how he didn’t understand why I would make “such a big deal out of it” and he was just trying to be funny and that he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore if I was so uptight. I kept saying “ok that’s fine please stop texting me then”, to which he would reply with another 10 angry texts. He clearly had been hoping that someday he could still get in my pants and when he realized I really wasn’t interested he picked a fight over something stupid to end our ‘friendship”. Super weird dude."


31. He kept trying to put my hand down his pants. I kind of just froze. Then he backed me against the wall and kissed me.

"When I was about 16, an older female friend of mine was dating an even older guy. So she, myself, and another female friend went to his apartment one night to hang out. It started out with pizza and a movie, and the guy my friend was dating started telling a story about a guy friend who apparently had a huge penis. My friends and I joked about how we wanted to see it. Little did I know, the guy telling the story texts his well-endowed buddy about how there’s a young blonde who wants to see his junk, I guess. At any rate, the guy shows up and starts hounding me all night. He’s much older, and I’m woefully inexperienced and intimidated. He corners me in the stairwell and proceeds to tell me how lucky I am he came to see me. He said there were several other parties and girls waiting for him, but he wanted to be nice and come meet me. He kept trying to put my hand down his pants. I kind of just froze. Then he backed me against the wall and kissed me. He had a large nose and I just remember it pressing into my nose bone painfully. I finally just had to shove him off and stomp upstairs while he called me a bitch. I still cringe about how I just froze like an idiot."


32. A guy once PM’ed me, ‘Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good cock.’

"A guy once PM’ed me, ‘Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good cock.’ So I asked him how he’d feel if someone spoke to his sister like that. He immediately blew up and told me he’d kill me for talking about his family like that. Makes sense."


33. He posted my nudes on 4chan and insisted he was doing me a favor.

"A guy I dated for a year once posted my nudes on 4chan and insisted he was doing me a favor. If he weren’t so proud of how I look, he wouldn’t have posted them. He was being a “good boyfriend.” Why. Why why why."


34. He left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young child's life.

"So my best nice guy experience was a guy I actually did try to date.

We went out once, he didn't have a lot going on (no job, no college, pending assault charges in another state for a 17-year-old girl) which he let me know on the first date. I decided that maybe now wasn't the best time for him to be dating but he was funny and nice so I said lets stay friends.

He agreed at first but then…

He started calling and texting me constantly. Whenever I didn't wanna hang out with him it was because I was too busy ‘being a slut and catching chlamydia”. As soon as I would respond he would apologize and be nice…for like 5 seconds. This continued, got worse, and I eventually just blocked his number.

He of course just started calling and texting form random phone numbers. One night when I had ignored him all day he left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young child's life.

I had to change my number and file a police report to get him to leave me alone. That’s what I get for trying to find love on OKCupid."


35. He spends like 3 weeks messaging me just really mean, vile shit all the time.

"I had a crush on a dude in high school, he was part of my BFFs circle so we were together a lot. I’m upfront so I was pretty clear that I had some feelings for him, but he was uninterested in being anything more than friends, whatever, I had another boy kinda chasing me so I gave him a shot and we start dating, and I kept the friendship with the Nice Guy.

Flash-forward a year, Nice Guy has become one of my closest friends. We eat lunch together, hang out like every day, and my boyfriend is often included, although they weren’t close at all. Then a week before Nice Guy leaves for college, he confesses that he’s totally in love with me, my boyfriend will never fully understand me or treat me right (it’s been 4 years and we are still together soooo), and I pretty much owe it to him to dump my bf and fuck him before he moves to school. I said no, obviously. He freaks out and tries to make me pay him back for all the money he spent on me, which I had never liked in the first place and was always done sneakily, like putting movie tickets on his card before we got to the theater or paying for our food when I was in the bathroom.

He spends like 3 weeks messaging me just really mean, vile shit all the time, including some deeply personal stuff he was aware of due to our friendship. It hurts a lot to really regard somebody as a good, close friend and then be dropped like a hot potato when he realizes you still won’t put out. He still messages me occasionally, usually to try to hit on me and get pissed that I still love my boyfriend, then complains about being single. Gee motherfucker, I wonder why?"


36. I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me.

"I’ve had some bad experiences with ‘nice guys’ including two harassing me to the point I dropped out of schools for the semester, but the most recent one was such an oh-my-heck-really that it’s almost funny. Almost.

The very first date we went on was a double (don’t trust guys much anymore, sorry) with my obviously gay best friend who is SERIOUSLY like my twin brother. Naturally, when everyone was leaving I hugged him.

My date put his arms around me and started barking like a dog. Like, straight up ‘ROWF ROWD ROWF RRRRRRR MINE!’ I sat there in shock for a few seconds trying to process what had just happened, but my best friend looked the guy dead in the eye and said ‘She is not a tree, you did not pee on her, never do that again.’

Bark Boy took offense to that. He still hates my best friend, but wasn’t dumb enough to mess with him, so that’s something. Instead he complained loudly about the guy every time I saw him because I was stuck at the same small college as him for a year and he was determined not to give up after that.

It’s a long, long story, but after almost two years of him “not giving up that easily!” I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me. I wish I was joking. It worked, though. He believed all governments were evil, Feminism was the work of the devil and unfair to men, gay men are handy eunuchs to protect his harem, and the world will end but he’ll survive with his friends and his katanas. He is afraid of no man or authority, but terrified of his mom.

TL;DR Dog Boy tried to make me his fire hydrant."


37. His rationale was that he was a nice guy, the ONLY nice guy in fact, was trying to protect me from other dudes who only wanted to rape me.

"I made enough mistakes in my youth that I can generally spot them and run from a mile away but my ex got his friends to report back if they ever saw me in public with another dude and would flip out. Or things like, “I walked back to my dorm from rehearsal with a dude from my band.” Anything involving another guy, I got screamed at and sometimes beat up. His rationale was that he was a nice guy, the ONLY nice guy in fact, was trying to protect me from other dudes who only wanted to rape me. (He himself raped me a number of times while we were together.)

He did this shit for six months after we broke up too."


38. Suddenly I was a wanton whore who destroyed men, and he spent six months actively trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me.

"Was a friend of ten years when I started dating a guy in our mutual social circle after my divorce. It was like a switch had been flipped. Suddenly I was a wanton whore who destroyed men, and he spent six months actively trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me. He told my boyfriend that ‘women can hurt you’ (no shit…my boyfriend had just been through an awful divorce), tried to set my boyfriend up with a friend of his who would be just ‘perfect’ for him, got mad at my boyfriend for not going out to strip clubs and living the bachelor life with him every weekend. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is a father of two and hadn’t lived the ‘bachelor life’ in well over 10 years. He told my boyfriend that I had a ‘secret’ that would completely change his mind about me and reveal my true self. Turns out the ‘secret’ is something I’d mentioned to my boyfriend offhand before we’d even started dating.

It was not clear to either of us whether the Nice Guy wanted to date me or my boyfriend. Either way, he was salty as fuck about our relationship."


39. He ghosted on me and the kids (ages 6, 4, and 1) with my best friend.

"My high school boyfriend said all the right things, made me fall in love with him, made my family fall in love with him, married me, gave me the white picket fence house, three kids, typical American Dream. Everything was perfect. Or so I thought. Fast-forward six years…he ghosted on me and the kids (ages 6, 4, and 1) with my best friend. They’re now married and he signed away his parental rights to the kids. He just straight up dumped us all to start a new life with my (now ex) best friend. He sees the kids just often enough to open the wounds when they heal. He claims he’s a nice guy, but he had to follow his heart and she just didn’t want kids, even though she has one of her own."


40. He’d constantly text me, make incredibly sexual comments and look at me like a piece of meat.

"I have a pretty horrific nice guy story. When I was 18 I worked in a kitchen as a sous-chef with a big group of friends I had known since childhood. I was in a relationship with my first love. I loved it. We got a new kitchen porter, who immediately expressed an elaborate crush on me. At first it was funny, he was over the top in a jokey way, but I never ever expressed and interest in him and turned him down repeatedly, which everyone found hilarious. It became a running joke at work and at first I didn’t mind.

Then he started to take things too far. He’d constantly text me, make incredibly sexual comments and look at me like a piece of meat, I couldn’t bend over to pick something up without him making a comment. He’d start to just hang around me all the time, following me when I was trying to get stuff done, telling me that my boyfriend wasn’t good for me. All of my ‘friends’ at work (all male, by the way) just laughed and encouraged it. I got really angry one night and told him sternly to fuck off. He said “challenge accepted”. I didn’t really bring it up with my manager because he was always there witnessing it anyway and found it funny too.

Then me and my boyfriend broke up, and he went full-on fucking stalker. He knew where I’d be in the evening and turn up at the same place acting like it was all a big joke and we were practically together I was just playing hard to get. He would literally pin me up against the fridge and try to kiss me, all the while laughing at our coworkers who laughed, too. Nobody seemed to be on my side that this was just fucking horrible behavior and that it actually hurt me, especially after my first brea up. Everyone told me to “just go for it”, and “he obviously really likes you”. Blurgh.

The peak (or trough) of this story is when we all went to the staff party. I avoided him like the plague, but rashes stick. My big brother, who knows all my coworkers too, turned up and I sighed with relief as he visibly backed off. We all got very drunk and he kept his distance. Then I went out into the garden and he followed me. He had me cornered into a wall just now straight pleading. I said no, for the thousandth time, and he stepped forward and grabbed my crotch. He rubbed it for a bit and then said “you like it just admit it” and that “we’d always had people rooting for us”. I was just pushing him and he pushed my knickers aside and just shoved his fingers in. I punched him then, and he just sort of giggled and ran away. When I came in he was giving my “friends” his fingers to smell and everyone was laughing and high fiving him. I went home cried myself to sleep and quit my job the next day. Everyone then thought I was a massive bitch for ‘toying with him’ by supposedly letting him finger me. Fuck him and fuck them. Thankfully I don’t know them anymore."


41. He called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk.

"Met a guy in high school who was really nice. We would talk and hang out at lunch. One day, he called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk. After about the 3rd time he called again and my sister (my guardian at the time) answered and told him to stop calling. He called her a bitch and he stopped calling. The next day at school I avoided him and he followed me around. I made sure to be around someone at all times and he would harass another guy and say “why are you trying to steal my girl?” Then when I was sitting at my desk he sat on the ground by my feet and kept trying to slide his hands up under my clothes. After about a week of this he finally left me alone."


42. He spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen.

"We met in a group in undergrad, became friends. Slowly we became closer, I developed a crush on him, started hanging out more on our own, and one night after some drinks it escalated to kissing/cuddling.

I messaged him later letting him know that while I enjoyed what happened, I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to keep it up, as I had feelings for him, and wasn’t interested in a Friends with Benefits kind of setup.

He told me that he kind of had feelings as well, and that it might be nice to see how a relationship developed. So we do. We start dating—dinners, movies, all the physical stuff that comes with a relationship. When he was briefly hospitalized, I spent every night there with him. I opened up to him over time and told him about my history of sexual abuse, family history of substance abuse, etc. He opened up about his history of being used by his exes, how they were all horrible and had treated him horribly, how he’s just always been so nice that everyone takes advantage of him, that all he wants is to find a nice girl who will love him for who he is and that he can treat like a princess.

One night (probably about 4-5 months in) we’re laying in bed together watching a movie and I started telling him about a funny conversation I had at work, “So then I was saying, my boyfriend…” and I feel him stiffen up, and he kind of awkwardly says, “You know we’re not dating, right? Like, I thought we just had a fun thing going…”

So, apparently we’re FWB. The exact thing I told him I didn’t want. I asked him if we could start dating then, and he said he was just too busy for a relationship (even though we were basically in one), blah blah. I told him I was hurt and felt used, and that I wasn’t interested in being anything more than acquaintances in the future.

After that, I slowly started seeing someone, a guy who was actually pretty great and had actively pursued me, and guy #1 FLIPPED OUT. Apparently, even though he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, I wasn’t allowed to be with anyone else.

For months afterward, he spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen, talking about how I used him, how I’m just like every other slut who thinks she’s too good for everyone, how he had treated me so well and I had ripped his heart out. The worst part, though, was that he told numerous individuals and groups of people all about my personal history. Apparently, a couple of times, after a couple drinks, he would even start to cast doubt on it, comparing what I “did to him” to my past abuse, stating that it was surprising to him that an alleged rape victim would “rape” the feelings of innocent men. We no longer speak, but I still hear about things he’s said about me a couple times a year.

It really made me wonder about all those “terrible” exes he had, and made me put more faith than ever into the thought that the way people talk to you about others is the same way they’ll talk to others about you. What a nice guy.

TL;DR- “Nice” guy starts “relationship” with me, I leave when I find out it’s FWB. Start dating a new guy, “nice” guy flips out, badmouths me to everyone, and betrays my trust. But I’m the horrible one."


43. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me.

"A guy friend in junior high. We had several classes and sat next to each other, platonic, loyal friends for 2 years before he got weird. He was hilarious, we could talk about anything. His house had a pool, so during warm weather a bunch of us would swim at his house after school. One day he invites me over to swim after school, when I get there, no one else is there, which was weird. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me. So I play it off as joking and leave. I give him the cold shoulder after that and he was pissed. Two weeks later and at a different friends’ house he and I are both there for a swim-birthday party and he and another guy give me a simultaneous front and back “seesaw” which is like a horrible double-wedgie in the pool. My swimsuit cut me so badly I bled."


44. He sent a HUUUUGE rant about how I was too afraid to date someone who might be worth it in the long run

"I had two obvious ones from OKCupid when I was still dating. Most guys I went out with were self hating and self absorbed, but primarily socially adjusted hipsters, but these guys jog my memory as the proverbial “nice guys”

The first was a guy I had great conversations with online, stayed up until 3am talking, couldn’t wait to meet him. We meet up in person and I immediately got a different vibe and wasn’t remotely attracted to him. We got on a bus together and he started loudly talking about his BDSM experience; I tried to steer the conversation towards something else but he kept going on about how I would benefit from being with a good dom and stuff and it was pretty uncomfortable. Our date was walking through the city and he mostly talked about his fanfiction ideas in a rambling way, putting no effort into getting to know me (which at this point was fine because I didn’t really want to talk much). In the end, I told him upfront I wasn’t really feeling it and I was sorry it didn’t match up to our online interactions, he guilted me into giving him a hug, and then made some comment about me missing out on his trust fund.

The other guy, I’m not sure why I even agreed on the date, but it was early in my online dating adventure and I guess I was guilted into it a little. I sat at a Mexican restaurant listening to this guy talk about how super obsessed he is with Rocky Horror in great detail, and at the end of dinner he said he loved how much we had in common. I think he had never met an attentive listener in his life, and I felt kinda sad about it until after gently putting him down he sent a HUUUUGE rant about how I was too afraid to date someone who might be worth it in the long run and that one day I would wake up and realize what I’d missed. I remember very little of it except the strange mixture of dread and pity I felt.

I think many insecure people, such as these “nice guys”, think they’re being judged and condemned as a horrible person when someone rejects them, instead of seeing it as part of a complex journey towards discovering what both involved parties want in life. It makes me sad to think about until I actually remember the sort of weird and often dangerous entitlement and degradation of women it breeds.

(In the end, I did find someone on OKCupid and we’re getting married next week! So, my online adventure worked out very well. My fiancĂ© said I was one of very few women he actually went out with from OKC; I definitely had a more shotgun approach.)"


45. He ranted about how he was done with me and my whore ways.

"Was friends with a guy for a while. I was in a relationship already and he started out totally respectful of that. The relationship ended and my “friend” jumped into asking me out not even two days later. I declined him nicely. Said I needed time to figure stuff out. Once again totally respected it. We remained friends but any time a guy talked to me he reminded me “we had a deal. You pick me next.” We stopped talking for months due to each of us being busy.

I ended up in a new relationship. A week into my new relationship, I get a threatening message from my “friend”. He said “You needed time. Fine I am a nice guy, I gave it. You wanted to talk to other guys, be a whore, fine. I forgave you for it. I’m just that nice of a guy you know. Now YOU are with someone else?! If I see you again, I will stop being the nice guy.”

I didn’t think much of it. Figured I hurt him so it was only right he was mad about it. Ran into him with my new boyfriend and he dropped every secret about my last relationship. Told my new boyfriend how long he was waiting in line for me and got me stolen away by some “puny shit punk” then told my boyfriend he would never live up to be half the man my “friend” was for me.

Needless to say that relationship ended too but not due to the nice guy friend I had. I ended up not talking to him for two years. Get into a new relationship. Forgot about nice guy friend. Random message of hate appears out of the blue. He ranted about how he was done with me and my whore ways. That he was going to make me an honorable woman but clearly I’d rather be a common skank. When I got married 5 years later, pretty much the same message. Haven’t heard from him since though."


46. HE GOT ON MY BUS AND FOLLOWED ME HOME THAT DAY.

"Senior year of high school, about 6 years ago. This guy messaged me on Facebook saying that we went to school together and just asked how I was. His name sounded vaguely familiar, so I figured we did attend the same school, and I politely replied with a typical “doin’ fine. How are you?” type of message. Cutting to the chase, I accepted his FB friend request. Things are quiet for a few weeks, then he starts messaging me. Nothing too weird, basic small talk with a bit too many emojis. I was never overly nice to him, just polite and vague with my responses (I was in a relationship, so I wasn’t too keen on talking to boys who were obviously flirting with me) or I would just not say anything back at all. Eventually, he started messaging me every night. He asks me to come to his house, I decline saying that it would be inappropriate. He says he’d like to come to my house, I decline. He starts asking to meet up every day, I always say no. Here is when things get “bad”: He actually approaches me at school one day (I have never spoken to him in person) and starts asking to hang out. I tell him that I was busy. I go on with my day, as usual, until that night I get a message from him saying that I was a liar and that I didn’t have plans. HE GOT ON MY BUS AND FOLLOWED ME HOME THAT DAY. I didn’t respond and called my boyfriend immediately to tell him (I had already mentioned the “Niceguy” messaging me and making me feel weird) what happened. After my bf sends him a furious message, Niceguy comes back to me and calls me a bunch of horrible things saying that he should have “never loved me” and other creepy junk. I responded with a “you can’t love me, you don’t know me.” And promptly blocked him. He got a girlfriend a couple of weeks later and, to my fortune, has never spoken to me again."


47. Within the span of one week the Nice Guy facade crumbled.

"Met a guy who was seemingly really kind, understanding, etc. We were friends for months and decided to take it further. Within the span of one week the Nice Guy facade crumbled due to:

Him trying to convince me to have unprotected sex, asked him if he got tested since his last partner and he said he hadn’t in a long time. Told him he should get tested, boom, he has chlamydia. People fuck up, I’m somewhat forgiving despite the irresponsibility being gross and something that really bothers me–I believe strongly that people should get tested with each partner so STI’s don’t needlessly spread. I don’t catch it but have to spend a lot of money on multiple tests and I got treated anyway to be safe.
He “jokingly” tries to talk me into leaving my career to be a housewife and mother one day after becoming “a thing.” He knows I never ever ever want kids. He knows my job is the most important thing in my life. Makes up fantasy world where we live on a farm and I’m essentially barefoot and pregnant. Claims he thinks “God wants him to have a kid cause he got the last several girls he slept with pregnant.” This doesn’t sit well as he seems so opposed to using condoms.

I find out, totally by accident (two friends talking in front of me), that he got a friend of mine pregnant, kept sleeping with her while rubbing in her face that he didn’t want a relationship, and ditched her to get an abortion alone. Probably also gave her chlamydia. He told me they hooked up a few times and it didn’t work out.

He’s generally pushy and awful in every way from food decisions to forcing kisses to telling everybody we are dating before it’s actually “official.” I’ve had it after about a week and kindly say that after the STI thing (this actually came last chronologically l) I have a hard time seeing him romantically but let’s be friends etc."


48. He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework.

"I was dating this guy, really nice, we move in together. Awesome!

He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework. He occasionally takes a break from his busy schedule of drinking beer and watching sports to tell me I need to go to the gym/stop eating (I wear a size 2); he also criticizes my housekeeping abilities and constantly tells me how poorly my parents raised me (I’m a successful woman with a masters degree, he barely graduated high school and has never had anything other than an entry-level non-skilled job).
The kicker: he told me he was just being nice and trying to help me, because he cared so much about self-improvement.

Needless to say, we are no longer together."


49. When a guy says, ‘I’m a nice guy,’ that’s code for 'I'm not a nice guy.'

"Usually, when a guy says, ‘I’m a nice guy,’ that’s code for 'I'm not a nice guy.'" TC mark

Why Wasn’t I Worth A Place In Your Life?

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Look Catalog
Look Catalog

I woke up that morning and decided to go to the most isolated beach I can think of. I wanted to feel the waves lap at my feet, to feel the tiny little pieces of sand dig into my skin, to hear nothing but silence. I want the isolation to envelope me as I let the tears flow, wallowing in my own misery. I wanted to reminisce but also forget. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to heal a broken heart.

It was a nice, peaceful November day. The weather was pleasantly warm at 80 degrees with a slight breeze. Carelessly stretched out by the shore, staring at the waves that splash often enough to break the deafening silence. Not a single soul in sight. This is my little slice of heaven on Earth.

My moment of solitude was broken by a barrage of tourist that decided to check out the rarity of the beach I chose as my morning sanctuary. Families and couples descended from the cliff above to my beach below. Laughing, happy people surrounding me. For one minute I was jealous of their happiness. They were there to enjoy with the people they love. I was there to forget the person I lost.

I decided to leave. Enough pity party for one today. I got up, dusted off the sand from my swimsuit. I was packing my bag when you approached me. I didn't even know you were there. Amidst the numerous families and couples that peppered the beach, I somehow did not notice you being by yourself. But you were. And you approached me to ask a silly question that I cannot even remember. I honestly forgot how I responded.

I already forgot about you when I scaled the rocks to leave the beach and return to civilization. Walking the almost 3 mile trek back to my car, listening to the wind howling in the distance. Watching the waves hit the rocks by the shore, carefully avoiding stepping on mud puddles. I was so deep into my own thought that I didn't realize you were walking nearby, parallel in path but not too close for comfort.

A 3 mile hike under the hot sun with no shade can be grueling. We finally met at the fork in the road and decided to walk the way back to our respective cars together. During the hour and half hike through the dusty red sanded trail, we discovered how many things we have in common. Kindred spirits that met in the most random, made for movies kind of way. We connected.

That chance meeting turned into friendship. The more we discovered how many common interests we have, the more it seems apparent that we were destined to meet. When people talk about not meeting anyone by accident, it felt like they were talking about us. As clichĂ© as it sounds, we were friends that have not met yet…until that day.

Despite living in different areas of the country, and never seeing each other again in person, we maintained the friendship via text communication. Daily random discussions about things we care about. The stranger I met on the beach became the friend that I didn't know I needed. For months we stayed that way. Getting to know each other by text communication, sending each other little trinkets, celebrating life's moments electronically. No further discussion of extending the relationship past being friends. No flirty messages. No lingering postulations of other possibilities. Neither one of us fell in love with each other. It was all purely platonic. I had no problem with that. I never wished for it to be anything more.

Then one day, out of the blue, you decided that our friendship is weird. You told me that we have to part ways. I have no idea why. You never gave me your reason. You simply let me go. No warning. No explanation.

You left my life in the same way that you came into it, without warning and all of a sudden. Like as if fate decided we should meet but destiny says you can't stay.

For a while I was left confused and dumbfounded. I was questioning myself on what have I done? But a good friend advised me that sometimes there are questions that will be left unanswered.

So here I am, again sitting by the beach, waiting for an answer that I know will never come. TC mark

I Love That You Don’t Love Me Yet

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 06:00 PM PDT

ghenghis
ghenghis

It's not our time yet. Not the time for us to slip and fall into each other. Not the time for our words to stumble before finding rhythm, talking over one another in the gentle nervousness of new beginnings.

You don't love me yet. And I enjoy this.

I enjoy how careful you are when you speak to me. How each text, each phone call, each smile in my direction is calculated and rehearsed. You want to shine with perfection. You want to seem like you are this person without flaws, brilliant and bright in the sun. You are afraid to reveal your layers, to expose your skin. You are timid and hesitant, patient and careful.

And I love this.

I love how you aren't wild with emotion. I love how you are taking things slow. I love how you are living as if our worlds are not dependent upon one another. Because they're not.

I enjoy that smile that stretches across your face when you're at work, the way you've always found yourself running from one thing to the next, so busy, too busy for me. But I don't mind.

I love knowing that you have a world outside of me. I love seeing that there is so much of you I have yet to discover, so much of you that's still strange and unknown.

You don't love me, and I love that. You haven't decided that I'm worth all the stars in your universe; instead, you're just content to be with me, to hold my hand, to talk about our silly, mundane little lives that are specks in this giant map of the world.

You don't love me. You love your life. You love the person you are, you love the things that you do, you love this world and your place in it, and frankly, that makes me start falling for you even harder.

You are your own self, independent of me, independent of the love we may one day create between us, hot and vivid like fire.

I love that.

When the time comes, we will learn each other slowly; we will become love in a way that's gentle and soft like waves in a tide pool. We will learn who we are when we are together, when our lives consist of more than ourselves.

We will be ready, then. Ready to let each other in, ready to compromise, ready to fit this new relationship into the busyness of who we are and what we're doing.

But it's not the time yet.

Right now, we are not love. Right now you are you and I am me. Right now we are just two souls bumping into one another, feeling each other out, talking with pauses and hesitations and skipped heartbeats.

Right now we are questioning.
Right now we are wondering.

Right now we are sparking, and one day we'll catch fire. TC mark

Here’s Why You Should Never Settle, Ever

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Jade
Jade

Settling is a lot like entering a shop, successfully spotting an item you like, finding out in the end that that there are no available stocks for that item, but taking it although it is slightly damaged, in hopes that you can still repair it at home.

It could also be possible that you opt to take another item which you like less. You know you could do better but you're tired of searching and waiting. It's not ideal and it may not be the best but sometimes, waiting is the only right option.

And maybe we need to feel tired so that when the right one comes, it will feel more fulfilling because then we'll appreciate that it was worth everything.

People ask me how I manage to stay single in this world full of "in a relationship" and "it's complicated" Facebook statuses. I tell them that I find comfort in knowing that I am waiting for the right person and I am not forcing myself to fall in love with the only available people right now.

I am not settling.

Here's the thing, when you don't settle, you're actually doing yourself and the other person a big favor. By not settling, you are allowing yourself to explore and know what and who you really want. You are giving yourself an opportunity to grow more and to turn into someone whom only the right person deserves.

Also, you are giving other people a chance to find perfection and happiness in someone else who deserves them more at the moment. In other words, you both get what you deserve.

When you're aware that you're only settling, you should know that it's not only unfair to you but also impractical for the other person. When you know in your heart that it won't work, you're not willing to work for it, and you see that it will eventually end, do yourself a favor and stop it before it even begins.

Life is too short to waste on things that you're not doing for the sake of love. Time is too precious to spend with people who are way less than what and who you deserve.

When you're tired of waiting, you may think that it's easier to just settle with the available options at the moment. It's really tempting because it's true that it's easy. But do you really like 'easy'? Is 'easy' the best possible choice? Is it the right choice? Is it worth your time and effort?

When was the last time you went for what you want or who you really love? If you are currently doing it, then you're lucky. If not or if the last time was a long time ago, do you still remember how that felt? It might have caused pain somewhere in between or even at the end or you may be hurting until now, but it felt different, right? You might even be unable to explain that feeling right now. I don't blame you because I have learned that the best feelings in life cannot be explained by words. Going back, some of us might not have ended up with who we wanted before. It might have been painful to the point that it already changed your perspective of love and made you believe that it's no different with settling. You might have felt that going for who you love is a waste of time when it didn't even last.

But no kind of love is ever a waste of time.

If you think it is, then maybe it isn't love at all. It might have not worked out with them but you also know that the relationships you just settled into never have given you that unexplainable feeling.

You will only get that feeling again when you go for what you know is in your heart. So don't be afraid to take the risk because it will always be worth it.

Don't settle. Wait for the right one.
Because the right love will be legendary. TC mark

What It Feels Like When You Date Someone Who Is Sure About You

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 04:15 PM PDT

 istockphoto.com / AleksandarNakic
istockphoto.com / AleksandarNakic

You don't wake up every morning staring at your phone wondering if he'll text you or not because he already did.

You don't fear that he will stop texting you or start being short with you because he's already calling you and making plans.

You don't think twice before texting him and you don't have to wait a few hours to text back or worry about being 'too available' because he wants to hear from you — he loves hearing from you.

You don't call your friends to analyze his actions, or ask them what to do because you're confused and unsure about what he wants from you because he is not giving you much to question, he is not giving you riddles and he is not sending you mixed signals.

He's honest with you about what he wants and he made his intentions clear before you even had a chance to question them.

You don't worry about being one of many because you know you're the only one.

You don't have to pretend to be chill if you want to see him or if you want to tell him you miss him, he wants to see you too and he misses you more.

You don't have to be guarded with him because he is giving you all the reasons to trust him and all the reasons to stop being scared.

You don't have to come up with excuses to your friends and family about your status, he's willing to meet them because he is serious about you.

And most importantly, you don't have to lie to yourself or blind yourself from seeing the truth. Everything is clear because he is making it clear — because he is not leaving any room for doubts.

When you date a guy who is sure about you, you become sure of yourself. You don't wonder if he thinks you’re good enough because he makes you feel like you’re more than enough.

You don't wake up every day and feel like something is wrong with you because you can't make a man stay, you don't stare at your phone hoping, wishing and waiting.

Because he's always reassuring you with his words and his actions that he's not going anywhere, and that he is someone you can count on and that he is not like the ones who broke your heart.

When you date a guy who is sure about you, you don't worry about competing with other women because he already announced that you're the winner and no one else stands a chance. 

When you date a guy who is sure about you, you remember how it feels to be with someone who makes your life easier, someone who wants to see you smile. He’s not with you to forget his ex or stroke his own ego, he is with you because he doesn’t want to be with anybody else.

When you date a guy who is sure about you, you realize that he is not asking for anything more than your love and he is not afraid to tell you or the whole world that he is falling in love with you. TC mark

7 Surefire Signs You’re Putting Way Too Much Effort Into Your Relationship

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 04:00 PM PDT

olegshagapov
olegshagapov

1. You're always texting first.

There's nothing wrong with being the guy or girl that texts first. In fact, it shows initiative. It shows interest. It shows that you're in it, which in today's world of non-committal flings, is essential. There's nothing wrong with being the one that's shooting the 'Goodmorning sunshine!' or the 'Hey, hows your day, babe?' texts, but if you're always the one reaching out (or else you don't talk for like 15 hours) that's a big red flag.

If they're into you, they'll be more than willing to text you, too.

2. There's no plans unless you make them.

Yep, this is just a piggy-back from the ol' texting troubles. If you're the one who constantly has to reach out to your bae, from dates to movie nights to plain old seeing each other before the night's over, then YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH.

Listen, life's too short to be with someone who isn't PUMPED to see you, who isn't EXCITED to have you in his/her life, or who isn't EAGER to spend time with you.

If your dog is more excited about you than your BF/GF…THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM.

3. Your form of communication with your S.O. consists of 'yeah,' 'okay,' 'you too,' and 'fine.'

Or any other one-word, stupid, surface-level line. Here's the thing, if you are with someone who's only communication is either a) via text or b) short phrases that actually tell you how he/she is feeling or what's actually going on, then you are in a very one-sided, blah relationship.

It's tough for people to open up, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but if you're constantly fighting to try to talk to your S.O. or fighting just to get to know them, then it might be time to set yourself free.

4. You're constantly trying to schedule time into your busy life to see them.

Life isn't really that hard; we just make it harder than it needs to be sometimes. The same goes for love. You shouldn't have to spend hours agonizing about your busy work week and how you're going to fit in BF/GF time. When you're in a relationship that's balanced, mutual, and real, seeing each other will come naturally and with compromise.

If you find you're the one who's doing all the work to see someone that 'doesn't have time' or is 'just too busy' then GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. I REPEAT. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.

5. Any holiday or gift-giving event is a well-thought-out, detailed, heartfelt process.

You spend hours trying to find the perfect shoes. You search multiple department stories to find the favorite cologne. You sift through every clothing rack to get the shirt that he/she wanted. You do so much to make the perfect gift, the perfect night, the perfect holiday/birthday/etc.

And when it comes time for your special day, something simple, bland, generic, or bought at the last minute. Uggggghh.

6. You keep trying to find ways to get closer with them.

You feel like your relationship is stuck. You know the two of you care about each other, but things just don't feel right. So you keep trying to change yourself, to fix your quirks, to smooth out the edges of your relationship so it shines.

But it doesn't get better—and that's because YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WHILE YOUR S.O. JUST CHILLS.

Stop. Just stop.

7. You feel sort of desperate.

You keep trying to see your bae. You keep trying to make plans. You keep texting them. You keep trying to make them happy. In the end, you're starting to feel a little like a crazy stalker weirdo. But why aren't things perfect? Why aren't you two happy??

Here's why: BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T DESERVE YOU.

Know your worth and know that if someone doesn't put effort, love, affection, and care towards you, they don’t deserve your time or attention. You should be with someone who can't imagine the world without you in it. Anything less than that, well that's just a waste of time. TC mark

If He Doesn’t Give You The Love That You Deserve, Leave

Posted: 19 Aug 2016 03:15 PM PDT

Mikayla Mallek
Mikayla Mallek

Don’t wait around for someone to appreciate you. Don’t wait around for someone to change. Never hope that if you stay for a bit more, he'll look at you differently, the way that you always have dreamt it to be. Don’t cling onto small hopes for it will never go big. Chances are if he can’t appreciate you as you are today, he never will in the future. So let go. Go somewhere else where your efforts and existence are seen as light of day.

Have fun being alone or with someone else, it's up to you. But leave.
Pack your bags and never look back. Because no, another night with him is not going to make him pull the ring out for you. And that "i like you" and " i want you" would always mean "i want to fuck you;" it won’t mean more than that. Save yourself from that selfish A-hole, who doesn’t know what he wants, but still wants you to stay with him for as long as he needs you be.

You will never be happy. You won’t be happy knowing that the amount of love and effort that you give him isn't reciprocated, let alone appreciated. You'll get tired of expending energy thinking of ways to make him "like you, like you."Just think of it this way, you're not a good fit for him, you don’t complete his puzzle, and it will go on unsolved no matter how much time or strategies you devise to win him over. It's going to be a part of your life that will forever be a mystery, and you need to leave it as is.

Don't ever think of begging him to give you a reason as to why he couldn't be in a relationship with you. Guess what, he's only going to say that his life is complicated and that he doesn't want you to be in on it. Or he's not ready yet because of blah blah blah. Those are bullshit, given by a coward to a powerful woman who wants to know what. So cut it out and just leave.

You don’t deserve his indecisive mind. You don’t deserve his stupid ways. Because if he is what you think he is, he'll put a label on what you two have. He's not going leave things unsaid. He's going to seal the deal. So leave, just leave. And wait for someone who respects this relationship as much as you do. Someone who’s not going to ask you to hang out but go out on a date with him. Wait for a mature guy who's going to be flat-out clear about his feelings and intention towards you. He'll come, don’t worry; so for now, just leave. TC mark